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Cheater Freak Christmas Countdown!

It’s time again for our Cheater Freak Christmas Countdown! To the newbies, every year we try to best each other with our cheater freak stories. In the past, the winners got their submissions cartooned in the new year. This year, the winner gets a copy of my new audio book! (I know, I know, it’s not cartoons… but I have a full-time job now outside of CL and my Mac desktop is 13 years old and groans at me like a surly teenager.) Okay, maybe a cartoon or two too…

The stories told are legend here — GladItsOver’s dancing Sasquatch, the cheater who jumped around in a sleeping bag, the squirrel assassin, PF’s pillow muncher… (Read the archives for the insanity particulars.)

This is how the game is played — you tell Chump Nation the freaky, WTF particulars. Examples include, the cheating plumber who referred to his clients as his “fans”, the cheater who threatened his chump with a pagan scythe, the OW who made nail-clipping art. (YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP!)

The object here is to be as SUCCINCT as possible. No essays! You can comment on other people’s Freak submissions, but each submission needs to be a three brief sentences, tops.

For example, my submission would go like this.

1) He had the same mistress for over 20 years and three marriages.

2) OW and ex apparently had a kid together and she passed the paternity off on her brother-in-law.

3) After boinking his OW in Vermont, he drove home and presented me with a one-pound bag of coffee.

I will announce a winner at New Year’s. So Chump Nation, BRING IT!

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • 1. When I caught her spending New Years Eve in our daughters room sexting a Marine stationed overseas, she said she had a panic attack while ordering groceries online.

    2. And of course, the waist harness and vibrating purple dildo she kept in her “magic bag” at the bottom of our closet, which she uses on RPD.

        • Ooooo. A new Fun Friday Sub Challenge! I’ll play…

          Really Pretty Dumb?

          Righteous Penis Deployment?

          Randy Potential Date?

          Random Personal Device?

        • as an Army veteran (yes I joined the ARMY for the DOCTOR)

          I submit RPD is for Rapid Personnel Deployment. Like when you have to deploy a division or attack or invade

          or climax, really quickly…

      • KK’s OM (they hooked up a mere 10 days after I said “enough!”) is a writer and college instructor who, come to find out, is bisexual, has visited transsexual escorts, and likes getting ‘pegged.’ So, with apologies to Zane Grey, “Rider of the Purple Dildo.”

        • Like Chump Lady always says, “You can’t make this stuff up”

          The part that gets me is not the dildo, but the fact she kept it in her marital closet.

          Shameless

        • UXWorld… my X, Mr. Sparkles, had many online personas… one of which was as a BiMWM. A different one, as a SWM but seeking couples, groups. And, his Craigslist searches always included more T4M than W4M.

          Thanks to you, I think I finally have some additional clarity into what a FREAK I was married. I strongly suspect he’d be an RPD too.

          Need to go take a shower with a wire scrub brush now 🙂

    • Not once at my high school graduation did the guest speaker say:

      “……and you’re going to encounter some really fucked up people out in the world, too.”

    • I tried to chase down my wife’s fuckbuddy, but his car outran my truck.

      The reason: I was the one who rebuilt the transmission in his car and no one can build a transmission quite like Yours Truly.

      • OW.aka fuckbuddy called my home. i thought it was strange that her name & # were showing up on the i.d. she ain’t the 1st. btw. so i asked my serial cheater spouse, why is she calling here? i haven’t had anything to do w/ her .ever. SCP says idk. & with in min(s) a lieutenent(not military) is @ my door & ?if my SCP can go & take a look @ his OW car. im like hell No! didn’t know that she was a part of our life, we have enough problems to deal w/. found out 6 yrs later that he had been fucking her @ the hotel that she’s apparently a manager for, (she is a cum dumpster) in the mean X , OW snags a foreigner, & apparently marries him & he becomes a U.S. citizen. later i have found out that she follows my SPC’s alias on FB, all because i found out about another cum dumpster. she has removed herself from his alias FB account,wonder if it was my scathing commentary on the above mentioned SCP account. Bitch has been following my daughter 2 & still is(FB page)didn’t find out about this crazy CD(cum dumpster) until 1 of the latest DD’s, apparently she’s former Air force. & my SCP is friends w/ her X on FB. she has been able to find employment as a flagger. (road maintenance) & is now an employee @ a rope factory. the SCP tell’s them all the same thing. such as.” I haven’t stopped stopped thinking about you all day”.” i miss you”. VOMIT!

    • I filed for divorce when I discovered the cheater’s AP was 8 months pregnant. He was angry because he had not decided what he wanted yet.

    • UXworld, I am still scouring YouTube for a conceited dumbass RPD singing into a carrot. So far I’ve only found one doing this but the video is from Asia and there is no indication in the video that the sap also rides purple dildos. Haha!

  • 1. He was having his first herpes flare up from the person he had cheated on me with while we were attending a friend’s child’s 1st birthday. I had no clue at the time.
    2. When I was in my sleuthing phase I found folders and folders of porn, including pictures of mutual friends girlfriends. His Twitter and instagram mostly followed porn and instagram models and he was going to forums asking for advice on the OW as she was the love of his life but she would openly flirt and leave with other men in front of him.
    3. When we were “working on it” he told me he couldn’t say no to the OW when she asked him to watch her dog. He was appalled with me that I didn’t understand that she had no one else to help her out and he wasn’t going to compromise his being a nice guy because that’s what a decent person would do.

    Like everyone here I’m sure that’s barely the tip of the iceberg for my story. I wasn’t married thankfully but that’s 6 years with someone who was a MAJOR lesson for me that I thankfully came out of with my finances intact and no STD’s.

    • The Instagram models and porn stars. Yes. Mine had those too. Mine didn’t watch her dog but did talk to me about how mean I was being to her and wanted me to stop. He asked me to stop because shecwas so upset.

        • Mine shitbag cheater, took my pet parrot to “Dear Friends” house for birdie sitting, because “this Dear, dear friend” ALWAYS wanted a pet bird and wanted to see what it was like.
          … … … This is how the my tattle tale Tango wound being at the AP’s love shack.

          “ooo000OOOO00000 – – -000 oo ooo OOOhhhh!!!!, Who000000000000ooo00000 LiV-es in a pineAPplE under the sEA?!!?!?!”

          • Ohhhhhh, the OW pet sitting Magneto’s pet parrot!
            They don’t come any kinder or funnier than this.
            If I had not found CL, I would never have had such a laugh regarding such a supreme act of kindness on behalf of an OW!
            Magneto for the win!
            🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺
            And a zillion parrots’ shit to the ow!

          • Magneto,

            That makes me sooo angry! That poor bird.

            I have a little parrot too and love him to bits. He’d never bitten anyone before, but would lunge at cheating ex. Like, just VICIOUSLY, no warning. At first I didn’t even believe ex when he told me. I guess little parrot knew more than I did.

        • Maybe it is the same woman and dog?? I wonder where she was going that she had to secure him there watching her pet? Maybe answering an out of town ad complete with bag including purple vibrating dildo with waist cinch and other exciting toys that make the Chump look so boring and unimaginative?
          What they don’t realize is that they are the same old sh_t to us too, we just don’t expect life to be endlessly entertaining and ego reinforcing. We just wanted someone true to spend all of life with.

        • Ex’s “soulmate” OW was involved in a breed-specific dog rescue. A month or two before Dday, when I still had absolutely no idea they were having an affair, ex decided it would be really nice for the two of us to accompany the OW to the dog rescue to do some volunteering. So we did. I can only imagine the laughing, contempt and smirking at me that must have been going on in ex’s and the OW’s heads. I was so incredibly gullible back then.

          • Glad it’s over,
            I know exactly what you mean with your comment about how they must have been laughing at you, while you went along with your head in the “cloud of gullibility.” I was the unknowing “third wheel” FOR YEARS!!

            Selling Girl Scout cookies in front of grocery store– she suddenly discovers her keys are locked in her car. Since her husband’s not at home, we call my husband who comes to drive her home so she can get her spare set, while I stay behind at the cookie stand with her kids and mine, so they can apparently go fuck.

            Trip to the circus– they decide we’re all going to squeeze into my minivan, so she doesn’t have to take her car, too. Only problem is: we’re one seat short. So instead of insisting otherwise, I’m the idiot who sits on the floor of the 2nd row, while she sits up front next to my husband. (I have no idea where her husband was during this, but he didn’t come.)

            Santa pictures– she still has photos on her FB page of all of us taking the kids to get pics with Santa. Her husband, again, was not there.

            Birthday Party for our youngest kids who have birthdays 6 weeks apart– we decided we’d split the cost of hiring a pony. And even though I deleted all the photos with her physical image, mentally, she’s still there.

            Well, I think I’m getting carried away…there are a bunch more I could list, too.

            So don’t feel bad about your gullibility, because you are definitely not alone. THIRD-WHEEL CHUMPS UNITED!!

            • “Since her husband’s not at home, we call my husband who comes to drive her home so she can get her spare set, while I stay behind at the cookie stand with her kids and mine, so they can apparently go fuck.”

              OMG, yes. One time, the OW, my ex, and I got together to play tennis with another woman who later turned out to be the fuck-buddy OW. At some point, the OW needed to use the bathroom, so ex took her back to our nearby home. How convenient, huh? Another instance where it shames me to think about how they must have been laughing at me.

        • Mine had my dd (16 at the time) dog sit for ow while she was away for Christmas. Meanwhile, the skank is 6 months pregnant with his cousin’s baby (one night stand – of course) and my loving spouse is screwing her on the side, unbeknownst to me at the time.

          Must have been a sick thrill to have my daughter spending the night in the bed where they f’d each other. I truly hope they changed the sheets. What a betrayal. So surprised dd wants to even talk to him.

          PS the house smelled like urine – not sure if it was from the dogs or her.

      • Mine told me he used a condom but the video tape shows otherwise. And his whore has herpes. Isn’t that so nice of him?

  • While on a trip to Chicago to interview for an important new job that would “help our family,” XW sent erotic pics to OM from her hotel room.

    She did not get the job because she was late for the interview and was dressed inappropriately.

    She brought me back a slice of deep-dish pizza.

  • 1. He bought married OW a $4k+ ring on a jewelry store credit card (in his name only). He never paid the bill. Collection notice came to my address. He said, “but you never cared before (about his affairs).”

    2. He lied to another OW, saying that the baby I miscarried and the child I was pregnant with at that time were children from fictitious affairs. So it “didn’t matter” if the baby had died.

    3. He sat in the delivery room after our youngest child was born texting OW as I hemorrhaged after birth. Didn’t leave the chair across the room until the midwife told him to come hold my hand as I could likely bleed to death.

    • AlohaFreedom, what a horrible man! My ex did just about the same thing when I was in labor (I’m now 100% convinced he was having an affair over 17 years ago when I was pregnant with our second child). He sat in a chair which was against the wall and didn’t come over and support me. I can still picture him in my head sitting in that chair and there’s a clock over his head. He just sat there. He didn’t even come to “help” until the doctor showed up. And then after she was born, he went back to not caring and even yelled at me when I was back in my room. And of course stayed and forgave and spackled over everything. Gosh, I wish Chump Lady was around years ago. I had no clue what I was dealing with.

      • I had a real beaut of an expectant father, too. Continued to eat his sub sandwich loaded with onions even after I asked him to not because I was sickened by the smell. I puked on the floor and he looked down with disgust, then polished off the sub.

        It was a real, “You’re gross, and you’re not the boss of me” moment. Right before I gave birth.

      • My STBX was an amazing help during our first born’s birth, but I have vivid memories of him just sitting in the chair, even napping, while I was in labor with our 2nd born. Can’t even remember our 3rd daughter’s birth, which went really fast.

        But after I went home from the hospital after our first daughter was born (without her, as she had to stay in NICU for a couple more days–nothing serious), he made me do the dishes that he hadn’t done while I was in the hospital. Seriously. I was shocked.

