Stupid Cheater Life Plans

A discussion broke out Wednesday about Stupid Cheater Life Plans. You know, thatĀ ever swirling kaleidoscope of Potential and Opportunity that is a career in soap making/kiteboarding/beer brewing/puppy snuggling/clog recycling…

You gave up your day job?

PUPPY SNUGGLING IS A GROWTH INDUSTRY!

Stupid Cheater Life Plans are those passing whims cheaters want to pass off as substance. “Hey, Beauregard University DOT com is offering a MASTERS in Puppy Snuggling!” And make unilateral decisions to pursue. “Oh, by the way, I refinanced the house to pay for my P.S. degree.”

…And then abandon halfway through for another Stupid Cheater Life Plan.

“Tofu Taco FOOD TRUCKS are the FUTURE!”

Puppy snuggling?

“It was not my passion.” There were challenges and hardships. “A puppy peed on me.” They were not sufficiently appreciated. “Can you believe they did not meet my salary demands?”

Stupid Cheater Life Plans are escapism dressed up as adult-ing. “Of COURSE I can run a FOOD TRUCK! Look at my spiral notebook! I’ve drawn lots of schematics! Check out my logo design!”

Um, but food trucks require permits and inspections and stuff…

“DO YOU DOUBT MY ABILITIES?” That’s just like you, being a killjoy. Why don’t you prove your fealty to the wingnut with a little down payment? Just to prove you care. I think you should. Schmoopie understands. You should be more like Schmoopie. Schmoopie is a tofu visionary.

Anybody live this particular Stupid Cheater Life Plan nightmare?

Tell me about your chaos. And TGIF!

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Lola Granola
Lola Granola
5 years ago

Mine had a fantasy about having a little corner shop in the suburbs where he would have a law practice. But he’d only open it when he felt like it.

I pointed out that if he wanted to get any clients, he’d actually have to open when they wanted, rather than when he wanted.

The look of disgust was almost palpable. And this from a man who was always telling me he’d studied economics at university.

(Actually this was part of his mindfuckery; the little corner shops were always near where I lived, and we’d be having a walk in the evening, and he would pretend that he was actually interested in having a future with me, and moving out of his extremely comfortable home that he had no intention of sharing with me or anyone else …)

Julie McCune
Julie McCune
5 years ago
Reply to  Lola Granola

Mine was gonna be a famous guitar player/musician/lyricist. It’s how he wooed his women. He – and they -thought he was SO great. But in reality, he was mediocre, at best. So pathetic, and kinda funny at the same time.

wcchump
wcchump
5 years ago
Reply to  Lola Granola

Mine was a slight variation of the corner shop. One plan was to buy a place big enough for us to live in one part and he would open his practice (physician) in the other. That way he would never have to drive to work and be annoyed by the other drivers who push his buttons and those damn cops who enforce those pesky speed limits.

Another was that we would buy a place where I could open a shop and he would take a room to see patients once in a while. Kind of like a walk in clinic but only when he was available and felt like it.

And last my favorite. He was going to buy a van and drive around to see patients. Kind of like a bookmobile or a food truck.

Mehsmerized
Mehsmerized
5 years ago
Reply to  wcchump

A variation on the corner shop theme: the former whined about… well, most everything.

One of his big whines was he hated driving to an office. Since he was a self-employed freeloader- oops, I meant freelancer ???? I arranged and built him a man cave/home office/studio consisting of a 2,000 square foot building 28 steps out the back door and across a dirt driveway.

Then he complained that the office had no windows (it did but he put his main desk in an interior room) and that his shoes got dirty when he took 5 steps across the dirt path.

So I (**Chump Warning**) had the dirt path paved for him.

He was still unhappy so he interviewed soulmates from Ashley Madison until he found Twu Wuv, or as a friend calls the OW, having seen a photo, ā€œGullet Schmoopie.ā€

And after 7 years of litigation, I got me and he got her. I couldnā€™t be more pleased.

And I got the corner office as well, which I rent to a neighbor for a princely sun.

Jill
Jill
5 years ago
Reply to  Mehsmerized

Exactly.. why exactly is Ashley Madison a legal thing?? Ohhh I remember,, because men still run the world .. which is why the strip clubs and porn sites even exist… they use them to get what they need,, act as if they are policing them somewhat so that they can make money off of it also, & never try hard enough to shut them down so that they can get what they want while their unsuspecting wives are home ,,& out ,, working their butts off thinking that they have independence and loyalty… meantime the whores are eating up all the extra money.
I could go ON and ON but the bottom line is that the majority of wives have NO idea what TRULY goes on in those clubs or what truly does on at lunchtime. Etc etc.
Or they wouldnā€™t be around anymore. They donā€™t go just to watch dancers. There is a VIP room in the back that serves every place for a 5minute to 1 hour ( or more ) long quickie depending on how much they have to spend ..& the ATM is INSIDE THE BUILDING. And they serve lunch and the risk is NONE ,, because all of the other men who they might run into inside the place are there cheating also… code of silence brotherhood of honor… we didnā€™t see each other here!! Iā€™ve got your ass and youā€™ve got mine.& if you think your man is unfaithful for any reason other than that he became able to pay for it ,,, or that the opportunity became available – then You are just making excuses for his lying ass that has NO integrity.

Nveragain
Nveragain
5 years ago
Reply to  Mehsmerized

That makes me feel like a freeloader. I own my own small dog business. I asked STBX over the past nine years if I should get another full-time job with benefits once I had recovered from my tick infections. I was previously a paralegal and so I was making about $35K more then. He always told me no but I’m sure that was part of the reason for devaluing. $35K, no benefits and my 401(k) gone because he was crap at budgeting.

I should start a new thread on this. Because now I’m wondering, like I did for the past nine years, if I should just ditch the dog business and forget about alimony. It was always my greatest fear that he would die or divorce me and I wouldn’t be able to support myself on the dog business.

And what a fucking asshole he was. We had this conversation so many times,and it turns out that he’s been whoring around with ho- workers and anonymous people for at least seven years. Do you think he would’ve had the balls to tell me that I should get a full-time job knowing fully well that “he wasn’t happy.” Nope he could care less about me; it was all about him.

KarenE
KarenE
5 years ago
Reply to  Nveragain

If you had gotten a full-time job, you wouldn’t have been such a good wife appliance, Nver. Gotta have the flexibility to provide good service to the narc! And you’re right, he clearly didn’t give a flying fuck what that mean for you, down the road.

DEFINITELY go for alimony!!! You were contributing to your family as YOU BOTH agreed you should do. You have the right to alimony, and you deserve it! Then, later, if YOU feel that would be best for you, you can look at other work options. Or not!

2nd Gen Chump
2nd Gen Chump
5 years ago
Reply to  wcchump

Iā€™m sorry, was he proposing that I get my Pap smear in the back of a VAN?

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
5 years ago
Reply to  2nd Gen Chump

Or live in a van down by the river under a bridge?!?

wcchump
wcchump
5 years ago
Reply to  2nd Gen Chump

Luckily it never got far. He gave up on the van idea when he needed to spend time working in all the logistics. All I could think of was that it was a law suit waiting to happen.

Chump2.0
Chump2.0
5 years ago
Reply to  2nd Gen Chump

????

RD chump
RD chump
5 years ago
Reply to  Lola Granola

I was clearly divorcing my cheater but in the week that I still talked to him I asked him what he was going to do to try to be a better person (and dad)- for the kids. His response was that he was working on eating healthier- more salads.

To clarify, Iā€™m a dietitian. My ex was cheating on me, had online dating profiles and was carrying out all sorts of bank account sorcery to cover his habits, but his road to recovery mainly centered around increased leafy vegetable intake. Neat.

Epiphany30
Epiphany30
5 years ago
Reply to  RD chump

Hilarious! ā€œbank account sorceryā€. Oh yes, I have a feeling my STBX might be practicing a little of that black magic as well.

I was just starting to feel bit sorry for myself and your post has made me laugh, once again at the absolute absurdity of my situation.

Mine was full of ways he was going to improve himself to be. Better person and father. Ha. Big flipping HA! He has not done one measurable or visible ounce of self improvement.

Thanks!

OutOfSparkles
OutOfSparkles
5 years ago
Reply to  RD chump

So funny! Clear he has no idea what being a decent father is – and this was his feeble attempt! Stupid, but still all focussed on on him and his world, not that of his kids at all. He was obviously just saying what he thought you would want to hear.
When in the final lot of RIC we had to write a list of what we were prepared to do for the other. Mine wrote down increasing his 2 weekly psychotherapy that he had been having for 4 years (that had simply given him a forum to justify his abuse, and during which time it had gotten progressively worse) to 3 times a week. Huge cost, no benefit to anyone else – although he obviously got a lot out of it. And I’m a psychiatrist! I’m not saying there is no benefit in therapy, BTW, I do a lot of psychotherapy but not psychoanalysis (so outdated) – and with a narcissist it is just adding fuel to the fire. I know good nutrition is very important but not sure how that can improve character!

feeling light
feeling light
5 years ago
Reply to  OutOfSparkles

outofsparkles: Do you think psychoanalysis makes narcissist more selfish and justifiable?and if yes, how? This idea struck me because I kind of believe that psychoanalysis justifies the wrong doings sometimes in that the wrong doings is blamed on buried issues!

Jill
Jill
5 years ago
Reply to  feeling light

Exactly… and the wronged partner sits there having to watch the person who was supposedly their confidant and lover, get out of the fact that they were lying to their face& that everything between them was a lie ,,& that everything the faithful partner ever did for them was a waste of precious time .

Mitz
Mitz
5 years ago
Reply to  Jill

yup, we are the ‘home wrecker’ not them in their twisted minds

Jill
Jill
5 years ago
Reply to  Jill

Emotional anorexic… I LIKE that! Is that the opposite of emotional intelligence?? Mine was full of it the first 6 years or so of our relationship and marriage,, then completely lost it after realizing that whores existed and that he could afford them.
I became a dishcloth at home but the change was more gradual and I was busy with two babies and just waiting and killing myself hoping he would revert or that it was bad stuff at work ( law enforcement) by the time I had 4 babies with him he was suddenly this MONSTER who would not look around and everything wrong with our relationship was somehow just that ā€˜he didnā€™t love me anymoreā€™. None of it made sense and I didnā€™t even have time to take a breath, kids who adored him looking at me and listening every time i would make any progress in an argument … then , lo & behold I found out there WAS an actual reason for all of it .. he was able to pay for instant gratification elsewhere and this gave him extra time for his work!!! Ah what the hell i donā€™t need her !! I just need to keep her here for the kids otherwise she can rot. & Iā€™m still rotting ten years later .. no way to get away from him.
Older parents rely upon him etc etc my life is a total waste.

Idle hands
Idle hands
5 years ago
Reply to  Jill

Sending u hugs. U r stronger than u think.

Nveragain
Nveragain
5 years ago
Reply to  feeling light

Set this is of interest to me too. Right after DD but before his first therapy session, when I started asking why, he said because he was lucky as a child growing up at home because they had a house, a summer house, and belong to a country club. So in effect he was saying he has nothing now. This was said in the context of entitlement. But seriously, he worked well off and never have been. His father just knew how to budget and save, which mine clearly never learned how to do.

I was the one that asked him to start therapy since I let him stay under the same roof after D day since he had no job, no car, no money…until he got the job offer. He did three therapy sessions while he was still here and he did two separate group sessions per week for a few weeks. Once he moved out, his work schedule conflicted with all his therapy. I noticed he went to his therapist this week.

I can’t believe he’s actually continuing therapy. My sister pointed out that I was mistakenly taking it as a sign of him wanting reconciliation. She feels it’s more like he’s really hit bottom and his therapist, who he must’ve really liked upon meeting him, is what is keeping his little world together right now since he’s living at his older sister’s house and just started a new job.

With cycle analysis really be what’s motivating him to continue doing therapy? I assure you, he is not a therapy kind of guy. He was so emotionally anorexic the whole 30 years I knew him – could never have a conversation deeper than a puddle.

Dixie Cruise
Dixie Cruise
5 years ago
Reply to  RD chump

Well, he clearly hasn’t hit bottom yet, because the true testament to his commitment to reform is … kale.

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
5 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Cruise

Now THAT would take some dedication!

feeling light
feeling light
5 years ago
Reply to  RD chump

“eating healthier- more salads” šŸ™‚ :):)

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
5 years ago
Reply to  RD chump

Omg! You canā€™t make this shit up! X is telling everyone that he is going to become a better dad (almost completely absent now and we are divorced) by….. eating mushrooms!

Yes folks, mushrooms are the answer to all character disorders, substance abuse, mental illness, etc etc etc

I hate mushrooms, always have.

What a delusional fuck

Thank God Iā€™ve moved on.

FUNR
FUNR
5 years ago

Don’t mushrooms grow in shit?

Feelingit
Feelingit
5 years ago

I can save him the trouble, fuckwit loves mushrooms, ate them all the time: he sucks at being a dad!!!

