Happy February, chumps! It’s nearly Valentine’s Day, or as people have been known to call it “Single Awareness Day.” If you’re feeling a bit adrift with all the mylar heart balloons and syrupy sentiment out there…. consider snark!
Yes, it’s time once again for our Infidelity Valentine’s Day Contest where we remember the less fortunate — the poor sods that wound up with our exes — and immortalize them in verse.
So send me a poem! Just like previous year’s contests, I’m looking for either a haiku or a limerick that encapsulates your cheater experience. The winners get inscribed copies of my book (I’ll ship anywhere). I will announce the winner on Valentine’s Day and draw some accompanying cartoons. So hey, the day isn’t a total waste, right?
To recap from 8th grade English, a haiku is a poem with 5-7-5 syllables.
I love you but I’m…
Christ, you are such a cliche
…not in love with you.
A limerick is a 5 line poem with a rhyme scheme of AABBA.
There once was a mistress named Kay
Who was a better liar than a lay
She had HPV
And now it’s with me
My husband’s clap conveys
Check the archives for past chump cleverness. We have some real snarky gems. You’ll also note I drew a new cartoon for the contest this year. (Because who can resist stabbing Cupid?)
Please no lugubrious long-form verse — keep it bitter, funny, and short. (Yes, I said bitter. As in acerbic. As in take-this-Valentine-and-shove-it.)
You have until February 12 to send submissions!
TGIF!
There was once a cheat named Paul
Who had no morals at all
Old, fat or thin
They were kibbles for him
Now his marriage has gone to the wall
There once was a wife called Claire
Who thought riding her boss was quite fair
She got caught in the act
Then pregnant so he was trapped
5 years on I’m at meh
There once was a boy named Tony
Who moved in with my dear family
I was deployed
And really annoyed
On him, my wife spent all of my money
There once was a doctor I knew
He left and called me a shrew
He fucked a nurse
Then lined her purse
“I walk with Jesus” says her tattoo.
My husband was a nerd.
Do MMA fighting he heard!
He got real tough.
He fucked her stuff.
Now she is stuck with a turd.
This is my first post, so I wasn’t sure if putting it as a reply was correct, but here goes:
Miss Angela was a ‘ho-pair”
With Germanic big tits and blonde hair.
When my spouse (not so smart)
Met this Black Forest tart
And ‘forgot’ that he loved me (NO FAIR!)
They met in a bar in Toronto
Then up to his room to fuck – PRONTO!
With his cute German strudel
Caressing his noodle
My hubby’s not one to hold on to.
Welcome, TinaT! And nicely done!
Absolutely loved these….such fun.
That was epic TinaT!
So funny!
Sparkly balls going prancing in the night
Howorkers duties added to his delight
Fuck a few, fuck a friend
Fuck you Sparkly, this is the end
Sweet heart’s disappointment and I finally saw the light
Got a bulldog lawyer to fuck him over just right
Favorite!
Can I crosspost with attribution?
Covert narcissists
Have no personality
They can call their own
The better I know
Your personality was
a mask that you wore
You said you don’t know
The missed red flags became gifts
Bet you still don’t know
This is a very fitting contest for me today. Divorce court at 10 am, new life at 11.
There once was a co-ed niece
Who became her uncle’s next piece
This caused marriage trouble
But Unc’s troubles will double
If slutniece ever calls the police
Limericks for me are like chips or pretzels. Can’t stop at one.
There once was a man forty-nine
Who thought his teen niece very fine
They fucked and they texted
Until auntie objected
And signed on the dotted line
Congrats on your new beginning Mehtamorphosis!
Tracy, thank you for responding! This made my day. The judge will be telling me to wipe the smile off my face.
Go, Meh, go! So happy for the healthy fresh start that awaits you! Xox
You should be grinning from ear to ear leaving that effed up Mess!
Yaaass!! So happy for you, Mehtamorphosis! Wishing you all the courage to do and say what you need to today, but the courage to also keep that supreme happiness under wraps just until you turn around to walk out of the courtroom or chambers. Then you’re all: ????????????
You totally deserve this!! (((Hugs!)))
Bravo Mehta, Bravo! For your limerick talent (LOL) and your new life!
Clear, you motivated me to write two more today on the plane back home from divorce court.
There once was a shy nerd named Woody
Who seemed to be all goody-goody
‘Til the marriage police
Caught him fucking his niece
On the floor with her bum on her hoody
There once was a man with a wife
Who discovered his secret life
Of fucking their niece
And their close friend Denise*
Whose husband just sharpened his knife
*Her real name has been changed to protect the guilty. And rhyme. But her sister is named Denise. Really!
Okay, I will stop now. Maybe.
Meh,
Congratulations!!! Can’t wait till the day I can post, free at last!!
My god, his niece!! These freaks are a never ending pile of shit!!
Thank god you are rid of the child molester!! What about her parents?
Smoke and mirrors
There once was a woman blinded by smoke
Thinking the haze from red flags burning was an illusion of hope
Once she awoke and saw the illusion was broke
She saw in the mirror a picture of hope
Seeing clearly/finally
“Divorce court at 10 am, new life at 11.”
Yay!
Its a great day for moving forward.
Meta, congratulations.! Freedom day rocks and so do you.
Woo hoo! My divorce court was at 8:30 this morning. Cheers to a new life!
Cheers, Cancer, one newly single chump to another!
Lucky heffas! Run free!
CC and Mehta, Precious Ladies! Hugs to you on your most auspicious day
Love Ya Bunches!!
ForgeOn in your cheater-free life!
Sweet freedom! So glad for you.
Meh,
You are my hero, Mighty Mehtamorphosis! May all go your way today in court. So happy for you! Thank you for sharing your journey with us.. .a high tide raises all boats, even my leaky dinghy! ????????
Aw, shucks, Diva. I will bail you out.
YAY!!!!!! I’m so glad it’s finally Freedom Day! No worries, the judge will love the smile. **high five**
Thanks, Beth. Here’s one inspired by you!
Here at the Nation of Chumps
We’re all spouses of dog turds and rumps
We dance and we spackle
As our rat bastards cackle
‘Til we dump them and claim our fist bumps
That’s awesome!! Love you girl. Wishing you the best of everything in this new chapter. And if you ever get back my way, we’ll have another dinner to celebrate your freedom. ????????????
Mehtamorphosis: Love all your creative poetics here! Best wishes!
That one is especially wonderful. I thought I was the only person in the world who used the phrase rat bastard so I especially loved it! Well done, you are an inspiration.
Happy Day for you and love that second limerick.
Congratulations and Good luck, Mehtamorphosis!
Congratulations, Meh, on a new beginning.
Taking out the trash always feels so good.
Nice limericks!
Congrats on ridding yourself of the child molester. What a creep!
Congratulations, Meh. I hope that your day is glorious!
I second (third, fourth, or whatever we’re up to) the congratulations!
And…HOLY SH*T! This guy fooled around with his teenage NIECE? (Or your niece?). Eww! How disgusting! I’m so sorry for you.
Every time I think I’ve heard the worst, most depraved crap a cheater can do, something else comes along.
Ewe, ewe, ewe!!! What about niece’s parents? Do they know?! Ewe!
Great for you! What a douche-bag-a teenage niece. Have a great day! Hope you get everything you want!
As a chump I have to say affair partners are terrible turds but if the uncle is a child molester there is a whole grooming aspect etc that makes this situation different than others on chump nation.
AWESOME in every way… ! congrats x
Hurray!
This is the first chance I have had to read today! I am so happy for you!!! So mighty!
Welcome to the other side!
Life is better on the other side.
