Stay in Touch

Check out CL's Book

‘I Found the OW’s Goodbye Letter in My Safe’

Dear Chump Lady,

I run a business with my soon-to-be-ex husband who’s been having an affair with one of our employees. I found this letter in our company safe last week. 

You want something for the UBT?

Dear Charlie (Limp Dick)

I am so sorry to hurt you. I think this will be painful for both of us, but I have decided to end our relationship for good this time. I wanted to take the time to let you know that it is me that is after something different, mostly I would like to date someone my own age.

I would like to thank you for everything you have contributed to our relationship and am truly grateful for what we have had. I love your humour, wittiness, conversation and practicality. I have enjoyed learning to prepare and enjoy tasty and nutritious meals and enjoying a lovely bottle to go with it. I really appreciate that you gave me a go in your business and then supported me in running my business. I appreciate your generosity and kindness to supporting me in what I was doing with my work at the time. I really appreciate how you have helped me since then with various activities.

I really appreciate that you have actively listened and have tried really hard to do things differently for us. I know that you love me and that you want us to stay together and this is where it is really hard because I am hurting you now.

The age difference is probably the biggest thing and to be brutally honest, I don’t love you enough to want to be there when you are 82 and I am 60. I feel that I am stringing you along because I am afraid of being lonely and your lovely company is better than being alone. However I feel I am using you and it is wrong of me to accept a free trip to Vietnam knowing I do not want to be with you forever.

Thank you for being part of my life. I need to ask that after we have said our goodbyes that you do not contact me, and I will offer you the same. I am so sorry I cannot give you what you want.

Love Lucy

(Pond Scum)

What can I say! This is wrong on so many levels. Both have lost everything and have absolutely no capacity to look at their actions and the collateral damage. Her children are only tiny and they have watched Mummy fucking an old man, old enough to be her father and then sharing every detail of her relationship with them and our work place. My adult daughters had their childhood bedroom and memories defiled by the two of them setting up their fuck fest in that room.

No words can describe this foolishness! I am glad I have seen it; because it gives me closure and confirms what I was saying to him. Both of them have aged significantly over this last 18 months and she has not even turned 40 yet!

I can’t wait to be out and it is already better on the other side!

Much love and support to everyone out their facing this particular shitstorm.

Ozziechump

Dear Ozziechump,

What can the UBT say? Other than BWWAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAhaaaaa!!!

What a delight to see Charlie used up and spat out. But thanks for the memories! We’ll always have tasty nutritious dinners!

I would UBT this, if I could get the UBT to stop cackling.

I am so sorry to hurt you. I think this will be painful for both of us, but I have decided to end our relationship for good this time. I wanted to take the time to let you know that it is me that is after something different, mostly I would like to date someone my own age.

I wanted to take the time to let you know I’m leaving you, you saggy ballsack of syphilitic spiders. I’m after something different — cash, without the early onset dementia.

I would like to thank you for everything you have contributed to our relationship and am truly grateful for what we have had.

Two divorces, traumatized children. But you always believed in me!

I love your humour, wittiness, conversation and practicality. I have enjoyed learning to prepare and enjoy tasty and nutritious meals and enjoying a lovely bottle to go with it.

For a free dinner, I will laugh at your jokes.

I really appreciate that you gave me a go in your business and then supported me in running my business. I appreciate your generosity and kindness to supporting me in what I was doing with my work at the time. I really appreciate how you have helped me since then with various activities.

I really appreciate how you signed over those assets. Consider this departure the depth of my gratitude. #wewillalwayshavetastymeals

I really appreciate that you have actively listened and have tried really hard to do things differently for us. I know that you love me and that you want us to stay together and this is where it is really hard because I am hurting you now.

I care about your hurt. Stand in line behind my husband and children. I am a person who CARES!

The age difference is probably the biggest thing and to be brutally honest, I don’t love you enough to want to be there when you are 82 and I am 60.

I care so much, I would just like you to know that when you’re 82, you’ll die alone in your own excrement. To be brutally honest, you’d probably sit there for days. I don’t love you enough to figure out adult diapers.

I feel that I am stringing you along because I am afraid of being lonely and your lovely company is better than being alone. However I feel I am using you and it is wrong of me to accept a free trip to Vietnam knowing I do not want to be with you forever.

