Worst Gift Ever?

Well, I threatened to do this Fun Friday challenge after my birthday thread (a pen… a tie-dyed motif license plate cover…) on Worst Gifts Ever.

It takes some consideration of your partner to come up with a good gift. Narcissists tend not to tune in to the needs of others. So gifts are either impression management (BEHOLD! I PRESENT YOU WITH A GILDED PONY!) or something they have around the house (BEHOLD! I PRESENT YOU WITH A TICTAC!) or nothing at all. They suck at gifts.

But weirdly you may never suck at gratitude for their shitty gifts. OMG, a tictac! I’ll treasure it always. Not: I’ll need to discuss a pony with the co-op board… They had to expend an entire kibble to give you a gift, however much it inconveniences you, so you better return their investment with extra kibbles. (OMG! We’ll name a museum wing for you!) This is how the game is played.

Your challenge today is to tell me about the weirdest, crappiest gift you got — AND how you repurposed it, or imagine repurposing it.

GladIt’sOver once received a half-eaten box of Wheatena cereal, which has been immortalized as a cartoon. Because nothing says “I’m thinking of you” like a box of used whole-grains.

How could we repurpose it? Cook it into sludge and force feed it to certain members of the legal Establishment? Spoon it in, then hands over their mouths until they swallow or choke? (Chump Lady is feeling very stabby today.) JUST A YOUTHFUL PRANK! That I cannot recollect BUT I KNOW IT WAS NOT WHEATENA CEREAL. I have NEVER choked anyone with hot malted goodness! I was busy earning MERIT BADGES.

Sigh.

Bad gifts. Tell me about them. And TGIF!

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No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
5 years ago

This isn’t a gift I received from my FuckedUp Unicorn, but what my dear friend received from her idiot then-husband. Her 40th birthday. He has band practice at their house and once again, she has made the house sparkle and provided a marvelous spread.

He gave her a bag of cotton balls.

His bandmates jaws dropped wide open when they found out not only was it her birthday, but what he had given her. THEY went out and bought her something and presented it to her the next day. Why the next day? Because they stayed overnight due to alcohol consumption. Every time there was band practice at their home she prepared a wonderful spread of food, planned on having people stay the night AND made a fantastic breakfast the next day.

Her then-husband said she was a lousy housekeeper and cook.

I was so happy when they got divorced.

Chablita
Chablita
5 years ago

I got a $5 saw for my birthday one year. We just happened to be in the hardware store so he grabbed it and said “here, this is your birthday present”. WTF?! Lol!!

Kathleen Bauer
Kathleen Bauer
5 years ago

My husband gave me coconut lotion and sea salt scrub. Seems like a pretty nice gift huh? I was thrilled, he was thinking about me! He cared enough to buy me a gift! He never gave me gifts, so sweet. Well, apparently his mistress really wanted a gift and complained all the time that he never gave her gifts. He bought three sets, one for his mom, one for me, and one for Skeletor.

Lilly
Lilly
5 years ago

Cotton balls, that’s generous!! You can use them to remove your make up at least. Mine forgot my B-day 3 times in 12 years and last time cooked me a burnt omelette and left me alone in my room to go play with his gaming friends. “Fun” times!!

brit
brit
5 years ago

A BMW I didn’t want but he told me he would be insulted if I refused. Six months later he left and during the divorce told the judge the car wasn’t a gift but I whined until he bought it. Judge made me responsible for the payments for a car I didn’t want. I wasn’t working and he’s an airline pilot.

Nikki
Nikki
5 years ago
Reply to  brit

Pilots seem to be the common denominator…mine cut me off when I left after my friend showed me his tinder account.. We lived abroad I came home suitcase in hand and no job. Piece of shit gave me nothing on several events which is funny now I guess… We are still married he has a fiancé and baby on the way now, court will be fun!

Pulmafool
Pulmafool
5 years ago

My ex gave me many awful gifts, and after reading all these responses I realize the one nice one was actually all about him.
So the worst: soap for Christmas. It was handmade and lavender, my favorite, but soap?
When he got a huge promotion he brought me a pair of diamond earrings. Said he was a big mucky muck and wanted to do something for his wife. Really, I think he wanted me to be more conventional. His new baby mama is 22 years younger and has an LV diaper bag. My kids have a large college fund because I never cared about that stuff. Dirtbag actually wants someone who thinks being married to a doctor is a thing, as opposed to someone who actually loved him.

MushroomCloud
MushroomCloud
5 years ago

My stbx wasn’t very imaginative, so he insisted I give him exact list of things I wanted and he’d pick what to buy me. I didn’t like this but he would stomp his feet until I did as asked.

Worst gift was a LV bag I picked out. So, I loved it if course, until I found a receipt a couple years later that he bought a new affair partner the EXACT SAME BAG. Can’t make this up, he is lazy as hell and used my good taste to impress his new whore d’jour.

I’m requesting to be credited back in the divorce for spend on any affair partners. It’s all I can do at this point.

nutmegpixy
nutmegpixy
5 years ago
Reply to  MushroomCloud

Ditto MC. My ex gave me a Tiffany necklace and Coach purse because I found the receipt!! He never bought me anything extravagant like that . They all use the same playbook

SoManyQuestions
SoManyQuestions
5 years ago
Reply to  MushroomCloud

Mine also did the “give me a list” routine. At least I get something I like instead of another generic cucumber watermelon bath set. I hate that scent. I have told him but I’ve gotten so many from him over the years.
I did get a mirror from him one year. He said, “here, because you like to look at yourself”.
And he doesn’t wrap gifts. I think some years he genuinely tried but he is so self absorbed he doesn’t even know me after 23 years.
Most holidays he just says, “should I get you something?” I just say “no, I’ll get myself something.” And I do.

OhHellNo
OhHellNo
5 years ago

Ditto. Mine were put under the tree in the FedEx or UPS boxes they arrived in. All with exorbitant shipping prices because he would buy one thing for me every year online like two days before Christmas. Fucktard.

Granny K
Granny K
5 years ago

I bet none of his band members were surprised when they got a divorce.

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
5 years ago
Reply to  Granny K

No, they weren’t and they gave him hell for his behavior before, during and after the divorce.

I wish we had had weather conducive for freezing those cottonballs to his car!

Egans
Egans
5 years ago

5 mini jars of jam. In a triangle box. Cos. Xmas! But it was a step up from the $250 voucher he accidentally put in the bin with the rubbish the year before. His narc mother helped cover that one up. That from a man who got run down on the road chasing a cigarette that blew away.

Indomitable
Indomitable
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Not sure where you live No Shit, but up here in Canada, we would wait until the temperature drops below zero, wet those cotton balls and stick them on the F**kwit’s car. Excellent therapy.

CurlyChump
CurlyChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Indomitable

What a fantastic idea! I have to keep this one in my bag of tricks just in case LadyLiar ever tries to reappear. She LOVES her car.

Its A Journey
Its A Journey
5 years ago
Reply to  Indomitable

I LOVE it!

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Right?!

I was standing right there when he did it too. It took me a minute or two to realize that was it. It wasn’t a gag gift and he had the real one stashed in the car or something. Nope. Cottonballs. He didn’t even tape a bow onto the plastic bag or wrap it.

But holy shit he did present it with a lot of ceremony.

Asswipe.

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago

Cottonballs…what a piece of shit.

WhoamInow
WhoamInow
5 years ago

After he lost weight for his twinkle twat he gave me his old jeans to wear because he didn’t need them anymore. And for the record they were still too large but WTH? They were re-purposed by Goodwill.

That’s about it though as he never gave me a gift for any special occasions, just promises that he would as soon as he was paid….sigh. Why did I put up with that crap?

Thankful2bsolo
Thankful2bsolo
5 years ago
Reply to  WhoamInow

I got lots of promises too!!! The only time he fulfilled one was when his football booster president gave him shit about missing my birthday & that with everything I did for the kids on the team I deserved no less than a Coach purse. That weekend (after football ended & on Black Friday) we went to the Coach outlet for a purse. BUT that was just for him to keep up appearances. Otherwise it would have been more empty promises like every other year.

When I turned 40, his mom was sick & he was using her failing health to never be around. I found out on Jan. 2nd that he had been having an affair the entire time. I didn’t get so much as a happy birthday text on my birthday. I took myself & my kids out to dinner where they ordered dessert. No gift, no happy birthday. A little less than a month later it was his birthday and as usual like a good chump, I set up a birthday dinner at his parents house so his mom would have one last birthday with him. HE didn’t thank me; he got angry with me. And was late getting there! I can only assume it was because he was with the other woman now. Nothing was EVER good enough for him but I better have liked my shit sandwiches or else!

MLM Radar
MLM Radar
5 years ago
Reply to  WhoamInow

Empty promises. Yep. I sure can relate to that one. The Alcoholic never had enough money to buy gifts for anyone but himself. But that didn’t stop him from making promises, not to me or the kids.

The worst part was when he promised the kids something expensive, promised to pay for it, and told me to make the arrangements (read: first and only family trip to Disneyland). So I made the hotel reservations, booked the flights (“I’ll pay you for that as soon as_______”), got the Disney guidebooks, got the travel DVD, made plans with the kids about what they wanted to do…..

