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Cheater Freak Christmas Countdown!

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It’s time again for our Cheater Freak Christmas Countdown! To the newbies, every year we try to best each other with our cheater freak stories. In the past, the winners got their submissions cartooned in the new year. This year, the winner gets a copy of my new audio book! (I know, I know, it’s not cartoons… but I have a full-time job now outside of CL and my Mac desktop is 13 years old and groans at me like a surly teenager.) Okay, maybe a cartoon or two too…

The stories told are legend here — GladItsOver’s dancing Sasquatch, the cheater who jumped around in a sleeping bag, the squirrel assassin, PF’s pillow muncher… (Read the archives for the insanity particulars.)

This is how the game is played — you tell Chump Nation the freaky, WTF particulars. Examples include, the cheating plumber who referred to his clients as his “fans”, the cheater who threatened his chump with a pagan scythe, the OW who made nail-clipping art. (YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP!)

The object here is to be as SUCCINCT as possible. No essays! You can comment on other people’s Freak submissions, but each submission needs to be a three brief sentences, tops.

For example, my submission would go like this.

1) He had the same mistress for over 20 years and three marriages.

2) OW and ex apparently had a kid together and she passed the paternity off on her brother-in-law.

3) After boinking his OW in Vermont, he drove home and presented me with a one-pound bag of coffee.

I will announce a winner at New Year’s. So Chump Nation, BRING IT!

Comments

  1. 1. When I caught her spending New Years Eve in our daughters room sexting a Marine stationed overseas, she said she had a panic attack while ordering groceries online.

    2. And of course, the waist harness and vibrating purple dildo she kept in her “magic bag” at the bottom of our closet, which she uses on RPD.

        • Ooooo. A new Fun Friday Sub Challenge! I’ll play…

          Really Pretty Dumb?

          Righteous Penis Deployment?

          Randy Potential Date?

          Random Personal Device?

        • as an Army veteran (yes I joined the ARMY for the DOCTOR)

          I submit RPD is for Rapid Personnel Deployment. Like when you have to deploy a division or attack or invade

          or climax, really quickly…

      • KK’s OM (they hooked up a mere 10 days after I said “enough!”) is a writer and college instructor who, come to find out, is bisexual, has visited transsexual escorts, and likes getting ‘pegged.’ So, with apologies to Zane Grey, “Rider of the Purple Dildo.”

        • Like Chump Lady always says, “You can’t make this stuff up”

          The part that gets me is not the dildo, but the fact she kept it in her marital closet.

          Shameless

        • UXWorld… my X, Mr. Sparkles, had many online personas… one of which was as a BiMWM. A different one, as a SWM but seeking couples, groups. And, his Craigslist searches always included more T4M than W4M.

          Thanks to you, I think I finally have some additional clarity into what a FREAK I was married. I strongly suspect he’d be an RPD too.

          Need to go take a shower with a wire scrub brush now 🙂

    • Not once at my high school graduation did the guest speaker say:

      “……and you’re going to encounter some really fucked up people out in the world, too.”

    • I tried to chase down my wife’s fuckbuddy, but his car outran my truck.

      The reason: I was the one who rebuilt the transmission in his car and no one can build a transmission quite like Yours Truly.

      • OW.aka fuckbuddy called my home. i thought it was strange that her name & # were showing up on the i.d. she ain’t the 1st. btw. so i asked my serial cheater spouse, why is she calling here? i haven’t had anything to do w/ her .ever. SCP says idk. & with in min(s) a lieutenent(not military) is @ my door & ?if my SCP can go & take a look @ his OW car. im like hell No! didn’t know that she was a part of our life, we have enough problems to deal w/. found out 6 yrs later that he had been fucking her @ the hotel that she’s apparently a manager for, (she is a cum dumpster) in the mean X , OW snags a foreigner, & apparently marries him & he becomes a U.S. citizen. later i have found out that she follows my SPC’s alias on FB, all because i found out about another cum dumpster. she has removed herself from his alias FB account,wonder if it was my scathing commentary on the above mentioned SCP account. Bitch has been following my daughter 2 & still is(FB page)didn’t find out about this crazy CD(cum dumpster) until 1 of the latest DD’s, apparently she’s former Air force. & my SCP is friends w/ her X on FB. she has been able to find employment as a flagger. (road maintenance) & is now an employee @ a rope factory. the SCP tell’s them all the same thing. such as.” I haven’t stopped stopped thinking about you all day”.” i miss you”. VOMIT!

    • I filed for divorce when I discovered the cheater’s AP was 8 months pregnant. He was angry because he had not decided what he wanted yet.

    • UXworld, I am still scouring YouTube for a conceited dumbass RPD singing into a carrot. So far I’ve only found one doing this but the video is from Asia and there is no indication in the video that the sap also rides purple dildos. Haha!

  2. 1. He was having his first herpes flare up from the person he had cheated on me with while we were attending a friend’s child’s 1st birthday. I had no clue at the time.
    2. When I was in my sleuthing phase I found folders and folders of porn, including pictures of mutual friends girlfriends. His Twitter and instagram mostly followed porn and instagram models and he was going to forums asking for advice on the OW as she was the love of his life but she would openly flirt and leave with other men in front of him.
    3. When we were “working on it” he told me he couldn’t say no to the OW when she asked him to watch her dog. He was appalled with me that I didn’t understand that she had no one else to help her out and he wasn’t going to compromise his being a nice guy because that’s what a decent person would do.

    Like everyone here I’m sure that’s barely the tip of the iceberg for my story. I wasn’t married thankfully but that’s 6 years with someone who was a MAJOR lesson for me that I thankfully came out of with my finances intact and no STD’s.

    • The Instagram models and porn stars. Yes. Mine had those too. Mine didn’t watch her dog but did talk to me about how mean I was being to her and wanted me to stop. He asked me to stop because shecwas so upset.

        • Mine shitbag cheater, took my pet parrot to “Dear Friends” house for birdie sitting, because “this Dear, dear friend” ALWAYS wanted a pet bird and wanted to see what it was like.
          … … … This is how the my tattle tale Tango wound being at the AP’s love shack.

          “ooo000OOOO00000 – – -000 oo ooo OOOhhhh!!!!, Who000000000000ooo00000 LiV-es in a pineAPplE under the sEA?!!?!?!”

          • Ohhhhhh, the OW pet sitting Magneto’s pet parrot!
            They don’t come any kinder or funnier than this.
            If I had not found CL, I would never have had such a laugh regarding such a supreme act of kindness on behalf of an OW!
            Magneto for the win!
            🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺
            And a zillion parrots’ shit to the ow!

          • Magneto,

            That makes me sooo angry! That poor bird.

            I have a little parrot too and love him to bits. He’d never bitten anyone before, but would lunge at cheating ex. Like, just VICIOUSLY, no warning. At first I didn’t even believe ex when he told me. I guess little parrot knew more than I did.

        • Maybe it is the same woman and dog?? I wonder where she was going that she had to secure him there watching her pet? Maybe answering an out of town ad complete with bag including purple vibrating dildo with waist cinch and other exciting toys that make the Chump look so boring and unimaginative?
          What they don’t realize is that they are the same old sh_t to us too, we just don’t expect life to be endlessly entertaining and ego reinforcing. We just wanted someone true to spend all of life with.

        • Ex’s “soulmate” OW was involved in a breed-specific dog rescue. A month or two before Dday, when I still had absolutely no idea they were having an affair, ex decided it would be really nice for the two of us to accompany the OW to the dog rescue to do some volunteering. So we did. I can only imagine the laughing, contempt and smirking at me that must have been going on in ex’s and the OW’s heads. I was so incredibly gullible back then.

          • Glad it’s over,
            I know exactly what you mean with your comment about how they must have been laughing at you, while you went along with your head in the “cloud of gullibility.” I was the unknowing “third wheel” FOR YEARS!!

            Selling Girl Scout cookies in front of grocery store– she suddenly discovers her keys are locked in her car. Since her husband’s not at home, we call my husband who comes to drive her home so she can get her spare set, while I stay behind at the cookie stand with her kids and mine, so they can apparently go fuck.

            Trip to the circus– they decide we’re all going to squeeze into my minivan, so she doesn’t have to take her car, too. Only problem is: we’re one seat short. So instead of insisting otherwise, I’m the idiot who sits on the floor of the 2nd row, while she sits up front next to my husband. (I have no idea where her husband was during this, but he didn’t come.)

            Santa pictures– she still has photos on her FB page of all of us taking the kids to get pics with Santa. Her husband, again, was not there.

            Birthday Party for our youngest kids who have birthdays 6 weeks apart– we decided we’d split the cost of hiring a pony. And even though I deleted all the photos with her physical image, mentally, she’s still there.

            Well, I think I’m getting carried away…there are a bunch more I could list, too.

            So don’t feel bad about your gullibility, because you are definitely not alone. THIRD-WHEEL CHUMPS UNITED!!

            • “Since her husband’s not at home, we call my husband who comes to drive her home so she can get her spare set, while I stay behind at the cookie stand with her kids and mine, so they can apparently go fuck.”

              OMG, yes. One time, the OW, my ex, and I got together to play tennis with another woman who later turned out to be the fuck-buddy OW. At some point, the OW needed to use the bathroom, so ex took her back to our nearby home. How convenient, huh? Another instance where it shames me to think about how they must have been laughing at me.

        • Mine had my dd (16 at the time) dog sit for ow while she was away for Christmas. Meanwhile, the skank is 6 months pregnant with his cousin’s baby (one night stand – of course) and my loving spouse is screwing her on the side, unbeknownst to me at the time.

          Must have been a sick thrill to have my daughter spending the night in the bed where they f’d each other. I truly hope they changed the sheets. What a betrayal. So surprised dd wants to even talk to him.

          PS the house smelled like urine – not sure if it was from the dogs or her.

      • Mine told me he used a condom but the video tape shows otherwise. And his whore has herpes. Isn’t that so nice of him?

  3. While on a trip to Chicago to interview for an important new job that would “help our family,” XW sent erotic pics to OM from her hotel room.

    She did not get the job because she was late for the interview and was dressed inappropriately.

    She brought me back a slice of deep-dish pizza.

  4. 1. He bought married OW a $4k+ ring on a jewelry store credit card (in his name only). He never paid the bill. Collection notice came to my address. He said, “but you never cared before (about his affairs).”

    2. He lied to another OW, saying that the baby I miscarried and the child I was pregnant with at that time were children from fictitious affairs. So it “didn’t matter” if the baby had died.

    3. He sat in the delivery room after our youngest child was born texting OW as I hemorrhaged after birth. Didn’t leave the chair across the room until the midwife told him to come hold my hand as I could likely bleed to death.

    • AlohaFreedom, what a horrible man! My ex did just about the same thing when I was in labor (I’m now 100% convinced he was having an affair over 17 years ago when I was pregnant with our second child). He sat in a chair which was against the wall and didn’t come over and support me. I can still picture him in my head sitting in that chair and there’s a clock over his head. He just sat there. He didn’t even come to “help” until the doctor showed up. And then after she was born, he went back to not caring and even yelled at me when I was back in my room. And of course stayed and forgave and spackled over everything. Gosh, I wish Chump Lady was around years ago. I had no clue what I was dealing with.

      • I had a real beaut of an expectant father, too. Continued to eat his sub sandwich loaded with onions even after I asked him to not because I was sickened by the smell. I puked on the floor and he looked down with disgust, then polished off the sub.

        It was a real, “You’re gross, and you’re not the boss of me” moment. Right before I gave birth.

      • My STBX was an amazing help during our first born’s birth, but I have vivid memories of him just sitting in the chair, even napping, while I was in labor with our 2nd born. Can’t even remember our 3rd daughter’s birth, which went really fast.

        But after I went home from the hospital after our first daughter was born (without her, as she had to stay in NICU for a couple more days–nothing serious), he made me do the dishes that he hadn’t done while I was in the hospital. Seriously. I was shocked.

        Aloha Freedom, I can’t even imagine. What a dick and so glad he’s no longer yours to deal with.

        • GWYG-
          You just reminded me that after our 2nd child was born, he invited the first OW to our home to hold our 4 day old baby. She was just a friend who showed up to my house without my prior knowledge.

          • Aloha,
            Memories of moments like that are THE WORST!! Retrospective knowledge (is that even grammatically correct?) is my nightmare. I try hard to push those tainted memories aside, but sometimes, they just pop into my brain, you know?

            • Definitely can identify with this. As much as I try to push these thoughts out of my mind they pop up like little weeds. Tis the season to remember all the fucked up freaky shit they planned on so you can look back at these moments like “aha” he is a dick. #1. My ex told me our song was Faithfully by Journey for 22 yrs. #2. My middle son heard everything he said to me on dday and yet (middle son) “understands now” why this happened to our family (ex’s conversation during a recent trip with his OW in Colorado on Thanksgiving) #3. I filed contempt charges on his ass when my lawyer discovered he took out 30k from his 401k even though he supposedly didn’t turn in any financials for the divorce yet.

        • Pregnancy/child birth brings the worse out in cheaters/moral degenerates. I caught Dancing Dick (then a 35 year old man) jerking off at my teen age neighbor (voyeuring her)- when I was 7 months pregnant with our second child.

          Not to mention the hundreds of dollars in dial-a-porn bills he was racking up. I couldn’t afford to buy the new baby anything because of his sneaking around with dial-a-porn whores (the internet had not yet arrived).

          My beautiful baby girl’s birth was destroyed. I cried and cried on the day she was born.

  5. She insisted that the semen I found in her underwear was “vaginal discharge.”

    I’ll accept my prize now.

        • Wow, you checked her panties for semen goo?
          Not judging, but, if I had to do that, I figure it’s probably true she was f*ing around and not an image I need to see (or smell!) to prove what’s happening.
          Just ewwww

          • I’m a little slow, but trying to imagine how semen gets onto panties….but, I’m working on it. 😉

            • Really? In my mind it happens all the time (especially if you have sex in the morning) that even if you have a shower after sex, some of the semen will still start to leak out later, sometimes like an hour later, when you are already walking around and doing your own thing. That’s how it gets onto panties.

    • He tried to screw my sister while I was selfishly out of town attending my favorite aunt’s funeral..he had a 3 way with my (ex) best friend and her husband because I was spending to much time helping my dying mother and he felt the marriage was going in the wrong direction. He treated me like shit for 10 years while I quit work to raise his kids cause I stopped contributing financially to his retirement dream. WTF is wrong with me?!

      • Can’t do anything right…and not much goes right when your with the wrong person. He sounds like a swinger, highly driven in the zipper department. My X was a bit like that. Too much headache, life is much better now, without him.

    • I’ll raise you sperm in underwear with sperm in tissues. I found a strangely folded tissue under his den desk and it was glued shut. Didn’t say anything to him about it. About two months later I found an exactly folded as the first tissue in his desk drawer. Mind you I wasn’t snooping. I just went in there to find a red pin to update our family travel map. He came downstairs and I said, “What is this? Are you looking at porn?” He grabbed the tissue from my hand and proceeded to pretend to blow his nose with it. He also said, “No porn” twice and in exactly the same way he said “No touching” when I asked him if he touched the strippers that he got 100% naked lap dances from. He’s a cheater freak!

      • “I’ll raise you sperm in underwear with sperm in tissues.” I’m cracking up. I’m sorry.

        • At my lawyers office, in a brown paper bag is a wad of semen soaked tissues, pubs and her ‘long black hair’. The deed was done at his mothers house (the mother was out of town) in his dead father’s bed (his parents kept seperate rooms). Evidence was collected with gloves and transported to lawyer….

        • I’ll raise you finding, in his work car that I had to clean, a crumpled up work tank top (“wife beater”) complete with bright red lipstick marks down the front and dried semen on the bottom.

          He was always claiming that work “jipped” him on his paycheck at least one day a week. Work tends to not pay you when you go to your OW house instead of the job site.

          I have no idea why I stayed so long… *face/desk*

      • Mine also had the nasty habit of leaving his, um, porn clean up detritus about. Folded paper towels by every computer. Yuppers. Quite a guy. Missed not at all.

        • Yuck! I was just sooooo naive and trusting when he told me “no porn.” But after the discard and I moved out, I was watching “Orange is the New Black” and one of the main male characters gets out a bottle of lotion and box of tissue to get ready to pleasure himself. And then the light bulb went on and I realized the cheater was lying about that too.

        • I know! And even IF it was nose snot, why would you even go through the motions of wiping your nose with it again? Ugh. Gross, gross, gross for the disordered freak cheater.

      • So stbx’s briefcase was an interesting find. It’s been sitting in plain view by the door in the office since he left a year and a half ago. I finally got around to stuffing his things into garbage bags for him to pick up. I opened the briefcase to see if there was anything of interest in there (the lock was his parents’ box number, really original, not hard to crack!).

        Yeah. A big old crusty rag and dvds full of porn. And not good porn. Cheezy, 1980 style porn. But the rag. Ew. So I took out the porn, left the rag, locked it up and sent it off to him. Guess he has to rebuild the collection, or ask me for the dvds!

    • CL…I sometimes go to an indoor shooting range (hope that doesn’t freak anyone out). Each time I have to purchase a paper target, usually something 2’ x 3’ with a human silhouette. Think of the hundreds of such ranges out there. There could be real good money in a line of “cheater silhouette” targets. I picture one of your cartoon figures saying “it’s just vaginal discharge” or “we were just shopping for cup towels”. My aim would likely improve and you could probably sell tens of thousands for a couple bucks a piece. Even more for custom verbiage. Just add a disclaimer that you’re not condoning violence etc. And imagine the therapeutic impact of leaving one of these, already shot up, laying around the house for the cheater to see. Priceless. Not the PR the movement is looking for? Damn.

      • I took items left at my house by Narkles the Clown to an outdoor range and let er rip. Folks started asking what I was doing to the glass paper weights, nick-nacks and ornaments and I told them. They asked if they could help. It turned out to be a wonderfully supportive situation.

        • I took pruning shears to the dampers of the baby grand that I had bought him (and made him remove as a part of the divorce). When someone was surprised that I had done this I commented that “I could have used the pruning shears on something else”!

      • Nothing against an indoor range we used to all the time here in Canada it’s very safe!👍🇨🇦

      • The range is my favorite form of therapy. Yes I have a therapist and she advocates controlled “pressure valve release”.
        And yes… I draw pics on my targets.

      • Don’t!!!

        Don’t even joke about it!!!

        (Pretend) Shooting people is not at all funny.

        It’s not even therapeutic. Violence, even if only images and not “real” damages the brain, and does not heal or soothe the emotions.

        • It’s a personal, completely legal thing that this person is doing, and evidently – not that they need permission – a therapist is also there for psychological advice when it’s needed.

          The notion that they are damaging their brain is simply not fact.

  6. 1) Attended masquerade ball Christmas party with mistress, fucked her in a motel, gave her a Christmas bracelet and told my parents and I all about the “party” the next morning.

    2) Wore said masquerade jacket to his family Christmas party…had everyone gush over jacket (the same one mistress) took off of him night before) also had everyone rub up against him while taking photos….no remorse or guilt.

    • Indeed no remorse. In fact far from it. The jacket was a sort of trophy, a tangible link to the grand celebration of his awesomeness that was the night before. They absolutely love the sense of power it brings them to have such hidden truths these trophies represent placed literally right in front of you and your family and yet entirely beyond your reach or understanding. God-like to be so far above you simple ignorant creatures. As you go about the normal happy family interactions utterly unaware, they superficially engage. But all the while they are actually entirely involved in a very private internal party. One where they are the all-powerful puppet master relishing their mastery over your foolery while reliving the deluded grandiosity of the night before.

        • I “tried” to get him to get rid of the jacket by explaining what it signified to me (chumpy)…he totally refused to- RED FLAG!! The next time he wears it, I hope he gets food poisoning, along with severe diarrhea. Enough to make him suffer but not die yet- he can die after he finishes paying child support….

          • Yep! My ex could easily pull-off being a serial killer. He’s that cold and calculating. He’s like Ted Bundy. I wouldn’t say he’s as handsome as Ted, but I thought he was handsome when we were married (once the mask dropped he was ugly to me). Everyone thought Ted was such a nice guy! Smart, articulate and had what seemed like a normal life.

            We had a serial rapist turned killer roaming the streets for years where I live. He was the Bike Path Rapist. The last time he killed someone was not too far from my house. Guess what? Everyone was in shock when they finally caught him. He was such a nice guy who was well-liked at work and in the community. Monsters roam around us and lots of times they are the “nice” people.

            What my ex pulled off for 24 years, followed by his epic smear campaign against me (all lies) , rewriting history and followed by tons of more lies and he even got away with it with our church — he’s capable of anything. He scares me and makes my skin crawl now.

            • Same here – I have his number as Ted Bundy in my phone. I only have his number because I have teens who stay with him sometimes. He’s also very cold and awkward. I put up with that for 23 years. When I saw the mask fall I spackled until I couldn’t ingore it anymore. I was at the court house today trying to move the divorce along — I do everything without seeing him. He still scares me too – that’s why I’m totally no contact unless it’s something about a kid– then it’s a text. The smear campaign against me still goes on – he has managed to turn my son against me and I’m sure he’s gonna start on my other teen. These monsters are ruthless. They use their flying monkeys to try and get to us when they can’t manipulate us any longer. Can’t wait for the divorce to be over. Ive moved on with my life but once the divorce is final – I’ll be able to breath better and not look over my shoulder so much. I’ll be so thankful when I don’t have to deal with him ever again.

              • I’m with you, Strong Woman. The coldness and awkwardness. Not acting “normal” at times when his emotions wouldn’t line up with how normal people would act. The last time I saw him was about six months ago (I had to for the sake of our son). Even right now thinking about it, I can feel chills and goosebumps between my shoulder blades. I watched him in action and see him now for who he truly is and can see how fake and manipulative he is. He’s just so weird and creepy. I sometimes saw it when we were married, but I spackled or ignored. My life goal is to see this man as little as possible for the rest of my life. Sadly I’m going to have to deal with him at our kids weddings and such, but the goal is stay as far away as possible. I lived with evil for over 20 years and have no desire to have that back in my life again. I look at everything differently now. I can’t unsee what I’ve seen, experienced and know. Evil walks among us and most people are blind to it. All it takes is getting entangled with one of these disordered one’s and the blinders fall off.