Cash and clandestine fucking are one thing, publicly vacationing together is another.

Đây có phải là ông của bạn không? (Is this your grandfather?)

Không, anh ta là một người lang thang. (No, he is a vagrant.)

Thank you for being part of my life. I need to ask that after we have said our goodbyes that you do not contact me, and I will offer you the same. I am so sorry I cannot give you what you want.

But not so sorry that I won’t cash that last check.

Kisses!

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • “Is this your grandfather?”

    “No, he is a vagrant.”

    🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • LOL – what a view into the reality waiting for the old F’er at the end of the road, when his use to the tramp is gone and he is dumped.

    Years ago, in my pain-shopping and marriage police days, I saw a posting my ex and his tramp placed on FB, indicating her prepared fish dinner was “so tasty”. CL made me laugh out loud at this #wewillalwayshavetastymeals – thanks for that reminder they truly suck!

    Happy Wednesday!

  • Hahahahahaha…hahaha.. ha. *gasp* hahahaha..

    Seriously though. Wow. See? No regret about the harm they caused to their families. Not even mentioned.

    Now to find out exactly what that “help” consisted of. Funding?

    Glad you’re almost out of all of this.

    • Yes. And notice how she manages to come off sounding so ethical stating “it would be wrong” to accept a trip to Vietnam under a false pretence. So deeply honorable is she that she just couldn’t allow that in herself! They never choke on their glaring reality when parading their false self around. She’s gotten what she wanted and now it’s time to unplug the old appliance. Ethics are irrelevant but they can be so helpful when they happen to align with what you want. When that happens, these POS are such virtue-driven exemplars of character.

  • “I don’t love you enough to want to be there when you are 82 and I am 60.”

    Why do these fuckwits never do the math BEFORE blowing up all these lives and families?

    • Because the only math that matters is the income, asset and “how are you of use to me” math. She got the business and resume padding out of him. Now that she’s done that, she can look for someone younger to bleed drier.

    • Yep, he’s good enough to buy dinners, gifts, and fuck. But now he’s wants more? Nope, he’s not that good enough. They both suck.

    • Aging often isn’t pretty.

      When you’ve been married for the long haul, a couple works around post-menopause sex, male urine dribbling on the floor, bladder prolapse, impotence, sagging skin, wrinkles and memory challenges (sorry but it all happens). Your shared years allows for live and caring no matter what.

      A much older affair partner who comes with these inevitable changes makes them less appealing!

      As I have dated thruout my post-divorce years, I have seen how the body and mind changes that come between the mid-50’s thru the 60’s. Even if you eat healthy and exercise regularly, a body ages in ways that cannot be stopped.

      Makes me laugh when I think that I got my ex’s younger years and his (younger) affair partner gets to deal with the ex as he ages!
      Hope she enjoys it 🤣

        • Or at least for tolerance when they’re being tired, cranky, in pain but won’t call the damn doctor or do anything to take better care of their aging bodies.

          Don’t look at me, FuckedUp Unicorn. Your fingers can dial as well as mine can!

          We still hold hands, but a little more gently because the joints hurt sometimes.

        • OWhore assumed Fucktard had been snipped and refused his offer of using a condom. So when she found out, right after their first fuck (she was sure it was TWU WUUUV after only one fuck! amazing!) , she sent him a long mawkish letter justifying taking Plan B including this:

          “If we are going to be together long term, what would be the best way to begin the public phase of the relationship? You, living with [Chchchchump] and squiring around a very recent former student [long story there] with an ever increasing abdominal girth? Announcing out of the blue that you’re leaving her for a much younger, pregnant woman?

          “much younger” !!!! She was 50 and I was 55. He was 60. Sheesh!

          • She was 50 and worried she’d get pregnant from one episode of intercourse w/a 60 year old man?

            Wow, the delusions never stop coming! And funny how the delusions I are always ones that make them special!

            • She proceeded to get an IUD (I got to read all about her bleeding and her cramps in more excavated emails), and WITH THE IUD STILL IN, with their very last fuckfest in late July, she claimed to ‘discover’ in OCTOBER that she was pregnant. (She would have been 14 weeks ‘pregnant’. And she has an MD!)