As I have said before, he even treated me like a mushroom; fed me shit and kept me in the dark.

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
5 years ago

Maybe he meant psilocybin mushrooms. Getting high and escaping his rotten self and the great darkness within.

yellowsunshine
yellowsunshine
5 years ago
Reply to  RD chump

???????? I cant help but laugh at thus cause I had the exact same response!!

Kate
Kate
5 years ago
Reply to  RD chump

This is hysterical!!

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
5 years ago

Ahhh – memories – another cheater of mine wanted to get a job with a major NGO at senior corporate level with only a BA in anthropology.

Again, when I suggested going in at a lower level, the LOOK.

What is with the LOOK?

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago
Reply to  Lola Granola

Lola i know that look. I still cringe when i think of it. By the time i got it he was plotting to get rid of me, in anyway necessary. I was clueless. I was clueless because he was also always chatting away about all the fun things we were going to do. What a psycho.

brit
brit
5 years ago

Speaking of psycho’s, mine was constantly telling me I was his “best friend, I remember thinking that there was something wrong with me because I just assumed we were and I never thought there was any reason to tell him.
Looking back, he was saying I was his “best friend” so I would feel secure in our relationship and not suspect anything while he screwed around.
Another clue he seemed awkward when he’d say it and instead of making me feel warn and fuzzy I felt uncomfortable. Like being with Ted Bundy..

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago
Reply to  brit

Brit omg mine said i was his best friend too!!! And it always creeped me out!!!

brit
brit
5 years ago

Leavealyingloser, the your my best friend creeped me out too, there would be this awkward silence after he’d say “your my best friend,” I wouldn’t know what to say.
I remember feeling weird, wondering if it was me that was missing something.
In retrospect, what I was missing is you’re my best friend was probably image management.
Brit will be less likely to suspect anything if I tell her she’s my best friend.
Who knows, what I do know is they’re weird.

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago
Reply to  brit

Brit they are so weird. I think they really do want to be your best friend. They smother you with it. They are jealous of your friends. They want to isolate you. Its all about control. I just remember thinking you are my husband not my bestie. Of course he was my friend but somehow him saying that felt so weird to me.

Jill
Jill
5 years ago

Oh how I wish… mine didnā€™t say anything at all.. just suddenly one day was a raging drunk who was the total opposite of the man I had gone all through college and three years of marriage with , without ever taking a drink !! Talk about blindsiding!! There I am,, Iā€™ve got babies all around , a clean home beautiful dinner waiting and have spent the day (day after day after year after year doing demolition and restoration ( as in PLASTERING AND WOODWORK RESTORATION ETC ETC YOU NAME IT , while at the same time teaching little ones under my feet to read and giving them all the confidence in the world with nonstop LOVE and discipline and just teaching them all they need to know and just never letting anything slide) and one day he starts walking in the door every night late for dinner and drunk but covering it UP…!!! .. pick a fight with me and fuck this Iā€™m OUT of here.. me just like a deer in the headlights kids like wtf and then he would be back in an hour acting normal and apologizing .
Day after day year after year no way OUT. Everything was HIS,, everything was never enough. His mother up my ass at every turn and nobody ,, no not ANYBODY with any nerve to speak up to him. I spent ten years diffusing the situation and just trying to keep alive enough to protect the children. Stay upstairs donā€™t come down until I tell you if heā€™s stable enough on and on .. it became so bad that he was watching every dollar I spent on groceries making sure I didnā€™t save any money so that I wouldnā€™t be able to get away.. in time the meantime heā€™s screaming get out!!! If you donā€™t like It GO!! Where to go?? I donā€™t know. One night he was so bad that I had to run for my life into the freezing snow with bare feet. Nobody around to run to and the kids still in the house asleep. No phone no money . .. on and on..
Teach your daughters their worth and tell them from when they are very little ā€œ you are not here to entertain BOYS,, you are not here to worry about what BOYS think of you,, you are here because you are smart and because you can change the world with your strengthā€ trust me it works..& never ever stop watching anybody they date or marry. Back them UP and believe them. Let them know that they can always come home.

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago
Reply to  Jill

Let them know they can always come home. That is so important. I think sometimes we stay because we don’t want to admit something is wrong.

Victoria Powell
Victoria Powell
5 years ago

In the interests of balance though I will say some have made good businesses in what could be seen by others as niche fantasy careers/businesses, I know we did and it depends very much on talent, luck and temperament. However from the other angle I did live with someone who was into whatever was the flavour of the day and got bored very very quickly, usually after spending my money on it!! As I was the one with the sensible job,

OhHellNo
OhHellNo
5 years ago

Most entrepreneurs are risk-takers, and they need to be. (I have taken my fair share of career/skill assessment tests and you would be amazed at how the questions regarding entrepreneuship focus less on business acumen and more on risk avoidance to determine if you’re cut out for it.)

The catch is HOW people take risks. Do they take *calculated* risks? “We have enough savings in the bank to try this tofu taco business for three months. If we’re not cash flowing at that time, we’ll close shop and I’ll get a regular job.”

versus

“I cashed in our entire 401k fund and sold your grandmother’s diamonds without telling you because I knew you’d say No. The business hasn’t made any money in the last two years but I just KNOW things are going to turn around because I redesigned the logo — with Schmoopie’s help, because she BELIEVES in me. Oh, by the way, we owe 12k in tax penalties for pulling the retirement funds early. You can cover that, right?”

Oh fuck no.

Been there and it sucks. People are welcome to take their own risks — but don’t drag my uninformed and chumpy ass along.

champchump
champchump
5 years ago
Reply to  OhHellNo

My ex was an unstoppable entrepreneur/risk taker. I don’t know how many businesses he started, because he didn’t tell me about all of them. Many narcissists are entrepreneurs. As Margalis Fjelstad points out in “Healing from a Narcissistic Relationship,” money is a priority for these people:

“For the majority of narcissists, money is the only sure thing they trust, so they want as much of it as they can get. Male narcissists who made more money than their female partners frequently think that all the money belongs to them in the first place. Many of them have talked their wives out of working, but during a divorce, blame them for not ā€œcontributing.ā€ They expect to keep all of the assets. In some cases, all of the assets may already be in the narcissistā€™s name alone, so it can be difficult to get your reasonable share.”For the majority of narcissists, money is the only sure thing they trust, so they want as much of it as they can get. Male narcissists who made more money than their female partners frequently think that all the money belongs to them in the first place. Many of them have talked their wives out of working, but during a divorce, blame them for not ‘contributing.’ They expect to keep all of the assets. In some cases, all of the assets may already be in the narcissistā€™s name alone, so it can be difficult to get your reasonable share.”

NotMyFault
NotMyFault
5 years ago
Reply to  champchump

I do have to say that I was surprised by how many things were in his name only. He even went so far as to change a joint car registration to his name only when he sold my car and bought a BMW. The final straw was forging the title of my 1968 Camaro and then declaring that it “had always been in his name”! It was my car in college.
He also had lots of ridiculous “investments “(all big money losers). Was always going to get this big job or that(instead was getting fired from the one he had). But, his most laughable idea was to “patent” this ridiculous metal disk as a tool for scratch off lottery tickets. I wish I captured my facial expression on that one. What a moron.

AC
AC
5 years ago
Reply to  NotMyFault

After reading all the accounts here about cheater exes stealing chump spouseā€™s $$$$$ and valuables, just like mine did, I canā€™t say I feel any better about being a victim. But I do feel less lonely.

What really makes my blood boil, still, after all this time, is the betrayal behind the theft. He stole money Iā€™d saved, sold family heirlooms at pawnshops and on eBay, even stole the kidsā€™ coin collections, and denied doing it every time. He accused our teenage son (behind his back) of being the thief. He told me the jewelry went missing (from the safe!) because I must have done something careless. The heirlooms in particular were treasures with far more value as family history than their current eBay price. But to him they were all just a source of quick cash.

I did get to hear him slip and admit it, one night when heā€™d had too much to drink. He started bragging on himself, including how smart he was to get a really good price from the gold-buyer on some of the jewelry. Somehow I restrained myself from killing him on the spot; going to jail wouldnā€™t have done me any good.

Then he had the stupidity to say he could go get it back (a year after he sold it- as if!). And he said he felt bad about things heā€™d done in ā€œthose days.ā€ He never once apologized. He made no effort at restitution. He had no remorse for hurting me or his kids. He just told me that HE felt bad. Then he told me that he canā€™t change the past, so I need to stop dwelling on it.

As CL says, watch their actions. He didnā€™t really feel bad about doing any of that. He just felt bad about being caught.

Anyway, thanks for listening and telling your own stories of betrayal. Itā€™s very hard to forgive when the person who hurt you just doesnā€™t care. But at least I feel a little less alone tonight.

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago
Reply to  AC

I suggest looking up his ebay acct and finding items he sold and reporting it to the police. No he can’t change the past but the police tend to dwell on that kind of criminal activity.

PrisonChump
PrisonChump
5 years ago
Reply to  champchump

They think it’s all theirs doesn’t matter who makes more. I know from experiance. Drained savings accounts in two months, then stealing money from my family members to boot.

champchump
champchump
5 years ago
Reply to  champchump

Oops, sorry for that double paste!

Chickynot
Chickynot
5 years ago
Reply to  champchump

^^ THIS!!!^^ OK to double paste it — for my cheater, it’s double true! Money is absolutely the only thing in life he respects, though he hoards all kinds of objects. I think maybe a side effect of lacking empathy yourself is not trusting other people not to all be manipulative assholes also.

2nd Gen Chump
2nd Gen Chump
5 years ago
Reply to  OhHellNo

Back in 2011, my ex withdrew every last penny of his lifeā€™s savings and borrowed money from me and friends to do a custom-logo job on CDs for a past client. After spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on blank CDs and printing them up, they decided they didnā€™t want them after all. Because he didnā€™t have a contract that stipulated ā€œno returns on a custom product,ā€ we were left with an obsolete product with a logo that ensured nobody would ever want it. Brilliant.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  OhHellNo

This is exactly it. Successful entrepreneurs in solid businesses take concepts to reality through a combination of calculated risk taking and general business acumen. Then they adjust as needed in response to their experiences. They don’t just wildly fantasize, leap into the fire without plans or forethought, then ditch when they get bored.

And yes, exactly, it’s fine for a person to fantasize and leap all they want if the person’s life is constructed such that s/he won’t harm others. If you are single and childless and financially independent and you want to risk blowing up your life, leap forth and let the chips fall, says me.

However, if you share a home or money or children or anything else that matters with a person, that person’s actions have an impact on you, like it or not.

This thing about narcissists getting pissed when we don’t support ideas that we can easily see are going to cause us harm is ridiculous. It’s immature, petty, and illogical. It is ludicrous to choose partnership if you don’t want to make life decisions jointly and for mutual benefit. The only people who do that are the people who are AOK with harming others people.

AC
AC
5 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

The alcoholic always bragged about how good it was to get rich using other peopleā€™s money. Yet nothing he tried ever made us rich, because his expenses were always bigger than any profits he hoped to make. But he bought himself cool toys.

What tore the shreds of our relationship completely apart was when he bragged about having a secret investor for his hairbrained schemes who had given him about $10,000 in seed money, but he never would say who the investor was, not how he planned to pay the investor back. I would ask because I know that people who hand you large chunks off money do want it back, and we lived in a community property state.

Later I discovered that the secret investor was me! Heā€™d taken my grandmotherā€™s jewelry and sold it!

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago
Reply to  AC

AC that is so horrible! What a smug little piece of crap bragging to you about that. I hope he went to jail.

Jill
Jill
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

#LIKE

Hopeful Cynic
Hopeful Cynic
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

My ex DID have a dream business going, with me in the background with a normal job to support us because the dream didn’t. So my ex was already living his dream, with me financing it.

Then he had the nerve to complain that I didn’t seem to care about it as much as I once did and never helped out anymore. (after we had KIDS)

Whenever I mentioned any dreams I might like to pursue, he was disinterested in supporting that.

Then he decided to become an artist on the side, and was always away, working on this even more. I accepted this and sacrificed even more for it because it seemed to make him so happy.

Then I found out there was a muse in the background, and it wasn’t me.

Now she finances the dream business and I have no idea if there is any art being made anymore.

Jill
Jill
5 years ago
Reply to  Hopeful Cynic

Gross .. sounds familiar!!

Feelingit
Feelingit
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Fuckwit has found that business in a reality. He only works about 3 dayā€™s a week when he is in town so he has plenty of time for hobbies and whores. He has a minion one step below him (who is also a narc and I have no doubt steals from fuckwit) who hires people at as low a wage as possible and treats them like shit- can you say high turnover? Fuckwitā€™ higher level employees tend to have the personality of chumps and there is always a power over theme.

Did I mention his mother does his books for free and never questions any spending?