I used my credit card to pay the hotel deposit and the admission ticket package. He promised the money would be there when the bill came due. The kids’ excitement was intense.

The bill for the flights and deposit came due. He encouraged me to just make the minimum payment; he was a little short this week….

We did make the trip. The kids had a wonderful time. The Alcoholic did too, sort of. He spent the evenings drinking, slept the mornings away, joined us in the parks in the afternoons for a while, and complained about how the parks were closing “too early” so he only got to see part of it. At the restaurants he didn’t hesitate to order appetizers, expensive entrees and fancy desserts. He was on vacation, and he was going to enjoy himself. (“Get your fork off my dessert. If you want one then order one for yourself.”)

Everything went on MY credit card: flights, hotel, meals, park tickets, you-name-it. He got the thanks, and never paid a dime. It took me over two years to pay off that trip, which is why it was the only Disney trip we ever made.

Another lady who worked at my office, and was paid less than me, went to Disney with her family every single year. That hurt, knowing that it was something I should have been able to afford but never could. But she’d made a far better husband choice than I did.

FuckingDoorMat
FuckingDoorMat
5 years ago
Reply to  MLM Radar

I’m sorry, but were we married to the same guy?
Did he wait until you flew back home from your trip to announce that he was leaving you?
Like… he doesn’t love you enough to stay with you, but loves you enough to mooch a week-long Disney vacation? Loves you enough to use your debit card to buy himself souvenirs?

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
5 years ago
Reply to  MLM Radar

Weird how Disney brings out the tantrum-throwing child in Cheaters. My in-laws promised our kids a trip to Disney–it was supposed to happen when they were a few years older. They forgot.

My EX called his father and raged at him about he was breaking promises to children. His father responded with abject apologies and an immediate promise to make the trip my EX’s birthday present that very month (they didn’t normally give large birthday presents). My EX got even more enraged and said it was HIS birthday, so there was no way he wanted an all expenses paid family vacation. He wanted a gift for HIM.

Reasonably, my father in-law retracted the offer and sent him a typical gift.

I planned a Disney trip as my kids had been anticipating one for several years at this point. My EX first said we couldn’t go because WE would be insulting his parents. I did not give in. His parents were invited to join us at the park, were they so inclined. They thanked me and declined (they were elderly and really not up to long walks and long days). Eventually, the kids and I by ourselves.

My EX went on a fishing trip with male friends. None of those guys even speak to him anymore.

Although I found all of it hard at the time, with 20/20 hindsight I know our Disney trip was a lot more fun without him than it would have been had he been with us complaining about everything and making the whole trip revolve around him.

Patsy
Patsy
5 years ago
Reply to  Eilonwy

What is it about Disney!

We went. The youngest was too small to go on the rides.

That meant that I stood at the bottom of EVERY SINGLE RIDE with the littlest, whilst super dad rode on every single one with the two who could.

I remember the Disney holiday well, because how hard I had to spackle to not notice what was completely obvious: how selfish he was, and how I did not feature in his thinking or consideration at all.

I was a very angry, depressed and anxious person. That of course, was another burden he had to bear.

Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
5 years ago
Reply to  MLM Radar

MLM….we went to Disneyland often, went big, many years more than once a year, had what I thought was the most fun ever, and he still was a cheater…..

MLM Radar
MLM Radar
5 years ago

Oh, I understand. Cheaters and buttholes come in all packages. If I had to guess it sounds like you got one who made you part of the impression management front. It must have been pretty good, in some ways, until one day it just wasn’t any more.

Mine took a different route. Financial infidelity and alcoholism were part of the package. His never having enough money left for family needs or savings, despite having a nice income, was one mark of how little concern he had for me. For years his only gifts to me were empty promises and verbal abuse about how stupid I was.

I was fully invested in dancing to the tune of “do what’s necessary to keep the family together.” But when I realized he’d stolen and sold irreplaceable family treasures I received from my parents and grandparents, I was furious. I also realized that I no longer gave a damn about any of his needs.

My dancing ended shortly afterwards.

Facepalm
Facepalm
5 years ago
Reply to  MLM Radar

I told my ex last year I wanted *desperately* to take the kids to Disney before my eldest got much older/too cool. We had been through so much and struggled so hard for so many years, and both of us had just finished school and licensing- as soon as we got set in our jobs, we shouldve been making really good money. He raged against me, telling me I was a selfish b*tch, and how dare I tell others we were going to Disney like it was some edict. He was seriously angry and “resentful” (his word) that I wanted that and told others. A few months later, I discovered his decade-long betrayal and hardcore prostitute habit. He was actually pissed he would have to save money to spend on our kids’ happiness instead of blowing it all on playing russian roulette with his dick. He ran away when I told him I knew and the divorce was final last year.

I get the part about others getting to do cool things for their kids all the time and feeling sad that mine have to miss out bc I chose a worthless halfwit for a mate. It hurts. Im glad you got to go, nonetheless- pleanty never do.

I just got back from Disney with my mom and my boys last week. We had a great time. Took a lot of willpower not to take a pic of me w mouse ears in front of the castle flipping the bird and using it as my facebook profile pic. 🙂

chutesandladders
chutesandladders
5 years ago
Reply to  Facepalm

Same. We never had enough money for Disney. And he once said he hated the idea of going to Disney. Because (in his words ISYN), “Disney is a “dry” park and I’m not spending that kind of money to not drink.” And, “I hate Disney since Walt died.”

Even the $10K his mother told me she gave him for the trip was mysteriously “invested.” Chumpy me never once considered he had “invested” it in himself and exit plan.

When we were divorced, the first trip he and his skank/would-be-insta-mom took two of our three sons (the middle son was on to him long before the other two) was… DISNEY!

My two sons who went still shudder when they talk about it. Their “Disney Memories” include not having enough food to eat all week, being forced to take selfies with the happy couple, having to pretend to be nice to a strange woman they knew Dad had left me for, etc. The worst, however, was sharing a room with the happy “new insta-parents.” Dad and Skanky slept in the bed next to the one they had to share. My oldest son woke up in the middle of the night to look over and see his father getting a blow job.

Chumptopia
Chumptopia
5 years ago

There are no words Chutes….good gawd all mighty…your son got to witness a BJ between daddy and his skank whore while visiting Disney Land. **BARF** Please pass the brain bleach. Despicable gross disgusting pieces of shit.

Her Blondeness
Her Blondeness
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumptopia

OK, I just woke the dog with the involuntary EWWWWWW after reading that. Brain bleach, indeed. My God, *who* does that?

PianoMom
PianoMom
5 years ago
Reply to  Her Blondeness

Sick, exhibitionist cheating bastards do that kind of thing, that’s who. How much do you wanna bet they got off on the idea? Stupid, narcissistic assholes.

twiceachump
twiceachump
5 years ago

OMG it’s just so freaking unbelievable!!

So Done
So Done
5 years ago

One year, for my birthday, my STBX bought me a clothes hamper. He seemed surprised that I wasn’t thrilled with his gift — “You’ve been wanting a new hamper,” he said.

The best part? From then on, whenever I brought up the fact that he gave me a hamper for my birthday, he would deny that he gave me a hamper for my birthday. “That wasn’t your birthday gift,” he would say. “I just bought the hamper because we needed it.”

Good God. How I do not miss his lying, his gaslighting, his alternate facts, and his alternate reality.

thisissochumpedup
thisissochumpedup
5 years ago
Reply to  So Done

The gifts have progressively gotten worse. Since I now “know” he’s a lying cheating scumbag, there is no reason to try to impress on me how wonderful he is. This year I got cast iron skillets, a stack of 3, for my birthday. Should I feel special that he remembered? I’m returning them to the store for the CASH.

ItsAJourney
ItsAJourney
5 years ago
Reply to  So Done

Mine was a waste paper basket. (Not a hamper, but I think if you were to form a club I could potentially be admitted.) Not a dumpy waste basket, but a cream-of-the-crap waste basket…. Stickley. I still haven’t sold it yet; I need to figure out where all the highfalutin cake-eaters shop so I can list it. Anyway, why in the world, when your marriage is on thin ice, would a man buy his wife a waste basket for Christmas? These gifts really do say a lot, don’t they? My guess is that ,subconsciously, he was ready to throw it all away.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  So Done

I tended to like the practical gifts that I could use but ex didn’t want to give me those kids of gifts because a normal woman wouldn’t want them and he wanted me to be “normal”. One year I asked for a spice wrack for my birthday because I was tired of digging through the spice cupboard looking for the spices I needed. He bought me a spice wrack but then some woman at work told him he couldn’t possibly give me a spice wrack because that would imply that he expected me to cook. I liked cooking. Anyway, he listened to her and didn’t give me the spice wrack and I got nothing for my birthday that year which was unusual because he was usually better about gift giving. When I asked him about later that’s when I go the explanation and finally convinced him to reluctantly hand over the spice wrack so I could make use of it. What bothered me most is that he chose to listen to the opinion of another woman over the expressed desires of his actual wife. He was always like that, however. He was always easily influenced by the people he didn’t know well, but impervious to the influence of those to whom he was close and whose opinions should have mattered more to him. I guess he figured that I already thought he was great so he didn’t need to listen to or please me, but he had to listen to acquaintances in order to get them to like him too.