              She conveniently ‘lost’ the ‘baby’ in November. Even my Switzer-friend who turned into her flying monkey conceded that was utterly ridiculous.

              • Wow! That’s freaking nuts! 50 & Pregnant is like a cat not landing on her feet. 50 & IUD & Pregnant is bullshit drama of the OW fantasy that she’s super fertile. She ain’t living in reality. But, I guess we already knew that . . . Switzer-friend—–>Flying Monkey also sounds like a wiener of the Planter’s Nuts contest.

          • Pity the poor kid. He or she will be a teenager and young adult with parents the same age as other kids’ grandparents. Mom will be past retirement age, and Dad may already be in the ground.

            How much more selfish could they get?

            • Oh, I see. She “lost” the baby.

              THAT’S how much more selfish they could get.

              How convenient for them. Have their jollies and just dispose of the consequences. FLUSH! But why not? They’ve been doing that for years.

      • Bought into the potential at a young age Rebecca. And by now he has little to offer financially, is falling apart physically, and will retire in four years. Yes, have that! To me it’s the price to pay for not wanting to be alone.

    • Because they dong think like that, mine only cared about his CAREER, excellent mechanic and the kids came second I’m came third always!

  • This letter is a such an awkward mix of emotional tone-deafness, forced gratitude, unpracticed formality, and self-absorption. I think maybe the OW is a 15-year-old boy from a middle class family in the suburbs. Letters like this usually involve thanks to grandma for a five dollar bill in a birthday card. #IamFineHowAreYou

  • Seriously though – what a waste.

    I hope you and the kids are better after this, sorry about your selfish, useless sperm donor

  • My OW is 51 and she’s 20; so the age difference is the same; similar story: she was his student. He brought her at our son’s confi nation; took her into our house (and fucked her in various places in it); took her on a parallel trip at the same time we were in our 29th anniversary trip in spain with our 15 year old son (he left early and came back later and spent that time traveling with her charging it into our common credit card). Then left the house saying he had to “think about our relationship” and I found him in his new shitty apartment with her. Now he’s out but wants to force our son into therapy with him because (what a surprise!) our son won’t speak to him. He says I am the one who ruined him because I should not have involved him in this!!
    The girl in the meanwhile changed university and he keeps spending money on her. He’s a diabetic in his 50s, she is a 20 year old tennis player 😂😂😂😂

    • “He says I am the one who ruined him because I should not have involved him in this!!”

      Haha… but taking your mistress on the same family vacation isn’t involving him in this!” Lol… sounds just like my STBX douche canoe!

      He made my daughter let him in the house to steal things. My alarm panel alerted me the alarm had been disarmed. When I tried to call him he refused to answer his phone, so I called my daughter to find out what was going on. When I told her to put him on the phone he texted me…
      “Stop putting daughter in the middle!”

      Bahaha, and making her let you in my house isn’t putting her in the middle? Idiots… all of them are complete idiots!

    • The younger the generation, the more open they are to being a fuck buddy.
      I remember purposefully watching mtv, at the bequest of a marketing executive, in the early 2000s to stay in touch with future buyers. Anyway, right as I turned on the tube, the show had a girl was in a bedroom with a guy while another guy was ‘waiting’ for her. And many of the shows were this (no videos) or pregnant. Today, kids think nothing of a blow job. It’s akin to a French kiss. So yeah, a younger person has a whole other view then the original mtv or pre MTV generation on arc and hookups and friends with benefits. Shallow people. I feel sorry for the families they raise. Except that a news story ran a that the millennials are now holding monogamy in higher regard..

      Anyway this chick probably has a hard, firm, head of hair guy with non viagra stamina she’s now banging. She couldn’t stand to look at an old man. Nothing uglier than an old dude with no clothes….that’s what she was thinking.

      Yeah, affairs really age people! I’ve sure seen that with my circle of people.

      • I actually think that immaturity and self-centeredness are pretty common in late teens-young adults, so they’d be more likely to cheat. (Plus of course, TV has to maximize the drama! Affairs, brain tumours and car accidents are sure the way to do that!) It sucks, but some of them can grow out of it. The biggest problem is when they never do!

