Bitch Cookie, Anyone?

bitchcookieIt’s time for another round of Bitch Cookie! For those of you new to CN, part of the lexicon here (introduced by member emeritus Rumblekitty) is “bitch cookie.” A bitch cookie is that reward jerks demand for doing something they should be doing anyway as a matter of decency.

Would your co-parenting fuckwit like extra credit for taking the kids on his scheduled weekend? Bitch cookie!

Hey, it’s not like I spent the entire 401K on sex workers…. Bitch cookie!

I was faithful for entire months. Double chocolate chunk bitch cookie!

So what great feats of underachievement would you like to reward with a bitch cookie? Weigh in — and TGIF!

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Drew
Drew
6 years ago

Being a Father to our three kids…Bitch Cookie! Paying for college…Triple Chocolate Chunk Bitch Cookie! Hanging in there when your family is going through a crisis (son’s traumatic accident)…Bitch Cookie! Being present in the marriage…Bitch Cookie.

Whodoesthat
Whodoesthat
6 years ago
Reply to  Drew

“It would have been worse if i left you last year when the credit card was worse” yep bitch cookie thanks for not leaving your family in the -$1000s red …. zero $ balance is sooooo much better. Thanks dad Warm fuzzys.

KarenE
KarenE
6 years ago
Reply to  Drew

Drew, was he actually doing these things? ‘Cause they only get a bitch cookie if they DID it!

Drew
Drew
6 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

Yes, he did, but when he blew up our world, not so much. His words to me on the way out were, “I married you cause all our friends were getting married” and “you held me back” and “I never wanted as many kids.” This from a guy who dated me for eight years (often long distance as we were away at college in different locations), had plenty of opportunity to escape, who did anything he wanted (ie worked long hours, relocated for his job, spent time at his fitness club whenever with no complaints from me) and with my support, yet still chucked it all in for downgrade. He was a good father, until he wasn’t. I made sure the kids were taken care of in the settlement, the fucktard pretty much screwed us all over financially though. He is absent from our children’s lives now, his choice.

FSTL
FSTL
6 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

I think the classic “well I am here, aren’t I” during wreconciliation is the ultimate bitch cookie. It’s like she saying – I totally fucked up your’s and the kid’s lives, but I am here now so I am entitled to reconciliation and forgiveness.

Wormfree2017
Wormfree2017
6 years ago
Reply to  FSTL

I got, “I’m home every night”.
The perfect defense for every crime……

Newme
Newme
6 years ago
Reply to  Wormfree2017

Omg, I got that line too, I am home every night with you when would I have time to have an affair? Oh that’s why you spend so much time at work, your fucking your ho worker, leave at 3:00 don’t get home until 5:30…..I think a brownie with frosting would be his bitch cookie!

OhHellNo
OhHellNo
6 years ago
Reply to  FSTL

FSTL, isn’t that the truth.

“I’m sitting here in counseling. What more do you want?!”

(Discovered later that he his important “work texts” sent during counseling were actually to the Slunt.)

FSTL
FSTL
6 years ago
Reply to  OhHellNo

Mine sat in marriage counselling …. wearing a scarf the OM had given her. But “she was there”.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
6 years ago
Reply to  FSTL

I think cheaters get a sick thrill over doing things like this. It is in the makeup of their character…conning, lying, getting away with it.

ANC
ANC
6 years ago
Reply to  FSTL

OMG. Triggered a memory…. after busting asshat with the MOW, he proclaimed a week or two later that he and MOW were ” going to do the Right Thing”. Which was the fucker magnanimously “not leaving the kids”. AS IF chumpy me should be overwhelmed with joy that the diseased fucker chose me!

Frosted Bitch Cookie! Yeah.

violet
violet
6 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Yeah, because he was thinking about his children’s welfare as he was banging MOW. Of course, the thought that had some duty to honor his marriage vows certainly never entered his head. After the damage had been done, though, he supposedly considered his children (no mention of your well-being). How very noble of him.

X wasn’t so much into bitch cookies as he was into guilt tripping me about “breaking up our family”. He knew better than to go there with me, but he also damn sure knew how to play me like a fiddle. Like most parents, my kids’ needs come first, and he effectively used that to his advantage. Lots of sleepless nights over that one.

I got the last laugh, though, I used his claimed concern for his kids to negotiate some great estate planning. That planning kept OW from stealing the money we had saved for our kid’s education. Of course, his bitch cookie is that he brags about what a great dad he is to pay for their education, but I actually find that to be rather amusing. I got what my kids needed and deserved, and, while they love X, the kids are well aware of who and what their dad is. He has fooled no one.

EMC
EMC
6 years ago
Reply to  violet

Omg, yes, mine is still pissed I actually divorced him when I still found him fraternizing w the A.P. when he told me he cut it off. Nevermind he bought her dozen roses for her bday and a “surprise visit” to her work, and then had the nerve to tell me, “he was letting her down easy,” ( guessing he also told her the same thing about me.) He’s remarried to her but “doesn’t want to be a part time dad.” Told him he should have thought about being a part time dad before he stuck his dick in another woman.
If anything, he should be thanking me for divorcing him so he could be with the ‘love of his life,’ which he is. But I’m such a bitch for breaking up the family…

cashmere
cashmere
6 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Love the “frosted” version. Snort. Borrowing that! ????

Current Chump
Current Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

He came home every night-bitch cookie
He wasn’t on drugs-bitch cookie with decorative frosting
And he didn’t go to the track/bar/etc every night-bitch cookie with frosting & sprinkles!

So, he didn’t have a gambling or drug problem but forgot to mention the porn & hooker addiction!

QueenMother
QueenMother
6 years ago
Reply to  Current Chump

Thank you, CurrentChump

Drew
Drew
6 years ago

Paying the mortgage after walking out…Bitch cookie. Being financially transparent…bitch cookie. Being a decent human being…ginormous bitch cookie.

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
6 years ago
Reply to  Drew

Double-layered creme-filled fudge-dipped cookie.

Drew
Drew
6 years ago
Reply to  Drew

Again he was, until he wasn’t. Big red flag looking back was refinancing the house. when Dday arrived he was still trying to get me to refinance the house to pull yet more equity out. Trying to wrap my head around any of his decisions in those last few years was mind boggling….Ugh. I think he was a great con. He had a great job though. Makes about 160k and has promoted like the slimy coworkers who have no scruples either. Tongue in cheek bitch cookies though!????

Whodoesthat
Whodoesthat
6 years ago
Reply to  Drew

OMFG drew this was my cheating fuckers exit plan. Instead of selling the house and downsizing that i suggested mr accountant insisted on remortgaging the house twice and ran the place into the ground until when he left the place was going to get repossessed. So making us all homelesss…at christmas. …me losing my job…..as i get served with divorce papers. ….and it goes on….

Whodoesthat
Whodoesthat
6 years ago
Reply to  Whodoesthat

Oh of course addendum to the bitch cookie was the infamous “I’m paying for the roof over your heads” …until he didn’t a few months later….in emails to our children as if this absolved the hell on earth he put us through.

The Ex-orcisr
The Ex-orcisr
6 years ago

I was working daylight to dark while The ClusterFuck B Sociopath was sitting home, recently released from jail, and on probation for his myriad of felony drunk driving arrests. I asked him if he could please run the vacuum while I’m at work. (Insert vomit emoji if I had one)
I get home and the house is cleaned up. I exclaim how nice the house looks and thank you for helping me (vomit emoji)
Unbeknown to me, my reaction was not acceptable to the The ClusterFuck. He advised me months later that he decided he would never clean again because I wasn’t gracious enough.
Perhaps a bitch cookie was in order??
extra large pizza sized fresh from the oven with a gallon of milk to go with it.

Drew
Drew
6 years ago

Being a faithful husband…bitch cookie!

Whodoesthat
Whodoesthat
6 years ago
Reply to  Drew

Alarm bells…. ding ding…. (after giving me herpes) cheater c@@t said ” I will stay with you anyway.”…. i think thats when i made the bitch cookies….and had some myself then felt bad for not making more.

QueenMother
QueenMother
6 years ago
Reply to  Drew

Drew, is that “faithful” husband, because yah, faithful husband is definitely worth a cookie!!!

