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Leave a cheater, gain a life!

Time Again for Infidelity Valentines!

by

Happy February, chumps! It’s nearly Valentine’s Day, or as people have been known to call it “Single Awareness Day.” If you’re feeling a bit adrift with all the mylar heart balloons and syrupy sentiment out there…. consider snark!

Yes, it’s time once again for our Infidelity Valentine’s Day Contest where we remember the less fortunate — the poor sods that wound up with our exes — and immortalize them in verse.

So send me a poem! Just like previous year’s contests, I’m looking for either a haiku or a limerick that encapsulates your cheater experience. The winners get inscribed copies of my book (I’ll ship anywhere). I will announce the winner on Valentine’s Day and draw some accompanying cartoons. So hey, the day isn’t a total waste, right?

To recap from 8th grade English, a haiku is a poem with 5-7-5 syllables.

I love you but I’m…
Christ, you are such a cliche
…not in love with you.

A limerick is a 5 line poem with a rhyme scheme of AABBA.

There once was a mistress named Kay
Who was a better liar than a lay
She had HPV
And now it’s with me
My husband’s clap conveys

Check the archives for past chump cleverness. We have some real snarky gems. You’ll also note I drew a new cartoon for the contest this year. (Because who can resist stabbing Cupid?)

Please no lugubrious long-form verse — keep it bitter, funny, and short. (Yes, I said bitter. As in acerbic. As in take-this-Valentine-and-shove-it.)

You have until February 12 to send submissions!

TGIF!

Comments

  1. There was once a cheat named Paul
    Who had no morals at all
    Old, fat or thin
    They were kibbles for him
    Now his marriage has gone to the wall

    • There once was a wife called Claire
      Who thought riding her boss was quite fair
      She got caught in the act
      Then pregnant so he was trapped
      5 years on I’m at meh

    • There once was a boy named Tony
      Who moved in with my dear family
      I was deployed
      And really annoyed
      On him, my wife spent all of my money

    • There once was a doctor I knew
      He left and called me a shrew
      He fucked a nurse
      Then lined her purse
      “I walk with Jesus” says her tattoo.

      • My husband was a nerd.
        Do MMA fighting he heard!
        He got real tough.
        He fucked her stuff.
        Now she is stuck with a turd.

    • This is my first post, so I wasn’t sure if putting it as a reply was correct, but here goes:

      Miss Angela was a ‘ho-pair”
      With Germanic big tits and blonde hair.
      When my spouse (not so smart)
      Met this Black Forest tart
      And ‘forgot’ that he loved me (NO FAIR!)

      They met in a bar in Toronto
      Then up to his room to fuck – PRONTO!
      With his cute German strudel
      Caressing his noodle
      My hubby’s not one to hold on to.

    • Sparkly balls going prancing in the night
      Howorkers duties added to his delight
      Fuck a few, fuck a friend
      Fuck you Sparkly, this is the end
      Sweet heart’s disappointment and I finally saw the light
      Got a bulldog lawyer to fuck him over just right

  2. Covert narcissists
    Have no personality
    They can call their own

    The better I know
    Your personality was
    a mask that you wore

    You said you don’t know
    The missed red flags became gifts
    Bet you still don’t know

  3. This is a very fitting contest for me today. Divorce court at 10 am, new life at 11.

    There once was a co-ed niece
    Who became her uncle’s next piece
    This caused marriage trouble
    But Unc’s troubles will double
    If slutniece ever calls the police

    Limericks for me are like chips or pretzels. Can’t stop at one.

    There once was a man forty-nine
    Who thought his teen niece very fine
    They fucked and they texted
    Until auntie objected
    And signed on the dotted line

      • Tracy, thank you for responding! This made my day. The judge will be telling me to wipe the smile off my face.

        • Yaaass!! So happy for you, Mehtamorphosis! Wishing you all the courage to do and say what you need to today, but the courage to also keep that supreme happiness under wraps just until you turn around to walk out of the courtroom or chambers. Then you’re all: 😄😄😄

          You totally deserve this!! (((Hugs!)))

          • Clear, you motivated me to write two more today on the plane back home from divorce court.

            There once was a shy nerd named Woody
            Who seemed to be all goody-goody
            ‘Til the marriage police
            Caught him fucking his niece
            On the floor with her bum on her hoody

            There once was a man with a wife
            Who discovered his secret life
            Of fucking their niece
            And their close friend Denise*
            Whose husband just sharpened his knife

            *Her real name has been changed to protect the guilty. And rhyme. But her sister is named Denise. Really!

            Okay, I will stop now. Maybe.

            • Meh,
              Congratulations!!! Can’t wait till the day I can post, free at last!!

              My god, his niece!! These freaks are a never ending pile of shit!!

              Thank god you are rid of the child molester!! What about her parents?

      • Smoke and mirrors

        There once was a woman blinded by smoke
        Thinking the haze from red flags burning was an illusion of hope
        Once she awoke and saw the illusion was broke
        She saw in the mirror a picture of hope

        Seeing clearly/finally

    • Meh,
      You are my hero, Mighty Mehtamorphosis! May all go your way today in court. So happy for you! Thank you for sharing your journey with us.. .a high tide raises all boats, even my leaky dinghy! 😁😂

    • YAY!!!!!! I’m so glad it’s finally Freedom Day! No worries, the judge will love the smile. **high five**

      • Thanks, Beth. Here’s one inspired by you!

        Here at the Nation of Chumps
        We’re all spouses of dog turds and rumps
        We dance and we spackle
        As our rat bastards cackle
        ‘Til we dump them and claim our fist bumps

        • That’s awesome!! Love you girl. Wishing you the best of everything in this new chapter. And if you ever get back my way, we’ll have another dinner to celebrate your freedom. 💕💕💕

        • That one is especially wonderful. I thought I was the only person in the world who used the phrase rat bastard so I especially loved it! Well done, you are an inspiration.

    • I second (third, fourth, or whatever we’re up to) the congratulations!

      And…HOLY SH*T! This guy fooled around with his teenage NIECE? (Or your niece?). Eww! How disgusting! I’m so sorry for you.

      Every time I think I’ve heard the worst, most depraved crap a cheater can do, something else comes along.

    • Great for you! What a douche-bag-a teenage niece. Have a great day! Hope you get everything you want!

      • As a chump I have to say affair partners are terrible turds but if the uncle is a child molester there is a whole grooming aspect etc that makes this situation different than others on chump nation.

    • The uncle poem… I’m assuming here that the Niece was a legal adult otherwise this might not be cheating and more abuse?

  4. Now that that mask that you wore
    was removed and was thrown on the floor
    Now I’m aware
    and you’re out of my hair
    I’m quite glad that you’re off with that whore

  5. It doesn’t fit the format requirements, so I’ll forfeit the chance at a prize, but I like it…

    (Apologies in advance to whoever penned the old rhyme about Lizzie Borden)

    Kunty Kibbler shafted me,
    Gave her twat to RPD,
    And when she saw she’d made him cum,
    Shoved a dildo up his bum.

    • I love the Lizzie Borden rhyme scheme! And so appropriate. “Forty whacks!” I think Tracy should let us use this rhyme scheme and rhythm, too.

    • Hey UX, maybe this makes it a legit limerick:

      Kunty Kibbler shafted me,
      Gave her twat to RPD,
      And when she saw she’d made him cum,
      Shoved a dildo up his bum.

      And yelled, it’s always about me!

    • Hey UX, maybe this makes it a legit limerick:

      Kunty Kibbler shafted me,
      Gave her twat to RPD,
      And when she saw she’d made him cum,
      Shoved a dildo up his bum.

      Hurry up, there’s another man coming at three!

    • That made me laugh out loud, OneDaySomeDay.

      God, I’m so fortunate to have found you all! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

    • Second verse…

      Mindfuck channel stuck on rage,
      Selfies rule her Facebook page,
      Divorce tattoo on her shoulder,
      Thinks it stops her getting older.

      • I think you are still stuck on your X wife.
        There are millions of women out there who are prettier, cleaner, kinder and more honest than this whore.

        Stop wasting your time on this website and get out there and live, man!!!

        You’re wasting your precious life. There is no prize for being witty and clever on this blog. It is time suck after it serves its purpose as a triage unit after discovery.

        You are Obsessed. Get off the computer and get out there in the real world. Stop living in the past. As a man who is not a mutant( it seems) – You will have women throwing themselves at you.

        • “I think you’re still stuck on your X wife” said no one on this blog ever! (who knows UXworld and actually has a clue) Perhaps you should buy one Kennedy!

          Most of the folks who contribute to this blog after the “initial triage” do so to help the newly anointed chumps who feel like they’re completely alone. Lucky for all of us UXworld is one of those people so you should probably know that before you go running your mouth….or are you still mad that someone dropped a house on your sister?

