Yesterday’s column was graced with a comment from the Other Woman/author herself. Apparently, she found the Universal Bullshit Translation of her essay hilarious, invited us all to dinner, and then remarked that we’re all bitter and hopeless. (And yet so much fun at dinner parties! You bring the wine, I’ll bring the schadenfreude and despair.)
I hesitate to publish this comment, because like wow, how much of a desperate kibble hound must this person be to google herself and defend her affair on my site? (I’ll play, Tracy. The same kind of desperate kibble hound who gloats about winning her married boyfriend in The New York fucking Times.)
Clearly she relishes the attention, and I hate to give it to her. On the other hand, how often does the UBT get such delicious fodder? The UBT’s transponders are just itching to decode it.
Here it is:
Oh dear, my friends. While this was certainly a hilarious revision of my essay (I laughed pretty hard), the version I wrote is the truth. It was so hard to reveal my sins and shortcomings to the world because, as you all point out, I am the jerk. Do you all think I exposed myself to gloat? Because I can’t think that my depiction of myself and my behavior is anything to gloat about. I made myself vulnerable to you all to thank Beka and let other people know that she and Josh have created something out of their divorce. What they have created has made both of them happier, but it was–and will continue to be–difficult at times.
This essay is my love letter to Beka. This is my attempt to express a gratitude that is inexpressible.
You all make a number of assumptions about Josh and me that aren’t true. You don’t know the circumstances of Josh and Beka’s marriage before they divorced, and you don’t know the things that Josh has done–and still does–to care for the children and for Beka. Come see us in Nashville, and you will see what I am talking about. Come to dinner with Josh, Beka, Rose, Alice, and me. Come see us trying and working to be the people we want to be. I fail every single day, but, thanks to the example set by Josh and Beka, I keep on trying.
As a side note, if Josh cheats on me or leaves me, I will be fine. I wouldn’t want anyone to stay with me out of complacency or pity or duty. As my essay mentioned, he wasn’t able to “cheat”–he had to tell Beka. Again, though, you should meet Josh before you decide that he is the stereotypical boorish male. I think he might really surprise you. And if he ever wants to leave our relationship, he will go with my blessing and love and thanks. I’m sure you won’t believe me, but you would if you met me.
Many of you sound so unhappy in your comments. You sound like you have given up hope in other people. I’m sorry about this, particularly because I was trying to convey hopefulness in what is usually seen as a bitter, hopeless, ugly situation. But I know how it feels; I lost hope for a long time. I could write about that, but, given the unfortunate comments about my mental health, I think I will withhold that information.
Now you may all commence ripping me to shreds yet again. I hope, though, that you will stop and think before you write something that reinforces bitterness and hopelessness. Perhaps you need to know a bit more about me, about Josh, and about Beka.
The UBT just let forth a loud belch. Here’s your decoded bullshit:
Oh dear, my friends.
Oh dear, I loathe you. But let me cover the stench of my disdain with “friendship.” Really I’m about as friendly as a cornered ferret with a pin stuck in its eye, but this “friend” shit works on 7 year olds and Beka. Let’s try it on you.
While this was certainly a hilarious revision of my essay (I laughed pretty hard), the version I wrote is the truth. It was so hard to reveal my sins and shortcomings to the world because, as you all point out, I am the jerk.
I am the jerk.
Do you all think I exposed myself to gloat?
Yes.
Because I can’t think that my depiction of myself and my behavior is anything to gloat about.
Just the parts about “love at first sight” and being better than passionless, practical Beka. And winning her husband. Did I mention the children LOVE me? No. No gloating here.
I made myself vulnerable to you all to thank Beka and let other people know that she and Josh have created something out of their divorce.
I’ve taken it upon myself to tell Beka’s story. And Josh’s story. And their children’s story. (Spoiler alert — THEY LOVE ME.) And my vulnerable, sad sausage tale of being an irresistible middle-aged sex vixen on a barstool. I am a storyteller. And you are all my creation. Excuse me, Josh and Beka’s creation.
I must let people know that they have a better divorce than you do. You should all aspire to such enlightened arrangements. Book your pedicures at once, bitter masses!
#thankyoubeka
What they have created has made both of them happier, but it was–and will continue to be–difficult at times.
Like Josh needs to answer his goddamn phone. Where ARE you JOSH? Answer. Your. Fucking. Texts. But we’re all so much happier. Beka particularly. Why are you smiling, Beka?
This essay is my love letter to Beka. This is my attempt to express a gratitude that is inexpressible.
I express my inexpressible gratitude by detailing the demise of Beka’s marriage in the national newspaper of record. Especially the sobbing on Josh’s chest part. Where Josh is unmoved for the love of me. #feelthethankyou
Sure Josh feels bad, but not so bad that he won’t abandon his children. Which is Beka’s fault. Because Beka is practical, has no passion, and he only married her because all the other 20-somethings were doing it.
This is my love letter to Beka.
You all make a number of assumptions about Josh and me that aren’t true. You don’t know the circumstances of Josh and Beka’s marriage before they divorced,
Just the hanging out in bars on his anniversary and Mother’s Day and picking up strange women part. Beka made him do it. Beka and her goddamn tea parties. #putdownthedarjeelingandkeepyourman
and you don’t know the things that Josh has done–and still does–
… on his many dating profiles…
to care for the children and for Beka.
… like pay his court-ordered child support. #bitchcookie
Come see us in Nashville, and you will see what I am talking about. Come to dinner with Josh, Beka, Rose, Alice, and me. Come see us trying and working to be the people we want to be.
Come for my tuna casserole, stay for the impression management! We are all trying and working to be the people WE want to be. Especially the 7 and 3 year olds. They need to try a bit harder. QUIT SOBBING ALICE! Daddy can’t play Barbies now, he’s at the bar ignoring us. Maybe if we ALL try harder to be better people he will come back!
I fail every single day, but, thanks to the example set by Josh and Beka, I keep on trying.
I am not worthy of their fuckupedness.
As a side note, if Josh cheats on me or leaves me, I will be fine.
I cannot speak for the boiled bunnies, however.
I wouldn’t want anyone to stay with me out of complacency or pity or duty.
Like you pathetic people do. #gladyoureoveritbeka
As my essay mentioned, he wasn’t able to “cheat” — he had to tell Beka.
Falling in love with strangers and picking up women in bars on his anniversary is not cheating. It’s acknowledging my super specialness. There’s a DIFFERENCE.
Again, though, you should meet Josh before you decide that he is the stereotypical boorish male.
Meet Josh! Instead of relying on his dating profiles.
I think he might really surprise you. And if he ever wants to leave our relationship, he will go with my blessing and love and thanks. I’m sure you won’t believe me, but you would if you met me.
Blessing and love, or the rabbit dies, Josh.
Many of you sound so unhappy in your comments.
I can’t imagine why losing a 30-year marriage or having to paternity test your children would make a person unhappy. Oh, but then again I never had children. But I did have a “messy divorce”!
You sound like you have given up hope in other people. I’m sorry about this, particularly because I was trying to convey hopefulness in what is usually seen as a bitter, hopeless, ugly situation.
I’m not gloating, I’m a messenger of hope, sprinkling blessings and love on the magic path that is the journey we all must travel.
What’s that bitter, hopeless, ugly people? I’m sorry, I can’t hear you up so high on my lofty perch of superiority. Let me send some doves of mercy to shit on your heads.
But I know how it feels; I lost hope for a long time. I could write about that, but, given the unfortunate comments about my mental health, I think I will withhold that information.
I can’t trust you with that sensitive information. Just the 10 million readers of The New York Times.
Now you may all commence ripping me to shreds yet again. I hope, though, that you will stop and think before you write something that reinforces bitterness and hopelessness.
(The UBT pauses for a moment. Hummmmmm. Flips the gears back into bitter hopelessness.)
Now you may all commence to discussing me yet again. More kibbles? No I couldn’t possibly. Okay, maybe one more serving…
Perhaps you need to know a bit more about me, about Josh, and about Beka.
No thanks. We’re good.
But be good chumps, CN, and do RSVP to Elizabeth’s dinner invitation. And let her know what you’re bringing.
Sorry Lizardbreath, can’t make it. Have to clean my gutters.
I think I’m having a root canal that day…
Agreed this woman sickens me my God how can people get involved with married spouses no matter the problems? Stay OUT of their lives and let them fix their own problems you disgust me and how you USE the children!????
I don’t even need a root canal, but I think I’ll get one that day too.
If I bring the E. Coli, will you eat it?
I like this. Even a colonoscopy would be better than dinner with barstool Beka.
Oops I meant the ow not Beka.
Hope it’s not on the 11th my root canal is scheduled. However I do enjoy a foodalicious fight!
I have to go vote for Pedro that day.
For the win!!!
If you vote for Pedro, all your wildest dreams will come true.
“My family is insane.”
Yep, just because she grew up in a fucked up family, it’s required to go out and destroy another.
Can’t make dinner but I am HOPEFUL that everyone who read that article felt nauseated. An Optimists Guide to Divorce? Please?!?! Elizabeth Covington has no credibility on said topic as SHE DIDN’T GET DIVORCED. She is simply a woman who cheated with a married man and then used gallons of spackle to justify her own behavior and the character of her now-divorced affair partner.
Blech.
Love it good post!????
Yes, this, precisely. It’s like (childless) me telling my friends how to raise their kids — on some level, I just don’t know. I may THINK I know, what with all my world wisdom and all that, but I don’t actually. Neither does the OW every truly know the havoc they’ve caused/participated in/signed on for, even if everyone is pretending for the sake of the kids.
All I can say is that Beka must not have loved her husband the way I loved mine. (And I’m not sure OW loves her man, either, if she’s already so certain she’d be just fine if he ever left her….) But to post this story up as a parable of how it SHOULD be done is a slap in the face to those of us who actually meant the “til death do us part” bit. Those of us who ARE still bitter post-divorce may be so precisely because we’ve been served a big heaping dose of what the word “commitment” fails to mean to most people these days. Now that I know those people are out there, I can’t unknow it.
So true NWB. Before DDay 1, no matter how difficult life with the Traitor was, I used to wish I would die first, rather than live without him. It used to worry me that he was in worse health than me and that he would probably die before me, one day. That kind of love. Losing him was more than I could bear to think about.
Maybe this trio just don’t love so deeply.
You know, when I met the life coach that ended up being an OW, she told me she got over her divorce in 5 months, and the worst in something like 6 sessions of hypnotherapy. At the time I thought that was awesome, and I wanted the same thing. The truth was she is disordered too. So her attachment is shallow as well. I can’t do that, I love with everything I have.
Beka either is trying her best to be the dignified woman in the face of tremendous betrayal, (in her own way)
AND OR is making the best of the situation and already sees that there is a huge upside to “losing the loser”.
Good for Beka either way – but don’t eat too much of the shit sandwich please.
If you eat it all and smile, then this or mentally ill woman who gives a bad name to those with BiPolar) -those patients who try NOT to destroy their own or others lives) may actually believe she’s done something mildly unfortunate AH but with such class!
If all of us could only see the beauty of the ear she cut off….oh wait, that’s schizophrenia, still, how hard it must be for HER…oh, and good old Josh.
Father of the year.
For a man to sit on a bar stool and declare love at first sight says soooooo much about him that Beka might be thanking this pos with every breath she takes.
Nincompoop, the fact that you let yourself be picked up in a bar by a married man says it all. May you two live interesting lives.
Beka, move on. There isn’t anything to see here except two narcissists.
This.
Yeah what she said….
Elizabeth, does your contract with Vanderbilt University have a moral turpitude clause? Because husband stealing falls into that category.
Sorry, I have to take my kids to see their therapist that day. Thanks so much, creators of multiple homes! Wheee! This is fun!
She must still be responding to the NY times comments, because there were several hundred, and almost all of them negative. The readers of the Times see pretty much the way people here do. Sorry Elizabeth, it isn’t just bitter adultery victims who see your behavior and choices this way.
Elizabeth R. Covington is the name of the essayist. She is a leacturer at Vanderbilt and her FB and that of Rebekah’s is
open.https://as.vanderbilt.edu/english/bio/elizabeth-covington
Horrifying. Just simply horrifying to publicly disclose the childrens’ destroyed family in this shamelessly public way. I’m stunned.
She is quite a stunner on her bio…but my bitter comment is just the same…..FUCK YOU ELIZABETH R. COVINGTON
Really? I’ve seen this woman before. Pretty sure I know what bar it is she went to. I’ve lived near Nashville since I was 13.
She’s not really that hot….I don’t get it. Why light your life on fire for this? I mean…there are a billion thin, yoga pant wearing blondes in Germantown who will sleep with married men and not talk about it…I’m not advocating that. It just more logical sense to me.
Nauseating. Why can’t we just be best friends with the cheater, the OW/OM and realize how very enlightened we are for doing so? #almostasgoodasconsciousuncoupling
I’ll be bringing a fresh-out-of-the-oven shut the f*ck up pie to that dinner party.
I’ll bring the whore-d’oeurves and some pity-fours.
But seriously, beka and whatever-his name is must be united in feeling mortified about having their business all over the place like this and bringing the kids into this is an awful, unforgivable thing to do.
Agreed. It’s not just that there’s no need to make this story quite-so-public, it’s completely nutty for the affair partner to think that this story – which is essentially Beka’s story – should come from her, rather than Beka herself.
Perhaps Ms Affair Partner is a bit of a narcissist after all. Why does she feel the need to make herself so central to everything. Telling someone else’s story… With the excuse of making it a ‘thank you’…. Yeah right.
Ms Affair Partner – I’m not bitter – I’m incredulous! I suggest you go and have a long, hard think about your motivations…
Ya think? This woman is just a whacko, plain and simple. An admittedly unstable bi-polar woman, who is fine picking up a married man in a bar and falling “in love” in three months. Someone please up this woman’s meds. She sound like she is in the middle of a manic episode.
I cannot imagine any qualified therapist not being very, very concerned about her actions in impulsively jumping into a relationship with a married man, and being okay with him imploding a marriage THREE MONTHS after meeting Mr. Wonderful. Frankly, if that is not a sign that she in a manic stage of the disorder, nothing is.
But I do want to address couple of her erroneous assumptions about the types of people who share their experiences on CN. For instance, she could not be more wrong about the lack of hope here. There’s tons of it, along with anger, disappointment, fear that our children will not receive what they DESERVE from our cheating spouses, and many, many other valid emotions and concerns. Perhaps her need to justify her despicable conduct has blinded her to the truth that was spoken here, yesterday.
I am further along in my journey than some who come regularly to CL. Still, I check in every day and read all the comments. Why? Because I love the wisdom I find in this wonderful tribe of strangers who help one another on a daily basis. Actual decent human beings reaching out to other decent humans to get through the trauma of betrayal. What could be more hopeful than that???
I have been through the forest of deception and lies, and I have not only survived, I have triumphed. There is a loss that will always be with me… after a marriage that spanned three decades, not three months. But I would never, ever go back to that cesspool I was in, and I feel more free than I have for most of my adult life.
