UBT: “I just want to help you!”

condescendThe Universal Bullshit Translator just can’t get enough of supercilious, OW twat waffle condescension. It’s like popcorn to the UBT. Popped fresh from Satan’s own blast furnace.

Amazon Chump sent in a doozy:

My ex’s OW sent me the below email when he decided to stay married to me after I filed for divorce. Stupidly I believed him. He started fooling around with her again within a couple of years. I didn’t waste any time the second time around. I divorced his adulterous ass. Now he’s with his skank. I’d love the UBT to work on this:

Your wish is the UBT’s command, Amazon Chump!

My therapist thought it might be helpful for you to have this information.

Harassing you was my therapist’s idea. Really!

I’m not a condescending twat waffle — I’m helpful!

I have really wanted to reach out to you many times in the past, but I just wasn’t sure how and what to say.

The UBT suggests “I’m fucking your husband” is a nice ice breaker.

Let me first say that I apologize for what you have been through and are still going through.

I’m so sorry for that nebulous Thing you are Going Through. Of which I have no pronouns or active verbs. Sometimes Things just engulf us, like sarin gas. Or fall from the sky like anvils. Who knows why? It’s one of God’s little mysteries. I don’t know what you did to piss off God, but I’m sorry for you.

You have a lot of life ahead of you and my sincere wish is that you find a true healthy relationship.

Stay away from my man!

You didn’t have a True, Healthy Relationship with him, like I do! Sneaking around for 11 years, fucking in cheap hotels, waiting for the one glorious day you would divorce his ass he would leave his wife for me.

I firmly believe that God has a plan for each of us and the best awaits if we just trust Him.

My affair was just part of God’s plan. I trusted in God, waited for years, and got your husband! See what happens if you just trust in God?

Although we have been house-hunting and planning for the future (living together, cruise/trips, one truck, not two, etc.),

Nyah nyah! GOT YOUR HUSBAND!

Am I gloating? Hey, I’m the picture of modesty. I only have ONE truck. That I share with your husband… to have romantic adventures and house hunt with.

Dave and I spoke last week of his need to ‘ease his conscious’ and ‘anxiety’ by making an attempt to assess your relationship without having me as a best friend/confidant.

I keep him on a very short leash. I’d tether him to a bedpost if I could. The way best friends do.

I respect this but my concern is really for you.

I’m concerned you’ll win the turd back.

In order for you to have a healthy relationship you first must have a truthful relationship.

He only lies to you. Never to me! Too bad you can’t have a healthy relationship like I do.

You asked me before for information which I declined to provide, but I believe for you to move forward in the relationship, address the issues, you have to have full disclosure.

Please be the hypotenuse in my triangle! Don’t you want information that only I can give? Can’t you just beg pretty for it, so I can deny you and say it’s for your own good? KIBBLES!

Otherwise you are doomed to continue the life you had which you have acknowledged was unhealthy and unhappy for over 26 years.

DOOMED! If I don’t get some kibbles, shit’s about to get VERY ugly.

I don’t know if you both can overcome the past as sometimes there is too much to get beyond and rebuilding trust is very difficult if it can be done.

But I do know for certain that you will never be able to overcome the past if you don’t address it and in order to do that you need to have full disclosure which Dave will not provide.

You need us.

We’re all about honesty and full disclosure, except for Dave. Who won’t provide you with any details. But you should work harder to trust him. Or you’re doomed.

You also need a third party to help you with this so I hope you will continue with your therapist or a couples therapist.

You’re batshit crazy. I hope you work on that.

I’d rather not go into a lot of details in an Email

I try to avoid anything like legal documentation. I prefer in person mindfuckery.

but am available to meet with you in person in a neutral setting or even in the safety of a counseling session if you are willing to do so. I am not proud of my participation but suffice it to say that for over 11 years of your 26-year marriage, there has been a daily intense emotional and physical relationship between he and I that has included many out of state/in state trips (including M****, camping with the girls, MN, NC, TX, OK, AZ, CO, CA), countless meetings in homes, offices, public places, shared workouts/walks, gift exchanges, thousands of phone calls, Emails, there’s nothing we didn’t discuss and many, many lies and deception to you.

I’m not proud of those 11 years of shared workouts, gift exchanges, phone calls, emails, and surreptitiously fucking your husband. When I was roasting marshmellows with your girls around a campfire, I thought, “Gosh, Amazon Chump should be here to see the precious memories I’m making with her children.”

That daily intense emotional and physical relationship with your husband is something I regret. Daily. 24/7. Yes, I’m free next Wednesday, Dave!

I left off Rhode Island, foot massages, and putt-putt golf.

You may not believe me, but I have always regretted and will live with it until I die how you were made to doubt your own self-worth! You’ve been second guessing yourself and said in an Email that you’ve “been played for a fool”. And I know this because I have been made to feel the same way!

I’m a victim too! ME! In fact, my pain is greater than your pain. The regrets I’m burdened with… they’ll haunt me until the day I die. Just the other day, when I was house shopping — with your husband — I felt a twinge of sorrow. I had to lie down. And fuck your husband. It passed.

