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Bitch Cookie, Anyone?

bitchcookieIt’s time for another round of Bitch Cookie! For those of you new to CN, part of the lexicon here (introduced by member emeritus Rumblekitty) is “bitch cookie.” A bitch cookie is that reward jerks demand for doing something they should be doing anyway as a matter of decency.

Would your co-parenting fuckwit like extra credit for taking the kids on his scheduled weekend? Bitch cookie!

Hey, it’s not like I spent the entire 401K on sex workers…. Bitch cookie!

I was faithful for entire months. Double chocolate chunk bitch cookie!

So what great feats of underachievement would you like to reward with a bitch cookie? Weigh in — and TGIF!

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Being a Father to our three kids…Bitch Cookie! Paying for college…Triple Chocolate Chunk Bitch Cookie! Hanging in there when your family is going through a crisis (son’s traumatic accident)…Bitch Cookie! Being present in the marriage…Bitch Cookie.

      • I think the classic “well I am here, aren’t I” during wreconciliation is the ultimate bitch cookie. It’s like she saying – I totally fucked up your’s and the kid’s lives, but I am here now so I am entitled to reconciliation and forgiveness.

        • OMG. Triggered a memory…. after busting asshat with the MOW, he proclaimed a week or two later that he and MOW were ” going to do the Right Thing”. Which was the fucker magnanimously “not leaving the kids”. AS IF chumpy me should be overwhelmed with joy that the diseased fucker chose me!

          Frosted Bitch Cookie! Yeah.

            • He came home every night-bitch cookie
              He wasn’t on drugs-bitch cookie with decorative frosting
              And he didn’t go to the track/bar/etc every night-bitch cookie with frosting & sprinkles!

              So, he didn’t have a gambling or drug problem but forgot to mention the porn & hooker addiction!

          • Yeah, because he was thinking about his children’s welfare as he was banging MOW. Of course, the thought that had some duty to honor his marriage vows certainly never entered his head. After the damage had been done, though, he supposedly considered his children (no mention of your well-being). How very noble of him.

            X wasn’t so much into bitch cookies as he was into guilt tripping me about “breaking up our family”. He knew better than to go there with me, but he also damn sure knew how to play me like a fiddle. Like most parents, my kids’ needs come first, and he effectively used that to his advantage. Lots of sleepless nights over that one.

            I got the last laugh, though, I used his claimed concern for his kids to negotiate some great estate planning. That planning kept OW from stealing the money we had saved for our kid’s education. Of course, his bitch cookie is that he brags about what a great dad he is to pay for their education, but I actually find that to be rather amusing. I got what my kids needed and deserved, and, while they love X, the kids are well aware of who and what their dad is. He has fooled no one.

            • Omg, yes, mine is still pissed I actually divorced him when I still found him fraternizing w the A.P. when he told me he cut it off. Nevermind he bought her dozen roses for her bday and a “surprise visit” to her work, and then had the nerve to tell me, “he was letting her down easy,” ( guessing he also told her the same thing about me.) He’s remarried to her but “doesn’t want to be a part time dad.” Told him he should have thought about being a part time dad before he stuck his dick in another woman.
              If anything, he should be thanking me for divorcing him so he could be with the ‘love of his life,’ which he is. But I’m such a bitch for breaking up the family…

        • FSTL, isn’t that the truth.

          “I’m sitting here in counseling. What more do you want?!”

          (Discovered later that he his important “work texts” sent during counseling were actually to the Slunt.)

            • I think cheaters get a sick thrill over doing things like this. It is in the makeup of their character…conning, lying, getting away with it.

          • Omg, I got that line too, I am home every night with you when would I have time to have an affair? Oh that’s why you spend so much time at work, your fucking your ho worker, leave at 3:00 don’t get home until 5:30…..I think a brownie with frosting would be his bitch cookie!

      • Yes, he did, but when he blew up our world, not so much. His words to me on the way out were, “I married you cause all our friends were getting married” and “you held me back” and “I never wanted as many kids.” This from a guy who dated me for eight years (often long distance as we were away at college in different locations), had plenty of opportunity to escape, who did anything he wanted (ie worked long hours, relocated for his job, spent time at his fitness club whenever with no complaints from me) and with my support, yet still chucked it all in for downgrade. He was a good father, until he wasn’t. I made sure the kids were taken care of in the settlement, the fucktard pretty much screwed us all over financially though. He is absent from our children’s lives now, his choice.

    • “It would have been worse if i left you last year when the credit card was worse” yep bitch cookie thanks for not leaving your family in the -$1000s red …. zero $ balance is sooooo much better. Thanks dad Warm fuzzys.

  • Paying the mortgage after walking out…Bitch cookie. Being financially transparent…bitch cookie. Being a decent human being…ginormous bitch cookie.

    • Again he was, until he wasn’t. Big red flag looking back was refinancing the house. when Dday arrived he was still trying to get me to refinance the house to pull yet more equity out. Trying to wrap my head around any of his decisions in those last few years was mind boggling….Ugh. I think he was a great con. He had a great job though. Makes about 160k and has promoted like the slimy coworkers who have no scruples either. Tongue in cheek bitch cookies though!😂

      • OMFG drew this was my cheating fuckers exit plan. Instead of selling the house and downsizing that i suggested mr accountant insisted on remortgaging the house twice and ran the place into the ground until when he left the place was going to get repossessed. So making us all homelesss…at christmas. …me losing my job…..as i get served with divorce papers. ….and it goes on….

        • Oh of course addendum to the bitch cookie was the infamous “I’m paying for the roof over your heads” …until he didn’t a few months later….in emails to our children as if this absolved the hell on earth he put us through.

  • I was working daylight to dark while The ClusterFuck B Sociopath was sitting home, recently released from jail, and on probation for his myriad of felony drunk driving arrests. I asked him if he could please run the vacuum while I’m at work. (Insert vomit emoji if I had one)
    I get home and the house is cleaned up. I exclaim how nice the house looks and thank you for helping me (vomit emoji)
    Unbeknown to me, my reaction was not acceptable to the The ClusterFuck. He advised me months later that he decided he would never clean again because I wasn’t gracious enough.
    Perhaps a bitch cookie was in order??
    extra large pizza sized fresh from the oven with a gallon of milk to go with it.

    • Alarm bells…. ding ding…. (after giving me herpes) cheater c@@t said ” I will stay with you anyway.”…. i think thats when i made the bitch cookies….and had some myself then felt bad for not making more.

  • Doing the dishes maybe a dozen times over 20 years, usually when his mother was visiting, so he could prove that he had to do “everything” around the house… bitch cookie!

    • Yeah, same here with the dishes. In 20 years, I did 99.99999% of the housework. He’s one and only job was to vacuum the stairs and he usually did that about once a month. My X’s big contribution to all the holiday meals that I made for his SELFISH AND ENTITLED FAMILY — he’d wash a few dishes while I cooked and baked for hours and hours. Or he’d present himself as The Great and Helpful Husband when everyone showed up for dinner. Clearing the table and washing dishes while his mommy and auntie talked about what a great husband he was. Bitch cookie!

      I had yet another a-ha moment a few months back. When X and I were still dating, I remember going to his parents home that he still lived with until he was 25 years old. He always seemed so helpful when he was living with his parents. What happened when we got married? He didn’t help with anything unless I asked him to. I vividly remember carrying bags and bags of groceries up the stairs to our apartment while he sat on a chair in the living room while watching TV. I’d then put all the groceries away and of course I was the one cooking all the meals. One day I said, “Could you please help me carry the groceries in?” He of course helped and I never had to ask again. It was just the fact that he didn’t notice at all that a good and kind person would just naturally help without being asked. So, my a-ha moment was realizing everything I witnessed him doing at his parents was a big show that he put on for me. Just like the big show he put on when his family came over for the holidays. His life is one big act. If there is anyone around that he wants to impress — out comes Mr. Nice Guy. Bitch cookie!

      • Martha, I was married to the same person or his twin.
        When people came over he would be rinsing dishes, cleaning off the table, emptying the garbage without being asked.
        I found out later he had everyone convinced he’d did everything while I sat on my ass all day or drunk.
        When no one was around he’d be on the couch watching mindless cartoons, as I’d be bringing bags of groceries from the car, I’d ask X if he would help me, without looking up he’d respond with, “looks like you got it..,”
        Mr. Nice Guy is full of shit.

        • Yeah, brit. I’ve often wondered what my ex has said about me behind my back. I know for sure that he was telling his ho-workers I was “crazy” just after I caught him out with the whore. He needed to start the false narrative at work as to why he just couldn’t be married to horrid old me anymore!! But he managed to leave out all the lying, cheating and adultery, plus that he got caught out on a date with a whore by me. I have no doubt in my mind that he re-wrote history and made me out to be a lazy wife and mom. I believe this because he said to my face, “You never took good care of me!” So that statement was probably based on all the lies he was telling about me. I cannot wait until justice comes down on him for all he’s done!

          • In front of other people he would sometimes refer to me as “the boss,” which was couldn’t be further from the truth. He’d like to portray himself as the dutiful husband who lived to please his wife. There were moments when he let his mask slip and others noticed the change in personalities and his attitude towards me. It would be so obvious a couple people pulled me aside and were disturbed by his behavior. Foolishly I spackled, making excuses for him.
            I tried so hard to maintain a happy marriage and family I was willing to look the other way rather than confront X and be accused of never being happy. It’s upsetting that I allowed myself to be treated so poorly.

            • Yeah in a Post D Day email of Cheater’s to his best friend, I read him saying he was free for dinner with the guy friend, “if WisedUp will allow me” insert winking smiley emoji. The truth is he didn’t give a fuck what I wanted and he was already cheating during that time period. Bitch cookie? how about pathological liar cookie!

        • My cheater was an expert as using social media to demonstrate what an amazing mother she was.

          I would take the kids to 99% of their sporting events, lessons, school activities (while being the sole provider – she didn’t work), then when she’d make the rare appearance at a baseball game, she’d post a few pics to facebook and then see all the comments about what a wonderful family we have and what a wonderful mother she was.

          Or I’d take the kids to multiple thrift shops to get their costumes, then she’d post pics on Halloween of the kids.

          Or every night I help the kids with homework and then when their reports cards arrived, she’d post something about how well “my” kids are doing at school.

          And, she ALWAYS referred to them as “my kids” never “our kids” which drove me crazy as I did all the real parenting.

          Oh – and one last thing – we’d go months with no sex at all, rejection after rejection, then when guests were over, she’d be all over me, cuddling up to me on the couch, putting her hand on my thigh. But the second guests left, “honey, i’m tired, have a headache, and am going to bed”

          • Wow, Buddy, that’s awful. Hopefully others have seen her for who she truly is. And that’s really sick and twisted that she cuddled up to you in front of others, but was cold after they left. My ex did that to me a few times too and it’s so hurtful. 🙁

            They don’t call Facebook “Fakebook” for nothing. I rarely buy they narrative people are putting out if it looks too good to be true. I’ve was conned by a master manipulator (my X), so I don’t fall for much anymore. My X looks “perfect” to most people, but I know who he truly is and a lot of what he’s done. He’s fake just like Fakebook!

          • Oh, Buddy.
            Oreo butch cookie for having two cookies just alike.
            I never knew Narkles the Clown had a sister. Same exact shit.
            It gets better. I promise. My wish for you is that since we had cheaters that appear related, you find the long lost sister of my new love – PTSD Guy. You deserve someone who puts you first, enjoys helping you and has increasingly enjoyable sex as time goes on.

        • THIS brit!!! Goes without saying the wanker did nothing domestic but every sunday night without fail he would drag thd ironing board into the middle of the living room blocking everyones vision of the tv bring cables of extension cord and crash around doing the ironing (99% his work shirts ) thus demonstrating to all in the vicinity his work was relentless and long suffering. They are literally all the same.

      • Martha, mine was a Great and Helpful Husband as well — but only when outsiders were watching, of course.

        The shit sandwich during those times was listening to him say a beautiful prayer before dinner. Vomit.

        • Ah, the prayer before dinner. Yes, I can relate with that too. What’s really weird is that my ex never said the prayer before dinner with the kids. Like when it was just the four of us. He told our kids that they had to take turns. One kid took the odd days and the other kid took the even days. His prayers now ring hollow with me. He prayed with me during the two months we were in counseling with our pastor. Like we would pray out loud and together, sometimes holding hands. He did all this while he was smearing me behind my back and telling his ho-workers that I was “crazy.” He did this while he was telling his ho-workers he was planning on divorcing me. He did this during the time he made a big production at church and went up to the altar to get anointed with oil and to pray for what??? He was praying to God so that he could leave his faithful wife for a newly divorced whore so he could commit adultery once again? No! Everything was a big act and a big show for his admirers. Some day he’ll pay for what he did. God cannot be mocked.

          • I only hope that someday they pay for all their devious ways. X began confiding in people telling them I was crazy forgetting to mention what he did or said that made me cry or become upset. One night I asked him why he had become so distant and always seemed angry with me. He acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about and said I was looking for an argument, I started crying. The way he told the story is that I was in hysterics for no reason and he wasn’t sure he could take my mood swings much longer.
            The real truth is he was seeing someone else, was treating me like shit, with his angry outbursts over trivial things, being critical, ignoring me, disinterested in the family and home. They know exactly what they’re doing, and doing it to the person who loves and trusted them.

            • Absolutely – planned gaslighting so their twisted brains can blame you to their flying monkeys and others.

      • Ex did a lot of things around the house because he didn’t like the way I did them and wouldn’t let me do them. Bitch cookie.

        • I had the opposite. X would do what I asked of him (and only if asked), but would do such a piss poor job that I’d rather do it myself and would think twice before asking again. Half a bitch cookie.