      • Love this UX . Yeah, the new 60 is fourty. It’s all good. But if you know the Limited there are are parts well beyond their years;; all parts aren’t equal. Just My’s Opinion. You knows what I means!

  6. Four score and four years ago
    My liberation came don’t ya know
    Nancy so special she blew
    After seeing her I knew
    At best his supply required a feeding trough.

  8. Verse 2…..

    Now Paul thought it great fun to lie
    When looking his wife in the eye
    It was duper’s delight
    And watching her plight
    Pure cake until she said……bye!

    Happy Friday everyone!

  9. Had not realised my Tuesday had come
    Once upon a time I was really quite glum
    rrom your financial misuse
    and the gaslighting abuse
    Look at the awesome life I’ve begun

  10. There was a young cheater from Kent
    Who’s thing was long, thin and bent
    One night in a muddle
    He put it in double
    And instead of c*ming, he went

  11. For your choosing delight:

    Sex in cars is fun
    For you. I cried and got a
    Full STD screen.

    My ex husband was totally feckless,
    But with his pecker grossly reckless.
    So nasty to tell, much worse to smell (!)
    So I ran away pell mell.

    He told me he loved me forever,
    And nothing would change it, no never,
    Oddly enough, five mistresses can,
    And now I’ve a lawyer and no man.

    All of his moves were a trope,
    The unoriginal dope.
    His women agree: he’ll leave me! they’ll see,
    But in the end I had to flee.

    Ok I think I’m done now.

  12. On our wedding day
    I travel the the world forging
    better memories

    You don’t know who you are
    A man, a mouse, or a car
    The fortunate thing …
    is it’s her problem
    I don’t want to know who you are

  13. You set my life on fire in March and pushed me out to sea
    My mind bobbed wildly against the waves
    Ablaze, but strangely free

    I patted flames and held them back
    But the fire raged on in me
    Consumed me still for months beyond
    Despite the stormy sea.

    The sense of calm, mistook for pain
    I then recognised and knew
    My mind was fine, the pain you gave was really meant for you.

    I’m just hot and you know it.

  14. If you encounter him on a first date
    Beware, he will spew out such hate
    You’ll empathize with his short Cummings
    Who uses an micro stick dick for bait?

  15. What do you call a…
    Grad student who fucks her prof?
    One dumb cock-sucker.

    What do you call a…
    Prof and ho who fuck with me?
    My dumb bitches now.

  16. The man who seemed honest and tender,
    Turned out to be quite a pretender.
    His preference for youth
    Made me see the truth.
    I shipped him out, “Return to Sender”.

  17. ” Infidelity Valentines” and keep it bitter”
    Where on this whole wide earth 🌏 can a Chump wake up, click on to CL and immediately get a heart lift feeling to their day?!?
    And THE CARTOONS, you don’t even get them at the movies any more ( replaced with turn off your cell phone clips)!

    Thank YOU, CL, for making life bearable!
    Your’re the best!

  18. A dumbass with no self control
    Who banged anything with a hole
    Took me as his wife,
    Made chaos my life,
    Then I left the mis’rable troll.

  20. If ever you’re faced with a cheater,
    Please know, your life could be much sweeter.
    Just leave — gain a life!
    You’ll find much less strife
    And gain a refined BS meter!

    Ok, that’s three, I’ll stop. (I 💚 limericks!)

  22. My ex is a bit of a bitch.
    Stranger’s beds she liked to switch
    I may be a chump
    But I know how to fake pump
    Get outa my life you witch

  23. There once was a skanky chump named Mylinda
    Who cured her broken heart with my dear mistah
    Over and over he told her “Leave me alone”
    But she wouldn’t give up, she wanted to bone
    She won turd number two and lots of bad karma

      • Thank you Blee! I can’t believe 27 years has been shattered by a fellow CHUMP! Who could do this to someone after living through it yourself? A soulless whore, I guess. 🙁

        • Crushed Chump,

          You are not alone. My last boyfriend, fellow Chump, who I thought was my friend for decades, coldly dscarded me for the last time for his work subordinate.

          Sending you hugs.

          • Thank you for the hugs RockStarWife. I am so sorry it happened to you too! Sending you hugs right back! XOXOXOX

        • Happened to me, too. I got left for a fellow chump. Pretty sure she’ll figure out he’s not exactly who he portrays himself to be. They deserve each other.

          • I am so sorry 2old4drama! I wish it hadn’t also happened to you. I just don’t understand how another chump could put someone through this. She told us how devastated she and her daughter were. But then she told my husband she did not care who she hurt, she was going to be selfish. Uh, yah. The indescribable pain, despair, and shattered heart and soul I have right now I would not wish on anyone on this planet, not even her.

        • Mine was a chump or so I thought. His first wife left him for s/o else & he swore ho could never do that to anyone. Well 20 years later (prob less) he did. I think he secretly admired her for being able to use & discard people. He learned well.

  25. There once was a man with no friends
    ‘Cept the ladies with whom he pretends
    He had quite a pout
    When I kicked his ass out
    And his cake eating came to an end

  26. I know you wanted bitter, CL, but not feeling that today.

    These two guys named Rhys and Mac
    each turned a part of my heart black
    but with my fiance Ben
    I’ve been smiling again
    And the light seems to have come back

  27. Down the wedding aisle we strode
    Our future rosy and bold
    Little did I know
    He had a scank in tow
    Cheater’s wedding vows behold.

  28. He won’t cheat on me, said she.
    As she awakes each day drenched in his pee
    The covert is so cleverly sly
    Moved her close to his old supply
    Alway, honey you’re one out of three.

  29. Lord Fuckwit went in search of the moon
    He found a star and made her swoon
    Then he thought with his Penis
    And found a new Venus
    But it was really a wrinkled old prune

  30. And one more…

    I married a man named Richard
    Whose brains couldn’t half fill a pitcher
    When I found all the pics
    He became my ex, Dick
    Losing him has made me so much richer

    • There was a cuntfucker named Earl
      Decided on an intelligent and lovely girl
      As the years went by he gave Donna, Karen, Linda, Sharon, and many others a try
      After all he was a serial cheating, pathological lying, drug addicted alcoholic, porn addicted, sociopathic kinda guy
      Pathetically at sixty he’s with the one that would make any man hurl.

      • Swap out shopping and food for drugs and alcohol and you’ve got my ex. And he just turned 60 too. They certainly don’t get better with age.

  32. My ex was screwing a whore
    Then I showed him the door

    Whore died few months ago
    He didnt even feel low

    Woman he’s with now thinks she won a prize
    Hopefully she soon becomes wise

  33. James Bond: “It really is tragic that two people who love each other so much can’t work it out.”

  35. I once thought I had a good guy
    For years on our marriage did try
    Found out I was duped
    So I flew the coop
    May his dick forever stay dry

  36. There once was a Ho named Heather
    Who thought she did everything better
    She saw my wasband and really quite liked him
    And now they’ve left me, thankfully, free

  37. Asshole stole my money, ideas, writing and art
    To sate the greed of his untalented fart
    Who faked authenticity but was so rotten inside
    That readers detected her stink and her lies
    Only one of us has talent, honor and a good heart.

  39. Cheater fucked a howorker in his marital bed
    Traded a quarter century relationship for disease-ridden head
    The marriage vows? SHATTERED
    The betrayed wife’s heart? SPLATTERED
    Can’t be faithful? DON’T GET WED!!!

  40. Wife was sleeping with multiple men.
    Thought I’d never know peace again.
    But I got an attorney,
    And began a new journey.
    Now I’m nearly at Zen.

  41. When you left there was this massive space
    A hole of once again being replaced
    Without your limitations I finally knew
    By setting boundaries and taking care of myself I grew
    Doingme took your place.

  42. There once was a tart named Donna,
    My husband, he fell right upon her!
    She was really quite low
    That dirty old ho,
    I really can’t see how he’d wanna!

  43. His days once ended
    Wife and child at home each night
    Now roaches await

    —–

    Annual bonus!
    Settlement says I get half!
    “It’s not fair!!” waah waah

    —–

    There once was a cheater so sly
    To his wife he often would lie
    “I’m just spending my time with a friend!
    To ski, camp, and sail should not offend!”
    Um, yeah, he was boinking the guy.

    He covered his crimes

  44. There once lived a cheater named Paul
    Who thought he could easily have all
    His wife crafted a plan
    To ruin that man
    Now he looks at his paycheck and bawls

  46. Ex would take really long poops
    In order to text with his Schmoops.
    So I found a new bathroom, all mine,
    Fully renovated and oh-so-divine.
    And it’s her turn now to be duped.

    • Bwahaha, rhyming poops with Schmoops is brilliant. They all pull this bathroom texting crap, right?

    • So great!!! yeah, the bathroom texting was out of control. I wanted to barge in there a few times – thank God I don’t have to worry about that now.

    • OMG. Mine did this tooo… i thought this odd in the middle of the day! And why do you need your phone to poop? You cant do more than one thing at a time anyway…… love reading all of these!