The uncle poem… I’m assuming here that the Niece was a legal adult otherwise this might not be cheating and more abuse?
Now that that mask that you wore
was removed and was thrown on the floor
Now I’m aware
and you’re out of my hair
I’m quite glad that you’re off with that whore
FT-this is perfect for me!
Your comment made my day. Thank you
Awesome!
This one is perfect! I’d love to send it to my cheater/ex-husband but it would got right over his head.
It doesn’t fit the format requirements, so I’ll forfeit the chance at a prize, but I like it…
(Apologies in advance to whoever penned the old rhyme about Lizzie Borden)
Kunty Kibbler shafted me,
Gave her twat to RPD,
And when she saw she’d made him cum,
Shoved a dildo up his bum.
I love the Lizzie Borden rhyme scheme! And so appropriate. “Forty whacks!” I think Tracy should let us use this rhyme scheme and rhythm, too.
Hey UX, maybe this makes it a legit limerick:
Kunty Kibbler shafted me,
Gave her twat to RPD,
And when she saw she’d made him cum,
Shoved a dildo up his bum.
And yelled, it’s always about me!
Woops, hit send too soon.
Hey UX, maybe this makes it a legit limerick:
Kunty Kibbler shafted me,
Gave her twat to RPD,
And when she saw she’d made him cum,
Shoved a dildo up his bum.
Hurry up, there’s another man coming at three!
That made me laugh out loud, OneDaySomeDay.
God, I’m so fortunate to have found you all! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
Too bad we can’t vote! Limerick or not, this is wicked funny!!!
Second verse…
Mindfuck channel stuck on rage,
Selfies rule her Facebook page,
Divorce tattoo on her shoulder,
Thinks it stops her getting older.
Love it
I think you are still stuck on your X wife.
There are millions of women out there who are prettier, cleaner, kinder and more honest than this whore.
Stop wasting your time on this website and get out there and live, man!!!
You’re wasting your precious life. There is no prize for being witty and clever on this blog. It is time suck after it serves its purpose as a triage unit after discovery.
You are Obsessed. Get off the computer and get out there in the real world. Stop living in the past. As a man who is not a mutant( it seems) – You will have women throwing themselves at you.
“I think you’re still stuck on your X wife” said no one on this blog ever! (who knows UXworld and actually has a clue) Perhaps you should buy one Kennedy!
Most of the folks who contribute to this blog after the “initial triage” do so to help the newly anointed chumps who feel like they’re completely alone. Lucky for all of us UXworld is one of those people so you should probably know that before you go running your mouth….or are you still mad that someone dropped a house on your sister?
LOL at your Kennedy response.
Thank you for that wonderful response to Kennedy- wonder if he belongs to the family of political Kennedy’s!!!!
CS you’re too kind. Kennedy, I see purple in your future. Bend over.
Oops, forgot the last word CS (Kennedy).
Love this UX . Yeah, the new 60 is fourty. It’s all good. But if you know the Limited there are are parts well beyond their years;; all parts aren’t equal. Just My’s Opinion. You knows what I means!
Love the Limited comment!!
That was too funny!!
Omg! Laughing out loud!!!
Four score and four years ago
My liberation came don’t ya know
Nancy so special she blew
After seeing her I knew
At best his supply required a feeding trough.
The pastor cheated
He left his wife and children
The church still lets him work there
Another cheater – hiding behind Jesus loves me!
Verse 2…..
Now Paul thought it great fun to lie
When looking his wife in the eye
It was duper’s delight
And watching her plight
Pure cake until she said……bye!
Happy Friday everyone!
I love this one!
Natalia B – we must have been married to the same loser. Mine was named Paul as well and he fits your description perfectly. Thanks for the laugh! Happy Friday!
????❤
Also had a POS Paul. Wow!
I like the cadence of this one. Nice work!
Love it!!!
Had not realised my Tuesday had come
Once upon a time I was really quite glum
rrom your financial misuse
and the gaslighting abuse
Look at the awesome life I’ve begun
Oops rrom = from
There was a young cheater from Kent
Who’s thing was long, thin and bent
One night in a muddle
He put it in double
And instead of c*ming, he went
Ha! Love the clever finish!
Blee that is so funny…..
Blee, are you from Maine? I grew up there and we had a man from Fort Kent who saved his wife trouble by folding it double!
Hi M
I’m from Perth Western Australia
Thank you you have made my day
That’s gotta hurt!
A version of this limerick predates the internet. Yet, still very funny
Yes FT, you are correct. Sadly, the cheater from Kent is the cleanest (publishable) one I could remember.
LOL
The rest of them must be fun!
Little Miss Muffett
Sat on a tuffett, doing her social media
Along came a cheater
Who wanted to meet her
F*** off hairy legs !
Clever! The poem, not the cheater.
I’m from Fort Kent!
Nver, I grew up in Piscataquis County!
For your choosing delight:
Sex in cars is fun
For you. I cried and got a
Full STD screen.
My ex husband was totally feckless,
But with his pecker grossly reckless.
So nasty to tell, much worse to smell (!)
So I ran away pell mell.
He told me he loved me forever,
And nothing would change it, no never,
Oddly enough, five mistresses can,
And now I’ve a lawyer and no man.
All of his moves were a trope,
The unoriginal dope.
His women agree: he’ll leave me! they’ll see,
But in the end I had to flee.
Ok I think I’m done now.
One for each category:
In the dark of night
I lay awake in my fear
Wond’ring where you’ve been
and
Beware stout old surgeon so sick
Country charmer but truly a prick
Craigslisters he’d bone
Often played all alone
Til one day he broke his own dick
(true story)
LOLOLOL!!!
Ha! Was he an orthopedic surgeon? The x was. ????????????❤️????❤️
Clever! The poem, not the cheater.
Love your limerick, Geode – serves him right!
On our wedding day
I travel the the world forging
better memories
You don’t know who you are
A man, a mouse, or a car
The fortunate thing …
is it’s her problem
I don’t want to know who you are
You set my life on fire in March and pushed me out to sea
My mind bobbed wildly against the waves
Ablaze, but strangely free
I patted flames and held them back
But the fire raged on in me
Consumed me still for months beyond
Despite the stormy sea.
The sense of calm, mistook for pain
I then recognised and knew
My mind was fine, the pain you gave was really meant for you.
I’m just hot and you know it.
Rimshot!
If you encounter him on a first date
Beware, he will spew out such hate
You’ll empathize with his short Cummings
Who uses an micro stick dick for bait?
What do you call a…
Grad student who fucks her prof?
One dumb cock-sucker.
What do you call a…
Prof and ho who fuck with me?
My dumb bitches now.
The man who seemed honest and tender,
Turned out to be quite a pretender.
His preference for youth
Made me see the truth.
I shipped him out, “Return to Sender”.
Genius.
????????
LOVE THIS!
For the win!
Nice one!
Brilliant!!
” Infidelity Valentines” and keep it bitter”
Where on this whole wide earth ???? can a Chump wake up, click on to CL and immediately get a heart lift feeling to their day?!?
And THE CARTOONS, you don’t even get them at the movies any more ( replaced with turn off your cell phone clips)!
Thank YOU, CL, for making life bearable!
Your’re the best!
A dumbass with no self control
Who banged anything with a hole
Took me as his wife,
Made chaos my life,
Then I left the mis’rable troll.
Ami, you are on a roll this fine morning!
Thanks! Limericks inspire me. ????
They should.
The limerick is furtive and mean.
You must keep her in close quarantine.
Lest she sneaks to the slums
And promptly becomes
Disorderly, drunk and obscene.
