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Stupid Shit Affair Partners Say?

At Chump Nation, we’ve spent years lovingly curating “Stupid Shit Cheaters Say.” Classics like, “I wasn’t buying strippers, I was buying self-esteem…. You spend money on stuff you don’t need!”

or “I wasn’t betraying you. I was betraying the thought that I might betray you.”

So today’s (fun?) Friday Challenge is to share the stuff their co-conspirator in Stupid says — the affair partner.

Some chumps have had the misfortune of having direct communication with the Schmoopies. Even more had the nauseating experience of reading the soul mate texts and emails. And some of us have even walked in on the bozos.

So, now’s your chance — lay it on me. What’s the dumbest thing they said?


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Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at Read more about submission guidelines.
  • “I took you for granted”

    Honestly I thought my head would explode. “Took me for granted”. That was his big revelation about our marriage and what he did to me. Don’t you love the way he funnelled all this:
    I lied every day to you
    I set you up to take my mother’s abuse
    I had emotional affairs with dozens of women
    I had sexual affairs with others
    I secretly exposed you to life-threatening diseases so you couldn’t protect yourself
    I let you invest your family money in joint assets so I would get some of it later
    I sabotaged every good thing that happened to you so you couldn’t really enjoy those memories
    I told lies about you to others
    I emotionally abandoned you
    I sexually abandoned you
    I wouldn’t take any responsibility for improving our relationship
    I blamed you for anything and everything
    I told our sons to lie to you
    I blamed our eldest son for my porn
    I stole three decades of your life
    I believe I was better than you

    into “I took you for granted”

    • BOOM! And I go the “I took you for granted.” line as well, and for many of the same BS actions you got. Did you get “You were always my world. My actions just didn’t match my feelings for you.”

      • I, just yesterday, got a text stating “I’m sorry this is where we’re at, I should have loved you better”.

        Which would have been more then a blip on my radar had he not sent me almost 40 texts earlier that day telling me that I was “out to turn everyone against him” and he is “hit with waves of rumors and lies”. And that if i continue i will “unleash a storm, cause there is only so much i can handle”

        i ignored every single one of them. expect when he texted me a question about a joint bill and then once he thought he had my attention he hit me again with a string of berating texts.

        It’s almost like he forgets that he’s the one who cheated, who imploded our family, who constantly called me unattractive and fat, who never hung out with us cause he was drinking or locked up in his computer room.

        Im happy i now recognize his cycle of charm, pity and rage so i can ignore it. He seriously just throws shit at a wall to see what sticks. God forbid he takes true responsibility beyond image management. Since this crazy text day took place 2 days after he sat down with me and apologized for everything he had done and told me he was going to do the hard work on his drinking and himself. Really he just wanted to feed me the bullshit and was upset when it didn’t shut me up about the cheating and general ahole he is on the regular.

          • It really is, i told my therapist it’s like i’m dealing with a completely different man then the one i was married to. And not because he’s acting any different but because I’m seeing it through the lenses of no-contact and separation. It’s indescribable the difference.

        • OMG! I had this. String of abusive texts followed by ” we need to fix this …for the children.” I told his mother that I think he’s bi polar or something. Definitely distrubed. Would go on a rage then act like nothing. Whatever the reason I’m not interested . As candy staton said ” self – preservation is what it’s about today”

          • i basically told him, if he wanted to continue like this i’d be happy to show everybody else these texts and that i do not owe him a response to his anger, cannot control what other people think of him and his actions and will only reply to you in regards to the kids or logistics of this divorce.

            The first part shut him up real fast.

    • My cheaters list of offenses is not exactly this, but close enough and also went on for YEARS.

      His summation statement was “I had a bad moment”.



  • Do you feel sorry for me, no I don’t
    Will you help me, no f… Off!
    I will be your kids aunty, shit sandwich!
    Can we share him, no have him!

    Incidentally yesterday ex, said I was jealous of his girlfriends! Course I am I want sti’s!

    • Lol @ can we share him? No have him!
      I always heard that the best revenge is to let the other person have them. Truth.

        • She asked me if I was “tattling” on him. When I let her know some s**t. I was having a good morning but when I got around to texting the b**** back I said “No” if I was “tattling” on him, Id tell you XYZ. That shut her off… fast and they fought for weeks. He told me. Go figure. It’s just another attempt to create flying monkeys. Walk on chumps! I never reached out to the OW. I guess she just thought I was going to give a s*** when she tried to triangulate me. I was stupid for a while but no contact now.

      • She tells terrible lies, has been proven, but still hangs around, ex was chucked out 5 years ago, always wants someone to save her, she picked my ex, over her kids unfortunately he picked her over our kids, she quite a tragic figure. She should be arrested soon, she thinks her life is shit now

        • They are not interested in the mess! Mess? Have no needs and keep on giving, then there is no mess.

          That is just a cover (I was upset at the mess) to get Strange.

          It took me years and years and years to get this. One object called wife – newer, shinier object.

          Even now: that 20 years, ceremony before God, community and state, our very real love, all our challenges and triumphs and beautiful children really do mean nothing (because, newer, younger, shinier object #4) …

          still does boggle my mind even though I get it intellectually. [ Sometimes ]

  • OW posted in facebook. “I’ve got his 6.” (STBX is a Law enforcement officer and OW is a new dispatcher in their department.) …. not really sure who she thinks he needs protection from….

    • I’m sure she thinks he needs protection from his chump. I’m sure stories and lies were told of the chump’s mental instability and anger at being left for the AP, you know we just can’t live without them. That’s why we’re calling at 2 am (when they don’t come home without reason) we’re obsessed and irrational etc.

      In all seriousness what are we going to do? Cry enough to drown them with our tears of pain and sorrow?

    • Law enforcement officers….
      So my ex (law enforcement officer) cheated with a bimbo 11 years younger. After his demotion to basically a rookie cop, he was put back on a beat with rotating shifts. His 1st night back on night shift after 12 years on straight days, his bitch posted on FB “thank you God for the night shift workers that keep us safe at night.” I wanted someone to respond “you dumb bitch, he was working night shift when you were still in high school!”

    • Holy crap! My EX cheated with an officer, and is the new girl in the dispatch office!

      He said “I got the perfect girl now” By perfect do you mean the girl that has cheated on her last 3…every time she starts a new job…yes, perfect/

  • An Email from AP to XW (during the affair), enchanting her with tales of their glittering future life:

    “Together we will swim, together yet independent. If you have to stop and find yourself I will tread water next to you.” The metaphor went on like that. I felt seasick reading it.

    Six years later: they’ve broken off their engagement, moved five times, fight constantly, in deep debt, she’s working harder than she ever did with me, and twice a year she hoovers me saying she made the mistake of her life.

    I think, “How’s the water? Oh, you’re drowning.”

    • LOL!! They’re drowning, funny comment. Also, it must feel so smugly good that she admits to making the biggest mistake of her life!! Yay you!

      • David,

        SAVOR her remorse (well, the words to that effect) because most of us will never hear them. Even if the cheater feels them

        and God knows they SHOULD….

    • Ha ha, I like a bit of karma on a Friday afternoon. But to be honest, any man that came out with that drivel with me would be out the door with a rocket up his backside!

    • One of many songs on my I’m a Chump playlist was Brick. She’s a brick and I’m drowning slowly….

      And then it occurred to me: Why should TWO people drown?!

      So I left. And created an entirely new playlist. And it’s so fucking good!

    • Hey and you are the one waving (not drowning) right?! You’ve got your head well above water now that you’re cheater-free. Chump victory!!!

      Btw my xhole fancies himself as poetic and profound and is doubtless swamping his gf with all that crap. Way back when (married for 22 years before Dday last year when he revealed a decade of hookers and gay clubs) he did all that with me and am embarrassed to admit I was well and truly lovebombed.

      • Btw the gf used to be a close friend of mine and knows everything. Spent a LOT of time w her in the months after Dday (her husband died a few years ago). Snake in the grass knows everything, including how much pain my kids have been in. He was in her bed 6 months after begging me to “work thru the problems in our marriage ”. They’re having a narcissist party now playing with their broken moral compasses together. She’s incredibly poetic and profound too, obviously. Buckets of kibbles.

        • Apart from the close friend bit (mine was his work colleague) exactly the same. Helped him work through everything cause he was in such a bad way by having an affair and guess what the outcome was? Yeah they are made for each other and she is incredibly poetic and profound. For now. His poetry is shit anyhow. Stupid Shit Cheaters Say? When asked if why if there had always been this problem between us he had settled down with me, had children, brought house etc the response was, ‘because I knew what we could have’. Then ‘life isn’t about what we have’. That is some huge pile of stupidity right there. Where their mo compass is pointing I know not but as long as it’s not pouring at me! Kibble-tastic indeed.

      • You know how some people tell a story about the time they got into real trouble at the beach and nearly drowned and were waving frantically to loved ones onshore, who waved back because they thought the person was just being playful and it was all a misunderstanding that made a funny story much later, after the person was saved?

        Here’s another story. We saw you waving. We knew it wasn’t playful. We knew you were drowning because of your own dumbass decisions out there. We’re no longer willing to risk our own life to save yours. We’re waving goodbye.

    • I read an instagram post from my ex’s flapperhead which sounded very similar to what you’ve written above. I actually felt dumber after reading it. delusional idiots.

  • The now (deceased) whore said “ your husband told me you date other guys” & when I confronted both of them
    “He goes down on me ..not you”.

    How sick was that? Unbelievable that he chose a low class bottom feeder to replace me. ????

  • “I should talk with her, woman to woman. I’m sure we’ll be friends.”

    Kiboshed that idea by telling ex I won’t be held responsible for my actions if I ever met the ho.

    • Mine cried when he told her I hated her and never to talk to him again, and said “If this* hadn’t happened, she and I probably would have been friends!”

      *”this” was not the affair, rather “this” was my unjustly cruel response when I found out about it.

  • My cousin aka skankella. Told everyone that I was a bit job. That I only stayed with my stbx because of his money(I earned alot more than him). That I called her and screamed at her and threatened her. Funny how she screwed around with a cousins husband and I am the nut job.

  • Recently saw the AP, my former friend, at a store for the first time in more than a year. She looked at me with big teary eyes and said, “he used me.”. It pissed me off a bit but really just makes me laugh. Pathetic.

    • Oh and digging back deeper .. when I told my “friend” I was pregnant (I would first discover their text messages about four months later) with my daughter, she cried and exclaimed that, “babyTrusting is going to be my third child!” When my daughter was about six months old and I found more messages, I told cheater we needed to cut all contact, individual and as couples with these friends. He told me we couldn’t do that because they were just friends but AP “considers our daughter her third child”. Cheater was not present at the earlier conversation. It creeps me out so badly to think of them having conversations about my baby being her/their child.

  • She said she didn’t want any drama – maybe don’t get involved with a married man with three grown children then!

    • That’s what my ex’s affair partner keeps saying. I informed her. From the beginning that it didn’t seem to bother her one bit when she was staying out with my husband all night after work while we were still married and under the same roof.
      I also told her , ” If he cheated with u on me, he will cheat on you with me eventually ..” it took me exactly 10 months to prove that o could do it just for spite!!!
      Soon as she found out ex and I had spent one night together. All’s o for from him was, ” Amanda is so heart broken, she wants to quit her job or change shifts” SLUT COWORKERS.
      She sent me a text saying” It twinged just a little that he slept with you, but you. > meaning the wife, me< mean NOTHING TO HIM.
      If she didn't want Drama she should of stayed home with her fiance where he still Sat and blindly believed she wasnt fucking around on him for another year. Til I clarified that story right on up by sending the fiance a screenshot of her on top of my husband making their very first AMATEUR PORN TOGETHER.
      SPARCHIDE , Google that profile name up if you want a good laugh and see just a small taste of the shit I had to suffer with the last 3 years of our so called adulterous, lying cheating marriage..
      Now she finally won.
      She has my ex. My 19 yr old son living with them and has him turned against me , won't have anything to do with me now.
      her turn will come to pay and so will his.
      They both are staring in as of yesterday.
      Henderson Nevada..

      • I received an anonymous email of Narkles the Clown and the Flying Whore in the act.

        When it happened I was “scared for life” a few years on its not quite funny but it’s eye rolling. Maybe one day I can get to “good laugh”

        • My ex and granny ho has turned my 19 and 17 year old against me also. I see them rarely and when I do, it is awkward. I occasionally hear when they want something.