            • Martha, mine became physically unattractive to me, too, when the mask came off. He looked a whole lot better to me when I believed he was a good, decent person.

            • Mine could also pull off being a serial killer. Charming, articulate, funny, knows just what to say at the right time.
              X carefully planned his exit, a year before he walked out he began confiding in friends his concern for my mental health, that he had trie everything but I refused to get help. He didn’t know how much longer he could put up with me. He had prepared them for his exit while maintaining his good guy image.
              X manipulated the judge playing up his great guy image carefully choosing his words playing the victim. His lies were so convincing I began to question my own version of reality.
              His image to outsiders is much different than who he is behind closed doors.
              Now that there has been some time and distance between us I recall the devastation he caused along with the slanderous lies he told about me I’m taken back that I lived with someone so evil for over 20 years.

  7. I followed my Minister and wife from “Christi’s Toy Box” to his house. When I pulled up and tried to beat his ass, the neighbors called the cops. I never knew preachers could run so fast.

    She told the police I was crazy. They were only out shopping for cup towels.

    • Cup towels? Don’t you mean “cum” towels??? 😂😂😂😂

      I think you are awesome for (trying to) resorting to violence!

    • Super!!! (DuperChump) You rock!!!

      Wow! Follow the minister and your wife and then pull up and try to beat his ass!!? You are so badass.

      What a dream come true that must have been, for dealing with a cheater and a Jesus cheater!!!

      And then to see him run, like a coward. Not like a man at all. Nice. I bet (deep down) your wife thought he was a total piece of shit.

      Well? What did the police say? They know. They can see what was happening.

  8. I could go on and on and on but here are three of the best :

    1. Ex and OW transferred a direct debit he no longer wished to pay into my bank account by OW impersonating me. Fraud.

    2. OW declared my autistic son “not autistic” and me “attention seeking and wanting to claim benefits”. Upon formal diagnosis, she started collecting Lego for an autism support group.

    3. Ex cancelled my car insurance very late at night despite knowing our son had a hospital appointment in another town. He told me my “Facebook friends” could help me.

    • Oh! My ex justified his relationship with the OW because I had “Facebook Relationships.”

      What?

      • Of course! Because having a Facebook account totally justifies being a cheating arsehole doesn’t it? Urgh…

    • Ugh, Both of my siblings are autistic (my brother now severely brain injured after a physician’s error). My parents used to receive “armchair” diagnoses from idiots of all stripes for years. Did you know that “Autism doesn’t exist” and that “they are just brats.” Yeah, I’m sure my brother wasn’t talking at the age of eight just to spite people….

      I swear it’s a basic way to weed morons out of your life.

      • It does make me sick. They have zero understanding. My ex left just as son was referred for diagnosis and doesn’t have a clue. I remember the night he withheld son’s ear defenders and I was up half the night wrapping towels round son’s head to help him. Ex told me to go to DIY shop and buy some adult ones if I was that desperate. What a utter bastard.

    • I do not know how someone can justify abandoning their child, especially a high needs one. How do they sleep at night?

      • He sleeps just fine I think! Because none of it ever happened and it’s in my attention seeking imagination. Obviously. I hate him for that. OW only changed her tune when formal diagnosis happened yet they fail to understand even the basics. Fortunately there is currently no contact.

  9. 1. Cheater and OW had sex in our bed the same day we posed for our annual family holiday photo wearing matching “Ugly Christmas Sweaters” which were selected by cheater!

    2. Cheater’s initial divorce paperwork contains OW’s handwriting. My name is misspelled and my house number is incorrect.

    3. Until I blocked her number, OW would incessantly drunk dial me and leave voicemail messages, including one on Valentine’s Day.

    4. STILL MARRIED TO ME cheater and OW post lovey dovey photos on social media. Cheater is frequently wearing his wedding ring in these pics which has generated comments about how beautiful his “WIFE” is and neither of the two correct anyone, yet instead “like” the compliments they receive for their adorable coupledom! (They also both “like” all of their own posts).

      • POP would liken the lion’s majestic balls to his own…..but he would also remark that the lion needed to shave his, too.

    • Number Two is definitely in the running. She helped him fill out the divorce paperwork. How romantic. Guessing they considered that foreplay.

      Sorry you had to go through that, Still I Rise. 🙁

  10. 1. On DDay, 3 days before he was to move to a new city for a job, he told me he would have let me know about the affair after I moved with our sons. Of course that story changed later to how he would have told me sooner. Impression management much?

    2. He insisted the “secret” email, which he told me he had, was just to keep memories of the OW. He was shocked and very angry this was an issue. And of course admitted months later that, yes, as I had been saying all along, he was emailing her. But she never responded, so it wasn’t all that bad.

    3. Apparently the 1 night stand he had 6 years previous to D-day didn’t count because she didn’t see him naked. And, he didn’t fall for the old leaving the coat in the hotel room trick she played, so hey – it was truly only one night, not two.

    4. After 8 months of wreckonciliation, when I finally decided to throw in the towel, I was apparently a coward that he could never respect for giving up on our family. It worked, I haven’t left yet.

    5. He “fell in love” with an OW he (and she) vows he never met, only formed an online attachment to…She was his soulmate. She made him “feel things”. . .

    6. Oh but he tried! For a whole six months of this 2 year ordeal since DDay. I mean, six whole months in a row. And since my effort has been less than stellar, well, apparently that’s grounds to stop trying on his part. Less than stellar? I’ve lived alone with our boys, working full time and being there for our kids. I can’t plan date nights when he visits? Or have the house all sparkly when he gets here? Shame on me.

    • My ex also went through the trouble of creating a new email account so he could then create a “fake” FB name so they could continue to cheat behind my back. I could just imagine the conversations about how witty they both were to yet again get one over on me….but of course it was all justifiable because “I took my love away from him….so he had to punish me”

      • Mine created a secret email with the name of his late brother. Who was an enlisted soldier. And died from leukemia. Honorable, right?

      • M8ne has a false facebook account. I wish someone would shut it down. I tried reporting it as fake; but it doesnt go against their community standards. And thought about closing it saying he was deceased.. but as its a fake account in a FEMALE name. I cant prove hes my relative ( my husband) be ause there are no ties there. It stinks as this is the way he chats up and hooks up with other women

    • My first D-Day involved finding out my “best friend” from high school and my STBXH had 2 one-night stands, on different trips to visit me. (Oops…I mean, visit US.) But he doesn’t count those as cheating since they weren’t an actual relationship, as was his DDays #2 and #3, which happened with same whore.

      So wonder how many other “it’s not cheating, just a one night stand” moments he has under his belt?

  11. After my Dad started spending a lot of time with his mistress, he told me he had, “Astral projected himself into the living room,” like a failed ghost. He took this as a sign that she was “leading him to better things,” and continued with his relationship with her, and his resolve to devastate my mother. I told my Mom what he said. Her response: “Too bad he found his way back.”

    • omg this. They claim to be such deep thinkers but are so pathetic.

      Wishing my exN would astral project himself into oblivion.

      • True that. Among other things, ex-wife labeled me “unsophisticated” and “puritanical” for not understanding what she saw as her European-like lifestyle. Perhaps she’s right because all she is to me is a common skank.

          • My Mom was “judgmental” for being shocked that my father was going to attend church with his mistress. I guess that’s a special part of Catholic doctrine I missed at Sunday school growing up.

            • My STBXH had started coming to church with me. And then so did his whore (my “best friend” at the time). So there we were…the three of us sitting happily together at church!!

              Where were the lighting bolts!?!

    • I absolutely Love your mom’s response.

      During my separation then divorce I prayed he stayed “in love” with her. Divorce granted, everything including retirement and deed in my name, and I’m totally no contact. He had to email my work to get in touch with me to tell me he needed me to get the mortgage out of his name by filing an assumption of mortgage. He wanted to buy a new house with his new wife and realized that although he signed over the house, those inconsiderate banks are still holding him financially responsible if I don’t make payments. He didn’t understand that a deed and mortgage are two different things. Yep, he’s an idiot.

      On a side note, he and his new wife of one month attended my oldest son’s wedding. I reread all of Chump Lady posts on attending weddings and graduations and prepared as best as I could be setting by boundaries ( pictures, seating, etc) and had a fabulous time. He emailed my son the day after the wedding and told him that now that his weekend was over, he wanted to tell him how disappointed he was that his new wife wasn’t included in anything. They didn’t understand how hard it was for her to be there with me also attending. Yep, it’s all about them, even when it’s not.

  12. 1. STBXH frequently brought OW to house while I was there under pretense that they were working on special project together. This special project was a more “secure” replacement for the Ashley Madison site.
    2. STBXH had to join any and all dating websites with OW for “research”
    3. used OW’s profile picture (pitiful cleavage shot) from said sites as wallpaper on computer screens
    4. then attempted to convince me that had to go on business training trip to New Orleans over the weekend with OW….it was required, and they weren’t going to have any fun (receipts, say neither was true)
    5. OW, who was all of 25 years old had at one time gave me “great” career advice…..how I should leave my “shitty” job that she thought did not pay me well in a field she did not like, and how I should go back to school and finish my degree. (I finished my degree 19 years ago, have been at my current job 18 years, I do well there, and I love it). I guess she was trying to give me hint that I was about to be on my own…..oh well! STBXH won’t have as much $ available for her as soon as divorce is final!

    • Their ADMITTED contribution to humanity was to come up with a more secure replacement for Ashley Madison??? That in itself must merit a sleazebag of the year award!! 😂😂

  13. 1. OW donated to his Go Fund Me which helped to raise money to make a music video. Her prize? The band (aka my ex) would cover a song of their choice. When I suggested he not do it (since his studio was in our basement and I would hear him recoding a song for her) he said “but I’m a musician, it’s my job.” I’ve finally stopped cringing when I hear “Learning to Fly” buy Tom Petty.

    2. Soap tasting penis. All of you chumped by dudes know what I’m talking about. They get home from a “long day on the road/at work/etc” and magically their dick is fresh as a bar of Irish Spring soap? Yeah… took me a couple times before I realized he was using the ol’ wash the vag/condom/whatever off the D before getting home routine. Gross.

      • Wow! Hi class – he washed?!!! Mine didn’t even bother.

        And I have to say I’m really sorry that Tom Petty song is ruined for you. It’s a favorite. RIP

    • Mine came home smelling like soap once. What was worse was when he was fucked or sucked by whore during the “work” day and came home, went for a run and picked me up at physical therapy. His crotch smelled so bad we had to drive with the windows open. He laughed saying that he had high “Uric Acid”. I will never forget that stench. He ran full marathons and never smelled like that. D-day was a few short weeks later.

    • at least he washed ,my cheaterTurd always stunk like skanky vag , all over his face and his breath, and of course could not wait to kiss me (so i would know) what he was doing , i would say MY GOD you smell like a dirty ole pu**y , of course his NARC response “i don’t know what your talking about” , “your crazy” , i have been blab blab blab lie lie lie . secretly taking delight in my anguish .

  14. 1. After discovering 1000’s of cell phone minutes to her over two months, he said she was easy to talk to and she has divorce in her family so he could talk to her about how things will be fine ( she is 26 so she has been alive the same amount of time we have been together, so much life experience in 26 years)

    2. He checked his HR policy to ensure he won’t get in trouble since it’s concensual, he is a Partner she is a junior associate (in this worlds climate, let’s see how that goes if she flippsnthebscript)

    3. The kids will be fine, they now get to see what a healthy marriage looks like (translation; hopefully Kids will forget the cheating and betrayal and the realtionship is based on lies and selfishness)

    4. He asked me to define what ‘empathy’ means when I asked him if he had any fornthe Kids andn I. He seriously didn’t know what the word meant.

    5. Told me I must be so upset because I am embarrassed, realized what a terrible wife I was and I was the one left and now know that he was a great husband and will always regret that I lost him.

    • What a tool!! Jerk. Narcissist. Asswipe. Fucktard.

      So glad you are free of that self centered, entitled. cheating bag of dog shit.

    • You can’t make this sh-t up Newlife.

      I don’t know who said, “truth is stranger than fiction” but, this site proves it every day!

      You and your kids have a great Christmas!

      • Oh yeah, I’ll just bet you will wake up one day and regret that the narcissistic loser is out of your life! NOT!! Let the 26 year old twatwaffle have him. Sounds like they deserve one another!!

    • Eww, that means while you were exchanging vows at the church with your adult mate, she was in utero. Gross that he would tap that. OW in my case is 31 years younger so I feel you. This huge age difference feels predatory to me

    • NewLife,

      I feel for you. Both my husband and post-separation boyfriend abandoned me for women they worked with. My boyfriend, executive at his company, after me asking him if there was somebody else, left me for ‘Nobody,’ who turned out to be his subordinate. His company, oddly, supports this type of behavior in its executives (half have done this!) He continued to fabricate stories about being alone potentially forever celibate even weeks later when we met to exchange some things (although at that time, I still didn’t realize that he was lying and seeing woman from work). I now know that the lies went on for weeks, months, probably years. So much for Mr. Honest Nice Guy. For decades, I regarded him as The One Who Would Never Lie Nor Mistreat Anyone. Now I know better. Sadly, tonight, my kids are gone (slumber party), ex-husband is with his latest of many partners, ex-boyfriend is with my replacement, and I’m alone. Must try to get used to life away from boyfriend who never thinks about me any more and refuses to communicate with me and embrace solitary life. Maybe it’s just as well–I need to work tomorrow.

      • RockStarWife —

        Hi — I can relate to you.

        I really believe that everything is going to turn out so great for you. (Sorry if I’m a little tone deaf here.) Please let Chump Nation know how your future unfolds.

      • I thought I married Mr. Honest, Nice Guy Would Never Cheat or Lie. Unfortunately I found out he was just the opposite.
        I believed in him so much that when what he was saying and doing weren’t adding up I questioned my perception of reality. I made excuses for him ignoring blatant red flags because I couldn’t imagine that my Mr. Nice Guy would betray me.
        I couldn’t imagine anyone being as manipulative and cruel as he turned out to be.
        Hard lesson. I was naive and he took advantage of my trust. I don’t know how these monsters can live with themselves.

  15. 1. Cheating husband is flying first class to Asia. From his fabulous 1st class pod he sends me a text about how his area would be perfect for the mile high club.
    2. Cheater sends the OW an email(1 minute later) stating how his pod would be perfect for them to join the mile high club.
    3. I left cheater. I couldn’t stay with someone so freaking unoriginal!!

      • My cheater bought the same sex toys, used thte same sex talk and did the same “activities” with me and the AP. Why not? Don’t have to be original. It’s not like we were comparing notes. Until I caught them. Then she sang like a fucking canary.

        TRUST THAT THEY SUCK!

        • Same with my cheater. And disgustingly, after we’d have sex and I’d go to bed, he’d go downstairs where she’d sneak in and they’d have sex in our living room. (She lived a couple doors down from us.)

        • Mine, too! (and, it does qualify as #metoo, for many other incidents) – Boss Hogg bought Daisy Duke the same Jackrabbit vibrator that he gave me a few years back. She, brilliant skank that she is, told him “it has made me a better person” and, since she had never had one before “…isn’t that so dad” ” I mean sad”
          No, she had it right the first time. Daddy issues, much, 20 years junior married other woman? Who dresses like a teenager, pierces her chin, shaves half her head, dyes the ends pink and posts flowery instagram photos with her 64-year-old underwear (& vibratos) sugar daddy.
          Yeah.I’ll take a pass on that pick me dance…you can keep picking HER. Really, I’m good.

  16. On the Christmas before DD in the March, before I knew about OW he bought her a pair of gold earrings and a gold necklace. I got a nunty silver bracelet that was too big and a 3″ high pottery dog. I found out later that he had bought them in the same store with our joint credit card !

    • One year, I got a new cell phone. It was the same (but a different color) as my “best friend’s.” I’m pretty sure she helped him pick it out. Makes me wonder how many other gifts for me and our children that she helped him pick out?

  17. I deserve the “Trophy of Shame.”

    For my cheating ex-wife’s birthday 20 years ago….I sat through a Michael Bolton concert.

    • Superduperchump, now that you have that off your chest I would never speak of it again… Michael Bolton?! I think you deserve to repress that trauma and you are absolved off any prior or past sins in this life time or any others for you have truly paid the ultimate price..3 uninterrupted hours of Michael Bolton..you are my new hero!

      • Thank you!! Weekly therapy does wonders. “Hi, I’m SPD…. and I have Boltonitis.”

        My girlfriend likes Chick Flicks. Lots of Chick Flicks….and admires me because I sit through them. I survived “27 Dresses” without choking on my own vomit.

        But….she finally broke me with one. She picked one that she thought I would like. “Lawless”

        I must be getting weak and need to turn in my Man Card. I felt a tear when Tom Hardy found out she was the one who drove him to the hospital.

      • Or that goofball Rick Astley.

        I’m still pissed at Canada for subjecting me to Bryan Adams.

    • For my cheater ex husband’s birthday I endured a Las Vegas NASCAR race on a 100 degree day. A couple of years later I found a picture of him and OW at a NASCAR race in Phoenix. Seems like he could always talk a woman into going to one of those.

      • Monster truck rally – indoors…death by diesel exhaust! But, truth be told, I went to see my son enjoy it.

  18. Not usually one to comment, but just had to throw these ones in the mix:

    A few months before being pregnant with our third child, Mr Wanktastic, currently with OW number 2,523 (rough estimate) found a faint white stain on my pillow and asked me who I’d been ‘at it with’. It was toothpaste! I brush my teeth well before bed and occasionally dribble if I sleep heavily 😀

    During pregnancy with third child (a miracle considering I was ‘frigid’), Mr Wanktastic, upon being congratulated by people on the pregnancy, replied, well, let’s wait and see what colour it is when its born, it’s not mine, ha ha!

    After birth of third child (which was the correct colour, sort of toothpaste white) Mr Wanktastic brought home a stuffed toy from a work ‘friend’ who had bought it for her own baby, but she had had a miscarriage. She turned out to be OW number 2,524 (rough estimate plus one).

    After finding out about OW number 2,525 (you get the idea…) and that they went on a weekend away together, he told me he didn’t enjoy himself as he got food poisoning, and it was really embarrassing having diarrhea in a hotel room with someone who wasn’t me. He actually wanted sympathy for his ruined weekend.

    She washes his skid marks now… I love a happy ending.

        • X told me I would like his newest MOW he met while she gave him happy endings in the disgusting massage parlor he frequented for “back and neck therapy” issues (he seriously stated that in divorce papers after discovery of years of $300. “therapy” sessions).

          1. “You would like her. She’s really nice”

          2. “She’s in a terrible marriage so I’m helping her get out”. He’s an old man with a drinking problem”. She’s young, strong and such a good person.

          3. “You will get through cancer, I just know you will”.

          Ho, ho, hoes…and the disordered. Buh bye!

    • She washes his skid marks and sheets with his dandruff and oily skin. And the tub that has caked on scum and soap on the sides.

      My tub stays a beautiful clean white and my sheets are oil stain free!

      There are two drawers at the foot of the bed that his dandruff would collect in. No more!!!

  19. I’ve never played before, as I don’t think my cheater did anything particularly freaky. But here we go:

    1. He downloaded the TV programme ‘The Affair’ and suggested that we watch it together…. while he was having the affair. At one point in the series, he had to turn it off and stop watching it as it was “too dark.”

    2. I discovered he’d been secretly recording and watching another TV series about infidelity – the UK’s Dr Foster, while he was having the affair. I say secretly, as he’d been deleting the evidence. I discovered episode 3 in our recorded list. But no episode 1 or 2. And he never, ever mentioned it, only watching it once I’d gone to bed. Hmmmmm….

    3. He told me about a colleague who had been fired for having an affair with another colleague, and how he’d see them secretly texting each other in meetings…. while he was also having an affair with a colleague.

    4. After I discovered the affair and kicked him out, he demanded that I, the unemployed, stay-at-home mother of his two very young children, lend him money for a flat deposit, so he could move in with his affair partner. Money from my savings, which, given I was unemployed, I could not replace and desperately needed.

    • Regarding #3, he was probably telling you about himself all along … they get a weird, secret thrill from “letting you know” and are gauging your reactions to the details. Because they are sick in the head.

      • And #1 goes in that category too! Downloading ‘The Affair” and suggesting we watch it together. pffffff

      • This happened to me also — he would talk about how narc his boss was, that other people at his office were visiting houses of ill-repute, friends were foolish for going to/spending money at strip clubs, discussing affairs in general/hypothetical terms… Maybe it was that dissociation I heard so much about from him after shit hit the fan, or he was just trying to see how I would react to it. I don’t think he was expecting the actual reaction to vary from the theoretical. If you feel like you have to test people to see how bad your actions were, they are probably pretty damn bad. Moron.

        • Sounds all too familiar. My STBX mentioned how awful it was that two of his work colleagues had an affair and had ruined their families. Little did I know he and his, ‘just a friend’ co-worker were doing the same thing.
          My favorite line, after finding a romantic birthday card for that ‘special lady’ in the car’s glove compartment, “can’t I just buy a greeting card when I see one I like.” Piss-poor liar!

      • Very definitely they love to purposely flaunt it in your face all the stuff they think you cannot prove. Mine got more and more bold about it the more and more I refused to react and pick me dance. He finally just about told me outright about his patient/AP/professional hooker (names changed to protect the guilty) trying to get a rise out of me and knowing I could never prove anything. My reaction: disgust, not what he figured. Turns out his hubris in thinking I couldn’t prove anything just cost him a house in divorce court. 😊. He’s having Chickypoo hooker set him up in a swell condo, right next to her Nevada fuckpad. Can’t wait to see how that turns out. More popcorn, anyone?