(And now that I think of it, I suppose UXworld’s ex KK is a lot like that, ….)
Hugs.
aeronaut
????????????????????
Love it !!
Dear OW;
Your prize has arrived!
Pay cash on delivery.
All souls are final.
P.S. OW:
IF you were looking
For freedom, love and hope, thanks
for giving me mine.
BOOOOOM!
Magneto for the win!
I actually got in trouble in the 7th grade for writing lyrics. My bad! That poor lady teacher probably retired after. Almost made me hesitate to post! 😀 Thnx
Perfect! Now I have freedom and OW has the chains.
+1
If ever you’re faced with a cheater,
Please know, your life could be much sweeter.
Just leave — gain a life!
You’ll find much less strife
And gain a refined BS meter!
Ok, that’s three, I’ll stop. (I ???? limericks!)
That is AWESOME! My favorite so far!
Yesss this is my fave. Love it and love my new refined BS meter
Love
????????????
I always felt off balance
Found your soul a void
We left and stand tall again
My ex is a bit of a bitch.
Stranger’s beds she liked to switch
I may be a chump
But I know how to fake pump
Get outa my life you witch
There once was a skanky chump named Mylinda
Who cured her broken heart with my dear mistah
Over and over he told her “Leave me alone”
But she wouldn’t give up, she wanted to bone
She won turd number two and lots of bad karma
Awesome CC
Thank you Blee! I can’t believe 27 years has been shattered by a fellow CHUMP! Who could do this to someone after living through it yourself? A soulless whore, I guess. 🙁
Crushed Chump,
You are not alone. My last boyfriend, fellow Chump, who I thought was my friend for decades, coldly dscarded me for the last time for his work subordinate.
Sending you hugs.
Thank you for the hugs RockStarWife. I am so sorry it happened to you too! Sending you hugs right back! XOXOXOX
Happened to me, too. I got left for a fellow chump. Pretty sure she’ll figure out he’s not exactly who he portrays himself to be. They deserve each other.
I am so sorry 2old4drama! I wish it hadn’t also happened to you. I just don’t understand how another chump could put someone through this. She told us how devastated she and her daughter were. But then she told my husband she did not care who she hurt, she was going to be selfish. Uh, yah. The indescribable pain, despair, and shattered heart and soul I have right now I would not wish on anyone on this planet, not even her.
Mine was a chump or so I thought. His first wife left him for s/o else & he swore ho could never do that to anyone. Well 20 years later (prob less) he did. I think he secretly admired her for being able to use & discard people. He learned well.
I am so sorry lovedandlost. Hang in there! xoxoxox
Within there’s no heart
A space heater with a plug
Lost your power source.
You nailed it, Doing!
Thank, Chimpiest.
There once was a man with no friends
‘Cept the ladies with whom he pretends
He had quite a pout
When I kicked his ass out
And his cake eating came to an end
Love your name and your poem!
Hey Sassy Pants, did you know my fuckwit??? Sounds just like him!
love it!
Good one, Sassy Pants! 🙂
I know you wanted bitter, CL, but not feeling that today.
These two guys named Rhys and Mac
each turned a part of my heart black
but with my fiance Ben
I’ve been smiling again
And the light seems to have come back
Lovely ????❤
Yay VC
I couldn’t do bitter either:
There is no bitter
When finding yourself washed up
Right on meh island
Down the wedding aisle we strode
Our future rosy and bold
Little did I know
He had a scank in tow
Cheater’s wedding vows behold.
He won’t cheat on me, said she.
As she awakes each day drenched in his pee
The covert is so cleverly sly
Moved her close to his old supply
Alway, honey you’re one out of three.
Lord Fuckwit went in search of the moon
He found a star and made her swoon
Then he thought with his Penis
And found a new Venus
But it was really a wrinkled old prune
Ha ha Feelingit! Love this!
LOVE IT!!!
Love it!!!❤️
And one more…
I married a man named Richard
Whose brains couldn’t half fill a pitcher
When I found all the pics
He became my ex, Dick
Losing him has made me so much richer
Roses may be red…
But so is your drippy dick
…got gonorrhea?
There was a cuntfucker named Earl
Decided on an intelligent and lovely girl
As the years went by he gave Donna, Karen, Linda, Sharon, and many others a try
After all he was a serial cheating, pathological lying, drug addicted alcoholic, porn addicted, sociopathic kinda guy
Pathetically at sixty he’s with the one that would make any man hurl.
Swap out shopping and food for drugs and alcohol and you’ve got my ex. And he just turned 60 too. They certainly don’t get better with age.
Thanks pineconeelf. Blew coffee out my nose with that one.
For the WIN!
My ex was screwing a whore
Then I showed him the door
Whore died few months ago
He didnt even feel low
Woman he’s with now thinks she won a prize
Hopefully she soon becomes wise
James Bond: “It really is tragic that two people who love each other so much can’t work it out.”
Just a condiment
Like ketchup on a hot dog
Take it or leave it.
Sums it up, right? You, my friend, have reached meh!
I once thought I had a good guy
For years on our marriage did try
Found out I was duped
So I flew the coop
May his dick forever stay dry
So funny Diana ????.
Really enjoying all these. Great idea CL
There once was a Ho named Heather
Who thought she did everything better
She saw my wasband and really quite liked him
And now they’ve left me, thankfully, free
Asshole stole my money, ideas, writing and art
To sate the greed of his untalented fart
Who faked authenticity but was so rotten inside
That readers detected her stink and her lies
Only one of us has talent, honor and a good heart.
His lame-ass excuse
He could not get his rocks off
With just porn alone
Cheater fucked a howorker in his marital bed
Traded a quarter century relationship for disease-ridden head
The marriage vows? SHATTERED
The betrayed wife’s heart? SPLATTERED
Can’t be faithful? DON’T GET WED!!!
Great one!
Wife was sleeping with multiple men.
Thought I’d never know peace again.
But I got an attorney,
And began a new journey.
Now I’m nearly at Zen.
Love this! Great message and rhymed to perfection.
Well done!!!
Much needed.
When you left there was this massive space
A hole of once again being replaced
Without your limitations I finally knew
By setting boundaries and taking care of myself I grew
Doingme took your place.
That was awesome Doingme!
Thanks!
There once was a tart named Donna,
My husband, he fell right upon her!
She was really quite low
That dirty old ho,
I really can’t see how he’d wanna!
Love this Justine!
His days once ended
Wife and child at home each night
Now roaches await
—–
Annual bonus!
Settlement says I get half!
“It’s not fair!!” waah waah
—–
There once was a cheater so sly
To his wife he often would lie
“I’m just spending my time with a friend!
To ski, camp, and sail should not offend!”
Um, yeah, he was boinking the guy.
He covered his crimes
There once lived a cheater named Paul
Who thought he could easily have all
His wife crafted a plan
To ruin that man
Now he looks at his paycheck and bawls
Love it!!
ha ha …. perhaps our two guys can meet and commiserate!! But mine will hit on yours!!
Ex would take really long poops
In order to text with his Schmoops.
So I found a new bathroom, all mine,
Fully renovated and oh-so-divine.
And it’s her turn now to be duped.
Bwahaha, rhyming poops with Schmoops is brilliant. They all pull this bathroom texting crap, right?
So great!!! yeah, the bathroom texting was out of control. I wanted to barge in there a few times – thank God I don’t have to worry about that now.
Omg! LOVE this. I had a poopie Schmoopie texter too!
OMG. Mine did this tooo… i thought this odd in the middle of the day! And why do you need your phone to poop? You cant do more than one thing at a time anyway…… love reading all of these!