I am Beka, who I believe knows what an absolute tool her X is, and is delighted to unload him. I can’t imagine Beka’s pleased about sharing her kids with a mentally unstable woman, but I will leave that to Beka. After all, she did have the good sense to dump that loser she was married to.
Like many here, I also have done the hard work that was necessary to be a health, loving, thoughtful human being. I am a warrior, not a victim. I care about the impact that my conduct has on others, including innocent children. And despite the horrendous way X and OW behaved, I am the one who is happy, not them.
Narcissists and cheaters will never find a quarter of the peace of mind I feel. Why? Because nothing will ever be “enough” for them. This “couple” is a one-dimensional cardboard cut-out of need. Their fate is being them, and that really must suck.
My fate is awaiting me. I call it the stew of life-love, loss, kindness, grief, joy, sorrow and everything in between, but above all humanity and the compassion for other human beings. So who exactly is the bitter bunny here?
I love this.
Thank you Violet for your insight. I really didn’t understand how the ex husband behaved the way he did for years. Sadly I now know he’s a narcissist and the pattern I lived, not just in marriage, but in every relationship and activity we participated, was his pattern of idealize, devalue, and discard. I so see this clearly now. And his fate will always be that of an unhappy man where nothing is his fault and no one understands him. Special snowflake, young 20-something, schmoopie 2.0 will likely figure this out but probably years down the road. His prospects are limited and she’s better than nothing now that I’m no contact.
My sister has bipolar disorder and takes medication daily. But she still has poor decision making, spending out of control and in constant debt, poor relationship skills even when she takes her meds. When off her meds she cycles between mania and depression. She has 2 out of wedlock kids with different dads although one just died of an overdose (I suspect she was undiagnosed bipolar). My sister was an OW but was devastated when the married man didn’t leave his wife and kid for her when she showed up pregnant. She can rationalize anything if it suits her and you will never win an argument with her. She always thinks she’s right.
Josh in this scenario is likely a Cluster B and sank to his level. He won’t have Beka to prop him up to normalcy. Beka thinks she has stability by winning this married man and gaining instant family with his kids. She will never be the mom though or the stable wife. It’s just a fantasy she has that no amount of medication will ever fix.
Meant Elizabeth, schmoopie, won’t have stability. Getting the interchangeable women in Josh’ life mixed up!
Couldn’t agree more Violet.
“As a side note, if Josh cheats on me or leaves me, I will be fine” This is the line that stood out the most to me.
I can totally empathize here. Initially when fuckwit cheated and left, I didn’t think I would be fine. I thought I would die of a broken heart. Now I believe that I am not only surviving but thriving without him. I am strong and I get compliments from people on all the steps I have taken to be independent and care for my children. They are doing quite well considering their dad abandoned them and is a cheater who says everything is 100% my fault.
My point is, just because I will be fine does not mean this is the path a normal person would choose. People have survived and been fine after all sorts of atrocities throughout history but it doesn’t mean we glorify the atrocity or choose it. Elizabeth’s comment is just absurd beyond belief!!!
Am I bitter? Yes, my situation with cheater fuckwit is quite unpleasant so I am bitter towards him at times. Yesterday I had to sit through three more hours of listening to the continuation of fuckwit’s deposition where among the boatload of shit I had to hear was that he did not even attempt to contact his children over Thanksgiving because they do not respond to his texts. I had to hear him say that his adult daughter “has her head twisted around backwards about 4 times” because she is holding him accountable for his cheating actions. When asked what he thought would repair that, his only answer was “time.” I could go on and on with examples of stupid shit he said. I wanted to come out of my skin when he said none of the issues with the relationships with the children were caused by him!
So I am bitter at cheater for blowing up our family and blaming me. I am not going to just stuff my emotions and move on telling my kids it is all normal and daddy gets what daddy wants because that is what creates the monsters who do this. Yesterday totally reinforced that I cannot wait until I never have to see this nasty to the core person again. (which may be awhile considering divorce and kids)
I am not bitter at life but I do have to change because I was a very trusting person and now I am forced to question everything because I completely trusted a liar and a cheater for nearly 30 years. I am not bitter towards friends or my children or the people who support in this mess. My bitterness is compartmentalized to this situation. I am hopeful and have much to look forward to but now I have more worries about financial security because my Stbx is very open in his deposition that he doesn’t think I should get 50% of the marital assets and he is doing much to liquidate assets and spend money. I came home after hearing this to a 15 year old daughter who wants to sign up for a school trip which is quite expensive. Her father could definitely afford to send her. She will babysit and earn some of the money but it would not be realistic that she could pay the entire cost in the time she has. Now, I am sure he will not volunteer to pay and I do not know if I will be able to afford it considering what I heard at the deposition yesterday. It will probably go to court and a judge will decide our financial fate which looks good for me but he also has a good lawyer and it is all up to the feelings of a judge on that day. I have been told that one of the judges is a mysoginist. So who knows?
So you, Elizabeth, should not put your case study of your bizarre life out to the general public as some kind of model. You have not walked in my shoes nor do you hold the biblical values of many. You will probably meet my Stbx and his mistress in eternity. You can all have a nice dinner together.
That line stood up for me as well. But she is not saying just that, there is am implicit “not like you, bitter people”. It must be sad not to have a heart so you have never felt it broken.
Feelingit,
I am standing up,cheering for you, for your strong words, for your children!!!
I can think of something of fuckwits that “should be twisted around backwards about four times!”
In many of your posts your lawyer sounds exceptional. We will hope and pray for a good judge, a person with high morals and respect for the truth, a judge who believes a father has responsibilities for his own flesh and blood children. That is asking for justice, for what is right, for what is fair. An honourable judge will expect, indeed, demand this and nothing less.
Feeling it, I remember being astonished that my cheater was willing to walk away from my tiny innocent little ones, ( one not even born yet). The fact that he could leave me, well, I am an adult, I knew what good bye means, but not so for an innocent child. Trusting that a cheater’s character sucks sometimes just doesn’t make us feel much better.
Hold your head high, stay Mighty.
Truth will prevail and YOU and your Children are the Truth!
Xxxxxxx
Peacekeeper
I am at a loss of words for him. He has five precious children and he does not deserve them or their love and respect. He has lost that at his own fault. It is mindblowng that he expects to walk off into the betrayal sunset with ow, accepting no responsibilities at all!
Peacekeeper, your posts are so comforting, I want to cry. You are like a voice from above. I feel like I don’t deserve such amazing support! ❤️ Thanks!
Violet, I LOVED your manifesto.
This is why I check in everyday at CN.
“Because I love the wisdom I find in this wonderful tribe of strangers who help one another on a daily basis. Actual decent human beings reaching out to other decent humans to get through the trauma of betrayal. What could be more hopeful than that???”
Not a victim, a warrior who got out alive of the forest of lies and deceptions. Thanks to the wisdom shared here.
Violet and Chump Lady.
My hero’s. I would like to express my inexpressible gratitude to you both.
No words enough to thank people who keep you safe and sane.
❤️❤️
Move over pyramids, CL is now officially the First Wonder of the World.
#awesome&onfire????
Well said. Thank you.
“There’s a loss that will always be with me”…How true, I totally agree. How can anyone not feel sadness and loss, after their family is blown apart, after having loved someone for more than twenty years, had three amazing kids together, how can someone not care? And my cheater STBX has the nerve to ell me that “she’s better than you, I am better now”. Really how can those people sleep at night, having betrayed their long time spouse, destroyed the souls of three innocent children??? It has been more than a year that he has left us and I know I will never get over this, I will always be sad for our family and for myself.
reniak – I sure hope that you don’t ever take his projection to heart.
No, she may very well be better at sucking golf balls through garden hoses*.. or letting him belittle her as she flings kibbles into his disgusting mouth.. or, she may be better at faking a sparkly life as she slowly disintegrates from the inside…………
BUT, she is not a better person. She’s not a better role model for children. She’s not a better friend, because she obviously cares nothing of integrity or honesty or respect.
I wish you and your kids warmth and courage and unexpected joy. You’re SO much better than anyone who would be a cheater or an affair partner!
*(watch, relate and laugh at this mess! shmoopie luv iz real!)
https://www.youtube.com/user/moonlocks/videos
Yes, Let’s get Beka’s response now!
What will Elizabeth’s next cause be? Normalizing pedophilia, animal abuse, armed robbery?
We’ve got the state of Alabama to normalize pedophilia for us. #thanksroymoore
Its really chilling what has been uncovered lately. Epstein, weiner and all their high level buddies…lolita express…pedophile island…
Yes agreed I want to hear from Beka I bet she’s lovely!????
I’m hoping Beka has been here all along, watching as the UBT validates her hidden pain.
Wow. Just wow.
“Love letter to Beka”…
“Created something out of their divorce” (FYI, all of us mighty chumps do).
The first wikiquote or whatever that popped up when I googled “vanity”:
“The truest characters of ignorance are vanity and pride and arrogance.”
Samuel Butler
I have to get back to work.
Chump Nation can see through this ignorant, dumb idiot. But the UBT always makes our day.
“Love letter to Beka” is so delusional.
Hey Beka, I destroyed your life, broke up your family, and left you forever scarred because…
“I love you.”
—-
Image, a robber breaks into your home, steals your most precious possessions, and trashes your home. Everything is destroyed and now you’re homeless. Then the robber sends a “love letter” thanking you for letting go of your things so easily. Now the robber is happily living with your stuff, and you should thank him for it. After all, now you have a chance to see that it’s possible to live happily without the things you’ve worked for your whole life. You have the opportunity to watch the robber living happily with your things and want the best for him. This will allow you to be happier. You’re welcome. #thankstotherobber
Exactly!
Elizabeth, you are a homewrecking whore. It makes me sick to think that someone of your low morals and character and utter lack of empathy is permitted to spend even a moment with those two innocent girls. You were an accessory to stealing their security, innocence, and intact family. You should be ashamed of yourself, but you aren’t because you are likely a flaming narcissist with borderline personality disorder, in addition to your other issues. You make me sick.
This mother chumper. Yep – she is horrid. Exactly like the whore my X has now. Same entitlement. Same shit – different pod whore.
THIS (Hey Tracy we need a “like” button lol)
My x’s OW actually told me that! “I don’t want to hurt you. Our (x & herself) relationship has nothing to do with you! I LOVE YOU because he used to love you!”
SMH!
I don’t remember my exact reaction but I do remember telling her that she’d been sorely misinformed about what real love is.
This was also the OW who told me that my husband and I needed to have “clear boundaries” while we were still cohabitating in our home, before I finally forced him to move into an apartment (I stayed in our house). Boundaries. Yes, this person who intruded into MY marriage was now lecturing me on having clear boundaries in my own home, with my own husband. Lol.
They really are all so delusional. Kind of sad, actually.
#nothatisnotnormal
I think my “Oh-for-fucks-sake”ometer is busted….
This brought a huge smile to my face, and then a actual belly laugh. I’m stealing this one!
I can’t claim credit, the meter is part of a reaction image I see on tumblr sometimes.
How about some vegetable dipshit and some sad sausage weenies?
I think Josheypoo called dibbs on the sad sausages months ago
I’m not bringing anything to her party.
I’m just going to barge into her home without even knocking, take all of her food and wine and put it into bags that I stole from her kitchen. Then I’ll leave without saying bye.
I may or may not take her pets.. depends on my mood that day, my whims, yk. #theheartwantswhatitwants
I’ll be sure to thank her for being such a great and understanding host. I’ll thank her for creating so much for me to come and take without second thought!
Love it, UC!
Hey, ML! I think of you so often 🙂
This woman is going to like telling everyone she is a stepmom now, but not doing any sort of actual motherly work. No way she can sacrifice her own happiness for kids. The cheating husband must be in heaven being ‘weekend dad’ as well. They see themselves as somehow more evolved than others. I would like to see OW in a couple years if she is foolish enough to breed with cheater and then find out that he has cheated on her. Won’t be as enlightened as she considers herself.
I’ll bet she sure as hell won’t be giving any mother/daughter tea parties!!! She’s got first hand knowledge what Josh does when you do shit like that! Um yeah. We should all be so “evolved”!
Yeah, I was like . . .
You snuggle with the brats on the couch? And you think that makes you a loving stepmother?
Bitch cookie! Call me when you’re picking their vomit out of your hair. ‘Cuz I’d bet money you hand them right back to Beka when the parenting gets hard.
“You all make a number of assumptions about Josh and me that aren’t true. You don’t know the circumstances of Josh and Beka’s marriage before they divorced” PALEEZE….neither does she! Just another typical delusional OW!
Uh…..Yes we do know the circumstances . She was at home being a Mom while he was at a bar picking up skanks.
And we know that when Josh was “unhappy” but didn’t quite know why, he decided to cheat, AKA “stop calculating” instead of tell his wife something was wrong.
but she’s an enlightened skank. Totally different level. NY Times level.
Yep!
Instant classic!
To be honest, I’d rather invite Beka round for dinner to mine, or invite her into the Chump Nation fold.
But thanks all the same, Ms Affair Partner.
Chump Lady – I honestly don’t know how you do it – this is bloody hilarious, while also being so spot-on. We need some bullshit-translating /critical thinking masterclasses from you. Brilliant!
Come to Australia. There’s one going on in May. 🙂
Seriously YOU are my hero CL!! What the hell kind of reality do these people live in!?? How dare she presume to call that piece of garbage essay a “love letter” Beyond belief…Empathy much?
Wish I could! I’m still waiting, hoping you’ll come to the UK. 🙂
Chump Lady – do you have a spot to go to find out more about booking the trip?
Nev-va mind! Found it in the forums.
https://zhuchi.com.au/products/chump-lady-in-oz-leave-a-cheater-gain-a-life
I’d much rather spend time with Beka and HER daughters and leave you and your boyfriend home!
Get back to me about that dinner after you’ve been married or had kids or written too many checks to a divorce lawyer or found out your boyfriend gave you herpes or woke up to find your bank accounts emptied or found out Josh was at a bar with another woman or ________ (fill in the blank).
But all that hasn’t happened to HER because HER (oh, and Josh’s… and Beka’s) is SO MUCH DIFFERENT AND SPECIAL!!! Her presence has brought about ENLIGHTENMENT!! SHE knows how to fuck someone else’s husband (oh, she means Beka’s) THE RIGHT WAY!!! THAT was TRUE LOVE goddammit!!! You can’t get herpes from the TRUE LOVE developed from a bar stool on MOTHER’S DAY!!!
She’s not like all the OTHER other women, out there! She is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay different (cue the “credit Beka” in hopes her classiness gets this OW more kibble)
Oh!!! And if she ends up with herpes and her bank account wiped out, she’ll send Josh off with her love, blessings and thanks!
Elizabeth:
Hahahahahahahaha ????????????
She has never married or had children but she’s more than happy to help herself to other women’s husbands and children. How many “tumultuous relationships “ did she have in that roughly 8 week period? Theses are the kind of losers that our cheaters go for. Our cheaters can sniff out these pathetic women in about 20 seconds of first laying eyes on them. The only effort needed is in keeping the lies straight. My exh said he fucked the women he did because they had no other prospects and he didn’t have to do much to nail them. LOL Real special.
