Tell Me How You Suck

My lovely ex chump husband was told by his first wife that she cheated because he changed the words to songs in an immature fashion ie “Don’t Go Breaking My Fart” Or a “Little Ray of Bumshine”. Apparently, he also messed the clothes up in drawers when he searched through them!! My ex husband cheated on me because I was always too involved with our 4 small children and I was never awake when he returned home from “work” at 11 pm.

“If you were a good mother you would quit your job instead of paying for the kids to go to a summer camp.”

Said by the man who I outearned, and totally disregarding that my job provided our health insurance.

You are too fat, I thought you were going to die – Cinderella is much more overweight than I.
You yell for the kids to come rather than go and get them.
We have no interests in common – Prince Charming always objected to doing things I enjoyed.
You and the boys shut me out – Prince Charming needed to be home to participate.
You don’t keep the house as clean and uncluttered as my mother.
I spent too much money – let’s talk about all the wood working tools you never use at our home and the camping equipment…
I wasn’t content being his jack off toy.
I expected(!) him to pay a little bit of attention to me before we hit the sheets and wanted a bit of foreplay. The nerve of me to even give him suggestions on how to make sex better for me! It was all about him taking 2 mins to get off.
I could go on but ya know I find I have slipped back into my old self and am much happier and so are my sons. And vibrators are a great invention.

All I could think about was my health. Doesn’t matter that I had been living with chronic pain for years at that point and he knew that very well. No, I put too much energy into fixing my bite and posture and gave him too little admiration. Doesn’t matter that I moved for him, he left me to my devices all day, knowing I had a whole life to build for myself and he’d be away all day and at night “too tired” to have sex or spend time together that wasn’t watching Embarrassing Bodies on tv while he routinely feel asleep without saying goodnight. I felt abandoned, because I was. While he was living the dream of being “awesome team leader” and going out with female coworkers. I know it sounds small, maybe, but the devil is in the details.

I wouldn’t let our 140 lb Great Pyrenees lie on our couch like I “let” the cats (because I like the cats more than the dog) and I made him (the dog) nervous which is why he’d pee in the house and on the furniture.

We had three kids. A boy and 2 girls. The boy died and the girls were born after that. I failed to have another boy.

I made his son feel bad and was waaaaaay out of line, when he left a bunch of his belongings in the spare bedroom and I asked him to box them up before his visit was over. (I have no recollection of this) His son was a grown up and in college.

I folded his jeans the wrong way and didn’t smile anymore.

I had children. He knew this when he met me, and 1.5 years after meeting, with tears in his eyes asked me to move into his house with my children because he “wanted to be a family” with us.
At D-Day, kids had been grown up and all three had moved out five years prior to D-Day.
When he told me that OW would be a better girlfriend because “No Children!” he snarled, I replied that there had been no children living in our house for 5 years – he immediately retorted, “And that’s another thing! All those TRIPS to [City where kids lived]!” so…. if kids were some horrible thing, but you wanted to be in a family… but they had been gone for 5 years…. but taking a 4 hour trip 2-3 times a year was so offensive and objectionable, such a burden to him that he was compelled to cheat.

No sense trying to make sense of the disordered’s word salad. They say whatever pops into their heads.
Friends said Clusterfuck also told them he wanted to be with OW because they had both attended the same college at different times over 25 years ago, they never knew each other but apparently it made him feel a bond with her. By that reasoning I should have had affairs with every guy that attended my college, right? My bad for not attending vanilla midwest ag school that OW had attended.

Oh and: “she makes me feel like a real man!” (“You don’t!”) but also, “she sees the lost little boy in me!”
No sense, cuz it’s all self-serving NONsense!

