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Chump Lady Tweaks Her Site

Hi, just a housekeeping post, to inform you guys of a few changes here at Chump Lady. “Whoa, where’d the annoying ads go?” you might be wondering. Well, I just parted ways with BlogHer, the ad syndicate I’ve used for several years to go solo. Sorry to tell you other ads are coming back, but until I get that worked out, you can enjoy a few lovely, uncluttered days here.

On the spam filter issue — thank you for your patience while some of your comments got eaten by Spam filter monsters, or wound up in moderation. Please understand IT’S NOT PERSONAL. It’s WordPress. Sometimes plug-ins don’t play nicely together, or something updated and whacked out something else. If you report something amiss, please note — I AM NOT IGNORING YOU. In addition to blogging and a full-time job, I’m here behind the scenes trying to troubleshoot the wigginess — writing on WP support forums and trying stuff.

I definitely want to know if something is not working, however, please understand that I Am Not Singling You Out Personally to torment, blacklist, and frustrate. I get a LOT of mail. I just don’t have the bandwidth to answer every WHERE THE *&^$% DID MY COMMENT GO???!! email personally. (I do answer some personally, but not all. I. Just. Can’t.)

Trust that I’m on it, and things will sort themselves out eventually. I believe I have now solved the occasional Disappearing Comment issue. (It was competing plug-ins having a snit.) If you wind up in moderation, I will fish you out. Unless you’re a Russian cyber troll, in which case, go fuck yourself.

Some housekeeping notes (bear with me, I promise not to go all public television fundraising drive on you… also, i have no tote bags):

1.) The ads pay for this place. And the donations to a smaller degree. If this place helps you, if you’ve found solace here, you owe it to the monetization of those annoying blinky sidebars. Please, for the love of keeping this place running, do NOT use Ad Blocker here. If you must use Ad Blocker and Kraft macaroni and cheese commercials offend your senses, consider donating a modest amount to the site instead.

I don’t get rich doing this. I’ve been wildly successful as blogging goes (huge traffic, a book deal, notice from a major network) — that has NOT translated into massive profits. (Maybe someday! That would be cool.) But I’m not getting rich off your pain. I’m paying $300 a month to host the site and a lot more in IT support. (Last year’s taxes? My donations and my IT support costs canceled each other out. Which leaves ad income. Which is highly variable.)

I’m moving over to Google AdSense next. I’m taking this on faith because I have zero idea how much (or if) they will pay, because they’re based on a click-through rate and not an impression rate. But they won’t drag down the load time of the site AND they won’t bind me to oppressive 6-month contracts.

So when the ads come back, you can help if you…

2.) Click on an ad.  I know, now every time you go to Facebook, you’ll be assaulted by Kraft Macaroni and cheese ads. Clearly you look like a person who LOVES Kraft Macaroni and cheese! In a bunker someone, a marketer has curated ALL your mac and cheese brand preferences and that profile will follow you forever, and is in a government file somewhere.

Do it anyway! Click! Buy something! Be a consumerist sheep!

(Clearly I’m conflicted about this. I also don’t know another way to reliably monetize this site to pay for itself…. so help a chump out, CLICK.)

And besides, if we keep this place in the black, then….

3.) COOL STUFF IS COMING! Stuff like PODCASTS! I just finished a digital audio course and in a couple weeks will be learning Adobe Audience so I can edit sound files. Joined a local broadcast association that has state of the art studios that look like NPR on steroids, and I hope to add some groovy new content soon. I may also spring for a site redesign.. we’ll see.

Finally, I just wanted to say to everyone who has donated to the site — YOU ARE ANGELS. You pay it forward for newbies and delight me with your kindness and generosity. God bless you every one.

On that note, I’m going to go find some more coffee. Have a great Sunday everyone!

— Tracy


Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Blank comment space I coultn’t resist, so I will just thank Tracy for being fabulous and creating a place where we could find healing.