        My ex actually said, after Affair #1, when he was apparently trying to figure out why I thought this was such a big deal ‘but in movies and books, there are so many affairs!’. Well yeah, there are also tons of murders, drug deals, and impossibly beautiful people jumping out of airplanes without parachutes and landing, intact, in backyard swimming pools. That doesn’t mean it’s real, that it’s actually that common in average people’s lives, or that anybody should make life decisions based on those examples! Although I guess it would have been good if he’d tried to the airplane-jumping part instead …

        • “but in movies and books, there are so many affairs!” (What a dumb-ass comment)

          Did he not see see Fatal Attraction? I think that is a must-see movie for everyone.

        • Fiction. Do these people not understand what “fiction” means! (Sadly, I can answer my own question.)

          Early on in my marriage, my husband suddenly made fun of me one day for the novel I was reading. I was shocked and hurt. He knew I loved to read all kinds of fiction. I must have looked stunned (sudden glimpse of the real him), and he backtracked, but I’ve never forgotten the episode.

          Years later he was “soul mates” with a young woman 25 years or so his junior and had no trouble believing it was a “real” relationship. Or believing he could start a band and earn a living with it (lack of any musical training not withstanding). Or become an ordained minister and be hired to lead a church (lack of a soul not withstanding).

          I understand that time-machines and vampires are metaphoric at best. Jackasses think they can do anything they want, say anything they want, and get anything they want–and it is all “real.” If George Clooney or Denzel Washington or Tom Cruise’s doing it on screen, then it must be just as possible for them.

      • No, surveys show its people age 55 and older that are more likely to have affairs. Perhaps you should remember that tv is sensationalized. Millennials are having less sex than previous generations according to the data.

        Does everything have to be a shit on young people fest?

        • Women over 55 are less likely to be concerned about getting pregnant (with the exception of Ms. Delusional noted above who thought she was pregnant at 50 with an IUD). As a result they are also more likely to contract STDs due to the increase in unprotected sex.

          • Yea, the CDC was discussing how quickly STDs are spreading in the population. It’s not a bad thing that sex isn’t a huge deal to younger people. It doesn’t hold the forbidden quality. It’s just a thing. Honestly, it’s more trouble than it’s worth sometimes. I’m 36, and that’s a coming attitude among both sexes of my generation. I don’t take big risks for that and most millennials I know won’t either.

    • Oh no, there are counselors out there who would side with him and support that nonsense! And give him the green light for using the parental alienation victim cloak!!

  • “I have enjoyed learning to prepare and enjoy tasty and nutritious meals???”

    Seriously? And he saved that letter?

    Bitch, thy name is karma.

    • Yes, he saved that letter IN THE SAFE… you know, the place you keep your most precious jewellery and art. I would be insulted and mortified if I received a letter like that and yet to Charlie, it’s further proof of his awesomeness. Just further proof of how cheaters can twist anything into more kibble-sources for themselves.

      • Sorta doubt he was actually hurt at all, so there goes the karma theory, unfortunately. He saved it cause it’s a TROPHY. Filed under “mementos from the many women I have fucked”.

      • Just a thought–that letter may contain or be viewed as evidence of him “helping” her financially; in which case, it could be useful in court someday, either by the chump (dissipation of marital funds) or by the cheater, for some as yet defined nefarious purpose. Either way, it was considered of value. Something to ponder.

        • I was thinking the same thing. He saved that letter in the safe for leverage against the OW down the road.

          • Sounds like Ozziechump needs to save that letter herself, to make sure she gets the best possible divorce settlement.

    • So this mother of young children wasn’t already preparing nutritious meals before. I bet Ozziechump was a wife that did prepare great food, and so the cheater was trying to get the OW to take on some of that role in his life. One of the old benefits of the marriage that he was missing.