        Aloha Freedom, I can’t even imagine. What a dick and so glad he’s no longer yours to deal with.

        • GWYG-
          You just reminded me that after our 2nd child was born, he invited the first OW to our home to hold our 4 day old baby. She was just a friend who showed up to my house without my prior knowledge.

          • Aloha,
            Memories of moments like that are THE WORST!! Retrospective knowledge (is that even grammatically correct?) is my nightmare. I try hard to push those tainted memories aside, but sometimes, they just pop into my brain, you know?

            • Definitely can identify with this. As much as I try to push these thoughts out of my mind they pop up like little weeds. Tis the season to remember all the fucked up freaky shit they planned on so you can look back at these moments like “aha” he is a dick. #1. My ex told me our song was Faithfully by Journey for 22 yrs. #2. My middle son heard everything he said to me on dday and yet (middle son) “understands now” why this happened to our family (ex’s conversation during a recent trip with his OW in Colorado on Thanksgiving) #3. I filed contempt charges on his ass when my lawyer discovered he took out 30k from his 401k even though he supposedly didn’t turn in any financials for the divorce yet.

        • Pregnancy/child birth brings the worse out in cheaters/moral degenerates. I caught Dancing Dick (then a 35 year old man) jerking off at my teen age neighbor (voyeuring her)- when I was 7 months pregnant with our second child.

          Not to mention the hundreds of dollars in dial-a-porn bills he was racking up. I couldn’t afford to buy the new baby anything because of his sneaking around with dial-a-porn whores (the internet had not yet arrived).

          My beautiful baby girl’s birth was destroyed. I cried and cried on the day she was born.

        • Wow, you checked her panties for semen goo?
          Not judging, but, if I had to do that, I figure it’s probably true she was f*ing around and not an image I need to see (or smell!) to prove what’s happening.
          Just ewwww

            • Really? In my mind it happens all the time (especially if you have sex in the morning) that even if you have a shower after sex, some of the semen will still start to leak out later, sometimes like an hour later, when you are already walking around and doing your own thing. That’s how it gets onto panties.

    • He tried to screw my sister while I was selfishly out of town attending my favorite aunt’s funeral..he had a 3 way with my (ex) best friend and her husband because I was spending to much time helping my dying mother and he felt the marriage was going in the wrong direction. He treated me like shit for 10 years while I quit work to raise his kids cause I stopped contributing financially to his retirement dream. WTF is wrong with me?!

      • Can’t do anything right…and not much goes right when your with the wrong person. He sounds like a swinger, highly driven in the zipper department. My X was a bit like that. Too much headache, life is much better now, without him.

    • I’ll raise you sperm in underwear with sperm in tissues. I found a strangely folded tissue under his den desk and it was glued shut. Didn’t say anything to him about it. About two months later I found an exactly folded as the first tissue in his desk drawer. Mind you I wasn’t snooping. I just went in there to find a red pin to update our family travel map. He came downstairs and I said, “What is this? Are you looking at porn?” He grabbed the tissue from my hand and proceeded to pretend to blow his nose with it. He also said, “No porn” twice and in exactly the same way he said “No touching” when I asked him if he touched the strippers that he got 100% naked lap dances from. He’s a cheater freak!

        • At my lawyers office, in a brown paper bag is a wad of semen soaked tissues, pubs and her ‘long black hair’. The deed was done at his mothers house (the mother was out of town) in his dead father’s bed (his parents kept seperate rooms). Evidence was collected with gloves and transported to lawyer….

        • I’ll raise you finding, in his work car that I had to clean, a crumpled up work tank top (“wife beater”) complete with bright red lipstick marks down the front and dried semen on the bottom.

          He was always claiming that work “jipped” him on his paycheck at least one day a week. Work tends to not pay you when you go to your OW house instead of the job site.

          I have no idea why I stayed so long… *face/desk*

      • Mine also had the nasty habit of leaving his, um, porn clean up detritus about. Folded paper towels by every computer. Yuppers. Quite a guy. Missed not at all.

        • Yuck! I was just sooooo naive and trusting when he told me “no porn.” But after the discard and I moved out, I was watching “Orange is the New Black” and one of the main male characters gets out a bottle of lotion and box of tissue to get ready to pleasure himself. And then the light bulb went on and I realized the cheater was lying about that too.

        • I know! And even IF it was nose snot, why would you even go through the motions of wiping your nose with it again? Ugh. Gross, gross, gross for the disordered freak cheater.

      • So stbx’s briefcase was an interesting find. It’s been sitting in plain view by the door in the office since he left a year and a half ago. I finally got around to stuffing his things into garbage bags for him to pick up. I opened the briefcase to see if there was anything of interest in there (the lock was his parents’ box number, really original, not hard to crack!).

        Yeah. A big old crusty rag and dvds full of porn. And not good porn. Cheezy, 1980 style porn. But the rag. Ew. So I took out the porn, left the rag, locked it up and sent it off to him. Guess he has to rebuild the collection, or ask me for the dvds!

    • CL…I sometimes go to an indoor shooting range (hope that doesn’t freak anyone out). Each time I have to purchase a paper target, usually something 2’ x 3’ with a human silhouette. Think of the hundreds of such ranges out there. There could be real good money in a line of “cheater silhouette” targets. I picture one of your cartoon figures saying “it’s just vaginal discharge” or “we were just shopping for cup towels”. My aim would likely improve and you could probably sell tens of thousands for a couple bucks a piece. Even more for custom verbiage. Just add a disclaimer that you’re not condoning violence etc. And imagine the therapeutic impact of leaving one of these, already shot up, laying around the house for the cheater to see. Priceless. Not the PR the movement is looking for? Damn.

      • I took items left at my house by Narkles the Clown to an outdoor range and let er rip. Folks started asking what I was doing to the glass paper weights, nick-nacks and ornaments and I told them. They asked if they could help. It turned out to be a wonderfully supportive situation.

        • I took pruning shears to the dampers of the baby grand that I had bought him (and made him remove as a part of the divorce). When someone was surprised that I had done this I commented that “I could have used the pruning shears on something else”!

      • The range is my favorite form of therapy. Yes I have a therapist and she advocates controlled “pressure valve release”.
        And yes… I draw pics on my targets.

      • Don’t!!!

        Don’t even joke about it!!!

        (Pretend) Shooting people is not at all funny.

        It’s not even therapeutic. Violence, even if only images and not “real” damages the brain, and does not heal or soothe the emotions.

        • It’s a personal, completely legal thing that this person is doing, and evidently – not that they need permission – a therapist is also there for psychological advice when it’s needed.

          The notion that they are damaging their brain is simply not fact.

  • 1) Attended masquerade ball Christmas party with mistress, fucked her in a motel, gave her a Christmas bracelet and told my parents and I all about the “party” the next morning.

    2) Wore said masquerade jacket to his family Christmas party…had everyone gush over jacket (the same one mistress) took off of him night before) also had everyone rub up against him while taking photos….no remorse or guilt.

    • Indeed no remorse. In fact far from it. The jacket was a sort of trophy, a tangible link to the grand celebration of his awesomeness that was the night before. They absolutely love the sense of power it brings them to have such hidden truths these trophies represent placed literally right in front of you and your family and yet entirely beyond your reach or understanding. God-like to be so far above you simple ignorant creatures. As you go about the normal happy family interactions utterly unaware, they superficially engage. But all the while they are actually entirely involved in a very private internal party. One where they are the all-powerful puppet master relishing their mastery over your foolery while reliving the deluded grandiosity of the night before.

        • I “tried” to get him to get rid of the jacket by explaining what it signified to me (chumpy)…he totally refused to- RED FLAG!! The next time he wears it, I hope he gets food poisoning, along with severe diarrhea. Enough to make him suffer but not die yet- he can die after he finishes paying child support….

          • Yep! My ex could easily pull-off being a serial killer. He’s that cold and calculating. He’s like Ted Bundy. I wouldn’t say he’s as handsome as Ted, but I thought he was handsome when we were married (once the mask dropped he was ugly to me). Everyone thought Ted was such a nice guy! Smart, articulate and had what seemed like a normal life.

            We had a serial rapist turned killer roaming the streets for years where I live. He was the Bike Path Rapist. The last time he killed someone was not too far from my house. Guess what? Everyone was in shock when they finally caught him. He was such a nice guy who was well-liked at work and in the community. Monsters roam around us and lots of times they are the “nice” people.

            What my ex pulled off for 24 years, followed by his epic smear campaign against me (all lies) , rewriting history and followed by tons of more lies and he even got away with it with our church — he’s capable of anything. He scares me and makes my skin crawl now.

            • Same here – I have his number as Ted Bundy in my phone. I only have his number because I have teens who stay with him sometimes. He’s also very cold and awkward. I put up with that for 23 years. When I saw the mask fall I spackled until I couldn’t ingore it anymore. I was at the court house today trying to move the divorce along — I do everything without seeing him. He still scares me too – that’s why I’m totally no contact unless it’s something about a kid– then it’s a text. The smear campaign against me still goes on – he has managed to turn my son against me and I’m sure he’s gonna start on my other teen. These monsters are ruthless. They use their flying monkeys to try and get to us when they can’t manipulate us any longer. Can’t wait for the divorce to be over. Ive moved on with my life but once the divorce is final – I’ll be able to breath better and not look over my shoulder so much. I’ll be so thankful when I don’t have to deal with him ever again.

              • I’m with you, Strong Woman. The coldness and awkwardness. Not acting “normal” at times when his emotions wouldn’t line up with how normal people would act. The last time I saw him was about six months ago (I had to for the sake of our son). Even right now thinking about it, I can feel chills and goosebumps between my shoulder blades. I watched him in action and see him now for who he truly is and can see how fake and manipulative he is. He’s just so weird and creepy. I sometimes saw it when we were married, but I spackled or ignored. My life goal is to see this man as little as possible for the rest of my life. Sadly I’m going to have to deal with him at our kids weddings and such, but the goal is stay as far away as possible. I lived with evil for over 20 years and have no desire to have that back in my life again. I look at everything differently now. I can’t unsee what I’ve seen, experienced and know. Evil walks among us and most people are blind to it. All it takes is getting entangled with one of these disordered one’s and the blinders fall off.

            • Martha, mine became physically unattractive to me, too, when the mask came off. He looked a whole lot better to me when I believed he was a good, decent person.

            • Mine could also pull off being a serial killer. Charming, articulate, funny, knows just what to say at the right time.
              X carefully planned his exit, a year before he walked out he began confiding in friends his concern for my mental health, that he had trie everything but I refused to get help. He didn’t know how much longer he could put up with me. He had prepared them for his exit while maintaining his good guy image.
              X manipulated the judge playing up his great guy image carefully choosing his words playing the victim. His lies were so convincing I began to question my own version of reality.
              His image to outsiders is much different than who he is behind closed doors.
              Now that there has been some time and distance between us I recall the devastation he caused along with the slanderous lies he told about me I’m taken back that I lived with someone so evil for over 20 years.

  • I followed my Minister and wife from “Christi’s Toy Box” to his house. When I pulled up and tried to beat his ass, the neighbors called the cops. I never knew preachers could run so fast.

    She told the police I was crazy. They were only out shopping for cup towels.

    • Cup towels? Don’t you mean “cum” towels??? 😂😂😂😂

      I think you are awesome for (trying to) resorting to violence!

    • Super!!! (DuperChump) You rock!!!

      Wow! Follow the minister and your wife and then pull up and try to beat his ass!!? You are so badass.

      What a dream come true that must have been, for dealing with a cheater and a Jesus cheater!!!

      And then to see him run, like a coward. Not like a man at all. Nice. I bet (deep down) your wife thought he was a total piece of shit.

      Well? What did the police say? They know. They can see what was happening.

  • I could go on and on and on but here are three of the best :

    1. Ex and OW transferred a direct debit he no longer wished to pay into my bank account by OW impersonating me. Fraud.

    2. OW declared my autistic son “not autistic” and me “attention seeking and wanting to claim benefits”. Upon formal diagnosis, she started collecting Lego for an autism support group.