Sausalito
Sausalito
6 years ago

Doing the dishes maybe a dozen times over 20 years, usually when his mother was visiting, so he could prove that he had to do “everything” around the house… bitch cookie!

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
6 years ago
Reply to  Sausalito

POP (Predatory Opportunistic Parasite) lived off of me….he had no job but he lived the life of Riley on my dime. He was arrested for assaulting me. At his hearing he told the judge, after I had told her what a user/louse he was and contributed ‘nothing other than turmoil’, he piped up and said that he’d ‘mopped my floors several times; she has a really big house’.

You should have seen the judge’s eye roll. CONVICTED!

13 Years a Chump
13 Years a Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  Sausalito

OMG! My idiot did the same thing. Had his mom convinced that he does everything while I do nothing. Just because he would wash dishes when she was around. She said to me one time, “It must be nice to have someone to wash the dishes for you all the time.” I told her, “Yeah, that would be nice!”
And, by the way, this was at a point during the THREE YEARS that the man didn’t work at all and I was working while doing all the housework and childcare.
Bitch cookie for taking out the trash while I’m busy doing EVERYTHING else.

Martha
Martha
6 years ago
Reply to  Sausalito

Yeah, same here with the dishes. In 20 years, I did 99.99999% of the housework. He’s one and only job was to vacuum the stairs and he usually did that about once a month. My X’s big contribution to all the holiday meals that I made for his SELFISH AND ENTITLED FAMILY — he’d wash a few dishes while I cooked and baked for hours and hours. Or he’d present himself as The Great and Helpful Husband when everyone showed up for dinner. Clearing the table and washing dishes while his mommy and auntie talked about what a great husband he was. Bitch cookie!

I had yet another a-ha moment a few months back. When X and I were still dating, I remember going to his parents home that he still lived with until he was 25 years old. He always seemed so helpful when he was living with his parents. What happened when we got married? He didn’t help with anything unless I asked him to. I vividly remember carrying bags and bags of groceries up the stairs to our apartment while he sat on a chair in the living room while watching TV. I’d then put all the groceries away and of course I was the one cooking all the meals. One day I said, “Could you please help me carry the groceries in?” He of course helped and I never had to ask again. It was just the fact that he didn’t notice at all that a good and kind person would just naturally help without being asked. So, my a-ha moment was realizing everything I witnessed him doing at his parents was a big show that he put on for me. Just like the big show he put on when his family came over for the holidays. His life is one big act. If there is anyone around that he wants to impress — out comes Mr. Nice Guy. Bitch cookie!

NotToday
NotToday
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Yep, same here. And slow as I am, it took me years to spot the pattern. He would be so attentive and sweet in front of family, I just thought it was because he was happy when he was around them. If I could just make him happier at home, he’d be like that all the time.

It didn’t occur to me that it was all just an act, image management. So much of my life wasted chasing my tail.

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  NotToday

NotToday, When X was so attentive and sweet in front of family I thought that he was happy that they were there wondering why I couldn’t make him happy like that when it was just us.
I blamed myself wondering what I could be doing wrong. It didn’t occur to me that it was just a act. He had me convinced it was me. X told me he got along with everyone else but me so it had to be me. X would say it was because I wasn’t happy, I couldn’t understand what I was doing because I felt happy.

Chasing my tail is an accurate description, he was unhappy and it had nothing to do with me.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Ex did a lot of things around the house because he didn’t like the way I did them and wouldn’t let me do them. Bitch cookie.

Jo
Jo
6 years ago

I did it all except for 1 thing. Mine did all the major cooking — especially for company ego kibbles— a left me a huge kitchen mess to clean, including every last kitchen appliance. Then would “joke” passive aggressively about how he did all the cooking, sigh, sad sausage… now he is living with 2 other gay men and I’m sure he’s top chef in that house now.

WisedUp
WisedUp
6 years ago
Reply to  Jo

Mine only “cooked” when we had the huge parties he wanted (100 plus ppl). Then he would get out the grill and/or the smoker he’d purchased, and prepare the meats. i would literally do every other fucking thing. While he gloated about his meat preparation.

One time we were at his neice’s graduation where Ex’s brother had hired a woman friend to cater the meal. Suddenly ex who had supposed skin allergies was grabbing bell peppers and slicing them while staring at this woman’s boobs. In 18 years i literally had never seen him slice a single vegetable. I bought, paid for, and prepared all our meals.

Survivor
Survivor
6 years ago

I had the opposite. X would do what I asked of him (and only if asked), but would do such a piss poor job that I’d rather do it myself and would think twice before asking again. Half a bitch cookie.

Lady B
Lady B
6 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Mine got to the point that he did next to nothing and nagging the shit out of him and him fighting me all the way was painful. I would put a post it note on the cupboard asking for the washing to either be hung out or bought in, not put away! My expectations had got so low this was the one thing I would ask of him, he did nothing else and quite often this task was not even done on his day off while I was at work. Seriously slap me!

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  Lady B

I have that problem with my kids, but they’re teenagers. You shouldn’t have to do that with a grown man. Ok, I shouldn’t have to do that with my teenagers either, but at least there is still hope for them.

OhHellNo
OhHellNo
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Martha, mine was a Great and Helpful Husband as well — but only when outsiders were watching, of course.

The shit sandwich during those times was listening to him say a beautiful prayer before dinner. Vomit.

Martha
Martha
6 years ago
Reply to  OhHellNo

Ah, the prayer before dinner. Yes, I can relate with that too. What’s really weird is that my ex never said the prayer before dinner with the kids. Like when it was just the four of us. He told our kids that they had to take turns. One kid took the odd days and the other kid took the even days. His prayers now ring hollow with me. He prayed with me during the two months we were in counseling with our pastor. Like we would pray out loud and together, sometimes holding hands. He did all this while he was smearing me behind my back and telling his ho-workers that I was “crazy.” He did this while he was telling his ho-workers he was planning on divorcing me. He did this during the time he made a big production at church and went up to the altar to get anointed with oil and to pray for what??? He was praying to God so that he could leave his faithful wife for a newly divorced whore so he could commit adultery once again? No! Everything was a big act and a big show for his admirers. Some day he’ll pay for what he did. God cannot be mocked.

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

I only hope that someday they pay for all their devious ways. X began confiding in people telling them I was crazy forgetting to mention what he did or said that made me cry or become upset. One night I asked him why he had become so distant and always seemed angry with me. He acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about and said I was looking for an argument, I started crying. The way he told the story is that I was in hysterics for no reason and he wasn’t sure he could take my mood swings much longer.
The real truth is he was seeing someone else, was treating me like shit, with his angry outbursts over trivial things, being critical, ignoring me, disinterested in the family and home. They know exactly what they’re doing, and doing it to the person who loves and trusted them.

Lindy
Lindy
5 years ago
Reply to  brit

Absolutely – planned gaslighting so their twisted brains can blame you to their flying monkeys and others.

Now-I-Know-What-Hell-Looks-Like
Now-I-Know-What-Hell-Looks-Like
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

We were obviously married to evil twin deranged assholes.

QueenMother
QueenMother
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Yah, a psychologist in narcs said they don’t believe in God, they themselves are god.

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Martha, I was married to the same person or his twin.
When people came over he would be rinsing dishes, cleaning off the table, emptying the garbage without being asked.
I found out later he had everyone convinced he’d did everything while I sat on my ass all day or drunk.
When no one was around he’d be on the couch watching mindless cartoons, as I’d be bringing bags of groceries from the car, I’d ask X if he would help me, without looking up he’d respond with, “looks like you got it..,”
Mr. Nice Guy is full of shit.

Whodoesthat
Whodoesthat
6 years ago
Reply to  brit

THIS brit!!! Goes without saying the wanker did nothing domestic but every sunday night without fail he would drag thd ironing board into the middle of the living room blocking everyones vision of the tv bring cables of extension cord and crash around doing the ironing (99% his work shirts ) thus demonstrating to all in the vicinity his work was relentless and long suffering. They are literally all the same.

