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New Script for Betrayed Political Wives?

Chumped wives in the media. It’s never pretty, is it? If they’re even in focus, that is. Bit players to their husband’s malfeasance. Hanging in there, standing by their man, issuing media “we” statements… (How did you get ownership of this, chump? Dude can’t even use a singular possessive pronoun?)

I don’t envy anyone suffering through a D-Day, let alone one played out on the national stage. Heck, I could barely stand and shower, let alone craft media messages. But I’d like to imagine a world in which the betrayed wives of fuckwit politicians everywhere refuse to participate in the impression management minstrel show.

Like, say the wife of disgraced Republican State Rep. Jeff Hoover, who recently resigned as Kentucky Speaker of the House over sexual harassment charges. The Washington Post reports on some epic sad sausage emoting here:

In remarks lasting more than 20 minutes, Hoover portrayed himself as the victim of a wide-ranging conspiracy to oust him from power, accusing the governor and fellow lawmakers of lying about his actions.

With his wife of 26 years watching from the balcony, he acknowledged having traded inappropriate texts with the staff member, but denied any misconduct, saying that although the messages were ill-advised, they were consensual.

“What’s the one thing you’re most ashamed of that you have done in the past five years?” Hoover asked the chamber. “What if you woke up one morning and that one thing that you’re sitting there thinking about was on the front page of every newspaper in this state?”

His voice quavered as he explained how the scandal had affected him and his family, saying that he had lost 33 pounds in four weeks because he couldn’t eat.

“I laid on my couch day after day after day in the fetal position,” he said. “I got down on the floor when no one was at home, crying uncontrollably and screaming out to almighty God to help me through this situation and to help my family and my daughters. I went into depression. I went into isolation.”

His depression? HIS WIFE DOESN’T EVEN GET A NAME. SHE HAS TO WATCH FROM A BALCONY! Twenty-six years of marriage and it’s all about HIM.

I’m guessing there was some other fetal position screaming coming from the Hoover household, but it doesn’t merit mentioning. That’s God’s problem. God will help. Jeff’s busy now in his “isolation.” (My guess, he’s hiding in the bathroom with his burner phone and some dating profiles… explains it off as “job hunting.”)

Can we write Mrs. Hoover a new script?

Or how about the First Lady of Missouri, Sheena Greitens? I think she’s been carted off to la-la land by the forgiveness trolls. Allegedly her husband was having an affair with a hairdresser. But just to ensure his Schoompie’s silence, Governor Greitens tied her up and took naked pictures of her to use as blackmail. Not to worry, the Greitens are praying on it. No need for a felony investigation. ABC news reports:

The Greitens first acknowledged the affair in a joint statement Thursday, saying, “A few years ago, before Eric was elected Governor, there was a time when he was unfaithful in our marriage,” the Greitens said in a joint statement. “This was a deeply personal mistake. Eric took responsibility, and we dealt with this together honestly and privately.”

The statement continued, “While we never would have wished for this pain in our marriage, or the pain that this has caused others, with God’s mercy Sheena has forgiven and we have emerged stronger. We understand that there will be some people who cannot forgive – but for those who can find it in your heart, Eric asks for your forgiveness, and we are grateful for your love, your compassion, and your prayers.”

Do they have the RIC on direct dial? Yes, the problem is NOT hog-tying your mistress for Kompromat, the problem is your FORGIVENESS. Why can’t you be more like Sheena, people? It’s been what? 48 hours? And she’s already FORGIVEN HIM. And, of course, they have Emerged Stronger. (The Reconciliation Industrial Complex can never leave it alone. Affairs are not just survivable — they’re improving.)

Oh Sheena, you need a new script too.

So CN, your Friday homework is to write new endings for Sheena and Mrs. (I Don’t Get a First Name) Hoover and any other betrayed political wife you think needs rebranding.

The Mrs. Hoover of my imagination is swinging down from that balcony in 3-inch stilettos, like an avenging velociraptor, stabbing Mr. Hoover in the throat.

Whereupon she’ll walk away, denying any misconduct, but copping to “inappropriateness.”  She meant to wear the 4-inch boots.

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  • Press Conferences All Around

    Mrs. Hoover to the press: “While I understand from my husband that his relationship with a staffer had her consent, it did not have mine. Consequently, I have asked him to leave the family home. He has failed to uphold the agreements made when we wed. His behavior sets a terrible example for our daughters and showcases a callous disregard for my health, happiness, and well-being. A man who does not show me respect and treat me with integrity is not acceptable to me as a partner. I will be consulting privately with my attorney about how to proceed with the dissolution of our marriage. Furthermore, I can no longer assure you that he is a good government representative. I urge you to support a better candidate for office in the future.”

    Sheena to the press: “Today, my husband asked me to speak to you about how I’ve forgiven him. I find that rich. As recent news reports have shown, he had no trouble engaging in all kinds of self-gratifying and possibly criminal behaviors without asking me. Instead, I’m here to announce that we have separated and that I have retained an attorney to protect my best interests and legal rights as the full details about the governor’s behavior are investigated. I hope you can understand how painful it is to me to realize the ways I’ve been duped and manipulated by a man who promised to love and cherish me. I put so much of my own life on hold in order to help him achieve his aspirations as a politician only to learn that my contributions to his well-being and career have meant nothing to him. I have urged him to resign from office. I hope you will do the same. I am looking forward to crafting my own future now, but I’d appreciate you respecting my privacy while I grieve how my trust was betrayed and consider the steps I need to take to build a new life.”

    I’d like it even better if these women allowed their cheating husbands to think they were going to stick to the PR script right until the moment they opened their mouths.

    • Love this idea. Someone needs to write the script. The slow-clap that builds and fills the room writes itself.

    • Standing ovation!!!

      It even starts with a home-run: “While I understand from my husband that his relationship with a staffer had her consent, it did not have mine.” I’m going to be smiling about this line ALL DAY! 🙂

    • Mic Drop. BOOM!!! You win the Friday challenge, Eilonwy. Can we get those statements sent to poor Mrs. Hoover and Sheena?

    • Eilonwy,
      Wow! You are SO HIRED! Excellent.
      Most likely to represent a Chump in the PR wars.
      I love this…you ROCK!

    • You’ve said it all right there, and so eloquently. Can we send these ladies a copy please?

    • That’s an excellent press release for the cheated on wives. It’s empowering for other women to hear! No matter who you are, an affair is betrayal to the core. Straight out of the gate, run with the truth. While the world is watching, i wish the wives would unleash their fiery, take the stage and cry, express their feminine rage, like they do in private, only to their husbands. I wish woman were more truthful in this fundamental way, with other women and society at large. Draw deep from the inner well. Of all things, sharen, it is what will make the world a different place, a better place. We are emotional creatures, and emotions are a woman’s power-very different from masculine power, but equal in opposite ways.
      The counterbalance is starting to swing.

  • Oh God… totally nauseating. Especially the Hoover bit ????.

    Sometimes it feels like we’ve stepped back to the 1950’s.

    CL I promise to have a go at the Friday homework once I have the image of this Hoover guy (I’m UK so never heard of him) blubbering in fetal position out of my head. Oh to be God and to answer that particular call for help.

  • Wouldn’t it be great if just once the betrayed wife could say “while you’re praying for Eric, here’s a list of the other things we’d like you to help him ask Gods’ forgiveness on…” and just list every crappy thing he did to his family including gaslighting, spending marital funds, breaking his wife’s heart and trust, exposing her to STDs, screwing off on company time, rages and misdirection and best of all, subjecting his family to media shame and even potential catfishing. Not to mention when the wife reconciles SHE usually gets the job of supporting the unemployed bastard.

    I’d pay to see that mic drop on live TV

    • Amen to that! I used to get so mad at the wives that stood behind their cheating husbands, even before being chumped. Now, I get it. They are in shock, just as we all were.

      Now, I’d love to see these spouses get their own press conference when they decide to leave, where they detail all the BS their cheater did to them and the kids. Let the world actually see the devastation behind the sobbing sad politician. It would be an education for the public. But, unfortunately, it would leave the betrayed spouse and the kids open to even more devastation and ridicule.

      • I think the shock propels chumps to continue what they’ve always done besides sparkle: take care of everything.

        While these jerks get the high of being in charge at the will of the people, everything else falls to the Chimp. And when it crashes down, you do anything you can to keep it together.

        They suck.

    • OMG YES!! It could be the beginning of a “Me Too” Movement for chumps. Someone telling our story, our pain, publicly. Including the specific details of Horrible Things the Cheater Said and Did would be great also. People can’t freaking understand what the big deal is about being betrayed or being betrayed and abandoned. “Forgive, move on…” Blah blah blah. Like Tracy always says, there is no narrative for us chumps. We’re just non-people.

      Though if I put myself in the position of Public Chump, I know I wouldn’t want every damn detail out there because of my kids. In my own situation, my kids know enough. They have the general idea of what happened and what kind of person their father is. They are now in the process of making their peace with it and navigating their own relationship with him while sorting out what kind of people they want to be as they grow up. There are horrific details I will never tell them. It would just be cruel.