  48. I actually upped the game and went with song lyrics ALA Patsy Cline.
    I changed the lyrics to She’s Got You;

    She called him Pookie
    I call him Worm
    He said she’s just a friend
    He’s lying and it’s confirmed
    The only think different
    The only thing new
    I’ve found my joy again
    She’s got you

  49. DD is really upset
    You haven’t shown any respect
    Introducing the HO
    Has been a big blow
    And I had no idea to suspect

  50. There once was a cunt named Renee
    Who would do anything for a lay
    She went after my Eddie
    In her sluttiest teddy
    Dickwad thought I would beg him to stay

  51. There once was a stripper named Brandi
    And Mercedes, Jewel and Candi
    It was great while he was employed
    But they’re probably quite annoyed
    Now that cash isn’t quite so handy

  53. There once was a Borderline cheater
    Nothing better to her than strange peter
    Spent all of her days
    Chasing sexual praise
    And now her husband don’t need her

  54. The marriage vows that we spoke,
    He decided were just a joke.
    The coworker was easy,
    He was super sleazy,
    From the denial, I finally awoke.

  56. A lesson for you gals out there
    Whose husbands buy cute underwear
    Take a look at his phone
    He’s not so alone
    Cum shot videos are being emailed somewhere

  57. Haiku is tough- good brain work. A meek attempt.

    A two sided tale
    You will never know my side
    Catch me a lyin’

  58. Limerick:

    Beware the sad cheater named Chuck
    Cyber-prowling for someone to f*ck
    ‘Cause the hemorrhoidal joys
    Of his anal sex toys
    Leave him feeling so down on his luck.

    • Oh my! Is that real? You can get hemorrhoids a from anal sex toys/anal sex? Mine had some serious issues with that and I know he was advertising on Craigslist as bi for couples/group meet ups but claims there was never intercourse.

      • Honestly, I really don’t know! I was taking creative license in writing my bitter limerick, and coming up with the phrase “hemorrhoidal joys” made me laugh a lot.

        The only thing I know about anal sex/toys is that my cheater had a strange collection focused on that area of the body. (Is that, uh, normal for a supposedly heterosexual guy?) It’s not really something I want to research more.

  59. Hummm….

    Well you treated your husband like shit
    So you could go and fuck special dick
    Now your schemes have been caught
    But your shame is at nought
    Pretty soon you’ll get fucking zip

    So you though put yourself so fucking special
    So left for him leaving only a message
    But woe upon woe
    He thought you a hoe
    So stayed with his wife and her nest egg

    With lying and cheating you got caught
    Now your life is incredibly fraught
    Once mammy gets to know
    Her daughters’ a hoe
    Your bullshit will have all been for nought

    Only one more….honest

    You once thought yourself oh so special
    That you fucked family over for kibbles
    So with family blown apart
    You’re now stuck at the start
    Of a life of moronic expression

  60. There once was a Cheater who texted
    Two skanks who also just sexted
    When caught said “we are just friends “
    But chumps know this crap never ends
    And then had enough and felt vexed

    Found a great lawyer and filed
    Soon the paperwork piled
    But no contact is the truth and the light
    Their lies are just not worth the fight
    No longer will this chump be defiled!

    A cheater just wants to have cake
    They have nothing to give, they just take
    Children and spouses don’t matter,
    The love that you gave was just batter
    To make them more kibbles and bake!

  61. Here we go…….

    In our marriage he tried to pretend
    With his lover the truth he did bend
    With some texts that werent’t mine
    He said he liked doing her from behind
    Now I’m praying she gets his in the “end”!

      • Winddrinker,
        I heard the same bs!!:

        I don’t bother anyone
        I don’t drink or smoke
        I don’t go to bars
        I haven’t been to prison
        I’m successful with my business

        I made a blunder, you just can’t forgive!!

  63. Wasted youth and love
    A serial-cheating douche
    Great peace and calm now

    And/or

    Dreams I thought were “ours”
    Were always only my own
    Finally free – jump!

    And

    A cheating douche thought he was awesome
    No cares when he walked out the door
    No family, now broke, and in jail; what a joke
    Just married a sex addict whore

    • BTW – the douche really ended up in jail, three felonies, bankrupt, and actually did marry a known sex addict ho, who has a penchant for screwing as many married or single guys that she can. Really picked a winner. I can only wish them ALL the happiness that they both DESERVE. 👍🏼

  64. There once was a cheater named Terry
    who thought ho-worker was quite the fairy
    Karma will come
    When she gets his a bum
    Go glad not you did I marry.

    Ah! Blessed relief!
    Like from a bowel movement
    I felt when you left

  65. There once was a cheater named Terry
    who thought ho-worker was quite the fairy
    Karma will come
    When she gets he’s a bum
    Go glad not you did I marry.

    dammit, 2old, proofread!

  66. You continued to lie, sneak, and betray,
    and I got sick of the games you would play.
    So I gathered my proof,
    while acting aloof,
    then dumped you on Valentine’s Day!

  67. Forty years did I give to that man,
    And loved him with all that I am.
    Yet with Schmoopie he cheated,
    But I’m NOT defeated,
    I’m FREE! And they can pound sand.

  68. There once was a chronic cheater named Gord
    He met a new ho, oh Lord
    When the ex- wives started talking
    It was all very shocking
    And now his exciting life, he can’t afford

  69. In February a heart felt Valentine
    Love you Nancy for keeping me in line
    In March as spring sports a grudge
    Limerence gives him a nudge
    With April’s fantasy he shares wine.

  70. You thought I would get over all the strife,
    and told me I was lucky to be your wife.
    Instead, I sent your cheating ass packing,
    made sure your finances will be lacking,
    because your spousal maintenance is for life!

  71. Old Blee, he thought he was smitten
    His ex he thought was a kitten
    She lied and deceived
    And did as she pleased
    Now Blee has been twice bitten

  72. I apologize in advance, horrible at Poems, etc. so not competing.

    But today is a big day for me, My son’s College commencement ceremony is today.
    And he did not want Jackass there, didn’t invite him, and forbid me from inviting him.
    Last my son saw him was about 2 yrs ago when (“it was killing him, and he had to tell him”) that he was so so in luuuuurve with OW, and my son said – I want nothing to do with any of that. and that was the end of their relationship. My daughter and I will be driving him to his new place and new job tomorrow in Chicago.

    It’s a good day!

  73. You smelled so damn good.
    Liar cheater deceptive man.
    Your character stinks.

    **

    She’s just an ‘old friend’
    That you speak longingly to.
    Oh no you do not.

    **

    There lives a narc named Oskar
    Who uses women to prosper.
    He picked the wrong one,
    P said this is not fun.
    She kicked his ass to the curb
    and he lost her.

  74. Cursed your very existence as I did vent
    I wanted to give you shoes of cement,
    A narc who made us feel crappy,
    but that you are gone we are all quite happy
    and you’re living in your parent’s basement.

  78. Red flags galore
    I chose to ignore
    Spackled like hell
    Til I was not well
    Now cheater, you’re out the door

  79. From me did the sad asshole mooch
    While screwing her rotten old cooch
    Now they’ve got each other
    Love bombs he will smother
    For me, I’ve got my faithful pooch

  80. I’m not excited about Valentine’s day coming. I never asked my cheater what her affair partners gave her for Valentines. She was full throttle in her indiscretions during Valentine’s day. She told me one of the reasons she cheated was because I always buy her red roses, she said red roses are a thoughtless boring gift. There are thousands of other arrangements and you always get me stupid boring thoughtless RED ROSES!!!!!!

    I guess this year I will give her boring, thoughtless, stupid red roses, and I will get them from Walmart. I will find the most beat up, drooping, dying, sad looking bouquet of red roses at Walmart I can find.

    • Good God, TX Dude.

      Although my ex-husband used to send me flowers shortly after he abused me and my ex-boyfriend got them for me (I think out of a sense of obligation the first Valentine’s Day as a couple, He discarded me (for the first time) the following week Even considering the association between roses and fairly recent events, I would be DELIGHTED to receive red roses–or any roses–or any flowers for that matter! Better off sending those red roses to a convalescent home or your OWN sacred space which will not be invaded by this ingrate of a spouse.

      • Wow TXDude!!

        What a spoilt, self-centred and entitled princess she must have been. Who says that? So cruel. Of course you bought red roses that is the symbol of love on Valentines Day. Please don’t let that stop you in future. Speaking for myself and all women I know we love receiving red roses….all flowers.

        Sending hugs 💐

    • Tx dude,
      That is heartbreaking! What a cruel, cold-hearted thing to say! I’m so very sorry.

      Please know there are many women who love red roses and love to receive them!!

      Don’t let her damage your loving spirit!!!!