          • Mine got to the point that he did next to nothing and nagging the shit out of him and him fighting me all the way was painful. I would put a post it note on the cupboard asking for the washing to either be hung out or bought in, not put away! My expectations had got so low this was the one thing I would ask of him, he did nothing else and quite often this task was not even done on his day off while I was at work. Seriously slap me!

            • I have that problem with my kids, but they’re teenagers. You shouldn’t have to do that with a grown man. Ok, I shouldn’t have to do that with my teenagers either, but at least there is still hope for them.

        • I did it all except for 1 thing. Mine did all the major cooking — especially for company ego kibbles— a left me a huge kitchen mess to clean, including every last kitchen appliance. Then would “joke” passive aggressively about how he did all the cooking, sigh, sad sausage… now he is living with 2 other gay men and I’m sure he’s top chef in that house now.

          • Mine only “cooked” when we had the huge parties he wanted (100 plus ppl). Then he would get out the grill and/or the smoker he’d purchased, and prepare the meats. i would literally do every other fucking thing. While he gloated about his meat preparation.

            One time we were at his neice’s graduation where Ex’s brother had hired a woman friend to cater the meal. Suddenly ex who had supposed skin allergies was grabbing bell peppers and slicing them while staring at this woman’s boobs. In 18 years i literally had never seen him slice a single vegetable. I bought, paid for, and prepared all our meals.

      • Yep, same here. And slow as I am, it took me years to spot the pattern. He would be so attentive and sweet in front of family, I just thought it was because he was happy when he was around them. If I could just make him happier at home, he’d be like that all the time.

        It didn’t occur to me that it was all just an act, image management. So much of my life wasted chasing my tail.

        • NotToday, When X was so attentive and sweet in front of family I thought that he was happy that they were there wondering why I couldn’t make him happy like that when it was just us.
          I blamed myself wondering what I could be doing wrong. It didn’t occur to me that it was just a act. He had me convinced it was me. X told me he got along with everyone else but me so it had to be me. X would say it was because I wasn’t happy, I couldn’t understand what I was doing because I felt happy.

          Chasing my tail is an accurate description, he was unhappy and it had nothing to do with me.

    • OMG! My idiot did the same thing. Had his mom convinced that he does everything while I do nothing. Just because he would wash dishes when she was around. She said to me one time, “It must be nice to have someone to wash the dishes for you all the time.” I told her, “Yeah, that would be nice!”
      And, by the way, this was at a point during the THREE YEARS that the man didn’t work at all and I was working while doing all the housework and childcare.
      Bitch cookie for taking out the trash while I’m busy doing EVERYTHING else.

    • POP (Predatory Opportunistic Parasite) lived off of me….he had no job but he lived the life of Riley on my dime. He was arrested for assaulting me. At his hearing he told the judge, after I had told her what a user/louse he was and contributed ‘nothing other than turmoil’, he piped up and said that he’d ‘mopped my floors several times; she has a really big house’.

      You should have seen the judge’s eye roll. CONVICTED!

  • “I got up at 4:00 a.m. to take you to the hospital for your surgery. I even went by and picked up your prescriptions on the way home.”

    ~~Girl Scout Thin Mint Cookies~~

        • “I always made sure the kids got their homework done.”

          ~~6 Boxes of Girl Scout Tagalong Bitch Cookies~~

          • So frustrating. I am with Girl Guides of Canada and we only get the classic chocolate/ vanilla in the Spring and the chocolate mint in the Fall. Looks like my CH’s selection of bitch cookies is disproportionate to your CW’s. >:-(

            • canada – 0, usa – 1
              I agree totally about the girl guides cookies. peanut butter patty is where its at, if you’re handing out bitch cookies.

  • “You has a great life…you drove a nice car & lived in a beautiful home. So what if I carried on an affair with a heroin addicted prostitution for over a year”…BITCH COOKIE!

    • Damn, I got “you’ve had a great life” too. I had forgotten that one. I was still in the thought process of if I show interest in his hobbies maybe it will work. He asked me to look at motorcycles and I agreed. He pulled up 30 plus minutes later, got out and I had to drive his stoned on pot and pilled out of his brain to look at them. He mumbled that shit to me and asked that I not let him purchase a motorcycle. 3 days later in he comes with a shit eating smirk telling me that he went back and bought it after all. Oh, it was only his 5th one. I got consoled with a new “used” dishwasher since to other one had been broken for months. Shaking my head. Thats his life, they do not change, and its no longer my problem. I am learning to love my peace.

    • Him: “You have a beautiful engagement ring that i spent my money on and a nice house to live in” (so keep your mouth shut)

      Stale ginger snap
      🤐🥛

  • I kept a roof over your head and the kids’ heads- what more do you want from me? Bitch cookie with shit frosting on top.

  • “I was planning to leave you while you were pregnant, but I was really clear to Schmoopie that I would provide for you and the kids financially. My counselor says that’s really unusual and that I’m not such a bad kind of cheater.”

    Bitch. Fucking. Cookie.

    Asshole.

    • Counselor.Extra.Bitch.Cookie.

      You can’t make this shit up.

      A lot of baking going on today!

      The oven is pre heating!

      Friday Bake On CN!

    • Is that a THING now… “not a bad kind of cheater”… gimme that counselor’s number, I need to pull him/her aside for a little chitty chat.

      • Oh, who knows if the counselor even said that. Lying liar who lies, remember?

        That said, this was the same counselor he was seeing when he set up marriage counseling for us with another counselor in the same office. Oh, yeah, and he was still in the middle of the affair. I would like to call her up one day and be like, “Fucking seriously? Why didn’t you tell him it’s wrong to drag your 8-weeks-post-partum wife to marriage counseling when you’re on your way out of the marriage? Where did you get your certification? University of Moral Bankruptcy?”

    • Fuck me. They are a special breed.

      “I’m not a bad person, I just did a bad thing.”

      Yeah, several times a day for 8 years.

      DICK.

  • My fave : after conducting five year long affair and after we separate, she hears from my 16 year old that I got home later than I said I would from a date. She is the caring parenting police who admonishes me and earns an enormous manhole-sized bitch cookie for being the hugest pot who calls kettles black in history.

  • “You blew the marital funds on your multiple affairs! Went tracelling with your APs! Had fun! All the while I single handedly cared for our son.”

    “Come on, LTC! I spent on you FAIRLY as well! Your needs were not unattended”

    P.s. this is when he always told me we need to “tighten up our belts because the times are hard…”

    • I filed after multiple DDays, failed reconciliation and final DDay. Not that mighty. While working on the parenting agreement now, he keeps telling me to go back to him to “raise the child together”. So I said to him “look I have multiple proofs that you were planning your exit with your main AP a few years back and if she had agreed to your proposition you would have left us.”

      “NO! I am not that insensitive. I take responsibility for my family! I was never going to leave you and son entirely! I was going to spend one half of the year with her and another half with you!”

      Poor him wants to be aknowledged for his generosity.

    • Ha! I can commiserate! I got ” we need to really quit spending and stick to the budget”, says the asshat as he takes MOW on their fuckfests throughout North America and I am home tending to 4 kids, freecycling some of their basic needs and neglecting my own….

    • I got “our trips to see family are really expensive you know…” Looking back all trip expenses were to visit HIS family (we hadn’t visited my hometown for 8 years…) Now I go home every year…

    • He loved telling me “you need to stop buying organic milk, the kids can drink regular. We need to tighten our belts”
      Then he would buy himself craft beers, car parts ect. While I was buying at Goodwill. It took me 7 years to finally buy a bra. While he was cheating and had our family car, me and the kids were walking.

      • Oh yeaaassss!!!!

        The Evil One had a super-nice crew cab full sized Chevy Shit-erado the last year we were together, after going through car-after-car for years.

        Meanwhile, I had to schlug along with our daughter in my 15-year-old car literally falling apart.

        After he left, and I went out and got a nicely used car, his response? ” ‘Bout time you got a better car.”

        Chocolate-covered-Oreo-bitch cookie

  • In honor of the annual Thanksgiving conversations my EX and I used to engage in, which I do not miss:

    “I cleaned the bathroom.” –Turkey shaped Bitch Cookie

    (Translation: I engaged in one household task–in the 1/2 bath–because my parents are coming into town to stay with us for a week. I’ll brag about being the one who cleans the toilets to my mom while she is here (in addition to lapping up praise for a lot of the other work you’ve done to make our home hospitable). In the meanwhile, stop asking for MORE help with my parents’ visit. I know you have to go to work today, but I’m busy researching my next dream job. And there is no reason you cannot pick up the kids today after work and before you hit the grocery store to stock up; it is too hard for me to get my “research” done when they are home, so it is best if you all are out and about all day anyway. I said I’d help, get the house ready, and I have. Oh, and please stop by the liquor store and pick up a bottle of vodka, some mixer, a good bottle of Scotch, and a nice after dinner liquor as well. You know they like to have a nice cocktail every day; it would be easier if you planned ahead for these things. Didn’t you notice I’d finished up all the alcohol on the premises? Why aren’t you thanking me for how much I do around here? I’m the best husband I know.”

    Just writing this makes me feel better–I enjoy the holidays so much more now. Even when they are a bit quieter than I want, it beats the old “traditions” of my marriage!

    • Eilonwy, My X was the same as yours. And he took great pride in taking credit for all my hard work that I did around the holidays. His mom would be telling him how “perfect and special” his was and thanking him for yet another great holiday spent at our home. He would beam with pride over all the work he didn’t do. I sure do not miss catering anymore to that entitled family. Never again will I allow myself to be used.

      • My soon STBXW said “I spent Father’s Day with you and the kids” – Bitch cookie

        She sent 1008 text messages to SparkleDick that day.
        Holidays will be better without her. This will be the first Christmas in three years shes bought the kids a gift.

          • Nope, she’s a 36 year old psychologist. Her AP SparkleDick is a 46 year old psychologist. That month they traded 15,280 Texts. she says they’re both good people caught up in something bigger that themselves – Minimize much

        • Lost you’re going to hate not seeing the kids for part of the holidays but the parts you have them will be magical! Absolutely magical.

          As for gifts, I hope you detach enough to watch the sideshow that is a self absorbed person giving gifts. My son received no birthday present last year. The first Christmas after the divorce he got things related to Narkles the Clown’s hobby, something my son does not like to do. So guess who has all new gear for his hobby, disguised as a gift to someone else?

  • Cheater/liar/pervert: I come home from work at night. Sugar Bitch Cookie for me (Chump)

    *(Then I sneak around on the internet with webcam hoes, porn and internet hookups behind your back).
    (If that’s not enough- I voyeur the neighbor and send her unwanted lewd texts- even if she and her
    husband don’t like it).

  • My ex had ‘rules’ … 1) whoever cooks the other cleans up, and 2) last one out of bed makes the bed. Those were the top two; there were many more.

    Rule #1 rarely worked in my favor, as he’d say “You’re a SAHM and that’s part of your job as such.” Whatever, Asshole … eat your oatmeal raisin bitch cookie!

    Rule #2 took the bitch cookie cake! When he got up after me, I’d later walk into the bedroom to find only half the bed made … his side! My side would still be a slept-in mess. Really?! WTF?! Shove that oatmeal raisin bitch cookie up your ass, fucktard!

    • My X was weird about the bed too. While we still were dating, I helped him make his bed at the home he lived at with is parents. He was so anal about how all the “lines” on the bedspread had to be in certain spots on the bed and how this was the “right” way to make a bed. Fast forward to our marriage bed: He rarely made the bed and he was usually the last one out of it. Also if he did make the bed, it was thrown together kinda messy. Fxckwit!

      My X had a rule about food. Whoever got to the food first got to eat it. Just about single Saturday night for close to 20 years I made delicious homemade pizza. There was always leftovers for the next day. And after church on the following Sunday, we’d get home around lunchtime. X would go straight for the pizza and take care of feeding ONLY HIMSELF while I spent that time making the kids lunch first and then I would eat with the kids. Never once did he make the kids lunch, because his life is about himself and his “whoever gets to the food first” rule worked for him. Bitch cookie!

      • The bed thing. I would have liked the assclown to help me put the sheets on our king sized bed. It is so easy with two people. You could even go as crazy as to think of it as foreplay but he would help as if I had asked him to reapolster a chair and he had no idea what he was doing. Couldn’t even come close to a hospital corner and often the sheet would come loose from the mattress.

        Also, I read the link about the sexual narcissist last night and I have to ask if anyone else had this experience- after sex, stbx would fall asleep faster than I could say I love you. I was always more awake after sex and wanted to talk. He had me convinced that it was a guy thing. Now I am thinking it was a no connection thing.

        • I’m rolling today. My ex would always start snoring after sex. I enjoyed sex anytime but was at my peak am because I was exhausted at the end of the day. He mentioned that sex puts him right to sleep and I said it actually wakes me up. He took serious offense to that and totally twisted it. He never initiated or seemed interested in sex at night after that. He went as far to comment that he did not want to keep me awake. Lightbulb moment- I guess that explains why he would come in early morning claiming he fell asleep on a friends couch. Shaking my head again.

      • The pizza comment reminded me of my XH. He was entitled to any and all of the food in the house. He would eat my container of leftovers from a restaurant, the last piece of MY birthday cake that I set aside for myself or my lunch that I made in the evening for work the next day. Too bad he never choked.

    • I’m familiar with the rules which only apply to other people. The double standards are crazy-making, and sometimes bizarre, like making only his side of the bed. You should have only made dinner for yourself.

    • Yep, same rule here, yet no matter how often I cooked, it was *never* his rule, I was just making shit up.

      Then, he would take pictures of the messy kitchen and.post on his Instagram (that I didn’t know he had) and tag his OW saying, “Look what I come home to!!!”