      In the beginning I had an intense desire to shield my children from the horror of it all. I made sure they knew that their father chose to end the marriage and not me, but I supported him keeping the OW a secret. I came to regret that, but in the end it didn’t matter because they were old enough to have it all figured out anyway. But my point is I can see that if this had all played out publicly, I would have been infinitely more motivated to keep the horrific secrets. Shit’s complicated when there are kids involved

      • I feel like the first thing that needs a real 360 view is how the scandals are handled. The spouses are always under a microscope- ‘well, of course he cheated on her, she’s either in mom jeans or those fussy Power suits” …. yeh. Because the publicists make you. And… just because you’re in Ann Taylor doesn’t mean there isn’t Victoria secret underneath you assholes! The victim blaming and shaming is cruel. No wonder the spouses don’t speak up, they just want it all to go away as fast as possible, so people stop making fun of their ‘Hilary helmet’ (politician wife bob)

      • Yes, my cheater loves to put himself and how wonderful he is on Facebook.

        I dream of friending all his friends and letting them know who he actually is! Not the father, son, brother, friend Band dad on his profile.
        My profile for him would read: pathological liar, thief, adulterer narcissistic sociopath! Unfortunately my 16 year old is also one of the cheater’s friends.

    • Write one for Hillary.

      This bullshit started with that Goddamned Bill Clinton. He pulled off the greatest public relations sad sausage event in history. Hell, I’m the greatest President ever. Just because I fucked up, it shouldn’t deny the fact that I created the best economy this country has seen in 80 years!!! And….I’m so cute and adorable, you have to feel sorry for me.

      Who would you rather have? A cheating President who fucks interns and creates jobs…..or that faithful old geezer Bob Dole?

        • We can thank ourselves for Donald Trump. He brought out the worst of our prejudices and hatred of “others”. Of course, it has now been revealed by none other than The Wall Street Journal that, just weeks prior to the election, Trump privately paid a porn star (to the tune of $130,000) for her silence about his cheating. He knowingly and deliberately paid over one hundred thousand dollars to hide his behavior from the American voter. I guess that dirty deed was also Clinton’s fault.

          I don’t care how you feel about Clinton, but Trump makes Clinton look like a choir boy. WE elected Trump, so we have no one but ourselves to blame for his disastrous presidency. I will concede that Vladimir Putin also played a huuuge role in subverting our electoral process on behalf of Mr. Trump, but again, that has zero to do with Bill Clinton.

          Hate Clinton as much as you desire, the fact remains that we elected a known cheater, who was recorded bragging about “grabbing women by the pussy”. That’s a reflection of the values of the people who voted for him, and no one else. Unfortunately, we as a nation are collectively paying the price for those so-called values voters..

          Unless you are one of those folks who refuses to recognize the hypocrisy of condemning Ms. Clinton for staying married, while simultaneously opining that the scores of women who have accused Trump of sexual battery are liars, there is simply no logic behind your statement.We have Trump because of no one else’s flaws but our own.

      • Bob Dole!! Loved that man! I was just talking about him the other day..he would have been a great president. The only thing the haters could say was that he was “too old” to be president… that is what living an honorable life looks like..they couldn’t find anything on him…where did guys like him go?!

      • I don’t get involved with “Rep. vs. Dem.” I vote for people from both parties on every level and issue using my own personal filters.

        If you’re an asshole….you’re an asshole. Doesn’t matter what political party you are affiliated with.

        • And neither party has cornered the market on assholes. They abound on both sides.

    • Exactly what goes down in an affair. It’s not just about lighthearted sexual misconduct. There’s serious dishonesty and the unforgettable pain from betrayal, misdirection, trust destruction, breaking a bond.
      Not sure why so many people seem to have difficulty with being faithful.
      Maybe they are polyamorous?
      Past a certain age, isn’t sex supposed to NOT be the dominant driving force.
      One of the benefits of griwing old is that the elevation to the higher chokras of heart and crown are supposed to liberate one from those lower biological urges that radiate fom the groin. I wish our society valued the wisdom of age more like they do in some other cultures.

      Sex is for reproduction. There’s more to it, but after a certain age, everything worthwhile has nothing to do with sex.

  • Do you think the husbands said “if you loved me you would forgive me”. Or in the words of my ex “I wasn’t going to leave you” (I can tell you I wasn’t very grateful)

    • ‘If you knew the definition of love you wouldn’t have done this/her/everything I don’t know about yet’

      ‘Oh… you weren’t going to leave me? Wow. I’m sooooo lucky! Everyone wants a sparkly turd.’

      • ok-hate me-I was the other woman who didn’t know he was a serial cheater and currently then, living with the woman he had cheated with when he was married for the second time. When I found out he wasn’t the single, available, man he had presented to me, he said of the other, other woman, “I love her and I am never leaving her.” Then I learned he was a gigolo using her for her cheated on husband’s money and real estate with income. Never was anybody’s other woman, never would be and how sullied he made me. The fury still burns in me like bonfire. I understand the pain of betrayal, deeply. The only oddity in this everyday situation was my belief that a 64 year old man is way past this sick, destructive behavior. But, there is karma in that the shecheater got that ‘if he cheats with you, he’ll cheat on you.’

        • Why would anybody hate you for being a victim of cheater by unknowing being the other woman? It sounds like you ended things when you learned the truth.

          • Yes Nyra to TOW!
            You didn’t know….he led you on…you were a victim.
            Do not feel bad for this Bloodsucker and, I guess it gives you good experience to flush out the bastards in this universe. The bigger the ego….

    • Oh god. I was told that too. What is THAT supposed to do for the betrayed spouse?

      It IS the shit sandwich served up by the abuser on a gilded platter. If you look closely at the platter, you would notice that it’s a spray painted plastic tray lifted from dollar city.

      • Mine said “I don’t want a divorce!” Of course he didn’t!! Why would you want a divorce from the wife who does everything while he has a fuck phone on the side to sext other women and having Messenger accounts to flirt and find other women? Sorry Judas – no cake for you. POS.

        • Ladystrange,
          Yep, heard the same thing from STBX:
          “ I don’t believe in divorce when I was happy 50% if the time”

          My response: “news flash, your version of happiness is irrelevant, the divorce isn’t about your happiness, but a response to the fact you are a sick, soulless, mentally ill piece of shit, predator”

          Seeing clearly

        • Ladystrange,
          Yep, heard the same thing from STBX:
          “ I don’t believe in divorce when I was happy 50% if the time”

          My response: “news flash, your version of happiness is irrelevant, the divorce isn’t about your happiness, but a response to the fact you are a sick, piece of shit, predator”

          Seeing clearly

        • Yup, I was REELING after Dday and grasping at straws to keep my family together…I saw his “well maybe I dont WANT a divorce” as a gleaming pile of hopium…not as the cake eating pathetic mess of crap it was.

    • My cheater said, “Right up until the end, I was going to stay.”
      “The end” being defined as me throwing the cheater out the very night of D-day.
      But in HIS mind, it was all up to him and I should have been thankful that even while he was serially cheating secretly for 16 years, he graced me with his sparkly presence. It never even occurred to him that any part of the decision should be MINE.

    • They think we should be grateful that they “come home to us” after their extramarital activities. ????‍♀️
      Why is that?
      What are we to be grateful for?
      X was speechless when I asked him what was in it for the kids & I if we stayed.

  • Mrs. Hoover better prepare for the grand hoover that will be coming up if she decides to leave him.

    Jeff ‘Grand’ Hoover. If ever there was a narc name, there it is.

  • Hey now, cut ole Eric some slack, poor guy just wanted to cosplay some scenes from 50 shades and his chump wasnt game. LOL

    • When one dates a former Navy Seal should one expect to be attacked and blackmailed? Hmmm…maybe?
      I feel awful for any woman that man comes across, at least any new Shmoopies can google him!

  • Please, please ChumpLady!! In a future column skewer Missouri’s governor, the married, handsome lady killer, who seduced his hairdresser? Fast forward to pre-election, he ties her up, naked, in the basement and threatens her. But wait, there’s more charms to this public servant. Please kick his ass too, ChumpLady!

    • Sorry! I see now that you nailed Mr. Too Sexy For You, Missouri’s governor. Nice! I was being over-zealous!!

    • I don’t usually feel sorry for OW’s but I will make an exception in this case. Now I have to question the wife who would forgive that and not be running for the door. It makes you wonder what he’s using to threaten her. What a monster.

  • I have no words. There’s the witty part of me that thinks unless their press conferences are done in a unitard doing some interpretive dance while their actions (photos/screenshots/tally of marital costs) are on a slideshow in the backdrop…. it’s all just a face saving scheme.

    And the wives. The fucking Good Wife basically showed these women the uniform and the ‘high road’ garbage road to walk. Oh, look how Alicia florick, fictional character extraordinaire did this with grace and still got to pursue her own life and make her own choices and ended up… oh. Miserable about the man and how he fucked her whole life up. But her purse matches her lipstick so it’s ok.