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
5 years ago

Interesting point. I always wondered why my EX almost always gave me silver jewelry (not real silver, but silver colored) when I have always expressed a preference for anything but silver colored jewelry. Now, I’m thinking it might have been due more to his preference to impress or flirt with the sales woman. But your point that a desire to impress strangers makes a lot of sense in a number of important ways.

CC
CC
5 years ago
Reply to  So Done

I hadn’t received any gifts for years. Not after I mentioned that I didn’t want another gift certificate for an online jeweler for the third year in a row (I had enough of that particular jewelry). But for the last Christmas he gave me a hamper because I had been wanting a new one. It wasn’t the one I wanted but I was happy to get anything at that point. How sad is that? Two months later he discarded me.

Hope Springs
Hope Springs
5 years ago
Reply to  CC

Wow….there is a hamper theme. Me too????????????. Still have it. But I like it….nice wicker with a cotton liner and a hinged lid. because “I ” like it I will keep it! And every time I do the laundry I will remind myself how lucky I am not to be doing his laundry anymore. Asshole

AC
AC
5 years ago
Reply to  Hope Springs

My cheater got shitfaced drunk, stumbled over the wooden hamper, and crushed it. He promised to replace it so long as I told him where to find one like it.

I did. I found the hamper on the store’s website, printed out the page, gave it to him. He promised to take care of it “at the end of the week.”

He never did. After waiting a month, and asking several times, I finally bought a replacement hamper myself.

Then he told me I was too impatient.

Rally Squirrel
Rally Squirrel
5 years ago
Reply to  AC

The now-ex’s “I’ll take care of it” became a running joke (in my mind) because whenever he said that, I could bank on it never getting done until I finally heaved a big sigh and did it myself. Their words do not mean what you think they mean.

MartD
MartD
5 years ago

A small 3 euro stone heart with a text on it. “I love you to the moon and back”. To say sorry for her affairs. And she gave herself a 100 euro tattoo as well with “my crazy life” as a theme.

Somehow she didn’t understand that her banging a tattoo artist 2 weeks after our marriage (and for the entire period until I caught her 1.5 years later) made me trigger on the fact that she got a tattoo during reconciliation.

No.. it didn’t work out.

TheFooledTwiceDad
TheFooledTwiceDad
5 years ago
Reply to  MartD

My wife and I discussed getting tattoos. We discussed going to a tattoo party together. The point is we discussed doing it together. The hangup was I didn’t know what I wanted to get. So 2 months after DDay#1, she got her own tattoo up the back of her neck. When she told me she was going, I said that I thought we were going to do it together. Her response was that I couldn’t decide and she was ready to get one. So much for trying to reconnect. That tattoo is a daily reminder of her discard/abandonment post-DDay#1.

Clementyne
Clementyne
5 years ago

My stupid stbx made fun out of me when I got my tatoos, but one month after he left, he got a huge blocky sun-looking thing on his right forearm. He got it because he liked it – no meaning behind it and it looks stupid. He looks ridiculous with it and every time I see it I think of his skank whore.

Sagefemme
Sagefemme
5 years ago
Reply to  MartD

I’m so sorry. I have affair related tattoo triggers now too. Ugh

susan devlin
susan devlin
5 years ago

My ex, used to get me terrible clothes, but his friend gave his wife a vacuum cleaner, his friend cheats as well, he was currently celebrating his anniversary, who is he kidding. He said his wife would appreciate the vacuum cleaner. His friend always has a smirk on his face, sad bastard

Chumpella de Ville
Chumpella de Ville
5 years ago
Reply to  susan devlin

I trust it was a Hoover?

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
5 years ago

Lucky me, I have a hoover and it is not a vacuum cleaner! (eye roll)

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago

????

Indomitable
Indomitable
5 years ago

Hoover…hahaha

susan devlin
susan devlin
5 years ago

Cheap Argos one,

miss moneypenny
miss moneypenny
5 years ago

On our 20th anniversary we picked up our bowling balls from the shop after we had our initials engraved in them. Fell on that day by coincidence but I guess he felt lucky because he hadn’t purchased me a gift previously. This was just a few months after he talked about having a vow renewal ceremony on our 20th. He made it a point to talk about the ball, how nice it was etc. I bought him a watch. I donated the ball after the divorce. I was married to a real loser. Been free over a year now. Life is so much better!

Adaira
Adaira
5 years ago

Mostly his gifts were of the boring kitchen appliance / practical “thing you mentioned running out of last week” variety. Or stuff you’d buy your mom (red flag!). An immersion blender. Sturdy pajamas. A scarf that I regifted to my 70 year old mom.

The hurtful one was the last Valentine’s Day we were together -two candy bars he wrapped in construction paper and drew a heart on. In crayon. Like a kid would get for his mom. Later found out he was full on into the affair then.

Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
5 years ago
Reply to  Adaira

I might win today not just for Worst Practical Gifts but all categories…

He had given me (not for Christmas) a black plastic Tuff Box (utility box) for the bed of my truck. It was from a truck he no longer owned. A year later, he got a new truck, and one day when I was away from home, took it back and put it on his new truck.

That Christmas, he made a big show of me unwrapping his Christmas present to me. It was a huge box. It had to be opened at his parents’ house! It had to be opened last! With everyone watching! This was during the time I was waiting for him to ask me to marry him…it had to be The Ring! Years earlier for our first Christmas together, he had given me a diamond band, the ring box wrapped in a series of larger boxes like a Russian matryoshka doll. That time it was just a gift of jewelry (which turned out to be one of a set of guards that he bought from a guy at work, probably stolen). This time it would be different! My years of waiting were about to end in a sweet and thoughtful way!

It was a new Tuff Box. The room was silent. His sister said, “I don’t think that’s what she was expecting.”

Fast forward to 2011. He asked me if I wanted a new car. Of course I said yes. We went to the dealer where I picked everything out. We ordered the car. Then the waiting began. When I asked when the car war arriving, the shifting explanations began. Months later, he finally told me HE had decided that WE didn’t need another car and had cancelled the order.

Then he went out and bought himself the tax credit Dodge Ram Hookup truck.

Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
5 years ago

Flash forward 2017….expensive watch from Costco, handed to me not even wrapped. Which I returned to him when I found out he was having an affair when he bought it. Which surprised him, “But it’s your birthday present!”

Later when I saw pictures of her with all her prominent logo accessories (Gucci belt, Vuitton bag, probably fake) I could see where he got the inspiration for my gift, a Gucci bracelet watch. It looked like something she would wear. He probably got one for her too.

Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
5 years ago

And for the Grand (Tour) Finale,

He gave a trip to Paris. I postponed it…I had been recovering from nerve damage and the house went down with my health.
As much as I would love to be in Paris in the spring, I told him I’d feel better staying home getting the house back in order.

After the affair discovery when he was compiling his laundry list of What’s Wrong With Me, he accused me of being a hoarder.

Not2DaySatan
Not2DaySatan
5 years ago

Well. Now I wonder if HE is the Chump?
He gave OVER-THE-TOP gifts. Like literally super expensive. I always told him I’m pretty chill and don’t need all that. All I REALLY want and crave is a quiet dinner, use a coupon even… but one where he didn’t make it about him and how much trouble he went through to spend all his money on me. The gifts were what rich people would give each other. And while nice and appreciated…. they were not ME.
When it came time to give HIM gifts though…. he had extremely expensive taste and expectations. I would be over come with anxiety wondering and fretting it what Inwas thinking of getting him would be enough or appreciated, would he say thank you this time?
Eventually the stress of it became so overwhelming I was the one who stopped giving him gifts.
Last year though, he gave me half of what he normally would (which I am totes ok with) but then I found out that was because he spent the rest (and more) on his sparkly twat-pot-o-mus. The next week he declared he was divorcing me. The following week I found out about twatty-cakes.

Is he the chump?

Silver Anniversary
Silver Anniversary
5 years ago
Reply to  Not2DaySatan

I one got a bonus at work —- unheard of at my company (higher education). I spent almost the whole bonus on new irons for him —- got his brother who was dating a woman who owned a golf course to help pick them out, she gave them to me at cost. They were NICE. I was SOOO very excited I could hardly wait. He opened them, explained I bout him the wrong ones and pouted until his family arrived. I was holding Christmas for 20 of his family —. Most brought nothing, and no one helped. He enjoyed himself not raising a finger to help. I was next to tears all day. After he drank himself silly the nightmare day ended.

He never said thank you, bragged to others about them, and loved those clubs.

Oh, and I had to give him money to buy me Christmas gifts / birthday presents….even if he was working. I realized over time he wasn’t spending it on me…..he spent it on himself. So then I bought my own…..or suggested a gift certificate……then I ruined Christmas for him…..since he didn’t get the little extras any more!

