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Time for Another Round of Bitch Cookie!

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bitchcookieEvery fuckwit deserves a prize — a bitch cookie! For those of you new to CN, part of the lexicon here (introduced by member emeritus Rumblekitty) is “bitch cookie.” A bitch cookie is that reward that jerks demand for doing something they should be doing anyway as a matter of decency.

Would your co-parenting fuckwit like extra credit for taking the kids on his scheduled weekend? Bitch cookie!

Hey, it’s not like I spent the entire 401K on sex workers…. Bitch cookie!

I was faithful for entire months. Double chocolate chunk bitch cookie!

See how that works?

So what great feats of underachievement would you like to reward with a bitch cookie? Weigh in — and TGIF!

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Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
    • But I gave him 20.00 for pizza! (said after over-hearing a conversation where my son said he had +30 in student loan debt from earning his first bachelors degree).

      • And one of my favorites – I think I’m falling in love with you again……..

        I thank God every day that he is out of my life.

        • Yes I got that one too, comment made after seeing I had lost the weight I put on when he was treating me like shit in the discard faze.

          • After 8 months NC the hoover ex tried:
            Him: I LooooovED You. But I LooooovE her. But she her and I are over.
            ME: I am not your backup plan or fallback girl.
            Him: I just figured one day you and I would get our shit sorted out and get back together.
            Me: So you want to be with me until your other girlfriend takes you back?
            Him; Why do you always twist my words???? I said I love you.
            Me: No, you said you LovED me. You are in love with her.
            Him: That’s not what I said.
            Me: ???

            This is a clear example of why you don’t break NC.

      • Mine promised his away-at-college son $100 per month for “groceries and expenses (hahahahaha). Care to guess how many times he actually paid it? Are you wondering what happened when his son asked when he would pay it? Any idea who actually paid expenses? They have absolutely no relationship. Guess who’s to blame?

        • Dick gave newly employed DS money for rent, but no money for food/expenses. But he wanted extra credit given because he bought him pants. Necessary work pants. cuz PANTS! But no food. Bitch cookie!!

          This after he said I’d been a ‘dead-beat’ parent… lol, projection much?

        • Yup I know exactly mine uses our kids as a weapon and so he keeps the monthly child tax credit but the beautuful dog was just abandoned. No doggy tax credit from the government it disgusts me.

        • Him: “I paid 20% of the child care expenses last year. I should be able to claim head of household, and one of the kids as a dependent on my taxes.”

          Me: how do you figure?

          Him: “Because you promised and it’s only fair.”

          Me: I didn’t promise, I said we could do it that way when you move out of your parents’ basement, get your own place, pay half the kids’ expenses, and match the $500 a month I put in their college funds.

          Him: “I don’t recall any quid pro quo to our agreement.”

          Me: What agreement? We have been divorced for 8 months and taxes weren’t addressed in our decree. As the earner with the higher AGI, IRS regs give me the right to claim both kids.

          Him: As a lawyer I can tell you that IRS regulations don’t govern this matter, the divorce courts do, and family court judges tend to favor the lower-earning spouse.

          You can’t break your promises to me, we owe it to our children to keep our word to each other and cooperate as coparents. If you don’t give x random amount of money now to compensate me, I will take you to court. I have set up a meeting with my accountant and my lawyer to discuss.”

          Me: Please do contact your accountant and attorney, then contact my lawyer. In the meantime, here’s another reminder that you still owe me for the last 4 months of childcare expenses.

          Him: “This looks like something we can negotiate without lawyers, we were doing so well coparenting together. You pay me x amount to compensate me for the tax credits I should have been able to claim, and sign a letter stating I can claim one dependent until our youngest is 18, then I’ll consider signing something that states my intention to put money in their college accounts later in the year once I have a chance to review my finances. Though that is not a commitment on my part since how much I’ll be able to put in their accounts is going to be contingent on several factors.”

          Me: No. Are you saying you are withholding your court decreed payments to me until I comply with your demands?

          Him: “No, I’m saying that by your decision not to pay me what you owe me for taxes, you are accepting that amount in lieu of the child care payments.”

          BITCH COOKIE + WORD SALAD = NO CONTACt

  • “Hey I returned all of our child’s school uniforms so he didn’t have to go to school naked next week”. – Bitch Cookie

    “Hey, I know aindidnt show up until the final 1 minute left in the final quarter, but I was THERE to see him play for 50 seconds!” – Bitch Cookie

    “Hey I made the OW make sure her crusty thong wasn’t entangled in my bedsheets, this time she took them home!” – Bitch Cookie.

    “Hey, I only let our child play 17 hours of video games each day of my weekend. Usually I don’t monitor that. This time I monitored it!” – Bitch Cookie

    “Hey our child actually did his homework AND studied for his upcoming tests!! At least I didn’t let him wait until YOUR days with him like I NORMALLY DO!!” – FUCKING BITCH COOKIE!!!!

    • Ugh. The homework.

      “I’ve actually been doing homework with them lately”

      Gee thanks……bitch cookie!

      • OCchump; my child is failing 4 classes one would THINK homework and studying is important. STBX feels put upon with the homework. Yesterday he texted me “gosh I think I understand why you were so stressed after school all the time. But tbh many other women have more than ONE child, you should be able to keep up with ONE. Geese. “
        I mentally punched him in the balls.

    • I know exactly mine is pure trash, 53 year old teenager but at least I’m done cleaning is soiled gonch as he called it! Bitch cookie!

  • Me: “This is it. This is fucking IT! I’ve been putting up with this shit (lying, mindfucking, blameshifting, bringing guys into our home for sex after my daughters left for school) for three and a half months . . . “

    KK: “Yeah, that’s right! It’s only been three and a half months!”

      • “I took 3 weeks off of medical school (summer vacation) to take care of our son while you studied for the bar exam…(1987)”

        The DOCTOR repeated this a dozen times over the next 35 years…as if it was a great favor HE did for ME and some kid…

        YES We eventually had 3 kids and YES yours truly took care of the 3 kids AND worked full time for when the DOCTOR took his MCAT, his exams in medical school, his internship admission exam, his residency exam, his boards, and then his second boards…

        To my knowledge, I never once heard the words “thank you.” NOT ONCE. The hallmark of a narcissist is minimizing other’s sacrifices and maximizing and playing up the things they did that are expected of any partner. God, thanks for reminding me of this crap.

        Sometimes I miss who I thought he was and then BAM, I get a reminder…oh yeah, he was an asshole. Schmoopie can have him.

        • I am certain you would heal faster if you stopped focusing so heavily on his job. It is not relevant that he was a physician. It simply means that he was good in organic chemistry and tested well.

          My grandfather was a doctor. He was also a raging alcoholic and a wife beater.

          The man who cheated on me has a trust fund with several million dollars in it. However, he still has the character of a crocodile around a basket of kittens. If I constantly refer to him as the millionaire, I’m not sure how helpful that would be.

          It seems you are attaching far too much Prestige on what his job was. It doesn’t matter if he shined shoes at the bus station. Just let go that he was a doctor. He was still just a garden-variety asshole.

          • I think she explained, months back, she refers to him as The Doctor simply because that’s how he thinks of himself… not as a nerdly cheater who only got other women bc of the MD after a name but as a great and prestigious physician.

            • Yep, The DOCTOR’s1st Wife has her reasons that she explained to me awhile back. I had the same issue. Made perfect sense. 😉

              • Like my X – his job totally defined who he was. Bond Trader X, I guess. And I certainly felt like BT’s Wife and not much more.

          • A narc magnet chiming in here on this topic “I’m a SURGEON/the BOMB/the SH*T”

            I was on a cycling trip being harassed by one of the doctors, Mr. Handsy. The second night over dinner we all shared our relationship status (divorced,a widow,marriage #3,never married and I think a couple of cheaters who found their “twu luv”). Doc with the nasty blackheads all over his schnozzola whined about his long term girlfriend who refused to accompany him on his bike vacations. I flicked him off me with the help of the guides and he moved on to the widow.

            Google search after the trip and I discover that he had to pay out close to a million dollars in settlements ! Now was this due to his alcoholism (every night started with an aperitif followed by at least a bottle of wine and then a nightcap) or did he do some creepy ass sh*t with a patient under anesthesia ? Yuck

          • I agree a person’s profession shouldn’t define who they are. I read that the more high powered the profession, the more likely the person will be emotionally messed up. I listen to Youtube videos and there’s a counselor I usually listen to saying that in her career, the most messed up persons are doctors, engineers and other high powered professions.

            • Now I get why my relationships have been so awful…) only partly kidding.
              There may be some validity to what counselor said–although I know a few guys who are not powerful/prestigious/suoer/talented who are also royal jerks.

            • I once knew a nurse I worked with for several months (because I was training her). She ended up quitting because she was a dominatrix on the side and it became very lucrative. She said most of her clients were Lawyers, Doctors, Cops, FBI and others whose job it is to dominate. After work I guess some want to be spanked, told they are a “bad boy” and put in a corner with their blankie. Wish I was kidding. This was over 20 years ago and at the time I was shocked. Some of what they are paying for may not even be sex!!
              She told me they did not want sex, just punishment. ???

              • Regina, this does not surprise me at all. My ex always manipulated me into chastising him when it really wasn’t my natural bent to be a taskmaster. One time he admitted that his previous gf had claimed the same thing. ExH was also into role-playing, and if I hadn’t objected, I have no doubt he would have tried to manipulate me into being his dominatrix.

                I’ve gotta tell you, I do *not* want to speculate what he is getting his new poopsie to do to him now. Blecch.

                However, my eyes perked up when I read “lucrative.” I imagine that there might be a lot of chumps who might be willing to work their way out of debt by beating up straying husbands. Sounds like a win-win to me!

            • I want to listen to that counselor. Can you supply the link? I was suspecting mine of the same thing… such a big ego with his new promotion drove him to cheating because his head got so big he couldn’t think straight. He had to leave his chumpy frumpy loyal wife doing the measly job of rasing our kids, selling a bunch of houses, maintaining the household and running an Airbnb (that paid our mortgage). Ungh. I was soooo beneath him. And I had no college degree, I was definitely not worth his awesomeness with him about to get his MBA and all.

          • From a doctor, whose cheater X is also a doctor (surgeon, which does fall into a certain stereotype). Lots of people who go into medicine think they are special. They’re not, it’s a special job but usually very ordinary people do it. The unfortunate thing is, lots of people (often young women) seem very impressed by the title and status and income and perceived “he’s a good guy because he’s an MD” air. Of myself and many other female doctors married to male colleagues, we seem to be left with monotonous regularity for a younger model.

            I feel I am very defined by my job. I’ve spent/spend so many hours pursuing it, I care desperately about patients and trying to improve the system in which I treat them. I probably talk about it too much. However I do not think my profession gives me the right to ride roughshod over other peoples’ lives. I receive a good salary and job satisfaction and that is the recognition I need from society. My cheater of course is the polar opposite. Entitled, thinking he’s better than everybody else, that the rules don’t apply to him. I think the profession attracts narcs, training hones their narc-ness then once they start practising, the rewards are rich for a cluster-B.

            In short – we’re not all fucked up, just a significant proportion.

            • Canyoufeelthemehtonight: Before my marriage to ExH, I briefly dated a 15-year older guy who was a recently-divorced scientist/full professor at the university where I was a grad student. It was a very new and interesting experience for me to be wined and dined at fabulous restaurants, to see shows on Broadway, and to have skiing weekends in Vermont.

              However, after a month of the whirlwind fun,fun,fun, he began to show more and more signs of being a pretentious prig. I was wildly uncomfortable with his making dinner reservations in the name of “Dr. So-and-so,” as I guess I’m a reverse snob. Modesty and being down-to-earth are so much more attractive to me than crowing about your educational and professional achievements. Granted, the guy might have been showing off because he was in a very dark period of covert insecurity, as I later found out that the ex-wife who had left him was an unmitigated snob.

