How Did You Get Rid of Their Crap?

How did you get rid of their crap? Leaving a cheater is a massive clean-up effort. (Like Superfund clean up sites, only without the federal financing.) There is the junk the cheater gave you. And then there is the other detritus of cheaters — the crap they leave behind. Their high school year books… their pilled sweaters… their children.

Somehow cheaters seem to think personal organizing is YOUR job. And aren’t you building a shrine for them? Save it! Because you could always be Plan B if you pick me dance hard enough!

I’d like to know — what did you do with their crap? Did you get a 24-foot-cubic dumpster? A storage locker? A shredder (to make “chumpfetti”)?

And of course, no sooner do you make a decision about their crap, then they’re asking for it. “Do you have my book on West Virginia coal mining?” (This was an actual query sent to my lawyer.) “The fountain pen my uncle gave me?” “My fishing rod”?

NO. But maybe if you weren’t circulating between multiple households of women, you might know where you left it.

Geez. So tell me YOUR strategies for cheater crap. Help the newbies. Help the storage locker industry.

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Chumpful
Chumpful
5 years ago

They do have so much emotional and physical crap they leave behind. I hired a massive skip bin and filled it, packed a few things for him to receive eventually (eg photos of his parents), taken a heap of his no-longer-cool-enough clothes to the charity store, smashed a few things with a hammer including a DVD marked XXX – images I can never unsee – and I have a few items I am saving for a final cleansing bonfire. Does hoarding stuff go with hoarding OW? Is it part of the personality defect? I am shocked how much of his chaos I had got used to living in! But now heading towards mental freedom!

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumpful

I think you must be right, Chumpful, that hoarding is related to narcissism. My EX had boxes of stuff, sometimes very well organized, that he saw as chronicles of his past achievements, even though his “accomplishments” were merely ordinary in his field. But as he got older, everything was being saved–the less he achieved, the more he seemed to think he needed to preserve his “ideas” and “materials.” Everything was going to be important–eventually–once the world recognized his genius.

Chumpful
Chumpful
5 years ago
Reply to  Eilonwy

Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Mine also said he might need samples of his work if he ever needed to apply for a new job, so wanted to keep printouts if it all since the 1990s!

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumpful

Mine tended to hoard things too but he was also a compulsive neat freak who was constantly complaining that our house was too messy and cluttered as if it were my fault that the house was so untidy. Then he would bring home more clutter.

When his mother sold her house he tried to get me to take the ping pong table that was in her garage and put it in mine because it would be so great for the kids and it would get them outside more. I refused because I knew it would get used for a few days and then just clutter up my garage for years.

Marniferous
Marniferous
5 years ago

Wow, hoarding _and_ gaslighting!

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
5 years ago

What is it with these losers? Skankboy was a neat hoarder. The crap he saved!?! Less is best for me. I would toss clothes, etc, each year if I hadn’t worn or used them. He would fill the empty spots with more crap. This would anger me to no end. I’m glad my house has only what I want or need now. Hasta la buh-bye, creep!

Trilian22
Trilian22
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumpful

Haha, nice. I had a lovely bonfire.

ChumpSaidBuhBye
ChumpSaidBuhBye
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumpful

I think hoarding is part of the disordered mental state they live in. My ex is a borderline hoarder and that’s why we never lived together full time. I prefer minimalist surroundings. He keeps everything that was ever given to him. And doesn’t organize or store it away. He likes to be surrounded by it.

NotAnyMore
NotAnyMore
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumpful

From the large amount of reading I have done on narcissistic personality disorder, hoarding seems to be a thing narcs do. (“If it belonged to ME that automatically confers special value on it”). And of course narcs are notorious cheaters as well, because they have no ethics and no empathy, and they just take what they want wherever amd whenever. Pretty sure that’s why so many of us have experienced the hoarder issue too.

OutFromTheShadows
OutFromTheShadows
5 years ago
Reply to  NotAnyMore

I had no idea about the hoarding thing for NPD @NotAnymore and yes that’s completely true for STBXW.

80% or more of our basement must be full of her crap; schoolbooks from 40 years ago for example; whereas I’ve just been minimalising; e.g. I got rid of all my books & CDs and just got digital copies instead. Even our separate rooms show this difference. I can fit all my clothes into a 3 drawer chest; whereas she has a 5 door giant wardrobe, with boxes piled on top, stuff under the bed, etc.

Personally when we finally manage to get into separate places I’d like as little as possible from the past. Certainly nothing from the wedding from 20 years ago. If she doesn’t want that then I’ll burn it, including the wedding dress. Giving that to one of my D’s would be like handing them a future curse

Nveragain
Nveragain
5 years ago
Reply to  NotAnyMore

Yes! He saved all sorts of crap!

““If it belonged to ME that automatically confers special value on it””

Exactly! He’s totes the same shit from place to place since he left home as a teenager. Really stupid stuff.

Kassandra
Kassandra
5 years ago
Reply to  NotAnyMore

My ex-narc is the opposite. He prides himself on not having a lot of stuff. He thinks of himself as unique, not like “other people”. You see, he’s above material belongings. Everything he owns fits nicely into his car. Very convenient if you want to just up and leave the home you shared with your partner of fifteen years to move in with shmoopie.

DuddersGetsChunped
DuddersGetsChunped
5 years ago
Reply to  Kassandra

Ha yes. My ex towards the end got really weird about ‘all our stuff’ the house being untidy (we have 8 yr old daughter) and so much ‘stuff’. He would do things in the big shed/garage and just plop it all back on the floor so within weeks you couldn’t even get in and if I said we needed to tidy it that set him off too. We should just butn it down, all that stuff. It was really to make the point that life isn’t about what you have it’s about what nourishes your soul, in his case a 36 colleague from work. And now he is acting like he is a zen Buddhist I don’t need anything just want a simple life in my pristine place with no kids toys, pencils all lined up neat. And where is all his ‘stuff’ still at mine. Do I care? No, not while he is paying half the mortgage and maintenance. He alters that by one English pound it will be round there on a van in 24 hrs. He also only doesn’t take half of it cause it doesn’t suit him right now. He even got weird about how much ‘stuff’ we had when I had cleared out the home I grew up in just after my dad died and yeah that was a job but it got sorted (I did it of course) but fancy making out that is materialistic when trying to house clear from a house up in since birth. Well he has had a spiritual awakening now see where he needs nothing – except total adoration and regular fucking. Oh and the deliveries cause obviously changing your address too menial for him. This week have I had two amazon packages? No, what are they? Won’t say cause it’s OWs birthday soon, bet for her. Leaves out their travel internanry he printed off at my house the other week then emails me to say had I taken it. Yeah sure had twat face put it in the bin. Now that has to be deliberate. He hasn’t even told his daughter about her yet. He wants to to burn down the shed as it’s a symbol of how I only carr about ‘stuff’. Yeah I would, if I could lock him in it first.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
5 years ago

“Yeah I would, if I could lock him in it first.” I laughed so hard at this one I was snorting! Hahaha!

JokesOnYouLynnJazzie
JokesOnYouLynnJazzie
5 years ago
Reply to  Kassandra

^ This! Everything he owned fit in the back seat of his car. He was so happy to be out of our home he hugged me on the way out the door to be the love of his life fourth husband. FUnny thing is he has drug the divorce out for 16’months. Had to take him to court to get discovery done all the while blaming me stopping them from getting married.

Chumpful
Chumpful
5 years ago
Reply to  Kassandra

Uniquely disordered – that’s something worth him boasting about 🙂 Glad you are free of him!

Kassandra
Kassandra
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumpful

So am I Chumpful, so am I. Six months cheater-free next week.

And here I am, narc-less. In MY new apartment, with all of MY cool stuff and without his hair products and sports equipment. 🙂

Jenny Ellis
Jenny Ellis
5 years ago
Reply to  Kassandra

You go girl! Have a great new life – you deserve it.

peacekeeper
peacekeeper
5 years ago
Reply to  NotAnyMore

NotAnyMore,
Talk about hitting the nail, square on the head, ” they just take what they want wherever and whenever.”

And, they never use 1/2 the shit they collect!
And they can never find anything!
(Just saying).

Stuff is exactly the word for all their useless treasures.
A good friend once said to me ” cheater’s little ones are his real gems, he is missing out on them, his real jewels.”
This was when my girls were very tiny and cheater was neglecting us as he polished his favourite toy of the moment, his precious boat. One of his prized possessions.
My friend was right, those girls, now grown, were, are, and will always be, “my” gems, “my” jewels!
To cheater, not so much.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
5 years ago
Reply to  peacekeeper

Heavens yes! They never use half the stuff they buy! Son made an observation about Narkles the Clown and how he buys all sorts of crap he never uses.

I swear much of the joy in my life is living in a clean space with clear floors I can use. Yes, they are hoarders…and my kid is noticing.

As for what I did with his stuff…. He got a storage unit for most of it but I still had a good sized shopping bag full of breakables that I took to the outdoor shooting range. It felt good to blow those things to bits. Even nicer was people who asked what I was doing after hearing me scream “whoo-hoo” several times. I told them and they were wonderfully supportive. I even let some folks blow a few things to bits. The people at the range hugged me and told me they were glad I left the SOB.

mavis
mavis
5 years ago
Reply to  NotAnyMore

The fucktard left the home and all his stuff behind so he could come & go as he pleased, picking up items as he needed. He left a crappy pick-up truck in the driveway too – flat tires, leaking oil, etc.

My neighbor, bless him, saw my distress & told me to get his shit out of the house. He helped me load all of the fucktard’s crap into the rusty pick-up leaving space only for a driver.

I told fucktard to come get it or I would have it towed to his parent’s house (where he was now living). Fucktard didn’t believe me but eventually arrived 15 minutes before the tow truck. The look on his face was priceless when he saw all his crap crammed into the truck.

Good riddance & a big hug to my fabulous neighbor!

Tammy
Tammy
5 years ago
Reply to  mavis

Mine left his stuff do he could also come and go as he pleased. I finally stopped letting him in and included everything in my divorce. So now he has nothing and after the divorce was settled I gave away what I could and threw away the rest.

chutesandladders
chutesandladders
5 years ago
Reply to  mavis

A good friend will let you cry on her shoulder. A great friend will show up with the Kleenex and a sledgehammer.