      • My Failed Ghost-Father took my Mom and I to see a movie – You’ve Got Mail. Meg Ryan’s character had the *exact* same name as his mistress. I sat through the movie in a haze of tears (I knew about her, and hated her, but FGF told me my Mom would have a violent reaction if she found out, so I kept it quiet. I wish I’d told her sooner), my Mom was oblivious. We never went to movies together as a family – the last one I’d seen in the theater with both of my parents was Muppets Take Manhattan, if that tells you anything. He picked *that* movie for a reason, a sick one.

        • Susannah, you just reminded me of just before d-day, XH wanted to watch “Meet the Fockers,” in which one of the characters had the same name of his OW/ex gf. The same one whose name he had tattooed on his arm when we met, but had it covered over when we got together. Too bad, guess he should have kept the tattoo!!! Lmao 😂

    • yes, mine was ALWAYS telling me about who was having an affair with whom at work and how stupid they all were.

        • Yup, I got that as well.

          When I got suspicious and challenged him he said “Do you think I would be so stupid as to get involved with a girl at work? I’ve seen other managers do it and all the trouble it causes.”

          All the time he was doing just that.

          One can only marvel at their capacity for compartmentalisation…….

    • OMG, my cheater suggested we watch House of Cards together. Which we did nightly, side by side in our matching chairs watching Frank Underwood texting his mistress. While my Ex was sitting in the chair next to me, texting his mistress.
      I think they get off on this sick twisted shit.

  20. He left our toddlers in a hot car in a 91 degree day so he could show schmoopie his tent.

    After the police arrived and three stranger angels broke the girls out, he filed for divorce and sought to kick me out of the house I paid for and sought sole physical custody of out 2 girls.

    He didn’t get either. He kept 30% custody…supervised at first…and decided to break into my house to steal every material thing of value not nailed down. My youngest thought that meant he died.

    Ahhhh….Christmas.

    I never win these things and I think I have an excellent grinch story here!

    • I think you’re in the running Lovey!!!

      You’re the sane parent; your girls are lucky to have a strong Mom!

      Have a great Christmas!!!

      • Thank you lucky chump.

        Every time I drop,them off for his 30%, I say a prayer but they have grown into wonderful preteens. (And are still alive).

        You as well. Merry holidays. We are so much better without the psychopaths

    • Never mind the basting children, can I interest you on a tour of my tent? I am only being glib because those poor kids are okay, because that is criminal behavior. I bet Taft rent was one of those little ones where you have to lie down in it.

      • We’ve been divorced 6 years and his behavior has been chillingly bad. From failing to tell me of a broken arm to ignoring the 4th wife smacking my oldest …he is a great example of low standards. Thank God I got in before the 50/50 craze. My kids and I are mostly sane due to my 70%.

        Thanks for the support.

        #lovetothesaneparents
        #cookingkidsisbad

  21. 1. Sent me and our kids to The Happiest Place on Earth so that he could FUCK the hoe in our bed.

    2. While I was packing for Disney he asked if I was packing the hair dryer. I later read the texts where the hoe asked if there would be one available or was I taking it with me.

  22. 47 year old woman having sex with her 24 year old massage therapist in her dead brother’s bedroom at her parent’s house on Wednesday nights while her parents are at their Bible study class.

    on Dday she asks me through sobs and tears: “Do you think there is something wrong with me that I’m attracted to young boys?”

    Me: “uhhh, yeah.”

    She’s a middle school counselor. She and the other female counselor spent time at work looking at the nude pictures AP was sending her instead of doing their job helping kids.

    • Truly hope you reported her to the school principal. She is a predator and I wouldn’t want my tween-age son around her.

      • I’d go straight to the police, personally. The school will try to mitigate risk. Children are in danger.

  23. Mine sat me down after I found out about affair and told me he was worried about me, no one liked me and I was socially dysfunctional. After just spending hours complaining to our Marriage councilor that I had all the friends and support, he was so alone except for the OW how did not make him feel like shit….

    Got a job out of state before I knew about the affair, Kids (s17 & s15) and I were going to join him after school let out. Found out he was telling everyone we had grown apart and the Kids were going to live with him but I was staying behind. He was going to let me sell the house, enroll the kids in a new school district and move them, than tell me we were done. He bragged he was going to leave me homeless, kidless, car less and broke.

    When the kids did not move, he cut off all support as soon as they turned 18, told me they were men now and could get jobs. His job was done, he never wanted kids any way. Only did what little the court mandated. Has never paid one cent more, cut their health insurance as soon as possible.

      • But lets not forget the famous line “I am leaving you not the kids, they will be happy that I am happy!!!”

        • How’s this for a line: “I didn’t leave Us, WisedUp, I just left YOU.” It only makes sense to a narcissist. His definition of “us” didn’t include me.

        • Cheater Handbook line. I heard it, too.

          But, of course, he DID leave the kids. Never fought me on custody–I asked for 90%, and got it on paper. Actually had 99% in reality.

    • “Mine sat me down after I found out about affair and told me he was worried about me, no one liked me and I was socially dysfunctional.”
      My ex would tell me that sort of thing BEFORE Dday. It was a mind fuck. I still remember going to his work Christmas party, having a good time and chatting with most of the guests. Once we got home, ex was all angry and said that everyone was “asking him what was wrong with me” and that I just sat there “like a bump on a log.”

      He also said everyone in his family thought something was wrong with me, but of course, that was because he was always telling them that when I wasn’t around.

      Right after Dday, he sent text messages to all of my friends thanking them for “taking care of Glad” and “being there for her.” It was another mind fuck meant to convince me and those who cared about me that I was incapable of taking care of myself and would never survive on my own.

      • I remember watching his vids on line. HE is a FREAK. Completely delusional crotch freak. He is a supreme weirdo. I am so glad he’s out of your life.

        Whatever he says that other people say, is completely suspect. Of course, I wonder a) if people he surrounds himself with are as deranged as he is, or, b) if they “agree” with him just to get him to stfu and go away.

      • OMG, GIO! Boss Hogg had been telling our kids (DS21 & DD15) for years that I wouldn’t survive without him. Not-so-Subtle emotional abuse. Watch THIS, F*tard! Not only will I survive, but I will THRIVE, grow and outshine your fading sparkly turd.

    • Omg……that is something out of my exes playbook….horrendous

      Mine used money I gave him for his “tinsmithing business”… He’s a 6th generation “artiste” so he could consult with divorce attorneys to try to take house and kids.

      In some ways I’m lucky he left my girls in the car on a hot summer day and got caught.

  24. Not in the running, but a face palm nonetheless. Mil threw herself a tacky birthday party on Black Friday, which I couldn’t attend because I have to work Black Friday and one child had had mouth surgery and needed to stay home. I wasn’t upset about not attending, but my “absence caused drama and fucked up the fmily pics in the photo booth section.” Whatever, it’s phony image management. I’ve dealt with over 30 yrs of mind fuck manipulation. I’m not loyal to the family, obvs. But the mow was! She left her 4 kids w her stupid bh and drove 3 hrs in bad Friday night traffic and snow storm to demonstrate what loyalty looks like at a hillbilly country club event hall. Her gift to mil was 65 tiny scrolls with 65 reasons mil was awesome, including giving birth to cheater. Narc mil was over the moon, kibbles you can actually carry with you! And cheater got to have the fun titillation of having his girlfriend attend a family party while his wife (an oh so relieved and happy wife, not having to tap dance thru that shit pile) was home working and mothering. Guess who was praised for loyalty?

    • It reminds me of those Love is… posters that used to be popular at one time. Love is…greasing up your AP’s narc mom with 65 tiny scrolls….

      • For fcks sake! What is wrong with these cheaters and their moms!?!? I’m sorry hollowbunny

        • If anything, the affair showed me just how I had been gaslit. And projected upon. And manipulated. I didn’t know people could say “I love you and you are Family” and not mean one lick of it. I had no clue. Since it started when I was 18 and dating him, wtf did I know? Now I do. My absence continues to be the big drama. I’m an easy and 30 yr scapegoat. But now I’m gone and there’s foot stomping and harrumph. with no one else to blame, the lid is off the trash can and the light is way too bright.

  25. For Christmas one year, BAM (BrokeAss Mountain) gifted me with a workout dvd entitled How To Get the Body You Always Wanted. Over 20 years into the marriage, he was well aware that I despise aerobics, would never leap around in front of my television, and oh yes, was (and am) still a fit size 4. It was a recommendation from one of his gym whores … she was SURE I would love it.

    BAM moved his boyfriend into our house and our bed for the 5 weeks I was in Italy … sitting by my mother’s bedside while she fought for her life after 3 emergency brain surgeries. She lived … sadly so did he.

    It was the final morning and he was ready to pull out of the driveway with the last of his shit stuffed in the car. All that remained was to tell his son he was leaving (coward waited until the LAST possible moment) … oh, and one other small task. Would it be alright if he used the hose to wash his car one last time? And the entire neighborhood heard the resounding negative response to that “reasonable request.”

  26. Kept asking me to have sex in the back of the Durango. I said “we have a bed – what are you X, 16 years old?”

    Turns out he and whore used the Durango for sex. I found her blond hairs and his pubs. GROSS! She shed a ton of bleached hair.

    Turns out he is more like 2 years old, actually.

    Not my problem anymore.

  27. 1) After we all sacrificed for his career for years, he planned his military retirement ceremony around his OWs schedule… One of our kids couldn’t make it and was left alone on the east coast 2500 miles away. Kid was sophomore in HS and if the rest of us hadn’t gone, we would have fed into his “see, they didn’t even come to my retirement” narrative. OW sat in second row and had a fake date

    2) He promised the OW a $40,000 diamond ring to replace the $39,000 one her fiancé had given her. He made this promise when his 3 kids had $0 college money saved and I worked part time caring for dying children. When he told me of the ring he planned to buy, it was couched as a “joke”…my response was “Oh really, how many other co workers did you joke about buying wedding rings with?”

    3) He moved 3000 miles away and got an apt in the same city where OW “commuted to” from where she lived with her fiancé. I was assured, however that there was “nothing between them, that is over”. During wreckonciliation, he told me he was so proud that “I never left you”…”what about the 18 months in SF?” (that apparently didn’t count). After he died, I found gifts OW bought him in SF….and a CD rom of photos of her…I put the CD in a bag with my grandsons poop diapers.

    4) continuing the poop theme (but going back in time a number of years earlier) the morning after DDay, I took the Chinese tea she bought him for his retirement gift, put it in my toilet and pooped on it. I think I win the “passive-aggressive retaliation award”

  28. At 3pm when he said he was working 14 hour days, I found my cheater in a deserted park in the back of my moms old Buick with OW on one of my blankets with paper towels for tidy clean up. I first saw 2 pairs of bare feet sticking out of the car so I had the camera phone ready, and stepped up to the feet for a perfect photo op. He claimed he was not cheating up to that point, then that story changed to his one mistake.

  29. My ex, who was cheating on me with his massage parlour whore girlfriend, got mad at her for withholding sex from him on a date and cheated on her the next day with another massage parlour whore (we had had sex just a couple days earlier BTW). He sent her flowers an hour later because he “felt guilty for cheating on her”. Then he came home to me as the wonderful, loving, family man I thought he was.

  30. Here’s some fine memories:

    1. He secretly took photos of OW#1 having sex with her husband. His explanation being he didn’t believe her stories about their exploits. OW#1’s husband, however, was surprised but large footsteps in the snow outside outside the window.

    2. He arrived late to a doctors appointment of mine (I was going thru a serious health issue) complaining that our daughter didn’t tell him what the plan was. He didn’t think to call me directly. I later found out the reason he was late and didn’t call me was because he was deep into a 2 hour phone call with OW#2.

  31. 1. After I filed for divorce on grounds of adultery, he began referring to our unborn child’s father in the 3rd person. (This is the only man I have so much as kissed in the entirety of my adult life.)

    2. After our baby’s harrowing delivery and terrifying symptoms of having been possibly infected with a potentially fatal STD believed to have crossed the placenta during pregnancy, he later referred to newborn’s hospitalization period wistfully as “so convenient” for his visitation schedule.

    3. After our divorce was finalized, he asked me to stay single for the rest of my life and told me he was glad we had 4 young children, as that lowered the chances of me finding love again.

    • Your number 3 comment reminds me of something fuckwit said that continues to echo in my head.
      Fuckwit shocked me by asking for divorce, (he had planned it in advance, went to a lawyer and figured it all out without ever mentioning he was considering it) before I knew he was a cheater (at this point I had asked is there another woman and surprise, he lied and said no). I was incredulous and looked at him and said “and we would just go on and date and find a new person and then have sex with someone else? Can you imagine having sex with another person, being with another person?” He said, yes, but not right away. He said “you are a beautiful woman, you will find someone.” I was just stunned. I don’t recall him ever calling me a beautiful woman in 26 years of marriage. Invasion of the body snatchers. It took this chump 2 more weeks of believing he was being honest with me before he finally blurted out “I am a cheater and have been for years.” and then it was just shock. PTSD

      • Ugh. I agree about the body snatcher! When my STBX said he wanted a divorce after being caught, I asked what would happen to my older parents who loved him as a son, he said, “I will always be their son.”
        His ability to deceive himself and me was epic. I don’t want him anywhere near my family.

  32. I have so many but I’ll give you three! when I asked why he was being so mean to me he said “I have a friend, I’m attracted to her, she’s interesting, and funny, and made me realize there’s something better out there for me!” on our anniversary he was texting one of his employees to get her to buy 100.00 arrangement of flowers for OW, he sent employee cash , he was head of federal HR, while he was doing this he was screaming at me that I was ruining another anniversary by being suspicious! Told me had texted OW, 3 times I hacked into phone bill, while he was in Albuquerque to meet up with her, found over 10,000 texts over a 3 month period, during wreckconciliation told me I just wasn’t fun and flirty!

  33. 1) his vehicle broke down on way from NM to Cali after visiting his kid. Called me from the middle of a desert and gushed how he’s had an epiphany that I’m the best thing in his life blahblahblah because I’m the one thing that isn’t falling apart, you all know the spiel. I knew the jig was up. I didn’t even ask about it, i just flat out told him “I’m 100% sure now that you fucked your ex last night”. I was on the money.

    2)vacation with our kids: myself (mid 30s and the 3 littles are in pool. Almost 40 yo balding, pudgy, pasty white body, spaghetti arms is standing by pool drinking. A group of teenagers enter and start waterfights with each other. This one all of a sudden turns into the star quarterback and puts on a huge show tossing Nerfball to his older kid and “accidentally” throws it to older teen 3x out of 7 throws, to get her involved and interacting with him. Footwork and behind back catches and passes were all on display to woo the teenie in hotshorts and boobs falling out of bikini top.

    3)while conversing about our sports history somehow the talk turned to how my ex’s family is really competitive. They used to bowl 3-5 times a week and hit perfect scores so much that the local league asked my ex to join but he declined their offer. This one over here “well, i was such a good baseball player that they asked me to join Little League after a coach saw me batting at the park with friends. But i didn’t have time because of school!”

    BONUS ROUND

    While traveling for work he was away for an extended period of time. Somehow he let slip that he was battling “jock itch”. I felt sorry and thought nothing of it because of summer heat and humidity and his long stretches in a drivers seat, told him to just get clotrimazole or something…yepp.
    This slip coming from someone who later that said while on shore leave in some Caribbean island, they hit up a brothel and he went room to room in a fucking frenzy and even gave unprotected oral to a prostitute.

    Christ, I’m a sucker.

    • To add to #2 next day he complained of aching back. He pulled a muscle putting on a show, cause he’s chronically out of shape 😂😂😂

    • “Jock itch”

      Yeah, my cheater said the “heat rash” (really a yeast infection) all over his genitals was from wearing underware in the heat. Stupid me went to the store and bought him sweat wicking underpants. Yup – he had sex with me before telling me about it. And i really couldn’t figure out why I was getting yeast infections all the time. Never suspected. We were monogamous.

      • Yepp. This one either screwed his ex or just did the happy ending (straight up sex) massage parlor thing he once mentiond he used “in the past, when alone and needing sex”. I’m such an idiot. I used to be so naive about things.
        Heat rash, LMAO. We commiserated for days over what ailed him. I told him go see a dr…he said the cream will have to be fine. I remember feeling so sorry for him.

    • yeah ,this guy is an “all around ” fu*ker , i know one very much like him , especially when the teen aged girls are around , my cheaterTurd would find a way to “stumble ” into a group of them ,and then turn into all hands ,grabbing and feeling them up pretending to lose his balance , would do this shit in front of a room full of people .so embarrassing ,and disrespectful .

      • I know. When i blew my stack and trudged out of the water and back into the hotel room he followed and said i ruined the fun. I told him I’ve got his number. I caught him smirking while watching me getting angrier by the second because of the show he was putting on for the tween. He later tried to say that he was just watching out for the kids “because of predators”. I asked what predators because other than him and 7yo son, there were only young females around? Then he claimed not to remember anything cause of drunk…later he started in “youre still angry because of the pool thing ” to shut that shit down i replyed “oh, i thought you were too drunk and don’t remember?”. The fucker.
        I later found out that the girl he was playing it up for is only 13. I was having breakfast with 2 younger kids when she and her family showed up and she got chewed out by a cousin “i don’t know why you can’t put no clothes on!”. She walked around in underwear and a teeshirt…kids and i were leaving breakfast area when he and older daughter came to eat, of course he sat opposite the teen. I just turned my back and walked away. Too painful.

  34. 1. Bought AP $200-300 dinners on our line of credit every week in the love bombing stage—while he was earning nothing.
    2. Two months later—bought our daughter a jar of olives for Christmas ( as a side note she hates olives), thus earning the title of Olive Man

  35. Cheater gave me an eternity ring last Christmas, he was already planning on leaving me for the OW. When I asked him why he still gave it to me, he said he had brought it back in June so I might as well have it. I wore the ring for 10 days.

  36. I sat at my desk at work and saw them in their shared office (we all work for the same company)

  37. After I took my kids and moved out he tried all kinds of ways to get back at me.

    Quit his well paying job to decrease the child support he would have to pay and got a job as a janitor. Schmoopie dumped him. Yeah true love. The judge dinged him for a third of his take home pay for child support.

    He wanted a better house and thought I could not afford the mortgage on ours, so signed a quit claim deed on it. Then called me to tell me that I would be arrested for abandonment of property. The kids and I moved back in and I got a part time job on top of my full time job. We did just fine. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when he found out how much equity he signed away. Oops.

    • I have one more, at the divorce hearing, right after the judge granted it, on the way out of the courthouse cheater ex’s attorney approached mine and whispered….This guy is a fruitloop.

  38. Sorry, this is 4 quotes from my stbxw.
    1) You’ll miss me when I’m gone. No one will ever love you like I do, I love hard and completely.
    2) I can’t believe you are not willing to fight for me. I am willing to work on our marriage. Why are you quitting?
    3) I refuse to leave our home. My reply, you already left the home, now leave the house.
    4) None of the decisions I have made affect our kids or his kids. You telling his wife and filing for divorce have.

    • “No one will ever love you like I do, I love hard and completely (when Im not fucking someone else)”.

      I got the absolute flip side …after he died, I found an “anger management” exercise he filled out where he wrote “I never loved my wife”.

    • Mine told me that I would never know “how much he really loved me and added that no one else would love me as much as he did” Let’s hope that’s not true!

      • Or…”I’ve treated you better than anybody else in your life but you always wanted more!”

        Huh?

  39. 1. A few days after D-day my cheater bought $300 worth of alcohol for OW’s nine-year-old nephew’s birthday party. I found out when the child’s mother thanked my cheater for being the life of the party on Facebook.

    2. A week after my ex walked out, OW posted new decorating ideas for our home on cheater’s Facebook page. While I was living there.

    3. Cheater moved into OW’s parent’s basement after our separation.

        • One of my childhood friends had something similar to #2 happen.

          After finding out her husband had been cheating with the town bicycle- she took her kids and moved in with her Mother for a week. She made it very clear that she needed time to think and it was temporary- she was also pregnant at the time.

          OW moved into my friend’s house and painted the bathroom.

    • yeah ,this guy is an “all around ” fu*ker , i know one very much like him , especially when the teen aged girls are around , my cheaterTurd would find a way to “stumble ” into a group of them ,and then turn into all hands ,grabbing and feeling them up pretending to lose his balance , would do this shit in front of a room full of people .so embarrassing ,and disrespectful .

  40. Mine cleaned out accounts, abandoned our 18 year old on her birthday, got a nasty attorney, stole items and raised holy HELL during his “whirlwind romance” with AP. I was heartbroken, destitute, single handedly running a household on no money WHILE xh and OW were trying to file police reports about embarrassment at exposure.

    At Christmas, he was sobbing that “HE was the one in REAL PAIN!” reminding me that “I was not the only person who was in pain!” — I was in the middle of begging/borrowing money to feed our kid and pay bills.

  41. Mine aren’t nearly so harrowing as some of you all’s, bless your hearts, but here’s what I got:
    My ex ran a 5k with the OM the morning of our anniversary. Completely unaware of him, I decided to surprise her at the finish line, bringing our kids there with me to cheer her on when she finished. Instead, the three of us got a nasty surprise when we get there and she’s clearly there with Prince Cheating.

    Oh, and I could be wrong, but I strongly suspect one of the recent New York Times “guest cheater” articles was written by her first AP. It fits their story exactly, and the timing fit perfectly. It was even profiled on here. To be honest, after all the other humiliation, this didn’t even phase me.

  42. My STBXH told me he bought me empty property to distract me from him leaving. He spent over $10k for a garden playpen for me while he planned to scurry off. Still shocked about it…but hey, I get all the fruits and veggies and he gets his cheating schmoopie!

  43. My personal favorite;
    After I found out about the lies, the cheating, the std, etc. I filed for divorce.
    One evening I met him at a sandwich shop to discuss financial stuff.
    He told me, ” You know you really over played your hand. Your chances with me are diminishing. I may start dating.”
    I said, “You’ve been dating for two years!”
    He got mad and walked out.
    Bwahahahaha, still makes me laugh hysterically!