My kids used to work there so I have heard all the stories. I mean, who wouldnā€™t want to work for a boss that when the ac quits on a 100 degree day, comes marching into the warehouse to check the breaker kicking boxes and shouting f bombs because obviously the heat only effects him and it must have been a personal attack.

He makes noice of starting all kinds of businesses in Florida- it ā€˜lol never happen, he would have to work.

Jill
Jill
5 years ago
Reply to  Feelingit

FeelingIt.. Yup!!
I know exactly what you are describing. You can spend your entire life watching and trying to figure around a person who makes an entire life based on lying and from lying and manipulating. Heaven forbid you unwittingly wind up with one& have children with him.

left him at the airport
left him at the airport
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

We lived in a ā€œdevelopingā€ country, where the local rich people and expats have drivers, maids and nannies – and itā€™s considered normal!
Cheater had no real qualifications from his home country, and the only thing he had going for him in the country we were living in was the fact he could speak the language. So, he was like the ā€œgo betweenā€ for investors from his home country who wanted to invest in this countryā€™s booming business opportunities. He called himself a ā€œbusiness manā€, but he knew very little about business. Basically, he wanted to be the BIG MAN being driven around by drivers, making faux important calls from the back of the car, with local staff doing all of his dirty work. He felt powerful, and abused his perceived power. Talked down to local staff, who were the ones doing all of his dirty work. Made them work like dogs, and didnā€™t pay them properly. Rarely paid overtime. People there are poor, and accept bad working conditions because they need the money. He took advantage of them and did VERY LITTLE actual work himself.

I never knew much about his business because he kept a lot of it private. But during my snooping days, I uncovered a lot of dodgy things he was doing, like paying off people in power. I still donā€™t understand how he weaseled his way into the business world. He didnā€™t have the qualifications, the education, or the knowledge. He was just very CHARMING, and had an air about him – people ASSUMED he had money because of the way he carried himself. Heā€™s tall and very handsome, and used his looks to get his way. Very cunning indeed. Mind boggling!

It gets to me that heā€™s still over there using and abusing his staff. Hmmmm, I might have to make some calls to immigration ????

Caroline Bowman
Caroline Bowman
5 years ago

It isn’t South Africa is it? I live in Cape Town and it astounds me regularly how people who really and quite seriously believe themselves to be decent, moral, kind humans treat their staff like little more than slaves, with zero grasp or understanding of the realities of their lives. ”If they don’t like it they can leave”. Um, no they can’t. Unemployment is ridiculous, actual starvation and desperate poverty is widespread, so ”just leave” is not a realistic choice at all.

So PAY YOUR STAFF PROPERLY AND DO THE DECENT, HONEST THING. Contribute to pensions, ensure they have fair access to legal help. Seriously, it is a tiny fragment of the least we can do!!

left him at the airport
left him at the airport
5 years ago

No, itā€™s not SA. Heā€™ll never go back to his home country because he is a NOTHING there. And that what I meant to point out in relation to this topic of ā€œStupid Cheater Life Plansā€, because he intends to spend his whole life like that, living in that country, taking advantage of the poor, and continuing get around like the BIG MAN on campus. Heā€™s a would-be if he could-be. He needs to stay there, because he has nothing back in his home country, no qualifications. If he stays where he is, he can live like a KING. I hate it. For the people there, I hate it that they have to put up with yet another expat like him!

Jill
Jill
5 years ago

That is correct , ā€˜just leave ā€˜ is not an option for many,, here or there..& it is used as an excuse or a cop out by many ,, MANY who want to close their eyes and at the same time still be experts with their advice. just leave is the first option the hopeful option the option that doesnā€™t exist for many who are truly trapped.

Triumphafterterror
Triumphafterterror
5 years ago

Stupid cheater wanted to move to the coast for retirement so that he could open a fishing charter that catered only to firemen & cops. He canā€™t catch a fish in a pond to save his life, but SURE!! Weā€™ll invest our retirement into buying a boat & all the accompanying gear. But slow down, heā€™s stressed out NOW!! He needs a change NOW!!! So in what I now see as the pick me dance, I told him to quit his side job (my marriage is more important than $$!) and he also hated the family dog. Demanded that we got rid of it … so we got did. Turns out I should have gotten rid of stupid cheater (duh, right?) Never, EVER pick a man over a dog – especially one that is willing to take that dog away from his children. I donā€™t think theyā€™ll ever get over having to give their dog away. We went and got another one (weā€™ve always been a dog family), but they still talk about stupid cheater making them give their dog away.

Kibble-less
Kibble-less
5 years ago

Our dog (ex-cheater-troll’s favorite) died and we went through a pick me dance of sorts to get us the kind of dog he likes, and then he hated it, and surprisingly the new dog hated him too. Lesson learned, keep and trust the dog, ditch the cheater!

AllieCat
AllieCat
5 years ago

Mine wants me to give away our two very small dogs as well, because THEN he will be happy. With all his cheating and fake promises to change, why would I do something to devastate our kids when he always has one foot out the door? Never mind that while heā€™s constantly gone, they sit with me ON THE COUCH and donā€™t judge me when I watch HGTV.

MightyE
MightyE
5 years ago

ā€œNever pick a man over a dog.ā€ Words to live by!

lemonbirch
lemonbirch
5 years ago
Reply to  MightyE

I used to have a plaque on the wall that said:

“I got a dog for my husband. It was a fair trade.”

NotMyFault
NotMyFault
5 years ago
Reply to  lemonbirch

Love it!

Anewwoman
Anewwoman
5 years ago

Omg, my stupid cheater wanted to give our dog away too! What is that? She was a super-sweet golden retriever and about 12 at the time! I didnā€™t but considered it ā€œif that would make him happy and improve our marriage.ā€ On the upside, he did make ow and kids get rid of their guinea pigs when he moved in with them. What a prize she won in him.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  Anewwoman

ex had our cat put down before she was really ready to go. I let him do it because I didn’t want him to think I was picking the cat over him. Getting a dog instead was his idea. Thankfully he likes the dog. Dogs are better at worshiping their owners than cats. Cats make you earn it.

Newlady15
Newlady15
5 years ago
Reply to  Anewwoman

My ex took the dog( I encouraged it because i bought him the dog). He gave the dog away not even giving me a chance to say I would keep him( I would have). He was 11 and elderly for a daschund. I mourned the dog too.

Smart Woman
Smart Woman
5 years ago
Reply to  Newlady15

The only time my STBX cried was when he told me the children would never forgive me if I didnā€™t let him have the dog. The only time he showed any emotion I realise now was for himself! I shall miss the dog, heā€™s great, Mr Cheaterpants not so much.

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
5 years ago
Reply to  Anewwoman

He used to threaten me when my dog did anything wrong that my punishment was I’d have to go stay with my parents for 2 days. He’d yell now you need to leave for 2 days! As a married woman in my 30s and the co-owner of our house i was told I had a 2 day punishment. My dog was a polite sweet old man and a treasure on Earth. The other dog was his before we were married… that dog did things “wrong” too as dogs will do by accident (muddy paws, throwing up, and eating a snack off of a counter) but funny how that never lead to HIM being punished. I think he used the dog as a way to get me out of the way for 2 days of easy cheating. I found out not long after this that he had a howorker. Why else would I be getting banished for what our dog did?

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago

What a rotten bastard.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago

Why the hell can any person banish you from your own home? That’s crap, no matter the reason. He who doesn’t like the way things are here should leave. Adios, Dude, and leave the dog you like, too, he doesn’t need your crap either.

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
5 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Actually…..he should go and leave both dogs. He doesnā€™t deserve to own a dog……dick.
Iā€™m so happy you managed to escape him, but even prior to my 4 d days my ex knew better than to banish me from my home.
I hope you got both dogs AND the house from that asshole.
If any guy on this planet told me to leave my own house Iā€™d tell him to go fuck himself.

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago
Reply to  Anewwoman

They are jealous of animals because animals are far better people than they are.

Chickynot
Chickynot
5 years ago

Sociopaths donā€™t like pets because pets require empathy. ( A friend of mine made that observation about why our current prez doesnā€™t have pets, but it fits here).
About 15 years ago one of the family cats (that had been with me from single days) disappeared suddenly. X told me she must have run away or got hit by a car. Turns out later I found evidence that heā€™d dumped her off in a park somewhere because sheā€™d pee on the piles of dirty clothes the slob left on the floor. Trust that they suck!!

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago

Spot on.

Triumphafterterror
Triumphafterterror
5 years ago

This!! So funny & TRUE!! I think theyā€™re jealous of the attention the animals get. Takes away from SLL the focus being on them every second of every day!!

NotMyFault
NotMyFault
5 years ago

My ex actually scolded me for calling my son’s Golden Retriever and Yorkshire Terrier “babe”. Now I realize it reminded him of what he was calling someone else! Also, Sociopaths are weird near animals and small children…I think that they sense that small children and animals can detect their defects, falseness and insincerity. This is something that I always noticed about my ex, but, did not fit all the puzzle pieces together until the past two years. Oh, what an education it’s been!

Chumpantidote
Chumpantidote
5 years ago

Lol!! I sold my own home to give Cheater the stupid Cheater Life Plans ughhhh lol.
Yep Cheater’s first qualifications gained TICK. Cheater failed on THAT one because I didn’t SUPPORT it enough.
Wow hey?
Second quals mmm. SSDD. TICK.
Third excuse me while I vomit.
Repeat and INCREASE demands.
Tick tick ticking time bomb lol.

So while I’m raising all the children, working 24 / 7 and doing the laundry, I wasn’t supportive enough AGAIN for the amazing talent of Cheater head to write a world famous song. Whilst doing all the housework I had to listen to worse than a screeching cat voice and say 1000 x “oh that’s interesting!” I could barely lie.

Then the Cheater wanted me to pay for a 5 year uni course ahem AFTER D Day.
No way buddy.

But like every entitled lunatic Cheater THERE’S MORE!

Now Cheater wanted to travel the world doing card games. It had no job.

Good idea. FANTASTIC in fact. I’m done. Well and truly.

Dear Chumplady when will you write the romantic stories of how Schmoopie wives emasculate the Cheating husbands by having a JOB?

I guess they think kids eat air, dress in air lol and we pay for educations with air.

Yours in true admiration, CA.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumpantidote

Chumpantidote I sympathize. Mine was going to be the next John Denver. You should have HEARD that noise – Christ it would clear a blocked drainpipe at 100 metres. The real JD would have been turning in his grave.

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumpantidote

Iā€™m so sorry, this one really had me laughing!! I apologize, but what a loon!
Too bad the world was robbed of the EPIC song, that would of also made millions!
Hmm, how about work, while you write the song? Tons of waiters and taxi drivers did this, oh yeah, itā€™s way easier to let the Chump work, she likes to do that!
Life plans that donā€™t work…

Creativerational
Creativerational
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumpantidote

Card games? Like playing poker? Or like magic tricks? or making money off uno somehow ? or selling decks of a game he invented ? This is crazy.

Kibble-less
Kibble-less
5 years ago

Damn, stole my retirement idea, playing cards…oh right, Everyone does that at retirement homes, its called Recreational Coordinator

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
5 years ago

Leaving the job we had moved for (and the income we had based purchasing our house on) to start his own practice. He hired a dishonest office manager, spent our money to start, took out a loan on my minivan (without telling me, of course) to keep it afloat. Got me to work there, for free. Worked there himself, for free (ā€œearnedā€ $10K over a 3 year period). Sold the business to his previous group, at a loss. Paid the final tail insurance by taking money from youngestā€™s college fund. To this day, maintains that itā€™s all okay, because we only lost $55K of our own money (that doesnā€™t account for any of the free labor – at market rates, $300K x3 yearā€™s… you get the idea.) It has taken years to recover financially. And I know Iā€™m ā€œlucky,ā€ because some people lose everything.ā€
Thanks for the reminder. Seriously, I sometimes, somehow forget this stuff. Not that he isnā€™t an awful person on a regular basis, but it is always good to look at the account books.

Not2DaySatan
Not2DaySatan
5 years ago

So the saddest part of this admission is that my lifeā€™s stock in a company I gave to the cheater actually planned out well. Very very well. 12 years ago he came to me with a business opportunity he wanted to persue with someone he worked with. After much MUCH deliberation I cashed in my stock options and write a huge ass check to him. He was so happy and nearly tore the check he grabbed it up so fast. 2 weeks later the partner left with $50K. More than his share and ALL of mine. ????????ā€ā™€ļø But. Cheater was convinced and convinced me too WE could forge ahead. And forge ahead we did. For 12 solid years. I was his main source of office support. I worked my day job in a doctors office and came home to pay bills, invoice customers and balance books. I took night classes at our local adult ed community centers to help further MY knowledge of HIS DREAM. His dream became my dream. I quit MY DREAM 2 years into it. 5 years into that and much major growth by then, he cheated on me with the bookkeeping I was able to hire. And I took him back after he discarded me and slept with half the city while he was on wifey vaca for 7 months. When we got back together, his stipulation was that I get out of our business bc it was ā€œkilling our marriage and (he) wants out marriage to work out so badly.ā€ Fast forward 7 more years (we have been married for 20 years) and he cheats on me with a 25 year old outside vendor that works in his industry. Yup, theyā€™ve gone one 4 vacations together..all paid by vendors and our bueisness. And here I sit, heā€™s been gone for 6 months, and Iā€™m struggling to get my licenses back so I can go back into my fir,ed of work…. do you k ow how difficult it is to get back into any field when youā€™ve retired your credentials for 4 years and havenā€™t been in it longer than that? Meanwhile, our business has grown to over 250 employees, and heā€™s living the life…… the life I apparently canā€™t keep up with bc I dim his light. He goes around saying Iā€™m the one who cheated….Iā€™ve done my part in the sharing process….much to my dismay. But itā€™s done. My only restitution is that my attorney will get me a great settle,ent based off that business and Iā€™ve been a stay at home mom for the last 7 years.
So, thereā€™s that at least.