      Seeing clearly

  81. Your betrayal to me and your daughters stabbed us in the heart like a knife
    When you decided to fuck the upstair’s neighbor’s wife
    She was our family photographer and friend
    No take backs I said in the end
    She can have unemployed balding ex in her life!

      • Thank you. The toughest part is co-parenting. I actually feel very fortunate when I see some of the stories on here. I’m happier and healthier since I got rid of my ex. Amazing that Life Part II can be so much better.

  83. There was once a man named Hank,
    Whose sad penis needed a yank,
    He left his lovely wife Debbie
    For a ho-worker named Debbie,
    Surely, this must be a prank!

  84. Pro hookers aren’t cheap
    Will she fix your new problems?
    Like your DUI?

    (STBX recently confirmed the wisdom of my getting rid of him by crashing his car during an alcoholic blackout and waking up in jail. So glad nobody got hurt but a freeway wall!)

    • Hey Chickynot, the ex I used to be married to confirmed this same wisdom with a big car crash. Two smashed up cars in one week. A month in the hospital. Wheelchair and crutches. Broken back.

      I’m so glad we both got free. I believe I saved my life and my sanity by divorcing him.

      • Wow, a month in the hospital. They are walking disasters, aren’t they? Enjoy your new peaceful life!

  85. Sniffing out a cheater,
    Will burn a hole in the Ole olfactometer.
    Covering the stench of deceit with perfume and flowers.
    Are you wondering about those odd mid-day showers ?
    Living a double life requires careful teeter

  86. Alas, the problem is you, not me
    You simply refuse to agree
    “Filling my love bank”
    Is not “screwing a skank”
    It’s all in the wording, you see!

  87. So you’re engaged to your yoga camp troll,
    Gave me divorce papers, you’re on a roll.
    Then you lied in court,
    The judge caught you short,
    Now my divorce you’re going to bankroll.

  88. There once was a howorker ‘EA’
    Or so my gas lighting STBX did say
    But when I did snoop
    That turned out to be poop
    Now I’ve flown the coop Hooray

  89. There once was a ‘mad’ howorker
    Who had a passionate ‘EA’ with an old porn lurker
    Her too strong perfume
    Polluted my bedroom
    Yet when I queried it he went berserker

  90. When I was young and
    beautiful you stalked me well
    I fell for it, sigh

    I married you then
    you called me tender names like
    Putrid Putrina

    You choked me, hit me
    raged that you were King and like
    Paha Sapa god

    Our children are sad
    Kicked, punched, terrorized and mocked
    My heirlooms broken

    You killed our dear pets
    and collected Asian girls
    among other things

    (for my mom)

    • Oh my! I’m so sorry you had Tobago through all that!!!! That’s unimaginable. ((((((HUGS)))))))

    • Wildflower,
      Dear god, I’m so very sorry! Killed your pets – my heart breaks for you and your children!!!

      My Stbx has a thing for collecting Asian girls as well! He has a very sick, twisted logic on why he does that!!

  91. There once was a narc who caused strife
    Using rage, charm and sadz on his pick me dancing wife
    Then she found him flirting in emails
    Again, with single females
    she finally left that cheater and now has a better life.

  93. Anastasiadate he used with aplomb,
    To our marriage it was a bomb,
    Now I’m getting laid,
    And soon I’ll get paid,
    Don’t mess with this arse kicking fraum.

  94. I’ll pay you with my hard-earned money
    While you run like the wind to your honey
    Your skanky, fake whore
    But it’s you I abhor
    My days are now calm and quite sunny.

  95. For a year I begged you to pick
    Our family over your dick.
    Now you’re stuck on rage
    ‘Cause I refuse to engage
    And don’t give a shit ‘bout the RIC.

  96. The greatest dupe of all
    Was snagging him to call
    Kibbles are like raindrops
    Or a work horses poop plops
    Her needs: an umbrella and rubber boots for the fall.

  97. She’s welcome to you, you big slob
    Taking care of you is her new job
    You were lousy in bed
    I used to feel dread
    I’m happy with my new “boyfriend” bob

  99. There once was a fuckwit named Mark,
    Who thought he caused quite a large spark
    But his deceptive ways and whoring plays
    Revealed his soul lived in the dark.

    Now a nice girl named CheaterDefeater
    Believed Mark was quite a nice greeter
    Until craigslist ad hos and internet blows
    Revealed Mark was a FUCKING DICK. The end.

  100. There once was a manchild in blue trousers
    who left open his internet browsers
    His wife she did peep
    and said – god, what a creep –
    and get the #$*? out of my house(rs)

  101. These aren’t great, but they are great therapy, I think we should do this everyday!

    Rose are red
    violets are blue
    losing half my pension
    was worth it
    to rid myself of you
    _________________
    There once was a narc name Mike
    Who thought any whore was nice
    He took one on a cruise
    Then found out about the divorce blues
    Now his ex is living a wonderful life!

    _______________________
    There once was a crazy man
    who couldn’t control his pants
    they fell to any whore
    until his wife said no more
    now he lives alone, the end
    _________________________
    There once was a horrible man
    who thought the world revolved around him
    his wife finally woke up
    now his world is screwed up
    and she lives in peace with a new husband

    that felt good! i was just crying as i am dealing with filling out the QDRO and lose half my pension to a lying, cheating, abusive jerk, this made it better.

  102. VD wishes for Fuckwit, my ex
    Who had insatiable urges to have sex.
    Plagued with nasty itches
    To fuck random bitches.
    I hope it burns as he writes out my checks!

  104. You took your micro penis
    And shared it with a whore
    She wanted to have your baby
    You said “no way, no more!”
    She went on a trip and left you all alone
    You thought that was love
    You dumbass, go home!
    She looks like a man
    Damn, what were you thinking?
    Think of your children
    The next time you want to go skanking.

  105. Her tits are so a saggin
    It’s not that I’m a braggin
    Thought you were her knight
    Damn you’re not to bright
    You were in fact the fire breathing dragon.

  107. My X pretended he loved me
    and that he put no one above me.
    Thirty years up in smoke,
    it is really no joke.
    but mighty definitely becomes me.

  108. Happy Valentine’s day, here is the petition for divorce. Find your cheating ass someplace else to sleep.

    That was the Valentine i sent to my ex for Valentine’s Day 2014.

  109. Thought you were a gem
    Now that I know the real you
    …I’d rather have Trump!

    When you came home drunk
    I found a mistress on your phone, you punk
    Thought my life was through
    But it was the best thing ever losing you
    Now I have a REAL hunk

    A cunning, manipulative crafter
    You stole my light and laughter…
    But real love IS found on the other side
    Joy is a never ebbing tide
    My life is so amazing after

    And a Cinquain, ya know, for good measure. Why not?

    Narc
    Lame, Drunk
    Lying, Cheating, Scheming
    You’re a dick
    Scumbag

  110. Hey, it’s all good now,
    You’re gone, I’ve got the house, and
    No one had to die! 😀

  111. There once was a slut in my house,
    Did nothing but eat cake and grouse,
    But pick-me-dance no more,
    I showed her the door,
    Done with the town bike that’s a souse.

  115. I was once married to a man named Jon
    Who I now know is a con
    He cheated, lied and hid money
    Divorce granted January 9, so now I’m free
    To get to meh and move on!

    Thanks Chump Nation! Whaddyaknow? January 9 fell on a Tuesday! After 2+ years of wrangling, I’m finally free💃🏾

  116. There once was a man from Laos
    Who could not stay faithful to one spouse
    He’s found his “true love” in a crazy
    Who just had her seventh baby
    and I’ve achieved “meh” all the same 🙂

  117. There once was a Cheat who banged Skank
    Together they lied and they drank
    Though her thighs were thick, they attracted his dick
    I am free now, and have Skank to Thank

  118. Manipulation should be taught in school
    To think that I once was your fool
    You really seemed nice
    I should have thought twice
    Seems my heart couldn’t fathom your cruel

  119. There once was a porn addict
    Who just liked to play act.
    Once I caught on
    I was all but gone
    Now he can have fun permanently stroking his own little ding dong

  120. My stbx kept me out of the loop,
    She has IBS, and her panties she does poop
    When she’s mad she calls me a fucking wussy,
    When she’s horny she screams Super Pussy
    I calmly reply, “I’ll have the soup.”

  121. I had to sit and contribute something even if just to make myself feel better.
    Not exactly poetic but still… (it’s 2 verses)

    A cheater called Joe had two hoes in toe,
    Lied to my face and felt no disgrace,
    Abandoned his kids, to get his quick hits,
    From Ben Wa balls, skunk, and tiny spunk covered tits…

    Used my hard earned money,
    To escape with his honeys,
    Both times to Berlin and guesting at weddings,
    He stole my shoes to give to his flooze(y)
    I thought I’d gone crazy but he was just lazy, a coward, an arsehole and… a selfish TWAT!