Buddy
Buddy
6 years ago
Reply to  brit

My cheater was an expert as using social media to demonstrate what an amazing mother she was.

I would take the kids to 99% of their sporting events, lessons, school activities (while being the sole provider – she didn’t work), then when she’d make the rare appearance at a baseball game, she’d post a few pics to facebook and then see all the comments about what a wonderful family we have and what a wonderful mother she was.

Or I’d take the kids to multiple thrift shops to get their costumes, then she’d post pics on Halloween of the kids.

Or every night I help the kids with homework and then when their reports cards arrived, she’d post something about how well “my” kids are doing at school.

And, she ALWAYS referred to them as “my kids” never “our kids” which drove me crazy as I did all the real parenting.

Oh – and one last thing – we’d go months with no sex at all, rejection after rejection, then when guests were over, she’d be all over me, cuddling up to me on the couch, putting her hand on my thigh. But the second guests left, “honey, i’m tired, have a headache, and am going to bed”

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
6 years ago
Reply to  Buddy

Oh, Buddy.
Oreo butch cookie for having two cookies just alike.
I never knew Narkles the Clown had a sister. Same exact shit.
It gets better. I promise. My wish for you is that since we had cheaters that appear related, you find the long lost sister of my new love – PTSD Guy. You deserve someone who puts you first, enjoys helping you and has increasingly enjoyable sex as time goes on.

Buddy
Buddy
6 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

Thanks for the nice comments!

Martha
Martha
6 years ago
Reply to  Buddy

Wow, Buddy, that’s awful. Hopefully others have seen her for who she truly is. And that’s really sick and twisted that she cuddled up to you in front of others, but was cold after they left. My ex did that to me a few times too and it’s so hurtful. 🙁

They don’t call Facebook “Fakebook” for nothing. I rarely buy they narrative people are putting out if it looks too good to be true. I’ve was conned by a master manipulator (my X), so I don’t fall for much anymore. My X looks “perfect” to most people, but I know who he truly is and a lot of what he’s done. He’s fake just like Fakebook!

Martha
Martha
6 years ago
Reply to  brit

Yeah, brit. I’ve often wondered what my ex has said about me behind my back. I know for sure that he was telling his ho-workers I was “crazy” just after I caught him out with the whore. He needed to start the false narrative at work as to why he just couldn’t be married to horrid old me anymore!! But he managed to leave out all the lying, cheating and adultery, plus that he got caught out on a date with a whore by me. I have no doubt in my mind that he re-wrote history and made me out to be a lazy wife and mom. I believe this because he said to my face, “You never took good care of me!” So that statement was probably based on all the lies he was telling about me. I cannot wait until justice comes down on him for all he’s done!

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

In front of other people he would sometimes refer to me as “the boss,” which was couldn’t be further from the truth. He’d like to portray himself as the dutiful husband who lived to please his wife. There were moments when he let his mask slip and others noticed the change in personalities and his attitude towards me. It would be so obvious a couple people pulled me aside and were disturbed by his behavior. Foolishly I spackled, making excuses for him.
I tried so hard to maintain a happy marriage and family I was willing to look the other way rather than confront X and be accused of never being happy. It’s upsetting that I allowed myself to be treated so poorly.

WisedUp
WisedUp
6 years ago
Reply to  brit

Yeah in a Post D Day email of Cheater’s to his best friend, I read him saying he was free for dinner with the guy friend, “if WisedUp will allow me” insert winking smiley emoji. The truth is he didn’t give a fuck what I wanted and he was already cheating during that time period. Bitch cookie? how about pathological liar cookie!

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago

“I got up at 4:00 a.m. to take you to the hospital for your surgery. I even went by and picked up your prescriptions on the way home.”

~~Girl Scout Thin Mint Cookies~~

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Yes, Ma’am. This was said across the table to me in a mediation hearing during my divorce.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago

“I always made sure the kids got their homework done.”

~~6 Boxes of Girl Scout Tagalong Bitch Cookies~~

Sarah
Sarah
6 years ago

So frustrating. I am with Girl Guides of Canada and we only get the classic chocolate/ vanilla in the Spring and the chocolate mint in the Fall. Looks like my CH’s selection of bitch cookies is disproportionate to your CW’s. >:-(

hollowbunny
hollowbunny
6 years ago
Reply to  Sarah

canada – 0, usa – 1
I agree totally about the girl guides cookies. peanut butter patty is where its at, if you’re handing out bitch cookies.

Linlulu
Linlulu
6 years ago

“You has a great life…you drove a nice car & lived in a beautiful home. So what if I carried on an affair with a heroin addicted prostitution for over a year”…BITCH COOKIE!

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
6 years ago
Reply to  Linlulu

Him: “You have a beautiful engagement ring that i spent my money on and a nice house to live in” (so keep your mouth shut)

Stale ginger snap
????????

informal
informal
6 years ago
Reply to  Linlulu

Damn, I got “you’ve had a great life” too. I had forgotten that one. I was still in the thought process of if I show interest in his hobbies maybe it will work. He asked me to look at motorcycles and I agreed. He pulled up 30 plus minutes later, got out and I had to drive his stoned on pot and pilled out of his brain to look at them. He mumbled that shit to me and asked that I not let him purchase a motorcycle. 3 days later in he comes with a shit eating smirk telling me that he went back and bought it after all. Oh, it was only his 5th one. I got consoled with a new “used” dishwasher since to other one had been broken for months. Shaking my head. Thats his life, they do not change, and its no longer my problem. I am learning to love my peace.

Golfgrrl
Golfgrrl
6 years ago

I never slept with her on weekends. Bitch cookie.

ZHUCHI
ZHUCHI
6 years ago
Reply to  Golfgrrl

Golfgrl Hahaha!!

“It wasn’t her, I wasn’t in to HER, I was in to IT. She could have walked out and another chick walked in and I wouldn’t have minded. You shouldn’t get obsessed with HER.”

Bitch cookie.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
6 years ago
Reply to  Golfgrrl

Yeah, cuz he would have had to pay the whore time and a half! Rotted cow chip cookie!

Mehtamorphosis
Mehtamorphosis
6 years ago
Reply to  Golfgrrl

Bwahahahah

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago

I kept a roof over your head and the kids’ heads- what more do you want from me? Bitch cookie with shit frosting on top.

NotToday
NotToday
6 years ago

“I was planning to leave you while you were pregnant, but I was really clear to Schmoopie that I would provide for you and the kids financially. My counselor says that’s really unusual and that I’m not such a bad kind of cheater.”

Bitch. Fucking. Cookie.

Asshole.

ZHUCHI
ZHUCHI
6 years ago
Reply to  NotToday

Fuck me. They are a special breed.

“I’m not a bad person, I just did a bad thing.”

Yeah, several times a day for 8 years.

DICK.

CurlyChump
CurlyChump
6 years ago
Reply to  ZHUCHI

oh my god LadyLiar said this ALL the time!

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
6 years ago
Reply to  NotToday

Is that a THING now… “not a bad kind of cheater”… gimme that counselor’s number, I need to pull him/her aside for a little chitty chat.

NotToday
NotToday
6 years ago

Oh, who knows if the counselor even said that. Lying liar who lies, remember?

That said, this was the same counselor he was seeing when he set up marriage counseling for us with another counselor in the same office. Oh, yeah, and he was still in the middle of the affair. I would like to call her up one day and be like, “Fucking seriously? Why didn’t you tell him it’s wrong to drag your 8-weeks-post-partum wife to marriage counseling when you’re on your way out of the marriage? Where did you get your certification? University of Moral Bankruptcy?”

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  NotToday

Counselor.Extra.Bitch.Cookie.

You can’t make this shit up.

A lot of baking going on today!

The oven is pre heating!

Friday Bake On CN!

geekmom
geekmom
6 years ago
Reply to  Peacekeeper

Yeah! “The Great Bitch-est Bake Off”! ????

Anc
Anc
6 years ago
Reply to  geekmom

I hear Mary Berry’s voice twittering away wondering if the cookie has enough crunch for her palate.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago
Reply to  NotToday

Mr. Wonderful. A true example of caring and sensitivity.