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Having sex with my husband
Makes me
Mad at you
This one is truly a valentine. Clever, Blee!
I actually upped the game and went with song lyrics ALA Patsy Cline.
I changed the lyrics to She’s Got You;
She called him Pookie
I call him Worm
He said she’s just a friend
He’s lying and it’s confirmed
The only think different
The only thing new
I’ve found my joy again
She’s got you
That should be the only THING different, not think. I hate spellcheck sometimes…
DD is really upset
You haven’t shown any respect
Introducing the HO
Has been a big blow
And I had no idea to suspect
There once was a cunt named Renee
Who would do anything for a lay
She went after my Eddie
In her sluttiest teddy
Dickwad thought I would beg him to stay
There once was a stripper named Brandi
And Mercedes, Jewel and Candi
It was great while he was employed
But they’re probably quite annoyed
Now that cash isn’t quite so handy
He got his Twu Wuv
She got a lying cheater
I hope they eat shit
yaaaaas!
There once was a Borderline cheater
Nothing better to her than strange peter
Spent all of her days
Chasing sexual praise
And now her husband don’t need her
Snap!
Hahahaha. Love it! Especially the end. Bravo!
BAM
The marriage vows that we spoke,
He decided were just a joke.
The coworker was easy,
He was super sleazy,
From the denial, I finally awoke.
Cheating while married
Whatever does single mean?
Outsourced, the new we
A lesson for you gals out there
Whose husbands buy cute underwear
Take a look at his phone
He’s not so alone
Cum shot videos are being emailed somewhere
Haiku is tough- good brain work. A meek attempt.
A two sided tale
You will never know my side
Catch me a lyin’
Limerick:
Beware the sad cheater named Chuck
Cyber-prowling for someone to f*ck
‘Cause the hemorrhoidal joys
Of his anal sex toys
Leave him feeling so down on his luck.
Nasty but hilarious. 🙂
Just keeping it real ????
Oh my! Is that real? You can get hemorrhoids a from anal sex toys/anal sex? Mine had some serious issues with that and I know he was advertising on Craigslist as bi for couples/group meet ups but claims there was never intercourse.
Honestly, I really don’t know! I was taking creative license in writing my bitter limerick, and coming up with the phrase “hemorrhoidal joys” made me laugh a lot.
The only thing I know about anal sex/toys is that my cheater had a strange collection focused on that area of the body. (Is that, uh, normal for a supposedly heterosexual guy?) It’s not really something I want to research more.
Pink sock syndrome ! Google it !
Ewwww!
Hummm….
Well you treated your husband like shit
So you could go and fuck special dick
Now your schemes have been caught
But your shame is at nought
Pretty soon you’ll get fucking zip
So you though put yourself so fucking special
So left for him leaving only a message
But woe upon woe
He thought you a hoe
So stayed with his wife and her nest egg
With lying and cheating you got caught
Now your life is incredibly fraught
Once mammy gets to know
Her daughters’ a hoe
Your bullshit will have all been for nought
Only one more….honest
You once thought yourself oh so special
That you fucked family over for kibbles
So with family blown apart
You’re now stuck at the start
Of a life of moronic expression
There once was a Cheater who texted
Two skanks who also just sexted
When caught said “we are just friends “
But chumps know this crap never ends
And then had enough and felt vexed
Found a great lawyer and filed
Soon the paperwork piled
But no contact is the truth and the light
Their lies are just not worth the fight
No longer will this chump be defiled!
A cheater just wants to have cake
They have nothing to give, they just take
Children and spouses don’t matter,
The love that you gave was just batter
To make them more kibbles and bake!
Here we go…….
In our marriage he tried to pretend
With his lover the truth he did bend
With some texts that werent’t mine
He said he liked doing her from behind
Now I’m praying she gets his in the “end”!
++++ Nicely done Kimmy
Good job, kimmy
I am a good man
Claims the cold, cruel, greedy cheat
As he lies to himself
Giant truth valentine award goes to YOU!!!!!
Winddrinker,
I heard the same bs!!:
I don’t bother anyone
I don’t drink or smoke
I don’t go to bars
I haven’t been to prison
I’m successful with my business
I made a blunder, you just can’t forgive!!
Wasted youth and love
A serial-cheating douche
Great peace and calm now
And/or
Dreams I thought were “ours”
Were always only my own
Finally free – jump!
And
A cheating douche thought he was awesome
No cares when he walked out the door
No family, now broke, and in jail; what a joke
Just married a sex addict whore
BTW – the douche really ended up in jail, three felonies, bankrupt, and actually did marry a known sex addict ho, who has a penchant for screwing as many married or single guys that she can. Really picked a winner. I can only wish them ALL the happiness that they both DESERVE. ????????
There once was a cheater named Terry
who thought ho-worker was quite the fairy
Karma will come
When she gets his a bum
Go glad not you did I marry.
Ah! Blessed relief!
Like from a bowel movement
I felt when you left
I particularly love your haiku 2old, for the win!
There once was a cheater named Terry
who thought ho-worker was quite the fairy
Karma will come
When she gets he’s a bum
Go glad not you did I marry.
dammit, 2old, proofread!
You continued to lie, sneak, and betray,
and I got sick of the games you would play.
So I gathered my proof,
while acting aloof,
then dumped you on Valentine’s Day!
Love this.
Awesome !!!!
Forty years did I give to that man,
And loved him with all that I am.
Yet with Schmoopie he cheated,
But I’m NOT defeated,
I’m FREE! And they can pound sand.
Bravo!!!!????????????
Yup, you scored, you get another chance…him, he still gets him!!!
There once was a chronic cheater named Gord
He met a new ho, oh Lord
When the ex- wives started talking
It was all very shocking
And now his exciting life, he can’t afford
In February a heart felt Valentine
Love you Nancy for keeping me in line
In March as spring sports a grudge
Limerence gives him a nudge
With April’s fantasy he shares wine.
You thought I would get over all the strife,
and told me I was lucky to be your wife.
Instead, I sent your cheating ass packing,
made sure your finances will be lacking,
because your spousal maintenance is for life!
Love!
Old Blee, he thought he was smitten
His ex he thought was a kitten
She lied and deceived
And did as she pleased
Now Blee has been twice bitten
I apologize in advance, horrible at Poems, etc. so not competing.
But today is a big day for me, My son’s College commencement ceremony is today.
And he did not want Jackass there, didn’t invite him, and forbid me from inviting him.
Last my son saw him was about 2 yrs ago when (“it was killing him, and he had to tell him”) that he was so so in luuuuurve with OW, and my son said – I want nothing to do with any of that. and that was the end of their relationship. My daughter and I will be driving him to his new place and new job tomorrow in Chicago.
It’s a good day!
Ahh that’s wonderful….. congratulations to your son, Mighty Again. Sounds like you have wonderful children who adore you ????
Congratulations to your son on his graduation and the start of his new life! Congratulations to you for raising great kids who get it. 🙂
Congratulations Mighty Again!
Congrats MightyAgain!
Mighty again !!
Congratulations!! Sounds like you have an amazing son!! Good for him!!!
You smelled so damn good.
Liar cheater deceptive man.
Your character stinks.
**
She’s just an ‘old friend’
That you speak longingly to.
Oh no you do not.
**
There lives a narc named Oskar
Who uses women to prosper.
He picked the wrong one,
P said this is not fun.
She kicked his ass to the curb
and he lost her.
❤️ these!
Cursed your very existence as I did vent
I wanted to give you shoes of cement,
A narc who made us feel crappy,
but that you are gone we are all quite happy
and you’re living in your parent’s basement.
