D-days, otherwise known as “discovery days” or “damn my life is nothing like I thought days” or “dial a lawyer now days”, can happen anytime, but they’re more prevalent around the holidays. It’s hard for cheaters to juggle their double lives, but it’s doubly hard at the time of year that puts a premium on family togetherness. Worse, the holidays mean gift-giving. The chances of being exposed are exponentially greater.
Schmoopies will demand attention.
Chumps will stumble over receipts for gifts not intended for them.
Children will wonder where mom or dad went — and who works all day on Christmas Eve?
Somewhere a chump is exhausted doing all the holiday prep work alone and unsupported. Somewhere a chump or chump children are expressing needs and desires, putting horrible demands for kibbles upon cheaters. Oppressive demands like “be my date at the office Christmas party” or “We need to drive to my parents and open presents with the kids.”
Most frustrating of all for cheaters is that most of them will get actual time off from work. Offices shutter. Gone are the ready-made excuses for business trips, late meetings, or urgent boss requests. The lies get crazier, a bit more desperate. The disconnect wider. The neglect more obvious.
And things fall apart.
The Other Woman gets uppity. The cheater didn’t leave his family by the appointed hour. She faces another holiday of side dish status. She blows the whistle and calls the chump.
The chump wonders where his wife is. Again. He buys the GPS tracking system at the Black Friday sales.
The cheater gets sloppy. The chump discovers.
Let’s hope Santa brings every new chump a shiny, pit bull lawyer for Christmas. Let’s pray that every chumped child gets a sane parent who even with a devastated heart gives them the gift of heroically showing up and loving them through their pain. Let’s pray for the true friends who reveal themselves as the Switzerland friends recede. Let’s give thanks for the kind stranger who leaves gifts and groceries to the suddenly single, abandoned mom.
Let’s hope all the newly minted chumps find us and find the better lives they richly deserve.
This column ran previously. Rerun because someone was up too late watching Jones win the Alabama senate seat! #ibelieveinmiracles