          Triple shit sandwich. It’s hard enough to have your marriage blow up, but then lose your kids also…that is why 9 years later, I am still not to “Meh”

          • Same situation here. My older dd moved in with the ex and the slut over two years ago and I almost never hear from her now. All because here she had responsibilities and had to be a decent human being where as she can act like whatever she wants and literally do nothing over at her dad and the slut’s house. It is such a painful experience to lose your marriage, all your friends, your in-laws and the certainty of a future, but losing a child on top of it all… I don’t think I’ll ever recover. 🙁

            • Mine won’t even talk to me now that the bitch has moved in with my ex and my son. Known I get to see the pics she posts of my son and her son hanging out together.. And how much she LOVES those kids…bitch and ex husband are evil turning my son completely against me.. It sucks and I hope they both eat shit in the long run

        • *facepalm* me too. I didn’t click the links though. Why? Such a unique user name to boot. Smh.

          Let out your anger here . No judgement. Crazy shit will send you crazy.

      • Similar story here Dawn, they also turned my son against me. X ridicules me in front of my son.

        When ever my son would spend time with me X will ridicule my son for spending time with me.
        I can only assume the new wife accepts Cheaters behavior as normal and she’s a school counselor.
        Maybe she’s too wrapped up in herself to notice.
        New wife said she didn’t want to live with Ex with our son there so super Dad made son move out.
        Our son goes to college full time and now works full time so he can live in a run down apartment.

      • I JUST realized exactly this ^^^^ recently, Lisalisa! When I hear someone say that now, I know who the director/actor is the performance. Drama. Pffft.

        • Yes! those that say they don’t want drama are the ones that are creating the drama, many times playing the victim.
          They also usually the ones blaming others for causing drama after they’ve created drama.
          (if that makes sense).

  • “You never accepted me for who I truly am!!!”

    Me: “I didn’t know who you truly were because you didn’t bother to tell me. I didn’t get to make an informed choice”

    “Well, now you know, and you don’t accept me.”

    Me: “This has nothing to do with accepting YOU. You lied and had sex with other people and drained our bank account. Being polyamorous doesn’t require lying, cheating, or stealing. That’s meanness, not polyamourousness. Preferring underage girls is pedophilia, not polyamorousness. Telling people lies about me is slander, not polyamorousness. I don’t have to be married to you to accept who you are. I don’t accept who you are because you’re horrible to me.”

    ” ” then “I’m sorry.”

    Me: “The time for sorry is over. Now it’s time to divorce.”

    “Why are you so mean?”

    Me: “Conversation over.”

    • The one on accepting him!!! Boy does that hit home hard!

      No. I never did accept that you lied to me every time you spoke to me. I never accepted your drug abuse or porn addiction. I never accepted being insulted and called names. I never accepted you having a private life, separate from your marriage and family! I am just not a very accepting, person I guess. Poor victim, you! F*cking the toad girl you met in a bar and deserting your family was understandable, considering all the pain you must have endured by not being accepted.

    • Ami
      It is Shocking in Hindsight, to re-read these responses and see them through a CN reality lens.
      My xw can become a 12 year old in her responses when confronted like this.
      A Logical, Concise Reprimand/Admonition answered in two word sentences. Scary how they can camouflage their real 12 year old selves to us in the beginning.

    • People that want to screw around with other people use the term “polyamory” as an excuse. Real polyamory means actually loving the people who are in the relationship…ALL OF THEM EQUALLY. It really doesn’t have a lot to do with sex, as most polyamorists (real ones) will tell you, it has to do with being in a loving intimate relationship with more than one person and all parties are fully aware of who is doing what with whom at all times. I couldn’t do it, but I have a friend who is polyamorist and she and her partner are very open and discuss all aspects of their relationship. They don;t have a third right now, but they are open to the possibility. Polyamory is an open relationship, but it’s different whereas open relationships usually just revolve around sex. Not many people can maintain an open relationship or a polyamorist one. Polyamory takes a LOT of work an all involved. It is said that less than 2% of the population in this part of the world can be successfully involved in an open relationship of any kind. Idk about statistics in country where polygamy is common. THat’s a whole ‘nother way of living.

      • I totally agree. I have some friend O call “actual poly” because they live it with honesty and integrity. I find that most people who use the term think it means sex with a variety of partners. That’s key-party swinging, not polyamory. Polyamory is a relationship term, not a sex life term.

        Cheaters call swinging polyamory because they want to create the perception that it is possible to marginalized a privileged person with unilateral control (gained through deception) into a victim state. Because self-pity.

      • Countries with Polygamy usually have women who had little to no choice in their marriage and so are happy that they are off-duty for sex and baby-making, women who hate the other wives virulently, or both.

        • Hear, hear! Very little intimacy in these marriages in those countries. People expect and seek intimacy and closeness from other familial relationships (children, siblings, aunties) and same sex friendships.
          The model sort of works fine when raised in it.

    • Whoa, did we marry the same guy?

      Mine “knew he was polyamorous” for five years before telling me, then once he dropped the poly bomb, I got less than a week to adjust before he came out to tell me had a girlfriend!

      Two years later, we divorced, I have a fantastic boyfriend, no debt, my own place, and he’s…well, I don’t CARE.

    • Yep…this sounds familiar. The fact that three years of dating and just over 11 years of marriage resulted in my not knowing the “real” him, but she knew the real him right away.

      And, who exactly is the “real” him? Liar? Cheater? Party-guy? Mentality of a single 25 year old? Peter Pan?

    • My cheater said, “you never really got to know me,” followed by a “I haz the sadz” look on her face. Then I asked, which “me” should I have gotten to know? The cheater who was living a secret life? Or the liar who betrayed me? Silence. Followed by more sadz.

  • Cheaters new supply the day they announced their relationship to the church (my former church where he and I served together for more than a decade) the very week after cheater stood in front of the church and disparaged me for following through on my decision to divorce him. She stood and declared “People told me not to get into a relationship with him (because for eight years of his marriage to me he repeatedly cheated with men and hid it) but ‘God told me’ to be his friend and now it has blossomed into an amazing relationship and I am blessed”. Sadly if in the future she ever wants out of the relationship she will be held to the fact she declared God told her to do it. Stupid Girl!

    • Oh, Thankful, keep us posted on any updates on how this ends. Yes, stupid girl is right! That didn’t sound like it was the voice of God who told her to befriend him.

    • She married him 12 months later, had the full white wedding despite it being the second time for both of them, vowed that she would be his helpmate and he was now the head of their family. It did not sit well with many who attended. They were couples selfie central until he got his dream honeymoon of a month in Paris not one couples selfie has been posted since and that was 2 1/2 years ago. I at least went into a marriage with him naive, she went in with both eyes open.

  • Heh, heh, Brit, you have a wild imagination, you know me…,
    “I’m not that kind of guy, I’m a man of integrity.”

    After 20 years of marriage, holidays, celebrations, graduations, unemployment, moves across the country and a child together. “We have nothing in common.”

      • Same here…man of integrity… he just made mistake ( singular!!!) plus bonus “ everyone thinks I’m a great guy, and you see only negativity”

        How many people know, that for the past 15 years cheated, lied, gaslighted, emotionally abused and exposed your wife/ kids to possible deadly diseases?


        Discussion over.

        • I also got the, “I get along with everyone but you Brit,” and the “everyone thinks I’m a great guy but you.” So Brit this only shows that there’s something wrong with you.

          Not one of these people who thinks he’s a great guy has lived with him. Cheater hasn’t treated them with disdain or betrayed them. I think they would all feel much differently if they were to see who the great guy is behind closed doors.

          Cheater is remarried now and I’m just patiently waiting for the honeymoon to end when he begins to show his true colors.
          It might take time as he’s intent on proving to everyone that he’s so happy now with out me.

          Funny thing is when he left me for his AP he claimed he had never been happier in his life and that relationship didn’t last. I have no reason not to expect the same of his current relationship. I don’t believe they’re ever genuinely happy. There’s always something for them to be miserable about and of course that wouldn’t be their fault.

  • Email from HOworker AP:

    “I know how you feel because I was cheated on once too.”

    “There were problems in your marriage…”

    What your feeling right now is hurt and anger, but dont focus it on me. You need to direct your focus to your marriage”

    “I know you’re angry but you can’t email me at work”

    The Howorker thought she was some kind of sage advisor, and thought she knew me because STBXH would tell her all about how awful his marriage was ???? meanwhile he was faking “loving husband and father” act at home.

    And I knew their employer reviews employee email, and STBXH had already been fired over the affair (of course that wasnt the official reason, or what I was told initially) so I had a lot of fun emailing her at her work address. Nothing harassing or threatening, just facts like, “since you seem to look for sex partners at work, you really need to get your STI treated. Because once you know you have it and continue to spread it, that’s classified as criminal assault, according to the law. And if makes for very awkward and itchy meetings at work, so go get yourself the STD clinic already!

      • After she received me email at her work email, she emailed me back IMMEDIATELY from a personal gmail account “you cant email me at my WORK”
        I forwarded it and my reply right back at her work email: “yes I can! And get yourself to the STD clinic already “

    • Susan of Seattle was fired from the job she has where they met because she was a sales rep to Government purchasers and he was the govt purchaser so it looked like the company coerced with sex to sell their crap to the govt and they couldnt have that. Then-husband used a huge chunk of his professional clout to get her a new job.

      I was all ready to email her at work and Cheater stood there trying to decide if he puts her at risk receiving “you nasty Ho” emails at her new job or if he should give me her private email address.

      Looking back and with the current story of the wife killer in Texas, I now realize that Im lucky he didnt strangle me right there at my desk.

      He gave me her email address but later she said she didnt understand what I said because I use big words. She graduated from The University of Washington (state).

      All in all, she scarcely spoke to me…met her in person once (pre dday) she shook my hand and said it was so nice to meet me. ACK.

  • OW #1 (subsqently found to have three married men on the go) when confronted….
    its real love I can’t help it
    He resents you for giving him a disabled child
    You’d like me if you knew me

    OW#2 (was a friend) when confronted…
    I am still your friend
    After being told real friends don’t fuck their friends hubby – I didn’t mean to… he perused me
    When told I would be naming her in divorce as she is a social worker…. i’ll Deny it – my reply ???? they live together duh.

    • OW2 has got me flashing on that scene in MP and the Holy Grail when John Cleese/Lancelot slaughters everyone at the wedding to save the damsel, only to find out upon arrival that it’s Prince Herbert:

      “You only killed the bride’s father, you know.”

      “Well, I didn’t mean to.”

      “Didn’t mean to? You put your sword right through his head.”

      “Oh dear… is he all right?”

  • We wouldn’t be able to speak. I don’t speak Chinese; she doesn’t speak English. She did create a Facebook shrine directed at my “husband”…..she changed her name to our last name with the Chinese word for “heart” (xin) on both sides of it. Then she uploaded selfies in which she is wearing blue contact lenses (I have blue eyes). Then she added a download link for book the book “Feeling Good Again”. Then changed her profile picture to Celine Dion and Rene Angelil. The cheating partner and my “husband” had some inside thing about how she was going to take care of my “husband” when he gets old because she is so much younger than him
    (She is ten years younger). If he has trouble communicating with me, and he’s still with her, I imagine he’s in for a big surprise when life gets real and the inevitable conflict starts. I agree that she is his “sole” mate (his spelling). He’s a heel and she makes them a pair. And I’m putting those shoes in the trash.

    • …..and probably the stupidest thing they say, upon knowingly embarking on a cheatfest with a married person, is “OK”…….proof of rocks where brains and hearts should be….

    • Omg, Velvet! You made my morning!

      “ I agree that she is his “sole” mate (his spelling). He’s a heel and she makes them a pair. And I’m putting those shoes in the trash.”


      • Wonder what the Chinese word for “pond scum” is….wish I was an expert hacker…. I could have some fun with that FB page…

    • Celine apparently was the OW in his 1st marriage. Only she was underage at the time, so that’s just super creepy .

      And the trying to look like you is beyond creepy. Yuck.

  • My Dad’s mistress told me that I “would do well to remember there are two sides to every story.” This woman encouraged my Dad to step out on my Mom. She didn’t pursue him, it was more of a “let’s see if I can get this guy to leave his wife” kind of thing. I had told her off when she said that.

    • “Two sides to every story”
      Ummmmmm, “Hey, stupid. When ONE person in a relationship unilaterally takes actions clandestinely, there are NOT two sides — because most likely chump doesn’t even know they are fighting.”

      Pieces of shit, the lot of them.