My D Day was 8/10….he was supposed to be gone by 9/21….before my birthday (today). Then he told me if he wasn’t gone he’d get a hotel room. Guess who was sitting in the living room drinking himself silly when our 14 year old and I got back from dinner….yep you guessed it. My don has bowling tomorrow morning—we need to be there by 9:15. Our sone asked what time we would be getting up —- said 7:30 or 8:00….and he asked why we needed to get up so early! So much for keeping even the smallest promises

Path Of Totality
Path Of Totality
5 years ago

My cheating ex was of the impossible-to-please variety, too. Gift-giving to him was a performance, not a way for two people to show appreciation and care for each other (he thought of sex much in the same way).

He once told me I bought him the wrong sport watch after HE sent me a link to the exact watch he wanted. (At least I had proof in that case).

Meanwhile he kept buying me cold-weather camping gear even though I repeatedly told him that I HATED camping in sub-zero temps. That kind of cold is miserable to me.

Ironically, it was his gift of a dozen roses one Valentine’s Day that ignited my spidey-senses. He’d never done that, knew I didn’t like red roses. My first instinct? Ah, he probably bought roses for some other woman (or more than one), then sent some to me as well so he could keep all his gift-giving straight.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  Not2DaySatan

You just described my marriage in terms of gift giving. He was impossible to shop for because he only liked expensive things that he had to pick out himself because I wouldn’t get it right. I started giving him my Christmas bonus money every year because it was in the form of a check rather than direct deposit and I could cash it in and surprise him with the money to spend as he pleased. Not very romantic, but the best I could do.

Sagefemme
Sagefemme
5 years ago
Reply to  Not2DaySatan

This is sort of my story too. My ex was super into image and looooooves spending money so he would always want to buy something. But often “something” was uncomfortable lingerie that he wished I would wear during grabby clumsy sex. Seriously that’s all I got one Christmas. I felt like a doll he was dressing up. Now I realize he was trying to get me to be more like another. Or he’d buy a sex toy he (not me) wanted to try. So glad to be done with that sicko. Just wish others could see through his grade A impression management.

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
5 years ago
Reply to  Not2DaySatan

No. He was all about things that can be seen and are valued by the people sitting in the owner’s boxes, or balconies.

He’s a hollow chocolate bunny. You’re solid chocolate!

Chumptastic
Chumptastic
5 years ago

Worst Gift Ever!!

Valentine’s Day 5 months after D-day #2. I got a sample size of foot lotion and a card that said “Good for one free foot rub”

Spoonriver
Spoonriver
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumptastic

Last xmas …he was moved out (the real gift :)..I got socks.
One time out of the blue he bought me an expensive bike. I hated it because I sensed it was bought out of guilt not love. I sold it.

chumpindenmark
chumpindenmark
5 years ago

This christmas – where we had started seeing a therapist to work on our sexlife – he presented me with… drumroll…. a bicycle helmet!!! No sexy underwear, perfume etc. to show his attraction for me.
No – A bicycle helmet..
His response when I commented on it was: “It shows how much I love you, because I worry about something happening to you and want to keep you safe”..

Rebecca
Rebecca
5 years ago

Let’s just say what the gift was doesn’t matter once I found out that the Affair Partner picked them out and then had ex buy her the larger, more expensive version ????

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

I never got gifts…..yet, in the divorce, I got stuck with the credit card bill she used to buy him expensive, nice gifts.

I’m still making monthly payments.

Stephanie
Stephanie
5 years ago

What a whore. That makes me so mad!

Take a deeeeeeeeeeep breath…think of it as money well-spent. Each payment is like an investment in keeping her away from you. One step closer to freedom. And she’ll be spending someone else’s money now.

chump-pin
chump-pin
5 years ago

Me too.

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
5 years ago

I hate her for you.

Abinormal
Abinormal
5 years ago

When I began to question his friendship with the co-worker I got random impression management gifts…A new car paid in full, a $100 lawn gnome, etc. On holidays that matter, nope. I love England, so for my Xmas gift I got? Toilet paper with the union Jack on it….yeah. Hoped something else was in the bag. All I could say was that it was different with a smile on my face and a sad heart realizing my husband of 7 yrs doesn’t really think about me or know me.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  Abinormal

Ha ha that is so funny. I’m English so I hope there wasn’t a picture of the queen on it – but seriously!!!!!!

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
5 years ago

Not me…..but my little sister:

For her 40th Birthday, Dr. Romance gave her a vintage Playboy from the month she was born. Nothing captures a woman’s heart quite like Miss August 1970.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

Wow, just wow! Sometimes I think these people are just brain damaged and that’s why they behave the way they do. Totally clueless.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago

Hooooooooooly shit.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Yes……especially a woman who was forced to have a partial mastectomy 3 months earlier.

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
5 years ago

I hope his dick snaps off in TwinkleTwat.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Luckily for the entire family, he bailed not too long after that. The ladies of St. Louis are now enjoying that wonderful charm.

Silver Anniversary
Silver Anniversary
5 years ago

Must be the area — my stbx is leaving me and our 14 year old son to move to Wentville MO to be with the scans he had an affair with 25 years ago. Wonder if there is something drawing them to St. Lois and the towns around it!

Jodi Lynch
Jodi Lynch
5 years ago

He was a contractor and knew that I hated the sculptured tile in our house. The grout lines were crooked because the edges of the sculptured tile was not straight. He was working on a job site and laying down wood looking ceramic tiles. I stopped by the job site to bring him lunch one day and saw the wood looking ceramic tiles and fell in love with them.

So for Christmas that year, I got that wood looking ceramic tile floor for our house, but I had to imagine it. He promised he would lay it down after Christmas. No other gifts, not even a card. Just the imaginary floor.

Christmas came and went, so did Easter, Memorial Day, 4th of July and Labor Day. Still no floor.

One day in October he told me about this amazing laminate wood floor he had laid on a job site and brought home a sample to show me. He said it could be laid down over the existing tile and would be a real quick wood floor. It was okay, so I was looking forward to that. Only problem was he was tight on money, so I gave him $1000 for the floor. Yep, paid for my own imaginary Christmas present.

Fast forward to a couple of months when he moved out suddenly because he needed to get his head together after quitting drinking and I asked about the laminate flooring still in the garage. He reluctantly came over and laid about 35 feet of it. I hated it, but kept it to myself ~ thinking anything was better than that damn sculptured tile.

I found out after he was taken to the hospital by his then landlord that he was screwing her and had moved on to a whole new life. Every time I looked at that partially laid laminate floor, I got angry. Something undone, not what I wanted and I had paid $1000 for. It infuriated me.

I took it up piece by piece and loaded it into my car. I drove all the pieces to his construction dumpster and threw them in ~ laughing like a crazed woman as each piece went into his dumpster. Merry Christmas! I yelled as I drove away and never looked back.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

What an asshole.

Shell-shocked-chump
Shell-shocked-chump
5 years ago

The only gifts he would give me were flowers from the gas station that was on his way home and a sexually explicit card of some kind…

OK, great challenge this morning CL, because now I’m reminded of why I’m WAY better off.

Needed this to snap out of a low spot – THANK YOU!

Repurpose to the loser OW…. (which I’m sure he already has! Ahahahaha!!!)

Mg
Mg
5 years ago

I’ll on-up you on those flowers. Mone were hidden in his work duffle bag.
“I don’t want anyone to think I’m in the doghouse” was the attached warcry when he pulled the crushed and wilted flowers out of his bag. I told him “you know, people get their SO flowers out of affection, not just as an apology”. “Oh well, i thought we needed flowers for the kitchen table!”. Anything to be right ????????????

MrsVain
MrsVain
5 years ago

Same. Every year for every valentine’s day, every mothers day, every birthday, and every anniversary I got the left over, half dead roses you get at the grocery store. No card thou. Usually bought the day of the event, so on valentines day morning after I gave him a gift, candy and a card.. . He would not have anything so he would eat then say I will be back or make you an excuse like we need milk, run to the store. Buy whatever flowers were left over and come back to give me. Apparently I was sappose to be surprised and so grateful he took the time.. .. I once told him that I did not care what he got me just begged him please don’t get me flowers. .. . And he STILL got me flowers. Even my then 10 year was like why did you do that dad, mom even asked you not to. His excuse was he thought I meant the NEXT mother’s day, not this one. I hate flowers now.

For Christmas I usually got what I asked for. His gifts were so crappier and nothing I liked or used. (He got me electric scissors once. I never used them.) So I just would tell him what to get me. At least I got what I wanted. He used to tell me that I was so picky (I am NOT picky at all) and that I was so hard to buy gifts for (I actually am not, I love any kind of tools or appliances plus I craft) .. .. .. that he never could find anything I liked. AKA I was never happy with anything he did… ..

Yep and I would have to show proper appreciation for this damn dead flowers and gift I told him to buy. Otherwise, I did not love or appreciate HIM… ..

Never could repurpose the gifts since flowers die and the other gifts I told him what I wanted, but I repurposed the lying, cheating, stealing, trickle truth telling, back stabbing, gaslighting, broke ass alcoholic husband into an EX husband. And found my peace

Shell-shocked-chump
Shell-shocked-chump
5 years ago
Reply to  MrsVain

Received 1 Christmas present from him in 29 years (HELLO red-flag – head-slap).

eirene
eirene
5 years ago
Reply to  MrsVain

Ooh, MrsVain, I’m saving this one:

“I repurposed the lying, cheating, stealing, trickle truth telling, back stabbing, gaslighting, broke ass alcoholic husband into an EX husband. And found my peace.”