      Take that snickerdoodle and shove it up your ass dickwad!!!!

  • “You wouldn’t have sex with me 3 times a day, but I stayed anyway even though it made me feel like less of a man. Until you lost your job, then I had to replace you. But, I’ll always love you.”

    Thank you for gracing me with the presence of your lazy, porn addicted, shit covered ass. Here’s your Bitch Cookie, now GTFO!

    • This was mine too. However he replaced me with someone who would have sex 3 times a day and be on board with any freak-ass porn fantasy. I know because she was a friend of mine and a slut.

      • Well, I did get the,”No matter what happens, you will always be the love of my life.” I didn’t view that as a bitch cookie, but as a fucking insult. How dare he implode our marriage and then claim some kind of abiding love for me. Not sure why, but that comment cemented my knowledge that he cared only about himself and the “narrative” of his life! Guess it was a poison bitch cookie cause it had the opposite effect of what he had intended.

  • “I never let them say bad things about you.” -serial cheater stbx. Which, of course, was also a lie. Unless you think allowing her to call me Walter Matthau is a compliment. She referred to herself as Audrey Hepburn.

  • Well, I got into a spat with a friend of mine recently who is talking about how her cheating husband, since DDay, has been more helpful with chores around the house and he even takes her out to dinner once a week.

    I said, “A good husband is supposed to help out around the house and spend quality time with you. What does he want, a cookie?”

    She said I’m bitter and judgey. Oh well.

    • Ugh, I got a variation of this.

      “After (most recent D Day, when I was so depressed I couldn’t drag myself out of bed), I picked up the slack and took care of the kids!”

      After four years of being the log on the couch.

      Peanut butter chocolate chunk bitch cookie.

  • If it wasn’t for AP we would have never been married in first place.. She really believes in the sanctity of marriage. She told me to marry you! (Never mind that XH basked me to marry him more than once in front of witnesses) Oh and we never had sex until after the divorce because stealing money from me to send to her, phone sex, online sex and verbal abuse are all a-ok 👌

  • “I want you to know I am no longer screwing ho workers and clients (sic). I do visit strippers and escorts. And my porn choices now are not ‘bad’.”
    -Asshat

    • I think this is the BitchBitch Cookie because clearly to asshat non-violent porn, porn that doesn’t involve minors and sex workers just Isn’t That Bad. It’s what people who !!!NeedSex!!! without Intimacy DO- and the chumps must be grateful for this because no neighbors were involved in meeting the Needs of the cheater.

  • “I stopped seeing her while you were pregnant” Bitch Cookie!…what about that other girl you made out with when I was two months pregnant ..”oh yeah!” Bitch Cake!..for my Valentine’s Day gift one year, he hired schmoopie to organize our kitchen, and when I was not pleased they spent the whole day together sorting out housewares, he said I had no right to be upset as he worked SO hard all day!!!! Bitch Crouquembouche!

  • “Oh look, I really have gotten the huge mound of dirty laundry down to almost nothing.”

    Later discovered why…..it gave her the opportunity to be alone in the basement with her burner phone.

    Have a bag of Double Stuf bitch cookies for your lying, cheating pie hole

  • This is what he said to me last night when we were talking about one of our adult kids that is having emotional and physical problems from all the chemo/radiation from Hodgkins Lymphoma.”I’m close to saying I’m sorry for cheating on you, but I’m not ready yet.” BITCH COOKIE.
    During wreckonciliation, Me: I want an apology from secretary (oops, office manager) jesus cheater, etc.” Him: “Why she doesn’t have to apologize to you.” I wish I had a pie to throw in his face after that one.
    5 months divorced now after 35 years of marriage and I am dreading the holidays.

    • The AP is absolutely NOT relevant. Basically your creep found willing holes. They are animated holes and that’s it.

      You are so much more worthy than the asshole you divorces. You are mighty!

    • I hope you told him there’s no rush on that apology because you aren’t even remotely interested in forgiving him.

    • Lost Wishes: It’s been two years since D Day and my holidays are so much more pleasant without his slightly dark detached vibe that I didn’t quiet catch before. If your Cheater was mentally ready to cheat or cheating at your last holiday, there was the Ghost Of Cheater Present there and I will bet you felt it’s presence maybe at least a little bit? —I am sorry about what your son is going through. I will send a prayer up for both of you. Take care.

  • “I only had two affairs (that I admit to only because I got caught) and didn’t drain all the equity out of the home” (because the chump stopped me), so I am not that bad, as explained to his two teen kids when they ask why he did what he did. Wow, thanks fuckwit!

    • He never said it, but (based on stuff he did say) I think that nowdeadcheater expected a bitch cookie for never beating me up.

      He told me that he (trained in hand to hand combat, state champion wrestler and way stronger than me) coudl snap my neck in an instant if he wanted to. He sometimes said that while holding my head.

      But he never beat me up or murdered me. Bitch cookie for him.

      • What the…? I thought it was bad enough that my ex boyfriend told me that at least he didn’t get me pregnant and then ditch me. I mean…yeah? But, shit, I am really, really sorry.

        • Thanks for your kindness…Im sure if I would have ever called him on that he would have said he was kidding and I didnt have a good sense of humor (since that whole idea is so funny. cough). Odd then that the universe had a different plan. I lived to tell about it, he didnt.

  • “But I come home to you every night! Doesn’t that count for something?!”

    Take your Bitch Cookie and choke on it!!!

    No, I’m not a bitter Chump, I swear.

  • How about the Bitch Cookies they feed us like:

    “But the sex with you is still better than with her”

    “She could learn so much from you”

    “She doesn’t have her act together like you do”

  • Gratuitous cleaning?!?!?

    My xh did next to next to NOTHING around the house for 30 years. He would ask, at times if he could “help me out” with the kids or a chore, but I was to give him complete directions for every task he passive aggressively would screw up, and I would have to complete. “Oh, you wanted me to mow AND pick up the clippings? You didn’t say THAT.” Then I was just the big bitch who was “never satisfied…” He trained me well on how to not expect effort from him. Chumpy me learned well.

    Because IF I tired of being his “big bossy” in this game and refused to give him any more directions, he would say I had nothing to complain about, because I did not ask him for help!!! WO-la! Hence, he wins the ZERO responsibility game!

    The weirdest time I remember, his parents were visiting and we were sitting down, talking, he was “tidying up” like a nervous bird around the room. At one point, he grabbed a pillow from the sofa, lifted my feet off the ottoman, and placed the pillow under them, like this was an everyday occurrence!

    I was so shocked by the motion I jumped. Never happened before, never happened again. BUT, by Gawd, his parents thought he was a slave to me and a GEM of a son!

    • Omg!!! Yessss! Every time his family visited from Merry Ole’ England he was a completely different person. Helpful, sweet, loving…and chumpy me just shackled and thought it was because he was so happy to have them around! But now I know it was just to fool them into thinking he was those things! The last time his mom came a few years ago I figured it out because he literally slept for a week afterwards and was extra nasty to me while the week they were here he was the man that I knew when I first met him! I tried to talk to him about. I even dared argue a bit about how it seems like his behavior when they visited was just a con and he said (once he picked his head off his pillow) that I need to just get over it and accept it. There was zero to work with then but I still shackled for a year and a half more. Blech!

    • Never thought about it before but Stbx stepped up to be this fabulous host when his parents or friends were coming but ever do anything for me or my friends? Your right it was total image management for the people he cared to impress.

    • I will admit that I only did dishes on a regular basis because I insisted on doing them because I was trying to lighten his load of chores so he would come to bed sooner (didn’t work because he just found other stuff to do). Still it did bother me when he would insist on doing them whenever we had guests. I don’t know if that was to make him look good or me look bad.

      • It is called impression management. They do it so they look like a great husband while other people are watching.

  • Cheater said, “I worked hard on our marriage by going to work!!” Cheater worked six days a week and just about every single night at home until 10:00 or 11:00. Cheaters logic is that he was working “hard on our marriage” by working at his job that he gets paid for. Now I know what his job does for the narc that he is. Admiration kibbles. Attention kibbles. Lots of females to chat up and flirt with at work. It’s no wonder he had to work every single night. All those ho-workers needed his attention at work, so he had to work every single night in order to make up for all the lost time at work.

    Here’s a Girl Scouts Bitch Cookie, because of your creepiness around the young daughters of the people you work with! Thanks for “working” our entire marriage and ignoring the family God have you.

    • Same here, during his first affair of 3 years. He made such a big deal of working 9am-7pm six days a week. But, he was paid peanuts and never followed up on the promises of a raise. Before we had children and we were BOTH working, he worked 5-6 days/week from 9am-9pm and made substantially more (he got fired.) But I’m supposed to be grateful that we now have 4 people to support on $250/week instead of 2 people on over $1000. (2nd pregnancy with our son made me black out from low BP constantly so I *couldn’t* work because I couldn’t drive and resigned when I started blacking out on the bus I started to use and the driver knew my route enough that they carried me across the street and put me on the bus back home.)

      When he threw out that he was the only one working, I let him have it. I made more cleaning houses in the 3-4 hours/day, 3 days a week, than he did ALL week. PREGNANT WITH OUR THIRD. And I hid it away so 1) he wouldn’t feel emasculated and 2) so I could afford things like Christmas/birthday presents, coffee instead of tea, the occasional pizza, and squirreling away money on a downpayment for a HOUSE… and when I told him we were ready to buy a house, 2 years later and 2 jobs later at a better income, he mocked me for having such a ridiculous, unachievable plan… right up until closing, when he showed up, signed, and was handed the keys. He wasn’t even happy with me until other people congratulated him on being such a great provider that we could buy a house. When I was painting the rooms, I walked in one morning to see “Cheater’s House!!!” painted on our new bedroom wall. He said it was a joke.

      When he’d complain about his responsibilities, I’d ask him how he would be living any differently if he didn’t have a family? You know… back when he didn’t have a vehicle, or furniture of any kind, or food besides PB&J and ramen, and had to call cabs or beg rides to go to work or do laundry? Even at our lowest income, he lived like a king compared to the shoddy life he had while single. The job.I.got.him only required 8hrs/day, 5 days/wk and paid at least 5 times more and was frequently 8-10 times more. And he STILL did nothing. Less work meant more Xbox. The only change was the same work for fewer hours at DRASTICALLY MORE pay. He didn’t have more responsibility; he had the same or LESS.

      No. You keep your Bitch Cookie; it’s all yours.

        • Wow, Insistonhonesty. He really sounds like a loser. And you sound super might and smart! Your life skills will take you far in life. Him, not so much. And I lol’d when you wrote “Cheaters House.” I knew what you meant, but gosh, what jerk for writing his name on the wall.

  • My favorite (there are so many!) is that X never had life insurance while I had a large policy. I always had a problem with it and was vocal but his excuse would be that a psychiatrist advised him not to release his medical records (which the company wanted to see when we first set out to get policies.) SO, X would say he won’t be getting a policy BUT he has a “large policy” through work so it doesn’t matter. This policy was supposedly a 200,000$ policy then as the years went on and I complained it turned into a 250,000$ policy and then in the divorce it was a 300,000$ policy…WITH NO PAPERWORK TO BACK IT UP. It was just his insistence that it existed so I made sure to put in the settlement that his policy has to equal my 750,000$ policy which he agreed to. Divorce was final and he still hadn’t gotten a policy or given me the paperwork on the existing one. I requested it every month in the parenting app and every month he said he had already given me the paperwork for the work policy and he was still being denied an extra policy. FINALLY, I told him I would be calling his union to request the policy with beneficiary as agreed upon in the settlement and he said he would get it for me “again”.
    It came in the mail a week later. It was a 50,000$ work policy. So, the 200, 250 and 300 never existed and he just didn’t want to have to deal with me uncovering another lie “loudly” by requesting it myself. I felt close to meh that day when a informed and thanked after him I received the 50,000$ policy info. His response…
    “You are welcome” BIG bitch cookie!
    The next bitch cookie is that he let me know he will get another policy ASAP to match mine with kiddo as beneficiary. It’s been almost a year since he signed on the dotted line with all that crap;)

    • My coworkers husband told her for years that he had a big policy…she asked questions about it and he reassured her repeatedly. He dies and she goes to find it…it doesnt exist…she has to move from her house and has 2 kids in college and a dependent adult child. She is screwed. I awkwardly listen to this story after my husband died owning a big-ass policy (which he got because the military one was too expensive).

    • Part of my settlement was his current term life policy, which I always paid. He had his mail forwarded to his love Den, so when I checked on it after final mediation, the notice had gone to him, and he had let it lapse. True to form though—-

  • “I soldiered on for years in our relationship, even though I didn’t feel what I was supposed to feel.”

    He was the best. What a trooper. Bitch cookie.

    • I got the same exact words, like he was owed a free pass? Or what, a big ass cookie for being faithful for that long like it cancelled out the affair that destroyed our family? SO not original.

  • “One of the times I was getting it on with Schmoopie I started to feel guilty and couldn’t stay hard. I just flat out told her what we were doing is wrong.” of course I kept right on fucking her. But isn’t it nice that I almost felt guilt? BIG OL’ nasty, moldy bitch cookie!

  • When I told him I was going to the doctor to be tested for STDs his reply, “Oh you don’t need to do that. She told me she’s clean.”

    I went anyway. And had to have two follow ups. Asshole.

    • Oh yep…. nothing to worry about, he was 26 and told me he had had only one sexual experience. He was clean so we did d it for years without protection! So did u ask him about how many others he was banging during your on and off 4 years? No

    • Mine told me that too. I asked him “Really, did you graduate medical school while I wasn’t looking or did you obtain some of those super natural powers where you can detect people’s diseases just by looking at them?”