I made him feel the house wasn’t his and he didn’t have any space there. Never mind that he had the entire basement for his music studio and equipment (but kept ordering more and never cleaned, so it became crowded and unpleasant to be there), that he took over the couch in the living room and sat there every morning and every evening for hours watching tv, so I couldn’t do anything in the room, and that he had the entire master bedroom for himself (I moved out of the bedroom to sleep on a mattress on the floor of my study after he began masturbating in bed next to me at night; this gave me one foot on three sides of the mattress to walk in, and I couldn’t open the closet). And let’s not forget that he never did any maintenance, repair work, or yard or garden work (other than mowing, and only then once our son moved out to go to college). He made it clear over and over that he was uncommitted to me, our marriage, and to the home we were supposed to be making together.

But mostly, it wasn’t what I did or didn’t do. It was just who I was.

“You’re a burden”
“You didn’t love me the way I needed to be loved”
“You believe what you see and not what I tell you”
“The house is too clean. It’s embarrassing” (not a typo, he said that)
“You sleep too much” (like leukemia is a choice)
“You’re always putting your nose in my private life”
“You expect everyone to be accountable for there actions”
“You never shut the fuck up”

So glad that’s over.

After grocery shopping on Saturdays I would start making lunch. Then the postman would come so I would go out to the mailbox (still wearing my apron) “just to show everyone that you do everything round here!”
I also loaded the dishwasher wrong.
You speak better French then me (despite the fact he could have free French lessons on work time for 30 years)!
I used long words too. (I thought about saying “marmalade” to him one time – see if he would have a coronary!
I liked to watch cookery programmes (he always had documentaries on that he would fall asleep in front of – that made him an intellectual)!

I’m selfish, for doing a part time Masters while working full time and doing the heavy lifting in raising our Kiddo.

He couldn’t help because his chosen career-I put him through school-meant unsociable hours.

I now know that my request for him to pull his parental weight was because it would have interfered with Cooch Time.

I suck, but in a highly qualified way.

Love to all Chump Nation

I yelled out the back door for him to come out of his shop( after I called and he wouldn’t answer his phone and I repeatedly said please go and get an intercom). I nagged( yes after years of living with a man baby who wouldn’t stop spending money stupidly, drinking and driving, smoking himself into major health concerns, and ignoring all parental responsibilities). I said no to sex maybe once every 10 times ( I was sold I wasn’t allowed to say no to sex at all when we wreckonciled after his one year affair with a friend of ours). I was also a nag when he stopped working full time and when he stopped working at all in our last year together, and when I made him give up his shop after losing $500k of our money in it( and continually lying to hide those losses) Boy does he suck!!

I don’t suck.

I am a decent, kind, hard-working person. I know how to have fun. I’m funny.

I’m too good?

Oh wait! While I’m pretty, I’m not a movie star. While I have enough money, I’m not a multi-millionaire. While I like sex, I don’t dress like a hooker (except when I do).

I’m just too good for you. — lyrics of Drake’s, revised a bit

I was “frigid.” And “an alcoholic.” Oh, and I tipped too generously.

When I was deposed on all three (seriously) and had facts to counter the first two accusations, stbx had to admit on cross that he was lying.

At one point, his own attorney and mine were laughing about adultery and financial abuse being right on par with a 25% tip at the Longhorn.

I had quite a few “fuck you” moments during that deposition. When both attorneys are on your side, you realize you’re walking away from a whole lot of crazy.

Wow! Reading this list amazes me! What a bunch of mighty chumps! We women and nice men really do power the world behind the scenes while the narcs and selfish ones do there own thing! It’s our turn to live our own lives and benefit from everything we do and are without the vampires sucking us dry!

Mine are all kinda true actually.

1) “You’ve never respected me.” -He was a good friend since childhood and after dating a couple years as adults I knew we shouldn’t get married so I broke up with him…he begged and promised so I took him back. Those lasted until we got married then all those promises were broken…how does one respect a liar and a manipulator?

2) “You’ll be happier without me.” This was when he was explaining his cheating and wanting a divorce in terms of it being good for me…I was pissed at the time but it actually turned out to be true I am indeed happier than I’ve been in years!