A little too long for printing on a coffee cup, perhaps, but what a great inspirational thought to start anyone’s day.

JerseyChump
JerseyChump
5 years ago

Butane cigarette lighter ‘wrapped’ in a white envelope our first Christmas (I think he got from the corner drug store which he walked to on Christmas Eve when nothing else was open.
Last year, he gave DD11 cocktail napkins.
Cocktail. Napkins.

sugarglider
sugarglider
5 years ago
Reply to  JerseyChump

I’m so confused – how did it even cross his mind to give an 11 yr old kid cocktail napkins? Were they printed with some kind of amazing design? Favourite cartoon character? enquiring minds are so confused

YaYa
YaYa
5 years ago

The single Christmas present I received the year before before we split up: A pair of grey, Lands End men’s house slippers, one size too big. Thanks.

2old4drama
2old4drama
5 years ago

Of course my cheater wasn’t much of a gift giver. I should have picked up on it early when the first Valentine’s day I sent him a card. He received it, went out and bought me a card and scanned it and emailed the scan to me. We lived 120 miles apart. Yeah, he never gave it any thought.

IowaChump
IowaChump
5 years ago

When we met, I was a Brett Favre fan – he went overboard with Packers themed gifts (love bombing). What was I supposed to do with all that sports themed stuff???

Later on, I got practical gifts, which was better. Even then I knew he’d get me nice, practical gifts just so he could brag to friends/coworkers.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
5 years ago
Reply to  IowaChump

On the brighter side…..at least it wasn’t Oklahoma Sooner paraphanalia.

Quetzal
Quetzal
5 years ago

On year 2 of wreckonciliation, he gave me a Unicorn mug for Christmas that said “My unicorn understands me”. He said “this is because you say I don’t understand you (re: triggers, need for full disclosure, which he was withholding, etc), so I though maybe a unicorn would”.

I’m not sure he was trying to fool me or that’s genuinely how his mind works. Which is also a good summary quote of the whole relationship with him.

Our first Xmas living together, we decided we both didn’t have good ideas for gifts, so we’d buy each other something we needed: pajamas for me and a gym suit for him. I specifically asked for all-cotton and an XL, he bought me synthetic in a size too small on purpose. Guess who is the hidden fat shamer?

The list goes on…I was most hurt when he insisted on giving me gifts I didn’t want just because he thought I did, no matter how much I said no. The first time he hurt me, gift-wise, is our very first Xmas together (we were in our 20’s) and I hand-drew a bunch of cards for each little gift and then he just left more than half behind, like they were used wrapping paper. I always knew who he was.

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
5 years ago
Reply to  Quetzal

X asshat did this. Had no clue nor care what to get me for my birthday one year so he sat at his work computer one day and loaded up $500 worth of women’s clothes into his virtual cart for delivery. Not a single thing fit, all too small. None of it was to my taste, either, it was just a miss-mash of random shit he plunked in the cart. I cried as I tried on piece after piece in front of him, feeling terrible that nothing fit and feeling fat and on display in some sort of horrific fashion show.

His response was to be mad at me and of course chumpy me took it all on as my fault, I guess I was just so fat. Spent $50 in shipping to return it all and got jack shit zero for myself to replace it.

Most gift-giving occasions were him buying me something the same day or doing an online gift certificate printed out moments earlier. He just didn’t give a shit and blamed me for it all.

Happy fucking birthday to me.

WorkingOnMeh
WorkingOnMeh
5 years ago

For Valentine’s Day one year, my ex gave me furry handcuffs and a strap on head dildo. All I wanted was flowers and a card.

Hop skip and chump
Hop skip and chump
5 years ago
Reply to  WorkingOnMeh

Yeah, me too. Most gifts involved impractical lingerie or awkwardly sexy clothing meant for his enjoyment, not mine. Now how do I repurpose all of this lingerie? I think the trash is where it belongs…

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
5 years ago

Poshmark

Granny K
Granny K
5 years ago

Give it to charity. The people working there would get a chuckle!

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
5 years ago
Reply to  Granny K

Hey! Even the poor or homeless should enjoy sex toys. Imagine the laughter when THAT turns out to be the white elephant prize at the holiday party.

Evendoesitgetbetter
Evendoesitgetbetter
5 years ago

My mother asked him what the plan for vmt birthday was that evening, as she arrived to watch our kids that work day. He pulled out $20 threw in the counter on and said, “Why don’t you pick up a cake or something” and walked out the door.

I didn’t find this out until 2years later post D-Day. Mom spackled….

Martha
Martha
5 years ago

Back story: My birthday was pretty much ignored each year. No presents. No flowers. No cake. No going out for dinner. My “gift” was a card that he’d leave out for me to find — like on the computer keyboard. My 40th birthday rolled around and I thought that maybe this year would be different. Nope. And of course for his birthday I always made a big deal of it — big dinner, homemade cake, presents and cards from me and the kids, invited his family over. I cried myself to sleep on my 40th birthday. A week later, Mother’s Day rolled around. His mommy manipulated me into having a big family party at our home for Mother’s Day. Along with working 30 hours a week and my usual motherly/wifely duties, I cleaned the entire house myself and got ready for the party all by myself. Mother’s Day came and of course I didn’t get a card, present or flowers. On that day while we waited for our guests to arrive, I said to him, “Aren’t you going to with me a Happy Mother’s Day?” And he said and I quote, “You are not my mother.” However I always heard him wish not only his own mom, aunt, and grandma a Happy Mother’s Day, but I had to hear him wish tons of women at church Happy Mother’s Day. I cried that MD too. My now ex-husband said, “I didn’t know” when I told him that it hurt me that he never celebrated my birthday or Mother’s Day. Every single year since we started dating (23 years of this shit), he initiated a birthday lunch date with a female college “friend” that he shared the same birthdate with. Well, now I know that he has lots of female “friends” that he grooms with remembering their birthdays……..

So a year later, for Mother’s Day I got a hedge trimmer. You see, for the entire time we owned a home (15 years), I was the only one who took care of the all the landscaping. Before the hedge trimmer, I used to trim all the bushes (and there were a ton of them and some were very large) with I think what’s called hand clippers. I took the hedge trimmer when I moved out. It’s a reminder to never settle for this shit again.

Dream Fantasy Repurpose: I’d give it to “Dexter” (I just finished watching the series and recommend it to anyone who would like to hear what a psychopath/sociopath/narcissist is really thinking). My ex would be strapped to his home office desk with cellophane. The same desk he’d sit at and masturbate to porn while I was upstairs waiting for him to come to bed. Lined up besides him would be pictures of all the “friends” he cheated on me with and also pics of his harem of women he groomed behind my back while we were married. Dexter would then mindfxck my ex until my ex got to the exact mental state I was in a few years ago.

Stephanie
Stephanie
5 years ago
Reply to  Martha

What. A. Dick.

I’m getting the pattern here. My ex said the same: You’re not my mother. And, of course, *I* was the one who sent HIS mother flowers for Mother’s Day, because I guess not even his own mother rated. (No more flowers from “him” since she threw me under the bus–now he can remember her.) He refused to ever tell me that I was a good mother. I had to train my kids to do something for me on Mother’s Day, and I do it because I deserve it, but mainly because I would be HORRIFIED if they treat the respective mothers of THEIR children the way their father treated me. So I’m training them, even as a chump myself. I will be hounding them every May to insist that they remember their partners on Mother’s Day.

I have gifts I’ve given myself which remind me of how shitty he was to me: a pair of Converse he refused to buy for me (I bought them the next day and get lots of compliments on them, but they mean so much more to me than what anyone realizes), a used book he refused to buy for me ($10?). I even have a bracelet from a trip I took to NYC with my girlfriends around my birthday. It was supposed to be a trip to a major city an hour away, because I couldn’t afford to go all the way to NYC as my girlfriends and I had hoped (we were spending thousands of dollars a month on what HE wanted, so money was tight for me on my part-time pay). He could have paid for an airline ticket and one-third of a hotel room, no problem. But, hands in pockets, he refused. So my friends and I decided to go less expensive. It would have been a GREAT time, too! But, instead, THEIR husbands paid to surprise me, and instead of meeting our friend from out of town at the airport, they swept me away on a plane! THAT is true love! <3

unicornomore
unicornomore
5 years ago
Reply to  Martha

In reference to your Cheater taking Ho out for birthday … yes, my Cheater ruined my birthday and D day was caused by a loveletter he wrote to her for her birthday. Suckfest

2timechump1timecaller
2timechump1timecaller
5 years ago

Honestly he always did fine with gifts, they were thoughtful or something he knew i liked but was too pricey to splurge on the rest of the year (perfume, date night shopping for clothes etc). We were very average with gift giving. Some years big, thoughtful gifts and other years were more of the “I tried my best” variety. That’s part of what hurts about the ending of our marraige. So much of it was normal and good, i got sick of trying to convince him that we were average and that after almost 15 years together it’s normal to not feel like h orny teenagers anymore.