The day after X finally left (nine days after the court ordered date – because, even the court’s “not the boss of me!”), I took a personal day to regroup. X left our basement entertainment room (and his bedroom when he moved out of ours when I had our first son 17 years prior) in shambles. Broken beer bottles, slime on the floor, moldy bar rags, holes from pictures torn of the walls, broken furniture, etc. The metaphoric significance of the damage he intentionally inflicted and left for me to pick up took my breath away.

Around 9:00 am, my petite friend and neighbor (4’11”, 100lbs) showed up with a sledgehammer. Together, we destroyed X’s beloved, homemade, crappy bar in the basement in five minutes. Kicking that thing to the floor remains one of the most satisfying and cathartic moments of my life.

It took months to clean his mess, but destroying and then tossing out his beloved bar – the only thing in our house he ever treasured – definitely took away any sting.

nutmegpixy
nutmegpixy
5 years ago
Reply to  NotAnyMore

That is so spot on its frightening. My ex hoarded clothes, shoes, coats and I guess women. He is still asking my kids “What did mommy do with my old suits ?” He couldn’t part with anything except me and his kids. For chrissake!! Good riddance.

KeepItMoving
KeepItMoving
5 years ago
Reply to  nutmegpixy

omg! The suits!! Mine had an entire room in the basement full of bad suits and Cosby sweaters from the 80’s! He kept neon man bikinis from the 80’s and was so proud to show them to me! Our house was an old Victorian house and so the basement was not well climate controlled! Musty man bikinis!!!Why store this shit?! It is rotting in the basement?! Wtf is wrong with these creeps?!?!

Hopefloats80
Hopefloats80
5 years ago
Reply to  KeepItMoving

Musty man bikinis bwahhhaaa

NotToday
NotToday
5 years ago
Reply to  NotAnyMore

It’s so interesting to me that this is a common thread. I nearly lost it when I saw what STBX had put in his “keep” pile as we were cleaning out the house. Crappy toys that he carried from house to house for the last ten years, but never unpacked. Video games that couldn’t even be played on a modern system. Tools that were rusted, jars of mismatched screws.

All I could think was, “In ten years, you’ve never been able to part with these things, but you threw our marriage away like it was nothing.”

At the risk of untangling the skein, I think it comes down to–at least in STBX’s case–a terror of real connection and vulnerability. I realize looking back that our marriage was very superficial, and any efforts I made to deepen the connection were side-stepped or used against me. Connection with people is scary because of the potential for rejection, but all humans need connection like we need oxygen. So, STBX connected with objects, and treats people like objects. Because objects can’t reject you.

I hope he can get past it. Otherwise, he’s going to end up in a house piled floor to ceiling with stuff, all alone.

MovingOntoMeh
MovingOntoMeh
5 years ago
Reply to  NotToday

During our RIC attempts we did a “sex addiction” treatment program and my therapist described “sex addiction” as an attachment disorder. They literally don’t know how/what to properly attach. I think that’s why their stuff is so important, relationships not so much. As someone else said, fear of intimacy, vulnerability etc. Makes real human attachment impossible.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
5 years ago
Reply to  NotToday

Wow, how insightful! You described skankboy so beautifully!

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago
Reply to  NotAnyMore

The X hardly ever went through his things. I pleaded with him to organize the garage last summer. He absolutely refused. My last laugh – he wanted the divorce and now he gets to deal with garage all by himself.

When we moved to our current home, he just dumped stuff into boxes rather than going through anything. He had two containers full of tools and supplies from bathroom renovation that had been done 8 years earlier. I’m not OCD but that shit drove me nuts.

He’s very fastidious about his everyday stuff – keys and wallet are always in the same space but he never took time to get rid of old stuff or even organize the stuff he kept.

Lois Darby
Lois Darby
5 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

OMG, you just described my married life. Can you believe, he run his own buiness.

MrsVain
MrsVain
5 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

i had the same problem. we had to move out of the old house in one weekend when we bought the new house (because the old landlord who i rented for 8 years from wanted me out by the first or pay a full months rent and we just bought the house) so everything was boxed quickly and dumped in the garage. . .. now it took me a while to organize the house. but he never organized the garage. there are STILL boxes of tools, nuts, bolts, nails etc

ironically, towards the end of our marriage, he would spend hours and half days out in the garage. when i asked what he was doing in there, his answer was “i am cleaning the garage” or “i am organizing the garage”.. .. i still dont know what he was doing in there. i suspect drugs was part of that because the garage is STILL a mess to the point that you could hardly walk in it. It is not well organized but i can now walk in and find what i am looking for. still working on it 4 years after our divorce.

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago
Reply to  MrsVain

He might have had a burner phone that he kept out there.

The X was horrible with tools. He even had a big tool storage unit but he was constantly buying wrenches and screwdrivers because he couldn’t find the old ones. So glad that’s not my problem any more.

However, before I left though, I loaded up a portable tool bag with few things that I might need in the future (heehee!).

wonderwoman
wonderwoman
5 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

Mine was horrible with tooks too! I had a yard one year and i think i sole about 36 hammers and about 150 screw drivers! I don’t even remember how many utility knives we had! Every time he couldn’t find one he would buy a new one. Or pick them ip when they were on sale

torontoChump
torontoChump
5 years ago

Donated it all to the Salvation Army thrift store. There were so many unhappy memories attached, I thought it should be sold to help raise money for worthwhile causes. Everything left behind by an evil person. transformed into something that helps raise others out of poverty and misery.

Suddenly single and thriving
Suddenly single and thriving
5 years ago

I *may* have packed up everything including the garbage he left laying around—old chicken bones come to mind. And randomly stuck our wedding invitations in boxes. He left almost everything he asked for and a lot of the boxes, so I’m now in process of selling some stuff and scrapping some. Taking components apart for scrap is therapeutic!

MF Chump
MF Chump
5 years ago

Oh yes. We were in transition from the house I owned before we married to the house we built when he decided to leave for Schmoopie. So I refused to give him any access to my house, which held the bulk of our belongings. I packed so much random crap in those boxes – all the wedding invites, photos, various pieces of garbage (kept what I wanted – and repeated the phrase “because fuck him, that’s why”). I put it all on the deck and left the house at the time we’d agreed to meet for him to pick up his shit. That was a good day.

DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
5 years ago
Reply to  MF Chump

I LOVE the

“because fuck him, that’s why” because, obviously fuck him.

It’s my new explanation for many choices.

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago

The X insisted on staying in our house and I moved out first. Him and his sinister sister wanted me and the pets gone so they could stage the house for sale. Sigh, I have to begrudgingly admit that we got asking price for the house.

The best part for me – I took what I could (moving from a big house to a 2-bedroom apartment) and left the rest though the rest was mostly his stuff and a few things that I no longer wanted due to bad memories. And, I did absolutely no cleaning upon leaving. He wanted me out which meant that he had to deal with mess that he created. I took no part in finding the agent or dealing with the new buyers. My only job is to sign the papers and collect my equity check for my new life.

EMC
EMC
5 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

Oh my God! Cleaning! I remember starting to sweep the floor, after I moved all my stuff out of his house; when my best friend looked at me and said, “What the fuck are you doing? Put that down. He cheated on you and you don’t need to do that. Let’s go!”

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago
Reply to  EMC

EMC, that’s exactly how I felt. I cleaned house for 19 years and he only offered to help clean when HE had company coming over. The day-to-day stuff – never.

He was at work when I moved. I took the vacuum cleaner and left all the pet hair that had been hiding under the bed and heavy-ass couch. His sister and aunt came over to clean and stage the house after I left. I still get a giggle thinking about it. Their hard work will get me a bigger check at closing. I’m laughing all the way to the bank.

NotAnyMore
NotAnyMore
5 years ago

I moved out and left it all behind – let him clean it up himself! I only took things that were clearly mine (clothes and such) or had belonged to me before the marriage. A couple of friends gave me some necessities – bed, dishes, pots and pans – and over time I filled in the rest. I wound up with a much nicer space because I’m not living with a sloppy hoarder anymore, and I have better quality stuff because I now actually have some spare cash in my pocket- lose a chump, gain financial stability AND raise your credit score 200 points!

KeepItMoving
KeepItMoving
5 years ago
Reply to  NotAnyMore

I moved out as well! It was a great chance to really cull my possessions. I left piles of refuse in various places in the basement for he and the OW to deal with. A pile of my discarded clothes next to his side of the bed. I meticulously went through all my toiletries and dumped the expired ones in the master bath tub. I mean why kill myself hauling that stuff down to trash? No he can deal with the clean up of the mess he made.

Strad
Strad
5 years ago
Reply to  NotAnyMore

I moved out too, and he had to pay me for my share of the house. He was also a borderline hoarder who attached value to things I considered flea market/garage sale crap. I hope MOW (now his wife) is enjoying cleaning around all of it. I downsized to a perfect little cottage and couldn’t be happier. There’s no lingering stench of betrayal and no bad memories in my new house.

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
5 years ago
Reply to  Strad

I moved out too. When the divorce was final – I had 60 days to get the furnishings out that we agreed I would get. I got lucky and found/bought a house that needed furnishing. The day I closed on my house, my 2 older boys and their friends moved all my stuff for me so I didn’t have to step foot in that house again. Asswipe was also a hoarder – with pool sticks. That is all he did was ‘shop online’ for pool sticks (However I think now that he was shopping for women and when he heard me coming down the steps – he would change the window to ebay). Any of his shit I ended up with is in a tub at my parents house. I’m not sure if he realizes what I have (a bunch of pictures his dead brother took just before he died….) but he won’t get anything back until I get my scrapbook back my grandmother gave me.
Oh – and asswipe didn’t complain about a messy house. He complained that it was too clean. Jerk

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
5 years ago
Reply to  LadyStrange

Oh – and I didn’t get some of the furnishings that was on the ‘list’ that I was supposed to get. I was supposed to get our outside furniture – 2 tables, 8 chairs, 2 umbrellas. I got one table and 3 chairs. AND I was supposed to get the kitchen table SET. The word “SET” was omitted from the paperwork so it just read kitchen table. That was what I got – the kitchen table with no chairs. Such a fucking dickwad. BUT – I wasn’t going to make my kids go back and likely argue with the jerk. I let it go because it wasn’t worth it. I was also supposed to get the ‘pictures.’ I paid for ALL my kids’ graduation pictures but he refused to give me them. And I haven’t received my photo albums. I don’t have any idea why he would want to keep photo albums of my past….(Yes I do – to spite me) Fucker.

susan devlin
susan devlin
5 years ago

I put paint all over his clothes, then binned them, yes I know its not acceptable. But I knew it was the end.