      • Cheater marriage wedding gift ideas:

        Matching “I’m With Stupid” t-shirts
        Blingy “Future X” baseball caps for the
        wedding shower
        The other half of the previous marriage
        bedroom furniture ensemble
        GPA devices. Hours of fun monitoring each
        Xanax for the “are they cheating on me too?”
        perpetual anxiety
        gallons of vodka for maintaining illusion of
        How Their Marriage Is Going To Be
        BS phrase book with translations for
        interactions with chumped X’s

        • The Sluterus signed off the one email she ever sent me as The Future Mrs. Slab O’ Meat.

          I told her, You mean Mrs. Slab O’Meat the Fourth? The Cavalry of Former Mrs. Slab O’Meats will be happy to chip in on a nice set of paper plates that will last as long as your marriage.

      • My mother in law said that to me when I told her of the affair
        Haven’t talked to her since
        They are always TEAM ——-
        He imploded his first marriage the same way but lied to his parents that they didn’t get along
        Guess what he said about us?? Talk about slander.

  • The ow told me…. I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes.

    She seriously did. She was married with three grown kids. Her kids are now a mess.

    My kids are great! I wonder how that’s working for her now?

      • Good question!

        “If you wouldn’t want to be in my shoes, why are you stealing them and wearing them?”

        Today I am really having a hard time deciding who wins the Best Gobsmacking Gibberish From An Insane Idiotic Cheating Accomplice Oscar…..

      • Changed to my hairdresser, cut hair the same style, sent adopted child (didn’t want to lose her figure in case he strayed! Nothing like twuu wuvv, is there) to the same school. Heck, she’d wear my knickers if she could!

  • “I’m offended! I’m a Christian and have morals and integrity! Your wife must be pretty insecure to think there was anything going on! I think too much of myself to LET your wife think that of me!”

    This, after Shrek-in-drag was called out for dressing up, showing up at his hotel in the guise of ‘it’s easier if we ride to the restaurant together. And no, I don’t want to go out with the group. No, I don’t want you to bring anyone else. Say it with me: what kind of single woman shows up at a married man’s hotel to pick him up for dinner in a town he already knows well?

    “She’s just hurt right now!” Said the Witless Wonder in defense of Shreky Poo’s comment on D-Day.

    “Nothing inappropriate happened!” Shrek-in-drag insisted. Sure, even though Witless admitted to at least sexual banter and innuendos – the same kind of verbal volleys he does with everyone he knows well. (Unfortunately, that was true).

    “WTF was I thinking?” I said, after looking back at the years I wasted on Witless.

  • “I want to be a resource for you.” Like, wtf? You want to help me deal with the affair that you’re having with my husband?!

    • The OW emailed to me: I know how you feel because I was cheated on once too.

      Was she tried to build some sort of comraderie? Like we’re all in this together! Wtf? I told her where she could take that BS

      • Good for you! Sometimes I honestly think their brain cells have sloughed off… And yes. She was trying to build a relationship with me—like let’s all be one happy family living on a commune! (My ex likewise can’t figure out why we can’t all have Thanksgiving dinner together this year: her, him, me and our five kids) Um. No.

        • AP said to wasband, maybe you need to talk with her so she can become the wife and mother she should have been from the start.

  • After 10 years of cheating and chumpy- ness on my part, after the last round of discovering him screwing around he declared “I think I’m just not meant to be married!”
    Um great, fantastic.

    • Oops I mis read the assignment. I’ve had limited contact but one of his many APs told me “he really loves you”. I’m sure as they screwed each other silly, they were discussing his great love of me.

  • Firstly The ow told me that “she was a married woman with 3 children, she would never do that!” Then after discovery, “people don’t get divorced because of something like this, it was meaningless. It was just an extension of friendship, a part of the job and felt completely natural!” maybe to you bitch, but it definitely didn’t and still doesnt feel meaningless to me and my children. Also I don’t think he had slept with any other clients as “part of the job” before! She had obviously done this before – bored housewife shagging the builder, they are such a cliche.

    • My jaw dropped , let me pick it up and ask this: are they in the porn industry? As far as I know that is the only screwing that is part of the job. Fucking unbelievable!

  • “Yes, I got in a relationship with a man that I care for deeply and that has made mistakes as we all have. None of us can claim perfection. Cancer is not a reason to stay in an unhappy situation where you feel bullied, belittled and controlled. By the way, he also admits fault in the demise of your marriage, something you have not done (in communications I was included on). You have, however, admitted that you did not want him to leave, even after you knew he had cheated… so it’s okay for you to want him but no one else? Is he to be discarded to live the rest of his life in penance?”

    • ARGH! “… he also admits fault in the demise of your marriage, something you have not done …”

      KK continues to latch on to this. Sorry you have to deal with it but I’ll confess some relief that I’m not the only one.

      • And you never should, UXworld.

        If her argument is that you were not a perfect spouse, so it’s partly your fault, she’s full of it. None of us is capable of being a perfect spouse. What we owe our spouses is to be the best spouse we can be, not perfection.

        Now, sadly, this also means that many cheaters meet that requirement. They were the best spouse they could be. Unfortunately, they are just really crappy at being a spouse, and it’s all right for someone to say to them, “Sorry, but your best just wasn’t enough for me, so we’re separating.”

        It doesn’t shock me to hear that KK would say something like, “I wasn’t perfect, and I admit some fault in the end of our marriage. You haven’t done so, so that makes me more self aware and enlightened than you are.”

        • Yikes! KK sounds like my Dad and his now-wife. So busy being enlightened…they make a point of telling me they could never live where I live because it’s a red state.

          My Dad sent me an email explaining about how they needed to move to a state on the east coast to be close to “the kids”. *Her* kids are all in mid-Atlantic or eastern states, I’m 1000’s of miles away – and I’m his only biological child. Am I not a kid, now?

      • “he also admits fault in the demise of your marriage, something you have not done (in communications I was included on)”

        My thoughts are, why should have to communicate my faults to her? She’s the OW! I did admit some of my faults to my ex before we were ex’s., when I was still going to therapy and pick-me dancing (something she also shames me for).

        And I just LOVE “that has made mistakes as we all have”. Um, my mistakes didn’t blow up one family and instantly create a new one before doing anything to end the marriage. I didn’t lie. I didn’t cheat. I asked him to text if he was going to be late for dinner. I sometimes went to the bar and got him if he didn’t come home by dinner. I took hold of the finances when he hadn’t paid the gas bill in 5 months. I told him he could help clean the house when he complained that I didn’t keep it clean enough. I guess that made me a bully?
        I would LOVE to know what he admitted to being his faults in the marriage because to this day he has never admitted any fault to me that did not blameshift.

        Also “Is he to be discarded to live the rest of his life in penance?” But apparently it’s ok to discard a wife with cancer and your child too so you can go out partying to find another wife appliance.

        • Uuum, exactly how were you able to control and bully him while weakened by severe illness and fighting for your very life? That silly bitch! Is she that stupid or that cold? Does she have a charcoal briquet rattling around in her chest where a heart should be? Or a tumbleweed rattling around in her head where a brain should be? If cancer isn’t a reason to stand by someone and not harm them, I’d like to know what the hell is!

      • So much blame they figure they will share. Mine told me I needed to own my part in the marriage failing and for a split second I thought to. Then I said f uk that noise! He is not flipping this script. I told him no. I am not taking responsibility for what he did. No way! The only thing I own is not leaving him the first time he cheated.

    • Similarly I’ve been told, “You keep trying to pin this on me. You are partly to blame too.” Sure, I could have been a better husband, but that could be said about anyone. She blew up our marriage and family with her affairs. I had NO part of that. Combining any marital problems with her affairs is not ok. Two completely separate things.

  • I found a card made on artisanal paper with high school-level drawings of hearts, flowers and peppers (a symbol of sexuality in my country) wherein flatterfuck welcomes sparkledick back from a trek up a very high peak and tells him that her litter heart, oops, little heart was shrunken with worry while he was gone.

    The card was on the night table of our bedroom, right after sparkledick pleaded with me to reconcile with him (“don’t you miss your Little Bug?!?”).

    Barf. I hate being treated like a …. chump.

  • I have a no contact order against the ow/baby mama that my husband had two kids with during our marriage. She attacked me on Christmas in front of my kids and pled guilty to menacing. She broke the no contact in July by calling me to tell me my husband was still sleeping with her. She just couldnt resist despite it being a condition of her probation- shows just what type of nut he decided to join himself with. Well I informed her on the phone that she was going to jail because she cannot contact me. She says, “but I’m not harrassing you”. Freaking idiot. No contact means just that, no contact. Well just got an update, she was finally arrested last night after I reported the violation in late July. She is in jail with no bond. We will have a hearing within 72 hours but she will likely have to do 30 days. My husband tried to make me let it go but I need this leverage to make sure this beast stays away from me and my kids. Maybe her lawyer will explain to her the legal definition of harassment.

    • “How ya like THOSE consequences?”

    • I hope she has to serve at least 30 days. I almost feel badly for her attorney because that is a special level of stupid.

    • I tried to get an order keeping Misty away from my kids since she has a documented history with Child Protective Services. The best I got was that neither of us could introduce the kids to a “romantic interest” within the first year after I filed for divorce. She wasn’t on the currently active registry through CPS so despite her past as a shitty and neglectful alcoholic parent, I couldn’t keep her away from my babies. Ex even broke the no contact rule by facetiming her all the time around the kids so he could technically say he was following the order despite not actually doing so.

      • Damn, what an evil slag. The child-abusing cheaters are probably not a rarity. After all, cheaters are amoral scum who only care about their own pleasure. The crazy drunken bitch who helped ruin my life actually brought her daughter on one of their dates, pretending they were just friends, but reaching out for his hand when she thought the girl wouldn’t notice. She also brought him around the house to go for romantic walks around the neighbourhood (with a drink in hand, naturally) and made sure the kids saw him. They are in their teens, so they had to know what was really going on. Teenage girls are astute about such things.
        Those kids are now scarred for life.
        I made sure to tell her husband about her emotional abuse of their children. That de-fanged her in a hurry.

  • The Dream Princess said:

    ‘I don’t want to be a home-wrecker!’
    (So respect our marriage and stop allowing him to visit you when he’d agreed with me to have no contact with you? Stop talking to him because ‘When one of my friends is in need I will always comfort them’, when he had agreed with me not to contact you. When he comes over and tells you he loves you, don’t see him again!)

    ‘If I had really known you, none of this would have happened.’
    (Trans: Was having far too much fun with the psychodrama and the triangulation and the attention from stbxh to even remember that you were human)

  • ” take care of him.” ( As if I had been the one abusing him. )
    ” I wasn’t the only one?” ( After I told her she was not the first person he had cheated with)
    ” He gave me herpes” ( enjoy that gift boo)

  • “He told me you were separated.” And you didn’t think it was weird that he couldn’t have you over to “his place” for the first three months you dated?

    “You can’t charge me with Adultery. I’m going to charge you for Libel.” LOL… I can, I did… you can’t, you didn’t.

    His final OW was so fresh from her own divorce, she asked this in front of my teenage stepdaughter:”Do I still send Christmas cards to his family?” YUP – she was ready to be a new relationship… no wonder Mr. Sparkles swooped her up.

    As for Mr. Sparkles, this is the cake topper:”I must’ve gotten the genital crabs from the hotel room blanket while we were Mexico.” Apparently, he was part of the >5% population who get crabs that way.

    • ‘true wife’

      I just made a horrible face.

      I never heard this from OW but Im sure this sort of crap was bandied about.

      • It’s what they all believe–that they are sooooo special that even a serial cheater will stay faithful to them. Lotsa luck with that, honey.

    • ???? oh gosh! ‘ true wife’ ! LMAO! I’m sure if you were not so hurt and shocked you’d have busrt out laughing at the level of delusional grandeur.
      These people are nuts. Absolutely mad! Oh gosh! They will die if they are not ‘ special’. They need to be. I guess that is why ignoring them is such a killer.
      I take joy in ignoring my cheater. Nothing makes me happier than not having to interact with him. I don’t even have to try to ignore him. It takes effort now to notice him. ” Oh! Didn’t notice you there!”

    • “You May be right. But if what you say is true, that can only mean your DDay is coming.”

      Look up the word “true”, cheater!

  • “He’s my soulmate. You’ve never really seen me.” Soulmate then stops talking to her somewhere between her offering to meet him in a second hotel room and her moving out to couch surf when I asked her to (because she chose him, fucking pick me dance …).