NotToday
NotToday
6 years ago

I know. I’m so lucky he chose me over Schmoopie. Woo. Fucking. Hoo.

ChumpionoftheWorld
ChumpionoftheWorld
6 years ago

My fave : after conducting five year long affair and after we separate, she hears from my 16 year old that I got home later than I said I would from a date. She is the caring parenting police who admonishes me and earns an enormous manhole-sized bitch cookie for being the hugest pot who calls kettles black in history.

Longtimechump
Longtimechump
6 years ago

“You blew the marital funds on your multiple affairs! Went tracelling with your APs! Had fun! All the while I single handedly cared for our son.”

“Come on, LTC! I spent on you FAIRLY as well! Your needs were not unattended”

P.s. this is when he always told me we need to “tighten up our belts because the times are hard…”

Sweetsunny
Sweetsunny
6 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

He loved telling me “you need to stop buying organic milk, the kids can drink regular. We need to tighten our belts”
Then he would buy himself craft beers, car parts ect. While I was buying at Goodwill. It took me 7 years to finally buy a bra. While he was cheating and had our family car, me and the kids were walking.

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
6 years ago
Reply to  Sweetsunny

Oh yeaaassss!!!!

The Evil One had a super-nice crew cab full sized Chevy Shit-erado the last year we were together, after going through car-after-car for years.

Meanwhile, I had to schlug along with our daughter in my 15-year-old car literally falling apart.

After he left, and I went out and got a nicely used car, his response? ” ‘Bout time you got a better car.”

Chocolate-covered-Oreo-bitch cookie

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
6 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

I got “our trips to see family are really expensive you know…” Looking back all trip expenses were to visit HIS family (we hadn’t visited my hometown for 8 years…) Now I go home every year…

ANC
ANC
6 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

Ha! I can commiserate! I got ” we need to really quit spending and stick to the budget”, says the asshat as he takes MOW on their fuckfests throughout North America and I am home tending to 4 kids, freecycling some of their basic needs and neglecting my own….

Longtimechump
Longtimechump
6 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

I filed after multiple DDays, failed reconciliation and final DDay. Not that mighty. While working on the parenting agreement now, he keeps telling me to go back to him to “raise the child together”. So I said to him “look I have multiple proofs that you were planning your exit with your main AP a few years back and if she had agreed to your proposition you would have left us.”

“NO! I am not that insensitive. I take responsibility for my family! I was never going to leave you and son entirely! I was going to spend one half of the year with her and another half with you!”

Poor him wants to be aknowledged for his generosity.

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
6 years ago

In honor of the annual Thanksgiving conversations my EX and I used to engage in, which I do not miss:

“I cleaned the bathroom.” –Turkey shaped Bitch Cookie

(Translation: I engaged in one household task–in the 1/2 bath–because my parents are coming into town to stay with us for a week. I’ll brag about being the one who cleans the toilets to my mom while she is here (in addition to lapping up praise for a lot of the other work you’ve done to make our home hospitable). In the meanwhile, stop asking for MORE help with my parents’ visit. I know you have to go to work today, but I’m busy researching my next dream job. And there is no reason you cannot pick up the kids today after work and before you hit the grocery store to stock up; it is too hard for me to get my “research” done when they are home, so it is best if you all are out and about all day anyway. I said I’d help, get the house ready, and I have. Oh, and please stop by the liquor store and pick up a bottle of vodka, some mixer, a good bottle of Scotch, and a nice after dinner liquor as well. You know they like to have a nice cocktail every day; it would be easier if you planned ahead for these things. Didn’t you notice I’d finished up all the alcohol on the premises? Why aren’t you thanking me for how much I do around here? I’m the best husband I know.”

Just writing this makes me feel better–I enjoy the holidays so much more now. Even when they are a bit quieter than I want, it beats the old “traditions” of my marriage!

Sweetsunny
Sweetsunny
6 years ago
Reply to  Eilonwy

Holidays and birthdays are so much less stressful now! He never lifted a finger. He was so busy.

Lost Stay at Home Dad
Lost Stay at Home Dad
6 years ago
Reply to  Sweetsunny

My soon STBXW said “I spent Father’s Day with you and the kids” – Bitch cookie

She sent 1008 text messages to SparkleDick that day.
Holidays will be better without her. This will be the first Christmas in three years shes bought the kids a gift.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
6 years ago

Lost you’re going to hate not seeing the kids for part of the holidays but the parts you have them will be magical! Absolutely magical.

As for gifts, I hope you detach enough to watch the sideshow that is a self absorbed person giving gifts. My son received no birthday present last year. The first Christmas after the divorce he got things related to Narkles the Clown’s hobby, something my son does not like to do. So guess who has all new gear for his hobby, disguised as a gift to someone else?

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
6 years ago

1008 text messages in one day? Is she 13?

Lost Stay at Home Dad
Lost Stay at Home Dad
6 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

Nope, she’s a 36 year old psychologist. Her AP SparkleDick is a 46 year old psychologist. That month they traded 15,280 Texts. she says they’re both good people caught up in something bigger that themselves – Minimize much

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
6 years ago

How pathetic! 2 “professionals,” not realizing the affair is only a fantasy.

Martha
Martha
6 years ago
Reply to  Eilonwy

Eilonwy, My X was the same as yours. And he took great pride in taking credit for all my hard work that I did around the holidays. His mom would be telling him how “perfect and special” his was and thanking him for yet another great holiday spent at our home. He would beam with pride over all the work he didn’t do. I sure do not miss catering anymore to that entitled family. Never again will I allow myself to be used.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago

Cheater/liar/pervert: I come home from work at night. Sugar Bitch Cookie for me (Chump)

*(Then I sneak around on the internet with webcam hoes, porn and internet hookups behind your back).
(If that’s not enough- I voyeur the neighbor and send her unwanted lewd texts- even if she and her
husband don’t like it).

JamLady
JamLady
6 years ago

My ex had ‘rules’ … 1) whoever cooks the other cleans up, and 2) last one out of bed makes the bed. Those were the top two; there were many more.

Rule #1 rarely worked in my favor, as he’d say “You’re a SAHM and that’s part of your job as such.” Whatever, Asshole … eat your oatmeal raisin bitch cookie!

Rule #2 took the bitch cookie cake! When he got up after me, I’d later walk into the bedroom to find only half the bed made … his side! My side would still be a slept-in mess. Really?! WTF?! Shove that oatmeal raisin bitch cookie up your ass, fucktard!

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
6 years ago
Reply to  JamLady

Yep, same rule here, yet no matter how often I cooked, it was *never* his rule, I was just making shit up.

Then, he would take pictures of the messy kitchen and.post on his Instagram (that I didn’t know he had) and tag his OW saying, “Look what I come home to!!!”

Take that snickerdoodle and shove it up your ass dickwad!!!!

nodancing
nodancing
6 years ago
Reply to  JamLady

I’m familiar with the rules which only apply to other people. The double standards are crazy-making, and sometimes bizarre, like making only his side of the bed. You should have only made dinner for yourself.

Martha
Martha
6 years ago
Reply to  JamLady

My X was weird about the bed too. While we still were dating, I helped him make his bed at the home he lived at with is parents. He was so anal about how all the “lines” on the bedspread had to be in certain spots on the bed and how this was the “right” way to make a bed. Fast forward to our marriage bed: He rarely made the bed and he was usually the last one out of it. Also if he did make the bed, it was thrown together kinda messy. Fxckwit!

My X had a rule about food. Whoever got to the food first got to eat it. Just about single Saturday night for close to 20 years I made delicious homemade pizza. There was always leftovers for the next day. And after church on the following Sunday, we’d get home around lunchtime. X would go straight for the pizza and take care of feeding ONLY HIMSELF while I spent that time making the kids lunch first and then I would eat with the kids. Never once did he make the kids lunch, because his life is about himself and his “whoever gets to the food first” rule worked for him. Bitch cookie!

ElleB
ElleB
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

The pizza comment reminded me of my XH. He was entitled to any and all of the food in the house. He would eat my container of leftovers from a restaurant, the last piece of MY birthday cake that I set aside for myself or my lunch that I made in the evening for work the next day. Too bad he never choked.