    Poor sausage, having the means and ability to be bereft for weeks in his own home (no question who was making him sandwiches during the whole thing) … most people have to work regardless of their public shame for good reason. Have to maintain their life and household.

    What was your wife doing in this time? Making sure you had bubble baths and clean socks. Taking care of the shit you werent, doing life stuff. And also forgiving you and making her needs even smaller than they already obviously are.

    Ugh. My story, my new happy ending for her? Money, house, divorce, no contact, maybe a tall strapping European billionaire with a heart of gold and an ass that won’t quit so she can live out her days travelling and being a philanthropist. (K that may be the ending I wish for all of us)….

      • Meh. Or moved across the country and gets her own, on her own merit not related to his turdiness at all.

      • UNITE!
        Woman need to take over the world before the men blow it up!

        Men are biologically incapable of running the world without war.

        The sooner women realize this, the better. Woman need to take this task and redponsibility.

        Women would do better controlling resources and the military.

        The good little wife at home, an extension thereof.

    • Alas, I don’t think there are enough of those to go around for all of us.

    • Yes! Plus she decides to do a case study (she is a political science prof) on out of 80% of men in politics and 20% of women, how many of them are cheats,

  • Jenny Sanford took zero crap from her ex who if you all remember, disappeared from his job as governor of South Carolina to continue his affair with a woman from Argentina. The divorce was nasty. But, of course, she may not have forgiven him, but his constituents have and now he’s a congressman.

    In making sure I had the facts right this morning, I discover that she recently got engaged. In the meantime he has never married the woman from Argentina.

    • And that’s the part most people don’t truly understand and honestly I didn’t really understand until I’d been chumped. I had bought into the narrative of ‘oh they must not’ve been happy or he really the marriage had deteriorated’. I’m embarrassed to admit that but ah, the truth. I would’ve told you it was wrong but surely the spouse knew they weren’t happy.

      Once you’ve been chumped, you realize only one of you was living authentically in what you thought was a real marriage. The cheater was using you for cover for their misdeeds. If they will con the one person they have vowed before God to love, honor, and cherish, then they are not a good person. They will not look at life and other’s lives with that moral compass. They are not a person that should be representing the people.

      • Exactly. But in my opinion politics attracts a lot more narcissistic types in it for themselves these days. It’s a shame.

    • I always thought she was a class act. Way too good for that loser ex. I am glad she has been able to quietly move on and is now engaged. I wish her all the best that she deserves.

    • You know Im glad you reminded us of Jenny Sanford. I remember feeling particularly connected to her story. I stayed with some friends at their family beach house near Charleston about a year before all that went down. I remember looking at all their lovely family photos throughout the house. She looked so beautiful and put together for a mom of 4 I kept thinking. I only had 1 child at the time and wondered how she did it and kinda felt envious like she had this picture perfect life with a successful attorney turned politician. After hearing the news I was almost going through my own cognitive dissonance reflecting I all the photos and beautiful family home on the beach. Little dud I know I’d be there myself 5 years later. Anyways she was very educated and remember reading she supported him through school and getting his career on track. She was already quite established. And look how he ended up treating her and their boys??? I think cheaters don’t realize what they do is an affront to the entire family…including extended family and friends etc Anyways I think she handled that situation with him like a bad ass. I followed the story and remember my ex husband not really thinking anything if it. He didn’t seem to think much of her pain but remember him laughing at Sanfords hiking story. He also didn’t seem impressed with her ability to stand up to him for herself and the kids. It all makes sense to me now

      • Interesting post. I was thinking as I read, she put him through law school. I am sure he felt entitled to that. And it took responsibility away from him which is one of the hallmarks of these fuckwits.

        Paralleling, hindsight: my fuckwit gave me all the responsibility for the children. I spackled. Whenever I wanted him to help, he would always pass the duties to his parents. When his dad retired, fuckwit put anything he would be expected to do for the children in the hands of his dad. Acted like he was doing his dad a favor and even found chores for him to do at our house because “his dad was bored and needed to keep busy”‘. Fuckwit sent our children to help grandpa but never him.

        So,I was thinking this morning, when his dad got sick, it as usual was all about fuckwit. His fears were not for his dad, but for him. I can’t get this disease! , Who will I pass my kid responsibilities off to now? The realization of his dad’s illness coincides with ramping up his cheating. Then he easily ran away from us because he could no longer pass off the responsibilites. He got an older schmoopie who is probably a caretaker and her youngest just flew the coop to an out of state college. Her parents are deceased so no competition for his needy self. She is hooked on his money. She is chasing him all the way. All good.

        Something I learned recently, because I still try to keep tabs for my court case, their affair started the month before whore’s husband’s mother died after a lengthy cancer battle. Instead of supporting him, she was screwing fuckwit. No idea what that means other than they occupy to much space in my head. Thanks for this place to put it in writing and hopefully let it all go.

  • My re-write would simply be that they were not present at these events which left the press and every one else wondering where they were.

    Meanwhile, the wife is sitting in her attorney’s office, not only relaying information about the public affair but also giving the attorney documentation of all the other ways he has lied and cheated…in his job, on his taxes, etc. because we all know that rarely is the character and integrity problem isolated to one affair “mistake”.

    • The attorney shows up with the divorce summons to hand to him during his press conference ….

      • Depositions last Thursday. He then tried to settle 36 hours before the trial. So we then spent the morning of trial each sitting in our own small conference room with our attorneys going back and forth. Good times! But we ended up settling. I didn’t win big but I was definitely on the plus side….closer to what I wanted than what he wanted. Bottom line., he did not want the stuff in the depositions to come out in the hearing. I did not want to sit through 3 days of hearings.

        Side note: He decided at the last minute he wanted the house. For 5 months we were selling it. I want to move to a better school district for my 2 year old who is special needs. Figured I would sell as part of divorce and make him share the costs to sell. He now has 6 months to pay me half the equity and then I have 6 months after that to move. That gives me 6-12 months to find a new house. But now I don’t have to do the 4 pages of things that need fixed or painted or keep the house spotless. And he gets a house that within 2-3 years will need s new roof, new furnace, new water heater, and has a chimney that is falling apart. Which were the other reasons why I wanted to sell. Plus, I did about 90% of the home maintenance. It may not be nice, but I am laughing at the karma that will come…

        And how creepy is it that he wants the house. He has been living with OW for the past two years. She is going to move into the house he shared with his wife for 20 years???

        Plus, older kids want nothing to do with OW. They have never even been to his apartment. Does he think that will change if he moves with her into the house?

        Not my monkeys. Not my circus.

      • Can I just add that once you get through that final hearing, it is like you can breathe again. All the sudden, all those financial unknowns are decided and you can move forward. It has been a long 2 years…(4 if you go back to dday#1)

        Feelingit…when is your trial? June?

        • Yes, thanks for letting me know! I am so happy to here it went in your favor. Nobody is a winner here but you will be better off . I look forward to that day when I can breathe easier. Things are so stirred up right now- when it rains it pours. Hearing your success with a fuckwit cheat gives me hope. I pray we will settle before trial but it is all a big game to fuckwit and he doesn’t think anyone can touch him.

          Your news has helped a very dreary day get me free. Hopefully you will be changing your name to I’m Free soon!

          • That “nobody can touch me” is part of the narcissism. Mine went 21 months into this process before he ever proposed anything. He finally did just 36 hours before the start of the hearing. I think it is because they feel as if they cannot be touched. And I think that they believe that we will just give up and settle for less. We were chumps…

            I drew a line where I said I would not go below in settling and would take my chance on the judge. He proposed, I countered. And then the morning of the hearing, he countered. It was barely any movement from his first low ball proposal. I told my attorney, we would just go forward to the hearing. His attorney came back 5 minutes later.

            Bottom line, they think we are suckers and always will be. Keep proving him wrong. You won’t get everything you want but hopefully you will come out ahead, too.

            • You have the strong adult attitude. Patience pays off. When will the divorce be final?

              • Judge said the decree would be signed within 14 days. That means I should officially be free by February. Feels weird after fighting for the truth for so long…

  • (Modified to accommodate political husbands)

    “Ladies and gentlemen of the press, thank you for attending. I’ll try to keep this brief, so you can all go back to monitoring celebrity and political tweets.

    I stand before you today facing a situation that I never in my wildest dreams ever thought I’d face. It has been nearly a year since I last had any confidence or sense of certainty regarding my marriage.

    Following months of sexual exploits, masterful mindfuckery and being made an utter fool of, I am forced to accept that my spouse in an emotional abuser.

    More people than I can count have asked my just how in the hell I’m able to handle it, and questioned whether I truly have come to terms with just how horribly I was treated by the person I trusted most in the world.

    I have done so by reconnecting with my parents, siblings, and everyone else I had effectively shut out of my life while trying to make my marriage work — good people who have always been in my corner, looked out for my interests, and supported me in all of the ways I needed.

