Yesterday’s post had a pretty great whopper — the cheater who refused to wear his wedding ring out of consideration for his wife, because a wedding ring is a “signal” to predatory women, desperate to have affairs with him.
Which makes me wonder how this studmuffin imagines himself — batting women off like fish flies? Or maybe it’s more like an attack of rabid turkeys, enchanted by a shiny object. Ring! Peck, peck peck!
But Kintsugi, we’re laughing with you, not at you, because to be a chump means we swallowed some whoppers ourselves. Judging purely by the all the Bible study that goes on in hotel rooms around Chump Nation.
So today’s Friday Challenge is to share the Stupidest Lie you bought. (Aside from your wedding vows. Don’t play the obvious.) I’m talking gobsmacking lies that still have a scintilla of possibility. Okay, it’s possible he’s sleeping in his car in Vermont… in January… without cell phone reception…
Probable? No. Possible? — well it’s not against the laws of physics, so YES, I suppose it IS possible and to conclude otherwise would smash my world into smithereens…
So, what stupid lie did you buy?
Until you didn’t — because these things do tend to wake you up at 2 a.m. and make you cross-reference your data plans. Then it’s BUSTED. Then it’s more lies…
Then it’s me encouraging you all to get away from the mindfuckery. And you do. And then later, as you approach meh, you can point and laugh at it.
So put your Stupid Lies out there, CN. Let’s laugh at it. And ourselves. Thank God to be free.
TGIF!
Hi, exs, biggest lies, the ow dad was in prison for child abuse, that was a whopper, fake suicide attempts, didn’t get paid, lies and more lies. Trying to cheat on current girlfriend, with me 24 lies, yes you heard right 24 times.
Meant 24 times, I’m feeling sick, at the moment, not a Freudian slip!
Mine told me his visit to the whore house 1 month after D Day was to break up with the whore! Cost him $175 to tell the whore he wouldn’t be coming back!
Amanda- that made me gut laugh! What a creep!!
Made me want to stab him, as if you pay to tell a prostitute you won’t be frequenting the whore house anymore!
Oppps only just realised the lies were to do with a wedding ring
OMG!!!!
What a fucker.
????????????????????????
We just work together, and all we want is to take care of our families the best way we can, and you shouldn’t feel threatened by our friendship. It makes you look bad because she’s just a single mom with two kids trying to make a living. And it’s not like we have sex or anything…jeez.
Uh…yeah…right (SMH).
This is from The Cheater’s Handbook! “We just work together, we’re just friends and she is a great person. You’d really like her if you got to know her.” (Not that you will ever be given the opportunity). Any time I hear someone say a person is “just” a friend, I immediately think “cheater.”
????????????????????????????????????
This.
And we no longer have feelings for one another so we can still work with each other. And, of course, she’s really nice. You’d like her.
Mine told me get over it I lost my SECOND wedding ring at work and it’s no big deal! He sold it because he could get $150.00 here in Canada for 10 karat gold!
My ex’s ring was accidentally swallowed by the cat while he was trying to balance it on the cats upturned nose. Except this actually happened — I was there. I should have taken it as an omen.
Haha mine lost his “playing paintball” while he was out of state for weeks for work training. All of the many replacements after that were silicone, and easy to lose track of, apparently.
My stbxw said the only weight she was lossing from going to the “gym” so much was in her fingers so her ring was falling off!!! Yeah right!! She was served with divorce papers a few days ago!
He told me he was “working late evenings with her because she was helping him paint cupboards and he was being a good friend to her by listening to all her marital problems.” Red flag anyone? not me ….
I also believed a “ring removal story”. Since he was a carpenter and worked with his hands….
I had no reason not to believe him so…
At least he was a carpenter and had a believable excuse – mine was a lawyer and I bought his story!
a handy man indeed…haha
Mine worked on a computer all day. He said it hurt him while he typed. Cause you know they send shockwaves through the body ????
Mine said he stubbed his ring finger playing basketball too many times so the one end of his finger was too big to get the ring over. I bought it.
Mine was a programmer and typed all day. He said it got in the way of his typing. I was confused but I believed him. I feel so stupid now. I mean, I’ve been typing with rings on my fingers for over 20 years and I’ve never had to take them off to type.
Mine said he didn’t want to get it caught in machinery while working around the farm. However, when he was going on business trips he wore his other rings just fine. And they were bigger than his wedding ring.
Hello. My name is ChutesandLadders and am a CHUMP.
Mine said he lost it when he went to the emergency room for cramped hands that were so painful, he had to stay the night at a coworker’s apartment in town.
Months later, I actually called the insurance company because we never received a bill for the copay. They had no record of an ER visit. But when I went over the credit card bill for that night, there was a hefty debit for a restaurant near his coworker’s apartment.
Maybe she spoonfed him because he was in such pain?
Oh the rings, first one he lost duck hunting when he put his hands in cold water, shrunk his finger and it slipped off.
Second one, he was welding and a piece of weld hit the ring (which also burned his finger) so wearing a ring was just not meant to be.
What the hell was I thinking, only recently I told the welding story and 14yo old says, Mom, why was he welding without gloves, he broke a cardinal rule of welding!
That actually happened to my dad… the welding thing….and he had to have his ring cut off. The metal piece heatingvthe band and burned a hole in his finger. He had worn it so long that his finger had built up callouses and he couldn’t get it off.
He’s been married to my mom for 53 years. When I divorced Mr. Twatwaffles, he was pissed that I wouldn’t keep his name and instead took my maiden name back…. because my dad is the only man to ever have my back.
The Twat was shocked when he couldn’t find me at work as Mrs. B – I took my maiden name back too and he was SOOOOOO hurt!
I never took cheaters name! Phew!
I changed my name completely by making a word with mine and kids initials Lovebringer69 asked me where did it come from because it’s not my maiden name and I told him it is my Family name and spelt it out for him. The look was priceless.
Oh I love the subject of that stupid piece of jewelry we’re taught to put so much meaning into. My fuckwit wears it all the time. Since he has no emotional attachment as to why it is there – it doesn’t matter if he’s paying an asian massage therapist for a happy ending or hitting on some chic in a bar on a business trip with the damn thing on his finger. A fuckwit is a fuckwit is a fuckwit. They all suck.
We have a ring theme! Count me in the “gullible until I woke up from the constant bullshit crowd.”
First ring, he lost at the airport while carrying his luggage. Second ring, lost while washing the car. Third ring, well he had to take it off to keep it safe because he was afraid of losing it, like the others. He supposedly lost some weight and his fingers were skinnier. But then, he couldn’t remember where he’d put it to keep it safe. Facepalm. I was too trusting. I figure he threw them away each time I bought him a new one. Odd how I carried luggage for years and washed dishes for decades, but never once lost a ring.
But hey, third time’s the charm! I’m free now and savoring every minute of my cheater-free life.
Yep! Hearing the construction horror story of possibly losing a finger. I would never what any harm to come to him so of course I agreed to safety. Now I know why he didn’t wear it after work and weekends. His ring stayed in the safe all those years. I have no idea why he wanted in the divorce.
Informal! Mine wants his in our current ongoing horrid divorce too?!
I can’t for the life of me figure out WHY?
It’s not worth any money, he barely wore it.
I KNOW he wore it to signal “I’m married, so are you, let’s have sex”. THAT IS A REAL THING!!! My female neighbor does it, DID it right in front of me! Barf-o-rhama!
I think it makes him look like an idiot. He can always buy another one for the “married sex arrangement” thing.
Mt attorney answered for me, “She doesn’t want that thing!” LOL
My thought was that it was an attempt to make me look petty?
Like I was such a Bitter Bunny I kept his worthless meaningless wedding ring!
Sadly, this IS a real thing. I have seen married women go after married men (certainly vice-versa), because, in their sick minds, it is somehow “safer”. You know, level playing field. So to speak. Barf.
A friend of mined reckoned my ex chases married men coz when she gets rejected it doesn’t hurt so much, whereas getting rejected by single men damages her ego.
It’s called mate poaching. Like they’re big game and some sort of prize or something.
Pfft.
I can see that appealing to my ex, if they say no then it’s coz they are married, yet if they say yes she thinks she has won something. She has yet to find someone who won’t leave his wife yet, plenty of married fuck buddies though, so pathetic.
I also got a ring removal story: the ring bothered him playing golf, so he took it off and put it in his pants pocket. There was a hole in the pocket, so he lost his ring. And of course it was my fault because I hadn’t sewn up the hole! (Although I never found the pair of pants that supposedly had the hole. Hahaha.) He never wanted to replace the ring then, but years later during wreckonciliation he wanted to go ring shopping as part of our ‘new beginning’. I knew better!
I really did lose my wedding ring. I was a cook in a restaurant and it wasn’t sanitary, so I put it in my pocket. My shift was late at night and when I was done, I went home, showered and went to bed. I remembered it was still in my pocket the next day and I went to get it, but it was gone.
I looked EVERYWHERE for it, my house, the kitchen at the restaurant, my car, the places where I walked to my car and into my house and work…. nothing. Never found it. My ex was non-plussed. Just occurred to me the other day that he probably took it.
While “reconciling” my then wife came home one night after movies with friends without her wedding ring, she said she was playing with it while waiting for a bus and she must have dropped it (she even said she heard it hit the ground). She was distraught. I even drove into town looking for it. About 2am she sat bolt upright in bed and dashed to her handbag and found it, she said it must have fell into her handbag. I just laughed and said bollocks, but whatever, I told her that just be honest for once but she just wouldn’t concede and was utterly convinced in her story and pissed off I didn’t believe her. The only time I took my wedding ring off in 13 years was the night I found out about cheating. She was always taking hers off, cooking etc,, I shoulda noticed.
Mine wanted to retake vows after the affairs.
No fucking way
What a trap.
Lost his ring. This part is true. But he lost it twirling it on his desk at work. All this said in the calmest, most innocent way. Angel wings fluttering and halo shining.
Mine lost multiple wedding rings. The last one, I found in a box of his stuff while I was packing his crap up to get it out of my house.
I have a “lost ring” lie too. My ex said he lost his ring while trimming the grass that grew along the fence line. He said, “It was always loose and it must have slipped off in the grass.” I had no reason not to believe him. He even spent about an hour looking for it. When we moved from that house he said, “We should tell the new owners if they find my ring to let us know.”
I never thought about that ring again until I started reading Chump Nation and all the other stories about missing wedding rings. Ex for sure had an affair with a ho-worker while we lived at that house and he also spent quite a bit of time in Canada, f-ing around with 100% naked strippers. He’s just the type that would have taken off his wedding ring and he’s 100% for sure the type that would lie about how he lost it. Funny how he wore that ring outside of the house for impression management after told me he wanted a divorce and was so evil to me. Everything is all about how he looks to others. Lucky me got to see over and over again is black, evil heart.
Mine made a big show of losing his ring and looking for it when on a family vacation in Hawaii. He claimed to have just dropped it in the car and we were all searching everywhere in the vicinity. Then he was like “whelp I guess it’s gone”. It was weird because he just gave up so easily and accepted the loss. I was like wtf that was a $200 wedding band. Also, as I recall, he was not with the family prior to coming to the vehicle and “losing” the ring. He had been off somewhere else on a beach. God only knows what really transpired. He never replaced his ring.
I’m sure there must be MANY more medical spouses who got the same story as I did about: “Can’t scrub for surgery with the ring on — it would be unsanitary”…
I was also a ring removal story believer…
He’s in the military and never had to take it off before whenever they went to field training, but suddenly his commanders were “cracking down on protocol.” Then his story morphed into how he couldn’t wear it when he got back because his blood pressure was causing his fingers to be swollen. The odd part was that once he decided to fake wreckoncilation, he was suddenly “allowed” to wear his ring again and it didn’t bother him anymore if his fingers swelled. Go figure.
My right handed ex LEO said he couldn’t wear his ring because he couldn’t shoot correctly. He has Never in 27 years fired his weapon for anything other the annual training.
I have actually removed my useless ring. It hurts to wear it. It was supposed to signify commitment and fidelity. He kept his ring on and it meant nothing to him. It means something to me. He broke the symbolism of the ring for me. My ring means I am in a committed and monogamous relationship. What happens when I am the only one committed and monogamous? What does the ring mean then? It bugs him that I don’t wear my ring. But it’s a thing I used to wear proudly. Now I wear a cheap ring I gave to myself. There’s some symbolism.
That he only slept with our friend once because they got drunk together.
After a night out i casually asked why he had body glitter all over his face. After an hour of protesting that i was delusional and seeing things my fucktard liar looked in the mirror and declared he couldn’t possibly have had a lap dance because the bouncers wouldn’t let you “touch” the girls. Right… so your magnetic personality must have sucked the glitter right off her tits then…
“I’m staying over tonight at my (female) work colleague’s house to finish off a report that’s due tomorrow. She’ll give me a lift to work in the morning. “
I bought it…Hook, line and stinker.
The X came from home from work, 3-11pm shift, and crawled in bed. I went to kiss him and I swear his goatee smelled like he buried his face in some howorker’s twat. WTF! He said it was a combination of sweat and metal (he was welding). In 19 years, I never smelled it again. I was a dumb ass. This was about year 8 in our almost 18 year marriage and I denied, denied, denied.
Sweat and metal. Wow. When you think you have heard it all….
Mine had it on his breath and said he had been eating cabbage so that what it must be. I have never eaten cabbage since.
Ew Ew Ew
Let’s see…it’s a tossup between:
The reason I called up Skanky Ho is to ask her to go shopping with me to help me pick out a birthday present for you
and
I bought those condoms on my business trip so I could masturbate and not dirty up the hotel sheets.
Jeez.
Oh I’m not the only one who believed the condom thing
Nope. I am in that club. I was dubious, but I chose to accept that one, too.
me too – I typed my comment below before reading all the way through. Buys barely want to use condoms when they have actual sex. no way they’ll dampen the sensation while jerking off.
Heard this one myself. When I found boxes of condoms in his car on 2 separate occasions he told me it was so he could masturbate and not ruin his clothes/upholstery. I knew he was lying but you just can’t prove it can you? Plus, why would you be doing it in your car and not behind closed doors?