    • The last time I saw my ex he mentioned that he saw my dating profile and that I looked good. He went on to say that he took his down, it was “too icky” so soon after the divorce. Being married never stopped him from dating, so I don’t see why being divorced should be a problem.

      • Probably or maybe image management – some well rehearsed story to deflect from being kicked off the site for something heinous.

      • Cake ain’t cake if there’s no triangulation. You & your divorce just took ALL the FUN out of dating for him…ROFL!!!!

  44. I can’t help myself, I have to do 3 more! 1. when I said he ways lying to me and the OW, he looked wistfully into the distance and said, “I never lied to her!” 2. when I asked why he invited her to his room , he said , “ do you know what it’s like to want someone so bad that you just have to be near them!” 3. I told him she had eyes like a shark, “he said, “I thought she had fire in her eyes!” wtf!!!!!!

  45. Oh Unicorn, I love it! Let’s see if I can at least compete for “most tarnished Marine Award”
    1. When his affair was still secret I had planned a trip to Disneyworld for us with my daughter, her husband and my two grandchildren. He begged off one day saying he didn’t feel well. We went to the park. Come to find out Schmoopie had driven to Disney and they spent his “sick day” boinking each other in our bed at our “magical memories” rental!
    2. We reconciled once during Thanksgiving so he wanted to spend it in Virginia. We made the long drive from Georgia and I thought everything was fine. He gets caught texting Schmoopie and all Hell breaks loose. He proceeds to tell all his adult kids (one hour after Thanksgiving dinner) about his sexual exploits with Schmoopie in vivid detail! My kids and their spouses were shocked and I was a mess. He was relegated to my sons basement until we had to return to Ga.
    3. During another failed reconciliation he wanted me to go to the hotel room he was living in and spend the night in the same bed as he and Schmoopie had been screwing in! Ummm….fuck NO!
    4. On his computer I found tons of pictures of him and Schmoopie at Disney together in front of the castle. This was while I and my daughter were standing in long lines so my grandchildren could visit the characters and ride all the rides! Lovely!
    If you have ever been to Disney in Orlando you will note that standing in the “smoking” area gives you a birds eye view of anyone approaching that area. So when he would see us coming back to check in with him Schmoopie would make a quick exit! What a guy!

    • For the love of God….sneaking around Disney with a fuckbuddy dodging grandchildren…nothing says “Semper Fedelis” quite like THAT !! My question to our late husbands would be “what was it then that you were being faithful to?”

  46. 1) STBX didn’t use protection because OW (married 3 times, currently married during affair) was “monogamous.”
    2) According to STBX, penis-in-vagina (multiple times) was accidental, including the times that they had sex in work truck during work.
    3) When my autistic son found naked pictures of the OW (a woman old enough to be his dad’s mother, interestingly enough) on his dad’s phone, and told me about it, STBX became angry with ME, telling me that if the OW’s husband found out that she was also having an affair, he would kill her, and it would be all my fault.
    4) STBX told everyone at his work that I was an insane lesbian, which, of course, in their eyes, justified the fact that he would be able to “get it up” for a woman the same age as his mommy.

    • I think there are two SuperDuperChumps on this site. One male and one female? I am so confused!!

    • Sorry – two more!
      5) Affair was discovered by autistic son during episode mentioned in number 3, which would have been bad enough in itself, but his father lied to his son, telling him that the person in the picture was me, reminding our son that his autism meant that he didn’t always see things clearly.
      6) STBX never told OW that she passed along a lovely bouquet of STDs (some of which cannot be cleared by drugs) to me, because he didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

      • OMG, #5 is so fucking evil. Mind fucking his own autistic son, making him doubt himself. These monsters still manage to shock me, even after all I’ve read and experienced myself.

  47. Shortly after leaving HALF, had to have emergency surgery. He was my emergency contact previously. Asked for that to be changed. Texted him at 6 a.m. “emergency surgery in 1 hour at X hospital”. (NO further details) At 8 p.m. he finally responds “forgot my phone, hope all is well”. Luckily, he texted OW5 75 times between 6 a.m. – 8 p.m.

    • That is horrible…as soon as I could tell that marriage was in shambles, I started fretting over the “next of kin” thing. This ghastly act is such a betrayal…dont ever doubt that he sucks.

      • Yep, changing next of kin came directly after changing bank accounts. I kept getting this mental image of Fucktard bowing his head in mock mourning telling the doctors that he gives them permission to pull life support. The doctor’s reply? “Sir, it’s just a broken wrist, she’s not on life support.”

  48. D day #1 was Christmas eve when the wife tells me she really wants to go to Midnight mass at the last minute. Leaving me home with our two year old son. The alarm bells were the completely not safe for church lacey red dress and bright red lipstick. Confronted her when she got home and she finally copped to it. Worst Christmas ever. Thankfully 2 year olds don’t understand why daddy is crying while they open presents on Christmas morning. She said her counselor told her that I could never love her the way she needed. She was right, the wife just didn’t and still doesn’t understand that what that means is SHE is the flawed one incapable of being truly loved.

    • I’m so sorry Dumpedchump( tears in my eyes for you now). She truly sucks and you deserve so much better, we all do..

    • She gets extra “bad points” for saying that she was going to Mass then breaking one of the 10 Commandments. That is awful. Nowdeadcheater said that he took his angst (over his Schmoopie) to Church and prayed and cried and felt that God had given him OW as a gift. He said that SHE was a blessing, me…not so much.

  49. I kicked my ex out before I dug too deeply into his skein, but I still wanna play. When I was in college, my mom borrowed my lingerie to go to a BDSM sex party. With one of my male friends. One who had asked me first.

    She was still married to my dad.

  50. I cheated because you never put any thought into gifts, like the red roses you always give me on our anniversary, red roses are boring they are thoughtless, there are 1000s of other arrangements to pick from but you always get me stupid boring thoughtless RED ROSES!!!!!!!!

      • Great idea! I wish she would have told me that if I send her red roses for our anniversary one more time she will have an affair. Also the red roses sent to her at work was not the only thing I did or gave her to celebrate our anniversary. Jewelry, perfume, lingerie, books, hobby accessories, electronics, nice evening out, arranged babysitter, ect ect ect. The red roses were just a part of the celebration. I guess she was grabbing for anything to justify the cheating.

        • Babe, really, you have NOTHING here to work with! Read Tracy’s book 10x and do it, Leave that Remorseless Piece of Shit Cheater and GAIN A LIFE! PLEASE!

        • You arranged the babysitter? That is an act of love…that was the hardest part of going out. When we went out for our 16th anniversary, we went to a restaurant and he looked uncomfortable enough to crawl out of his own skin, as if he was full of dread and contempt. I was as pleasant and nice as I could be …but his affect was such that if he had looked across the table at me and said “I simply abhor you” it would have fit.

      • I was having gall bladder attacks but we both thought it was heart issues. 5 different occasions he left me in the floor believing I was having a major heart attack. He went to bed and went to sleep with me screaming for help unable to walk. Once my kids were present and he convinced them I was pretending and just wanted attention. The last time was so severe i crawled down the hall and told him if he didn’t take me to the hospital I would call an ambulance and tell them he wouldn’t.

        It was so bad they would not even transport me to the major hospital 30 minutes away for 3 days because they were afraid it would rupture. For those 3 days he would leave his job 7 times a day and come and act all concerned, fluffing my pillows and asking the nurses for all the details. They thought I had the best husband in the world. I was too drugged to say differently.

        After surgury the doctor said he’d never seen so much infection or so many abcesses and stones. He said I came very close to dying and should have been having attacks severe enough to require emergency transportation and couldn’t figure out why I hadn’t been. The exhole stood behind him smirking at me. I was too humiliated to speak up. After all no one had ever believed me.

        Once on vacation I had an ovarian blood cyst and had to go home. He convinced the kids I was wanting to ruin every bodies vacation. I had an emergency hyterectomy 2 days later.

        He would kiss a woman we went to church with on her mouth right in front of me. At church. She would grab his coffee cup and ask him where he drank from so she could put her lips where his had been. If I said anything in protest the whole church would call me jealous and insecure and tell me Bible verses about jealousy. They all said that’s just how **** is and I was wrong to get mad.

        I can’t believe how long I put up with it all. There’s dar more but I just can’t right now.

        • The narcs–they don’t like it when you’re getting medical ATTENTION. THEY are the ones who should be getting attention, not you. Your job is to give THEM attention, not to be a burden with any of your medical things.

          Ask me how I know…..

            • Especially having their baby. Then you’re getting ALL the attention and praise, and how is THAT supposed to work at all? Next thing you know, the BABY (the actual baby, not the man-baby) is getting all the attention, and it just gets ridiculous for a narc. It’s so unjust for them. So? Naturally you have to find another source.

              • Yep. My niece being born caused man-child to have a Narc meltdown.
                “Nobody caressss about me anymore… all they care about is the baby! I’m not even coming. I’m old news now.”
                He never once held her. I think he was actually for real jealous of an infant. He said until they can throw a ball it’s pointless he has no use for them. Yet he tricked me when we were dating holding all his friends’ babies, playing with them, we went to all their little kid birthdays together, tons of pictures I took of him with babies. I think I hate him the most for this one. Fooling me like this. All for image.

              • Yep! I’ve written about this before, but my ex downplayed my labor pain to every single person he talked to on the phone. I’m sure whoever he talked to asked, “How was Martha’s labor and delivery?” And each time he said, “She had minimal discomfort. At the time I couldn’t figure out why he said that, because it was painful and I was a pushing machine getting our son out. Now I realize he didn’t want me to get any attention. There is not one single photo of me at the hospital with our son. Not one! But there are tons of photos of his parents with our son and I took photos of the cheater with our son. Once again, couldn’t give me any attention.

                You cannot be sick or anything with these narcs. One time I had pneumonia, but didn’t know it yet. I was up all night coughing and felt so run down. The cheater made me feel guilty for not playing board games with the family. He said, “When I was little I always wanted to play board games with my mom and she was always too busy. I always felt bad when she said no. You are doing the same thing to our kids.” Now mind you, I played board games with our kids their entire lives and I WAS THE ONE WHO BOUGHT ALL GAMES IN OUR HOUSE — close to 25 games in the closet. So, he guilted me into playing games when I was so sick.

                The cheater was jealous of our son when we brought him home from the hospital. Too many stories to tell. And then when I was pregnant with our daughter, he had an affair and was pretty close to walking away from me and the kids.

                I watched the cheater sabotage our sons magic trick and totally humiliate him. I couldn’t believe he did that! Narc daddy didn’t like his son getting all that attention. He’ll deny it, but I’ve seen too much over the years to know it’s the truth.

  51. 1. We went to Mexico City for a vacation, pre-marriage. While I toured Frida Kalo’s house, he got it on with a hooker and picked up crabs (told me they must’ve come from the hotel bedding).

    2. We went out to dinner for Valentine’s Day. When we got home, I put our son to bed while he responded to almost 15 different Craigslist personal ads.

    3. As part of the pick me dance, I gave him a “sex toy” designed for both our pleasure and he scoffed at it saying he could never use “such a thing”. Subsequent discovery, he likes T4M, groups and couples.

  52. Fucktard told our kids how unfair it was that they “got to see mom cry after he left. But there were some nights were I was crying too!”

  53. Another few from KK’s dalliance with the Carrot Singer:

    1. After a pot & booze filled session with BDSM guy, I had to take her to a middle-of-the-night visit to the emergency for severe dehydration. For some reason she took a photo of the tubes running in and of her arm. About a month later she texted that same photo to the Carrot Singer, explaining that she’d been in a car accident and had 3 broken ribs and a concussion.

    2. When I mentioned (post-DDay) that she compromised my health by having unprotected sex with him (on the day they first met, in a hotel public bathroom across the street from her office), she said: “That was only for 15 seconds.”

    • Oh, so just as microbes take at least 5 seconds to jump from a dirty floor onto dropped food, STDs require 16 or more seconds to make the leap of love …. Good to know and something we should probably share with our children!

    • During reconcilliation, she was getting more and more distant. We are having sex and she says, “don’t cum inside me, im going to the beach (in 5 hrs) and dont want it dripping out when I’m there.” (Other men’s in all of her underwear not a problem however) I stopped, and never went back in. Pig.

  54. 1. When on dday1 (it was only flirty texts/we were good friends) he said the photos sent to each other was “just a silly little thing to do”
    2. When on dday2 i asked how physical they actually were as they definitely hadnt had sex “she kissed me, it was a just a silly little thing.” This was 10 mins before he had to confess they had been sexual but only once.
    3. When on dday3 after speaking to OW husband he explained it wasnt just the once, i asked cheater about a particular dalliance in the office. Guess what? It was just a “silly little thing”, apparently one of them had tripped and fell in/on the other – it was just a silly little thing though, nothing for me to get so upset about 🙄🙄

  55. 1. Took me out to see the movie “This is Where I leave You” for our date night when we were “working on” our marriage — pastoral counseling, praying together, anointing with oil/laying on of hands by church people. The truth was he had already started the smear campaign behind my back by telling all his coworkers and friends that I was crazy and he just “had to get out of this marriage.” I bought a copy of the movie and left it with our movie collection when I moved out with our kids.

    2. After he blew-up my life and made our children wail and cry, he was Mr. Sad Sausage. I told him I was no longer going to be his wife – he wasn’t sleeping in our bed anymore, I was cleaning/cooking/laundry or anything else for him anymore. Sad Sausage took out a camping map and set-up camp on the concrete basement floor. Not kidding. He laid on the basement ground in his sleeping bag. He ran an extension cord for his little night light from his grandma. Bible right by his head. Super cheating, lying Jesus FREAK!

    3. The day he almost got us killed by a bear. At Glacier National Park. Went to an easy trail head with our kids. A couple walked quickly from the entrance to the trail and said to not go on the trail, because there was a bear on it. Only seems logically not to go hiking on that trail, right? Well, the cheater freak still wanted to go. I didn’t want either my kids or myself get mauled by a bear. However, cheater freak made me feel like I stopped us from doing “fun things” in the past due to my being afraid of dangerous stuff like allowing our kids to go edge of Horseshoe Bend in Arizona or many other dangerous things he wanted to do. I felt I was damned if I said no (party pooper) or damned (killed) if I said yes. The whole time I was deciding what to do (maybe five mins), he stared at the sky/trees like he was looking for something. Now I realize he was just trying to manipulate me into doing something I knew wasn’t the right thing to do. I said okay and with a few minutes there was a bear in front of us and coming towards us. Cheater Freak naturally had his phone out and was videoing it while he was walking backwards. My son just said, “Mom, calm down and lets just walk fast and get out of here. Don’t scream.” Cheater Freak got a big video of the bear and he talking the whole time in the video. Naturally he showed the video to just about anyone who would watch it. He didn’t give a crap about my safety or his kids. He only cared about himself and getting the video.

  56. At the beginning of our relationship, he arranged a road trip with us and OW 1. Took us to a restaurant chain called Dick’s. So his girlfriends could eat Dick’s together.

    Not sure what I ever saw in him.

    • Martha, my cheater was always insisting on doing things that I didn’t think were right/safe too. If I said I didn’t want to do it, you can be sure he was going to do it anyway! So glad you and the kids didn’t get hurt by the bear.

      • Thanks, Lyn. I will never understand his blatant disregard for the safety of his own children and wife. Logically it doesn’t make sense. I think it’s the lack of empathy and conscience. I can’t imagine doing something intentionally where my kids might get hurt.

  57. 1. Took hundreds of pictures of his bondage slaves and loaded them on computer in folders with their initials for names. One was of particular interest as it was in my house and in my bed! That was the one he left me for and theyve broken up four times!

    2. Gave my car to said ho while still owned and insured to me without my knowledge throwing caution to the wind and then proceeded to destroy it.

    3. Handed out credit cards to said ho and her family on our joint accounts which they promptly ran up to the max ruining both our credits.

    And this was just the tip of the iceberg.

  58. Mine doesn’t really compare to the horror of others, this is the closest:

    -She had me applying for jobs in Scandinavia (from the UK) to move her closer back to her family and dying father. One application went really well & I had a final interview lined up in-country. She then suddenly got a left-field ‘career opportunity of a lifetime’ offered to her at her current workplace in the UK that she didn’t want to lose, so, I was going to pull out of the interview since she no longer wanted to move. But then she started encouraging me to travel to the interview anyway, “just in case”. It didn’t make sense, so I didn’t go… On the day where I was meant to have been travelling she messaged me that she was ‘going out with colleagues’ and then clearly turned her phone off. So to summarise; my cheating wife was prepared to send me to interview in another country, for a job I was going to have to turn down anyway, just so that she could have an opportunity to cheat. Oh, and i’d have been a couple of hundred out of pocket for travel and hotel costs. When I didn’t go, she found an excuse to stay out that night anyway.

  59. Claimed I was stalking him & “breaking in” to the house. Left him, refused to give him new address and went NC. He tried for months to get it. Texts me one day for my adress so he can file a RO on me.

  60. 1. Found him looking at a Beautiful cabin online in the area we’d been looking at for two years.
    2. Found OW FB post 2 weeks later of the cabin she is going to at Christmas with her husband and grown kids. It’s the same cabin. Show my husband. He has no idea. Tells me 2 weeks later that they looked at cabins together and discussed going there. Tells marriage counselor he only told me that because it’s what I wanted to hear.
    3. After over a year of telling me he didn’t like that area at all and big effort at reconciliation, I discover on our computer( thank-you recycle files) all the places he continued trying to find in that area, after picking out with me the place he wanted to move. Not even in the same state! I could see where he looked, when he saved it and when he deleted it.

  61. Refused to rent a house I absolutely loved, and which fit our needs and budget perfectly, because he didn’t like it visually.

    When I told him to move out D-Day 2… you guessed it, he rented that very house.

    • I wish I understood that mentality. Is it “I don’t really want it, but I don’t want you to have it, either”? Or is it just a complete lack of originality? Before DDay, we had been talking about picking up stakes and moving to the Pacific Northwest to a city I had loved back in college. This is 100% my idea, my dream. Post DDay conversation about what he is going to do next, he says he is going to move there anyway, possibly just to get a rise out of me. Umm, okay, sunshine, if that is what you want. I really don’t care, and frankly doubt that he would stop gaming/whoring long enough to make it happen.

  62. Just after D Day 2, back in the day when airline reservations on a credit credit card specified the ticket holder’s name on the bill, spent nearly our entire savings account on separate trips with OWs, then used our savings to pay the card. Almost $30K of planes and hotels. D Day 2 was right after my brother died and he was home alone while I was with family for a few days.

      • After DDay doughboy texted; did I want to use the vacation rental we booked in Maine, I replied not interested. Ok says doughboy I’ll use it. 2 weeks later I get an email from cruise line for him and Schmoopie, seems he was taking her to Maine to the cottage then on a nice New Eng. cruise. The idiot was using my cruise card to book tickets so he’d get the points LOL. He was obsessed with collecting things anything! I was so tempted to screw up their passports but restrained myself only because at that point the financials weren’t final. Alas, if only they had been, just imagine the names I could have come up with ……Mr Dichead and Ms. Sparklestits oh what fun!

  63. After D Day 2, went to my family’s vacation home (and formerly my grandmother’s house) “to think”. Picked up a single mom who didn’t know he was married and gave her our phone number (mobiles we’re barely a thing then). She called my house because he wasn’t calling her back and she was worried. Said “I’m sorry, but who are you?” I said “I’m his wife. Did he tell you he was single, too, like he does the others?” (A long conversation later, she apologized for what she did in my grandmother’s house. I didn’t blame her, of course. He’s the douchebag.)

  64. D Day 1 he moved to a studio apartment. One of the first people he invited there was my 16yo niece.

  65. Off topic: today’s cartoon is especially painful for my heart. While ignoring me saying “I’m too exhausted from work right now, i need rest-time, can’t talk to you” i saw him pull vid after vid on YouTube and through porn sites of twerking, i mean for hours straight, for jerking off. No time for reconnection and intimacy with me but oodles for women who whore themselves out on camera :-/

    • Our Chump Lady really knows how cheater brains work.

      I am so sorry you lived this and I empathize deeply.

        • That’s one of the reasons I stay. My divorce was many years ago, and meh is my reality, but it helps to be part of this tribe and I like helping others. I had no such resource back then and it was a huge problem. I want to be here to help others.

    • Mg, I get triggered by these pictures too. My ex said years ago that it was “easier to masterbate” instead of “having sex” with me. You see, making love (sex) is difficult for a truly selfish person. Took way too much time I guess with all the foreplay and stuff. Much easier to look at videos or go get 100% naked lap dances (bj’s and sex?) with strippers in Canada. My ex withheld sex just after we got back from our honeymoon. I now know it’s all a part of the abuse cycle when you are involved with a narc. I’m sorry you went through this heartache too.

      • I’m sorry for all of us, too. It absolutely sucks. He said it himself “i think foreplay is a waste of time, we’re not teenagers anymore”. God, it kills me that i put up with this level shit.

        • Just enough foreplay so that it doesn’t sound like rubbing a wet balloon going in, am I right?

            • When the foreplay became mechanical; tweektweek, rubrub, put tab A into slot B, humpityhumpity.

              It was so dehumanizing I shoved him off me and sat up, almost nauseated. He was cold and dismissive “I thought that’s all that was needed”. Barf…

              • I called it “vending machine sex”. Push this…pull that…and get your prize. Then just roll over and go to sleep. No words. No love. No connection. No intimacy whatsoever. Like he was using a toilet…about ince every 4 months.

      • Oh. My. God. STBX told me the same thing – verbatim!! My jaw hit the floor when I read your post. This site never ceases to amaze me with insight into just how twisted and unoriginal these assholes are!

  66. (I used to not tell my stories, but then #metoo happened and I decided I’m tired of not speaking my truth.)

  67. 1. Get the “I care about you as a friend, but I don’t love you anymore” speal on the 4th of july.