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

The bed thing. I would have liked the assclown to help me put the sheets on our king sized bed. It is so easy with two people. You could even go as crazy as to think of it as foreplay but he would help as if I had asked him to reapolster a chair and he had no idea what he was doing. Couldn’t even come close to a hospital corner and often the sheet would come loose from the mattress.

Also, I read the link about the sexual narcissist last night and I have to ask if anyone else had this experience- after sex, stbx would fall asleep faster than I could say I love you. I was always more awake after sex and wanted to talk. He had me convinced that it was a guy thing. Now I am thinking it was a no connection thing.

informal
informal
6 years ago
Reply to  Feelingit

I’m rolling today. My ex would always start snoring after sex. I enjoyed sex anytime but was at my peak am because I was exhausted at the end of the day. He mentioned that sex puts him right to sleep and I said it actually wakes me up. He took serious offense to that and totally twisted it. He never initiated or seemed interested in sex at night after that. He went as far to comment that he did not want to keep me awake. Lightbulb moment- I guess that explains why he would come in early morning claiming he fell asleep on a friends couch. Shaking my head again.

Wonder No More
Wonder No More
6 years ago
Reply to  informal

OMG I just got that! Mine did that also!! Didn’t think of that!

ANC
ANC
6 years ago
Reply to  JamLady

Wow. Sounds like a fucking five yr old.

FarBetterOff
FarBetterOff
6 years ago

“You wouldn’t have sex with me 3 times a day, but I stayed anyway even though it made me feel like less of a man. Until you lost your job, then I had to replace you. But, I’ll always love you.”

Thank you for gracing me with the presence of your lazy, porn addicted, shit covered ass. Here’s your Bitch Cookie, now GTFO!

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
6 years ago
Reply to  FarBetterOff

“I will always love you.” What is that after they treat you worse than they would an enemy?

violet
violet
6 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

Well, I did get the,”No matter what happens, you will always be the love of my life.” I didn’t view that as a bitch cookie, but as a fucking insult. How dare he implode our marriage and then claim some kind of abiding love for me. Not sure why, but that comment cemented my knowledge that he cared only about himself and the “narrative” of his life! Guess it was a poison bitch cookie cause it had the opposite effect of what he had intended.

Golfgrrl
Golfgrrl
6 years ago
Reply to  violet

This! 1000x this.

What a fucking tool.

Double stuffed shit dipped bitch cookie.

WorkingOnMeh
WorkingOnMeh
6 years ago
Reply to  FarBetterOff

This was mine too. However he replaced me with someone who would have sex 3 times a day and be on board with any freak-ass porn fantasy. I know because she was a friend of mine and a slut.

SeriallyChumped
SeriallyChumped
6 years ago

“I never let them say bad things about you.” -serial cheater stbx. Which, of course, was also a lie. Unless you think allowing her to call me Walter Matthau is a compliment. She referred to herself as Audrey Hepburn.

NoMoreNarcs
NoMoreNarcs
6 years ago

That’s like a bitch cookie they try to feed us! Lame, stupid, and abusive!

Lulu
Lulu
6 years ago

Well, I got into a spat with a friend of mine recently who is talking about how her cheating husband, since DDay, has been more helpful with chores around the house and he even takes her out to dinner once a week.

I said, “A good husband is supposed to help out around the house and spend quality time with you. What does he want, a cookie?”

She said I’m bitter and judgey. Oh well.

Foggy Days
Foggy Days
6 years ago
Reply to  Lulu

Ugh, I got a variation of this.

“After (most recent D Day, when I was so depressed I couldn’t drag myself out of bed), I picked up the slack and took care of the kids!”

After four years of being the log on the couch.

Peanut butter chocolate chunk bitch cookie.

Ceri
Ceri
6 years ago

If it wasn’t for AP we would have never been married in first place.. She really believes in the sanctity of marriage. She told me to marry you! (Never mind that XH basked me to marry him more than once in front of witnesses) Oh and we never had sex until after the divorce because stealing money from me to send to her, phone sex, online sex and verbal abuse are all a-ok ????

ANC
ANC
6 years ago

“I want you to know I am no longer screwing ho workers and clients (sic). I do visit strippers and escorts. And my porn choices now are not ‘bad’.”
-Asshat

ANC
ANC
6 years ago
Reply to  ANC

I think this is the BitchBitch Cookie because clearly to asshat non-violent porn, porn that doesn’t involve minors and sex workers just Isn’t That Bad. It’s what people who !!!NeedSex!!! without Intimacy DO- and the chumps must be grateful for this because no neighbors were involved in meeting the Needs of the cheater.

KibblesNBits
KibblesNBits
6 years ago

“I stopped seeing her while you were pregnant” Bitch Cookie!…what about that other girl you made out with when I was two months pregnant ..”oh yeah!” Bitch Cake!..for my Valentine’s Day gift one year, he hired schmoopie to organize our kitchen, and when I was not pleased they spent the whole day together sorting out housewares, he said I had no right to be upset as he worked SO hard all day!!!! Bitch Crouquembouche!

love and chumpiness
love and chumpiness
6 years ago
Reply to  KibblesNBits

lol Bitch CroquemDouche

50 Chump
50 Chump
6 years ago

“Oh look, I really have gotten the huge mound of dirty laundry down to almost nothing.”

Later discovered why…..it gave her the opportunity to be alone in the basement with her burner phone.

Have a bag of Double Stuf bitch cookies for your lying, cheating pie hole

lost wishes
lost wishes
6 years ago

This is what he said to me last night when we were talking about one of our adult kids that is having emotional and physical problems from all the chemo/radiation from Hodgkins Lymphoma.”I’m close to saying I’m sorry for cheating on you, but I’m not ready yet.” BITCH COOKIE.
During wreckonciliation, Me: I want an apology from secretary (oops, office manager) jesus cheater, etc.” Him: “Why she doesn’t have to apologize to you.” I wish I had a pie to throw in his face after that one.
5 months divorced now after 35 years of marriage and I am dreading the holidays.

Wonder No More
Wonder No More
6 years ago
Reply to  lost wishes

Lost Wishes: It’s been two years since D Day and my holidays are so much more pleasant without his slightly dark detached vibe that I didn’t quiet catch before. If your Cheater was mentally ready to cheat or cheating at your last holiday, there was the Ghost Of Cheater Present there and I will bet you felt it’s presence maybe at least a little bit? —I am sorry about what your son is going through. I will send a prayer up for both of you. Take care.

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
6 years ago
Reply to  lost wishes

I hope you told him there’s no rush on that apology because you aren’t even remotely interested in forgiving him.

ANC
ANC
6 years ago
Reply to  lost wishes

The AP is absolutely NOT relevant. Basically your creep found willing holes. They are animated holes and that’s it.

You are so much more worthy than the asshole you divorces. You are mighty!

ANC
ANC
6 years ago
Reply to  ANC

*divorceD*

Need spellshcheck!

chumpsterlinzz
chumpsterlinzz
6 years ago

“I only had two affairs (that I admit to only because I got caught) and didn’t drain all the equity out of the home” (because the chump stopped me), so I am not that bad, as explained to his two teen kids when they ask why he did what he did. Wow, thanks fuckwit!

kmanning
kmanning
6 years ago

My ex would say very proudly, “I never hit you.”

Here’s your bitch cookie-choke on it.

unicornomore
unicornomore
6 years ago
Reply to  kmanning

He never said it, but (based on stuff he did say) I think that nowdeadcheater expected a bitch cookie for never beating me up.

He told me that he (trained in hand to hand combat, state champion wrestler and way stronger than me) coudl snap my neck in an instant if he wanted to. He sometimes said that while holding my head.

But he never beat me up or murdered me. Bitch cookie for him.

kmanning
kmanning
6 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

I am so sorry that you had to live through that.

unicornomore
unicornomore
6 years ago
Reply to  kmanning

Thanks for your kindness…Im sure if I would have ever called him on that he would have said he was kidding and I didnt have a good sense of humor (since that whole idea is so funny. cough). Odd then that the universe had a different plan. I lived to tell about it, he didnt.

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
6 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

AAAH, the Karma Bus stopped for him!!