Yep! Condoms I bought(but never got used) went missing, when I was pregnant. He said “ it’s embarrassing, I used them wanking”.
Gawd is that printed on the condom boxes? I got the same. Right buddy. And I wear sanitary napkins. GTFO
Mine told me he was giving our teenager the “man talk”
Fucking joke
I had both the birthday present and condom lie served too.
They are so original.
Almost forgot the biggest one…this outbreak of genital warts must be from HPV that I must have caught many years ago and is just breaking out now. Said his doctor would attest to this.
When I got HPV he said he had HPV in his nose and it was not sexually transmitted. I had to have a leap procedure to remove part of my cervix due to precancerous cells.
Or
We cancelled our cell phone plan because his company was going to pay for cell service for our whole family. This enabled him to get a secret phone and for me not to see his behavior. Still don’t know from what secret account he paid the bill.
Me too on the HPV. All the bumps over his groin were ‘skin tabs.’
I had the stage of an abormal pap (stage just before cancer) that my ob/gyn told me could have been from dormant HPV. More likely? Hannibal passed it on to me from one of his many conference hookups or students. Fucker. The surgery risked my ability to have a second child. If it had, I’d be writing this from prison.
I suddenly developed HPV after 26 year of monogamy (on my part). I hope his little tiny dick drops off.
Oh I’ve wished this one too. I’ve lived my life to be as disease free as possible. Imagine my horror when I had my first ever abnormal PAP smear after years of sexual activity during wreckonciliation. Not mention finding a video the Ho-worker has sent him during the wrenconciliation of her masturbating with guess what genital warts. I have no words.
me too. so young and dumb. never doubted his version.
“I wanted to see how it felt to masturbate with a condom.” SMH
Wow i didn’t even know they masturbated with condoms on. I have so much to learn. LoL
As a guy chump, no. It’s not pleasant to rub one off with a condom on. Especially if the condom is not lubricated. And if it is lubricated, it becomes way more messy than not using one. There is zero reason to get condoms for solo gratification. Just another big fat lie.
Hugs. Strength. Peace.
aeronaut
Lmao, and thanks for the insight 🙂
Ahh, the condom lies…. The Worm had his friends leaving condoms in his car all the time… But the icing on the cake was the economy sized box of condoms that they gave him as a birthday present. What a great bunch of guys….
Mine told me he kept two economy sized boxes of condoms so he could last longer when we had sex. Yet premature ejaculation was never an issue with us, nor was I even able to get pregnant then. Doh!
When he received a big box of bottles of sex lube from China (like, 24: enough to supply a whorehouse) he ordered online, it was “for masturbation.” I asked half-kidding if he was thinking of starting a bordello. Now I realize that indeed, it probably was to supply the bordello where OW worked!
Spliting my sides, JustWondering
At least he wore condoms.
I bought those condoms for our sons because of AIDS and things
Yeah the gift shopping. It was either my birthday or anniversary jewelry. You know, needed the female advice on what to buy. You mean that wasn’t exactly innocent??! I wonder if anyone actually does that and it IS innocent.
Yes, people that saw them shopping together got that explanation. Really, you needed HER help in buying a gift certificate for your wife?
Ah yes, the gifts that were for me. Only that I never got. Not one.
Those earrings I saw in a bag? Well, they WERE for me. But he returned them because I was mean to him. At some vague point in time. That I don’t remember at all. That he said nothing about.
I promise you, Loulotte02, we will only share the hotel bedroom during our business trip because it’s cheaper for the company (he is the CEO and OW is his secretary)…
Oh I believed that one too! Also he was ceo
Through my sleuthing, found that they went in 2012 to Providence for “training”! She needed training for a job that she held before? Company paid for two rooms… only ONE parking fee. My ex was her boss. Still do not remember what he told me about that weekend!
When my stbx got caught a second time by his daughter he said he was at her house because he wanted to rent her cottage on her property FYI there was no cottage ????
That she “was just too tired to go back to her hotel” (that I paid for) so she slept on this guy’s couch after a night out drinking.
Oh, who am I kidding, the BEST one was that she met “a girl friend” for dinner in Paris when I paid for her to go there by herself and have a VRBO with no one to report to. Found out later she met the guy she was cheating with but says “we just had dinner.”
Hannibal Lecher claimed he wanted to rent a hotel room the night of the department party so he didn’t have to drive drunk. Hmm…wonder why he needed one of the best hotels in the city?
The Limiteds was posed as s question after I called him on the hotel receipt. He asked, “What if u was too drunk to drive.”
I had the phone records showing he booked it the day before. There were dinner recieots, casino bar recieots, the hotel, and breakfast.
Dropped a couple of hundred a month after I had to pay for my Easter dinner.
I was moved to roommate status.
Developmentally, like a five year old.
Knowing what I know of the Limited, that is an insult to 5 year olds. Developmentally akin to a cockroach might be closer.
Mine too. I suspect his thought process was along the lines of “she can’t get too mad at me for wanting to get a hotel because I’m being so responsible by not driving drunk!” Never mind that the whole thing was premeditated before he ever had a sip and of course the actual responsible thing to do would be not to get drunk!!!
Felix the Cheater Cat always used the “I’m staying on the sofa at [male friend’s] house” and “babe you don’t want me to get a DUI or end up in the hospital.” His two male friends rarely saw him, and if so then it was only briefly before he was meeting a Tinder twat. Ohhh, I bought it! I thought he really did have friends and he was with them, too! This happened many times. Sweet loving trusting chumpy me. We see them through our own lens — until we don’t.
The receipts I found in his mess of a trunk showed him checking-in to the hotel right near his office around lunch time and checking-out near 5:00. Narkles claimed he had a bad headache and had to rest before he drove home. I guess the couch in his office just wouldn’t do.
Such terrible headaches but he remembered to include his Marriott rewards number for the points.
That when caught with sexual videos of my best friend on his phone, the 10 min phone call they had afterwards was when she asked for “him to come over and them finally have sex, since they were caught already.” But he didn’t. Because he’s a good boy! They never actually had sex, it was just flirting that went too far!
They were having sex since we got married.
Divorced a week and a day ago. Meh isn’t here, but the mindfuck is gone.
That is so cruel, I am glad you are out, all the best to you!
Dumbest or biggest?
Biggest? It only happened once, they used a condom and it broke which is how my ex and his employee found themselves with a shock baby (5 year old when I found out)
Dumbest: ummm I’ve got a few – met him when I was 16 and naive
1. He carried condoms in his wallet in case he ever needed to masturbate to relieve stress during the work day
2. He and a co worker shared a hotel room interstate to save money (I never questioned that one either – I could share a room with someone without sex)
3. 2 am emergency IT support call outs
4. That because I was uninterested in exploring a diaper fetish that he’d never continue it
Oh dear god the list could go on. 15 years of lies both small and big and I bought them all till he got served with parental custody papers and told my on vacation
A diaper fetich!!!! Man I’ve lived a sheltered life!
Lol after d day he used my not supporting his diaper fetish as justification to lie about his other fetishes… turns out he has all of them … disgusted me and boy have I learned some odd things that I never needed to know!
Have to say I adore post separation life. I’ve had a couple of wonderful relationships with men that are not cheaters or into weird things. Turns out sex isn’t always creepy! Who knew???
So youn and so foolish – how dare you not be supportive of Huggies ????
IKR!! Lol
One day recently at changeover he claimed the baby bottle in the car with lipstick on the teet was from our 5 year old when she was under 2 and it must’ve gotten stuck under the seat!!! Lol right! Dude I stopped believing you a few years ago when we broke up! Plus, I bought our kids milk bottles and they were a different brand!
Gotta ask, was this him and OW’s fetish thing?
No current partner was 14-15 when we split up… they’ve only been together since about 6 months after we separated… but the poor little girl (she’s only 21 now – he’s 47 – together 5 years now) has been suckered by 50 Shades culture I think.
They do nappies, bottles, dog bowls to eat out of that have the word slut on them, collars, canings (I’ve seen the bruises on her legs) I pity her. I know how persuasive he is.
Oh the condoms in the wallet when he said he was a Virgin like me at 17. Said his friends gave them to him so he felt he had to keep them. Duh slapping my head. I bought that lie until right now.
I believed lies about condoms for 15 years so don’t feel bad.
Oh yes. It took me nearly a week to recover after I discovered the porn lactation videos. He didn’t lie about them because I found them after I kicked him out. But. Lactation videos? I was 59 and so totally naive.
His biggest LIE was to play that he had dementia…he was 75, so was that so unbelievable? He maintained this for more than a year, staring at the walls for hours at a time, doing really really crazy things, wreaking the cars, carrying hot steaks in his hands from the grill to the kitchen…poop his pants and wear diapers….
I had to hire babysitters, visit neurologists (because he wouldn’t…lielielie), visit memory units. Be totally scared and upset. What a set up.
It turned into DDay when I promised commitment orders and/or memory unit if he did not go to the neurologist. He would take drugs and alcohol so he could stare at those walls for hours, etc. It was all a LIE to gain time while he figured out what to do next.
What is really scary is that when he actually did go to the neurologist, she treated all the things I had journaled like they were perfectly normal for someone with his diagnosis: every -ism in the book, several psychiatric disorders, etc etc. She told me, “if this was my husband, I would RUN”.
So, I did.
That is SOOOOO sick! I’m so glad you’re out of there.
That’s so so messed up. Big sympathies! Glad you are free of him.
Imagine them play acting !?? Thats their thing!!my lying fuckface spent about 18 months siging and huffing at every little chore doing his best to look like a sad sausage while he spent spent spent and probably squirreled money away until there was nothing left and he was ‘ready’ to go (apparently the year before wasnt the ‘right’ time -sure because u would be up for more child support you tight fucker) so the sad sack act totally evaporated and he litterally bounced out of the house looking like a 17 year old with his first car . Luckily in that d day moment all the respect i had for him went down the road with him ….confirmed by the fact his pensioner parents were bank rolling him his new life with slutty slut whore.
In no particular order:
1 I need a sofa in my office at work so that I don’t have to drive home late at night if I get really tired and have to take a nap.
2 They handed out condoms at the conference. That’s why they’re in my suitcase.
3 That receipt for a metal mailbox with a flag is for one I bought for the office [in a corporate building.]
4 I love you tremendously and see us as a team.
I too, was a believer of the SAME wedding ring story–that is attracts women who prey on married men. But the biggest lie that I, and probably 80% of us here have bought, is…….(drumroll please)…..SHE’S JUST A FRIEND
He booked a solo vacation to Provincetown, MA, and when he returned told me he didn’t know it was known as a gay vacation spot.
While we were in counseling for one of ex-wife’s affairs it came out that she was “in love” with someone else from the internet that she claimed she’d never met, to the point that she wasn’t sure reconciliation was possible. I danced harder and begged the counselor to explain that you can’t truly love someone you’d never met, not in a way that competed with a 22 year marriage and an intact home for your children. Counselor nodded thoughtful and asked us repeatedly HOW THIS MADE US FEEL. Zero reality check, zero empathy, zero help.
Of course, I ultimately learned my cheater had met Internet boy many times over the course of a couple of years, near my home, near his home 2,000 miles away, and hotels in between.
I believed the part about them not having met and doubted the part about her being in love, when it should’ve been the other way around. So glad I got outta that fake-therapeutic mental gang rape. SMDH (Shaking My Divorced Head)
The initial, basic Eliza computer program (which merely engaged in reflective listening) was better than your MC, Nomar. What a poor excuse of a therapist.
I like the SMDH – divorced head. Lol. I’m gonna use that
My thoughts exactly, Tempest. Sounds like all the therapist knows how to do is reflect your words back at you and ask about your feelings. Sorry you had to spend money and time for that, Nomar, even if it was an insurance company’s money.
Hugs. Strength. Peace.
aeronaut
I believed him when he told me it was an emotional affair only – no sex. And boy, did I dance hard for him. Sigh.
First off – like that’s better? WTF?
Secondly – it was a lie anyway (why did I believe that!), yeah, I got him in a weak moment and asked him when he first had sex with her and he told me. And then immediately said “I don’t know why I just told you that”. eyeroll.
Nomar, I won’t do it, but there’s something very appealing about going back to school to become a marriage counselor, just so I could yell at a cheater, “Stop lying!” who came to counseling with his wife.
He told me he was going to the beach alone so he could have some time to think. He told me in a phone video he sent to me before he left that he wanted to be a better husband and this time alone would help. He wouldn’t be answering calls because he needed to clear his head and that I should know how much he loves me.
I thought he was going to the beach a. Alone b. To complete suicide.
Nah, he took homeslice to the beach for her birthday, then “broke up” with her on the ride back, and proceeded to worm his way back into my head and continue the mindfuck.
And him filing a bogus restraining order when he was the one who doing the stalking. Ahhhhmazing.
If their lips are moving…..lies are being spoken.
I got “to think” too, both for a trip to the beach and for moving out.
Douchebags.
Amiisfree- thinking the entire weekend at the beach while having sex. Total douchebags
Yeah-I got the wanna live alone story.
I just remembered those were dickheads parting words…i can’t live with you and the kids anymore…ive never lived on my own ….. bullshiiiit.! I didnt buy it at the time but unfortunately for him my daughter of all people busted him with the whore at his ‘Batchelor pad’ the next week. Wow ..maybe living on your own got boring !!:)) i suppose he thought i was endlessly gullible since I’d put up with 25 years of pathalogical lying.
WHen it comes down to it, the pathological lying was the thing that got me to let go. I’m sure I only know the tip of the iceberg on all the lies but X was just a garden variety conman…now it’s a disorder…cluster b…whatever.
When confronted about a few of the lies, (I had already filed without telling him a week after finding out he had been cheating since the day we met and using drugs) and in one of the few times he came to pick up DD during divorce he asked to speak to me.)
Apparently, according to this image manager extraordinaire, lies are his, ahem, “defense mechanism” since he has an, ahem,”addictive personality”. UGh. Enough already! I eye rolled him and walked away.