    2. He builds a blanket fort in our living room to fuck around and flaunt with OW. I breakdown.

    3. I tell him he can’t do that, I still live here, he threatens to kick me out because I am sabotaging his happiness and they have nowhere else to go.

    Blanket Fort of Sabatoge Solitude?

    • Jeezus. This is one of the worst ones I have ever heard. What a… There isn’t a word bad enough for that guy.

      • They even left their shoes outside the blanket fort too. Cause you know, don’t want to dirty up the place or anything!

    • He built a blanket fort in your living room where they fucked while he still lived with you?
      That is so wildly fucked up and delusional … I can’t even.

      Then we spend out time trying to explain to them why their behavior is wrong…yes, wildly fucked up.

      That would make a FABULOUS CL cartoon…it gets my vote.

      • BLANKET FORT???… would make sense…IF they were 9 years old!!!
        I think I threw up in my mouth a little.

  68. When questioning my now ex husband on why he wanted to go to a concert with a work colleague (who turned out to be the AP of five months) he looked at me straight in the eyes and said “Don’t you trust me?”, knowing full well in his head that he’s having an affair.

    Ex-h moves out and announces he wants now to be poly, he wants 3 days a week with AP, 3 days a week with his married spouse (me) and one day alone to himself.

    Uh huh, look how well that worked out.

    • 3 Ring Chump! Similar happened to me! Asked me to go to a concert that was on my birthday, when he already lined up the OW for it. Then made a big stink about it because I think he wanted me to say I didn’t want to go. At the time, I had no idea why he was so grumpy about something that should be fun.

  69. He went on a work conference trip to Europe.
    A couple months later I found anal sex toys and anal lube in a hidden compartment of his suitcase as well as money from Indonesia in his underwear drawer and as far as I know, he’s never been to Southeast Asia in his life.
    Turns out he DID go to Europe, then took a little ONE NIGHT side trip to Indonesia to f*** some woman he met on a BDSM website (it’s over 28 hours of air travel time, folks!), returned to Europe and went about the rest of his conference. I found his passport with an entry stamp into Jakarta and exit stamp for the next day.

  70. 1. He lied about going to a wedding because “he didn’t want to upset me” that he was having fun on a social outing while I was in my hometown caring for my post-surgery dad.

    2. He went out with a co-worker…on a bet with the guys.

    3. He texted a co-worker “will you be my sexy nurse?”…as a joke.

    This outstanding LOGIC, y’all.

  71. off topic, but I am completely disgusted my ex just sent this article this article to my daughter saying maybe she should start respecting her boyfriend and stop acting like his mother. Same narrative he used to justify cheating… and here’s the article to back up His narrative. WTF! Really? Talk about false equivalency.

    https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailywire.com/news/24676/walsh-most-effective-way-destroy-your-husband-ruin-matt-walsh%3famp

    Disgusted!

    • What a load of crock. Most cheaters are the ones doing the disrespecting long before they cheat while the faithful spouse is falling all over his/herself to please them. I also got accused of “mothering” ex, but he wasn’t talking about the things mentioned in the article. He was talking about things like making his lunches for him. How totally embarrassing for him.

    • This article IS crap. I find it funny that the author has such a slanted, one-way cultural view of marriage and then says his is not like this. So he’s come up with this litany of complaints of things he doesn’t experience and I honestly doubt he even knows anyone with a one-sided weird marriage like the one he describes. Ironically he actually says right in his work that cheating is not excusable when he says this: “but you don’t marry someone in order to give them what they deserve. In marriage, you give them what you’ve promised.”

      Guess your cheater missed that line. Or like most cheaters, figured that it applied to everyone else but him.

      • I come from a section of our society where that is the thinking…I dont disagree with all of it especially when I see women being grossly disrespectful to good guys who are really trying.

        Trouble is, there are men (like my nowdeadcheater) who abuse the patriarchal structure that some wives willingly choose (I did) and use it as an excuse to manipulate. I know many families where good loving benevolent leadership works well…its just doesn’t work if the guy is a selfish asshole liar cheater.

        I had given him extensive latitude to make major decisions in our family but he abused it. THEN…right after Dday, he had the nerve to tell me that one reason he struggled in our marriage is that he wasn’t “admired” because men like their women to admire them. I told him that the first step to being admired was to act admirably.

        This article was written for situations where the husband really is being a good, stand-up sort of fellow and benevolently putting his family first and making sacrifices…the idea that allhole cheaters would cite it as an excuse to betray their families and abuse their wives makes me sick. Nowdeadcheater, in the day, would have handed me a copy of it and told me to be a better wife.

        • Agreed. I lost respect for my husband when he stopped working to start his own business but then would not return to “working for the Man” when his business never took off, thus leaving me to pay for 95% of our family’s bills. He would then spend his days coming up with hare-brained schemes about how he could “invest” my inheritance to make a fortune and show the kids that he was a great provider. At some point, he began feeling like my 3rd child who always needed to be told “no!” rather than my respected partner. Of course, had I realized he was already emotionally cheating by that point, planning to embark on full physical cheating, I’d have admired him even less.

          • We argued all the time when I told him I didn’t want to act like his mother. He insisted he wanted me to tell him what to do but would then find every reason why he shouldn’t do said thing. A big ol’, “You’re not the boss of me!”

  72. Last Christmas we were discussing Carrie Fischers death. He then used everything I said to him about the topic as conversation starters for the OW.

    On D-day one of the first things he said to me was “Man! Now I’m not going to be invited into your cousin’s fantasy league!”

    While I was going through chemo, my energy levels were pretty low but I still occasionally wanted to get out and do something. So one particular weekend we took our daughter to the cool library in the city. It was low key fun, although he didn’t participate really well. I later saw an email to the OW where she asked about his weekend and he said he did nothing eventful at all.

    Last week I ran into his mom and asked her if he was serious with this woman. Her first response was “Which one?”.

    When I asked him what I did wrong in the marriage that in his eyes made it okay for him to leave me during cancer his response was “I don’t like getting yelled at. The major things I would typically get yelled at for were not doing things to your standards, moving things, suggesting you organize your stuff better so not to lose things”

    • Ah, the good old “stroking the bird with someone else’s feather”. Mine did that constantly. No original thought of his own. Last thing he ruined for me was a movie i introduced him to that was one of my faves and near/dear to my heart. He emailed his flame with *his* recommendation saying it’ll be up her ally, he’s sure of it, great movie.
      Churns my stomach to think I’m sharing a piece of my heart and while sitting next to him he’s already thinking of making the movie a way to strike convo with the new target.

  73. 1. After I delivered a 9+ lb baby (with no drugs!) and spent the next 12 hours trying to get him to nurse, Mr. Justification offered to hold him so I could get some sleep. As soon as I drifted off, he texted Schmoopie a picture of my son and told her he loved her.

    2. Mr. Justification, for the first time in his life, was very serious about being to work on time while I was pregnant with my son. I thought this might be a sign he was trying to be more mature, invest in our family. Turns out, he was chatting with Schmoopie for hours every day at work, putting his job and our health insurance at risk.

    3. Schmoopie and Mr. Justification are relatives by marriage. She joked with him about how, when they had a baby together (remember, I’m pregnant), it was going to be awkward if it ever had to draw a family tree for school. Laugh emoji! Haha! #lightheartedalmostincest

  74. 1. During our final attempt to work things out (before I really know) my Grandma died. He had offered to come to the hospital with me, but my Mom and brother were going to be there, so I declined. The day she passed he was texting me all day to make sure I was okay. He works a job that doesn’t always require him to be late, especially on a Friday, he did not show up until 9pm and was back out the door by 9:30pm and drinking until 4:30am, meanwhile I later learned he spent most of that day on the phone with the OW. In the morning when the kids woke up (3 and 5 years old) I jumped in the shower immediately knowing he had a terrible hangover and he would need to get up and get them breakfast. I packed our things for the day and left the house to spend the day with my family instead.

    2. Just recently setting my daughter up to play on her tablet (3 years old) that HE purchased so it’s all connected to him, Google memories shows me selfie videos he was sending to OW at 12, 1, 2am in our basement, while his family slept upstairs.

    3. Same as the videos, also uncovered dick pics that he claims he never sent to OW and that he was going to send them to me to spark our sex life again, but was refusing a STI test after I learned about the “one night stand” not the year long “relationship” that he was just playing her.

    4. On my birthday, my son had a developmental pediatrician appointment where he was diagnosed with ADHD and on the way there X learned about my changing my name back to my maiden name and called me a c*nt in front of our child and immediately after the appointment he ran and called his girlyfriend for comfort because she was such a good friend to him. Sure she was…

    Ugh.

  75. Oh, I almost forgot this one…

    Him (calling me after a work conference in a nearby city): Some of my colleagues want to go out and celebrate my birthday so I’m at a bar with them and got a hotel room to stay overnight. Did you hear any results back on your test yet?

    Me: Okay. Yes. I have cancer.

    Him: Oh. I love you. It will all be fine. Talk to you tomorrow.

  76. 1. X claimed unconvincingly that the reason he was not in his assigned hotel room all night while on a business trip was that a huge chandelier unexpectedly fell from the ceiling onto the bed, requiring him to change rooms. He could have been Killed!

    And my personal favorite:

    2. X called me en route to a tryst with OW at our vacation cabin because his midlifecrisismobile (Porsche) had broken down on the highway. He wanted me to call for a tow truck because he could not read the highway signs that would accurately describe his location, what with being legally blind and all.

    • A chandelier? Was he a high-strung opera star about to be replaced by a fresh young voice trained by a phantom? Speaking of masks slipping….

  77. Some memories:

    1. After attending a men’s weekend with our church, on the drive home picked up a woman hitchhiking and drove her to our cottage and had sex with her. Then returned her to the roadside and came home talking about how wonderful it was to be with Christian men.

    2. My Christmas gift for a couple of years was make-up that his girlfriend was selling (I, of course, didn’t know this). He knew I didn’t use that kind of make-up – very garish. But, anything to help her get sales.

    3. When my oldest son was about 3, he would take him out with him (never wanted to play with him – so was odd). Turns out my son can remember that there was a lady with a little girl and he was supposed to play with her while Daddy and the lady went into the bedroom.

    • Nice Christian, err Wolf in Sheeps Clothing right there. So sorry, Finally Free Heart. For me, it has made things worse knowing he’s still out there being this Holy Nice Christian Guy and leading young boys in a church club, but in private he’s a different person. And the pastor and church guys supported him. I don’t look at church people the same anymore. If their actions don’t line up with their words, I look at them like potential wolves.

      • It’s interesting Martha. Before NC, I asked him what God would think of his behaviour. He said “this has nothing to do with God”. So, these guys can lead secret lives and don’t feel even a smidgen of guilt. I don’t get it and guess I never will.

        • Finally Free, I’m with you. It doesn’t make sense at all. My ex put all this God stuff in the divorce letter he wrote me. It really messed with my mind and heart. He lied about me behind my back. Lied to me and our kids. I wouldn’t be one bit surprised he lied to the church guys too. But he has 0% remorse or shame. He just shows up at church and wherever like everything is perfectly fine and hasn’t done one thing wrong at all. It’s mind-boggling. My ex scares me, because I now know he’s capable of doing or saying anything and sadly, he’ll get away with it because everyone believe his narrative because he’s such a “nice guy.” And my ex-pastor said that yes, he’ll go to heaven if he tells God he’s sorry. You can totally destroy another persons life. Lie and cheat on them for 24 years. Totally asassinate their character by telling everyone that they are “crazy.” But God’s good with it as long as you say you are sorry.

          • Not to get too into religion – but I think God is inside us and if you are lying to others and to yourself, somehow that affects whatever happens later. So, don’t buy that just saying “sorry” negates a person’s actions. Our actions have consequences and while I may not know what happens with my XH down the road, I believe that this will all catch up with him at some point. I don’t have to do anything, just live the best life I can.

            What has made my life turn around is to be very strict about NC. Every once in awhile, he emails with some excuse to need to communicate. I don’t respond. I may have an hour, after getting an email, of minor upset. Then it passes and I am thankful that this person is not in my life.

        • “I asked him what God would think of his behaviour. He said “this has nothing to do with God”.”
          Mine would always say that he forgave himself and Jesus forgave him as well, so it was all okay. He considers himself a very devout Christian.

          • The arrogance of assuming that he knows for sure that “Jesus forgave him.” Scripture and church doctrine clearly say God can forgive all sins–it doesn’t say he will, especially when there is no remorse, repentance, or discontinuation of the sin. Imagine being so full of yourself that you would state for certain that you know the mind of God.

            • Last time I looked “Thou shalt not commit adultery” was a commandment…..NOT a suggestion!

          • Uggggh! A Jesus Cheater! It’s his job to cheat…..and Jesus and your job to forgive him! That’s NO Christian! He’d be better off hanging out with the Satan worshipers…at leas t they are honest about what they do.

        • I once asked him how he could reconcile his actions and his faith …he looked straight at me and said “Im going to burn in Hell”.

          Well that was possibly the more realistic thing he said that month. I was a devoted Catholic wife though and job #1 is “Get your spouse to Heaven”. From Dday hence, I went to daily Mass for him for 7 years (the number of completion) he was in a sort-of good place but I could see storm clouds forming around him/trouble brewing and I was scared. I prayed harder for his soul and our marriage. He dropped dead. I believe the timing of his death was Gods way to protect his soul.

          I don’t want him to be in Hell…I appreciate the fact that if his soul was not in mortal sin at the moment of death, he got to Purgatory where he began The Big Debrief (which I bet is still going on). If I get to Heaven, I want to be there with my second husband and not interact with H1 at all.

    • Finally Free, I was always receiving gifts that OW was selling in many of her “entrepreneurial” ventures. Jewelry, candles, etc. How convenient for him, he didn’t even have to shop. My favorite it when she and he went shopping together and she picked out Christmas pillows for me. He hated shopping with the family. My grown kids have OW’s stupid candles sitting all around their houses too. Not sure they know where they come from.

  78. Oh, my DDay1. We slept together and the following morning is when he decided to tell me about OW after we had not been intimate for months because of his extreme hatred for me and my family, but suddenly he saw the light and didn’t want to lose me, but played me for weeks to get me to sleep with him and then drop that bomb, which he totally played down.

    I’m at least proud to say during any of our other attempts at fixing our marriage I never slept with him again, which was good because she was such a willing participant to help him out whenever he needed.

  79. 1) Told me (loudly) and everyone else in the bar that night on New Years Eve that his resolution for 2016 was to “Dump your big fat ass!!!”. I left him there, where he proceeded to keep drinking, then go to another bar where he then called me at midnight ans asked why I left him alone on New Years Eye with “no one to kiss”.
    2) Insisted I book flight for the entire family of 5 to fly to his hometown for Xmas – which was also our daughter’s 18th birthday – then doesn’t fly with us an instead goes on a “last minute business trip” (for the entire week including Xmas Eve) to New Orleans… later find out that was a trip with Whore #3 or 4. Lost count.
    3) During the same time frame as #2, where I bought all the plane tickets because he claimed he didn’t have any money despite having a 6 figure job at the time, he gets a check for $76K for some unclaimed property settlement… which he never tells me about. I find out about the money months later but by then its all mysteriously GONE.
    4) Two days after (1), we get into a fight because a friend texted me to tell me he’d left the bar with another woman and he refuses to offer any explanation, he walks out of the house and does not return for 5 days. Comes back and acts like nothing happened.
    5) He gave my dining room table and matching 6 chairs – which I had bought so we could have “family dinners” all together – to the whore he was poinking from the Karaoke Bar. Later said he didn’t know where the dining room set had gone. Because 7 pieces of furniture just “disappear”.
    6) But the BEST one of all is…… fed up with all of the above…. I moved out with all my stuff and my 7 year old son and the family pets, he doesn’t notice I’m gone for over 2 days and finally texts me to ask me “where are the cats”. Annnnnnd I’m done.

  80. 1. After D-day and before he abandoned me and our 4 kids weeks before Christmas, he called and left a voicemail that he was going to be late from work because he was stuck in traffic and going to go out for supper with the coworker “Kyle” he had spent the day with. I had already found the text messages that left details of his sex with coworker “CJ” who was also married with an 18 month old baby at home. He then sent me a text with a pic of his coworkers truck in front of him. They both have identical company vehicles but this one had a car seat visible in the back window and her husband confirmed the plate numbers to me that it was indeed CJ’s truck.
    2. He made one of my kids sit on the cum stains all over the passenger seat of his truck when he picked him up for hockey. But of course he has no idea what those stains are from.
    3. He moves out to go live with a woman that he is “renting” a room from. Not the same woman (coworker) that I caught him screwing merely weeks prior. Denies any relationship with the woman he’s living with that he was also creeping on Facebook and showing me her posts 6 months prior. Not to mention her number was texting with no contact name with suggestive messages the same day CJ was.
    4. While trying to figure out what happened to our finances and discover he’s spent $50000 dollars on himself on credit, that he hid from me using a secret box number, I find the email that he ordered a very tacky trophy buckle for himself that looks like he won a competition he never even attended. And he wears the ugly thing like a badge of honour. The rubies even glimmer on his Facebook profile.

  81. 1. Right before Dday noticed bruises on her butt, she said that she got them “from a jeep ride off road with her step dad”. When I said “but your step dad’s Jeep is in the shop”, she started a fight about something else.

    2. Devout Christian Ex would lose her mind if I even playfully mentioned taking nude pictures of her.
    During my sleuthing phase, found X rated pictures that she was sending men.

    3. Dday was on Christmas Eve and after I found out, she texted OM and left me with the kids for a Holiday screw and said for me to “act normal and don’t ruin Christmas for the kids”. So I sat watching Rudolph the red nosed reindeer with tears in my eyes and told the kids that that movie made me emotional.

    4. After Dday when I was at work before I could move out, she had a book burning party in the fire pit and burned all my books except my Bible. She said that I needed it since I was going to Hell.

    • Laughing Gator, she’s HORRIBLE and sucks big time! My ex said the same thing about Christmas. He said in the divorce letter that I should act like everything is normal so I wouldn’t ruin Christmas for the kids. I tried my best, but then when his parents came over and was acting all fake and normal (they knew he was a cheater and he wanted to divorce), shut that crap down and no longer played nice. Man, what that jerk put me through! Christmas hugs to you, Laughing Gator.

    • Oh, Laughing Gator, I teared up reading #2. I’m so, so sorry that happened to you, and please know that you are amazing. To sit there, holding your shit together for your kids, that’s the fucking definition of strength. You are a kickass dad, and I hope your sociopath of an ex gets exactly what she deserves.

      • Thanks Everyone. Dday was Christmas Eve 2011 and after a painful divorce and a few years, I met a wonderful lady who had been chumped as well. We got married in April and I’ve never been happier.
        I often say that like Job I was tested and since I took the high road and did the right thing even when it was really painful, I am getting back all I’ve lost X 3.

        Meanwhile the karma bus is starting to affect the Ex and I hear from the kids that the twu luv is fading between her and the OM whom she later married.

        • Dear LG, stories of your ex are maddening but it’s your tales of your joyful life since her departure that bring tears to my eyes. I am delighted for you and can only dream of, some day, having a similar happy ending, myself.

    • Act “normal and don’t ruin Christmas for the kids”- while I go out and fuck some other guy? Good grief! They aren’t even human!

  82. 1. He collapsed at work, called from the ER and told me that it was just an allergic reaction to meds and they were running some tests (“just giving me the VIP treatment because I’m on the Board”); despite my protests over two days he insisted that I not come (2 hours away and I was sole, full-time caregiver to autistic son with severe behavioral issues and extreme reactions to changes in routine).
    2. I was so afraid of his explosive rage whenever I went against his wishes, that I didn’t go to the hospital; I later found out his (much younger) “just a co-worker” with the “can’t-not-look-tits” was by his side the entire time.
    3. I insisted on coming for discharge, listened to doctor say it was just a reaction to meds, some follow-up suggested for issues unrelated to collapse; hours after he returned home he told me he wanted out of the marriage because I should have known to come immediately, no matter what he’d said- and he went on to tell his family and friends that he’d had a heart attack and I hadn’t cared enough to come to the hospital.
    4. He and busty “just-a-co-worker” started “dating” immediately after he left, and are now married with a baby.

  83. 1. Ex recently popped up out of the blue to demand I close the state child support agency case immediately because his $24K child support arrears are preventing him from renewing his passport and he wanted to go on a trip to Europe with his GF/fiance. He claimed tickets were purchased already, so it was an emergency.

    2. Insisted that he had several jobs lined up, and would be starting one immediately upon returning from trip to Europe. Said he already qualified for a loan and would pay me back with that.

    3. Told me I should take his word about all this because he is “An honest man of his word.” Said that if I “didn’t cooperate,” it was going to make future events, such as our son’s eventual marriage, “very awkward.”

    4. I didn’t close the case. As it turns out, every word of his was a lie. Even having the tickets purchased was a lie. No surprise there. He’s now telling our son that it’s my fault he doesn’t have a job.

    He’s tried to pull similar cons on me several times.

    • Bravo GladIt’sOver. (Still trying to find the dancing Sasquatch item in the archives — can you post the link for me?)

    • GladIt’sOver,

      I.R.S. schadenfreude for a cheater-got tripped up by the tax man because he owed back payments in child support ! LMFAO !!!

  84. 1. XH self-abused himself when there was a conflict in our relationship by punching his chest or slapping his face….hard.

    2. OW was one of my closest friends and they didn’t have the balls to tell me until 7 months after separation/divorce.

    3. He claimed he was suicidal for how unhappy he was in our marriage and that if he stayed, it was selfish of me.

  85. 1. Caught the ex cheating with what I would later find out was Mistress#8 (or 9 who’s counting).

    2. Ex befriends both Piggy Princess and her Husband.

    3. Ex then suggests that I should go be with Schmoopie’s to-be ex husband while he goes with Schmoopie…Perfect solution to the problem.

    Ummmmmmm Not only no but HELL NO!