    3. Ex cancelled my car insurance very late at night despite knowing our son had a hospital appointment in another town. He told me my “Facebook friends” could help me.

    • Ugh, Both of my siblings are autistic (my brother now severely brain injured after a physician’s error). My parents used to receive “armchair” diagnoses from idiots of all stripes for years. Did you know that “Autism doesn’t exist” and that “they are just brats.” Yeah, I’m sure my brother wasn’t talking at the age of eight just to spite people….

      I swear it’s a basic way to weed morons out of your life.

      • It does make me sick. They have zero understanding. My ex left just as son was referred for diagnosis and doesn’t have a clue. I remember the night he withheld son’s ear defenders and I was up half the night wrapping towels round son’s head to help him. Ex told me to go to DIY shop and buy some adult ones if I was that desperate. What a utter bastard.

    • I do not know how someone can justify abandoning their child, especially a high needs one. How do they sleep at night?

      • He sleeps just fine I think! Because none of it ever happened and it’s in my attention seeking imagination. Obviously. I hate him for that. OW only changed her tune when formal diagnosis happened yet they fail to understand even the basics. Fortunately there is currently no contact.

  • 1. Cheater and OW had sex in our bed the same day we posed for our annual family holiday photo wearing matching “Ugly Christmas Sweaters” which were selected by cheater!

    2. Cheater’s initial divorce paperwork contains OW’s handwriting. My name is misspelled and my house number is incorrect.

    3. Until I blocked her number, OW would incessantly drunk dial me and leave voicemail messages, including one on Valentine’s Day.

    4. STILL MARRIED TO ME cheater and OW post lovey dovey photos on social media. Cheater is frequently wearing his wedding ring in these pics which has generated comments about how beautiful his “WIFE” is and neither of the two correct anyone, yet instead “like” the compliments they receive for their adorable coupledom! (They also both “like” all of their own posts).

      • POP would liken the lion’s majestic balls to his own…..but he would also remark that the lion needed to shave his, too.

    • Number Two is definitely in the running. She helped him fill out the divorce paperwork. How romantic. Guessing they considered that foreplay.

      Sorry you had to go through that, Still I Rise. 🙁

  • 1. On DDay, 3 days before he was to move to a new city for a job, he told me he would have let me know about the affair after I moved with our sons. Of course that story changed later to how he would have told me sooner. Impression management much?

    2. He insisted the “secret” email, which he told me he had, was just to keep memories of the OW. He was shocked and very angry this was an issue. And of course admitted months later that, yes, as I had been saying all along, he was emailing her. But she never responded, so it wasn’t all that bad.

    3. Apparently the 1 night stand he had 6 years previous to D-day didn’t count because she didn’t see him naked. And, he didn’t fall for the old leaving the coat in the hotel room trick she played, so hey – it was truly only one night, not two.

    4. After 8 months of wreckonciliation, when I finally decided to throw in the towel, I was apparently a coward that he could never respect for giving up on our family. It worked, I haven’t left yet.

    5. He “fell in love” with an OW he (and she) vows he never met, only formed an online attachment to…She was his soulmate. She made him “feel things”. . .

    6. Oh but he tried! For a whole six months of this 2 year ordeal since DDay. I mean, six whole months in a row. And since my effort has been less than stellar, well, apparently that’s grounds to stop trying on his part. Less than stellar? I’ve lived alone with our boys, working full time and being there for our kids. I can’t plan date nights when he visits? Or have the house all sparkly when he gets here? Shame on me.

    • My ex also went through the trouble of creating a new email account so he could then create a “fake” FB name so they could continue to cheat behind my back. I could just imagine the conversations about how witty they both were to yet again get one over on me….but of course it was all justifiable because “I took my love away from him….so he had to punish me”

      • Mine created a secret email with the name of his late brother. Who was an enlisted soldier. And died from leukemia. Honorable, right?

      • M8ne has a false facebook account. I wish someone would shut it down. I tried reporting it as fake; but it doesnt go against their community standards. And thought about closing it saying he was deceased.. but as its a fake account in a FEMALE name. I cant prove hes my relative ( my husband) be ause there are no ties there. It stinks as this is the way he chats up and hooks up with other women

    • My first D-Day involved finding out my “best friend” from high school and my STBXH had 2 one-night stands, on different trips to visit me. (Oops…I mean, visit US.) But he doesn’t count those as cheating since they weren’t an actual relationship, as was his DDays #2 and #3, which happened with same whore.

      So wonder how many other “it’s not cheating, just a one night stand” moments he has under his belt?

  • After my Dad started spending a lot of time with his mistress, he told me he had, “Astral projected himself into the living room,” like a failed ghost. He took this as a sign that she was “leading him to better things,” and continued with his relationship with her, and his resolve to devastate my mother. I told my Mom what he said. Her response: “Too bad he found his way back.”

    • omg this. They claim to be such deep thinkers but are so pathetic.

      Wishing my exN would astral project himself into oblivion.

      • True that. Among other things, ex-wife labeled me “unsophisticated” and “puritanical” for not understanding what she saw as her European-like lifestyle. Perhaps she’s right because all she is to me is a common skank.

          • My Mom was “judgmental” for being shocked that my father was going to attend church with his mistress. I guess that’s a special part of Catholic doctrine I missed at Sunday school growing up.

            • My STBXH had started coming to church with me. And then so did his whore (my “best friend” at the time). So there we were…the three of us sitting happily together at church!!

              Where were the lighting bolts!?!

    • I absolutely Love your mom’s response.

      During my separation then divorce I prayed he stayed “in love” with her. Divorce granted, everything including retirement and deed in my name, and I’m totally no contact. He had to email my work to get in touch with me to tell me he needed me to get the mortgage out of his name by filing an assumption of mortgage. He wanted to buy a new house with his new wife and realized that although he signed over the house, those inconsiderate banks are still holding him financially responsible if I don’t make payments. He didn’t understand that a deed and mortgage are two different things. Yep, he’s an idiot.

      On a side note, he and his new wife of one month attended my oldest son’s wedding. I reread all of Chump Lady posts on attending weddings and graduations and prepared as best as I could be setting by boundaries ( pictures, seating, etc) and had a fabulous time. He emailed my son the day after the wedding and told him that now that his weekend was over, he wanted to tell him how disappointed he was that his new wife wasn’t included in anything. They didn’t understand how hard it was for her to be there with me also attending. Yep, it’s all about them, even when it’s not.

  • 1. STBXH frequently brought OW to house while I was there under pretense that they were working on special project together. This special project was a more “secure” replacement for the Ashley Madison site.
    2. STBXH had to join any and all dating websites with OW for “research”
    3. used OW’s profile picture (pitiful cleavage shot) from said sites as wallpaper on computer screens
    4. then attempted to convince me that had to go on business training trip to New Orleans over the weekend with OW….it was required, and they weren’t going to have any fun (receipts, say neither was true)
    5. OW, who was all of 25 years old had at one time gave me “great” career advice…..how I should leave my “shitty” job that she thought did not pay me well in a field she did not like, and how I should go back to school and finish my degree. (I finished my degree 19 years ago, have been at my current job 18 years, I do well there, and I love it). I guess she was trying to give me hint that I was about to be on my own…..oh well! STBXH won’t have as much $ available for her as soon as divorce is final!

    • Their ADMITTED contribution to humanity was to come up with a more secure replacement for Ashley Madison??? That in itself must merit a sleazebag of the year award!! 😂😂

  • 1. OW donated to his Go Fund Me which helped to raise money to make a music video. Her prize? The band (aka my ex) would cover a song of their choice. When I suggested he not do it (since his studio was in our basement and I would hear him recoding a song for her) he said “but I’m a musician, it’s my job.” I’ve finally stopped cringing when I hear “Learning to Fly” buy Tom Petty.

    2. Soap tasting penis. All of you chumped by dudes know what I’m talking about. They get home from a “long day on the road/at work/etc” and magically their dick is fresh as a bar of Irish Spring soap? Yeah… took me a couple times before I realized he was using the ol’ wash the vag/condom/whatever off the D before getting home routine. Gross.

      • Wow! Hi class – he washed?!!! Mine didn’t even bother.

        And I have to say I’m really sorry that Tom Petty song is ruined for you. It’s a favorite. RIP

    • Mine came home smelling like soap once. What was worse was when he was fucked or sucked by whore during the “work” day and came home, went for a run and picked me up at physical therapy. His crotch smelled so bad we had to drive with the windows open. He laughed saying that he had high “Uric Acid”. I will never forget that stench. He ran full marathons and never smelled like that. D-day was a few short weeks later.

    • at least he washed ,my cheaterTurd always stunk like skanky vag , all over his face and his breath, and of course could not wait to kiss me (so i would know) what he was doing , i would say MY GOD you smell like a dirty ole pu**y , of course his NARC response “i don’t know what your talking about” , “your crazy” , i have been blab blab blab lie lie lie . secretly taking delight in my anguish .

  • 1. After discovering 1000’s of cell phone minutes to her over two months, he said she was easy to talk to and she has divorce in her family so he could talk to her about how things will be fine ( she is 26 so she has been alive the same amount of time we have been together, so much life experience in 26 years)

    2. He checked his HR policy to ensure he won’t get in trouble since it’s concensual, he is a Partner she is a junior associate (in this worlds climate, let’s see how that goes if she flippsnthebscript)

    3. The kids will be fine, they now get to see what a healthy marriage looks like (translation; hopefully Kids will forget the cheating and betrayal and the realtionship is based on lies and selfishness)

    4. He asked me to define what ‘empathy’ means when I asked him if he had any fornthe Kids andn I. He seriously didn’t know what the word meant.

    5. Told me I must be so upset because I am embarrassed, realized what a terrible wife I was and I was the one left and now know that he was a great husband and will always regret that I lost him.

    • What a tool!! Jerk. Narcissist. Asswipe. Fucktard.

      So glad you are free of that self centered, entitled. cheating bag of dog shit.

    • You can’t make this sh-t up Newlife.

      I don’t know who said, “truth is stranger than fiction” but, this site proves it every day!

      You and your kids have a great Christmas!

      • Oh yeah, I’ll just bet you will wake up one day and regret that the narcissistic loser is out of your life! NOT!! Let the 26 year old twatwaffle have him. Sounds like they deserve one another!!

    • Eww, that means while you were exchanging vows at the church with your adult mate, she was in utero. Gross that he would tap that. OW in my case is 31 years younger so I feel you. This huge age difference feels predatory to me

    • NewLife,

      I feel for you. Both my husband and post-separation boyfriend abandoned me for women they worked with. My boyfriend, executive at his company, after me asking him if there was somebody else, left me for ‘Nobody,’ who turned out to be his subordinate. His company, oddly, supports this type of behavior in its executives (half have done this!) He continued to fabricate stories about being alone potentially forever celibate even weeks later when we met to exchange some things (although at that time, I still didn’t realize that he was lying and seeing woman from work). I now know that the lies went on for weeks, months, probably years. So much for Mr. Honest Nice Guy. For decades, I regarded him as The One Who Would Never Lie Nor Mistreat Anyone. Now I know better. Sadly, tonight, my kids are gone (slumber party), ex-husband is with his latest of many partners, ex-boyfriend is with my replacement, and I’m alone. Must try to get used to life away from boyfriend who never thinks about me any more and refuses to communicate with me and embrace solitary life. Maybe it’s just as well–I need to work tomorrow.

      • RockStarWife —

        Hi — I can relate to you.

        I really believe that everything is going to turn out so great for you. (Sorry if I’m a little tone deaf here.) Please let Chump Nation know how your future unfolds.

