Mayor of Nashville Feels Really Sad About Her Taxpayer-Funded Affair
Nashville Mayor Megan Barry has a bad case of the sadz. She’s broken up with her hunky police bodyguard Robert Forrest, Jr. and would like you all to know that her chump husband Bruce is standing by her… and Jesus too. They’ve both forgiven her, and if they can forgive her, I’m sure you all can look past those taxpayer-funded junkets to Europe. Hey, she said she’s SORRY!
Megan Barry, 54, a Democrat who was elected mayor of Tennessee’s bustling capital in 2015, disclosed the affair to the media.
“Today I acknowledged publicly that I have engaged in an extramarital affair with the former head of my security detail,” Barry said in a statement. “I accept full responsibility for the pain I have caused my family and his. I am so sorry to my husband Bruce, who has stood by me in my darkest moments and remains committed to our marriage, just as I am committed to repairing the damage I have done.”
Yes, Bruce the Rock remains committed to the marriage. Barry is committed to damage control.
And I love how cheaters are always so sad about the pain they cause their families AFTER they’ve been busted. But inexplicably never overcome with grief while clinking champagne glasses in Paris.
According to the newspaper, Forrest accompanied Barry on trips to Paris, Athens, Washington, New York, Denver, Oakland and other cities in the past year.
Forrest racked up around $33,000 in expenses for the trips and more than $50,000 in overtime in 2017 on top of an $84,500 salary, the Tennessean reported.
Nine of the trips were only Barry and Forrest, including a Greece trip in September, according to the newspaper.
Nice work if you can get it, huh? And that Forrest, he’s a real stand-up guy. Whether you want him to or not, he’s committed to serving you. He took an OATH. And you know how much he respects oaths…
“I deeply regret that my professional relationship with Mayor Barry turned into a personal one,” Forrest said in a statement provided to the newspaper. “This has caused great pain for my wife, my family, friends and colleagues. At no time did I ever violate my oath as a police officer or engage in actions that would abuse the public trust.”
“This is a bad day, and there’s going to be more bad days, but this is not my worst day,” Barry told the Tennessean. “And I know the difference between a mistake — which is what I made and I fully own — and a tragedy. And this is not a tragedy. And I want to regain the trust of Nashvillians. And I will continue to serve.”
Yes Mrs. Forrest, it’s a MISTAKE not a tragedy. That’s how much Mr. Forrest respects your pain — he minimized it to a singular mistake. You know, anyone could absent-mindedly board a taxpayer-funded flight to Athens or charge $50K in overtime. It happens.
Mayor Barry is sorry for your pain too, Mrs. Forrest. But take heart, Jesus has forgiven her. So WTF is your problem?
“I am deeply sorry,” she said. “And I am embarrassed and I am sad. And I am so sorry for all the pain that I have caused my family and his family. And I know that God will forgive me but that Nashville doesn’t have to. I hope that I can earn their trust and I can earn your trust back.”
Sorry is as sorry does, Megan. Can you write a really large check to pay back the taxpayers?
No? I guess Nashville will have to settle for your embarrassment. Or how about you step down? That would go a ways toward conveying your regrets.
I’ll be curious to know how many people will say “well of course she had an affair. Look how he let himself go”! (For what it’s worth I think he looks rather cute). Just saying.
Fuck her “I’m so embarrassed” bullshit. How about she so ASHAMED? Try that on for size skanky whore, excuse me, Mayor Skanky Whore
I don’t want to compare the whole male chump to female chump thing but I can just tell from my situation that my ex-wife’s friends felt that while I was a nice guy, I was just not good enough to keep my wife happy (found this through a VAR). And so since she wasn’t happy, then she was entitled to sleep around indiscriminately in their eyes.
Of course, the stories she fed her friends about our marriage were completely detached from reality – but it was an interesting perspective on how people on the outside look at things. Whether male or female, for those on the outside that have never experienced infidelity, there always seems to be some type of failure applied to the chump.
Chump is always to be blamed for the misery of the cheater. My soon to be ex husband was sending flowers, chocolates, enjoying vacations with his affair partner while i was struggling with an infant and a kindergartner. As my distress was increasing, he continued to blame me, gaslight me and call me crazy, oversensitive and unreasonable !
These cheaters claim they were disturbed and in pain- LIES – THEY WERE ENJOYING IT and we were coming in their way so the anger was on us. You stupid committed wife, why do you need me around – can’t you just take care of the kids and LET ME BE.
The cheater blames the chump, the world blames the chump, many of us chump also blame ourselves – IT WAS MY BROTHER WHO WOKE ME UP TO THIS REALITY. He told me that the cheater is blaming you, you blame yourself too making it two of us blaming me. These men and women who cheat on their spouses and deceive their family are dysfunctional and manipulative individuals. Period. Were we perfect, no ? But we were committed ! Was the cheater perfect ? No, Was he/she committed ? A BIG NO !
Pria… I think CL said somewhere that explanation is usually the simplest of all, yet we over analyze, overchump it…
You are 100% right- cheater is to blame, cheater was not committed.
Your short version reminded me of something….
My H went on two back to back business trips on two different continents…. one lasted week-he came home for 4 days- left for 12 days.
Right before the trip He was acting weird- distant, cold etc. I thought it was related to the stress. ???? he enjoyed his time there.
He came home- very tired, even weirder and right before second trip ( 4 days at home) he was arguing with me constantly.
Left angry.
Now, after landing- he did not called me, text me- nothing. I had no idea where he was.
After frantic night, I called his company asked for info, called the hotel….
I thought that something happened… his reaction?
We were mad at each other and I was tired!!!
Dude, you are on the other site of the globe, no contact for more than 24hrs and it’s ok?
Well, I shouldn’t worry and overreacting.
He WAS CORRECT.
During that month he was chasing whores fucking whoever and enjoying his time.
Fights were a nice way to distract his guilt and feel entitled to all…
During that time I was working and taking care of our kids( 2 around5) house and everything in between, feeling sorry for a stressed H.
Chumminess at its finest
The cheater is always the problem! NOT the one cheated on. Unfortunately bad therapists use this erroneous model (blaming the betrayed person- instead the real culprit). What needs to happen is bad therapy models need to be called out for what they are: UNHELPFUL AND PLAIN ABUSIVE!
Leavingthecrapbehind
Yes, all the “fucktard” therapist’s out there that enable cheaters, narcs, are complicit as hell!!
Many Therapists, pastors, priests, RIC , judges, I could go on and on – many cause major damage and enable this shit!
I can attest to this. I don’t have much dating experience, since I married young; but every guy I dated, has cheated on me-yet none as painful as the man I married and had a child with. I was telling this to a close friend, who’s reply was something about how I am the common denominator in all those relationships. This statement was rather disheartening, of course, because yes, it was an attack on my ego and I dismissed as such. But upon further contemplation of the truth of this statement, I realized it still sat uncomfortably with me, not because it actually is true, or because I’m refusing to be responsible for my part in the unraveling of my marriage; but because I feel like it forces me to take responsibility for the affairs, as well as cheater’s action, (the opposite of an honorable departure, or staying invested/working harder.)
I’ve concluded, that the common denominator is not me personally; but that cheating is far too common, and it is far too easy to place blame on the chump while they’re down, to make it more palatable for everyone else who either secretly envy’s the cheater, wishing they could get out of their marriage or have strange; or, those who are secretly in fear that they will be chumped by their partner, and feel they can influence that by how good of a spouse they can be. Then there are those who genuinely understand.
It has been difficult to let go of this pain and become nonchalant about past events, get out of victim mentality and reach a place where this no longer defines me. I’m on the verge-I feel it. Things will definitely be interesting if I start dating again. I feel a little older and wiser now 🙂
Prayers of peace and comfort to all that are hurting right now.
@emc. Your friend is not nice for saying it. But. The common denominator question doesn’t have to be interpreted as meaning that you are to blame for their behavior. Of course you’re not. The question is – is there something about narcissists that attracts you or that you don’t see or respond to red flags early on. And then to ask why that is or how you could change it. For example I think that I’m attractive to men that are lying or secretive because I’m very straightforward. A squirrelly person doesn’t want to be with someone like themselves. I seem attractive as they know where we stand, I don’t play games and I don’t try to make others feel insecure. But the initial attraction wears off because I seem to them so boring and rule bound etc. what I see in them is another question and I think my problem is not getting out once the writing is on the wall.
We don’t cause the behavior of others. But when we stick around for more of the same that’s a choice we make.
EMC honey, your friend is an unfeeling jerk to blame you for your partners’ infidelity. Please don’t take her words to heart. None of the cheating was your fault, that’s all on them and their despicable choices.
You are only the common denominator in that you’re a chump; that is, you’re the best kind of person. You’re sweet and trusting and you freely give your heart. For the right person, you will be a wonderful partner.
Don’t ever buy into anyone who tries to tell you your x’s cheating was in any way your fault! That person is not your friend.
I can’t wait for the meh moment! I’m starting to periodically feel it! Once never ending divorce is over and I can breathe again, praying meh happens!! It’s a process, I know, but will be so very glad when meh arrives!
If a guy cheats on a woman he’s a dick.
If a woman cheats on a guy he’s a loser who deserves it.
Not for those who have some integrity.
Are u unhappy in your relationship? Talk to ur spouse, try therapy, or divorce.
Simple.
With narcs… oh my “ I’m happy with you and love you, you are my everything/ I screw everyone around, we should split, / I can’t live without you… I’m not attracted to you/ you never changed, same beauty as when we met
Fucking with our heads.
Anyone who cheats is dick! Cheating sucks for men and women!
Nope.If guy cheats on a woman.She’s a fat frigid bitch who let go of herself.
Or did you have enough sex with him?
Or men will cheat.It happens
Or he still loves you.The other women was just meaningless sex
Or men are not supposed to be monogamous.
Oh my favorite
‘Men supposed to spread his seed around’
I can give you more if you want.I heard many things in life.
This has been my exact experience. I’ve heard this shit from people I had previously thought were sane.
Sweep everything under the rug, boys will be boys!! He’s come back to you now, so you won. You’re the wife, you have the ring, she’s just a whore anyway. Don’t worry about her. I can’t believe you would spend time comparing yourself to her and wondering where things went wrong!