Haiku:
Oh, why did I stay?
Thirty years with a loser.
Now, freedom beckons.
Yes to freedom, Nora! 🙂
Amen!
Date others said he
Okay then fifty for me
Each day is Tuesday
I particularly love your haiku 2old, for the win!
Red flags galore
I chose to ignore
Spackled like hell
Til I was not well
Now cheater, you’re out the door
From me did the sad asshole mooch
While screwing her rotten old cooch
Now they’ve got each other
Love bombs he will smother
For me, I’ve got my faithful pooch
You got the dog for the win! Love this.
I’m not excited about Valentine’s day coming. I never asked my cheater what her affair partners gave her for Valentines. She was full throttle in her indiscretions during Valentine’s day. She told me one of the reasons she cheated was because I always buy her red roses, she said red roses are a thoughtless boring gift. There are thousands of other arrangements and you always get me stupid boring thoughtless RED ROSES!!!!!!
I guess this year I will give her boring, thoughtless, stupid red roses, and I will get them from Walmart. I will find the most beat up, drooping, dying, sad looking bouquet of red roses at Walmart I can find.
Cut the flowers off and just give her the stem!
LMAO
Or you could just divorce her and not give her anything for valentines day
Why don’t you just buy yourself something for Valentine’s Day?
Good God, TX Dude.
Although my ex-husband used to send me flowers shortly after he abused me and my ex-boyfriend got them for me (I think out of a sense of obligation the first Valentine’s Day as a couple, He discarded me (for the first time) the following week Even considering the association between roses and fairly recent events, I would be DELIGHTED to receive red roses–or any roses–or any flowers for that matter! Better off sending those red roses to a convalescent home or your OWN sacred space which will not be invaded by this ingrate of a spouse.
Wow TXDude!!
What a spoilt, self-centred and entitled princess she must have been. Who says that? So cruel. Of course you bought red roses that is the symbol of love on Valentines Day. Please don’t let that stop you in future. Speaking for myself and all women I know we love receiving red roses….all flowers.
Sending hugs ????
Yes, give her the stems!!
Tx dude,
That is heartbreaking! What a cruel, cold-hearted thing to say! I’m so very sorry.
Please know there are many women who love red roses and love to receive them!!
Don’t let her damage your loving spirit!!!!
Seeing clearly
Your betrayal to me and your daughters stabbed us in the heart like a knife
When you decided to fuck the upstair’s neighbor’s wife
She was our family photographer and friend
No take backs I said in the end
She can have unemployed balding ex in her life!
Ohhhhh, this really told your story! So sorry….
Thank you. The toughest part is co-parenting. I actually feel very fortunate when I see some of the stories on here. I’m happier and healthier since I got rid of my ex. Amazing that Life Part II can be so much better.
Swore fidelity
Then stole everything of value.
“I said I was sorry.”
There was once a man named Hank,
Whose sad penis needed a yank,
He left his lovely wife Debbie
For a ho-worker named Debbie,
Surely, this must be a prank!
Pro hookers aren’t cheap
Will she fix your new problems?
Like your DUI?
(STBX recently confirmed the wisdom of my getting rid of him by crashing his car during an alcoholic blackout and waking up in jail. So glad nobody got hurt but a freeway wall!)
Hey Chickynot, the ex I used to be married to confirmed this same wisdom with a big car crash. Two smashed up cars in one week. A month in the hospital. Wheelchair and crutches. Broken back.
I’m so glad we both got free. I believe I saved my life and my sanity by divorcing him.
Wow, a month in the hospital. They are walking disasters, aren’t they? Enjoy your new peaceful life!
Sniffing out a cheater,
Will burn a hole in the Ole olfactometer.
Covering the stench of deceit with perfume and flowers.
Are you wondering about those odd mid-day showers ?
Living a double life requires careful teeter
Alas, the problem is you, not me
You simply refuse to agree
“Filling my love bank”
Is not “screwing a skank”
It’s all in the wording, you see!
Lol, this!
So you’re engaged to your yoga camp troll,
Gave me divorce papers, you’re on a roll.
Then you lied in court,
The judge caught you short,
Now my divorce you’re going to bankroll.
There once was a howorker ‘EA’
Or so my gas lighting STBX did say
But when I did snoop
That turned out to be poop
Now I’ve flown the coop Hooray
There once was a ‘mad’ howorker
Who had a passionate ‘EA’ with an old porn lurker
Her too strong perfume
Polluted my bedroom
Yet when I queried it he went berserker
When I was young and
beautiful you stalked me well
I fell for it, sigh
I married you then
you called me tender names like
Putrid Putrina
You choked me, hit me
raged that you were King and like
Paha Sapa god
Our children are sad
Kicked, punched, terrorized and mocked
My heirlooms broken
You killed our dear pets
and collected Asian girls
among other things
(for my mom)
Oh my! I’m so sorry you had Tobago through all that!!!! That’s unimaginable. ((((((HUGS)))))))
Wildflower,
Dear god, I’m so very sorry! Killed your pets – my heart breaks for you and your children!!!
My Stbx has a thing for collecting Asian girls as well! He has a very sick, twisted logic on why he does that!!
There once was a narc who caused strife
Using rage, charm and sadz on his pick me dancing wife
Then she found him flirting in emails
Again, with single females
she finally left that cheater and now has a better life.
Name your pig Nancy?
A slaughter house rejection!
Is she house trained yet?
She is, but he’s not! BOOOOM!
Drip, drip, spash.
Anastasiadate he used with aplomb,
To our marriage it was a bomb,
Now I’m getting laid,
And soon I’ll get paid,
Don’t mess with this arse kicking fraum.
I’ll pay you with my hard-earned money
While you run like the wind to your honey
Your skanky, fake whore
But it’s you I abhor
My days are now calm and quite sunny.
For a year I begged you to pick
Our family over your dick.
Now you’re stuck on rage
‘Cause I refuse to engage
And don’t give a shit ‘bout the RIC.
Nice one!
The greatest dupe of all
Was snagging him to call
Kibbles are like raindrops
Or a work horses poop plops
Her needs: an umbrella and rubber boots for the fall.
Doingme….hahhahaha….she needs the umbrella and boots so she doesn’t get wet at night when he pisses on her!
Can’t make this shit up.
She’s welcome to you, you big slob
Taking care of you is her new job
You were lousy in bed
I used to feel dread
I’m happy with my new “boyfriend” bob
Cute!
Roses are red and
Violets are blue. Your heart
Is just full of poo
There once was a fuckwit named Mark,
Who thought he caused quite a large spark
But his deceptive ways and whoring plays
Revealed his soul lived in the dark.
Now a nice girl named CheaterDefeater
Believed Mark was quite a nice greeter
Until craigslist ad hos and internet blows
Revealed Mark was a FUCKING DICK. The end.
Love this
Could be me! Damn Craigslist.
There once was a manchild in blue trousers
who left open his internet browsers
His wife she did peep
and said – god, what a creep –
and get the #$*? out of my house(rs)
Great one Jane, love it!
Awesome!
These aren’t great, but they are great therapy, I think we should do this everyday!
Rose are red
violets are blue
losing half my pension
was worth it
to rid myself of you
_________________
There once was a narc name Mike
Who thought any whore was nice
He took one on a cruise
Then found out about the divorce blues
Now his ex is living a wonderful life!
_______________________
There once was a crazy man
who couldn’t control his pants
they fell to any whore
until his wife said no more
now he lives alone, the end
_________________________
There once was a horrible man
who thought the world revolved around him
his wife finally woke up
now his world is screwed up
and she lives in peace with a new husband
that felt good! i was just crying as i am dealing with filling out the QDRO and lose half my pension to a lying, cheating, abusive jerk, this made it better.