    • My ex told me, just after DDay that I shouldn’t date her then still husband because he was a jerk and I deserved better. Believe me at that time, dating anyone, let alone her husband was the farthest thing from my mind.

      He does seem to desperately want me to go date someone, however, because he imagines that would then resolve him of all guilt. Too bad I am a bit more selective than he is and it might take me a while.

  86. After enthusiastically boinking gradwhore for 6 months, Hannibal asks for a divorce, changes his mind (Tempest is still clueless about the affair) and decides to start on-line dating sights. Here are my 3 contributions from the few months after he “returned” to the marriage:

    1-Sends me an *ugly* demand letter insisting that I have threesomes, foursomes, lesbian sex in front of him or he’ll still want to leave the marriage. I tentatively agree (with no intention of fulfilling his wishes), thinking that surely he’ll come to his senses?

    2-Posts a picture of me in lingerie (with my head cropped) on an Adult Friend Finder account, WITHOUT my permission, and then encourages me to answer all the responses I get from men and from couples. I reject every offer, and finally he stops asking me, leading to #3:

    3-Buys a house downtown WITHOUT TELLING ME in which to fuck skanks he picks up from his own Adult Friend Finder, Ashley Madison, and Craigslist accounts, while claiming he bought the house because he knows I like city life and we can spend weekends there.

    Ask me if I miss him.

    • Ok, do you miss him?

      ** (Plops down next to Tempest with brownies and coffee or whatever she would like and settles in to celebrate the aftershock of the resounding Sonic boom of her “NO!!!” with her) **

    • Number 3 reminds me of family friend (woman in her early eighties) married to a narc repeat offender/cheater for over 50 f*cking years. When their three kids were little in the late ’60s/early ’70s, he bought a bachelor/f*ck pad in Manhattan leaving his wife and offspring alone in northern NJ for weeks at a time to get his freak on. She stayed with him due to f.o.o. history and let’s just say it wasn’t pleasant to spend any time with the Bickersons. The rage and bitterness between them was palpable. But hey, it’s all good-he gave her a pass to have one affair,which she bragged to me about during one of her visits to Paris when I lived there during my twenties. Guess she was trying to present an image of European sophistication to me or somethin’. Hope the expensive lifestyle she and her kids still lead now that “Howard the Whoremonger” is dead made it all worth it ! He was such a narc that he had a face lift in his mid-seventies to help his second career as an actor.

  87. Ok I gotta play

    She fell pregnant to the virus(OM). Misscarried the baby. Went for a Dilation and curettage while I looked after my kid with no idea why she was in hospital. Fell pregnant again with The Virus’s baby. Then (wait for it) told me the pregnancy was ‘an accident’.

  88. Also:

    1. “Allegedly”he told OW I was a “bad” mother and he deserved to have an affair because I allowed my 3 preschool aged children to eat the following, while I was suffering with morning sickness:

    A. Yogurt
    B. Granola Bars
    C. Pasta

    2. In addition to secretly installing a hidden GPS device inside my car to terrifyingly monitor my every movement post divorce, he also monitored my Facebook (although he was unfriended and blocked). He once complained bitterly about me reading ChumpLady! I now believe he had/has parenting software on either my phone or Facebook account.

    3. He joined AA and obtained a sponsor. He encouraged me to attend ALANON meetings and brought me lengthy reading material from his AA meetings. Later on, during the divorce, he told the Gaurdian AD Litem that he was in AA only because he was using it as a cover to hide his affair from me.

    • Durt used going to AA meetings as a cover too. It was amazing how he would suddenly have to take someone to rehab and be gone and unreachable all day, or go to an all male retreat where he wasn’t sure whether he would stay overnight or not.newsflash: he was f’ing one of the harem or main hos Wonder what AA would say about that…..

      • AA has a 13th step ……

        In most of their screwed up minds….being a drunk and being a cheater are two different things. It’s ok to cheat……but never pick up that first drink!

        • Yeah, that is where cheater ex found his true luv gold digger schmoopie. The one who loved to break up marriages, and who dumped him when his income no longer lived up to her expectations.

      • It is an open secret about the hookups that come from the AA meetings.

        Even though it is one of the tenets of the organization that it shouldn’t happen.

    • Never call yourself a “codependent”- it’s a made up, non scientific term and………. it re victimizes the victim – YOU!

      Cheating and substance abuse are moral deficiencies- on the cheater’s part. Not a marriage problem! No marriage counselor or 12 step group can give an immoral person morals. It just doesn’t work that way.

  89. There are so many ridiculous stories:
    When one of the many, many OW’s (a 22 year old art major at a bogus school, he is 45) sent me a pic of her giving him a bj in our (my) house while we were on a dream vacation in Hawaii, he claimed that she photo shopped it. And made up the sext messages.
    His mom was living in the basement and met the ho that day because they were “shooting a music video” in the attic. Is that what they call it?

  90. I don’t have much to add as my ex is more asshole than stupid but here goes:

    1. Told me he wished he hadn’t been so nice to me because maybe then he would have gotten better out of me (like he imagines the guy before me who basically just used me for sex did).

    2. Told me that Schmoopie’s now ex, then husband was an asshole for cheating on her and she was so kind to have been willing to take him back (when ex and I were supposed to be in reconciliation).

    3. Told me that just before having his first physical affair he was wishing the emotional affair he had had 7 years prior had gone physical.

    • Oh yes, I guess the stupidest thing he did: Schmoopie was the wife of one of his flight students. When I confronted him after finding out from Schmoopie’s husband, he was more afraid of losing his job than of losing me.

  91. 1. After my resigning from a lucrative out-of-state position due to horrible anxiety attacks and wanting to live with my husband again, he welcomed me home with, “I’ve lost my cash cow.”

    2. “What’s Ashley Madison?”

    • OMG…I just made a face and my eyes bugged out. Im SO SORRY. My nowdeadcheater told me that his life goal was to get a “trophy wife”. Trust that they suck.

      • During our marriage X would make “jokes” about the tall, thin blonde trophy wife.
        He recently remarried to the tall, blond, thin, trophy wife. I’m looking forward to seeing how this plays out.

        • Hey….I am the tall thin trophy wife! I got cheated on/deceived too!
          Being tall and blond is not insurance against cheaters! They cheat because they can……and who they cheat with= anyone who feeds them kibbles.

        • NDC was short and Latin (which I was great with, I thought he was beautiful) he never attained great rank in the military (I was fine with that, I was proud of his accomplishments) and he always wanted to be rich (I was fine with comfy middle class) but he developed distain for tall white guys who he said gained rank quickly. After he died, I married a tall, white, Colonel who (younger than NDC) never needs to work again. His earthly self would have HATED my new husband. Im hoping his actualized self on the other side will someday thank my second husband for giving me real love.

  92. After 6 years together and 3 years of marriage he decided we can no longer have any physical affection or sex until he gets a vasectomy. After months of this nonsense I offered to make the appointment for him. He then proceeded to refuse to get a vasectomy. So I offered to get an IUD. Mind you I was on the pill. So…. now I like birds too much. I get dirty when I garden. I don’t cook and clean wearing lingerie and heels. And I’m not showing adequate physical signs of sexual arousal.
    Is there a lemon law for husbands? I’d like a refund.

  93. 1. Not only left me in the hospital with our newborn son to go see the OW (aka stripper), he was texting her in the delivery room.

    2. Got me and the OW pregnant within 3 months of each other.

    3. OW tried to sell her stripper clothes to an online exotic dancer group because she “doesn’t plan on dancing again”.

      • Sesland! Ewww …nasty stripper clothes!

        It’s especially painful when we find these horrible things out when we are pregnant or giving birth. So sorry you had to go through that.

    • Yuck ! Used lingerie, that belonged to a stripper who rubbed up and down a dirty pole all day

  94. Ok – I’ll play:

    1.Brought the AP into my KITCHEN and proceed to have sex with her at my kitchen table – then later had sex in the kitchen with me. (She was happy to relay this to me via text)

    2. He was in a 40+ hockey league during the summer – which played aroud 8/9 @ night – told me that the ice had melted and they were waiting to be told it was ok to skate on. (so he could spend more time with his AP – she was also happy to text me this bit of info…)

    3. Found texts between them telling her she could have his “Rocky” t-shirt now that he had an “Italian Stallion” bathrobe. It was his Father’s Day gift.

    And last but certainly NOT least:

    4. OW texted me that he had LIED during our counceling sessions (really? ya think?) and he told me that he told her about our couseling because he wanted her to know he was SERIOUS about staying married to me.

    Fucking monster douchebag.

  95. I came upon my cheating ex masquerading as a woman named Karen on FB 6 months after he left me. He evidently thought that pretending to be a woman would cover his tracks so that I would never find him. He neglected to factor in that having 20 friends in common with some random person would mean that ‘Karen’ would be continually recommended to me as possible friend by the FB system. BTW, he has a degree in Computer Science.

    • Dancing Dick is a computer programmer. Not so tech savvy me…..found his slimy trail of porn, hook ups, dick pics! Including Sugar Babies….Bonga Cams….Barely Legal. It was disgusting!

      They aren’t as smart as they think they are. Their egos are so inflated…..they can’t see their own weak spots.

  96. And:

    After the OW revealed the on-going nature of their secret affair, one of the first things I asked him was how could you risk exposing our unborn child to STDs. Not to worry he answered, one of her ex-husbands is a Marine and they get tested for STDs.

    *Knowing the health of my unborn child was dependent upon some random Marine I’ve never met seemed totally reasonable (heavy sarcasm).

  97. 1. She was 5 weeks into the affair #1. She invites the couple over for dinner. We all have a great time. I’ll never forget the fuckwit’s feet in my pool while we were poolside talking and relaxing.

    2. Affair #2 gem: “You are my husband, he is my friend.” She told me this a week after she ditched me and the kids for his gorgeous trailer.

    3.She told me she would always listen to Air1, Christian station, while going to meet and fuck. Either in the woods in his truck, or his dead mothers house. Affair #1

    Merry Christmas!!!!!

    • Nothing better than a Jesus Cheater to mess with your mind and faith. Merry Christmas, Divine Doorknobs. 🙂

    • Feet in pool. Holly fuck they are all the same. I think honestly, that their total lack of originality, is in the top 5 reasons I hate them.

  98. 1. Rewrote our company’s behavioral rules–no personal or romantic relationships with clients or employees–so he would not be breaking his own rule. Had already fired someone for breaking it. Yup.

    2. Ran porn app costs–those digital coin purchases to keep the porn queens going add up–through company card, and then had the slut categorize those expenditures as “software” on the reconciliation spreadshits. Ah, the unintentional irony.

    3. Double-billed clients whenever they travelled for “work.” Reimbursed for two rooms, used one. A few clients are rightly owed thousands.

  99. 1) Said the affair had enabled him to be a better husband to me;

    2) Came to visit me once a week after moving out to be with OW to talk to me about all the problems she was having with her (to be ex) husband;

    3) When I told him never to come and see me again, threatened to hit me, then said, ‘And I’ve been so kind to you’!

  100. 1) Mine delayed my C-section while he talked excitedly on the phone with Slag about being a father again.
    2) Xmas Eve last year: Cheater left email open (accidentally whilst too drunk to know better) for me to find a hotel room booked for the following month at a resort I’ve been wanting to go to for years.
    The next day, (Xmas) he gave me a $50 gift card for underwear, PJs, and a blanket. No vacation.
    He planned to take his whore to the one place I’ve been begging him to take me…
    Now I’d rather set the place on fire than step foot inside it. He ruined it for me.

    • Before our divorce, ex’s client invited him (and me) to an all-expense paid trip to NYC, including show tickets, 5-star hotel, etc. That shithead knew how excited I was about the trip and how much I had always wanted to experience NYC, see a Broadway show, etc. He would only have had to visit with the client for a few hours and the remainder of the weekend would be free for us to enjoy as a couple. So, he scheduled the trip, I made all arrangements for the kids, etc., and then – at the last minute – he postponed the trip for some lame reason, related to “work.” He rescheduled and postponed the trip multiple times and finally canceled for good when it became clear that our marriage would end. Nine months later, he and his AP took that trip on that client’s dime….and they were married in Central Park, complete with horse-drawn carriage.

      ….I have no idea how they can look at themselves in the mirror….

  101. 1. I spent 10 months documenting finances among other things to prepare for separation, including a financial back up plan because I knew…

    2. As soon as I filed, he started overspending and hiding all of the money. He stopped paying all bills including groceries. He was planning to leave the country without arranging child support and we had our emergency court date 10 days before he left. The night before he was moving to another continent , I told him we needed cash for diapers, formula and food because there was nothing left, to which he responded :

    3. “Pick vegetables from the garden” to feed my son.

  102. 1. We went EVERYWHERE together!! As in: my STBX, my “best-friend,” (a.k.a. the whore), and me. To the zoo, the circus, pictures with Santa, black-Friday shopping, New Year’s weekend mini-vacation, dance recitals, dinners on at least a weekly basis, etc.

    2. D-Day#2 (with this particular whore) was this past July and STBX is STILL bringing up how I haven’t mentioned anything about getting back together with him, or saying anything about missing him. Because the whore’s STBX is apparently distraught over their separation; so therefore, I should be, too…NOT.

  103. 1. Ex invited Co-OW my baby shower.

    2. OW repeatedly commented on my FB how adorable kid is and she wants to eat him up.

    3. During brief wreckencilation, on a dinner date ex tells me she’s his “soul-mate”. Umm ok, so much for working things out.

  104. 1 – Told me he only started seeing her when he was moved out and living with my nephew. Uh, we were still married at the time and he had a warrant for his arrest so he hid his car in the garage, left me and went on the run from the cops. But to him, we were “separated”.

    2 – I found his love letters from jail (the cops found him 🙂 He’d been out for a year and my dumb ass took him back. Anyway, found the letters, messages and emails to his girlfriend, messages to other women, and messages bragging to a friend about his “decade of indiscretions” when he left his computer open after he passed out and crashed his head from huffing air in a can. Yes, he’s a cheater, felon, AND drug addict. Did I mention I’m a dumb ass? Oh, also found his calendar from jail, 1/15 sent letter to LisaLisa, 1/16 sent letter to skank, 1/17 letter to mom, etc…

    3 – I’m happily divorced now, but recently heard his girlfriend is now in jail. Ha ha.

    P.S. I’m a college educated professional. WTF was I thinking staying with him for 15 years. Ughh. Super chump right here.

  105. 1. My husband was having an affair with his 1st cousin who came to this country for a better life and was staying with his parents. She was 20, he was 34 and I am 40. I feel great about myself! NOT

    2. Once I found out and started to dig, I found out he had also been paying for escorts, calling EVERY week for the last few years 3+ years… nice, he’s a great guy spending our money so smartly.

    3. AND not only female prostitutes, but he was seeing Transexuals FOR YEARS… because you know… I never wanted to have ANAL sex, and they did.. Because you know… that makes sense.

    But I’m weird because I cant get over it.

    • Wtf, are you me? Cheater is fucking his first degree cousin, I am 40 (but the whore is older), and I am quite convinced there is something weird with his obsession with anal sex, which I allowed but it was never enough. After DDay he even told me that was the porn he watched.

  106. 1. My husband was having an affair with his 1st cousin who came to this country for a better life and was staying with his parents. She was 20, he was 34 and I am 40. I feel great about myself! NOT

    2. Once I found out and started to dig, I found out he had also been paying for escorts, calling EVERY week for the last few years 3+ years… nice, he’s a great guy spending our money so smartly.

    3. AND not only female prostitutes, but he was seeing Transsexuals FOR YEARS… because you know… I never wanted to have ANAL sex, and they did.. Because you know… that makes sense.

    But I’m weird because I cant get over it.

    • In the US…people it said that who fuck their own cousins are considered hill billies….Jethro and Ellie May…..inbreds etc.

      My ex perv “Dancing Dick” was fucking his paternal aunt when he was young.- right under the family’s middle class nose! Proving that one need not be a possum eating hill billy to be an incestuous sexual deviant.

  107. Mine referred to his Craiglist hookups and money spent on prostitutes as “Data Collecting”. He also “collected” HPV, which he then shared with me (and the OW).

  108. 1. I caught ex emailing some guy he met through a bisexual-married-guys-who-want-to-secretly-hook-up website. When I confronted ex, he claimed he was merely writing to the guy to offer him Christian counseling on why it was a bad idea to cheat on his wife with other men. I kid you not.

    2. Day after Dday, ex told me I should go see the minister at his church — I’m a different religion — for counseling, as I was alternating between terror and complete numbness. I did see the minister a couple of times. He seemed kind of floored at what I told him, and finally asked me why I thought ex had recommended I see him. Turns out, ex had also sent the OW to counsel with the minister.

    3. I know I’ve written about this before, but it still floors me. A couple years after our divorce was final, and completely out of the blue, ex texted me, “I should have added LOL to the end of my marriage vows.”

    • Like a minister is gonna help? If anything most ministers would re victimize you with the ole” You have to forgive the cheater”- it’s the Christian thing to do. Ministers like this need to be slapped and removed from the pulpit.

  109. 1. The first time the Hemorrhoid and the Whore tried to fuck “in the back of the service van at work, it was a bust, I couldn’t get it up” “I couldn’t stop thinking that I was cheating on my wife” Hello?

    2. “She’s JUST like you!” Ummmm, no she’s not- I don’t fuck married men in the back of a filthy dirty electricians service van.

    3. “But, I am the one who lost so much!”. Yep you are. You lost beautiful me, all your real estate equity ($230,000), $500,000 of your 401K, $1,000 a month in alimony, the trust and respect of your friends and family and your leadership position in the church.

      • How do you believe in God….read a Bible and fuck someone else’s husband? How is that even possible? The skanky hoe does NOT believe in God at all!

    • !!! #2 verbatim!
      My response: Then why not just be with your wife instead? *crickets*
      Staying faithful? What a concept to these losers!

  110. I found out about the years-long affair from the OW (my friend!), because she was livid when she found out that he was cheating on her with someone else.

  111. * Told OW I wanted him back – to keep her dancing to the tune of bull.
    * Made up for anybody who would listen a long list of terrible things I’d done.
    * I still feel sad that anybody who knew me would believe that crap.
    * The many that didn’t were out to get him of course.
    * When he T-boned his car by making left-turn in to oncoming traffic, his surviving OW told everybody they were rear-ended, despite police reports and newspaper to the contrary.
    * Everything that ever happened to him was somebody else’s fault.

  112. OW is a low budget internet dominatrix. She does video chats with her “slaves” and also meets men at fleabag hourly motels to spank them and shove dildos up their asses. I found out that the cheater was driving her to her “sessions” to make sure she was safe and to record her doing her thing so that she could sell the videos on her online fetish clip store.

    • Words fail. Everything I have read here is horrendous. But recording sessions of the OW anally fucking other guys is just beyond the pale. You win the “prize” as far as I am concerned. The depravity of these sick fucks is staggering.

      • Before I dumped him and went total no contact, I found her fetish hookup site profile and clip store.

        Delusion is a scary powerful thing. I don’t know what about her appealed to him beyond her being so low in life that it made him feel like a big shot in comparison. But she’s very physically unkempt, not in a good financial position, does her porn shoots in run down motels, and the men who pretend to be her “slaves” look just as run down as her.

        I don’t know how he could film her. From what I was told, she gave him money from her porn earnings for doing it. Maybe that’s what attracted him. He turned out to be very greedy and materialistic. I don’t know if she considered herself submissive to him or what. He’d have probably gotten off to that if it boosted his ego.

        What the hell was he thinking taking her to meet strange men at motels in high crime neighborhoods and filming her having fetish sex with them? He obviously didn’t care about either of their safety.

        When I told him you know you could have been arrested if the motel was raided or a “slave” turned out to be a vice cop. He gave me the blink blink stupid stare and said “but none of them ever touched her, and she never touched them with her hands, how could it be illegal?”.

  113. Ok, ok.

    1. Came home from Sin City with a raging STD.

    2. When nabbed with Dr. bill for STD testing, claimed he had an infection from, I kid you not, “masturbating with lotion” from one of those little hotel bottles. Yeah. Everyone with lotion irritation gets tested for all the STDs, diagnosed with one, and put on antibiotics. Those wee bottles are killer.

    3. When questioned about why he would not touch me during the lotion aftermath–took a few courses of drugs to clear up that skank’s (um, I mean tiny lotion bottle’s) cooties, he said, no shit, “In many ways, it’s because I love you.” UBT that.

    So, yeah. I guess I thought he meant he actually used the lotion, but whatever was going on with that bottle must have been intense. Heh.

    • Reminds me of the time last year when mine came to bed with a really horrible toxic chemical smell. Said he’d been masturbating (I realize now, probably to one of OW’s professional videos) with “suntan lotion.” Later, I looked in the medicine cabinet and sniffed the bottles — turns out he had thought the DEET insect repellant was sunscreen!!!

        • Speaking of cooties…”Dancing Dick” (X perv/cheater)- gave me Chlamydia when I was pregnant with our first child. He said he caught it from a toilet seat. Lucky for him I was too young and dumb to know that was impossible.

          No Dancing Dick…Chlamydia does not come from toilet seats!

    • Here’s one I’ve never figured out. A couple decades ago, ex went on a business trip. Came home with his balls fried… I mean, they were flame red. He claimed it was some sort of irritation from going in the hot tub at the hotel. After a day or two, his balls peeled like the worst sunburn you’ve ever seen.

      I have no doubt he did some weird kinkiness that fried his balls, but I have no idea what. His dick wasn’t affected.

  114. He ordered a crate of “supplies” on Amazon.com that came from China. Turned out it was about 50 bottles of personal lube, all different brands. I said, “WTF, are you thinking of starting a whorehouse?” He just laughed and said, “I masturbate a lot.” Turned out he (and Nevada hooker OW) probably WERE starting a whorehouse. They were for “her business” — he also wrote her scripts for condoms so she could get them covered on her insurance.

  115. What I love best about these stories is that these disordered idiots were once able to convince most of us that we were the ones who caused problems.

    Yeah, well. We see things a whole lot more clearly now.