              So I, too, had an initial adverse gut reaction to reading what DOCTOR’s1stWife&Kids chose as her moniker, but I understand the sentiment behind it.

              • Yes, I want to help her. Many people, whom I would like to bludgeon, have said things to me like: but what about all his money?

                He’s a millionaire!

                And I have to admit for a few months I thought well, am I making some terrible mistake just because this guy has so much money?

                I don’t want her to think that because he is a physician he is something special. Or that she is not fabulous in her own right – not defined by his job.

                But I understand if she saying it as satire to his own arrogance. But I do think she should come up with a new screen name just to claim her own sacred space. 🎈❤️🌺

              • A few chumps here have changed their screen names as they continued to evolve after DDay. My former moniker was ColdT-rk-y, which reflected not only my withdrawal from the hopium pipe but also a significant portion of my former life when I was married to a puffed-up, blowhard archaeologist.

                WordPress kept blocking my posts because of some spammer from that country (can’t type it or else I’ll get blocked again), so I took the opportunity to choose a new screen name, one that reflects my progress from the anxious chump I used to be to the more peaceful woman I hope to become.

                So, Maude, this whole process of self-discovery is an exciting journey for each of us, once we make it out of the curled-up-in-a-ball, sobbing, pleading-with-god stage after learning that we were married to lying cheaters. Probably more than a few of us here have taken a while to begin to think of ourselves in a new light. I know I did.

            • Cheater is an airline pilot, hasn’t always been an airline pilot. We struggled financially while X earned flying hours.
              Once Cheater was hired by a major airline as X gained seniority, X gradually transformed into a pompous, prima Dona jackass
              When he’s asked what he does for a living and people hear “I’m a Captain for major airline,” people suddenly want to be his best friend.., it’s ridiculous.
              Wearing his uniform in the airport he gets lots of attention, pilots are given special perks, eventually all the privilege and admiration goes to their heads resulting in an attitude of arrogance and entitlement. I find it disgusting.

          • IMO this is a safe place for chumps as we seek to express ourselves through our devastation and trauma. Your response to 1stDoctor’sWife seems very unsupportive and harsh and feels like an attack on a precious member.
            1st — sending huge hugs! You keep doing YOU! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ You are perfect just as you are.

            • How I see it, Doctor’s1stWife&Kids
              Will always be his first wife and his kids, so I, as MtherChumper99, respect her name as chosen by this Chump.
              I always admire both the above posters of CN and feel privileged to be connected to them.
              It is the initial pain of DDay that has brought each of us Chumps to this safe place called CN.
              Thank you CL, CN for reaching out to each Chump in our time of need.
              We owe it to each other to show respect toward each other.

          • Maude, I’m not certain about anything related to my own path, let alone anyone elses. It sounds like nitpicking, to be focused on her screen name rather than what she just said in her story.You don’t know what her reasons are for choosing it, but it means something to her.

    • Yup I know exactly at least your ex wife waits until the kids have gone to school, not my ex husband it’s right in front of our kids, my former marital bedroom and the latest slut showers in my ensure, bitch cookie!😩

  • “I was really starting to fall for you” – bitch cookie.

    “Why didn’t you show up, I actually wanted to see you!” – bitch cookie.

    “I love you.” – bitch cookie.

  • “I didn’t see her while your father was dying.” which was about 1 week. Just before & after uggggh!

  • My ex baked the birthday cake for my 40th birthday luncheon that my friends hosted. (He is very good at decorating cakes). This was after D Day and before his planned departure which my fiends and children didn’t know about. I just wanted to vomit at the table while everyone remarked about the cake. Later, he got mad at me for not thanking him for the cake. I told him I hate cake.

    • Ah, yes. Cake. Dr. Skankenstein got a store-bought carrot cake for my birthday one year and was ever so pleased with himself. But then naturally I had to go and ruin the whole thing by pointing out that the side was coated in slivered almonds, and that I have been allergic to nuts my whole life. And that he had said dozens of times that he himself hates carrot cake. Turns out it was just the first thing he saw in the store.

      Bunny-shaped bitch cookie with a frosty glass of anaphy-lactose intolerance

      • I also got a “log” cake for my birthday last year. Ex works at a grocery store and always came home with discounted food about to expire. We go away for my birthday and he brings along an expired log cake. So proud of himself. We are away for 3 days and no other birthday present is given to me. We are driving home from hotel, I am upset and we fight in the car about it. His response: “Whoop-di-shit, I’ll get you something on Tuesday, you know I have no money…”
        Me: You’ve known my birthday was coming all year!
        Him: I have no money.
        Me: You just paid your half for our hotel, beer and steak.
        Him: I’m a single father under hardship. Why can’t you understand?

        Log cake birthday. Bitch cookie.

        • I am sorry- it is horrible but so hilariously tragic funny.

          A discounted log cake…. Which resembles a turd.

          He’s a real prize. You should be doing a tribal victory dance around a bonfire every night that he is not in your life.

    • I’m so sorry I understand completely mine had his slut baking Christmas cupcakes for me this year with my children aged: 16 and 11 in my kitchen

  • “I wasn’t always a horrible person. I just became one because you forced me to be one. I didn’t ask for much. All I wanted was a beautiful successful sexy wife. If you did what you were supposed to do this wouldn’t have happened.”

    Bitch cookie for restraining the demon until after we got married. Extra bitch cookie for being a professional dickbag and lacing every comment with an insult.

    • Hey, at least he admitted he is a horrible person. I never even got that. But of course every terrible thing he did was my fault…

    • How about a turd cookie for that one. What an entitled ass. I guess he didn’t consider that you wanted a husband who wasn’t a horrible person. If he weren’t an asshole, none of this would have happened.

    • I got this too, except he admitted he was always a horrible person. I wasn’t what he thought I would be bc of sacrifices I made for him and his all important career.

    • How about: “I tried to end it with her”?
      This was a ten-year affair with a neighbor. They had a “marriage” ceremony and exchanged rings, because she wanted a “commitment” from him. Yes, make sure that your fuck-buddy feels secure in your relationship when you are cheating on your wife of (at that time) over 30 years.
      I guess he must have tried REALLY hard to break it off with her, but, gosh time just got away from him.
      Still no word about how hard he tried to “break it off” with all the women and men from Craigslist he was having sex with for the last decade.
      So, please give the guy a great big bitch cookie. Maybe I’ll serve it up with the divorce papers.

    • This is a common lie that cheaters tell “I wasn’t interested at all and resisted, but he/she kept pursuing me. He/she was very charming, persistent, persuasive, seductive, enchanting, etc.”

      Then they’ll combing this with “… and you weren’t meeting my emotional needs.”

      But yeah, it’s just a lie – they were fully intrigued and interested and responsive and receptive from Day 1, because that is what they are.

  • My ex is not getting any cookies, bitch or other wise.

    He is almost $4000 in arrears in school fees and has instructed the shool to allocate any fees he dose pay to the eldest child leaving the younger childs unpaid. all because she stopped visiting his abusive ass last June.
    And last months child support was a total of $13.14.
    Yet to claim on the childrens heath insurance I need to just blindly hand over a $1200 paid account and trust that he will claim it and refund me when it comes back. Or I go without claiming it.

    oh and is refusing to explain why he is not paying fees or provide me a list of what the children are covered for on the health insurance so I know there is no point in asking why the child support is so low.

    NO COOKIES FOR YOU! BITCH!

  • “I did 50% of the tasks i set out to do and its my day off!”
    Laundry – he washed and left the pile on bed so it gets wrinkled and frumpy.
    Vacuumed (badly)
    Didn’t do dishes.
    What he *did do* was jerk off 5 times that day – after going sexless marriage for past 3 weeks.
    Chocolate chip bitch cookie gor the 50%. I got verbal abuse for picking up slack on remaining 50% after coming home from work.

    • Ah yes. They don’t want to do the work but get mad when you do it. Sounds familiar.

      I would come home from work and finish all the housework. She told me even though I never said anything it felt like I was criticizing her by picking up the slack.

      One of the many things that made me such a horrible person that deserved to be cheated on.

      Good lord.

      • “I was going to do that!” (Name whatever task) And when I finally give up in disgust and do it myself, then I have “injured” and “emasculated” him. Oh, and I certainly didn’t do it correctly. When confronted with this behavior at our MC, he very grandly asked me to make him a list of small, medium, large tasks, and he would attend to them. That was 18 months ago. Two have gotten done, and guess who did them?

        Taking charge of my life, one task at a time.

        The so-called emasculation is one of the many reasons I am such a bitch, and why he cheated.

        All. My. Fault.

        Don’t make promises you can’t keep, asshole.

        • Oh god, ivyleague. This brought back a torrent of memories.

          I do NOT miss having to surreptiously redo the ONE thing that he finally got around to doing a half-assed job on, after weeks of my gentle reminders (verbal, email, text, sticky note, voicemail…). If I ever again hear the words “remind me later,” someone’s gonna get seriously hurt. Or “You just didn’t give me enough time to do it. You’re so impatient, eirene.”

          I have to go meditate now and bring down my blood pressure.

          • Oh, here is a bitch cookie for just saying you will do something (not that you actually ever will).

            • Yepp. It’s the usual “*I’ll* be doing dishes!” When i set out to work, 9 hours later ctheome home to sink still full, he’d spent the entire fucking day either listening to music and drinking or jerking off to online whores and drinking and i silently started doing dishes he’d come flying into the kitchen in a drunken rage “i was going to do those! You just made me out to be a liar!”.

          • same here.. ..

            i HATE to hear anyone say “i was going to___”.. .. i was going to do the dishes. i was going to fix the sink. i was going to do the laundry. i was going to throw the trash.. .. right 3 bags of trash and you were “going to” do it.. .. it drives me nuts… . i jump all over my kids if they say that to me.. . either do or dont do it but dont make excuses.. .. i hate that “was going to”

            and of course the shit he DID do was always half ass.. . for example we had a dishwasher. he would literally put the plates, bowls and cups in the dishwasher.. .. he NEVER put the silverware or pots.. . like it is soooOOOOoo hard to load a dishwasher and turn it on.. . ..

            if i ever said anything about it then i would hear how i was “never happy with anything he did”.. .. or how i bitch if it is not “done my way”..

            apparently i emasculated him by expecting him to do it right and not half ass.

        • That brought back memories for me to. Heard the same thing. He was embarrassed in front of the neighbors because I made him look bad by mowing the lawn. I emasculated him. 34 years he was never embarrassed enough to actually mow the freaking lawn

        • Oh yeah the MC.

          That was one of the things on her long list of stuff I did to make her have an affair.

          She’s such an asshole.

        • The act of making the promise becomes the fulfillment of the promise. He never had any intention of actually doing what he said he’d do. He just wanted me to acknowledge his good intentions and leave him alone.

          Because, l discovered, talk is what’s important. Actions take time and effort, which means they should be done by someone else. Preferably someone he hired, to mow the lawn, trim the bushes, repair the screens, clean the house… and even better if he can avoid paying the bill himself.

          Hey, he did the hard work finding and hiring someone to do what he refused to do. Why shoudn’t I be willing to do my part and pay the bill? Because, you see, even though he has plenty of money coming in every month, he’s always broke.

          • “Acknowledge my words! Pay no attention to the inaction!!”

            Oh, AC, you are absolutely right. I think he believes that he WILL do (whatever), but when pressed to actually come through, the resentment and hedging starts. Then he accuses ME of being half-assed about doing (whatever). Inertia is King, in his world, along with flat-out lies.