I was applauding you for taking charge of your life, seeking counseling, filing for divorce and recognizing the woman you can be!

I WIN! I WIN THE TURD! HE’S ALL MINE!

You have to decide what kind of individual you want a lifetime relationship with and I know you have not always held males in high regard

You’re a hairy-legged, man-hating lezbo, aren’t you? That’s why you can’t keep your husband satisfied. Maybe you should consider dating women, seeing as you hate men. Just a friendly suggestion!

but I hope you know that you don’t have to settle for anything—what you’ve endured is not normal and not what you or any woman deserves.

I am not normal. I settle for side-dish fucks. I don’t deserve better. Let me cloak those difficult thoughts in  heavy spackle and projection.

Of course you could choose to disregard this Email, act as if all of this is in the past and just move on together, but then you will continue to live the same life you have had for 26 years and the odds are great that the same patterns will continue.

I’m not going anywhere, bitch.

Talk with your therapist about this—what do you need to move on and how to move on for you, and/or for you and Dave as a couple.

I saw a therapist when we were ending a 32 year marriage and one of the hardest things I had to get through my head was the idealization of a relationship that just wasn’t.

UBT: Apparently, it never got through your head as you’ve spent 11 years as a side dish fuck. Excuse me, confidante/best friend.

The therapist even got frustrated with me

I’m sure she’s not the only one.

because I kept saying, “well, if we could go back”, “if he would just do this”, “if I would do that”, etc. What I had to learn was that the relationship I had thought we could have was just not possible because that is not who he and I were together. My regret is that F* and I did not end amicably.

It’s shocking that F wasn’t amiable about me screwing other men. I regret his unreasonable animosity.

Should you want to discuss more I will respond to you. Should you not want to discuss further I will not ask again. Either way, I hope you accept this Email as it is intended.

I hope it fucks with your head. I hope you think of me always and forever. When you’re shaving your legs — Twat waffle! When you’re standing in line at the DMV — Twat waffle! When you’re filling your taxes — Twat waffle!

Please accept my desire to be utterly central. Kibbles!

I told you when you visited my office that I was speaking from my caring about you, a fellow human being.

A fellow human being, but a lesser one. I care about man-hating, batshit crazy lezbos. I speak with kindness to all of God’s inferior creatures.

I wish you the best whether you are able to work through the issues and come out as a stronger couple, or if you amicably decide otherwise.

Keep it amiable! I’d hate for you to come after me with a gun.

Take care of yourself,

Fuck off and die.

SAB

Satan’s Affectionate Bitch

Shits After Belching

Sweet Ass Bandit

This column ran previously. I’m still somewhere flying over the Pacific.

****

Every time you support Chump Nation on Patreon, the UBT gets a belly rub.

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128 Comments
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Justine
Justine
5 years ago

Oh my god, what a disturbing load of shite! Is she insane? Who the heck does she think she is telling you what’s best for you and predicting your future of you don’t follow her friendly advice!? This OW is a special type of crazy and since it’s an older column I hope by now she’s been swallowed up and choked to death on her own word salad.
What a twit!

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  Justine

It wasn’t a prediction it was a threat. Get out now while the getting’s good because your marriage is going to blow up one way or another. I am going to make sure of that. I won’t rest until your out and I’m in.

OptionNoMore
OptionNoMore
5 years ago

If I had received this, I would be absolutely sick to my stomach.

How did AmazonChump react? What has happened to that relationship since this letter was written?

StigOfTheChump
StigOfTheChump
5 years ago
Reply to  OptionNoMore

See the first grey box above, the OW managed to butt herself back into the relationship after a couple of years and AC divorced the cheater and now OW and cheater are together. OW is batshit.

Donna
Donna
5 years ago

Good grief. I think I’m going to be sick ????

DebbieChump
DebbieChump
5 years ago

Well …there is a lesson for us all in that little poison pen ….Don’t be a dick . Am I wrong for wanting to shoot her in the face ?
Just hateful. I am am seriously struggling with just how many genuinely awful shit people there are out there…

SlowLearnerChump
SlowLearnerChump
5 years ago
Reply to  DebbieChump

“Am I wrong for wanting to shoot her in the face ?”

Heavens no. I’d probably be headed for the Chair.

TorontoChump
TorontoChump
5 years ago
Reply to  DebbieChump

If wanting to shoot her in the face is wrong, then I don’t want to be right. What a vile, hateful piece of poops this other woman is. I cried as I read this and I hope the recipient immediately saw it for the piece of garbage, written by a garbage person, that it is.

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
5 years ago
Reply to  DebbieChump

Throat punching is less bloody and you don’t serve as much time for attempted murder.

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
5 years ago
Reply to  DebbieChump

“Am I wrong for wanting to shoot her in the face ?”

If you are, then so am I. Let’s go out for lunch and discuss it! LOL

DebbieChump
DebbieChump
5 years ago

Im on it like a car bonnet. Body disposal and salads on the menu !

2nd Gen Chump
2nd Gen Chump
5 years ago
Reply to  DebbieChump

I know we are joking, but Tracy could get in serious legal trouble if it sounds as if we are advocating or planning to harm someone. Let’s be careful out there.