Yes! My favorite UBTism from the “I’m deluded enough to believe it will work to say that it’s only cheating if genitals touch genitals” department:
“Falling in love with strangers and picking up women in bars on his anniversary is not cheating. It’s acknowledging my super specialness. There’s a DIFFERENCE.”
“Tumultuous relationships” and falling “in love” in three months (instantly, actually) is all just code for borderline personality. Enjoy the fallout, Josh. Poor kids.
She did marry. She references a “messy divorce.”
Nora, sorry I missed that. Is it just one messy divorce she had? I wonder how many messy divorces she helped cause.
Probably “messy” because of her cheating. Maybe her chump wasn’t willing to play “I’m so happy for you and the skank you’re fucking,” the way Beka was. But to be fair, Beka’s children are being held hostage there and she wants to make it as smooth and painless as possible for them. No doubt this slut’s ex was not as cooperative. Maybe he refused to keep her super shitty character a secret.
Here is MY love letter to Beka:
“Please do the calculations — Josh has stopped the math, you see — and understand that:
Beka > (Josh + Elizabeth)*infinity
And if I am ever in the Nashville area, I’ll make you dinner and give you a pedi myself.”
Cheers to that idea!
Dinner party with Beka and her girls?
I’m in!
And did she really say that this is her love letter to Beka? Really?! In the newspaper?
A-hem. If she’s not looking for attention and narcissistic supply, then why didn’t she just write the letter directly to Beka? Or even sit her down for coffee, after their mani-pedi, and tell her of her ‘graditude’ face-to-face? You know, like in private?
Ms Affair Partner – perhaps a bit of self-reflection is required here for you.
Plus, what’s the point in hearing this story from you? This story has next to no value coming from the affair partner. It’s only of value coming from the person who has been cheated on.
If she done that she wouldn’t have got paid for the article, I still think she made the whole thing up and she’s just having us on!
If she got paid for the article (AKA the ‘love letter to Beka’), then I think she should answer on here what she’s doing with the money…. Giving it to Beka either for herself, or the kids would be the right answer. Providing she did so without any fanfare and she didn’t turn it into another ‘look at me!’ opportunity
Once again, she assumes marriage circumstances cause infidelity. They don’t. Circumstances don’t have agency. Cheaters do.
Brilliant. Thank you.
Exactly right. I am so sick of hearing comments from affair partners like, “But you don’t know the circumstances of their marriage.” What complete and utter nonsense. News flash to all affair partners: You don’t know the circumstances of their marriage either. You only know what the lying cheater told you to rationalize his behavior.
Wake up, Affair Partners. There are no marriage circumstances that cause or justify cheating. Cheating is a choice. Honest people with character and integrity do not cheat, regardless of the circumstances of their marriage.
“Honest people with character and integrity do not cheat, regardless of the circumstances of their marriage.” Can we get this posted on thousands of billboards throughout the country?? Especially one in my town…
Absolutely right. How delusional is this woman?!! I sincerely hope that Beka is just biding her time, keeping the peace for the sake of her children, and not actually accepting this crap as okay! It’s modelling some pretty crappy ideals, but maybe she knows that given a bit of time, Josh and Ms. Delusional will just go fuck off.
THIS!!!
” Wake up, Affair Partners. There are no marriage circumstances that cause or justify cheating. Cheating is a choice. Honest people with character and integrity do not cheat, regardless of the circumstances of their marriage.”
Thanks So Done.
You are so correct. A few people have said to me “oh the marriage must have been waning”. How cruel and misinformed.
Exactly right and let me add this. As all of us chumps know, we are treated absolutely horribly by our ex cheaters during the “discard phase.” For me this went back as far as a year. My ex was a total shithead towards me and I chalked it up to his work stress. It got so bad I was getting ready to have an adult conversation that went something like this: “Something is going to have to change or we’re not going to make it” type conversation.
You know what I didn’t do during that time period that my marriage was legitimately shitty? Cheat on my spouse. I was unhappy and I was getting to the point where I started thinking about separating if he wasn’t willing to try counseling but I didn’t cheat.
Beka didn’t cheat either-even though her spouse was warming bar stools and telling woe is me tales to skanks while she took care of their children.
Hell to the yes here. I was in the same shitty marriage, getting treated like shit by my husband looking to pick fights so he could justify his cheating. I didn’t respond to this misery by cheating. I chose devotion, he chose destruction. Does that make me a better person? Goddamn right it does
You and I shared the same last year by the looks of it. He was not talking to me; even stopped saying my name. Now that I look back at it, I can see it was all calculated. Meanwhile, I’m running around taking care of everyone, have difficulty sleeping and waking up because I was so depressed. That ass had it all figured out. How sick. How utter sick.
I experienced the exact same “discard phase”during the last year or so of my marriage. My total shithead ex noticeably had less and less affinity – or even tolerance – for me, coupled with more and more contempt and disdain. It was a miserable existence, but I also attributed it to work and other stress in his life. I finally did approach him with the “something’s-going-to-have-to-change” conversation….that’s when he admitted to his affair. I wasted another whole year with that ass going thru marriage counseling, while he continued to cheat with his co-worker (now his wife). At the end of that year, I found irrefutable evidence of his multiple affairs going back to the very beginning of our almost 26-year marriage. I spent the best years of my life with him, totally supported his career, including moving cross-country multiple times so he could climb the corporate ladder, had two kids that I pretty much raised alone, as he was zero help to me, and sacrificed my own career to be at home with them. And he was cheating the whole time, while I remained faithful and devoted. He could have divorced me early on – before kids and before we built what I thought was a good life – so I could have had the chance for an authentic relationship with someone else. The selfish is boundless.
And what cheater did not also lie, steal marital resources, neglect the spouse and children and most horribly cut down the spouse in order to justify their cheating. The cheaters are not being honest and communicating their feelings, they are betraying and abusing.
Exactly. The bit from Tracy’s book about “If you’re unhappy in your marriage there are about 1,000 things you can do first. Go to counseling, get a hobby, talk to your spouse, divorce.” Choosing the infidelity route is the ultimate path of cowardice.
This. So very much this.
I don’t know the state of Beka’s and Josh’s marriage. Elizabeth the OW implies that the marriage was absolutely terrible (and she should know because Josh the Adulterer told her so and Josh is oh so truthful!).
Certainly if Josh is hanging out in bars, the marriage was on the rocks. It’s just that Josh didn’t TELL Beka that the marriage was having problems. Instead of having an honest conversation with Beka, he went to a bar to pick up Elizabeth the Chickie (or any chickie-poo would do).
And that’s really at the heart of Elizabeth “I’m Sparkly and Special” and her message. She’s Elizabeth “I like to Sleep with Other People’s Husbands” and he’s Josh, “I like Cheating on my Wife.” This is clearly a match made in heaven. #canyouspottheirony
Beka, if you’re reading this, you are SO much better off without your cheating asshole.
You know what Elizabeth doesn’t realize? Josh could have picked up ANYONE. She was the most receptive target that fateful day in the bar…
Cheaters aren’t looking for specific people. They look for willing holes and sausages. Fact.
This is absolutely the case! Asshole was trolling all the time just looking for a willing partner. These idiots think it’s love at first site or kismet or some other nonsense when truth be told it’s anyone who will oblige.
DM, I always scan for your comments because they always cut to the chase.
Thanks, Resa.
This^^^^^Thanks DM!! I am totally at a loss for words about this garbage. This homewrecker has all the attributes of serious mental health issue(s), multiple I think, to believe any of the garbage she writes. ?love letter… seriously WTF… you ripped open somebody’s heart and life and then fed on it and think that is ok and you are all special?? Not to mention those poor girls. Get yourself some help!
Thanks CL. You rock and this totally made my day!
Not my monkeys, not my circus.. ..
I hate being called bitter because wasband cheated and betrayed me. I was a good wife, living, supportive, uunderstanding, caring. I gave him 15 years and 2 kids only to have him run off with the neighborhood party meth head a year after my oldest and firstborn past away.. .. his parting words to me was I “got boring”.. .. now I am just the baby momma who is trying to make his life miserable and doesn’t “let” him see his boys (even thou I have no phone number or address for him, it is still all my fault).. ..
Of course, I shouldn’t be upset about any of this, his girlfriend just treated him better then I did.. .. you know in the 3 months she knew him verses my 15 years.. .. I am only mad that I lost him not because he broke my trust and hurt me. Oh and I am just jealous because he wanted her and did not want me anymore (but we will not talk about all the shit I did for him for 15 years… that is in the past) .. .. he just can’t understand why I can’t get over it already (said to me by both him and his chick 2 MONTHS after I found out about her)
These people will change the story to make themselves look good. They are just GOOD people who just happen to duck a married man… .. Josh didnt want to cheat on his wife of 10, 15, whatever years. He is such a wonderful man, he HAD to tell her. Barf.. .. like it makes it ok . He STILL betrayed and cheated on beka huh.. .. and this xtra special cornflakes is trying oh so hard to pretend that what her, Josh and ex-wife beak is something glittery and extraordinary when basically she and Josh are basic homewrecker who put their own selfish needs over the children and the living, loyal wife.. ..
#karma
That dumpster-twat’s letter is verbal proof that cheaters who marry their affair partners often spackle even harder than chumps. “See how happy we are?!? See?!? See?!?” But there ain’t enough hamburger hot dish in the world to cover over the domestic disaster the The A-hole Author and Jack-off Josh have created. The stench won’t be denied. Like someone took a loaded diaper, set on fire, then smothered the fire with Donald Trump’s toupee. Hungry, anyone?
You’ve heard of an unwelcome guest being a turd in the punchbowl? This bimbo’s the c*nt in the casserole. Ugh. Just, no.
You have a hilarious way with words! Loved your comment 🙂
I wish we had the option to ‘like’ comments!
Right? Me too! So many time I’ve hit the reply button, just to like the comment!
Maybe Cunty casserole could be the dish you bring to the party?
Hahaha… I love it!! CC my new favourite saying
Howling with laughter over here. Tracy I appreciate your hesitation to not give this ridiculous woman anymore kibbles, but you’ve said this before and you are right: This is a great public service announcement into the mind of the pathologically entitled narc.
Thanks for the dinner invite, psycho homewrecker, but I’ll pass. I don’t need to drive to Nashville for dinner with deluded narcs and secretly suffering children. I have my very own OW who fucked and stole my asshole husband but is really a Good Person who cares about me and my kids. And I’m not having dinner with her either.
Like
Ditto me! She mindfucks my kid and ‘helps’ her make my Christmas present with her big fat mouth wide open to catch whatever kibble I might throw her way.
The big fat slutty pig…
I’d be happy to attend.
I will be bringing a list of professional counselors (with references) for those 2 children who are being fucked in the head by a bunch of fucked up adults who are unloading their fuckupedness on 2 undeserving, innocent victims.
I’ll also be bringing my new Tony Lama boots to kick Josh right square in his fucked up ass.
I think his nuts would be a better target
I consider that, but didn’t want to risk getting some nasty funk on them. There’s no telling how many different places his nuts have been lately.
He has nuts?
Like!!!
This Sheer Piece of Narcissistic Maggot is an attorney. If you hired him, is he going to represent your best interest or his own?
Yes, please identify him before he steals all the money out of his clients’ trust accounts. This guy is a ticking time bomb to prospective clients.
This is what teenagers refer to as a roast. A might good one at that. LOL!
No thanks to dinner I have no taste for the company of cheaters. #honestpeopledontcheat #authenticfriendsomly
Besides only one year out from a decades long marriage I’m too busy being a mighty, and supporting my teen and early twenty something students #pedicurewouldntifxit
Oh a positive note the initial sadness and fear for my future is being replaced with confidence that I am better off, and positive interactions with genuine and wonderful new friends #CNarethebest #CLrocks
It’s a very good thing that she would be ok with that guy cheating on her. Because, well, yeah… the odds aren’t bad.
William hill is taking bets right now but you wouldn’t get much of a win.
Goodness the comments are on fire today! I’ll try and resist saying anything bad because this woman is so puffed up, it could all pop and send her into a depression or something. She seems really unstable.
Did you catch the bit about her being bipolar yesterday?
But she’s got a SPECIAL kind of bipolar… that kind that makes her SPECIAL and UNIQUE.
Beka, honey, that woman’s psycho. The less time your two sweethearts spend with her, the better. She is not normal and your kids are seriously in psychological danger with her.
Agreed
Beka has young kids. The old keep your friends close and your enemies closer is probably lurking in her chumpy mind. As long as the kiddos are making the special snowflake happy and look good, all will be okay. The minute they sass and/or call a ho a ho, watch out for the discard. Josh, your pesky lil brats aren’t too much fun anymore. When shit gets real, the ugly will reveal.
So much THIS^^^^! All narcs like little kids because they are very easy kibble. Wait until they are uncooperative fourteen year olds who have figured out exactly what was her role in the demise of their parents’ marriage. She will be eager to discard them and she’ll have no trouble convincing Josh either–he’s finds it pretty easy to walk away from kids.
My now ex is desperate to visit with his almost 13yo daughter because he knows she won’t be compliant and hand out kibbles much longer. He told me this straight up, though without the word kibbles 🙂
Of course he’s not desperate enough to make the 1000+ mile trip HERE to see her, she has to fly there so he can play family with B-squared (big breasted, bleach blonde bimbo). And she’s terrified about flying, so he routed her through a major airport, how thoughtful. But she has to go to him. He wrote off my oldest because they aren’t handing out kibbles anymore, just handing out bullsh*ts by the dozen.
I am really worried about how to handle this, how to teach my daughter not to be a kibble machine. One of those “do as I say, not as I do” kinda things. I did not set a good example all these years.
I read a cheater is 3.5 times more likely to cheat again than a non cheater, good luck with that!
Good old Eluzabeth may just find herself serving shit sandwiches at one of her fabulous family dinner parties, when she realizes that she has to eat her own words.
Her rationalizations defy belief. The superficial attitude is a hard one to accept. The only explanation is that Beka is deliriously happy to have the cheater taken off her hands, but I don’t understand how Beka is so content with sharing mother duties with Elizabeth. Perhaps she thinks of her as an au pair, paid child care.
There is absolutely no question in my mind that discovering your ‘trusted’ partner is cheating is a horrendous life altering event. Nothing is more painful or traumatic, and there is no possible way to recover quickly.
Unless Beka had a lil’ sumpin sumpin on the side herself…
That’s why my ex’s OW husband was so “the heart wants what it wants” as he was helping his wife and 3 kids move in with my brand new ex husband.
Sorry, but I don’t think that’s fair.
It’s awful that this happened to you. Wrong, disgusting and horrible.
But let’s not make any assumptions about this woman who was cheated on…
I’m not assuming anything. I’m simply presenting a possibility that there’s much more to this whole skein of fuckupedness…
You dont think if Beka had something on the side it wouldn’t have been used as just another level of justification and Meanttobe-ism?