      • Ah, yes, doing more than your fair share of the housework AND being resented for it. Bonus! And sometimes even APOLOGIZING for doing more than my fair share, because she said, “you make me feel uncomfortable in my own home.” Because how I feel when our bedroom is overwhelmed with teetering mountains of your dirty laundry doesn’t matter. #goodtimes

  • Received this from fuckwit’s latest lawyer yesterday. My lawyer and I think he deserves a couple dozen bitch cookies for this one as there is a court order in place that he has to provide me with health insurance and we found out in January, I was no longer covered. Irony, I received this the day after I had surgery to remove a breast lesion with atypical cells. And fuckwit and good faith- a true oxymoron.

    We have spoken to our client regarding the health insurance/expense issue. He has indicated that he is willing to voluntarily pay Feelingit’s monthly premiums to the June Court date, as well as the unreimbursed expenses that were previously provide to us. This is intended as a gesture of good faith; it is not intended to be an admission that he is solely or partially responsible for those expenses, nor does his gesture indicate some type of agreement regarding such expenses going forward. Instead, we are simply trying to (1) remedy a situation that will cost about as much in counsel fees to fight over as the health expenses themselves, and (2) show some good faith in an effort to get this case on a more positive track. My hope is that we will all be sitting down together in the near future to explore alternatives to a trial that will surely go well beyond the 5 days scheduled in June

    • Feelingit,
      After reading your post my kitchen looks like a war zone. I am baking up batches of bitch cookies for fuckwit and his legal team, be it one lawyer or whatever. Lots of cookies will be needed as they are fat pigs!
      Seems I am low on some ingredients and have to run to the store. I can think of some very nasty things to add to my receipe.
      Honestly you just can’t make this shit up.

      “a gesture of good faith” they say. They need to look up the definition of “faith”
      ( they seem to be squirming a little and that is a good thing)!

      I will bake extra “bitch cookies” for Chumps to give out, my oven will sing!
      Fun Friday love to my CN Family,
      You are amazing, thank you for always holding me up!

      • Thanks peacekeeper! You make me smile! I would love to be at a cookie baking party in your kitchen. We could all laugh and help you clean up the “sh$t”!

    • Feeling It,
      My husband took me off insurance plans and mailing lists for accountants several times. I’m sorry that you are going through this!

    • I’m sorry, but that just strikes me as funny. It’s so transparently “We all know I was supposed to pay this, and I am paying it, but I am throwing words on a page to attempt to deny what this obviously implies.” Check with your lawyer that this means nothing and take the money.

      My ex wrote (and I signed) a statement that her leaving the house was not “abandonment”. It wasn’t legally enforceable but it got her out of the house. Check with a lawyer, but if letting him throw in meaningless extra verbiage gets you more money / more custody / more peace, then by all means accept it!

      I accepted stuff in my divorce agreement that I knew was unenforceable because letting her think she was pulling a fast one on me smoothed the process. For instance, she refused to let me register our youngest in my school district (owned formerly marital home) instead of hers (short-term rental, 1 mile away) until I agreed that I would fetch the kids from her house whenever she needed me to; it’s what I refer to as the “beck and call” clause: “Husband shall reasonably assist Wife with transportation to school from Wife’s residence, if Wife needs his assistance”. I knew she would never use it – she just wanted it in there to prove that divorce didn’t end my obligation to help her manage her life.

  • Mine doesn’t deserve any bitch cookies. Why? Because I think you have to do SOMETHING in order to get one.

    He never did anything he was supposed to do ~ before or after his cheating escapades.

      • Yup. No bitch cookie for spending the children’s college funds on an engagement ring (not for me – we were married 21 years)!

        • My ex spent what was supposed to go into our kids’ college savings fund on sex with prostitutes.
          His relatives tell me that they are sorry that he divorced me and then, ‘But he loves the kids!’ One of these days I might tell them how he used the kids’ college money…

          • At least yours earned money. I have had to work and provide for us because (insert latest excuse) and it is all my fault according to CH. I love Chump Nation. I know that I am not alone and that we will find Meh some beautiful Tuesday.

  • “But … I made sure I did not have sex with you when I started sleeping with she-who-must-not-be-named (when I was 4 months post partum with our second child after a horrible miscarriage).” Bitch cookie

    “She hides when you drop off the kids at my apartment (after we discussed the OW not being around our kids)… out of respect.” Dumb Bitch Cookie

  • He’s paying the mortgage on the family home, like he has for 13 years, and because it’s court ordered. – bitch cookie

    He checked the kids grades online – bitch cookie

    He makes the college payments for our daughter from the 529 plan in his name – bitch cookie

    He shopped for and wrapped Christmas presents all by himself – bitch cookie

    He wants to see the kids – bitch cookie, demanding to do it during my parenting time – entitlement cupcake!

    He’s letting me keep things acquired during our 16 year marriage – bitch cookie

    Thank you for this reminder CL! When the income earner is playing “starve out the other spouse” it’s easy to forget that they don’t deserve a prize for doing things they are supposed to do.

    • “Well, I’m taking our kids (with still perfect vision) to WalMart for their annual eye exams Wednesday night during MY parenting time. As custodial parent, doctor, dentist, orthodontist, counselor and physical therapist appointments are your responsibility.”
      3 Bare-minimum bitch cookies. Only 10 calories each.

      • Forgot haircuts, music lessons, tutor, religious education, early morning/late night practices, school/church socials and volunteer activities.

    • Yep, same here.

      “I don’t come around or ask for extra time with DD, because I don’t want to have to deal with you and your bullshit!!!”

      Yeah, blame me for abandoning wife and daughter and going straight to OWhore.

    • Because of you, I sure HOPE he isn’t the kind of father he wants to be. Your kids need a responsible dad in their lives, not a self-serving weasel accountable only to himself.

  • But it was ONLY two women in 30years, the hookers, porn and dating sites meant nothing, it’s you I love , I promise it’ll never happen again ……..BITCH COOKIE !

    • Similar to my bitch cookie: Sparkledick von Glitterballs huffed and puffed for his last time under what had been our roof: “but I was NEVER promiscuous!”. Bastard!

      • Hahaha. I got, “I only had four affairs.” Righhhhhhhhht. “Only.” But of course there were many more. Admitted to four, probably actually dozens. There aren’t enough bitch cookies in the world for that one.

        • I got the erectile dysfunction excuse: “I have a medical condition that only prostitutes can remedy.”

          You’re f’ing kidding me bitch cookie.

          • Then don’t stay married! If you want to live like that, get divorced. I’ll bet he did not tell you this gem until after he was caught.

        • I asked how many? He said only the 3 (that I had already told him I knew about) Then I asked “What about the woman on the cruise?”…..his response…Oh yeah that too.
          Of course I later found out that he is a serial cheater there were too many to count.

  • Hey” I followed the divorce decree.” This comment only after I filed a motion to take him back to court and had him processed served. He thought he was doing something extra special while delivering said court ordered documents through our adult daughter and accusing me of using the her to deliver documents.

    Double choco chip bitch cookie.

  • How about this: yes, I had unprotected sex with them all because I trusted them not to have STD’s and not to want to get pregnant, but I always used condoms with you anyway throughout the marriage to keep you safe.

  • “I never had sex with you and him on the same day.”

    “He paid for the hotels, not me.”

    “The sex wasn’t all that great. He always played weird music and kind of went into creepy trance.”

    All said during brief effort at reconciliation. Hard to believe now that none of these were dealbreakers. SMH.

    Stale, moldy, generic Hydrox knock-off bitch cookies. The kind sold by The Evil Girl Scouts outside the Wal-Mart in the Fifth Ring of Hell.

    • Ah, I got, “Any time I had sex with both of you on the same day, I always showered in between.”: Butch cookie!

      And, “OWhore was really mad at me and even threatened to end it with me when I refused to stop having sex with you, but I was loyal to you and kept having sex with you.”: pizza-sized bitch-cookie-topped-party-sized entitlement cake!

      • Me too! Thank you SO MUCH for the thoughtfulness of showering after condom free sex w sparkle pussy! Downright gentlemanly!

      • Lots of bitch cookies for OWhore:

        “I never said anything disrespectful about you to Fucktard!”

        “I urged him to go comfort you when you found out about us!”

        “Sex was only a small part of our relationship – most of it was activities we could all have done together!”

        “I never technically went to bed with him.” (No, they fucked only on some blankets she laid out on the floor, precisely so she could deny ‘going to bed’ with him)

        “I tried to get to know you better so I would feel bad about having an affair with your husband.”

        She should gain 30 pounds from all the bitch cookies I’d give her

    • Hydrox!!! Lolol. I’d forgotten those until now, Nomar!
      Worm, “But I sleep at home every night”
      and “I put money in our accounts every pay period”.
      That apparently justifies cheating, punching me repeatedly in the face and throwing me across the room…..good times………

    • Good God nomar. Well I’m sure you slept better at night with those nuggets of information.

      I got “I wasn’t with him until I knew our marriage was over”

      She forgot one small thing. Letting me know that the marriage was over!

    • Lol, I hear this. I got…”she was gonna reimburse me for half her plane ticket [for her flight to pursue affair with my ex]…I wasn’t gonna pay for the whole thing.”

      Ahhhhh, such a gentleman across the board!

  • Text to OW: “I’m washing dishes rn. Bc I know Tbone likes this. So I am doing it. Because…she won’t like what happens. I’m not going to treat her poorly. We will just….separate.”

    Washing dishes after a family meal I planned, shopped for, cooked, and you ate—probably while I gave our DD a bath? BITCH COOKIE!

    Delusional idea that after 19+ years of marriage that when I find out he’s planning marriage to one of his OW we will “just…separate”? Words fail me, but I suspect that it’s a major kibble for OW for winning at the pick me dance. Poor thing didn’t know he was cheating on her, too.

  • “I left the hotel before the she (Craigslist hooker) arrived, I knew I just couldn’t go through with it.”

    “I only responded to those personal ads because I knew you had put spyware on my computer.” (Note: I found the emails in a trash folder from 6 months before I put the spyware on the computer.

    “That was the first time I ever did anything like that.”

    “I left her hotel room because I knew I couldn’t go through with it.” (Separate instance, business trip, same bitch cookie – these fuckwits are NOT original.)

    • “I may have done all those things, but I’m not a bad person”
      Incredibly delusional.
      He gets a seven layer bar.

  • “You should be answering my calls and texts…….. I left you a bunch of gifts at the house for your birthday……. I want to spend the weekend with you”
    Previous weekend was spent “alone” with homeslice at the beach for her birthday. How fucking romantic. Bitch Cookie for remembering my birthday. And a fuck you just because.

  • “She is 10 down the list of women I would have an affair with. I have lunch all the time with women. ”

    This statement was given to me when I found out he met the OW for lunch after the initial D-day.

  • Thirty-five years married. The morning of the first day I was to spend my first night in my new (but as yet scantily furnished) apartment I got a call from my doctor’s office telling me a cancer screening test I’d undergone “came back positive.” He said, “Do you want me to come over after work? Just because I’m not married to you doesn’t mean I can’t care about you.” Wow. Bitch cookie extraordinaire.
    I’ve thought about that self-serving dispensing of emotional largesse, and I’ve decided that, actually, his not being married to me means he doesn’t get to (pretend to) care about me. Or for me. He didn’t care for me or about me when we were married, and he doesn’t get to earn “benevolent points” now.

    • Preach. I’m dealing with the same heroic a$$hole behaviour right now. I’m supposed to be gracious that he is so kind to me (even though that could flip on a dime if it suits him). He is not entitled to be “gracious” to me.

      • The whole turn on a dime thing. That scares me. I know how good he is at resentment. That is why I am civil to him. It makes coordinating kids schedules/college tuition/child support etc. so much easier. Now he wants me to be civil to Schmoopie too (not that I am uncivil, I just avoid her and don’t ever talk about her at all with the kids, but that isn’t good enough). I can tell he is now resenting me for that and I worry about what that will do to our otherwise relatively amical coordination so far. I insist on holding that boundary, however. I will continue to ignore Schmoopie. That’s as civil as I am capable of being right now.