Reese Sanders
Reese Sanders
5 years ago

The UBT is a glorious contraption!!!!

peacekeeper
peacekeeper
5 years ago

What a wasted space of air,
the words of this woman!
What a wasted space of air,
this woman.

FicoChump
FicoChump
5 years ago

This lizard is crazy. @Amazon, give of a 411 about this crazy woman. This email was supposed to be send before divorce to have more evidence of their bullcrap. CL UBT was on the spot. Sometimes even being low key bothers OW/OM. I think deep down she knows she is in trouble. Advising for honesty & building trust ❓‼️ I would like to see her strategy.

cuz chump
cuz chump
5 years ago

Wow, just wow. How cruel could this women be? She is basically rubbing it in to the wife that she screwed her husband for years. She really has a high opinion of herself. I hope karma has chewed her up and spit her out. As for Amazonchump I hope she is doing well and has found piece.

Lucky
Lucky
5 years ago
Reply to  cuz chump

Twatwaffle was cheating on her own husband too! With cheater Dave! Sneaking, lying, conniving…What a pair of vile people!And now she has the nerve to condescend to the wife she crapped on, and act as though she has compassion and wisdom to share with this unfortunate, lesser being! I could just puke in a bucket and dump it on her head. Who wants to take advice from a vapid whore?

WarriorPrincess
WarriorPrincess
5 years ago

Fuck you, you self-important, condescending, low-class, inferior, detestable cunt and the piece of shit excuse for a man you rode in on.

Mitz
Mitz
5 years ago

Well said!

Kara
Kara
5 years ago

Holy shitballs I couldn’t even get through the whole thing that was such word salad…what the f gives someone that kind of gall…

Mitz
Mitz
5 years ago

This is why no contact is so important. Never let them access to your life or react to them.

It is truly miraculous how people can justify their sick behaviors.

I was told by the OW to work on saving my marriage. Sick fucks they are. My ex was hounding her day and night and SHE was trying to pound him off on ME. She found out how controlling he was. So insane!

susan devlin
susan devlin
5 years ago

The “helpful” ow needs a gripe on reality. She was with your ex when he had the kids. Your ex still won’t be honest, neither will mine. I think she sees what she wants to see. I wouldn’t be surprised if she plotted with him to never be honest with you. They deserve each other!

NotMyFault
NotMyFault
5 years ago

Don’t these asses have to justify their behavior? Just the fact that she admits to screwing this woman over for eleven years illustrates what a Sociopath she is.

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
5 years ago

“Dave and I spoke last week of his need to ‘ease his conscious’ and ‘anxiety’ by making an attempt to assess your relationship without having me as a best friend/confidant.”

It’s telling that the word CONSCIENCE is misspelled. It’s all about his consciousness. He was well aware that he was sneaking, lying, cheating and robbing you.

Thank you UBT, for all you do.

StigOfTheChump
StigOfTheChump
5 years ago

Yep, Hey AC, we’re still in touch and discussing you, and everything that’s in your best interests, like you are a child and we are important, generous people. I am willing to let you have your husband (after all, I did rent him for 11 years of your life) but you need to know some stuff first.

I can imagine this woman being relentless. Have fun Dave, you’ve got a crazy lady on your hands 47/. She’ll ride you all the way to the grave, I hope you lie awake beside her at night sometimes and think wistfully back to the days when AC just trusted you to be decent and gave you all that freedom.

Lucky
Lucky
5 years ago

She has no idea what compassion is. “Reaching out” to the betrayed wife to inform her that she’s “househunting” with the husband (jab!) and that she went camping with their kids (jab!jab!) is just cruel.What a sick mind.

Creativerational
Creativerational
5 years ago

This is such a common error nowadays. In a fairly introductory psych class many years ago many students baffled my prof by saying conscience was awareness, being awake. I actually think the word and understanding of conscience- the Jiminy cricket voice of right and wrong- versus concious – being awake and aware of your surroundings- are being blended and lost by people’s utter idiocy. College level kids not knowing the difference and being completely sure that being concious was the same as having and using your conscience… well it goes a long way to explaining why people just do what they want. Maybe there is no conscience anymore and that’s why people are just so abhorrent to each other.

13 Year Chump
13 Year Chump
5 years ago

Best translation ever! … I’m a victim too! ME! In fact, my pain is greater than your pain. The regrets I’m burdened with… they’ll haunt me until the day I die. Just the other day, when I was house shopping — with your husband — I felt a twinge of sorrow. I had to lie down. And fuck your husband. It passed.

Ugh. What a disgusting bitch. No Debbie Chump, you are not wrong from wanting to shoot her in the face anymore than I am for wanting her to catch incurable mouth cancer.

DebbieChump
DebbieChump
5 years ago
Reply to  13 Year Chump

Ok mouth cancer first then when she gets all clear – we shoot her in the face ….It would be a public service to humanity

violet
violet
5 years ago
Reply to  13 Year Chump

It doesn’t matter what this disgusting whore does, she will always be the victim. Why? Because it allows her to avoid responsibility for her own behavior. She’s not a lying, cheating, sociopath, who fucks married men. No, she is an absolute angel, who has been tragically used and misunderstood. Wash, rinse, repeat.