So, that for me is the most ridiculous lie…forget the one about how he needed extra money (cash) and was working sooo hard (all those overnight shifts, “for the family”, don’t ya know;) My personal favorite was when he cancelled on his daughter at the last minute (this is soon after I filed divorce) for a weekend overnight (her first two day so she was super excited, packed for her and her dolly) and he cancelled at the last minute while I was working and then raged when I had the audacity to demand he set up the child care, “I have to work too ya know!!! I can’t help it! When they need me I have to go! Fine, I’ll pay for it and call the sitter you cheap bitch!” Turns out he was already in Niagara Falls with the next victim, er, girlfriend appliance er, twu luv. But this was almost 10 years of super duper whoppers so that one is just a drop in the bucket. Sooooo happy to be rid of that noise. He still lies (limited contact because of DD) now but it truly does roll of my back because he is just a sad little conman to me.
Mine lies as a defence mechanism apparently, she’s amazing, if I had to ask her something serious or personal, it would literally take her 10-15 minutes before she would answer, like she is thinking of all the permutations of the lies and stories she could tell me, I would be just begging her to tell me whatever pops into her head coz that was likely the more honest answer, but nope. She knew it annoyed me so prob just part of her manipulation too I guess.
Ah yes. I’m very familiar with this
1. I just met her about six weeks ago. (He met her more thanbsix months before).
2. I did some accounting work for her and we watched some movies. (Beach day, overnight to the big city to watch professional baseball, multiple trips to her families cottage with her parents and her children).
3. I need a break to screw my head on straight. Staying at my buddy’s place. (Stayed with her where she cleared a drawer for him).
4. I need another break when I don’t see you at all so that I can come to miss you. (Went out if town with her and missed his daughter’s birthday).
5. I had no contact with her the last three months before I left for good. I tried all I could to save this but it’s just over. It has nothing to do with her. (Maintained a secret email account the whole time, and I have an entire binder of the printed lovebombing emails in my possession).
6. We were only friends. She was a great listener. (You were screwing her for almost the last two years of our marriage).
7. No, I’m not dating her now. She wants nothing to do with me. Besides I don’t even have the time or money to date. (He cohabitates with her at her place each day he doesn’t have the kids and keeps his place just for the nights he’s with the kids, every Thursday and every other weekend).
8. Her husband was controlling and abusive. One night the police were called when she was defending herself and her ring cut her husband’s cheek. The police arrested her to make an example out of her. (The court transcripts I obtained explain that she attacked her husband when she was drunk while her husband was driving home from a family function. Their three kids witnessed it from the back seat. The police ultimately arrested her when she started spewing insults at them and taunting them to arrest her).
9. She lost custody of her children because her husband took advantage of her arrest. (She did not make contact with the husband for two months to arrange an initial supervised visit with the kids observed by Family and Children’s Services, so the social worker deemed that the children appeared happy and adjusted in their father’s care. She never contested her limited access because it allowed her freedom to party).
10. The biggest lie of all…YOU controlled everthing in this marriage. YOU did nothing but emasculate me. You couldn’t accept me as I am. (I ended up running just about everything because you would not step up. I supported you through two major lay-offs and three years of full-time studies to earn a university degree when you started taking up with other women. I outearned you and still did the vast majority of the housework and child-rearing to the brink of exhaution. I stayed home with your children while you went out with women. I don’t know who you are. Quite frankly, you have no clue who you are either).
Oh Man! This could’ve been my husband too. I got the I need some time off for me with my boys and how claustrophobic and emasculated I made him. He spent about 9 months out of the year traveling for work. Only now realizing during his almost four year affair he took many little trips on company dime to be with OW since they worked for same company. They were just living a vacation. Wow they all aren’t that original are they?! Jeez!
All while I’ve raised two kids from birth pretty much on my own (but you know he’s a great dad for few weeks he used to be around each time and how he pulled his weight and I did nothing). Smh! I bought that too convinced myself maybe he’s right. My mum was like what are talking about he’s barely here. ????♀️
She’s a lesbian. You have nothing to worry about.
Omg, I had totally forgotten about a coworker of his he used to tell me this about. “She’s like my brother.”
He’d go out of his way to “help” her, leaving me to take care of 3 toddlers. I never in a million years imaged he’d been sleeping with her (not his type physically. He’s more into Barbie types, she’s more Rosie O’Donnell ) but now, now I wonder???
She did get married last year after all… to a man!
Oh God yes. There were SO many co-workers over the years that I now suspect were actually ho-workers. I never suspected a thing at the time and probably never would have until I came to CN and read all the ho-workers stories and saw how so often the cheater would put down the ho-worker to the spouse in an attempt to deflect suspicion. That made me go “hmmmmmm, I wonder…” but ultimately I shrug and return to glorious Meh.
Thank you for being honest, Beth. I did not enjoy today’s challenge AT ALL. I haven’t laughed once (like I usually do at Friday challenge); I have been reduced to tears while reading, and had to stop before getting through everyone’s posts. The lies were so numerous, and so fucking cruel.
With a lot of the coworkers you suspect, it might just be that he’s annoying her with his wishful thinking. I’m an engineer, a male-dominated profession, and that happens to me on a regular basis — some asshat gets some stupid fantasy going in his head.
There was one not too long ago who I work well with and he was nothing but perfectly behaved, but I eventually figured out he had developed a case of mentionitis about me with his wife — you know the syndrome where he just couldn’t stop bringing me up in conversation. Since we didn’t work THAT closely, I just about sprained my eyes with the eyeroll.
I’ve gotten so used to icing out men as a default response that it’s pretty rough on the legitimate ones — they have to be willing to hang on through my default response of waiting for them to snap out of it. 😀
I got from him, “She’s sexless to me. I can’t even tell if she’s a male or female. SHE’S JUST A FRIEND.”
Well, he’s been dating and f-ing his FRIEND for close to four years. Hopefully by now he’s figured out which hole to use.
Yup. The masseuse was a lesbian. Then I heard how she’d broken up with her boyfriend.
She’s a good Christian. You have nothing to worry about.
Me too! My daughter, who was 15 at the time, was the one who broke it to me. “Mom, she’s not a lesbian.” And my daughter knew this information because my youngest daughter, then 13, heard them having sex in my bed.
The “lesbian” btw was 29 at the time and douche bag was 40.
correction, she was 19
That his co-worker (who was very young, and that I knew) was in an abusive marriage to a cop, who would hold a gun to her head and threaten her and she needed a place to stay so she could escape.
Oh Jesus. I too got the “co-worker (subordinate) who has an abusive husband who’s been coming up to work and threatening all the guys!!”
(No, just my hubby because he’d been fucking her. ????)
Then when the whore showed up on our porch one night to oblivious me, guess who said “that bitch is crazy! She got fired and is trying to ruin my life by making you think we had an affair!!!”
Guess who got his ass beat BADLY
a year later after being warned multiple times by her husband? Yep.
Guess who actually HELPED and stood by and laughed while her husband beat my husband’s ass? Poor little abused OW.
Guess who went running back to her husband and is still married? OW.
I also got the “I am helping her because she has an abusive husband” and I believed it without a doubt. Also her “abusive husband” threatened him for “helping her” – I just didn’t realise he was “helping” her to an orgasm! I believed so many lies. The problem is we chumps are kind people who believe the best about others and don’t want others to feel pain. However, we attract narcs who have no conscience at all.
Oh! I got that song and dance TWICE with two different APs. The first was a nursing student that Mr. Twatwaffles was going to the school with and whose subpar boyfriend worked in the same hospital as Mr. T. I’d get almost daily reports of how sad her life was and how terrible her boyfriend was. Didn’t dawn on my until a year ago that the reason she suddenly quit going to school was because I enrolled as well as my husband. He’d introduced her to me as his “study partner” then when I showed up, she suddenly didn’t want to be a nurse anymore!
Then, almost the same story with Alp-Ho… only she worked with Mr. T, as did her Milquetoast husband… only he was lazy and unproductive and she was basically all alone doing the auditing in their relationship. Mr T talked about her troubles to the point of where I wondered why in the hell he cared.
Duh! Affair Partner part deux!
During the “adulting”
Yeah… adulting all right…. the porn star type in the supply closet maybe… because fucking another woman’s husband is very grown up.
Bitch.
He actually had lipstick on his collar after returning from a work trip. He said he had gone to a strip club and was putting a dollar in the strippers g-string and she bent close to his face apparently grazing his collar with her lipstick smeared lips.
Oh, and that he was only doing home improvement work at a friend of mine’s house even though I could not get a hold of either one when he was there.
Yes, you heard people having sex when you came to the door. But it wasn’t me, some other people were having fun. I went to bed while they were “having fun” on the couch. Two months later the story changed. Yes, I had sex that night. She came into town and was a little drunk and needed a place to stay. I knew we were reconciling and this would be my last chance to have sex with another woman before I was with you for the rest of my life.
Also not true. I got the real story from the stripper he had been seeing for over a year.
[When I came home early from a trip, saw EvilWoman’s shoes (I had loaned EvilWoman – a supposed friend – the money to but them) in the foyer, and Fucktard ran from the back of the house barefoot in jeans and out of breath. I WOULD have heard them having sex if I had arrive about 10 minutes earlier]
Me: What’s going on, why are you out of breath? Where is Evil Woman – I saw her shoes in the foyer?
Fucktard: She’s in the bathroom, using the toilet. She came over to show me some video she jus got (of the hobby we all shared)
Me: Why are you half-dressed and out of breath?
Fucktard: I decided to change while she was using the toilet – I was working outside before she came over and was kind of stinky. I’m out of breath from rushing to finish dressing.
I believed it for all of 10 minutes.
You found ‘Thai Massage Parlour *place that I work away from home*’ in my phone search history? In several differently worded configurations? No of course I wasn’t searching for me to actually go to one! A couple of my married co-workers regularly visit them and a bunch of us decided to search for them to see what they get up to and make fun of them. And just happened to use my phone to do it. What do you mean you don’t believe me? Of course I’ve never slept with anyone else. When would I have the opportunity, living away from you for weeks at a time at the other end of the country? You have more opportunity than me, looking after our two young children and our house by yourself while running two businesses and studying. How do I know you haven’t cheated? I feel sick that you don’t trust me. If you continue to question me I don’t know what it will mean for our relationship.
????????♀️
I fell for the whole “I knew about swinger websites due to co workers posting stuff from work computers” too
He never found their profiles tho – just looked for them (face palm)
Oh gosh I could have written this. How are they all so similar..
I did a lot of choosing to believe. Things were off, but I didn’t have anything that felt like proof, and I didn’t want to walk out on him just because I felt suspicious. It felt like a crappy way to be in a marriage, like *I* was flaky, or even just mean, for not trusting, for not really believing, for being unwilling to weather storms and always try again, for asking so many questions, for being angry when I was mistreated or lied to…
In the end, I guess the biggest lies I actually believed were the ones he told me about me and my own resulting lies to myself about me.
You didn’t wanna believe the worst. You trust him until he starts to lose that trust. It’s him. All him. I hope you really are free of him
True, and thanks, and yes. I won’t say my picker was completely fixed right away post-divorce – that was nearly 20 years ago – but time has brought greater wisdom, largely through being a lurker and participant here. ☺️
^^^^ THIS! “the biggest lies I actually believed were the ones he told me about me and my own resulting lies to myself about me.”
For so long I believed that I was the one to blame for everything that was wrong with our marriage and it was my responsibility to fix it and me. Only now, after I have moved out, initiated divorce proceedings, and have begun the process of healing and detaching, have I begun to see how manipulated I was and how much I adopted his “blame her” mentality.
To me this is the biggest reason why one should walk away–you can’t really see all the contours of the mindfuck or understand all its effects on you until you leave. (I now consider the desire to wreckoncile one of the effects of having been mindfucked!)
Wow! This is a very powerful insight!
My intense obsession to wreconcile with the abusive, lying, serial cheating fucker is a symptom of 26 years of being emotionally abused by X. Wow!
Thank god for No Contact!!! At least there is no new mindfuck going on. I’m trying to undo 26 years of it and that is a slow, painful process.
YES!!!! “In the end, I guess the biggest lies I actually believed were the ones he told me about me and my own resulting lies to myself about me.” I know this is supposed to be a fun Friday challenge but this is exactly the thought that I keep having in thinking about the lies. The stupidest lies were all the ones he told me about myself and I believed. It’s not at all funny because the fallout continues. I am happily divorced. I love my new life even though it’s not even close to what I thought my life would be like at this point. The one thing that I continue to struggle with is getting rid of all the negative thoughts about myself that are the result of his lies about me to me. I KNOW they’re lies but I still hear that negative inner voice all the damn time. This is why I tell my therapist she will have a client for life.
This is my struggle too Beth. And it’s really coming out now that I am dipping my toes in the waters of dating. At least I am aware and there is a grown woman inside of me watching me trying to please these men I do not even know and watching me make sure that they don’t think I am a pain in the ass, or angry, or boring, or anything negative. I fight to be authentic when I am out with the man I am currently seeing, but I didn’t realize how deeply traumatized I was by the X in this particular regard. I do consider it another step in the healing because I was getting pretty happy alone and have lots of nice friends who I am completely authentic with. It sort of blindsided me to see how vulnerable I am with men though. But I will get there and yes, therapy for a long long time.
Kathleen, I have to be careful with ALL my relationships – family, friends, etc. If I’m not careful I find myself back in the familiar position of giving, giving, giving and expecting nothing in return because nothing is what I feel I deserve. I am constantly trying to make myself “worthy” of a place in someone’s life because that is what my marriage taught me I needed to do. It’s a struggle to find the line between being selfish (at least in my own perception) and expecting an appropriate amount of reciprocity and to realize that it’s okay to express my needs within a relationship and to walk away if those needs are ignored.
So well written, Beth. You described my 31 years of mindfuck very well. Negativity, accusations, blaming, put downs, criticism, crazy-making. It’s a miracle any of us survive this abuse. But we do.
Stay mighty. You are all kinds of amazing!