TorontoChump
TorontoChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Not2DaySatan

What a terrible human! I hope you get a huge settlement. Xox

Out West
Out West
5 years ago

I donā€™t live on that planet because I donā€™t engage AT ALL. I read CL early in the process and am no contact except for custody or illness and injury of kids.

That being said, he has always fancied himself a race car driver and spend lots of time at the track. He and a buddy (cheater McCrazy) have invested in a local track and store cars there etc. It has ā€˜living spaceā€™ which allows them to keep up their lifestyle. Iā€™m sure they are both continuing to use ā€˜escortsā€™ even though they are both still with the AP. Vomit.

Pret
Pret
5 years ago

Cheater ex came up with these gems when I found out about affair:

1) We could continue to live in the same house. He would live in the basement and daughter and I would live upstairs. ( this is the sweet deal mistress had going on with her hubby). No thanks… next
2) I could move to another state like I wanted. He would continue to pay health care and car insurance. I could come back in 1-2 years. Uhh… no thanks… next
3) Fine if I felt I needed to go, but could I find a house with a basement so he could stay with me when he came to visit daughter? Oh and could we go out to breakfast as a family?
4) I voted for fuck you and No Contact… thanks.

PrisonChump
PrisonChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Pret

Yup mine tried to pull #1 during what I thought was a reconciliation. Fortunately I caught on quick and kicked him out two days later.

Dixie Cruise
Dixie Cruise
5 years ago
Reply to  Pret

Wait and see how much help precious Schmoops gives them. Turns out they are often not so interested in providing a free basement either … that was YOUR job. Ha Ha Ha … amusing to think of them scrambling around trying to recapture that happy situation they thought would last forever.

Born Free
Born Free
5 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Cruise

Basement living just like at mum & dad’s

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  Pret

Mine wanted to share the house and the apartment and we would just swap every other week. No thanks. Even aside from not wanting to live by myself (he had schmoopie, I had nobody at that time) in a studio apartment every week, I told him I had no desire to co own a house with him anymore.

Born Free
Born Free
5 years ago

Wha? You declined to clean & grocery shop for TWO houses for him? How selfish …

Pucksmuse
Pucksmuse
5 years ago
Reply to  Pret

Why would you come back in 1-2 years if you’d taken the time to move?

Pret
Pret
5 years ago
Reply to  Pucksmuse

So he would have time to play house with the mistress and have me as Plan B. Mistress had 2 kids with a very involved father. Ex barely acknowledged his own kid when we were married. I asked him if he realized that he was going to try to parent another manā€™s teenage son. ā€œI didnā€™t think that far aheadā€…. have at it cowboy. His lease is up this August…maybe her divorce is final as well. I smell ā€œItā€™s time for us to move in together and be a happy familyā€ says mistress turned girlfriend hoping to turn wife…

OhHellNo
OhHellNo
5 years ago
Reply to  Pret

Pret, my cheater expects the same. Can’t we just cohabitate, it would be soooo much easier?! Only pay one rent and utilities bill, and then he could see the children more. (ie. whenever it’s convenient for him, and so he doesn’t have to do any adulting/scheduling/driving) What’s the big deal? Lots of couples divorce amicably! Why can’t we celebrate birthdays and holidays together?!

Because — no more cake for you, motherfucker! You don’t even deserve the crumbs.

sigh I was at meh just moments ago before typing that. Need to take a few deep breaths and get back to that wonderful land.

chump-pin
chump-pin
5 years ago
Reply to  OhHellNo

Whoreface, just in the last month, asked if I would be willing to let her come live at the house one-week on and one-week off. See, she currently lives with her mom rent free in another City, and I have the kids full-time currently and she “misses” them.

So, if I got this straight, you want to live in the house for free where I still pay the entire mortgage and all the bills and then you will also live at your mom’s for free. Meanwhile, I continue to pay the whole mortgage while living there on half time, and then I get to incur a new expense of paying for some studio that I will live in for only half time.

And, wait, this deal gets better! When the house is finally sold, even though you won’t let me reduce the sale price to a reasonable level because you insist that if I do, you won’t sign any escrow papers, you still get half the profits while currently not assuming any of the risk or maintenance costs.

Tell you what, why don’t you get a job, rent a studio yourself, and we will see about you seeing the kids more.

I am really starting to understand the sickness of a cheater’s entitlement.

PianoMom
PianoMom
5 years ago
Reply to  chump-pin

BINGO! THIS! When my brother passed away, I had to handle his estate, clear out his side of the duplex we had owned with him, make repairs, hire a painter and carpet/flooring installers, hold a garage sale, make several visits to the landfill with his final belongings (amidst tears of grief), arrange with realtors to find suitable tenants, pay the entire mortgage, taxes and interest payment out of life insurance funds left to me, all while ding-dong was off doing ‘hot yoga’ and jazz gigs. Then he expects to be bought out for half the equityWITHOUT having to take a hit on the $15K I spent investing in the property before it was rented. Luckily the judge agreed. Half the expenses were deducted from the equity in the property. But it just shows, cheaters feel they are entitled to everything, even if they haven’t worked or invested themselves in anything. Reminds me of all the losers in the story of Chicken Little.

Pret
Pret
5 years ago
Reply to  OhHellNo

Lol…. mine wanted to stay married and do the above things. He didnā€™t want a divorce, just a separation. Feel like being Plan B,C and D? They deserve nothing and hopefully thatā€™s exactly what theyā€™ll get… with whip cream and cherry on top!

PianoMom
PianoMom
5 years ago
Reply to  Pret

Hah! What is it with these sick bastards? Mine said we could split our duplex between us and he could live next door to be there to “make dinner and mow the lawn with the boys” then 14 and 11. The mediator we were working with at the time said, “Uh, that would be rather unhealthy, cheater-ex,” and the lawyer I was working with to settle my brother’s estate (who passed away while fuckwit was carrying on his affair and who used to own the duplex with us and lived next door) said, “Your ex has rocks in his head if he thinks that’s a good idea.”

Khris
Khris
5 years ago
Reply to  Pret

My ex wanted to do the same thing. We would continue to live together, raise the kids together but live separate lives! Oh, and I get to pay all the bills just like before so there “really wouldn’t be any change at home for the sake of the kids”. It was total cake on her part.

Fortunately I had already found CL and CN so the fast answer to this was no, not going to happen.

Kurleegirl
Kurleegirl
5 years ago
Reply to  Khris

Mine actually suggested this in an open forum where the court gave us another lawyer to mediate a settlement before going before the judge later that morning. He wanted me to ask my tenant who lives in the basement to leave so he and Schmoopie could move in…for the sake of the kids of course. Thankfully, his lawyer was the first to object….God, we canā€™t make this garbage up. Previously, his dream to provide better for his kids was to win the lottery…

Not2DaySatan
Not2DaySatan
5 years ago

So the saddest part of this admission is that my lifeā€™s stock in a company I gave to the cheater actually panned out well. Very very well. 12 years ago he came to me with a business opportunity he wanted to persue with someone he worked with. After much MUCH deliberation I cashed in my stock options and wrote a huge ass check to him. He was so happy and nearly tore the check he grabbed it up so fast. 2 weeks later the partner left with $50K. More than his share and ALL of mine. ????????ā€ā™€ļø But. Cheater was convinced, and convinced me too, WE could forge ahead. And forge ahead we did. For 12 solid years. I was his main source of office support. I worked my day job in a doctors office and came home to pay bills, invoice customers and balance books as well as our normal life responsibilities. I took night classes at our local adult ed community centers to help further MY knowledge of HIS DREAM. His dream became my dream. I quit MY DREAM 2 years into it. 5 years into that and much major growth by then, he cheated on me with the bookkeeper I was able to hire. And I took him back after he discarded me and slept with half the city while he was on ā€œwifey vacaā€ for 7 months. When we got back together, his stipulation was that I get out of our business bc it was ā€œkilling our marriage and (he) wants our marriage to work out so badly.ā€ Fast forward 7 more years (we have been married for 20 years) and he cheats on me with a 25 year old outside vendor that works in his industry. Yup, theyā€™ve gone on 4 vacations together..all paid by vendors and our bueisness. And here I sit, heā€™s been gone for 6 months, and Iā€™m struggling to get my licenses back so I can go back into my field of work…. do you know how difficult it is to get back into any field when youā€™ve retired your credentials for 4 years and havenā€™t been in it longer than that? Meanwhile, our business has grown to over 250 employees, and heā€™s living the life…… the life I apparently canā€™t keep up with bc I dim his light. He goes around saying Iā€™m the one who cheated….Iā€™ve done my part in the sharing process….much to my dismay. But itā€™s done. My only restitution is that my attorney will get me a great settlement based off that business and that Iā€™ve been a stay at home mom for the last 7 years finding it terribly difficult to find a sustainable job after giving up my career so HE can fly in his. Pillar of the community heā€™s called. The next up in commer that say. Such as outstanding individual the deam. Look what HE made HIS company into, isnā€™t he impressive?
So, thereā€™s that at least.

Lady B
Lady B
5 years ago
Reply to  Not2DaySatan

What a user. I hope you get a great settlement and you can do all the things YOU want to do. Onwards and upwards.

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago
Reply to  Not2DaySatan

I hope your lawyer goes for the jugular. You can enjoy your settlement and not have to worry about being associated with a business that is very likely to be run into the ground.

Not2DaySatan
Not2DaySatan
5 years ago

Me too.

Alice
Alice
5 years ago
Reply to  Not2DaySatan

I feel you on staying home to support him and then finding it impossible to find work afterwards….

Not2DaySatan
Not2DaySatan
5 years ago
Reply to  Alice

So frustrating

Ugh no...
Ugh no...
5 years ago

My cheater was an aspiring rock star who left me in order to continue tearing through the great American songbook , ruining every single tune you ever held dear , singing off key cover versions with his beloved schmoopie.
In retrospect , Iā€™m more upset that they destroyed perfectly good music and spent hours in a Dunning Kruger circle jerk Facebook group blathering about how talented they were.
It was a place all failed, sad , old droopy musical failures went to die and pretend they had all finally ā€œmade itā€.
Vomit.
Ps- ex was venomous when he realized he needed to finally get his shit together and buckle down at his real job in order to make his alimony and child support payments. His schmoopie continues to pretend sheā€™s a withered Marianne Faithful…

TKO
TKO
5 years ago
Reply to  Ugh no...

Dunning-Krueger. Had never heard of this so I looked it up. What a perfect description of my FIL! How many times have I struggled to describe just how much his arrogance is only possible because of his ignorance, and his ignorance remains unaltered because of his arrogance! And the condition has an official name!

And having looked up Marriane Faithfull (very funny reference btw) I then went in a roundabout way onto the namesake of Masochism and learning about the Byronic Hero. Very interesting jaunt through Wikipedia links for a Friday morning.

Thanks for your post. The references, once I understood them, made it both a perfect picture and a hilarious rip on your cheater and his schmoopie. Well done!

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
5 years ago
Reply to  TKO

Yeah, it’s really funny how these fools think that they and their Schmoopies are all so unique and special; then you look closely and they’re all characters in various comic operas and Shakespearean dramas.

Close the curtains!!

Born Free
Born Free
5 years ago
Reply to  Soldiering On

Exit stage left!

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago

Oh yes, the plotting and planning that went into his escape, i mean his”new job.” Then after securing housing and cars(all to his benefit) he decided to blow up his family’s life. He got everything he wanted and guess what? He is complaining about how unhappy he is. What an asshole.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
5 years ago

That’s the constant, they never stop complaining.
No Contact, the path to the truth and the light is also the path to peace and good sleep.

Alice
Alice
5 years ago

So mine may not sound as stupid as others, but he used to work in hospitality, specifically in hotels, and not in the dirty behind the scenes parts of hotels but in the front office…. anyway he got it into his head that he wanted to buy a pub… you see his cousin had bought a pub and was happy and doing well and anything the cousin can do he can obviously do better right? Nope. Pubs are not like offices, they are dirty and hard work. Even when we used to work in a hotel together I used to work in the pub, doing the dirty work, the heavy lifting, the stacking and unstacking, the washing up and all the rest of it. He worked on his little computer in the front office and occasionally helped me to change over a keg.