There is zero reason to engage with this woman because she has nothing to offer, except more word salad. Sounds like she and the cheater X are a match made in hell. Here’s wishing her a lifetime of wondering who her “catch” is fucking now. After all, the cheater’s fuck buddy position is now vacant. Cheat with her, cheat on her.

Doingme
Doingme
5 years ago

The sickness runs deep. This gives such insight into just how disturbed the OW are to spend years sitting in waiting for the kill, referencing sinscerity and GOD.

In the end they get the lying cheating prize thinking they are special.

Recently I found evidence the Limited was seeing his side fuck and going on vacations a cell year or so prior to Dday. It’s what they don’t know. His plume records showed multiple OW while he was sleeping with both of us. And using her car with another OW sitting next to him. That’s the prize they get.

All those plans they make with the OW are to fulfill their needs to get what they want. He’s in the wash rinse repeat cycle with her in tow. She has no idea about the child porn or the OW he has in Florida. OW are delusional thinking they are special.

It’s a good pairing. A relationship built on lies.

Doingme
Doingme
5 years ago

Phone records.

Lothos
Lothos
5 years ago

Holyshit, my brain broke down 2/3s through this. It is the same circle which comes down to this.

She is suffering from board-um and the excitement of fucking a married person is gone. Now that he is with her it is just a simple relationship so she wants to introduce NEW FUCKING DRAMA into it.

This is typical Narcissism 101, no empathy.

I would not respond to that damm letter at all. You are just feeding them kibbles if you do.

ironhardempress
ironhardempress
5 years ago

I remember this one, and it still made me laugh as much as the first time!! The UBT is the BEST!!! And Chump Lady, of course.
I wonder where/what these people are doing now.

JJ
JJ
5 years ago

So glad I got on to Chumplady before I started to engage with OW, before the cat was let out of the bag that she existed that is, and that I didn’t go chasing after who the hell she was.

On another note, how did the workshop go in Newcastle last week ChumpLady? Did you enjoy visiting down under? Did any of you in chump nation make it?

Vastra
Vastra
5 years ago
Reply to  JJ

Yes plenty of Aussie chumps and even a US chump came! It was a pleasure to meet Tracy and Mr CL, now they’ve eaten tim tams they are honorary Aussies. It was great to meet other local chumps and talk freely in chumpspeak about spackling, sad sausages, timid forest creatures, cake and the good old UBT. I’m in awe of Tracy’s drive and her compassion for others.

Resa
Resa
5 years ago
Reply to  Vastra

Vastra – hope they had some Pavlova, too!

Vastra
Vastra
5 years ago
Reply to  Vastra

I should add a huge thankyou to Zhuchi for making this possible – what a great seminar!!

TitsAndAssAndAllThat
TitsAndAssAndAllThat
5 years ago

If I had received that – and who knows…I might get a letter like that soon – I believe I’d have to take a teacher’s red pen and correct it like a poorly written essay and return it to the fuckturd ex. ????

Alexandra
Alexandra
5 years ago

My Aunts best friend received a letter from the OW pretending to be a lawyer of all things. It was completely riddled with spelling and grammar errors. My Aunt was a high school teacher in an alternative school for 30+ years so she took out her red pen and corrected it, wrote a grade on it and sent it back to OW.

2old4drama
2old4drama
5 years ago
Reply to  Alexandra

That’s a great story! Good for her.

Her Blondeness
Her Blondeness
5 years ago
Reply to  2old4drama

OMG, Alexandra, hug your aunt for me! I absolutely love that response. The OW is probably too stooopid to get the irony, too.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

I wish I would get a latter like that. It would make me feel better to know that things aren’t all sunshine and rose in OW land. Not only that, but it would provide proof that she really is the delusional self absorbed bitch that I think she is. I have no doubt she has similar thoughts to those expressed in the attached letter.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago

For the win!

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
5 years ago

I am kind of dying to know what happened here.
My ex left me for the decade younger other woman. I seriously never got it….she had 3 young kids and her grandmother was paying her bills when she got with my ex. Now he’s paying her bills…..whatever. His alimony check is paying MY bills and I no longer have to deal with him so…..#winning.
The point is, and I’ve spoken of this on another post, that my father recently passed away very unexpectedly. Because my ex’s mother was still friends on FB with my dad ( only because he didn’t know how to delete her. He was older and mostly posted pics of his dogs so who cares…) my ex mil knew of his passing and told my ex who contacted me to express his condolences and I was gracious but brief.
The next day I got a text from his mistress who was explaining that she was sorry about my dad and knew how I felt and went into this whole thing that happened to her so she can relate.
WTF???
I should of just ignored it, instead I called my ex and explained how inappropriate I thought it was that she had contacted me. All that did was make me look like I wasn’t gracious about someone offering their condolences. My son, who is the smartest guy I know, said to me “mom, this is page one from their fucked up playbook. If you were gracious to her, she thinks everything she did to you is in the past and you guys are good now. If you were awful to her, she gets to tell everyone that she tried to be kind to you and you were a bitch. You are the reason you guys can’t get along.”
There is no end to their dysfunction.
No contact…..ignore…..these are the words I now live by.