VD wishes for Fuckwit, my ex
Who had insatiable urges to have sex.
Plagued with nasty itches
To fuck random bitches.
I hope it burns as he writes out my checks!
lol, now that’s funny stuff
Ha ha!
Your love was the same
as a hollow chocolate
Easter egg; empty.
Love it!
That’s the reason I picked my name!
You took your micro penis
And shared it with a whore
She wanted to have your baby
You said “no way, no more!”
She went on a trip and left you all alone
You thought that was love
You dumbass, go home!
She looks like a man
Damn, what were you thinking?
Think of your children
The next time you want to go skanking.
Her tits are so a saggin
It’s not that I’m a braggin
Thought you were her knight
Damn you’re not to bright
You were in fact the fire breathing dragon.
Kaa Henry Eighth twin
Me exiled makes Smoops Boleyn
Careful Mind your head .
There is nothing better than a Henry VIII haiku. 😀
My X pretended he loved me
and that he put no one above me.
Thirty years up in smoke,
it is really no joke.
but mighty definitely becomes me.
Sweet! That’s me!
Happy Valentine’s day, here is the petition for divorce. Find your cheating ass someplace else to sleep.
That was the Valentine i sent to my ex for Valentine’s Day 2014.
Thought you were a gem
Now that I know the real you
…I’d rather have Trump!
When you came home drunk
I found a mistress on your phone, you punk
Thought my life was through
But it was the best thing ever losing you
Now I have a REAL hunk
A cunning, manipulative crafter
You stole my light and laughter…
But real love IS found on the other side
Joy is a never ebbing tide
My life is so amazing after
And a Cinquain, ya know, for good measure. Why not?
Narc
Lame, Drunk
Lying, Cheating, Scheming
You’re a dick
Scumbag
Hey, it’s all good now,
You’re gone, I’ve got the house, and
No one had to die! ????
There once was a slut in my house,
Did nothing but eat cake and grouse,
But pick-me-dance no more,
I showed her the door,
Done with the town bike that’s a souse.
Good one!!!
Thanks!
I’m used as just a garage
That motorcycle
Rolled down to the curb nicely.
Dang I screwed that up
I liked it!
How you gonna get by
without a license now, asshole
Wouldn’t want to be you
That motorcycle
Your pride and joy left to rot
Put out with the trash.
I was once married to a man named Jon
Who I now know is a con
He cheated, lied and hid money
Divorce granted January 9, so now I’m free
To get to meh and move on!
Thanks Chump Nation! Whaddyaknow? January 9 fell on a Tuesday! After 2+ years of wrangling, I’m finally free????????
Congratulations!!!! ????????????
There once was a man from Laos
Who could not stay faithful to one spouse
He’s found his “true love” in a crazy
Who just had her seventh baby
and I’ve achieved “meh” all the same 🙂
There once was a Cheat who banged Skank
Together they lied and they drank
Though her thighs were thick, they attracted his dick
I am free now, and have Skank to Thank
Love it!!!
Manipulation should be taught in school
To think that I once was your fool
You really seemed nice
I should have thought twice
Seems my heart couldn’t fathom your cruel
There once was a porn addict
Who just liked to play act.
Once I caught on
I was all but gone
Now he can have fun permanently stroking his own little ding dong
My stbx kept me out of the loop,
She has IBS, and her panties she does poop
When she’s mad she calls me a fucking wussy,
When she’s horny she screams Super Pussy
I calmly reply, “I’ll have the soup.”
THIS is aWeSoMe!!!!!
Omg!!!! Wtf!
So glad you are getting away from that shit / literally shit!!
I had to sit and contribute something even if just to make myself feel better.
Not exactly poetic but still… (it’s 2 verses)
A cheater called Joe had two hoes in toe,
Lied to my face and felt no disgrace,
Abandoned his kids, to get his quick hits,
From Ben Wa balls, skunk, and tiny spunk covered tits…
Used my hard earned money,
To escape with his honeys,
Both times to Berlin and guesting at weddings,
He stole my shoes to give to his flooze(y)
I thought I’d gone crazy but he was just lazy, a coward, an arsehole and… a selfish TWAT!
dumbass bitch who you thought i be
letting you bang all of berlin with my money
thinking you cool screamin oooh honey
nah motherfucka now that aint funny
so you thought i’d lay and roll play dead
while you out with the hoes getting head
me and the kids lonely crawled up in bed
committed to my words when we done wed
yeah well asshole i be done getting free
taking my half and all yo money
kids getting sane parent while you play buddy
step on bitch you suck you be scummy
Unique!
Yo, nice rap!
There was a young lover I married
Oh how I wish I had tarried
All others I’ll forsake
Wait! I need cake
Quess those vows have been buried
When you lived for me…
kind words, too much attention.
How did you fake that?
There once was a couple with matching tattoos
Convential marriage, it gave him the blues
Poor Miss had been pining since 1999
But now they’re engaged! so all will be fine
And nothing could possibly ever go wrong
I’m bitter and twisted for voicing my doubts
But I still think it’s likely he’s seeking an out
And the whole thing is going to blow up like a bomb
Thanks ok- I’ll just bring the marshmallows along
nobody could possibly make this shit up
But the mess will be pretty when it’s all lit up
They say that love bombing is short
You seem to have managed some sort…
of extended romantic,
the whiplash is frantic
Is there logic to this kind of sport?
love bombing blinding can you see?
whoops change the mirror that’s who i be
giving me love attention and money?
got in the sack running for liberty…
whoops done fucked up crossed the wrong babe
FT got my number my ass can’t be saved
she done wised up damn girl don’t be brave
i wanna run my game long need some pave
shit she called me out and found CL
slapping me around girl what the hell?
i thought done wrapped you up with the wedding bell
you got your spine my mask dispel
i better run hide and disappear
you done gone mighty i full of fear
sure i throw swerves to make you steer
yet you on my ass busting my image with your spear
Wow! Bouncing Back!
Awesome! You’re on a roll!
:”D
Nailed it FT!
Griselda was the name of the ho-worker
Her pussy, she knew, would make him pick her
Caught in the travel trailer of love
I could not wait to give him a huge shove
Both Ex and her husband, said leave slut
And she was tossed out on her butt
Better the devil you know
how to differenciate friendly from foe
Sadly our cheaters
are non stop repeaters
Lesson hurts, but leaves much room to grow
There once was a whore who publicly acted like Betty Crocker
Who secretly was totally off her rocker
While she publicly prayed in private she laid every Tom Dick and Harry
In a few years her huge payments will end and since loverboy works halfass
Soon she will be left with her hand on her ass.
I can only do mine in old school rap format….
Bitch be rolling sackin’ da hoes
poof went the money where it goes
I be trackin hackin following da trail
leaving the cheater with stringy entrail
federal court serve his ass without fail
sorry i can only write raps and AABBA disrupts the flow
can we get a rap category? limericks and haiku escapes me… gotta roll with bitches and hoes to get the flow
We should Bouncing Back, I find myself singing your lyrics in my “rap” voice!
Best laughs I’ve had today Bouncing Back! Thanks!
There once was a loser called Jill
Whose finances were really quite ill
She snared my sad drunk
In the hope of a chunk
But finds that she’s left with the bill
Lying, cheating drunk
Drooling on my silk cushions
What a prize she won
Love your poems, Narnia 😉
Thank you Over and Out. This is my first post in here, though CL’s book and this site have helped me hugely over the last two and a half years. I just couldn’t resist this and spent a very happy half hour coming up with several of these. After 34 years together and many very wet Mondays, I at last feel that my Tuesday is very close ????