KeepItMoving
KeepItMoving
5 years ago
Reply to  susan devlin

I almost did this because he was so vain about his stupid clothes. I felt like they were the only thing he actually valued in the world, but the thought of having to deal with him calling the cops or suing me and prolonging our interaction stopped me. I fantasized about pouring bleach all over his work suits. lol!

Lothos
Lothos
5 years ago

I stacked all of her stuff into one of the guest rooms (including pictures of her first children that she abandoned with their dad). She left all of those pictures behind. I almost filled the room full of that crap. I constantly kept asking (through an attorney) for her to get her stuff. She would never respond. She was ordered, at the divorce, to get her stuff as I brought it up again and she had 6 months. She never picked it up so I kept the pictures for my daughter so she had them of her half brothers and sister but the rest of the stuff I donated it for the tax write off and anything I could not donate I put it into the trash bin. I did not shred it as it is not my responsibility to do so, so if she had personal stuff that needed special attention she had 3 years to pick it up and she never did so it went into the trash.

The tax write off was nice!

Jimmy B
Jimmy B
5 years ago
Reply to  Lothos

You married someone that had abandoned their children and you knew about it?

sweetlake
sweetlake
5 years ago
Reply to  Jimmy B

We all married assholes or we wouldn’t be here.

Lothos
Lothos
5 years ago
Reply to  Jimmy B

I was told a different story but yes, I was definitely an idiot on that one!

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
5 years ago

My favorite story … put the 16 x 20 wedding portrait diagonally sticking out of the trash bin out at the curb for all the neighbors to see. Subtle. 🙂

FeralBlue
FeralBlue
5 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

That’s what I did with the huge wedding portrait when OWife was scheduled to pick up the very last bits of stuff I found in the attic. Left it standing straight up so all the world could see it. I remember getting a call from exhole later that day. He wanted to bitch at me for him and OWife getting into yet another fight over whatever he got caught lying to her about this time. I just told him he wouldnt get into so much trouble if he’d stop lying about everything and hung up.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
5 years ago
Reply to  FeralBlue

“Listen very carefully”..(pause for effect)… CLICK!

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
5 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

I did that too… we had used our engagement photo and had all of our wedding guests sign the mat before we framed it.

He came home from work and saw it at the curb (before he moved out). He didn’t say anything then, but he threw it in my face six months later… “It was so easy for you to just throw us away”… um, fuckwit, blameshift much? It’s like they want us to keep a shrine 🙂

YdontUStay
YdontUStay
5 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Hopefully you “enhanced” his likeness with a sharpie. I’m thinking horns, a goatee and maybe a pitchfork.

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
5 years ago
Reply to  YdontUStay

Lol

SlowlyGettingThere
SlowlyGettingThere
5 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Haha, I did the same thing with the large wedding photo!

Cdclocks
Cdclocks
5 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

“put the 16 x 20 wedding portrait diagonally sticking out of the trash bin out at the curb for all the neighbors to see. Subtle.”
Bwahahahahahaha!!!!! LOVE IT!!!!

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

I love that image!

Newlady15
Newlady15
5 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

I did that with my wedding dress as I knew he would drive by to go to work.

Ally
Ally
5 years ago

As I didn’t want the family hone, due to discovering he had had endless sex partners round there whilst kids at school and was at work, so luckily i took everything important to me and kids and left him with all his crap!!!!
Whilst trawling,through the attic i came across several photo albums. I removed every single photo of myself and kids from it, including even tearing us out of some photos leaving just his sorry as behind.
They have so much crap. In our new home its remarkable how much space we now have as we are not falling over all his accumulated nonsense such as the 250+ beer bottles he had ‘collected’ or the piles of t shirts he had acquired but never wore as he seemed to,only favour rotating 2 or 3. Also all the fucking tools, gadgets, paint pots, variety of glues in the garage are long distance memories that I no longer have ti negotiate to get to a washing machine!

ChumpSaidBuhBye
ChumpSaidBuhBye
5 years ago

My ex didn’t live with me full time, and during the wreckonciliation I made him take most of his stuff home. I wanted the option of a clean instant split if/when he messed up.

After I dumped him, all there was to dispose of were toiletries he kept here, his “special” food and drinks he had me keep on hand for him, and gifts he gave me.

He’s a shitty gifter so all of it went in the trash or to Goodwill. The only things I kept are a few assemblage art pieces that I made with random interesting looking found objects he brought me. I don’t display them anymore but may again someday.

I deleted all the electronic clutter too. Emails, photos, texts, links. Don’t forget the electronic stuff when you clean house.

meh.twain
meh.twain
5 years ago

Im not deleting digital photos etc. I will have it on record that there were happy times (even if he was cheating, we, his family, were happy) his story is he wasnt happy ever and we never DID anything. Oh really? well look at all those photos that say different. The kids need to know the truth. If he wasnt happy then it wasnt cos we never did anything etc etc. i just dont look at them

meh.twain
meh.twain
5 years ago
Reply to  meh.twain

Plus I think my kids have a right to decide if they want those photos in the future. Ho-worker sure is trying to rewrite the narrative and wouldnt keep anything like that if anything happened to my ex – 30 years her senior. She doesnt want to admit he had a life and a family before she glittered her twatty self. So she is certainly NOT in the business of keeping memories for my kids

Julia
Julia
5 years ago
Reply to  meh.twain

I also kept all photos. They are not just my past but my children’s past. It’s documentation of what reality was and not the twisted one thief father fabricates.

DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
5 years ago
Reply to  Julia

—I also kept all photos. They are not just my past but my children’s past. It’s documentation of what reality was and not the twisted one thief father fabricates.

THIS^^^^ 35 years of marriage and I was ALL IN…and mistakenly thought he was. So, thank you.

BTW, I’m not sure I can ever go “all in” again. That makes me sad, but also a bit safer.

Karma Bus is Honking!
Karma Bus is Honking!
5 years ago
Reply to  Julia

In the 1980s, my parents had a brutal post-Schmoopie-discovery divorce that got so bad – and so detailed – that it is regularly cited as legal precedent in my home state. My mother cut him out of every picture, by hand. Albums and albums. I get the hurt she felt, but I do wish I had a few intact ones to show my young daughters, because the cuts prompt them to ask questions to which they are too young to contextualize and process the ugly answers.

My mother is a badass chump btw. In 1984 she got a call from a friend: I don’t know how to tell you this, but your [doctor] husband is here at this restaurant with his nurse, and they are holding hands. It’s important for this next part to know that my mother is stunning and exudes class and grace – she’s a blonde Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. She calls a babysitter for us (we were 6, 5, and 6 mos), dresses up, makeup, fur coat, drives over and asks the hostess to seat her at the table directly next to them. He looked up and she said “hello” and smiled, and then ORDERED A COCKTAIL. I am told by the hostess, who was the mother of one of my childhood friends, that my rooster-necked eventual stepmother nearly had a coronary event.

She is a chump for the ages. Is now married to the true love of her life – they are electric together.

OptionNoMore
OptionNoMore
5 years ago

It is clear that you have tremendous love and respect for your mother. I am happy that she had such a great influence in making you the great son that you are. You know right from wrong, and that is the greatest gift a man can have. Well done!

Cathy1693
Cathy1693
5 years ago

I love that! How I wish I could have done that. To see the look on both of their faces would have been awesome.

FeralBlue
FeralBlue
5 years ago

Your mother is BADASS!!

UnknownComic
UnknownComic
5 years ago

That’s a great hint and the one thing I missed. I still have tons of old images on my computer. I need to dump those. I may ask my adult children to go through them and take what they want first.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago

Oh don’t even get me started on this one. When Schmoopie left the Twat he rented a rather large, but very beautiful farm house with 3 bedrooms. A couple of years later when Schmoopie number 2 walked into his life (around 3 months after the death of her husband no. 2 I believe), within 5 months he was moving out of the farmhouse and whizzing back to the States to buy a house with her (more like for her I think, judging by all the paperwork they left on the table). He called me on the Sunday to say he was leaving permanently on the Friday!!!! So 5 whole days then. Problem was, he didn’t get rid of anything! Coffee grounds moulding in the coffee machine, washing in the washer, all his/their personal paperwork lying on the table – oh and did I mention the dog he got in the February and abandoned in June? I had my kids take the pup back to the pound (where I believe he has since been adopted) as I did not want to even see it.

I work full-time and am gone from the house 12 hours a day, but every weekend over the next 2 months while he had to still pay the rent, I went up there and sorted, bagged and took what I could to the tip. Oh and there was no garden to this house as such – just a small space along the side about 3 metres by 6 metres where the owner had planted about 8 rose bushes. Do you think the Twat took care of 8 rose bushes once in the 3 years he lived there (retired). Nope, that was all hanging all over the roadside and was one of my weekend jobs to go up and clean up too. Funny though because he asked to borrow my hedge trimmer (he didn’t have any hedges – maybe Schmoopie’s bush was a bit tough) but it never came back. I reckon he lent it to a drinking buddy who broke it and that was that, so Attie gets to buy herself another one. When he asked to borrow the lawnmower (wow Schmoopie’s public hair must be REALLY tough because he didn’t have any lawn), I told him to fuck off and get his buddies to buy their own.