  • As a Chump who really doesn’t know anything about the OW, the single, solitary thing that cheater told me she said was, ” she feels bad” about taking him away from our little girl.
    This was said on DDay and in my anguish I immediately, (knee jerk) asked, ” What about me?” Cheater replied “We never talked about you.”
    Such a big kind heart mystery OW had. I can only imagine how extra bad she would feel if she knew I was in first trimester pregnancy at this time. And, extra, extra bad if she knew of the ectopic pregnancy that I almost died from about a year before this.
    Chumps, I read your posts, thinking, knowing, we can’t make his shit up.

    I will always try to make the most of each day, to be a person with integrity, and most important to me, to be kind.
    But, there are so many things I can never, never forget!
    To be able to share with CN, to get it out, to real people who understand. Priceless!

    • Yes! I’m not much of a writer, but then again I don’t need to be when others at CN write what’s in my heart!

    • Peacekeeper–your story just makes me angrier at your husband. Men who cheat on their pregnant wives are lowest of the low. You deserve so much better.

      • Tempest,
        I cry when I read your poignant post replies to me, they touch my very soul, they truly are poignant, ( in the heart rendering meaning of that word). That someone, such as you, could take the time to reach out to me, well, I am at a loss for words.
        Thank you Tempest.
        I respect and admire you so much.

        Cheater will say to me, “That was so long ago.” ( the affair). I try to tell my heart that, but my heart says, “It seems like only yesterday.”

        Thank you for caring Tempest.
        I too feel so bad for Chumps who were cheated on when the Chump is pregnant. Any time that children are involved just seems like a double, triple, quadruple, whammy. I want to hug all the innocent Children.

    • The OW was a former best friend of mine, and ex had the nerve to “thoughtfully convey” her wish that we could someday be friends again when I got over “all this.” Right. Because I want friends who go about blowing up families like it’s nothing, who can lead double lives like some sort of sociopath and who fake having emotions and feelings like compassion, love and support. No thanks. I’d rather be alone.

  • “I may be a whore for fucking your husband but what does that make you”

    I didn’t even know how to respond to that, it shocked me, but I wish I would have asked what she thought it made me, because it made me a betrayed wife and friend! But I guess in her mind it made me something worse than a whore

    “I’m the victim in all this” I will never understand how she thinks that

    “This is the worst thing I’ve ever done” – well I would think living with your Husbands brother and telling all of us the two of you were married when you weren’t, then having kids with both of them and making your children brothers and cousins, I would think that’s the worst think you ever done.

    “It just happened” well not from the text messages and evidence I found she pursued him persistent and relentlessly

    • “What does that make you?”

      Still the one with the marriage certificate, bitch.

      Mine’s Schmoopie was outraged to discover he had been sleeping with me the whole time. Hello? How gullible can you be?

      • I know right! And the whore was supposed to be my friend and we talked about things, ya know, I would brag about sex with my Husband. She knew we were still sleeping together so she can’t play that damn card, that he told her we weren’t having sex, she knew better, she might as well been wearing my used panties!

    • It’s the frigidity narrative. You know, the cheater wouldn’t need a smorgasbord of strange if the partner at home was a good enough slave. Dance, puppets, dance.

      APs are objectified robots who think their only value (and everyone else’s) is sexual. Their opinions of us are absurd and invalid.

    • “It just happened,” was what I was told as well. Yep, just walking down the street in their dicks just happen to fall into strange pussy. Yep, happens everyday. ” DUCK, IN COMING!”

  • OM: “Your marriage has been dead and lacking in affection for years.”
    Umm, that would be news to me, her husband. And how the *&@! would you know?

    • You: “Yes it was. Because of her acting and lying expertise, I found out I was married to a romantically challenged emotionally unavailable morally bankrupt lying cheating zombie. Enjoy!”

  • When I complained that “OW was stalking me on Social media/Icloud/Google.”
    Cheater solemnly said; “No, she’s not. I know the high caliber of woman she is.”

    Cheater said he was going to divorce me and apply for an annulment of our marriage from the Catholic church … after 30 years. He insisted that I was GOING to go along with it.
    Chumpme, incredulous: “You are forcing to a tribunal? You think I’m actually going to lie to a Catholic PRIEST? Do I LOOK like I want to get fried by lightning in the church parking lot!?!?!”
    Cheater: “Why not? You would benefit to.”
    {The infamous “Let’s fool Jesus” stunt.}

    I’m sure till this day I’m blamed for OW being considered a sleeze, and them not being able to get married at the alter…….

    • I cant remember how I got into a phone conversation with Cheater about how he might navigate his Catholic tradition if he ran off with Susan. He ended up explaining that all they have to do is be together at Church and show up, if the Priest doesnt know them, they can both take Communion and no one would be the wiser. “People do it all the time”.

      • So, does this mean my cheater is better than your cheater because mine *did* stop going to communion? Like, she’s an adulteress but she’s not a dishonest adulteress?

        She did stop going to church about five years before I found out about the exit affair; that (and a couple of odd remarks she made over the years, plus some changes in sexual proclivities) have made me wonder whether she had a starter affair (or two or three?) before she found someone who was willing to blow up his marriage for her.

      • Unbelievable! Does he realize that that is blasphemy and that can send him straight to HELL? It just goes to show that these people are all cardboard cut-outs who do not believe in anything. You can’t impression management fool GOD. The pile up of sins required for that stunt is mind boggling: adultery against the spouse, fornication with the AP, lies of commission, lies of omission, failure to confess mortal sins, capped off with sacrilege and blasphemy! Yeah no biggie…people do it all the time. Yep, then they spend eternity being devoured by and shat out by Satan.

  • When I asked information, she said she didn’t want to get involved.

    Don’t want to get involved? It’s a bit late for that you involved yourself!

    • Crazy. She didn’t seem to mind getting involved with his penis. When I don’t want to be involved with someone, I like to include their genitalia in that deal.

  • When I first found out about ExHole’s relationship with OW and him swearing he wouldnt see her again. I sent her a Myspace message. She flat out told me “What happens between Exhole and you is none of my business. If you feel you need to talk to me about it, I will listen, though. Conversely, what happens between Exhole and me is none of your business.”

    I beg to fucking differ.. it damn sure is(was) my business as! I told her that as long as there is a legal binding contract (if we were going to play the not-labeling-but-legal-distinctions-could-apply game) between Exhole and I, everything was my business. That shut her up.

    • Wow, Feral, maybe we have the same OW blow up our marriage. My exhole’s mistress said the same damn thing, talking about, “What’s between he and I is between he and I”. Probably only 1 brain cell.

  • I never had any contact with any of the OW except the last one who barely counts since I was on my way out of the marriage when she slithered off her stripper pole and into his life. She called me a couple of times before I blocked her. The first time she recited a list of emotional and physical abuse she allegedly suffered at my ex’s hands and then asked me if I ever missed him and wished we were still together. Uh… nope. He’s all yours. The second time she gave much the same spiel but then added a rant about how it was my responsibility to get my adult children to have a relationship with their dad and since I didn’t it meant I was a terrible mother. LOL, okay. I’m not taking parenting advice/criticism from a former (maybe) stripper who lost custody of her own young children due to her lifestyle and drug abuse.

    During their affair, one of the only OW who wasn’t a stripper posted a meme of Jesus on her FB page with a caption that read something like “Would you answer your door if Jesus knocked?”. I really wanted to comment “Would you answer your door if Jesus knocked while you were banging my husband?” but I didn’t. 😀 😀

  • Text messages from the 15 year older, 3x divorced, professional divorce attorney, who had named herself as a witness in our divorce and hired her own attorney to represent her. I was beginning my 9th month of pregnancy. She’d already been warned repeatedly to leave me alone by the attorneys, and I had personally asked her repeatedly to leave me alone. This is the last communication I had with her. Further attempts by her went unanswered.

    OW: Got any new screenshots (of him hitting on you).

    Me: Yes. (Sends several screenshots were he says how “horny” I make him and he wants to touch me, etc.)

    OW: Anything with the date on. Otherwise he’ll just deny and say you sent them to yourself.

    Me: These messages are from a few days ago. Then ask to see his phone if I’m not telling the truth…that’s easy!

    OW: He scrubs his phone. Deletes everything. I did see all the stuff from a couple of weeks ago and since then he’s been an ‘open book’ but everything is deleted.

    Me: An open book with everything deleted….

    Me: Listen: this is the 4th time we are doing this…like a broken record…this needs to stop. I need to co-parent with this man and I can’t be the tattle tale anymore. I could show you texts from the last 4 days that you know what they say (and tell you about conversations – not to mention him reaching out to friends and neighbors for help)….but I don’t belong in this triangle…you chose a lying, cheating, manipulative alcoholic…I don’t want anything to do with this…and frankly I don’t think either of you have for one moment put yourself in my shoes.

    An open book, with everything deleted. No thank you!

  • –your marriage was over

    –you did not treat him right

    –i respect him.

    –oh honey, you don’t know me. I am still married.

    All told to me by the troll the day I found out about her. I had called him and asked for the money to file divorce, he hung up on me. Then she called me from his phone.

    Years later

    –stop making him feel bad. It’s what you do

    –you have to accept that we are in a relationship

    –we go everywhere together that is what people in a relationship do

      • exactly. . .. . and now he is doing the disappearing thing on her like he did on me and she is calling me or having a friend call me asking if i know where he is.. .. umm. NOPE. and he is not my problem anymore. i guess you are not going everywhere together anymore since your ass dont know where he is at. lol

        but SHE RESPECTS HIM.. .. haha (i did not mention that she said that right after running his low rise truck over the curb, scrapping his running boards and most likely bent his special rims but she RESPECTS him.. . indicating that I, his wife, did not)..


  • When I found the emails between Ex and the OW, I didn’t know whether I should cry or laugh. There wasn’t much to be said, apparently. He was sending her links to songs on you tube (“you are so beautiful”) and she was sending him photos of full moon…I mean, really?! he’s 51 for God’s sake!!! 😀

  • When a friend informed “PickANumber”(who was cheating on her husband and small children),that we discovered there were many before her(she had been telling everyone he was a great family man, but theirs was a love too great to give up), that boxes of cards and letters from one AP spanned 4 years and gushed “Always and Forever”,
    PickANumber replied….”Oh, I heard about that, NotAPilot said she’s just a helicopter pilot he fucked for the thrill of it, I’m the love of his life.”
    Like the cheater, the AP will make any excuse and justification to do…..whatever .

  • My ex told me all the classic playbook BS
    I love you but was never in love with you. I have always cared for you but something was always missing. I have never met anyone like her. I have never felt this way about anyone ever. I didnt even realize I was unhappy until I met her. I want us to work things out and hope we survive this (while he is looking at apts to move out) The kicker though, Im leaving you for her but i never said I wanted a divorce and never even considered it until you brought it up just now. Oh wait I forgot the I know I cheated and gave no warning I was ending our life together for that I am sorry. Do know that for 12 years you were my best friend and I hope we can stay that way.

    • Omg… ex was almost identical.

      I was his best friend.
      He had a ‘special connection’ with the OW and he didn’t know if it would lead to marriage or not, but he felt he had to explore it.
      He wasn’t happy for years nope! a long time nope! a long, long time, nope! 3 months, nope! A long time!
      He also didn’t love me for years, months, decades – it really depended on what spin he was trying to sell.

      And…..He left, moved in with the OW so I filed for divorce. He tells everyone including our kids and also in his affidavit in our divorce that Calm filed for divorce – I just want a month to really think about my emotions.

      They are all gross.

      • Serial killers also have “special connections” … do stalkers…..

        “Unhappy for years” is longhand for “liar”

        I heard THE SAME EXACT SHIT and woke up today feeling GLAD HE IS GONE. A miracle.

  • The only time I talked to the OW she informed me that she did not really think he was sexy, very cute but not sexy but he made great money and she see could see a great future with him.

    She was living with a man at the time so she was terrified the 2 year workplace affair would come out. Well Ex and her broke up before the divorce was final and she went on to marry her live in partner. They live in our subdivision and my son has to face them at the pool all summer. New husband never found out as far as I know.

    Ex told me they broke up because she wanted to stay home like I did, he told her he already had a lazy one at home, did not need another one. My thanks for raising our kids and taking care of his mother.

  • When it came time to tell all (which I’m sure I still got far from the real story)… HoHub had an affair with a girl he worked with. After two days of fucking (when he told me he was at a team members ‘farewell’ bash) they finally were reflecting on the facts. She apparently kept lamenting ‘I wish you weren’t married.’