      • I thought I married Mr. Honest, Nice Guy Would Never Cheat or Lie. Unfortunately I found out he was just the opposite.
        I believed in him so much that when what he was saying and doing weren’t adding up I questioned my perception of reality. I made excuses for him ignoring blatant red flags because I couldn’t imagine that my Mr. Nice Guy would betray me.
        I couldn’t imagine anyone being as manipulative and cruel as he turned out to be.
        Hard lesson. I was naive and he took advantage of my trust. I don’t know how these monsters can live with themselves.

  • 1. Cheating husband is flying first class to Asia. From his fabulous 1st class pod he sends me a text about how his area would be perfect for the mile high club.
    2. Cheater sends the OW an email(1 minute later) stating how his pod would be perfect for them to join the mile high club.
    3. I left cheater. I couldn’t stay with someone so freaking unoriginal!!

      • My cheater bought the same sex toys, used thte same sex talk and did the same “activities” with me and the AP. Why not? Don’t have to be original. It’s not like we were comparing notes. Until I caught them. Then she sang like a fucking canary.

        TRUST THAT THEY SUCK!

        • Same with my cheater. And disgustingly, after we’d have sex and I’d go to bed, he’d go downstairs where she’d sneak in and they’d have sex in our living room. (She lived a couple doors down from us.)

        • Mine, too! (and, it does qualify as #metoo, for many other incidents) – Boss Hogg bought Daisy Duke the same Jackrabbit vibrator that he gave me a few years back. She, brilliant skank that she is, told him “it has made me a better person” and, since she had never had one before “…isn’t that so dad” ” I mean sad”
          No, she had it right the first time. Daddy issues, much, 20 years junior married other woman? Who dresses like a teenager, pierces her chin, shaves half her head, dyes the ends pink and posts flowery instagram photos with her 64-year-old underwear (& vibratos) sugar daddy.
          Yeah.I’ll take a pass on that pick me dance…you can keep picking HER. Really, I’m good.

  • On the Christmas before DD in the March, before I knew about OW he bought her a pair of gold earrings and a gold necklace. I got a nunty silver bracelet that was too big and a 3″ high pottery dog. I found out later that he had bought them in the same store with our joint credit card !

  • I deserve the “Trophy of Shame.”

    For my cheating ex-wife’s birthday 20 years ago….I sat through a Michael Bolton concert.

    • Superduperchump, now that you have that off your chest I would never speak of it again… Michael Bolton?! I think you deserve to repress that trauma and you are absolved off any prior or past sins in this life time or any others for you have truly paid the ultimate price..3 uninterrupted hours of Michael Bolton..you are my new hero!

      • Thank you!! Weekly therapy does wonders. “Hi, I’m SPD…. and I have Boltonitis.”

        My girlfriend likes Chick Flicks. Lots of Chick Flicks….and admires me because I sit through them. I survived “27 Dresses” without choking on my own vomit.

        But….she finally broke me with one. She picked one that she thought I would like. “Lawless”

        I must be getting weak and need to turn in my Man Card. I felt a tear when Tom Hardy found out she was the one who drove him to the hospital.

    • For my cheater ex husband’s birthday I endured a Las Vegas NASCAR race on a 100 degree day. A couple of years later I found a picture of him and OW at a NASCAR race in Phoenix. Seems like he could always talk a woman into going to one of those.

      • Monster truck rally – indoors…death by diesel exhaust! But, truth be told, I went to see my son enjoy it.

  • Not usually one to comment, but just had to throw these ones in the mix:

    A few months before being pregnant with our third child, Mr Wanktastic, currently with OW number 2,523 (rough estimate) found a faint white stain on my pillow and asked me who I’d been ‘at it with’. It was toothpaste! I brush my teeth well before bed and occasionally dribble if I sleep heavily 😀

    During pregnancy with third child (a miracle considering I was ‘frigid’), Mr Wanktastic, upon being congratulated by people on the pregnancy, replied, well, let’s wait and see what colour it is when its born, it’s not mine, ha ha!

    After birth of third child (which was the correct colour, sort of toothpaste white) Mr Wanktastic brought home a stuffed toy from a work ‘friend’ who had bought it for her own baby, but she had had a miscarriage. She turned out to be OW number 2,524 (rough estimate plus one).

    After finding out about OW number 2,525 (you get the idea…) and that they went on a weekend away together, he told me he didn’t enjoy himself as he got food poisoning, and it was really embarrassing having diarrhea in a hotel room with someone who wasn’t me. He actually wanted sympathy for his ruined weekend.

    She washes his skid marks now… I love a happy ending.

        • X told me I would like his newest MOW he met while she gave him happy endings in the disgusting massage parlor he frequented for “back and neck therapy” issues (he seriously stated that in divorce papers after discovery of years of $300. “therapy” sessions).

          1. “You would like her. She’s really nice”

          2. “She’s in a terrible marriage so I’m helping her get out”. He’s an old man with a drinking problem”. She’s young, strong and such a good person.

          3. “You will get through cancer, I just know you will”.

          Ho, ho, hoes…and the disordered. Buh bye!

    • She washes his skid marks and sheets with his dandruff and oily skin. And the tub that has caked on scum and soap on the sides.

      My tub stays a beautiful clean white and my sheets are oil stain free!

      There are two drawers at the foot of the bed that his dandruff would collect in. No more!!!

  • I’ve never played before, as I don’t think my cheater did anything particularly freaky. But here we go:

    1. He downloaded the TV programme ‘The Affair’ and suggested that we watch it together…. while he was having the affair. At one point in the series, he had to turn it off and stop watching it as it was “too dark.”

    2. I discovered he’d been secretly recording and watching another TV series about infidelity – the UK’s Dr Foster, while he was having the affair. I say secretly, as he’d been deleting the evidence. I discovered episode 3 in our recorded list. But no episode 1 or 2. And he never, ever mentioned it, only watching it once I’d gone to bed. Hmmmmm….

    3. He told me about a colleague who had been fired for having an affair with another colleague, and how he’d see them secretly texting each other in meetings…. while he was also having an affair with a colleague.

    4. After I discovered the affair and kicked him out, he demanded that I, the unemployed, stay-at-home mother of his two very young children, lend him money for a flat deposit, so he could move in with his affair partner. Money from my savings, which, given I was unemployed, I could not replace and desperately needed.

    • Regarding #3, he was probably telling you about himself all along … they get a weird, secret thrill from “letting you know” and are gauging your reactions to the details. Because they are sick in the head.

      • And #1 goes in that category too! Downloading ‘The Affair” and suggesting we watch it together. pffffff

      • This happened to me also — he would talk about how narc his boss was, that other people at his office were visiting houses of ill-repute, friends were foolish for going to/spending money at strip clubs, discussing affairs in general/hypothetical terms… Maybe it was that dissociation I heard so much about from him after shit hit the fan, or he was just trying to see how I would react to it. I don’t think he was expecting the actual reaction to vary from the theoretical. If you feel like you have to test people to see how bad your actions were, they are probably pretty damn bad. Moron.

        • Sounds all too familiar. My STBX mentioned how awful it was that two of his work colleagues had an affair and had ruined their families. Little did I know he and his, ‘just a friend’ co-worker were doing the same thing.
          My favorite line, after finding a romantic birthday card for that ‘special lady’ in the car’s glove compartment, “can’t I just buy a greeting card when I see one I like.” Piss-poor liar!

      • Very definitely they love to purposely flaunt it in your face all the stuff they think you cannot prove. Mine got more and more bold about it the more and more I refused to react and pick me dance. He finally just about told me outright about his patient/AP/professional hooker (names changed to protect the guilty) trying to get a rise out of me and knowing I could never prove anything. My reaction: disgust, not what he figured. Turns out his hubris in thinking I couldn’t prove anything just cost him a house in divorce court. 😊. He’s having Chickypoo hooker set him up in a swell condo, right next to her Nevada fuckpad. Can’t wait to see how that turns out. More popcorn, anyone?

      • My Failed Ghost-Father took my Mom and I to see a movie – You’ve Got Mail. Meg Ryan’s character had the *exact* same name as his mistress. I sat through the movie in a haze of tears (I knew about her, and hated her, but FGF told me my Mom would have a violent reaction if she found out, so I kept it quiet. I wish I’d told her sooner), my Mom was oblivious. We never went to movies together as a family – the last one I’d seen in the theater with both of my parents was Muppets Take Manhattan, if that tells you anything. He picked *that* movie for a reason, a sick one.

        • Susannah, you just reminded me of just before d-day, XH wanted to watch “Meet the Fockers,” in which one of the characters had the same name of his OW/ex gf. The same one whose name he had tattooed on his arm when we met, but had it covered over when we got together. Too bad, guess he should have kept the tattoo!!! Lmao 😂

        • Yup, I got that as well.

          When I got suspicious and challenged him he said “Do you think I would be so stupid as to get involved with a girl at work? I’ve seen other managers do it and all the trouble it causes.”

          All the time he was doing just that.

          One can only marvel at their capacity for compartmentalisation…….

    • OMG, my cheater suggested we watch House of Cards together. Which we did nightly, side by side in our matching chairs watching Frank Underwood texting his mistress. While my Ex was sitting in the chair next to me, texting his mistress.
      I think they get off on this sick twisted shit.

  • He left our toddlers in a hot car in a 91 degree day so he could show schmoopie his tent.

    After the police arrived and three stranger angels broke the girls out, he filed for divorce and sought to kick me out of the house I paid for and sought sole physical custody of out 2 girls.

    He didn’t get either. He kept 30% custody…supervised at first…and decided to break into my house to steal every material thing of value not nailed down. My youngest thought that meant he died.

    Ahhhh….Christmas.

    I never win these things and I think I have an excellent grinch story here!

    • I think you’re in the running Lovey!!!

      You’re the sane parent; your girls are lucky to have a strong Mom!

      Have a great Christmas!!!

      • Thank you lucky chump.

        Every time I drop,them off for his 30%, I say a prayer but they have grown into wonderful preteens. (And are still alive).

        You as well. Merry holidays. We are so much better without the psychopaths

    • Never mind the basting children, can I interest you on a tour of my tent? I am only being glib because those poor kids are okay, because that is criminal behavior. I bet Taft rent was one of those little ones where you have to lie down in it.

      • We’ve been divorced 6 years and his behavior has been chillingly bad. From failing to tell me of a broken arm to ignoring the 4th wife smacking my oldest …he is a great example of low standards. Thank God I got in before the 50/50 craze. My kids and I are mostly sane due to my 70%.

        Thanks for the support.

        #lovetothesaneparents
        #cookingkidsisbad

  • 1. Sent me and our kids to The Happiest Place on Earth so that he could FUCK the hoe in our bed.

    2. While I was packing for Disney he asked if I was packing the hair dryer. I later read the texts where the hoe asked if there would be one available or was I taking it with me.

  • 47 year old woman having sex with her 24 year old massage therapist in her dead brother’s bedroom at her parent’s house on Wednesday nights while her parents are at their Bible study class.

    on Dday she asks me through sobs and tears: “Do you think there is something wrong with me that I’m attracted to young boys?”

    Me: “uhhh, yeah.”

    She’s a middle school counselor. She and the other female counselor spent time at work looking at the nude pictures AP was sending her instead of doing their job helping kids.

    • Truly hope you reported her to the school principal. She is a predator and I wouldn’t want my tween-age son around her.

  • Mine sat me down after I found out about affair and told me he was worried about me, no one liked me and I was socially dysfunctional. After just spending hours complaining to our Marriage councilor that I had all the friends and support, he was so alone except for the OW how did not make him feel like shit….

    Got a job out of state before I knew about the affair, Kids (s17 & s15) and I were going to join him after school let out. Found out he was telling everyone we had grown apart and the Kids were going to live with him but I was staying behind. He was going to let me sell the house, enroll the kids in a new school district and move them, than tell me we were done. He bragged he was going to leave me homeless, kidless, car less and broke.

    When the kids did not move, he cut off all support as soon as they turned 18, told me they were men now and could get jobs. His job was done, he never wanted kids any way. Only did what little the court mandated. Has never paid one cent more, cut their health insurance as soon as possible.