So directly after leaving me, he and Shmoopie signed on the dotted line to create a partnership. She mortgaged her house to the absolute hilt and they bought a pub in their town. Sounds like cheater is going to drive off into the sunset living his little cheater dreams right? I thought so, I spent a good few months having to get to MEH about it all, but in the end I did.

A year, almost to the day that he left me and only 7 months after he took ownership of the pub it burnt down. It was a charred wreck. 4 months later Cheater-pants was arrested for arson, endangering life (because there were people upstairs asleep when it burnt), fraud, conspiracy to commit fraud. He was one of 5, he had recruited his best friend to find some guys to beat him up and burn it down for the insurance money….

Right up until literally the night before trial he was telling anyone who would listen that he is innocent. His poor mother was beside herself, she spent months fretting over him and paying his legal bills. The day of the trial we all hear that he has changed his plea to guilty. He’s going to spend the next few years in prison…. couldn’t have happened to a nicer person….

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
5 years ago
Reply to  Alice

Does shmoopie put money into his prison account for essentials like drugs, paying Bubba off not to become his “girlfriend?”

Chickynot
Chickynot
5 years ago
Reply to  Alice

OMG, Alice, your arsonist cheater wins the sociopath award, or at least a spot on the podium!

Ladystrange
Ladystrange
5 years ago
Reply to  Alice

WOW! I love hearing about success stories! (KARMA asshole!)

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  Alice

I love that Karma happened to him, but I am also relieved that nobody got hurt or killed or this wouldn’t be such a great story.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
5 years ago
Reply to  Alice

Alice, I think this is the best story I’ve ever read here. OMG, I feel all warm inside just thinking about it.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  Alice

Ha! In a lesser way, my ex did the thing with wife #3 (16 on their wedding day less than two years after wife #1, me, divorced him, and he was 30) that he had always wanted me to do and I always refused because it was clear it couldn’t succeed. Long story short, it fell into pieces, literally, taking the entire investment it took to build it downriver with it. I only know because he blogged it.

Oh, but I was such a wet blanket for not “believing in him”. They always equate the lack of willingness to dive headfirst into the proverbial meat grinder with not believing in them personally, as though the only way to demonstrate true loyalty would be to volunteer for death. Marriage terrorism.

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago
Reply to  Alice

And they would have gotten away with it too if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids! Sorry, i just love all the completely idiotic ideas that ows and spouses come up with. Two heads are not better than one in their case.

Dixie Cruise
Dixie Cruise
5 years ago

Scooby AND Boy George … you guys are great!!!

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
5 years ago

Scooby for the win!

AwakeningDreamer
AwakeningDreamer
5 years ago

Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon
He burned it down
Right to the grooound
Life isnā€™t easy when you have to run on your own steam
Goodbye Pub dream goodbye Pub Dream

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
5 years ago

I’ve read this probably ten times and am literally LOL hearing it play inside my head. Ha!

Kibble-less
Kibble-less
5 years ago

yes I just sang this in my head, twice!

Creativerational
Creativerational
5 years ago

Just made my day.

Nikita
Nikita
5 years ago

Raising quail, building a haybale house, smuggling cigarettes, etc…all pipe dreams on my dime. Thank god I never did any of it. But I came close! I get shivers when I think of all the money I almost lost. Happily I plunked it all down on real estate that doubled in value in a few years. He is still living off public assistance. With a new victim…er… girlfriend and their 6 month old baby. I feel so sorry for the child and the mother too who must be losing her mind living with a violent psychopath. Single life is the best!

wcchump
wcchump
5 years ago
Reply to  Nikita

Smuggling cigarettes..maybe he watched “Beverly Hills Cop” one too many times.

Dagger76
Dagger76
5 years ago

Not a lofty life plan but she went to hsor school when we first got together. I paid for books . Looked after my step daughter.
She of course after a frw months working promptly switched jobs. Then back to it. Then switch jobs.
When i decided to move my business to anothet smaller town she worried whst shed do. So i told her to follow her desier to be a barber and id set her up in my shop. Family business!
Long story short. She found a place she could learn(franchise mall barber shop aka mens salon) but liked it mich more than the thought of moving. Few hiccups in the job in my shop was up on the air but the move was better for our family i thought
Anyway. Stepping on toes in our new town i decided her happiness was paramount and the business in my business was a go. She was pushing me to get iy started borrowed money from her brother. Did all the work to get it done. I was so proud! She would tell people when they asked how it was working with your husband that ‘if i didnt want to see him everyday i wouldnt have married him”
Her part of the business started in febuary 2016. I went away im may and she cheated. Stating when i finally found out she was unhappy. Not in love. BEEN FEELING THIS WAY FOR YEARS DESIRING TO LEAVE FOR A LONG TIME!
needless yo say she moved immexiatky and back at her mens franchise salon life.
I dont even know to this day why she’d either start a business with someone she clearly jad no desire to be with or at thst point gaslight when all evidence was to the contrary .all i know it cost me a lot

Dagger76
Dagger76
5 years ago
Reply to  Dagger76

Sorry for the spelling!

TorontoChump
TorontoChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Dagger76

Thatā€™s okay. It read it as, ā€œshe went to hor school,ā€ and I thought that sounded about right….

2nd Gen Chump
2nd Gen Chump
5 years ago
Reply to  Dagger76

There are times when passion precludes accuracy, and telling stories of fuckwits is one of them. ????

Nejla
Nejla
5 years ago

Well, I mentioned the golf course plans the other day. He also had a wonderful idea to open a soccer shop (until I confronted him post DDay about his sham carreer in Merry Ole as a ā€œprofessional striker underneath Ian Wrightā€ his con with most people was that ā€œprofessional strikerā€ was his first gig until a knee injury), but really had no skills as a business owner let alone starter! He couldnā€™t even get himself out of bed most days to go to his real job! And it was a job in an artistic environment he could have moved up in if he wanted to. Ugh. Really a big part of all these fantasies was responding to my supportiveness….me-ā€œwell, that is a great idea! Letā€™s focus on getting out of debt/get you some business classes/write a business plan/put something down on paperā€…followed by his disgust with me for even making the suggestions. His response was always, ā€œI have no time because of the job I have now.ā€-followed by a lot of huffing and puffing and mean looks to me. I got wise to this process and stopped offering suggestions because it was just excuse to blame me for his current life. But I was always verbally supportive and inwardly terrified that he would just quit his job one day. I allowed him to be ā€œthe bossā€ of our family, and it was a huge mistake. I had never been a person comfortable with debt and within a very short time in our relationship he had me saddled with it.
Actor, photographer, web business were otherā€™s he knew he could do and would be great at doing but never took steps towards them. In the last couple years of the 10 year marriage he added jobs out of the country in his current field to the mix. Then the red flags really started smacking me in the face but I STILL spackled.
I can say that I can actually laugh about it now. My life after 2 years and change from DDay, a divorce, a new home, and no debt is truly wonderful now. I wish that for all of us at CN!

JC
JC
5 years ago

We moved across the country together when we were engaged. (She had wanted to live in this city her entire life). She said we should “just get jobs as waiters or bartenders until we land on our feet.” As two late-20s professionals with graduate degrees (and she had an engineering license), this was patently ridiculous.

I’d never waited tables or tended bar a day in my life. She’d barely bartended for a year, and she waited tables at a Greek diner as a teenager.

I have total respect for the service industry, but it looks like hard work, and work that one can’t just simply jump into at 29 years old and assume you’ll make any sort of decent living, given you’re competing against people who’ve been doing it since they were we’re 15 years old. Who in the world would hire me to tend bar?

And we were moving to one of the most affluent places in the world, where housing costs were forcing people with these exact jobs to to move away.

I insisted that at least one of us have a full-time professional job in our chosen field. We lucked out and BOTH got such jobs.

Crisis averted. But it was a red flag that I didn’t see: wife was BIG on fun and getting what she wanted, and LOW on responsibility and maintaining what she’d built (in this case, her career). How d’ya think those traits played out five years later?

Free Vix
Free Vix
5 years ago
Reply to  JC

Have a career!…No! Wait tables…wait no, career!…No, wait, quit the career!

Have a boyfriend, then have a husband! Wait…no. Have a boyfriend again, and a husband. No, wait…wait husband! No husband, but…boyfriend!

Have a baby!….NO wait, panic! No baby….wait, YES baby!

It seems like stupid life ā€œplansā€ might be a little too sophisticated for our exes. They mostly careen from one shiny object to the next.

Doingme
Doingme
5 years ago

In 2000 while I was in my last year of graduate studies doing massive clinical hours he up and moved to Florida to be a bartender and get a job while living off my brother.

He was supposed to send money. I lost my home as he couldnā€™t pass drug tests. I lost my home and was forced to move there.

He decided he wanted to set up a business renting beach chairs and umbrellas. He was making under a hundred dollars a week and quit every job because of his back problems.

He was a bar back. He decided that he had supported me an now it was my turn to support him. He never made any money and I moved back north after he told me someone st work missed him.

Qwerty3.14
Qwerty3.14
5 years ago

During my divorce, I was clearing his paperwork off the counter and found a MLS sheet for a property on the other side of town (near MOW) and an earnest money check. So I called him to ask if he was moving. I got a song and a dance then, but two hours later when I was at work HE called ME begging me to call his lender and agree to cosign on the loan. See, he found this house “for us!” I laughed and hung up the phone.

Sep
Sep
5 years ago

The cookie cutter behaviour astonishes me – so right on the mark again. I always thought my cheater was uniquely crazy but this shows again that he was not. My cheater wanted me to leave with him – buy a sailing boat and go on a trip around the world. Stupid me saw no possibility at all with 2 kids on the brink of puberty and going to secondary school. Fast forward – and yes, he is with schmoopie on a boat on the other side of the world. She had the answer to the problem… she left her kid. Funny how this never entered my mind.

GracieD
GracieD
5 years ago
Reply to  Sep

My ex donkey, whose only sea faring experience was the ferry secretly used the kids school fees for a skipper course. Schmoopies husband was an under water photographer, and they planned to steal his boat and sail to the Greek Islands.

When I found out I snarkily asked if she was going to sell seashells to tourists – the look on his face said ‘yes’. But he would bartend and teach English! It didn’t happen, yachts are trackable and I doubt they could have got out of the harbour between them! Too bad, I’d still be laughing.

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago
Reply to  GracieD

These bitches are always plotting to steal something. Kids, money, husbands,wives, sailboats,houses,ideas,personalities…

Qwerty3.14
Qwerty3.14
5 years ago

The day after I filed for divorce, he booked a trip to Mexico. The week before departure day he asked me to join him….he said he thought we’d work everything out and this trip would be “for us.” I stared at his two heads and thought riiight! GF must not have a passport. I’m a last minute fill in…and can pay 1/2. (Did he request time off from my work? Arrange week long care for child? Nope.) He left a day before the flight (found ticket later), sent one smug selfie from the plane, and returned two days after he flew back. Later I found (in plain sight) a cute picture of him and MOW in a restaurant with MY name. I outed them to her husband after that.

hollowbunny
hollowbunny
5 years ago

Entitled risk takers make decent entrepreneurs. They donā€™t take a business no as a final answer and thatā€™s exciting, and not something I can do. The only downside is that they love to hear how awesome they are and how rich theyā€™ll get, and how theyā€™re the only one getting in on this deal and can get conned easily. When he surrounded himself with fake ass kissers things werenā€™t great ā€œhollowbunny is such a judgy bitch!ā€ financially, which was where the married coworker entered, on cue, mouth and legs open. It was easier to find someone to tell him he was awesome than to actually have to do the hard work to be awesome. Mommy said so. As easy as walking out the front door. He didnā€™t view ow at 50 with 4 kids, crap education and a letā€™s say dynamic past, relationship-wise, as someone to take along on his rocket-like rise to riches, but not NOT telling her made her an enthusiastic blow job giving pencil pushing fucked-herself-to-the-middle dirty secret. Plus she was married, so discreet. He thought. He was also dead broke, but this wasnā€™t the time for truth telling where a swallower was concerned. Lies for everyone! You get a lie! You get a lie! The people he brought around who I didnā€™t trust, werenā€™t trustworthy – obvs I have a blind spot, a big one. When I was a partner in decision making both on paper and for realz ā€œI trust this one, heā€™s not making empty promisesā€ things went really well. Really really well. Which was where it all was when I found out about her, well after the fact and with her long gone and his guilt having put everything in my name. So the ow, now on to other penises, was sucking the wrong teat and had to get multiple jobs to support her family since her husband is a teacher. I would feel bad for him but he had already been her om (she was married to his fucking brother) and he knew about the affair and didnā€™t tell me, over a year before. The lifestyle she thought I was leading and sucked so hard to get is the one Iā€™m leading now. Bwahahaha. Amazing what can be accomplished when youā€™re not busy wiping your mouth and icing your knees. Is that too harsh?