I recently watched a TED talk and read some articles about Diana Nyad. She touched on this when describing how she still, years later, finds herself using the language of her rapist coach to belittle herself whenever she feels she has made a mistake. She talked about dropping groceries on the way into the house and chiding herself cruelly inside her mind, only to then realize she was using his horrific words toward herself. It was chilling — and also gave me the validation of relief, which makes me feel kind of sick, being validated by hearing about her horrible pain.
Their abuse becomes our self abuse until we learn enough mindfulness to catch it closer to the moment.
I hear his words when ever I feel critical or unsure of myself. Thanks for posting this Amiisfree It’s something I need to be aware of all the time.
Oh that is so sad, Amiisfree. Poor Diana.
There is one criticism that ex constantly leveled at me that makes me laugh now – he was always saying I “live in the past” (because I like history and genealogy) and “dwell on every wrong ever done to me”. If he only knew how little I think of the life I lived with him… The only time I really think about it, is when I’m here in CN and even then, it’s mostly a distant memory and no longer hurtful. My life is good (except for what I said above) and my kids are good. That’s all that matters to me.
Me too Beth. And my parents, especially my narcissistic abusive alcoholic mom told me those same type of lies about what a horrible person I am since toddler-hood. I’m doing trauma counseling, finally, and the struggle to overcome 50 years lives like this is real.
I’m so glad you’re doing trauma counseling, Mother. The struggle is VERY real and we definitely need reinforcement to overcome those long term messages.
Ditto
THIS. “the biggest lies I actually believed were the ones he told me about me and my own resulting lies to myself about me.”
The biggest mindfuck of them all, right? Ex had me believing I was an irrationally angry person. Angry all the time. So angry that it didn’t matter what he did, I was angry about it. I started to question if I actually WAS and angry person. Was I expecting too much? Was I being to hard on him? It even got to the point where when I would have a kitchen knife in my hand while putting away dishes or chipping veggies, he would make an off the cuff comment on how he expected to die at the hands of me and a kitchen knife. I seriously started to question myself then because sometimes I would think in my head, “Yes, life would be easier if he were gone.” I would feel the anger well up inside me. And then that would REALLY make me question myself as a person. WAs I angry enough to do something like that?
Truth was, I was having rational reactions to his bad behavior and he was conditioning me to be an angry person. He had been molding me for years to sell his story of me being a bully, controlling and berating. He cheated and left me during cancer and I did not once have a thought to kill him because it is not my nature to do so! And if there is ever a time to think that…well that would have been it.
I was chopping vegetables one night when he staggered in drunk and I actually thought “that’s all it would take – one jab – and I would be free”. It scared me so I threw the knife in the sink. I would NOT be going to prison and let him “raise” my kids.
OMG…. I thought I was the only one! I’ve dreamed of his “accident”, getting his cell phone while he lies in a hospital bed, and leaning over and whispering sweet nothings in his ears… About how I’m going to pull the plug………. It’s truly scared me, but it keeps reoccuring like Old Yeller……….
OMG. The same happened to me. I rushed to individual counselling when trying to save my marriage to deal with all the ways I was a terrible person. She eventually said to me that I was not in need of any fixing. She pointed out that rarely does a toxic environment allow for people to be able to react with anything less than frustration and resentment.
CL has allowed me to counter that screwed up narrative. Now that he us gone, I feel more peace and patience. My anxiety is almost all gone.
“She pointed out that rarely does a toxic environment allow for people to be able to react with anything less than frustration and resentment.”
^Thank you for sharing this^
Mine too accused me of being angry in front of a psychiatrist ( amongst other accusations). In reality, once I have actually discovered what I had been living with, I wasn’t angry enough!
I’m right there with you and all the other commenters who have found that the hardest lies to overcome are the ones I believed through his gaslighting and mindfuckery.
He was so ‘good’ he didn’t just deceive our family/friends/coworkers/community. He conned our marriage counselor (!) into convincing me that I was being paranoid and irrational about suspecting him of having an affair. She told me “I know in my heart that he isn’t being unfaithful to you because he CRIED to me about how deeply sad he is over how you treat him, and if you would just be willing to change your ways then he wants nothing more than to fall in love with you again.” So not only did she (unknowingly) enable and embolden his affair but she flat out told me that I was the cause of all his unhappiness and “any issues you have with him will just have to wait because he’s the one that’s hurting the most right now so we need to address his grievances against you first.” She had him make a list of his top three things I had to work on (“controlling, fat, bitchy” – I kid you not that’s what he wrote and she accepted it) and I picked me dance like a fucking Rockette. Well of course everyone in CN can guess how that turned out.
Point is, with the help of a different (and actually competent!) therapist, I’ve untangled my skein enough to understand my own family of origin dynamics and know how/why I was vulnerable to his abuse. I’m learning mindfulness techniques to stop the negative self-talk that has been present since childhood, ingrained as ‘truth’ through my marriage to him, and reinforced from ‘professionals’ such as our church and that marriage counselor. I’ve clarified my values and set my own goals and boundaries to match them. But the lies still persist. I wonder if they will always be present with me, like a disease that’s in remission but will never be cured. It flares, it subsides, but I never forget it’s there.
Oh Hopeful. That list. That breaks my heart for you and makes me want to punch that stupid therapist right in her face. That is flat out abuse. I’m so glad you found a “real” therapist instead of that diploma mill idiot who fell for your ex’s bullshit.
I second that! The biggest lies were the ones I told myself!
Of course she’s JUST a friend! Yes, she really IS ugly, so I do believe you that you two didn’t f*ck!! Noooo, you are not lying to me, (despite the red flags and my intuition, which had gone from screaming sirens to a faint whisper during our relationship)….no you love ME and I believe you. And that we were ever a “we”, partnership or couple. Trust that he sucks and happy to trust in myself, my gut never lies 🙂
Hopeful-
I hope you sent a letter about how that therapist ‘DID MORE HARM THAN GOOD’ to their boss. If you haven’t, please do. Unless they’re called out, they’ll continue hurting verses helping others. Even if you believe she meant well, you should make he boss aware so she can be further trained.
Chump Lady’s post today is going to be very useful to whoever is still in denial.
Beware of fake relatives.
About one lady he said: “She’s my cousin”.
About another girl he said she was minor of age, only now I realize that wouldn’t have stopped him.
Another one: “She’s my best friend’s fiancé, how suspicious and crazy jealous you are, you have mental problems”…
It was always about these relatives and family friends out of nowhere. Fact is I bought all these lies without investigating.
About another confidant he told me it was a sexless affair because she very ill. I didn’t buy this though not even for one second. I found pics of her in her underwear. He said she had a life threatening virus and so she couldn’t have sex. “She hasn’t had sex with her husband since September I’m telling you” September is exactly when the cheaters started the affair. So he was throwing in some true facts or at least he believed she wasn’t having sex with her husband!!! LoL ????
My questions piled up: is it a STD? He said: No! How was she infected? “By nobody” he said. So she’s patient zero! A brand new virus for his mistress, what a creative alibi!!
I’d like to show chump nation the pics I found, he is so ridiculous. That helped me stay merry-even-if-chumped. And above all reading chump lady’s advice.
Oh man…did I ever laugh! Mistress patient zero. LOL.
The biggest lie I believed was the one I told myself – that I could live with a man I didn’t love or respect to “preserve the family” and that my children would be better of in an intact family than with a broke single mom. I will always regret not leaving after the first affair (that I found out about). Our lives would have been so much better if I had.
I am so with you on this one. So many regrets for buying into this life-shattering lie.
“that my children would be better of in an intact family than with a broke single mom”
If I had had family support or if I did something different for a living, I might well have decided that leaving was better, but my parents are more fucked up that he was and as a nurse, if I had moved, I would have had to do nightshifts and never figured out how I could raise 3 kids alone under my circumstances…yet people here suffer worse than this and survive.
I was terrified of being a single mother from a broken family.
It really isn’t that bad in reality!
“You are my safe harbor. You are all I will ever need”.
(except for APs 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 and 14)
Up to 30 he remembers…. then some more “ he forgot about”…. and that’s only the fucking actions….. online activities – in hundreds over the course of our marriage, which tells me that the real number of “ fucking” is probably higher..
????
All that while preaching the story of morality honesty loyalty- everything I live by and he never practiced….
My favorite quote from him was, “Treat others the way you want to be treated,” which he spouted off at least a million times. Really? Now I see where I went so wrong. Apparently, he wanted me to lie, cheat, make him feel like a worthless, anxiety-ridden, depressed POS and steal money from him to boot. Ahhh…the Golden Rule in action. Right.
Among many other lies, the one that makes me smack my chumpy forehead is the one when he huffed and puffed that he knew NOTHING. AT. ALL. about a loan taken out on my salary, 25% of it, in monthly installments for five years. I went to the bank furious and left humiliated. It never occured to me to ask why sparkledick needed the loan.
Dare I ask why Sparkledick needed the money & why he isn’t behind bars for theft or fraud?
Answer to question #1: spending on flatterfucks; #2: because I’m a Chump.
May he have herpes on his dick and in his eyes.
Don’t feel too bad clear waters. I’ve been chumped twice and my first husband took out a second mortgage by forging my signature. He also had $40,000 of credit card debt (which became marital debt) sending the bills to a P.O. box I knew nothing about. I chumped with the best of them.
So, so sad that we have all bought into so many. Mine:
1) Missing Viagra was sold to guys at gas station,
2) I never signed access card to safe deposit box (stolen) which he never gave me,
3) Management meetings every Wednesday night after work hours,
4) He was retiring (not getting fired),
5) Monthly money from MIL suddenly stopped. He said he told her to stop giving it to us,
6) That “his friend” lost $16,000 year to date July 2015 in penny slots. Later found out it was HIM,
7) That he loved me!
And then of course, divorcing a Sociopath is just a boatload of lies, fraudulent documents, perjury, wasted attempts at mediation and unprovided documents. So far as to forge the title of MY 1968 Camaro into his own name!
So he was still getting the money, he was just gambling or spending it on OW?
Absolutely. In addition to dissipating $24 ,000 in an “affair ” account where no statements ever came home!
I have never slept with her.
She is the daughter we never had.
I will cut off all contact with her and her tribe.
I want our family back.
Maybe she took our sheets home to wash them after she slept on the sofa to be kind.
The Daughter we never had? – Gross
I signed up for a dating service so someone would talk with me.
We had two kids, both of us worked full-time and he couldn’t possibly do anything with his family after we got home beyond making dinner. Homework, activities, friends, housework, walking dogs, bedtime, laundry, all of that was left to me. As I found living in filth & feces unacceptable, I did it.
He was upset that I was tired at the end of the day.
“None of the other executives are bringing their significant others to the Christmas party.”
That was the Christmas before DDay. The Christmas after DDay I insisted on going and not only did he drive so angry I thought we would crash, he also completely abandoned me for the entirety of the party.
What was I thinking?
I’d forgotten this. Spouses aren’t invited. Ever. The company puts a premium on teamwork, and thus after hours bonding shouldn’t include spouses. To Christmas parties, after hours cocktails, etc. And those spouses who are in the photos on your phone? Well, they just showed up uninvited and they were all too polite to tell them to go home.
The whopper I bought:
After he left and was gone for 7 months smucking all shiny turds that threw themselves at him… including our bookkeeper in our business, his sisters husbands sister, and her neighbor… you know bc “living a little” requires STD behavior….he came back to me. He said the bookkeeper saw a small crack in the foundation of our marriage and “SHE PRAYED ON ME!!!!! SHE TOOK ADVANAGE OF MEEEEEE!!! Her feminity thwarted my masculine desires to not cheat but I couldn’t stop myself bc you made me feel like shit all the time.” Of course, I felt like shit around him too…. but I must be magically unthwartable bc I DIDNT RESORT TO CHEATING.
Another lie I believed:
He told me his sister was at our custody trial bc she was going to stand up and say how horrible of a mother I was… the truth came 7 years later after d-day #2 March 2018 from her lips she said “I was there to speak up for your son. How he had two parents who love him and he deserves half time with each of you. I was not there to say those nasty lies. When his attorney realized he couldn’t get me to say the things they wanted me to say…. he refused to use me. I only stayed downtown at the court house to hug you, do you remember walking away from me when I headed toward you? I wanted to tell you why I was there….bc I was uncertain if you knew the truth. I did try”
She did try. I love her to this day. She has been a huge support person to me and my son. My x’s sister…heck his entire family. It’s been amazing.
Another lie:
He told me his sister was fixing him up with her sister in law, neighbor and others. She hates me and wants us to be miserable bc she is a miserable person, crazy even.
The truth came after 2nd d-day…she said she watched him binge drink himself to near death acting all kinds of crazy. She said I didn’t know who that man was, it certainly wasn’t MY brother…. like who is that man who LOOKS like my brother? She said he chased those woman so hard that one of them threatened to get a protective order ????. (Um, what? Creepy).
Finally an obvious lie:
He came back bc he missed his little family. He missed my love. My supoort.
No.
Just no.
After d-day #2 I was told 3 MONTHS AFTER we reconciled the first time in 2011 he told people we spent Christmas with “I’m getting a divorce.” When they to,d me I was like why didn’t you tell me then? They said we were so confused…. we thought well maybe we misunderstood… I don’t want to be the one to ruin your Christmas or the progress you’ve had…”
I do get that. I’m not even mad about it.
The truth…. he infact inteneded on getting that divorce he just didn’t want to pay the financial consequences. And now… 7 years later…. after d-day #2 and soooo many aweful discarding and super over the top evil doings…. I got my settlement number yesterday…..
All I can say is…. he should have went for that divorce in 2011. 2018 is gonna hurt him ????????????????????????????
CHUMP FOR THE WIN ????????♀️????????♀️????????♀️????????♀️????????♀️????????♀️????????♀️????????????
Congratulations on the win. It probably isn’t worth the 7 lost years but ….. f…. that bastard!
Said he wanted to go skiing by himself for few days,
My son & I carried his gear to his car, I packed him lunch. Days later I taped a shredded invoice from his charge card showing receipts from hotel room, restaurants, liquor store etc. all out east near home.
When confronted he said he won a free room & wanted
to party & drink so he wouldn’t have to drive home.