    No shit Sherlock. Me too. #obvs

  • In a letter I received from the teenager OW she talked about how she had known for a long time that she was a selfish person. Then she admitted to knowing that I was pregnant and had a 2 yr old child when she met him. Then she said it was just sex but then she started to have feeling for him ????.
    The best part was when she said she was worried that she couldn’t trust him and that he may do the same to her.

    They lasted 10 months post d-day, 4 months after I gave birth without him and one month post our divorce being final. Not because he cheated but because her family saw behind the mask.
    He then wanted me to accept his apology because he now knew what it felt like to be hurt so deeply.

  • Said to me by STXH about the OW during mediation session:

    “Would it make you feel better if you met her?”

    Even the mediator looked at STXH like he was an idiot!!!

  • The OW is a “subservient woman” who thinks she hooked herself a protector and provider for herself and her brats.

    Newsflash his former lifestyle was subsidized by his professional wife and meanwhile he lives in constant threat of layoffs and rain out days. But the cash from equitable distribution of the house sale will run out eventually….

    Meanwhile she likes to post on social media crap quotes about women being put here to do things men can’t do not everything men can do… virtuous women bible verses…. happy spouse happy house #husbandsdeservehappinesstoo….

    Oh and how blessed my son is to have a “Bonus Mom” even if SOME people can’t appreciate it.

    She can suck it at her menial receptionist job and serve lukewarm coffee and pussy to her superiors all she wants. I’m applying for a Masters program in my male dominated profession and can teach my son to hunt and fish myself because I’m a badass like that.
    (I can cook, sew, and contour makeup with the best of them I just prefer playing in the dirt with the guys so sue me!!)

    • The misogynist bastard is clearly intimidated by strong women because he knows he’s a weakling. My asshole was the same. Some of his excuses; “I was intimidated by your intelligence” and “She never challenged me or disagreed with me”. So, a dumbass with no opinions. Sounds like a fascinating person well worth losing everything for.

      I’m convinced most male cheaters are either closeted or overt misogynists. That’s why they feel entitled to cheat, but would be outraged if their wives did the same.

  • “If you don’t trust me Im gone” x 4
    before the final D-day

    Cheaters lasted emotional blackmail/lie is 5 days ago
    “I’ll just go away”

    We have 2 kids 8 and 10 he works overseas on rigs or in apartment if building a new rig and has been fucking his chinese 26 year old co- worker for 2.5 years. He is 44. D-day message from whore included her saying ” enjoy sleeping with your wife” ( yes she realised he slept with me the whole time- we were happy enough as far as I knew yes long stints away and his refusal to leave job and be there for me and involved father was a problem) so ho- worker said ” what do I want you to do about it? Nothing there is nothing I want you to do” “do you wake her with your wet beard too” ” anyways you promised me kids”
    His response initially ” fuck you women are stupid” he laughed so hard at the promised her kids statement said “Do you think Im retarded” A lie to me or whore or himself? Then carried on to say he hates women, its a different kind of love, I dont give a fuck about the kids, and give me two more years (of cake eating). I was a SAHM since no family within 2000kms on either side and he did 92 days away sometimes – anyhow I kicked him out of house after that. Im in the midst of divorce now and got a job. NC as much as possible he not getting any emotion or my thoughts just logistics of kids when he is back ( thanks CN). He is currently back and has discarded his entire family his parents and aunts uncles by ignoring them and send his son a bday present on time just got the month of birth wrong then said he back for sons 8th bday but bailed and put his hand up for work closeby for a few days and told us ( me and his parents – its only 3 days deal with it ( whilst I had to tell my son Dad not coming – when he could have told him) His family support me and worried for kids said his inheritance going to kids. He said after D day ” I enjoy fucking you” tbought that must be a big lie as romantic as it was for statement on why I should let him eat cake.
    My daughter and I are blonde blue eyed – he used to be racist towards Asian women and once said my daughter should dress as a Nazi for bookweek. He said ” life is dull when you have the perfect life” boredom is a good excuse to harm your kids well being. He told me to my face that he told the whore we havent had sex since the kids were born because we havent – I looked at him dumb founded (you know its me) he actually thought I should buy his lie to himself and the next day admitted that was unfair. Fucks sake. Decided to RUN.
    Talk about crazy chump I am. pffft and I loved him!! Every single bit of advice on here is dead set correct.

    • My EX had the birthday problem too. Called one of our kids on the right day but a month early, and then tried to back track and take credit for starting the celebrations early, wanting to be the first one to offer birthday wishes, meant to call a month ahead, etc. It was painful to watch my child deal with the gaslighting.

      If he could say, “Oops!” and laugh at his mistake, I could forgive him–and his child would have found it uproariously funny. It is the inability to handle problems or errors or inconveniences in any way except by lying that makes his choices unforgivable.

      • My son was hurt a lot. It hurt me to have to watch him be let down. Im troubled because I told him his father has to go to work when the truth is he didnt want to come to my sons bday party at the park and be judged by my friends – let alone not be there the whole day after absent for 8 weeks. When the present arrived on time a month early I said your son was born in July. He did respond by saying “I feel silly” rather than backtracking and making out its a good excuse to celebrate early like your ex. None of the lying and gaslighting is acceptable and I feel he is getting away with it by doing what he wants. Not apologising to my son and validating him is total wrecklessness. He sent a you tube vid of him singing happy birthday on the day – he looked like shit and my son was not excited by it. Just entitled piece of shit his father is.

        • Please tell your son that lots of people who have never even met him care about him, are very sad about what happened, and are sending him lots of love. I am one.

        • Yes, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! to your son. Does he know that each new year means he has completed one entire revolution around the sun? That’s a cool fact!

      • What is it with birthdays? My Ex cannot remember our son’s birthday. Like at ALL. He is always a few days out but checks with me beforehand to confirm and every year he is a few days out!

  • So, this is just hearsay, but the Boyman made a point of telling me that Skankbag felt very bad about the whole situation (she “has a good heart” like me, apparently) and often told him “I’m not the kind of person who does things like this.” To which I noted, “Oh, is that like me telling you ‘I’m not a thief’ as I slip your wallet into my pocket and scurry away?”

    Also, during wreckonciliation, I found a trove of emails and messages between them. Barf-inducing for sure, but this one is funny: it seems that after I turned up in his country and he “cheated on her” with me, she sent him a link to an article on “Infidelity and Forgiveness” to make him understand how she felt about what he’d done and what he’d need to do to fix things with her. Yep. She did that. Good luck with that, sister.

  • One afternoon as we were walking through the mall Cheater turns to me and says “I no longer feel butterflies when I’m with you.”

    We aren’t teenagers,
    At that time he was in his early fifties and we had been married 20 years. Butterflies??

    • He told me that he realized that he shouldn’t have married anyone who he couldn’t “put on a pedestal”…that he didn’t have me on one and needed someone he could put “on a pedestal”.

      Of course he didnt have me on a pedestal, he blamed me for EVERYTHING…it was his coping tool of choice. I had realized it years earlier but I didnt realize that it would inevitably lead to him having nothing but contempt for me.

      One a different day, we were walking side by side and he told me that his life’s ambition was to get a “trophy wife”. (I was so abused in those days, I didnt even pay much attention to that wretched insult)

      Im no longer in that marriage…Im in a new one with a guy one might call a “trophy husband” (if we minimized humanity like that which I dont). New husband has all the traits women look for but the most important for me was kindness.

  • Perhaps the most naïve and laughable thing the OW has said about my cheater husband:

    “He is scrupulously honest.”

    That was included on a sort of (poorly written) “poem” she wrote to him, describing him in the third person, and listing all the things she liked about him. That one made me laugh the most. Little does she know.

    • Yes because scrupulously honest people will always tell their spouse the truth…

      Say honey, I’m just going out to fuck the skank, be home in an hour and I’ll jump straight in the shower cos she’s a little pungent

    • I should add that after a D-Day confrontation, when he was in confession/sad sausage mode, he spouted some similar nonsense to me:

      “She and I are completely honest with each other.”

      Me: “Oh, so you’ve told her about XYZ?”

      Him: “Well … No. Not that.”

      Boom. So much for “completely honest.”

      • Haha! I recognize this one. Cheater used to get mad at me and call his mom and wail to her about how mean I was. I told him this wasn’t appropriate. He said, “I just like to be totally honest with someone. I want to tell someone how things really are!” I said, “So you told her then that the reason I was being ‘so mean’ was because of your cheating?” He looked at me like I was nuts and said, “Well, no, of course I didn’t tell her THAT!” Yeah, so much for totally honest. But whatever. His mother was a cheater too.

        • I think maybe the only honest thing cheater said to me in 30 years is a time when he said, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me; my first instinct is to lie.”

    • Yes, nothing says scrupulously honest like fucking someone else while you’re still married! SMH I wonder if she’ll feel the same way when he does the same thing to her!

  • I found a letter from the OW to my STBX, after dday. It was full of “the universe led us to this!” and “I see now we both had lessons to learn from this experience!” Glad you could both experience some personal growth while destroying me and my kids.

    My favorite part though was where she told him “I hope for civility and grace for your wife!” I’m supposed to be civil and gracious while you secretly fuck my husband (later learned the affair had gone underground at the point the letter was written)? Translation: Eat the shit sandwich quietly so we can keep getting our kibbles! Because THE UNIVERSE.

    • These fucking people. They’re all the same. Crushed under their own self-centeredness. They just can’t fathom the pain and destruction they inflict on someone else to go after what they want

      • “THE UNIVERSE BATS LAST” This is great @VelvetHammer! I’m going to (over)use it–but will give you credit for it each time 🙂

    • Oh, yes, I found one of those ‘the Universe brought us together’ cards. Must have been on sale that week ????

  • When I confronted the Jesus cheater OW (who had pretended to be my friend, had met our children, and worked counseling people at her church), she told me she “is good with God,” and wants “an integrous man…and SirLiesALot is one.” I thought I was being punked. I called her pastor and got her fired. My ex and MIL promptly screamed to me and our kids and everyone else how unChristian and unloving I was being. My kids and I were simply baffled by the blatant hypocrisy. Sin definitely makes you stupid. And then I was reminded of a Mark Twain quote that says something like, “Do not argue with stupid people, because they will drag you down to their level…and then beat you with experience.”

    My kids and I no longer argue with stupid people-kin or not. Family members that side with their dad have given up trying to sway them to his side because my kids easily pummel every stupid thing they’ve thrown at them, including the ever-annoying “but he’s still your dad” card. They refuse to be manipulated to accept his continuing behavior and rubber-stamp a relationship that destroyed their family. Their dad is livid, but he has no moral standing to argue anything, especially in the respect department.

    • i am curious on what your kids say when told “but he is still your dad”, my kids struggle with that one. thankfully it does not happen too often anymore. their dad ghosted them, will see or talk to them maybe once a year if they are lucky (unlucky?). he choses the troll that beats him and throws bottles at his face over his 2 boys. they are sick and tired of it.

      • Yeah, that is the one line that seems to be parroted by everyone, friends too. My kids mostly respond with 1) Exactly. He is our father, and should be acting like it. That means putting our family first, above his adulterous urges; 2) Yes, he will always be my father, which is biology. But he made the decision not to be my dad when he made being with the OW his priority; 3) Yes, but it goes both ways. He wrecked our relationship, so he is responsible for fixing it. Wanting everyone to pretend all is fine moving forward is not taking responsibility, it is the exact opposite; or 4) Why is no one saying the same thing to him “But they are your children”? Why are they not pressing HIM to behave better and make amends for all the pain he’s caused? Why do they expect us, who are victims of HIS immoral choices, to do all the work?!

        Hope your kids make peace with all this amongst themselves. It’s not easy to withstand all the insensitive and unjust comments. 😉

    • “Do not argue with stupid people, because they will drag you down to their level…and then beat you with experience.”

      THANK YOU OWLBABY. I am considering this quote my birthday present today.


  • I have no idea what she says. Anyone who will screw a married man with a family while his wife is pregnant is fucked up. I don’t hate her. I don’t feel sorry for her (for having to deal with ex’s manipulations). I just don’t care about her or what she has to say. Period.

    • Lucky you. My Asshole was making appointments with $800 an hour fetish prostitutes that he had to fly across the country to meet. That adds up to a lot of dissipated marital assets.

  • Shortly after dday:
    AP: I don’t bear Never any animosity or ill will
    me: completely missing the act that the WIFE is the one who should be bearing the ill will towards the ho-worker who screwed her husband while he was wearing his wedding ring!
    those two really do deserve each other

  • “Let this finally be the year that you rise above the fear and make your dreams come true”

    Meme on her facebook page during the affair, before I found out about it. The poor baby was afraid to steal someone else’s husband, but she muscled through it somehow… She did indeed win her prize during the next twelve months

  • After finding pictures of her at my house while I was away, and finding out they were making secret plans to move out together, I blew up and told her husband. Following a long night of emailing with her H, the X took off to see her in the early hours of the morning. When he came back, he said, “She thinks you are trying to bomb her life.”