I know it wasn’t my job to do this as we were divorced so it would fall to my kids to do it. I also knew they would leave it till the last minute so ….. Anyway, at the end the kids and their mates brought what they could back to my basement (my basement is huge but it doesn’t mean I want his stuff in it) and my youngest son took what he wanted when he moved into his own place. My basement is still stuffed jam full but I have taken what I can of his clothes to the Red Cross and will hopefully get to be able to sort it more when I (hopefully) retire in January.

But it just goes to show doesn’t it, who the hell has that kind of entitlement to think it’s perfectly OK to abandon a large home and contents (including a dog) and leave other people to clean up their shit. Oh and the kids in the end cleaned that place up so well that he got his €1,000 deposit back, but do you think he would have given it to them to split between them. Wanker!!!!

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Oh, and I forgot to mention, he was FURIOUS when 3 years later the French were going after him for 3 years worth of taxes. “But I moved out in 2015” – yeah, buddy, but you didn’t hand back your French “green card” did you!!!!! So at least they got to hammer him, which was a bit of karma I expect. He’s handed it back now so hasta la vista baby!

peacekeeper
peacekeeper
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

I just love you Attie.
You paint a vivid, often comical, picture.
You make me laugh!
You rock!

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  peacekeeper

Thank you Peacekeeper. If you saw him in a swimsuit (112 lb wringing wet), you wouldn’t be able to get up off the floor!

ironhardempress
ironhardempress
5 years ago

When mine took off to the country he now lives in permanently, he left EVERYTHING here. I had a massive garage sale and made a lot of $$ including a lot of ammunition. I also de-cheatered the house, taking down all the pictures and decorations that HE liked (It was always his choice and i rarely had input) and all that went in the garage sale too.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago

I got the house and all the fixtures and furnishings (I had better lawyers), so I dutifully waited for sparkledick to list what he wanted from the furnishings (his brother’s paintings, a jade Inuit carving). I set the paintings in the garage for the dog to pee on (he did), sold his better clothing, gave the rest to the guy who collects recycles with his horsecart, left two threadbare pullovers for the cats to pee on (they did). Jammed everything in a big trashbag. Sparkles did not ask for a single picture of his children.

I sold everything that came from his family. The very first thing to go was his mother’s antique Singer sewing machine. Ironicamente sold to a cheater and his floozie: at ten AM she was covered in makeup and wearing a miniskirt and stilettos.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

Ironically sold to. Damn spell check

FwitFree
FwitFree
5 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

Sparkledick *snicker*

QueenMother
QueenMother
5 years ago

Gave away and threw away his stuff, as well as every dress, piece of jewelry or gift he gave me. I don’t need any momentos of him in the vibrant and healthy space I am creating here.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago
Reply to  QueenMother

I forgot to mention that I too got rid of everything he gave me. Most of which I’m sure was bought to indulge his love of having saleswomen fluster around him.

CC
CC
5 years ago

I dumped all his clothes in the driveway and texted him a photo. He came pretty quick to get them.

He left everything else for MONTHS! Finally I gave him notice that if he didn’t get it he would forfeit it. Keep in mind at this time he had another woman pregnant and was supposedly in a solid relationship. So he comes to move his stuff and who is there to help him? His 63 year old mom. That’s it.

I still have large items of his in the house (pool table, poker table, etc) so I wrote into the stipulation that 30 days after the divorce was final it all became my property. He was pissed when he finally realized that! Begged me to think of his mom & brother, to whom he said the items actually belonged to. His mom even texted me that she would save money to move them and get them out this summer. Well, it’s August and they are still here.
I’m currently using them for storage, so no rush to get rid of them. But as soon as I clean up the basement, I’m selling them.

Tohurttobemad
Tohurttobemad
5 years ago

I held on to his clothes, tools (like an entire garage full), his year books, family photos, etc. for a bit over a year after he left. I had to in a way because he was dragging out the court stuff (still is) and my lawyer said hold on to it so you don’t look vindictive. So after the deadline date came for him to get his stuff, I went through the clothes donated what was worth donating, trashed the clothes that were not. There is still a box and garbage bag at my house that has the personal belongings that I figure he would want but from reading here know he doesn’t care about – family pictures of his relatives that have passed away, his yearbook, crap like that. The tools are now all mine, so I will eventually need to go through the garage and see what I want to keep, what I don’t want to keep. But since things are not finalized it is still hard for me to do that, plus I have no idea the value of any of the tools so need relatives that do know to have time to come do that with me.

Tohurttobemad
Tohurttobemad
5 years ago

To all the people who have bonfires or cut the cheaters belongings I wish I had your ability to do that. I wanted to but when it came down to it I couldn’t do it. It was easier to bag it up and give it away. There is still stuff I am sure throughout the house in boxes that were never unpacked so I hope to be at meh when I end up bothering to go through those boxes.

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
5 years ago
Reply to  Tohurttobemad

If things are still boxed up, just take them to a charity shop. Don’t put that chore on yourself. Let someone else unpack those boxes. You need the space.

Feelingit
Feelingit
5 years ago
Reply to  Tohurttobemad

I currently have this dilemma with one item. I have a doll house made by cheater’s grandfather. When cheater’s mother moved to her condo, there was no room for the doll house but she was partial to it so I (chump that I am) took it. Meanwhile, she got rid of so much stuff, giving it to her cleaning lady or throwing it in the dumpster(brand new stuff). Included was a glass plate made by my son which I really would have wanted. I asked her for it and she said she did not know what happened to it. WTF? She got rid of all the things my kids had made for her.

Anyway, as to the dollhouse- I do not want it as it elicits bad memories. My kids don’t care about it but they have said I should give it to someone who could use it. I guess I taught them to think of others. I, however, have fantasies of burning it in our fire pit. M I L’s house burned to the ground 17 years ago, they bulldozed and went on seemingly unfazed. No one was hurt. The only things she salvaged were two photos of fuckwit and his brother and her wedding photo, none of my children. Why didn’t I get it at at the time?

So what do chumps think, should I burn it when the kids are not around or give it to someone who might use it? Thoughts appreciated.

Granny K
Granny K
5 years ago
Reply to  Feelingit

How about try Freecycle or Craig’s List? Or try your own social media. There’s got to be somebody who knows a doll house collector person who would value it.

peacekeeper
peacekeeper
5 years ago
Reply to  Feelingit

Feelingit,
Could you give it to a day care? Little children would love it.
Lots of great ideas posted above. Have at it.

Feeling it,
I often think, Feelingit and I have to go on a “scratch and dent ” fun trip to attack all of our cheater’s toys, prized possessions.
I know that this is one thing that would truly piss my cheater off.
Trashing his material “stuff”
Oh, if only,we could, would you be in on this dear CN friend?

Feelingit
Feelingit
5 years ago
Reply to  peacekeeper

Wouldn’t that be a Hoot?!!!

Hcard
Hcard
5 years ago
Reply to  Feelingit

No, don’t burn it. Doll houses like that are often used in raffles, to raise money for child hospitals. They have retired people who will “renew” it. Your heart wil smile, MIL will be pissed. Win win

Her Blondeness
Her Blondeness
5 years ago
Reply to  Hcard

Cross posted with BlueChumparoo and Hcard. ITA with them. Donate, look good (beat Cheater at his own image management game) and piss MIL off. Perfect scenario.

Feelingit
Feelingit
5 years ago
Reply to  Her Blondeness

You are right, I will donate it. Turn my lemon into lemonade!

Karma Bus is Honking!
Karma Bus is Honking!
5 years ago
Reply to  Feelingit

So glad you’re donating it. In the words of a classy First Lady we once had statesside:
You go high, even when they go low.

BlueChumparoo
BlueChumparoo
5 years ago
Reply to  Feelingit

Hate that these jerks are so uncaring and we end up with these dilemma’s.

My thought was to donate it to a home for unwanted or abandoned children. It kind of fits the situation.
We have a crisis center here where stressed single moms can drop off their children for a couple of hours no cost, no questions. It helps avoid child abuse and neglect. If they can’t use it, they have auctions or will give things to children in need.
Do you have anything like that?
Or a boarding house for families who’s children are in the hospital and they live far away?

Please donate it, or sell it.
I’m sure a lot of love and time went into creating it.

Chumplanta
Chumplanta
5 years ago
Reply to  Feelingit

Maybe just put it next to the trash cans on trash day, but before you turn back to the house give it a hard kick. That way you symbolically kick the last of him to the curb aaaaaand someone who might use it will undoubtedly come pick it up.

Her Blondeness
Her Blondeness
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumplanta

Take it to a women’s shelter, maybe? The kids that are there with their moms could play with it?

Nevertheless, your MIL sounds like an effin’ piece of work. My sympathies.

Verity297
Verity297
5 years ago

This was not a problem I had to deal with. Everything he owned vanished along with him. After 30 years it was like he’d never existed. A different kind of mindfuck

Newlady15
Newlady15
5 years ago

I put all of his clothes in the junker truck he left behind. Eventually he was ordered to get all the derelict vehicles out. Of course he took all the good stuff and the new motorized stuff I bought( snowmobiles, cars, house trailer), because they were in his company’s name for insurance purposes. 10’s of thousands of my belongings… plus some of my good jewellry( he threw baubles at me to keep me pick me dancing). He did nothing to clean put our cottage except take schmoopie there to bang her in my bed just like the one in my home. The house in Florida too, right before my sister and I went down there for final clean out. Partying with schmoopie and scandalizing the neighbourhood—scumbags. The good news is I sold everything from that house over a week of a posted “estate” sale and made a few thousand dollars. God sent me some. beautiful people during that sale—including the lady who spoke to me of God’s grace and love for me in the face of the worst time of my life and the Vietnam vet neighbour who spoke to me about ptsd( I had cptsd) and showed me brotherly love and gave me a book that helped me through. My ex asked me for half of the money( again he did absolutely nothing except soil my bed with his slut). I said I will apply your share to the money stolen from our retirement fund. Wackjob

Magneto
Magneto
5 years ago

Raise hand for center/hoarder here, too. I would clean, he would come home and go through bags of trash, picking stuff out. One toss out included 14 pairs of old tennis shoes he never wore. I kept the nicest 5 or 6 pairs.