    • dumbass bitch who you thought i be
      letting you bang all of berlin with my money
      thinking you cool screamin oooh honey
      nah motherfucka now that aint funny

      so you thought i’d lay and roll play dead
      while you out with the hoes getting head
      me and the kids lonely crawled up in bed
      committed to my words when we done wed

      yeah well asshole i be done getting free
      taking my half and all yo money
      kids getting sane parent while you play buddy
      step on bitch you suck you be scummy

  122. There was a young lover I married
    Oh how I wish I had tarried
    All others I’ll forsake
    Wait! I need cake
    Quess those vows have been buried

  124. There once was a couple with matching tattoos
    Convential marriage, it gave him the blues
    Poor Miss had been pining since 1999
    But now they’re engaged! so all will be fine
    And nothing could possibly ever go wrong
    I’m bitter and twisted for voicing my doubts
    But I still think it’s likely he’s seeking an out
    And the whole thing is going to blow up like a bomb
    Thanks ok- I’ll just bring the marshmallows along
    nobody could possibly make this shit up
    But the mess will be pretty when it’s all lit up

  125. They say that love bombing is short
    You seem to have managed some sort…
    of extended romantic,
    the whiplash is frantic
    Is there logic to this kind of sport?

    • love bombing blinding can you see?
      whoops change the mirror that’s who i be
      giving me love attention and money?
      got in the sack running for liberty…

      whoops done fucked up crossed the wrong babe
      FT got my number my ass can’t be saved
      she done wised up damn girl don’t be brave
      i wanna run my game long need some pave

      shit she called me out and found CL
      slapping me around girl what the hell?
      i thought done wrapped you up with the wedding bell
      you got your spine my mask dispel

      i better run hide and disappear
      you done gone mighty i full of fear
      sure i throw swerves to make you steer
      yet you on my ass busting my image with your spear

  126. Griselda was the name of the ho-worker
    Her pussy, she knew, would make him pick her
    Caught in the travel trailer of love
    I could not wait to give him a huge shove
    Both Ex and her husband, said leave slut
    And she was tossed out on her butt

  127. Better the devil you know
    how to differenciate friendly from foe
    Sadly our cheaters
    are non stop repeaters
    Lesson hurts, but leaves much room to grow

  128. There once was a whore who publicly acted like Betty Crocker
    Who secretly was totally off her rocker
    While she publicly prayed in private she laid every Tom Dick and Harry
    In a few years her huge payments will end and since loverboy works halfass
    Soon she will be left with her hand on her ass.

  129. I can only do mine in old school rap format….

    Bitch be rolling sackin’ da hoes
    poof went the money where it goes
    I be trackin hackin following da trail
    leaving the cheater with stringy entrail
    federal court serve his ass without fail

    sorry i can only write raps and AABBA disrupts the flow

  130. can we get a rap category? limericks and haiku escapes me… gotta roll with bitches and hoes to get the flow

  131. There once was a loser called Jill
    Whose finances were really quite ill
    She snared my sad drunk
    In the hope of a chunk
    But finds that she’s left with the bill

    Lying, cheating drunk
    Drooling on my silk cushions
    What a prize she won

      • Thank you Over and Out. This is my first post in here, though CL’s book and this site have helped me hugely over the last two and a half years. I just couldn’t resist this and spent a very happy half hour coming up with several of these. After 34 years together and many very wet Mondays, I at last feel that my Tuesday is very close 😊

  132. you running and hiding everything in sight
    bitch you done forget i full of might
    creeping with hoes day and night
    gonna bust you ass bitch get ready to fight

    four years of your shit done be enough
    you thought i lay down and lack the tough
    you thought filing was a breeze bitch i gonna get rough
    tracking you down no matter where i call your bluff

    bailing on me was ok and fine
    you left kiddo crying making a shrine
    bitch step up your numbers next in line
    serving yo ass head spinning no time

    you send me sadz channel blasting on pity
    not my fault you bummed and shitty
    shoulda thought of that bitch when you bounced giddy
    fuckin the hoes thinking you so pretty

    you dodge and weave thinking you be okay
    changing continents to avoid the fray
    motherfucker i’m on your ass eat you up like prey
    gonna fear the night and beg for the day

    ducks lined up sitting fine and straight
    you think you served me up bitch you got the hate
    court gonna chase you down for being late
    karma’s a bitch she’s got your fate

    so while you piss away your pay for meals and hoes
    remember bitch i document the court already knows
    you a lazy assed fucker running with the bros
    laughing my ass off your accounts be froze

    so run and hide and escape you try
    i’m the big mac bitch you just a fry
    can’t wait to hear you scream whine and cry
    while the truth stands up you can’t deny

    fuck you we out.

  135. I wish we’d found some other way
    One house for the children to play
    I tried divorce busting
    But got conned for trusting
    And mocked that I had tried to stay

    Divorce is a loss it’s quite true
    But I at last did what I had to do
    Though I’ve shed many a tear
    When I look in the mirror
    I finally can stomach the view

  136. I love your streak of cruelty
    your sociopathic lies
    the selfish, shallow tendencies
    shining in your eyes

    i love your vast self pity
    it should come as no surprise
    that when you lie completely
    you do it with snake eyes

    you justify your actions
    without a hint of dread
    she came into our bedroom
    and fucked you in our bed

    now you are basely different
    i feel it in my heart
    but you claim no ownership
    so it will tear apart

    a family long established
    a family love that grew
    now a symbol of your apathy
    we’ll survive it without you.

  137. He said, I’m leaving tomorrow on a business trip
    What I didn’t know was that he was sharing his dick
    With howorkers, each in a different city,
    And now constantly begs me for pity
    I had to file, he just makes me sick

  138. Oh, borderline fuckwit called Bob
    who could never resist strange knob
    He didn’t tell his wife
    that he was endangering her life
    Sayonara Bob, you NUTJOB!

  139. There once was a man whore of mine
    Who thought I was wasting his time
    He left me for his co-slut
    While I was pregnant
    All, so his knob could be shined.

  140. You like fucking whores
    They are simple transactions
    Wives require effort

    —–

    Forgiveness? Fuck you
    You deserve only contempt.
    I now feel so free

  141. Liar, Liar pants on fire
    Placed his marriage on a funeral pyre
    He lit the flame
    Like it was a fucking game
    Then scurried away from the whole quagmire

  142. Porn dick was a new one to me
    Of course, why wouldn’t it be
    He hid his addiction
    To this sick affliction
    Limp dicked for eternity

    Old saggy balls no ass
    He thinks he is still a good catch
    Looking for a blind date

  143. Rainbows and unicorns and heart emojis galore,
    You swept me off my feet when my life a bore
    For a short time you made me think I was the “one”
    But soon I realized you weren’t for me, “hun”
    So here’s a glass, we raise to you, the narcissistic whore.

  144. Trips promised make me want to vomit

    Always a cheat and a liar to beat.
    Now, I am on my own.
    Good luck to you and the new number four clone.

    Serial marriage was your hobby
    Now your the patient in your former lobby.
    What a sweet goodbye when you said I lie.
    Who’s lying now?
    Bittersweet to have gotten engaged on
    Valentine’s Day
    When actually it was all right lay.

  145. Yo! Jesus cheater!
    Wonder how many times you
    wooed another’s man

    I love Haiku’s…so fun!

  146. There once a cheater named Evil One
    Who one night left his laptop open
    To my shock and surprise
    He revealed to his new prize
    That his days being my husband were reducin’

  147. Ten years younger than
    Him, two kids living with ‘rents
    She must have thought, “yeah!”

    Dumb blonde, herself a
    Chump, she ran with him for weeks
    Before truth revealed

    When her mom snooped ’round,
    ‘found out he was still married
    Dated him anyway

    Herself a damn chump,
    She didn’t care, she needed
    A man and daddy

    Long ago I cared
    Many days did I beg him to share
    No valid, true explanation given
    No tears, no remorse, no requests to be forgiven
    All I got was a cold eyed stare

    I wanted to KNOW more and more
    All about him and his whore
    He wouldn’t admit to even a kiss
    And Over and over I got dissed
    I cried until my eyes were sore

  148. The tale of a chump quite naive.
    Who fell for a narc we’ll
    call Steve.
    Well Steve was a liar
    With roaming desire
    So the chump had no choice but to leave!

  149. I never do this because I am not very good at it. But this year I will give it a try..

    David thought he was a King
    But it really wasn’t his thing
    No gift for his wife
    Which Cut like a knife
    When he was arrested in a prostitution sting

  152. There was a sad sausage called Bart
    Whose wife caught him fucking a tart
    She said “See you later
    You want her? You date her,
    I’m too busy, too happy, too smart”

  154. There once was a man who thought
    He could cheat without being caught
    His wife sent him packing
    The whore found him lacking
    And now his dick is in a drought.