Patsy
Patsy
6 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

OMG, UNM.

I seriously didn’t think you could ever surprise me again.

Flipping hell.

LL
LL
6 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

What the…? I thought it was bad enough that my ex boyfriend told me that at least he didn’t get me pregnant and then ditch me. I mean…yeah? But, shit, I am really, really sorry.

Paddington
Paddington
6 years ago

“But I come home to you every night! Doesn’t that count for something?!”

Take your Bitch Cookie and choke on it!!!

No, I’m not a bitter Chump, I swear.

NoMoreNarcs
NoMoreNarcs
6 years ago

How about the Bitch Cookies they feed us like:

“But the sex with you is still better than with her”

“She could learn so much from you”

“She doesn’t have her act together like you do”

Magneto
Magneto
6 years ago

Gratuitous cleaning?!?!?

My xh did next to next to NOTHING around the house for 30 years. He would ask, at times if he could “help me out” with the kids or a chore, but I was to give him complete directions for every task he passive aggressively would screw up, and I would have to complete. “Oh, you wanted me to mow AND pick up the clippings? You didn’t say THAT.” Then I was just the big bitch who was “never satisfied…” He trained me well on how to not expect effort from him. Chumpy me learned well.

Because IF I tired of being his “big bossy” in this game and refused to give him any more directions, he would say I had nothing to complain about, because I did not ask him for help!!! WO-la! Hence, he wins the ZERO responsibility game!

The weirdest time I remember, his parents were visiting and we were sitting down, talking, he was “tidying up” like a nervous bird around the room. At one point, he grabbed a pillow from the sofa, lifted my feet off the ottoman, and placed the pillow under them, like this was an everyday occurrence!

I was so shocked by the motion I jumped. Never happened before, never happened again. BUT, by Gawd, his parents thought he was a slave to me and a GEM of a son!

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

I will admit that I only did dishes on a regular basis because I insisted on doing them because I was trying to lighten his load of chores so he would come to bed sooner (didn’t work because he just found other stuff to do). Still it did bother me when he would insist on doing them whenever we had guests. I don’t know if that was to make him look good or me look bad.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
6 years ago

It is called impression management. They do it so they look like a great husband while other people are watching.

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

Never thought about it before but Stbx stepped up to be this fabulous host when his parents or friends were coming but ever do anything for me or my friends? Your right it was total image management for the people he cared to impress.

Nejla
Nejla
6 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

Omg!!! Yessss! Every time his family visited from Merry Ole’ England he was a completely different person. Helpful, sweet, loving…and chumpy me just shackled and thought it was because he was so happy to have them around! But now I know it was just to fool them into thinking he was those things! The last time his mom came a few years ago I figured it out because he literally slept for a week afterwards and was extra nasty to me while the week they were here he was the man that I knew when I first met him! I tried to talk to him about. I even dared argue a bit about how it seems like his behavior when they visited was just a con and he said (once he picked his head off his pillow) that I need to just get over it and accept it. There was zero to work with then but I still shackled for a year and a half more. Blech!

Martha
Martha
6 years ago

Cheater said, “I worked hard on our marriage by going to work!!” Cheater worked six days a week and just about every single night at home until 10:00 or 11:00. Cheaters logic is that he was working “hard on our marriage” by working at his job that he gets paid for. Now I know what his job does for the narc that he is. Admiration kibbles. Attention kibbles. Lots of females to chat up and flirt with at work. It’s no wonder he had to work every single night. All those ho-workers needed his attention at work, so he had to work every single night in order to make up for all the lost time at work.

Here’s a Girl Scouts Bitch Cookie, because of your creepiness around the young daughters of the people you work with! Thanks for “working” our entire marriage and ignoring the family God have you.

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Same here, during his first affair of 3 years. He made such a big deal of working 9am-7pm six days a week. But, he was paid peanuts and never followed up on the promises of a raise. Before we had children and we were BOTH working, he worked 5-6 days/week from 9am-9pm and made substantially more (he got fired.) But I’m supposed to be grateful that we now have 4 people to support on $250/week instead of 2 people on over $1000. (2nd pregnancy with our son made me black out from low BP constantly so I *couldn’t* work because I couldn’t drive and resigned when I started blacking out on the bus I started to use and the driver knew my route enough that they carried me across the street and put me on the bus back home.)

When he threw out that he was the only one working, I let him have it. I made more cleaning houses in the 3-4 hours/day, 3 days a week, than he did ALL week. PREGNANT WITH OUR THIRD. And I hid it away so 1) he wouldn’t feel emasculated and 2) so I could afford things like Christmas/birthday presents, coffee instead of tea, the occasional pizza, and squirreling away money on a downpayment for a HOUSE… and when I told him we were ready to buy a house, 2 years later and 2 jobs later at a better income, he mocked me for having such a ridiculous, unachievable plan… right up until closing, when he showed up, signed, and was handed the keys. He wasn’t even happy with me until other people congratulated him on being such a great provider that we could buy a house. When I was painting the rooms, I walked in one morning to see “Cheater’s House!!!” painted on our new bedroom wall. He said it was a joke.

When he’d complain about his responsibilities, I’d ask him how he would be living any differently if he didn’t have a family? You know… back when he didn’t have a vehicle, or furniture of any kind, or food besides PB&J and ramen, and had to call cabs or beg rides to go to work or do laundry? Even at our lowest income, he lived like a king compared to the shoddy life he had while single. The job.I.got.him only required 8hrs/day, 5 days/wk and paid at least 5 times more and was frequently 8-10 times more. And he STILL did nothing. Less work meant more Xbox. The only change was the same work for fewer hours at DRASTICALLY MORE pay. He didn’t have more responsibility; he had the same or LESS.

No. You keep your Bitch Cookie; it’s all yours.

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
6 years ago

Note: It was “His Name’s House!!!,” not Cheater. He’s not that transparent. 😛

Martha
Martha
6 years ago

Wow, Insistonhonesty. He really sounds like a loser. And you sound super might and smart! Your life skills will take you far in life. Him, not so much. And I lol’d when you wrote “Cheaters House.” I knew what you meant, but gosh, what jerk for writing his name on the wall.

Survivor
Survivor
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

I’d have been tempted to cross that out and add “The House that Insistonhonesty Built.”

Nejla
Nejla
6 years ago

My favorite (there are so many!) is that X never had life insurance while I had a large policy. I always had a problem with it and was vocal but his excuse would be that a psychiatrist advised him not to release his medical records (which the company wanted to see when we first set out to get policies.) SO, X would say he won’t be getting a policy BUT he has a “large policy” through work so it doesn’t matter. This policy was supposedly a 200,000$ policy then as the years went on and I complained it turned into a 250,000$ policy and then in the divorce it was a 300,000$ policy…WITH NO PAPERWORK TO BACK IT UP. It was just his insistence that it existed so I made sure to put in the settlement that his policy has to equal my 750,000$ policy which he agreed to. Divorce was final and he still hadn’t gotten a policy or given me the paperwork on the existing one. I requested it every month in the parenting app and every month he said he had already given me the paperwork for the work policy and he was still being denied an extra policy. FINALLY, I told him I would be calling his union to request the policy with beneficiary as agreed upon in the settlement and he said he would get it for me “again”.
It came in the mail a week later. It was a 50,000$ work policy. So, the 200, 250 and 300 never existed and he just didn’t want to have to deal with me uncovering another lie “loudly” by requesting it myself. I felt close to meh that day when a informed and thanked after him I received the 50,000$ policy info. His response…
“You are welcome” BIG bitch cookie!
The next bitch cookie is that he let me know he will get another policy ASAP to match mine with kiddo as beneficiary. It’s been almost a year since he signed on the dotted line with all that crap;)

Wonder No More
Wonder No More
6 years ago
Reply to  Nejla

Part of my settlement was his current term life policy, which I always paid. He had his mail forwarded to his love Den, so when I checked on it after final mediation, the notice had gone to him, and he had let it lapse. True to form though—-

unicornomore
unicornomore
6 years ago
Reply to  Nejla

My coworkers husband told her for years that he had a big policy…she asked questions about it and he reassured her repeatedly. He dies and she goes to find it…it doesnt exist…she has to move from her house and has 2 kids in college and a dependent adult child. She is screwed. I awkwardly listen to this story after my husband died owning a big-ass policy (which he got because the military one was too expensive).