    And I have joined an online community of support and validation that has given me the strength to carry forward with the knowledge that I’m not alone, that I’m not at fault for the situation I’m in, and that if I can weather the hell I’ve been through to this point, I can weather anything. THANK YOU SO MUCH, CHUMP LADY AND CHUMP NATION.

    I have treated every day as an opportunity to demonstrate to what a sane, responsible, present and devoted parent is. No matter what happens from this day forward— I will have won, in that I will always be able to look into the faces of my beautiful daughters; and more importantly, my own reflection in the mirror; and state with complete confidence that I lived up to the high standards of decency and integrity expected in a marriage and parental partnership, the example that my own parents set have exemplified for more than 60 years. In the end, that’s the only thing that matters to a chump like me.

    Thank you for your attention. I won’t be answering any questions. If you want to hear somebody talk about themselves, my selfish, pathetic invertebrate of a soon-to-be ex-spouse will be more than happy to oblige. Just be sure to bring bleach and barf bags.”

  • All the problems in the world are caused by there not being enough women in positions of power. If the politician husband cheats? Give his office to his wife. Just sayin: that’s how I’d like the ugly scene to play out: “You’re done, asshole. Step aside, let someone more virtuous take over.”

    • I don’t agree. Women now cheat almost as much as men and women in positions of power are now doubt narcs just like the fellows. This isn’t a gender issue. It’s a character issue.

  • There are some real life endings that I admire, like Jenny Sanford (wife of the Appalachian Trail cheater-governor Mark Sanford). She did not “stand by her man.” She separated from him almost immediately and without any faux forgiveness. She also filed a criminal trespass complaint when months later in violation of their court orders, her STBX went to her house and let himself in to watch a football game on tv with their son. I read her book and really understood the pain of the extra scrutiny being publicly chumped entails. I believe her ex is basically a joke at this point, right? And I just looked her up and she just announced her engagement to the new man in her life. Hiking the Appalachian trail will probably forever be a wink wink joke about politician cheaters.

    Another one that comes to mind is ex NJ gov McGreevey’s wife Dina. I think officially she was made to stand next to him during his press conferences, but I think she dumped him pretty quickly. I just looked her up too and she’s quoted saying that she never would have married him and had a child with him if she knew he was gay (which was revealed to her thru his cheating).

    Then there’s the Alabama gov, Bentley. His chumped wife didn’t reconcile, either, and dumped him pretty quickly.

    Being chumped was bad enough, and I felt the added pain of scrutiny of all our friends, both our families, and my business colleagues and many clients. That’s why I have tremendous sympathy for these spouses of high profile political cheaters. And there is also the factor that as detailed in Jenny Sanford’s book, most of the wives devoted themselves to their husband’s career and gave up their own career for his.

    • This. Either being looked at as a failure or someone who didn’t measure up, and then having it be in newspapers and media on top of that? Jeff Hoover is a turd, all of them are and his wife is going to bear the brunt of it.

    • Jenny Sanford was a stand out in my book too, for her handling of her husband’s infidelity. She demonstrated great strength in the face of all the criticism from trolls who negatively commented on everything from her looks to her lucidity. But she forged on, kept her self open to future relationships, and above all was the sane parent for her 4 sons. Furthermore, with the choice of her new partner, as a woman in her fifties where options may be limited, she didn’t feel the need to insinuate herself into another person’s marriage and mess around with another person’s husband.

    • Diane Bentley’s badass! She didn’t go to the media, just divorced Governor Cheaterpants and gave her evidence to the ethics committee. Next stop, resignation!

    • Chip Pickering’s wife not only divorced him but started alienation of affection lawsuits against her husband’s mistress. unfortunately Mississippi is one big good ole boy network and the negative publicity against her forced her to drop the suit.

  • “The Reconciliation Industrial Complex can never leave it alone. Affairs are not just survivable — they’re improving.”

    I think it was CL who compared an affair to a heart attack. Yes, you may survive. You may even change your habits and live a healthier life. But the damage has been done, and your life will never be the same again.

    You only get ONE life–do you really want to spend it hobbling along, constricted, confined to the couch…not for anything you did, but because of what your spouse did?

    • So true. Since things ended with my ex I’ve taken this sentiment to heart. I only live once—I want I to be the best version of myself and that includes being joyful. I made the “right decisions” in my life with ex, and that didn’t work out for me. So now, I’m back in school at 41. Broke but feeling accomplished. I parent my child how I see fit, without his hyper controlling and judgmental attitude (yes, I don’t care if she’s 10 and still wants to sleep with me most nights. We’re all gonna live!). I’m quietly dating a wonderful man who is loyal and kind and giving…and waits tables for a living. And I care not that he’s not an ambitious career person. And all this makes me happy. And that’s a life.

      • Good for you NotANiceChump! Sounds like you are forging ahead and DO NOT worry about your daughter wanting to sleep with you at age 10. Both my kids did for several years while my fuckwit husband decided that he needed to work in two diferent States 2 thousand miles away and leave me to raise and parent the kids during our marriage. My son is grown and is in the Marine Corps overseas and my daughter is on an athletic scholarship as a Freshman in the Midwest. Co-sleeping is just fine and helps build kids sense of security so that they can feel secure enough to step out into the world on their own. She will always have a close bond to you. Trust me! Your daughter will be fine!

  • My script: She waits until his press conference is done. She doesn’t attend it, feigns illness if she must.

    She waits until the following Monday.

    She contacts a major media outlet without telling the cheater or his advisors and says she wants to give an immediate interview, a standalone statement, no questions. If the first one balks, she keeps calling until someone says yes. It’s salacious to them, so someone will.

    She says something like this this:

    “Though he spoke of mutual decisions in his press conference, please understand, he does not speak for me. I do not condone dishonesty in an intimate relationship. I would be dishonoring faithful partners and their children everywhere if I claimed that I did.

    As the partner of a public official, one of my responsibilities is to be a strong role model for young people, even, and especially, in difficult times. Therefore, I must speak with integrity and with their empowerment in mind. I must show them the strength I would want them to use if they faced the same situation.

    I am not going to publicly gossip about my marriage. My private life is not a salacious story for others to consume. It’s my life. My partner has already done enough to violate my privacy as well as my trust. I won’t voluntarily continue that betrayal against myself or my children.

    I am not going to discuss my plans openly with strangers. My plans for my relationship are private. My children deserve that. I must ask you all to respect it. I must ask you all to respect them by leaving them out of this adult situation. They did not choose it and they should not be punished socially for their father’s damaging choices.

    I will assess my situation with the help of my own advisors and decide how to go forward from here. Please respect my privacy while I do so. I have plenty of tough decisions to make in the coming days, decisions that are made more complex by a wide variety of emotions as well as my need to consider the well being of my betrayed children above all other things. Having to deal with public scrutiny will only make that harder to manage.

    Please support me and my children by allowing us our privacy and upholding our dignity through this painful struggle. Treat us like we matter, because we do matter. Thank you.”

    • Then she leaves him and divorces him and moves mightily forward and gains a life!

    • I would prefer:

      Ladies and gentlemen,
      Thank you for exposing my humiliation on national television. Since you’ve taken such an interest in this notorious “sex scandal” and the embarrassment my children are suffering, I feel compelled to address my situation to the public, so here is my story. I married a fuckwit. I’m divorcing a fuckwit. The end. Now go back under whatever rock you slithered out from and jack off.

  • First names: ? Hilary, Jackie, Laura,Betsy, etc. etc. ? (I’m not American). I can list names from Oz & Ireland too.
    Seems like no matter the decade, the country or otherwise a woman’s experience is supposed to be invisible. 🙁

  • If I were those women, I wouldn’t make any statement other than “Would you want to be married to this d-bag……..nah me neither, I’m out!!” No further explanation is needed, and anybody with a functioning brain would be fine with it.

    On the one statement though that said “While we never would have wished for this pain in our marriage, or the pain that this has caused others…..” First, these guys need to quit saying “we”. There is no “we” involved here. Whenever these guys accomplished something politically, there is no “we”, it’s always “I.” So man up you f-ing wusses and take some accountability.

    Also, what’s with this “never would have wished” business? Wishes, or not wishing for things, involves things that nobody has control over. Like never wishing for a death in the family or a terminal illness or losing one’s job, or something along those lines. Tying your mistress up is not something you “never would have wished” on somebody (and by the way, the mistress was married too while this was going on, so she’s not exactly Mother Theresa here either).

    I hate the word salads, I hate the deflection, I hate the hypocrisy. I knew these statements were all bullshit before, but after going through infidelity in my own marriage, I can now see these statements for the bullshit that they are in 1080p HD. These guys are total buffoons.

  • I’d like to add there are many publicly elected officials who’s betrayals don’t make the news. Last summer I met the wife of a local judge. Her husband was porking the local coroner. She had her suspicions as their pictures were often pictured in the local newspaper at fundraisers, Galla’s, etc. I’m sure the public display warmed their little deceptive hearts as they got to feel like they “pulled one over” on the whole community.