I would SOO love beka’s side.
Dear Elizabeth,
If you happen to read this comment, I would like you to define “cheating”. The reason I ask is because my ex-husband said he did not cheat either. Yet, for a good year, he was “at the gym” from 8:30 to about 1:30 (he called himself a stay at home dad). When he left me and reminded me that it was ME he was leaving and not the children, he said there was no other.
Fast forward in time, I discovered restaurant receipts from another town. When I confronted him with them he said yes, he was out with “her” and probably talking about our bad marriage. During that year, I had a broken foot and my father had open heart surgery (which meant I was driving my mom to and fro hospital in really cold weather) while making lunch for kiddies who ran home from school at lunchtime, and doing all the other typical things mom’s/wives do —I’ll spare you the details of my life on crutches and the near death experiences I almost suffered with them — while my husband was out with a friend. That’s what he called her. A friend. A friend he never told me about during that ugly time. But he wasn’t cheating, right? He was only shopping with her, drinking tea with her and having lunches with her. Well, they’ve been together for two years now.
So again, I’ll give you and your amazing lifestyle a second chance if you can define CHEATING to me.
I’m all ears.
You know what, I’m willing to bet that she defines it as “not confessing after the fact.” She says ‘he wasn’t able to “cheat” — he had to tell Beka.’ Okay, but do you see a word missing there? First. Not, “he had to tell Beka FIRST,” just “he had to tell Beka.” This was similarly glossed over in the first essay. If they really hadn’t banged first, she’d be shouting that from the rooftops. Instead, she’s playing Weasel Words. They were having sex before he told her, but she feels the confession retroactively fixes it.
Right. We had sex and/or fell in their version of love and then he had to tell Beka. No cheating there. Right.
If it was before cheating, shouldn’t Josh have asked Beka? Telling is something you do after the fact.
He waited a month to tell Beka about OW, according to OW’s essay. Cowardly and deceptive.
Tennessee is a fault state, so lawyer Josh probably didn’t want to cop to his adultery… until dumbass OW Elizabeth went and confessed Josh’s adultery to the entire frickin world.
Elizabeth’s divorce lawyer’s case just got a whole lot easier. Thanks, OW!!
Oops— that’s Wife Beka’s divorce case that just got a lot easier on publication of Elizabeth’s insane drivel, lol — all these Biblical names for the women he tries to juggle, can’t keep them straight. Josh can’t really tell these 2 women apart either, no matter what trite ass shit he whisper growls in bed to Elizabeth, it’s all the same lines and Josh never really sees any woman for who she is.
Mjo, isn’t it just great when they go shopping with the AP, while you put up with them sighing and getting pissed at the traffic in the mall parking lot when you try to get them to go Christmas shopping with you and the kids? I just loved getting gifts his coworker “friend” had picked out for me. So special.
For sure. And that Christmas he gave me a vacuum cleaner. I look back now and can’t believe that I allowed him to treat me like shit. But we had kids and I didn’t want to rock the boat. I was holding up that tent.
She picked the present for you? Unbelievable. Just unbelievable. And people wonder why we can’t just move along. Why we’re traumatized. I’ll tell you what though. I’ll tell you how I grew from this experience. Just let anyone try to approach me now and be all “just move along”. Before, little old me would agree so I wouldn’t stir anything up. Now? I grew massive balls from this ordeal. I don’t mind losing friends in the process of defending my dignity, my integrity. And I feel amazing about that.
Yeah, she picked out gifts for me I later discovered because she was so nice like that. My husband also started selling candles that she was peddling to make extra money on the side. After he left, he gave our kids some of her candles for Christmas. I wanted to smash them when I saw the stupid things at my kids’ houses after Christmas. I wanted to yell, “Do you where these candles come from?” But I kept my mouth shut. My kids were already traumatized from dealing with my pain and anger, so I was trying to get on a more even keel with them. Still, it was infuriating.
I remember leaving those damn Christmas pillows she picked out when I moved out of the house. She also made him little crafty Christmas decorations that he’d tell me were special to him because they were given to him by a “graduate student.” He wouldn’t tell me they were from her. Once I found out, I’d take the dumb things down, then I’d find them back the next day. Now I can’t believe I was living with crap like that.
Cheater: Where are those pretty Christmas-ornament angels?
(After he kept putting them back up on our fucking tree after DDay; because she’d given one to each of our *children,* not me, and the kids thought they were beautiful.)
Me: They’re not going on the tree again. I wrapped junk mail around them and set fire to them in the sink. That’s the funny smell, lingering in the kitchen.
Cheater, terrified: Oh. Okay.
I got good mileage out of that one. Very satisfying.
Love this! Good for you.
Lol!!!!
Yeah, I got a vacuum cleaner for Mother’s Day one year. And for Christmas (one of the years I actually got a present) I got a “super special” coffee grinder that was like 3 feet tall and would barely fit on my kitchen counter. Why? Because Dr. Narc wanted it for his aeropress.
Spackle, spackle…
#neveragain
THAT was one of the explanations he had when he was caught shopping with the OW. “She’s helping me pick out gifts for my wife”. Strange, because he really never bought me anything!
I discovered secret conversations and lunches. My ex didn’t consider it cheating because naughty bits didn’t touch.
But heck, he might have been lying.
One more thing…
If that essay was supposed to be a love letter to someone else, why is it almost entirely about the author? I write for a living, so from an editorial perspective, it would’ve received a rewrite request based on that alone.
Cause in their world the only pronouns they know are me, myself and I.
Exactly!!
Been scanning the responses today to see if anyone else noticed the number of “I”‘s in that letter! Me, me, me. You don’t know me. If you knew me. Blah, blah, blah.
I’ll come to dinner after the kids are gone and living far away from that hot mess. Let’s see how that relationship is then. Anyone want to place the odds on where Josh’s Dick is then?
I got the narc out of my life and found a healthy relationship filled with loyalty, reciprocity and joy. No a contact is the path to the truth and the light! If that’s bitter, count me in.
#BitterBuuny and proud hair twig wearer since 2015.
Call me Beka. I’d much rather hear your reasoning from you – if you exist – instead of this self absorbed whore.
Am imagining Becka is furiosly figuring out how to protect her two young daughters now that a mentally ill person has invited every single creepy person on the internet to just drop in on them – anytime -unannounced?
All without triggering a bunny backlash
How much does a former secret service person charge by the hour?
Measure of OW thoughtlessness: using Josh and Beka’s real names and location. Jesus.
“I made myself vulnerable.”
I heard this one a few times from the XW. Being a shit person is being a shit person, no matter how “vulnerable” you are about it. Being vulnerable after throwing a grenade isn’t being brave; it’s putting lipstick on a pig.
“You don’t know the circumstances of Josh and Beka’s marriage…”
Ah, the classic specious “cheating is okay if you’re unhappy” logic. By this logic, any immoral act is justifiable. If he was so unhappy, and he had genuine integrity, then he would have gotten a divorce without cheating. I don’t need to meet him to know that.
“Bitterness and hopelessness.” WTF?!? I have more hope and happiness now than I ever had during my XW’s affair. Seeing how this woman uses ALL the same twisted logic as my XW (such as, Josh is a *special* kind of cheater…not “boorish”) just makes me laugh and have so much MORE hope because you are all so predictable. News flash, EVERY cheater and his affair partner think they are special snowflakes, somehow better than the other, typical cheaters. But you’re not the “best of the worst.” You’re the worst, just like every other cheater and affair partner.
She spends a LOT of time imagining that she knows how people feel inside. And surprise, surprise, she imagines they ALL LOVE her….
I saw no vulnerability in that letter at all. Just superiority and delusion.
Nope. She didn’t get anywhere on the “charm” channel, so she’s trying to leverage vulnerability on the “self pity” channel. That also failed spectacularly, so next up will be the “rage” channel. My ex’s preferred approach to rage was silence and calculated revenge, and given that we haven’t heard from Elizabeth today, I’d say she’s stewing in her rage.
Every cheater thinks they’re the special kind, the different kind, the right kind. It’s called entitlement, as we know but Elizabeth is slow to comprehend.
The only one I’d be interested in having dinner with is Beka, who I suspect is laughing all the way to the bank.
Wow. She specifically makes the point that Josh never cheated. Bullshit. You don’t need to have sex to cheat. Ending a barstool soulmate session with, “Can I see you again?” qualifies as cheating. Pretty sure Josh didn’t run home and tell Beka about the encounter. That’s CHEATING and it’s wrong. She is so delusional that she can’t even admit that this is how the relationship started.
Prediction: I’ll wager that this woman and Josh are on what my lawyer called “the 8 year plan”. By year seven Josh is befriending another helpless soulmate on a barstool… and he’s back at the lawyer’s office soon after that. After my lawyer met my cheating STBX that was her remark: “We have a name for clients like your STBX. It’s called repeat business.”
I love that Dee… the 8 year plan!!
In the New York Times essay that Elizabeth wrote, she said that she had found the right medication. I doubt that. What sane person glorifies her adultery for the world to see?
Probably the best medication for Elizabeth would be a mirror.
Also, for an educated adult, she writes more like an immature girl. (Beka and I giggle, etc.) I am guessing that she completely underestimates Beka, and I’m sure that she underestimates the intelligence of her audience.
Elizabeth’s attempts at image management are completely transparent. She should spend more time looking in a good mirror instead of writing flaky, juvenile justifications of her “sin,” to use her own word.
You just gave me the best idea for my STBXH’s Christmas present from our kids. A MIRROR!
Genius, simply genius
Oh, and as a fellow southerner from the Nashville area, I should add to my reflections on Elizabeth and her essay, “ Bless her heart.”
THIS^^^^^^
^^^^^^
Bahahah.
I’ll bring the std creme brûlée!!!!
I think the biggest problem is that she is speaking self righteously about something she truly can’t possibly understand. She is naive, in the same way I was when I got married….thinking I would never be one of those couples who doesn’t have sex, is unhappy, or gets divorced, etc. OF COURSE you will figure out how to be happy together and stay together forever, because you LOVE eachother, duh! She can’t really absorb that at one point, that’s also how Josh felt with Beka. (I feel weird using their first names as if I know them btw). But he doesn’t anymore b/c let’s face it, this adulting thing can be a real drag and Beka actually expects him to participate, and DO stuff…..who can blame him for wanting to leave?! Ugh
And I’m glad to hear she will be just fine when this guy discards her in 5 or 10 years b/c he “just isn’t happy, even though on paper he should be”. And it sounds like she is ready to warmly welcome the next lady who makes Josh “happy” into the folds too, since she will be just fine IF he does cheat on her or leave her. Seriously?!
EVERY Other Woman feels like her married guy is just unhappy in his marriage, but is a good person so he stays to take care of the wife and kids. And the OW provides him with the much needed love, support, sex, understanding etc. that he DESERVES but his wife just won’t give it to him b/c she is controlling and only cares about her children. Well guess why his wife is so busy and distracted…..b/c he isn’t pulling his weight or showing up to the marriage!! And also…she’s a parent, that is quite the time suck if you do it right (and semi-alone)!!!
I just think this woman is so self involved, that she can’t see outside of her own perspective enough to even fathom WHY this is inappropriate, smug and self righteous. WE must be the problem….we just don’t get her. Or Josh. Because we are bitter. (eye roll)
Well said, K. All of this!! ^^^
Ditto!!!!
Yes!
K,
Love, love, love this comment:
And the OW provides him with the much needed love, support, sex, understanding etc. that he DESERVES but his wife just won’t give it to him b/c she is controlling and only cares about her children. Well guess why his wife is so busy and distracted…..b/c he isn’t pulling his weight or showing up to the marriage!!
Sooooo beautifully said!!!
This is exactly why my ex said about me. I was controlling and only cared about the kids. It’s like they share the same brain or get a script.
Same script, different loser.
And then asshat reveals how jealous he is of me being a parent to the kids. And he’s jealous of his kids. They get to have a mother who would give her limbs for the welfare of her kids, not like the parents he has.
Cheating is an act of cowardness.
If I had married an actual emotionally healthy adult, I would only need to sacrifice a few body parts as the other parent would gladly give up their’s too.
Notice how when child support is being set so many of thirst formerly resentful and uninvolved absent parents suddenly try to get 50/50 to reduce their support obligation? Makes me furious!
@ K!!! Omg! You nailed it! Thank you!
Sweet Beka donated her old faux fur coat she got the best use out of for years (while it was in style and before PETA spray painted it thinking it was the real deal). Actually I think she sat it out on the curb. Elizabeth found it and thought it made her worthy and high society. She doesn’t even realize she’s wearing old trash that is out of style and considered tacky now, flea ridden, spray painted, and only was beautiful because the woman wearing it made it look like a million bucks. Elizabeth is standing at the curb with it on and look, I think Beka may have waved at her from the front door. Oh, uh, no. Beka was closing the door. She was so glad to get that trash off her lawn.
I wish this was the lady Beka was modeling for her children. You do not invite the trash in to have tea and cookies with a 3 year old and a 7 year old. The kids need one sane parent.
My heart is breaking for Beka, she must be in so much pain, I wish CN and CL could stand behind her and guide her to NC. Let this messed up Tramp and her dickless wonder go on their merry way, but teach the kids to set boundaries.
Fabulous lol.
Every inmate in penitentiary is currently warming up the library iMac in anticipation of the following essays:
Conscious Purse Uncoupling- Thanks to That One Lady I Get Three Bologna Sandwiches a Day
He Thanked Me For Doing His Wife a Random Sex Murder. She Spent and Talked Too Much.
Bernie Madoff’s Plea- Several Investors Were Relieved to See Balances Shrink. Gold is Heavy and They Always Hated Maths.
The hilarity of it all, for me, is that Adultery is right up there in the worst inflictions to other human beings that every faith in world history agrees on. But you will hear time and again an expectation of Absolution by Adulterers.
Let me break this down for you over Virtual Nashville BBQ, Pantsless Contessa. Did he fuck you before the ink was dry on a separation agreement? Congrats. You’re both cheaters. Did he cup your tender lady heaves before Beka was invited to celebrate the demise of her life partnership? Hallelujah! Adultery is your shared hobby, soulmates!
No matter how lucky you were to avoid consequences, or whatever version Josh told you, you do not know what his marriage was like. What did Josh do to kill his marriage, other than sit in bars talking up strangers about it and complaining about Beka’s Failures?
I can guarantee you one thing, Sisterhood of the Knickerless Huusband. In a few years the Conscious Unfuckening you imagine with honesty and reckoning and Namaste isn’t going to happen. Josh will spread his ample cheeks on another stool and tell his Sad Sausage version of That Bitch is Cray to a complete stranger. Every trusted intimacy you shared will be fair game. You are not special, Sympatheric Vagina With Ears. Wonders yet, I doubt you were the first with every fiber of Statistical Evidence.
And here’s the thing too. Just because you hit the Chump Lottery, doesn’t mean everyone else has to follow Beka into the Kumbaya Hinterland. I mean, somewhere on Craigslist there is a guy just begging a girl or another guy to willingly cut off his penis and make chili con carne with it. That doesn’t mean it’s wise decision for the General Populace.