      In the emails I found between STBXH and the OW, I was able to identify ways that he was trying to change her to better fit an image. He kept referring to her “natural” beauty in the morning…she is a woman that wears a lot of makeup, almost garish. He once even made a comment to me about how long it takes her to remove all her make-up at night. He was always a guy that was into the “natural” look in women. So, he’s trying to clean her up a bit to present her to the world. “Project Image Makeover” – step 1 – How to Look Presentable to Family and Friends. (I guess he overlooks the breast implants too which for years I heard him say he couldn’t understand how men find that attractive)

      He makes mention of her financial situation being better improved if she got rid of the payment for her Harley. Yep, my accountant husband, who would never get an a motorcycle in his life, claims he has so much more in common with the biker girl. Now how to explain the Harley to family and friends…hmmmm? How about encourage her to get rid of the motorcycle while you do all her business and personal financial statements, you know for greater savings? “Project Image Makeover” – step 2 – How to Divert Attention Away from Glaring Dissimilar Interests.

      He keeps mentioning different wines that he wants her to try and the dinner parties he imagines they will have together with “all the people that are important to them.” Ummm…he never set foot into a winery until he met me. My family in Europe even owns vineyards and produce their own wines – we’ve visited twice. I run a wine club, and I love dinner parties. Meanwhile, the ex-husband of the OW, whom I’ve met, laughed about the dinner parties because she barely cooks and told me that she’s always been a beer drinker. “Project Image Makeover” – step 3 – How to Class Up the OW to Family and Friends.

      The ex-husband informed me that in the last 10 months since my ex left me to be with her, she is suddenly making all sorts of requests to see the children more and to engage them in activities. She does not have custody of the kids (an interesting story, but of course “none of it is her fault; she’s really a good person who has just made some mistakes”) and for more than a year did not contest in court the current access agreement. Kids call dad to pick them up from mom’s because she doesn’t do anything with them, is on her cell phone all the time and only gives them grilled cheese to eat. Suddenly, she wants 50-50 access (advice from my ex to get out of child support, I’m sure). She wants to take them to hockey games and festivals and have “special dates” with each kid individually. Now, I’m all for this woman learning how to parent her kids better, but the irony is that these are specifically things I have done with my kids for years. “Project Image Makeover” – step 4 – Help Her Parent So We Can Spackle to Family and Friends Her Shitty Motherhood.

      Affairing down hurts.

      It doesn’t surprise me that the OW in this letter can list so many ways that she benefited from her relationship with this cheater. He’s an idiot that doesn’t realize that while he was feeling “like a man rescuing” this woman, he was really being taken for a ride by a narcissistic woman. She gained. He served purpose to her. Now, his usefulness is done and he’s out!!!

      He thinks he was “saving” her, but in fact he just got used. Hope it was worth the price of a marriage (or two).

      • I enjoyed reading this takedown of your Ex and his downgrade. Mine put it all into one sentence right on D-Day, he said: “Don’t tell anyone I said this, but she is NOT the kind of person I could be in a relationship with!” Of course I told everyone who would listen of his stupid ass remark. Why would he think he’d be entitled to my confidentiality after he cheated on me? Bwa ha ha. Oh, and, 5 yrs after DDay, no they are no longer “in a relationship” I’ve been told by third parties, but she still lets him live in her house because he can’t afford his own place #loser.

        • Whoa! I’ve wondered how the relationship with the OW has survived the ten months so far since he’s left. Yours still going on five year, sort of?

          There hasn’t been a single person say that it can possibly last, especially his own family members who have made it clear that they will never accept the OW into their homes (An adulteress in the homes of very Catholic people? Not happening).

          But, I’ve realized that they’ll make sure it lasts…First, he doesn’t want to be alone and he gets to have fun with her. His pride will demand that this relationship lasts so that he can prove to the world that it was worth leaving me. Second, he’s about the best that she’s going to manage. Lots of white trash before him, so he’s going to be giving her the respectability she hasn’t had since the days before she derailed in her own marriage and cheated a couple of years ago.

          Will they have “happy”? A truly happy relationship has a good story to tell about how you met and came together…a story that is genuine and free of half-truths and omissions. Real, healthy love is fed by a supportive community…people who root for you and are open to your relationship. A moral relationship has nothing to hide and so hides from no one…there should be no “dirty little secret” aspect.

          You bring up an important point about your ex staying because of money. How far these cheaters sometimes fall from grace? We often call them narcs or sociopaths…I don’t really know how often they are (clinically-speaking). However, I think that cheaters are often very broken people, low self-esteem and high in self-doubt, who faked that they had it together for a long time until they couldn’t take it anymore. They dive in to their cake for relief and their actions reveal their true lack of moral character and maturity.