Yeah I don’t speak to my MIL or a certain friend anymore.
I know one cases of a married couple on a brink of divorce.The wife found out the husband has been getting ‘special services’.As usual the husband blame the wife for not getting enough at home.And the wife reason how could they be intimate when she’s exhausted doing housework and taking care of the children with minimun help from the husband while having a full time job as well?
And yet the husband still blamed his wife for the demise of their marriage because she refused to reconcile with him
And that he at least willing to change whilst the wife is being too vindictive by filing for divorce and dating another guy.
I quote his words
‘Oh she was such a supermom,she obviously did this to punish me.At least I’m willing to change and admit my mistakes.Where as she just being spiteful and ignoring the children now.’
It should be noted this is the same guy who admit his wife is a supermom while he was constantly travelling for bussiness or ‘pleasure’.He even aghast his soon to be ex wife had the audacity to ask her mom to babysit the children while she went out for a date.He thought what kind of mother who would do that??
I mean seriously this bastard has been having his taste of freedom behind his wife.And yet the wife can’t even going on a date without her stbx husband judging her.
And of course they are in midst of custody battle now.And the husband reason he deserved equal time with the children after the divorce.It’s funny how these types of creatures all of sudden want to become involved and turned superparent after betraying their spouses.And of course in his mind.His wife should be blamed equally for the divorce because she should know the marriages has been in trouble a long time ago.And the fact that she uses his dalliances with the masseus as excuse just for her to go out on a date with another man.
Bastards all of them
Not bastards.More like a sneaky bitches with external genitalia.And I’m not referring to the ladyboys
You said it, bastards all of them!!!
Sebhai
He’s spewing the typical Narc bs!!
He’s just pissed wife said adios
Rick,
Unfortunately, oftentimes chumps, both male and female, are blamed. My father was eager to tell me all the ways that I drove my husband into the arms of other women (and maybe some men) for over a decade. My mother told me that I did some things (talked too much about my divorce–sadly my separation lasted longer than my relationship with my boyfriend) to drive away my boyfriend into the arms of another. I wasn’t perfect, although I tried really hard, but I don’t think that I should take responsibility for my exes’ lying and disrespect of me or others.
Tell you what. Tell them all to take a flying F up a monkey’s butt!
This ugly narrative will only change when both men And women start speaking up against it. The women here at CN are committed to helping change the general public’s mind on this point. We know that a cheater is a cheater is a cheater and that a chump is a chump: sex be damned.
I ran into one of the X assholes best friends after the betrayal.
I told him the ‘truth’ about what had happened.
While talking with him, he told me ~ he told us all how unhappy he was for years.
Oh really, I replied. Maybe that was the problem. He never told me.
The look on his face was priceless.
Yep, I had no clue that he was so miserable being married to me until he left and I heard from others the lies and stories he’d been telling about me for years.
Oh yes! The spouse of the “unhappy” cheater is the very last to know! Gosh! My ex never looked or acted unhappy! He looked thrilled with life, he smirked as he revealed his double life to me on our vacation. He flat out told me he was having affairs and would continue to have them. Smirking and happy all the way. Oh and that he was unhappy for the last ten years of our 30 year marriage! Ugh, oh right. He had been crying on other people’s shoulders (men and women) he had been screwing how unhappy he was with me and his family cause we did nothing for his happiness. WTF? Poor narc didn’t understand he was responsible for his own happiness! Well now seven years later I hear he’s still unhappy and now the brilliant business man he used to be is jobless and he has managed to alienate friends and his children. These people can really blow up their lives. Me I’m thrilled to be out of a false union with a person who didn’t hold the same values. I’m free, happy and my adult children are too!
I had the smirk too. talked to him 6 months before ddday about how I havent heard those three letter words in a long time (well probably not since the day I married him 14 years before) – I remember that smirk. And six months later I find out why. Sticking it in with the only female friend in the whole world he had. And after 4 months of pick me and now 11 months post walk out I hate him for that nasty smirk
That smirk.
I know something you don’t, ha ha
Ah yes: the smirk
Love it
Truer words have never been spoken, Mr. Blindside. You know what? Fuck ’em all. We know the truth.
“Whether male or female, for those on the outside that have never experienced infidelity, there always seems to be some type of failure applied to the chump.” Absolutely true.
I think my eyeballs are stuck rolled back in my head.
Bruce, join CN!
And Mrs. Forrest is welcome too.
Wish I knew her address, I’d send her a copy of Tracy’s book. Bruce, too. I can’t believe Officer Forrest said it was all just a “mistake”. She just happened to fall on his dick and then their libido went uncontrollably wild? Give me a break.
Mayor Barry is the one quoted as saying her affair was “a mistake, not a tragedy.” A mistake is leaving the door unlocked. It is unintentional- intent being the focus of escalating criminal charges. Lack of intent means a lower charge. I heard the mistake line repeatedly from X too. In response to my rejection of his periodic feeble attempts to get me to re-enter the triangle. I would not even have to mention the affair. I would simply state a fact like, “You left” or “I haven’t seen you in a year.” He invariably responded, “It was a mistake.” He offered nothing further. My UBT: “I don’t want to talk about it because I don’t want any more consequences.” They feel so entitled to do whatever they want that saying, “it was a mistake” is a huge concession. And they only say it when the affair is not currently a good option. I think I only heard it when X must have been on the outs with Schmoopie.
What CL doesn’t bite here is the insistence by the Dishonorable Mayor Bareass is that cheating, and the purposeful destructive deception it requires, is just part of being human:
“I’m here today to admit I have personal failings. I am only human, and I didn’t stop being human when I became the mayor.”
AND: “I knew my actions could cause damage to my office and the ones I loved, but I did it anyway. I must hold myself to the highest standard of which the voters deserve to expect. Please know that I’m disappointed in myself but also understand that I’m a human and that I made a mistake.”
AND: “People that we admire can also be flawed humans, and I’m flawed, and I’m incredibly sad and sorry for the disappointment that I will see in those little girls’ faces. But, what I hope they can also see is that people make mistakes, and you move on from those.”
(Fun Fact — answers to the most pressing municipal problems facing mid sized southern US cities are usually found in Paris and Athens.)
Uxworld,
The Athens Paris Statement/ I almost choked on the Diet Coke I was sipping!!!
Brilliant Statement!!
“I’m here today to admit I have personal failings. I am only human, and I didn’t stop being human when I became the mayor.”
It’s funny, I’ve always felt that it’s my ability to control my actions despite what I may feel that makes me human. I didn’t realize that giving in to emotions/instincts with no consideration for the consequences — you know, like an ANIMAL — actually defined humanness.
One doesn’t need to travel all the way to Paris to discover that the French solution to many problems is to bang one’s bodyguard, ….
Peace,
aeronaut
Dear City of Nashville:
My Grandpa started from nothing and owned a company with 150 employees.
Had this nonsense happened on his dime, his Tony Lama boot would have kicked both of them out the front door before the words “human” and “mistake” came out of their mouths.
In the security guard’s case, not only did he cheat the taxpayers into paying him overtime, he’ll likely get more retirement income because of it! Wake up Nashville and don’t let these cheaters prosper.
You know what other feelings people who are “only human” experience?
Compassion
Guilt
Shame
Empathy
Sympathy
Responsibility
Humiliation
Now that Barry has been caught, she’s claiming that she feels all of these things. But actual “humans” would have experienced these at the first inkling of attraction to Officer Hotpants, or certainly after the first stolen kiss.
So, no…Barry. You’re not “only human.” You’re inhuman.
Perfect, JC. Real humans have a fully functioning conscience and the emotional range to match.
JC, Yes your list of possible human reactions is well taken.
Something that has shocked me in my more mature years…the horrid, cruel, selfish behavior which so often accompanies adultery. While the PIV sex is putrid, in the long run, I feel more long-term traumatized by his cruelty.
So which is the chicken/egg
? Do the horrid traits lead to cheating or does cheating turn them into horrid people? Or is this question skein-untangling-foolishness?
Unicornomore — the cheating makes them progressively more horrid, with each act they become more depraved
There is a saying that “Sin changes us” and my nowdeadcheater is Exhibit A
and it is such a shame…I think there was decency in him somewhere which could have been his overarching traits had he decided to cultivate them. I sadly believe that he cultivated an escapist world of cheating thinking that it wouldnt ruin him but it did. And the Old Testament warned sternly about this crap 4000 years ago
I couldn’t agree more. He lies, threats, manipulations, cons, hiding assets, nasty text messages, etc. are worse than the cheating. And what is even worse is that they treat their own children with the same crap.
Ux,???????????? I am so tense over my divorce right now, I feel like Rigor mortis must be setting in so I want youyour comic relief is greatly appreciated. Please continue!
Breathe, Feelingit! Got me all worried-you talking about rigor mortis in your body, being tense with anxiety. Gotta get some oxygen to them muscles and remember to take care of you! Don’t suffer and stress for the departed, you got you to do 🙂
End, “don’t suffer stress for the departed”. I am keeping that one!
Feelingit,
I feel your pain!! I also know and understand how these sub-human bottom feeders suck the oxygen out of everyone and everything!!!
Because they are such empty vessels, nothing, nothing affects them. It is so hard for caring people to even fathom being so heartless! My heart is breaking for you!!!
Yes, their are moments when we are in the “thick” of this shit, that imagining a life with peace and freedom from the never ending, roller coaster ride of emotions, seems impossible!! I have many of those days right now.!
As I keep telling myself, just keep breathing and take baby steps, because one day, when least expected, as so many wise CN tribe explain, you will find you’ve crossed over to the other side, and can begin living a narc Free life! Peace will arrive!!
I love Nikita Gill quotes! Here is one of her quotes:
Disaster Training
“How to become a storm:
Love yourself so much
That you laugh with pity in the face of anyone that tries to throw cruelty and negativity in your face
How to become a wildfire:
Encourage other women with the hearts of lionesses
Like yours, to do the same”
Hugs
Seeing clearly
You are living up to that quote Seeing clearly. Thanks, you are right that the pain of divorcing the disordered ebbs and flows. Some days I have felt I got this, others far from it. They are just plain mean and I am sorry you have one too.
