You guys made this really hard. I apologize for how long it took me to wade through 627 comments to find the Freakiest X-mas Cheater Freak, and dear God people, I need a shower. Or to be dipped in antiseptic like cattle. The depravity! The crumpled cum kleenex! The bad gifts! You ALL deserve gifts for surviving such idiocy.
Come on, Tracy, who gets the audio book?
Okay, okay… but I’m not DRAWING THIS, understand? My imagination has limits.
The winner is….
David2016 for the winning combination of the ex-wife who claimed the semen in her underwear was vaginal discharge PLUS the consolation gift of a slice of deep-dish Chicago-style pizza.
While on a trip to Chicago to interview for an important new job that would “help our family,” XW sent erotic pics to OM from her hotel room.
She did not get the job because she was late for the interview and was dressed inappropriately.
She brought me back a slice of deep-dish pizza.
She insisted that the semen I found in her underwear was “vaginal discharge.”
I’ll accept my prize now.
It has everything. Absurdity. Humiliation. And a very big ICK factor. There is no marriage policing like the marriage policing of inspecting underwear. David, I hand you the chump prize. Many folded in the face of your cheating wife’s perfidy.
I have so many questions… she brought home COLD pizza? Cold, coagulated, flaccid pepperoni? What was her thought process here? I’ll just put on my thigh-high boots for a meet-n-greet with Human Resources, and then grab some za with the OM and bring David back my cold, crusty leftovers?
CN, a big group ((((HUG))) for David2016. I hope your new life is awesome and your ex lives a life of stained underwear and cold, unwanted pizza.
Wait! I have a runner-up! Magneto’s PARROT STORY is epic. It’s been told here several times (but not for a contest, I think) and she only gave an abridged version, but the tell-tale parrot Tango is a classic. The cheater steals Magneto’s parrot Tango and she finds him by stalking a hotel singing the SpongeBob SquarePants theme.
Mine shitbag cheater, took my pet parrot to “Dear Friends” house for birdie sitting, because “this Dear, dear friend” ALWAYS wanted a pet bird and wanted to see what it was like.
… … … This is how the my tattle tale Tango wound being at the AP’s love shack.
“ooo000OOOO00000 – – -000 oo ooo OOOhhhh!!!!, Who000000000000ooo00000 LiV-es in a pineAPplE under the sEA?!!?!?!”
Magneto, you may claim your prize, but only on the condition that you tell the entire story, start to finish, in the comments. Those are my terms. This story is comic gold.
And that my friends is this year’s Cheater Freak Xmas Countdown. Gear up for Infidelity Valentine’s starting February 1st.
Congratulations David2016 and Magneto!