Then he’d do something ridiculous like get drunk and tell me how unattractive i was and that i put in no effort and did nothing around the house. I think he thought because sober him didn’t treat me that way that what drunk him did, didn’t count…..i digress

Right after the 1st emotional affair he bought me a ring for valentines day. I spackled the crap out of that and wore it with my wedding rings as we were “working on our ‘second’ marriage and reconciling”. He later told me he only bought it because he was with a friend who bought his wife one and since we were going out to dinner with them on a double date, he figured he should too. I cried when he gave me that ring cause it meant so much to me. I recall him being shocked i was so emotional over it. that was a chumpy moment 🙁

Two Awesome Sons; One Amazing Daughtet
Two Awesome Sons; One Amazing Daughtet
5 years ago

I’ve told about mine several times before. These cheesy wall plaques depicting “country” scenes of children doing various things. Something you might find hanging on the wall of your insurance agent or dentist’s office. He had obviously picked them up last minute on the way over to have cake with my family and myself, because I found scissors and wrapping paper in his car when we went out later.

Months later, my bestie and I were drunk, and she threw stuff at them, laughing, still in their packaging.

He was one of the least appreciative gift receivers I have ever met, too. I can’t recall a carefully, lovingly chosen gift that he ever appeared to appreciate. I used to write it off as us being from different cultural backgrounds, but, when I gave his brother and SIL a baby gift, they were delighted and put the little outfit on him right away. So, I think it was just him. ????

DistrUght
DistrUght
5 years ago

My STBXH was actually very thoughtful at gifts, apart from Mother’s Day (maybe he thought our young children would trot off to town in their own and get something?). I do have a rubbish gift story though. For our 15th wedding anniversary he bought me the most gorgeous necklace and earrings. What’s awful about that you might think? Two days later he announced ILYBNILWY for the 3rd time and said he was leaving!!!! I was left totally baffled why someone who didn’t love me anymore would go to such great lengths buying a gorgeous gift? Image.

Hurt1
Hurt1
5 years ago

Genital warts.

They emerged for the 1st time a few years after he left. He was the only man I had ever been with and they have delayed reaching meh big time.

j
j
5 years ago
Reply to  Hurt1

I hate him so much for you. Bastard.

RebelXIII
RebelXIII
5 years ago
Reply to  Hurt1

I’m so sorry!

OutFromTheShadows
OutFromTheShadows
5 years ago

LOL easy one for me this one 🙂

I became 50 about a month or so after her affair started (I didn’t find out for several more months). She bought me a cheap pen — yay me

A year later while still pretending to be in wreconciliation, for my 51st she spent 20 on a cheap T-shirt & shorts for the gym. But my spying later spotted that the same day she’d spent 20 on me she’d also gone to one of those money transfer places and wired 250 to the OM — yay me again

NewGirl17
NewGirl17
5 years ago

Asshat was never a great gift-giver. I finally started asking for big ticket items for my birthday. I just bought them myself, you know, as he was too busy to shop for me. Over the years he “gave me” a beautiful leather Lazy-boy, a Weber grill, a Vitamix, a beautiful couch, and a Mac book pro. And, yes! I loved them all and they were perfect. Just what i wanted.

And he had the balls to ask for all of them in the divorce…nope. Not. Happening. So happy he’s not my problem!

Whodoesthat
Whodoesthat
5 years ago
Reply to  NewGirl17

That is the kicker…all these “thoughtful ” gifts of jewelry …until he insisted they were part of the joint assets in the divorce he demanded out of the blue. Funny all the gifts i bought him over the years were removed from the house the same day he moved out….

Calgal1
Calgal1
5 years ago

Oh Oh Oh! I’ve waited a long time to tell this story. My 50th birthday was a month after the ILYBINILWY speech. Those words were blurted out at a Starbucks in Pacoima (a couple of hours away from where we live) while we were killing time before attending a cocktail attire event.

But I digress… As a mom of three, one of which has a birthday two days ahead of me, I’ve never made a big deal over my own birthday. It was my 50th though, and also the year of our 25th wedding anniversary. I had spent the year leading up to this finally focusing on myself a little. I dropped some squidgy weight, exercised more, and ran (lumbered along) my first half-marathon. I was feeling good, and optimistic, and hopeful, and looking forward to an anticipated anniversary getaway, and life as a couple again with the kids heading off to college.

Anyhow, first the speech. Followed by the birthday. The month leading up to my birthday was filled with despair, and drama, and a husband hugging the edge of the bed, and gaslighting, and denials about an affair partner. However, a few days ahead of my birthday, now Ex tells me to set aside the night, that he has made plans for my birthday. I think maybe he has booked a night away and plans to tell me his “confusion” has passed, that he really does love me and wants to work on the relationship.

What I got… a card handed to me in the morning. A generic birthday card. Inside was written “Wow. You’re 50. It’s all downhill from here.” Mind you, he is two and a half years older than me. OW is 15 years younger though. After the presentation of the card, he tells me he has made dinner plans and has tickets to a comedian that I enjoy. The evening arrives. I find out he doesn’t actually have dinner reservations. He asks me where I want to go. Did I tell you that it turns out THE DAY BEFORE, he scheduled a colonoscopy for the day after my birthday? So he is drinking the drink, and has the food restriction etc… He blew a gasket when I questioned why he chose to schedule a colonoscopy the morning following my birthday, and planned on NOT EATING during my birthday dinner. So, I pick a place. A restaurant owned by one one our neighbors. Thank goodness it was the neighbor’s brother working the kitchen that night. We go to dinner. Wasband is distracted by his phone. He decides he will drink a glass of white wine, as it must qualify as a clear liquid. I decide to hold my head high, and order everything I damn well please, even if I eat alone and only take a few bites of each dish. I start with tuna tartare, and follow it up with top sirloin. I wonder to myself what it must look like. Me feasting like a king while he sips wine, texts incessantly, and keeps taking trips to the restroom. I decide I don’t care what it looks like, and try to convince myself that this isn’t really my life.

The highlight of the dinner? At a point in time when my now Ex had been in the bathroom for an inordinate amount of time, our server awkwardly approached the table and asked me “M’am, is he coming back?”

I did enjoy the comedian following dinner. After which we returned home, and wasband slept on the sofa.

My 49th birthday he bought me a convertible to replace the one I gave up when I started driving a minivan for decades. I also got a “Wife” birthday card in which he wrote about how I was his best friend, a great wife/partner to him and mom to our girls, and how much he loved me and our life together.

What a difference a year makes.

Stephanie
Stephanie
5 years ago
Reply to  Calgal1

That cocktail party–the one after the ILYBINILWY? So, that must’ve been fun, all dressed up and sparkly but dying inside? You poor mama. I am soooooooo sorry you were married to a prick.

Ugh.

Good riddance. You are smart. You will do well.

MsMachete
MsMachete
5 years ago

A. Case. Of. Soda.

I dont drink soda.

One was missing.

I had one.

He drank the rest.

Nemo
Nemo
5 years ago
Reply to  MsMachete

Maybe worse than the bag of cotton balls. At least the jerk who gifted the cotton balls wasn’t out to use them himself.

chutesandladders
chutesandladders
5 years ago

Pretty sure X tried to out do himself on the bad gifts, because when I would respond with disappointment or hurt, he could play the victim of a mean wife who didn’t appreciate him.

It’s a toss up:

My wedding gift from him was a town t shirt. That became a tissue for my tears in the bathroom when he presented it to me when we got home from our honeymoon. Then it became a rag for dusting. He couldn’t understand why I laughed when I unwrapped it (he used the Sunday paper to wrap it) and looked for more.

The second contender was the box of copy paper he stole from his job and gave me for Christmas. I would have used it to print out all the emails between him and the skank I found one day on his computer, but our Commonwealth is a no-fault state.

Gentle reader
Gentle reader
5 years ago

I have always heard and read that is how a guy truly let’s you know how he feels about you with your birthday, VD and the others. It shows with some of your stories. Very sad you spent so Many years being treated like that.

unicornomore
unicornomore
5 years ago

My 40th birthday was a suckfest mostly because of him but wasnt helped by the other narcs in my orbit…my parents (who treat their events like the Oscars) did nothing, my sibling did nothing so my kids took their cues and did nothing…I got up and expected SOME sort of surprise or acknowledgement, but the surprise was on me…zero anything.

Come dinner time, I hinted strongly that Cheater should take me and kids to dinner…he very begrudgingly went along and didnt run interference for me when the teen squalked about going. Went to a crappy Italian place that was so shitty that it was changed into a “Wings to Go” and later a shitty used car lot (that I have to drive by every day).

Later learned he was probably deep into OWs ass by my birthday.

For my 50th, my then boyfriend (now husband) took me to Turkey, proposed then we got on a yacht (with a cook) and sailed the Aegean Sea. Stayed in Istanbul a few days before flying back…bought silk scarves at the Grand Bazaar…yea, life got MUCH better.