          The result is a lot of narcissistic behaviour. Then, like immature teenagers, they become impetuous and irrational. That’s why we don’t recognize them. I think that in the end we truly had their best years and their best selves, albeit temporarily. For a while…5 years…10 years…whatever…they tried to measure up to the life the reached for when they signed up to be with you. They thought it is what they should be doing. But, if they reached too high in that you are a very high value partner, they ultimately find themselves falling short too often.

          Normal would be these cheaters recognizing that they have issues and getting real help…the hard work that CL often says that they are usually to weak to do because it’s hard.

          We are so better off without them…the “real” pathetic version of who they are.

          • I think that has a lot to do with what happened to my ex. He didn’t love himself and so he assumed he was unlovable and, therefore, I didn’ t love him. Then he resented me for not loving him and went off in search of someone who would appreciate him. Meanwhile I had no clue that he was apparently unlovable and I didn’t love him. I guess he figures Schmoopie must love him because she is similarly broken so she “understands”.

          • “But, I’ve realized that they’ll make sure it lasts…First, he doesn’t want to be alone and he gets to have fun with her. His pride will demand that this relationship lasts so that he can prove to the world that it was worth leaving me. Second, he’s about the best that she’s going to manage. Lots of white trash before him, so he’s going to be giving her the respectability she hasn’t had since the days before she derailed in her own marriage and cheated a couple of years ago.”

            You would certainly think that they would try and make it work due to image management and respectability….but I have seen these scenarios far too many times and guess what? They aren’t capable of maintaining a relationship and as far as respectability and being stable…BORING. Most of these cheaters especially women cheaters (please don’t bash me just an observation) thrive on chaos. Stability is suffocating to them. Of course if they are older cheaters, late 50’s into their 60’s they may stay together but will be miserable.

            • KB22….I think you are right…my cheater XH is early 60’s and schmoopie is late 50’s and I think they will stay together because who else will have these old sleds? Cheater XH has been a serial cheater his entire life but he’s getting a little long in the tooth for that now and while he used to somewhat cute in his youth, years of alcoholism have certainly taken it’s toll and schmoopie is so fugly she’d make a train take a dirt road. There is NO way in the world she’d find a sick enough guy to stick it to her nowdays. All I can hope at this point, is that they are absolutely miserable together. Not very meh I know, but the damage they did to my life and to the kids. We’re talking life altering stuff here. They do not deserve any happiness.

              • I can guarantee they will be miserable. Your ex can no longer pick up other women with the ease he once had and that alone will frustrate the hell out of him. OW being in her late 50’s…..good luck breaking up any other marriages. They are now stuck, incapable of being by themselves or independent. Keep in mind they may portray that all is fantastic in their world, it’s what these people do….but you can have the satisfaction karma has struck.

      • I am a chef and specialty baker! Our lives with our children family and friends were framed by magnificent dinners! We frequently sat down to eat with 25 guests! We ate in the best restaurants!

        • Hi ozziechump! And your dinners will continue, while he moves on to his next mark and tries to teach them how to make a salad. I hope he thinks of what he had and lost every time he eats prepackaged kaleslaw from Woolies.
          Two of the OW made comments, one in letter, one in a sext ( ergh) bout how my XH was finally going to get delicious home cooking. I had made dinner for both of them on occasion ( XH was an employee fucker too)- and I can cook. I have many faults, but I can cook. Makes nooo sense

          • Dear Moominmamma
            Yes they will continue and we are all better than this! I still have difficulty understanding why anyone is this stupid! Are we not role models for our children? How do we ask them to uphold values that we cannot even live? How do we ask them to respect us! They are so disordered!

      • Optionnomore – I love this post. I think of some of your earlier posts. They had a stoic, noble tone and I admired your wisdom. Now you sound PISSED and I love it! Good for you! You should be pissed!

        And your line about ‘Saving’ her. Wow. I never thought about that. Good observation. I do think Cheatlanta would have been desperately attracted to saving Schmooplanta.

        • Stages of grief…I’ve hit anger. Feels good, but tiresome. Hoping that I can move out of it sooner, rather than later, but just let it be until it’s done.