Big HUGS to you!!! Welcome and glad you found CL! You are not alone 🙂
you running and hiding everything in sight
bitch you done forget i full of might
creeping with hoes day and night
gonna bust you ass bitch get ready to fight
four years of your shit done be enough
you thought i lay down and lack the tough
you thought filing was a breeze bitch i gonna get rough
tracking you down no matter where i call your bluff
bailing on me was ok and fine
you left kiddo crying making a shrine
bitch step up your numbers next in line
serving yo ass head spinning no time
you send me sadz channel blasting on pity
not my fault you bummed and shitty
shoulda thought of that bitch when you bounced giddy
fuckin the hoes thinking you so pretty
you dodge and weave thinking you be okay
changing continents to avoid the fray
motherfucker i’m on your ass eat you up like prey
gonna fear the night and beg for the day
ducks lined up sitting fine and straight
you think you served me up bitch you got the hate
court gonna chase you down for being late
karma’s a bitch she’s got your fate
so while you piss away your pay for meals and hoes
remember bitch i document the court already knows
you a lazy assed fucker running with the bros
laughing my ass off your accounts be froze
so run and hide and escape you try
i’m the big mac bitch you just a fry
can’t wait to hear you scream whine and cry
while the truth stands up you can’t deny
fuck you we out.
Nice! Just listening to No Diggity, we out, we out!
Glittery Turd projects
Narcissistic posturing
Tuesday has arrived.
like. really. need a rap category. channel the anger make it happen!!!!!!
You will win that contest hands down! 🙂
I wish we’d found some other way
One house for the children to play
I tried divorce busting
But got conned for trusting
And mocked that I had tried to stay
Divorce is a loss it’s quite true
But I at last did what I had to do
Though I’ve shed many a tear
When I look in the mirror
I finally can stomach the view
Well done, TM! Glad you found Chump Lady
I love your streak of cruelty
your sociopathic lies
the selfish, shallow tendencies
shining in your eyes
i love your vast self pity
it should come as no surprise
that when you lie completely
you do it with snake eyes
you justify your actions
without a hint of dread
she came into our bedroom
and fucked you in our bed
now you are basely different
i feel it in my heart
but you claim no ownership
so it will tear apart
a family long established
a family love that grew
now a symbol of your apathy
we’ll survive it without you.
Beautiful Eden.
He said, I’m leaving tomorrow on a business trip
What I didn’t know was that he was sharing his dick
With howorkers, each in a different city,
And now constantly begs me for pity
I had to file, he just makes me sick
Oh, borderline fuckwit called Bob
who could never resist strange knob
He didn’t tell his wife
that he was endangering her life
Sayonara Bob, you NUTJOB!
So funny, Sandy!
There once was a man whore of mine
Who thought I was wasting his time
He left me for his co-slut
While I was pregnant
All, so his knob could be shined.
You like fucking whores
They are simple transactions
Wives require effort
—–
Forgiveness? Fuck you
You deserve only contempt.
I now feel so free
These are both stunning!
Liar, Liar pants on fire
Placed his marriage on a funeral pyre
He lit the flame
Like it was a fucking game
Then scurried away from the whole quagmire
Porn dick was a new one to me
Of course, why wouldn’t it be
He hid his addiction
To this sick affliction
Limp dicked for eternity
Old saggy balls no ass
He thinks he is still a good catch
Looking for a blind date
Lmao!!!????
This could be mine for Valentine!
Rainbows and unicorns and heart emojis galore,
You swept me off my feet when my life a bore
For a short time you made me think I was the “one”
But soon I realized you weren’t for me, “hun”
So here’s a glass, we raise to you, the narcissistic whore.
Trips promised make me want to vomit
Always a cheat and a liar to beat.
Now, I am on my own.
Good luck to you and the new number four clone.
Serial marriage was your hobby
Now your the patient in your former lobby.
What a sweet goodbye when you said I lie.
Who’s lying now?
Bittersweet to have gotten engaged on
Valentine’s Day
When actually it was all right lay.
I hate autocorrect.
Yo! Jesus cheater!
Wonder how many times you
wooed another’s man
I love Haiku’s…so fun!
There once a cheater named Evil One
Who one night left his laptop open
To my shock and surprise
He revealed to his new prize
That his days being my husband were reducin’
Ten years younger than
Him, two kids living with ‘rents
She must have thought, “yeah!”
Dumb blonde, herself a
Chump, she ran with him for weeks
Before truth revealed
When her mom snooped ’round,
‘found out he was still married
Dated him anyway
Herself a damn chump,
She didn’t care, she needed
A man and daddy
Long ago I cared
Many days did I beg him to share
No valid, true explanation given
No tears, no remorse, no requests to be forgiven
All I got was a cold eyed stare
I wanted to KNOW more and more
All about him and his whore
He wouldn’t admit to even a kiss
And Over and over I got dissed
I cried until my eyes were sore
The tale of a chump quite naive.
Who fell for a narc we’ll
call Steve.
Well Steve was a liar
With roaming desire
So the chump had no choice but to leave!
*applause*
I never do this because I am not very good at it. But this year I will give it a try..
David thought he was a King
But it really wasn’t his thing
No gift for his wife
Which Cut like a knife
When he was arrested in a prostitution sting
You like them silent,
Asian and young; why marry
Someone such as me?
When you said you were
crazy about me, you were
half-right, you big freak.
Half right, hahaha, good one Chumpzilla!
There was a sad sausage called Bart
Whose wife caught him fucking a tart
She said “See you later
You want her? You date her,
I’m too busy, too happy, too smart”
So charming and sweet,
His words floated in the air
But lies are heavy.
There once was a man who thought
He could cheat without being caught
His wife sent him packing
The whore found him lacking
And now his dick is in a drought.
I love it!
He did not count on
Mistress not leaving husband
And wife leaving him.
During the days of wreckonciliation
I joined the mighty Chump Nation
I read and shared my story
I had to cut the parts that were just too gory
Next stop- Meh-Station
Someday he will see and think
I was all that- even the kitchen sink
By then it will be too late
I wont care enough to even hate
Poor sad sausage – tears go ker-plink
There once was a cheating guy
Who was stepping out on the sly
When his wife kicked him out
Whore didn’t take on the lout
He had to tell sex “bye-bye.”
A “one time mistake”
Evidence seems to differ
Text screenshots don’t lie
I’m just not happy, you’re no longer fun.
Lybnilwy, so I’m going to run.
I said goodbye to the cheating compulsive liar.
Gathered his shit and had a bonfire.
Then he screwed a woman that looked like his mum.
Better the devil you know
how to differenciate friendly from foe
Sadly our cheaters
are non stop repeaters
Lesson hurts, but leaves much room to grow
I really wish that I knew
from George Simon and CL I grew
It took both these people
to show me your evil
the horror was all very new
Those notes that you left me to find
Were designed to shatter my mind
But I found them much later
You ungrateful traitor
I’ve left all your bullshit behind
FT – outstanding entry! sums up my experience too
Dday was the 15th of feb,
While you were off getting head,
I had a baby inside,
But you alot more to hide,
Now my future is far less to dread.
You love bombed the neighbour’s wife
3000 smses were teenage girl’s rife
That kind of behaviour
makes single my saviour
I’m moving along with my life
Those painful long nights
the puzzle is whole again
what a waste of time
and since there was a request for snark and bitter:
There are no words to
describe this experience.
Smegma comes to mind
That haiku made me burst out laughing. So therapeutic!
Almost didn’t share.