  • Thanks, CL, for ALL you do! Hey, have you looked into the Amazon Affiliates program? I know a bit about such things. 😉

    • Yes, I need to get my resources page back up and working. They stopped supporting widgets and now there is a WP Plug-in. I have a very long to do list…

  • Thank you, Tracy, for explaining a bit about how this whole “blog-thing,” voices-in-the-ether (who turn out to be absolutely AMAZING in real life — shout out to the Tampa Bay Chumps! and a few others… Mila, BSOD, etc. — you know who you are!)

    I didn’t realize that “clicking” on the ads was a good thing. I’ll be sure to do my part… 🙂

    Sending Gratitude, Hugs, and Love to you and yours…

  • Update on Governor Cheaterpanst, in 2013 named one of the 100 most influential people in the world by Time magazine: Gov. Eric Greitens of Missouri Indicted on Invasion of Privacy Charge (New York Times)

  • Love you. Hope you’re getting lots of good technical support which makes running this thing a breeze for you. CANNOT WAIT for the podcasts. Thank you for the tremendous gift of your insight and humor and kindness and for this community. That you were able to begin this project out of the depths of betrayal is both inspiring and unbelievable to me.

    I think things in our society are beginning to change (the esther perils of the world notwithstanding. Ah. I see autocorrect changed her last name to ‘perils.’ I’ll just let that lie.) With movements such as #MeToo, the culture is beginning to demand vocally that character and empathy replace selfishness and the bottom line as our values.

    You’re an essential part of this, Tracy. I just saw Oprah say definitively that she’s not running in 2020. So there’s your next gig. I am not even joking even a little bit.

  • Thanks for all the kind words, guys. <3

    Also… I know there are a few residual ads floating. Cannot figures out how to turn them off… but I will!

  • Tracy, I just want to say you are amazing. After reading your item #3 above, I am blown away by all you do, and all that you keep learning and mastering to be even better. Editing sound files? Groovy new content and site redesign? You just keep getting more awesome.

    Thanks for all you do. You bring healing and inspiration and humor every day.

    • THIS!! ^^^^ Tracy, you are just so inspiring and amazing, and it’s awesome to watch as you continue to grow, thrive and develop your technical skills for everyone’s benefit. Thank you for ALL you do for Chumps everywhere, and for using your worst nightmare for goodness and guidance. I just love and appreciate you so very much!! ❤️❤️

  • You are the angel! Thank you for all you do. This blog is what’s gotten me through 8 months of hell pist DDay. It beats the counselors, lawyers and books I’ve read (except for yours which I now consider my bible and revisit it every time I’m feeling pick me-ish or struggling. ). To clarify, if we click an ad do you get credit or do we have to buy something from the ad?

  • Thank you so much for doing what you do. It is true that our greatest gifts can be realized out of our greatest pain and challenges. You have an amazing gift and have helped countless individuals.
    I am fairly new here, but it didn’t take long to figure out that you are using your gifts and talents to the fullest.
    Thank you for what must be tireless work at times just to help others see the light and heal.
    There is surely only one you!

    You could have stopped with just your blog, but creating the forum was brilliant and surely instrumental to hundreds (if not thousands) of hearts being pieced back together. Many of those hearts going on to be whole for the first time in their lives!

    I wish you all of the success and happiness you deserve!

  • You do what you need to do. This site saves people. We’re in it for the long haul.

    • And PS–I’m in the middle of a thing right now (a very good thing) and didn’t remember to send my Valentine’s Day donation to Tracy. So if you have a few dollars and can contribute to keeping this wonderful community going, donate today. I did. Happy belated Valentine’s Day.

  • I’m setting up a reoccurring payment right now. I would love to buy you a cup of coffee every month, and have you remind me of what a strong woman looks like- and that is what this blog does for me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I think sometimes of the effort you put into this, when you are clearly over your cheater, and have moved on. It is a labor of love and service, and I am grateful for you.