Of course he said he was alone!
How stupid was I? Afraid to face the truth.
I don’t know if it’s the biggest, but I think it’s the most painful.
He had worked late that night. He called me about 9 and said he’d be heading home in a few minutes. I expected to see him about 9:30. 9:30 came and went. I assumed he was taking a little longer than he expected to, finishing up his work. 10:30 no sign of him, so I called him. No answer. Over the next hour, I attempted several calls, to his office and his cell. Nothing.
I was so worried. I thought he may have been mugged going to the parking ramp late at night or had a car accident. There are many different routes one could take from his office to our home, otherwise I probably would have gotten my kids out of bed, loaded up in the car, and gone looking for him. As it was, I thought that would be like looking for a needle in a haystack.
Instead, I went into our file cabinet and got his license plate number off our registration paperwork, and I called the police. I explained that he was hours late, wasn’t answering his phone and I was sure something happened to him. I told them where he worked, where we lived, what he drove and his license plate.
The police said it was too soon to consider him a missing person. They suggested I call the county jail.
I proceeded to call all the local hospitals. It’s a metropolitan area with many hospitals. No sign of him. I didn’t know whether I should be relieved or even more worried. Surely he was dying somewhere, as yet undiscovered. I even did call the jail, just in case, though I thought that outlandish.
I sat in my kitchen as the hours ticked by, ugly crying, certain I had lost my husband, wondering what I would say to my sweet children when they woke up. I kept trying to call him to no avail. This was hands down the worst night of my life.
He came home early in the morning, about 6 am. I was so relieved that he was okay. I told him that I had been so worried and asked where he had been. He said he fell asleep at his desk and never heard his phone.
I believed him.
Years later, after we separated and a lot of ugly truths had come out, I asked him about that night. “Did you really fall asleep at your desk?”
He said he didn’t remember the occasion I was talking about, but no, he had never fallen asleep at his desk. He was smirking as he answered.
I am ugly crying today, as I recount this story. I loved him so much, and he treated me with such disregard.
Mine used to smirk. I would love to wipe that smirk off his ugly face with a blow torch!
Heh heh – blow torch. Like it.
I got an anonymous email saying he had been seen in SoHo London and was having an affair. He looked so shocked which, roll on 9 months I now know was his ‘lying’ face.
Of course I questioned it, we put it down a a spam/bot thing as I had had other emails from the address with no relevant words in them. He of course was very keen to back me up with this explanation.
I never gave it a thought. I trusted him implicitly. Crazy fool that I am. Then he stayed out before last Xmas and I tracked his whereabouts on his phone. He said he stayed at work but he was the other side of London. Guess what though he only didn’t tell me cause he knew I would have been upset and he stayed on the sofa fully clothed and she was ‘just a producer from work looking after us calamitous directors’. Of course was very upset but by it his time my dad had very advanced cancer and I wasn’t his house at least three times a day and about under the most pressure I have even been in my life so hardly had time to process it but actually look back on that now and wonder what kind of stupid I was. Live and learn, live and learn. Still don’t feel it was wrong of me to have trusted my partner. Of course once I went digging after he said he was leaving and found stuff out the lies never stopped and by that point I was just rolling my eyes.
I went through so many years before cell phones where I stayed awake nights worried about where the ex was. Couldn’t leave the house because our two young children were asleep.
If he didn’t answer his work phone, there was no way to know if he was stuck in traffic or dead or what. The mind plays many tricks between 2 and 4 AM! But none of those mind tricks was that he was fucking his co-worker.
There was no internet so how would I be able to check that a highway wasn’t shut down or the bridge under construction?
I still remember the feeling of dread and dispair with no way to know where he was. Beyond painful.
How can you do that to another person?
Just one of SO many lies. So sad.
I suffered the same. And when I would say I was worried can you please call next time? He would be so mad at me.
Were we married to the same lying liar? Too many nights waiting for him to come home, scared and crying. When he finally showed up I would be so relieved and grateful that I would cook him something to eat before stumbling off to bed to try to get a few hours of sleep before I had to get the kids off to school and myself to work.
I got all these and so many more:
“She’s my best friend’s secret girlfriend. She called me.” After I found him on the phone in the wee hours. Funny, the bedroom phone is next to me and I never heard it ring. She was the MOW he left me and the three kids for (damn me for taking him back).
“I ran into an old friend and we had to catch up.” That’s why a 20 minute errand would take him 3 hours. And he had a LOT of “old friends”.
“I had to go to 3 stores to buy something on the shopping list, but they were all out of whatever.” To explain why he was gone half the day. Weirdly, they restocked by the next day when I went myself.
“You must have cheated if you really have an STD, which I don’t believe. It’s probably just a yeast infection.” Yes, of course, a yeast infection. Thank you for the diagnosis Dr. Golden D##k. SIX times I was ‘misdiagnosed’. And why no questions or outrage for me if you thought that I was cheating?
“I was just walking around the block.” At midnight, gone for hours. Checked his Fitbit. No steps between midnight and 2 am, but his heart-rate sure spiked. Now I know why.
“I left my phone in the car while I was golfing by myself.” No answer when I called and texted for two hours. So that is why I had to walk 3 miles to get home from the emergency room after being brought there for a pulmonary embolism. Probably wasn’t my best decision, but the hospital wanted to admit me and I have a thing about hospitals. And the clubs were in the garage when I got home.
“That perfume smell is from walking around the mall. I was going to buy you something.” And then explaining why he came home empty- handed, “I didn’t want you to think that I was doing anything wrong. Buying you a gift might make you doubt me.” From a man who has bought me exactly ONE gift in over 40 years together. Yeah, coming home after disappearing for hours, smelling of cheap perfume, and with nothing, after being gone for hours, is not suspicious AT ALL.
“I have asked her not to call me, but she won’t stop. It’s just that her kids are struggling right now.” Latest OW, after I asked him why they talked for hours in the middle of the night.
“I always loved you.” Yeah, did you? Then why not try forsaking all others for a week or so?
“I never wanted to hurt you.” But you also never used a condom, that worked out great!
“I didn’t see your texts or hear your calls.” Gone 6 hours, no contact. This from a cheater who was all but surgically attached to his phone. Turns out he was with some random guy he met on Craigslist.
“I was just curious. There sure are a lot of weirdos out there.” After he left Casual Encounters open on my tablet.
“It’s a selfie.” After I found some naked photos of him on his phone. And it was clearly NOT a selfie, as he was standing up with empty hands, with a big shit-eating grin on his face. And he looked very ‘excited’.
“It was only once, I never touched him and he never touched me.” After he told me that the naked pics were taken by a guy he met through Craigslist M4M. Turns out that he met up with around a dozen men, and there was definitely touching and more. But no condoms!
“I went out for some pints, by myself.” This one was told hundreds of times. To give him some credit for honesty, he may actually have gone alone once in a while; too hard to pick up strangers to fuck when your side-piece is with you.
“I just came back to get some cash.” Then why did you get out the Viagra from your “secret stash” I found one day? Can’t let those skanks down, right?
“I was with the guys.” Probably true some of the time, as he had a thing for the M4M section of Craigslist, along with random skanks he picked up in bars and his long-term affair partners.
“I know a poor single mother who we could adopt for Christmas. She has two kids who would love a TV and video game console. She was on the Giving Tree at work.” Or was she on your Golden D##k after work? And a big thank you for letting ME buy it for you so YOU could get some strange.
There were plenty more, he lied about his whereabouts and activities and where the money went for the 16,000 plus days we were married. I am at the point where I would not believe him if he said that the sun rose in the morning and set at night.
I got the “going for a walk” several times too. In the middle of the night. For hours.
Wow – OldCrone – That’s really fucked up.
Hang in there and cry when you need to cry it out. That’s your pain leaving your body. It’s going to get better and it’s going to hurt less and less and one day you’re going to really see and believe that his actions are all on him. You won’t forget the hurt but you will recover and you are going to be so much happier without that smirking dirtbag.
My stbxdid this also. I drove around all night, worried he had wrecked. I waited at his work and when he drive in, late, he was angry at the scene I caused by sitting in my car, in the parking lot. He said he was drunk slept at a male friend’s house but wouldn’t give me a name.
He failed his drug test due to lab errors. I tried to get him to sue the company. He lost a great job opportunity. I couldn’t comprehend he would ever do drugs or ever lie to me.
The rolling papers in his car visor were found and he put them there to throw away later…
The porn mag under his pillow was from before he met me and he was cleaning out old boxes…
All red glags before I married him 23 yrs ago.
He failed his drug test due to lab errors. I tried to get him to sue the company. He lost a great job opportunity. I couldn’t comprehend he would ever do drugs or ever lie to me.
The rolling papers in his car visor were trash he found and he put them there to throw away later…
The porn mag under his pillow was from before he met me and he was cleaning out old boxes…
All red flags before I married him 23 yrs ago.
I remember that smirk.
Apparently it is called ‘duper’s delight’ Noun. duping delight (uncountable) The pleasure of being able to manipulate someone, often made visible to others by flashing a smile at an inappropriate moment.
duping delight – Wiktionary
I was trying so hard to reach him, and he was getting off on knowing he was still central to me and he had his secret new love. Wow, remembering some things still hurts.
Yeah that smirk it left me feeling like my blood was running cold. He smirked as i was getting the ILYBINILWY. He was litterally ‘feeding’ off my distress and anguish asking me if i wanted to talk about it more. Still makes me sick to my stomach. I knew right then there was something very wrong with him. Can’t fix evil.
Ugg. I went through that probably 100 times during my marriage. Not 6 AM, usually 2 or 3 AM. The worst was when we were wrenconciling” and he STILL did it!! WTF.
I hit send before adding the police/hospital call happened during the wreckonciliation, when there was no WAY he would lie then right?
My narc was schtupping the bookkeeper at his job.
According to him, the 6:00 am and 5:00 pm daily calls for half an hour or more each time were to his “boss” because he worked remotely (on a construction site). This was how they “kept in touch.”
Corollary: He needed to go to the office once a week to “check in.”
Uh-huh.
Oh and it never even occurred to me to question why his gp did regular std testing on him when I saw the same gp and they’d never std tested me… dear god I was blind. His explanation that the regular tests were requested because he’d had partners before me but didn’t test me as he was my first was clearly crap.
1. Ex- opened an acount because he was going to surprised me with a baby, He was planning to have a baby via surrogate without me knowing.
2. He was going to travel to Asia with the “surrogate’s husband” so he will learn IF Ex- was going to be a fit parent but the “surrogate’s husband” didn’t know neither because she was going to surprise him with the deal?!
Ex-Cheater Husband, bless his good intentions!
According to him all in good faith ????
Ding ding! I think we have a winner. Surprise Baby?! That should go in the Cheater Bullshit hall of fame.
Holy shit! That’s a good one!
Surprise honey! I made a baby for you 9 months ago, just what you wanted!
Crazy liars.
“Surprise baby” for the win!
Yep, biggest whopper ever.
Wow, wow, wowwww.
Yup…Surprise Baby takes 1st place in the Friday challenge! ???? ????
I believed that:
-The emails of another woman’s boobs were from before we began dating and they sent them unrequested. He just got pictures of boobs and genitals for free!
-He dressed up in a tuxedo and brought flowers to his ex when they were dating to beg her back because SHE had cheated. Of course, it was the other way around, and HE had cheated on her.
-He got irrationally angry when someone “questioned his character” by hinting around to me at his cheating past. I now realize it was a subtle move to try and warn me.
-That he spent 8 hours plus on Facebook with his male, platonic friends.
-That it takes 8 hours to get a car detailed.
-That it takes 4 hours to go grocery shopping 5 minutes down the road.
-And that I had “trust issues” and he didn’t know how this was going to bode for our relationship….
I was the biggest chump so desperately wanting to believe in the good of her. Even after previous instances when I knew she was trying to do something bad over the years I began to trust her again. she told me- Her massage therapist left is place of employment and would now only be able to do massages in people’s home as some sort of freelancer. She would get her massages at her parent’s house while they were there and maybe even also work on them since they need some physical therapy. She said he’s such a nice guy and reminds her so much of her nephew.
Reality- parents were at Wednesday night Bible study and she was actually screwing the guy.
I was so dumb and trusting. Even when I told my female divorce lawyer she looked at me like I was the dumbest man ever.
Mine woke up in a hotel room in Africa with a prostitute giving him a blow job but “he’s sure nothing else happened”! I can’t say I believed it (although he was usually blind stinking drunk so it’s possible) but I went and got an AIDS test immediately and made him do the same!
“I’m spending the weekend at my sister’s house.”
Also, my sample size here is just one, myself, and hopefully this isn’t TMI, but I didn’t know using condoms when masturbating was even a thing…
No worries. It’s only a thing with cheaters.
Also it’s sad that I’m envious that some cheaters actually used condoms. Mine didn’t. It’s okay though because he only cheated with that one howorker and he knew she was “safe.”
smh!
It’s called a ‘Posh wank’. I just found this put the other day! Haha! Coincidence…
My ex used to tell me he was going to see his parents who lived out of state for the weekend when he was really staying with his married gf.
My ex never wore his wedding ring stating it was too tight for his finger
When I found Facebook messages from a woman he met in rehab and she wrote “Be nice to me, I gave you head twice.” I confronted him and he said that it was just a cyber sex fantasy game they play and that he had not seen her since they both left the center.” And I chose to believe that. ????
The lies were in layers. To account for one “lost” afternoon:
First, he said that he took the afternoon off from work to shop for a Christmas present for me. I remember telling him, “Either that is the sweetest thing I ever heard, or you are going to the lowest circle of hell.”
Two days later, he confessed: he had been at a strip club. I was very upset, very hurt, with a lot of questions, but guess what, that was also a lie!!
A year later, I knew the “truth” — with these people, truth is always in quotation marks. He was at a bdsm dungeon, something he had been enjoying secretly throughout his first marriage and now in his second marriage to me.