  116. 1-Final DDay, told cheater I knew he was cheating again but nothing more. It took him 4 days to figure out what to confess.

    2-His tale involved meeting a couple he’d never seen before while hanging out with friends at a hotel bar (they were all at a local board game convention). Out of the blue, the male secretly pressed his hotel room key into cheater’s unwilling hands saying his wife wanted to fuck x. X almost walked away but tragically turned back from the parking deck and went to their room, where he watched them fuck and then let the wife blow him. He nobly refused to actually fuck her.

    3-X offered to shave his beard so he wouldn’t look so good and tempt people so much.

    The bonus? I had no idea anything had happened at that convention. So there was need for this ludicrous tale to explain what he assumed someone saw. 😂

    • Wow. Total moron.

      Ohana… #3😒😣😑I can’t.

      If only he shaved😭 men begging him to bang their wives, he resists but dramatic handing of room key, he just wants to leave, but the beard…and stuff… and blowjobs to help others. ♟

  117. 1. Fucktard arranged a backpacking trip with clueless me and OWhore #1. On the second night it was so cold, Fucktard invited her to share our tent – him in the middle, hoping for a spontaneous threesome to develop (as I found out later).

    2. Fucktard and OWhore #3 arrange to have ‘virtual dates’ every morning at 7am – he, of course is sound asleep in bed (with me) at 7 am every morning, while she believes she is virtually fucking him.

    3. Fucktard takes her to the town (90 min away) where OWhore#3 will be temporarily moving, to help her find an apartment. He agrees to financially guarantee it (as she is chronically unemployed), and HAS THE NOTICE COME TO OUR SHARED EMAIL ACCOUNT which precipitates DDay#3. Stupid shithead.

  118. 1. Jackass left on a week long hunting trip and did not bother to come back when he was supposed to. I had been w the kids all week and had a shopping trip out of town planned w my friends. When I called to ask what happened he said he “missed his ride “I then checked with other wives of the bankers who he was traveling with and all of their husbands had returned home. He was mad at me not because he felt any shame but because I made him look foolish in front of the other bankers and their wives.
    2. I received a phone call at approximately 1 AM on a Saturday from my sister in law who reported her niece was at a bar and was getting hit on by jackass. Can you imagine how he lied to try to say that she was coming on to him? Yeah, that’s right.. he was being victimized by her.
    3. Son became suicidal because he saw what was going on with his parents relationship and that his dad was never home. When cheater moved out, he reportedly told the kids that “the marriage was over anyway and I just sped it along considering the suicide threat”

  119. I almost have forgotten, but here are a couple more.
    When I was going to get surgery to have most of my left lung removed for cancer my daughter called cheater to see if he would come home to help. He said he wasn’t going to do that because it would just give me false hope that we would reconcile. He NEVER called or made ANY inquiries about my condition.
    His Schmoopie sent him internet articles about the lung cancer I had, but she had somehow edited the articles to make it appear that my cancer was no more deadly than say a common cold so he should not worry about me.
    When I contracted MRSA and had to have immediate emergency surgery to keep from dying he NEVER made any inquiries as to my well being. Instead he and Schmoopie were quizzing his lawyer on thier “image” if I died! How’s that cot impression management?

      • NoMas, in a strange turn of events for him he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer shortly after our divorce. He discovered very quickly that Schmoopie didn’t sign up for a sick, broke, unemployed lover. He returned to me and I and his adult children took care of him until his death earlier this year. For all the damage his infidelity caused to our 41 year marriage I feel I came out of the mess better than him or Schmoopie. I had the bulk of our assets awarded to me in our divorce and once he returned he signed what little of his assets that were left to me. He wrote a new Will leaving me everything else he had. Schmoopie ended up alone (her ex husband remarried). Schmoopie ended up with zero! She had tried to threaten to legally recoup what she felt my Ex owed her, but that ended up going nowhere for her. Legally I was not responsible for any deals he made with her after our divorce and she had no real legal rights as a mistress. I actually feel a bit of pity for her stupidity! I know…strange right?

  120. Two months before the 1st D day, my cheater had me bid on new, faster roller skate wheels on my eBay account for him. I did and won the bid. When they arrived he proceeded to change the wheels on a towel on our kitchen counter while he kept commenting like a giddy teenager (he was 57 at the time…3 1/2 years ago) about how fast he was going to be able to shuffle skate and how smooth it would be. In reality he had met the whore at the roller rink and she was some kind of former competition shuffle skater. It was all to impress her and take a ride up her hershey highway. His favorite. POS ….him and her have destroyed my family. May they burn in eternal roller skating hell together.

    • Wow, I loved the roller rink…..when I was 13! A 57 year old at the roller rink? Yeah, I hope they burn in eternal roller skating hell together on your behalf!!

  121. Daughter of a chump here, but I’ll play too…
    Background: Both mum (chump) and dad (cheater) trained as veterinary surgeons. Fortunately for us kids, mum stayed home on our farm to look after us; unfortunately for many of his patients, dad kept practising.

    1. Cheater dad sent a nauseatingly saccharine sympathy card, and flowers, etc., etc., to the owner (female, and a target, obviously) of a deceased cat…which had presented with a swollen bladder…and whose bladder he had burst while examining it.

    2. Cheater dad refused to help trim the hooves of mum’s pet horse (mum was ill at the time so couldn’t do this herself); poor horse quickly developed such a severe infection that it had to be put down; poor mum was promptly given the job of calling up the knacker to take horse away.

    3. Cheater dad operated on my pet rooster, with such g-d awful technique that rooster went into cardiac arrest on the operating table; mum (who was assisting along with eight-year-old Clara) did CPR and revived rooster (that should indicate who was the more competent vet!!); rooster recovered from anaesthetic and promptly died of shock. No sympathy card for daughter, obvs.

    …Ack. Next time I’ll stick to the funny stories!

    • Thank you Clara, so sorry you had to live with this but your perspective as the daughter of a chump and a cheater is much appreciated.

      • Thank you kiwichump, that’s very kind <3 I'm only an occasional visitor to Chump Lady, but it's oddly helped a lot to reassure me & by extension mum that we weren't the crazy ones, and that we have nothing to be ashamed of!

        If any other Chump offspring are reading this, I can say after nearly a decade out that I've managed to take something valuable from having a cheater parent. When facing difficult social decisions, I ask 'is this something dad would do?' If answer is no – all systems go, proceed with life! If a possible yes – ABORT & REPENT YOU ARE BECOME THE ENEMY. This has worked pretty well so far!!!

  122. Found OW’s nasty dirty thong underwear in his clothes hamper. Confronted him with them and asked him if he wanted to give them back to her. He then said no and stated that he did not care what I did with them. I said in that case, I would return them to her. He then proceeded to “dare” me to return them to her. So given I love a good dare, I mailed them to her father and asked if he would return them to her for me!

  123. My ex fucktard, after cleaning out the bank accounts, running up piles if debt, took schmoopie and her kids on a two week holiday this summer and told his own two kids what a great time they had. I am working on fixing my picker!

  124. 1) DDay – Announced with lower lip quivering that he “almost” cheated on me, but potential OW stopped it because she had been cheated on and couldn’t do it to another woman (I’m ashamed to say I believed this for six years.), then demanded I allow an open marriage so he could “explore his sexual potential” because I didn’t want to swing or go to sex clubs with him, and he was “missing out” on everything his AFF virtual fuckbuddies were boasting they were doing.
    2) Upon having gaslighted/guilted/threatened me into an open marriage, once asked if he could have a Craigslist hookup with a guy in the middle of the day in the marital home, while kids were at school and I was at work. Couldn’t understand why I went off on him about how dangerous that was to all of us, poopooed my “suspicious and paranoid” demeanor towards random strangers being in my home for sex, WHERE MY KIDS AND MYSELF LIVED. Probably did it anyway, as his M.O. was to do whatever nasty shit he wanted to first, and then ask permission afterward. Creepy motherfucker.
    2a) Weakly suggested, since he was swinging and fucking whatever strange he found in the sex club, that I could do the same. It was never my thing, so I never did (gee, I like the safety and intimacy of monogamy! I’m so boring!) Then told our marriage therapist that he’d be pissed if I hooked up with another guy instead of him, because “I love her, why wouldn’t she want to have that sex with me?” Because your stupid shit was unsafe and your “needs” were repulsive, that’s why. Stupid motherfucker.
    3) Years after the man-in-the-bdsm-harness craigslist hookup debacle, and having moved a thousand miles away, asked if he could use the current marital home for sex with his current girlfriend(fuckbuddy #3) while kids were at school and I was at work, since the kids and I had each met her once and she “wasn’t a stranger” and “we weren’t home anyways”. Had to reexplain that no, you can’t fuck your OW in the marital home WHERE THE KIDS AND MYSELF LIVE, in the MARITAL BED, GUEST BED, or on the COUCH, which are all used by members of your FAMILY. Fucking creepy motherfucker.
    4) A month previous to #3, introduced me and then the kids to third fuckbuddy of the year in hopes we would all hit it off and could be “one big happy family”. He introduced us to all of his girlfriends(Craigslist fuckbuddies), in the hopes we could “be one big happy family”. Sorry, no, you already have a family, and you keep picking batshit crazy women who want to bomb your marriage even after you tell them you’re not getting a divorce.
    5) Could not FOR THE LIFE OF HIM pick women who weren’t ACTUALLY mentally ill in some way to be his girlfriends, until fuckbuddy #3. And she had huge FOO problems.
    Fuckbuddy neighbor: diagnosed bipolar, on meds, and strongly displayed Histrionic Personality Disorder. Fuckbuddy #1: Bipolar and crazy cat lady(I love cats, but day-yum. If your house reeks, you need an intervention) Fuckbuddy #2: Another diagnosed bipolar on meds who actively went after married men and attacked their wives on FB and through email.
    Either his picker is badly broken, or he enjoys picking women more broken than he is. It’d be funny if I didn’t have to listen to all the stupid drama and whining from him everytime these women imploded on him.

    And I haven’t even mentioned all the prostitutes, strippers, and “massage parlor ladies” sprinkled in and among the fuckbuddies for extra spice.
    Didn’t want it to get too long and boring, haha.

    • * After re-reading my post, I want to clarify that I do not in anyway conflate being bipolar or mentally ill with cheating. I have plenty of friends who are diagnosed with some form of mental illness, on meds, and are doing just fine being non-cheating decent people. I have been diagnosed as clinically depressed and suicidal, and have also taken meds as well as been on therapy. I’ve never cheated.
      What I should probably have said was that my cheater ex has a weird knack for picking people even more unstable than himself, diagnosed mental illness or not, and creating unnecessary drama for himself.

      • Depression is temporary. Personality disorders are not. Cheaters are people with personality disorders…..nothing can help them. Not meds…..not therapy….nothing. They are stuck being moral degenerates for life.

      • Yeah, I regret not leaving right then and there, but I was still in shock. We went right into therapy and wreckonciliation, and I was spackling and pick me dancing.
        I also knew that “secrets”, “having a double life”, and “thrill of the forbidden” were all right up his sexual alley, (since he had told the therapist all this in front of me) and had I put my foot down, he would have been suitably thrilled to carry on behind my back.
        Our therapist was visibly alarmed when my cheater rambled giddily on about how we were going to try the open marriage thing, except only he would actually be having the sex. The therapist turned to me with a wide eyed horrified expression and asked me if that was what I really wanted. Because he could see how miserable I was. I was suicidal and on the verge of collapsing in tears. But, DDay shock was still new, and I had been gaslighted and guilted into thinking his wanting extramarital sex was all my fault. So I just nodded, and away we went. Six years of “polyamory” (his excuse to fuck whoever whenever wherever) and random sex workers when fuck buddies weren’t available.
        It took me close to six years to realize the emotional and verbal abuse I was put through.
        And he still blames me for not paying him enough attention or attending to all his needs properly.

  125. 1. On DDay night, after I ended up kicking him out, after hours of insane word salad, blameshifting and gaslighting from him, just before he walked out the door after sixteen years together, he turned and matter-of-factly asked, “is it okay if I come back tomorrow night to take a shower? I have a date with OW. ”

    2. Same night, told me, he was going to “help” me get over his betrayal because he would help me move to an apartment. He told me Schmoopie had been to the house and liked it, and she would be moving in and he would help me move to an apartment “where you don’t have to mow the lawn or shovel snow.” Schmoopie who he claimed he’d only known for two weeks “at least in person.”

    3. He said, “it was really just those three days,” so I asked, what was?
    He said “we spent those three days talking and fucking,” then he smiled broadly and said, “okay, well it was mostly fucking,” smiling at me while he said this gesturing with his hands to demonstrate, “it was THIS much fucking,” and only “THIS much talking.”

    4. He cried and said, “I wish I could split myself in two so one of me could be with you and the other with her.”

    5. Some weeks later when he said “I can totally see us getting back together if it doesn’t work out with her.” I said “you don’t seem to understand. If you are leaving me for another woman you are NEVER getting back together again with me. And besides, we don’t share the same values.” And he smirked at me and said, “Yeah. Right. Val-yooos!” while making air quotes around the word values.

  126. 1. Cheater blames my parents for putting too much pressure on him over the years. My parents give him money to spend every time he goes to visit them (more than 10 years), all they want is for him to learn Chinese (their mother tongue). But OW’s parents are “very nice and understanding” because they told him they “don’t want to interfere with their daughter’s love life” (after they were informed that he’s not actually “in the process of getting a divorce”. His wife a.k.a. me actually had no idea that he wanted a divorce. He didn’t file for separation I did.)

    2. After D-day 2 got kicked out he went straight to OW’s bed for sex and brunch after. Coming home to reconcile? never crossed his mind. Reason? “I didn’t think you will forgive me after what I have done (so I might as well get myself deeper into this mess?)”. I guess he is right.

    3. He would “consider stop talking to OW while we go to MC”. Why not cut her off completely? “who knows what talking will do? Maybe it won’t work out”… and oh he told OW about this plan (cue to pick me dance?). She should thank me for turning down the offer.

    4. Doesn’t want to apologise in person because “you probably won’t talk to me”, “there’s no point wasting time on an emotional black hole”. No this emotional black hole is not going to feed you any more kibbles.

  127. Three main events of my STBXH:
    1. Spent all day in a hotel having sex with one of his 200+ sex partners on our wedding anniversary whilst I was at work and kids at school before returning home that evening to take me out for an anniversary meal. I had no idea at the time.
    2. Walked past his own teen daughter having a full blown epileptic seizure informing me she was my responsibility now because he had found out I was divorcing him.
    3. Had multiple sex partners, both male and female, coming to our family home whilst I was at work and the kids were at school, for sex sessions which they paid for as he advertised himself as a bisexual rent boy on several ‘adult work’ sex sites.
    4. Had the audacity to state that the divorce was all about me and what I wanted, that he had had the divorce forced upon him and he didn’t want the divorce but that he had found a new partner anyway. When he first informed me of ‘new partner’ he was visibly annoyed that he only got an expressionless grey rock ‘meh’ response from me as being a severe narc he was waiting for multi kibbles by way of my reaction.

    Yes, in one fucking sentence he claimed he didn’t want the divorce but he had a new partner.
    He videoed all his sexual encounters – at hotels, other people’s houses and in our family home – and I found that sex tape collection (over 250 tapes) . He still insists he put every spare penny he had into the marriage ( although he was paying £150+ to various hookers at least 3 times a month) and also claimed he had been loyal and committed to our relationship. ( I almost showed him the photo I’d taken off one of his videos where he is sucking off a bloke in our living room and asked him to explain how this in any way was him being loyal and committed? But I didn’t. I’m trying to be the better person .)

    In the 3 months since me and teen daughter moved out he has contacted me 8 times about money – either to ask to borrow some or to try and weasel out of paying me what he is supposed to) – but has not bothered to contact said teen daughter at all. He is telling friends that he is the victim as he doesn’t see his kids! Note his kids are 22 year old son who is independent and wants nothing to do with him and aforementioned teen daughter (18) whom he claimed was my responsibility and wouldn’t even give medical support to when she seizured.
    Still awaiting financial agreement to be accepted by court, hopefully in next week or so, then I can get my decree absolute a week later. It will be the best Xmas present ever.

    Love to all you chumps out there – we are awesome and all deserve a great Xmas.

    Remember: if it looks like a cockwomble, talks like a cockwomble and acts like a cockwomble, it’s a fucking cockwomble. Cockwombles only ever serve themselves. Kick that cockwomble overboard. Let the fucker drown in a puddle of their own jiz.

  128. Mally
    Just wow. What a creep.
    I still struggle to believe these people are as devoid of morals as they are.
    A sub-species.

  129. Sorry I’m late…but here goes.
    1) While he was unemployed and I was working to keep the family barely afloat, on Christmas Eve he was getting booby photos from a ‘friend’ that he knew in HS, reconnected through FB and always considered as a sister. (I stumbled across them on his computer months later)

    2) I found a demin jacket of one of the OW he was dating (apparently there were 5) under the back seat of his double cap truck and said it was our daughters. (Um, I buy all our daughters clothes, it was too small for our daughter and when I asked her in front of him, she said NO!)

    3) After he asked for a seperation, we lived for 4 months under the same roof but seperate rooms & lives. Everytime he’d go into the shower I’d go snooping in his room to collect evidence (take photos ladies) of where he was taking the whores for dinner. It was just after the 50 Shades of grey, and he went and bought $354 in sex toys. 2 dildos, riding crop, feather ticklers, eye mask, lubes, sex position books, candles, hand cuffs with fluff, and a tie. I went through the brown box when he wasn’t home. He knew I had, and asked me to stay out. I asked him why he needed all that. He turned bright red, I said as I left the room, “Oh yeah it’s because you’re impotent. No lady wants a soft dick”. ( yes I said it)

    4) and because I can’t count….
    After I found out about the 5 hoes he was trying to fuck (remember impotent) I called each & every one up, politely asked them to stop dating, texting, sexting and calling my husband (this was the early stages when I thought we were working on it) and told them that I was being polite by just phoning them up. I said, ‘see the next married man you want to fuck with, his wife might get your address from the internet, cause its not that difficult, and be standing on your doorstep having this conversation with a gun in her hand. You might want to stop dating MARRIED men.’ Each one said, ‘Oh yeah, huh’ I wished them all, have a nice day.

    • Ah….the ole “boobie photos”- from someone who is “like a sister?” Good grief! What an asshat! Maybe he’s one of those people who comes from a family with no sexual boundaries? Sisters doin brothers?

  130. No dancing Yeti, but:

    X found he had a flat tire after being out drinking with OW#1 years ago. After struggling quite a while with a broken jack he summons the wife appliance to help. We struggle together and after an hour decide to call AAA and wait in the car for them, dozing. Later I find e-mails from him to her where he describes how he drifted off thinking of her while waiting…. Of course he failed to see that the person who just came to his rescue was sitting next to him, the devalued one. Asshole.

  131. 1. Had his mistress buy me an amber rosary from her home country when she went back for a visit. After D-day, I asked him to get rid of it, but I found it on the top of a box we were unpacking for his new work office (pick me dance). He whined that he didn’t want to just throw away something as holy as a rosary in the trash.

    2. Insisted I take our teenage sons deer hunting for the weekend so he could spend more time with her.

    3. Whined about having to wash all his own laundry during wreckonciliation after I found out he would come home after sleeping with her and have sex with me – no shower in between. But had no problem leaving his undies for me to wash.

    • Bonus
      Her texting him how sexy he looked dressed up as Santa Claus at a work event helped me realize she was a couple French fries short of a Happy Meal!

    • Oh yeah, forgot one….
      How about the time he texted me thinking it was her….. when I responded with a ‘I think you have your hoes mixed up, I’m the wife’, he came back with ‘yeah that was for a buddy’, where I responded, ‘a fuck buddy maybe”, he didnt respond.

  132. He told me that it was my fault he’d lost his job.
    He told me that if he didn’t have sex EVERY day, then his testosterone level rose and he became very aggressive at work, which resulted in him getting fired.
    He said he therefore deserved to have a wife and a mistress, in order to get his needs met.
    He got a job 1000 miles away and we had lots of sex whenever he came home so he wouldn’t “go elsewhere.”
    He had multiple secret affairs, including two overlapping long-term affairs and ultimately ended up being fired from 8 jobs in the next 10 years.
    Whose fault was that? Don’t know, don’t care. Not my problem anymore! Meh-Day here!

  133. 1.Thanksgiving morning my cheating husband parked his car at the airport, telling the kids and I he was going to his brother’s in Florida for T-day to think… the OW picked him up and they drove into DC and spent T-day weekend at a fancy hotel and he spent over $3000 on her… while the kids and I sat alone at home.
    2. My son just returned home from being deployed for a year and he skipped dinner to finish with OW in a hotel and then showed up after at the movies saying he had a business meeting.

  134. 1. Blamed me for causing his second stroke by “all the stress you cause me” because I dared to tell him that if he continued to bring other women into our marriage, I would no longer take care of him. Nevermind that I caught him trying to meet up for lunch with one of the nurse’s aides who took care of him in the hospital after his first stroke.
    2. Years earlier, he insisted that the ad he created on Craigslist looking for bj’ s was “not cheating because no one responded “. Nevermind that he used my mother’s computer when he was supposedly looking for a job, so the responses went to her email. Humiliating!
    3. A year before the strokes, after I confronted him about crack whore OW, he was taking a shower. When he realized I was looking through his phone he jumped out of the shower dripping wet naked, chased me through the house, broke down the bedroom door, slapped my face (I had stitches in my mouth from oral surgery) , threw me to the floor and slammed my hand against the hardwood floor till I let go of the phone…but they were JUST FRIENDS. When he was in the hospital recovering from the stroke I allegedly caused, I found concrete proof that it was a PA.
    Sometimes I feel like the freak because it took me YEARS after these incidents (and others) to finally leave. Hopium is quite a drug.