His parents gave us a 1950’s carpet scrubber, with worn down natural bristles, to “have” ( they were going to dump with a truck full of items). Salvation Army wouldn’t take it, so old, so I tossed it. When he noticed it was gone, for years after I heard, when ever there was a spill, “OH!, if we ONLY had that carpet scrubber!)

This was extremely funny because he never cleaned, either.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

That reminds me of the time (after he had moved out but we hadn’t yet filed for divorce) I boxed up a bunch of old kid toys to take to goodwill. I then made the mistake of asking him to come help me get the box in the car. When he showed up he went through it and removed half of it saying “we can’t get rid of that”. I should have made him take the things we couldn’t get rid of back to the then studio apartment where he was staying but I didn’t yet have the right mind set at the time. Sigh.

Florence Feynman
Florence Feynman
5 years ago

I was one of those idiots who played nice when my ex disappeared taking nothing but (as I later found out) all of our money. So I lovingly returned anything he ever asked for or that I thought he would need. Silly me! He’d been going shopping in Bond Street and didn’t want any of his tatty old shit. Later I had to go through the contents of our home, loft and cellar and deal with the accumulated dtertitus of a 20 year marriage in which we never got rid of anything. I knew I would not have space for anything after downsizing. Had to get a skip and make countless trips to charity shops and the tip with old paint cans, random electrical gadgets and the like. His mountains of papers from business school and countless failed businesses got boxed up for him to collect. He still had the nerve to complain about it all, but he didn’t have to lift a finger or pay a penny to deal with any of it.

But my favourite story is of a woman who on discovering her husband’s infidelity carefully took in all his suits by a quarter of an inch or so before returning them.

KeepItMoving
KeepItMoving
5 years ago

I wish I had painted “C**T” on the back of all his suits in liquid bleach.

outoftheblue
outoftheblue
5 years ago

Ooh I wish I’d thought of that!

Newlife2017
Newlife2017
5 years ago

He had six months to get his stuff out. He came over one day we agreed to go through the kitchen. He wanted to go through each knife, spatula and spice. I am not kidding he wanted half the spices. After about four hours I had enough. Then he didn’t have enough room to fit in car cause he refused to rent a truck. THren one day he got movers. He told me he got a storage place but then literally found out the moving truck went right to the new house he bought and the ho worker moved in a week later. Our judgement stipulated he had 6 months to get anything else out. After that time period passed he started asking for things. I didn’t answer a single one. I did told his yearbooks, fraternity crap, everything any anything that was his after six months. The wals are singing.

Newlife2017
Newlife2017
5 years ago
Reply to  Newlife2017

*toss not told

Newlady15
Newlady15
5 years ago

Oh and it still slays me that he didn’t ask for any photos—not of his dead mother, or our children, not of all of our wonderful trips to many places or out cottage or house in Florida..none. They are just black holes inside.

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
5 years ago
Reply to  Newlady15

Yeah, strange people

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
5 years ago

I handed the f**ker a box (politely) every time he came to see his kids. He’s not coming into my house. It was a technique I learnt from the rest of my family. “Your stuff’s not paying rent you know!”

I’m not harbouring any crap and if anyone reading this is harbouring crap – don’t. Sell it, make some treat money xx

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
5 years ago

BTW cables, leads and other metal things can all be recycled for cash. So all that old tech junk can have the cables snipped off, and you’ll have a heavy bag in no time plus help preserve the planets resources

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

My response may be disappointing to a lot of CN but I am perfectly happy to keep and use a lot of the stuff that ex left behind. I am a practical person and if it’s good “stuff” I don’t feel the need to get rid of it just because it’s technically his. The kids and I still use his grandmother’s china for Sunday night dinner and other holidays. The vintage china cabinet it’s stored in is also useful. There were a number of pieces of antique furniture, secretaries, dressers, trunks, an armoire, from his side of the family that go nicely with the decorative woodwork in my old home and are useful for storing stuff. I told ex that if he wants any of his furniture back someday he can get it but he has to give me 30 days notice and he has to take whatever’s in it (whatever is cluttering up the house and that I don’t want to keep). He also left $10,000 worth of gold coins in a trunk in my bedroom. I am happy to keep that. Alas, we had to sell all of the silver to pay for the divorce so that’s gone. Someday I will sell my large house and move into someplace smaller. At that point I will make him come get his stuff or lose it.

Karma Bus is Honking!
Karma Bus is Honking!
5 years ago

I’m like you, I’m not sentimental. Also I like the idea that it would piss off the OWarthog that I have – and use – the good stuff he used to own. Heh heh.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

There is that. He has very little. Must drive her nuts that she doesn’t get to benefit. 🙂 I know his intent was always to pass it all on to the kids anyway (including the gold coins) so keeping it with me makes that more likely as Schmoopie can’t get her grubby hands on it.

unicornomore
unicornomore
5 years ago

Newhusbands XW had bought a lovely set of antique bedroom furniture from Europe and later left it behind when she left 17 years ago. When we were engaged, I remodeled my bathroom and had a ghastly broken shower ripped out and replaced it with a fabulous armoire that was hers from that set (had shower heads installed in my steam room to replace the shower). Im totally cool with using these things to their maximum potential.

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
5 years ago

I look at it this way.. the kids have his dna but they also have the dna of his other family and it’s nice for the kids to share in their family history through antique objects.

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago

Poor Sad Sausage Hannibal Lecher found it too sad to have to pack up his things after I’d thrown him out and he moved from an Airbnb to a permanent apartment. He sent me a list of things he wanted, and I had to pack them up for him. But…he didn’t buy any boxes for the movers, so I had to find/buy boxes to get his stuff out.

Two significant things he left behind–a lovely 5′ wooden carving of a crane from his now-deceased mother (cheaters typically don’t have a sentimental bone in their body, though they can sometimes feign it), and his computer from 8 years prior which probably have the odious emails back and forth from gradwhore. I am so far into meh, I had to get a new passport, and find myself very eager to read those emails for an up-close & personal glimpse into the cheater mindset.

unicornomore
unicornomore
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

speaking of old computers…found an old hard drive in the basement and new husband cracked into it for me. I found OWs resume (gag) and an anger management worksheet on which he wrote
“I never loved my wife”

fucker

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Wow. Sorry, UNM, your dead-X sucks beyond words. I’m glad you had the last laugh. May he be on fire in the afterworld.

UXworld
UXworld
5 years ago

Kunty Kibbler was VERY deliberate about what she took with her when the court told her to vacate — the list was available the day after the order came down. She took only newer and more expensive items (because a new place and a new guy means NEW STUFF TO BUY!! YAY!!) and, except for some of the Shutterfly vacation books of trips we took with the girls, took nothing that reminded her of the life and home we’d built.

Notable amongst the things she left behind were two of her family’s items that she’d lobbied hard for — an old wooden end table and an upright piano. (E the Elder played for a small while a few years ago but quickly gave it up, so it’s just been sitting in our living room.)

I never put up a stink about anything she took or left behind — I just wanted her OUT. Pianos are notoriously expensive to move, which makes them difficult to donate or even give away, and of course KK never wanted to incur that expense.

One year after the divorce was finalized, and a week after moving into her 2nd apartment, the following exchange occurred via Our Family Wizard over the course of 4 days. Enjoy this lesson in “Grayrocking with a Fuckwit” . . .

KK: I would like my family’s carved end table. I can pick it up today or tomorrow. Let me know what time is best for you.

UX: Please refer to the separation agreement (Exhibit G Item 9b: “Personal Property”)

KK: My mother was asking about it. It’s a family heirloom. I know you don’t care about it. [RPD] and I will be there between 10:30 and 11am to pick it up.

(Aside: KK’s mother is in assisted living, no room for personal possessions)

UX: You will not be given this abandoned item today, regardless of whether you show up to claim it or not, unless an acceptable offer is made for it, or some other type of agreement is reached.

KK: Don’t be small. This is my family’s piece that you never cared for anyway. If today isn’t a good day tell me a time that is and [RPD] and I will pick it up then.

UX: You can retrieve your family’s table on the same day that you retrieve your family’s piano. Let me know what day works for you.

KK: You do realize that you’ve just undercut your argument. I know you’re not that small of a person. Let me know when we can pick the table up. Or shall I have my mother or Aunt Jane call and appeal to you?

UX: You can retrieve your family’s table on the same day that you retrieve your family’s piano. Let me know what day works for you.

KK: You can continue to be small and petty. I’m sure it makes you feel good.

Postscript: The table sits in my basement. I haven’t decided whether I’m going to restore it, sell/donate it, or burn it.

RealMonkeyLove
RealMonkeyLove
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

UXWorld, I’m always amazed when I read these exchanges with KK. I’m sure we must have married the same fuckwit, the tone is identical!

ChumpionoftheWorld
ChumpionoftheWorld
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

UXWorld, well done holding the line. These people are slippery and persistent.

My ex-wife was similar. She is a habitual line-crosser. I dug in my heels and stayed in the marriage house and bought her out eventually which was a victory, but the price I paid was having this entitled ex feeling like she still owned the place. She had moved out quickly and left a load of her shit. A lot of easy to dump, when I did find family mementos I would dutifully give them back because I am nice (did someone say chumpy?).

The worst would be her drive-bys. When coming in to pick up a child she would breeze by something (the most recent was a Le Creuset pan) and say “oh, by the way, that is mine, my friend xxx gave it to me in the 90’s and I want it back”. Never posed as a question, not predicated with a “I know it has been awhile and it was my fault that I forgot it, but is there any way I could get that back from you…”. I finally put an end to letting her in.

Stark reminders of the mind fuck situation my marriage had turned into. Such deep disrespect for me.

David2016
David2016
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I’ll see your end table and up you one Lazy Boy recliner:

XW wouldn’t sign the divorce agreement unless I gave her my Lazy Boy (she’d given it to me for a Father’s Day present). It was known as “Daddy’s Chair.”

I told her she couldn’t have it—that it would be upsetting for our kids to see OM in it. They were still reeling from having moved in with him three weeks after being introduced.