        • Gah!!!
          Nope. Not me either. I have never spoken one word to OWife, ever. That’s as close to civil I will ever be.

  • “We only slept together twice” my ex let me know after me finding his online messages to MOW #1 when he explained it really wasn’t cheating

    • I got “we only had sex one time”, because you know, blow jobs, hand jobs, and other things like that are about as harmless as a high five.

      • This must be from the cheater’s songsheet. During a conversation about all the times he had cheated, my ex said of one particular person: “It’s not my fault I was with her – I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, and it wasn’t cheating. I only fingered her. I didn’t have sex with her.” Well that’s all right then!

    • I only slept with her once… maybe twice.. ok three times. It was only going on for 6 weeks…1 year… ok maybe 2 years. And that’s the truth, you can ask her. In reality it was TEN YEARS!

      • My favourite: “I only fucked her twice. Maybe less, 8 times” *insert eye roll and cognitive dissonace*. It’s not the Méxican Airforce one landing! Although he does claim to run a small country. Oops, business. 😏

  • The year I came to terms with my husband being a gaslighting, cheating, son of a bitch. I also waked with my youngest daughter through her cancer journey. For her tenth birthday that year he insisted on throwing her a massive party in the park inviting everyone he could think of. Claiming that he had always wanted to do it (throw birthday parties for the kids) but I had always stopped him. He didn’t just want a cookie he wanted the whole shop. Fast forward 3 years and the kid had to wait three months for her birhtday presents and when he handed them over when she visited at christmas she was them forbidden to bring them home.

    Narc only does stuff if he can get a pay of out of it. Bitch cookie, cake, slice, triffle, he will take it all. If he can’t have the payoff he is not interesed, not even in his children.

  • “She paid for all the times we stayed in hotels. She’s got a lot of money and she’ll get more when her parents die.” Bitch cookie.

    “I chose you.” This was his argument that he was “all in” after dday, one that he repeated to our youngest son. Double chocolate bitch cookie.

    • “I chose you!” after another six months of “false recovery. ” (yes I fell into the RIC for years, what a waste!).

      Yeah he chose me and I was so lucky cuz he’s the big prize. He’s with yet another and I kinda feel sorry for her.

      • Yes…..”you were the better choice, you’re more mature than her”.

        Choose a tall glass of paying spousal support for several years asswipe.

        • Lost220# 👏👏👏 these were the exact sentiments I graciously reminded him of when his Ukrainian bride didn’t ‘pan’ out. He assumed I’d be his plan b. #bitchplease … my eyebrows are fleek and require no permanent tattooing. Bahhhhh!!! The emotional and financial betrayal tab he rang up ain’t clear. Not for a while 💋

      • “I chose you.” Yay! Cue 3 years of wreckonciliation and pick me dancing before the next DDay. Our marriage counselor made a lot of money off me, keeping my hopium alive. What a chump.

  • One for cheater: “but I never loved her and I ended it before I told you.”

    One for bitch mil:”I can’t fire mow, she’s shown this family and company loyalty.”

    Oh Mylanta.

  • I was faithful the first 20 years!
    I took my ring off before fucking my boyfriend because of how much you and it meant to me!

    • No words. Fucktard X ran off with his AP (we were married 20 years) but I wonder if that’s only because his life was blowing up and he could no longer juggle his lying house of cards. His AP had let him know that she was not going to fuck a(nother) married man until he dumped his wife, oh, but that she would also be calling me to let me know about the affair. So either way he was screwed, but I believe he actually valued his fuck partner because she seemlessly fit so easily into his life’s narrative. I stumbled onto a news article celebrating their nuptials by someone who knew them and apparently they had been an item for years, she went on to share they sacrificed their love to “raise their children while unhappily married to their spouses,” BITCH COOKIE. Looking back I wonder if perhaps X wasn’t cheating all along, and when Ms. Convenient came along it was “true love.” I was just too naive to know and he had plenty of opportunity. It would explain a lot of my feelings, I was often blindsided by some of his personal choices (going on vacations without me, purchasing expensive items, etc). Life with him always felt off balance. Our marriage was unequal, I always did more, and wanted to believe the “fairy tale,” but in the end it felt like he had always had secrets.

  • I have feelings for someone else. If I take it to the next level (fucking her)
    .. I’ll let you know!

    Low life sociopath.. I will HATE him forever 👿

    • Simple comment but one of the most evil. You just be a good girl and sit and quietly wait. I decide your worth and if and when I’ll bring the pain.
      I hate him with you.

      • I got a variation of this shit: “NoKibble4U, I am attracted to all sorts of women now whereas I never even looked before. I am particularly interested in one of my coworkers. We send flirtatious emails and have occasional lunches. I haven’t done anything…yet.”

        Cookie Crisp Bitch Cookie. (The cereal that never tasted like it was supposed to taste – just a bunch of processed crap with a “non-nutritive cereal varnish” and “crunch enhancer”. Kind of like sociopathic ex.

  • I don’t think anything serious happened because when I woke up I had my clothes on. Said after returning from a business trip to Africa and after going to get himself an AIDS test. Got stinking drunk in the hotel bar and woke up with a prostitute giving him a blow job – but he still had his clothes on. Bitch cookie!

  • “I resisted his advances for a loooong time!”

    “It’s not like I went with a bunch of other guys like some people do. It was only one guy”

  • I may have shared this one before…

    “I should get credit for all of the years I didn’t cheat! I turned down so many chances!”

    Oreo Double Stuf drenched in Godiva chocolate and dusted with 24k gold leaf for this!

  • This isn’t ex but it is a guy who harassed me back in the day during a summer job (that I eventually quit-the boss was no help). He kept feeling up my breasts. I was too timid to slug him or kick him in the balls (wish I had) but I did try to avoid him and I did tell him to stop because it made me uncomfortable. I also reminded him that he was married and it wasn’t appropriate for him to be touching a young woman’s breasts. His response “I would never cheat on my wife, I would feel guilty about that”. Bitch cookie for him. He was just feeling me up (unwanted). It’s not like he raped me or anything. Then he would have been cheating on his wife (among other things).

  • While she was still having an open affair:

    (Studying her nails) “I really need a manicure, but I won’t; it’s too expensive. See the sacrifices I make for our family?”

  • Upon dropping our first born son off at college – to which he paid absolutely nothing towards, he was proud to throw a bag on his bed and say “Here’s some pens and post it pads I stole from work”. It took everything in me not to bitch slap him.

  • My entire 20 years with the cheater was a bitch cookie, I just didn’t know he had me managed to expect so little. I always knew I was the giver and he was the taker in life and for some reason, thought this was normal as marriage takes work.

    I even spackled that shit for not only him but everyone else. No wonder everyone thinks he’s such a great guy!!He LOOKS like a double chocolate chip chunk cookie, and only I know the true BITCH that’s in that batter.

    • Me too twiceachump! The level of mindfuckery is incredible! I don’t understand how I allowed myself to be conditioned to expect so little and to be happy with the scraps that I got. I can see so clearly now how I gave and gave and gave and all he did was take and take and take. But like you, I thought that was normal because that had always been my life. We had been together since high school and I just thought that was the way things were, that was my choice and I had to make the best of it. And I did that for a very long time. I’m a champion spackler and I managed his image so well that everyone thought he was the greatest guy. People were stunned and horrified when they learned he abandoned his kids and wife of 15 years for his internet girlfriend and immediately moved 600 miles away to start a new life with her because they all thought he was a “such a good guy”.
      I always knew his family was fucked up but I thought he was a better person, I always thought he rose above the disorder of his family to be better than what he came from. I truly believed this. But turns out, he was just like the rest of his family. However, I do think he came off as a better person when he was with me because I’m a good person.
      Seeing who he is now, I can’t believe that I was ever married to him.

      • Amen. I thought my cheater X was better than both of his personality-disordered divorced parents and his drug-addicted, grifter brother. He faked it so well. Turns out he’s worse. None of them ever fucked someone over as badly as he did me and my family.

      • “I always knew his family was fucked up but I thought he was a better person, I always thought he rose above the disorder of his family to be better than what he came from. I truly believed this. But turns out, he was just like the rest of his family. However, I do think he came off as a better person when he was with me because I’m a good person.”

        ^^^^^^THIS^^^^

      • Ditto, same story. And 8 months after divorce, and a year of separation, the true depth of his sociopathy still brings new surprises.

    • This is exactly it. He isolated me from all my friends and family, and conditioned me to do anything for crumbs of affection and decency from him. My self esteem and self respect disappeared. I have to get it back for the sake of our kids , like yesterday. And trust that he sucks whenever I think he is sadly sausaging and saying “feelings” type things to me. I’m convinced he is a sociopath that is faking all feelings except gratification when his ego is stroked.

      • Littleghost, I’m so sorry he managed to isolate you. That’s so typically abusive, but they often do it so gradually and indirectly that we don’t realize for a long time!

        No Contact or, if you must have some contact, Gray Rock will help a lot with remembering that he sucks. ‘Cause you won’t have to listen to his having the sadz! You’ll be amazed by how quickly your head will clear!

  • Sure I strayed off the path a few times but I always returned to you. (while divorcing when I found out this was not his first affair). This was him trying to show me he had Character???

    When I was writing her love letters I was not sure what to say so I thought of you…

    I over estimated my relationship with the kids and under estimated yours with them. (explaining why he talked down about me to the kids behind my back for years)

    You always ruined Christmas by playing Santa with the gifts under the tree, how were the boys going to know that I bought them those gifts?

    • TheBestMe- he thought of you….. how fucking sweet. My ex told me he couldn’t finish when he was having sex with her because he was thinking of me. During hopium I actually thought that was sweet. Ridiculous and disgusting

  • Every time the subject of new babies came up, ESPECIALLY after we learned our DD was pregnant, “I changed DD’s first diaper and it was AWFUL!!” Never mentioning he helped with MAYBE 10 more – total – between DD and then DS a few years later. Bitch cookie.

  • From ex:
    “I am making this as easy on you as I can.” Bitch cookie for not being an even bigger jerk than he already is.

    “The next time you talk to my aunt please tell her how much I am paying in child support so she won’t think I am a jerk.” I guess auntie is supposed to give him a bitch cookie.

    “Why can’t you be friendly to Schmoopie? I was friendly to the guy you are dating” Bitch cookie for being polite to someone who never screwed you over and demerits to me for not being friendly to someone who did screw me over.

  • “I didn’t tell you about my having HPV when you asked because I was afraid you wouldn’t date me.”

    This was tearfully told to me when I was 6 months pregnant with our first child. While sobbing. Why did he tell me at all? He thought he was having a relapse and I would find out anyway.

    Does that count as a bitch cookie?

    • Mine said the same thing but replace HPV with multi-year gay affairs–and so even asked him directly while we dated if he ever had sexual relations with a man.

  • “8 years ago, I came back to the marriage. I chose you.” (after a multi-month, torrid affair with gradwhore, during which he took her on a conference trip to Mexico, and let her stay in the room to hear the conversation with me while he asked for a divorce–changed his mind a week later to “return” to the marriage, unbeknownst to me that there had been a third party. Should not have had to audition for a role I’d already been granted.)

    • I like how you put that “I should not have had to audition for a role I’d already been granted”

      I’m going to make a note of that and use it next time she tells me that she “chose me”

      Thanks

    • The emotional voyeurism of the other women bother me as much as the sex.

      Allowing a stranger access to the intimacy and the secret landscape of a marriage is a grotesque, hellish betrayal that can never be forgiven.

      • Yes! It makes me sick. I found a message he sent her that “I have to go to lunch w littleghostchump so she can yell at me some more “ complete w eye roll emoji! Yelling was me tearfully asking him to stop crushing my heart . Ugh.