Liz C.
Liz C.
5 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Your son is so very smart! That’s the exact truth. I foolishly succumbed to the temptation to email the OW upon her marriage to my EX (six months after we divorced…pretty fast to move from “just friends” to married…especially from another country!).

She essentially responded with that condescending assholery so typical of her type. Too bad I was bitter. She was tired of being the bigger person, but was trying, since my Ex asked her to be gracious. It really is just too much for me to continue being so angry about their true love…something they had no control over.

I wanted to puke. I learned my lesson though–she isn’t sorry, he isn’t sorry. They live in a delusion bubble. No contact is the only way. May you have a wonderful, authentic life without their smarmy presence. You deserve it!

Chumplanta
Chumplanta
5 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Your son is wise!

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Paintwidow my guess is she feels threatened by you. The whole keep your enemies closer thing.
What she did was wildly inappropriate. Because that is who she is.
Your x should be tarred and feathered.
All of these bastards should. You did nothing wrong. I’m so glad to hear that stupid isn’t hereditary.yoir son sounds like a good kid.

Traveling the World
Traveling the World
5 years ago

Is it bad that I actually laughed at this one?
Sorry, AmazonChump, that was just beyond words.

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
5 years ago

I did too.

Some people are absolutely amazing in their delusions.

I’m glad I’m not one anymore.

MyRedSandals
MyRedSandals
5 years ago

Amazon Chump:

I have just two words in response to this “helpful” letter: ZERO CONTACT.

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago

The underlying message from all of satans little helpers is move on.
They are all completely terrified.
I really hate being told what to do,especially by brainless idiots like my x and his gigantic whore.
Ill do whatever i want to do whenever i want to do it.

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
5 years ago

The OW in Amazon Chump’s case is a sociopathic, narcissistic, sanctimonious, puke-inducing sorry excuse for a human being. I sense that she is only one millimeter away from Bunny Boiler mode. I hope that she is a million physical and emotional miles away from her target and Amazon chump is a million times better now away from that whole dysfunctional pile of dog poop.

And thanks, Chump Lady, for in your completely appropriate, classy, snarky way of highlighting the outrageous behavior and attitude of the OW.

KB22
KB22
5 years ago
Reply to  RockStarWife

OW was with cheater for 11 years!! A side dish for 11 years? How pathetic and desperate can the OW be? OW is well beyond the bunny boiler point. The only reason cheater is with OW is because he has nowhere else to go. I am sure he wants to go home and OW is making sure Amazon Chump does not take him back. So the karma bus has already hit these two defects. Cheater wants out, OW is desperately hanging on……yeah their relationship was meant to be.

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago

Absolute proof that the UBT has a German-designed engine to not fall apart after processing that drivel.

I wonder what it is like to inhabit the psyches of delusional people? To have a self-image and behavioral justifications that are in no way tethered to reality? Does their “reality” look like the opening to the Teletubbies–all perfect (but fake) flowers and grass and rolling hills? Do they in their heart of hearts believe the nonsense they spout, or do they know that what they are saying is hogwash but convince themselves it is the truth after a sufficient number of tellings?
teletubbies

Grace
Grace
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

“To have a self-image and behavioral justifications that are in no way tethered to reality” I’ve often wondered the same thing – can it really be that messed up inside their heads?

In my situation its obvious my soon to be ex actively seeks to manipulate the people in his environment to believe his warped sense of reality. In every situation, in every aspect of his life. I truly believe that he does exactly what you mentioned…convinces himself after sufficient number of tellings. I do think he believes the lies otherwise he would be able to engage in an adult conversation that challenges the details, not just shut it down. Which is what he does when he can’t figure out how to make it all fit together. Shut it down and move onto creating or participating in some other chaos. Never a dual moment when you’re on the crazy train.

Woot! Woot!

This behavior is dysfunctional and is killing him from the inside out.

Danni Smith
Danni Smith
5 years ago

Here’s a story: Two married cheaters move in together. Both end up unmarried to their then respective spouses or to each other, but live together for better tax benefits The male cheater starts cheating with another woman still living with the now unmarried female cheater, but doesn’t tell his prey that he is living with another current women. The deceived chump unwitting AP finds out the truth and tells the male cheater to “leave me alone,” He won’t. She tells him again “leave me alone or I will tell your current partner what you have been doing.” He doesn’t. The unwitting AP told the truth-she sends the current partner a certified letter. TWO MORALS FROM THIS STORY-1. IF HE CHEATS WITH YOU, HE WILL CHEAT ON YOU. 2. DON’T EVER ASSUME YOUR AP WILL KEEP SILENT ON YOUR SECRETS.

Grace
Grace
5 years ago
Reply to  Danni Smith

Similar story here as well. My soon to be ex husband had a few side dishes going on at the same time…trying to decide which relationship he “wanted to commit to” *spoiler alert he doesn’t commit to anything but cheating* – his wife of 26 years (me), his long distance lover (met on the internet), his co worker subordinate turned lover or his male “friend” (previous co worker/colleague). I had no idea the depths of his cheating until I took a call from one of the AP’s. I have no doubt their were many more before I learned of this handful.