She insisted. I refused. Note that I’d given her nearly everything else she’d asked for and OM’s apartment didn’t even have room for a big recliner. It was purely punishment and spite.

Finally my attorney talked me into letting her have it.

She signed. A few days later I passed our home: on the curb for trash pickup was my Lazy Boy, her wedding dress draped melodramatically over it.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  David2016

I really truly cannot understand the mindset of someone who would do something so petty out of spite. I mean really, what on earth did she have to be so upset with you over that leaving you for some stupid gigolo and dragging your kids along isn’t punishment enough? She is just mean. You deserve better and so do your kids. I hope your lawyer is working with you to try and get custody, at least 50/50 if not more.

David2016
David2016
5 years ago

Thank you. I’ve been divorced four years. I have slight majority custody, I got a lump-sum spousal support, and XW pays me child support.

I was punished for finally following through with my threat to divorce. She wanted to continue cake-eating, which was working quite nicely for her. When I finally dragged myself to my knees, then stood and closed the bakery, her fury was unleashed. She’s still with OM and miserable.

chutesandladders
chutesandladders
5 years ago
Reply to  David2016

David2016, WOW.

I’m sure she was going for attention and sympathy from her neighbors. But if I saw that in my neighborhood on trash day, I’d steer clear from someone so desperate for attention that she’s willing to tell every passerby her tawdry tale of woe.

JeanM
JeanM
5 years ago

David2016, maybe a can of Red spraypaint would have come in handy that day.
My mind went right to adding a capital letter “A” in red would have solved on lookers thoughts.
And it being placed by trash can; thats rich.,
????????

UXworld
UXworld
5 years ago
Reply to  David2016

As a Father’s Day present, wasn’t it a personal gift to you, and therefore yours to do with as you like? I get that it was pure spite and punishment, and in the end it’s just a “thing” and getting her out of your life is more important, but still.

David2016
David2016
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Yes, it was. And I did broach this aspect with my attorney. At that point I was so battle-fatigued I just wanted it over with. So did my attorney, I think. We were days away from settling after a year of a highly acrimonious divorce—the chair episode was only one highlight—and I decided to lose that battle and bring the war to a close.

TKO
TKO
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

1. Fix up and sell the end table.
2. Use the proceeds to pay movers to place the piano right in front of her door.
3. Put the sheet music for “Stupid Hoe” by Nicki Minaj on the piano.

meh.twain
meh.twain
5 years ago
Reply to  TKO

*searches desperately for a ‘like’ button

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Awesome boundaries!

Prison Chump
Prison Chump
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Take the table to Goodwill. And when she asks for it, which she will. Another way to try and get kibble. “Do you still have that table (I never picked up)?” You say, “What table?”……give her a little taste of her own gaslighting medicine.

Prison Chump
Prison Chump
5 years ago

I took all the stuff he left behind and all the love letters he wrote me over the years he spent in jail off and on, put it in a big box and mailed it to his mama’s house. This included pictures and letters from old girlfriend, clothes, books, cds….and even the empty tall boys I found hidden around the house. I did keep all the letters I had written him because those were my heart and it no longer belongs to him. It was expensive but worth it. After Dday I found myself reading those damn letters over and over, trying to figure out WTF happened. So glad to be cleansed of that toxic bull. Sonnets on soulmates and true love and finding God and changing for ‘real’ this time……GIVE ME A BREAK!
Getting rid of all of those things that serve me no purpose anymore helped me to move on. It’s similar to no contact.

ThatOneGuy
ThatOneGuy
5 years ago

I packed up her remaining stuff and took it to the AP’s house and dumped it right in front of his garage in the snow. Later through her lawyer she asked my lawyer when she could get the things she wanted that weren’t dumped on the front lawn. My lawyer responded with “please see attached picture showing her belongings neatly packed up and placed at her paramour’s home. The divorce was finalized soon after when she was called out on her bullshit.

Chumpy Chumpy Chump Chump (uk edition)
Chumpy Chumpy Chump Chump (uk edition)
5 years ago

All jewellery he bought me I sold, including My wedding ring which once bounced off the back of his head into the garden.

Gifts have been mostly sold except a couple of bits of pottery I asked for.

I had it put in the separation agreement that he had taken everything he wanted from the house six months post Dday. I did take down all his many many oh so precious and must be worth a fortune ‘limited edition’ plane prints and stored them for two half years post Dday just in case but he never asked for them so sold them… and they weren’t worth anything near what he paid. I gave the proceeds to charity.

Took all his books and collections of tut to charity. I put the photo of us together at his police passing out ceremony in the recycling bin after writing cheating cunt on it with an arrow to his face… making my neighbour wet herself laughing.

I still have a few police medals and other small items knocking about which I’ll sell at some point and one understairs cupboard to go through but I’m savage now… throw away, give away or sell depending upon the item. Don’t give him a second thought.

I do have one framed photo of his passing out of detective school. My naughty thought wants to send it to him as he has been sacked for theft and fraud. But in my head that breaks NC so a no no. I might write sacked for theft and fraud on it with another arrow to his cheating face and throw that in the recycling bin too?

I adopt a similar attitude he gave to me and our son when he left. So me first it is.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago

Oh I love your style! When I finally get round to going through all his stuff I might do the same with his Marine Corps pictures! At our son’s wedding last year I mentioned certain things he might want, including a professional photo of his family with our kids and he very loudly said NO so I feel that gives me the right to do what the hell I want with the rest.

Unicornscomingoutmynose
Unicornscomingoutmynose
5 years ago

He kept all of my belongings EXCEPT for my winter coats and boots, some chipped coffee mugs, and a few pieces of mismatched tableware. He showed up with these items at my sister’s house telling her how hard it was for him, and that he wanted me to “be prepared for winter.” Disordered much?

With the exception of the few items that fit in my hatchback when I fled, everything else is still in the house he bought with my money for his fuckbuddy bosslady. I imagine that he, FBBL, and his cheater sister have gone through it all, selecting the best pieces and trashing the rest. He himself is a hoarder, and for me, it is a relief not to live with all his shit. He is probably both irritated that my things are taking up space that he could be using for his gun collection and excited by his “cash and prizes” haul when he discarded me. I am NC, so I don’t know.

At the end, as the FBBL affair progressed (and I was spackling and pick-me dancing), he started giving me bizarre gifts: A 22 gauge Ruger with a scope, case and associated paraphernalia (I hate guns and I’m offended he didn’t think I’d shoot his dick off with it) and an absolutely stellar computerized sewing machine (I have a perfectly decent and basic machine that works fine.) These gifts seemed weird even for him; he was an AWFUL gift giver and cheap besides; these items were unwrapped and left under the kitchen table in broken cardboard boxes with the (very high) prices still attached. In retrospect, I suspect they allowed him to think he was “providing for me” so that I could survive after the discard. (“Well, I gave her that thar gun so she could go out and get herself some dinner. Go shoot some venison, pick some berries, she won’t starve! And I gave her that sewin’ machine so that she could take the pelt and make herself a nice little outfit to keep warm. What a good man I am!” (Note: imagine this being said with a thick German accent, BTW). Initially, just looking at those two items were massive triggers for me, but then I thought “Fuck you.” I joined the local rifle club where the 86-year-old men were delighted to show me how to shoot that rifle, I found that focusing on a target abolished the obsessive thoughts for a little while. I actually developed pretty good aim. Eventually, I didn’t even always think about shooting his dick off either. I learned how to use the sewing machine and am finishing my first quilt. It has a giant elephant on it. I think elephants are mighty.

Prison Chump
Prison Chump
5 years ago

Elephants are considered good luck in some cultures too. I love what you wrote! What a great way to make a negative a positive.
I had a really hard time with songs, songs that reminded me of us, bands we found together. So what I have done is taken each song I really like and associate it with something else. Some new experiences ect. It has worked wonders for me.

ozchic
ozchic
5 years ago

Elephants ARE mighty. They also have strong familial bonds and social skills, unlike cheaters!

Nveragain
Nveragain
5 years ago

Unicorns coming out to my house – hilarious!

NOMORECOUCHSLUG
NOMORECOUCHSLUG
5 years ago

I love the Superfund site comparison! I deal with Superfund sites for a living.

I knew that I was going to have to get my ex out about a year before it actually happened. Since the house is mine, he refused to leave when I asked him the first time, so I just had to wait while I got my ducks in a row (well there is so much more to the story than that….). About a year before I had him removed, I went on a “de-cluttering binge”. I made him go through his crap and get rid of what he didn’t need. Got rid of old clothes, office crap, and some furniture. He was a bit of a hoarder, so this at least got it down to a more manageable level.

After he was out, I went through his crap. I looked for and found anything I could use in the divorce. After going through his stuff I did neatly pack it and label boxes…not because I was being nice, but because I wanted to have an excuse for going through his stuff- “hey I wanted to pack it for you, so I had to know what was there”. I put his clothes in garbage bags…there were so many bags.

I then took a few bags, boxes, etc to his parents house every day. He would get pissed off. He would say “I don’t want that now, just wait until I come get it.” I just kept bringing it to him. I did not want it in my house anymore. After a really bad interaction with him one day about this, the next day I delivered his porn and sex toy collection…..the box that contained it had a big gap where the flaps wouldn’t close. It was clearly visible what was in there. I am sure his religious parents were none too thrilled to see the bi-sexual porn video that I placed on top of the pile!

The day the divorce was final, I loaded both my truck and my car down with the final few boxes which contained things that could be/ were valuable. Took the truck over, unloaded it, then the car a few minutes later and was done. He came over with his brother a few days later to get the bed (because his brother wanted it), but would not take his TV’s or the other furniture that I could not move myself.

This spring when my town had the annual junk pickup, I drug the TV’s and furniture out to the front lawn, and some dude in a truck with a trailer that was driving around collecting peoples castoff junk for reselling/ reuse (folks do that around here). This fellow noticed my bottle trees in my flower bed and noted the type of blue beer bottle that I had used. When I told him that I was needing more bottles since a couple had broken, he went and found some in his truck. So I basically traded my ex’s leftover crap for five beer bottles!