It also doesn’t mean the Shitty Thing You Did Becomes Less Shitty No Matter How Many Years Pass or Who Was a Bigger Person and Forgave You. It makes Beka stronger. It makes Beka better. And you don’t get to, in your Consummate Shittiness, get to dictate the Craigslist Dick Chili Path for anyone.
You gave up that moral ground the moment you gave your digits to an unhappy married man rather than recommending a marriage counselor.
And one last question, Chili Dick Whisperer- If Chumps and Chump Lady are so Bitter and Unhappy, why are we SO FUCKING HILARIOUS?
Loved all of this… but especially this: “Wonders yet, I doubt you were the first with every fiber of Statistical Evidence.”
“You are not a special sympathetic vagina with ears” OMG you are killing me! lmao
Yes, I wonder what her essay in Modern Love will look like in two years? I don’t give this “relationship” much shelf life because these two cheaters are just all kinds of fucked up. In just about every sentence, this woman has revealed her instability and delusional thinking. The love of her life hangs around in bars in the middle of the day, drinking and looking for strange (which he certainly found), but he is the catch of a lifetime? Not exactly a match made in heaven, more like a pact with the devil. But since neither of these cretins appear to have a soul, not much of a bargain for the devil.
When I think of Chump Lady and her Mr. rambling contentedly around Paris Museums and ordering fabulous pants they won’t take off for anyone but each other and maybe their doctor, I MOST DEFINITELY know they are just jealous of Josh and Deludezabeth tickling shellshocked toddlers in their fabulous stucco duplex. Damn. I know I am. In fact, I wish I could be more like Cold Slab O’Meat, paying Child Support to two different neck tattooed Baby Mamas until, if, when, he qualifies as a non citizen to draw his own Social Security. In a duplex he can barely afford. Oooh La La!
“That Bitch is Cray” ????
Luz,
I love your term “vagina with ears” funny sight!
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Love you, Luz!
Elizabeth, you are trying to control a family torn apart by divorce. In fact, when I read yesterday’s story, I had an inclination you were purposely finding him to accidentally run into him, ie, A STALKER. A Contoller, A Crazy. Here’s your reality, you can’t control others ! You haven’t added those lovely teenage years, another baby, another husband for Beka( possibly with kids of his own), bigger bills( that child support and alimony get harder and harder to pay), and your now the wife that he may want the escape from. You think you are different,your love is all powerful, “he could never hurt me, look what I do for him, I even take care of his leftover family he damaged, I take care of him sexually, I write love letters to the ex wife, I take on CL against the ample angry bitter exwives out there, and the other justifying bullshits you say to yourself. Have you watched all the celebrities at all? Have you not witnessed other second marriages fall apart?They all think they are different. They all think they have true love. You have your head stuck in the sand so deep, you can’t see what is coming. But alas, maybe that’s just what you are, a dumbass bird with big tail feathers.
You know, growing up I’ve seen some seriously fucked up people, like sick, fucked up, take pleasure in hurting people, criminal sickos (you get the point) well I’ve seen quite a few of those couples stay together 20/30 years until now.
So I’ve seen the opposite of the second marriage falls apart theory
And they don’t get less fucked up either, staying together could actually be worse.
(One of the above 4 husbands possibly murdered his ex)
Fundamentally, what this is all about is the depth of commitment in marriage. Elizabeth makes it clear that marriage, to her, is the societal acknowledgement of couple hood, kind of like going steady in high school. Hence, “… if Josh cheats on me or leaves me, I will be fine. I wouldn’t want anyone to stay with me out of complacency or pity or duty.”
On the other hand, most of us here view marriage as something deeper, something that we admit may take work, effort, sacrifice, and putting the interests of others ahead of the interests of ourselves. That’s why it’s so galling (to us) when ‘daddy’ decides he was never in love and leaves his spouse and some number of kids to be with a childless younger model, or ‘mommy’ needs to spread her sexual wings, no matter how it hurts her daughters and her spouse. Daddy or mommy don’t accept deep real marriage, and spouse is left holding the bag.
Clearly Elizabeth is all about marriages of convenience – it was convenient for Josh and Beka to be married for a while, and now it’s convenient for Josh to be with her; “Why all the fuss about such a simple thing?” Elizabeth must think. News flash, sometimes marriage is hard, but it’s worth the work, if one is deep enough to fathom that.
Hugs. Strength. Peace.
aeronaut
Another spot on comment. Damn chump nation is on fire today!
And let’s not forget about how conveniently she’d find it to cut off contact with the children she’s lured in. I’ve been nursing that reality all day! She’d find it so easy to give up Josh, but she seems not to think at all about those girls–she claims she loves them like the kids she never had but they don’t even enter her consciousness of post-Josh.
The saddest thing about the point you make is I can understand why Elizabeth naively holds these views about marriage, but it’s heart breaking when you find out your spouse actually holds that belief too, and btw he never shared that with you. And you were married to him for xx number of years. Oh you don’t think you are cut out for marriage, or that marriage even works at all as a concept?? Hmm well that would have been wonderful information to know 5…10…15 years ago. And the truth is closer to the fact that it would take more resources than they are willing to give, because they consider it more of an obligation rather than a commitment. And we know narcissists do NOT like obligation and all those pesky mundane details and expectations that come along with that.
I think bitterness, anger and resentment is just a way of trying to cope with the all encompassing pain and sadness that comes with betrayal and someone blowing up your life and your belief system as you knew it. Beka is probably trying to deny those feelings b/c she wants to protect her children so much, but I predict that is not going to end well either.
I don’t know you, I don’t need to know you. My sister is a delusional, bi polar cornflake disaster, just . like. you.
She will cannibalize every person or thing that has any value for her narcissism/mental illness/#ohdidyouknowimbackonnewmeds? campaign. People bend over backwards to help her out of her latest four alarm red flag situation, they wind up usually paying dearly for it in the end.
The people and objects left in her wake are never even considered by her, because, like, it’s their own fault “that things” happen to them.
When up cycling, she is as delusional, condescending and self righteous as you. For a few months, for a few years. I have often wondered as this delusional tripe spills out of her mouth if she actually believes it. She looks like she actually believes it. She also has a good memory, and I know she knows the facts.
Just like the underworld’s version of King Midas, who had a touch that turns everything to gold, people like you are Queen Kohler, and everything you touch will flush like shit. But, rest assured, it will be everybody else’s problem – certainly not yours.
Amazing thing is that she considers herself a writer, too.
AND special.
AND a good parent – (tho she never had kids, either.)
AND a serial affair partner of married men. Every one of them loved HER more than..yada, yada, yada.
You are not any special snowflake. Run of the mill BP, cluster b. People’s only, best hope is to cull people like you out of their lives and run.
—
I won’t attend that dinner, but I would gladly send the story one of my former students wrote. The prompt was to write about an important event in your life. This boy had experienced trips, baseball games, birthday parties, Christmas, new bicycles, a new sister, etc. But what he chose to write about was the day his mom and dad told him they were getting a divorce (which had occurred about 4 years before).
This eleven year old wrote the saddest but most truthful story of his life. He brought it to me to read. With him standing over me, I barely made it through without breaking down.
I told him, “Student A, I am so sorry. That had to be such a difficult day and sad for you.” He told me he remembered it like it was yesterday.
He told me, “Ms. One Step, you know the worst thing? My mom and dad kept telling me everything was going to be okay. And you know what, it isn’t. It will never be okay.”
SO, you can call that fucked up triangulation that the author, cheater boy, and Beka have whatever you want.
BUT, the real victims don’t have a choice or a voice. That is what we should be concerned about. It will never be okay!
That brought tears to my eyes. Poor boy. Poor all children who live through this.
Please don’t let that be my kids. It is my greatest fear that this will hurt them forever – that I can be the best mamma ever and still not make up for this mess.
The “collateral damage” to our girls is what makes me hate my husband the most. I could fucking kill him for what this is doing to my precious, sweet, funny, optimistic young ladies. I have never felt such rage for 2 people in my life. I did not know I had it in me. There is a special place in hell for these people.
Your girls are lucky to have such a loving, concerned mother. Know that despite everything that you have probably read to the contrary, your girls will eventually be just fine. It won’t happen overnight, and it won’t be without adjustment, but they really will be just fine. Hugs and best wishes to all three of you.
I agree a million times over. Third daughter tried to kill herself twice after discovering X’s affair and her father screaming at her that he “had” to have the affair because he “hated Every minute of the past 10 years of our family!” The kids sobbed and cried and he stepped over them to leave.
The first time she got scissors and locked her self in the bathroom and slashed her wrists all away up to the elbows. In the psych ward she screamed at him that it was all his fault. She dropped out of cheer she quit speaking to any of her friends she dropped out of high school and she spent most of her time in her room with her druggie boyfriend who used her to sell drugs. She was 15. Six months later she overdosed and almost died. In the lockdown psych ward at the Children’s Hospital she told the psychiatrist that was all her father’s fault. She had been daddy‘s girl.
Three years later and she is still not “OK”. How could anyone think she ever would be. The other three kids have been equally as devastated. There’s no do overs.
????????????????????????????
MotherChumper99,
CN needs a HUG BUTTON.
I am sending HUGS to you and to all Chumps who are suffering beyond belief because of the pain caused to their precious innocent children!
Chumps put their children first, always.
I often read that parents should put each other first, like love each other best, then the children. WELL, my cheater has one thing right. I DO LOVE my children first. I love them beyond measure! All through the rough and tough times I am and have been, there for them. I, as my fellow Chumps, have been the sane, present, loving parent. And guess what, as our children grow older they love us right back, all of their whole heart and soul kind of loving, right back. Because, even children who were too young to know of the affair, of DDay, well they just feel it in their heart, the true kind of parent love. They feel it in their bones.
I realize, and my heart aches, for the older kids going through the heartships of a raging divorce and they are stuck, smack, in the middle of it. There is no greater pain. This pain is shared here daily in agonizing post like your’s and the others above and below your posts.
Chumps feel for each other and we feel mostly for our precious children.
For some reason lately, I have been thinking of Mother Teresa. I wish she was alive and I wish with all my heart that she was able to perform one of her miracles by taking a cheater to work day, each day, a different cheater, take them to her work day. LOVE was her work!
I can’t help but think, whether a person is religious or not, that one can’t help but agree that CL really is like a Mother Teresa to CN. What CL does for Chumps automatically is passed on to all of our precious innocent Children. Our life, our blood.
I can really get going when it comes to our precious Children!
Thank you CL, CN for helping each other with the greatest gift that life has given to us.
What the fuck do cheaters care, NOT.ONE.BIT!
(((((allthekidsandchumpparents))))))
As a college English professor, I, too, assign a “personal narrative” essay, and can’t count the number of divorce-themed accounts I’ve had to evaluate over the years. None of these young writers romanticize the trauma of having had their families destroyed by a feckless, self-centered cheater parent; these eighteen-year-olds often present as “old before their time,” tightly wound, and distrustful. I can’t forget one student who, after cheater dad abandoned them, was having breakfast with his mom at Denny’s one morning, when he got a call that his father had just shot his girlfriend to death, then turned the gun on himself. The flat tone of his writing, given the subject, alarmed me. Another freshman girl described how her mother had waltzed off with a boyfriend when the student was twelve. The student was a lovely, hard-working young girl, whose father had done a good job raising her and her little brother. But when she wrote about her mother, with whom she wanted no relationship, she was unflinching–no sophisticated world salad splattered over the stinking truth, no catering to the wild “bohemian” mom. This girl was never going to forgive–she’d seen her father suffer, she’d helped raise her six-year-old motherless brother. But kids are resilient, right?
Adults are free to do whatever they want, as long as they accept the consequences. But punk ass cheaters don’t accept the consequences; they are unable to “man up” or “woman up” for the sake of the kids. Actually, if the Author had poached a married, childless man, I’d still snort at her arrogant tone in that pastiche of an essay she delivered to the world, but I wouldn’t bother to dissect it. By the way, holding a small child upside down and tickling her (how is that physically possible?) sounds a bit hypo-manic and potentially dangerous to me. Does her bipolar condition invalidate her perspective? Of course not. I think of my brother, a lawyer, who has managed his bipolar condition for decades, and he has more integrity, strength of character and empathy than anyone I’ve ever known. I don’t know what to make of Beka–she seems a little too eager to hand over Josh to the first random female he meets in a bar.
“these eighteen-year-olds often present as “old before their time,” tightly wound, and distrustful.”
And that’s my oldest in a nutshell. It took almost 2 years of therapy (started during the FOG, pre-discard) for them to trust their therapist even a little. They have massive trust issues, but I can’t blame that all on their dad. I spackled like crazy the whole time they were growing up. And isn’t spackling really just gaslighting? I’ve realized that I gaslighted myself and my kids so we could be one big happy. Feeling pretty sick about it. These days I go for skin-flaying honesty and hope to balance out all those years.
My younger son, 22, a naturally gregarious kid with lots of friends, withdrew into himself for a year. It’s tough to get most boys to talk about their feelings with their mom. He’s doing much better now and is far less anxious. And you make a salient point–my spackling during the marriage did my two sons no favors.
Thank you teachers for sharing your knowledge of what this shit does to kids. No matter how many pedicures and other attempts to buy their love. My ex and his homewrecker are in deep denial about what they’ve done to my four children. My kids put a cooperative, “keep the peace” front. But the lesson they have learned, that a trusted spouse/father can up and fucking kill you, has changed them forever.
Last week was Open House at my son’s school. All day he said he didn’t want to go. I told him, “It’s gonna be fun, and Daddy will be there too!” trying to get him excited. That’s when he told me that he was nervous. I asked him why. He said he “wasn’t used to” both of us being with him at the same time. It occurred to me then that my sweet boy who had known nothing but his parents loving and together for the first 7 years of his life, after one year apart, can’t even fathom us being in the same room together. It just made me further furious at the Asshole. This is what he’s done to our son. Bastard.
“As a side note, if Josh cheats on me or leaves me, I will be fine. I wouldn’t want anyone to stay with me out of complacency or pity or duty.”
Tell you what, NYT OW author, get back to me in 20 years when you’ve sacrificed aspects of your career, moved halfway across the country to be with Josh so that he can have a better job, altered your life’s trajectory (perhaps you give up any notion of kids for his sake), tolerated his drunken excesses for years, planned your retirement together, and THEN Josh cheats on you and decides to leave for a younger model. But, you wouldn’t want him to stay out of complacency or because he eventually took marital vows with you, right?
There are people on this site who have had children, or given up children, sacrificed their careers whole-hog, tolerated years of emotional abuse to keep a family together. Some have been left with two small children, pregnant with another. Many have been left either destitute or severely financially compromised by being cheated on/left. At least one person is facing foreclosure and being thrown out of the family house with her children. So, sure, I guess I agree with you that cheaters shouldn’t just stay out of a sense of duty to their spouses or children if it gets in the way of their sexual & personal enlightment (eyeroll).