      Crickets

    • When I told him I was going to be tested he said, “You’ll share the results with me right?” Fucker. He who cheated for the entire 25 years I knew him, admitted that he NEVER once, even on the sly, got tested (even though he also admitted to F-ing strangers in hotels all the time on business trip. He wouldn’t admit, but I know from a co-worker of his, that he also got hookers in Las Vegas.) He cheated throughout 2 pregnancies (those where justified by being “nervous about fatherhood”) and every moment I spent with him…. dear God the diseases he exposed me and my unborn children to, and didn’t once think to get tested!

    • Mine was angry that I demanded he be tested during WRECKONCILIATION, and basically laughed that I was worried about myself. This OW is a SKANK, with hundreds’ of oddball character guy facebook friends, and only a few women. Yeah, I had a reason to be concerned.

    • Oh yes! One of my guilty pleasures is knowing that I am sue he is seething every time he writes the court ordered support check which is over 3 times the amount he was begrudgingly giving me before.

  • Well nothing happened until after I kicked him out of course! Then within mere days he was secretly fucking her in her college aged daughters bed while her husband was at work and her other son was at school! Never mind that he trimmed up his pubes the weekend before that when he was going to visit his “buddy”… I’m sure the grooming was for his bff and not the whore. Right. Good job, you asshole. Have a bitch cookie!

  • When the financial crash of 2009 occurred my x asked me to relocate funds in a seperate account so the IRS couldn’t access them. During depositions I was accused of stealing from him. Never mind that they were marital assets…..

  • “But I come home to you every night.”

    Thank God I’m all out of bitch cookies. The sight of him makes me ill now.

    • Yeah, isn’t it amazing that the sight of them makes us ill? With me, I get a shiver and it feels like the hair is sticking up on the back of my neck. I have purposely stayed away from him so I don’t have to see him, but I “had to” come in contact with him when our son went off to Air Force. Ugh. Just the site of him made my skin crawl. And all the mannerisms that I thought were “off” all those years — they were magnified 100x. We were in a public place and had to say goodbye among hundreds of other parents, so I was talking with our son one-on-one. X was the creeper that he is and just started being his “charming” self and started talking with a new cadet that was hanging with his family. Who does that? A creep! I seriously cannot believe I have to see this creep on and off the rest of my life. This is what happens when you breed with a fxckwit.

  • The ex was on a work assignment in Africa. When he came back he never came near me for about 3 weeks. Turns out he got drunk at the bar of his hotel and wound up “innocently” taking a “lady” (read “prostitute”) back to his hotel room. Woke up from his drunken stupor the next morning with her giving him a blow job but “he’s pretty sure he never did anything because he still had the rest of his clothes on”!

    • Make sure you get tested – pretty sure this is how my ex got HIV – dipping it where he shouldn’t have while working in Africa.

      • Oh I did all right. And made him go several times for testing, although to be honest I believe he never had sex with her. He blacks out when he drinks and can’t get it up anyway. Thankfully this was about 10 years ago and I’m clean. But WHAT THE HELL!!! Fucking a prostitute anywhere, but fucking one in Africa?

  • “I was just trying to need you as little as possible BECAUSE you were so busy and stressed doing great things for our family! I KNOW you were having a hard time- that’s why I hid it really well… SO THAT it wouldn’t hurt you… can you imagine finding out about this during that time? My problems were nothing compared to what you were dealing with… I didn’t want to bother you!”

    WTF?!

    BIG OL’ BITCH COOKIE.

    • Ooohhh this is mine word for word, too!! “You were dealing with your problems, thats all you worried about (no), and I didnt feel accepted at home (wtf) but I couldn’t come talk to you about how I was feeling “.
      So he must have felt pretty low for a whole decade, since this happened before, during and after my “problems” (actually he’s referring to the only time in my life were I was finally finding relief! Which made his explanations sound like a slap in the face)

  • One of his comments post DDay verbatim: “I deserve credit for all of the years that I didn’t cheat!” (substantiated by his litany of the HUNDREDS of opportunities he missed out on, especially while working as a radio deejay when the other jocks were having sex with “fans”/listeners, etc. in the studio while he sacrificially remained faithful). Oreo Double Stuf bitch cookie! (Trivial research nugget: Oreo Double Stuf cookies really don’t have double the filling, just like cheater’s false advertising about his fidelity!)

    • “All the years I didn’t cheat”. Careful there. The best liars, true lifelong compulsive liars, know one of the best tactics is to not run from a truth that you want to hide but rather to run right at it. Put it out there front and center and even use it as “evidence” that you aren’t lying. That is, if you want to hide all the years that you DID cheat, then use that exact cheating as examples of what you could have done – “but didn’t”. This baffles us chumps. We think “of course that must be true, he put it right out there, even telling me things I’d never have known about, and even bitched about it like he had missed out on those opportunities – no one could lie like that”.

      My own exact experience. Specific details about what she “could have done” turned out to be what she did do. As I learned more about compulsive liars, and as more examples like this came to light with her, I came to know the tactic – go right at the lie, don’t hide it, use the lie itself as though it’s evidence of truth, and it will inoculate that whole topic area from the chump’s suspicion. They do it for practical purposes, but I also think they love the petty power they feel of dangling the truth, in detail, right in front of you as they watch you fail to realize it. God-like power to a sociopath.

      • This!!!!! My STBX told me after Dday#1 that it wasn’t like he is out looking for women. She contacted him first. When he said this exact same thing after Dday#2, I finally got a clue. He WAS looking for other women.

      • So true! After he is done talking I say to myself ok it’s opposite day. What’s the opposite of everything he just said.
        Its very interesting the specific things that they say. He told me my ex bf was sleeping with prostitutes in a city that he himself visited multiple times a year. He didn’t know my ex bf. And my ex bf definitely did not cheat on me. What he was telling me was that HE is with prostitutes in that city. You’re right… God-like dangling the truth right in my face and God-like somehow “knowing” what my ex bf did to me 12 years ago. Blows my mind.

      • …and I forgot to mention, they don’t just deceive you using the reversed details of the actual truth and laugh at you and leave it there. No, to finish the twisted psychological abuse they seek your praise or credit for it. Mind you this isn’t credit for actually doing what they were supposed to be doing all along (as in Bitch Cookie worthy). No, it’s credit for the opposite; for not doing what they’re to and then deceiving you. It’s credit for a photo negative image of their actual evil deeds. They want you appreciating them for what they previously did to you, which they are now deceiving you about, by dangling it in detail, right in front of your foolish face.

  • When I told him I wanted a divorce after three years of wreckconciliation, he was feeling sorry that he would lose half of his shit and then said “You should have known I was all in because I chose you over her.”

    Have a bitch cookie dude cuz I was thinking that you “chose” me 27 years ago when we walked down the aisle!

    • Yep I got “but I chose you” (re the EA with the howorder that he let slip had been a PA at DD2) and there was I thinking that was what being married meant. #too busy having cake for a cookie.

  • HIM: I got off the path a few times during our marriage (affairs) but always got back on track….. have a cookie bitch!

    When he wrote our kids after we were divorced for a year and said “as you know I have paid your health insurance for a whole year…… blah blah blah, I now have to cancel it. (nevermind that he has not paid one cent since he walked out for their care and college the last three years).. bitch cookie

    When he told me he as a “good enough husband for who it was for… ) NOT… bitch cookie

  • Paying his share of the mortgage( for 2 months after he left) —bitch cookie, actually eating dinner with his family and staying home in the evenings after work( once in a while)-bitch cookie. Earning a living—for a few years (but not before he left because hey he might have to pay spousal support!)— bitch cookie. Can I say again—he SUCKS!!

  • I wouldn’t want to give stbx all the bitch cookies he deserves as I noticed the outline of his protruding “Tito’s and tonic” gut on his otherwise fit body.

    You all are reminding me that his bitch cookie addiction has been there all along. When we were first married and he spent every night in the garage working on his race car in the garage. “At least I am not out at a bar”- bitch cookie.

    Other bitch cookie moments:

    I got you a phone number for an an aupaire agency.
    I made a chore chart for the kids.
    I cooked the main course for a meal at least 2 maybe three times a year.
    I brought fresh fish probably 4 times a year which would cost $28 a pound at Whole Foods. (Calculate cost of his boat and time away that fish was probably $1000.00 per pound.
    I am not trashing you to others in the divorce (unless you count telling everyone who graces your boat and your kids that I am going after your business, overvaluing your possessions, and I am batshit crazy).
    I gave you your check for your distribution from the company in which you have a contractual 25% ownership. I could have deposited the check into a joint account and then stolen it. Deserves a blow job with cookie for that one.

  • “How can you judge me on the last 2 years? We had 26 years of marriage before the affair. I think you should remember that.”

  • A common theme with asshat is anything he does outside of going to work should be praised, because HIS time is valuable.

    Helped put away groceries – bitch cookie
    Gave the kids breakfast – bitch cookie
    Picked your towel up off the floor – bitch cookie
    Told stripper you were married even though you took off your wedding ring – bitch cookie
    Paid disconnection notice bill for electric – bitch cookie
    Fed the dog – bitch cookie
    Made it home before 10:00 pm 1 day during the week – bitch cookie
    Went and got YOURSELF STD testing after sleeping with hookers (but not before sleeping with wife) – bitch cookie

    • Yes! This exactly! After the umpteenth round of me getting upset at Mr. Justification for not pulling his weight around the house, I asked him if he really thought his off time was so much more valuable than mine. I remember saying, “I have a Masters degree and am at least as intelligent as you. You don’t think I have better shit to do than pick up your socYou.

      Blank dumb stare.

      I’ll forever want to punch myself in the face for not leaving back then.

  • After confronting him on phone records showing obscene amounts of calls/texts to the OW: “You don’t know what we were talking about! We’re just friends!”
    My literal response was: “ I don’t care if you were swapping chocolate chip cookie recipes, you should be spending that amount of time on the phone with your wife!”
    Not deserving of a Bitch Cookie, but reminded me of that story!

  • He did his best to claim a bitch cookie on Dday by claiming blamlessness about something else (and trying to look noble when he said it).

    He was supposed to have been out with “work people” (he had retired from the military and hadnt started a new job yet, so who did he claim he “worked” with? (Turns out it was OW, in from Seattle, they used to work together, so that technically wasnt a lie)

    While he was out, I cracked into his computer and found a love letter to her. I didnt have CL/CN advise to go on, so I called him up that minute and told him to come home. He enters the house, sits at the kitchen table, uncomfortably steels himself for the conversatio he had been fearing and PROUDLY says

    “I have never driven dangerously with you and the kids in the car” (I have thus earned a big ol’ bitch cookie)

    THAT was his answer to “you have been carrying on with a woman from work”.

    Trouble was, he had a horrible, wretched (should have divorced him for this alone) history of driving in horrible rages with me and the kids in the car…horrible as in I really seriously did not think I would get out of the car alive.

    As ghastly is all that was, now, with him dead 5 years, Im almost to the point of a smidge of compassion for him attempting to go through life having failed so spectacularly. Endangering the lives of your whole family (as well as everyone else on the road) because you are a massive asshole. No wonder he hated himself.

    • “I hate myself for what I’ve done to you!” <— play for pity

      "Yeah… I hate you for that too." I should have taken a picture of the shock on his face. I was supposed to sweep up all of his fake-broken pieces and glue them back together for him, "for us," myself. As usual.

      Nope! You deal with your own shit, now. When you come home and the bathroom you use smells like shit, it's not because I'm not keeping it clean enough… it's because your duplicitous self has explosive bowel movements and YOU leave it splattered on the walls of the toilet bowl. It's because YOU didn't clean it up. Not my job anymore, fucker.

      • I wouldn’t share a bathroom with him for that very reason – turned my stomach to go pee before sex and see it splashed up the sides. “But I cleaned it!” He would whine. Shudder. Our sex life quite literally was down the toilet. And he always wanted kudos for cleaning his bathroom (guest) before family came. Great. Here’s a bitch cookie for cleaning up your own shit!

      • This! My STBX developed ulcerative colitis that caused the bathroom reactions. He insinuated it was from the stress of our family life, couldn’t possibly be from the stress of leading a secret, double life filled with hookers while pretending to be a devoted family man.

  • “I pushed her off of me once because I knew it was wrong” ….. and then let her climb right back on and have sex in her basement with her children sleeping upstairs (mom of the year) and husband out of town.

    “I never left you” …. but cheated on you while pregnant with a stripper and then later with aforementioned mom of the year who had Herpes while leaving the children home alone to do so. But never “left me”.

    • Oh yeah also “I got std tested!” ….. but only after I demanded he do so, which required multiple tests because doctor said it could be in system but not show up for another 6 weeks because of recent sexcapade.

    • “I never left you”
      AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

      Memory trigger !!!

      I got this very same bitch cookie argument…after he:
      1) took a job 3000 miles away without discussing it with me (in fact he told me he refused to do so)
      2) assured me he would be living in a “commuter hotel” which he did for 3 minutes then signed a year lease on an apartment and spent $5000 furnishing it
      3) arranged for OW to work in that same city even though she lived 1000 miles away but he assured me they wouldnt be interacting with each other.

      So this 3000 mile move, apartment, leather couch and big screen TV did NOT amount to “leaving” me and 3 kids and dog and minivan because he was “working” there, not “living” there.

    • These fuckers and their threatening us, post-affair, with LITERALLY the first good decision they could have made! “At least I didn’t leave you!” Um… yes, please. Way to threaten me with a good time!

  • Doing me a “favor” by “giving” me money, aka child support…. I hope he chokes on the bitch cookie!

  • He didn’t screw me and the kids over financially and he is still making an attempt at being an involved Dad so that makes him a lesser asshole than some other assholes. Am I supposed to be grateful for that?