  • Me: If you don’t tell me who it is I will post these “not so pleasing” photos on Facebook. I am sure my friends will repost until we find her.

    Dickhead: You can’t do that, she has a family.

    Me: YOU HAVE A FAMILY!!!! Or rather HAD!!!!

    • He feels the needs to protect her but not you. I got the same thing. The X never did admit that he was seeing the OW. He gaslighted the entire time. It was OK to hurt me but we can’t go hurting the innocent OW.

      • Horrible feeling not knowing. After listening to tons of his lies, I finally figured out it was his coworker. They broke it off but after her marriage exploded the soulmates are happily together. Lucky for me, I don’t care anymore. It took a while but I don’t care.

      • I got the same thing. He protected her more than me. Always claiming she felt so bad about this all. Mind you, I found and Email of her giving my dipshit of a husband an ultimatum to leave me and that she was my friend exactly until I found the Email.

        Btw. how can you make sure they are longer seeing each other short of hiring a PI? I have the sick feeling in my stomach their affair is not over and they are just keeping the ball low until the divorce is finalized. Any ideas?

        • I know it’s hard, inescapable, but don’t go pain shopping. The X kept his affair low (from me at least) until after the divorce and we had sold our house. Believe me, the less you know, the better. Trust that they suck.

          • Mine is pretty much openly flaunting his contact with the COW as we endure the hell of in house separation. It’s so eye opening to see just how little he respects me or his children… or himself.

            I know… not enough to have any real idea what’s going on (are they fucking? Is she in my house while I’m at work? Are they “just friends?”) but enough to know he’s a cruel asshole.

            So my advice is to not dig. Eyes forward.

  • When it occurred to ow that I might be reading the IM’s she was sending x she wrote….new day if you’re reading these messages, it is an invasion of our privacy and you should be ashamed.
    When her son called her out for cheating on his dad she called him a fake Christian.
    You can only shake your head at the stupidity and self centeredness of these people.

  • I never had the privilege of hearing what the OW said about the situation and how they justified it (what lies he told her). I am sure there must be some sort of tale judging by the furious, self-righteous anger she regarded me with and the way she stomped out of the house party that the 3 of happened to be at. I’m guessing the story will eventually filter down to me (after their inevitable divorce).


    STBX: “I did it because I was afraid of losing you.”


    Skank MOW to her husband, in defense : “They were just a few stupid gifts!” (Thongs, bras, cutoff shorts, cheap-ass $6 “perfume” & the coup de grace: the sacred Christmas Jackrabbit vibrator. About which her skankness told STBX: “It made me a better person.”)

    You can’t make this shit up.

  • Interestingly, I didn’t think this was stupid at all but it’s fun to weigh in with at least some shit that you just can’t make up. Douchebag dumped one of his APs about 6 years ago (unbeknownst to me, I thought we were happily married until D-Day 16 months ago). Her husband found out about it at some point, and he and AP1 got a divorce. Also unbeknownst to me. AP1’s now ex-husband recently phoned me to tell me about it (I had already discovered AP2 and filed), and AP1’s ex-husband shared with me some of the e-mails his ex-wife wrote to DB after DB had dumped her for AP2. (I know it gets confusing who’s who.) True to form, DB had seldom responded with anything in writing, but instead in these e-mails simply insisted on phone calls so that he wouldn’t have a written record. Apparently AP1 went ballistic after DB dumped her and lost sight of all the carefulness about what gets put in writing, and she called DB a predator and all kinds of other things in these e-mails. I already thought DB was a predator, but some people acted like I was going a little overboard with such a characterization, so to have another woman call him that was validating in a bizarre kind of way.

    • The Twat was violent so when I heard the Skank said she had to leave him 3 years later because she was afraid he would kill her I felt totally validated (and more than a little schadenfreude).

  • In a brief email exchange I had with the slunt directly after D-day (she and I used to be best friends) she justified it all by saying “It’s not my fault he fell in love with me.” Hmmm… Really? Throwing yourself at him, moving in with us for “medical recovery reasons”, acting like part of the family, enabling all his shitty behavior and making yourself available in whatever capacity says otherwise. She even posted a vomit-inducing rambling on Fakebook about how he’s always there for her, helps her when she’s losing her shit etc. and he loved the post. It was nauseating and a lousy bit of accidental pain shopping. She always wanted my life and now she’s got it.

    I just wish their happily ever after would hurry up and implode but it’s been three years and they’re still going strong. She’s even discovered a new way to antagonize me… By doing my lo’s hair and makeup knowing lo is such a girly girl and this will win her affections. It makes me want to pull out my own hair but I’m trying hard not to engage and keep my responses in the cool, bummer, wow camp. But damn it is it ever hard.

    • “They’re still going strong” – I wouldn’t be so sure about that. What gets posted on FB is not reality. I hope you get your shot at karma (for him) sooner rather than later.

      • Yah, last year the X posted on FB, 17 years and still going strong. One year later, he cheated and we are divorced 3 weeks before year 18. According to him, that FB was a lie. Whatever.

  • One thing, despite the off putting visual, that made me laugh was the email containing Twinkle Twat’s list of things to do when she next visited from the US. This was to be put at the top of the list – nude slow dancing. It still makes me smile to think of those two cavorting in his uncurtained flat, both aged 70.

  • Wanting you to have sex with strange men while I watch is a compliment to you! My ultimate fantasy is to have you visit a glory hole!

  • “You had an open, honest, polyamorous marriage. You just didn’t know.” Well then it wasn’t open or honest, you dumb b*tch!!

  • Oh lets see…this is kinda fun bringing a giggle to my morning looking at it this way:

    I had already confronted him about the affair and of course he agreed to all that I had asked (he would say I demanded). A month later, nothing had changed and I was on my last straw when I was supposed to meet him after work, and he didn’t show up, and didn’t call or return my calls/texts. I had texted my displeasure, and said I was going home. He eventually made his way home and I calmly told him it was disrespectful to not even manage a quick text. Of course he blamed it on his boss – He had to stay late and couldn’t even tell his boss that he had to take 30 seconds to make a quick text or call. Since his AP was his howorker, I knew the truth behind his lies. So the next morning, when I had a chance to look, I had the delight of reading his texts with the howorker from the night before, talking in code about how the “storm he was expecting, didn’t come” (Me upset at being ditched) and how he was pleasantly surprised his “evening didn’t get rained out” (Me, crying). Oh, she was so glad for him how his evening didn’t get ruined!

    Later that week, I surprised the both of them at their morning coffee break the fool had told me he promised he wouldn’t go for with her alone anymore. She looked like she shit her pants, lol. Of course, she told me, “we are just having coffee!” I said “Of course dear, what else would you expect at McDonalds!”

    That morning, once howorker had collected her coffee and left, I told him I wanted a separation. He told me we could talk about it later that night. He had to get back to work, you know. So later that night, he had no problem lying to my face saying he did everything I asked of him. So I asked him, specifically, to name one thing that he did. He couldn’t, so then he told me “I don’t like ultimatums, they are useless”. Of course they are useless to him, I set a firm boundary and he couldn’t break it down this time.

  • I contacted whore OW only once. I left her a message on her work voicemail (XH and OW are co-workers). I started out nice, but thought I was coming close to begging her for my H who was divorcing me at lightening speed – no pick me dance opportunity for me. I quickly snapped out of that and told her that she was a whore and she doesn’t need a problem like me. (We work in the same business).

    2 months later, she had me served at my home with an Injunction Against Harassment. She claimed that I contacted her on multiple other occasions directly, quoting things I had written about her to my H and also just complete lies. Her Injunction was laughable and illuminated the crazy nut job that he selected:

    1. “The defendant wants to see me crippled.” (I told H that I hope she gets the same crippling disease her mom had – ok, not kind, but I wasn’t going to cripple her.)
    2. “The defendant threatened physical violence against me.” (a complete lie)
    3. “The defendant said I have a big nose”. Guilty on this one! I also told my H that she was a whore, funny she never mentioned that.

    My attorney told me not to fight it. Attorney is a judge pro-tem and said that in all her years, she’s never seen any woman this crazy. “NoKibble4U, this is one crazy bitch. She wants to ruin your life. Please leave your home, change your number, and be NC with her.”

  • Off topic…. but is there a plan to do any CL meeting? It looks like all the chumps are amazingly funny and strong, it would be a blast!!!

  • I was lucky enough to read around a year’s worth of Signal messages between them when I found out. That was lovely!

    There were lots of analyses of their deep love, of how he really wanted to leave me but MY MONEY (I’m not rich, I work hard and provide for my family, which he was unwilling to do but was very happy to live off my efforts), much hand-wringing about ‘whatever could they do, there is just no solution to our love…’, and one of my favorites was when she wrote about his friend having a BBQ with his family – who was getting divorced, but still living with the family – she said she thought that was great, “adults adulting!”

    These two never adulted a moment in their life, and don’t get me started on using it as a goddam verb. So annoying. I decided to “adult” and kick him out of my life then and there.

    I got one email from her since he’s been out – he clearly cc’s her on many communications, which is so juvenile (or is it adulting, I can’t tell…). I found a very young kitten and was taking care of him. My ex said he would watch him while I was out of town. I said, “No thanks, I don’t want your girlfriend touching my pussy.” (Because that was funny! and True!) He forwarded it to her, and she wrote back to me and him with lyrics from some rap song about “your pussy old, your pussy creaky”. Whatever, klass act. My comment – hilarious (if you know me in person, it’s totally me); hers – just pathetic. I am 20 years older than you, I’ve had three kids, and guess what? I look fucking great, my life is good, and my heart and soul are whole.

    In honesty, they both have mental health issues, and have both been in a psych ward in the past few years, and I just want them to stay the hell away from me and my children. I think she’s unhinged to some degree and that freaks me out. Bunny-boiler.

    • This “I look fucking great, my life is good, and my heart and soul are whole”!!!

      This is me right now. On the other hand, the X looks like crap and will sadly never have a whole soul or heart.

    • “No thanks, I don’t want your girlfriend touching my pussy.” Hahahaha,

      @ChumpYouMofo You ARE hilarious. And mighty! You could also have added, “Oops, too late. She already did when she shagged you. And now you’re HER pussy.” (No offense meant to actual ladyparts or kitties.)

    • yep, that is deranged on some kind of level. .. .. who does that shit!?!?! the crazy these women are. i will never understand it.

      about 3 months ago, wasband reached out to me to visit our 2 boys because he had broken up with the troll. (she prevents him from talking or seeing his boys, because she is so worried that i will have sex with him while he visits our children) .. .. strictly talking about our children — at least on my part. he did apologize “for everything” a couple of times. he also made several feeble attempts for sympathy from me (and the boys) by complaining how badly his troll treated him and how he is free and will never go back to her because she is so mean (blah).. … to which me and the boys just ignored and changed the subject to something safe.

      anyhow, apparently they got back together. wasband never said a word to me or his boys.. .. he just stopped talking, texting and facebook messaging us. .. .. we had to figure it out on our own that he was unavailable again. .. . that night he “worked it out” with her, a random stranger (on my part) started facebook messaging me. i knew immediately that it was someone his troll was friends with. asking about wasband and just strangle questions. .. .until i blocked the friend (i have his girlfriend blocked since day 1 and continuously block all other accounts she creates.. .. facebook assumes that if you search for someone you must be friends and therefore will put that person on your suggested friends feed. since i am not searching HER she must be searching me for her new accounts to pop up as ‘people you know’, i block the new accounts as soon as they pop up)

      so the next day i posted a meme that said “Are you that obsessed that even after I block YOU, you have to snoop on my life through someone else’s page?” with the comment that at least once a year she finds a new friend to check on me. his girl had already removed and blocked me from his new facebook account that i friended. she then unblocked me and actually LIKED that post from his account.(one of the few i have as public that she could see since she is not on my friends list).. ..

      and i thought who the fuck does that. she damn well knows that i was talking about her. she knows that i know she has taking over his new facebook account just like she did his old facebook account. i refuse to talk to HER at all. i leave a small window open for him in case he wants to communicate with his boys or in all actuality, in case one of my sons want to communicate with him.. .. . i have not blocked his new account, even thou i know she is using it. i do not post anything public for her to see. although i am friends with his sister and i comment on a bunch of his sisters stuff which i know she can see. (LOL… evil laughter)

      still i will never understand how that crazy troll thinks. liking something on my page, wanting some kind of attention from me, wanting me to look or ask or soemthing. i dont play like she wants me to.. .. i literally just ignore her. (the few times she takes the phone from his hand so she can “tell me something”in the past, i hang up on her) it drives her nuts. wasband is a fool.