      • I agree, absolute gross violation of treating your spouse with basic human dignity.

        In my case, knowing about the eavesdropped conversation by gradwhore was initially soul-crushing, but became therapeutic. Any sentimental thoughts I had about the marriage post-divorce were immediately crushed by the knowledge that he had let gradwhore hear our intimate conversation, after 16 years (at the time) and 2 children together.

        Sometimes the worst things cheaters do are what best propel us out of any lingering emotional attachment to the fuckwits.

        • Yes, this, “…worst things cheaters do are what best propel us…” forward. After what he did, Fucktard no longer has any right to be part of my life. Our children’s…yes. Not mine though. X actually writes to me at times, urging me “to get along” because we will be seeing one another at “functions in the future.”
          #ohhellNO #younolongergettotellmewhattodo #delusional #happydivorce
          After all the drama leading up to Dday, then the financial and emotional abuse in the long drawn out divorce, I have been healthily no contact for eight years, have never spoken to skank Owife, don’t intend to, and ignoring them both for the crap people they are works just fine for me. #betterlife

          • When we separated, I intercepted emails between him and an OW explaining why I was so “insecure” as to object to “opening up my marriage a little.” He explained to that 28 year old S&M exhibitionist that as a 48 year old mother of two my body had changed, and then he went into detail on how exactly it had changed. He failed to mention how I did everything in the marriage while he spent my money and hours and hours of family time working out, running, and playing tennis to maintain his body.

            Betrayal sucks.

  • After 17 years together and more Ddays than I can count, I told him it’s over. His response? But I’ve loved no one but you.

  • “But I didn’t sleep with Valerie!!!!!”
    (Right after I found out that he slept with some other woman, then came home and slept with me. Super relieved that Valerie wasn’t a problem though.)

    • Ah! My husband had a nine year affair with married Valerie – maybe she was too busy.

      He told me “but you’re still the favorite”. Yowza.
      Have a cookie, Goofy.

  • “I put every spare penny into this family” ( but actually had a £400 a month hooker habit) bitch cookie.
    “I paid for our sons new computer.” ( no, son paid half, XH scrounged rest off his own father who is 92). Double choc bitch cookie.
    “I’ll do the laundry as I can see you are struggling to keep up” ( not just a way to belittle me over housework when I was in full time job earning big bucks and he did fuck all, but also meant I wouldn’t find out he was secretly wearing ladies underwear in his spare time). Triple chocolate bitch cookie served with fucking glitter on a stick.
    Fucking asshat.

    • Ally,
      That just struck me as pretty funny in a ridiculous sort of way. A triple win for him: 1-he demonstrates his willingness to “help” you. 2-he conveys the message that you are incompetent and need him. 3-he hides his underwear fetish.

      It reminds me of a little child trying to hide the sheets when he wet the bed the night before. Sweet in a child, contemptible in a husband.

  • From the guy who fucked many many strangers, both male and female, for over almost half of the 22 year marriage:

    “Essentially I’m an honest man. I ONLY lied to one person,” (that would be the wife) “… and that was ONLY about my behaviour in the sexual realm and anyway they were lies of omission.”

    I believe we have a winner here in the Minimisation Bitch Cookie category.

    • I’m astounded at the people who think that “lies of omission” aren’t still lies! I told my Ex it was hard to make family decisions when I only had half the truths. He didn’t get it.

      So when he did that to his NEXT wife, she dumped him out of her car onto the side of the road, about 20 miles out of town. (He’d told her that he was a wealthy retired guy; she learned that she was supposed to be his support!) Good for her! A great bitch cookie.

  • I got $5000 in the year he left—his contribution to household expenses for the year..for three properties.. Hey that’s just great—my 50 year old husband made the same money as a teenager at Mcdonalds. He said “ I shouldn’t have to work anymore/- I ran our business for 20 years”. This after blowing our life savings of 500k in that failing business. Yup give the man a bitch cookie.

  • “Do you know how many chances during our 20 year marriage I had the opportunity to have affairs and didn’t!!??” ~~ here’s your whole batch of bitch cookies

  • I’m a good father – BITCH COOKIE!!

    Because every great father spends the majority of his kids infant and toddler years in prison.

    • Couple more that came to mind:

      “I’m making extra child support payments to catch up on my arrears.”

      “I’m sure if I saw you in person, I would fall in love with you all over again.”

      C is for Cookie!!!

  • I showed up for a parent-teacher conference! The only one EVER! I don’t know the teacher’s name or where her room is located, but I AM HERE ! Bitch cookie!

  • “But I told her I was a Christian and that what we were doing was wrong.” Said with emphasis and deep feeling. Yah, right. What a great witnessing job. Like I’m supposed to be so impressed and give him credit for being a good boy. Disordered freaks, all of them.

    I’m so happily free of that cheater.

  • My ex husband said this on bomb drop day, “I told Magic Vagina that out of respect for you, I wouldn’t touch her until I broke it off with you”. I truly think he expected me to be impressed by his nobility! The kicker is that I found out about a week later that he had given me an STD. His ability to absolve himself of all wrong-doing is astounding and probably deserving of another bitch cookie!

    • Once a Chump-
      The fact that he cared so little about your health and subjected you to an STD truly pisses me off.

      • You and me both! I kicked his ass to the curb and seriously am happier than I’ve been in a long, long time!

  • “I don’t think I’m just like my father.” (A man who had multiple affairs, divorced my ex’s mother and left her pretty much penniless, and then married his 19-year-old affair partner.)

    So apparently, having an affairs with several 27-year-old women over the course of the marriage is better behavior.

    • Yeah, I think my ex consoles himself that he’s not as bad as his father. Forgetting, of course, that if he had been? He’d be in jail, several times over by now.

      I think it’s only fear of consequences and of looking like a sociopath (not just an asshole) that kept him slightly in reign. ONLY 2 affairs in 14 years (plus the ones he had when he was in his previous long-term relationship). And ONLY threatening me physically very very convincingly, rather than actually sending me to hospital.

      Bitch cookie for him!

  • I brought the kids home on time from my parenting time(cuz I have PT weekly only see them once every 3-4 weeks) – bitch cookie
    I pay child support (government deducted from paycheck) – bitch cookie
    I support the kids (I come to 5 min of her hs sports along with shoompie and her small kids) – bitch cookie
    I support the kids (I have a gay son but can’t say/type/accept him completely and have never been to his performing arts high school) – bitch cookie
    I support the kids (I have a daughter in college but don’t talk to her and get anger when she doesn’t text me daily)- bitch cookie
    I support the kids (I have an daughter that moved out with me and has not spoken to her mother for almost 3 years which I perpetuate) – bitch cookie
    I support the kids (I have a daughter from a previous relationship that I don’t speak to and get mad when she doesn’t text me daily plus it makes me super angry that now her mom has passed, my daughter is super close to my ex wife). – bitch Cookie
    I pay you to take care of the kids – bitch cookie
    My new family needs me…. the kids are younger. Our kids are grown and on their own (her kids are single digits ours are in the teens and 20’s) – bitch cookie
    The dude …. and shmoopie(cuz she cheated on her ex more than once and wound up with my dreamboat) ….. need a delivery truck of cookies.

    • Oh wait…. I forgot….
      At least I’m home every morning by the time our kids get up(after sneaking into her house and spending the night) – bitch cookie
      At least I leave every morning before her kids get up(after sneaking into her house and spending the night) -bitch cookie
      We have been discreet for the sake of the kids- giant bitch cookie
      I didn’t officially move in until our divorce was final- giant bitch cookie
      I never really loved you. I just stuck around for over 20 years to be sure the kids were safe cuz you’re crazy. – get that man a cookie cake.

  • I didn’t abandon you for another woman, I am still here in the house and paying the bills (while still seeing other woman)—-bitch cookie

  • Telling son that he will be giving $10,000 towards his wedding when the trip to Italy with the whore (while parents still married), cost more than double that. –BITCH COOKIE.

  • I offered to help you out and you refused.

    His offer to help was to show up for about an hour each week. This was right after my c-section with 2 other kids, 2 dogs, 1 car, and a house to take care of while he was off with the then 23 year old.

  • “ i’m a good dad and you’re not gonna make me choose between her and them”. Said right after I told him that the babysitter OW couldn’t continue living in our home

  • After yet another dday (him with same OW) I took the kids and went to the beach for the weekend so I didn’t accidentally KILL HIM in his sleep. He “painted ALL weekend” the eldest daughters bedroom and even sent me photos of his progress. Along with doing all of the laundry. Way to step it up!!!! ….bitch cookie for you!

  • Cheater EH used a assumed name and fake identity when dating his other woman in another country for 1 year (only 1 chapter of his series of infidelities) She was completely unaware he was married with children. Sociopathic EH told me he created the fake identity to “protect you and the kids.” Huh? How kind of you.
    Bitch cookie!

      • Isn’t it the filthiest thing you have ever heard?
        When he said it, I went and googled it on urban dictionary.

        I was not sure exactly what it meant. So that’s how he thinks of women. He is a misogynistic demon.

  • I got yelled at in the month before he left because I didn’t tell him how GRATEFUL I was that he bothered to mow the yard. Later, when my sweet 16yo son had to take over because his dad couldn’t be bothered to be a decent human being and was gone, he commented on the obvious lack of care his dad had taken with the yard and house. “You can tell he was planning to leave,” he said. Out of the mouths of babes.

    Also, when he told me he “wasn’t sure” about being married anymore, he said he was sorry to have to tell me that and he only did it then because he felt like God told him he needed to be honest about his feelings toward me.

    Sure, honey, that’s great that you’re following God’s will now! Just ignore anything in the Bible you say you read (in the bathroom, using a phone app) that says anything about fidelity and loving your wife and not screwing other people. I’m just so glad you’re obeying the Lord now by telling me you don’t want to be married after all these years!

    And that was when I was trying to give up swearing! FML

    • “like God told him he needed to be honest about his feelings toward me.”
      Honest to God, what an asshole.

    • He Never. Once. Mowed. The Lawn. He got a ticket. So I mowed the lawn. When the grass got high again, he refused to take his turn. So I hired a service and paid for it for the next 10 years. My Dad asked why my young athletic husband couldn’t do any of the yard work. I shrugged and said jokingly “I don’t know but it’s cheaper than a divorce.

      In order to pay for things like that I worked my ass off to get promotions and raises. I paid the bills, opened the mail, bought the stamps, handled the money, bought his clothes, took his dog to the vet, hired the child care, bought the presents, sent the cards, planned the vacations, bought him a car, paid for his therapist, his career coach, and our marriage counselor, made his dr appointments, and took his mother to the hospital when he simply couldn’t be bothered. And I was so proud of myself for being such a badass woman and marriage partner.

      Dumb chump. Divorce would have been much cheaper.

  • The OW is pressuring me to get married so can we delay divorce so I have more time to think about this? I really do miss you and the “family”. SMH

    • Meno,
      Sorry that you got this sorry request!
      I got a ‘lite’ version of this from boyfriend/’friend’ of 30 years when he discarded me the last time–‘Can I think about this (our relationship) over the weekemd?’ Guess 30 years wasn’t enough time but 3 days would make a difference. For once in my subservient, doormat-modeling life I said, ‘No.’

  • Me: It was really, really hard for me, what I went through after finding out you cheated with a stripper 35 years younger than me.

    Him: It was hard for me too.

    *** this after finding it necessary to tell me he doesn’t climax with anyone but me.

    Sorry, no come for you, Fuckwit.