    • I have the opposite of this and can say that I would be grateful for saving thousands of dollars in attorney fees and if my kids had a dad in their life who honestly gave a shit. That does NOT mean that you have to be grateful for the betrayal and hurt that he caused. Nor do you have to shower him with praise for being decent during the divorce. That does not cancel out what he did to his wife and family.

      But I can honestly say that I am not sure which is worse…the cheating or the incredibly shitty things my STBX has done during the divorce.

    • He ripped your soul out once instead of twice. While I would be happy not to have added soul destruction to deal with, the most basic decency now doesn’t erase how you got here or who did it. I would recommend being “relieved” rather than appreciative. 😉

    • I suppose you could also be grateful he didn’t punch you or let an angry horde of raccoons loose in the house. However, the things he didn’t do don’t negate the things he did do. To quote an old saying: “one broken leg is better than two. It is not, however, a source of great comfort.”

  • “I come home from work every night rather than going out to bars with my friends” [therefore I am ENTITLED to spend thousands of dollars to corn hole strippers in the family minivan while on monthly business trips out of state]. Stripper Glitter Sprinkles Bitch Cookie

    • I feel you. You’re not alone.

      My wife: “Yeah I thought he was really good looking, but I like your style. I like the clothes you wear.”

      At this very moment she is love bombing me through text messages because I’m trying to start the divorce process. Telling me she can ‘t live without me.

      • Heaven help you, Zell. Please tell us that you are feeling your worth and will not take this disordered cheater back. Sending you a dose of mighty. Stay strong.

        • Wow. So when the sparkly sex fades (and it always does) she’s left with uninteresting AP POS. What a dumbshit she must be. I can’t begin to understand the mindset of a cheater, female or male, who throws away a committed (and interesting!) partner for a dull fuck buddy.

      • Zell, stay strong my friend! Skankboy is trying to use friends and family to get messages to me. He ‘” feels like an asshole for doing NMSB wrong.” “Sometimes I’m not that happy.” Asking around for a move-in roommate, possible rentals, blah, blah, blah. (filing nails)

  • Years ago “we” (not a real entity but used because I don’t have a befitting title) were talking about the distribution of domestic chores. He said “ …but I do stuff all around the house…”
    I replied as you do when you have a quick and sharp wit…”yes- you do STUFF ALL around the house!”.
    Funny at the time. In hindsight the giggles surrounding this exchange have turned to gagging.
    Not kidding this stuff makes me retch. I’m sure that he could just wolf down another bitch cookie though. Hell fat fuck would wolf down a whole batch and never suffer indigestion.

  • I did all the cooking and grocery shopping for the past 14 years. Now that cheater wife and I are separated she is having to do those things every other week when she has our daughter. At the beginning of the separation she kept sending texts about how hard it was and she kept sending me photos of her efforts. I guess I was supposed to be impressed that she was actually feeding our kid.

    Get used to that bitch cookie, bitch.

    • She sent you photos of her efforts at parenting? What? Is she two and needs validation for her learning new things? Geesh!

    • She sent you photos of her buying groceries and adulting? You cannot make this stuff up. Keep running, Zell. A beautiful cheater-free life awaits you. You will enjoy seeing your daughter mature to adulthood while not having to watch the disordered keep regressing.

  • Whenever she did anything, even before the affair, I had to jump for joy. Yay your switched the laundry or vacuumed. Just a couple of days ago she says “I’m washing their soccer uniforms” which I’ve gone many times before. I guess that’s a lot for a woman who’d wear a thong and put the crusty dirty thing back in the drawer so no one would see it in the laundry. And she’s rewear them. She also change into her pjs and hide the thong under the sink, gross.

    • My cheater wife would leave her dirty clothes and 80 million shoes literally all over the house. Piles of clothes that would sit for months. I refused to do her laundry- I was doing everything else- I drew a line. She would just buy more and more clothes. Packages kept arriving. So bizarre.

      Whenever she would do any cleaning she would get real angry about it. And then she wanted recognition for her effort like she was a kid. Oh congratulations you picked your clothes up !!! yeah !!! party time !!!

      • Zell, my cheating ex wife was the same. Teetering mountains of dirty clothes. She hated to wear anything twice so bought in volume from discounters rather than invest in quality.

        I see it now as her attraction to the new and the novel, her aversion to connection and permanence.

  • “I stopped talking to other women because of you!” – sugarbitchcookie

    “I only rarely look at porn now” – give that man a Mrs Fields injection, stat!

    “I contribute to expenses!” – more nuts than a macadamia white chocolate walnut cookie.

  • “Nan and I have agreed to stop communicating. We have been *friend’s* for 40 years, I hope you are happy.” This, after the DDay 1 confession, 6 months prior when he swore he would break it off with her. Made ME feel like the side chick after only knowing him for 33 years and married for 29. WTF? Big stale bitch cookie.

    • Cheaters are masters of trying to make you feel guilty. It is your fault he had to end the friendship…not because he crossed a line.

  • All this reminds me of the scene in a movie where someone is comparing the wife to rice pudding and the affair partner is chocolate cake. I guess I’m boring as an oatmeal cookie, what with all the talking to chicks and compulsive jerking off to porn. Gotta get them slices in, afterall!!

  • “I was truthful (faithful) when you were sick.” Pregnant, aggressive breast cancer, mastectomy, high dose chemo, bone marrow transplant, radiation, 3 year old and I really don’t believe that Bitch Cookie. He actually had lots of free time because we moved in with my parents due to the fact I knew he would never take care of us without full on resentment because he would have to actually be responsible for helping do something.
    “I wasn’t going to leave you.” This after he confessed, blamed me, and was walking out the door. Bitch Cookie but he really meant it. I had to pack up in the middle of the night and escape.
    “I didn’t do it because you only have one breast.” Bitch Cookie! Why the hell bring that up? It was so aggressive they were unable to take the time for reconstruction. I stupidly flew into “pick me” mode and began consults for reconstruction which pointed to a long recovery process and days in ICU. Thankfully my oncologist looked me in the eye and told me to live my life and don’t waste it on an unnecessary procedure. Bitch Cookie also translates to Selfish Fucking Cookie Consumers.

    • My cheater wife:

      “I didn’t cheat while you were at your father’s deathbed in the hospital. I waited 9 days after the funeral”

      17 years together. Who the hell is this person?

    • Informal, I am truly sorry you went through that…what an asshole.

      I had a cancer scare and when I told him that the biopsy came back negative, I spackled it was because he wanted me to be well…I now wonder if it was because he was afraid of being caught a cheater with a sick wife

      • Unicorn, cheaters suck. When I had melanoma on my legs with stitches from my knee to almost mid-thigh, could not bend and asked if he would scrub the tub, I got that stare. NO, didn’t help me, BUT did build a retaining wall, by himself, for a friend at the very same time. Get your bitch cookie from you BFF!

        (BTW, oh surprise, he did absolutely nothing for me. Thank God, my son came over to help me recover! I will NEVER forgive skankboy for that! EVER!)

    • (((((((Informal)))))))

      …just no words… 🙁

      …holding you…

      Omg…been kinda where you are but truly nowhere near…

  • “When she made the pasta salad I brought to the picnic, I asked her not to put meat in it because you are a vegetarian.”

    • Bitch Salad – nice. He’s a special kind of cheater, sensitive to dietary restrictions but not marital vows! Ugh.

    • When I asked him what he had done to not place himself in high risk situations he said he cut back on his drinking…used the I was drunk excuse…and thought that was great..cut back on his drinking…how about you quit drinking you lying cheating income tax stealing abusive self indulgent whining pos..?!

    • “When she came to my retirement and looked at the scrapbooks you made, she said she could tell there was such love in the task.”

      Well here is her bitch cookie…if she could tell I loved my husband them why was she fucking you?

      • It amazes me how these cheaters rationalize a statement like that. They somehow think they are showing AP as a kind person.

  • My favorite was when he would make a big deal about cleaning the dust from the top of the fridge. I’m short and would have to get on a stool just to see the top of the fridge. He would always announce that he had cleaned it then go into detail about how gross it was eluding to my doing a crappy job of cleaning so he would need to “take care of it”.

  • I cancelled my plans with my OW to be at the hospital for our son’s emergency.

    I never cheated on you. I was only online for the fantasy. IT. DIDN’T. MEAN. ANYTHING. (Not sure if the IT referred to our marriage, me, or the sluts online… probably all three, knowing him.)

    I didn’t leave our son. I left YOU.

    All I ever wanted was to spend more time with you. (Well, then maybe wash a fucking dish or do the laundry from time to time instead of hiding on your computer or the XBox)

    I helped clean up for the party. (Palm to face.)

    • “I didn’t leave our son. I left YOU.”

      My STBX does this, too, except he texts this to the kids. “I didn’t leave you guys. I left your mom.” Meanwhile, he thinks going to dinner for about an hour and a half twice a month is being an involved parent. Kids aren’t stupid. And every time he says that statement…it pisses them off more.

      • GMF… believe me, the kids see through it… it is one thing you don’t have to worry about because guess what… they live with you and they see you’re invested in them… only a person who isn’t invested in their kids fucks around on the other parent. (My “ex” stepdaughter just moved back in with me for this very reason… he made her feel invisible… funny that.)

        And, like you, the “visits” are dwindling as his new life with his latest gym victim without kids picks up steam. My son and I will be happier when he’s just a memory.

        • Your stepdaughter coming to live with you is great validation. It is not the spouse but EVERY relationship in their lives hat they mess up.

      • So I guess the kids owe him a cookie because he only screwed mom over not them so why should they care? He’s basically telling the kids “Mom doesn’t matter”, but the kids know better. Mom does matter, she’s the one taking care of them and they know it.

        • Thank you for that. The devaluing he does is great. And it is constant. I try to stay as no contact as possible but when you have kids it is hard. I had to text him this week to ask about getting his old car (that he left sitting for 16 months on the side of my house) registered so I could insure it. My son will turn 16 next month. He left it for my son to drive when he bought a new SUV. Divorce is still pending so there are no decisions made about diving assets yet. I asked him to re-register it and I would insure it or asked that he transfer the title.

          I never got an answer, but I did get a slew of texts from him unloading on me. He takes every exchange as an opportunity to spew at me and at the end of the exchange, I am left without an answer to my question. I have concluded that it is all about control. I can’t insure the vehicle until it is registered again and it is in his name. Stupid car has a dead battery, too, but it is paid off. I am tempted to have it towed in the middle of the night and left in his driveway blocking his and the OW’s cars. Then when he goes out, he will be stuck because the battery is dead. That is pretty far from Meh though isn’t it?

          • Maybe but it is hilarious!

            Stbx still has truck loads of shit in the basement and garage. It is either stuff he will never use or he has bought a shiney new replacement. My children and I frequently comment that we would love to dump the various items in his front yard,

            One thing that struck me in this thread about kids is not recently but right after assclown left and I would have arguments with my teenagers, I would tell them to go stay at their dad’s if they didn’t like my way. Never took me up on it and they have never threatened me that they would go live him. Always said no way.

            • Same with my kids. My son absolutely refuses to have anything to do with the OW. STBX brought her to one of his soccer games. Son wouldn’t see or speak to him for 2 months. Son made his boundaries very clear. Then 6 months later, STBX picked up son in OW’s car (which reeked of perfume). That was 8 months ago and son hasn’t done anything with him since.

              Both older kids have made it very clear that even going to dad’s place while he lives with OW is NOT going to happen…let alone ever going to live with him.

              • I guess it is that lack of empathy but why the f can’t they get it that kids don’t want to meet ow. Assclown told kids they should meet her because she is warm and loving, (pause while I gag ) and one time they were almost trapped into meeting her after a fishing trip until my son said he would take pictures of the two of them at the dock and give them to my lawyer. He stopped inviting son’s to do anything after that. also uninvited him on a preplanned hunting trip for which he already had a plane ticket and requested time off work.

                Even my mil gave my lawyer her blank stare when he asked “did you ever think that your grandkids may not want to be around the mistress who broke up their mom and dad’s marriage?” and “maybe they are angry at him for trying to force them into meeting her?” This was when she was accusing me of not allowing her adult grandchildren to speak to her. I can’t separate mil and stbx anymore and I don’t think they can either. Kind of incestual- just gross. I see (and a friend who has seen whore’s picture says she agrees,) that whore and mil even look alike.

            • As for all his crap, just keep putting 1-2 boxes out every time he comes to pick up a kid. Sooner or later, it will be gone and he can’t claim he doesn’t have room in his car to take it.

    • The whole I didn’t leave the kid(s). I left YOU.
      ARRRRGGGH! I got this too. WTF.

      Not to mention the “I didn’t cheat on you” and “your loyalty is what kept me trying for years” bitch cookies. He has never admitted to cheating. NOT. ONCE. But they started living together 4 months after he walked out on me (not the kids) after 21 years together (14 married).

      Oh and the bitch cookie when he was accused of cheating but I couldn’t prove it…”I wish I had fucked her. At least I’d have that.” Said because I was punishing by being suspicious and asking questions.

  • Here’s an excerpt of the email my then-wife sent to me and the OM four hours before I told her we were getting divorced. It wasn’t a Hail Mary, as she was totally blindsided by the divorce. But it IS telling at what behavior she felt was deserving of a bitch cookie;

    “I told JC there was a strong emotional connection between OM & I but we had not been physical. That has evolved and we have been more physical the past few months (and I doubt JC will believe me when I say OM and I have not had sex, but I feel the need to say it).”

    NOTE, more than a year later, she confirmed that this was a lie, and they’d actually been fucking for months. So, even her play for a bitch cookie was a total lie.

    Don’t believe a word that they say.

    • Don’tcha just wanna scrub yourself down with a wire brush after moments like that? They are so disgusting. Not a loofa in the world big enough to scrape off their lies or damage.