  • While they both walked in to surprise me so he could break up with me, with his schoompie back up. “You could do better”, then why are you taking him?
    “Isn’t there anybody you wanna fuck”, no, how would that put my future together you just torn apart before my very eyes.

  • I’ve never met the ow, as stbx won’t divulge who she is because I’m a “nut job” and “unstable” and “scary”. (which is laughable to anyone who knows me, as I am really laid back and easy going. Sadly, to a fault). But now I know what he’s told her about me. He always recited to me things that he’s obviously said to her: “I never loved you. I’m sure you’ve cheated on me. We never got along…” The usual bullshit. One thing these cheaters have in common- lack of originality. Changing history and invalidating any positive aspect of our past is the game he played.
    But I have to repeat this gem he gave me the other day:
    Him after screaming at the kids for being kids- running around, playing:
    You have no rules! You need direction caring for our children.
    Me: You know, and I’ve said this before- you get mean and angry when you drink
    This after great hits like “go jump out a window!” While I was eight months pregnant and “You’re a neglectful bitch!”
    When I suggest he be proactive in parenting rather than dictate how I parent.
    And then there’s the number one best seller: “you’re a fucking crazy nut job!”.
    on the way home from the hospital after giving birth to our dd. He said this because I felt uncomfortable telling my mom to vape off the property, as I felt that outside on the deck was sufficient.
    His mom and I are close and even she can’t stand him.

  • Consider me lucky, because I never heard a word from the OW–she kept her TRAP SHUT.

    No, not that one, the other trap. THAT trap she had wide open.

    Well, I guess that makes me double lucky. Cheater bait and her traps.

  • Skankhair said, “God put us together. He wanted this.” Also, “if youd been a better friend to me I wouldn’t have cheated with your husband”. Most recently to my college aged son, “so sorry for ruining your life.”

  • I never got to speak to the Skank either even thought the Twat thought I would like her if I got to know her! HA HA – I think I just peed myself. But one night after I had been out to the theatre for the evening and was all done up to the nines, in a fit of madness I stopped in at his skanky bar in town. He didn’t see me to begin with but the Skank shot out that door like a bat out of hell. He was just a sputtering mess when he saw me. I ordered a tonic water and told the barman to charge it to my husband!

    • Why do they think we would be pals with a cheating skank? Mine was the same “she’s fun, you’d have liked her if you hadn’t met this way” wtf? AND Ive never met her in person, I really don’t think she would like me if we had!!

      • I got that too during our two minute reconciliation/working things out. “you’d like her, do you want to meet her?”
        As my friend said, “only in a dark alley…”

    • I was told the same! Does that mean that they chose someone just like us? And that the next one will be just like her?

  • My STBX wife is a cheater and an alcoholic.
    She disappeared two Super Bowl weekends ago, Fri- Mon.
    I had a very good idea where she was. The kids and I still worried though.
    Her boyfriend, I’m sorry “friend” told me she “drinks the right amount at my place.”
    Lol. Silly doctors, they thought she should quit.
    That was 18 months ago. Oh the bliss of having her out of our lives.
    Today she is supposed to have a sentencing hearing for her 2nd DUI. The hurricane may postpone that. Whatever happens I hope her jail time does not interfere with a speedy divorce. She was served 18 days ago and as far as I know she has not responded.

  • My Narc Ex’s affair partner told me, “You know, you never knew the REAL (Ms. Cheaterpants).”
    I looked at him a minute and replied, “Know what? You’re absolutely right about that.”
    He didn’t have a comeback.

  • How could I forget in a text she sent to me telling me she was composing an email to explain how things got “to that place”, “it will be all my truth, I am a woman of my word.” I nearly peed myself laughing, sure, her integrity was shining through! Her truths were worlds apart from stbxh’ truths. Who knows who is lying or if either story had a shred of truth? Thats what we’re left with – lies, deception and gaslighting. I have no idea if they actually felt anything for each other or are just plain opportunists who fancied a fuck and went for it….
    In fact everything that woman told me was the most ridiculous excuses to justify her own actions and my husbands horrendous choices, with a bit of blameshifting to myself and her husband thrown in. They didn’t care about anything except themselves and their cheap thrills, sure beats bills and adulting..

  • It’s the frigidity narrative. You know, the cheater wouldn’t need a smorgasbord of strange if the partner at home was a good enough slave. Dance, puppets, dance.

    APs are objectified robots who think their only value (and everyone else’s) is sexual. Their opinions of us are absurd and invalid.

  • I’ve never talked to her but she did write an amazing blog with sex details of their first night together. Up until this point, STBX swore they only danced and talked but had undeniable chemistry. I just saw them last night for the first time since STBX moved out 3 months ago. Luckily it was a big venue and our paths didn’t directly cross. Once STBX spotted me, she started kissing OW but when my friends showed up, she hid behind a pole for most of the night leaving OW out alone in plain view. Trust they both suck!

  • Haven’t read all of the comments, but the AP in my case was a grammar school substitute teacher.

    When I exposed the cheaters to EVERYONE, she texted me that I “should have figured it out and shit the fuck up.” And that I had “handled this whole thing above reproach.”

    I just laughed and responded, “Do you know what that means? Glad to know the school district is wasting their money on a moron.”

    That really set her off. What a fuckeit!

  • I emailed her when I found the emails, after he lied of course. Her response, I am not a homewrecker. He loves you, not me.

    They now live together ????

  • “Preggy, I’ve had to empty my savings account to get a lawyer to remove the posts from shesahomewrecker site!”

    Incidentally, I’m not the one who made the post detailing her actions. But apparently other friends of ours were quite pissed that I was abandoned pregnant for such trash who loved to play the young windowed victim card as she benefited financially off of his death and used the money that is meant to last her the rest of her life to party, not work, not go to school, not parent her kids, but instead just get drunk and fuck married men. She’s a loser of the worst caliber.

    • I should have said, “You quit your job at the mattress store to live off of Social Security survivors benefits. I think, as a taxpayer who’s supporting the widow who fucks married guys, that was MY savings account.

  • I haven’t met the OW/AP/Whatevs yet…but every time there’s an opportunity, she has something better to do like sleep or clean house. x on the other hand is now doing everything I used to do for him (cook, entertain, keep an eye on our daughter, spend time with my replacement).
    My replacement is a Japanese chick from Japan who doesn’t speak English well and holds down the couch, watches tv and holds on to the tv remote while x runs around catering to her lol (my 7 year old blabbers everything). She’s currently here visiting and she will return to Japan at the end of September.
    DD notified me that x told Ayano “I’m going to give you money for the wedding and your wedding dress!!” Never mind that he proposed to her in January of this year and our divorce he dragged out for 18 months wasn’t final until May of this year…*major eye roll* Apparently that made Ayano smile. It made me lol. He’s such a tool! Do you know how many Japanese chicks hook up with military guys to get over here?? He fell for the oldest trick in the book!! Pendejo!
    The best revenge? Living well and flaunting my new body when x comes to pick up baby girl. Ayano is currently trying to lose weight (she is an anomaly-meaning shes very heavy) and i see the window blinds move in the house that used to me mine when i pick up my daughter from her visit.
    That’s right, Ayano…check me out! I’m beautiful, gorgeous and happy…Congratulations on your engagement to “Sparkledick” and have fun with that loser, liar and idiot.

  • Because you know, we are all about the poetry these days – when ex got his new place which he had the balls to stand in our home and say was ‘fortuitous’ and ‘meant to be’ etc while I stood there reeling. When he moves out she posted this on Instagram.

    And then it happens… One day you wake up and you’re in this place. You’re in this place where everything feels right. Your heart is calm. Your soul is lit. Your thoughts are positive. Your vision is clear. You’re at peace, at peace with where you’ve been, at peace with what you’ve been through and at peace with where you’re headed.

    I am not at full meh but I have got to partial meh quicker than I could have thought possible because of stuff like this. A family is torn apart, in tatters and you are stick this on instagram and it’s all right. Sweet jesus you have been seeing him in whatever form behindy back for over a year at this point (right through my dad dying). Why the need to crow over it. I mean have some common bloody decency and feel maybe a little bit bad about what you have done, not act like you have saved him from a fate worse than death. Well he said I was making him I’ll out relationship made him I’ll. Do you think YOU saved him? If you do, more fool
    You stupid stupid girl. And now you are sending messages to my daughter and meeting her and staying with her dads and you don’t even have the balls to tell her you and a couple. Just get a bloody grip. My daughter has more balls than you two do – and in spades. Grow a pair, face up to what you did. Stop hiding behind the ‘she made me ill crap’, admit you had an affair, tell MY daughter the truth. Like I am doing. Instead of writing shit about it on insta. Thank god I got blocked when they knew I saw this stuff otherwise my face would be firmly secured to a sick bucket. You know what…. not my circus, not my monkeys. You are the weakest link. Goodbye!

    • Ain’t that the truth Tracy, they really believe that it will all be different. He even took a picture of our cooking utensils draw, heavily graded and stylised for insta, and made some comment about it being difficult to find something in it as it was so disordered (its a deep drawer and lots of stuff in there) and she wrote … Ooooh itchy – cause everything wasn’t neatly lined up. Really? Probably believe that goes some way to proving was a nightmare partner I was. Of course couldn’t cross him mind to tidy it as was too busy writing poetry, playing the guitar without one single ounce of talent and pretending suddenly that he was a literary soul. When he posted a pic on insta (new fave thing cause she is younger so that is what you do) of the poems Arial by Sylvia Plath we couldnt all help hit think. Well she ended up with her head in an oven, let’s hope you do to. I will come and light the gas if you like.

      I can’t wsit for them to have kids and get a place and rack up real life stress and then a few poems of my own might go there way. Except I wouldn’t waste the ink. I love Grey Rock!!!!

  • I had a great job with a big corporation when my now ex was in law school. We moved to his hometown and he got a job with a law firm. When he started his own practice at 30, she called him up and wanted a job. I knew she was going to be a problem at 30, all of our fights were about her or his drinking. Fast forward 27 years, I finally got the proof via his phone was on speaker. So the next day I went to his office and confronted both of them. She smirked at me when I gave her the words she said to my husband the night before. My husband said nothing of course. So, long story short, 4 kids, 3 miscarriages, a child with cancer, stay at home mom and a horrible mother in law and I was 57 years old. I divorced him, got 60% of everything including his law firm(hehe) and the OW/Jesus Cheater/secretary sends me a nice fat check every month. I hope both of them are very happy together.

  • I have never spoken with CFMD directly. She has at the very least, co written emails to me under the name of my ex. When I found out her secret (untreated mental illness and child abuse that resulted in her having zero rights to her own kid) she texted me that “How dare you! Who do you think you are? I will have you living in a shack in the street for this!”

    Then after she married my ex, she started making home made meals for my kids (who are barred by our decree to ever being near her because of her past) and having my ex give our kids hand written recipe cards to pass onto me. Bitch, I don’t need your recipe for eggplant lasagna!

    I don’t know if she really thought we would bond over her recipe cards – but I do know that she is hurt that I ignored her overtures of friendship.

    • Calm, Nanthony approached me after stalking, harassing, and running me off the road. She wanted to make peace. Talk about mental illness.

      Yeah, thanks for taking that off my hands. Live with it. I swear image management is the only motive.

  • Presumably a dumped OP didn’t say anything stupid, she was spot on “ he’s a selfish git, all he thinks about is his cars” was a phone call I got. She apparently was a crazy woman who just went round breaking up marriages, they were even restraining orders on her ( rolls eyes) but he hadn’t had sex with her or anything!
    Later he told me, “ these (plural) woman are just revengeful, it’s all lies”
    I didn’t reply but what’s lies? You don’t know what they’ve said, how can you say something is a lie when you dont know what it is, moron!

  • She told me, “Effie, he never told me he loved me, if that helps.” (No. It does not. It’s even more degrading. And oddly very disturbing since he continues to maintain to this day that your four-year Long-distance emotional affair didn’t include sex. R-i-i-i-i-ght.).

    She also said, “You know he’s very proud of your talent as a writer.” (Well thanks, Schmoopie, for patting me on the head. Andhe thinks you’re a pretty swell wet hole to poke too. See, we great writers can be patronizing too.)