Rockstarwife, 3 years. Mine will be 15 months from filing when the trial comes. The more I see here, though, I feel that may not mean closure. I guess there could be appeals too. You are making me think, the disordered will never just leave you alone. They are like the arsonists who want to watch the fire and come back to see the remains.
Feeling It,
My divorce was a huge (legal, financial, emotional, and physical) debacle that lasted three years–and the legacy continues! After I got wiped out for the divorce that I did not initiate, I finally got to the point where I could almost view the fiasco with a dark sense of humor. The ‘humor’ over the madness of it all sometimes helps relieve the physical tension (e.g., stiff neck and back).
((((((Feelingit)))))
I cannot believe all that you are going through, ( and I am sure I miss some of your posts).
Sometimes it is impossible to express to a fellow Chump how much you hurt and you share their pain and how much you are rooting for them.
Struggling with this, but please know, and believe, that the TRUTH will prevail. Hang in there, stay strong.
Your cheater is totally unbelievable and his worst trait is NEVER being there for the precious five children he is the father of. You are doing such a magnificent job of documenting everything, as well as all the other shit you are tending to. A judge will find it difficult to look at this so called man, let alone believe any words from his lips or his lawyers lips.
Can you tell he irritates me to the core!
Hope you can feel the strong presence of CN, we are with you all the way Feelingit. I will march in front of this band anytime, night or day!
I believe in YOU. Keep believing in yourself. You got this!
Xxxxxxxx
peacekeeper
Hugs Feelingit. It’s horrible and unfair. We get it and we are with you.
All this kindness and caring is awesome! I have to share I was talking to a salesman who was trying to sell me a health insurance policy this morning- a very hard sell and then he said he needed my bank info and it sounded fishy. He kept pushing and said I have been talking to you for 2 hours and I am legit. I replied: I was married for 26 years and he lied, 2 hours is nothing, I have to go!
Hard won wisdom put to good use. Good for you.
Getmefree and peacekeeper, thanks so much! I am so sad today, it is hard to even post. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I can’t even cry and I feel like I need a release. I am the middle of trying to figure out what to do about DS’s education which is hard enough without fuckwit breathing down my neck. I was kicked off the health insurance which fuckwit is court ordered to provide but I am waiting on the lawyers to hash it out and looks like it could be a month or more before I get covered. This comes right after being told to see a breast surgeon about precancerous cells found following a biopsy performed after a routine mammogram so I don’t know what to do. I am sure the breast surgeon will ask about health insurance. Then I am trying to fill out the ffsa for college aid for ds. No way would fuckwit qualify but we don’t know if he will agree to pay and lawyer said fill it out for me. That is confusing because they want my tax info but it is all joint so I am struggling with that.
Meanwhile he is sending nasty toned emails which I am trying to handle with gray rock but they are eating at me. I keep telling myself, stop thinking of rational responses, he won’t get it but the thoughts come.
Finally, he is attempting to triangulate with son number two and DS2 is obliging because he wants his father’s approval. I know he will never get it, I tried for 26 years.’
Thanks for a vent. I will forge through the day.
If he was court ordered to maintain health insurance and he cut you off, he could be on the hook for any medical expenses you have. Talk to your lawyer. What an ass!
Hugs FeelingIt. I walked in your exact shoes and am about a year ahead of you. These issues will get resolved. You will feel peace soon.
Hugs!
Oh boy, do I remember those days… been there, done that, got the divorce decree to prove it. I’m sorry Feelingit. I wish I had a magical cure to make it better but it’s just more of those things you just have to get through. It will pass. Eventually. In the meantime, you’ll have to grit your teeth and just keep putting one foot in front of the other as best you can. It sucks. But it will pass. {{{hugs}}}
P.S. My DS was the one who wanted his dad’s approval too. My DD could care less. That too shall pass, or at least lessen as time goes on. It’s hard to hero worship a guy who has caused SO much pain to his wife and children. DS’ll get it. Eventually.
LOL – Go Hard. (What have you got to lose Feelingit !)
Even 50 % of what you want is better than 0 %
FeelingIt,
Just remind yourself that no matter what happens, you are going to be OK. Then take a break from it all and do something for just you. Something that makes you feel good. Something that you can control. You will get through this. And no matter what the outcome is, you will be free of his dysfunction. Hang on…
These two should go to jail for defrauding taxpayers. Another example of how the dishonesty and entitlement that allows long-term cheating inevitably seeps into other areas of the cheater’s life, with children, with work, with finances—until nothing remains truthful or fair. This is their essential nature.
Loved her black ensemble at the presser, as if she’s in mourning. Ha! GINR as a matter of wardrobe. Glad at least that her Chump hasband wasn’t stoically at her side. Perhaps he will wise up shortly and dump her selfish, self-forgiving keister.
Image management/ must wear black to make sure everyone thinks I’m grieving over “my mistake and it will make me look human “
Sorry Mayor – many saw through that bs you were selling to the public!! I hope Bruce sees right through her bs – with complete unmasking soon to follow
Agreed so phony but she wears the kinky spiky jewelry a lot if you take note
Yes, Nomar!
“Another example of how the dishonesty and entitlement that allows long-term cheating inevitably seeps into other areas of the cheater’s life, with children, with work, with finances—until nothing remains truthful or fair.”
I caught on to my XW’s affair relatively early, so she was “appalled” that I responded by blocking her out of our shared bank accounts. I said that I didn’t want my $$ going towards an affair, but she claimed to not understand that she would even do such a thing!
The longer these affairs go on, the more rules the cheaters break. GTFO of these situations before they do further harm!
My DDay was on Saturday.
That Monday, I contacted my life insurance company and changed my beneficiaries from him to my adult DS…same with Retirement, etc. I tried to open a separate bank account for my paycheck to go into, but he had already overdrawn our joint account hundreds of dollars and I would have to had pay that back before they would let me do that. Two months later and hundreds of dollars in overdraft fees and negative balances that I had to cover, I shut down the joint account.
I tried to stop paying his Shit-erado insurance- I couldn’t until we were divorced. Five months I paid his truck insurance as he hauled OWhore and her kids around as a happy family.
I tried to take him off my health and dental insurance- nope, couldn’t do that until the divorce either.
He tried to overdraft the joint account the day after I shut it down, and got denied.
He was shocked and angry I would “do such a thing without telling (him)”
“Just like cheating in me and planning on leaving me?” I retorted.
Found out about cheating on a Saturday, on Monday shut down the joint account. And then I was the unfair one for cutting him off from the supply of my income. I make substantially more than he ever has.
I didn’t freeze the joint account, but one day I came home and told KK that all of my paycheck money was going into my personal account, and that I would be managing all of the household money. (This was about 3 weeks after DDay, and about a week after I told her the marriage was over.)
Honest to god, her response was: “Well … I’ve got to say, I feel pretty blindsided by this…”
Ha! Good one.
This is exactly what I did. I did not have the talk with my ex, I simply found out about the cheating and then removed all of the automatic bill payments that had been set up over the years. Once the funds dried up, the ex swiftly left for Schmoopie. She can pay the bills now. Hope she has deep pockets!
The good people of Tennessee need to take a stand.
Hope they have a government ethics committee that will take this on, remove her from office, and make her pay her state back. Hope her husband divorces her before the judgment so he isn’t liable.
Nothing worse than a cheater using someone else’s money to help with their no good habits. If it wasn’t the taxpayers’ money it would have been the spouse’s money. They should both be arrested. Typical cheater, if it isn’t stealing someone’s heart its their money or both. Rotting in hell isn’t a bad idea
Or the company’s $$ = embezzlement.
^^THIS^^ is a part of your hand, chumps. Use it in negotiations.
It never fails to surprise me that people who break the rules and public trust have no plans to resign!
That continuing to serve is just fine and dandy.
Why would she even consider stepping down in shame?
I hope that the current mood in the country will force her to step down (in surprise, not shame).
Disgusting behavior and even more disgusting attitude.
That same mindset is the entitlement cheaters feel to reconciliation. Well OF COURSE you’re going to give them another chance (infinite chances) and stand by your marriage. What are these consequences of which you speak? They said SORRY!
CL,
My Stbx narc would tell me, “ I apologized, you just can’t forgive”!
Fuck that!! And the horse you rode in on!
Yeeaaaah! My cheater was soooo “sorry” and wanted to reconcile until he understood what the “NO” word meant since, thanks to CL, I had already understood that he was only sorry about the consequences and loss of kibble supply.
So then he turned vicious. He started his statement in our conciliation hearing telling the court what a horrible person I was, how difficult I was, how no one liked me. I kept my calm and as the hearing progressed everything became clear. There were even sniggers and Tracy Ullman’s facial muscle cramps.
The narrative must change!
You, this blog and every chump who screams their truth needs to be what is heard first.
Like Horton Hears A Who, we need every single person to be loud and clear that all cheaters must be held accountable.
It’s all coming to light, isn’t it.
Long overdue.
“Professionally, Barry worked as an ethics and compliance officer at Premier Ethics and Compliance.
Last year she was recognized with the ATHENA National Leadership Award, a distinction honoring women in leadership positions previously given to Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, astronaut Sally Ride and U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords.”
Mayor Cheaterlady claims chops as a professional ethics consultant. Me wonders what she would said a few years ago if someone had posed this situation to her ethics self.
Me thinks that the cheaters owe the taxpayers of Nashville about $100,000 in repayment of Mr Forrests fees. Like CL said, me doubts the answers to Nashvilles problems were in Paris or Athens.
ENTITLEMENT…yup THAT is the problem
She should be fired and be forced to repay the $100K immediately or face criminal charges.
A trip to Greece!?! How the f would that benefit Nashville? Maybe she was trying to figure out how to get Germany to finance the $3B of Nashville’s unfunded pension liabilities without have to pay it back?
One news article listed all the trips they took together…
A chunk of those trips were for the 2 of them to go to Washington DC. My 21 year old daughter lives in Washington DC all be herself – without a body guard.
So…MayorCheaterlady is incapable of walking through DC without a bodyguard? My daughter could show her how.
Geez Nashville WAKE UP! Sorry or not sorry she abused your tax payer dollars repeatedly!