I’ll bring a Crockpot of empathy to your dinner party, because goodness knows you need some.
THANK YOU for illustrating what “just bitter” looks like. Easy to wave us all off as “just bitter” when one hasn’t taken the time nor the care to examine the utter destruction and horror that cheating leaves in its aftermath.
Agreed, it’s just gross.
Elizabeth’s NYT essay said she was “recovering from a messy divorce” when she met him.
What I wouldn’t give to read her Ex-Husband’s essay.
Me too!
What is a messy divorce for someone who is an obviously entitled PHD at Vanderbilt anyway? Brawl over who gets to use the family summer home? What to do with the bath towels with the his and hers Ivy league crests? It’s all so breezy. Off to destroy a family and pedicure next. There is not one truly deep, responsible or reflective thought in the whole piece. I’d venture a guess that despite her divorce and self-proclaimed bipolar diagnosis, Elizabeth has no clue how messy life can be for many people in the real world.
This woman is a shitstorm! What a pile of messed up nonsense. If I was Beka or Josh, I’d be pretty pissed off that she feels she can air out what can only be described as one big F-up! Maybe it’s because I actually believe in marriage and commitment, through good times and bad.
She can imagine that Beka is all happy with the way things have turned out, but she obviously has absolutely no judgement, and the fantastic ability to twist everything to suit her.
My kids and I recently watched the parent trap (lindsay Lohan version) and I just realized that the image I have in my head for Elizabeth is Meredith, the bitch who is trying to marry the twins father for his money. Shoe fits.
I refuse to write or comment anything to this OW.
Beka,
You are an amazing, beautiful and talented woman that deserves so much better than what your ex and his paramour did to you. Please get a copy of CL’s book and go no contact with these disturbed individuals. Your girls will be fine. This is not normal. I wish you much happiness and love on the other side of this mess! You are the true hero in this situation!
Well said, SoSG!
My question is… where was all this selflessness when you two were exchanging phone numbers? Josh must have had some unselfish reason for getting another woman’s phone number in a bar. He was just being friendly right?
Where was your selflessness when you saw that wedding ring on his finger? Oh, I’m sure giving your phone number to a married man was completely innocent (???? wink, wink Josh).
Selflessness is only for Becka and the children to dish out… let them be that example so the cheaters can capitalize on that – yay kibbles!
Repentance is soooo easy to fake … you just have to justify the way things turned out by riding the curtails of the truly unselfish! No, no, let’s not talk about the sneaking around, exchanging phone numbers, or eagerly awaiting the story of how Josh told his wife he wanted a divorce; oh and that he forgot to mention that you were in the picture. I’m sure he was just being selfless right?
I could point out a million more overlooked facts of your “love letter,” but alas… my experience with cheaters tells me your philosophy is “the end justifies the means.” It was all so innocent, it just happened, Love is not something we control (please ignore exchanging phone numbers is something we controlled). It all worked out in the end. Sure in most circumstances kids and the betrayed spouse lose their homes, their families, their lifestyles, but if you could all just be like Becca, I’m sure your spouses won’t cash in the kids college funds, drain the bank accounts, spend thousands on girlfriends and lavish vacations, but refuse to pay for the kids school supplies, and scoff when they are ordered by your attourney to pay the electric bill scheduled for disconnection. Never mind they bought their new house cash, and are failing to pay the mortgage for the Family Home. Let’s just overlook those pesky little facts, you are all just bitter, angry hags with no vision.
At the risk of sounding like Donald J. Trump ……………This story is FAKE , Elizabeth made the whole thing up, her Ph.D. is English literature. She fancies herself as an authour and is currently working on a book about Experimental psychological theories. So she writes this piece of crap for the NYT to get some cash and there you have it. Josh and Beka and Elizabeth are all figments of her imagination. This ridiculous story is right out of ” 5 easy steps to romance writing”. She is just having us on, and our comments are great fodder for the next chapter of the Beka, Josh, Elizabeth saga! I’m afeared chumps we’ve been duped!
As an experimental psychologist, I cannot WAIT to review the book on experimental psychology by an English Ph.D. Good stuff.
As an English Literature PhD, I’d like to apologize on behalf of all those holding this degree. There are many out there who see this immediately for the tripe it is. And by the way, her writing is pedestrian, her voice is immature and stilted, and her understanding of character and motivation is entirely shallow.
And she lacks imagination. She can’t even begin to comprehend any perspective but her own, much less put it into words.
No surprise, but her BS story is still a useful case study because it’s spot on. (Of course, if we are being duped, then our comments about her narcissism and cluster B only become more accurate. It takes a special kind of douchebag to be that deceitful.)
Sadly, it’s real. Josh and Rebekah are both attorneys in Tennessee.
I still don’t belive it, but if you recognize these morons then my guess is the three of them are in on the joke, only it’s no joke for the kids. I was musing earlier about a tv realty series but hey maybe they see an opportunity. There seems to be no end to the constant stream of “dirty laundry” people are willing to put out there. Maybe they could go on Haroldo.More cash for “the authour” . What kind of lawyers do this to their kids? Sadly, if you can identify these idiots imagine the embarrassment the kids have to face at school. Sick, sick people.
They still have their FB pages up. OW didn’t bother to change names to protect innocent children.
And the editor of Modern Love called Rebekah to make sure the story was true…
Yes, it is true.
…..“you don’t know the things that Josh has done–and still does–to care for the children and for Beka.”
Read- that Bitch Beka takes all Josh’s fucking money. We had to live in bum fuck Tennessee! And I don’t have Carrie Underwood money or looks!!! Fucking Beka.
When you wait tables, the old adage is: beware the verbal tip. Elizabeth is so jacked on self regard crack and delusional that she has lost any insight at how obscenely passive aggressive her column is.
Referencing that Beka kicked Josh out for a mother-daughter tea? And that is how she met him at the bar? That’s none of her fucking business. If Beka had made Josh stay at the tea, she would’ve been an emasculating dragon lady . It is further hard evidence that you cannot win with a cheater and their zombie fuck holes.
This is not her story to tell. She is a energy and emotional vampire. A soul sucker. This was Beka’s story to tell, if inclined.
But she could not even allow her that one Grace. She had to wrestle control of the narrative with an Awwww Shucks, I made a Boo Boo but I am actually fabulous! column that is as graceful and enlightened as taking a dump behind a dive bar at 3am , teetering in Jimmy Choos.
After eating chili cheese fries and shots of Jack.
Elizabeth- we are not a horde of country rubes who are simply so unsophisticated and bitter that we can’t grasp what you have accomplished with Josh.
There is nothing new under the sun.
Only culture changes. A few short hundred years ago, you would’ve had a scarlet A sewn to your pinafore and large rocks hurled at your head as you were driven out of the village to eat moss and sleep in a deadfall.
For some inexplicable reason, the New York Times allowed you to use their opinion pages as a self righteous vomitorium. You must have blown the right man at some point.
Elizabeth, I hope you stay in Tennessee. Because your survival skills, your ability to read situations as they actually are, would result in your immediate and violent death in the meaner parts of the world.
Because if you think Beka likes you, cares about you-after you fucked her husband behind her back and have thugged your way into her family-I have some beach front property to sell you in Iowa. Good price for you.
‘You do t know all the things Josh has done and still does to care for the children…..” Well me thinks that since cheating Josh fathered those children he has an obligation to do things for them. Afterall he’s an enlightened guy right so he understood having children meant looking after their needs. What is with these stupid fucks the kids are HIS too!
Excellent!!!!
“…But she could not even allow her that one Grace. She had to wrestle control of the narrative with an Awwww Shucks, I made a Boo Boo but I am actually fabulous! column that is as graceful and enlightened as taking a dump behind a dive bar at 3am , teetering in Jimmy Choos.
After eating chili cheese fries and shots of Jack….”
Bwhahahaaaaa!!!
This woman’s vitriol makes me want to shower, with Ajax.
***You win the internet***
She’s assuming that Ole Josh wont cheat and will tell her they are breaking up like a big boy. Lol k. He picked her up at a bar before leaving his wife and children. ????#trackrecord #pleasejoshtellmefirst #iamfamousnowdontembarrassme
Imo she wrote this “essay” to calm her nerves. It’s like she’s trying to prove to herself and her BF that his life is perfect now and there’s no reason to ever leave her. They built a beautiful life! Look at all her effort. She’s worthy. She’s the glue that hold his family together. Tear????.
What this lady seems to be missing is that we aren’t all married for decades with children. How would she suggest I embrace the whores with a happy dinner party? I’d need a bigger table with 15 chairs. Me, darling innocent hubby, Tinder whore, Tinder one-night-stand whore, out of state baby whore, married other woman coworker whore (and her chump +1 rsvp), backpage prostitute real whore (and her translator so the poor thing can understand what we are saying), FB whore, barber whore… “hi everyone. Thanks for coming! We are doing this today for the dog. Poor thing refuses to eat so let’s all be adults and set a good example for him during the transition to a blended family. I’m so happy to have you all here. Enjoy!”
In order to not be misconstrued as being bitter or angry, here is what I say to you Elizabeth:
– Beka and Josh were married when you met.
– Josh chose to begin deceiving Beka so he could pursue you.
– You chose to begin deceiving Beka so a cheater could pursue you.
– Two young, innocent little girls had their world BLOWN UP by the unilateral decisoons you and Josh made.
Are you with me so far, have I misrepresented anything? Nope, ok, good.
– Josh “confesses” to his WIFE that he has met someone else and wants a divorce… because he lacked the integrity to tell her BEFORE he began a relationship with you. Josh doesn’t like to be alone.
– You struggle with your personal integrity for what, seven minutes? Then you say, fuck it all (including those two little girls)… I must follow my heart and put my integrity in the trash can next to Josh’s.
– You write an essay, nay, a love letter to Beka, and cause her further embarrassment and humiliation publicly so YOU CAN FEEL BETTER about what you have done.
– You fail every day. Your words. Finally, some honesty.
Fuck you, Elizabeth. You’re whore who consciously broke up a family. Revel in it. No judgement, just the facts.
Yes to all of this, but I would also add that the fuckwit that she is with doesn’t deserve a pass. He did the same, and he was the one who had a commitment to Beka. While any decent human being would steer away from a married person, Elizabeth obviously isn’t that sort.
Josh is an asshole through and through, good luck to them both. I’m sorry for the kids.
The writer is just trying to convincer herself and others that what she did wasn’t so bad. Um, yes it was and always will be. Go crawl back on that barstool, Wench!
*convince
“She and Josh have created something out of their divorce…”
Yeah, a dysfunctional relationship with his mistress, the reason his kids will need therapy, and the next thing Josh will destroy.
Please tell me this is the last we will have to hear from her.
Well isn’t that the other thing? Lots of people are praising Beka, but the last thing I would want is for my daughter to swallow her feelings, even for the sake of her children. I would want (and thus have modeled for her), to know that she matters, that she is fine on her own, and that she doesn’t need to take shit from anyone. I don’t actually think Beka is doing anything great creating this situation for her children. At some point, these kids need to grow up, and they will need to be prepared for the fact that not everyone they meet will have their best interests at heart.
I love the way people who can create literally nothing claim to have created something. Um, destroying a family isn’t creating anything .
“ THEY LOVE ME.) And my vulnerable, sad sausage tale of being an irresistible middle-aged sex vixen on a barstool. I am a storyteller. And you are all my creation. Excuse me, Josh and Beka’s creation.”
They don’t come any more special (disordered) than this! Let’s not circle round her mental health issues, rather we should witness her life with the wife exchanging the best bedtime stories to read to the children.
Keep your enemy close Beka. It’s a coping strategy in keeping your children safe from the invasion of this smiling predator that he attached herself to your husband sitting at a bar.
There is no doubt in my mind this is a scary situation Beka. I mean she writes an essay thanking you for embracing the gift her entitlement brings to the table.
Wouldn’t want to uncork what lies beneath the surface of her delusions. Myself, I stayed with my abuser partly because I didn’t want his latest fuck raising my children. I pray you have a plan Beka to free yourself from this sickness he brought into your home.
Line up your ducks Beka; there is real hope, authenticity, and support for you here. We get what you’re dealing with sacrificing to keep your children safe from this malignancy.
I wonder if Elizabeth is really delusional enough to think Beka is just good with her.
Either Beka seriously needs an intervention ( Chump Nation….get ready.) OR she’s my hero. Like I said yesterday, I’m sure all the kibble tossing during the divorce process to Josh and Elizabeth helped her get a better settlement. I always admire those on here that have the stones to play the game till it’s signed…..”Josh, I definitely think you and Elizabeth should go with the mauve drapes……could you sign here please?? Smooches.”
Bwahaha!! The sponsored content ad showing up for me on my phone at the end of the article was for “Leftover Stuffing Waffles.”
I am surprised the UBT didn’t overheat on this OW’s load of bull. Epic piece!
“Let me send some doves of mercy to shit on your heads.”
OMG my stomach aches from laughing.
Just a side note. The AP in my final D day was an Elizabeth too.
Wtf??
This is exactly what I meant yesterday by medication non-compliance: The concept of “proportion” gets lost in frantic twerking self-absorption.
From: Your Shrink-no, really the one helping you to “become a better” (read “Fit for Human Consumption”) person
Re: Meds, sweetie, “meds before beds,” mmmk?
Remember, we agreed as a condition of continuing to treat you on an outpatient basis you would take your meds as prescribed. Obviously that’s not happening. Please go to the ER at Bellvue where I’ve made arrangements for your admission. Again.
If you do not arrive, I will arrange a ride. You’ll know it’s at your place by the light and siren show and the pounding on (and off the hinges if necessary) of your door.
Sincerely,
(The Beleaguered /damnit, I knew this would happen)TW, MD
Sorry not sorry cannot attend getting dogs nails cut but i will send the rainbow puking gnome in my place. I think he lives for these moments.
Kar, right on my stbx asshole would just love this crap! He’d be in his element better than 90210 or whatever that dumbass show was called. I remember him watching that and Dallas and all those other soap operas, he loved that crap!
At the end the day, for every day, for the rest of your lives together… your relationship was built on lies and hurting others.
Josh’s daughters will grow up believing that victim-blaming is okay… He cheated because Beca was boring. He raped her because she wore a short skirt.
Go ahead and enjoy your prize. Good riddance to the unfaithful spouses who lack integrity and morals.
I’m too busy being mighty for my daughter…
In this week alone, my house went on the market, new Thanksgiving plans were made for my daughter and me- including wonderful a wonderful vegetarian feast and serving food at a shelter, we packed up my 60# senior dog and drove 6 hours to be there for my 80 year old Dad’s surgery (he’s okay), came back and showed the house, sold the house, found an apartment, and sold 2 bedroom sets on Craigslist.
I’m proud that my daughter sees this mighty woman doing these things and none of my accomplishments include starting my relationship on a barstool with a married man.
Happy you are a wonderful role model for your daughter! Good for you, it’s a tough to come through this shit but you truly are mighty. Hold your head up high. Big hugs to you and daughter and Dad. ????????????