In her words “I didn’t lie to you, I just didn’t tell you some stuff”. It’s reasonably true. I knew she had a “friend” at the gym ( amongst many of both sexes), my gut knew something was off but I lied to myself that I was being over-sensitive / jealous etc. I didn’t want to believe she was cheating although I saw so many pointers to the fact she was, I just didn’t want it to be true. I even guessed who it was. As was said above, the biggest lie was to myself that this person, whom I had spent 20 years with and had a family with actually gave a shit about me. It makes me cringe even now thinking about it. Never again
“I signed up for those anonymous sex hook-up sites because I was curious. Real porn is boring, it’s just actresses. I was curious what real women like.”
“That approval document for a suite at the Ritz , authorizing a strange woman to use my credit card was for a girl who’d never been to a Cubs game. I was being thoughtful and generous because she’s from another country. I wanted to show her not All Americans are greedy and unkind” (implication the problem was MY greediness and unkindness)
“That’s not lipstick on my collar. It’s red pool que ???? chalk.”
All plausible…. yes! One of cheaters favorite methods to mind fuck- plausible deniability!
Ex went on a week long party cruise with his dad. He took tons of pics of women on the cruise – like Safari trophy shots. He even told me about getting stoned with one of them and how his dad’s “friend” sunbathed topless with them. When I got upset and confronted him, he swore nothing inappropriate happened AND I BELIEVED HIM! Such a complete set of father-son dirtbag cheating liars – those two.
I’m totally meh now and I can see what douchenozzles they are. I can’t believe I ever thought they were good people. How I convinced myself of that remains a mystery. I do trust that my ex sucks. His entire family sucks. Good riddance!!
Just eeeewww! Cheating as a family bonding experience… sick!
So awful, but Golden D##k was just as bad a father as he was a husband. He was actually asked to leave a bar due to his inappropriate behavior with a female server. He was with our youngest, married, adult son, who is following in his footsteps. They laughed about it! Good job, Dad! Way to model faithful loving family man to your kid.
At this point I would have to say that they are both scum. I love my daughter-in-law, and she does not deserve this in her life. She is so kind and loving. She’s a beautiful girl and an awesome mother. And my grandsons deserve a better father. I love my son, but he needs to re-examine his priorities. I love him, but I have zero respect for him.
He was a young boy when his Dad left us for the first long-term OW and her kids. Doesn’t he remember the pain and horror of that time? Doesn’t he remember how bad it felt to be discarded in favor of another family, just because Dad wanted some strange? Does he really want to put his selfish, entitled self before two beautiful little children?
Yeah, history is repeating itself for the next generation. That’s what breeding with a fuckwit brings. Pain and suffering at the hands of monsters.
I never thought that I would see any one of my kids hurt their spouse and children, I thought that they would “get” that cheating was the worst thing that anyone could do to another. My two youngest sons are both cheaters. My oldest son is a Chump, twice over.
Holy Mother of God, I sometimes wish that I never had kids. I feel like I just brought more pain and suffering into this vale of tears.
Why, why, WHY did I take him back the first time he left? Maybe then our boys would not have been so fucked up.
Old Crone…i feel your pain…I really thought my parenting would outweigh the bad parenting of Cheater and my kids would do well. My son fathered a baby then broke up with the babymomma very selfishly…since then, I realized what a horrible husband I had and reassured my grandsons mom that she dodged a bullet not marrying him. She married a great guy and I bought her a lovely wedding gift.
She (the 20 year old that my 50 year old STBE university professor brought home to stay with us) sees me as a father; she misses her family and we should keep her as if our daughter; (when I found them in couch a time 2am in our house with her head on his shoulder) we fell asleep watching a movie while waiting for the cake (for our son’s confirmation the day after, to which he took her too) to cool down; we should pay for her dinner too because she has no money. I drank them all and even haven her a gift for her birthday (We then met her mother who thanked me crying for taking such a good care of her daughter); I need to go out in an apartment by myself to think and realize what I would loose without you; the day he left, 2 months, ago he left me a message saying how much he loved me and that he was willing to work at us. that same day he went to pick her up at the airport and I found them at the apartment together. He’s been with her ever since, spending money going to go-karts, zip-lining, water rafting, theatres, restaurants, bars, all on the credit card feeding on our common account that’s in his sole name and of which I was only an authorized user.
WTF????? Get thee to a lawyer and shut that card down right now!!!!
Thankyou everyone for sharing!!! I’ve always thought I was the only person in the world naive enough to believe what I did!!!
I genuinely wish him all the best and couldn’t care less what he does and haven’t for years…
My only stumbling block has ever been how I could have accepted and never questioned soooo much.
I struggled with my own past… not his behaviour… and most of the time I don’t think about it anymore but learning I wasn’t alone in my naïveté has genuinely helped!!!
I didn’t buy any of them, I just sort of couldn’t prove that they were lies. I knew deep down they were and he would qualify, explain, false equivocate and use other mindfuckery techniques on me so I never had any without-a-doubt verification.
Which is why in a way, I enabled him.
Until the cheating one. That was the one that broke me. Then I burned the mf-er to the ground.
I really think he was shocked that I had the balls to say “no more” since I endured every other goddamn lie.
EXACTLY HM.
Tolerated so much, then the cheating.
Therapist said: Patsy, can you see that this infidelity is the finally unacceptably hurtful PART OF A PATTERN?
He claimed that he was friendly with a few women in difficult circumstances because he felt sorry for them. I thought “how kind of him”.
In reality he was exploiting them for money, kibbles, favors, and gifts. He paid enough flirty attention to them to make them believe that there was a possibility of a future romance, but always had an excuse as to why things never progressed physically.
These were in addition to the OW he had a sexual relationship with, these were true con artist targets he was running a “carrot and stick” love scam on.
So yeah. I bought the lie that he was being kind to lonely women out of the goodness of his heart when in reality he was scamming them out of thousands and thousands of dollars over the years.
I didn’t believe the lie but I certainly let it go and I’m confident it wasn’t the biggest lie but it is on my mind so I’m going to write about it. A woman was popping up on his Facebook a lot so I sent her a friend request. He later contacted me very angry about it and asked if I had said something ugly to her because she contacted him and asked if my friend request was a fake account of his. He said that she said she had had problems with men stalking her and making up fake accounts. I hadn’t sent her any kind of messages and found it bizarre and asked him why on earth this woman would think he would make up a fake account and stalk her? Were there other conversations I should be aware of? He acted like I was crazy instead of that he was trying to cheat.
The biggest lie he told?
‘You are the love of my life’
Yeah, that’s probably the biggest. Friends for 30 years, married for 17 of those years to a complete cold hearted stranger…an alien, if you will. Someone who could project values like mine and sincerity until his eyes went cold as a sharks and he didn’t. Someone who cheated on me with anything that moved and abandoned me like a bag of trash on the curb for a Circus Clown.
Wow.
Biggest lie he told:
“You are my soulmate”
“You are the love of his life”
Soulmates with our wedding date was engraved on the inside of his wedding band.
Other lies, he was doing carpentry work at her family owned pharmacy. Nope they were having sex in the pharmacy basement.
For 32 years I thought I was married to my best friend. BIG FAT LIE!
“He couldn’t achieve/maintain erection. On the rare occasions when he could, he was a premature ejaculator.”
He refused to tell me gradwhore’s name, but said it was a “common name.” Truth? She has a stripper name (a spice), as did his next AP, and his final AP.
Catnip???
Cumin?
LOL!!!!
Ginger!
Ding Ding Ding–we have a winner!
Turmeric? Paprika? Lemon Peel? 😀
It will always be a disappointment to me that my ex’s former (?) stripper felon fiance’s name (a liquor), doesn’t end in an “i” as most stripper names seem to.
Cumin?
“Cumin” for the win!!!!!! Hahahahahahaha
I feel like I went low, but it was too good to pass up!
Awesome!! I can always count on CN for a good laugh.
Asafoetida ????
A.k.a. fetid ass
????????????????
Just curious about the stripper/spice name. Cinnamon???
Sage?
I’m guessing “Ginger”.
I was just recently on a spice company page looking for nigella (black coriander). Looking again today, I am giggling uncontrollably (my mind is TOTALLY in the gutter today) at the sub pages for:
Pork favorites
Dip seasonings
Rubs
Jerky spices
Sausage seasonings
I don’t believe there’ll ever be a “final AP” for your cheater, @Tempest. He will have APs ’til he’s 6 feet under…
True dat. She was merely the final AP in my marriage (and not the one I divorced him over–only found about about Final AP months after the divorce when bells went off in my head that I had been having a devalue for most of the last year of the marriage, and thought “why would that be?”)
Apparently so: I too was fed the line that it was for a “posh wank” whilst working away because he missed me so much.
I googled it and is a thing. However, all my male friend since D Day have said that is total bollocks and the scumbag was blatantly lying.
The whopper to the judge during the custody trial (he sued ME for full custody) “I love her, she’s just gone off the deep end and I can’t tolerate it any more.” “I don’t have a girlfriend, I don’t know what you are talking about.”
I could go on and on, but I may get carpal tunnel from typing all of it.
He has lied and gaslighted my boys so much, today is my birthday and I probably won’t hear from them, and I am not holding hope I will actually get to see them. They are 19 & 17.
I’m so sorry Gonegirl. Try and do something nice for yourself today.
My cheater and I are going through this right now. It’s horrible. My son is almost 15 and I am terrified.
The lies that he has told are mind-boggling. Some can be proven with evidence, but most are my word against his, and the court doesn’t care. 🙁
Today is my birthday too by the way. I don’t want to have any more birthdays. 🙁
Happy Birthday GG! I hope you have a great day no matter who you spend it with!
Oops, that posted in the wrong place. Happy Birthday to you too, BC! I hope you have lots more birthdays so you experience how much better life gets the further into Meh you get and you WILL get there.
Happy birthday, Gonegirl. I’m so sorry about your sons; cheaters gaslighting the children is the cruelest thing they do. May he be swallowed by a sinkhole. slowly.
Do you have a supportive friend with whom to celebrate?
Gonegirl, trust that it eventually comes out.
For me it only took 2 years, for my beloved aunt (on his side) it took over 20 years. But it comes out.
Just be consistently kind, send NEUTRAL loving messages asking about them, never mention him and take one day at a time.
Gonegirl, I am so sorry.
My sons have basically abandoned me, too, during these three years. Nothing hurts more.
I actually heard from both my boys, a phone call from one and a text from another. I celebrated with my husband and parents.
Thanks for the kind words, the CL nation is a loving, supportive group! ❤️
He talked me out of going to a one night concert of a music festival because I was 8 months pregnant. He went by himself and took selfies and pics to send me thru the night. He didn’t come home that night. He said he’s slept in his car.
What really happened, he bought 2 tickets along with ow no mind but had to set up the story they were for us but then talk me out of going with pregnancy reason so I wouldn’t question him going alone.
What a turd
Ok, this is my time to shine:D, this one is really stupid and I should have known better! Shame on me!
My ex (who left me for a woman 10 years younger than him) was a self-proclaimed guy against cheating and alcohol. His first ex cheated on him and his dad was a raging alcoholic who died of a heart attack. For the first 5 years of our relationship I had never seen him touch alcohol and I was pretty ok with it. Not much of a drinker myself.
Then I moved away for university and we did long distance for awhile, but still managed to spend considerable time together during holidays. Until one day he took a job closer to my location and we started to see each other more frequently. Around the same time a bottle of 40% alcohol peach liquor appeared on one of his cabinet shelves. I was surprised because the guy legitimately didn’t drink. He mumbled something about gifts. Ok, didn’t mind it much. The every time I visited that bottle was emptier. Then it disappeared after 2 months. Then I asked “What happened to your liquor? I wanted to taste it as well, it looked good, you never drink etc etc”. And he told me that ** brace yourselves** “I used it as mouth wash. Honey, you know that I have bad breath and it helped!”.
Apparently Listerine and a dentists are nowhere to be found in one of the most modern capitals of the world.
Around the same time he started hanging out with a guy who was actively cheating on his girlfriend (big red flag), then a year later he avoided having sex with me for about 6 months (he was probably actively courting another woman around this time and when it didn’t work out he came back to me) and he also opened up an OkCupid account which I found out about 2 years after the liquor incident. Recently, I discovered that he has been telling girls online that he’s single since the 2nd year of our relationship (we were together for almost 12 years).
I’ll never know the extent of his cheating because I never caught him in action, but the only reason this guy spent 12 years with me is because he couldn’t find someone else better to dump me for until now. I’m still curious who drank that bottle of liquor. I kept mini whisky bottles in our kitchen as well as Listerine in our bathroom and he never drank them/used it.
Mouthwash? I am dying of laughter here. Your fuckwit was creative, I’ll give him that. Could have searched for this, though:
Biggest lie: She’s just a friend.
Yeah right!
Oh Man where do i begin!!!
Mine was a sociopath. Related to women – typical lies – Working late. Out with the boys. Oh and he wore his ring on a neck chain cause when it was on his finger it hurt him when typing on his laptop. (Rolling my eyes)
So the CRAZY lies to make him look cool or badass – said he traveled around the world (never); backpacked through Europe (ha); got shipped off to boarding school when he was young (nope) ; graduated with masters from this one school when he never even went there, even rooted for them during football season (loser); soooo many more lies – But the KICKER – he was kept in a South African Prison for 3 days and rescued by the US embassy. even woke up with “nightmares” from it. I didn’t believe it so l called the embassy. Never Happened and he admitted it was a lie. Unreal.
I know i know. Why did i stay with him? His lies were all about himself to make himself something he wasn’t. And i was blinded by love. Ofcourse the affair (the one i know of atleast) was the last straw. But looking back i just have to Shake My Head and even laugh.
You win! My Xhole’s lies barely make the grade to being kidnapped in a foreign country!
XHole. Nice I’m Gonna use that. ????
Mine withdrew $500 in cash from my account a few weeks before Christmas. When I asked him why, he said he was getting me something special for Christmas. When Christmas came, he got me NOTHING. And then told me that he gave his money to somebody he thought was a friend to get a deal on something special (wouldn’t tell me what it was or who his mystery friend was) and then that friend made off with the money. After D-day #4, I pulled his phone records, and sure enough, he was corresponding with a hooker all day the same day he withdrew the money. THEN, when I confronted him about THAT as I was presenting him with all the evidence, he told me he met with her, but couldn’t bring himself to sleep with her, but still had to pay her. And I STILL gave him one more chance after that a couple months later. But luckily we’ve been formally divorced for 2 years now. What an ass.