Certified letter…it’s all part of the game. The continued triangulation to keep up the chaos. I received emails, concert tickets, theatre event photos, gifts, text messages, recorded voice conversations, etc. from one AP because she was pissed that he “chose” another AP – as if I gave one flying fuck who he “chose” why are all these people being played to beg for the attention of this worthless piece of shit?

Because his soul is a big empty blackhole. He has to play the game or he has no purpose in life.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago

Everything about this letter makes me LOL Everytime except for one thing — the fact that the cheaters roped the children in to the deceiving of their other parent is 500 times worse to me than the cheating itself. It’s so immoral to me that I would even be glad to see it result in a loss of custodial autonomy, like supervised visitation at a neutral location only, coupled with an increase in child support to cover therapy for the kids.

Assholes.

2nd Gen Chump
2nd Gen Chump
5 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

I was so happy to see the last of my ex that Tuesday came really soon after the paperwork was filed and he was out of my house. He is a pathetic waste of skin, a fat balding man in his fifties still trying to prove his manliness by closing the deal with skanks on Craigslist.

The reason I stay is because my mom roped me into covering up her affairs from my dad, and blames me for having had to have them. He died before we could talk about it, and the guilt still messes with me. Whenever I can, I tell chumps not to stay for the children. I would have been so much better off if I’d stayed with the sane parent that loved me instead of the drunk narcissist.

Kingofpain
Kingofpain
5 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Same

UXworld
UXworld
5 years ago

My UBT: “Trust in God, but trust in me as well, for all of the reasons I’m about to lay out. Because, like God, I love you and wants what’s best for you.”

As an agnostic, I’m oddly impressed (but not at all surprised) by someone who starts by saying “trust in God,” then presumes to take up the work on His/Her behalf.

2nd Gen Chump
2nd Gen Chump
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Lyle Lovett has a great song about the difference between God and me.

mila
mila
5 years ago

Really sorry that AmazonChump did not post her reaction to this BS.

Traffic_Spiral
Traffic_Spiral
5 years ago

“Dave and I spoke last week of his need to ‘ease his conscious’ and ‘anxiety’ by making an attempt to assess your relationship without having me as a best friend/confidant.”

And that’s the crux of it right there. Dave has been talking about the Chump and making the OW feel nervous, so she’s launching a preemptive Dave-and-I-are-soulmates-bitch-you-need-to-move-on attack at the Chump to ensure she won’t take him back.

I’d ignore it and block her email, but if I was inclined to reply, I’d go with:

“Christ, that was long. Did it really have to be that long? ‘Dave’s been talking about you and making me worry, so I want to remind you that he’s mine now, and you better not think of taking him back.’ See? One sentence. Did we really need to go through a passive-aggressive novella of you wishing me Namaste while metaphorically peeing all over the place to mark your property? Don’t worry, SAB, 11 years of lies were enough and I’m not looking for more. If there’s lipstick on his collar it’s not mine. Now stop writing me. You aren’t my friend, Dave’s not my husband, and I’m not interested in having anything to do with either of you. Leave me out of this.”

MsMachete
MsMachete
5 years ago
Reply to  Traffic_Spiral

Gorgeous.

Vastra
Vastra
5 years ago
Reply to  Traffic_Spiral

Nicely put!!

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago

Everything these “people” do is about fear and control. Their fear of losing control. Their outright lies are so sad and pathetic. Its all they know,all they have to work with.
There is no way to make sense of it. My x has been telling lies concerning his own child. There is no low they wont stoop to.
And they wonder why people think they are scum.
They are desperate idiots.

Blindside
Blindside
5 years ago

These people are just idiots. Totally delusional idiots. I guess you’d sort of have to be to participate in this garbage. I don’t have anything else to say to this, I’m at a loss. Sort of like when my ex was babbling on to me about why she needed to sleep with her married bf all those years. I didn’t even respond, I didn’t even argue. I was just floored by the self-indulgent idiocy. Some of them may be intelligent, but none of them have shown themselves to be smart.

Kingofpain
Kingofpain
5 years ago
Reply to  Blindside

They are emotional retards

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago
Reply to  Blindside

They are intelligent in the way a computer is. But they know they are lacking in every other way. Conversing with them is like conversing with an ai robot.
There is something that is just missing.

Blindside
Blindside
5 years ago

There’s something missing alright. They seem to all completely lack empathy. There’s usually not a whole lot of self-awareness going on, especially when talking about the failures of others. Accountability is just a rumor to them. And often times, there’s a pretty big deficit in common sense.

But they sure do make up for these deficiencies with an overwhelming load of entitlement.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  Blindside

My ex was always harsh to judge others he perceived as engaging in morally questionable actions (by his definitions) and he hated other people’s entitlement attitudes and refusal to take responsibility for their actions, but when it comes to himself, he simply doesn’t recognize the parallels between his own behavior and that of others that he finds abhorrent. He will not self reflect (beyond what do I want and what’s in it for me) or take responsibility for anything.