  135. I only have one that seems silly and funny enough to be freak (ish) cause he is super unoriginal 😉

    In a sad sausage phase pre DDAY he looked at me with “feelin sorry for myself eyes” and sighed “‘I’m the kinda guy that never gets the girl”

    we had been together for 21 yrs and he pursued me hahhaha haaaaaaaaa looser 😉

  136. “I wish I understood that mentality. Is it “I don’t really want it, but I don’t want you to have it, either”?”

    This brought up a memory: XW wouldn’t sign off on the divorce unless she could have my Lazy Boy chair. I’d given her everything else at this point; I just wanted it over with. I put my foot down for a few days on this as the thought of my little kids seeing OM in “Daddy’s Chair” (as they called it) upset me so much. (LShe was moving in with OM and there was plenty of furniture. This was pure vindictiveness. My attorney finally convinced me to let it go. So I did.

    A few days later I drove past our home: there was the Lazy Boy out on the curb for garbage pick-up. At least OM didn’t get it.

  137. Christmas prior to dday, I got boot trees. For 20 years I got an appliance he wanted (coffee maker, etc) and a piece of jewelry. He claimed we were too broke to get me a gift. Schmoopie got a coach purse and Tiffany ring.
    After Christmas I got the card statements. Thosands in restaurants and gifts. For her. That he cames were for the kids.

    Sneaking into her house after her young kids were asleep to “chat” …. sneaking out before the kids got up ….. back home before 5am when our kids got up and demanding sex when he got home smelling like her. But he was “working late”

    After I caught him read handed (so to speak) he told me he never wanted a divorce….. and I could not have one. He could do what he wanted and no one would grant me a divorce. Almost 3 years later ….. I got that divorce.

    He put us deep in debt and was not paying bills/mortgage. It was my fault for being “bad with money” and overspending. I worked as a full time teacher and was given a $100 a week allowance for 5 kids. Funny…. now that we are divorced, mortgage is paid on time, all bills are paid in time and i have money in savings.
    He is still in debt and over spends.

    • stbx told our counsellor that we were always broke because I was so bad with money. He controlled most of our money. I make half of what he makes and he stuck me with all the bills when he left but I’ve managed to save quite a bit without his 6 figures. He still doesn’t have a pot to piss in or so he claims. I sure wish I knew what he does with his money.

      • I know what he does with money…flash/dash
        He loves appearances. Fine clothing, drives a Mercedes(traded in the family car only a few months after he moved out), fancy dinners, and sports gambling.
        My kids slept on 15 year old mattresses, renovations to the house were never finished (holes in walls/ceilings), bills unpaid….all things people can’t see. Impression management. It was all my fault that we were broke and he made six figures!
        Now that we are divorced I raise 3 kids on 1/3 of what we had together. All bills are paid with no balances. I hate owing people money.

  138. 1- He broke his big toe kicking a gate while he was raging, even though he was wearing steel cap boots.
    2- When he realised that throwing rocks past my head at the kennels didn’t work, he switched to shooting a pellet gun over my head hitting the roof of the dogs’ kennels.
    3- After DD1 and DD2, in MC, he claimed he was afraid I would harm him and I was trying to poison him with cider and cookies. Later on I recorded him discussing with Schmoopie how I could be trying to poison him: she advised him to look for puncture marks in the cider bottles…Mr Scientist agreed.

    He claimed he was afraid of me and I emasculated him…

  139. Freaky Christmas Cheater entry:
    1- He ate all his kids’ Christmas chocolates out of the boxes I’d put under the tree, rewrapped everything so we wouldn’t notice and all the kids found on Christmas morning were empty boxes.
    2- I’d bought and wrapped all the presents to take to his very large family’s early Christmas party 400kms away, and hidden them in the basement (because of the incident above the previous year). Everything was ready to put in the car ready for 6am departure the next day, or so I thought. We live on a remote farm nowhere near any shops so I have to plan for all these things well ahead. The night before I went to check that everything was ready: he had eaten all the chocolates again, about 10 boxes of Belgian chocolates. All that was left was the wrappers again. This time he didn’t bother to rewrap.
    3- Because he was never organised enough to cut and split our farm’s firewood as he claimed we would do to be self-sufficient (and all sorts of reasons to do with his obsession with climate change but he never did anything about it..), I asked for firewood for Christmas instead of presents. One year I got some after we cut and split it together. Then nothing. Then I stopped asking for the basic things to keep our house warm and cook on. And still got nothing. Same for my birthdays. It was a cold winter the year of wreckonciliation… Then I asked him to go and buy some bloody firewood in town while I was at work. I came home, no firewood, snow on the ground, 110 extra kms on the odometer. He had been to town to see the Whore but hadn’t even got the firewood. That was DD3.

    • “…he was afraid I would harm him and I was trying to poison him with cider and cookies”.

      Funny he wasn’t afraid of all those boxes of Belgian chocolates. Especially that second time around…

      • HeeHee! He was getting heartburn from stuffing his face constantly plus downing 1-2 litres of very bubbly super sweet cider, but he thought it was a heart problem that I had caused by poisoning him. I had trouble keeping a straightface.
        Later on I carried on supplying lots of treats. I figured if he was going to leave me for the Whore, she might as well leave me even fatter. 😉
        She must keep the prize she won.

  140. 1. Took photos of me while I was sitting across from him at lunch eating and sent them to OW (who was getting angry!) to show that he couldn’t reply her texts because I was sitting right there.

    2. Took OW on a holiday and stayed at the same resort that we had gone to for our 6 month wedding anniversary.

    3. Dropped me off at the airport for a girls trip and then drove straight to seedy motel to hook up with random woman (prostitute?) I hadn’t even left the country yet!

    4. Waited for me to fall asleep every night, so he could ‘have sexy time on the phone’ with his OW. Quote. Read it in his texts to her, hence me not sleeping till 4-5am every night (at that time).

    5. Told me that it was my fault for looking through his phone.

    6. Told me that he could not promise that he would be faithful, so ‘don’t you dare make me promise you!’ How dare I ask my husband to not sleep with anyone else!

    7. During our wreckoncilation (what a joke), told me that it was my fault that I couldn’t be warm and fuzzy towards him and said if I couldn’t be nice to him (after him cheating, ongoing for 4 years), it was never going to work.

    8. Told me that the OW woman actually ‘felt really, really bad about everything’ and that ‘she could have been a real bitch to you, but wasn’t, because she’s nice’. When questioned what he meant by that, the answer was that ‘she could have called you up and verbally abused you to rub it in your face that she was sleeping with me, but she didn’t’. How noble.

    Reading everyone elses submissions is so fun, yet sad at the same time. Writing it all down feels rather therapeutic. This isn’t even everything, I’m sure a lot of people can relate to that one.

  141. 1) Spackle: While on family cruise son says to Dad “who was that woman I saw you with last night Dad?” quick as a flash…”Just a woman I used to sell coffee to”. Blink.
    2) Down the Rabbit Hole: $500 unexplained bar tab? Don’t worry honey…I just want you to be happy so I’ll work out the budget…Oh the computer is on. Whoops he didn’t turn off facebook notifications..
    3)Eyes wide Open: Not only woman on cruise but girls just out of high school, Craigslist hookups, Adultmatchmaker etc etc…my favourite… Bangaroo Babes! Oh and the Dogpiling facebook group he joined.
    4) Justification: You said the marriage was over (WTF) OK It was just a F U to U. (for not respecting me.).

    • What is it with old men and young girls? It’s disgusting. Don’t they know they look like old fools?

  142. 1. After I found out that 49-year-old Woody was fucking my 19-year-old niece in both our previous residence and our recently purchased dream home on a lake, I sent her back to her parents and siblings (we had brought my brother’s daughter to live with us to help her with college).

    2. Woody was furious with me for “banishing” Bazooka Jane!

    3. Soon after I left on my Road Trip to Meh, Woody flew across the country to fetch Bazooka Jane back to live with him in the marital residence, and sent an email to my brother and his wife explaining that he had realized it was more important to him that she finish college than to stay married to me, and that it was fine because we had agreed it was okay to date during our separation (even though our post-nup agreement indicated that any kind of contact with BJ would be grounds for divorce).

    Of course, I filed that day. Divorce will be final late January or early February. And I’m happier now than I’ve been in years! Leave a cheater, gain a life!

  143. After learning that my ex perv/cheater sent my neighbor 42 unwanted, lewd texts (Anthony Wiener style)…..I suspected there was even more. And there was.

    I hunted him down ….all over the internet. There he was calling himself “Dancing Daddy,” Dancing Rich,” “Dancing hot daddy” on dating sites…..porn sites… and hook up sites. The man NEVER danced a step in the 31 years I was married to him!

    What really floored me was I found pictures of him plastered all over the internet- sporting his flaccid penis! As if hook ups are gonna jump right on a limp dick? Watch out Indiana….Dancing Dick is looking for love!

    I threw him out…divorced his sorry perverted ass. True story.

  144. Oh….after I busted “Dancing Dick”- he ran and hid in the church to avoid dealing with the destruction he caused in my life. He thought the “real problem” -was my inability to “forgive him.”

    Can ya’ll say “Jesus Cheater” -who found Jesus AFTER he destroyed my life and terrorized my neighbor with lewd texts.

    • Yep, I walked by mine kneeling and praying to Jesus for strength right after he confessed. Baptist boy.

      • If skankboy knelt and prayed, he would spontaneously combust! AND, *I* was not going to clean up that mess!

        • The STBX straightaway bought a Bible for the nightstand in the bachelor pad.

          Guessing he used it as a coaster for whatever alcoholic drink he was swilling at the moment, or maybe to prop up the phone or tablet for a better porn viewing angle.

          Praise God that pos is gone.

          #godsfavor

  145. While I cannot compete with dancing yetis and my ex didn’t hop away in a sleeping bag, I do have some sick stories to tell.

    1)Invited OW to our family vacation that was also a conference for my job (my job paid for this vacation) because “She has never seen the beach”
    2)Paraded her around our church that we have been members at since we were children. “She’s a friend and doesn’t know anyone here.”
    3)During our divorce hearings, brought her to the court proceedings “Because she cares about what happens to the children”

    Apparently they have missed the whole 10 Commandments part of the bible.

  146. Gee, this took on a life of its own. I don’t know about the rest of you, but it sure makes me feel just a little bit better knowing we are all not alone in being tossed aside by these idiots. The sum of all these posts amounts to broken promises, broken homes, broken children, broken hearts…but let’s really stick it to the cheaters and enjoy our children and grandchildren and be grateful that we are the sane ones who holds values to be commended for. These people will more than likely end up quite alone and lonely as they age unless they really pull their heads out of their own asses and realize what they have done. Not at all likely. Peace to all

  147. Ooh, I forgot the classic;
    The Worm was mad because I dropped off all of his clothing on the OWs porch after finding yet another love note from her to him. He threatened to have me arrested, yelled, “I’m me! I control myself!”
    Then started throwing apples in the dining room, smashing them into the floor while he screamed, “I’m baking a pie!”

  148. I hired a private investigator because I knew he was cheating but wanted the proof when I confronted him so he couldn’t try to lie his way out of it. He would “work” late every night and “go out afterwards,” and would leave receipts laying on his desk every time from random bars and restaurants. I would call those places and get itemized receipts. Then I would casually mention here and there some of those restaurants we should try, along with the food and drinks they had ordered. He was so shocked a couple times he couldn’t speak. I got video of him going into a skanky bartender’s house and coming out after 2 hours like clockwork, every night he would go back to “work” to work late. I showed up at her bar and sat in her section and she had to wait on me and my friends for 2 hrs, knowing the whole time who I was. As soon as I left I watched her go outside and make a call to tell him I was there and how scared she was. I called at the same time. He was trying to juggle the 2 calls and it was comical. Long and funny story short, I filed for divorce and watched him lie and squirm for 6 weeks before I told him. He had to admit it all and asked why I didn’t just confront him weeks ago. Then his response was, “please don’t have me served at work.”

  149. After I busted my ex AGAIN (3rd and final time) that he never broke it off with the home wrecking whore (he was trying SO hard to save our family…yawn ) he texted me “apology ” this is his actual text to me (have it all saved for court) ; I’ve never been unfaithful before until now. I knew once I made it back home I would never see her again, we both knew this was going to end. I love you but I never had feelings like this i just wanted to experience this before I made it back home so I stole those moments with her before it was over, I wanted to feel this way about you but I knew I couldn’t and I was all right with that so I wanted those feelings I have for her to last as long as I could and have rust imprinted in my memory before I moved forward with you. …
    Can’t make this shit up

  150. After I caught him sexting his best friends wife who works in a physician office in the billing office, he told me she was giving him medical advice…

  151. He arranged for Shmoopie to “stop by” to see me after I figured out that something was rotten in Denmark. I went in the bathroom and refused to play along. ( She was an amateur “counselor” type and wanted to scope me out). I wanted zero contact with someone I had quickly assessed as quite crazy.

    Two later declarations from him:

    ” No one at work will talk to me since you wouldn’t see Y when she came by.” ( How did these people even know that happened? Because the Dynamic Drama Team told them and got an unexpected though quite rational reaction!)

    ” Y was magnanimous enough to offer to talk with you over coffee. But, of course, you won’t do that..”
    ( You’re right. I will not) As a result, I avoided the revenge crusade that happened later when it all imploded. It turns out she was not really all that magnanimous…

  152. A few days after Dday I was writhing in emotional agony. I couldn’t find my way out of bed to get my daughter the things she needed for camp so I texted could he please take her to the shops and get her the things she needed. His response was I’m busy till 3pm. Well the shops closed at 4 so I pulled myself up and did it. The next day I looked at out mobile phone account online and there were calls in between mine. I looked up the number online and it was a Brothel. He had the time and money (despite just telling me he couldn’t afford to help pay our son’s tutor) That was when I stopped making excuses for him and knew I would never take him back.

  153. I couldn’t eat and felt physically sick with my newfound knowledge and the weight was dropping off me. I lost 30kg in a very very short time.
    When I told him I’m losing weight because of the dirty lying cheating arsehole diet he put me on. He replied I knew you would be happy about that. Arsehole!

    • I got pretty much the same answer (I was only little over 150 and lost 20lbs very quickly ) he said ,You are welcome ,you wanted to lose weight anyways so I helped you out…

  154. I think my favorite was that he wasn’t “allowed” to come get his things from the house, because she didn’t want him to be alone with me.

    His girlfriend didn’t trust him with his wife. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, Pirate Hooker.

  155. Aside from ‘ILYBINILWY’, ‘my parents tell me how sad I look every time they visit’ and ‘I haven’t been happy for a long’… I also got “I always felt like you were going to leave me”.

    And that last nugget was apparently justification for why she jumped the bandwagon and cheated, after more than 20 years together — largely happily I (mistakenly) thought.

    • Yep I got the I thought you were going to leave me. One of many stupid reasons he gave for cheating for over 7years with a various assortment of skanks and online hookups. I said why the F* didn’t he just go! Then he said the truth…it was it was all a F* you to you.

  156. 1. When my kid accidentally added his phone number to my iMessage, and I saw the texts between him and OW, he said it must be some kind of crossover with someone else’s Apple ID.
    2. When I found his profile on a “dating for married people” website and he claimed it didn’t know how it got there.
    3. When I found the masturbation videos he was sending “Ashely1992@hotmail.com” (maybe the year she was born? He’s 45!) and he said he has a mental illness and needs help.
    4. When I found out his dude friend lied and said they had lunch together but he was actually at lunch with the 30 year old twinkie, and he claimed she was “just a friend and I don’t know why I lied”.
    Yup. I’m a chump.

    • When he saw that I had found the dozen or so hotel charges, he said that he “sometimes gets a room to be alone”… at the La Quinta in the gross mall’s parking lot, one time when I was out of town. Another time was the day before our first child’s birth was induced.

  157. My entry:

    Thanksgiving fell on our 12th wedding anniversary.

    Cheater and I, plus family and friends, went to a banquet at an upscale hotel.

    Cheater claimed he didn’t have enough money to get me an anniversary gift but would “make it up to me” later. Not even a card or a cheap bouquet from a local supermarket floral section.

    While doing bills, I found a charge for $90 clearly labelled as an “Adult Fuck Finder” membership charge. He made this charge on the evening of Thanksgiving/12th Anniversary.

    He still has a pic of the two of us taken on Thanksgiving/12th Anniversary as his Fakebook profile pic because he thinks it’s a “good pic of us.” (More like HE looks very good.)

    I did get my anniversary gift after all.

    An incurable STD.

  158. 1. He left his Facebook logged in, I watched my ex & the OW message back and forth about how much they loved each other & she wondered how much I knew about their relationship.

    2. When I confronted him, he broke my phone & told me it was all my fault because he thought I was cheating(That comment came months later)

    3. He apologized about a month ago, a month after official D-Day, for being the way that he is & he now knows he needs god to be good. Engaged to the OW a week after D-Day & are living together with their “beautiful blended family of 6” one being my 2 year old son…

  159. 1. He was married for the first three years of our relationship and living a double life.
    2. He pretended like I did not exist wherever he worked. His co-workers thought he was single and went on adventurous vacations by himself.
    3. He was so bummed that the had to go to a training with his boss. Turns out they were screwing and the seminar they were attending was “How to Pull One Over on Your Spouse.”

  160. Relatively new here, so no idea if these are any “good,” but I’ll play!

    1. Early in our dating, Cheater Freak quoted Good Will Hunting to me: “I had to go see about a girl.” He made the same exact reference to OW in one of his emails to her.

    2. I was shopping for a wedding gown a weekend he flew to a “work conference.” Later, I said I couldn’t believe he could successfully make love to her knowing I was trying on dresses at home. He said “just to be clear…it wasn’t ‘successful.’ ”

    3. Bought myself an antique ring on our trip to Italy (OW was in the picture by then) to wear as my “something old/blue” in our wedding. Left it behind when I moved out, and told Cheater Freak he could get rid of it. He said, “I’ll keep it in my box of [my name] memorabilia, in case you ever want it back.”

  161. 1. Right after our 20th anniversary, he decided he wasn’t happy and “damn it, he wanted to be” (didn’t tell me he was unhappy). So, he went on the website Ashley Madison and found woman #1.
    2. After a year with woman #1, he got a bit bored and went BACK on Ashley Madison and found woman #2 – while keeping woman #1. He juggled both of them – seeing them during the workday – for 2 1/2 years. He had to work late at night at home to make up the time – telling me that work was “crazy.”
    3. He works for a high-tech company and has always told our kids that they can’t hide anything on-line. He could figure it out if they did. I found out about woman #1 and #2 because he left open several email accounts on our home computer. I read all about them and their exploits.

  162. Oh where DO we begin?! One step in a journey of a thousand leaps and bounds….

    1) After DDay2, I had an unfiltered moment of naked terror, musing out loud, “What will happen to me in this Trumpian Dystopia that we’re facing?” (DDay2 rode out right after presidential elections last year). Uncle Dad’s thoughtful response, “I don’t mean to sound maudlin, but your mom’s sitting on a gold mine. She’ll take care of you.”

    2) After DDay2, Uncle Dad gave me what can only be described as a kind of…wedding band. Back story being that yeah, he’d “lost his” (DDay1, November of 2013), then during wreckonciliation he got a “new” band (of his choice, declining my suggestion that we buy matching bands as part of our re-set). The band wasn’t high end or expensive – but it did reflect my taste (silver, artisanal), and the irony seemed so cruel and well (ill) timed. I took it back to the jeweler and got a shop credit.

    3) Came across a whiny email from Uncle Dad to OWhore slash Ho-Worker, in which he told her I was “wearing him down” and “he just wants out now”, and that I blamed him for destroying two families – ours and hers. And he promptly apologized for that – to OWhore.

    Happy Hellidays, Everyone!

  163. Husband made holidays 2 years ago a miserable time.. I kicked him out beginning of Jan 2016. He moved in with girl over half his age and they have a baby. He turned our daughter against me – I made him leave – I was so mean – behind closed doors – That’s why she never saw me be mean.

    Our daughter decided recently she never wants to see him again because: He’s an asshole, He doesn’t care about anyone but himself, and if you don’t do things his way he is mean and spiteful.

    Her words.

    He lectured me about how bad it is that she throws him away.

    I pointed out that he threw us away 2 years ago!

    When I point out the facts then I am angry and hateful.

    But…he was full of hate and contempt for months lying, criticizing, abandoning his family to run around, threatening and bullying to get me to let him “throw me away as cheaply as possible.” As my lawyer pointed out. It was quite obvious.

    They are so pathetic.

    Don’t treat them “mean.”

    So they destroyed a family and continue to lie, be manipulative, etc. Get over it and act happy!

  164. I doubt anyone is still reading here, but this just popped into my head for some reason:

    My ex had a life-size photo cutout of himself leaping into the air in a typical cheerleader pose in our living room.

    • Anyone feel like some target practice on the cheating lord a leaping?

      Merry Christmas GIO.

  165. 1) X walked in, pissed to the gills, the night I was labouring to birth our son. He’d been spending all his free time drinking with the guys next door, as usual. He saw me labouring, smacked his palm against his forehead, and exclaimed, “Not tonight!” Then he staggered upstairs to sleep it off.

    2) X would make any excuse to keep me from kissing him, hugging him, touching him, even sitting next to him. Yet he would whistle out the kitchen window at the guy next door. To this day, he denies that he is gay. Christian that he is, he claims that porn has messed him up. That’s why he couldn’t, in over a decade of marriage, bring himself to French kiss or have sex with me, his then-wife. (How did I get pregnant, you may ask? When I told him that we actually needed to have sex to have a baby, he said he’d “get it over with” whenever I told him I was fertile. He knew I was tracking my cycles. Getting pregnant involved him roughly pushing me away from him, barking, “Don’t touch me! Do you want me to do this, or not?” and inseminating me with as little contact as possible.)

    3) X would rage, throw things around, punch holew in walls; get drunk with the guys next door, come home and purposefully interrupt my sleep when he knew I’d been taking care of our babies all day and night; went out of his way to be cruel to me day in and day out. However, he said I wasn’t easy to live with because I didn’t load the dishwasher properly!