        • How’s this for a line: “I didn’t leave Us, WisedUp, I just left YOU.” It only makes sense to a narcissist. His definition of “us” didn’t include me.

        • Cheater Handbook line. I heard it, too.

          But, of course, he DID leave the kids. Never fought me on custody–I asked for 90%, and got it on paper. Actually had 99% in reality.

    • “Mine sat me down after I found out about affair and told me he was worried about me, no one liked me and I was socially dysfunctional.”
      My ex would tell me that sort of thing BEFORE Dday. It was a mind fuck. I still remember going to his work Christmas party, having a good time and chatting with most of the guests. Once we got home, ex was all angry and said that everyone was “asking him what was wrong with me” and that I just sat there “like a bump on a log.”

      He also said everyone in his family thought something was wrong with me, but of course, that was because he was always telling them that when I wasn’t around.

      Right after Dday, he sent text messages to all of my friends thanking them for “taking care of Glad” and “being there for her.” It was another mind fuck meant to convince me and those who cared about me that I was incapable of taking care of myself and would never survive on my own.

      • I remember watching his vids on line. HE is a FREAK. Completely delusional crotch freak. He is a supreme weirdo. I am so glad he’s out of your life.

        Whatever he says that other people say, is completely suspect. Of course, I wonder a) if people he surrounds himself with are as deranged as he is, or, b) if they “agree” with him just to get him to stfu and go away.

      • OMG, GIO! Boss Hogg had been telling our kids (DS21 & DD15) for years that I wouldn’t survive without him. Not-so-Subtle emotional abuse. Watch THIS, F*tard! Not only will I survive, but I will THRIVE, grow and outshine your fading sparkly turd.

    • Omg……that is something out of my exes playbook….horrendous

      Mine used money I gave him for his “tinsmithing business”… He’s a 6th generation “artiste” so he could consult with divorce attorneys to try to take house and kids.

      In some ways I’m lucky he left my girls in the car on a hot summer day and got caught.

  • Not in the running, but a face palm nonetheless. Mil threw herself a tacky birthday party on Black Friday, which I couldn’t attend because I have to work Black Friday and one child had had mouth surgery and needed to stay home. I wasn’t upset about not attending, but my “absence caused drama and fucked up the fmily pics in the photo booth section.” Whatever, it’s phony image management. I’ve dealt with over 30 yrs of mind fuck manipulation. I’m not loyal to the family, obvs. But the mow was! She left her 4 kids w her stupid bh and drove 3 hrs in bad Friday night traffic and snow storm to demonstrate what loyalty looks like at a hillbilly country club event hall. Her gift to mil was 65 tiny scrolls with 65 reasons mil was awesome, including giving birth to cheater. Narc mil was over the moon, kibbles you can actually carry with you! And cheater got to have the fun titillation of having his girlfriend attend a family party while his wife (an oh so relieved and happy wife, not having to tap dance thru that shit pile) was home working and mothering. Guess who was praised for loyalty?

    • It reminds me of those Love is… posters that used to be popular at one time. Love is…greasing up your AP’s narc mom with 65 tiny scrolls….

        • If anything, the affair showed me just how I had been gaslit. And projected upon. And manipulated. I didn’t know people could say “I love you and you are Family” and not mean one lick of it. I had no clue. Since it started when I was 18 and dating him, wtf did I know? Now I do. My absence continues to be the big drama. I’m an easy and 30 yr scapegoat. But now I’m gone and there’s foot stomping and harrumph. with no one else to blame, the lid is off the trash can and the light is way too bright.

  • For Christmas one year, BAM (BrokeAss Mountain) gifted me with a workout dvd entitled How To Get the Body You Always Wanted. Over 20 years into the marriage, he was well aware that I despise aerobics, would never leap around in front of my television, and oh yes, was (and am) still a fit size 4. It was a recommendation from one of his gym whores … she was SURE I would love it.

    BAM moved his boyfriend into our house and our bed for the 5 weeks I was in Italy … sitting by my mother’s bedside while she fought for her life after 3 emergency brain surgeries. She lived … sadly so did he.

    It was the final morning and he was ready to pull out of the driveway with the last of his shit stuffed in the car. All that remained was to tell his son he was leaving (coward waited until the LAST possible moment) … oh, and one other small task. Would it be alright if he used the hose to wash his car one last time? And the entire neighborhood heard the resounding negative response to that “reasonable request.”

  • Kept asking me to have sex in the back of the Durango. I said “we have a bed – what are you X, 16 years old?”

    Turns out he and whore used the Durango for sex. I found her blond hairs and his pubs. GROSS! She shed a ton of bleached hair.

    Turns out he is more like 2 years old, actually.

    Not my problem anymore.

  • 1) After we all sacrificed for his career for years, he planned his military retirement ceremony around his OWs schedule… One of our kids couldn’t make it and was left alone on the east coast 2500 miles away. Kid was sophomore in HS and if the rest of us hadn’t gone, we would have fed into his “see, they didn’t even come to my retirement” narrative. OW sat in second row and had a fake date

    2) He promised the OW a $40,000 diamond ring to replace the $39,000 one her fiancé had given her. He made this promise when his 3 kids had $0 college money saved and I worked part time caring for dying children. When he told me of the ring he planned to buy, it was couched as a “joke”…my response was “Oh really, how many other co workers did you joke about buying wedding rings with?”

    3) He moved 3000 miles away and got an apt in the same city where OW “commuted to” from where she lived with her fiancé. I was assured, however that there was “nothing between them, that is over”. During wreckonciliation, he told me he was so proud that “I never left you”…”what about the 18 months in SF?” (that apparently didn’t count). After he died, I found gifts OW bought him in SF….and a CD rom of photos of her…I put the CD in a bag with my grandsons poop diapers.

    4) continuing the poop theme (but going back in time a number of years earlier) the morning after DDay, I took the Chinese tea she bought him for his retirement gift, put it in my toilet and pooped on it. I think I win the “passive-aggressive retaliation award”

  • At 3pm when he said he was working 14 hour days, I found my cheater in a deserted park in the back of my moms old Buick with OW on one of my blankets with paper towels for tidy clean up. I first saw 2 pairs of bare feet sticking out of the car so I had the camera phone ready, and stepped up to the feet for a perfect photo op. He claimed he was not cheating up to that point, then that story changed to his one mistake.

  • My ex, who was cheating on me with his massage parlour whore girlfriend, got mad at her for withholding sex from him on a date and cheated on her the next day with another massage parlour whore (we had had sex just a couple days earlier BTW). He sent her flowers an hour later because he “felt guilty for cheating on her”. Then he came home to me as the wonderful, loving, family man I thought he was.

  • Here’s some fine memories:

    1. He secretly took photos of OW#1 having sex with her husband. His explanation being he didn’t believe her stories about their exploits. OW#1’s husband, however, was surprised but large footsteps in the snow outside outside the window.

    2. He arrived late to a doctors appointment of mine (I was going thru a serious health issue) complaining that our daughter didn’t tell him what the plan was. He didn’t think to call me directly. I later found out the reason he was late and didn’t call me was because he was deep into a 2 hour phone call with OW#2.

  • 1. After I filed for divorce on grounds of adultery, he began referring to our unborn child’s father in the 3rd person. (This is the only man I have so much as kissed in the entirety of my adult life.)

    2. After our baby’s harrowing delivery and terrifying symptoms of having been possibly infected with a potentially fatal STD believed to have crossed the placenta during pregnancy, he later referred to newborn’s hospitalization period wistfully as “so convenient” for his visitation schedule.

    3. After our divorce was finalized, he asked me to stay single for the rest of my life and told me he was glad we had 4 young children, as that lowered the chances of me finding love again.

    • Your number 3 comment reminds me of something fuckwit said that continues to echo in my head.
      Fuckwit shocked me by asking for divorce, (he had planned it in advance, went to a lawyer and figured it all out without ever mentioning he was considering it) before I knew he was a cheater (at this point I had asked is there another woman and surprise, he lied and said no). I was incredulous and looked at him and said “and we would just go on and date and find a new person and then have sex with someone else? Can you imagine having sex with another person, being with another person?” He said, yes, but not right away. He said “you are a beautiful woman, you will find someone.” I was just stunned. I don’t recall him ever calling me a beautiful woman in 26 years of marriage. Invasion of the body snatchers. It took this chump 2 more weeks of believing he was being honest with me before he finally blurted out “I am a cheater and have been for years.” and then it was just shock. PTSD

      • Ugh. I agree about the body snatcher! When my STBX said he wanted a divorce after being caught, I asked what would happen to my older parents who loved him as a son, he said, “I will always be their son.”
        His ability to deceive himself and me was epic. I don’t want him anywhere near my family.

  • I have so many but I’ll give you three! when I asked why he was being so mean to me he said “I have a friend, I’m attracted to her, she’s interesting, and funny, and made me realize there’s something better out there for me!” on our anniversary he was texting one of his employees to get her to buy 100.00 arrangement of flowers for OW, he sent employee cash , he was head of federal HR, while he was doing this he was screaming at me that I was ruining another anniversary by being suspicious! Told me had texted OW, 3 times I hacked into phone bill, while he was in Albuquerque to meet up with her, found over 10,000 texts over a 3 month period, during wreckconciliation told me I just wasn’t fun and flirty!

  • 1) his vehicle broke down on way from NM to Cali after visiting his kid. Called me from the middle of a desert and gushed how he’s had an epiphany that I’m the best thing in his life blahblahblah because I’m the one thing that isn’t falling apart, you all know the spiel. I knew the jig was up. I didn’t even ask about it, i just flat out told him “I’m 100% sure now that you fucked your ex last night”. I was on the money.

    2)vacation with our kids: myself (mid 30s and the 3 littles are in pool. Almost 40 yo balding, pudgy, pasty white body, spaghetti arms is standing by pool drinking. A group of teenagers enter and start waterfights with each other. This one all of a sudden turns into the star quarterback and puts on a huge show tossing Nerfball to his older kid and “accidentally” throws it to older teen 3x out of 7 throws, to get her involved and interacting with him. Footwork and behind back catches and passes were all on display to woo the teenie in hotshorts and boobs falling out of bikini top.

    3)while conversing about our sports history somehow the talk turned to how my ex’s family is really competitive. They used to bowl 3-5 times a week and hit perfect scores so much that the local league asked my ex to join but he declined their offer. This one over here “well, i was such a good baseball player that they asked me to join Little League after a coach saw me batting at the park with friends. But i didn’t have time because of school!”

    BONUS ROUND

    While traveling for work he was away for an extended period of time. Somehow he let slip that he was battling “jock itch”. I felt sorry and thought nothing of it because of summer heat and humidity and his long stretches in a drivers seat, told him to just get clotrimazole or something…yepp.
    This slip coming from someone who later that said while on shore leave in some Caribbean island, they hit up a brothel and he went room to room in a fucking frenzy and even gave unprotected oral to a prostitute.

    Christ, I’m a sucker.

    • To add to #2 next day he complained of aching back. He pulled a muscle putting on a show, cause he’s chronically out of shape 😂😂😂

    • “Jock itch”

      Yeah, my cheater said the “heat rash” (really a yeast infection) all over his genitals was from wearing underware in the heat. Stupid me went to the store and bought him sweat wicking underpants. Yup – he had sex with me before telling me about it. And i really couldn’t figure out why I was getting yeast infections all the time. Never suspected. We were monogamous.

      • Yepp. This one either screwed his ex or just did the happy ending (straight up sex) massage parlor thing he once mentiond he used “in the past, when alone and needing sex”. I’m such an idiot. I used to be so naive about things.
        Heat rash, LMAO. We commiserated for days over what ailed him. I told him go see a dr…he said the cream will have to be fine. I remember feeling so sorry for him.