Oh and he told me that two condoms were missing (we bought some right after our twins were born) because he was using them when he *relieved* himself. HAHA. He even thought he was smart and replaced them before he knew I was on to him, but the replacements had different expiration dates from the rest of the box!!
As I was crying in the car, having told him I didn’t think he loved me any more (after summer where we hardly saw him as he was away with his folk-rock band alllll the time)
“I DO love you, I want to get to know you better, we need to spend more time and do more together”
Nothing changed…. Exact same script a year later again in the car after D-Day (AP was Dream Princess, who was in his band allll that time) with exact same deer-in-the-headlights look
So I suppose I believed the same lie twice!! ????????
By far the biggest lie I bought was believing I wasn’t good enough and that I needed to change.
Leaving him was in fact the best change ever.
He went to the store for a few items. Hours later, I was blowing up his phone wondering what the hell happened because the store is literally 6 minutes away. He finally comes home, no items, and never having called me back. He gave me this story about running into an old Special Forces buddy down the street at the gas station and they were “catching up”. He informed me that he was going that next weekend with them “hunting”, and it was men only, no wives or girlfriends. Mind you, he’d never mentioned these buddies, and I’d never met anyone fitting their descriptions. And when I told him that we, me and the kids, would go up to the city with him but we would stay in a resort and do our family vacation without him, he had a fit. I’d been bugging him for months to go do a weekend getaway as a family with the kids. He was so nasty, I finally caved and didn’t go with the kids. After affair discovery, I checked the phone records. That two hours, talking to her and calling airlines for a ticket so she could fly up to see him.
He gaslit me so well and had me convinced of how shitty and selfish I was being for wanting to “ruin” his guy time that when he came back from his fuckfest, I’d spent all day making from scratch his favorite, lasagna and garlic bread. I’d even set up the dining room table with candles and flowers so we could have our date night at home. THAT had me furious and raging for months when I finally learned how deep the betrayal had been and how stupid I was for going through so much trouble for his worthless ass. I’m at meh, now. I tell friends, and we laugh about it…now! But boy did I rage back then.
I bought a king-sized bed for his 6’4″ framework (or cold slab of meat as Luziana describes her x) and stayed at home waiting for it to be delivered while sparkledick was in Orlando with flatterfuck.
The biggest lie I bought:
I love you
I miss you
If you dont trust me Im gone
It was just banter
(ho- worker skype message to ex)”but you are married with kids” she knew 100% and fuckstick replied ” I am not”
I would tell you if I fucked her
That he didnt promise her kids
I told her its for the best we dont talk anymore
Do you think Im retarded
I went skiing, countless dinners, winery in South Africa, shooting gallery in Texas on my own to avoid her
I swear on my childs life I would not cut you off (financially)
Wow Annette – so sorry. Hope you got rid of him and are ok
Oh the one liners….
‘All middleaged men talk bad about their wives at work ‘ (to son who dared to question his father trash talk me to everyone we knew for YEARS )
I swear on the children’s lives I’m not leaving for someone else. …no SHIT
my friends had to lend me money while YOU lot live rent free in the house i paid for…..more like holidays with your whore gf.
The biggest lie I bought was on DDay #1. He said that he met her in line at a restaurant on his lunch hour, she gave him her number, he called because he didn’t want to be rude, they met up just to talk, and they’ve never had sex.
About 3 weeks after that, I discovered his secret email account containing his Craigslist ad replies, his dick pics, the email exchange where she responded to one of his Craigslist ads, as well as naked pics and masterbating videos of her. I immediately got a recommendation for a kickass divorce lawyer and called my gyn for STD testing.
All this because he didn’t want to be rude. Poor Guy…
Yes, manners are the best social lubricant…um, I mean…
Hahahah!!
Wow–I never saw this in Ms Manner’s columns! “How to be polite to the women who want you to disrespect your wife”.
How about: Why don’t you understand that I love you and it was just about sex with OW? Say what? That helps in his pea brain.
Yeah, and divorce wasn’t personal, I just liked half your 401K.
“I changed all my contacts in my phone to initials because that is how we refer to eachother at work, and its easier.” So when ‘BD’ was texting about geting step daughter a dog, it was a guy he worked with……Later discovered that ‘BD’ was a Brittney.
Love you forever
Oh yes, the first lie when confronted almost 21 months ago. “ I didn’t do anything”
At disclosure with his therapist, enough half truths to effectively destroy a then 38 yr. marriage.
In a note he wrote to himself, maybe for a counseling session.
“ She asked for a complete disclosure, I told her some.”
He also repeats, “ I am not evil”
Filthy, evil, cheater he is.
When I found a picture message of a heart inside an ice cube with the words ‘you melt my heart’ underneath, sent to the suspected OW’s phone he said, “I sent it her to ask her if she thought it was a nice thing to send to you.”
When I found an email three A4 sides long to her saying how devastated he was she was getting engaged and apologising for hurting her by not telling her we’d had another child while he was in his affair with her and many proclamations of love for her he told me, “It was a drunken rant I wrote because I was upset that you and I had argued, I could have put anybody’s name, I just put hers, it means nothing.”
Other than “I work so much so you can stay home and you still bitch at me!” (Those are not bitch tears, they are sad confused tears of someone who loves you), my favourite was, “why would I fuck a low level uneducated employee when I could have top notch hedge fund managers, cEOs or lawyers to fuck? She is stupid and ugly. I don’t fuck my employees.” When I said anyone “top notch” wouldn’t fuck a married man but an uneducated gnome would, he just shook his head and said I needed to check my antidepressant meds and probably get a psychiatric exam because I was Spiraling. In 25 years we had never had issues or weird behaviour or that gut feeling. I was not equipped at all, I was so confused.
Most embarrassing, I did get a psych exam. So humiliating that I did that to myself. Two gruelling hours in a hospital with 2 doctors. What did they tell me? “You don’t have a psychiatric problem, you have a marriage problem.” Cheater just shrugged, I was clearly causing the marriage issue. No question that behaved like a crazy woman, but as we all know, it’s exactly because I was not crazy. Still hard to type that out.
Mine was simple: that the affair was “only an emotional affair.”
The worst part was that I’m the one who gave my XW that justification. I don’t think she even knew was an EA was. I brought it up, suggested she was having one, and didn’t even consider that by then she was already deep in the sheets with the guy.
An unstopping EA was enough for me to leave her and file for divorce, but I didn’t put it all together (that my wife had been banging the dude the entire time) until after the divorce was final.
We chumps–we think the best of people. It’s funny, and tragic, at the same time.
I got the EA too. For a year. And no question I planted the term in his brain.
“It was just kissing.”
Sure, that’s why the sexual harassment officer was brought in.
When X1 and I were dating in our twenties she went traveling around Mexico for several weeks with a BFF. She had a fight with BFF at some point, met a nice expat American down there with a van, and travelled around Yucatán with him for a couple weeks. And living mostly in the van and hotel rooms they shared.
She told me about this after I came down to travel with her, retracing their route I think.
And she told me nothing happened.
Me: “Why are you on multiple affair specific dating sites using a secret email account”
Him: “Nothing ever happened I was just curious”
Me: “Curious would be once account but you have several”
Him: “I won’t ever do it again”
I look back now and think sheesh even 1 isn’t just about being curious. stayed with him 2 more years longer til I woke up next to him in the middle of the night recording himself!! now what on earth was he going to do with that video.
Lie #2
Me: “What are you doing recording yourself M-bating? What are you planning on doing with that?”
Him:”Its something I’ve done since I was a boy”
Now, CN Cell phones were not accessible to him as a young boy. “Lightbulb turned on for me” No I didn’t believe it but I didn’t argue it either.. This is when it all finally hit home. He was and always will be a liar.
– “I’m going out with the guys to <insert random activity" at all hours of the night.
-"We just meet in hotel rooms after work to talk about my PTSD because she has a brother in law going through the same thing."
-"I only put a fake name for her in my phone because I didn't want you to accuse me of anything."
-"I sit in the car & take a nap" (for two hours while daughter is at dance class.) His reply after I got in the car one morning and the automatic seat adjustment suddenly reclined all the way to the back seat.
-"I had to work late." If I only had $1 every time I heard this one.
-The adult friend finder websites must've gotten in his browser history from "pop ups" playing games on his phone.
Lost his ring in the woods. Secret credit card was for a non profit work organization that he was president of. He needed to make purchases.
How do they live with themselves. The further I get from this the more juvenile and ridiculous the lies seem. What an emotional infant.
The biggest lie I bought was that he was the person he was presenting himself to be (Nice Guy), that he loved me, that I could trust him, that he meant what he said, that I we were in a committed relationship. He was always spouting this quote, “Mean what you say, say what you mean, and don’t say it mean”. This from a lying liar.
His lies kept me hostage in a FAKE relationship when I could have been down the road in a sincere one, years stolen from my life that I cannot get back.
Isn’t that terrible. So many lost years. I have 1 daughter with my ex and would love to have another but now I think I am too old. Ugh so not fair.
….the biggest lie I bought was HIM…..
Because I’m still living with FuckTurd and he thinks he’s still getting away with it, the lies are constant, persistent, and unreal. Too many to list on a daily basis since he’s doing, at last count 14 women concurrently.
But the biggest lie was the most simple lie:
I, FuckTurd, take you Chump, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish,and forsaking all others, keep myself to you and you only as long as we both shall live.
You are my life, my love, my best friend. With this ring, you are my wife and I am your husband. May this ring be a reminder of my true love and the sacred vow I have made to you this day and always.
I bought it, hook, line and sinker.
He was cheating on his first wife from the day they married until the day she died. He cheated on his girlfriends between late wife and me. And he was cheating on me all the time. He was really good at getting away with it. Was. His day of reckoning is at hand.
Yes. Forsaking all others. That’s the one.
I found a piece of paper with the phone number and address of an escort. Douchebag told me that he never actually went to see her. Further told me that the the possibility of seeing one was enough to turn him on. Uggh!
He told me that he only met Craigslist ad men in hotels to be j/o buddies (jerk off buddies, yes it’s a thing). They would watch porn and then masturbate. I was leaning against a wall when he told me that one and my knees buckled and I slid down the wall completely dumbfounded. About 9 months later, I woke up thinking (thank you subconscious mind for spitting that into my conscious mind while I slept) why would he go to all that trouble to find a man to meet to do what he does daily here at home (live webcam sex sessions). When I confronted him he said, well may be we do touch each other…
I really didn’t need to hear more – I’m sure it was more than “touching” each other. At this point (divorced and NC) I do not care. Oh and he accused me of being homophobic. All cheaters love the “it’s not what I did, it’s your reaction to it that is the problem”.
So gross. I think there is a lot more that I don’t even know about that is too creepy to even want to think about. Gross Gross Gross.
Also, Divorced and NC as much as possible but sharing a child makes it extremely hard. (even the word hard now grosses me out) lol
Let’s see….I am the King of Gullibility.
“I just got on the dating app so I could evaluate a profile for one of my co-workers. I wasn’t actually looking for anybody on my own.”
“That weird illness you got must’ve come from how I washed your clothes.” [thank goodness it went away].
[When asked why she didn’t change her name on the newspaper masthead after we got married.] “I didn’t change my name because then no one would know who I was.” It was a free weekly paper; no one could care less who wrote for it.
“I don’t wear my ring at work because I’m afraid I will lose it.”
[When asked why she called “Jane” every morning into work, when they’re going to see each other 15 minutes later.] “What’s the big deal? We like to talk on the phone all the time, especially so we can talk about personal things we can’t talk about in front of others.”
“That guy you saw me with at the 5k…he just happened to show up here [on our anniversary, no less] and I just happened to see him in the crowd, so we ran together. Wasn’t that such a weird coincidence?”
And of course…”Nothing’s going on, I’m just spending time with a friend. You wouldn’t want me to not have friends, would you?” I think we’ve all heard that one.
There was a lot of gaslighting, too. “It’s SO unattractive for a man to be jealous!” whenever I questioned something suspicious.
“I’ve been divorced for 2 years”. -he was still married and only ‘just’ barely got the divorce before our wedding. What people must think of me?! I’m an idiot.
“My other wives were crazy bitches” -yes, wiveS…..I’m his fourth. I’m an idiot.
“My other wives cheated on ME!” -in reality, he’s the cheater. I’m an idiot.
“We didn’t get paid a bonus this year, or this year, or this year”, he also took the income tax return at 72k. I’m an idiot.
“I’m not having an affair with her!” (My former friend who he is still with, who is married with 3 kids, his employee and 18 years younger than him.) SHE told me I could trust her, that she knew my stbx was a flirt and coming on to her, but she would never do that, “He’s like a father to me.”
OMG I’m an idiot.
But I’m a f*&king tenacious idiot chump and I’m going to get every penny he owes me!
My former friend OWhore has spent 200k of marital assets. *stbx-“It’s a no-fault state and my A doesn’t matter!”
Yes, that’s true, as far as “grounds” go, but DISSIPATION is REAL jerkazoid!
That first one is the worst. For us honest chumps, the idea of being an unwitting OW is horrifying. To find that out after the fact and after being chumped yourself has got to smart. It reduces possible sympathy form those who might not understand that you really didn’t know.
I totally understand that people wouldn’t believe that I didn’t know, but I didn’t.
It’s why I have sympathy for his multiple AP’s. Even for my former friend, for a while. She’s REALLY fucked-up. I don’t get why she would do it, why she is still with him 3 years later, why she’s divorcing her nice, much younger than my stbxh, I really don’t.
He’s a good liar, he lies about everything.
I fell for it. We all fell for their lies.
His 3rd and him were divorcing (I looked up their record a few months ago at the court house) and she had moved out before we started dating and seeing eachother, but he was hitting on me hard for months before that.