Stephanie
Stephanie
5 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Same. For my 50th, Awesome Boyfriend booked and paid for a trip to Maui for us, and my friends from overseas met us there. (These are his friends, now, too!) Since the trip fell after my birthday, he treated two of my kids, two of my overseas friends and me to a birthday dinner at our favorite local restaurant on the day of.

It’s really nice having a confident, happy man. Being chumped really makes you appreciate the good one.

Melissa
Melissa
5 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Wow! Your story gives me hope! Thank you! From bad Italian/future-Wings-to-go, to a yacht!!!! That’s an incredible story!

geekmom
geekmom
5 years ago

Christmas. A can of spray de-icer, a big flashlight, and several pairs of disposable gloves. “To keep in your car!!” My two kids received the same gift and I can easily recall the total WTF look we shared between us. Oh, and there was the necklace I received when we were still dating: 20” of steel roller bearings strung on a chain. That thing weighed about 3 pounds.

Where do they GET these ideas?

Trying for Mighty
Trying for Mighty
5 years ago

Gifts. What a minefield! It wasn’t just the gifts he did–or didn’t–give me. It was shit like expecting me to buy Christmas presents for my family out of a small gift of money my mom gave me while he overspent on his family, because he had to “keep up with the Joneses” on their over the top Christmas present marathon. It was him always expecting–and me supplying–expensive gifts in the exercise or music line (a $650 NordicTrack ski machine although he’d never even tried one out; an all the bells-and-whistles electric piano or recording equipment although he never played anywhere except in the basement). It was him always making me suggest my own present and then packaging that as “I want to make sure you get something you want” when what it really was was “I don’t care enough about you to know what might make you happy or what you might want or need.” It was him traveling on multiple expensive international trips with his father and sister and buying me something expensive while there, with ma thinking he must have cared about me to be thinking of me when away, when it was nothing but impression management with his family. Worst of all it was me, me worrying that I didn’t know what he wanted and thinking what a bad wife I was because I didn’t know what he wanted–when what it really was was his secret life and his hiding himself and his failure to engage with his wife and his lack of reciprocity.

TitsAndAssAndAllThat
TitsAndAssAndAllThat
5 years ago

My gift was ammo.

D-Day was over Christmas and my birthday was the following month. I noticed a very large cash withdrawal from the joint account and asked him about it. He said I ruined his surprise because it was for my birthday gift. Of course I apologized and said I was thrilled he was thinking about my birthday! How fun! I was looking forward to it (despite still vomiting daily from the revelations of not one, not two, but at least three skanks who had nibbled on my husband in the private places where I had nibbled).

So on my birthday, what did I get? A big fat argument and a serious delay tactic. “I WAS going to buy you something really pretty and fancy but you’ve ruined that!” How, I ask? “You just ruined it!” WTF?

So I got zip for my birthday. No card, no present, not even real cake. I went to work, I made dinner, I gave him his backrub and went to bed with tears silently pouring down my cheeks.

Phone records from that day revealed he spent most of his day talking with two of his skanks, and emails turned up a fourth! I uncovered plans for more hook-ups and oh isn’t that special. I guess I shouldn’t say I didn’t get anything; I got the gift of more ammo for the upcoming divorce.

GracieD
GracieD
5 years ago

I got something similar for a anniversary present. We were supposed to be in wreckonciliation. He smiled the day before and told me that he’d got me something ‘really nice’ and made a jewelry box shape with his hands. The next morning which I thought he’d be spending with me, around 8.30 says he has to ‘go out for coffee’ – I say great, I took the day off work, I’ll come too! he goes white an says ‘ no, I just have to go pick up your present, you’ll spoil the surprise. He returned late that evening, empty handed and said ‘ F*ck it, I missed the shops’. Yeay me! Tootsie von trashypants had ‘needed to talk’.

Come Christmas he walked all of ten feet from the club bar at the sportsclub into the SportsPro shop and she helped him pick out the ugliest track suit top I’ve seen since the 1980’s. It had tight black sleeves and an indeterminate green body with zipper, and was shop -soiled. I knew she’s picked it out before I finished unwrapping it! During a row I threw it down the stairs after him and told him as she’d chosen it, to give it to her. He was so clueless he actually tried and was bewildered she didn’t want it.

Gonegirl
Gonegirl
5 years ago

I got a new SUV for Christmas the year prior to D-day. I was so excited! Until I got the payment book that went along with it. When we divorced, he sued me for 1/2 the value of the vehicle, a vehicle that was supposed to be a “gift” I made all the payments on it and it was the only vehicle I had to go to work and to drive his children in.

Silver Anniversary
Silver Anniversary
5 years ago
Reply to  Gonegirl

I was hit from behind and my car was totaled a year ago. Bought a new car in October. When we did our ‘kitchen table’ negotiation he wanted to use the fact it was a $25,000 car mind you we put almost nothing down as it was a surprise- just the $2,500 the insurance company gave us for the totaled car.

Had to explain ‘equity’ to him —- he wants the car that’s ok with me —- he takes the debt too. Bye backed down….always amazed at how stupid he thinks I am. And my worry is, that I am stupid. After all I married him, supported him, put up with his emotional abuse, his freeloading….and I always feel a step behind him in this divorce.

So GoneGirl you are not alone, and I’m sure it is a common story…..I’ll be thinking of you today. Hugs????????

OtherChumpWoman
OtherChumpWoman
5 years ago
Reply to  Gonegirl

Oh I got a car too. I found out about his online dating the day we were test driving a Mercedes. Needless to say I did not choose that car. If I had known more about his infidelity then, I would have written a check for the full amount for the other car I eventually picked.
At least my alimony includes the monthly payments.
He was always a last minute shopper (on Christmas Eve…online tickets printed that night for whatever was playing- not for performances that I really wanted to see) and the lack of thought that went into these expensive spur of the moment gifts always left me feeling unseen, invisible and an afterthought. But I made sure his entire family had thoughtful gifts and were mailed on time and would try to give him the exact things he wanted.
I cannot tell you how much jewelry I have, that I never worn. Not once. Some things I returned with valid excuses (the gaudy bracelet is just too big for my wrist… the earrings are too heavy…) but mostly, I just said thank you and put it away.
I try to forget these things.

Gonegirl
Gonegirl
5 years ago

I was cleaning out a closet and found a bracelet he had given me prior to D-Day. A Chamila charm bracelet. Size XS. I am by far not XS. Sold it on ebay.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Gonegirl

Outstanding…..a new SUV, yet you make the payments on it. What a charmer.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

This won’t sound like a bad gift to most women but you have to understand the context behind it. For my 44th birthday ex bought me a Gucci purse. Sounds nice eh? The thing is I don’t carry a purse. Ex knows this. I’m also not one to flaunt wealth. Ex knows this too. This was his way of saying “I want you to carry a purse and I want it to be an expensive purse”. In other words “I don’t like the person you are and want you to be somebody different that makes me look good. I want you to be the wife that will make all of the other men jealous of me and I want to make all of the women out there think you are lucky to have me”. There was nothing loving about it, more of a “if you want me to stick with you you’d better look the part”. From my perspective he wanted me to look like a trophy wife whose only purpose in life is to make her man look good. Also keep in mind that this was after he quit his high paying job and before his new career took off so we were living off my income and bleeding savings to keep him living to the standard to which he had grown accustomed and he went and spent money on an expensive purse that he knew I didn’t really want. There were other times before that when he gave me clothes. Again this was a not so subtle hint “this is what I want you to wear because I don’t like the clothes you pick out.” Meanwhile, when I asked for some booty slippers for Christmas one year he refused to get them for me because “those are old lady slippers” making me feel embarrassed to have even asked. My new guy says he has a pair of booty slippers himself and they are great. I am definitely getting myself some for Christmas this year.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

P.S. I plan to repurpose the purse by selling it at my next garage sale.

Martha
Martha
5 years ago

Sell it on Ebay. You’ll get more for it there!! People who go to garage sales usually don’t want to spend a lot of money. Or at least that’s how it is in my area of the country. 🙂

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
5 years ago

ExBF gave me the earrings only of a cheap, pearl necklace/earring set I had seen him purchase while we’d been out Christmas shopping. The necklace was for his mother. Pearl earrings are a great gift… but it was insulting that he’d bought my gift in front of me and only given me half of it. And his mother too… but she’s a spackler, obviously.

Another ex-BF gave me the cheapest TV set in the entire world for Christmas, so he could watch TV at my apartment since I didn’t have one.

Cheater, if he gave me gifts at all, made sure they were cheap and vaguely in my wheelhouse. If others would see, he’d get me something WAY too expensive (that I’d surely have to return to pay bills) so he could get all the glory of getting me the gift and be consoled when I didn’t have the elated reaction I was expected to have.