    • yeah ,this guy is an “all around ” fu*ker , i know one very much like him , especially when the teen aged girls are around , my cheaterTurd would find a way to “stumble ” into a group of them ,and then turn into all hands ,grabbing and feeling them up pretending to lose his balance , would do this shit in front of a room full of people .so embarrassing ,and disrespectful .

      • I know. When i blew my stack and trudged out of the water and back into the hotel room he followed and said i ruined the fun. I told him I’ve got his number. I caught him smirking while watching me getting angrier by the second because of the show he was putting on for the tween. He later tried to say that he was just watching out for the kids “because of predators”. I asked what predators because other than him and 7yo son, there were only young females around? Then he claimed not to remember anything cause of drunk…later he started in “youre still angry because of the pool thing ” to shut that shit down i replyed “oh, i thought you were too drunk and don’t remember?”. The fucker.
        I later found out that the girl he was playing it up for is only 13. I was having breakfast with 2 younger kids when she and her family showed up and she got chewed out by a cousin “i don’t know why you can’t put no clothes on!”. She walked around in underwear and a teeshirt…kids and i were leaving breakfast area when he and older daughter came to eat, of course he sat opposite the teen. I just turned my back and walked away. Too painful.

  • 1. Bought AP $200-300 dinners on our line of credit every week in the love bombing stage—while he was earning nothing.
    2. Two months later—bought our daughter a jar of olives for Christmas ( as a side note she hates olives), thus earning the title of Olive Man

  • Cheater gave me an eternity ring last Christmas, he was already planning on leaving me for the OW. When I asked him why he still gave it to me, he said he had brought it back in June so I might as well have it. I wore the ring for 10 days.

  • After I took my kids and moved out he tried all kinds of ways to get back at me.

    Quit his well paying job to decrease the child support he would have to pay and got a job as a janitor. Schmoopie dumped him. Yeah true love. The judge dinged him for a third of his take home pay for child support.

    He wanted a better house and thought I could not afford the mortgage on ours, so signed a quit claim deed on it. Then called me to tell me that I would be arrested for abandonment of property. The kids and I moved back in and I got a part time job on top of my full time job. We did just fine. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when he found out how much equity he signed away. Oops.

  • Sorry, this is 4 quotes from my stbxw.
    1) You’ll miss me when I’m gone. No one will ever love you like I do, I love hard and completely.
    2) I can’t believe you are not willing to fight for me. I am willing to work on our marriage. Why are you quitting?
    3) I refuse to leave our home. My reply, you already left the home, now leave the house.
    4) None of the decisions I have made affect our kids or his kids. You telling his wife and filing for divorce have.

    • “No one will ever love you like I do, I love hard and completely (when Im not fucking someone else)”.

      I got the absolute flip side …after he died, I found an “anger management” exercise he filled out where he wrote “I never loved my wife”.

    • Mine told me that I would never know “how much he really loved me and added that no one else would love me as much as he did” Let’s hope that’s not true!

  • 1. A few days after D-day my cheater bought $300 worth of alcohol for OW’s nine-year-old nephew’s birthday party. I found out when the child’s mother thanked my cheater for being the life of the party on Facebook.

    2. A week after my ex walked out, OW posted new decorating ideas for our home on cheater’s Facebook page. While I was living there.

    3. Cheater moved into OW’s parent’s basement after our separation.

        • One of my childhood friends had something similar to #2 happen.

          After finding out her husband had been cheating with the town bicycle- she took her kids and moved in with her Mother for a week. She made it very clear that she needed time to think and it was temporary- she was also pregnant at the time.

          OW moved into my friend’s house and painted the bathroom.

    • yeah ,this guy is an “all around ” fu*ker , i know one very much like him , especially when the teen aged girls are around , my cheaterTurd would find a way to “stumble ” into a group of them ,and then turn into all hands ,grabbing and feeling them up pretending to lose his balance , would do this shit in front of a room full of people .so embarrassing ,and disrespectful .

  • Mine cleaned out accounts, abandoned our 18 year old on her birthday, got a nasty attorney, stole items and raised holy HELL during his “whirlwind romance” with AP. I was heartbroken, destitute, single handedly running a household on no money WHILE xh and OW were trying to file police reports about embarrassment at exposure.

    At Christmas, he was sobbing that “HE was the one in REAL PAIN!” reminding me that “I was not the only person who was in pain!” — I was in the middle of begging/borrowing money to feed our kid and pay bills.

  • Mine aren’t nearly so harrowing as some of you all’s, bless your hearts, but here’s what I got:
    My ex ran a 5k with the OM the morning of our anniversary. Completely unaware of him, I decided to surprise her at the finish line, bringing our kids there with me to cheer her on when she finished. Instead, the three of us got a nasty surprise when we get there and she’s clearly there with Prince Cheating.

    Oh, and I could be wrong, but I strongly suspect one of the recent New York Times “guest cheater” articles was written by her first AP. It fits their story exactly, and the timing fit perfectly. It was even profiled on here. To be honest, after all the other humiliation, this didn’t even phase me.

  • My STBXH told me he bought me empty property to distract me from him leaving. He spent over $10k for a garden playpen for me while he planned to scurry off. Still shocked about it…but hey, I get all the fruits and veggies and he gets his cheating schmoopie!

  • My personal favorite;
    After I found out about the lies, the cheating, the std, etc. I filed for divorce.
    One evening I met him at a sandwich shop to discuss financial stuff.
    He told me, ” You know you really over played your hand. Your chances with me are diminishing. I may start dating.”
    I said, “You’ve been dating for two years!”
    He got mad and walked out.
    Bwahahahaha, still makes me laugh hysterically!

    • The last time I saw my ex he mentioned that he saw my dating profile and that I looked good. He went on to say that he took his down, it was “too icky” so soon after the divorce. Being married never stopped him from dating, so I don’t see why being divorced should be a problem.

  • I can’t help myself, I have to do 3 more! 1. when I said he ways lying to me and the OW, he looked wistfully into the distance and said, “I never lied to her!” 2. when I asked why he invited her to his room , he said , “ do you know what it’s like to want someone so bad that you just have to be near them!” 3. I told him she had eyes like a shark, “he said, “I thought she had fire in her eyes!” wtf!!!!!!

  • Oh Unicorn, I love it! Let’s see if I can at least compete for “most tarnished Marine Award”
    1. When his affair was still secret I had planned a trip to Disneyworld for us with my daughter, her husband and my two grandchildren. He begged off one day saying he didn’t feel well. We went to the park. Come to find out Schmoopie had driven to Disney and they spent his “sick day” boinking each other in our bed at our “magical memories” rental!
    2. We reconciled once during Thanksgiving so he wanted to spend it in Virginia. We made the long drive from Georgia and I thought everything was fine. He gets caught texting Schmoopie and all Hell breaks loose. He proceeds to tell all his adult kids (one hour after Thanksgiving dinner) about his sexual exploits with Schmoopie in vivid detail! My kids and their spouses were shocked and I was a mess. He was relegated to my sons basement until we had to return to Ga.
    3. During another failed reconciliation he wanted me to go to the hotel room he was living in and spend the night in the same bed as he and Schmoopie had been screwing in! Ummm….fuck NO!
    4. On his computer I found tons of pictures of him and Schmoopie at Disney together in front of the castle. This was while I and my daughter were standing in long lines so my grandchildren could visit the characters and ride all the rides! Lovely!
    If you have ever been to Disney in Orlando you will note that standing in the “smoking” area gives you a birds eye view of anyone approaching that area. So when he would see us coming back to check in with him Schmoopie would make a quick exit! What a guy!

    • For the love of God….sneaking around Disney with a fuckbuddy dodging grandchildren…nothing says “Semper Fedelis” quite like THAT !! My question to our late husbands would be “what was it then that you were being faithful to?”

  • 1) STBX didn’t use protection because OW (married 3 times, currently married during affair) was “monogamous.”
    2) According to STBX, penis-in-vagina (multiple times) was accidental, including the times that they had sex in work truck during work.
    3) When my autistic son found naked pictures of the OW (a woman old enough to be his dad’s mother, interestingly enough) on his dad’s phone, and told me about it, STBX became angry with ME, telling me that if the OW’s husband found out that she was also having an affair, he would kill her, and it would be all my fault.
    4) STBX told everyone at his work that I was an insane lesbian, which, of course, in their eyes, justified the fact that he would be able to “get it up” for a woman the same age as his mommy.

    • Sorry – two more!
      5) Affair was discovered by autistic son during episode mentioned in number 3, which would have been bad enough in itself, but his father lied to his son, telling him that the person in the picture was me, reminding our son that his autism meant that he didn’t always see things clearly.
      6) STBX never told OW that she passed along a lovely bouquet of STDs (some of which cannot be cleared by drugs) to me, because he didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

      • OMG, #5 is so fucking evil. Mind fucking his own autistic son, making him doubt himself. These monsters still manage to shock me, even after all I’ve read and experienced myself.

  • Shortly after leaving HALF, had to have emergency surgery. He was my emergency contact previously. Asked for that to be changed. Texted him at 6 a.m. “emergency surgery in 1 hour at X hospital”. (NO further details) At 8 p.m. he finally responds “forgot my phone, hope all is well”. Luckily, he texted OW5 75 times between 6 a.m. – 8 p.m.

    • That is horrible…as soon as I could tell that marriage was in shambles, I started fretting over the “next of kin” thing. This ghastly act is such a betrayal…dont ever doubt that he sucks.

      • Yep, changing next of kin came directly after changing bank accounts. I kept getting this mental image of Fucktard bowing his head in mock mourning telling the doctors that he gives them permission to pull life support. The doctor’s reply? “Sir, it’s just a broken wrist, she’s not on life support.”

  • D day #1 was Christmas eve when the wife tells me she really wants to go to Midnight mass at the last minute. Leaving me home with our two year old son. The alarm bells were the completely not safe for church lacey red dress and bright red lipstick. Confronted her when she got home and she finally copped to it. Worst Christmas ever. Thankfully 2 year olds don’t understand why daddy is crying while they open presents on Christmas morning. She said her counselor told her that I could never love her the way she needed. She was right, the wife just didn’t and still doesn’t understand that what that means is SHE is the flawed one incapable of being truly loved.

    • I’m so sorry Dumpedchump( tears in my eyes for you now). She truly sucks and you deserve so much better, we all do..

    • She gets extra “bad points” for saying that she was going to Mass then breaking one of the 10 Commandments. That is awful. Nowdeadcheater said that he took his angst (over his Schmoopie) to Church and prayed and cried and felt that God had given him OW as a gift. He said that SHE was a blessing, me…not so much.

  • I kicked my ex out before I dug too deeply into his skein, but I still wanna play. When I was in college, my mom borrowed my lingerie to go to a BDSM sex party. With one of my male friends. One who had asked me first.

    She was still married to my dad.

  • I cheated because you never put any thought into gifts, like the red roses you always give me on our anniversary, red roses are boring they are thoughtless, there are 1000s of other arrangements to pick from but you always get me stupid boring thoughtless RED ROSES!!!!!!!!

      • Great idea! I wish she would have told me that if I send her red roses for our anniversary one more time she will have an affair. Also the red roses sent to her at work was not the only thing I did or gave her to celebrate our anniversary. Jewelry, perfume, lingerie, books, hobby accessories, electronics, nice evening out, arranged babysitter, ect ect ect. The red roses were just a part of the celebration. I guess she was grabbing for anything to justify the cheating.

        • Babe, really, you have NOTHING here to work with! Read Tracy’s book 10x and do it, Leave that Remorseless Piece of Shit Cheater and GAIN A LIFE! PLEASE!

        • You arranged the babysitter? That is an act of love…that was the hardest part of going out. When we went out for our 16th anniversary, we went to a restaurant and he looked uncomfortable enough to crawl out of his own skin, as if he was full of dread and contempt. I was as pleasant and nice as I could be …but his affect was such that if he had looked across the table at me and said “I simply abhor you” it would have fit.