Hooray, for you Happy! You are an outstanding mom and daughter!
She doesn’t give two fucks about his daughters. It’s all about how she made the ‘fit’work from a cheaters perspective. She’s fooling no one. What she lacks to fill us in in is her mental heath issues. She is a self-spackling troll who is selling her ideal of the perfect OW.
Ha, what’s not to love? She doesn’t have the guts or grit to do anything on her own.
All I could think of was KK exposing her disordered lifestyle with the audience wishing they brought a barf bag, being held captive by the obviousness of her lack of insight. What to do when held hostage by a delusional self centered tell?
Politely, provide an obligatory clap; you respect the lack of self respect with integrity dutifully, then walk away.
As stories go this one is parallel. Yes, a larger audience. Exposing oneself might be courageously acceptable if she were the victim and pulled herself up by the bootstraps. Or if she actually addressed her issues and humbly packed her bags, left this family alone and lived an honest life. Instead, she chose to spin it into her tell of how evolved her disordered thinking brings joy into the kitchen of her victims, gloating to the responsiveness of fulfilling her need to be applauded.
Elisabeth is kidding no one. Not even a polite clap.
So – I’m unsurprised at the vitriol in most people’s comments. I’m also somewhat unsurprised that the author of this piece has come to visit our sad little (Mighty!) group here in CN.
Getting past all the self-justification on both sides, one thing that I’m concerned about here that is being lost in all of this are the two little ones. They are not pawns, nor dolls. They are actually real human beings whose world image is being formed by what they see around them. Elizabeth has quickly and easily identified that as far as she is concerned that relationships are transitory and disposable. Is that really the view that any parent wants to model for their children? She as much as states that she expects Josh to cheat on her and by a certain extension she plans to cheat on him as well. Elizabeth sounds like the chief engineer on more than one train-wreck and it doesn’t sound like she expects this time to be different. Given the circumstances of their meeting, it would sound like Josh was comfortable hitting up random women in bars so this may well not have been his first rodeo either.
None of us are perfect angels. I tell my own children who are adults that yes, sometimes I make poor choices. I try to do the best that I can though and I hope have modeled to them that you can love someone who abandons you and rebuild your life while maintaining your dignity, honesty and honour. My 25 year old daughter told me that she had never seen me cry until this all happened. I am confident in her love and respect as well as that of my 23 year old son.
So – even though wishing for things to happen isn’t practical, I do wish that Bekka gets 100% custody of the kids, comfortable and locked in support and models for them how healthy relationships work. Josh and Elizabeth can live out their dreams unencumbered by that responsibility.
Oh – and I just checked and Tennessee is not a “no fault” state.
Pass the popcorn.
BT
“Many of you sound so unhappy in your comments”.
I was unhappy when the secret affair partner of the abuser I used to be married to contacted me on Christmas morning of our planned gender reveal of our unborn child (baby #4 age 5 and under) to tell me she was “f*cking my husband” and sent dozens of accompanying pornographic messages. This was the first of many times she would bully me.
I was unhappy being tested for STDs at nearly 20 weeks pregnant after giving my partner the gift of absolute fidelity since I was a teenager. And my abuser was happy to pursue a physical, intimate relationship with me until his dirty little secret told on him, and I filed for divorce.
I was unhappy when the secret affair partner (a divorce attorney 14 years older than me) named herself as a witness in our divorce in an effort to normalize the abuse of drugs and alcohol my abuser was indulging in. He was only “pretending” to be an alcoholic and drug addict in his AA group and with his sponsor.
I was unhappy to have to have an emergency c-section delivery, and an innocent, new-born infant with mysterious blisters on her hand require immediate treatment for the potentially fatal complication of neo-natal herpes. I was unhappy to watch my infant be painfully treated with IV anti-viral medication around the clock for 10 grueling days in the children’s hospital. I was unhappy when the Infectious Disease Specialists told me that luckily my daughter and I were both negative, but they had to treat us with anti-vitals because of the risk my abuser took with my health and my unborn daughter’s by having indiscriminate, unprotected sex with me, up until D-Day.
I was unhappy when after the divorce was finalized, I discovered that my abuser had trespassed onto my property, broken into my car, and secretly installed a GPS device that was designed for parents to track their teenagers. My abuser had this device in my car for 6 months before I found it, enabling him to have access to abuse me in horrific ways (including physical and sexual) in front of our 4 young children.
I was unhappy when my abuser lied to the police department about placing the GPS tracker in my car years earlier because *wait for it* I was “cheating on him”. That’s the thanks I get for conducting myself as a lady and being faithful to him the entirety of my adult life.
I was unhappy when my abuser pulled the predictable tactic of “hovering” via Our Family Wizard, text, email, secret burner phones, and stalking – utilizing his hidden GPS tracker.
I was unhappy when the secret affair partner contacted me dozens and dozens of times to bully me through out the end of my pregnancy and to ask me if the man I was married to was still pursuing a sexual and romantic relationship with me. (Spoiler alert, the answer was always yes. Cheaters cheat and liars lie.). I was unhappy to have her literally make fun of my painful pregnancy loss earlier in her secret affair with my spouse.
I was unhappy to have my abuser intentionally involve our children as pawns to manipulate me and them in such cruel ways there isn’t enough time in the day to write it all down.
I was unhappy when I had to go back to Court to seek relief from the abuse my children and I were suffering and the secret affair partner/divorce attorney showed up and glared at me. I can’t fathom how this person rationalizes getting involved in my pursuit of justice from abuse, including sexual assault.
Despite the unhappy circumstances of abuse my children and I have endured, I have held my head high and acted with dignity. I have purposely never lowered myself to their cruelty. When they go low, I go high. And I set a healthy example for my children every single day. They come first, always.
Stalked, Name Changed – you are Mighty. You and your children endured horrible cruelty. Hugs to you. You Brave, Strong Woman.
Stalked, you’ve endured so much abuse getting away from this monster. I am in awe of your Mightiness. You are amazing.
My god you are a mighty woman. I hope you and your children have found or soon will find all the happiness you deserve on this earth
NorthChump, Doingme, and Struggling, thank you so much for your kind words of support. Big Chump Nation hugs to y’all and everyone else here!!!
My God! You are an incredibly strong mother!
I wish that you would consider a civil suit against that rat bastard and the whore for assault, battery, gross negligence and negligence and get the punitive damages you and your baby most likely would get. That and a bar complaint to a sympathetic bar ethics panel would be a modicum of justice for the horror you both endured.
My thoughts, exactly!
“And if he ever wants to leave our relationship, he will go with my blessing and love and thanks. I’m sure you won’t believe me, but you would if you met me.”
Actually, this is the only part we believe because you are shallow and lack empathy. Who on this earth thinks they would leave a commited relationship and not be devestated?
just one of the many ways she believes she is better than everyone else
I hope Beka wakes up and gets her girls away from this delusional, self-centered woman. Bipolar Betsy with her lack of character and integrity is not going to be a good influence on them in the long run.
Wow…..Wow……Beka you’ve orchestrated the ultimate humiliation of the OW and Josh.
Very Machiavelli of Beka….sure OW I’d be honored for you to publish your “love letter to me” for all the world to read.
Pure Genius
Did you know that usually when a man has an affair that leads to divorce that the woman is considered an “EXIT” affair. Personally I don’t think you will make it 6 months.
Then there’s always “I’m running to the store. I’ll see you later.”
No, I don’t feel he would be in a hurry getting back either. He knows what kind of special you are.
If you really value yourself you would be in therapy finding out why you like to destroy a marriage and watch it implode smiling. And why you can’t find a normal relationship with someone single. Why doesn’t that work for you. Why are you so needy?
I imagine you will be sitting on bar stools into old age since you are so agreeable to shagging with any pickup.
Just one more reason to avoid Nashville like the plague … as if more were needed.
#puttingtheASSincasserole
Lol, Dixie
I wish she would tell Beka about this site.
I would love to hear Beka’s version of this story but she probably has too much dignity to tell it to a bunch of strangers (assuming she even exists).
Meanwhile, I can’t make the dinner party but I could send along some spare shit sandwiches.
Inviting people to dinner solves everything. I had a neighbor who would let his dog poop in my yard twice a day – while I was in my third trimester of pregnancy and on crutches. Whenever I confronted him his mother would come out and sweetly invite me to dinner to discuss it, with comments about what a nice neighborhood we live in where everyone gets along and nobody is angry or bitter. The man (who had developmental disabilities) would shout angrily over his mother’s shoulder “Yeah! Come to dinner! Yeah!” This went on for three months while my yard filled with poop. They never cleaned it up. They moved out before I could sue them. In retrospect I should have invited them to dinner and served them the dog poop.
What’s that, Bitch? Dinner party you say? Ugh. No thanks. I’m pretty sure the only thing being served is a heaping helping of shit sandwiches, and I’ve already had my fill of those for a lifetime.
First of all, Bitch:
In your smug fuckedupness, you forgot how you yourself wrote that when Joshypoo told Beka he wants a divorce, the wife was blindsided, the floor fell out from underneath her and she was crying and distraught. Then the next month he admitted to an affair which made her shake with violent rage, rightfully so.
All this leads me to believe that he was playing her for a fool, fucking around behind her back on the usual and then with you, then going home to play pattycake on Beka’s unsuspecting booty. She was blindsided that he was fucking someone (probably raw!) Behind her back after he had already given her the sad, sad sausage story of #I’vebeenunhappyallourmarriage and #iloveyoubutimnotinlovewithyou. Listen, Bitch…
“Didn’t need to tell of an affair”.
Yeah, cause men usually want a divorce because of a platonic, no sex relationship, just holding hands while sitting on barstools and talking about sex…Don’t even try to play that tune!! As if you didn’t suck his dick and yours was just a #LOVEFORTHEAGES!!
This is the usual playbook of a narc homewrecker psycho honey hooking up with another narc who can’t keep his dick in his pants, and the Bitch puts the dick up against the wall and tells him “you better tell your wife before i do, Josheypoo!!”
Bitch, go fuck yourself and your smuggness. We’ve got your number, and Joshypoo’s, too
She thinks no one sees the inconsistency in her story. Or she likes to flaunt it. Either way. Classy
First, Tracy should win some kind of award for this piece, it is brilliant.
Second, the letter the OW wrote could easily be used to diagnose her as a grandiose narcissist. The complete lack of empathy is startling. This woman is a snake and her assertion that she would be unaffected when Josh steps out on her is either a delusion, she’s already got several other Josh’s on the hook just in case, or she’s really not bonded and is just enjoying the morphine pump to her ego this situation has provided. She is literally holding this family hostage. This woman is a home-wrecker, she ENJOYS messing with/breaking up marriages and has probably tried it before. My X’s OW is one too, after he left I heard tales of her coming on to other married men. It’s a massive ego boost to poach mates, an enjoyment that goes beyond just an affair. They take special joy in it, for instance, writing articles in international papers
“… like pay his court-ordered child support. #bitchcookie”
Fucking classic. I nearly choked while laughing. Awesome Tracy!
I put the writer of this letter in the same category as Rielle Hunter. The drivel she used to spout sounds about the same as this writer’s.
https://jezebel.com/im-sorry-for-making-you-read-rielle-hunters-hilarious-1445798128
https://as.vanderbilt.edu/english/bio/elizabeth-covington
Here’s our lovely little Betsy the Borderline Boinker, in case you were curious.
Crazy eyes for miles. That’s the thousand yard psycho stare if I’ve ever seen one. Talents include being able to leap onto married dick in a single bound; minimizing damages, inflating married men’s egos and lush conversations with married men – platonically, of course- about sex.
“she is currently working on a book about experimental psychological theories of memory”
Sounds like a metaphor for gaslighting
Okay … not suprising that our little Betsy enjoys sharing her deep insights across the web. Here are a few nuggets to enrich your day.
” I loved renting. It was nice because every year or so I was like, “Oh I get to have a new house!” It makes you portable, too.” Good thing she likes swapping houses cause I think she has more of that in her future.
” … I think I probably lie most often about stuff that is not important at all. Inessential shit. And I’m not even sure why I do it. In a sort of Holden Caulfield way, somebody asks me, “hey where were you?” and I’ll say, “I was at the opera.” I wasn’t at the opera, I was getting lunch. But I’m sure most people don’t do that. And I’ve pretty much cured myself of that habit. It’s something I used to do as a younger person for reasons that were probably deeply psychological but I never figured them out. I don’t know, maybe people lie about what they’re ashamed about.” Okay, a confessed liar.
Her turnoff is “Smugness. People that are smug.” She spends a lot of time avoiding mirrors, I am guessing.
“It’s hard to be happy.” But it is pretty easy to destroy others’ happiness.
I lie. I lie about little things to make them look like big things. I like to make people jealous. I lie to make myself out to be more exciting than i really am. I lie to myself every day.
Also, remember how narcs project onto others what they are doing or how they are?so, let’s talk about that “i hate smuggness” thing again.
She sounds so…juvenile. How does someone like this become a professor? Influencing college students? That’s a scary thought.
I found all of them on Facebook. Elizabeth is gorging herself on cake in her profile pic ???????????? stuffing her face with delicious cake and at the same time trying to pull of the “oops, you caught naughty me!” – look. Deadass laughing over the poetry of the face-in-the-plate’o’cake metaphors…
She ain’t a professor (i.e., tenured or tenure track). She’s a Senior Lecturer, read “permanent adjunct”.
OMG. What adult posts drivel like that for public consumption? Especially when you’re a university faculty member who is supposed to be a role model for young adults. Barf.
I called the Dean of Academic Affairs at Vanderbilt, used my real name, mentioned I have two soon-to-be college bound young lady daughters and was interested in Vanderbilt. Not with lecturers like Covington, though. Floating over her disgusting behavior in the NYT? No thank you. I will take my college tuition elsewhere.
Good for you!
Wow – she even has crazy eyes! Someone also had a link to Beka and Josh’s pic on the NYT site. As expected, Beka is MUCH better looking than the whore and VERY accomplished. Josh looks as you’d expect, weak. I won’t provide the link because the kids are viewable and they’ve already been exploited too much by the whore.
I’m wondering why she came to Chumplady to talk about bitter people. The majority of people that commented on her “essay” on NYT site crucified her too. I’ve read all of the comments on this site and the NYT. I especially loved the comment from someone that wrote: “I’m glad I don’t pay to send my kids to Vanderbilt”. Another wrote: “Publish or Perish?” The desperation is so apparent. Thank you, OW, for giving us insight into the mind of a whore.
I always wondered what happened to all the graduate student whores who fucked professors…now I know.
Lol, Hannibal Lecher’s gradwhore ended up at a university in TN, too. Sorry, Tennessee, you seem to be acquiring a critical mass of academic whores.
And wow, just found Hannibal’s gradwhore’s faculty bio, whose research is on “ethics, emotion, especially love and moral norms.” (wording altered for confidentiality):
Wonder if gradwhore & Elizabeth are besties.
Ethics…… moral norms….