    • Me too brother. Her “one time last minute moment bad decision, no inappropriate things ever said or done I swear” turned out to be her performing oral sex on him for the past four months.

      Devastated upon finding out I still feel like my body is poisoned.

  • In MC he lamented, “I had to do all of the laundry”. Yes he was doing the laundry during is 2 year stint as SAHD (by choice) and after years of complaining that I didn’t do it right and he didn’t want me to do it. Well, now I am the one doing all of the laundry along with everything else. Where’s my cookie?

  • B-cookies:
    Ex-husband (after cheating and lying for years): ‘I didn’t cheat on you for the first few years of our marriage,’ (he possibly took a break from cheating between engagement and last half of our marriage) and ‘I hand over 80% of my paycheck so that you can live in luxury.’ (You mean child support to keep kids modestly sheltered while you take exotic foreign vacations with various partners?) Followed by upon divorce, ‘Now we can be friends,’ after dropping atomic bombs on the innocent.
    Ex-boyfriend (after lying, disrespecting me for months/years(?) and annually leaving me for whoever else caught his eye): ‘But I helped you set up the backyard for your child’s birthday party last month.’ (Waits for gold star.)
    Karma Bus, where are you?
    Time to insist upon a liar/jerk-free life!

  • Wow! My dysfunctional CheaterX never mentioned his affair to me, even after I told him that I knew he was having one. His reaction when I told him I knew he was having an affair with Schmoopie? “And your point is…?” When I told him I was going to see a divorce attorney, his reaction was “If you’re sure that’s what you want.” I responded that I’d thought rather deeply about the issue.

    Anyway, I didn’t get any crap about how I could depend on him to do things that he was supposed to do. He just carried on having the affair and trying to unload his angst on me as per usual. Gray Rock, folks, Gray Rock!

    Reading what other Chumps had to endure, I’m glad that CheaterX was never able to communicate even bitch-cookie worthy nuggets.

    Some of these comments, wow, just wow!

  • There were also Bitch Cookie ATTEMPTS that failed miserably. After I ranted how he never spent time with his children and even then, I had to force it, he went through the thousands of pictures I have on FB and collaged them on one, easy-to-view screen… ALL pictures of him with his children.

    That was an attempt to hand me a Bitch Cookie… until I pointed out that those 7 photos were literally the ONLY pictures. And I took them *because* of the rarity that was him, spending time with his children. Seven fucking occasions in 8 years. I then pointed out that there were literally NONE of him and me together since our wedding. And only one picture of us – our engagement photo – before that.

    • That is sad. And I could have written this, too. When my kids were devastated right after he left, we talked about how exactly their life would change. We all then realized that he wasn’t around much to begin with.

      • Yes. He works weekends. He’d complain in front of others that he didn’t have them off to spend with his family, but would complain to me if I organized something after he got out of work and almost always STILL didn’t go. He was SO tired. ::ahem:: That bitch sells couches; he’s not throwing sheet metal or pulling wire or capping toothpaste bottles.

        In the summers, when the kids were out of school, he’d complain that we “abandoned him” to do fun things. On his days off. I’d say what I’d planned and he’d complain that I was “springing things” on him. On his days off that were HIS ONLY TIME FOR HIMSELF. He couldn’t ever do the things he wanted to do… like play xbox while we watched. He needed an audience. Not to interact with us, mind you, just to observe. Everyone must be quiet, bring him beer, and be present but not enough to interrupt. Fuck you, man- we’re going to the beach/a picnic/hiking a waterfall trail. You know- the usual abandonment activities.

        • Mind you, people at work believed he was a GREAT family man because he apparently took weekend days off/early nights out frequently due to family events… he used PTO for it constantly. Just not for his actual family… because whores in parking lots are everywhere and they need a friendly ear and eager tongue as much as the next.

          The kids weren’t going to miss much, they realized. He’d look up the school calendar MONTHS in advance and ASK to work late on concert/play/presentation nights. He attended ONE concert (and left early) and apparently, that was enough for him. He’d been, took a picture (that he deleted within a few weeks), and had “done the Dad thing.”

          • Wow! My STBX sounds a lot like yours. The thing I have come to realize is just how much they complain…about everything. Somedays, I just want to tell him to grow the fuck up.

            • Shortly after assclown left, I was crying and 12 year old son asks why. I tell him because dad isn’t here and he responds “what is different, he was never around before.”

              Cheater actually showed up to a school concert in January. kids were part of it and had invited him. He talked to them for a few seconds at intermission but was no where to be found after the show.

              • Feelingit! It is uncanny how much our STBXs are alike. Mine still makes appearances at a few of their games. He either stands on the side away from the other parents or sits on the opposing team’s side. He never sticks around to speak to them afterwards and the kids wouldn’t even know he was there except he will send them a text “good game” afterwards.

                My daughter nailed it when I wondered out loud why would he come and then not even talk to them. She said, “because he is a coward.”

      • My kids turned out better than they would have if he’d been around more. When he was home from his multiple out-of-state jobs he distanced, spent hours walking the dog & talking to his soulmate. But he was critical & selfish to the kids. So the less he was around, the more relaxed & loved the kids felt.

  • Almost forgot this one. On DDay I asked if he was serious about trying to work things out in MC (we had already scheduled an appointment at that time) or if he was just going through the motions to pretend that he had tried to save the marriage. He said he really did want to do the MC. I told him that if that was the case he needed to put his relationship with her on hold (I was a real chump by not insisting he end it forever to have even a chance at reconciliation). He looked at me and said “Yes, I will do that for you Chumpinrecovery” like that made him such a great and noble person who was being so so kind to me. Of course he didn’t really follow through although he probably thought he deserved a cookie for not actually having sex with her during that month or so before he bailed on MC.

  • How about a bitch cookie for the OW?

    My STBX told me that OW#2 was the one who convinced him to “give me another chance” after OW#1.

    Ummmmm…she was a 21 year old girl who worked for you…why were the two of you discussing the intimate details of your marriage and affair? And STBX thinks that telling me this will make me see OW#2 in a better light.

    • Apparently our brief stint in MC was Schmoopie’s idea, she even recommended the counselor she and her then husband had used a few years earlier (obviously didn’t work for them either). I’d give her a cookie except that when ex actually tried to follow through on that she got upset and then did everything in her power to make sure it wouldn’t be successful. No cookie for you but you can keep the bitch title.

      • Yes. I had a version of this. Mr Cheaterpants said that he couldn’t go through with leaving me with our then very new baby, and needed to confess to me what had happened, so Poor Me BPD told him that that was the ‘right thing to do’, but asking that they could remain friends, as she needed him in her life. We went into Wreckonciliation, and she remained ‘friends’ with Mr CP. If you have friends that constantly bombard you with flirty, sexualised emails telling you how they masturbate to the thought of you, how horny they are, how lonely they feel, then swing to looking for other males/females to hook up with since they can’t have you, or confiding how one or the other of her male friends fancy her, but she’s not interested, because they’re ‘not you’. Finally she flipped her lid when things seemed to be getting better between us, having fully expected me to leave the house with baby, and her being able to shimmy her way into the spot left vacant, and ranted at Mr CP that she wouldn’t have put up with him doing what he did with her, and that I should have thrown him out. The meltdown was epic, and totally detached from reality. Oh well.

        Mr Cheater’s bitch cookie statement was, like so many others, “I wasn’t planning on leaving the kids, just you”. Salty caramel bitch cookie for you, sir.

  • When I asked him what he had done to not place himself in high risk situations he said he cut back on his drinking…used the I was drunk excuse…and thought that was great..cut back on his drinking…how about you quit drinking you lying cheating income tax stealing abusive self indulgent whining pos..?!

  • “I never complained when you used an angry tone with me, because I know that I deserved it”. Awwww…. how understanding of you, have a bitch cookie.

  • “She brought the condoms, not me.” Bitch cookie.

    OW: “If you love FV, you should fight for her.” The fuck? Have a bitch cookie. You earned it.

    “We [OW and I] talk all the time about how amazed we are that you do this [parent] by yourself. It’s overwhelming with two of us, we can’t imagine doing it alone. We don’t know how you do it.” What kind of condescending bitch cookie vomit is this? Yeah, it’s fucking hard and I have to do it alone *because* of you two assholes. Take your “there there, pat pat, aren’t you a big girl!” phony cookie dust and choke on it. (Yep, I’m in that kind of mood today.)

    • This condescending bitch cookie is their way of pretending their actions had no consequences. It puts a focus on today, as opposed how we all got to today.

      “Look how strong FreeVix is! She does this all by herself! I’m so impressed!”

      Ask them whether they’re impressed that you built an awesome life after they blew it up with their betrayal and selfishness. No no, that’s so “past-focused”! Focus on now. After all, their shitty behavior is all in the past; it says nothing about who they actually are now or overall.

      But, as we all know, those who don’t learn from the past…

      • You’re right about their flawed approach to “living in the now.” Except that as you know, they only do so to suit their narrative. They’re perfectly happy to live in the past to obsess over all of the things we did wrong (like when I asked my ex to take out the trash) to justify the perceived righteousness of their now. Such BS.

    • Love this mood FV!!! Keep it up. Remember how much you do, on your own, and that you are a super mom who is bad ass:)

      • Thank you!! Feeling pretty bad ass today, since I’m hitting the road in about an hour for my next chapter. 🙂

    • Ha, these bitches are the dictionary definition of deluded. As if somehow you falling into this circumstance was in no way remotely connected to their shitty behaviour. I also think that this is cheater self-talk made public, but they are too dumb to realise. The conversation relayed to you is really OW’s brainwashing cum reassurance when X voices doubts. He says he doesn’t know how you do it (broaching subject), and she commiserates, as though she is talking charitably about some random member of the community, instead of the woman and kids she stole cheater from, and probably adds that you are doing a sterling job, to reassure him that he hasn’t left you in the shit, that they are ‘fine without you, seeee’.

  • OK. There needs to be a special column for the food category.

    My Chumpdom friend found RAVING emails to her cheater husband from the OW.
    “The layer dip you made was delicious” You are such an amazing cook! I can’t wait for you to teach me how…” >kibbles or attempt at bitch cookies? You decide….

    You guessed it. Chump had made a fridge/freezer full of food before she left for a trip out west to visit her kid. Chumps first real vacation in years.

    Asshshshshat Cheater presented EVERY home cooked, pre frozen meal his wife made as his culinary creation to the OW during the Chumps entire visit. They dined like kings……..

    Chump’s other, high school aged son was left at home without anything to eat.

    • I know this is a horrible story, but I am cracking up over the balls on that worthless bastard. As a man, I never cease to be amazed by some of the brazen shit certain other guys pull–their evil genius and utter lack of a conscience. Where the hell do these guys come from? Who *does* this stuff?

    • Boy won’t she be surprised when she discovers the real source of all of that great cooking. She probably didn’t mean to give you all of those compliments. Joke’s on her. She was basically telling him how great you are.

    • I feel sorry for all who had to read communications between affair partners and cheaters. I know they are there but I have never had that torture. Hugs to all who have. You are more than mighty!

      • Feelingit,
        Reading the communications was brutal, but it was what I needed to (finally) kick my STBX out. So I guess it was good that I read them. Plus, I took screen shots so I that I can reread them whenever I need to be reminded that he sucks.

    • Oh, and I forgot this gem after final DDay when he was trying to change my mind about divorce:

      I am acting like a married person!

    • Yes, the “I thought I’d grow old with you” line! Haunting; I got it, too.

      Translation: “I thought I could fuck around behind your back for decades, but you’d still be there to change my Depends and drive me to the doctor’s office.”

      • Mine kept to this line forever, I think in his mind he was absolutely sure he’d grow old with me, he doesn’t see anything particularly bad in what he’s done before or after me finding out.

    • I got the first one one morning he called me crying, while living with the whore in my country. I got the second one in our last phone call, when I had to badger him 3 hours to accept we weren’t going to be a “we” anymore.

  • A common one (that I also received) seems to be “But I was never going to leave you.”

    Some more bitch-cookie wretchedness from my STBX:

    The “oh shit, I’m busted” bitch cookies:
    — Reason for pathological lying: “I didn’t want to hurt your feelings”
    — Watching violent, misogynistic porn: “I didn’t like it. I was just curious.”
    — Another one about the porn: “But ALL guys do it.”
    — Reason for 20+years of cheating: “You never appreciated me. I worked so hard.” (He lost jobs constantly and hated me for not making enough so he could stay home, unemployed.)

    And the love-bombing Bitch Cookies:
    — After the split: “I love you more than I loved anyone.”
    — After the split: “You were the best sex I’ve ever had.”
    — Swearing up and down he was done with porn, seeing evidence he wasn’t … “I only looked it up because a buddy at work told me to.”

    For all the bitch cookies he would get, I wish he would choke on them for telling everyone else that I’m a manipulative, unappreciative slut who drove him to try to commit suicide. That’s the story from the guy who watched porn in front of our child … and cheated on me for 20+ years, including during three pregnancies … who is a pathological liar … and who did the suicide attempt in a blind rage at me–causing himself to be flagged for “homicidality,” Yes, he’s the fucking victim here …..

    Sorry. Off day. Grrrrr. Sometimes the old anger flares up at the insane injustice of it all. Maybe I’ll go eat some real cookies.

    • “You asked me last summer if I had sex with anyone other than OW. I said I hadn’t but I did. I didn’t want to add insult to injury.”

      Because lying and leaving your wife in the dark without knowing reality is so much kinder…

  • After another failed and nearly fatal attempt at sobriety, my son is back in rehab for the third time for SAD and untreated mental illness. It was a brutal few weeks with him so dysregulated, and I had the added stress of having to communicate with his fuckwit father, who deliberately sprung him early from his last rehab despite the program director and social worker’s expressed concerns.