How can you trust her to govern fairly? She lied and used her position of authority to abuse tax payer dollars! Not once but numerous times.
Typical cheater mentality.
Yeah and I loved her big sigh before she began speaking…
It seemed to say … Gawd, I don’t want to have to address these fuckers… LOL
Yep, entitled bitch.
The policemans oath must kinda be like my wife’s version of our martial vows, “I promise to serve and protect and cheat on my wife”…..” I promise love and obey and sleep with other men when I find myself bored until death do us part”….these narcs have their version of everything running through their brains
Perhaps they are romanticizing about the movie “The Body Guard – Kevin Costner – Whitney Houston”
Nah – they just didn’t think that they would be caught in the act. Outsiders watch, ask questions, and learn and then the rumours / truth gets out.
There is an old saying that goes along the lines of “the further away from home you are, the faster the truth gets out”
LOL – Busted 🙂
It is the Governor Bentley from Alabama situation all over again. He was not only paying is mistress over $100,000 a year for a job no one could actually give a job description for, her husband was also paid a six figure salary – I guess that was the price to ‘rent out’ his wife to the governor and not make a public fuss.
Of course, he was the ‘family values’ politician that was applauded for his 50 year marriage. Of course, his wife was mighty when she rocked his world by filing for divorce after she had gathered sufficient evidence, including phone recordings. This was a big deal because he was being protected by various police departments and had multiple high paid people covering his tracks. She knew she needed indisputable evidence and she got it. Of course, he got the sadz after he was exposed as well.
The saddest part to me is that her son died in 2017 at 22 years old, of a drug overdose. As a human, with empathy, I wonder if her affair stemmed from sadness, loss and regret… which doesn’t excuse her behavior but (for me) adds a deeper level of pain to this whole sordid tale. I have this thing that makes me feel so sorry for any parent, esp mother, who loses a child. I know, I know… it does not excuse her behavior in any way. She had options for managing and coming to terms with her grief. One could even ask if the young man knew of his mothers deception and was self-medicating to relieve his own pain at her betrayal of the family. We can’t know. All around a sad and tragic tale, especially for the husband who has now lost his only child and his wife… cause whether he leaves her /divorces her or not ~ she is lost.
Ms Kinky Barry has all the counseling resources and money to find out why she would carry on a 2 year sex in the cemetery affair with her bodyguard. One needs to take a long look at themselves in the mirror. Shes not ashamed of her actions shes sorry she got caught. The wife of bodyguard was going to expose them, Note that she didn’t say when it ended because it was going on until the wife threatened to expose them. What a farce! I knew of her since my child was in elementary school and she has always seemed fake to me and not of Tennessee values because shes from California.
Except that she was having the affair in 2016.
Maybe its the other way round.
Except the affair began in 2016. I am very sorry that they lost their son, but it seems that Bruce didn’t handle the loss of his child with an affair. And maybe that thought process makes me bitter and mean, but there is absolutely no excuse for not telling your spouse it’s over and walking way. The complete destruction left in their wake is like none other, and to call it a mistake, is astounding. Their desire to downplay and minimize is laughable. While in reality, for the chumped, it’s like an elephant sitting on your chest and a time bomb just ticking in your brain.
My son was sent to rehab. The Worm used it as an excuse to cheat.
I was a “horrible mother”, therefore our son used drugs., therefore he cheated. One of the lowest points for me happened while we were driving to a family counseling meeting with my son at the rehab center. I cried the whole drive there because it was a week after I found out about the drug use and the affair.
The Worm was driving. He looked over at me with his soulless expression and said I was only thinking about myself and how dare I cry when he was the one suffering…….
Trust me on this. Cheaters will latch on to any excuse to justify their cheating…..
They really are Worms.
My X wife and I lost a daughter at 24 weeks in 2011. It never once crossed my mind to go seek comfort in anther woman. I blamed the loss on my genes also. I know it has nothing to do with it but I did. Seeing my other daughters run and play in the backyard knowing one is missing for the last 7 years triggers me the most for some reason. Shockingly cheater only once tried to blame the loss. I promptly shut that excuse down before she could finish her excuse.
Cheating is a choice they make regardless of what happened and doesn’t happen.
Broken,
I am sorry for your loss of your daughter.
A lot of people have this Norman Rockwell vision of motherhood, all tenderness and self-sacrifice, that literally turns my stomach. My mother is an empty-souled narcissistic alcoholic serial cheater who doesn’t give a damn about anyone but herself. She made me complicit in her affairs and purposely tainted my relationship to my father. I will never forgive her.
I’m in the same camp — my mother called me a whore when she learned her husband had molested me for years when I was a kid. She not only stayed married to him, but she attempted to tell me about their continuing sex life (I shut that shit down).
Cutting my mother out of my life was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made for my health and sanity.
Very similar here: Cheater, pathological lying, alcoholic, abusuve mom threw me out on the streets when I was 16 after my dad died because she was jealous of the attention one of her many BF (50 yo…ewww) was showing me. This despite years of using me as a sexual pawn to lure in men…. sick sick sick. Too many instances of abuse to recount????????????????????
It’s incomprehensible. How did you survive at 16?
Her son died during the summer and while I do not know much about the timeline of the affair it would seem it predated her son’s death.
Oh & yes it apparently continued after his death. Again not positive just what I gleaned from what little I have read.
I wondered the same thing, about whether the pain of losing her boy led to her affair. (Not sure of the timelines, here, and too lazy to look.) My youngest is just a couple years shy of 22, and I cannot imagine having anything happen to him. It’s a fear I have.
That having been said, it doesn’t excuse her atrocious behavior. I’m sure Hubby Bruce has been grieving the loss of their son, too, but you don’t see him hopping on strange to dull the pain. And in fact, I would imagine that his pain has been compounded upon learning that the mother of his son, instead of turning to him for mutual comfort, instead lied and cheated. Bruce deserves better treatment.
Politically, this is disappointing because we need strong Democratic women leaders, and she has now shown herself to be unfit for office.
I think she needs to make restitution.
I do not agree that grief is an understandable springboard to infidelity. People are who they are all of the time. When I grieved losses during marriage, and as I have grieved for the marriage itself, I have never once found myself reaching for an affair as an escape. Not even close. And when I am tipsy (exceedingly seldom), I’m sappy and silly, not mean.
I think that circumstances reveal who we are. They do not cause sudden shifts. They do unmask people, crumbling facades to reveal truths.
“People are who they are all of the time. ”
THIS. I’ve always believed that adults don’t really change, it’s just that sometimes, they become more of what they truly were to begin with.
100 percent agree with this^^^
Yes. Testing reveals what you are.
I may FEW excuses for cheaters, but I can see how losing ones only child could unmoor you to the point of losing objectivity that you may have formerly had. Her husband also, however lost his only child (that we know of) and now gets this shit sandwich…if he is a good guy, I feel really bad for him. If he is a skirtchasing professor the likes of we read about so much here, my opinion might vary (which would leave Mrs Copchump holding an extra large bag of shitburgers.
I read something on FB yesterday “You will never heal yourself by hurting someone else”
I read somewhere that she admitted the affair started a few month after she took office in 2015 and her son’s death occurred in 2017.
Now that I know this, I withdraw any possible “understanding” of her actions. She sucks.
And guess who outed them……their Chumps. Then, and only then, did they “realize” what they were doing. Her her husband also lost his child.
I had that thought, it’s every parent’s worst nightmare. And then I thought — Bruce also lost his son. And his wife took that grief and compounded it with infidelity. Two of the most painful things you can put a person through. The first was a tragedy. The second was inflicted on him by the person he loved and trusted the most in this world.
I have far more sympathy for his grief than I do her grief.
I haven’t been on the site in quite a while, but when I heard this story I knew you would have a field day with her “apology” if that’s what you want to call it. She makes all the cheater mistakes for sure, but her arrogance is still there. She actually said, “sometimes the people we look up to make mistakes too”. Wow. We look up to her? Really? I don’t look up to politicians, as I used to be one, and I know full well the depth of depravity some of them have. There are good ones, just like any walk of life, but most corruption cases happen in city governments. Not in state or federal governments. I no more look up to the Mayor of Chicago or Denver than I do to some shmuck on the street. How arrogant. As for her son, let’s be real, this “mistake” didn’t happen one time on a trip to paris. It’s been going on a while. There was also someone who commented online in the Nashville paper that this wasn’t a mistake. Getting the wrong gallon of milk is a mistake. This was a choice. People use mistake as an escape clause.
Ah well. Glad to see you took her to task chumplady. For me, over 5 years since D-Day. Life is grand. Glad to be off the crazy train. Divorced, happy, with a great professional decent woman, and landed a terrific job close to home. Hope everyone gets to Meh soon!
I wonder about that some times too — the last few years we were married, exh2’s bio-mom, Grandmother, a few extended family members had all died.
In a twist of a term, I wonder if he felt, “I’m so miserable in grief, not happy, so I’m going to do what have to do to be happy despite what others think or feel”
I had that expression. I see it all the time on memes on Facebook and it pisses me off, but I get the gist of the expression, just hate how cheaters twist it up
CNN reported that the affair started in mid 2016 and the AP informed her of her son’s death. So, the affair was certainly not related to her grief. Perhaps the OD was her son’s response to her affair/narcissistic abuse/dysfunction/etc etc etc? My DD3 Od’d after discovery and discard, but she lived thank God.
Two-Legged Rat and I lost our 20-year old son in 2005. I spent years in hell, compounded by the fact that multiple D-Day happened just a few weeks after the funeral. As soon as he went back to work after we buried our baby he was screwing everything that moved, as he had from day one of our 30-year marriage. I wasn’t. It’s a question of character, not grief.
By the way, Mayor Barry said the affair started in early 2016; her son died in July 2017.
Something stinks here… perhaps the son started using drugs because his mother is a flaming narcissist and he knew “Mommy Dearest” was cheating on his father and destroying the family. Abuse,depression,drug use-linear events that often happen in families where one parent is cheating.
Oh, Sucker, you’re confirming my idea that my son must have somehow been influenced by his cheating dad and his constantly depressed mom.