It was Truman or Eisenhower who said he never hired cheaters because if they cheat in one area of their lives, they cheat in others. Why would you hire an unethical person who lives above moral norms? ????❄️
Do they travel in packs, these bitches?
I think it’s the meth making them do it 🙂
Nashville Lawyer Leaves Lovely Wife for Human Rodent, Scientists Baffled.
Laughing out loud.
Is she actually eating smooshed up CAKE in her FB bio picture????!!!!!
Tell me this is all a sick joke?!
Not vanderbilts finest moment
This lady just doesn’t get it!!
“If ever he wants to leave our relationship he’ll go with my love, thanks and blessing.”……”I wouldn’t want anyone to stay with me out of complacency or pity.”
NEWSFLASH!! Cheaters DON’T want to leave the relationship (I know mine didn’t. I guess most cases on CN didn’t either). Mine actually wants to renew wedding vows even now. They want it all.
Does this woman think cheaters here only cheated out of desperation because we didn’t have the dignity to let them go when they oh so nicely explained how it wasn’t working? Mine (like many) just thought he was entitled to fun before, during and after wedding HE wanted and planned more than anyone. He exploded with jealousy and possessiveness if any man even looked my way. She just doesn’t get it. Deceit is part of the fun for most. Keeps life exciting for them.
Hmmm – what WOULD be on the playlist for dinner music if we DID go?
My guess would be Psychobabble by The Alan Parson’s Project. My ex, a diagnosed Cluster B, ran away with a PhD psychologist, so this song scratches a humor itch for me. But it really fits these two tools, who, as Church Lady says, feel “just a little bit more superior”.
“This is my attempt to express gratitude that is inexpressible.”
A beautiful frame will not make up for the ugliness of the picture.
I can’t make it to dinner, but I will send a well-recommended therapists for those kids. They will need it sooner rather than later for all the gaslighting.
Found all of them on Facebook. Beca has the eyes of the soul-sucked mom who lives for her kids now and had been worn down by years of mental and emotional abuse and gaslighting. You know that feeling and you know that look. Holding it down and together by her hairpins, sheer willpower and frosting for the girls birthday cupcakes.
Fyi Josheypoo, Yours looks like the fucking downtrade of the millenium.
Funniest fucking tidbit is that Elizabitch is eating cake in her profile pic ????????????
Eating schmeating, more like gorging ????????
I think if all these people could be found so easily on Facebook, especially Ms Covington, who was writing the article and didn’t change the surnames, she’s not as bright as she thinks she is. That would explain a few things.
Please DM Beka and let her know Chump Nation is cheering for her! Millions of us are wishing her well and we will be here for her when the going gets tough. Tell her to disguise her screen name and circumstances somewhat so sneaky Lizardbain won’t catch on in her voyeuristic way since she is aware of CN and could make it unsafe for Bek. It’s possible that Beka might still be too shell- shocked to realize right now that she needs us. But the day is coming sooner than she thinks and it will be good for her to have a true, understanding support system she can turn to when clarity finally hits and this ménage a trois starts to unravel.
On the subject of bitterness, it was a Chump on here that made me think differently about the concept of bitterness. I screenshotted their post, but missed out their screen name.
Essentially, they said that there was two kinds of ‘bitter’. One that eats at you from the inside and is corrosive and obsessive – and that is to be avoided.
But the second kind of bitter permits moral indignation – understanding that someone who deserved consequences for horrible actions may never receive them, and an assessment that justice has been violated.
They went on to argue that the second kind of bitter is a character strength – it can be a huge motivating force to improve the circumstances of oneself and others. They argued that Rosa Parks was bitter and look what she achieved. Lastly, they said that they embrace their bitterness at cheaters, and it does not detract one iota from their ability to lead a positive life.
If you recognise your own words here, please shout – I think they’re awesome!
I entirely agree. Bitterness comes from a sense of injustice. And it’s a real and justified injustice where cheating is involved. We shouldn’t feel ashamed of feeling that! It doesn’t mean you’re a bitter person, or you’ve let your life become overtaken by bitterness and self-destruction. No, we’re bitter at the injustice and the damaging narrative that prevails about infidelity.
Call me bitter and I’ll agree – that I’m bitter against people who cheat. However, if you met me in real life, there’s no way you’d call me a bitter person. I’m two years out from D-Day and life is pretty good and getting better all the time. I focus the bitterness I have in supporting the change of narrative – and by directing new chumps to this blog. I’m not consumed by it – I’ve been wronged, and I’m not interested in revenge. Instead, I like to see the bigger picture – which is the fight we’re all in to change the narrative.
So thank you, mystery poster – I fully embrace my bitterness too.
As do I. My “bitterness” brings better discernment.
This essay was painful to read. I had to make a run at it twice before I could get all the way through. My heart goes out to Beka an her daughters. I remember the pain and humiliation well.
Cheater ex’s OW was a lot like you, Elizabeth, a tornado wreaking destruction in multiple lives. She targeted cheater ex for his paycheck and when he quit his high paying job for a minimum wage job to avoid having to pay much child support, she dumped him for greener pastures. She didn’t even try to keep up the pretense of caring about me or my kids. Of course, he blamed me for it. What you and Josh have in common with her and cheater ex is utter selfishness. An added bonus for you is the fact that you helped destroy a marriage and a family just because you could and you wanted what wasn’t yours. Somewhere in there you gave yourself permission to steal another woman’s husband and kids. That certainly is not something to crow about in a public venue. Of course recognizing that is totally lost on you because it requires good character, an area in which you are woefully deficient.
I suspect the karma bus will come for you both eventually. Lack of good character has a way of attracting all kinds of richly deserved unpleasantness. When it comes, you will have earned it many times over. Enjoy the fruits of your mutual selfishness.
Are you still reading, Betsy?
We are not your friends. You labeling us as such does not make it so.
Your tribe is elsewhere, on some support group for bar stool step mothers.
Here’s a word for you, since you fancy yourself a writer: limerence.
Actually, as a writer, you lack imagination. You come here and tell the betrayed how to feel, yet marital infidelity is a “creation” you not have visited upon you. Are you so little able to see the world from the perspective of the gutted?
You dare to belittle our suffering, yet complain when we criticize your management of your disclosed mental health condition. Here’s a deal: don’t judge our recovery, and we won’t judge yours.
As for me? I am taking medication for bipolar disorder. I do not ever, FUCKING EVER, chalk up my bad decisions to my neurology, diagnosed or otherwise. You give those of us coping admirably and accountably a bad name. YOU are entrenching the stigma with that pap.
Once more with feeling: we are not your friends. Fuck off. You’re boring and unoriginal.
It is so obvious that Beka is smiling because she knows what a loser she has managed to unload. Better to be a single mother than have to wash Josh’s dirty skivvies.
I feel that way about my ex and the OW…I’m not bitter at all and neither are many of CN’s participants! I exercise gratitude each day that cheater-ex is now someone else’s problem.
Even high school kids cry a river when someone breaks their heart. These people are so shallow that they can be betrayed and abandoned (because Cheaterpants is not going to leave in some honorable way; he’ll be trolling the bars for a new kibble source before he cuts the old one loose) without actually feeling anything.
No way that I would want to live.
So no thanks on the invitation to watch a traumatized woman, abused by her husband and a very condescending affair partner, muster up her best pick-me dance to try to save a marriage with her abuser. I don’t eat with sociopaths and hyenas.
I’ve got leaves to mulch. Cat boxes to clean.
“As a side note, if Josh cheats on me or leaves me, I will be fine.”
If this OW is telling the truth in that statement I quoted above, this to me says the following:
#1 She does not have the ability to understand deep betrayal or has never experience this.
#2 She does not have the ability to deeply love another person.
#3 She maybe taking Josh’s love for granted because all seems so well at this moment in time. I don’t think she realizes that most likely she’s at the top of her game at the moment and may fall down very hard at some point in the future. Almost all of us here can remember how we felt during the honeymoon phase of our relationship.
Unlike most of our experiences here, I suspect Beka may be relieved to be done with Josh as a husband so it was somewhat easy for her to relegate him down to the level of friend.
She is shallow like a dog’s piss puddle. I always thought I wass going to be fine in the long term. The person I loved the most -my grandfather- died 21 years ago, and I survived, and laughed and loved afterwards, so I know there is life after destruction. But, you see? I always have to explain how I know. It’s not automatic knowledge. However, those people are shallow. The life couch who turned out to be an OW had the same shallow attachment. In some ways, good for them: this suffering is not something I wish for someone else, except cheater and OW (may they be cursed forever). But at the same time, I guess that being shallow means they will never be fully satisfied, and they know it, and that’s why cheater was so cruel to me. In my case, when I think about the Old Shit, cheater’s dad, I feel pity for cheater. He is retracing his steps, and if that is the case, he is never going to find what he wants, and he’ll be running the rest of his life trying to fill a hole that can never be satiated. I am whole, no pits of emptiness here ????
“I wouldn’t want anyone to stay with me out of complacency or pity.”
“But fear….yes, that will work. Now where did I put my bunny stewpot?”
OMG, found the Facebook.
Not only is she eating cake, she is SMASHING it into her face with all the dexterity of a 1 year-old on her birthday. And… AND… it’s a crushed mush of a cake with rainbow-colored frosting. She’s stuffing her face with with looks like unicorn shit.
Eat up, Guuurl! It suits you! lol – this is a public picture and should be on the cover of Tracy’s next book. You couldn’t pay someone to look as revolting as this OW looks for free.
Cake-eaters, Unicorns, and Sparkly Turds… it’s all there!! ::dying with laughter::
Ive been laughing muh tush off at that for the last half hour ????????
Have you found josheypoo and poor Beca also? That poor lady, i can see the pain in her eyes going years back. Josh looks like the typical suburban turd who sits on barstools and picks up barflies. He sure as hell traded down. Beca looks like a class act compared to self-centered psycho gobbling up unicorn shit.
Ok, what’s said is the picture from May 2016 of what Beka thought was an intact family. Measure of how thoughtless OW is: uses real names in the NYT.
*Sad!
Found it! Holy crap, she is literally stuffing gobs cake into her mouth in her profile pic. That’s just sooooooo perfect in this context…
Attention Whores always insist on having the last word. I suspect Ms. Covington also was responsible for some of the comments on the New York times piece which called anyone disagreeing with her or criticizing her names like “bile-filled”, “hating” and “venomous.”
Incapable of understanding why anyone would disagree with her or be triggered or angered, even, by her self-designated “Guide” to how we should have done our divorces, she is blind and deaf to all the cliches in this story from the sad sausage who was miserable for no articulated reason to falling “in love” with a woman in a bar on his anniversary. She just doesn’t get it because she cannot.
And hey, you put your story out there. People are entitled to criticize you and everything you said about yourself. If you are so proud of what you have done, you should have a thick enough skin to simply say, “I can see why not everyone’s experience is not like this, and I can see why you might disagree.”
Oh crap, I found them. It wasn’t hard – Google Rebekah Josh Nashville lawyers and bingo, hit number one. complete with the names of the kids. And Beka talks of her wonderful supportive husband. Yeah, no love there.
Come on now – at least change the names. EYEROLL.
Ok, ambulance chasing I’m not proud of. But maybe next time, OW could thoughtfully change the names of the family she busts up. Because you know, minor fucking children.
The ow obviously calculated wrong. Funny how calculated people always get it wrong. The New York Times thing was an attempt to get the reaction she thought she would get from beka . Recaluting. Recalulating.
You cannot reason with a crazy person, and this woman is clearly disordered.
“Let me send some doves of mercy to shit on your heads.” Bahaha
We may need to start a GoFundMe to cover Tracy’s legal bills on this but this review on “Rate My Professor” was gold.
“I LOVED Covington’s class. She is the most amazing English professor I have ever had. Have a bad day? Mention it and she just might take your class out to ice cream. She’s not a fan of deadlines. She’s as available as she can be. Just submit good work. She doesn’t even care about the page count.”
So – emotional depth of a puddle and just wants people to like her?
Where or where did the NYT find her or did she just send in enough box-tops to get published?
I feel pretty horrible for Bekka and even a twinge for Josh. This is absolute career suicide for him as a lawyer and for her having this dragged out as a human being. I hope people are respecting her privacy.
I also took a look at Google Trends for the author and it spiked briefly a few days. She got pretty much exactly 15 minutes of fame.
BowTie — this post made me look up Rider of the Purple Dildo’s “Rate My Professor” page (he is also a college writing instructor).
One of the reviews from last fall notes RPD’s mantra that “writers come into their element at night” (omg yes, in soooo many fucked up ways) and that “he may even go with you to a rock show” (wonder if KK is cool with this).
From the info that’s out there, Rebekah is a distinguished, classy, very accomplished, intelligent, hard-working, beautiful, loving professional woman, wife and mother. She values her family and complimented her husband Josh publically in 2013.
And this is how she is repaid for her dedication and love. I’m betting that she and her children will get through this with their heads held high. For shame on Josh, he has quite stupidly “traded his birthright for a pot of (bunny-boiling) porridge”.
*publicly
I saw her site.
She looks like she loved Josh. And Josh looks like the attention isn’t on him.
Really cute kids. They really don’t deserve this.
So even supposing Elizabeth’s story is true as she wrote it…IN THE NAME OF GOD WHY WRITE ABOUT IT?! I mean, I believe I know the answer: this woman needs to feel approved of and her lovefest with her boyfriend’s ex-wife gives her some legitimacy. But I still…I just can’t with this. Yes, people fall out of love with their partners and get divorced and there’s nothing wrong with that. But hey Josh, if you were so unhappy, why didn’t you just have some balls and walk long before Barstool Day? I call lame.
Exactly, she is looking for the Nobel peace prize for winning the Pick me dance. Hasn’t she realized, the real prize is a sparkly turd?
Your post also hits home K because of the why did you cheat part. Yesterday at fuckwit’s deposition he said that he couldn’t understand why I had filed the lawsuit (he means filed for divorce on the grounds of adultery and abandonment). He said he thought I should have made an offer for settlement before filing. There are probably 100 plus reasons why this was not an option- mainly he is a disordered fuckwit who runs multiple businesses of which I do not know the true value and he had said I would not get one dime from them and had stopped giving me any financial support.
So anyway, I would have liked to say to him in response (but I am no contact) why didn’t you try to work out your relationship with your wife or at least let her know you were unhappy and wanted a divorce before you decided to cheat with multiple women? Cheaters are so one way and it is f#ck%d up!!!
Why didn’t he? Because he is a coward, that’s why.
EP. Ester Perel. Can’t have the exuberance dominated by just one “Dr.” Too many TED Talks, interviews and articles to pontificate ‘I’m not a Bad Person. I’m enlightened. ‘ and of course the???? and the spotlight is mega kibbles. Yum.
Now, if only Esther Perel had a doctorate. But, alas, no such degree nor training.
Oh for pete’s sake just tell the entitled bitch to go to hell. Seriously what a narc!
The ow was completely befuddled by beka. So much so that she has to write the new york Times about it. Understanding real people is hard!
This is so damn triggering for me. I think because my STBX’s name is Josh