LisaLisa
LisaLisa
5 years ago

I am continually gobsmacked as to how the cheaters among us have so many of the same character defects. All the crap they leave behind is just another one. I had to rent a 30 cubic yard dumpster. I got the idea from this site! It was a great idea. So worth the money. I threw out so much crap. It was cathartic tossing it into that giant trash container. Had a massive garage sale for some of the other stuff, and finally, since I’m not a complete Jackass, I did pack up his personal things. But since he’s a complete Jackass, he stalled for weeks and would not come get his things. Luckily, the city scheduled bulky item trash pick up a couple of months after the divorce was final, so I texted him to get his items by that Monday, or they were going to the curb for trash pick up. He finally got the massage and got his clothes and stuff.

I’m loving life without him. My new house is so clean and organized without all his emotional and physical garbage. All the clutter is just another piece of negative energy they bring home. So glad to be done with it. Bonus: I can park my car in my garage now!

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
5 years ago
Reply to  LisaLisa

LOL! “Bonus: I can park my car in my garage now!” Love it!

Susan
Susan
5 years ago

I didn’t know this was a “thing!” I fought with the X’s hoarding shit forever, especially his Grandma “Honey’s” blankets! The day after I kicked him out in January, I see a charge from our joint account for $3700 for a storage locker AND a renewal of his OkCupid account. Fortunately, he did take most of the crap; only a few things left.

I did the last “junk” closet last weekend, stupidly started messaging him, and it of course ended badly. After that, however, I finally blocked him . . . The condo is clean and it’s MINE!

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
5 years ago
Reply to  Susan

Ack, the storage locker! During the last move we made as a couple, we put stuff in a locker while we found a home. Then, I spent 3 years trying to get him to agree that we could move the stuff out of the locker and stop paying the locker rent. It was a bitter battle. As soon as he left, he got another storage locker–and he has since moved 1000 miles away. I believe he still pays rent on it. Yet, he’s never paid a dime to feed or house or maintain his kids once we separated. His “stuff” has always been VERY important–people, not so much.

Brief Bout with Narcissist
Brief Bout with Narcissist
5 years ago

I moved out quickly. It was physically abusive. In packing my clothes in a garbage bag, I put in his silk boxers by accident. They were in my lingerie drawer. He must have needed them, becuase he specified them be returned in the court documents which are public records! So at the final hearing, I handed them to her, in court! She had a look of gross on her face. I said, “Well, he’s your client and this is his property he wants back.”

Thankful
Thankful
5 years ago

Oh this got a snort of laughter……that is just ridiculous.

David2016
David2016
5 years ago

I smashed our ketubah which hung over our bed into many tiny pieces with a ball peen hammer. It was rather cathartic. Her other stuff I tossed after she didn’t come for it.

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
5 years ago

After I filed, sparkling turd lived here for 6 months. He was staying in the guest bedroom in the basment. Which is like its own little house in itself; full bath, full kitchen, living room. He left all his things in the master bedroom. Every day he would get up and come shower and dress in my bathroom. He was super busy “working” (aka running around with his girlfriend) and he kept telling me he’d move his things when he had the chance.

About 4 months in, he couldn’t make our sons IEP meeting that had been scheduled for months, because he had to “work”. Oddly he had to “work” out of the office 2 towns over (in smoopsies town) , which he’d never done in our 16 years of marriage…. coincidence? He was going to have a “dinnner meeting” that night and was being “responsible” by opting to not drink and drive, since he’d probably be buying his “coworkers” drinks, so he had “no choice” other than to stay the night.

That night I took everything that was his and dumped it on the floor in the guest bedroom; His 50 k wardrobe (only the best name brands for him), his toiletries, shoes, hats, books, etc.

Of course when he strolled in the next evening at midnight he was pissed… oh and apparently I had “lost my mind”. True to cheater form, it was my response that was the problem, not his behavior. Needless to say, he stopped showering and dressing in my room!

unicornomore
unicornomore
5 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

Forcing him to move to the basement was likely going to be the step I made before I left. I had a mental plan for how I would do that with the last act being the installation of a dead bolt on the bedroom door. Before I implemented any plan (and wallowed in hopium filled wreckonciliation, he died.

Springfield 528
Springfield 528
5 years ago

I never realized he had so much stuff until we had to move out of the house. Eleven pairs of skis! A $5000 guitar he never touched. Thousands of dollars worth of cameras he never used. LOL. Nice to know that this behavior is part of the cheater/narcissist syndrome. Thanks to this board, I have learned that his claim that he is “so special” and in “so much pain over his specialness” that these affairs were excused as he tried to “stop the pain.” Seriously? How dumb was I to buy his BS for almost a year? No, his OW were much younger, had fake boobs, lots of cheap jewelry and mostly were just impressed with his cars and had no problem telling him constantly that he was “special.” I guess I failed on all those fronts. When we sold the house, I was responsible for getting rid of all of the “house” stuff–furniture, kitchen stuff, pictures and so on and he took care of his clothes, toys, and the garage. Mostly he took his toys (OW like toys like cars and fancy skis) and thinks he did his fair share of clean out (laughable.) But in the end, it is worth it. I have the furniture I want in a house I bought many states away from Cheater and OW and he has suitcases full of clothes and a Pod somewhere stuffed with skis and office furniture but basically is homeless. He “had no choice” but to move in with OW as we sold the house. So yes, I am angry that I had to get rid of so many of my possessions (too expensive to move cross country but every time I look for a basket to use or a cookbook I liked and remember it is gone, I have a flash of anger) but I am in a better place without him and OW in my life. I talk to my daughter daily and she is coming for a visit soon. I talk to my mother-in-law daily and she too has visited. Friends have visited or have scheduled visits. He and OW are alone and that is really how they deserve to be. As long as they can both keep believing they are so special, I guess it works. Not sure I see that happening but no longer my problem. I just hope he has lost my phone number by the time his world comes crashing down….

left him at the airport
left him at the airport
5 years ago

I’ve told my story before, but will happily repeat it here:

I took all of his stuff to a soup kitchen, for homeless folk. Two weeks earlier I had left him at the airport in the tropical climate where we were living, and came home to Australia with the kids (where he stored all his winter gear for winter trips to Australia and other cold climes, at my parents house). It was May, and heading into winter here in OZ – so I dropped all of his clothes and shoes (still all in mint condition, as he’d hardly used them, they were only worn perhaps once every 2 years on trips out of the tropics). Such a satisfying feeling – bomber jackets, brand new Nikes, jeans, sweaters, shirts EVERYTHING went to the homeless. #winning

Best. Move. EVERRRRR! Highly recommend it ????????

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
5 years ago

Magnificent!

Blee
Blee
5 years ago

Silly cheater let me know the security code to her key safe outside her front door (196804)
She goes on her 2 week OS holiday with lover boy.

Hmm – I have a key to her house, what shall I do ?
(HOT) Chilli Oil smeared all over her vibrator ?
Swap out her shampoo for NAIR (her head can match her pubes) ?
Swap out her body wash for (cheap) tanning lotion ?
Drench the carpets with water and sprinkle alfalfa seeds all over ?
A kilo of sugar in the fuel tanks of her car and motorcycle ?
Take a box cutter to all of the furniture ?
Remove and dispose of all of her “keep sakes” from primary school and beyond ? (she’s a hoarder)

Nah. There is no need for revenge. Life will catch up with her eventually.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
5 years ago
Reply to  Blee

How ’bout stuffing shrimp shells in the curtain rods ? A stench that will be difficult to trace.

Blee
Blee
5 years ago

I forgot to add the ATO (Australian Taxation Office) naughty stuff – not declaring income from investments etc (Ya go to jail for this sort of shit)

Thankful
Thankful
5 years ago

I love this story. It brought a smile to my face.

Thankful
Thankful
5 years ago

It is bizarre the stuff they want following separation and the stuff they leave. While I was in the hospital with our daughter 24/7 he started banging on about wanting his stuff. When I would not allow him to have free access to the house he gave me a list…..at the top was his matchbox car collection that had sat in a box carefully, individually wrapped in tissue paper, in the garage our entire marriage. I did not even learn of its existence until we had been married almost 10 years. The sob story he gave his mother as he set it up in a glass cabinet in her lounge room for all to admire was that I had denied him the right to set it up in our family home………I could not stop him from lying, cheating, painting our lounge room a rediculous Ashley Blue color, buying a set of heavy set dining furniture with equally ugly blue dining chairs, from folding his fucking business shirts before putting them in the dirty wash basket, from leaving his snot on the glass in the shower, from being late to everything, but apparently I was able to stop him from setting up his matchbox cars. It took twelve months for him to collect the rest of his crap including his precious piano and that is only because I got lawyers involved and he had finally secured a new sucker to take him and all his crap. The biggest joke D’day was almost 5 years ago and he has been with the supply for 4 years. Those matchbox cars have only left his mothers in recent weeks and to my knowledge are back in a box in the garage. Oh the irony.

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
5 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

Mine had a hoard of match box cars too!

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
5 years ago
Reply to  Eilonwy

So did mine! In the official Matchbox carrying cases. In their heart of hearts, they are 5 years old.

srfrgrl
srfrgrl
5 years ago

Prior to moving overseas, we set aside a few things to store at my best friends house. When I flew back to the US for the divorce proceedings, my friend and I separated his from mine and re-boxed everything accordingly. He was supposed to be there to help but true to form, sent a last minute email saying he wasn’t going to make it because “something had come up” and he’d pick up his things the following week. Also that he had rented a storage unit for the next six months and would “really appreciate” that everything was packed properly and had dry packs to absorb moisture.
No problem asshole.
-We cushioned picture frames (with shattered glass) in between clothing. (hope he didn’t bleed too much)
-We put kitty litter in every pocket, bag, box, nook and cranny to absorb any moisture. (was I supposed to use fresh kitty litter from the bag and not the cat box? hope he doesn’t mind the smell of cat piss on EVERYTHING)
-We also used slices of bread to soak up any moisture. (mold doesn’t grow or spread in dark places, does it?)
-Last but not least, sealed it with a slobbery kiss (more like slobbery loogies got sealed inside)

And now, two and a half years later, I’m not at all ashamed.