Chumpiest, I am so sorry for your loss. We all have a choice. So no you had nothing to do with your sons choice. It is so difficult to understand addiction. It is even more difficult to try and help those who don’t want to be helped or change. I come from a long line of alcoholic and the x fuckwit is one too. The x loved to blame me for his drinking, but I never held him down and forced the beer down his throat. That choice was all his.
Let’s be brutal. Perhaps if she had not been distracted about getting dick from her security detail she could have focused more on saving her sons life. Gone to a meeting with him. Found a sober companion.
I don’t know the timeline, but people who are having affairs are checked out. Unreachable. On Neptune.
Would she actually take the time to frantically research rehabs when she was daydreaming about getting strange cock in exotic locales and then covering their tracks with any looming government audits?
No-Because above all things cheaters are monstrously selfish.
Satan’s Cock put on such a show that he loved our boys. And when he ghosted me, He ghosted them completely. And with no shame.
As each day goes by and I do not hear from him, what shocks me even more is that he never calls to check on the boys. Who worshiped him.
The cheating is only a symptom of a character disease, an infection of rot that provides their brain.
“I don’t know the timeline, but people who are having affairs are checked out. Unreachable. On Neptune.”
My adult kids have had some serious situations that I could not fix no matter what, so I am reluctant to pin her sons death on her,
but you are right in that they are FULLY CHECKED OUT. It sounds like an exaggeration but for the better part of about 18 months, by all observable accounts, my nowdeadcheater genuinely seemed to fully forget that he had kids…no fucking joke.
So it is possible that even if she didnt drop the ball in a way that might have saved his life, she possibly didnt enjoy whatever last few months he lived.
This article had a picture of Megan and Bruce Barry leaving the memorial for their son with the bodyguard right behind. It reminds me of how now all your marriage is suddenly rewritten in a new context once facts come out. Sickening.
https://www.christianpost.com/news/megan-barry-christian-nashville-mayor-atheism-god-forgive-affair-215938/
How phony. Jesus Cheaters.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gc7RcVqJ6Gk
If I were her husband, I would feel so violated by her having her boyfriend tagging right behind coming from sons funeral. At the beginning of a video clip from above, she seems to almost slap away her husbands embrace. By the timeline, she was already involved with the cop. Her poor husband. ew ew ew
Maybe I didn’t read the article right, but I thought her affair was/started in 2015? Her kid didn’t OD til 2017. So her affair would have started long before?
I know. Someone needs to mail that guy a copy of Chump Lady’s book.
This betrayal is evil in its own right. But reading now about the situation with the son?! I have absolutely zero compassion for her (no offense to anyone who does, I simply can’t muster it). I literally hate the AP. To do this to a fellow human being. I can’t even grasp it. Someone’s child dies and you embark or continue on the soul-ripping assault of them on top of it? Not to mention the world of cost you are inflicting upon your own family? It’s satanic. The AP probably even feigned condolences to the husband even as he was actively engaged in gutting him. And then they lecture everyone, immediately instructing us how to interpret it. As if.
These creatures are simply inhuman. Once you are this far gone in your inhumanity, there is no way back.
I started keeping bees last year. The difference between creating a new worker bee or a new queen is primarily what they are fed by the other bees during their larval state. That’s it. Same starting fertilized egg, but once fed, there’s no reversing what they become. Locked in. Permanently and fundamentally different. Disordereds are this way. Irreversibly different. Except utterly useless to the hive.
During reconciliation my cheater wife wanted to let me know that her AP gave his condolences for my father dying. I just had no words- absolutely no words- didn’t know how to respond. Weirdly this just elevated the AP in cheater’s eyes to be what she said over and over “He’s such a good person”. Vomit.
These people are f#cking warped.
zell,
It’s dumbfounding that cheaters see their AP as good, decent people in their eyes. Their fake reality is so warped
Cheaters cheat and then the cheaters cheat on ea other!!! Right hand never knows what the left hand is doing.
My Stbx narc’s married AP sent a card to the P.O. box he got to hide his double life. In the note she writes how she wanted her card to be the first piece of mail to the spot where they can grow their business and their trust in ea other. The business being used to hide marital funds. Her trust in him she believes in:
I doubt she knows of all his porn searches, dating sites he frequently visits. Chat rooms he visits or the hundreds of blue pills he buys on line! I’m sure she believes she’s the only one! His trust in her : his google search was “how to tell if mistress is sleeping with her husband “!! Oh yeah, they are such good people
Poetic justice
Zell, Did her AP give his condolences to you for the betrayal of your marriage vows?
I’m wondering if this double loss will increase his chances for falling for fake reconciliation. I lost my dad and my cheater wife cheated on me nine days later. I found out about seven days after that. My brain was already warped from losing my father. I think back that I fell for cheater’s fake “remorse” because I was already distraught. So much tragedy close together in time really hurt.
Zell,
Sorry to hear about you experiencing multiple traumas so close together!
And yet zell in your grief you did not think that the solution was to cheat. Funny that. That reminds me of the argument that we chumps must have done something to deserve our spouses betrayal, yet many of us describe how selfish and cruel many were yet we NEVER cheated. We just dug in trying to help them. Asses the lot of us!
My ex ramped up his affair after his father died. I had a lot of insensitive people try to tell me his affair was part of his grief. I call bullshit on that reasoning.
I was told that I was a monster by members of my own family for dumping the cheater a few months after his parent died. And they said that his demonizing me, lying to people about me, constantly lying to me, being an asshole to me, and trying to gaslight me was just him lashing out from the pain.
He tried one last Hail Mary play during the dump by wailing out that it was bad enough that his parent was taken from him, now he was going to lose me too.
Grief is a strong manipulation tactic.
Amazing how articulate and intelligent us chumps really are when we have a podium to speak our truth. *Applause* ChumpSaidBuhBye
“Grief is a strong manipulation tactic.”
More of their Bullshit.
Mine did the same, and of course grief was one of his many excuses, but no. Truth is, he would never have revealed what had long been going on to his dad, a good man who would have been deeply ashamed he f him. Plus, when my father died, zero compassion. Just none. I was wholly on my own.
agreed, undoubtedly. x
Indeed, if this is the way she ‘handled’ her grief, it says even more about her character (or lack thereof).
You have a lovely compassionate heart. ????
every day struggle! I see the compassion here for chumps like us and it makes me have hope for the world ~ thanks Amiisfree x
Can you even IMAGINE the gaslighting bullshit that cops poor chump was on the receiving end of?
Mayor Barry is my BOSS, I HAVE to do this/go here with her…this trip to Paris is official city business – How DARE you question me?!?!
You are batshit crazy…I could lose my job over your jealousy!
You are needy and controlling, you have no business questioning this trip to Athens.
Mrs Forrest…if you are here…we are sorry for your pain !!
My thoughts exactly! Ugh, boss fuckers are the worst.
Idk…. family fuckers are the worst. Sorry.
Sadly I cannot feel compassion for her. Losing a child is a tragedy but her affair was no excuse for betraying her husband.
Bruce should grow a backbone & kick her to the curb.
Whore ????
Somebody needs to get a copies of Tracy’s book into their spouses hands band let them know Chump Nation has their back. Any middle Tennessee chumps out there? Or heck, any Chumps with good sleuthing skills? Considering all the practice some of us have gotten being (hopefully former) marriage detectives wouldn’t it be great to put those skills to good use tracking down spouses of cheating public officials and anonymously making sure they have the resource of Chump Nation for when they are ready?
Miss Delta, I agree with you. You know Tracy what would be REALLY cool? Every time a new cheating scandal breaks like the cheating mayor your write your post but you also set up a button on the blog wherein we can each donate $1.00 You have A LOT of people here reading and so there would have a fund of like $5,000 in no time. That fund would be used to send a copy of your book to the celebrity chumps involved AND for low income women that are struggling, depressed etc., we get a book to them too! Domestic violence shelters would be a GREAT place to start distributing copies of your books with your autograph!
Wasn’t there another notorious Tennessee cheating woman recently? The Vanderbilt Professor homewreckimg whore who wrote a column about it Modern Love? CL ran it in a November post.
“And” not band. Not quite awake.
“At no time did I ever violate my oath as a police officer or engage in actions that would abuse the public trust.”
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?
My Dad was a Texas State Trooper who devoted his life to public service.
You are a disgrace to my Dad’s legacy and profession.
My STBX and OW ho-worker are police officers. Add two more that are a disgrace to the profession.
Well Superduperchump, he probably figures he DID technically do his job…….after all he DID have her covered! With the hotel blankets and he was by her side in bed “protecting” her 24/7 while on these expensive trips! He probably charged the city overtime for that!
They both should be removed from their positions, found guilty of malfeasance and asked to make restitution to the city for bankrolling their affair. Their spouses should pack their “trash” up and set it on the curb!
Charging the city overtime to fuck his boss in Paris…chump entitlement at its best.
Bonus : maybe now he can sue the city because he can claim he was forced to do this based on the power she wielded over him
Hm, the timing of this revelation has me wondering if someone else was about to spill the beans on the affair. This reeks of damage control by the cheater. Gotta get to the narrative first, to spin it as a “mistake” that Jesus has forgiven her for…and if Jesus forgives her WHY CAN’T YOU?!?
Oh, Bruce, just walk away from this house on fire!
Unless Jesus comes to me himself and tells me he has forgiven these fuckers I’m not believing a single word she says. She has shown herself to be a liar and a thief, why believe her know? I think claiming that you know the thoughts of a God is just one more thing that we can add to her list of sins.
More and more people are refusing to resign when their bad behavior is exposed. That’s why words such as honor, courage and commitment are just buzz words. Empty words. What is happening is not resigning is aiding to creating a new normal. The new normal is to not be accountable for any wrong-doings. Actually, I’ve come to expect this new normal so much that I was shocked when I read this: http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-42882227
Top officials actually resigned in Hawaii over the false alert that went out. There is still some honor in some places.
Well, it’s OK not to resign now, with Franklin Graham offering “mulligans” for adulterers who happen to be POTUS.
I didn’t know they lost a son. A child dying before a parent is one of nature’s cruelest tricks. I can’t imagine the pain that they both must have felt and I truly feel for them both, however, like any other cheater she has decided her pain is more important than anyone else’s, including her husband. What a bitch!