So Done
So Done
6 years ago

“I soldiered on for years in our relationship, even though I didn’t feel what I was supposed to feel.”

He was the best. What a trooper. Bitch cookie.

DavidB
DavidB
6 years ago

But I was faithful the first 20 years!

BeowulfSabrina
BeowulfSabrina
6 years ago
Reply to  DavidB

I got the same exact words, like he was owed a free pass? Or what, a big ass cookie for being faithful for that long like it cancelled out the affair that destroyed our family? SO not original.

Movementpoem
Movementpoem
6 years ago

“One of the times I was getting it on with Schmoopie I started to feel guilty and couldn’t stay hard. I just flat out told her what we were doing is wrong.” of course I kept right on fucking her. But isn’t it nice that I almost felt guilt? BIG OL’ nasty, moldy bitch cookie!

Dumpthebutthead
Dumpthebutthead
6 years ago
Reply to  Movementpoem

Yep, got that one too. Didn’t stop him from finishing the deed though.

lady jane
lady jane
6 years ago

When I told him I was going to the doctor to be tested for STDs his reply, “Oh you don’t need to do that. She told me she’s clean.”

I went anyway. And had to have two follow ups. Asshole.

Wonder No More
Wonder No More
6 years ago
Reply to  lady jane

Mine was angry that I demanded he be tested during WRECKONCILIATION, and basically laughed that I was worried about myself. This OW is a SKANK, with hundreds’ of oddball character guy facebook friends, and only a few women. Yeah, I had a reason to be concerned.

beenchumped
beenchumped
6 years ago
Reply to  lady jane

When I told him I was going to be tested he said, “You’ll share the results with me right?” Fucker. He who cheated for the entire 25 years I knew him, admitted that he NEVER once, even on the sly, got tested (even though he also admitted to F-ing strangers in hotels all the time on business trip. He wouldn’t admit, but I know from a co-worker of his, that he also got hookers in Las Vegas.) He cheated throughout 2 pregnancies (those where justified by being “nervous about fatherhood”) and every moment I spent with him…. dear God the diseases he exposed me and my unborn children to, and didn’t once think to get tested!

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
6 years ago
Reply to  lady jane

Mine told me that too. I asked him “Really, did you graduate medical school while I wasn’t looking or did you obtain some of those super natural powers where you can detect people’s diseases just by looking at them?”

Crickets

DavidB
DavidB
6 years ago
Reply to  lady jane

Oh yep…. nothing to worry about, he was 26 and told me he had had only one sexual experience. He was clean so we did d it for years without protection! So did u ask him about how many others he was banging during your on and off 4 years? No

Vivaler
Vivaler
6 years ago

My STBX acts like he’s giving me a million dollars whenever he gives money he’s supposed to.

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago
Reply to  Vivaler

Oh yes! One of my guilty pleasures is knowing that I am sue he is seething every time he writes the court ordered support check which is over 3 times the amount he was begrudgingly giving me before.

12YearsWasted
12YearsWasted
6 years ago

Well nothing happened until after I kicked him out of course! Then within mere days he was secretly fucking her in her college aged daughters bed while her husband was at work and her other son was at school! Never mind that he trimmed up his pubes the weekend before that when he was going to visit his “buddy”… I’m sure the grooming was for his bff and not the whore. Right. Good job, you asshole. Have a bitch cookie!

Out West
Out West
6 years ago

When the financial crash of 2009 occurred my x asked me to relocate funds in a seperate account so the IRS couldn’t access them. During depositions I was accused of stealing from him. Never mind that they were marital assets…..

Chumperchipcookie
Chumperchipcookie
6 years ago

“But I come home to you every night.”

Thank God I’m all out of bitch cookies. The sight of him makes me ill now.

Martha
Martha
6 years ago

Yeah, isn’t it amazing that the sight of them makes us ill? With me, I get a shiver and it feels like the hair is sticking up on the back of my neck. I have purposely stayed away from him so I don’t have to see him, but I “had to” come in contact with him when our son went off to Air Force. Ugh. Just the site of him made my skin crawl. And all the mannerisms that I thought were “off” all those years — they were magnified 100x. We were in a public place and had to say goodbye among hundreds of other parents, so I was talking with our son one-on-one. X was the creeper that he is and just started being his “charming” self and started talking with a new cadet that was hanging with his family. Who does that? A creep! I seriously cannot believe I have to see this creep on and off the rest of my life. This is what happens when you breed with a fxckwit.

Attie
Attie
6 years ago

The ex was on a work assignment in Africa. When he came back he never came near me for about 3 weeks. Turns out he got drunk at the bar of his hotel and wound up “innocently” taking a “lady” (read “prostitute”) back to his hotel room. Woke up from his drunken stupor the next morning with her giving him a blow job but “he’s pretty sure he never did anything because he still had the rest of his clothes on”!

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
6 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Make sure you get tested – pretty sure this is how my ex got HIV – dipping it where he shouldn’t have while working in Africa.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
6 years ago

Whiskey, PLEASE tell us you did NOT contract HIV from the demon!?!

Attie
Attie
6 years ago

Oh I did all right. And made him go several times for testing, although to be honest I believe he never had sex with her. He blacks out when he drinks and can’t get it up anyway. Thankfully this was about 10 years ago and I’m clean. But WHAT THE HELL!!! Fucking a prostitute anywhere, but fucking one in Africa?

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
6 years ago

“I was just trying to need you as little as possible BECAUSE you were so busy and stressed doing great things for our family! I KNOW you were having a hard time- that’s why I hid it really well… SO THAT it wouldn’t hurt you… can you imagine finding out about this during that time? My problems were nothing compared to what you were dealing with… I didn’t want to bother you!”

WTF?!

BIG OL’ BITCH COOKIE.

Unknown
Unknown
6 years ago

Ooohhh this is mine word for word, too!! “You were dealing with your problems, thats all you worried about (no), and I didnt feel accepted at home (wtf) but I couldn’t come talk to you about how I was feeling “.
So he must have felt pretty low for a whole decade, since this happened before, during and after my “problems” (actually he’s referring to the only time in my life were I was finally finding relief! Which made his explanations sound like a slap in the face)

12YearsWasted
12YearsWasted
6 years ago

What a gentleman! Please, someone call the Queen and have this man knighted! Not all heros wear capes.

Still I Rise
Still I Rise
6 years ago

One of his comments post DDay verbatim: “I deserve credit for all of the years that I didn’t cheat!” (substantiated by his litany of the HUNDREDS of opportunities he missed out on, especially while working as a radio deejay when the other jocks were having sex with “fans”/listeners, etc. in the studio while he sacrificially remained faithful). Oreo Double Stuf bitch cookie! (Trivial research nugget: Oreo Double Stuf cookies really don’t have double the filling, just like cheater’s false advertising about his fidelity!)

TKO
TKO
6 years ago
Reply to  Still I Rise

“All the years I didn’t cheat”. Careful there. The best liars, true lifelong compulsive liars, know one of the best tactics is to not run from a truth that you want to hide but rather to run right at it. Put it out there front and center and even use it as “evidence” that you aren’t lying. That is, if you want to hide all the years that you DID cheat, then use that exact cheating as examples of what you could have done – “but didn’t”. This baffles us chumps. We think “of course that must be true, he put it right out there, even telling me things I’d never have known about, and even bitched about it like he had missed out on those opportunities – no one could lie like that”.

My own exact experience. Specific details about what she “could have done” turned out to be what she did do. As I learned more about compulsive liars, and as more examples like this came to light with her, I came to know the tactic – go right at the lie, don’t hide it, use the lie itself as though it’s evidence of truth, and it will inoculate that whole topic area from the chump’s suspicion. They do it for practical purposes, but I also think they love the petty power they feel of dangling the truth, in detail, right in front of you as they watch you fail to realize it. God-like power to a sociopath.