Like $500 diamond earrings for Mother’s Day because we were visiting his parents even though he’d never even gotten me so much as a card, “You’re not my mother… why would *I* get you a gift?” 1) For context, the sole car we owned was one I had purchased for $440, a year prior. 2) We had $900 in the bank. 3) $635 rent was due 3 days after we returned. 4) He was taking home only $380/week and I had just given birth to our second child so I wasn’t bringing in anything. 5) I can’t wear stud earrings because my left earlobe bends/scrunches up oddly (born with it and dangling earrings pull it down to look normal) and not only can the earring not even be SEEN (it looks like I’ve lost one, while wearing both) but the scrunching ALWAYS removes the earring back… even the screw on kind… these weren’t even those. I burst into tears and became angry… and so, I looked like an ungrateful, shrewy bitch. Even after I explained and his parents agreed with me, they still coddled him like, “Awww- well he doesn’t do money things and didn’t know… it’s the thought that counts!”

NO. It fucking doesn’t and you have NO idea what his thought was.

He did the same a year later… buying a Dyson vacuum with an EXTRA $500 we had, like it was burning a hole in his soul, being SAVED instead of spent. Mind you, we had exactly one RUG… an ugly 5×8, mod-style rug he’d paid too much for and matched neither colors nor the style of anything else. I sweep and mop wood floors. I like it. I had no complaints about a vacuum. Had no need for a vacuum, much less a $500 one. He was SO resentful that I wouldn’t even return it for a refund MYSELF… he had to do it. The horror!

Then there was the Christmas prior to the final D-Day… when he bought me a pair of Gingher scissors that were on sale for $30, that I’d asked for so I could actually have something I wanted. He bought that and literally nothing else, even though we were doing very well, financially. It enRAGED me when, a week later, I found a thank-you note from his ho-worker (a Chinese immigrant older than my mother and married to a surgeon, whose healthy income was solely for her wants) for his thoughtful gift: A $50 gift card to a fancy art supply store he’d FOUND ON HIS OWN (always had me bring him places downtown because he couldn’t navigate it?) because she’d talked about enjoying watercolors. GUESS WHO’S ACTUALLY A TALENTED ARTIST? Our eldest daughter. I’d told him about this place as an idea for what to get her for Christmas… he said that he’d gone online to look and it was too expensive. But not too expensive for his huli-jing.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago

Oh my goodness- spending money when the bills aren’t paid. I’m still paying off his crap 3years after he skipped off back to the States. Frickin asshole!

Tessie
Tessie
5 years ago

How about giving you a gift and a couple of years later, stealing it and selling it behind my back. Cheater ex did that with a Kirby vacuum cleaner he gave me one Christmas. Or even better, collude with his mother on a colossal mind fuck. I had an antique typewriter I just loved. He stole it, got rid of it and replaced it with a crappy portable “from his mother.” I even had to thank the bitch for it. He did it again with my old Schwinn single speed bike a year later. Again, I was expected to be properly grateful. They were trying to paint me as an ungrateful, selfish DIL. Guess where he got his mindfuck prowess from?

peaceatlast
peaceatlast
5 years ago

Asswipe never had a real job the entire time we were married. He was a “professional” musician. He was the personification of the old joke: “What do you call a drummer without a wife? ……Homeless”. Needless to say his music ”business “ was never in the black. And that was his excuse for never giving me gifts.

For my birthday one year he decided to take what little money he made from a recent gig and go out of town and party with his friends. I was not invited. That Monday was my birthday and I took the day off from work. He came home badly hung over and tried to play the sad sausage game that he was too sick to do anything and was broke (from buying drinks for his friends all weekend).

Even he realized he had to do SOMETHING. So when he asked me what I wanted to do, I made my needs extremely small. I said “let’s go for a drive, and you can buy me a slice of chocolate cake”.

The entire drive I had to listen to the sad sausage routine and what a Herculean effort he was making JUST FOR ME. When he stopped to get gas he bought me a cookie at the gas station. That (in his fucked up mind) was supposed to suffice for my requested slice of chocolate cake.

I made my needs so small, and he couldn’t even do one tiny thing I asked for. It was a defining moment. Staring at that cookie in my lap, I realized that this was as good as it was ever going to get….and I had to get out.

So I’m thankful, in a way, for that lousy gas station cookie. It was the last straw. It became became the symbol that I deserved better and kept me focused on the prize as I moved towards a cheater-free life. Whenever I felt myself slipping, or thought I’d never make it to meh, I’d visualize that damned cookie.

My Tuesday has finally come, thanks in no small part to a lousy cookie and CN. ????❤️

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
5 years ago
Reply to  peaceatlast

@PeaceAtLast I’ve never heard that drummer joke – my drummer stbxh at least has his caravan! Tho I suppose that’s a place to live, not a home.

WesternCoGuy
WesternCoGuy
5 years ago

There are two that stand out:

1) A homemade coupon book that had stuff she wanted to do that likely would have cost me money (couples massage, go out for dinner, wildflower walk with a naturalist). Nothing that really leaned into something I would like to do or a sacrifice on her part (lets go to a sports event?). I appreciated the thought, but pretty much immediately put it in a drawer and would randomly pull it out to try to find something relevant over our three years.

2) She painted me a mountain in Washington. Which took her 2 years to complete and honestly was only completed because I kept asking. I personally never thought it was not that great of a painting coupled with we had never been to Washington. The whole thing always seemed odd; I suspect she was memorializing something else from a previous backpacking trip.

I initially kept the painting after she found her twue wove and our subsequent divorce. I did this because I was angry and wanted to get back. My thought was I was going to use it for target practice with some buddies of mine, but I couldn’t even do that. I called the unicorn up and told her to get it. This was the last time we spoke more than a sentence to each other. With tears in her eyes, she said I made her sooo happy for letting her keep the painting.

I just realized I wanted her kindergarten artwork out of my house and I’m not a vengeful, angry, destructive person. I don’t need reminders of her cheating.

Sunny
Sunny
5 years ago
Reply to  WesternCoGuy

We do have a Colorado Chump Nation group, there is a section in the discussion forums that we use to update people on when the next meeting is, feel free to join us on Sunday for brunch 🙂

2old4drama
2old4drama
5 years ago
Reply to  WesternCoGuy

Hey! Are you in western Colorado? I’ve been looking for chumps from there.

WesternCoGuy
WesternCoGuy
5 years ago
Reply to  2old4drama

I do live in Western CO, Montrose to be exact. Honestly, just by being me, I have found my friend circle has filtered out to be people who have had similar life experiences and comparable morals, which is wonderful.

I was climbing in Ouray, with my backcountry ski partner, and learned he had a similar experience that I did. We have been hanging out for 8 months and honestly, it never came up that his exwife cheated on him and that he has solid, solid morals. It feels pretty good that the guy who I trust to save my life in an avalanche is a solid human being.

I’ll meet up if you’re a guy, as I don’t want to compromise my current relationship because I am 100% positive you went through some pretty crazy stuff and it has some emotional intensity.

It took 2+ years for me to move on. In retrospect, it went by quickly, but being in it stunk; everything hurt. Be yourself, my experience is that sucky people disappear.

WesternCoGuy
WesternCoGuy
5 years ago

*never thought it was that great of a painting

UXworld
UXworld
5 years ago
Reply to  WesternCoGuy

If I may — spend some time browsing the collections in the Museum Of Bad Art.

Read the descriptions. You won’t be disappointed.

http://museumofbadart.org/collections/

WesternCoGuy
WesternCoGuy
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I did think of going Wayne White on it.

In retrospect, it is good it is gone. I’m Joe Dirt and now dating Brandi. I don’t need the Nunamaker’s clowns hanging around.

Everalone
Everalone
5 years ago

Not one anniversary gift I can remember…15 year anniversary came and went without a gift. 6 months later I bought myself a pretty diamond ring for Christmas and told everyone HE got it for me as a late anniversary present. I still wear that ring sometimes and always reminds me how glad I am that there are no more disappointments from him to deal with.
I do remember an “oh crap, happy birthday” once. That was a thoughtful “gift”.
Divorce was final 3 month before the 20th anniversary. Best present ever!!!

ChumpSaidBuhBye
ChumpSaidBuhBye
5 years ago

He gave me gifts that made him look good to give and made sure people knew he was giving them to me. Or he gave me useless junk. There wasn’t any thought put into whether I’d like most of the gifts he gave me. A couple of times he gave me something I loved but even a stopped watch is right twice a day. The worst gift was a swag bag from a convention he went to. Gee, business promotional pens, notepads, and other pieces of plastic desk clutter was exactly what I’d been longing for.

Unexpectedchumpiness
Unexpectedchumpiness
5 years ago

I asked for nothing for Valentines Day just a really nice email from him telling me why he loves me.

Feb 14th…. *crickets*

Guess his fingers were too tired from texting Schmoopie.

Stretched and Torn
Stretched and Torn
5 years ago

My stbx actually would give me good presents most of the time. BUT my birthday was on Wednesday and we have been separated almost exactly a year. He wished me a happy birthday on Thursday. He really thought he was being very thoughtful. It has only been a year and he has already forgotten my actual birthday. Meh.

NeverSawitComing
NeverSawitComing
5 years ago

Manchild liked Baseball so we had season tickets for a local team. Dday was shortly before Christmas – a couple of weeks later, he says “I never did get you a Christmas present, so I thought I would pay (me back) for the Baseball tickets”
Of course chumpy me had already bought and wrapped all the gifts for his entire family before Dday – never did offer to pay me back for those!
Good riddance