His loss was just as bad and he didn’t cheat so I can’t feel any empathy for her actions even in this situation. She’s a selfish, lying, conniving, home-wrecking whore. I hope her husband leaves her.
I am certain the word SORRY never came up once before, during, or after, each romp in the sack.
That word is certainly over used now.
Sorry, too late for that!
Oh, except for the truth: not sorry for what we did, just SORRY for getting caught, very SORRY.
Guilty is a more suitable word now.
( just saying)
sorry for getting caught. EXACTLY !
The entitlement is staggering but not surprising. Big lives lead to bigger affairs I suppose. And I won’t re-hash the ultra shitty-ness of the affair since that’s been well covered by the comments above.
I would just add that this should reinforce a lesson to new chumps that isn’t always apparent at first – along with any affair, there will be financial infidelity. Your spouse will either spend money indiscriminately on their AP or on whatever it takes to make themselves happy. It might be multiple gym memberships, restaurant bills, hotel bills, trips, gifts, vehicles, plastic surgery — you name it. And they’re likely hiding money away as best they can. In this case, these people had access to taxpayer funds, so they splurged on that money as well. It’s just the entitlement mentality of it all.
I made the mistake of trying to save my marriage for several months while my ex spent money furiously and hid some away. I can’t imagine the thousands of dollars that it cost me. So new chumps, if you’re on the fence or are trying to reconcile, please, please, please, take control of ALL of your finances and do not just blindly trust that your partner has the same attitude of fairness that you do. Remember, they’re in it for themselves, not only physically and emotionally, but also financially.
On the surface, it didnt seem that my nowdeadcheater squandered marital funds, in fact, I think he spent less money on his OW than any other cheater I ever heard of (I controlled the family finances with an iron fist and that would have been a very quick way to have been discovered).
What I later learned is that he spent some VALUABLE, hard-fought resources on her, namely his professional reputation and goodwill from potential employers he spent 25 years in the military cultivating. He retired at 43 ready to get a fabulous job that WE BOTH had made HUGE sacrifices for. His job prospects after he used up considerable influence getting OW a job (after he accidentally got her fired from her job) and his prospects were bleak. I gave up SO much for him to get that “big job”. Fuckers.
When I first found this site, I was so certain I didn’t have to think about financial infidelity — we were always broke, there was no money to steal from the family …. I thought.
Really, really bad assumption on my part. Turns out he had been stealing from his paychecks (and all bonuses, etc. — which I never knew about) the entire marriage. Even when we couldn’t afford our basic bills … groceries … with children to feed.
And the asshole blamed and guilted ME all those years because he said I didn’t make enough money (we agreed early on that I would be the primary caretaker for the kids, so I worked part-time and went to school part-time, but only when the kids were in school … I worked all of my schedules around them).
He hid so much from me. Turns out, my “pathetic” part-time job had brought in MORE money than he made at any of his full-time jobs over the years.
Argh. I was competing in the Chump Olympics.
Fourteen months post divorce and I have to force myself to NOT think about all of the ways that he stole from me. He hid money, filed false financial affidavits, denied earning commissions and depleted a joint bank account on her (also became a compulsive gambler). All this, in addition to creating so much turmoil during the divorce proceedings that my attorney fees skyrocketed. Just so difficult to come to terms with the fact that your husband of 35 years can be so evil!
That’s a point I make to clients and others. If you are dishonest in one aspect of your life, chances are you are dishonest in others. My x hid bank accounts, attempted to purchase property ‘as a single man’ using the marital home AND his sick mother’s credit cards and property as collateral. The stuff my forensic accountant and CPA uncovered was staggering. My x was/is dishonest in every aspect in his life.
It’s ridiculous isn’t it? It’s hard to wrap your mind around it at first because I think these people are treating the whole thing like a game or a competition – and we’re their adversary. And they’ve been playing the game against us for a long, long period of time before we even become aware that we’re participating in one. So by the time we start to figure things out, we’ve lost thousands of dollars.
It’s hard enough to get over the emotional discovery of an affair, let alone to get your mind right enough to be able to make sense of what’s going on financially. That’s why seeing an experienced lawyer off the bat is essential. But unfortunately, it’s not the first move many of us made (at least it wasn’t mine).
Blindside
My lawyer was gobsmacked by my x’s shenanigans. Asked if she could use my case as a teaching tool for other lawyers….
This little gem is what we Chumps must keep in the back of our minds when we think we “miss” our Cheating Fuckwits:
“I wonder what Bruce is doing tonight as you fuck me from behind? Let’s pause for a moment of silence.”
They are not thinking about us as they are unilaterally destroying our lives and the lives of our kids (when applicable.). Not for one fucking minute.
That is what absence of character and agency look like folks.
Thank you CL – utter brilliance.
days following Dday I asked my wife “weren’t you thinking about me at all and how this impacted me?”
Cheater wife: “No, I was thinking of my dead brother (who died five years ago- used same excuse Dday 2011)”
Zell… you realize the bullet you dodged there right? She’s thinking of her dead brother while she’s fucking other people? Ceiling paint colors, maybe once… dead brother, I’m thinking no.
Well she was actually screwing the massage guy in her dead brother’s bedroom at her parent’s house.
I don’t even want to travel into that weirdo world of thinking.
EEEuuuwww. Recently, I read a poem that my dead husbands sister wrote on the topic of his death. In her “poem” (none of it rhymed, it was freeform stream of consciousness stuff, but she calls it poetry) she mentioned her flowing hair and her nightgown stroking her inner thighs.
I had to have a come to Jesus moment to really consider if they had ever had sex. I really dont think they did, I think she is SO disordered that she cant even see the freakishness of what she said. I know she idolized him and hated me for marrying the Crown Prince of her Universe, but I dont think that even my cheater could have had sex with his sister.
Don’t assume it’s out of the question. My cheater first husband laughed when he told me about having incest with his sisters. He apparently saw nothing wrong with it.
IF that was the case though, I would have some real compassion for this sister (who I otherwise generally have never liked since she was always nasty to me) because he was older than her and thus it would have been his responsibility.
Wow…in my mind, it it still unthinkable and it feels odd to imagine that seemingly normal people would cop to having done such a thing. Her love for him seemed really disordered (she wrote about this death on Valentines Day which is generally NOT “sibling death recognition day”) and during the 5 minutes where she and I got along in the last 34 years, she admitted that she was terribly jealous of me at me/cheaters wedding. When I read my D21 the poem over the phone, she said “it sounds incestuous”. I will never ever know the truth as that sister and I do not speak, but in the oddest way, it would explain a few things. Ew.
WTF?! Was her brother a big proponent of cheating or something? Would he have been impressed, or disgusted?
I’m sure that she thought it would shut you up because you would then feel bad for her.
both her brothers were cheaters also. Family tradition I guess.
You can learn some pretty crappy stuff as a kid. Thing is, you can rise above that if you WANT TO!!
I have a bad habit of blaming myself for pretty much everything going wrong around me. I know that this isn’t great, but I would rather do that than make excuses and blame everybody else for all the nonsense! My childhood wasn’t perfect. I have family members that went the road of addiction. I don’t have to. I make my own choices. They might be harder because of my baggage, but I can still do what is right because I WANT TO.
Like CL reminds us… they have 3 channels… pity… charm… rage. Textbook.
Mine had the sadz once because he was on an overnight business trip and a woman in the bar made a pass at him… but once he got up to her room he stopped because he realized what a mistake he would be making (his story for pity). Meanwhile, I’m on the road for work about 40% and have never gone to a man’s hotel room… why? Because I don’t sit in the bar looking lonely and sadz, I sit in my room and watch HGTV and answer emails and facetime with my kids and husband (now X).
Right?! Every time I hear a cheater story that starts…” I was at the bar/club and I just started talking to them and….”. I think yeah you PUT yourself in a position for something to “just haaapppeeennn….”. Because they never can see or admit that if they were interested in acting like an adult in a committed relationship they probably wouldn’t be chatting up strangers in places designed for single people to y’know…find strange.
You know, I think that if someone themselves in that situation and then turned their lives around, I would consider that a pretty good happy ending story. Problem is, I don’t think a lot of cheaters do a hell of a lot of self-reflection.
I understand what you are saying. You are not condoning her actions. After all, she was a public servant, who abused the trust of her family and her community. Great loss does expose us, though, both for good and bad. It strips away the veneer of happiness and creates extreme self-doubt.
So I do not question that she was probably still grieving the loss of her son. Such a loss is like no other. What I will never understand about her (or any cheater) is why she didn’t do the work necessary for she and her husband to recover. Perhaps if she had spent as much time actually working on healing, she would have realized that cheating on her husband was only going to cause more pain to her family. What a selfish way to avoid dealing with her loss.
Some may believe the death of her son and her subsequent cheating are in no way connected. We, of course, have no way of knowing. (Unless the cheating predated his death.) Based upon my personal experiences, I believe traumatic loss absolutely changes people in very fundamental ways. Cheating on one’s spouse, though, never helps anyone recover from such loss.
She was already cheating when her son died. The cheating continued. The spouses learned of the affair and would have outed them, thus her coming forward first for image control.
I don’t disagree that trauma changes us. The thing is, we can become better people, or worse, and that depends upon our character. Trauma can be a wake up call. We may realize that time is fleeting, and re-prioritize our time, or possibly in this case, decide to have an affair. One choice is caring, another is selfish and hurtful.
Finding out that my lover and best friend of thirty years was having an affair has been traumatic. I am choosing to grown from that trauma. It does not, under any circumstance give me moral license to do whatever I feel like without consideration of others.
Pure gold. Thanks for sharing.
I would be a walking blob of gooey mess if I lost a child and then my spouse decided that instead of coming closer and supporting each other through the pain of it all, he was going to start an affair and jet set the side piece all over the world while I grieved alone. What kind of horrible human being ramps up the suffering of their spouse by betraying them in such a way, during the grieving process.
How her husband can stand by her I have no idea. Unless maybe he is still in a state of shock of it all and just doesn’t know how to move on. But that is some evil shit to get a butt buddy and lavish him with government paid trips around the world.