TaraBelle
TaraBelle
5 years ago
Reply to  hollowbunny

????????ā¤ļø brilliant. Love it. #teamgirl

lemonbirch
lemonbirch
5 years ago
Reply to  hollowbunny

OMG HB, that read is a coffee-spewer extraordinaire!

Luziana
Luziana
5 years ago

I really have to idea as to Cold Slab Oā€™Meatā€™s current level of Life Satisfaction, we donā€™t talk. He could be blissfully happy in his shitty apartment by the freeway and having ended up in a family of convenience WITH the Sluterus and Adultery Baby after fighting with her over custody and CS for three years. While living with a third woman and Insta Family.

They could have finally inherited money from his father, for whom this fifty year old manā€™s affection was limited to Waiting for You to Die so I can Inherit Money. He wanted this.

They could be awash in friends and invites. From people who donā€™t know how their child was conceived. But probably not. The man never left the house to meet friends in the entire time I knew him. Near the end he left the house to fuck Schmoopie. According to 3rd Chick, he did the same with her. He only had her friends by association.

They could be traveling the word. Nope. Probably not. Because of paying Child Support he never had money according to 3rd Chick and it was a source of tension.

He could have promotions and a great new career. Maybe. Going to all those internal interviews with untucked wrinkled button ups from WalMart and badmouthing his supervisors constantly and never completing the goals from his evaluations year to year probably impressed dozens! As well as conducting a workplace affair that resulted in a pregnancy and divorce.

But I doubt it.

He could have a better relationship with his older daughter. But since his workplace capers caused him to lose custody and begin paying CS to his other ex wife, and she hates the Sluterus, I doubt it.

One of the best things about No Contact is I donā€™t really know. I do get told stuff occasionally and at one point I had questions of my own. I feel like I got enough answers to establish I Matter Only to Me. Heā€™s got a Bad Life Choice Pattern going on and I was just one float in the Interchangeable Lego Lady Parade.

kiwichump
kiwichump
5 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

“The man never left the house to meet friends in the entire time I knew him.”
Mine too, must be a red flag.

chutesandladders
chutesandladders
5 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

“Waiting for [Parents] to Die so I can Inherit Money” was my X’s retirement plan for both of us (so he said/lied), even when my business was in the black and every year I wanted to add to an IRA.

So I never saved for retirement, and when his parents died and left him millions, he and his sister secretly created a trust so I couldn’t benefit from it.

Luziana
Luziana
5 years ago

I am so sorry. Cold Slab has a pension from the bank, but after he burned through 7k in our money he couldnā€™t access any of mine. And his dadā€™s home is the main asset. He used to quote how much that was, at least 349k quid! All.the.time. But he would be sharing that with several siblings.And used to speculate with his brother how they could cut their sister out.

His biggest agitas was when his widowed dad got a girlfriend and he was afraid his dad would leave her the house. Sight and meet unseen in the states, he declared her a ā€˜Specky (spectacled, wearing glasses) Old Bag and refused to say hello on the phone.

This I remind you was a 50 year old man angry that his aged dad wouldnā€™t die alone. Jesus they have no bottom, do they? It sucks when they win.

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
5 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

Yup. I’ve come to realize my dignity and self worth are more important than financial security. But how much easier it would be to not have that stress.

Digbert
Digbert
5 years ago

Thankfully I never invested in a business with him but I commuted several hours a day (2 hrs each way) for years to be the main bread winner so he could pursue his dream job and I had given up my dream job by then too cos we needed a decent well paying job to get a mortgage.

After being blindsided by D Day he cited that he wanted to move away / change jobs he HATED his job – the was no OW!!!!!!!!

That was 2011 – heā€™s still in the same job – living closer to his parents ( that he hated and visited 2 times a year) and our visa approval for emigrating to another country came through 6 mths after he left ( yeah he would have been happy abroad in Canada ) he said ā€œ we would have probably never gone anywayā€

Yes, he was correct, I had left for another country halfway around the world by then.

He was a dreamer – I have endless stories of his failed career launches or business ideas – when I meet couples and I can tell they are married to a ā€œ dreamerā€ I wish I could tell them to run for the hills – thereā€™s loads of them out there – including my poor sister.

wcchump
wcchump
5 years ago

The cheater always had big fantasies about real estate. Places that were on 20+ acres or more, usually on some rural mountain road. And the conversation would go.
Him – looks it’s so cheap and it has a view.
Me- But it doesn’t have a useable kitchen, furnace, bathroom…
Him- But just look at the view
Me – It’s at least an hour the grocery store, etc.
Him – We’ll be able to see the stars at night. We can have more than one dog.
And it would go on.. I think you get the idea. It never mattered that I would be the one isolated in these places, alone all day at home trying to cope with everything while he went to work. There was always this grand fantasy.

One of my favorites was his plan to sell all his stuff keeping only the essentials that would fit in a grocery cart and live on the beach in Florida. But he soon realized he wouldn’t have anyone to cook meals or do his laundry and at some point he may even have to get a job again.

Those damn practicalities of life get in the way every time. ????

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  wcchump

Also, if a person can get you isolated, it gives that person an advantage. It can be an orange flag if a person constantly pushes for isolation that you clearly don’t want.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
5 years ago
Reply to  wcchump

Mine did this too so when he left I thought for sure he was destined for the wide open acreage of rural life.

Nope he moved just a few streets over so he can continue to do drive bys.
Damn, he couldn’t even get moving out right.

soveryshocked
soveryshocked
5 years ago

Cheater ex was always outraged that he didn’t make it as an actor, that was his dream. He still thinks it might happen (he is 57, and fully employed doing other stuff, but gets involved with a few no-budget projects). He thinks he is pretty hot, and doesn’t need to improve his appeal for his any-moment acting career by dying the grey out of his hair or whitening his yellowing teeth (why should he? he is perfect right?) but he is outraged if an old local-town-theatre colleague doesn’t seek him out to offer him a role. Life fantasy + outrage, perfect narc salad. Funny thing is he makes a great living as a corporate consultant, but you know, never satisfied…..

I guess we now know that acting/film is a profession where narcissists hang out.

Mandie101
Mandie101
5 years ago

Plan 1 : singer song writer and producer. He claims that I drove him to it! One of his songs was about a girl with a heavy tongue who was in love with him.

Plan 2: a line of sauces. He wanted someone to develop the recipe for him and he’d slap a label on. He asked prior to leaving if I wanted to be his lawyer for the venture. I replied that a c- class lawyer wouldn’t do for him . ( He had said I’d make a c-class lawyer) he replied my loss. I turned and conserved the air in my lungs. It is a sin to argue with fools.

Plann3: be awesome and rich without the children and I.

None of those projects have come too much.

Mandie101
Mandie101
5 years ago
Reply to  Mandie101

4) Borrowed US 10 000 from my retired father to ‘complete house’ without telling me. Told me he had borrowed US 5000. Never completed house.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
5 years ago
Reply to  Mandie101

A girl with a heavy tongue?

Gosh, who can’t relate to that?
Let me get my lighter, it’s like Freebird all over again here.

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
5 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

OMG, AOoK, that made me laugh every til I coughed!!!
????????????????????????????

cashmere
cashmere
5 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

OMG, AOoK, you are the best. This cracked me up. ????

Kathleen
Kathleen
5 years ago

My ex wasnā€™t interested in opening a business.. too lazy. Mentioned to me when he retires wants to move to a warm climate & ride his motorcycle 7 days a week.

Vomit ????

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
5 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

Cheer up! Motorcycle riders have a very high mortality rate!

Kathleen
Kathleen
5 years ago
Reply to  Soldiering On

Soldiering On

Thatā€™s so funny!! ????????????

Wishful thinking on my part ????
(Terrible I know..,but?)

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
5 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

I know, I know; but it’s only thoughts, right? We can forgive ourselves for our thoughts if we don’t tamper with the brakes or something. Right???

Langele
Langele
5 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

Stbxh thought getting a motor home and living in mh parks all around the country was the way to go.

No thanks.

Kiminator
Kiminator
5 years ago
Reply to  Langele

Yes. Mr. Clean wanted the RV too. Made no sense. We fought all the time, when I would try to defend myself from his narc abuse, (not possible). Finally, I just avoided him as much a I could. I sure. didn’t want to be trapped. in a small. metal box with him!

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
5 years ago

Narkles the Clown still harbors dreams of giving seminars to others on how to do what he does as a living. As a matter of fact I was told upon confrontation that I had it all wrong, that the Flying Whore was helping him with this. She was going to manage the bookings and the set up while he gave the seminars. She even set one up at her place of business where they paid for his travel and a nominal fee. Her email to the employees gushed about how this was an exciting opportunity as Narkles the Clown is renowned and respected in his field and usually charges $600 a person for these seminars. I’m sure the look on my face when I read that was priceless, had anyone been there to see it.

In the story he told me he was going to charge $1000 a person and the hotels would give him a cut of the bookings related to his seminars. That was nearly three years ago. As far as I know the seminars section of his website still says “coming soon”

Nejla
Nejla
5 years ago

I told my golf course plans the other day…opening a soccer store, becoming an actor and more specifically a ā€œheavyā€ in mob movies (this one brings me many chuckles now-some guy from the cast of the sopranos told him he would be a great ā€œheavyā€ so he should be, right?!), a photographer, an online business…Iā€™m sure there are more…the 3 to 6 month cycle was this…complain about his horrible life (strangely his horrible job did not begin at his long time job until after we were married-before that everything was SO wonderful and he was always just a ā€œhappy guyā€), come up with a fantasy, be it a dream job that also makes him rich, or a dream trip that will shine up the image that he is rich and all will be wonderful. I learned to not try to help give him direction because he would get very angry at my ā€œwhy donā€™t you write a business planā€ suggestions. I knew X was unbalanced pretty early on but was completely devoted to him and his ideas. I thought if I could give him focus he would succeed. He is a classic cluster b and looking back, I do have empathy for that bottomless pit…but never again at the expense of mine or my daughterā€™s life or happiness.
If you are a newbie, please know it is possible to get a life without your albatross! I am proof. I have gone from being devoted to a pathological lying, mentally ill, substance abusing, cheating bully who I allowed to put me in debt and make my life as chaotic as his mind to a strong divorced mom with no debt, a new home and a lot of happiness and complete calm. ????????

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
5 years ago
Reply to  Nejla

????????????
Rock on!!!

Chumpachump
Chumpachump
5 years ago

Mine wanted to quit his job as the main breadwinner several times. Two of his ‘better’ ideas:

He wanted to make ‘horse videos’. Yep. Videos of horses. Specifically race horses. He would take pictures and video of horses and create a montage and sell them to the owners of said horses. He did a few (with people as a subject – I guess the horses werenā€™t interested) but soon realized that anyone can do this on a smart phone. His family were very encouraging and were extremely miffed when I wouldnā€™t support it.

(Insert dozens of get rich quick schemes here)

He wanted to make hamburgers. Open a little shop and sell them. BUT there would only be hamburgers and only with the toppings he liked. So no pickles. And nothing else. Just hamburgers. He would ‘practice’ by making hamburgers for myself and my daughter EVERY Friday night. For years. Eventually, I decided to invite friends and family around to enjoy these hamburgers. That was all fine except he could only make one at a time. Many times there were 15+ people sitting in my house waiting, waiting, waiting for the hamburger that HE wanted them to eat. He would actually cook one hamburger at a time. No production line. Then he would get really shitty that he spent his whole night in the kitchen- and donā€™t get me started on what would happen if you deviated from his ‘regular’ burger. Ugh. This went on for years, during a time when food trucks and hamburgers exploded in our country.

Iā€™m glad his current girlfriend has to eat his bloody ridiculous hamburgers every fucking week and not me.

Mandie101
Mandie101
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumpachump

???????????? oh my! One….burger …at..a..time.
Lord ha mercy!
Thanks for the laugh

Chickynot
Chickynot
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumpachump

Hahahaha!!! Good riddance to burger man!