  • For mother’s day one year, got HIMSELF a tattoo as a ‘gift’ to me so that ‘now, I won’t insult you for having tattoos (that I had done long before he met me) anymore’

  • From the first affair –
    “I never let her kiss me. I told her I only kiss you.” (Lucky me)
    ” You both should see each other naked. Then you wouldn’t have any more body issues.” ( WTF? Not in my lifetime)

    Then from during our time trying to reconcile after the second affair – ” I haven’t heard from her in a while and I was curious how she was doing because I like to gauge my swimming progress against hers.” It never entered his mind that in any way it was inappropriate for him to be in contact with her. Again, lucky me.

    • ” You both should see each other naked. Then you wouldn’t have any more body issues.”

      -did he have in mind a threesome? having OW parade through your living room naked? Showing you her sexting pictures?

      Having been on this site for over 3 years, I assumed nothing could shock me any more. Today’s comments are proving that wrong.

  • I never used our bedroom! I know how much you didn’t want that! I used the rooms downstairs.

    (ohhh how considerate of you! – NOT!!)

  • “As long as I provide (financially) for my family and don’t hurt you by keeping my affairs and one-offs a secret, what is the harm?”

    • Oh that reminds me. I also got: “If you let me keep seeing her before I move out I promise to be discreet”. Bitch cookie for being discreet.

      • And that reminds me of his whining: ” what difference does it make if one little piece of my penis touches one tiny piece of her vagina?” The fact that the Marriage Counselor continued to meet with us and support our wreconciliationafter he made that statement, proves she was only in it for the dollar bills. I asked my therapist, who recommended the MC, how often she had seen reconciliation work and she said it does happen some times. I’d like to see a longitudinal study on that. I’m gonna guess the frequency of recidivism for a cheater who can rationalize the irrational, and not accept consequences, rises to 100% by year 5, if not year 1

  • Quote from my then fiancé, in college, me in the service, while discussing our options about her surprise pregnancy: “I can’t bear to make you worry and suffer about this any longer ……..the baby isn’t yours”.

  • “I do more than most dads going through divorce. Anybody else would be happy with all I still do for you- you’re so unappreciative , you just want more more more. You feel entitled to get everything without giving anything!”

    This is the constant response I get after 10 years of him cheating, lying, gambling and doing drugs. last year he left me and our 6 year old directly after I was diagnosed with cancer and he moved in with another woman. his response to my diagnosis was ” please get a document prepared releasing me of any financial responsibility that may come due to you having cancer. and you need to sell the house immediately. your going to need all the money you can get to pay for being sick.”

    short version……fuckwit in need of bitch cookie

      • Honestly – I’ve almost accepted that I’m going to get screwed. He will come out winning looking like a champ – he always does. He has sucked every bit of positive light and hopefulness out of my life , my kids ,my family’s , – and it gets down to this. I want to be one of these super strong ‘chump lady’ bitches and stick to my guns and get what I deserve. But the soon to be ex is better at the game than I am- much better. I’m his fifth wife he is my first husband. He is a financial advisor and moves money around by trade . I’m sick- literally all over and I have a little girl that really needs some normalcy back in her life . She has lost so much for being so young . Every day that passes that I’m not focusing my attention on her and my health and spending my time trying to battle a guilty greedy POS with no conscious or moral standard that is nothing short of a modern day white gangster in a suit- is a another day we are losing more. I don’t know how much time I have to give to her as her mom. I’m on attorney #4- things begin going terribly foul once the discovery process begins and thus far have had 3 attorneys threatened and blackmailed to the point of terminating the legal relationship . Maybe I’m a whimp but I’ve given all I’ve got . He is going to wipe his ass with me and leave me destitute because he doesn’t want to look like the shit bag he is. He is screwing up my kid and I just want to be done . Fuckwits cancer bad attorneys and life being too short…. sucks!

        • I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. Amazing that they caused all of this and then make the divorce process so arduous and expensive. I had delays, forged documents, stolen money and hidden income and perjury. Take care of yourself and little girl. Trust that they suck….just don’t let him suck the life out of you!

        • Anything he does the SEC be interested in? IRS? Client’s money?

          What does he do shady? Use it against him.

        • You are mighty. I am so sorry that he is in you and your daughter’s life. He is a pathetic monster. You have love and meaning and a strong character, your daughter is lucky for that. I don’t mean to be patronizing, but if you start a go fund me page, i will donate.

    • Mine wanted to know what was going to happen to my share of the money when I died from Cancer…. He told me I should not leave it to the boys 16 & 17 (that he no longer sees) but I should leave it to him and his OW and he would take care of them.

      This from the same conversation where I begged him to at least help put one of them thru school (oldest 1st year of college) until I could recover. His answer was NO, so I told him I would never speak to him again… proud to say I am 100% no contact.

      It was a cold slap in the face to realize that he was celebrating my death.

  • After Dday and post filing, when I am trying to figure out how much Douchebag has siphoned out of our checking account, “When I went out with the OW she always paid her own way.” Well let me dig around and see if I can find her some GOLD STARS! Also, “Most of the time, we stayed at the Renaissance rather than the Four Seasons so that I didn’t spend as much of our marital funds.”

  • “When we had sex, it felt so wrong, like I was cheating on her.”

    So now that they are married, I wonder how long that will last?? Bitch cookie!!!!

  • “I’m over two years sober from weed, drugs and alcohol…”
    This is after he got hit with a DUI and jail time. He’s sober because he’s on probation, not by choice…but he wants me to tell him I’m proud of him….smh.

  • Takes 50/50 custody to get out of paying child support then “lets” me have full time “visitation” because he’s so “generous.” I don’t mind being the full time parent but I do mind struggling financially since he makes 3 times more than me. The bitch cookie is when he continues to text both of us demanding a thank you for his being such a generous (!!) dad and railing against me for parental alienation when we ignore those ridiculous demands

    • NoMo of that shit!!!

      Thats ridiculous, exh2 thiught he was going to get the same deal. April Fool’s, dumbass!!! I knew he was just trying to avoid child support
      Dick

    • Did he lend the asshole manual to my Ex?

      Mine has been pressuring me to consent to orders or an agreement saying that our 15yo daughter will be living with him 50% of the time. She lives with me and has spent only a few weekends in the last year with him. She definitely doesn’t want to live with him half of the time (he is a jerk to her, is nasty to her about me and her older siblings and demanded that she cook 1/2 the meals and then clean his house and mow his lawn when she did spend a couple of weekends with him – dad of the year, right? She told him to stuff it and hasn’t gone back). If he tried to take it to court, he would be laughed out of the room in our country, because a 15 yo with valid reasons not to see someone will not be forced to do so.

      I suspected it was all only about child support. That got even more likely when he made the Oh So Generous offer that we could do 50/50 orders and our daughter could stay with me the whole time if she wanted and he wouldn’t force her to go see him.

      Then he accidentally let it slip during property settlement negotiations that he wanted orders saying our daugher would live with him “enough so that no-one has to pay child support” and she could stay where she wanted, but staying with me should not be taken into account in negotiating the property settlement. He has also stated that he thinks it only fair that I agree to orders that say she is staying 50/50 with him, since he has generously signed orders to pay me out of our old house and will need a larger mortgage, so he shouldn’t have to pay child support.

      What a man! What a dad! Bitch cookie with sprinkles for him.

      • It’s amazing how they justify their own cheapness and dress is up as generosity! That they do this with their own kids is the worst.
        Mine wanted mediation because he thought we could “avoid lawyers.” Then the mediator said that we’d need a lawyer to prepare and file the paperwork after we struck our agreement, and he said, “Well, if it’s hers then I don’t think I should have to pay, because her lawyer will be working for her.” But if the shoe were on the other foot, and HE hired the lawyer? Then it’s joint marital funds because it’s for “us.”
        I won on this one: we’re not doing mediation because we have nothing to mediate (we agree on the split of assets), and my lawyer will take our agreement, work it up, and file with the courts. If he wants, he can take what she writes up to a lawyer to make sure my lawyer hasn’t somehow pulled a fast one on him.

  • “You don’t need to be checked for STDs- I had an affair with her for 5 years!”
    Bitch Cookie!

    • yes this but mine said, when I asked if he used a condom “She’s not like that, she’s clean”. I said how do you know –she fucks married men! SMDH

      • De ja vu. She was a divorce lawyer getting a divorce from a divorce lawyer. But they didn’t use protection because “she’s not that kind of person” even though he claims she seduced him. What kind of person is she? “She’s amazing. You would really like her if you got to know her. Her ex was cheating on her and he was terrible to her.” Later, he tells me,”if we split up, I don’t want your money.” Huh, what money? And if we had any, he wouldn’t be entitled to it, because: cheating. Apparently he was getting advice from her about how to get spousal support since I made more money than him. “She thinks you and I should try to work it out if we can, since divorce is so terrible for the kids.” (Bitch cookie for her). No, they both wanted me to sleep with him again so they could prove “condonation.” In my state, if you get back together with your spouse after knowing they had cheated, you lose all the legal protections that confers in a divorce.

  • I didn’t cheat with anyone!! Nobody wanted to hook up with me. Big ol’ Bitch cookie. And it didn’t stop him later.

  • B-Cookie for estranged husband who said, ‘I had sex with prostitutes while we were married, and I had multi-year long gay affairs before we were married which I lied to you about before we got married. I thought that we could start fresh (after this confession and after he filed for divorce, took me to court on false allegations of committing crimes, and requested sole custody of our kids).

    B-Cookie for boyfriend who said when he discarded me the last time, ‘You can hang around me, but no lovey dovey (affection for you)!’ Later, when I asked him why he said that, he sat mute and then said, ‘But at least I helped you set up your son’s birthday party (put out some lawn chairs).’ (I had driven to his house (up to 40 miles) for a couple of years once or twice a week to cook, play house for him, boost his ego, etc., basically act as his (good) wife without the perks.) B-cookie for him!

    Medal of Honor for Extreme Heroism Under Fire for boyfriend (my fellow military officer): He said after last discard, ‘I don’t want you pining for me by the phone on a Friday night.’ When’s his (narc’s) award ceremony? Make sure the photographer knows when to show up!

    From now on, any cookies go to my kids and DESERVING others!

    • My ex also used the “start fresh” and “blank slate” whenever he hoovered after a breakup. He would profess his undying love, promises to change and promise a “fresh start”. Or a “clean slate”. I used to think “what do I need a clean slate for? I haven’t done anything wrong…”.

      Then we would get back, I would find out all the shit he did while we were broken up (sleeping with lots of different women), I would get upset and he would tell me “well how was I supposed to read your mind, YOU broke up with ME, I thought it was over for good?” Well then why did you harass me for weeks after the breakup while screwing other people. According to him: doesn’t count because we were broken up. But he still loves me.

  • “I did more things around the house when your dad was going through cancer treatments…I supported you!”

    Yes Your Royal Selflessness, when your partner of 20 years spent extra time with her father struggling through stage 5 cancer, you did more dishes and picked up your daughter from school a few extra times. You are a saint.

  • Cheater and Schmoopie: We would jump out of the hotel bed after each and every roll in the sack and pray for Gods forgiveness!
    Yeah, sure! Then what? Did God say “okay, do it again and it’s cool cause I forgive you? Huge bitch cookie!

  • I washed my plate and cup (nevermind the pile of dirty pans etc. from him cooking) –bitch cookie

    I gave you the desk I had my plants on.(the free desk we found on the side of the road) — bitch cookie

    pathetic lying lazy dirty pos. bye felicia

  • After finding out he was meeting men from Craigslist and I was worried about STD’s he said,
    “I would never put you in danger like that” – bitch cookie

    As it became clear I would be paying him alimony, he said,
    “You really dodged a financial bullet, I could have gotten a lot more” – bitch cookie

    • Yeah, mine was on Craigslist m4m. He complained about the flakes that never showed up. Sad sausage much? Guess the 20 or so that did show up didn’t count. Or the countless other women. He did go 5 MONTHS without cheating (out of 41 YEARS married), guess that earns him bitch cookies for life.