    Of course the wife was devastated when she was told out of the blue he wanted a divorce and she should probably go out of district for an attorney like he did. Wrapped in the oh so gracious intent of giving her a fair divorce, not influenced by his position. My Chump senses tell me, it wasn’t about giving her a fair shake, but rather, it was about him avoiding the scrutiny of his peers and or community. A fuckwit is a fuckwit, publicly or privately, they pretend it’s about doing right by their families, when really, it’s about saving their own asses! I don’t know how the do-good forgiveness trolls can’t see that!

    And here’s the kicker, his legal knowledge allowed him to buy a second home on the lake, years ago, and managed to convince her she didn’t need to sign any paperwork or be present… He walked away from the divorce with that house as a non marital asset, while she had to split the Family Home! They were married for 30 years! If that isn’t using your position to gain advantage I don’t know what is!

    Stay with me on this… has anyone seen the documentary Patent Trolls? It was produced by a man who was being sued for patent infringement because he posted his app on the google play store. Anyway, his investigation uncovered a blantant abuse of the legal system for the beniftit of a few key players, who colluded in abusing their power. It’s one of those documentaries that you sit there and say “Is this really f-ing happening?”

    I wish someone would take on the publicly elected cheater, revealing all their lies and deception, so the public, those fortunate enough to not have first hand knowledge of fuckwits, would see past the rampant RIC narrative and see the true manipulative nature of the cheater.

    Anyway, I know I didn’t quite hit the mark on the Friday challenge, but if I could change the narrative, I’d do it that way!

    • Hey Got a Brain, thanks for the news about the Cheater Judge (a judge who cheats, nice, and lies too) because it reminds me that I need to help change the messed up divorce laws here in my state, so Assholes cannot rip-off the faithful in every way possible.

  • If you can stomach watching someone cycle through the rage, pit, charm, vindictiveness and self-loathing, here’s the video of Mr. Hoover starting with the “Let me ask you a question..” moment:

    Particularly creepy is (a) his vengeful and conspiratorial tone when lashing out against “those who would destroy me and (b) the look on the face of his wife in the balcony: a thinly veiled glare that screams “fuck you, asshole.”

    • I couldn’t stomach watching the whole thing! If I did I’m sure the whole thing would be full of DARVO. In just the last few minutes I caught plenty of it!

      D – deny
      A – attack
      R – reverse
      V – victim &
      O – offender

      A variation of DARVO happening here. He doesn’t go so far as blaming the main victim (his wife), he just projects it onto anyone willing to criticize his actions.

      DENY “Unlike some other’s in this capital Mr. speaker, I do, what I say I will do!”

      DENY – “I believe people know I am honest and I am a man of my word”

      ATTACK, REVERSE VICTIM AND OFFENDER – “There can’t be any excuse that Jeff Hoover is a distraction to the legislative process. As the gentleman from Jefferson wants to get on TV and talk about”

      I’d love to see intimidation added to the DARVO acronym.

      #DARVO, #knowthesignsofmanipulation, #tacticsofabusers

      • My reaction too…couldn’t finish watching. The guy actually takes a moralistic and accusatory tone in everything he says. He’s a victim filled with righteous indignation and self-pity. (For texting to a subordinate staffer “If you send me your picture in the black lace panties, it’ll be for my eyes only” The guy is Speaker of the House mind you.)

        DENY “I did nothing unethical”
        (He literally says this)

        DENY “I did nothing sexual”
        (…word for word too)

        ATTACK “This was orchestrated by a vengeful staffer who didn’t get a position he wanted when we took over leadership” (How exactly did he orchestrate you typing a sexual text to a subordinate?)

        VICTIM “I – couldn’t eat. I – became depressed. I – cried on the floor when no one else was home”
        (so I’m telling everyone about it now because no news crew snoped through my front bay window as I had fantasized at the time.)

        VICTIM “I have been betrayed by people I trusted”

        This guy is literally delusional. It’s a condensed video display of Stupid Shit Cheaters Say. It should be added to the video library wing of CL Resources.

        Imagine, if just for one day, 3 or 4 of us got to be reporters in that press conference.

      • I only got part way through too. Couldn’t listen to his loathsome self pitying rant any longer. Its interesting when he asks his audience to think about what they had done to feel guilty for in last 5 years he seems to assume everybody would have something in their closet as vile as him. Course, they’re just lucky not to have been caught. Pity they didn’t answer with….erm ran through a red light, forgot my mother’s birthday, was little rude and irritated when waitress was late with my order. Makes your skin crawl

      • What a scum bag! ” I did not do anything unethical.” As if cheating on your wife is ok… long as it’s not sexual harassment? Where do these nefarious, soulless monsters come from?

        The poor wife!

    • The mistress’s ex-husband (divorced last year) has been needling the asshole — especially during the elections — on Twitter. When the cheater posted a picture saying something about being with his family, the AP’s ex responded with (paraphrasing): Just make sure it is your wife and not someone else’s.

      Not bad given that the guy is a public official … tough to figure out how to bring things into the open without a) hurting the kids even more; b) getting sued.

      Now the guy is talking to the FBI … good for him!

    • I tried for 30sec. …”I did NOT do anything unethical…”. Holy shit. That was it. Situational ethics. Fuck that clown. He should have also said ..”I DID act without morals and integrity.” The gaslighting and then the blame shifting because Mistakes were Made are too much for me and I am not new to this circus.

      • Mistakes were made. As if mistakes fell out of a tree one sunny day.

    • I tried for 30sec. …”I did NOT do anything unethical…”. Holy shit. That was it. Situational ethics. Fuck that clown. He should have also said ..”I DID act without morals and integrity.” The gaslighting and then the blame shifting because Mistakes were Made are too much for me and I am not new to this circus.


    • And how could I leave this out?

      “I want to ask each of you a question. I want to ask each of you a question. Well . . . everyone except the 6 or 8 that have never, ever made a mistake. But for everyone else I want to ask you a question…”

      • I couldn’t finish watching after his statement asking anyone in the room if they’ve made a mistake within the last 5 years.

        Over the past months reading responses all the celebrities/politicians/journalists being outed have made – they all use the words “I made a mistake” in their fake apology – IMHO, using the word “mistake “ is an attempt to minimize their actions and the trail of devastation/road kill these predators leave behind. I don’t think the definition of “mistake” is meant for rape, pedophilia, etc.

        My STBX constantly used the excuse “I made a mistake. I made a blunder “ – my response was, “ no, you piece of shit, a mistake is a accidentally spilling coffee – not trolling porn sites, forcing sex so I could eat or get needed medicine, taking pics of your erect body part and sending it to who knows where”!!!

        Every time I hear one of these fake televised apologies and hear “ I made a mistake – I want to vomit.

        Seeing clearly

        • Funnily enough program just on TV about this guy from 1980’s. Apparently famous TV evangelist caught with a prostitute. Think his “confession of sins” win my vomit bowl award hands down ????.

          It seems shortly after this toe curling performance he was caught with yet another prostitute. Oops ….back to the podium Jimmy.

          • My dad watches this guy all the time, tries to get me to sit down and enjoy the “blessing”…not happening ????????????.

      • It would have been perfect if everyone in the room just started laughing at this clown.

    • Mrs. Hoover is really attractive, quite pretty…. I was shocked at the very end when the camera showed her. I can’t picture them as a couple at all.

  • I’m all Better Business Bureau when it comes to outing the cheater. Yes, I dont want the news/gossip to my kids about what daddy did but the truth is always best imo. Let everyone know the cheater is garbage, that way no one invests in him without knowing the calculated risk of being with him. Business partner or relationships.
    I live in Indiana so it’s strange I didn’t hear about the Kentucky cheater but I did hear about the Missouri cheater and that pissed me off royally. These men are weak links of humanity. I’m sorry for their children as I’m sorry for mine that these men are awful role models for them.

    • Hi CheatersKilljoy,
      My STBX and his married AP, are both local and well known in community. Married AP is assisting him in hiding marital assets and dissipating marital assets. I have extensive documentation as proof.
      I’m in the process of a never ending DV, with STBX using every delay technique to use up profit from sale of home, which is court ordered to be listed by Feb 1.

      Where does libel/slander come into play?
      Because he refuses mediation, and continues this scorched earth policy – the DV will publicly expose both of them, ruin the business, which of course impacts spousal support.

      There are times I want to contact a local reporter, but then fear any “libel/slander “ etc. even though I have extensive proof – the truth, often does not matter family court.

      Seeing clearly

      • Protect yourself and your kids (if you have any) first and always. Later, when that is secure (divorce is in the record books), you may get a chance to give the public some useful information. Look for the opportunity then. (((Hugs)))

  • “She Who Refuses to be Nameless, his gorgeous, talented, and generally amazing wife of decades—rocking mom, and total milf—was meeting with the best divorce lawyer in town, and thus unavailable for immediate comment. Black trash bags stuffed to overflowing and tagged ‘Asshole’s Shit’ were spotted on the curb of the former Speaker’s soon to be former home. “

  • It’s sickening how these public confession press conferences have somehow become the required fashion for exposed politicians and their traumatized spouses.