2nd Gen Chump
2nd Gen Chump
5 years ago

We judge others by their actions, we judge ourselves by our intentions. He never meant for you to find out or get hurt, you see…

Mehvolution
Mehvolution
5 years ago
Reply to  2nd Gen Chump

2nd Gen-that was brilliant and sparked a flash of insight.

Chumpity-doo-da
Chumpity-doo-da
5 years ago

I think this is a deflection mechanism for image management. They think that if they make a display about how outraged they are about others’ lack of morals/accountability/integrity/etc., it will convince you that they share your values and keep you from examining them too closely. My XW used to tell me all the time that she would cut off my balls if I cheated on her. She even went as far as to say that a murdered girl in a dateline story on tv deserved it because she cheated on her marine boyfriend. She said this while she was cheating herself.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

That is really messed up. No shame and/or no clue.

CC
CC
5 years ago

Sounds exactly like my ex. Always judging others, but don’t dare judge him! When confronted with his bad behavior, he will then point out what he perceives to be YOUR bad behavior.

QueenMother
QueenMother
5 years ago

He sounds like the (now former) Governor of Missouri.

Cheers! How’s that not taking responsibility workin out for ya?

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
5 years ago

Dear Shits While Belching,
He’s been cheating on you for 11 years. Good luck lol.
Best,
Amazon Chump

QueenMother
QueenMother
5 years ago

LOL !!!

Oh my goodness — thanks for that DELIGHTFUL salutation!!

God bless you, and have a good day!!

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

Good one.

JC
JC
5 years ago

A simultaneous affair partner and cheater lecturing a chump about relationships and truthfulness.

Sounds like my XW.

These people are beyond saving. Don’t waste any more brain space on them.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

What really grates on me here is that this woman thinks she has a more meaningful relationship with the husband than the wife. She is absolutely correct in telling the wife that she doesn’t have the relationship with her husband that she thought she had and that it will never work out. She may be telling the truth, but her motivations are selfish and cruel. She already tried to convince the husband to pick her and when that didn’t work she decided to attack from a different angle by convincing the wife to give up on her husband. It is such an obvious ploy. She had no motivation for sending this letter other than as another strategy to “win the turd” for herself. The translation of “I’m not going anywhere bitch” is spot on. The most disgusting part of all is that she thinks she is special. She thinks the wife just wasn’t right for the husband but she is and that is what makes it all ok. The husband and wife were just a mismatch and I am doing them both a favor by deliberately splitting them up for personal gain. Such arrogance. She isn’t special. She is a disgusting sick person who tears families apart to get what she wants. She is the lowest of the low. I really, really hope that the now ex husband eventually cheats on the Twat Waffle and runs off with some new “soul mate” and everybody laughs at her pain when she realizes she didn’t have the relationship she thought she had.

Chumpalooza
Chumpalooza
5 years ago

All OW and OM think they have a more ‘meaningful’ relationship with the cheater than the spouse did. This is how delusional they are. I’m sure the slut puppet thinks her platinum pussy is all that….little does she know that I KNOW things she can’t possibly know and cheaterpants makes a fool out of her behind her back as often as he can. I can’t go into detail because who knows….she may find herself here someday. Cheater’s cheat. That’s what they do.

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago

Her motivation is winning. I say let all these bitches “win.” and yes she was being cheated on for 11 years.
Just like my husband cheated on the ow.
The only difference is i didn’t know about the ow.
But she defiantly knew about me.

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
5 years ago

Did anyone else notice today’s Dear Abby submission?

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/m/deaf37ef-6f26-3022-ba8f-44f143aa7cff/ss_dear-abby%3A-husband-torn.html

Did she cheat on a boyfriend? Her current husband? An earlier husband? Did she win the Turd in the Pick Me dance?

I don’t know if I want her to find ChumpLady or not.

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago

She should definitely find Chumplady. And also meet up with some fabulous Houston chumps who can give her the support and advice she needs to capitalize on being in a community property state before her H has to start paying child support to his pregnant OWhore.

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

My point is she is the wife now but she admits to having cheated in the past. I don’t know if she was the OW and ‘won’ her current husband that way; cheated on a boyfriend, or what. That is why I’m torn.

I do want pregnant OWhore to suffer. I don’t want the baby to suffer.

Summing it up with: Cheaters SUCK.

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago

Ah, I missed that. If she was the OW and is now getting a taste of her own medicine, too bad, so sad.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
5 years ago

At least I know these dipwads won’t be moving to Texas…because they only have one truck. It’s a state law that every household must own at least 3 trucks.

Ka-chump
Ka-chump
5 years ago

Lol ????

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

They are cheaters. They will do whatever they darn well please.

HM
HM
5 years ago

Block.

But I know, it’s too late, this one already got into your head. It will take some time to process this shit and it will haunt for a long time. Just make sure to block them both every which way possible so that you don’t have to receive any of these again.

(((HUGS)))

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
5 years ago

Never take candy from strangers… and never take marital advice from a delusional 11 year side fuck.