  156. During the days of wreckonciliation
    I joined the mighty Chump Nation
    I read and shared my story
    I had to cut the parts that were just too gory
    Next stop- Meh-Station

    Someday he will see and think
    I was all that- even the kitchen sink
    By then it will be too late
    I wont care enough to even hate
    Poor sad sausage – tears go ker-plink

  157. There once was a cheating guy
    Who was stepping out on the sly
    When his wife kicked him out
    Whore didn’t take on the lout
    He had to tell sex “bye-bye.”

  159. I’m just not happy, you’re no longer fun.
    Lybnilwy, so I’m going to run.
    I said goodbye to the cheating compulsive liar.
    Gathered his shit and had a bonfire.
    Then he screwed a woman that looked like his mum.

  160. Better the devil you know
    how to differenciate friendly from foe
    Sadly our cheaters
    are non stop repeaters
    Lesson hurts, but leaves much room to grow

    I really wish that I knew
    from George Simon and CL I grew
    It took both these people
    to show me your evil
    the horror was all very new

    Those notes that you left me to find
    Were designed to shatter my mind
    But I found them much later
    You ungrateful traitor
    I’ve left all your bullshit behind

  161. Dday was the 15th of feb,
    While you were off getting head,
    I had a baby inside,
    But you alot more to hide,
    Now my future is far less to dread.

  162. You love bombed the neighbour’s wife
    3000 smses were teenage girl’s rife
    That kind of behaviour
    makes single my saviour
    I’m moving along with my life

    Those painful long nights
    the puzzle is whole again
    what a waste of time

    and since there was a request for snark and bitter:

    There are no words to
    describe this experience.
    Smegma comes to mind

  163. There was once a single mum named Leanne,
    who was in desperate want for a man.
    Though cheater likes men too,
    she said you will do
    now her life’s slowly going down the can.

  164. There once was a cheater named Tom,
    Whose promises were only a con,
    Now thirty years later
    A great litigator
    Is dropping the ultimate bomb

    Hasta la vista, cheater

  165. There once was a Chump who inspired,
    But Cheater said his love had expired,
    So he fired his wife
    But she got a new life
    Now her eyes have a sparkle and fire

    True story. Life is great without a cheater in it. Stay mighty, my fellow Chumps!

  166. My husband ran off with a Tracey
    Whose underware’s all very lacey
    She’s selfish and sassy
    He’s selfish and gassy
    So not once did I ever play chasey

  167. I was married to a prick
    His devotion was a trick
    he run off with his lover
    Leaving me a single mother

    Are you happy with your life
    turning a whore into a wife?
    She will play you for a fool
    That’s because you are a tool

    You caused your son shame
    Was this all a game?
    You left your daughter shattered
    Did she even matter?

    This holiday won’t get me down
    You will not see me with a frown
    Again and again you cross the line
    thank god you’re not my valentine

    Your mistress deserves a romantic day
    She is such a wonderful person you say
    You deserve a relationship of disarray
    So here’s to you this Valentine’s Day

  168. A loving and innocent bloke
    Found out his wife’s “love” was a joke
    While he cried and he prayed
    She lied and betrayed
    But he’s free now, while she’s dumb and broke

  169. I found the receipt for that ring
    You thought fucking young girls was a thing
    a dozen years later
    success is my freightor
    and you’re stuck with that silly dumb sin

  170. She was compelled to unzip his pants,
    In a move devoid of romance!
    But her feet have a smell
    That just makes him swell
    So where do you think I should lance?

    His pecker was always so small
    The blade may do nothing at all
    So there’s no need to yell
    I’ll just flick you to hell
    And please don’t bother to call

  171. Lies times thirty-one
    Years of smoking hopium
    Now only freedom

    Cheat, lie, rinse, repeat
    Over and over again
    Bye-bye, all done now

    What bullshit today?
    Will check my cheater handbook
    Gaslight or blameshift?

  172. May I tell you a story of Karma?
    The hearing of which will not harm ya,
    He paid through the nose,
    For having those ho’s
    My happy ending should warm ya.

  173. I love limericks! So many fantastic poems!

    There once was a fab covert narc
    Who kept his poor ex in the dark
    For 20 years he did lie
    Cheat, blameshift and gaslight
    Until he left and she got back her spark

  174. ~~Ode to a Southern Belle Cunt~~

    I married a Southern Belle named Cass
    Who was such a beautiful lass
    Turns out she is a cunt
    Who just put up a front
    And now I’m broke on my ass

  175. Cheater Pat had a co worker whore
    They hated his wife, she was sexless, a bore
    They ran away for twu luv you see
    The little dicked cheat is still paying me !
    #winning

  176. There once was a cunt called Jenell
    Onto cheater Pat’s dick she fell
    Cant help bad luck
    With him now she’s stuck
    I Got the popcorn bitches now burn in hell

  177. One more. Lol. Im writing these while lying in a bubblebath and finding it very cathartic !

    P and J went on a road trip,they are low life cunts you see,
    When caught P ran away to find himself and tried to make me Plan B.
    I see now he’s been a tosser for 33 years and BITCH, you set me FREE !

  178. Wow this is so cathartic! I’ve never posted before and I haven’t written a limerick since I was in school but decided to share one of the many I’ve just knocked out….

    I once had a husband I called Bear
    for me and his child he did not care.
    He cheated and lied until I almost died
    But now I’m on my way to meh.

    I’m so glad I found this page, it’s frightening that so many people are going through the same thing but so helpful to know that I’m not alone. Thank you x

  179. It took sometime kept apart
    to realise you don’t own a heart
    those girlfriends you hid
    gaslight and fib
    make it plain that you’re clearly a narc

  180. The clues you left me to find
    while some still play on my mind
    Have left me much better
    to deal with the weather
    and leave you’re behaviour behind

  181. She was a fine lass prone to fib,
    While she actively supported women’s lib
    She liked sucking his dick
    It was her only trick
    So I sent her knee pads and a bib.

    He told me I was always tired
    He started coming home so wired
    She sucked his bag
    She looked like a hag
    He tired of her when she got fired.

    Our finances were a bit in the ditch
    He blamed me solely for that sitch
    He convinced the skank
    His dick was actually a bank
    And blew his wad in that bitch.

    You don’t support me he said
    You’re always crying in bed
    She gets me and hears me
    No arguing with her, you see
    Because her mouth is busy giving me head.

  182. There once was a cheater named Walter
    Who ogled his friends wife in a halter
    By that she was flattered
    Said she’d been battered
    What’s true? I asked when I called her

    • No, wait, this one’s better:
      There once was a cheater named Walter
      Who ogled his friends wife in a halter
      By that she was flattered
      Said she’d been battered
      Now, the Mormon, she kneels at his altar

  183. A 30 yr marriage did the emotional anorexic implode.

    Without boundaries, I didn’t see red flags unfold.

    The irony is that we was good enough.

    And now it’s too late to improve on any marriage “stuff”.

    Nveragain to shit sandwiches of happy endings, tributes and himsy center folds.

  184. There once was a cousin named Tammy as a teenager rode horses with her cousin. Who would of thought 30 years later Tammy would be riding the Husband.

  185. There was an old pervert named Bruce
    Whose children were raised to be loose
    I tried to explain
    What was wrong with his brain
    But he proved to be rather obtuse

  186. A cheater whose first name was Steve
    Claimed he had no choice but to leave
    He discarded his wife
    For an alternate life
    He is twisted, fucked up, and deceived

    • A year has gone past,
      Since I kicked him out on his ass.
      My world, as I knew is was shattered.
      He lied and deceived,
      I have grieved.
      Now I can show my sass.

  187. Three Haiku:

    Who knew I’d lose you
    to a fantasy woman
    You wear my bras now.

    You act the woman
    you brought her into our bed
    Two people in one.

    Love *her* now, you said.
    Fuck me like I’m a woman
    Your husband is dead.

  188. Okay, this one’s pretty crude and raunchy…

    For lady-boys you’re filled with lust
    Boobs AND dick are clearly a must
    Your wife said, “You cheater,
    You can’t even eat her!”
    And that’s how my marriage went bust.

  189. Another overly coarse one, I’m afraid.

    Thirty-five years of marriage went down the tubes
    Because he decided he must have some boobs
    He dressed up all raunchy
    (though still he looked paunchy)
    In panties that showed off his pubes!

  190. Here lies a beloved man who led a double life
    He cherished not his children, granddaughter or wife.
    If in fact the gates of hell await him
    Given his choices; the pearly gates are slim
    Alas, some day Nancy at least will joine him in his strife.