      • I was having gall bladder attacks but we both thought it was heart issues. 5 different occasions he left me in the floor believing I was having a major heart attack. He went to bed and went to sleep with me screaming for help unable to walk. Once my kids were present and he convinced them I was pretending and just wanted attention. The last time was so severe i crawled down the hall and told him if he didn’t take me to the hospital I would call an ambulance and tell them he wouldn’t.

        It was so bad they would not even transport me to the major hospital 30 minutes away for 3 days because they were afraid it would rupture. For those 3 days he would leave his job 7 times a day and come and act all concerned, fluffing my pillows and asking the nurses for all the details. They thought I had the best husband in the world. I was too drugged to say differently.

        After surgury the doctor said he’d never seen so much infection or so many abcesses and stones. He said I came very close to dying and should have been having attacks severe enough to require emergency transportation and couldn’t figure out why I hadn’t been. The exhole stood behind him smirking at me. I was too humiliated to speak up. After all no one had ever believed me.

        Once on vacation I had an ovarian blood cyst and had to go home. He convinced the kids I was wanting to ruin every bodies vacation. I had an emergency hyterectomy 2 days later.

        He would kiss a woman we went to church with on her mouth right in front of me. At church. She would grab his coffee cup and ask him where he drank from so she could put her lips where his had been. If I said anything in protest the whole church would call me jealous and insecure and tell me Bible verses about jealousy. They all said that’s just how **** is and I was wrong to get mad.

        I can’t believe how long I put up with it all. There’s dar more but I just can’t right now.

        • The narcs–they don’t like it when you’re getting medical ATTENTION. THEY are the ones who should be getting attention, not you. Your job is to give THEM attention, not to be a burden with any of your medical things.

          Ask me how I know…..

            • Especially having their baby. Then you’re getting ALL the attention and praise, and how is THAT supposed to work at all? Next thing you know, the BABY (the actual baby, not the man-baby) is getting all the attention, and it just gets ridiculous for a narc. It’s so unjust for them. So? Naturally you have to find another source.

              • Yep. My niece being born caused man-child to have a Narc meltdown.
                “Nobody caressss about me anymore… all they care about is the baby! I’m not even coming. I’m old news now.”
                He never once held her. I think he was actually for real jealous of an infant. He said until they can throw a ball it’s pointless he has no use for them. Yet he tricked me when we were dating holding all his friends’ babies, playing with them, we went to all their little kid birthdays together, tons of pictures I took of him with babies. I think I hate him the most for this one. Fooling me like this. All for image.

              • Yep! I’ve written about this before, but my ex downplayed my labor pain to every single person he talked to on the phone. I’m sure whoever he talked to asked, “How was Martha’s labor and delivery?” And each time he said, “She had minimal discomfort. At the time I couldn’t figure out why he said that, because it was painful and I was a pushing machine getting our son out. Now I realize he didn’t want me to get any attention. There is not one single photo of me at the hospital with our son. Not one! But there are tons of photos of his parents with our son and I took photos of the cheater with our son. Once again, couldn’t give me any attention.

                You cannot be sick or anything with these narcs. One time I had pneumonia, but didn’t know it yet. I was up all night coughing and felt so run down. The cheater made me feel guilty for not playing board games with the family. He said, “When I was little I always wanted to play board games with my mom and she was always too busy. I always felt bad when she said no. You are doing the same thing to our kids.” Now mind you, I played board games with our kids their entire lives and I WAS THE ONE WHO BOUGHT ALL GAMES IN OUR HOUSE — close to 25 games in the closet. So, he guilted me into playing games when I was so sick.

                The cheater was jealous of our son when we brought him home from the hospital. Too many stories to tell. And then when I was pregnant with our daughter, he had an affair and was pretty close to walking away from me and the kids.

                I watched the cheater sabotage our sons magic trick and totally humiliate him. I couldn’t believe he did that! Narc daddy didn’t like his son getting all that attention. He’ll deny it, but I’ve seen too much over the years to know it’s the truth.

  • 1. We went to Mexico City for a vacation, pre-marriage. While I toured Frida Kalo’s house, he got it on with a hooker and picked up crabs (told me they must’ve come from the hotel bedding).

    2. We went out to dinner for Valentine’s Day. When we got home, I put our son to bed while he responded to almost 15 different Craigslist personal ads.

    3. As part of the pick me dance, I gave him a “sex toy” designed for both our pleasure and he scoffed at it saying he could never use “such a thing”. Subsequent discovery, he likes T4M, groups and couples.

  • Fucktard told our kids how unfair it was that they “got to see mom cry after he left. But there were some nights were I was crying too!”

  • Another few from KK’s dalliance with the Carrot Singer:

    1. After a pot & booze filled session with BDSM guy, I had to take her to a middle-of-the-night visit to the emergency for severe dehydration. For some reason she took a photo of the tubes running in and of her arm. About a month later she texted that same photo to the Carrot Singer, explaining that she’d been in a car accident and had 3 broken ribs and a concussion.

    2. When I mentioned (post-DDay) that she compromised my health by having unprotected sex with him (on the day they first met, in a hotel public bathroom across the street from her office), she said: “That was only for 15 seconds.”

    • Oh, so just as microbes take at least 5 seconds to jump from a dirty floor onto dropped food, STDs require 16 or more seconds to make the leap of love …. Good to know and something we should probably share with our children!

    • During reconcilliation, she was getting more and more distant. We are having sex and she says, “don’t cum inside me, im going to the beach (in 5 hrs) and dont want it dripping out when I’m there.” (Other men’s in all of her underwear not a problem however) I stopped, and never went back in. Pig.

  • 1. When on dday1 (it was only flirty texts/we were good friends) he said the photos sent to each other was “just a silly little thing to do”
    2. When on dday2 i asked how physical they actually were as they definitely hadnt had sex “she kissed me, it was a just a silly little thing.” This was 10 mins before he had to confess they had been sexual but only once.
    3. When on dday3 after speaking to OW husband he explained it wasnt just the once, i asked cheater about a particular dalliance in the office. Guess what? It was just a “silly little thing”, apparently one of them had tripped and fell in/on the other – it was just a silly little thing though, nothing for me to get so upset about 🙄🙄

  • 1. Took me out to see the movie “This is Where I leave You” for our date night when we were “working on” our marriage — pastoral counseling, praying together, anointing with oil/laying on of hands by church people. The truth was he had already started the smear campaign behind my back by telling all his coworkers and friends that I was crazy and he just “had to get out of this marriage.” I bought a copy of the movie and left it with our movie collection when I moved out with our kids.

    2. After he blew-up my life and made our children wail and cry, he was Mr. Sad Sausage. I told him I was no longer going to be his wife – he wasn’t sleeping in our bed anymore, I was cleaning/cooking/laundry or anything else for him anymore. Sad Sausage took out a camping map and set-up camp on the concrete basement floor. Not kidding. He laid on the basement ground in his sleeping bag. He ran an extension cord for his little night light from his grandma. Bible right by his head. Super cheating, lying Jesus FREAK!

    3. The day he almost got us killed by a bear. At Glacier National Park. Went to an easy trail head with our kids. A couple walked quickly from the entrance to the trail and said to not go on the trail, because there was a bear on it. Only seems logically not to go hiking on that trail, right? Well, the cheater freak still wanted to go. I didn’t want either my kids or myself get mauled by a bear. However, cheater freak made me feel like I stopped us from doing “fun things” in the past due to my being afraid of dangerous stuff like allowing our kids to go edge of Horseshoe Bend in Arizona or many other dangerous things he wanted to do. I felt I was damned if I said no (party pooper) or damned (killed) if I said yes. The whole time I was deciding what to do (maybe five mins), he stared at the sky/trees like he was looking for something. Now I realize he was just trying to manipulate me into doing something I knew wasn’t the right thing to do. I said okay and with a few minutes there was a bear in front of us and coming towards us. Cheater Freak naturally had his phone out and was videoing it while he was walking backwards. My son just said, “Mom, calm down and lets just walk fast and get out of here. Don’t scream.” Cheater Freak got a big video of the bear and he talking the whole time in the video. Naturally he showed the video to just about anyone who would watch it. He didn’t give a crap about my safety or his kids. He only cared about himself and getting the video.

  • At the beginning of our relationship, he arranged a road trip with us and OW 1. Took us to a restaurant chain called Dick’s. So his girlfriends could eat Dick’s together.

    Not sure what I ever saw in him.

    • Martha, my cheater was always insisting on doing things that I didn’t think were right/safe too. If I said I didn’t want to do it, you can be sure he was going to do it anyway! So glad you and the kids didn’t get hurt by the bear.

      • Thanks, Lyn. I will never understand his blatant disregard for the safety of his own children and wife. Logically it doesn’t make sense. I think it’s the lack of empathy and conscience. I can’t imagine doing something intentionally where my kids might get hurt.

  • 1. Took hundreds of pictures of his bondage slaves and loaded them on computer in folders with their initials for names. One was of particular interest as it was in my house and in my bed! That was the one he left me for and theyve broken up four times!

    2. Gave my car to said ho while still owned and insured to me without my knowledge throwing caution to the wind and then proceeded to destroy it.

    3. Handed out credit cards to said ho and her family on our joint accounts which they promptly ran up to the max ruining both our credits.

    And this was just the tip of the iceberg.

  • Mine doesn’t really compare to the horror of others, this is the closest:

    -She had me applying for jobs in Scandinavia (from the UK) to move her closer back to her family and dying father. One application went really well & I had a final interview lined up in-country. She then suddenly got a left-field ‘career opportunity of a lifetime’ offered to her at her current workplace in the UK that she didn’t want to lose, so, I was going to pull out of the interview since she no longer wanted to move. But then she started encouraging me to travel to the interview anyway, “just in case”. It didn’t make sense, so I didn’t go… On the day where I was meant to have been travelling she messaged me that she was ‘going out with colleagues’ and then clearly turned her phone off. So to summarise; my cheating wife was prepared to send me to interview in another country, for a job I was going to have to turn down anyway, just so that she could have an opportunity to cheat. Oh, and i’d have been a couple of hundred out of pocket for travel and hotel costs. When I didn’t go, she found an excuse to stay out that night anyway.

  • Claimed I was stalking him & “breaking in” to the house. Left him, refused to give him new address and went NC. He tried for months to get it. Texts me one day for my adress so he can file a RO on me.

  • 1. Found him looking at a Beautiful cabin online in the area we’d been looking at for two years.
    2. Found OW FB post 2 weeks later of the cabin she is going to at Christmas with her husband and grown kids. It’s the same cabin. Show my husband. He has no idea. Tells me 2 weeks later that they looked at cabins together and discussed going there. Tells marriage counselor he only told me that because it’s what I wanted to hear.
    3. After over a year of telling me he didn’t like that area at all and big effort at reconciliation, I discover on our computer( thank-you recycle files) all the places he continued trying to find in that area, after picking out with me the place he wanted to move. Not even in the same state! I could see where he looked, when he saved it and when he deleted it.

  • Refused to rent a house I absolutely loved, and which fit our needs and budget perfectly, because he didn’t like it visually.

    When I told him to move out D-Day 2… you guessed it, he rented that very house.

    • I wish I understood that mentality. Is it “I don’t really want it, but I don’t want you to have it, either”? Or is it just a complete lack of originality? Before DDay, we had been talking about picking up stakes and moving to the Pacific Northwest to a city I had loved back in college. This is 100% my idea, my dream. Post DDay conversation about what he is going to do next, he says he is going to move there anyway, possibly just to get a rise out of me. Umm, okay, sunshine, if that is what you want. I really don’t care, and frankly doubt that he would stop gaming/whoring long enough to make it happen.

  • Just after D Day 2, back in the day when airline reservations on a credit credit card specified the ticket holder’s name on the bill, spent nearly our entire savings account on separate trips with OWs, then used our savings to pay the card. Almost $30K of planes and hotels. D Day 2 was right after my brother died and he was home alone while I was with family for a few days.