Schemes that thank God I nixed (so perhaps don’t qualify for today’s topic, but they’re kind of entertaining):
1.) Take an expensive course to become a professional chef and “own his own restaurant chain” (he took the course, but still burns toast).
2.) Start a pet crematorium business — in our garage (eeek!).
3.) Fence in our back yard and put a pet baby white rhino in it (you can’t make this shit up).
4.) Get a side job as the guy that administers lethal injections at the local penitentiary (I thought he was just saying this just to shock me and wasn’t serious, but now that I know his criminal streak, I’m not sure. Anyway I told him then, 10 yrs ago, that I’d leave him pronto if he even thought about doing that).
5.) Become a rich addiction psychotherapist (after going through alcohol rehab himself and discovering there was money in it) — AND HE DID THAT ONE. Thank goodness he settled on that, though, and not number 4. (Though since consenting hooker OW is one of his patients, I’m really not sure he’s doing less damage…)

Janus
Janus
5 years ago

Expat STBXH was a military officer. 6 months after – as I learned 2 years later – he had taken up with OW, he made the unilateral decision to retire 2 years before he reached 30 years of service, with no job lined up. (I have never seen anyone do this.). He was determined to pursue a plan to go work in the United Arab Emirates. While unemployed, he spent $10K we did not have to travel to China to see his adult daughter – as a cover to stopover in the UK to visit OW. After 6 months of ā€œretirement,ā€ he finally took a normal job with a government contractor outside the DC area, where we lived and I worked. We went to the Xmas party, he introduced me to his new boss. However, he decided that his experience was too valuable for this job – they had a Colonel Covert Narc working in a cubicle! So he unilaterally quit after 6 weeks. And did not tell anyone until he had the family on a trip to Orlando. Halfway through the huge line for the then-new Harry Potter ride, he announced that he had just gotten a job offer and was moving to the UAE. He claimed he had already signed a contract, though I learned later that he quit, left and moved to the Middle East before signing one. And there he sits to this day, living in a villa with 4 other men much younger than he is. He has also stopped paying US taxes, so the IRS has placed a lien on his military pension for $84K. Winning!

unicornomore
unicornomore
5 years ago
Reply to  Janus

Mine retired from the military in the DC area and annouced to me that he had to move to SF because “there are no jobs here!” This was 2005 and the post 9-11 build up was still in full swing and he could have had a job up and down the road, but he would have been a Major in a cubicle, so he moved to SF …drove west in a new SUV I named the “Scrotumobile” (because it was so manly).

kiwichump
kiwichump
5 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

“scrotumobile” wins the internet today!

Jenny
Jenny
5 years ago

When I met my husband he was a former rock star turned youth minister. Then he became a Marine. Then he became an MMA fighter. Then he decided to be a graphic designer. Then he tried to start a band. Then he started drawing animation. Then he started writing a book. Then he got back into the church. Then he decided he was going to get back into music. Then he talked about going to culinary school and becoming a chef. Now my husband (because technically we’re still married because God hates me and our divorce will never, ever be finalized) is trying to design electric skateboards for a living because last year he decided he would take up electric skateboarding at the age of 36-years-old. He’s also progressed to the status of MMA coach and MMA logo t-shirt designer. All of this over the course of ten years and I’m probably leaving some stuff out. I think he tried (and failed) to create a couple of apps along the way. He might also consider himself a professional cyclist now because he recently brought a bike and probably the matching outfit.

Chickynot
Chickynot
5 years ago
Reply to  Jenny

LOL!!!!

logo65
logo65
5 years ago
Reply to  Jenny

“He might also consider himself a professional cyclist now because he recently brought a bike and probably the matching outfit.”

OMG Choke of laughter fits!

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  Jenny

Wow!

unicornomore
unicornomore
5 years ago
Reply to  Jenny

I got dizzy just reading that…he crammed all that flailing into 36 years of age?

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
5 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

????????????????????
OMG, you’re hysterical!!!!

Waffles
Waffles
5 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

“he crammed all that flailing into 36 years of age?”

That was the funniest shit I’ve read all week.

Feelingit
Feelingit
5 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

????????????

Phoenix Rising
Phoenix Rising
5 years ago

Argh! So many chaotic life plans but, Iā€™ll limit my experiences.
Firstly ex narc left a lucrative partnership (partner had enough of crazy bs) in realestate agency. Decides to take a gap year rather than put settlement from partner into mortgage & sit around ā€˜thinkingā€™ about his life plan?!? I am made to feel guilty & told itā€™s best I go out & work. He then buys a another house without consulting me & forged my name on docs!!!! Eventually leaves ( needs space) then hoovers me back with sob story. Tells me he wants to open his own realestate business which WE do. I bring in most of the listings (he is really jealous that I can do this) & then runs off with receptionist just as business is doing well! Leaves like we never existed & begins new life, wants half of everything! I lawyer up, get 70% but, am forced to sell the house. 2 children & homeless, car leased & sold etc….heā€™s now full blown alcoholic, lives in rundown old house & installs cabling or something. Ap lives with her mother because, sheā€™s agrophobic & he made sure she wonā€™t be able to move in with him since he got an inheritance (small but, still wonā€™t share it)…..thatā€™s just a snippet, heā€™s done more! Stupid shitty cheater!!!

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
5 years ago

He bought used stuff and fixed it up and resold it. There was a profit margin. He bought in cash (our money) and was paid in cash. He then took the money for himself and I never saw a penny.
So if this is a side business to supplement our income why does the money never get deposited? He’d say DID YOUR SKILLS make this possible? No. So it’s not your money. His scheme was to make money out of our house while keeping me on a tight budget. And this went on for the whole marriage. He said if i want spending money then I can sell my stupid wedding dress. Its sad seeing thousands in cash being put in his pocket while I’m making dinner knowing I’m not even allowed to get my hair done.

Katrina
Katrina
5 years ago

He was going to climb all the mountain peaks in the world. But oops hip replacement happened and now on crutches after tearing his Achilles. So might be awhile for all that climbing :).

wcchump
wcchump
5 years ago
Reply to  Katrina

For me it wasn’t mountains. He wanted to do a different marathon every month. The plan was for me to travel around with him acting as support crew.

He did go on a pilgrimage to the Camino in Spain to find himself.

Jo
Jo
5 years ago
Reply to  wcchump

Holy hell, youā€™re describing my friendā€™s surgeon husband. He is constantly doing marathons all over the country (1 in every state is hus narky goal) while his wife appliance does all of the adulting, including raising their 3 small kids and working outside the home.

Blindside
Blindside
5 years ago

Mine had plans to open a yoga shop and be a personal trainer. I pointed out that she would need start-up money to lease and improve the space, pay employees, buy equipment, etc. That and the fact that the only experience she had in either area was just that she had been going to the gym for a few months. I’m not sure that certifies you to train others or run a yoga studio. But I didn’t tell her she couldn’t do it, just that she’d need to start saving money and make a plan. But that takes work and time, and was not the instant gratification she was looking for. So I was being an a-hole, I guess.

Pointing out reality can be like that.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  Blindside

Yep. I offered financial divorce, as in, if you are willing to get legally divorced so our finances are totally separate, then you can do whatever you want business-wise and I can totally support it without intervening. If you want to start a business while we are legally married, I need to participate in the decision making because it impacts my life and retirement. Apparently that’s a shocking thing to say. I’m still not sure why. Control, I guess.

RoseAmongThorns
RoseAmongThorns
5 years ago

My cheater wanted to buy a property or two in Poland to use as rental property/vacation homes. Mind you neither one of us had ever been to Poland, nor did we have the expendable money to purchase a second home overseas (let alone in the U.S.). But that was his big plan on how to get rich.

wcchump
wcchump
5 years ago

I can’t believe you wrote Poland! I’m of Polish ancestry and he thought we could get citizenship. Neither of speak the language. Not to disparage Poland but all of my family left Poland because for them it was awful. So of course we should go back.

Dee
Dee
5 years ago

Ex had some strange ideas.
1. Because I stayed home/worked part-time/completed a masters degree for the first years of our relationship, he thought he should get to ā€œjust stay homeā€ during the next years. Umm…I only pulled back on work during that time because I ALSO birthed three babies in those five years, idiot.

2. He always had a vision that he would sell our business and just ā€œcut grass at a golf courseā€. He viewed this as the ultimate no-pressure fun job. Hmm… pretty sure the minimum wage and 3 am wake-up calls would have squashed that dream. Did I mention that I nearly always cut the lawn at our house?

Epilogue: Though he was broke from the divorce, he and Schmoopie bought land and are developing an acreage. So now he can cut lots of grass AND work for the rest of his life to pay for it all.

WhatWasIThinking
WhatWasIThinking
5 years ago

This is my ex to a T. Even before discovering the cheating, I remember constantly having to explain to my family and friends that “yes, he has another new job…his last job didn’t work out because blah blah”. It got embarrassing pretty quickly. My ex would cycle through jobs faster than packages of toilet paper. I think one year, doing our taxes, I collected twelve W2s. Waiter, Life Insurance Agent (he studied and passed the test but never took a job), Real Estate classes, car dealership after car dealership, auto mechanic school, door to door salesman. Really. He also enrolled in community college twice and dropped out twice while we were married, obviously never intending to pay the school loans. It was always the boss’s fault, or the teacher’s fault, or they didn’t pay him enough, or some other BS reason, but obviously never his fault. 2+ years post divorce and he’s still at it. I had to garnish his wages after he failed to pay child support on his own (shocker!), and every month or two I have to report yet another new place of employment to the state. Sometimes I feel bad for him – like why is he so broken that he can’t address and fix this problem? But whenever I feel that way I come to this site and get the sense knocked back into me.

brandib
brandib
5 years ago

Funny that this is the topic of the day.

My cheater XH emailed me a couple of weeks ago to discuss adding DD to my insurance through work & that he’d reimburse me per court order. When I asked him why he just responded that he was changing jobs & wouldn’t have benefits. After talking to my attorney, I told X that was fine.

A couple of days later, X calls DD and informs her that he was leaving sometime in April for Alaska. He will be gone for approximately 7 months. He will be in a fairly remote area, ya know limited cell phone/internet service & that they will probably have to schedule times for them to talk to one another. Apparently, he thinks that gold mining is his calling.

I have a feeling that this is going to affect child support, benefit reimbursement (see above), and the vehicle payment that is drafted out of his account. He was awarded the debt for that vehicle (this was a graduation gift to DS) in the divorce, but after talking to my banker about other matters, I found out that since we took out the loan while married & I signed the loan papers along with him, if he doesn’t have the funds in his account to make the payment, they will be calling me. YEAH!!

He has yet to tell me what his plans are. He probably knows that I’d ask him, “WTF, are you nuts??”

One other thing…Alaska?? He HATES cold weather…

AC
AC
5 years ago
Reply to  brandib

Iā€™ve got another angle on the bank loan. The alcoholic borrowed money from a major credit union where we had a small joint savings account (the membership account). I financed my car through that credit union, in another account with my name only. In that separate account I kept a few hundred dollars, enough cash for the next car payment plus enough to not pay monthly service charges.

That is, until he defaulted on his loan. It was a loan I hadnā€™t signed for, and couldnā€™t get them to give me a status report on. But the loan was tied to that joint account. So when it went past due, the credit union wiped out MY individual account to make his payment.

Apparently there is a rule called ā€œbankers right of offset.ā€ Since my I was listed as listed as a joint holder on the first account, they were allowed to take any money I had there in any account to cover the delinquency. But they STILL couldnā€™t give me a report on the loan status. Because I hadnā€™t signed his loan papers.

I got that shit fixed quick. Took my name off of all joint accounts. Transferred everything that was really mine to a different credit union and told him to stay the hell out. Itā€™s too bad, because the major credit union had some services I really needed, and the new credit union was a one-location shop offering limited services and run by idiots.

The worst part is that this wasnā€™t the first time he did this to me. About a year before he poisoned our banking relationship the same way with the local bank where weā€™d had our primary joint accounts for over 10 years.

The hyena may move to a new den, but he doesnā€™t change his spots. Dear Lord, why did I put up with him do so long?

Newlady15
Newlady15
5 years ago

Mine had this fantasy about his failing car business recovering. Thatā€™s why he asked me to remarry him after he cheated. I fully engaged in the hopium poison and proceeded to pick me dance until he had spent all of our retirement savings ā€œinvesting ā€œ in his business( I have it all in stock!! Nope no he didnā€™t). Now I get to face my golden years without my retirement fund and have no pension. It is my greatest regret after staying when he rejected our son as an infant.

Donā€™t be me please.

AwakeningDreamer
AwakeningDreamer
5 years ago
Reply to  Newlady15

Oh lady šŸ™ Iā€™m so sorry to hear this

Newlady15
Newlady15
5 years ago

Chumpy me felt really bad because I really am an intelligent hardworking businesswoman ( my own business not the shit show he was running). But I now realize I was suffering from cognitive dissonance, was abused and gaslighted and didnā€™t know down from up. Thank you

Newlady15
Newlady15
5 years ago
Reply to  Newlady15

Oh and Awakening Dreamer karma does happen when we least expect it. I managed to keep our home( funny how banks want him to actually be employed to give a mortgage). I got the mortgage kept the house in the settlement and sold it for $250k more than he was paid out on. I have a nice house I fixed up for myself now. I pay my own way without a fuckwit spending my money on booze cigarettes and sluts. I will be ok in the end even though I have to keep working until I decide to sell my house. ????????????????????????

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  Newlady15

Yep, got that too. Fuckwit was forever down at the bar buying rounds (one time that I know of it was rounds of champagne). Plus the cigarettes (I never smoked) for both him and the slag. I was so, so relieved to get the mortgage in my name and buy him out so I could keep my kids in the only home they had ever known. I earned about 500 dollars a month more than him (but I also paid the kids medical insurance/bills too) but I have so much more money now that he is out of my life with his never ending spending. Life is good – not so sure about him even though he is now on a damn good pension. I hear latest Schmoopie “decided to go back to work” – think it’s more like they needed the money. Damn, they can’t make it on 8000 dollars a month!