    • You have to pay him alimony?
      It’s an abomination.
      Hell, it would almost be worth it just stop working and go live incognito in Romania. So he would never get a red cent.

  • I barely ever talked to her, it was only text. Phone logs reveals several phone bills with 3 hour PLUS phone conversations pretty much weekly and continues for a year.

    She will never be half the woman you are. So yeah.. Umm Thanks?!?

    I used a condom so I don’t need a STD test.

    I was foolish to think you’d just forget what happened (sleeping and carrying on a secret relationship with another girl).

  • I only had two affairs. At least that is all I will admit to. I had one affair with a co worker so I could steal from my job so that way I would not have to use family money to satisfy my endless wants.

  • My 22-year old son – after nine weeks at a sober house for men recovering from substance abuse – was suddenly evicted by his supposed “counselor.”*

    As unemployed X delivered him (and his four black trash bags full of his belongings) to my house, he said, “I picked him up because you were at work.” Then he rushed home to meet Skanky to get to Holy Thursday services at their Catholic church, leaving me with the huge shitpile.

    And I dove right in, because as the sane parent, I will always help my son solve problems, while dear old dad “prays for him.”

    Now two weeks later, my son is living in temporary housing, continuing his recovery and working full time. I couldn’t be more proud of him. But I know it can all come crumbling down at any time.

    Which it probably will this weekend. Seems dear old dad talked him into a weekend at Cape Cod. This is the same dad who – as he was helping him load his trash bag luggage into the trunk two weeks ago – said, “I just wish you would get your act together; I really hope you and I can have a beer one day.”

    Cape Cod weekends are drinkfests. So I’ll spend the weekend waiting for “the call.” God, I hate that X is my kids’ father.

    *FWIW, my son never threatened his counselor, and the man even word-for-word substantiated what he considered to be the “threat.” By all threat assessment protocol, it was nowhere close. But it seems the “counselor” evicts a lot of men in the program he just doesn’t like. We filed a complaint with the State and are trying to find an attorney.

    • Omg I’m so sorry . That is all kinds of awful. I hope your son can make it through the “cape cod weekend”

    • Is he actively trying to sabotage your your son’s sobriety or is he just another jaw-dropping idiot?

      Not to go too far off on a tangent, but an addict’s brain rewires once they are in active addiction. This means that yes at first, it was a choice to pick up whatever substance they use to escape feelings of pain.

      But as the condition progresses, many scientist do not think it is a choice. The actual synapses in the brain have been re-wired differently.

      For this idiot to tempt your son when he is clawing his way back out of sobriety is past abuse – it’s blatant cruelty.

  • During the 6 months my ex wife was having an affair, we did not have sex.

    When the bubble bursted, when I asked how could she cheat on me, she says “I was technically not cheating since we had not had sex during that time (she was having an affair and sleeping with him)”.

    Bitch cookie – raisin and oatmeal with choc chips and nuts. Lol !

  • “I tried at first. I have a clear memory of trying.” Dude, no. I distinctly remember that you were always an asshole: ditching the family every weekend in favor of partying, butt dialing me from assorted gentleman’s clubs, ogling anything vaguely female, and all the other douchebag moves I forgave and forgave, spackled and spackled. For your entirely fictional memory of “really trying at first,” a bitch cookie the size of a hubcap, with extra sparkly nark sprinkles. Please choke on it with my blessings.

    • Mine ..really really ..tried according to him last year to win me back and come home to our family.
      He was on Tinder mind you ‘to meet friends’ and went on only a few dates.
      One was with a reiki healer he meet on Tinder and in his words they had lunch and talked like adults then she did reiki on him, the next day he was trying to get me into bed.
      Yeah sorry not nearly good enough, self worth is coming along nicely with the help of CL, low contact and yoga.

  • “When you went to the doctor because of the stress (my finding the FB “teen-love” messages) I ended the affair straight away.”
    Very caring.

  • “I knew I fucked up and felt really bad about it afterwards”. Awww… sad little sausage wanna bitch cookie?

  • Can I give my as of Tuesday ex father in law a bitch cookie? When the news of DDay broke, he asked my ex/his son (who can do no wrong) whether or not I was withholding sex. Um. No. It was YOUR SON who withheld sex throughout the many years he was depressed and yet I faithfully stayed by his side.

    My ex sister-in-law also gets a bitch cookie. Apparently my ex-husband came clean to her a long time ago and she asked, “Why would you tell April the truth? What are your motives?” Um? Learning how to tell the fucking TRUTH for once??? My ex sister-in-law has similar issues of lying to her own intimate partners.

    And one more bitch cookie for my ex-mother-in-law. When everything exploded on June 14, she was angry at my ex-husband/her son because she thought her son told me the truth. She didn’t realize that I had found out from the OW. She asked her son, “Why did you tell her (referring to me)? You ruined everything!”

    Apparently the LIE LIE LIE apple didn’t fall far from the family tree. Bummer it took me 23 years to see the…um…truth.

    • runs in the family. My Cheater Wife and her cheater brother have become best buddies since Dday. They have so much in common now. They hang out at concerts and go to bars together.

      Ex-MIL felt her cheater daughter had “made a mistake” and “I need to get over it” for our child’s sake.

      Ex-FIL just says nothing, ever. He’s so beaten down by his a-hole wife sometimes I think he’s just waiting for her to die so he can be free.

  • “Hi, I was going past the butcher’s and bought you some brats you can make for our dinner,” he said, after taking Schmoopie out to brunch at the best brunch place in town. The butcher shop is across the street.

  • After DDay, during our fake reconciliation, I asked him if she was using birth control. He said,”I don’t know. Women use birth control?”

    He also said, when we were about to be intimate for the first time after DDay, during the fake reconciliation, “I won’t compare the two of you.”

    • I got a nice job promotion a few months after DDay and reconciliation. He said, “Oh, why don’t you talk to that other Director to share experiences?

      Me:????

      Him: Didn’t you know? She (AP) was also promoted while I was with her. I guess it’s that kind of good fortune that I bring to my women!

  • Last night my ex took 20 minutes on the phone to tell me how well he parented during his 20 minute phone call with our daughter this week. First call in 2 weeks, he lives out of state. When I tried to share some of her recent accomplishments – a big deal in light of her struggles over the past year – he kept redirecting the conversation back to how he did good talking to her. And how patient he was being with older who won’t talk to his disordered ass.

    After I finally extricated myself from the call I stayed up until 2 am making sure daughter finished her big project due today. While fixing water damage in older daughter’s bathroom, while she visited a college campus, driving my car, that I programmed with directions and set out information about roadside assistance should she need it.

    Here’s your bitch cookie. Now don’t call me again.

  • “I didn’t have many affairs”

    Jaw dropping bitch cookie, I only knew about one before he said that…..

      • Ha! After I discovered there were multiple mini-affairs along with 12-year long main AP he said:

        “I only cheated on you with the main AP! The rest doesn’t count! It’s little games that all men play. Not serious! I admit the AP was serious and you are right to have been worried about that affair but all those mini ones were nothing! And I am done with that main affair so nothing to worry about. But I refuse to cut my communication with her completely. She is my split-soul and we are connected on a deeper level. You just have to accept that.”

    • In a note while trying to hoover me back he wrote. ‘People have had longer and worse affair and gotten over it’
      I didnt bother pointing out it was irrelevant how long the affair was, pointless.
      In his mind it was probably not long enough, a year and a half on line and 4 day fuck fest when she flew in.

  • He has ‘devoted his life to helping our children’ ( he did everything he possibly could to disparage me and alienate them from me).

  • Been in a relationship with my partner for 12 years, I proposed with rings at Christmas in front of her family. After I found out about the affair, she said “you have bad timing”. In talking about the affair, trying to justify and come back into my life: “I’m not your average cheater. I’ve only cheated one time in my life”.

    Extra Bitchy Cookies!

  • “[Younger Son] and I had a really good talk about [issue] this afternoon.”

    During our marriage, Snakeface congratulated himself each time he and our younger son, who has some behavioral issues, had a heart-to-heart talk. They happened on a quarterly basis. He got too busy with his weekend-long sweat lodge ceremonies, his week-long trips to the rez, and his social life, just about all of which involved the Spiritual Slut, to be much of dad.

  • After my son found asswipes little fuck phone and I discovered the hundreds of emails to and from other women:
    Judas said “I NEVER cheated on you!” ??? bitch cookie

  • “I’ve never been unfaithful to anyone else.”
    First, I believe that’s a lie. Second, if it’s true, you suck Kiwichump,

    • I got that too “it’s not like I murdered someone” as well as “you need to tell everyone I left you in a very good financial position” (like I had no part in that) as well as “I never slept with her” (overnight stays with her -oral sex is still cheating in my book) when he admitted he couldn’t climax “cos I was feeling so guilty”.

      Thousands more where that same from

    • Me too! He would say “it’s not like I’m an axe murderer”, and “plenty of guys do much worse”. Worse than having at least 6 OWs in the 7 year relationship with me? Congrats to him for not sneaking in a bit of axe murdering.

      • Yes I got at least I don’t drink beer all evening and hit you.
        Thanks …bar set to the lowest limbo.

      • Problem is, I really can’t be sure my ex isn’t an axe murderer. Or a serial rapist/murderer, if you were to go by the fantasy “erotica” that he posts on Fetlife. Sure, all those 4 hour tennis games he was going to 4 times a week could have just been a cover for cheating, or maybe he was secretly donating his time to feed the homeless. Who knows what that “great guy” skin bag is capable of, or what boundaries he is to willing to break? All I know is after reading his fantasy life, I will never be alone with that psychopath again.

  • “It’s not like I ever wanted to see these people” when confronted with his home masturbation videos he traded with several females via his iPhone, in which he gave very explicit directions to these, I hesitate to say, ladies. (Also, he did actually cheat in-person as well).

  • “I never got tested for STDs even though I slept with an unknown number of women the 4 years we were together because I always wore a condom.”

    “I still made sure you got the apartment, car, and took no belongings, because I loved you and still do and want to make sure you are taken care of”

    Ummmm…..not getting tested isn’t taking care of my well being asshole.

  • When I was in shock and horrified that he had not only slept with hookers, but had unprotected sex with them, I got this, “my.walls.will.sing……they had papers!!!!”

    Bitch cookie!!!!!

      • Exactly!!! Apparently I was the dumbass in the situation because I didn’t know high-end hookers were certified!! All I could think of is that our kids could become orphaned if he had given me AIDS!!

  • ‘I’ve done enough for you and DS’.

    The bitch cookie of turning up and being shitty between secret whoring and dating for 15 plus years. He made himself sound sad and heroic.

    Oh and forcefully stating, with great eye contact, ‘I have been faithful to you the whole time!’. Said after ‘boarding’ with OW for a year and a half at that time (as he was working away).

    Turd.

  • I couldn’t get it up for her either!

    I love her…but I love you too!

    If they children don’t take it well, I’ll come back!

    I’m seeking counselling for my issues.

    Blah- fcukity- blah!

  • ‘I never stuck my dick in any of them’

    Kind of a bitter bitch cookie because I don’t believe him

  • Reading through, so many of the bitch cookies at also total bullshit lies. Like this one:

    “But I kept it separate in my mind. When I had sex with you I never thought about sex with her, I was totally with you” BITCH COOKIE!!!!! Plus….BULLSHIT!

    • Yep. I got the compartmentalizations too. His relationship with his whore had nothing to do with his relationship with his wife. Sure. That was the moment I look narcissism in the face.

    • My husband told me that his AP, the one he tried to impregnate while married to me (before D-Day #1 and separation) got mad at him because he called her my name while they were having sex. By saying this, was he fishing for a b-cookie?

      • Indeed he was…and a bit of pick me dancing from both of you.