    • Love it. Great idea to do the recurring donation. Think of how disappointed we would be to pick up our device and have no ChumpLady to read! I often read CL before I read the New York Times or check the weather! Consider it a subscription!

  • We’re political at my house, so I get this-just donated!

    (My ads are all designer shoe ads, not macaroni…you need to up your clickbait game, CL, lol. ????)

    Thanks for being here for us. I’m still digging out of my emotional, post-D hole, but it would have been deeper & lasted much longer wo your book & ChumpNation. And much of life is good, so it’s almost Tuesday, hereabouts.

  • Forever grateful to you, Tracy. You have helped countless people at their lowest point, a great public service.

  • Thank you for all you do! Sent a small donation last month, but I’m going to make it reoccurring. If I hadn’t stumbled on the book at Barnes and Noble and then this site, I truly wouldn’t be here today. Thank you thank you!

    • I’m always thrilled to bits to hear someone actually found the book at a bookstore. It’s like… wow.. it’s out there in the wild.

      So glad you found us and thank you!!

      • The Barnes and Nobles near me only carry one at a time. I keep making them re-stock by buying the one on the shelf. Gave several to my therapist on my last session a few months ago with instructions to give them to future chump clients. Paying it forward.

        • That is such a great idea! I have bought and given some to chumps as they come up(usually at Xmas time). I hadnt thought of passing them out to therapists.

        • What an awesome idea @GratefullyDivorc dDad! I take some satisfaction in knowing I’ve been the conduit to multiple book purchases, and I know my therapist has been recommending the book and this website as/when she assesses the need. I like the idea of paying it forward by buying a few and donating to my therapist for future chumps. I even threw the book into my mandatory parenting (bogus) class that I obligatorily attended post-filing.

          The idea of a podcast is great – can’t wait!

  • I haven’t donated in a while so, in honor of all the newbies, I’m taking this opportunity to make another donation.
    I wish Chump Lady has been around 13 years ago when got traded in. I’m pretty sure the support of CL and Chump Nation would have helped me to recover more quickly, and definitely helped me avoid some of the mistakes I made right after D-Day. One of the reasons I keep coming around is to help give others the support I wish I had had back then.
    Chump Nation, let’s all pitch in to make sure this support is in place for all the newly chumped. There is no reason why the financial burden should fall solely on Tracy’s shoulders. Sure, many of us are hard up for funds. But consider this: a visit to is a helluva lot cheaper than a therapy session.
    I challenge you to send what you can; together our donations could really amount to something.
    Much love,

  • Oh dear god…I am sorry if my 40 attempts to post a recipe were all put into a moderation que. I assumed they had just vanished. lol!

    • If it was on the forum, they may have vanished. Only the blog comments go to moderation. I have NO idea what happens to the forum “spam” — I think it goes to Jesus.

      Sorry about the recipes!

    • I was thinking the same thing! Hah! I hope Jesus enjoyed my 16 vanished posts about my ex’s tiny dick #blessup

  • Thank you dear Tracy! You have saved my life these past 2.5 years.

    If I can help in any way I’m ready too. Meh has given me the bandwidth. Feel free to email me and I will send you my bio IRL.


  • Thank you dear Tracy! You have saved my life these past 2.5 years.

    If I can help in any way I’m ready to. Meh has given me the bandwidth. Feel free to email me and I will send you my bio IRL.


  • I promise to click on the ads every day. Thanks CL for creating this amazing blog. I was five years past Dday when you started this but I still had a lot of unresolved angst over the betrayal and end of my marriage. CL and CN made it all crystal clear what went on and made me much more aware of fixing my picker and not going down the narc rabbit hole again.

  • Whoa, you guys!!!! Thank you! A sudden flurry of donations has come in, which is incredible of you. (I need tote bags… GAH!) I’m putting it all towards my next IT bill. Which I hope will pay dividends and MEH for everyone.