    • Great idea for a limerick – an epitaph! I had to take a shot at it…

      He was loved but lived a dual life
      Cherished neither child, grandchild nor wife
      Hades surely awaits him
      (Pearly Gate chances are quite slim)
      Someday Nancy will join him in strife

  191. Your bad moods kept dragging me down
    You’re morose, a user, a clown
    You love-bombing ass
    I’m giving a pass
    on your perpetual frown

    • There once was a man named Shon
      I wonder where he has gone
      He had an amazing life
      With 2 kids and a wife
      That he blew up for instant gratification

  192. Thinking with your dick
    Measuring by a yard stick
    When nothing was there
    Couldn’t face your biggest fear
    Sagging balls; two inch prick

  193. When you drop bombs in an innocent space
    You wipe all the smiles off my face
    But best you’re aware
    it’s much better from here
    Empaths build better things in your place

    I was quick to unfriend social media
    but it seems that I couldn’t escape ya
    Your behaviour, such gall
    your friends shared it all
    I’m just glad that my new life is free of ya

    Sending her loving
    and love poems so soon after
    you told me we’re through

    I’m still can recall
    that you called yourself Dexter
    the sociopath

    We know that you’re one of a kind
    You spent effort breaking my mind
    But I’m onto you
    I wont break in two
    and her friendship is not such a find

  194. Ode To The Aging Narcissist

    Here’s S the adulterous narc,
    He said life its a walk in the park,
    Lying, thieving and using,
    Everyone of his choosing,
    Now he’s alone, lost his spark.

    Dementia is not a narc’s friend,
    To run cons, well, one must comprehend,
    Once the memory goes,
    Once the deficit shows,
    Their abilities come to an end.

    Every person he callously used,
    Each cruelly conned and abused,
    Had no care for his plight,
    For his heart black as night,
    Cried he, “This is not what I’d choose.”

    “So what that I stole and I lied,
    Turned my back while my wife and kids cried,
    They’ll eventually see,
    No one’s slicker than me,”
    Sadly, nobody cared when he died.

  196. You said you don’t know who you are
    (a mouse, a man, or a star?)
    I’ve seen right through you
    I’m sorry I knew you
    and the intel is getting me far

  197. There was a cool guy with a mask
    Who liked a whore’s lies and her ass
    The mask started slipping
    When the whore started stripping
    And the chump? She took him to task!

  198. An insidious form of abuse
    leaves your insides feeling quite loose
    because you still question
    everything that was mentioned
    Even when there was all kinds of proof

  199. ‘Twas the night before V Day
    and in through the door
    Walked the cheater with roses
    and lies galore
    I’d just found the evidence
    of his cheap little whore
    And so I kicked his ass
    right back out the door.

  201. There was a crooked man of 48
    Never did find he a mate
    He found a crooked toothed refugee
    Who settled for his wartsy weenie
    They got a crooked shoe box
    And marked it they did with her stank box

    *sorry to sound racist/classist, with the reference to certain population but its all true and I’m just so pissed

  202. Roses are red,
    violets are blue.
    I was out of the country,
    for a job interview.

    You thought you were careful,
    you thought you were smart.
    But I caught you lying,
    you cheap cheating tart.

    You got your promotion,
    you slept with your boss.
    But 10 months later,
    I don’t give a toss.

    I drew up my boundaries,
    I asked for divorce
    I’m moving on now,
    with considerable force.

    Yours ForNever,
    MightyChris
    XX

  203. Your whore is as shallow as you
    All about buying things shiny and ooh
    Had to stiffle a giggle
    her spouse found your gaggle
    and damaged her car which was new

  205. Could it be the one for me is actually a pervert?
    Could that be what I learned after I’ve been so hurt?
    I looked around and I found evidence of his cheating
    As time goes by the hope this guy will tell the truth is fleeting
    While pretending to be faithful, he is seeking to subvert.

  206. I’m a clown and a narc
    And I’ll give you plenty of snark
    Don’t you screw up my life
    You horrible wife
    Cheating is best kept in the dark

  208. There once was a hoe-worker who said, “please let me suck it”
    The creep said, “ok, then I’d like to fuck it”
    The whore said, “oh yes, yes please”
    And now unfortunately I’ve got her disease
    And he can go to hell in a bucket!

  210. Legs open Lucy and limp dick Charlie down to the swamp did go
    To picnic and fuck their tiny brains out; that much we do know
    Lucy’s 11 yr old daughter was reading her sexting
    So she passworded her phone to continue in texting
    Lovebombs and grenades destroy families and lives
    Our freedom and peace is out on the other side!
    He is 61; she is 38 (she was married to the loveliest man; also 38! – with 3 beautiful young kids!) what a role model!

  211. I shall be telling this with a sigh
    Somewhere ages and ages hence:
    Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
    I took the one less traveled by,
    And divorced that sorry ass, piece of dog shit, lying, two-faced, cheating, thieving, pathetic, drama loving, fucked in the head, heartless cunt bitch.

    • SuperDuper, great idea for a Robert Frost parody; love the break from form to rant in the last line!

  212. I am new to Chump Nation. Thank you all for helping me through these early dark days. Here’s my limerick:

    ODE TO THE TRESPASSING OFFICE CLEANING LADY

    You, Skank, left a thong in my bed.
    (Like Chump Lady’s D-day, I read.)
    So your Valentine treat
    Is not chocolate to eat.
    You get Sparkly Turd candy instead!

      • Thank you, Mehtamorphosis. Not exactly a club one hopes to belong to, yet I’ve found tremendous strength just by reading the archives and comments. Have also caught myself laughing more than I ever expected. CL and CN certainly believe in comic relief! Am grateful for not feeling so alone as I reclaim my life.

        • SeenTheLight,

          I am sort of new here too (DDay in August 2017) but not as new as you, it sounds. Just wanted to send hugs and say buy Tracy’s book! I am about halfway through it and wish I found it far earlier when I was what a friend called “a shell of a human.” It is immensely helpful!!!

          • Thanks, ChumpsterFire. I bought the book first and then came to the website. Agree that both are invaluable. D-day for me was June 2017, but I am struggling through a long divorce process. This is not by choice (no “pick-me dance” for me despite the cheater’s lame attempts at Wreckonciliation) but for the complex legal issues involved. CN has been a lifeline during this time of transition. I appreciate your reaching out! Best wishes for Meh, and may it happen on a Tuesday not too far in the future. 🙂

  214. Power and control
    Is the WHY, for what he does.
    This is my closure.

    My brain is broken
    From his covert narc abuse.
    But my soul is not.

  216. Haiku’s, Limericks and rap
    About cheaters and all of their crap
    Tracy, she’s a grinner, coz’
    She picked the winner.
    And the prize will come in gift wrap !

  217. There once was a millennial whore

    Who knocked on my husbands front door

    He answered all lean
    In his skinny boy jeans

    Too bad he is just old, bald and poor

    • Sounds exactly like my cheating husband with his millennial side piece. He’s got the skinny jeans too, but to temporarily avoid baldness, he spent thousands of dolllars on hair plugs!

  218. I need some help CN please ?

    Ohh, Me and my big fat cock
    On FaceBook you tried to block
    No, I’m not a minor
    I love the whorebag’s vagina
    Now – I’m, in the dock

    Her Attourney, he hates my guts
    I’m sure that he wants my nuts.
    My ex is smiling at me.
    Coz she knows she’ll soon be free
    And I’ll be begging for butts.

    Sex and depravity I adore
    With whores, and skanks and more
    Busted by my wife
    Now I’m in strife
    And now she’s shown me the door.

    My life savings are down the drain
    Oh, I’m in so much pain
    I can’t take any more
    I’ll blame it on the whore
    My wife, she can’t be sane.

    Now I’m out on the street.
    My wife she refuses to meet
    Whores are gone
    Where do I belong
    Man, I’m a dead beat

    • Damn, where’d I go wrong
      The whore left me her thong
      Dear Daughter found it
      No doubt about it
      Now wifey is coming on strong

      Divorce courts aren’t for me
      Wreckonciliation isn’t for free
      I got busted and flustered
      Man – I’m retarded
      Now – I can’t even pee

  219. When two cheater hearts beat as one
    We know the course of how it’s done
    Passed the test of toxic lust
    On you the disordered life is thrust
    Till the illusion bursts, too late to run

  220. There once was a cheating persnicket
    Who gave me the clap and denied it
    When he told his new beau
    Of his past as a ho
    He got dumped and sad sausage’d about it

  221. You cheated , again, there’s the door,
    Your charm, rage and sadz don’t work anymore
    Chump lady’s snark
    Helped me see you’re a narc
    Now I’m mighty, hear me roar.

  222. I was six when my parents divorced
    As a child you have no background source
    I questioned my bail out
    when presented with fall-out
    Your abuse was my light-bulb from worse

  223. She left one line on the bathroom
    Wall,
    Inside the Duncun donuts stall.
    “I love Fred the recruiter!”
    In our bed, Fred ate her cooter!
    Now he’s gone nasty pantys, bed sheets and all!

  224. There was a man named Dancing Dick
    He thought he was clever, he thought he was slick
    Right under his wife’s nose
    He whacked his dick off to porn and hoes

    When he got caught
    A lawyer she sought
    She tossed the pervert out on his ear
    Dealing with him she could no longer bear.