Let’s hope he’s just keeping quiet as he gets all his ducks in a row and then, *boom!*, pulls a Dianne Bentley.
Don’t all cheaters who cloak their affairs under “I’m working” smoke and mirrors, expect others to foot the bill for their escapades? Their entitlement isn’t limited to screwing their affair partners. Their Entitlement crosses social, financial and ethical boundaries … but hey “it’s not a tragedy… right?” I guess Ethical and moral violations aren’t worthy of tragedy status, no matter who it hurts.
I’m so sick of “tragedy” being limited to physical harm. Any chump knows that emotional harm is just as devastating, or even more devastating, than physical harm. Just because you can’t see the internal wreckage left behind, doesn’t mean the blow isn’t a tragedy! But hey, in the world of the entitled “out of sight, out of mind” right. How’s that for empathy and remorse?
#Ihatefuckwits #werestheMEH
What’s in the water in Nashville this year?! First those Nashville-based New York Times’ Modern Love column cheaters Josh-Elizabeth-Beka that CL posted about recently, now Mayor Bareass? Damn. I wish all Nashville chumps happy & successful fault divorces on the grounds of adultery! God bless Music City!
And also, let’s have a new rule. No more mayors with the last name Berry and the first initial M. Marion Berry, Megan Berry… yikes.
yeah I noticed from the speech her naming how each person has forgiven her or will be forgiving her. So many assumptions. I’m assuming this affair has “ended” because she got caught not because she recognized how destructive she is.
These people NEVER freaking resign. “Sorry honey I won’t be able to meet that marriage counseling session I have a photo op that is running long, but trust me this isn’t like the excuses I was using when I was cheating in my office with a police officer !”
LAWYER UP DUDE.
She lost her son? That is terrible.
In my humble opinion has nothing to do with a choice to have an affair, except the potential to be discovered and give a double dip dose of grief to her spouse. Do they have other children? That situation would be a special shit sandwich for them too.
Affair partners thinking is NOT the same as chumps.
We as chumps/empathetics/betrayeds have to stop projecting our sense of morals and values onto cheaters. There is no honor in chump spackle, believe me. There is no honor in throwing some spackle at a wall of lies, seeing if any of it sticks. I was the queen of spackle. Trust me on this.
Her true emotions and feelings are displayed by her past actions, not words. Look at what her actions were. Every miserable lie she told. Over months to years, family, taxpayers, integrity be dammed.
B..b..b..but, former French President Mitterrand had a mistress for decades, kept her in a (taxpayer-funded) chateau with (taxpayer-funded) servants and (taxpayer-funded) horses. And his mistress and illegitimate daughter sat with his wife at the funeral; they all comforted each other during the service. The French media knew all about it but, after a sly wink to the Old Lad, turned a blind eye. Why must Americans insist on being so Puritanical and simple-minded that they cannot appreciate, as the oh-so-superior French do, that politicians function better when they are sexually serviced however and by whomever they choose? They should be oh-so-grateful to pay the costs associated with affairs, since those affairs help keep the political leader’s head clear. Its petty and bourgeois to worry about how one’s taxes are being spent, as long as there is plenty of rhetoric about social justice and equality.
But seriously, folks, I’m always amazed (well, maybe not really; nothing much shocks me any more) that any discussion in the media of politicians cheating must necessarily be accompanied by several comments about how evolved Europeans are because they expect and forgive politicians cheating (and all the other disgusting behaviour – lies, fianancial abuse, etc. – that accompanies it.).
Shame on Berry. Shame on Forrest, too.
It’s the opposite, TorontoChump, and I think you agree, the French would be more depraved, not more sophisticated.
The private lives of others are just that. Europeans may have agreements about their affairs. That doesn’t make them more sophisticated. It just means they have agreements. We have agreements too. From the mayors comments, she admits that she broke those agreements. End. Of. Story. You don’t start a game of checkers and then start playing chess!
We see also, that this sort of thing gets a bit of a pass when the people are very powerful (at least we have in the past). Power corrupts people. They start to think they are better than others, and what they think is all that matters. I wonder if that was a factor in this case.
Lucky for the two cheaters that it was just a little ole ‘mistake’ but I’ll bet if you ask the families, it is absolutely a tragedy. How insulting!
My STBXW said that she had a “glitch”. Insulting when you consider that my kids and I will hurt for the rest of our lives. That is no fucking glitch.
Canadian Dad,
My Stbx calls cheating “blunders “
Mine calls it her “quirk”. She told me her FOO is ok with her “quirks” since they knew.
She has always had a “hairball” in regards to our marriage.
Cute little words.
When I read this little gem, all I can think of is why?? CL I would love to hear your opinion on why anyone “stands by their cheater.” Despite wishful thinking, I just don’t get it. Is it fear, denial, beaten down self respect? Hell maybe it’s all of those. Just how do you continually defer to common sense, and that two by four hitting you over the head? Anytime I am tempted to listen to babble, I inwardly tell myself..not what he says, it’s what he does….
It takes a while to fully understand what is going on, who the cheater is at heart and what it really means. We want to believe that we matter to our cheaters because we thought we did. It takes a while to let go of that.
He may be in shock at having so many sunk costs and wondering he you will survive in a new future that suddenly seems less financially insecure and is now revealed to be an emotional wasteland (just a mistake bah!). That poor chump will be in extreme trauma mode. One can hope he lines up his ducks as he recovers, and gathers himself enough to move on to a better cheater free future.
Hey this sounds a lot like those 2 knucklehead Michigan lawmakers Todd Courser and Cindy GamRAT (how fitting)…sharing an office and staff to brainstorm and then ol Todd could nap afterwards on her sofa after their exhausting sessions. Meanwhile they both had families at home chumpily keeping the home fires burning waiting for mommy and daddy to come home. I think Cindy’s husband finally dumped her but if I remember correctly Cindy is suing her ex husband for illegally surveilling her extra curricular activities ..that takes a special kind of cheater right there.
That’s some nerve
Haha love these people. Spoke with my freak of a cheater this morning regarding the divorce and he says you see the Mayor. She said she made a mistake lol. Just like I sad I was so sorry for all that I have done to you. I said yes I know God forgave her like he forgave you . These people are so selfish and self centered. They can’t imagine that you won’t forgive them because they are soooooo special. Mine tries to negotiate the money aspect of what I’m getting from him. My answer to him is noooooo. I will take half the pension and the variable for the rest of my life. He said do you think that’s fair and I said yes sir I can look at myself in the mirror and smile everyday. I got paid to be married to a jerk off like you. Now that I’m strong and come to the conclusion that he is a freak I’m great moving foward. Chumps there will come a time when you look at them and say what the hell was I thinking They are not worth your self respect. All of us chumps eventually come out the winners. Have faith
I heard excerpts from her speech this morning on NPR. It sounds as if it were copied from the Cheater’s Playbook.
“I am deeply sorry,” she said. “And I am embarrassed and I am sad. And I am so sorry for all the pain that I have caused my family and his family. And I know that God will forgive me but that Nashville doesn’t have to. I hope that I can earn their trust and I can earn your trust back.”
We in Chump Nation know that while these words are meant to evoke sympathy, all they really do is centralize the Cheater. It’s all about HER: her sadness, her embarrassment, her sorriness. And her solace in the belief that God will forgive HER. Hey, Nashville people, you might not have to forgive her, but if you don’t, then you’re not being godly. Yeah, talk about manipulation.
Dear Mr. Barry and Mrs. Forrest: You both deserve better. Please dump your cheaters and get a life.
Since when did cheating become a mistake? People choose to cheat, it’s a choice! Both cheaters knew if their families found out, there would be consequences. That’s why they didn’t go to their respective partners and say “Hey I’m going to cheat on you with my coworker, I know you won’t like it and it will hurt my family, but it’s really about me selfishly wanting what I want.”
These two idiots are only sorry they got caught and have to face the consequences. Typical narcissistic BS!
Exactly.
“At no time did I ever violate my oath as a police officer or engage in actions that would abuse the public trust.” WTF
My xh was also law enforcement and ended up in many many affairs and long term AP whores who were just damsels in distress that he needed to save (with his dick). ALL the while he was on duty or after work. Just like a dog in heat, he was so careless were he chose to get BJ and screw ppl. He was well respected at work ( they know how to deceive )
Knowing what I do now I would have turned his ass in to the administrations and allowed him to suffer consequences that he chose when he decided it was OK to fuck strange ppl while on duty. Blowing up several marriages including his own. ALL have that same line, AFTER they are caught, Im so SORRY, I made a mistake. Sorry Jesus, I hope you’ll keep forgiving me bc everyone trusts me but my faithful wife. In todays world with phones, recording & tracking devices, camera’s etc, he would be TOAST. I loathe that line of “I never violated my oath at work. Personal commitments to wife, children, family, God, friends etc. aren’t the same”.
Get a life and dump the cheaters!
WOW, Fireball and all CN, mine is also LEO and also feels entitled and above all normal laws and moral codes. This mayor story could be rewritten with my stbxh playing the officer, although using HIS (people funded) expense accounts to fund his exploits with OW. and on DD3 and DD4 I did turn him into his authorities, they don’t care, they did nothing, and of course in true Narcles fashion I was blamed for everything by him, his coworkers and all his family. Its obviously a case of “rescuing damsels in distress with his dick” over and over. I can only assume he is as useless at that as he was at home and in our marriage because he had to keep “rescuing”…. I have documentation, I have written statements, none of it matters, they have their own entitlement warped reality and for those of us who don’t play along or fit in (maybe we run out of kibbles) we are discarded. 5 weeks until divorce finalized, the book has saved my sanity and my life, I wish I could figure out a way to better help my DD and DS cope with the upheaval and internal pain of abandonment.
The 2 known schmoopies my ex ‘rescued with his dick’ were damsel in distress types. I heard how awful life was for the 2nd one. The first howorker I didn’t really hear about from cheater but heard she was twice divorced, history of cheating on both husbands, couldn’t have children, nicknamed ‘crazy ____’ by her peers.
I thought after he abandoned me with 2 small kids with schmoopie 1.0, that Dr. Cheaterpants was naive to the crazy chicks looking to bag a ‘rich doctor’. Years later when I discovered Dr. Cheaterpants with young schmoopie 2.0 (DD14’s asst sports coach in our kids’ school who had such a tough life as cheater would talk about poor little pitiful her), I changed my thoughts from him being a rescuer of damsels to a predator of downtrodden women.