The word doesn’t reflect my space in this world
There was once a single mum named Leanne,
who was in desperate want for a man.
Though cheater likes men too,
she said you will do
now her life’s slowly going down the can.
There once was a cheater named Tom,
Whose promises were only a con,
Now thirty years later
A great litigator
Is dropping the ultimate bomb
Hasta la vista, cheater
There once was a Chump who inspired,
But Cheater said his love had expired,
So he fired his wife
But she got a new life
Now her eyes have a sparkle and fire
True story. Life is great without a cheater in it. Stay mighty, my fellow Chumps!
My husband ran off with a Tracey
Whose underware’s all very lacey
She’s selfish and sassy
He’s selfish and gassy
So not once did I ever play chasey
I was married to a prick
His devotion was a trick
he run off with his lover
Leaving me a single mother
Are you happy with your life
turning a whore into a wife?
She will play you for a fool
That’s because you are a tool
You caused your son shame
Was this all a game?
You left your daughter shattered
Did she even matter?
This holiday won’t get me down
You will not see me with a frown
Again and again you cross the line
thank god you’re not my valentine
Your mistress deserves a romantic day
She is such a wonderful person you say
You deserve a relationship of disarray
So here’s to you this Valentine’s Day
A loving and innocent bloke
Found out his wife’s “love” was a joke
While he cried and he prayed
She lied and betrayed
But he’s free now, while she’s dumb and broke
Yup, I’ve got the make version of it, dumb and broke. Good one!
I found the receipt for that ring
You thought fucking young girls was a thing
a dozen years later
success is my freightor
and you’re stuck with that silly dumb sin
She was compelled to unzip his pants,
In a move devoid of romance!
But her feet have a smell
That just makes him swell
So where do you think I should lance?
His pecker was always so small
The blade may do nothing at all
So there’s no need to yell
I’ll just flick you to hell
And please don’t bother to call
Lies times thirty-one
Years of smoking hopium
Now only freedom
Cheat, lie, rinse, repeat
Over and over again
Bye-bye, all done now
What bullshit today?
Will check my cheater handbook
Gaslight or blameshift?
May I tell you a story of Karma?
The hearing of which will not harm ya,
He paid through the nose,
For having those ho’s
My happy ending should warm ya.
I love limericks! So many fantastic poems!
There once was a fab covert narc
Who kept his poor ex in the dark
For 20 years he did lie
Cheat, blameshift and gaslight
Until he left and she got back her spark
~~Ode to a Southern Belle Cunt~~
I married a Southern Belle named Cass
Who was such a beautiful lass
Turns out she is a cunt
Who just put up a front
And now I’m broke on my ass
Cheater Pat had a co worker whore
They hated his wife, she was sexless, a bore
They ran away for twu luv you see
The little dicked cheat is still paying me !
#winning
There once was a cunt called Jenell
Onto cheater Pat’s dick she fell
Cant help bad luck
With him now she’s stuck
I Got the popcorn bitches now burn in hell
Yes!!!
One more. Lol. Im writing these while lying in a bubblebath and finding it very cathartic !
P and J went on a road trip,they are low life cunts you see,
When caught P ran away to find himself and tried to make me Plan B.
I see now he’s been a tosser for 33 years and BITCH, you set me FREE !
Wow this is so cathartic! I’ve never posted before and I haven’t written a limerick since I was in school but decided to share one of the many I’ve just knocked out….
I once had a husband I called Bear
for me and his child he did not care.
He cheated and lied until I almost died
But now I’m on my way to meh.
I’m so glad I found this page, it’s frightening that so many people are going through the same thing but so helpful to know that I’m not alone. Thank you x
It took sometime kept apart
to realise you don’t own a heart
those girlfriends you hid
gaslight and fib
make it plain that you’re clearly a narc
The clues you left me to find
while some still play on my mind
Have left me much better
to deal with the weather
and leave you’re behaviour behind
uh, Your behaviour
She was a fine lass prone to fib,
While she actively supported women’s lib
She liked sucking his dick
It was her only trick
So I sent her knee pads and a bib.
He told me I was always tired
He started coming home so wired
She sucked his bag
She looked like a hag
He tired of her when she got fired.
Our finances were a bit in the ditch
He blamed me solely for that sitch
He convinced the skank
His dick was actually a bank
And blew his wad in that bitch.
You don’t support me he said
You’re always crying in bed
She gets me and hears me
No arguing with her, you see
Because her mouth is busy giving me head.
There once was a cheater named Walter
Who ogled his friends wife in a halter
By that she was flattered
Said she’d been battered
What’s true? I asked when I called her
No, wait, this one’s better:
There once was a cheater named Walter
Who ogled his friends wife in a halter
By that she was flattered
Said she’d been battered
Now, the Mormon, she kneels at his altar
A 30 yr marriage did the emotional anorexic implode.
Without boundaries, I didn’t see red flags unfold.
The irony is that we was good enough.
And now it’s too late to improve on any marriage “stuff”.
Nveragain to shit sandwiches of happy endings, tributes and himsy center folds.
There once was a cousin named Tammy as a teenager rode horses with her cousin. Who would of thought 30 years later Tammy would be riding the Husband.
There was an old pervert named Bruce
Whose children were raised to be loose
I tried to explain
What was wrong with his brain
But he proved to be rather obtuse
A cheater whose first name was Steve
Claimed he had no choice but to leave
He discarded his wife
For an alternate life
He is twisted, fucked up, and deceived
A year has gone past,
Since I kicked him out on his ass.
My world, as I knew is was shattered.
He lied and deceived,
I have grieved.
Now I can show my sass.
Three Haiku:
Who knew I’d lose you
to a fantasy woman
You wear my bras now.
You act the woman
you brought her into our bed
Two people in one.
Love *her* now, you said.
Fuck me like I’m a woman
Your husband is dead.
Okay, this one’s pretty crude and raunchy…
For lady-boys you’re filled with lust
Boobs AND dick are clearly a must
Your wife said, “You cheater,
You can’t even eat her!”
And that’s how my marriage went bust.
Another overly coarse one, I’m afraid.
Thirty-five years of marriage went down the tubes
Because he decided he must have some boobs
He dressed up all raunchy
(though still he looked paunchy)
In panties that showed off his pubes!
Here lies a beloved man who led a double life
He cherished not his children, granddaughter or wife.
If in fact the gates of hell await him
Given his choices; the pearly gates are slim
Alas, some day Nancy at least will joine him in his strife.
Great idea for a limerick – an epitaph! I had to take a shot at it…
He was loved but lived a dual life
Cherished neither child, grandchild nor wife
Hades surely awaits him
(Pearly Gate chances are quite slim)
Someday Nancy will join him in strife
Your bad moods kept dragging me down
You’re morose, a user, a clown
You love-bombing ass
I’m giving a pass
on your perpetual frown
There once was a man named Shon
I wonder where he has gone
He had an amazing life
With 2 kids and a wife
That he blew up for instant gratification
Thinking with your dick
Measuring by a yard stick
When nothing was there
Couldn’t face your biggest fear
Sagging balls; two inch prick
When you drop bombs in an innocent space
You wipe all the smiles off my face
But best you’re aware
it’s much better from here
Empaths build better things in your place
I was quick to unfriend social media
but it seems that I couldn’t escape ya
Your behaviour, such gall
your friends shared it all
I’m just glad that my new life is free of ya
Sending her loving
and love poems so soon after
you told me we’re through
I’m still can recall
that you called yourself Dexter
the sociopath
We know that you’re one of a kind
You spent effort breaking my mind
But I’m onto you
I wont break in two
and her friendsh