    I cannot erase from my mind the pain-etched face of Silda Spitzer as she stood by then-Gov Eliot Spitzer (aka “Client No. 9”) during his public confession. Her distress and humiliation was palpable. At least her silver lining was she able to get a helluva post-nuptial out of it.

    Even after he put his family through hell and left office in disgrace, Spitzer’s behavior never changed. Last year I saw him having drinks in a bar with a young blonde. Total asshat. Maybe public stoning will come back in fashion.

    • “Even after he put his family through hell and left office in disgrace, Spitzer’s behavior never changed. Last year I saw him having drinks in a bar with a young blonde.”

      Because this is WHO he is. Like so many of the character-less, spineless, serial-cheating assholes (male and female) we’ve known and read about on this site, Mr. Spitzer is vermin masquerading as human.

    • Chatting up a younger blonde in a bar ? (retching sound)

      At least he didn’t claim to be a “sex addict” (I read David Ley’s book “Myth of Sex Addiction”)

    • He truly was one of the ickiest, not surprising that he is still misbehaving.

    • David Vitter and his prostitutes is another. his wife, Wendy, looked so ill, like she was going to throw up, during his confessional press conference.

  • I’m a political soon to be ex wife. The Worm never held office, but rather works behind the scenes. His misconduct is in the papers quite frequently. Not the infidelity so much as other asinine behavior. Some day I may write a book, but now I sit here with a story that would blow the lid off of the local news because it’s bargaining leverage.
    Believe me when I say that County, State and National politics are cesspools of souless self absorbed narcissistic worms…..I hope these chump spouses all find their joy….leave the political cheaters to rot in the second circle of Dante’s Hell.
    Not very meh, but I’m working on it!

      • I’m trying desperately to hold on to the fact that secrets eventually come out.
        My mom used to say “ oh, what a tangled web of lies we weave ……… to reinforce the reason for honesty:)

  • Many respondents have already provided great scripts and sage comments. I’m saddened that entitlement, betrayal and the effort to cover up the betrayal are so great in society.

    • >>”I’m saddened that entitlement, betrayal and the effort to cover up the betrayal are so great in society.”

      Me too, RSW. This realization has caused me to rethink everything … my entire worldview.

    • Yes! And not only cover up betrayal but then, when caught, reverse victimize!! I see it happen all the time! Poor poor poor meeeeeee, is the mantra when caught. It is a never ending loop.

  • Role model: Dianne Bentley
    As you pointed out before, CL, she wins the Mighty Award. That’s the example to follow!

  • So… not political but related to the crossover, the ever melded world of married men preying on women… Georgina Chapman is divorcing Weinstein. Harvey claims he never did anything which wasn’t consensual…. but also is in treatment, and wants to be better… well how does that work? And he, like every cheater is towing the line of ‘maybe someday we will be back together’…. um… seriously.

    • Honestly, I wonder how much Georgina was abused in her marriage to Harvey? These cheaters don’t have stellar character and I wonder how he treated her during their marriage. I’m so glad she’s divorcing him.

      • He was married to his first wife Eve Chilton when he started pursuing Georgina. The Ogre (as the French refer to him) used his bullying tactics to push out Georgina’s business partner in her fashion business Marchesa. His own brother said Harvey (aka UBFF ugly big fat fucker) physically bullied him over the years.

        I have very limited sympathy for an “other woman” who becomes the next missus.

  • I talked to a lawyer and was told how much I would owe him in alimony and child support if I divorced. How much he would win and I would lose in a no fault state. That shut my meh down teal quickly. You never know the true reasons why people stay and spackle.

    • This. No fault divorce is awful. In the Commonwealth of VA you can end up paying the cheating husband if you make equal or more than he does and you have to split your 401k and equity and cars even if they never saved and you kept 10% of every paycheck for the future. That credit card bill to buy a new bike or vacation? Half your problem. The savings you put for retirement so you don’t eat cat food? Half your spouses.

      It’s cheaper to keep her (or him) in a lot of cases. Nobody’s taking my lifetime of work from me. You’ll outlive them anyway the way most of these people are. Living well and long is the best revenge in those cases

      • I played hardball to NOT pay any of Fucktard X’s credit card debt as it had too many charges for items NOT benefitting our marriage.

      • Here. Here. 30 days post D-Day. Serial philanderer. Saw divorce atty within 2 wks. I run a small ???? business and STBX is unemployed. She wanted to know if he was a loser or if he likes to work. I replied he likes to work. She said well don’t go out and get a full-time job…he may try and file first and claim alimony. Wow. I had thought of that, but her saying it was a cold reality. My business all of a sudden just got slow. Figures. We are really strapped for cash and we have to sell the house. I certainly don’t want to put myself in a position that I’ll regret long term. I’ll have to do another consult with her to see what she recommends.

  • To stray from the subject of politicians, how about the Ole Miss Coach Freeze. His phone history revealed a history of calls to prostitutes.
    He resigned his job and scurried home to reconcile.
    That story went dark, anyone know how that is working out?

  • I used to scream at the TV when these poor political wives had to stand behind their cheatin’ man, looking sad and forlorn (but adoringly) at the jackasses giving statements along the passive-sentence lines of “mistakes were made.” How Hannibal Lecher must have looked at me with contempt, knowing I was actually one of those victims, while I blithely and naively plugged along in my marriage.

    And for the love of all that is good, can we ditch the de rigeur pale blue suit/dress and pearls, which is the uniform of the poor political wife whose spouse was caught banging strange? (I’ll keep adding as I find them.)



      • True. It looks as if the spouse wearing pale blue is required when the cheater politicians are begging like little babies to keep their jobs; when they are resigning due to sex scandals, other wife-colors are permitted (or the wives are allowed to stay hidden).

        Even with resignations, though, a red tie is required:

    • Tempest,
      What keen observations.
      The ‘mistakes were made’ line reminds me of my last ex-boyfriend, executive (politican in the making?) hate that line and the dishonest who utter such nonsense. No, slimy jerks, you repeatedly lied for months and years and then refused to make a real apology.

      On Hannibal treating Chump with contempt, sadly, I guess that I am not the only Chump who feels as though the partner she loved, respected, and sacrificed herself for was treated with contempt by her abuser/liar. It seems that some of these highly disordered partners feel and express contempt for their prey (chumps) for being chumps-and things get really ugly For chumps once chumps see behind the mask.

  • I always love how “God” always comes into play when these freaks of nature try to justify their actions. Was God guiding Anthony Weiner when he was taking nude pics of himself lying next to his 4 yr old son and sending them to an underage girl? My STBX, while sitting at his computer with coconut oil smothered on his face asking God to remove his wrinkles, searching on porn sites, quoting scripture to me that I wasn’t following God’s plan that wives need to be submissive, and declaring once DV is over he will find a new church because I somehow destroyed his reputation at the local church, Stating if God can forgive – and I can’t forgive , that I’m the evil one going to hell!!! Wtf, for them, God, only matters once they are caught and exposed, then it’s God to their rescue!!! After lecturing me on God and forgiveness, STBX, after kneeling and peeing on one knee to his porcelain God , took a pic of his erect body part and saved to phone- I’m sure so he could ask God’s guidance on which porn site and his other potential kibble sources he should send his “created in God’s image” pic of his fabulous likeness of God!!

    Seeing clearly

    Seeing clearly

    • I’m glad your eyes are open now, Seeing Clearly. You deserve to be free of this agent of Satan.

      Wishing you peace and healing.


      • I keep going back to “sitting at his computer with coconut oil smothered over his face….” are you kidding me?.

        • Hi hollowbunny,
          I’m not kidding, he smears coconut oil on his face every freaking morning!!! The 61 yr old freak predator believes it’s going to remove his wrinkles. Peeing while kneeling/ I had to add some humor and put a cushion in front of his porcelain throne because the callous on his right knee is huge. Again, this is a man who quotes scripture about how I wasn’t following the Bible and not being a submissive wife and because I can’t forgive, I’m doomed for hell 🙂

          Seeing clearly

        • Hi hollowbunny,
          I’m not kidding, he smears coconut oil on his face every freaking morning!!! The 61 yr old freak predator believes it’s going to remove his wrinkles.

          Seeing clearly

      • I can’t stand that “God hates divorce” bullshit. I was told that after leaving my ex and was living in a FUCKING BATTERED WOMEN’S SHELTER. I was told this after he threatened to kidnap the children. I will not put up with anyone who utters that crap in my hearing – I don’t care if they’re friends with my Mom or not.

        • To Susannah,
          Love your comment, “I can’t stand that God hates divorce bullshit”

          If I never hear another word about God, coming from the mouth of a sick narcissist predator and “their” family, I will know I’m truly blessed.

          I’ve listened to more “God says this or the Bible says this” to make me want to have a stun gun disguised as a Bible and zap anyone and everyone that destroys a person’s life, while using God as their example to justify their behaviors!!!