TKO
TKO
6 years ago
Reply to  TKO

…and I forgot to mention, they don’t just deceive you using the reversed details of the actual truth and laugh at you and leave it there. No, to finish the twisted psychological abuse they seek your praise or credit for it. Mind you this isn’t credit for actually doing what they were supposed to be doing all along (as in Bitch Cookie worthy). No, it’s credit for the opposite; for not doing what they’re to and then deceiving you. It’s credit for a photo negative image of their actual evil deeds. They want you appreciating them for what they previously did to you, which they are now deceiving you about, by dangling it in detail, right in front of your foolish face.

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
6 years ago
Reply to  TKO

So true! After he is done talking I say to myself ok it’s opposite day. What’s the opposite of everything he just said.
Its very interesting the specific things that they say. He told me my ex bf was sleeping with prostitutes in a city that he himself visited multiple times a year. He didn’t know my ex bf. And my ex bf definitely did not cheat on me. What he was telling me was that HE is with prostitutes in that city. You’re right… God-like dangling the truth right in my face and God-like somehow “knowing” what my ex bf did to me 12 years ago. Blows my mind.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
6 years ago
Reply to  TKO

This!!!!! My STBX told me after Dday#1 that it wasn’t like he is out looking for women. She contacted him first. When he said this exact same thing after Dday#2, I finally got a clue. He WAS looking for other women.

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
6 years ago
Reply to  Still I Rise

Gawd! The wanting cookies for all the years they didn’t cheat! That right there wins the ultimate bitch cookie prize!

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
6 years ago

When I told him I wanted a divorce after three years of wreckconciliation, he was feeling sorry that he would lose half of his shit and then said “You should have known I was all in because I chose you over her.”

Have a bitch cookie dude cuz I was thinking that you “chose” me 27 years ago when we walked down the aisle!

Onwards
Onwards
6 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

Yep I got “but I chose you” (re the EA with the howorder that he let slip had been a PA at DD2) and there was I thinking that was what being married meant. #too busy having cake for a cookie.

TheBestMe
TheBestMe
6 years ago

HIM: I got off the path a few times during our marriage (affairs) but always got back on track….. have a cookie bitch!

When he wrote our kids after we were divorced for a year and said “as you know I have paid your health insurance for a whole year…… blah blah blah, I now have to cancel it. (nevermind that he has not paid one cent since he walked out for their care and college the last three years).. bitch cookie

When he told me he as a “good enough husband for who it was for… ) NOT… bitch cookie

newlady15
newlady15
6 years ago

Paying his share of the mortgage( for 2 months after he left) —bitch cookie, actually eating dinner with his family and staying home in the evenings after work( once in a while)-bitch cookie. Earning a living—for a few years (but not before he left because hey he might have to pay spousal support!)— bitch cookie. Can I say again—he SUCKS!!

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago

I wouldn’t want to give stbx all the bitch cookies he deserves as I noticed the outline of his protruding “Tito’s and tonic” gut on his otherwise fit body.

You all are reminding me that his bitch cookie addiction has been there all along. When we were first married and he spent every night in the garage working on his race car in the garage. “At least I am not out at a bar”- bitch cookie.

Other bitch cookie moments:

I got you a phone number for an an aupaire agency.
I made a chore chart for the kids.
I cooked the main course for a meal at least 2 maybe three times a year.
I brought fresh fish probably 4 times a year which would cost $28 a pound at Whole Foods. (Calculate cost of his boat and time away that fish was probably $1000.00 per pound.
I am not trashing you to others in the divorce (unless you count telling everyone who graces your boat and your kids that I am going after your business, overvaluing your possessions, and I am batshit crazy).
I gave you your check for your distribution from the company in which you have a contractual 25% ownership. I could have deposited the check into a joint account and then stolen it. Deserves a blow job with cookie for that one.

DeAun
DeAun
6 years ago

“How can you judge me on the last 2 years? We had 26 years of marriage before the affair. I think you should remember that.”

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
6 years ago
Reply to  DeAun

“:::shrug:: Well, people change… you turned into a slut.”

BeowulfSabrina
BeowulfSabrina
6 years ago
Reply to  DeAun

what kind of a response do you have for that? i got the same exact words.

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
6 years ago

A common theme with asshat is anything he does outside of going to work should be praised, because HIS time is valuable.

Helped put away groceries – bitch cookie
Gave the kids breakfast – bitch cookie
Picked your towel up off the floor – bitch cookie
Told stripper you were married even though you took off your wedding ring – bitch cookie
Paid disconnection notice bill for electric – bitch cookie
Fed the dog – bitch cookie
Made it home before 10:00 pm 1 day during the week – bitch cookie
Went and got YOURSELF STD testing after sleeping with hookers (but not before sleeping with wife) – bitch cookie

NotToday
NotToday
6 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

Yes! This exactly! After the umpteenth round of me getting upset at Mr. Justification for not pulling his weight around the house, I asked him if he really thought his off time was so much more valuable than mine. I remember saying, “I have a Masters degree and am at least as intelligent as you. You don’t think I have better shit to do than pick up your socYou.

Blank dumb stare.

I’ll forever want to punch myself in the face for not leaving back then.

MyIntuitionWasRight
MyIntuitionWasRight
6 years ago

After confronting him on phone records showing obscene amounts of calls/texts to the OW: “You don’t know what we were talking about! We’re just friends!”
My literal response was: “ I don’t care if you were swapping chocolate chip cookie recipes, you should be spending that amount of time on the phone with your wife!”
Not deserving of a Bitch Cookie, but reminded me of that story!

AlohaFreedom
AlohaFreedom
6 years ago

Paraphrasing here:

But, but, but…
I pay the child support*!

*Court ordered, wages garnished.

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
6 years ago
Reply to  AlohaFreedom

Yes. Sorry loser. no cookies for garnishments.

unicornomore
unicornomore
6 years ago

He did his best to claim a bitch cookie on Dday by claiming blamlessness about something else (and trying to look noble when he said it).

He was supposed to have been out with “work people” (he had retired from the military and hadnt started a new job yet, so who did he claim he “worked” with? (Turns out it was OW, in from Seattle, they used to work together, so that technically wasnt a lie)

While he was out, I cracked into his computer and found a love letter to her. I didnt have CL/CN advise to go on, so I called him up that minute and told him to come home. He enters the house, sits at the kitchen table, uncomfortably steels himself for the conversatio he had been fearing and PROUDLY says

“I have never driven dangerously with you and the kids in the car” (I have thus earned a big ol’ bitch cookie)

THAT was his answer to “you have been carrying on with a woman from work”.

Trouble was, he had a horrible, wretched (should have divorced him for this alone) history of driving in horrible rages with me and the kids in the car…horrible as in I really seriously did not think I would get out of the car alive.

As ghastly is all that was, now, with him dead 5 years, Im almost to the point of a smidge of compassion for him attempting to go through life having failed so spectacularly. Endangering the lives of your whole family (as well as everyone else on the road) because you are a massive asshole. No wonder he hated himself.

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
6 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

“I hate myself for what I’ve done to you!” <— play for pity

"Yeah… I hate you for that too." I should have taken a picture of the shock on his face. I was supposed to sweep up all of his fake-broken pieces and glue them back together for him, "for us," myself. As usual.

Nope! You deal with your own shit, now. When you come home and the bathroom you use smells like shit, it's not because I'm not keeping it clean enough… it's because your duplicitous self has explosive bowel movements and YOU leave it splattered on the walls of the toilet bowl. It's because YOU didn't clean it up. Not my job anymore, fucker.

MovingontoMeh
MovingontoMeh
6 years ago

This! My STBX developed ulcerative colitis that caused the bathroom reactions. He insinuated it was from the stress of our family life, couldn’t possibly be from the stress of leading a secret, double life filled with hookers while pretending to be a devoted family man.

Chumpiness in Seattle
Chumpiness in Seattle
6 years ago

I wouldn’t share a bathroom with him for that very reason – turned my stomach to go pee before sex and see it splashed up the sides. “But I cleaned it!” He would whine. Shudder. Our sex life quite literally was down the toilet. And he always wanted kudos for cleaning his bathroom (guest) before family came. Great. Here’s a bitch cookie for cleaning up your own shit!