I actually told him to leave me alone, my friendly co-workers told him to leave me alone….but he kept on….and finally people who knew both of us pressured me to “just talk to him”, “he’s a nice guy”, “His ex is crazy”. Triangulation at it’s finest. he went on a campaign to lie to everyone around me, so his “story” was believed by many people I knew and trusted. So sick.
Mt former friend Owhore has done me a HUGE favor, the fact that his third wife escaped after only 3 years because he set his sites on me, is a huge blessing for her. I KNOW we didn’t do anything (no date, no private conversations, not even phone number exchange) before they were officially divorcing and they lived apart, but the lie was I thought it had been 2 years since the divorve was over, and I didn’t know he was divorcing as we were dating. I didn’t go to his house much, we didn’t live together and I wasn’t a snoop….believing the “trust your partner”, “don’t offend them by snooping in their private files” bullshit.
This was 19+ years ago. I didn’t have a home computer, neither did he. VERY basic cell phones, so different from now.
2 come immediately to mind. The first was on DDay, regarding who and how often. He claimed it was a one night stand with a work associate (not a coworker, but someone he’d met years before through work). It was only one time and he felt so guilty and it would never happen again. I believed that for about a minute, all the while searching for evidence that the real AP was his VP of HR (he was the CEO). Didn’t take too long to find it.
The second – and this is so preposterous it’s hard for me to admit I believed it – was regarding a used condom I found in our hallway after being out of town. We had been on a family vacation, and ex came back early for work. While we were all out of town, his younger brother had been house/dogsitting. When I found the condom and asked my ex WTF, he swore up and down it wasn’t his and would ask his brother about it. It was certainly possible it was my brother in law’s, of course, but he didn’t have a girlfriend at the time, and I didn’t necessarily want him bringing random women into our home. Later ex comes back to me with an explanation – it was little brother’s, but not because he brought a woman home. It was because when he jerks off, he likes to do it into a condom so he doesn’t make a mess. Looking back this sounds ridiculous, and I think ex made up this whopper because he knew that while I would confront little brother about bringing strange women around, I would respect his privacy about masturbation and let the whole thing go. This was years before what I consider my real Dday in 2015, but exhole did later “come clean” about all of his past indiscretions starting in 2003 (of course, his overwhelming need to be completely honest with me only struck him after the divorce was final and all financial and custody decisions were made). I still shudder to think about what my beloved doggies might have witnessed while the kids and I were out of town!
This is one of the many lies that my abusive ex-husband told the Police, the Family Court, our children’s therapist, and his OW:
Several weeks after our divorce was finalized and when our youngest was about 2 months old, I discovered a hidden GPS inside my car. I suspected instantly it was placed their by my ex-husband, and it was a tool he was using to terrorize and harass me. With a STRONG restraints against behavior in our final agreement following ongoing abusive behavior, my ex had less access to harm me. The GPS sent him a text alert every time I started my car and he could track my movements in real time on-line. Repeatedly I “ran into” my ex-husband and many times this would end with him physically trying to overpower me and force himself on me sexually, in front of our young children.
So, I finally find the GPS, call the Police and the begin their “investigation”. My ex-husband LIED to the cops and told them, “I put the GPS on her car years ago, because I thought she was cheating on me (sob). It’s been so long that I didn’t even remember the GPS was in there”. The cops bought it and explained it to me in a somewhat judgements manner. (I never, ever cheated. If he even thought I was cheating, I’d probably be dead.)
Later, when the GPS records were finally subpoenaed by the Judge, it turns out my ex-husband had installed the GPS just 6 months before, after I had filed for divorce and well after we had a temporary order granting me sole possession of my car and home – along with restraints against behavior (such as stalking and harassment).
He told the children’s therapist he put the GPS on the car to save money on car insurance. Too bad it turns out our car insurance had been separated for many months, and I was paying every penny of my policy by myself. Not to mention my insurance company doesn’t offer a reduction for the GPS device he was utilizing. He is a lying liar who lies.
I wonder how he tried to explain stalking his ex-wife to the OW? I imagine he came up with some outrageous lies, because OW (a 15 year older, self named witness in our divorce, and professional divorce attorney) did attend a pre-hearing…and she glared at me. My abusive ex husband is truly sick. I imagine I’ll never know the extent of his ability to manipulate and deceive. He is possibly the best liar in the world.
I forgot to mention at the beginning of all this when I simply asked him if he’d put a tracker or GPS on me, he acted shocked and vehemently denied he would ever do such a thing. I should have never doubted my gut instinct or my sanity. It turns out, just because it’s too crazy to be true doesn’t mean it’s not possible.
How did you find the GPS? I’ve wondered about this myself.
For me, the GPS tracker on my car was by the company MotoSafety. It plugged into something deep underneath my steering wheel. You can check out their website online to see what the device looks like and where it would be hidden. I had mistakenly thought the GPS would have to be under the bumper, and that’s where I looked. Technology has really changed the way abusers stalk their victims. Tile is another device I’ve read about with stalking cases.
Stay safe. If you think an ex is tracking you, keep a journal of events in case you ever do need to call the Police. Be careful! Check out the National Domestic Violence website for resources and support.
Well.
1. Jackass had “no idea” why Wife #1 packed up and moved back in with her parents. No idea why the marriage failed. Even though he claims he never wanted to marry her in the first place. But he showed up at the church…
2. I think nearly every word he said about Wife #2 was either a lie or a truth twisted to make him look good.
3. He claimed to have no paperwork from his failed business. Not even taxes.
4. “I love you.” What he said to me and probably every other woman he love-bombed.
5. His claims to love his daughter when he couldn’t be bothered with mid-week visitation.
6. He either lied about defects in my house (which turned out to be nothing) or he lied about knowing “everything” about carpentry, electrical, plumbing, HVAC.
I could go on…
Great thread. I’m so glad I’m not alone in swallowing some ludicrous lies. How about…
His lie on D-Day: “We got as far as getting our tops off, then I realized what a mistake I was making and decided to leave”
The truth: the OW’s husband had suspected what was going on, waited outside the house, watched my STBXH go in for “lunch” and caught him (quite literally) with his pants down, so he knew he had to tell me some half-baked version of the truth before OW’s husband did
What is comforting is that the friends I told at the time also bought his lie and commented that he’d shown commitment to me to walk away from her. At least I wasn’t the only one taken in by his BS.
Back when ex had the emotional affair but didn’t follow it through in spite of the fact that she was trying really hard to seduce him, I had friends suggest that she was harassing him. Poor baby.
Mine wasn’t really one for direct lies his were implied lies attached to some level of truth. As such, I am not really sure how many he told over the years and how many I might have bought. Who knows how many affairs he really had. There was certainly plenty of opportunity. I was so trusting.
The closest thing I can come to an outright lie happened when I knew our marriage was on the rocks but still before DDay. It was a Sunday. I was making brunch for the family. I was already pick me dancing (not realizing I had direct competition) and was planning to make something I knew he would love to please him. He walked out saying he hadn’t flown his plane in a while and he just had to fly it that morning because it isn’t good to leave it sitting for too long. No, it couldn’t wait until after breakfast. So sorry (not). The airport was about 10 miles away (25 min drive through the city). About an hour after he left we had a major thunderstorm. I called him to say “It’s thunder storming, you can’t fly in that so can you please come home and have brunch with us?” His response: “It’s not raining here.” Well I supposed that could have been true, but the storms were obviously close enough to not be good flying weather and I have no doubt that he was with Slut Face at the time wherever he was and whatever the weather. Fucker. I only believed it because I really wanted to believe it.
“I only believed it because I really wanted to believe it.” Exactly. So much truth staring me in the face, and I ignored it until it grabbed my by the hair and slammed me to the ground.
Before D day, he told our marriage counselor who asked “Are you cheating or did you just give up”? He stated he just gave up. I literally, was so happy because I would never cheat and I couldn’t imagine him ever doing it. So maybe we had a chance if I do everything he told the counselor I should do. What a fool!
After D day, I got a letter from our health insurance stating that his prescription of Cialis will no longer be covered. He actually stated to me “You’re going to laugh but I filled this for my friend”. No body’s fool ever again!!
Oh yeah, mine filled his Cialis/Viagra prescriptions (that i had no idea he was getting) to give away to his work buddies also.
A) that’s illegal
B) they all have the same health insurance
C) how convenient to be able to tell a lie that’s also partially true. His whore was a coworker. He was giving it to her alright. Bastard.
I have to attend this business meeting/New Years Eve Party in Washington DC on New Years Eve because we courting them for a contract, no none of our other people are bring their wives. Me at Great Wolf Logde with his mother and my children, sending pictures frequently of what we are doing. Him and skank OW having a F*ck fest spending lots of money. God I hate him????. Still not laughing yet, maybe someday-though I doubt it.
One day, he got all gussied up – shower, nice clothes, cologne. He told me he was going kayaking with his cousin. I asked why the cologne? He said he was going to stop by his doctor’s office on the way and didn’t want to smell.
This was about 5:00 pm on a Friday.
I believed him when he said OW’s son addressed all men as “Uncle.”
Me: Hey honey where are you? Our young daughter and I flew in to the city where your employer has provided you with an apartment, because we felt bad that you had to spend your milestone birthday in this lonely apartment so far away from home and family, working, and we wanted to surprise you.
Him: No answer
Me: Hey honey we’re at the door of your apartment and knocking, but there does not appear to be anyone home? We left our bags at the front desk because somewhere in the mix I forgot to ask you for a key to your apartment. I called your secretary and she said you left work at noon.
Him: No answer
Me: Hey honey, your secretary said you might be working out in the apartment building’s fitness center so we are headed up there!
Me: Oh there you are walking on the treadmill in the fitness center! Let’s go down to the front desk so we can collect our bags and take them in your apartment. Surprise! We bought you a cake and everything!
Him: Let’s go to the Apple Store.
Me: Can’t we get our bags first and put them in your apartment? And you can change out of your sweaty workout clothes?
Him: Let’s walk to the Apple Store first and then come back, there are some things Daughter really wanted there.
Me: OK
Might as well finish the story. Back from lengthy visit to Apple store. Finally get our bags in the apartment. His bed is unmade and covers are turned back on both sides of the bed as would happen if there was more than one person sleeping in it.
Daughter: Daddy, when we were knocking on your door, we heard a little dog barking in your apartment.
Him: That can’t be, silly! I don’t have a dog!
Daughter: We heard it.
Him: It was probably the neighbors’.
Daughter: No, we listened really carefully through the door and it was coming from your apartment, not the neighbors’.
Him: Maybe it was in the stairwell, you know that’s right next to the apartment.
Daughter: No.
Him: I think my cleaning lady has a little dog, maybe she was in here cleaning and you heard her dog.
Me: Maybe so.
Him: Lets go get some dinner.
Me: OK
Ugh. I’m sorry that happened to you.
Back from dinner.
Me: Wow Honey, look at these really nice cheeses and snacks in the fridge at your apartment!
Him: Oh those are left over from a party they had for me at the office for my birthday and they let me take them home.
Me: You sure have some nice co-workers. Look at all these really good bottles of wine! Can we open one?
Him: I’m not really thirsty right now.
Me: Well I am. It was a long day of travel. How about if we open one and have some and I will just close it back up?
Him: Well then you will have opened it and that would still kind of ruin it.
Me: OK
Yeah, you don’t want to waste good wine on your wife, y’know.
ExW who lived in shorts, T-shirt’s and a ponytail for ten years and used to make fun of “tennis moms” whose shoes,skirts,tops, shoes and racquets were color coordinated suddenly starts wearing high dollar tennis skirts and tops to practice. I noticed before her “private lessons” with Europeans male coach that she was even doing her hair and wearing perfume! When questioned about the new behavior , I got the “I deserve to look nice/why don’t you want me to look nice ?” gaslight. One day after practice she immediately took a shower, did her hair ,makeup, perfume and a new dress before rushing out of the house to go shopping. 10 minutes later on the way to my sons gymnastics practice I received two text messages “ on the way to Target do you need anything” then “on the way to your place, when do you have to be back at the courts?” Oops – busted!
Ugh. She sucks. Sorry.
Andie, How could you even think that the panties you found in my overnight bag after working away were from an OW? I stay in hotels all the time and all kinds of items get mixed up in my luggage….you be crazy! Please let’s not go down that road again. You know like the last time you should have trusted your gut that I am a cheating lying bell-end but I mind fucked you into believing you had issues.
If I could go back I would run away screaming at that point, rather than another couple of years of him keeping me dangling while he weighed up his options.
Ahh well. 4 years from D-day, couldn’t be more meh if I tried.
‘I love you’ …..apparently
^^ same
When our daughter was a newborn my now ex would stay out all night every Friday. I was in the throes of PND at the time, our baby was ill and he couldn’t ever manage to charge his phone before he went out so he was forced to turn it off every Friday night… Face-palm moment right there. Anyway, one Friday night, around 2am, I got a text from him telling me he was ‘outside’. I looked out of the window but of course, he wasn’t there… When he showed up the next day he told me a (now) wholly unbelievable story about him getting confused and going back to his old house and he thought that I would be there… Clearly the text was meant for howorker and I cannot believe I was so gullible and trusting. To this day, he swears this was true, despite admitting to a two year affair starting, apparently, when our dd was two. I guess he can’t bring himself to admit he cheated on the mother of his newborn baby…
OH! This one is easy.
That she was “MY” wife… forsaking all others…
Good Riddance.
Word Association Eureka moment just occurred,
Riddance- A deliverance from or removal of something unwanted or undesirable:
“Rid”-“Dance” in Chump Lexicon- That moment when the Chump realizes the pick me dance doesn’t work and is discarded.
Excellent!
I love dancing, always wanted to belly-dance (tasteful stuff not gold lame bra etc) and directly after my rid-dance moment started going to classes, counteracted the mindfuck of the pick-me dance so well.
When he realised I was what he wanted and needed and was ‘so worth fighting for’ (realisation was same day I told him he couldn’t be my friend after what he’d done), I gave him another chance (I knowww) but said he MUST give up porn, and I wanted him to dance with me.
Nah. He’s gone now.