Dear Chump Lady,
I have a question. I am a bit perplexed. My husband ran off with a married coworker. He’s a true runaway, abandoned the kids and I back in January.
A friend sent me a link to a blog today (gotta love the internet). The link opened up to a blog started by my husband and mistress. In their youtube video they are snuggled up on a cozy new couch in their cozy apartment (in a dreamy Cape Cod town), sipping coffee and giving a glowing review of a subscription-based coffee.
Here’s the kicker, or punch in the gut — I am a successful blogger. It’s been my full-time gig for about 3 years. I’ve made great money and it afforded us to have lots of extras in our life together. I often dreamed of us working on a blog together, threw out different ideas on how we could grow this thing together.
He told me in a conversation that he hated the idea of blogging and it was my dream and not his. He said he just wanted to work his day job and come home everyday, end of story.
So who is this person?
He said he’d never move up north, yet there he is. He’s blogging? Since when did he ever want to do that? Why do cheaters do the very things they say they hate to do? Or is the mistress trying to be me? Can you explain this phenomena?
The glowing couple: (Youtube link redacted by Chump Lady, who has instead inserted this General Foods International Coffee Commercial.)
Thanks Chump Lady,
The Perplexed Blogger
Dear Perplexed Blogger,
Oh my. I looked at the real link. As did an entire 30 other people. Boy, that’s the kind of traffic you leave your wife and kids for. Or job! But with a killer social media campaign, I bet they could shatter that metric and soar to 31 views.
(Speaking of employment, you might want to talk to your divorce lawyer about “voluntary impoverishment.” It’s a child support dodge. I hear judges take a take a dim view.)
I fully intend to answer your question about cheating exes and affair partners appropriating your tastes and singular qualities (I have a whole chapter in my book about this phenomenon — An Array of Jennifers — see cartoon) — but first I must snark.
CN, I apologize for not providing you the link, but a) Mr. CL says I have to avoid lawsuits and b) why direct traffic they can earn with their insightful coffee commentary?
What You Missed:
Raggedy Anne and Trucker Hat sitting on a sofa discussing flavored coffee. Trucker Hat looks perplexed by this array of coffee. After much blathering by Raggedy, (“It smells like bananas! I LOVE bananas!”) Trucker Hat makes a helpful observation: “They put a lot of coffee in this bag.” Raggedy beams at her special needs child. “That’s right. They doOOooo..!”
OW blogger’s handle is something like Whiskey Trollope or Bourbon Tits or Kegger Barbie. She has home-kit dyed hair and has forgotten to button her blouse. Perhaps this will distract us from her coffee drinking. Trucker Hat distinguishes himself with slow-wittedness and well-trimmed sideburns. They have the kind of chemistry people subscribe to — two people. Kegger Tits and Trucker Hat, most likely.
Annnnnnwaaaayy. These freaks want to replicate your blogging success. Why? Of all the bazillions of professions in this great big wide world, must they choose yours?
This is untangling the skein, but I have some theories.
1.) Cheaters aren’t very original. If it were 1983, Whiskey Barbie would be very into Georgia O’Keefe paintings or whatever passed for sophistication in 1983. It’s 2018 — having an online channel is cool. Being narcissists they greatly underestimate everything and everybody, so they appropriate your work and think: “How hard can it be?”
It’s hard, Keggerty Anne. It’s HARD.
But you know, having an original idea is beyond their ken, so they’ll just use yours. You’re welcome.
2.) He’s likes types. When cheaters replace you with someone a lot like you — superficially (you don’t fuck married people) — they’re doing their own lazy calculus. Trucker Hat probably likes hipster chicks. And he’ll trade you in for another hipster chick, just one without all the children and responsibility, who like knows him. This poor wannabe just beams at him and together they can imagine being better versions of themselves, only without the hard work. All the potential! None of the accomplishment! Dream, dream, dream…. Next!
When one Schmoopie fails, dream a new dream. By 2020 the new thing will be crocheted cell phone covers. I dunno.
3.) She’s doing the I Can Be a Better YOU Pick Me Dance. Kegger Barbie needs to be a Better You to keep him. She figures she has won the Pick Me Dance and she’ll do one better by crushing the competition by out-blogging you.
Good luck with that, bitch.
Here’s why it won’t succeed. (Not that you should care, because you should be very busy with your lawyer and sane parenting about now.)
1.) You’re authentic. They aren’t.
2.) They have shitty life skills. You know what it takes to be good in partnerships and business? The ability to connect and invest. Stick-to-it-tiveness. Sacrifice. Delayed gratification.
Put talent aside (assuming there is any talent to shelf), are they going to pay the money and devote the years in that it takes to develop a following? When they DO make a profit, will they plow that back into their business, or will they gorge on banana-flavored coffee? Can they work and work for no immediate reward?
In short, can they be grown-ups? Evidence to date is NO. This whole misadventure is going to crash and burn.
They probably WANT you to notice and triangulate with them, and pick me dance. Don’t do it. Don’t debase yourself or wonder what Whiskey Keg Peg has that you don’t have.
Respond to him with divorce summons and parenting software.
Blog THAT motherfucker.