    You guys are the BEST. Thank you.

    • Tracy, The Best begets the Best!

      You are the best at what you do and you have, in turn, attracted precious, bodacious, mighty, genuine people into your fold. I am eternally grateful to you and this Nation

      What you have given out, my precious one, has already multiplied beyond what I could even begin to compute!

      I am so glad you shared this with us today. Reminder to ‘count our blessings’ as we all ForgeOn to our cheater free lives thanks to this place you have so lovingly birthed and nourished

      Love to all ya all

      PS: Late to the game, as usual. Out living the cheater-free life that all ya all helped me to gain! I think I have finally, truly reached MY ‘Tuesday’! Wowser!

    • Tote bags…with Mac and Cheese please! ????
      A year and a bit out and with the help of CL and CN I can actually eat a bit of comfort food now without throwing up ????

  • Yes. Intending to donate. I am new and didn’t realize that was an option. I bought the ebook and the audible version so I have access to mighty always. Yes this is better then all therapy, counseling and self reflection, almost better then exercise too, but doing my first 5k (post abandonment and cancer surgery) was so far the best. Yes. Thank you CL and CN, the last 2 months have been so much better!! I have court Tuesday, send the mighty my way (kinda scared).

    • Kibble-less {{{HUGS}}} to you!

      Scared is NOT a bad thing. Harness it and aim it high.

      You have already proven you have untapped stores of ‘mightieness’. 5k after dealing with that load of crap?! Court ain’t nothing upside that. You got this. Easy-peasy.

      Use this mental picture, if you must: All the other people in the court room—-judge, cheater, lawyers, whatever—-all had to go pee and poop in the night, just like you. They all had to get up & look at their ‘morning faces’ in the mirror, just like you. They all had to wipe the ‘eye boogers’ from the corners of their eyes before they showed up at court, just like you. If anything, YOU are better than all of them, because YOU belong to this amazing Nation of genuine, authentic, loving, kick-butt people. And YOU did not cheat……

      Go get ’em KL….You got this

    • @Kibble-less : I already regard it as an awesome and positive portent that you should have your court date on a TUESDAY.

      We’ll be rooting for you.

  • Today exactly marks 3 years since DDay, & 3-years-minus-1-day since Tracy’s ChumpLady wisdom showed up on an internet search to 100% save my sanity. The CL blog & book gave me the ONLY solid ideas out there re: how to protect myself & my children from some of the awful family implosion & fallout. I’m donating again today with my deepest appreciation & respect for the deep insights & tireless energyTracy has so generously given to all of us.

  • At first, when my posts kept either disappearing or going for moderation, chumpy me was convinced that I had done something wrong. Months went by before I contacted Tracy and found out my former moniker, Cold Turkey, kept getting blocked because of some nefarious Turkish association.

    It all worked out for the best, because it really was time to lose the connection with my old life and to change my name to Eirene Lux, “peace and light.”

    Never thought I’d actually thank that dratted WordPress, but with my name change I got to move a few more spaces on in this game of life.

    Another donation will be forthcoming, and I’ll try to click on a few ads from now on.

  • Just in case the comment I just left never makes it out of moderation…

    My donation was just posted to PayPal, and the process was so easy that even I, the brain-damaged, memory-impaired stroke-surviving chump formerly known as Cold Tu–ey was able to do it!

    And at least this time I remembered to not type the country name T-rk-y, as that drove WordPress crazy and caused my posts to be blocked for months.

    Hey, everybody, please donate if you can, as the warm glow you get from reciprocity is well worth it!

  • Oh so my comments that I have made have been gremlinned. Thought i was dealing with more rejection- ouch. I have been unable to post and been wondering why? Is it because I am Southern Hemisphere and just out there. But no, just bugs. I have gained a lot of strength and perspectives from reading the posts and hopefully will be able to contribute in full soon.
    Love to you all, from NZ

    • If that happens, and you go to moderation, look for you comment later. I do fish them out — and they post.