        How they don’t see how messed up they are is amazing to me. Though cheater said ” everyone I know has issues”. Guess he figured he’d keep his to fit in.

  • Me (after DDay 1 and reconciliation): You told me you were done with some. You promised to tell me the truth if you want to start another relationship BEFORE starting it. You told me you did not have any other women on your radar. You told me you were done!

    Tinder-man: Yes, at the time of our conversation I did not have any women. I told you the truth. But she re-appeared 3 weeks later!

    • “I told my father I wasn’t leaving you for another woman. (I didn’t tell him there are lots of other women). I just told him we were arguing about sex.” He said that to me and the MC with a big bitch-cookie-eating grin on his face. Truth is such a malleable tool in his tiny brain.

  • Almost forgot, “I didn’t break any laws.”

    But actually he did! Infidelity is illegal in TX. Some of his Craigslist skanks from 2011-2014 might have qualified under bestiality laws, except that bestiality wasn’t illegal in Texas until last year.

    • Oh, and also “I never gave you any reason not to trust me before this.” Golly gee wow thanks! You just suddenly turned into a skank years after we got married. That’s so much better! ???

  • From husband. who sent me graphic Kama Sutra guide of 500 sexual positions with the note, ‘I used four positions, 1, 45. 57, and 86, on the AP, but I saved the rest for you.’ Triple chicocolate chip B-cookie.

    I plan to ‘re-gift’ those 496 positions to my now ex-husband’s current girlfriend (not that AP). B-cookie for me!

      • Thanks, Tempestz That’s about the time my anxiety attacks started. Thank God, Fate, my last legal team, whoever that he is now my ex/husband amd mostly out of my life.

  • I have to say, after reading all this, that my Cheater Narc Ex sucks biiiiiiiig timmmmmee, but compared to some of your Exs and STBXs, he’s a ruddy amateur! What a boatload of assholes! Maybe if we pile that boat with enough bitch cookies for them, it’ll sink!

  • After videotaping me naked in shower, etc. (and us having sex) secretly for over 20 years, he gave me two particularly sweet bitch cookies:

    “It wasn’t illegal back when I started doing it.”

    and

    “At least I didn’t cheat on you.”

    Of course, turns out he did that too.

    • I got ‘watched’ as he calls it, too. Videos and diaries documenting my every parenting move for 14 years. He said he needed it for ‘evidence’ that I was am abusive mother. All of which he shared with his AP and she apparently agrees that I am a bad mom.

      It’s terrifying when you realize how crazy they are. I feel for you RB. It’s a terrible violation.

      • Chumpachump,
        It is illegal now in most states to video record EVEN your spouse without their consent if in an area of expected privacy, like a bedroom, bathroom etc.

        It is a jail time felony in many states including mine. I only wish I had evidence of my STBX doing it from the recent time after it became a felony….

      • No, Unsinkable, I most certainly did not. Not until the day I found the original 8mm tapes as well as DVDs (new technology came out so he moved it to that) and all dumped in a box WITH OUR FAMILY tapes.

        I caught him ONCE. two years ago using his WORK CELL PHONE while i was in the bathroom on vacation. He said it was a drunken photo… he told me he deleted it. I believed him. Ruined my vacay but I forgave him Because I thought it was only the one time.

        Flash forward 4 months later and I found his ‘stash.’

        He said, ‘What’s the big deal? I bet lots of men do it.”

        BITCH COOKIE and then divorce and civil charges 6 months later.

        He’s such a pathological narcissist that I am still fighting him.
        Thank god no custody though.
        And it is near the end.

  • Honestly, the onky one I can think of with exh2 is “…I work 60+ hours a week to make sure my child support is paid…”

    I looked at him and said, “Good! Thats what you’re supposed to do!”

    He didn’t mention that A) he was padding his time sheet to make extra money; B) he was also working 60+ hiurs to supoort OWife and her kids…
    Here’s a burnt snickerdoodle, asshole

    • Yeah, Unsinkable. My exes can easily make salaries well into six figures, yet my ex-husband pleads poverty and complains to everyone that I bleed h dry. Guess who buys designer clothes and accessories and takes exotic vacations with partners instead of seeing our kids over winter break. Not me. I have NO vacation, but in a way, I win. I get to see our kids nearly every day after work. I’d take spending time with them in a ramshackle hut over spending time in a luxury hotel in an exotic resort with an affair partner!

  • I just remembered that one that had me speechless,
    After divorce was final, he came over to get a few things he’d left that I had found.
    An IDiscovery show was on about a woman who was tortured and raped by her estranged husband.
    He looked at me at one point, glanced at the TV, and said, “at least I didn’t hit you. See how bad I could have been?”

    I smiled at him, patted him on the hand and said, “No. You were way worse”

  • Ladies and gents.
    Do we have any “bitch cookie recipes?”

    1 hand of bananas (only use the middle finger – smash into cheaters face to achieve desired consistency)
    2 tablespoons of sugar (but sweetie – it was only an EA)
    2 tablespoons of choc chips (for all the sh*t I gave you)
    1 tablespoons of Butt – ahhh (Did I really say that to you and your lawyer)
    1 cup of flour (To ‘cover up the odour of my mid day romp with whore’)

    Combine all ingredients into a bowl, encourage lawyers to stir the pot.
    Bake in a moderate oven in court
    Serve hot

  • “I was pulled along by her more than I pursued her.”

    Oh, that makes it OK then, that you are still a blameless infant and never make life choices for yourself.

    Yeah, pulled along by the dick. Bitch cookie!

  • This is a little off topic, but for some reason when I read the blog and all the stories of these sad sausage cheaters, I am reminded of the South Park movie. The part where Sadam Hussein sings and dances for the devil saying he can change…..

    Anyone else reminded of this?

    I tend to sing it in the shower……

  • Last comment then off to soccer with my little soccer star.

    Thank you everyone! For sharing and for making me see that I am not alone. It is sad that there are so many fucked up people out there, but at least we have CL and CN. We can take the pain and spin it into a laugh.

    Wishing you all a beautiful Saturday!

  • I cannot live with soulmate in France since I love my county too much(he is xmiliatry)
    I am not like my loser, cheater dad, since I helped pay for our daughter’s college.
    I passed up alot of women.
    You never gave me what I needed (1st I heard of this in 40 years)

    • It’s amazing how many adulterers/liars never voice any complaint until they decide to pull the plug on their long-term, supposedly committed relationship, even if Chumps gently asks them if everything is ok before the Big Reveal.

  • “We’re soul mates” – bitch cookie
    “I can’t live without you” – bitch cookie
    “You’re charming, the perfect picture, I haven’t found anything wrong with you yet” – bitch cookie (and giant red flag)

  • Upon discovering d*ck pics and “I Love You’s” ….. he said:

    “But those were just WORDS. I’m here aren’t I?? If I didn’t want to be here I wouldn’t be. Me telling her I love her, those were just words.”

    My response: DIVORCE, ALIMONY, & CHILD SUPPORT are words too. 🙂

  • “But SHE was coming on to ME! I would have been a fool if I didn’t take her up on it! Good for you. Not a fool. Shit Brownie bitch cookie!

  • Oh Lord Shocked Chump! I got that line so often I can’t even count the times! “I’m here aren’t I?” No, not really. You are here to find out what I am doing and how much you can extract from me before you REALLY leave for good! It was just a “recon” maneuver on he and Schmoopies part to plan better and to see if I would screw up enough to just vanish. It didn’t work though!

  • I never stole money from your parents. I never bashed your head into a wall. I’ve never gone to jail….. Maybe I was an asshole sometimes but I never did that stuff! #BitchCookie

  • EX: You should be happy I have a porn addiction problem. It keeps me from cheating on you.
    ME: How noble of you.

    Layers upon layers of lies deserves at least 2 bitch cookies
    —————-
    EX: Nothing is ever good enough for you.
    ME: What gave you that impression?
    EX: I’m always making sacrifices and you don’t seem to care.
    ME: Sacrifices? What do you mean?
    EX: Like when you broke your ankle.
    ME: You mean my foot?
    EX: Whatever. I was supposed to fly out early the next morning but I rescheduled my flight for later in the afternoon. I got up that day and made French toast for breakfast and before I left for the airport, I made you a sandwich for lunch.
    ME: I remember you doing that. I also mentioned several times how much I appreciated your help. Why are you pissed?
    EX: Because you don’t realize all the effort I put in and a couple of ‘thank you’s’ is all I get for it!!

    Here’s your double chocolate chump cookie, bitch!

    • He actually made breakfast and a sandwich? On the SAME DAY? Wow! His selflessness is truly humbling. I am so touched that I almost she’d a tear. Almost. Should we name a holiday after him?

  • Him: You have no idea how many “things” I have turned down.
    I only had one affair” – nope, at least 5 I now know about

    My ex was a good looking guy. I am sure he did have women throw themselves at him. He also did not turn many down. Turns out he has cheated in every relationship he has ever had. Idiot me didn’t know.

    What is so creepy about him is that in the moment he does come across as a genuine person.

    The synapse connection that is missing to just so blatantly lie is weird.

  • Hello All,

    Here is something utterly gross that was said to me by a college boyfriend cheater:

    Cheater: “You should just be grateful that I did not kiss you after I went down on a woman I met on spring break and then got a yeast infection in my mouth. The doctor said I should not kiss you until my oral yeast infection is gone.”

    AND

    Cheater said to me: “I am so mad at that campus doctor who diagnosed my mouth with a yeast infection because he said I needed to stop putting my face in the crotches of dirty women. He did not have to be so mean to me! He hurt my feelings, you know. Don’t you think he treated me unfairly?”

    (No, I did not think he was treated unfairly.)

    AND

    Same Cheater: “Receiving a blow job while studying is not cheating. I did not really know her name, so it does not even count.”

    Maybe not… but he had 5 different women who rotated study-blow-job duty with him. And he said none of it counted as cheating because he did not technically touch them or know their names.

    What did I do? Duh duh duh dumped him, of course, and went no contact.

    Here is what I wanted to do. He had a new burgundy chevy sedan that his dad purchased him and a lot of the small talk centered on the car. I wanted to go all incredible hulk and throw a monster truck on top of his beloved car.

    But, I did not.

    I just dumped his butt and never looked back. Also, this was my first boyfriend ever and such a situation was really outside any context of how people were supposed to treat others.

    Did not matter though– he got dumped, and dumped forever.

    And now I get to tell the whole world the stupid stuff he said.

    I feel sorry for whoever married him. I can 100% guarantee he is still that same person. People like that may grow older but they never change.

    And he ‘sucked’ in more ways than one.

  • “I trimmed and cleaned our son’s fingernails this weekend (first time ever!). And oh, by the way, I think it’s your fault that our son bites his fingernails.”

  • “Look, I bought you a bottle of wine!” (while I was waiting for my prescription at the pharmacy, and the wine display was set up six feet away, so I ambled over to entertain myself while I waited, and I am so self-absorbed that after 15 years I’ve never noticed that you rarely drink red wine, and I haven’t done anything remotely nice for you in ages, but here’s this $8 bottle of cabernet sauvignon. Where’s my bitch cookie?????)

  • “She actually feels really bad about all of this”. Really?! Not bad enough to stop carrying on a 3 year affair with a married man apparently.

    “I always came home to you every night”.

    “I gave her up for us”.

    “I care for both of you, but I chose you”.

    UGH.

  • “ I am faithful the whole year (since DDay ) , trying so hard to do the right thing and don’t even masturbate” gold medal for you dude…

    “ I don’t know, maybe I wasn’t sure about getting married”
    Regarding his x number of accounts created during the time of finding engagement ring for me and asking me to marry him ( nope, never pressured him, I was young, had plenty of time)

    “ I don’t even remember what sex is, since we don’t have it i