AwakeningDreamer
AwakeningDreamer
5 years ago
Reply to  Newlady15

Iā€™m so very pleased to hear that x

Stronger
Stronger
5 years ago

Wait, what??? I didnā€™t realize this was an actual thing. My Loser STBXH used to talk plans like this all the time, but achieve nothing. It took me a LONG time to see that he was all talk. A lot of BS ideas were talked about before D-Day, however, after D-Day, it went like this:

1. He was going to open a weed farm. He could do this on our 2 acres of land (the same land he needed to sell for option 2), have 2 areas with crops, 2 harvests per area per year, and make $120k per year. All this as our small kids grew up on the land at the same time. He is a pot head without weed production experience, however, is an expert on weed consumption, and its this knowledge that would make him hugely successful.

2. He was going to do day trading. This made me cringe as he was going to invest up to $250k from the sale of the house and he would have lost it within a week as thereā€™s just no way heā€™d have invested wisely. He was too lazy to actually read and educate himself. I was going to have the kids 100% of the time, and he wasnā€™t going to contribute financially to us in any way, as he had to focus on establishing himself.

3. Mud balls. This one cracked me up after my original bafflement subsided. Itā€™s like Volleyball, but played on mud. He was going to go to the nicest park in town, have trucks bring in mud to cover the ground, proceed to have every one pay $5 to participate in this most excellent novel tournament (he knew nothing about Volleyball), and he would then have people take all the mud away. He was going to make $5k per tournament, and travel across the US making good money from each event. He had planned it so he would be set up as a charity, but had researched that only a minimum amount had to go to the actual cause, and he could pocket the rest. He even had someone design a logo and was beyond proud of himself for beginning to execute this very smart, money making plan.

4. He was going to grow his gym, and franchise it out. This BS I had heard for 9 years, and I had believed in him for maybe 7 of those years, even invested some money and a copious amount of time and brain sells. He had never earned enough to support the family, always worked part time hours, and spent his time complaining how no one did their jobs properly, but I was his biggest reason for failure and lack of growth & income, that I complained when he would be gone all day long (gym, followed by drinking sessions, and then sneaking off to be with his gf), but if it wasnā€™t for me, heā€™d be able to be an owner-operated facility, he wouldnā€™t have staff to pay, and he would be earning $10k per month. When I pointed out that he hadnā€™t ever supported us financially, heā€™d tell me that he is the largest gym of itā€™s kind on the East Coast and that he gets offers to be bought out frequently, so I should just shut the fuck up as I was too dumb and ignorant to get it.

I thought it was only me, having to listen to these moronic ideas, so moronic that I wouldnā€™t share them with friends until much later, as they would think I was as idiotic as him. It was his delivery, said with such seriousness, importance and wisdom that made me feel as though I was an unspporting bitch for questioning his genius.

Thank you for your post Chump Lady, thank you so very much for making me laugh and realise that it wasnā€™t only me wondering WTF was going on, and questioning my own sanity.

Chickynot
Chickynot
5 years ago
Reply to  Stronger

LOL, mudball!!! We have a winner!!

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago
Reply to  Stronger

Mud ball. You poor thing how could you ever question the *pure genius* that is mud ball. My favorite part is that he would just have the mud brought in.

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
5 years ago

And removed! Cuz that shit just wipes up easy you know! Sheesh.

Chumptastic
Chumptastic
5 years ago

My ex wanted to buy a second home, a lake house. We got a realtor and looked at houses. He then suggested that I could live there full time and he could visit me on the weekends. WAIT, WHAT??? I said no way that would be stupid.

Fast forward 4 months where I find emails to the OW, and the affair had been going on for 2 years. So, maybe not so stupid for him.

Kibble-less
Kibble-less
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumptastic

Does that make your the OW??? (twisted disordered mindfuckery)

Kibble-less
Kibble-less
5 years ago

* Snort!* Ex Cheater troll’s dog was Beauregard! LOL

J
J
5 years ago

I had a cheater one time try to snow me into beleiving she was being abused but her husband whom she had just walked out on. She was flailing about verbally about his abuse in trying to get her to be domestic – she didnā€™t work a job at all, and it sounded like he just wanted her to do normal things during the like fill a dishwasher or change some sheets while he supported them both. You know – do her part. She was raving that she was in her nature an entrepreneur with big dreams and could not handle his sexism and abuse. This was among other reasons she was leaving him – the whole thing was an narrative control move and I could see it exactly for what it was. As a chump myself, it hit all my crazy buttons too. I chewed her out, loudly, right there in Panera and told her I knew exactly what she was doing. It was dramatic and loud and I know it scared both of us but whatever. She disappeared with her shmoopie (best friends husband too).

deedee
deedee
5 years ago

No career fantasies for my cheater.He was at the top of his game professionally but Shmoopie ( now ex) lived in a big mansion on the outskirts of our city,set in several acres of land.I heard he bought a tractor and a couple of Black Angus cattle to fulfill his farmer fantasy.These had to be sold when he fucked her over for a much younger model.Schmoopie pocketed the money.
Then Schmoopie #2 dumped him for…….surprise,surprise…..cheating.
Now he’s alone and waiting for the next love of his life to appear.

AC
AC
5 years ago

Multi-level marketing how the alcoholic planned to get rich. He planned to recruit a few hot sellers, then he’d stay home in bed and the money would flood the house.

He was the classic gullible loser these companies look for – ready to spend spend spend (you gotta spend money to make money!) and paying no attention to the fine print. So he crashed and burned every time.

Then the alcoholic decided he was going to be a movie producer. He paired up with a high school dropout who had the writing skills of a middle schooler; this joker was his script writer, even though he couldn’t write a coherent paragraph. He actually few to New York and Dallas with the crap this guy wrote so that he could sell it to big production companies looking for break-through new talent. Bought himself a new suit and everything for the trips.

There are some small things I’m thankful for. His failure to sell that trash is one of them.

AC
AC
5 years ago
Reply to  AC

Iā€™m still deeply troubled about the movies he thought he was going to make. I read the grammatically incoherent script summaries and parts of a script, and got nauseous. Real bottom-feeding stuff. Psychotic killers, blood and gore. Sex too, of course. He thought he really get rich with this scheme. He was so impressed with himself. He matched the incoherent scripts with totally incoherent film budgets he drew up in Excel, using unrealistic numbers he pulled out of his ass. He hired an artist to do disturbing cover art and movie posters, as if the script summaries werenā€™t enough. And he bought and watched similar disturbing amateur DVD movies he bought from the internet.

Oh heā€™d make some nicer stuff too, whatever he could get anyone to fund, but he was really hung up on the psycho stuff.

If you read up top you saw where I posted that he had a Secret Investor whoā€™d given him some $10,000 in seed money to do this. The Secret Investor turned out to be me. He really did steal and sell the jewelry I inherited from my grandmother.

And he actively tried to market this garbage. He promoted himself on IMDB. He headed off to New York with his new suit, his sheaf of incoherent paperwork, and my money… but absolutely none of my support. He connected with a B-movie actor who (he claims) agreed to play a lead character if he ever found a producer willing to support him. Fortunately that never worked.

I asked him just where he thought he was going to sell that stuff. He said heā€™d release these movies direct to DVD and sell them in Europe and Asia, which he insisted had a big market for this shit.

Then I asked him why? Why sicko slasher films? Why psychotic murderers? He looked at me, his eyes narrowed, and they seemed to glow a bit. He snarled at me: ā€œBecause thereā€™s money in it!ā€ Totally disturbing.

It took me a while to find an apartment I could afford. But when I did I was gone.

Fortunately he blew through the money he got from his theft. His movie making efforts went nowhere. He never got his hands on another pot of gold. But to this day his LinkedIn and Facebook pages still list him as a filmmaker, with web-links to that really sick cover art.

And he never understood why I rejected his every attempt to be my Facebook friend.

Free Vix
Free Vix
5 years ago

When our son was born, ex was living in another state. I had moved back to my hometown, bought a house, and started a well-paid new job knowing that our son was on the way. Ex wanted us to be together as a family and was looking for jobs in my hometown, but he never applied for any of them because they just didnā€™t measure up. He was like Goldilocks: this job is too boring, this job is too urban, and on and on. I was making enough to support us both and my family was there to help, and so I told him that he could be a stay at home dad, change careers if he wanted, try something new, spend his days taking our son fishing, whatever he wanted. Nope, he was so committed to his career that he couldnā€™t possibly leave his very specific job, even for something in a similar line of work. His identity and personal fulfillment were so tied up with this job that he just couldnā€™t entertain being with our infant and me at the expense of leaving his career.

Fast forward two years and Iā€™m an utterly exhausted mostly single mom of a toddler with a full time job and no help at home. I finally give in and decide to move to where he is (where neither of us have family) so that we can be a family and he can keep his beloved job. Within weeks of having gotten married, quit my job, sold my home, and moved several states away to be a stay at home mom in a tiny apartment in support of his career, ex decides that this job isnā€™t his calling and he wants to be a DJ instead. Trying to be supportive yet realistic while quelling internal panic, I reminded him that I now had zero income and asked him why he didnā€™t propose this previously when the opportunity was there and he could have actually done it. He shrugged and continued prattling on about how much he always wanted to DJ. I asked how weā€™d pay the rent and buy food and diapers, and he started to get mad that I wasnā€™t being supportive. I told him I was supportive if thatā€™s what he really wanted, but that heā€™d have to wait until I could get another job so weā€™d have pesky things like health insurance, and retirement contributions, and food. Instead of engaging in actual strategizing and planning, he instead gave me the shark-eye stare and mused that some days when he was driving home from work, he thought about just continuing to drive past the exit to our apartment and never coming back. He again started getting pissed off when I told him how scary that was to me with a toddler and three pets and no job, and being several states away from any friends or family. He glowered at me. I suggested that he go fishing to clear his mind and think about a plan for changing careers to be a DJ if thatā€™s what he needed to still come home at night. He left for several hours and, I now know, probably went to fuck the now-divorced OW and complain about how selfish and unsupportive I was.

Post Script: Itā€™s now 4 years later, and heā€™s still in his same job and *not* a DJ. He and OW have a toddler of their own now, and she recently quit her job to be a stay at home mom and pursue stupid life plans of her own. Iā€™m sure sheā€™ll be very supportive of him when heā€™s ready to just keep driving at the end of the day, because who needs diapers and insurance, really?

JC
JC
5 years ago
Reply to  Free Vix

This story still blows my mind.

geekmom
geekmom
5 years ago

I haven’t read all the comments yet, but a very common theme seems to be quitting jobs because “they didnā€™t appreciate me”!

Mine was no different; I lived 40 years with this “blue sky” attitude. He quit job after job because “they wouldnā€™t listen to me!”, “They donā€™t know what theyā€™re doing!”, “They don’t appreciate me!”, with no regard to supporting his family or keeping up with our bills.

We’d refinanced the house a couple of times to pay off credit cards, then a second mortgage was necessary, so the payments kept going up. His preferred industry got creamed in the recession and went to no income other than mine, not enough to cover everything, but he would not look for salaried work (he was 100% commission) until there were no jobs available . We fell behind in the mortgage, actually had the order to auction our home delivered before a last-second restructuring was approved by the bank. We finally had to declare bankruptcy to clear the $125k in credit card debt as they were threatening to sue us. Even bankruptcy was a bone of contention: I wanted to restructure and pay off as much as we could, he wanted chapter 7 and walk away. I firmly believe that if I had agreed to that, part of the “walking away” would have included him away from me and the family, 10 years before he did just that.

I was blamed for the recession taking value off the house as he’d wanted to sell a few years earlier and move into his fatherā€™s old home 100 miles away, simply because of the garages. We have two kids (DS and DD) who were just starting high school; theyā€™d have been uprooted to a house that had only 2 bedrooms, far away from friends and activities. I prevailed, but he resented us for that. When he left, guess where he and Schmoopie bought a house? Yup, same 100 mile away place with big garage.

Nearly 40 of insecurity that I was expected to support unquestionably. This place is great! Till he hated it. Once get rich quick scheme after another that he’d never put the work into as he was the idea man and the work was for others. One grandiose dream after another, promise after promises of big things “in the pipeline.” Any hobby I picked up he tried to monetize by telling me to make more and sell them! 40 years of not knowing if there’d be a paycheck this week, or how much. 40 years of his not giving a damn about making the bills, as that was my problem to figure out – he was not to be questioned.

Iā€™m sure he’s selling Schmoopie the same bill of goods. Me, I have a stable income. I can pay my bills. I am free of his sunny mindfuck. I am so much more secure and stable and proud to support myself. And calmer.

geekmom
geekmom
5 years ago
Reply to  geekmom

*40 years of financial insecurity

Too early this morning!