  • Tracy, just to say I know how much work these things take (and cash too) as do something similar as part of my job. You are very very appreciated

  • Looking forward to the changes. Hopefully better ads too. I will click on things I am interested in. I was always turned off by ads I would see here for RIC sounding stuff. I learned to ignore them in hopes I could heal. Many thanks to you for keeping this site up and running. It truly saves lives.

  • A note to anyone who is in moderation or whose comment went poof — check your IP address.

    Look up your IP number. Then check if that number is on a spam blacklist. If it is, then that may be why it’s going to moderation here (or elsewhere.) The site explains more.

    Also… it could WordPress being wiggy too. But do rule your side out.

    • Yay! This was so easy to do that even I could follow the (admittedly basic) instructions. Green for good, Red for bad. Doesn’t get any more simple than that.

      Thanks for posting this info, CL.

  • Thank you for being the voice of sanity for all us chumps, Tracy! I’m sure we’d all be delighted if your dedication to helping people through their pain and guiding them to a better life does make you filthy rich some day 🙂 (Click on the ads…OK got it, will do!)

  • So exciting!

    Well done, Tracy xxx

    PS I HAVE DONATED. A site this helpful needs to be paid back. So those of you who can’t spare $20 or even $10, you forfeit your right to complain IMO.

  • Paying bills today. Will pay forward to Chump Lady. I always have a copy of the book in my car to give to people. I’m a therapist and find with the right client, the book can work miracles!

  • Just donated – Thank you Tracy!!! this blog is truly a lifesaver for me and so many others. I wanted to make sure it keeps going for everyone who needs it.

  • I love the idea of setting a recurring donation… and my divorce-iversary is coming up soon!

  • Tracy, I just donated, too. It’s not much, but my goodness, do you know where I’d be without Chump Lady and Chump Nation? NOWHERE NEAR MEH. I have learned SO much here. This place and fellow chumps have literally saved my sanity. Thank you for all that you do!

  • OMG podcasts!!! YAASSSSSS!! 🙂

    Seriously, thanks so much Chump Lady. It’s been 3.5 years now since he left for boy wonder, and I still come back here for routine check-ups. It’s been a week of dreams about him which hasn’t happened for over a year now. Don’t know why he’s coming up now, but he is. And I still sometimes miss the golden moments which is why coming back here helps so much. But more than anything I’m thankful to be rid of the entitled crazy fucker, and you and this site has helped more than anything to get me to that place. Yay!

  • I’ve been following you since 2012 or 2013, and it’s been really fascinating to watch what has come of It’s my dream to see you in a Ted Talk, or a movie would be pretty cool too. It would be awesome to change our society’s culture of thinking infidelity is no big deal.

  • Thanks for all you do Tracy – loved hearing about all the behind the scenes stuff. You are amazing. Donating now…

  • I work in the online ad world and understand the needs for ads – it is what keeps most apps and websites free. Who would pay to use Facebook? Yeah, me neither.

    While clicking the ads are good, too many users clicking and bouncing off/ closing the ads websites right away would hurt the site and can prevent ads and payments in the future, so if you click give the site a chance. Don’t just click on everything and bounce right off thinking that helps support CL or the site. Click what you are interested in and want to buy, explore or learn more about. This applies to CL and any sites you care to support.

    By the way, I actually like ad retargeting (described in the #2 Mac & cheese example above) as a user. You won’t believe how often you buy something and then see an ad for a lower price within days. I call it my secret price adjustment finder tool :). Also, better to see ads you have showed some interest in than something totally random.

  • Hey, I just wanted to say THANK YOU again for the donations. Every cent of them went to IT improvements on this site. (Last week’s IT bill — $1555.00) I really appreciate your investment in this community, and I want to assure you that I’m working to make it better.


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