UnknownComic
UnknownComic
5 years ago
Reply to  srfrgrl

WOW, the kitty litter was genuis. LOL!

UnknownComic
UnknownComic
5 years ago

I didn’t have to dispose of anything. In what I consider to be my mightyest move, I demanded we sell our place as neither of us would be able to afford it, then moved out ahead of the closing date taking only the things I decided to keep, which was very little. I decided on a complete reboot in a new state and stuck him with all our photos and most of the furniture from our long marriage and was compensated for a good part of its value in our separation agreement. He’ll have lots to look at to help him remember what all his lies cost, and I got to pick out new stuff without factoring his “taste” into it.
#nomoreuglyshit

BowTie
BowTie
5 years ago

There was one piece of advice that my lawyer gave me that boils down to “don’t be an asshole”.

As tempting as it was from time to time I wasn’t.

Like many, Mme YogaPants was very attached to stuff and was rather a hoarder. But when she left (and stripped the house of antiques, collectibles, art etc) she left a huge amount behind. So chumpy old BT boxed it up (plus other things I didn’t want that reminded me of her) and left it for her to pick up. For 8 months.

One important thing though is that during the financial settlement, the “marital property” generally is evenly divided. If you throw out stuff you could be liable for the – possibly imaginary – value of it. If on the other hand, you can ensure that the crap that your cheater “gets” offsets the value of what you want then it’s all for the good. In my case rather than going through every bit and bobble we just agreed that the value of what she took was similar to the value of what was left behind.

If you have a cheater who insists on going through the house shopping, make sure that if you can, have a list of what they can and cannot take. I’ve also heard of people who hire a cop on “pay duty” to be present. That can undoubtedly keep conflict lower than it might be otherwise.

Nveragain
Nveragain
5 years ago
Reply to  BowTie

The Keep the Peace police detail does NOT go through the house, at least not in Massachusetts. The detective told me to make sure everything he wanted that we had agreed upon, was loaded up into one room at the point of exit.

I assured the detective that we had made a property list of items. I also had sent him 3 weeks worth of pictures of other items in case he had forgotten other available stuff. He chose not to respond to any of those picture emails claiming he couldn’t go by pictures and had to go through the house cupboard by cupboard. Because you know, most of that was grandma Buckley’s stuff. So I didn’t add anything new to his list. Told him if wasn’t on the list, he wasn’t getting it.

He knew that there was going to be somebody here to oversee the process but he had no clue it was going to be a cop. My attorney and my therapist both advised me to let him know it would be a cop so that he would not escalate once he got here. However, using my better judgment, I did not tell him because he would’ve refused to come that day and would have delayed the whole process.

And boy did he escalate. He came alone and the truck wasn’t big enough so he couldn’t bring everything. I donated everything to Habitat for Humanity two or three weeks later. He’s still insisting on coming to get his stuff. They’re all alike.

My attorney really didn’t want me to get rid of his personal stuff but my therapist agreed with me when I said…Consequences.

I gave away his fishing poles and his winter clothes and his beloved dresser that’s been handed down from generations (a piece of junk that’s cracked down one end and chipped all the way around as Officer Bob noted) is still in the back room, and if he behaves I may give it to him. He’s going to flip when he realizes he has no winter clothes. But like Officer Bob told me, when asked, there was plenty of room in the back of the U-Haul for his poles and clothes. He chose to leave them here just so he could feel entitled to come back and get it whenever he so pleased.

I’m supposed to give a flying fuck about poles and winter clothes and grandma Buckly shit, when he’s been whoring around the whole 30 years he’s been with me, pissing away our money and stealing thousands from his father who was in late stage Alzheimer’s and had agreed to let him pay their bills and clean out the house to prepare for nursing homes. Elder financial exploitation is what’s going to get me a nice settlement agreement.

And once the divorce is final I’m going to dump copies of those bank statements at his sisters house, his brothers house and his cousin’s house (he was the estate attorney). Won’t they be floored when they find out he bilked the estate out of thousands of dollars. Money they would’ve had after his parents passed away. The sister who took him in for the past eight months because he had nowhere to go.

The timing couldn’t have been more perfect – this all came to light 24 hours before I was due to verbally discuss our separation agreement negotiations. At first he reneged on everything and then I snuck in 2 mentions of his stealing from his father (not a word more than that- between the lines you motherfucker) and all of a sudden he was giving me almost everything I wanted. Guilty ! ????????????????????????????????????????????

Survivor
Survivor
5 years ago
Reply to  Nveragain

I had a nice off duty officer to supervise as well, before the finale. Some years later, he claimed to recognize me at a deposition he gave in a case. I did not remember him at first, but he remembered me and wanted to know in front of a room full of people where we had met. I said he was mistaken, but no, he knew me and said so. Afterward, in the elevator, I told him where we had met and why it was a shit thing to say that in public. Did he really want me to say that we met when I was a domestic violence victim, and he was escorting me into my home to get some clothes and things in safety?

Nveragain
Nveragain
5 years ago
Reply to  Nveragain

read between the lines*

Julia
Julia
5 years ago

I found cleaning and purging therapeutic. It was something I could control when he was doing his best to make our children and I homeless. He was court ordered to stay out of the family home. Which also put me in the situation to do the clean up. Exhausting but preferred. He was constantly threatening to come and empty the house behind our backs. Or to move back in with the OW and her kid while we were at work and school.

I had a little fun with the process. Packed the belongings left them on the front porch. Included some surprises like the sex toys he bought us and teddies etc. If she liked my life she could have my hand me downs. Tossed in some happy photos of us and some of the love letters he wrote to me.

NewGirl17
NewGirl17
5 years ago

Asshat was too lazy/busy to take his stuff. Occasionally, I would leave a box or two in the driveway when he would drop the girls off. I’m sure he loved driving up and seeing his shit in boxes in the driveway…his things deserved more respect than that! What the neighbors must think! Anything he specifically asked for, I went through to make sure he hadn’t stashed money or other goodies in there. I did find cash and some “business cards” in his golf bag. Score! A few things made it into my fire.

The day after he finally left, I installed my security system and he was never welcome in my home again. I didn’t change the locks, my girls have keys so it would be easy for him to make a copy. I just make sure the girls do not share the security code with him.

Happy dumping, chimps!!

NewGirl17
NewGirl17
5 years ago
Reply to  NewGirl17

***chumps**

geekmom
geekmom
5 years ago

Mine took what mattered to him – mainly his tools – a suitcase of clothes, and abandoned. For the three months it took clueless me to realize the woman he had moved directly in with was not just an old work friend and I got legal permission to change the locks, he was coming to the house taking things. Weird stuff: he left behind the $250 worth of diabetes testing supplies we’d just bought, but took his high school trumpet. He took the big jar of peanut butter and emptied the freezer of bread, but left behind ALL photos and mementos of our kids. I emptied him from the rest of the house into Hefty bags that were “gently” pitched into the morass of the garage, making sure to salt wedding invitations, years of cards to me he’d signed “Always,” and other marriage reminders into his stuff.

After a long marriage, and being in the same home 30 years, he’d stuffed the big garage with crap. He brought a gutted, rattletrap, old travel trailer to the house, parked it in the driveway for two weeks, while he cherry picked the garage, then walked away from the rest. I had to hire a trash removal service that could handle toxic waste as what he left behind were many old TVs, computer monitors, car batteries, gallons and gallons of waste car oil he “was taking for recycling,” and other such junk, costing me $500. He did not help at all with moving out and cleaning the long time family home and acre yard to prep for sale.

He’d always been a selfish ass, this just drove it home.

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
5 years ago

I had an auction house pick up everything of size and value less than 3 weeks after he abandoned me. Smaller things and garage-sale worthy items were simply donated even though I would have gotten a couple thousand dollars more for all of that stuff. I had no will to deal with anything smallish.

During his act of abandonment, while I was safely away from the scene on a business trip and had no idea that he even wanted a divorce, he had taken all the personal things he wanted and took loads of college text books to the dump himself (all the while exchanging lying e-mails with the oblivious me about airport shut downs and delays through ATL). Oh, and he stole a gift he had given me years earlier in order to send it to the 25YO European co-worker in whose country he now lives permanently.

He took what he wanted and left me the entire contents of the 5000 sq ft house, 30 years of accumulation, to dispose of. I had to make all the adult decisions, sorting through family camping gear and sports items that brought back burning memories, deciding what to do with our wedding dishes, figuring out all of the real-world stuff while stupid little Peter Pan ran far, far away from his responsibilities. Right down to the very end I had to be the grownup and deal with real life and consequences while he did exactly what he wanted.

ThanksButImGood
ThanksButImGood
5 years ago

Ex took stuff that was mine or stuff that was just ridiculous before the property settlement.
Things like my perfume , my lingerie , cases of Starbucks Frappuccinos from Costco and every single bluettoth speaker in house .

When the property settlement was finally drawn up and signed he had until September 17 to get all his shit out …..

Again , he took the stuff he thought I wouid be upset about and left all his kids pics , his family photo albums , his work awards , over 150 ties ( most still with prices on them ) an antique radio he had since he was a kid , and boxes and boxes of random crap .

He was so busy being petty and thinking we were gonna get back together that the large ticker items that were heavy and he needed help moving he also left …of which I was happy .

Onve he realized I kinda tricked him into thinking I may reconcilate , he was livid and wanted all the large stuff he had left behind .

Nope . Too late.. it was way too late and months after Sept dead line

I ended up selling some of his shit , giving some of it to Good Will and a bunch went out to the curb for bulk trash Saturday .

What I found so ironic was all the stuff that should hsve meant the most to him ie pictures of his kids , his family , career awards , meant nothing to him

LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
5 years ago

Just about a month ago, I sold my wedding dress for $1 at my garage sale. Felt good to get rid of it. And at that price, it outpaced the value of the marriage (thanks to ex fuckwit).

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
5 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

A friend gave a young little neighbor girl her wedding gown to play dress up ! The girl pretty much destroyed it and that summed up friend’s marriage to a narcissist who left her for a much younger “Christian” girl.