Instead of listing what my ex thought I did wrong (which was everything and a moving target), I’m going to list my actual quirks. My current fiance either doesn’t notice, doesn’t care, or finds them charming. That’s what love is. You see your partner’s quirks as an interesting part of their character. I:

– Fall asleep when watching TV (I have three young kids and a full-time job), but my fiancee loves to cuddle me when I doze
– Usually prefer quiet parties to loud, over-packed ones (so does my fiance!)
– Try to always keep my houseplants alive, but sometimes they don’t make it (and that’s okay!)
-Realize that having a dog would be too much work for me at this stage in my life, although I do love them, and want one someday (and that’s okay, too…he’s happy to wait!)
– Am in my early 40s, and he’s happy with that (he doesn’t expect me to look/act 18)
– Get overwhelmed sometimes with kids/work/house maintenance, and he’s there to support me (instead of berating me, like my ex)
– and on and on

I wouldn’t get clown boob implants.
I didn’t rinse dishes properly after washing them.
I didn’t support his hobbies (despite the 3 motorcycles, expensive 4 wheel drive truck, extensive gun collection and myriad of things he bought constantly, oh yea I was the only one working to provide all these things)
I was no fun (I wasn’t supposed to be tired after a long day when all he did was nap because he couldn’t hold a job)
I would walk into the bathroom when he was in there “crowding him”
I had bad taste in music
I didn’t “understand” his need for daily porn
I was too successful, made him feel less than a man (of course he never kept a job longer than a year because he was never appreciated for his greatness)
I once put apples in the streusel – oh the audacity

I mean the atrocities I committed as a wife must have been so hard to live with that it drove him to multiple affairs. I guess when you dont work it leaves a lot of free time to fill because I had to work. Funny how he didn’t mind spending the money. Le sigh.

I played Candy Crush and Pet Rescue too much and “neglected” him.
I wouldn’t have sex with other people, even with a “hall pass”/permission to do so from my husband.
I wouldn’t laugh at his gross, lewd memes on Facebook.
Our DD was diagnosed Autistic at age 2 and he couldn’t get over it.
I didn’t cook healthy enough for his diabetic 300+ pound ass.

1) I had a successful career that supported the family. This made him feel bad because he did not have a successful career or, in fact, a job. He did not have a job despite me *begging* him to just get a job because I was drowning under the stress of doing it alone.
2) I couldn’t stop the baby from crying. The crying gave him a headache. I was not soothing the baby appropriately.
3) When we walked somewhere, I failed to account for incline and shade when determining routes. He would spend the walk telling me how stupid I was to have chosen a street that did not have adequate shade for him.
4) I stopped choosing walking routes (or actually making any secisions at all or even having opinions) When “quizzed” about walking route or my opinion, I now deferred to him. This was further evidence of my stupidity.
5) He chose to get a vasectomy. I actually wanted another child. I don’t know how this was my fault but it was, and it earned him sex with a teacher slut from my kids’ school.
6) After a day at my job (during which he played video games and, I now know, had internet sex with random men and women), I sometimes failed to get dinner on the table for his arbitrarily designated meal time of 5:30. This was evidence of what a crappy mother I am because didn’t I realize our daughter needed structure and routine? If she had a meltdown, that was on me and my failure to meet the dinner time deadline.

In short, there are lots and lots of ways I suck, too myriad to name here. The only way he could endure my suckiness was to fuck randoms.

Interestingly, he adored his mother and she could do no wrong in his eyes, but she must have sucked too because his daddy was compelled to fuck prostitutes throughout their marriage.

Oh, I forgot about initiating sex! I did, which wasn’t incorrect, however I was usually rejected (he was saving himself for porn). When I asked him why he never initiated sex, he got all sad sausage on me and told me that because I might reject his advances it was unfair of me to expect him to do that. He remained sulky and hurt until I apologized for the potential of him having his sexual advances declined by me.

I didn’t hang up his shirts. I had four smal kids and did so much laundry. By myself. He had a JOB after all. I just sat home all daday, and his hands were too big to fold clothes. As the other adult in the house, Ifelt hanging up his own shirts was the least he could do.