(Maybe I should send the UBT the email I got from the OW after she broke-up with my X because she discovered he was cheating on her… she apologized for the “stress” she may have caused me… apparently in the English to Fuckwit dictionary “stress” = “blow up your family and destroy your son’s childhood”… who knew?!)

Zell
Zell
5 years ago

My heart goes out to all chumps who had to deal with the OW or OM like this.

Jo
Jo
5 years ago

Don’t worry ‘honey-britches’ the moment things get hard, and Dave needs to start adulting, you’ll see what it’s like and have your own “unhealthy relationship” to deal with. Good thing you’re an expert — you can just re-read your letter and know exactly what to do to avoid a “doomed” life.

Starbucks4Ever
Starbucks4Ever
5 years ago

Two very sick people. She is just what a socio path needs – an enabler to help support and ‘splain his feelings.

Amazon Chump will be best far far away so these two can just continue their path down to hell on a jet elevator.

Hugs and kuddos to AmazonChump for sharing. Wow, what a cluster.

ivyleaguechump
ivyleaguechump
5 years ago

Ah, geez. Thank you for sharing Amazon chump, and thank you CL for the UBT!

I got a short “apology” of sorts from his OW.

“I’m sorry I had an affair with (your husband)”
UBT: “I’m sorry you found out about it”

“I truly believed my self-serving behavior was in your best interest”
UBT: “I had anal sex with him! And I swallowed! I’m a sex goddess!! And you aren’t!”

Among other things. Whatever. He may have given me HPV vaginally, but she has been exposed to it in every orifice of her body. Schadenfreude at its best.

Duped
Duped
5 years ago
Reply to  ivyleaguechump

Evil SIL told ME there were online dating sites for people with STD’S. Much later I found out she had cheated on her husband, picked up herpes & gave it to him. So therefore I deserved it when her brother lied and gave me an STD, I guess. Now she’s a religious zealot. Still married. I guess he felt like ruined goods so stuck around.

Special snowflake ha!
Special snowflake ha!
5 years ago

Dearest SAB,

How kind of you to want to help me. Might I suggest that the help I need the most would be you and cheater husband both taking out a million $ life insurance policy, naming me and my children as the beneficiaries? Then you and MY husband can both drop dead.

Sincerely,
Had enough, he’s your problem now!

Chumptopia
Chumptopia
5 years ago

Just think…..this is what ALL OW and OM really believe. Their own horse shit. I couldn’t even get through the entire letter. I don’t know how you didn’t take it and shove it up her arse Amazon Chump. Delusional twats, all of them. Gawd, I hate cheaters.

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
5 years ago

Now see, I would deviate from my no contact rule, putit throigh the UBT and send it back to her with the translation. I way could I not.

When I was divorcing my 1st husband, He brought some woman with him to our sons junior high football game. I was sitting with a bunch of people from our town when he approached with her. My friend Kathy said, out loud, “Well, isnt THIS uncomfortable?” Which made me laugh.

This SAME woman, the one with the STBX, send me a 7 page, front and back, handwritten letter, telling me HOW MUCH my STBX wants sto stay married, how I needed to forgive him, how God gates divorce, blah blah blah. I don’t remember if Iactually answered it or not, but I SO WISH I had saved it, just for the sake of putting it through the UBT.

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
5 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

My husband’s AP at the time told me that I ‘should fight for him [my husband].’ I guess that she wanted to engage in gladiatorial combat. I would have gladly let her win without bloodshed, but then how exciting would her life be? (I heard that they split up a few weeks later, sick of each other.)

Granny K
Granny K
5 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Length of her letter is directly related to the guilt she feels. (and if she wants absolution, she should find a priest.)

13 Year Chump
13 Year Chump
5 years ago
Reply to  Granny K

Guilt? No way. These narcissistic assholes have no guilt or remorse for their behavior! They enjoy the narcissistic supply they get from any response they might be able to elicit. Hence, no-contact becomes even more important. Not responding makes them bat shit crazier than they already are.

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
5 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Sorry for the misspellings. I fat fingered my phone while writing it… Bleah…

OhHellNo
OhHellNo
5 years ago

Twatwaffle’s reasons are obvious: she is afraid of losing the pick me dance and that Dave will return to Amazon Chump. So she’s decided to let Amazon know “the truth” about their affair, hoping that *Amazon* will Mighty Up and leave his ass.

Oh, the irony. “I want to win the sparkly turd, so I have to tell it’s wife what a terrible, terrible person it is. That I want to win. Because I MUST BE A WINNER. Even if it’s just of a sparkly turd.” wtf?!

“I firmly believe that God has a plan for each of us and the best awaits if we just trust Him.” This made me $hit my nice Christian lady panties. The gall of this bitch.

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
5 years ago
Reply to  OhHellNo

“Nice Christian lady panties”

Hahahahahaha… awesome.

smpav2016
smpav2016
5 years ago

Take comfort in the fact he has got himself a wack job. What goes around comes around. Try to erase these two from your thoughts. Be happy and thank god your done with this very little of a man with a sociopath woman. They will both get whats coming to them with no help from yourself.

Meg
Meg
5 years ago

Gotta love the UBT! Delusional thinking debunked. Thanks again, CL!