      • After DDay doughboy texted; did I want to use the vacation rental we booked in Maine, I replied not interested. Ok says doughboy I’ll use it. 2 weeks later I get an email from cruise line for him and Schmoopie, seems he was taking her to Maine to the cottage then on a nice New Eng. cruise. The idiot was using my cruise card to book tickets so he’d get the points LOL. He was obsessed with collecting things anything! I was so tempted to screw up their passports but restrained myself only because at that point the financials weren’t final. Alas, if only they had been, just imagine the names I could have come up with ……Mr Dichead and Ms. Sparklestits oh what fun!

  • After D Day 2, went to my family’s vacation home (and formerly my grandmother’s house) “to think”. Picked up a single mom who didn’t know he was married and gave her our phone number (mobiles we’re barely a thing then). She called my house because he wasn’t calling her back and she was worried. Said “I’m sorry, but who are you?” I said “I’m his wife. Did he tell you he was single, too, like he does the others?” (A long conversation later, she apologized for what she did in my grandmother’s house. I didn’t blame her, of course. He’s the douchebag.)

  • Off topic: today’s cartoon is especially painful for my heart. While ignoring me saying “I’m too exhausted from work right now, i need rest-time, can’t talk to you” i saw him pull vid after vid on YouTube and through porn sites of twerking, i mean for hours straight, for jerking off. No time for reconnection and intimacy with me but oodles for women who whore themselves out on camera :-/

        • That’s one of the reasons I stay. My divorce was many years ago, and meh is my reality, but it helps to be part of this tribe and I like helping others. I had no such resource back then and it was a huge problem. I want to be here to help others.

    • Mg, I get triggered by these pictures too. My ex said years ago that it was “easier to masterbate” instead of “having sex” with me. You see, making love (sex) is difficult for a truly selfish person. Took way too much time I guess with all the foreplay and stuff. Much easier to look at videos or go get 100% naked lap dances (bj’s and sex?) with strippers in Canada. My ex withheld sex just after we got back from our honeymoon. I now know it’s all a part of the abuse cycle when you are involved with a narc. I’m sorry you went through this heartache too.

      • I’m sorry for all of us, too. It absolutely sucks. He said it himself “i think foreplay is a waste of time, we’re not teenagers anymore”. God, it kills me that i put up with this level shit.

            • When the foreplay became mechanical; tweektweek, rubrub, put tab A into slot B, humpityhumpity.

              It was so dehumanizing I shoved him off me and sat up, almost nauseated. He was cold and dismissive “I thought that’s all that was needed”. Barf…

              • I called it “vending machine sex”. Push this…pull that…and get your prize. Then just roll over and go to sleep. No words. No love. No connection. No intimacy whatsoever. Like he was using a toilet…about ince every 4 months.

      • Oh. My. God. STBX told me the same thing – verbatim!! My jaw hit the floor when I read your post. This site never ceases to amaze me with insight into just how twisted and unoriginal these assholes are!

  • 1. Get the “I care about you as a friend, but I don’t love you anymore” speal on the 4th of july.

    2. He builds a blanket fort in our living room to fuck around and flaunt with OW. I breakdown.

    3. I tell him he can’t do that, I still live here, he threatens to kick me out because I am sabotaging his happiness and they have nowhere else to go.

    Blanket Fort of Sabatoge Solitude?

  • When questioning my now ex husband on why he wanted to go to a concert with a work colleague (who turned out to be the AP of five months) he looked at me straight in the eyes and said “Don’t you trust me?”, knowing full well in his head that he’s having an affair.

    Ex-h moves out and announces he wants now to be poly, he wants 3 days a week with AP, 3 days a week with his married spouse (me) and one day alone to himself.

    Uh huh, look how well that worked out.

    • 3 Ring Chump! Similar happened to me! Asked me to go to a concert that was on my birthday, when he already lined up the OW for it. Then made a big stink about it because I think he wanted me to say I didn’t want to go. At the time, I had no idea why he was so grumpy about something that should be fun.

  • He went on a work conference trip to Europe.
    A couple months later I found anal sex toys and anal lube in a hidden compartment of his suitcase as well as money from Indonesia in his underwear drawer and as far as I know, he’s never been to Southeast Asia in his life.
    Turns out he DID go to Europe, then took a little ONE NIGHT side trip to Indonesia to f*** some woman he met on a BDSM website (it’s over 28 hours of air travel time, folks!), returned to Europe and went about the rest of his conference. I found his passport with an entry stamp into Jakarta and exit stamp for the next day.

  • 1. He lied about going to a wedding because “he didn’t want to upset me” that he was having fun on a social outing while I was in my hometown caring for my post-surgery dad.

    2. He went out with a co-worker…on a bet with the guys.

    3. He texted a co-worker “will you be my sexy nurse?”…as a joke.

    This outstanding LOGIC, y’all.

  • off topic, but I am completely disgusted my ex just sent this article this article to my daughter saying maybe she should start respecting her boyfriend and stop acting like his mother. Same narrative he used to justify cheating… and here’s the article to back up His narrative. WTF! Really? Talk about false equivalency.

    https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailywire.com/news/24676/walsh-most-effective-way-destroy-your-husband-ruin-matt-walsh%3famp

    Disgusted!

    • What a load of crock. Most cheaters are the ones doing the disrespecting long before they cheat while the faithful spouse is falling all over his/herself to please them. I also got accused of “mothering” ex, but he wasn’t talking about the things mentioned in the article. He was talking about things like making his lunches for him. How totally embarrassing for him.

    • This article IS crap. I find it funny that the author has such a slanted, one-way cultural view of marriage and then says his is not like this. So he’s come up with this litany of complaints of things he doesn’t experience and I honestly doubt he even knows anyone with a one-sided weird marriage like the one he describes. Ironically he actually says right in his work that cheating is not excusable when he says this: “but you don’t marry someone in order to give them what they deserve. In marriage, you give them what you’ve promised.”

      Guess your cheater missed that line. Or like most cheaters, figured that it applied to everyone else but him.

      • I come from a section of our society where that is the thinking…I dont disagree with all of it especially when I see women being grossly disrespectful to good guys who are really trying.

        Trouble is, there are men (like my nowdeadcheater) who abuse the patriarchal structure that some wives willingly choose (I did) and use it as an excuse to manipulate. I know many families where good loving benevolent leadership works well…its just doesn’t work if the guy is a selfish asshole liar cheater.

        I had given him extensive latitude to make major decisions in our family but he abused it. THEN…right after Dday, he had the nerve to tell me that one reason he struggled in our marriage is that he wasn’t “admired” because men like their women to admire them. I told him that the first step to being admired was to act admirably.

        This article was written for situations where the husband really is being a good, stand-up sort of fellow and benevolently putting his family first and making sacrifices…the idea that allhole cheaters would cite it as an excuse to betray their families and abuse their wives makes me sick. Nowdeadcheater, in the day, would have handed me a copy of it and told me to be a better wife.

        • Agreed. I lost respect for my husband when he stopped working to start his own business but then would not return to “working for the Man” when his business never took off, thus leaving me to pay for 95% of our family’s bills. He would then spend his days coming up with hare-brained schemes about how he could “invest” my inheritance to make a fortune and show the kids that he was a great provider. At some point, he began feeling like my 3rd child who always needed to be told “no!” rather than my respected partner. Of course, had I realized he was already emotionally cheating by that point, planning to embark on full physical cheating, I’d have admired him even less.

          • We argued all the time when I told him I didn’t want to act like his mother. He insisted he wanted me to tell him what to do but would then find every reason why he shouldn’t do said thing. A big ol’, “You’re not the boss of me!”

  • Last Christmas we were discussing Carrie Fischers death. He then used everything I said to him about the topic as conversation starters for the OW.

    On D-day one of the first things he said to me was “Man! Now I’m not going to be invited into your cousin’s fantasy league!”

    While I was going through chemo, my energy levels were pretty low but I still occasionally wanted to get out and do something. So one particular weekend we took our daughter to the cool library in the city. It was low key fun, although he didn’t participate really well. I later saw an email to the OW where she asked about his weekend and he said he did nothing eventful at all.

    Last week I ran into his mom and asked her if he was serious with this woman. Her first response was “Which one?”.

    When I asked him what I did wrong in the marriage that in his eyes made it okay for him to leave me during cancer his response was “I don’t like getting yelled at. The major things I would typically get yelled at for were not doing things to your standards, moving things, suggesting you organize your stuff better so not to lose things”

    • Ah, the good old “stroking the bird with someone else’s feather”. Mine did that constantly. No original thought of his own. Last thing he ruined for me was a movie i introduced him to that was one of my faves and near/dear to my heart. He emailed his flame with *his* recommendation saying it’ll be up her ally, he’s sure of it, great movie.
      Churns my stomach to think I’m sharing a piece of my heart and while sitting next to him he’s already thinking of making the movie a way to strike convo with the new target.

  • 1. After I delivered a 9+ lb baby (with no drugs!) and spent the next 12 hours trying to get him to nurse, Mr. Justification offered to hold him so I could get some sleep. As soon as I drifted off, he texted Schmoopie a picture of my son and told her he loved her.

    2. Mr. Justification, for the first time in his life, was very serious about being to work on time while I was pregnant with my son. I thought this might be a sign he was trying to be more mature, invest in our family. Turns out, he was chatting with Schmoopie for hours every day at work, putting his job and our health insurance at risk.

    3. Schmoopie and Mr. Justification are relatives by marriage. She joked with him about how, when they had a baby together (remember, I’m pregnant), it was going to be awkward if it ever had to draw a family tree for school. Laugh emoji! Haha! #lightheartedalmostincest

  • 1. During our final attempt to work things out (before I really know) my Grandma died. He had offered to come to the hospital with me, but my Mom and brother were going to be there, so I declined. The day she passed he was texting me all day to make sure I was okay. He works a job that doesn’t always require him to be late, especially on a Friday, he did not show up until 9pm and was back out the door by 9:30pm and drinking until 4:30am, meanwhile I later learned he spent most of that day on the phone with the OW. In the morning when the kids woke up (3 and 5 years old) I jumped in the shower immediately knowing he had a terrible hangover and he would need to get up and get them breakfast. I packed our things for the day and left the house to spend the day with my family instead.

    2. Just recently setting my daughter up to play on her tablet (3 years old) that HE purchased so it’s all connected to him, Google memories shows me selfie videos he was sending to OW at 12, 1, 2am in our basement, while his family slept upstairs.

    3. Same as the videos, also uncovered dick pics that he claims he never sent to OW and that he was going to send them to me to spark our sex life again, but was refusing a STI test after I learned about the “one night stand” not the year long “relationship” that he was just playing her.

    4. On my birthday, my son had a developmental pediatrician appointment where he was diagnosed with ADHD and on the way there X learned about my changing my name back to my maiden name and called me a c*nt in front of our child and immediately after the appointment he ran and called his girlyfriend for comfort because she was such a good friend to him. Sure she was…

    Ugh.

  • Oh, I almost forgot this one…

    Him (calling me after a work conference in a nearby city): Some of my colleagues want to go out and celebrate my birthday so I’m at a bar with them and got a hotel room to stay overnight. Did you hear any results back on your test yet?

    Me: Okay. Yes. I have cancer.

    Him: Oh. I love you. It will all be fine. Talk to you tomorrow.

  • 1. X claimed unconvincingly that the reason he was not in his assigned hotel room all night while on a business trip was that a huge chandelier unexpectedly fell from the ceiling onto the bed, requiring him to change rooms. He could have been Killed!

    And my personal favorite:

    2. X called me en route to a tryst with OW at our vacation cabin because his midlifecrisismobile (Porsche) had broken down on the highway. He wanted me to call for a tow truck because he could not read the highway signs that would accurately describe his location, what with being legally blind and all.

    • A chandelier? Was he a high-strung opera star about to be replaced by a fresh young voice trained by a phantom? Speaking of masks slipping….