    • She feels pity for you. That’s why she said that compliment… Well you are the one who should feel sorry for her because she WON. A cheater. What a prize!

  • I saw their messages: OW and cheater complained to each other that “relationships are difficult”, then proceed to arrange a time and place for “a hug”. At that time cheater is unemployed, I was so busy with work all I ask from him is to get dinner organised but apparently that makes a relationship “difficult”. I wonder who’s doing the cooking now…

  • The HOworker said to me: “WE didn’t mean to hurt you. It was not against you. We planned it differently but things just happened… ”

    I don’t need your pity. Go f**k yourself.

  • She knew I was his partner even though he denied it. She was his neighbor. His explanation to her of my being at his house on the weekends was that I was a close friend…no sex. As I packed my car leaving him for good, she comes up to me and says, you’re (the fuckwad’s) girlfriend aren’t you? I said no, we’re not even friends, why? She proceeded to tell me some personal details that helped me figure out she was the OW. She went as far as telling me about her mom battling cancer. I felt sad for her because I just lost my mom to cancer the previous year. Looking back, I feel like she was using her mom’s illness to get information on his status.. Maybe she needed someone to listen to her….I don’t know. I’m done figuring out the skein of fuckupedness.

  • The Troglodyte started dating someone (not the AP who had dumped him) after moving out of our home, but before we were officially divorced. Our divorce was quite difficult and I am mostly NC. I have heard from him occasionally and he tells me his new fiancée keeps telling him to be nicer to me. I’ve never met or talked to her. But, she knows he is horrible to me and keeps telling him to be nicer.

    So she knows what he is capable of but thinks she is special.

  • I texted the prostitute for intel.

    Stupidest thing she said in the thread:

    “I’m not a girl that does sex for money or anything. But were stuck paying 2000 a month for rent and its the only way we won’t be homeless also were 5 months pregnant so being out on the street is not an option. We do a couples massages a week to make enough money for rent until we can get into an apartment.”

    (the thread also explains how after a couples massage, he gets to watch them get intimate and then is offered a bj or hj)

    Ya, that might get me 70/30 and Ali ’til ???? do us part.

    • Well, at least there’s no “you don’t understand, we’re soulmates” crap. Just, “look, it was a choice between fucking your hubby or being homeless, and I needed a house.”

  • Hi Chump Lady! Haven’t checked in here for ages. I had one phone convo with the AP from cheater’s phone. After I asked her several times why she was calling my husband (it took Ms Vacuous a long while to understand the question) she said: “Ooooh I don’t know you” and hung up.

  • OW 1 sent my XH an email saying she had had an epiphany about why their relationship hadn’t worked out( could’ve been because he was married to me, maybe?), but she couldn’t spell epiphany.
    OW2 sent XH a long sext interspersed with descriptions of her cooking, because she knew he didn’t get home cooked meals.Dear me, I obviously dreamed all that cooking and baking that I did throughout our entire marriage.
    OW 3, the current future Mrs XH, sent me a long text after she found him in bed with OW2, saying she was going to throw herself off a bridge. But she didn’t, they got engaged later, and we’re all supposed to pretend that the whole thing never happened.Five weeks before they got engaged he was going out with OW1- he likes to recycle.

  • Can I play? I am a huge fan of this site, but I know not necessarily a welcome one as I am attempting to reconcile. CL has guided my thinking on what “real remorse” should look like. I go forward with that foundation.

    So, here’s my conversation (and backstory) with AP.

    We were living overseas. The kids and I had gone home for summer break. My husband followed three weeks later. He traveled from overseas part of the way with his AP, as her route was 2/3rds of the way to his final destination, to the kids and me. Her carry-on was overweight, so she stuffed some of her belongings into my husband’s carry-on and then forgot to retrieve them before she departed the airport, and he got on the final leg of the flight.

    Before I found out, he had written to her asking for her address so he could send her the left behind things. I then found out about her, and he cut off contact with her after sending a “no-contact” e-mail that was far too conciliatory and kind for my taste. She never sent an address but did keep e-mailing him, stating he must contact her, if he did not contact her, she would be filing a missing person’s report and/or a police report for the recovery of her things. Upon ultimate d-day, he finally wrote to her that he had trashed all of her belongings, that she was just being used for sex and flattery and he had no feelings for her, yadda, yadda. And, to leave him alone, to never contact him again.

    She wrote back that he was lying about her things. At this point, I wrote to her myself.


    I honestly don’t know what will happen with my marriage. I am shattered into a billion little pieces.

    I am the one who destroyed all of your belongings. I figured out what had happened a few hours after he sent you the e-mail asking for an address to send your stuff. I saw all the emails and found your things. I was so angry that I ripped apart your blouse, I stomped on your perfume box, then I tore the view screen of the camera and jumped up and down on it. I took out the picture card and cut it in half. This was when I thought you were the first and only. Obviously, you were only the tip of the iceberg.

    As I said, I am broken, shattered and confused. The person I loved most in the world did this to me, and you were part of it. I have to find a way beyond this pain – G-d willing. Please let us move on.


    She wrote back with this:

    To: TL

    subject: Do not worry

    Do not worry, TL, thanks for letting me know.

    Take care of him and yourself. Your love for each other will only grow bigger, keep faith in what God can do for you both, and you will see.

    And then a few hours later she sent this:

    To: TL

    subject: hope this helps

    Healing a bruised soul can be a very long journey, TL.
    The hardest part on that journey is to completely forgive the one who has hurt you the most. We want to be forgiven but we forget to forgive others.

    You see I forgave you about the camera and the pictures – they were incidentally with him and very precious to me and my family, unrelated to him.

    You were in pain and I empathise. But do not stay angry with him. From the little I know it seems he was trying perhaps somehow to overpower you.

    Maybe without realizing it you in a different way were trying to overpower him. That happens when one does not realize God really has the higher power.

    If you can both truly forgive each other, then love wins. Forgiving someone is like becoming free and obedient to God at the same time. If you are both able to do that God will heal your marriage. But you must stay the course…as habits must be broken, not cameras. This is what I think may help. Such kind of relationship is worth keeping and not only for the sake of your children, which are very important. Wishing your entire family health and happiness.

    And that was the last of her, or so I thought. A few months later we received a series of e-mails, from her e-mail address, supposedly from a photographer friend, claiming the camera was actually his and demanding money for the camera and the pictures, which now, supposedly, were from his professional shoots on behalf of AP in years prior. He wanted $5000.

    It was a simple point and shoot digital camera and the disk inside was labeled with a date from three years prior. If he really existed, why wouldn’t he write from his own e-mail address? The “friend” claimed to be in touch with an attorney and would be filing a police report if we did not make this right immediately, stating the AP had been victimized enough and that I, TL, should be ashamed of myself for further victimizing AP.

    I wrote back pointing out an entire series of inconsistencies and stated that if they would simply give me their attorney’s name, contact information and ABA# that I would go hire an attorney immediately as I would rather spend thousands of dollars on an attorney fighting this than to be stalked, harassed or blackmailed by AP.

    We never heard from her (or any of her supposed friends) again.

  • Sugarpuss: “Don’t your children deserve to see their father in a healthy relationship?”

    Me: Sure, if he’s ever in one…

  • AP (a young 32 yo golddigging whore who is nearly young enough to be our daughter upon meeting our youngest -4th child age 12): “I never understood people who liked children and babies, they’re just so disgusting! All that poop and stuff! I just never understood it!”

    “Your dad and I are flaky, we just like to have fun, but you’re probably not flaky because you’re like your mom (we’ve never even met bitch, I’m not flaky like you, true, but I’m a hell of a lot of fun????!)”.
    AP to our 17 yo daughter:
    “Your dad and I don’t believe in material things, that’s why we live in a studio apt downtown with only a blow-up mattress on the floor… we just like to have fun!” (X makes $80k a month as a big lawfirm partner and our marital home was a gorgeous 5 bedroom I built (we have 4 kids!) in a diverse suburb with all our friends, great public schools, and creature comforts.).

    “I can’t possibly learn how to cook! Why would I ever want to do that when we can go out for every meal. Plus, I burn water.” (I’m a gourmet cook)

    AP to me: “why no, X didn’t say he had herpes before we had sex… what’s that?” OMFG!!!!!! ????????????

  • I’m a little late to the party I guess, but I just had to post, because the stupid is strong with this one.

    After lifelong-serial-cheating ex admitted to his affair (which at the time I thought was his “only”) with then howorker/now wife, he subsequently told howorker that I knew about them, and then I saw an email thread between them that went something like this:

    Howorker: “I assume from your note that you don’t feel comfortable talking. We have shared a lot, Cheater, and it feels really cold that you would avoid me rather than be UPFRONT and HONEST. I thought you RESPECTED me more than that.” (<——-manipulate much, howorker??)

    Cheater: "Fair enough; sorry. I do need to slow down and sort through this. It's been a lot harder than I thought it would be."

    Howorker: "Cheater, I don't want to be overly sensitive, and I know you have a lot on your mind. But I do think we should be upfront and honest with each other. Until this week, we have been stealing every moment to talk, text, email. You have to admit there has been a change. If you need to take a break to sort things out, I DESERVE to know and not be left wondering where your head/heart is."

    Ugh!!!! The dysfunction and lack of self-awareness!! I mean…..either of them asking for or expecting honesty or transparency from the other is just laughable and beyond the pale….but the irony is totally lost on them!! And for her to imagine that she actually DESERVED anything – including "respect???" I mean, it's just breathtakingly arrogant. Sick and pathetic.

    • Oh SHE deserved to know? Not his wife, she could be kept in the dark until convenient, but the sideho? Yeah, she really had a right to know things.

  • I am late to the party too but I had to post this gem.

    At dday I found several texts and emails between (now) Owife and ex. One of the emails was entitled “Some thoughts” cuz apparently she had some.

    In said email she professed her profound devotion to her new found passion to my (then) husband. It said something like this: “I have gone most of my marriage without passion; probably all of it, but now that I have found it, I know I can’t live without it.” In fact it was “worth any price she had to pay to keep it.”

    So what if that price was my children’s in tact family and her (now) ex-husband’s idea that he had a faithful wife. Two families were worth whatever price she had to pay. I sent those emails to her ex while they were going through a divorce, hoping to help him connect the dots.

    As I understand it (from the stalking banshee herself) he refused alimony and any contact from her. I was supposed to believe “that was my fault” and if “I set out to hurt her, I only hurt him.” Yes, because it wasn’t what she did, it was my divulgence of her bad behavior that was the problem. Not to mention the fact that she is so wrapped up in herself she didn’t realize that him cutting her out of his life was actually a win for him.

    Meh. At the end of the day, she did me a huge favor. Not that I’ll ever say thank you but I know what she’s “won” and I know what I wake up grateful for every day. #winning!

  • As told to me by fuckwit ex:

    “You wouldn’t be leaving Chump for me; you would be leaving for your own personal growth and development.”

    May she develop chronic boils on her bum.

  • Sociopaths, all of them. As my therapist used to say about ex, “he can’t see past the end of his own nose.” Everything is always about them and what they want, and anyone or anything else be damned. This truth has been tough for me to contrast with the ideal I naively thought was my ex. As cheaterssuck said, we’re better off without them.

  • Hearing lists of all the people (men, women, animals??) I supposedly slept with, from her. Hearing about the kinky sex I supposedly instigated, unlike their really healthy scene. Oh the poor guy had so many reasons to step out with her, she was just saving his victimized butt.
    I was running around, stealing his clothes, all the jobs he lost were my fault (except the park ranger at the park he was working for, who caught him pulling it out to pee outside, that ranger was just out to get him). Everything that ever happened to that guy was somebody else’ s fault. And if I lost him, that was all my fault. (To my credit, as I now think).

  • “Let him go so we can finally be together!”

    “Our relationship has been going on longer than your entire marriage, so obviously we’re meant to be!”

    I’m paraphrasing here, but yes. She is that insane.

  • I found out my ex was cheating and contacted the other girl. My ex told other girl, “I knew if I told you the truth you wouldn’t have stayed.” WTF!

  • OW: “I know how your kids feel. My Dad left my mum and us for another woman and then made us call his new woman Mum”.

    Me: No shit Sherlock! Can you please re read what you just sent to me? Re-read it one million times until you understand what you just sent me”

  • Life is so rarely uncomplicated. Paths converge and diverge. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I know I want to do it with my knight. Is this love? I don’t know but I know for sure it’s joy.

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