OMG I know Megan personally.
Seriously charming and lovely as a young person, got a bit robotic with this Mayor Barry thing.
Wow that is crazy.
What a shame she couldn’t handle the temptation. I get no glee in watching people fail.
… “charming and lovely”, yes I believe you.
Alas those are superficial qualities, which serve to endear her to unsuspecting people such as her husband and Nashville voters. Unfortunately, charm and loveliness are poor substitutes for integrity and honor.
Yeah my mom cheated on my dad with a co-worker. He found out by finding a receipt for a watch she purchased for her work lover. My dad couldn’t get over it and then he cheated and told my mom he was leaving her and she got down on her hands and knees begging him to stay, clinging to his ankles trying to keep him from walking out the door. I witnessed all this drama at the age of 9. My mom cried all night in the formal living room at the front of our house, sitting there on the floor with her back against the wall in darkness crying.
I really hate cheaters, and now infidelity is in my marriage.
Sorry you’re going through that. I know I consciously wanted to do marriage better than the crummy one my parents had. Its just so hard to spot these cheaters in the beginning of a relationship.
I’m sorry TxDude, I’m sorry that you went through that at the age of 9 and I’m sorry that you are now in a marriage with infidelity. Please read Chump Lady’s book. and keep on reading here.
Hugs
???? me too. I am so tired of this stuff
I had to google to be sure that the Barrys had a son that died (as Tracy’s snark implied), and oh my god yes they did. Drug overdose, just last year.
Which is why I CANNOT EVEN that she had the bloody, blistered gall to say this:
“but this is not my worst day,” Barry told the Tennessean. “And I know the difference between a mistake — which is what I made and I fully own — and a tragedy.”
She went there.
I’m not even a mom, and I feel an actual physical revulsion. She’s using her dead son to shield herself from consequences of her sleazy affair, and to remind people that ought to feel sorry for her.
No words.
Yup. She could not have gone lower to bring up the death of her son to try & deflect the affair. She’s scum and her husband is an imbecile of he stays with her.
She started the affair before her son’s death. Its even worse that she’s using it as an excuse.
Deep breath. (Climbs up on his soapbox)
F*CK these f*ckity-f*cks and their false humility and lame ass public apologies! Cheating politicians are a class of cheater that ranks among the lowest and scummiest of all cheaters.
You go into politics to SERVE other people for the greater good. You run for public office by asking people to put their TRUST in you. People who vote for you are trusting you to represent them and to selflessly work on their behalf. It is a sacred trust.
It is considered a high privilege to have gained the trust of your community, your state, your country, to represent the voiceless, work for the greater good and make life better for all. Entering public office requires personal sacrifice. As a politician you sign on for putting others’ needs first.
The Mayor of Nashville traveled where?! With a bodyguard no less?! The only mayor who needs a bodyguard is Mayor McCheese, to protect him from the Hamburglar. The majority of US Senators and Members of Congress don’t even travel with a bodyguard.
It’s no secret positions of power are of particular attraction to narcs. Endless kibbles and a sense of entitlement are the low-hanging fruit that attract them to politics for all the wrong reasons. Our current flaming orange Narc In Chief is Exhibit A. Mayor Barry of Nashville is merely just another example (albeit, small time) of this sick, entitled type of “public servant.”
Her constituents deserve better. Her husband deserves better. We all deserve better.
But until begin to care more, ‘We The People’ get what we deserve by allowing these narcissists in servants clothing to remain in office once they have been exposed.
I would assert that one of the main reasons our government is so dysfunctional is because there are so many narcissists running the show. And this problem endemic on both sides of the aisle. Where are the people committed to serving others instead of serving themselves?
Okay. That’s my rant. (Climbs down from his soapbox)
Yeah, I heard about Mayor McCheese and the bodyguard, too. I don’t know how radar.com gets hold of all that CCTV footage, but I take my hat off to them.
Apparently Mrs McCheese is standing by the Mayor at this difficult time.
Pretty inexcusable. Not everyone responds to tragedy by having an affair funded by tax dollars. It’s called grief counseling, Ms. Mayor. Gross. And the “only human” excuse, that is so tired.
That’s where my cheater’s AP lives. Must be something in the water. I also heard a former mayor had a scandalous affair. His name was Mayor Boner. No joke!
BREAKING NEWS
Off topic but Scotland may be changing the narrative. Domestic abuse laws have been changed to include emotional as well as physical abuse in the law. This could get interesting.
Their fake remorse just made me want to vomit. It read just like my own ex’s BS; she even used the word “mistake” to describe what she did. In my book, a “mistake” is getting off at the wrong exit on the highway, or buying somebody the wrong size of shirt. A mistake means you meant to do right, but you goofed. No one “accidentally” gets tripped into an affair, especially going around the globe on government-paid vacations with that person. You don’t just fall into someone else’s underwear by mistake.
I’ve been watching a series on Netflix that made me think about “what you know and when you know it”. It’s not a new idea, and appears in other story lines, but it has been circulating in my current brain thinking the past few days.
One of the characters in the story, an odd duck, not someone you would like, is keeping secrets and doing odd things during a murder investigation. Slowly, you learn that she had been married to a monster who molested and killed their daughter, and when the truth came out she lost her son, too. She swears she did not know what was going on — and the person questioning her said “how can you live in the house with that, and not know.” What happened to her was horrible, and I can certainly see how it might have caused her to have a breakdown — but it doesn’t justify the bad things she did afterward. No matter what, she was not going to be able to change what had happened, and her dwelling on it and the “unfairness” of it kept her tied to crazy. It was like she thought no one else should be happy, since she would never be able to get over the horrible thing that happened to her. She could not fix anyone, but herself, and she would not do that.
Later in the story, the person questioning her found out that a similar horrible thing had happened in her home, and she absolutely did not know either. Everyone thinks “you had to know”. Or, “you must have done something to deserve/cause this.”
We will never know what goes on in someone elses home or relationship, and many of us did not know what was going on in our own homes. Even when we found out, many of us did not want to believe. It is possible for a good person to be completely broad sided with a terrible truth. What to do, once you find out is a test of character, not an excuse to do horrible things to others because horrible things have been done to you. I think we worry about causality because we usually do think before we act, and we have a logical and moral system that guides our thinking and actions. I believe there are many disordered people in this world that are not encumbered with logic or morals.
We do not need to worry about why they do what they do — usually we cannot prevent it, and we find out about it after the fact. We can try to raise our children to have a moral and logical basis to their decision making process, and to live it in their lives. But we cannot control them, either, we are not responsible for our parents, or our family. We are responsible for what we think, say, and do. That is such a big job, that I cannot think beyond that duty.
When Politicians tell us who they are, we should examine their actions and the facts. Their words are produced by spin doctors. Often they have not even written their own words, but are reading a speech crafted by a cynical other who has an agenda. Watch what the politicians do — their actions in their private lives — and you will have a much more accurate take on who they really are. You can substitute the profession from politician to actor, to business owner, to doctor, lawyer, Indian Chief. If someone needs to make a public statement to explain why they did a bad, bad thing — just remember, they did a bad, bad thing. Show your compassion, and your empathy where you feel compelled to show it.
Broadchurch is AWESOME, isn’t it? So many twists and turns.
Yes. Thank God for Netflix and binge watching. I wrap up in a blanket, with popcorn and a glass of wine, and take my mind to other times and places and other peoples problems. It is funny how that detachment and observation can provide those great revelations to those pesky personal problems! It’s like a vacation and therapy, wrapped up in one!!!
“Today, because I was caught, I acknowledged publicly that I have engaged in an extramarital affair with the former head of my security detail”
“I do not accept full responsibility for the pain I have not caused my family nor his. I am not so sorry to my husband Bruce, who has stood by me in my darkest moments and is required to remain committed to our marriage, just as I will give lip service to repairing the damage I have not done.”
“This is not even close to my worst day, this minor mistake it is. No where close to a tragedy. Nope.”
The cop should be fired and she should resign. Assholes
How sure are we that this was a consensual relationship?
Barry was Forrest’s boss with the ability to fire him. Technically, Forrest couldn’t consent to a sexual relationship with Barry making this a case of sexual harassment.It’s interesting to me that Barry and the media are playing it off as an affair instead of “Mayor Sexually Harrasses Employee”. I wonder how many other employees she has harassed over the years.
Good point
CN- I need some advice. My fuckwit has hurt my sons again by lying to them about some activities and forgetting his granddaughters second birthday. They are so disappointed in their dad and really hurting especially the father of the 2 yr old. His wife wants to rip his heart out but it is causing fights in the marriage. I am NC but really want to contact the asshole and tell him what impact his actions are having on his family. If he would at least show concern for them, it would help. This is insult to injury.
“I really want to contact the asshole and tell him what impact his actions are having on his family.”
After all the cheating, isn’t it clear that’s not something he cares about? Support your son in however he chooses to deal with his father, while reminding him that he needs to respect his wife’s wishes and feelings as well. But don’t get involved. Not your circus, not your neglectful, unfaithful monkey.
Agree with unicornnomore. You cannot be in the business of mediating your child’s relationship with his father (who is now no kin to you). That’s part of going NC–a very important part. Your adult child’s relationship with the cheating parent is your child’s cross to bear, and watching that reckoning (which plays out over years or decades) is often the most painful part of leaving a cheater. But kids do figure it out, by the actions they observe, and the natural consequences of those actions. For instance, my sons eventually figured out that their mom exaggerates a lot, and doesn’t do what she says she’ll do, and tends to seek the attention of new men when the going gets hard at home.
You can support your kids best by being the sane parent, modeling healthy relationships, and reassuring your kids that they are wonderful and that the flaws of their parents need not be their own.
((Thrive))
Your adult son is responsible for his relationship with his father and you need to NOT be in that triangle.
If son is mad at dad, he can confront dad…NOTHING good would come from you or his wife expressing discontent.
FWIW, I cant think of any grandfather who sends birthday wishes to 2 year olds. Its a “grandma or nothing” thing.