          Amen to that!!!!

          Seeing clearly

        • The counselor who did my ex’s Psych Eval was a christian. He said early in his career he took a week off to just pray about giving this advice because he could clearly see he was sending abused women back into a home/marriage with a monster. He expressed very clearly (using Malachi chapter 2 I think) that God hates bad marriages and abusive men more than he hates divorce. God hates divorce because good people are left alone to fend for themselves. In Old Testament times this could even mean death for a woman left.

          He told me in no uncertain terms to get out immediately. He said it wasn’t a good marriage or a bad marriage…it was a complete failure of a marriage. He expressed very clearly the physical danger I was in due to my ex’s mental state and evil intentions.

          He said let no one, pastor or otherwise, tell me that God wanted me to stay in such abuse. It helped free me from so much guilt.

    • OMG! The ole Jesus Cheater! The lowest of the low! Jesus cheaters actually think they are “owed forgiveness.” Sick freaks!

      • Leavingthecrapbehind,
        Jesus Cheaters!!! That gave me a good laugh!

        Yes, these freaks truly believe they wrote the book on integrity and moral compass – as my STBX stated: “ I made a blunder”

        Seeing clearly

  • The scene: Any political town hosting state government U.S.A. Its a cold, wet, dark January morning. The white granite building from the Roosevelt era looms in the background. There’s a large wooden lecturn at the top of the worn stone steps and rigged with a single microphone. At the base are a dozen or so raincoat-clad reporters from local affiliates. The mood is somewhat bored but anticipatory.

    Enter stage left— 4 characters: a handsome rugged All-American teenager on the cusp of becoming a man. His eyes are red from crying and he has a tense, somewhat hostile look.

    Next is a younger male, probably 13, with a few blemishes, lanky and thin, with eyes to match his older brothers’.

    The third to to enter is a stunning child of 10. She is the quintessential princess—golden curls, large blue (albeit red-rimmed eyes), rosy cheeks (a little chapped from the cold) and a Cupid bow’s mouth. The hint of dimples, although there are no smiles today so the reporters recall them from prior family photos.

    The three children stop in a line to the immediate right of the lecturn. They clasp hands and lean into each other for strength. The oldest murmurs words of encouragement to the youngest who has began to cry silently. The middle looks sick and a flush creeps up his pale neck.

    Finally, the main attraction slowly makes her way to the lecturn and the audience gasps. Gone is her perfectly coiffed hair, replaced with a thinner, hastily made bun, where she once had flawless ivory skin, even foundation cannot hide the blistering rash on her left cheek and neck. Her sparkling blue eyes that would light up any room have gone dull and yellow. Her nose drips and she doesn’t dab at it with an elegant cloth but rather uses her sleeve reluctantly. But it’s her figure that causes the most shock. Formerly a curvaceous beauty, she has wasted to nothing. Her limp breast skin visible through her coat even. Her legs look as if they would not hold her now-98 lb 5’4 frame even. The skin on her fragile knees folded unnaturally and slightly pulled by gravity.

    She begins to speak and her once-joyful and boisterous voice is rough, raw, filled with gravel. She hands desperately to the lecturn and begins to tell the most harrowing story of the emotional abuse and sexual deviancy of her tormentor of 25 years — their governor. There are frequent angry exhalations amongst the gathered group. Heads shake. Fists clenched. Incredulity.

    The lights go out. There is no happy ending.

    • MotherChumper99,
      Your words are so eloquent, so poignant.
      The pain and suffering of innocent children is so heart breaking.
      We, as adult Chumps, famous or not famous, that we may be, well we can address our misfortune.
      Our hearts are broken as we try to choose a path and struggle down it.
      Little children are so vulnerable. Imagine witnessing the destruction of the two most important people in their life, right before their very eyes.

      A beautifully written post MotherChumper99!

      Reading all the posts, I can’t help but think of Sarah ( ex wife of David Brooks), and her children.
      If Sarah has found CL, CN, my heart goes out to her and her children. (You are a lady of class, Sarah, many many hugs to a dignified lady)!

    • SO well done, Mother Chumper99! I vote for you!

      There is no happy ending. There may be a new beginning that brings happiness, but no happy ending and there will always be a scar.

  • Greitens and the photo of the woman….another factor is RAPE. I noticed that she wanted to break it off and asked him to stop making appointments for a hair cut. Why not TELL him she wouldn’t take any more appointments? For fear of blackmail and the release of the photos. If she gave into his advances after the photo because of fear of humiliation from the release of the photos, that eliminates consent, and so, makes those instances rape.

  • I always try and remember when I see these events that these women’s lives have imploded but their children’s lives, too.

    This is what I imagine running through their minds as they stand there -” Look kids Dad is making a spectacle of himself in news. Won’t the Twitter feed from this be fun to read. You’ll certainly have a lot to talk about when you go back to school. And you thought you wouldn’t have anything to write about for that college essay?

    Maybe in these cases silence is just another way of showing sanity. Why give the media any more fodder.

  • I realize with kids involved, it’s not always possible, but just for once, I’d love to see a harasser’s chumped wife quoted as saying,”Hang’em high, fellas, I’m outa here!”

  • Mr. Sparkles will tell anyone that will listen that he was wracked with grief and laid awake at night crying himself to sleep when he was unilaterally deciding that our marriage was over.

    A couple observations come to mind:

    – I slept next to him every night and never felt the bed shake as he “sobbed”
    – I actually was diagnosed with a sleep disorder and never in my 2:00am wakings did I find him huddled up and crying
    – Never did I see bloodshot red eyes in the morning (or any other daypart)
    – He cheated on me with too many people to name/count over the course of our entire relationship and marriage (11 years)… never once did he indicate his grave unhappiness or guilt to me… not even when caught.

    Entitlement folks, it’s what’s for breakfast for these fuckwits.

    • This sounds familiar. His “we grew apart” script is laughable. More like “we had marital difficulties and you started a new relationship, from whence we could not move past.” But even still, he sells his version. My response when that’s brought to my attention by him “agree to disagree on this one pal.” When others relay his script to me “[eyeroll], sure, let’s go with that.”

  • Never could understand how or why they would stand there next to them as they give the “yeah I did it” or still denying speech. Once I would like to see the betrayed spouse grab the mic in the middle of the speech and tear into the cheater for all the cameras to record.

    • Zell
      I was just thinking the same thing!
      Maybe some of the political chumps are concerned about their lavish lifestyles & they overlook the dirtbag
      cheating husbands for that reason.

      They lack self respect & don’t have nerve to kick them out. I almost feel sorry for these betrayed woman.

      • Cultural indoctrination that men in power will inevitably do this…it’s quasi acceptable. Bummer, but true

      • It’s not a lack of self respect I assure you! Ask me how I know.
        26 years invested in the marriage, the family, the dreams, the hopes, the lies and master manipulation by the narcissist abuser. Not to mention the fear, the gaslighting, the blameshifting, the PTSD aftermath of trauma-induced starvation, sleep deprivation, panic, nightmares, rumination, obsession, terror, shame. Fears about the childrens’ well-being.

        Lack of self respect??!!!!! Not even in the equation at the beginning in the darkest days following Discovery.

        • MotherChumper99,
          Amen to your response. It’s hard explaining the “craziness” involved with a Narcissist prior to “opening your eyes” and why you didn’t immediately run.

          Seeing clearly

    • Probably they were threatened. I can very much see that the second thing they experienced were the assessors honing onto them, using whatever they know about them to instill fear she is going to lose her kids. In their confusion, shock and grief, I don’t imagine them being able to think carefully about anything: I know I wasn’t. They are also told there is a reason for them to stay together, which is something I wanted so much to have in the beginning : the idea that I was worth something to him.

      I don’t agree it’s wise, neither for them or for the cause of Chumps, but I can very well understand why they stay.

  • Dear Chumped Political Wives,
    Please take a page from the script of the Former First Lady of Alabama and also Mighty Ms. Dianne Bentley ex-wive of now-disgraced-former Governor Robert Bentley.
    She discovered husband of fifty years’ cheating with a staff member and not only divorced him, she turned him in for his crimes.

    • UnsinkableMolly,
      I personally can’t wait for divorce so crimes can be exposed.

  • I like the ole classic truth, applicable regardless of where you “reconcile” or not:
    I don’t condone my husband’s behavior. He’s broken my heart and our family. None of us will ever be the same. His actions have nothing to do with me but are indicators of his character. I have to accept the fact that i never really knew this man who I married and raised children with. I will never trust him again. And you probably shouldn’t either.

    • I believe the OWs husband stuck with her. I can’t remember her name. They had a small child. I remember the media frenzy taking video of OW, her husband and the child getting out of the car in the driveway of their house. I felt bad for the guy. Now that I’ve been chumped I really feel bad for him.

      The most recent case of the married FBI agent leaking info to his married OW. Husband of OW probably found out about affair by watching the news- horrible, can’t imagine. It would multiply the humiliation.