    There was man from Indiana
    He couldn’t keep his hands off of his banana
    He’d yank it and jerk it at the sight of a ho
    Till his wife had enough and told him to go.

  225. OK, I have a couple…

    Sucked in to the love bombing Narc
    We ate wild blackberries in the park
    Once kids came along
    He lasted not long
    And found a new young girl to mark

    Fuck you and your Prince Albert ring
    You think you’re a real special thing
    Your love making’s shit
    Enjoy your new twit
    And I’ll take your money Ka-ching

  226. Ballad of Dancing Dick

    I would fuck anything with hair and hole
    I love strippers dancing on a pole

    I don’t worry about STDs
    As long as the hoe is down on her knees

    I love jacking off at web cam hoes
    young sexy bitches..keep me on my toes.

    Im entitled to whack my dick
    Even if my wife thinks its sick.

    Chorus

    My wife’s a bitch
    she’s a witch
    That’s why I need to beat my meat
    My wife’s a bitch
    She’s a witch
    That’s why I need to cheat.

  227. Ode to the wife of a cheating pervert

    Roses are red
    violets are blue
    Chlamydia and venereal warts are my gift to you.

  228. So you thought you’d run off with Miss Big-Chested
    But alas, she got you arrested
    Then she mailed your parents poop
    Now you’re crying in your soup
    And for child support all your money’s been divested 😁

  229. The karma train rap

    Dreamed that my stiletto crushed you in the dust,
    Dreamed I cut your balls off to curb your raging lust,
    Dreamed I used an ice pick to perforate your dick,
    Dreamed I had your scrotum swirling on a stick.

    Little did I know then, while dreaming of your fall,
    The karma train would come along
    And paste you to a wall

    • “Dreamed I had your scrotum swirling on a stick.”

      Best line ever. Had me crying with laughter. Brilliant Deedee 😃

      • Thanks Nat.Nothing like a good revenge fantasy.
        We could all compile a book of Chump poetry….or a compilation of karma train short stories.😅

  230. There was a pervert from Nantucket
    he voyeured his neighbors and jacked of at porn
    as he said to himself, I want to fuck it!

  231. There once was an ethics professor
    She screwed any one that would let her
    Lectures on truth
    She spews on the youth
    Now my ex cheater finally gets her

  232. Handsome and tall, but a shmuck,
    He said it was “an electric hug”.
    But she was just shmoopie,
    Rhyming with poopie.
    Till wife gave him sweet little shock!

  233. Smoke and mirrors :

    There once was a woman blinded by smoke
    Thinking the haze from red flags burning was an illusion of hope
    Once she awoke and saw the illusion was broke
    She saw in the mirror a picture of hope

  234. In a folded note
    She asked, who gives better head?
    You do. I don’t suck. (Alternative: dance)

  235. 2 versions of a haiku:
    I wrote this a few months after D-day:

    Silence, stony glares
    I love her; I’m leaving you
    A knife in my heart

    Now I would amend it to:
    Silence, stony glares
    “I love her; I’m leaving you”
    Sayonara, turd!

    • I get this one so much. I love her; I’m leaving you. The planning gets to me. He had it so well planned how the whole thing would go down.

  236. There once was a man so exotic,
    His words were completely hypnotic
    But Chump Lady did shout
    “Throw that dumb shitheel out-
    His naked Schmoopie is NOT platonic!”

  237. There once was a man named Lee
    Who loved to pee kneeling on one knee
    He posted pics of his fake large prick
    And now I’m laughing with glee
    He thinks he’s almighty
    Believes his illusion is mighty
    But now learns a lesson from me

  238. There once was a man named Lee
    Who loved to pee kneeling on one knee
    He posted pics of his fake large prick
    And now I’m laughing with glee
    He thinks he’s almighty
    Believes his illusion is mighty
    But is now learning a lesson from me

  239. On “Moving Day” into our brand new house
    I learned that I did not have a faithful spouse
    While I was working hard all day
    He chose to seek out another woman to play
    And in me such rage he did arouse

    Granted, my “move in” day was also my “move out” day. I have since bought a new home for ME.

    Suck it, asshole.

    • Notkittylitter,
      Oh, I’m so terribly sorry for what you’ve gone through!

      What an fucking asshole – I can only imagine the heartbreak-move in – move out, all in the same day!! I hope you did rage!!! Glad you have a new cheater free home and life!!

  240. One birthday date night
    he took me to a 3X
    Movie to bang men

    One birthday date night the old louse
    He took me to a 3-X movie house
    He nagged and pushed me
    To go to another man to screw publicly
    So he could watch and smile with Glee

    Oh you Evil One
    You are such vermin I loathe
    Karma is too slow

    When I think of all he’s done
    I want to do a hit and run
    Then I look at my beautiful daughter
    And realize he’s not worth the slaughter
    Living a MEH life is much.more fun

    Mrs. Dumb-Ass and he
    Went off and made a happy family
    I was left alone and sad
    Until one day I got mighty mad
    And got me a life all about Meh

  241. I married a man named Dwayne
    He caused me all kinds of pain

    Now he wants to come back
    I said, “Hell no, fuck that”

    I’ll never be that stupid AGAIN

  242. I once had a friend named Steph
    She played a victim to the Nth
    Divorced husband #3 for a guy named Gary
    As for me, i can laugh cause she took out my trash
    But I’m sure they’ll be very happy!

  243. I’m late to the party but I’ll play:

    I once loved a keen man who was two faced
    Until the day I found myself replaced
    By a selfish self-centered ass
    Who has no morals and no class
    Which shows clearly that two faced has no taste

  244. Been following awhile, but this is my first comment. Love CL!

    There once was a porn-loving cheater
    Who claimed just to be a meat beater
    But wife number two
    Finally caught him mid-screw
    So clearly he’s still a cake eater!

    Chubby in saggy white briefs
    Late-night porn glows green
    You should probably move out

    • Red mcMeh,
      Loved the “saggy white briefs”, brought back memories, but, Stbx included brown skid marks!!

  245. Divorcing male friend
    Was divorcin’, so hubby
    Asks me to “help out”

    Male friend of ours in woe
    Was very lonely and alone
    He was diviorcin you see
    And was very horny
    Then husband offers me for a few hours

    • Unsinkable,
      You have survived some major shit!! Wtf, offering you up to his friend! Sick piece of shit!

      Saying it again, honey, I am so glad you are away from that freak!!!

      Your ex is a fucking sociopath, as is mine!

      • 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
        Thanks, seeing clearly
        He of course denies all of it, but I cant make this shit up

        • Unsinkable,
          Of course he denies it – pathological lying is one of their many disorders !!

          You’re one strong woman and reading your posts, breaks my heart that you endured so much depravity by ex – sweetie, I’m sending you many, many hugs.

          I posted a thread on CN under Forum:General re the NYT article on Uma Thurman. The end of the article, she makes a profound statement:
          “I think as little girls we are conditioned to believe cruelty and love have a connection “!

          So, so true!

          You are amazing and have the courage of a lioness!!

          Many hugs,
          Seeing clearly

  246. Ah, yes, I got him in yet another LIE
    He thought he could trick me by texting her via WIFI

    No text trace, he thought?
    But damn he got caught!

    So, I packed my bags and left without saying, “Bye! Bye!”

  248. Ooops I screwed up the syllable count, didn’t I? I just got carried away with my own creativity. Here it is again… with better rhythm:

    You are an asshole
    Asshole asshole asshole asshole ass
    Hole asshole asshole

    Thanks.

  250. Deception is your strong suit; the lie is your best friend
    Compassion and empathy escaped you and were never seen again
    Dream of happy marriage not to be realized
    It was another woman who sparkled your eyes
    Haughty, arrogant and devoid of conscience; there will be no mend.

  251. I’ve looked for answers
    So I can see you clearly
    But you can’t explain

    You betrayed our love
    Erasing your empathy
    Showing your true values

    Sex over family
    Eros over agape
    Self over others

    Trauma surrounds me
    Your lies erased my history
    I’m struggling for air

    Decade of untruths
    An era of unceasing
    infidelity

    I deserved better
    But you had nothing to give
    Only pain to share

    Broken at present,
    You are a weak, hollow man
    but I will be strong

  254. There was once a coworker named Jane
    Who said, “Marriage is such a pain!”
    My husband agreed,
    and they did the deed.
    Their affair – now our divorce – is my gain!

  255. There once was a drummer
    Who played in a band called Silimbo
    On a hot trip abroad
    He met an African bawd
    And is now doing the Gambian limbo.

  256. Once a man’s wife was with child
    But it was the waitress who made him feel wild
    Driving drunk from the bar
    Left her phone in wife’s car
    Yet he’s the “victim whose always on trial”

  257. Today I bought a car
    Meh can’t be too far
    He failed as a husband
    Will soon be my wasband
    Next time will set higher the bar