    Shockingly [insert sarcasm emoji here], in talking to him about how to help our son, X made it all about himself. When I said part of our son’s failed attempts at sobriety was because he has not received treatment for mental health issues, X said, “I have Aspergers, and I never needed treatment.” Then he declared, “I paid for his freedom from the last place.” “Paid for his freedom” entailed finding (not paying for) an apartment that was too expensive for our son to keep; and finding (not paying for) a used car on which he couldn’t afford to pay insurance and should never have had in the first place because of his record of DUI.

    Soon after his release, my son found himself without his medications, without an outside therapist, too much time on his hands, no support, only working 15 hours at a minimum wage job, and without food.
    His father wasn’t there to help, because he was vacationing in Jamaica with his bimbo. Underemployment so as not to pay full child support must be exhausting; they go every year to unwind.

    Once again, X set our son up to fail again. And was pissed because our son wasn’t thankful for the chance to fail so epically.

    When my son showed up at my house shitfaced last Wednesday night, telling me he was dying and living in his car, and smelling like booze, crack and as though he hadn’t showered in days, I urged him to go to the hospital. He texted his father, who then texted me and asked if there would be another copay. You see, X refused to help me pay for first four (2 detox and 2 rehab), $300 each copays. When he found out there would not be a new copay because our son was now on MassHealth, X drove him to rehab. I swear he would have loved a sign on the car to tell everyone what a great dad he is.

    So, X needs a whole box of bitch cookies; for “paying for his freedom” that almost got our son killed, and for driving him to detox (because he wouldn’t have to shell out any money for a copay).

    God, he sucks.

      • It takes a special kind of shit for brains parent to blatantly ignore the mental health care needs of their child. I sincerely hope you and the health care system are making headway in your son’s situation. And please get some support for yourself as well.

    • ChutesandLadders–I’m so sorry; trying to help a child with an addiction problem is heartbreaking enough without having to navigate the mindfuck-shark-infested waters of coparenting with a fuckwit. Wishes for son’s recovery sent your way.

    • Wow. I have no words. I am so sorry, Chutes.. I can’t imagine your pain. Your x is without a doubt a gigantic piece of shit to allow your child to struggle only to act as if it’s an inconvenience to him.
      I wish you and your son well. May his recovery be the beginning of a healthy and happy life of sobriety.

    • CaL

      Omg…our children suffer so much…and it just continues for them even though we can get away…they can’t.

      You are a long timer like me…girl…sending you hugs and strength…keep holdin on! I am sure you and your son are in all our prayers.

      …to me there is no comfort or safe harbor, in my mind, for anyone that so blatantly causes harm to others…I am sure that is no comfort to many of us that ache for those we love…however…I truly believe that love cancels harm…

      Waves of love and care are on their way chutesandladders 🙂 to you and your son 🙂

      …and all that suffer 🙂

    • Hugs Chutes. It is a hard row to hoe having to be the only sane supportive person to a child with addiction and mental health problems. Then having a cheater fuckwit father undermine that child is a huge shit sandwich, especially when your child’s life is on the line.

  • “The only things I ever lied to you about were the affairs and the drugs” said my cheater. This was his version of honesty. Bitch cookie with a side of divorce papers, thank you very much.

  • As XH sprinted out the door to schmoopies waiting claws, I sobbed. He looked at me and said: “I was good to you.” Bitch cookie!

    My XH cried at my mother’s memorial service and ash scattering. He didn’t leave me until six days later. He let me have SIX entire days of closure. Bitch cookie!

    • That resonates with me. My cheater declared his need to explore his vaginal options the day my grandfather died. The same grandfather that took him aside and asked, after seven years of being together, when he was going to ask my hand in marriage. (He proposed that very weekend). That was 8 years ago.
      So. He hung in there until my grandfather’s very end. What a sport.
      Super scorched, rat shit raisin bitch cookie, served on a cow patty platter.

  • My ex told our teenage children I had his affair timeline all wrong so he was not the bad one. He had “only” been physically cheating for a month and the other 6 months were only emotional so do not count (even though he was absent and mean to us all during that time. Bitch cookie for only being physical for a month while lying and stealing and being absent for many months. I must be wrong he was a fantastic guy lol. My oldest called him on the bs and was discarded too of course.

  • He was so proud that this was the “only thing he ever lied about in his whole life.” A 15 year affair with one woman during a 20+ year marriage. Oh, and when I pointed out that in our state, adultery is a crime, he responded, “Well, I can’t go to jail for it.” A dozen snickerdoodles for him.

  • Red-faced with anger and drama: “I weed-whacked the yard for an hour and a half, and I HATE weed-whacking!” Well, you’re the one who wanted this giant yard and agreed to take care of it, so come closer so I can hit you with this bitch cookie…

  • He pays child support on time. He pays the minimum required by law, but he never fails to pay. Ain’t he a great father?
    That’s my bitch cookie 🙂

    • Yep and Kaa sends me an email every month to say he’s paid it. Brings it up at every opportunity as doing as much as he can. Trying to say I am not declaring it as income in court. No it isn’t it is for our daughter you know the one you lied to about the OW and have left behind. I once thanked him for doing something and he replied “the least I can do ” so true.

  • My idiot husband said that he was not like his dad -who was unfaithful and deserted 6 kids-get this-because he helped pay for our daughter’s college. Just brilliant!

    • After 22 years of parenting this is all he thinks he has to do. That and a few fast food meals and staying in OW’s flat while he pretends to be poor for the court. They truely have no idea what we have done all those years.

  • Her enablers: “Well she’s still there with you. She hasn’t left.” Bitch cookie platter

    Her: “I will never keep the kids from you.” Bitch cookie with shit icing.

    Also her: “I tried too!” Referring to my year and a half of counseling to fix my ‘controlling ways.’ As she was in tears after I caught her sending ass pics to her ‘just a friend — that I make a bigger deal out of than it actually is…’ Bitch cookie bouquet

  • The kids are too old for child support and live full time with me as they study and I support them. He earns much more. he decided to give them a token amount “for extras they might want”. Have a very tiny bitch cookie to match that generosity,

  • Reader for a bit. New commenter.
    “No one will ever love you as hard as me. I love completely.” Surely that is what she told Shaggy as well.

    • Welcome, Chumpman. What she meant was “No one will ever love you as hard as me AT THIS VERY MOMENT. But I make no promises about tomorrow, or the next day. I love completely at this very moment, but that is subject to change. Squirrel!”

  • “Hey baby, I didn’t actually SEE these women in person I sent dick pix and masturbation videos to! I was always home with you!” Bitch cookie. Also, I think it was a lie.

  • How’s this? After I gave him the ILYBINILWY speech – after so many years of abuse and neglect, 3 grueling years of MC – he went straight out and called up Schmoopie from 6 years ago. EA, I think? A lot of distance and no financial trail. I found out while he was on the plane to a military deployment.

    Anyway he broke it off. When he took up with her after “he decided the marriage was over” I confronted him about it. We were living in same house, papers not filed, still being drafted. He then proceeded to tell me about how he had to go grovel and apologize to her for dumping her 6 years ago. For his wife and small children!! Seriously?! Sure, have a cookie. Have the whole damn bag.

  • Visited my family over the holidays… Mmmmm… mint chocolate chip bitch cookie.

    Took the dog for a walk… WOW… macadamia nut bitch cookie.

    Took out the garbage… (how does he do it?!)… oatmeal raisin bitch cookie.

    I’m starting to see a resemblance to this list and a 10 year old’s chore list. He was so aware of everything nice he did and expected nothing less than a parade, even though it’s just normal things people do for each other. The crazy part is I bought into it, and the less nice things he did as time went on, the more I clung to anything remotely semi-sweet.

    Sadly, I was begging for bitch cookie crumbs.

    • Kaa cleaned the toilet twice in our marriage. How do I know because he told me. Well actually he put some cleaner in and left it. Apparently he he thought that magically made his shit disappear Wonder how OW is enjoying his domestic skills. Maybe that’s why he is now in a bed sit rather than itjust being appearances for the court? Maybe I should start sending him emails about what I do . But no I once sent him a series of photographs of the things that needed doing in the house because trying to talk to him about them just got crickets. Apparently that was abusive.

  • After being caught with AP #3 (well, at LEAST 3), and admitting to the other 2:
    “I have no contact with either of those 2 men now.”

    Oh, right, so, after having cheated with them, you’re Mother Theresa because you stopped calling them after they dumped you?

  • Three months after dday & his quit exit, ex decided he wasn’t going to pay bills that were in his name only because he no longer lived in our home. Bitch Cookie. I had a part time job for years & wasn’t in an emotional state to look for full time work. He said he’d send a check every month for the bills (why not just pay the bills with the same money). Before the 1st check arrived he had the water cut off! I went right down to the domestic relations & filled for support. I ended up getting 4 times what he said he’d give me per month. Asshole.

  • Kunty Kibbler, one week after the shit hit the fan: “I just want you to know — if custody ends up being 60/40, I’ll work with you on the money. I don’t want you living in some shit hole.”

    As the bitch cookie assortment is being arranged on the platter, let’s review the assumptions made:

    — KK assumes a quick and dirty divorce process that UX will not impede with the story of what actually happened.
    — KK assumes that if the court does not decide on 50/50 arrangement, she will get the majority time. (“Because I’m the mother.”)
    — KK assumes that UX will be the one leaving the marital home.

    Now that I think of it, a “bitch cracker” (couresy of Iago in “Aladdin”) might be more appropriate: https://youtu.be/OzO5pL8GAPo?t=1m11s

    “Cheater want a cracker? Here! Here’s your cracker! Shove ’em all the way down your throat! Here, have LOTS of crackers!…”

  • Told me: “I’m sorry, I wanted to tell you but I didn’t want to hurt you.” < —- Cheater EX, after I served him with divorce papers and revealed I knew everything.

    Burned bitch cookie for you! So glad to be free and at meh.

    • They like saying that. It’s a way to turn their despicable act into a positive- as if they are some sort of humanitarian. It’s nothing but spin.

      • I got that b–ch cookie, ‘I lied to you because I didn’t want to hurt you,’ from the ex-boyfriend who I thought was honest and loyal for decades. Dishonest, condescending, insulting of chump’s intelligence.

    • Ex said, “I wish I had the balls to tell you 2 years ago.” I said, “well, there was your first mistake, you have no balls!”

    • I got the “I was going to tell you but I didn’t want to give you more worries, since you had your problems at work” (my startup didn’t get funding and I was laid off a month after DDay).

  • “I am still paying for your life insurance”. It’s about $30 a month. Wow – that’s so fucking generous. This is AFTER he fought me over contributing towards every single “extra” for our 2 kids including activities, braces, uninsured medical costs (oh yeah – he refused to pay for half of the cost of the ambulance to take our oldest to the ER after she collapsed in dance class).

    “I’ve done yard work for you” – after he moved out following his out-of-the-blue announcement that he wasn’t happy and “needed space” and I asked him to mow the lawn and use the weedwhacker while he was at the house “spending time” with the kids . He did it 2 freeking times and I had to ask him repeatedly meanwhile I was parenting 2 heartbroken and confused kids 24/7 alone.

    He’s been gone for 2 1/2 years now. He hasn’t seen oldest daughter in over 2 years (her choice) but he sends cards to her with gift cards. She takes the gift cards and throws the cards away. That ought to make up for cheating on her mother and moving in with the whorebag he was sleeping with while still married.

    Dick.

  • “I let you max out your credit card on a three-week trip overseas to see my family, after the affair had already begun.” A plate of six kinds of his favorite bitch cookies baked by his mom, who thankfully never learned why his family left him! I have the recipes she typed for me & am not sharing.

    “I’ll stop leaving my iPad open to violent porn in the kitchen while our daughter is eating breakfast.” This is what I expected to find when I opened the iPad on D-Day, instead of lovey messages and photos of a romantic, rainy hike in fancy new outdoor gear bought by the “poor girl” AP. Sopping wet bitch cookies decorated with bondage chains for you!

  • My STBX left me 6 days before my 41st birthday, while I was in the middle of chemo treatment. But on my birthday he made sure to get a couple of cupcakes so my daughter and I could celebrate. This after 7 years of not even getting me a card on my birthday.

    Bitch cookie with raisins (raisins ruin everything)

  • After confrontation about phone search for prostitute during the time I was with my dying mother last October. No I did not have a visit from a prostitute, they “didn’t have any service “ Sure Yertle, bitch cookie.!

  • The Limited complained to Nanthony that he financially supported his family. Bitch cookie.

    He changed the sheets and washed them after sleeping with strange in my bed. Bitch cookie.

    He got the failing business, two junk cars, 7000.00 and I kept my PENSION. Bitch cookie, how’s that workin for ya!

    Best lover she’s ever had (2inches). Bitch cookie.

    Didn’t have a lawyer. Bitch cookie.

    Broke as shit. Bitch cookie.

  • “I was honest with you.”

    This after I uncovered the affair. And after she finally, grudgingly told me very little about it. And not much of the truth. And still, she stonewalls. So, double frosted bitch cookie sandwich, with a creamy mindfuck filling.

  • Fuckwit said righteously, “I always brought home a paycheck!”

    Well, have a goddamn Samoa and put your feet up, asshat.

    Your wife appliance will just take care of everything else in your lives, for your mutual benefit, don’t you worry about a thing.

  • “I put gas in your car.”

    I was supposed to lie prostrate on the ground and show holiness to SHitler for one small act of what? Being a HUSBAND! He wanted bitch cookies and accolades for doing what I normally did because I care and tried to cherish my relationship and because I’m kind. Anything that he cooked or cleaned – he needed a bitch cookie! It wasn’t enough to do those things because we were married to each other. He needed more than that. Constant praise and encouragement. Plus, when I did all those things, I did them wrong – that’s why I never got bitch cookies, nor asked for any. Good grief. Living without him the past few months and I’ve almost forgotten how awful it was.