    • Marriage counseling does not help with cheaters. That’s because cheating is NOT a marriage problem. It’s a moral deficiency on the part of the cheater. Despite what we are told by the media/pop psychology crowd- a marriage to a cheater can never fully recover.

      Some women stay for practical reasons (children, financial, health care insurance). Others like Hillary stay to maintain their status & careers. It’s not easy staying with a cheater. The respect and trust are gone …..and and the mind games cheaters play are insidious. I personally don’t think it’s worth staying with a cheater. Women who stay are putting their mental health and their physical health at risk. Not to mention STDs, skin diseases and other nasty remnants of the cheater’s affairs.

  • I highly recommend watching ‘The Politician’s Wife’, 1995 BBC/Masterpiece Theatre 3 hour mini-series.

    Juliet Stevenson is absolutely brilliant on so many levels, as she gradually discovers the scope of scandal, and, ultimately, what she does with that knowledge.

    For added appreciation, CN can play a game of, ‘Spot and Name the Behavior’! ????

  • Politicians and their supposed character.

    I burst out laughing watching Meghan McCain laud her father Senator John McCain and his teaching her that “Character matters” !

    The backstory on this political family is a major clusterf*ck.

    Meghan’s parents John and Cindy (18 year age difference) met and started their affair when John was still married to his first wife Carol, a former model. Carol had divorced her first husband Alasdair Swanson on grounds of infidelity. Too bad CL and CN weren’t around then because she clearly didn’t know how to fix her picker, so to speak. John had returned from his years as a prisoner of war and didn’t want to be saddled with Carol who had been in a very severe car accident requiring almost two dozen surgeries which shortened her stature by several inches. Cindy Lou/Poo Hensley definitely looked like a bigger,better deal and her father’s fortune sweetened the pot. A cosmetic dermatologist friend refers to Cindy as the “Crypt Keeper” due to all the Botox injections and plastic surgery.

    Cindy Lou/Poo McCain is a calculating monster. I’ve subscribed to “The New Yorker” for years, have forgotten most of the details of stories read but I’ll never forget reading about Cindy’s disordered behavior. She is the product of an affair-second marriage. Her mother Marguerite Smith and father Jim Hensley (very rich beer distributor) were married to other people when they met and each already had a daughter. Cindy refers to herself as an only child and inherited her father’s fortune. Only ten thousand dollars for Jim’s daughter Kathleen from his first marriage !

    Guess Marguerite taught Cindy how to be a mate (and inheritance) poaching b*tch…

    • Sucker Punchef by a Saffa,
      Dear God, I didn’t realize the entire back story of John Maverick McCain, each time I’ve watched him interviewed, could feel the “evilness” coming through the TV screen. His wife, Cindy, and daughter, Meghan, piece of work!!

      I have a feeling he won’t have any death bed confessions nor a “come to Jesus” moment, but the Media will go on and on for days about “this great man” and watch wife and daughter rave about him!!!

  • Can we have a future compilation of chumps who said HELL to the NO!

    We all need to remember sisters and brothers who publicly said “middle finger” to their cheaters

  • Here a nice ending based on today’s “fake” news 😉

    Wife colludes with porn star who made the sex movie they both extort money from husband. Wife then Divorced husband whilst in the background starting her own political careeer or micro loan project or whatever. Then use film evidence to destroy husband, leaving a big gap in the political world.

    Then the public get wise to moronic behaviour. And then in a freak twist of the story – Oprah gets elected to run America and everyone has a celebration party!!!

  • Million dollar question to this arrogant, self serving politician:

    If cheating and sneaking behind your wife’s back is “ethical”……………what the fuck do you call “unethical?” Sorry pal…….you are plain fucked up.

  • If one single political wife……….came out swinging about what cheating does to wives/children- the world would be a better place.

    As it is, they follow some kind of wishy-washy script. The wishy-washy script helps to exonerate and enable the cheater. Political cheaters and their Schmoopies need to be flushed out and called out for what they are – scum of the earth.

  • When I first learned about Dancing Dick’s “secret life” I attended COSA meetings. I met a woman there who contract HIV from her cheating husband. The couple has 3 young children- and both of them are going to die and leave those kids orphans.

    The children will be orphans because of the choices the cheater husband made. That’s NOT natural at all!

  • It’s all good and well to armchair quarterback but when I discovered X was cheating, the day he asked me for a divorce out of the blue, my whole world completely fell apart. At that moment, all the odd happenings of the last few years fell into place. His long hours “at work” or “at the club.” His contempt towards me. His reckless spending. His disengagement from me and the children (all teens at the time), him picking fights, and his “new” part time job which was in addition to the full time job he had been at for twenty years. He had a job working at the local courthouse. His decision to move a great deal of money from savings to “purchasing time on with the state.” His single vacations. His decision, twice in the last five years, to pull equity out of the house. At that moment, I was overwhelmed with sadness but then I quickly grew angry. Like white hot angry. Who the fuck destroys 28 years?!?! Tempered with that though was my overwhelming feeling of…caution. At the back of my mind, and in my gut, I recognized a few truths: I was scared too. Not of my future, not of being poor, but of him. He was now someone I did not know. And I realized I stood between him and his coveted perfect future. Not a Disney moment to be sure. For the next six months I waited for him to file (there is a waiting period in my state), not because I didn’t want out but because I felt more and more threatened by his behavior. I knew money was his one overwhelming concern, our children and I had ceased to exist, and while I knew he was going to annihilate me financially I was more concerned for my safety. All this drove me to my choices in the years it took us to divorce. While I aired my truth I hid the threat from the court but always felt I was walking a tightrope. Court hearings were a nightmare. I was isolated, in a small town, fighting for my share, yet my one overwhelming concern was for my safety.

  • You were right to be careful. Intuition is usually correct. If you felt unsafe, you *were* unsafe. I hope you feel safe now.

    • Yes. It has helped to move away. I too believe it is good to “pay attention to your gut.” X was a well liked charismatic peace officer in our town and county, known by many, and his “narrative” was out there long before I became aware of his double life. Before the affair, he was fairly even tempered but I was one of those wives who saw an entirely different man after his mask dropped. What also gave me pause was that one day, long before Dday, we were watching one of those shows in which one spouse kills the other and he had turned to me and very casually stated that if he could get away with doing something wrong and “not get caught,” he would. We had guns in the house. It gave me pause then because I think he meant it. After Dday, when his behavior grew more erratic, I began to look back on a few instances where things didn’t add up. My car losing its left front tire, a new leak in the brakes (the car had just been serviced the week before), and shots fired at the house. In addition to neglecting our financial responsibilities, X seemed more intent on erasing me from his life. He contacted my boss and threatened to sue me for living in our house. He made 4x what I did and was no longer paying any of the household bills. We lived in the country and after he left, he’d just show up. Even after I’d asked him not to. He was aware of my schedule and had access to the house when I wasn’t present, looking back I would have addressed that in court sooner. I stumbled upon an old HIV test in his desk, dated two years earlier, and knew for certain he’d been playing with my health. At that time I was in full flight or fight mode every time I saw him. I documented my concerns (sent him an email noting them as well) and spoke to the local police about our situation only after he vandalized our home. This was two years after he had moved out. Definitely worked to have a third party involved. X dragged out the divorce while both lawyers and our family court sat back and did nothing as he dissipated our second biggest asset, the house. My focus though was on my safety and the settlement, something I needed in order to get a life and move far away.

  • 1. A Betrayed Political Wife should do her own press conference. Alongside her pitbull divorce attorney.

    2. At the press conference, she should say: “I’m shocked and devastated to learn that Dear Governor Hubby is not just a cheating jackass, but a blackmailer, as well. I have filed for divorce, as this behavior is both intolerable in a marriage and illegal. I urge the citizens of this state to do the same, as someone who betrays his wife and children will not honor his promises to anyone. Please respect that my kids and I need privacy to heal and establish our new lives. If you have questions, address them to Governor CheatingJackassBlackmailer. And I urge you to donate to ABC Group who helps abused spouses who can’t afford legal help in divorcing one of these freaks.”

  • This fits the theme of this topic, & you may all enjoy this current affairs (pun intended) from the UK:

    Most of the article is behind a paywall, but there’s actually all you need to know in the bit that is publically available.

    In summary:
    -Leader of far right anti immigration party in UK dumps wife and 2 kids for ‘model and actress’ 30 years younger than him (see picture)
    -Younger OW makes racist remarks about Meghan Markle (suggesting that she would ‘taint’ the royal family)
    -Our cheating husband comes out with this tripe: ‘I have no doubt I’m going to come out of this, and Jo and I are going to come out of this, as a couple, stronger than we went into it.’
    -A few days later The Dear Lecher dumps OW.
    -Wife says publicly that she is NOT taking Mr Far-Right Sparkles back.
    -His political career is in all likelihood over. He has no longer got a 25 year old girlfriend. His wife (and probably kids) don’t want him back.

    There is Karma in the world! Believe!

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