  • Do bitch cookies have a lot of calories? Maybe that’s why the Swine had bitch titties the last few years. 🤔I was over feeding it.

  • This is directed at our son, from my ex:

    “I come to all your games” (edit: even though I’ve been court-ordered to not contact you, but I still try; and, when I come to the games, I sit by myself in the corner of the stands and sulk) – “and on Senior night, I can’t even get an acknowledgement up in the spectator’s section”?

    OK, want a chocolate-chip bitch cookie instead?

    “I faithfully pay support every month since the beginning, and I can’t even get a thank you from my insolent and ungrateful son, and his mother?”

    OK, want a snickerdoodle bitch cookie, instead?

    • They just don’t get it. That relationships are built on more than attending a game and paying mandatory court ordered support.

  • “I fixed the water heater!”
    Bitch cookie.

    It had been leaking for a year. I was given a bucket to hold the leaks and had to dump it- he never did. About a week after he left me and our kids, it finally burst so called him and told him to finally fix it.

    “I fixed the toilet!”
    Bitch cookie

    The parts I had bought were on the counter because I was taking care of all the stuff he was to “busy” sexing it up to take care of. He had dropped by thinking I would be home mourning him and did some chores.
    Lots of bitch cookies little buddy!

  • I didn’t tell you about the three year affair because I didn’t want to hurt you. She (the other woman) hurt you because she is the one that told you.

    What kind bitch cookie would that be? I think a bite my ass you sorry piece of crap cookie.

  • His biggest Bitch Cookie goes to “But I’m going to therapy!” ……well yes, and that makes it the THIRD therapist you keep lying to about what you did……

    • Oh and he re-painted the swing! After years of me asking and, above all, after I already left….
      Bitch Cookie!

      • Ohh, and for quite a while he wanted praise for finally being close to me after 8 years of relationship (this was during reconciliation)!!

        I had forgotten about that….it was supposed to “erase” my need for full disclosure and make me “move on”.

  • On the first Father’s day post divorce- I did not buy him a present. He was appalled. How dare I not give him something. For Mother’s Day, the month before I did not receive anything from him, nor did I expect a gift. When confronted by the discrepancy since he was making such a big deal, he said that he tried to get me a gift, he just couldn’t figure out what to get me but he put in the effort of trying. ( HENCE HIS REASON FOR DESERVING A BITCH COOKIE, after all, he TRIED…) He knew I hadn’t even thought to give him a gift and I could have easily come up with an idea and gotten him something (in his mind), I was just choosing to be vindictive.
    Seriously. I settled for his excuses for no presents in our marriage to save money…. Chump move on my part. It left more money for his porn addiction and the other woman….

    • Do you know anyone who owns a farm? With lots of cows and sheep and pigs? Because I can think of something you can send him next Father’s Day.

    • I never cease to be appalled by these assholes. I should cease to be appalled, but I’m not. Just, wow. What a great reminder of how they are dickheads, all of them, and seemingly so oblivious about that fact.

  • I am the only one who experienced this: doing all the giving, while he does all the taking, and still feeling like I’m asking too much?

    Even as I write this I feel like I’m exaggerating.

    I did long distance with this guy for seven years, with a one period break in the middle when he ran off with this OW. I did my best to make it work even though he earned more, had more flexible time, less visa issues… I flew in all the time to see him. During his job-search period I encouraged him, kept his self-esteem going, read his thesis… supported him endlessly. Then my parent died (killed and we received death threats afterwards) and I leaned on him for support when he found a job and stabilised… but that was about the time that his ex swanned into his life. I didn’t know that until D-day 4 months ago. He told me she made him happy, while I was always fighting. My bad for expecting him to be there – or be honest about not being able to be there – when I needed him, just as I had when he needed me.

    He would make every skype call, every conversation feel like it was such an incredible gift that he was bestowing on me. He would tell me how he was making so much effort. He never organised a date unless I asked, never upheld skype meetings, never made small or big gestures.

    Should I give him a platter of bitch cookies for aaaall the times he gave me the ‘gift of his time’ by talking to me?

    (Or was I really asking too much? There are still times when I feel I blew it and that he will give OW all the things he didn’t give me.)

    • NO, you were not asking too much, @NTM. You blew nothing; please trust that the further away you get from this relationship, the more clear it will become to you. xox

  • “I chose you, didn’t I?” Double fudge bitch cookie!
    “I” took the family on vacation. Girl scout samoa bitch cookie!
    I don’t talk to “her” anymore. Creme filled moon pie, bitch cookie.
    * He started the affair AFTER he left us. (albeit if only a week after) super duper shit coated bitch cookie.
    Asshole.

    • “Ok, I started sleeping with her seven years ago, but it was very sporadic! I once went a whole year
      without seeing her!” Giant bitch cookie for you, dick head and one for the skunk too!

    • I forgot the bitch cookie platter du jour-
      “I realized after you gave birth to our daughter that I made a mistake”
      He called me a fucking crazy bitch because I wouldn’t ask my mom to vape off the deck rather than on the deck. (outside is outside, but he demanded I tell her to hide behind the garage. He said this ON THE WAY HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL AFTER GIVING BIRTH.
      Then one day after being home with newborn, he left claiming that I should spend alone time with my mother.
      He returned sporadically, even after my mom left to return home across the country, leaving me to care for a newborn and a toddler alone, after a c section. I ripped open my wound trying to get toddler in the car.
      He had no intentions of leaving his slag at the time. It was only after he realized he needed support from me because his father was dying, and that divorce is really expensive that he changed his tune. The whole time I spackled, believing he needed space and wasn’t actually having an affair. Little did I know…until my pap results came back.

      • FedUpChump,
        This guy is nominated for the State Fair, Giant Shit filled Cookie, Grand Champion,
        CN will present it to him in high fashion!

        So sorry for how you were treated at what should have been a happy shared Family time.
        It was extra difficult with your Mom travelling to help you and he spoils everything.
        Also he has absolutely no idea how difficult it is to care for a toddler and a new baby post C/S.

  • “Ok, I started sleeping with her seven years ago, but it was very sporadic! I once went a whole year
    without seeing her!” Giant bitch cookie for you, dick head and one for the skunk too!

  • Claims that because he demanded a menage a trois with his ex, whom he saw every week openly (and who knows how much more…), he did not cheat, even though he called me a bitch and not a team player when I refused to allow it. Being yelled at, abused and finally walking away crying telling him to fuck off is permission, in his mind. Bunny butt cookies with small white marshmallows.

    (Of course he bloody cheated long before that, and that whore was also the mistress in his first marriage)

  • Cheater actually said this: “I have a vivid memory of trying in the very beginning.”

    Of a 28 year marriage.

    Sure. Um hmm.

    Bitch cookies by the baker’s dozen to that noise.

  • Last minute bitch cookie:
    I got you pizza, please thank me.
    *Currently texting cheater sympathizer to show how unappreciative I am.

  • Hey ChumpNation,

    Don’t we feel a bit of vindication that all of these Sex Misconducts are being outed? Not being gleeful (don’t want to anger the karma gods), but don’t you feel a tiny bit of the fulfillment of the prophecy about ‘that which was done in the dead of night will be shouted from the rooftops’? Not wishing this humiliation for any of our cheaters (uh-hem), but is it possible that the public ire is swiftly raising its wrath on shitheads? Don’t we feel a bit of relief that this could have an effect on the epidemic of entitlement?

    I know that I am hopeful.

  • First thing that popped into my head:

    “I never hit you”

    Yes, because all the other abuse— mental, emotional, financial, verbal — isn’t the same?

    Pumpkin-spiced-frosyed-bitch cookie for you!!!!

    One gem that isn’t exactly bitch cookie worthy, but he said to me one night, “I have too much respect for you than to cheat on you.”
    Three months later, D-Day

    Household chores? Never.
    Being an active, engaged father to an autistic daughter? Depends on who’s watching.

    Never did admit or has never acknowledged cheating ever, so I didn’t get those nuggets of horse shit.

    Deluxe fudge grahams bitch cookie for you, and your respect.

    Fuckers, all of them.

  • I have only ever been unfaithful this one time – cough, splutter, found at least 4 others

    I have to go on this business trip to New Zealand 10 days after birth of first child – turned out it was to watch england play cricket , pick up women, and cycle around…. oh , and pot holing.- All crucial work skills. Please someone hit me, I actually went, with baby, and collected him from Heathrow. AAArggh.

    I came to see you when your father died. TRUE. He spent the 5 days sighing, shaking a newspaper, looking bored, and clearly praying for a quick death.

    Interaction with kids ? – only with an audience.

    God, so many bitch cookies. I could go on and on and on….

  • I would need to take over Arnott’s biscuit factory to supply the amount of bitch cookies my ex demanded.

    Christ, what a mongrel.

    I literally can’t even go there. As I said, a factory. A freaking factory.

    Life’s better with a narc cheater dragging you down!

  • A few days after last DDay (found him talking on the couch soflty @ 2:30 am with howorker) & he still at my house after that for 9 freaking months‼️ he was upset because I called his lady whore “Cunt & twat” (never said bad words) I just learned them here‼️😂 He got offended I & told me: ” Do not call her that because she doesn’t say anything bad about you!!” 🍪BITCH COOKIE 🍪

  • “At least it wasn’t AIDS”, said after my pap came back positive for HPV. Have a moon-pie, ass-hole.

  • I found out about LadyLiar’s latest affair in October and had proof in hand by December. I was “giving her time to get it out of her system” while she denied it and I danced the pick me. By March, I couldn’t stand it anymore and I told her she had two weeks to GET. OUT. FOR. GOOD. She gets a big ole’ cookie full of nuts (to which she’s severely allergic) for telling me… “I was going to wait to move out in June after our (twin) kids were done school, and now you’re going to mess up their high school graduation…” #fuckwit

    • Better to rip the bandaid off now and give the kids more time to adjust before college. You did the right thing.

    • Pathetic is right. Even if they want to end it now they lied and cheated and will do it again. Wanting to end it now does not make a difference they did it.

  • Bitch cookie statements the day I shocked him by filing for divorce:

    “Sometimes I went almost a year without there being someone else.” Here’s your cookie, but what about the other 30 years?
    “I took good good care of you when you were sick.” Seriously? Here is your bitch cookie and a medal. That must have been horrible for you.

    I’m convinced. Cheaters make their own devious bitch cookie dough. Ugh.

    • True. Since I filed it will always be my fault. Does not matter that I caught him doing it in the back of a car in a deserted park when he was supposed to be working. I filed to protect myself and my children so is my fault. I get the bitch cookie since I had him served at work witch was so mean. Delicious bitch cookie I enjoyed every bite.

      • That’s awful, CBG. Don’t give him the power to change the narrative. Consequences for his choices are his fault not yours. My ex dodged the process server for 3 weeks and apparently was served on Christmas Eve. That was perfect ammunition for his smear campaign.

  • Oh another. ” You have no idea how many (things) I turned down for you”.- Lucky me. another Bitch cookie
    Actually as me ex is a good looking guy I am sure that is true. He still managed quite a substantial number of “lapses”.
    Since we split his lies have got even worse. If he emphasises anything you KNOW the truth is the opposite of what he is saying.
    All a big game to him.
    Ugh.

    • I think the entitlement with the good looking ones is even worse. They start looking really ugly though when you catch them lying and cheating and divorce them. Give me a pudgy good person any day rather than an entitled cheater.

  • Stbx to married OW with kid: “She’s accusing me of destroying two families, yours and mine. And for that, I am sorry!” (to OW).

    Feelin kinda macadamia nutty, that one….

    • I am allergic to nuts maybe that’s why your story makes me break out. That or the fact that your ex is horrible.

  • For texting and/or calling your adult children. Like, a LOT. Even when life is SUPER hard for you, what with all the tiring leisure travel, and working like an ENTIRE 2 miles from where they live. Also you have a home, and homes are a LOT of work–so you sacrifice to MAKE time to call and text from time to time. You’re a SUPER DAD! You don’t need to help out financially, because they’re adults, and, hey–if their mom wants to cover living expenses like insurance and food while they’re full-time students, that’s HER problem. She’s probably doing it to make you look bad, anyway. Taking your adult children out for a dinner once every couple of months can really put a strain on the finances, but it’s not necessary anyway. (Text/call!) And this way you have more money for yourself and your wifey for traveling and such. I mean, you were almost a victim of a terrible natural disaster recently! (Almost! SO CLOSE to being a SUPER victim, too, darn it!) So you keep calling and texting and reminding the kids how hard your life is on a six-figure salary, and that should about cover it.
    Chocolate chip oatmeal coward bitch cookie! YUM!

  • After DD (discovering I was married 44 years to bi-sexual serial cheater) he said ‘Not that often through all the years’ Bullshit cookie.

  • So I can’t really say what’s been going on but there’s no time for all the ducks to get into a row. This week we will start filing. I’m not very happy at all.
    So I don’t feel like talking about cookies but I thought I’d share an insight. It ain’t strange these fucks want. It’s pain. Which is why it wasn’t enough for in house separation where she could bang anyone she wanted. Nope. Theft, insurance fraud, lying, drugs, criminals, it had to be that. It had to get worse or where’s the rush. Remember that, if you think you can live with the cheating. Can you live with the escalating attacks.
    Junkie lover is a middle aged mom, beautiful, well dressed. Never did drugs, didn’t drink a lot….now? What violation is left? A bullet with my name on it? I dunno, but this week is the week to get free. Wish me luck i won’t be around much.