  • “However I feel I am using you and it is wrong of me to accept a free trip to Vietnam knowing I do not want to be with you forever.”

    Eh… but breaking up a marriage and sleeping with a married man, that’s completely acceptable.

    “You know I’m completely concerned with doing the right thing, because …ME, ME, ME! I don’t like you anymore, and life is all about how I feel, (but I shouldn’t have to tell you that. We are the same in that respect. I know you’ll understand).
    We all do what we need to to be happy, so I hope you’ll be happy for ME!”

    “Isn’t life grand? I mistook the “grand” in grandpa for the kind of life I thought you could give me, but I’ve since seen your saggy balls. I can’t live with the thought of what they’ll look like when you are 80. Sorry sweets, saggy balls just aren’t part of my vision of love. Oh, sorry about your marriage, hope that works out for you. Don’t contact me again, I’ll be busy stroking some other married mans balls!

    #karmaisabitch

  • “I don’t love you”

    “I am using you”

    “I am stringing you along”

    “I cannot give you what you want”

    “Thank you for being a part of my £ife”

    Ah, the delicious bacon bits in the word salad.

    Ha ha ha, stupid mofo.

    Long walk, short pier.

      • Too bad she waited until the marriage was fully dead before delivering that line. She couldn’t leave until she was sure the destruction of other’s lives were complete. What an evil woman.

  • OMG… I have not laughed this hard in so long. Thank you Tracy for the Vietnamese translation. Spot on!

  • I’m sitting here, having a miserable day at work with computers that won’t cooperate, with a phone that can’t access work email thanks to some new problem with android and laughing so hard I almost wet myself.

    Ozziechump – I’m sorry that Charlie is an adulterous idiot, but thank you for this UBT submission. I hope you’ve scanned it. It certainly would make an AWESOME addition to any holiday card to (former) Switzerland friends.

    “Cash and clandestine fucking are one thing, publicly vacationing together is another.

    Đây có phải là ông của bạn không? (Is this your grandfather?)

    Không, anh ta là một người lang thang. (No, he is a vagrant.)”

    Bwahahahahaha!

  • Did I get this right: wife found the letter from dumbass in the safe?

    Who put it there?

    Why?

    Who knows it was there?

    Does wife have the letter now, in her own/attorney’s safe deposit box?

  • Đây có phải là ông của bạn không? (Is this your grandfather?)

    Không, anh ta là một người lang thang. (No, he is a vagrant.)

    Hahahahahaaa!!!!
    🤣😁🤣😁🤣😁🤣😁🤣
    That is a brilliant breakdown of such utter bullshit.
    Aaaawwwwww, poor limp dick— he’s not so wonderful after all.
    Reminds me of exh1 and his OWife3 when they first got together. I told him I didn’t trust her nor did I think she was good for our boys. Yep, I was right in the end, she made him a sobbing, pathetic, suicidal wretch.
    #Karma

  • Why is this letter a treasure to be left in a safe? Was is with a stack of college and job rejection letters in a file marked ‘loser’?

  • Nothing says Twu Wuv like HAVING to save and protect The Most Humiliating Breakup Letter Ever in a safe as #MeToo insurance. I’m glad he has to keep it around, to remind himself of that time he tried to play and GOT played instead.

  • Lol. Sucka! These guys think they’re still got it and these chicks just look for a free ride. He kept it to remember the lesson: if she can’t cook…

  • What a low life coward. Leaving a letter in the safe and not having the balls to tell him to his face. Is leaving the letter in the safe a secret message? Basically saying that all the entire relationship was for the money?? Ozziechump you are better off with out that gold digging piece of slime.

    • Sorry,I must have read the letter wrong. I thought the cheater left the letter. What a idiot, he cheats then leaves the letter in the safe for his wife to read? Ozziechump I hope you took that letter to your lawyer and get everything he owns. It looks like he was chumped by the little gold digger.

  • My fuckwit to me:

    “To be brutally honest, I don’t love you enough to be there when you are 50 and I am……..50.”

    My fuckwit ran off with a 25YO gurl. He is now 50. Gawd I hope she smacks the shit out of him with a dose of reality like this after he finances her hopes and dreams. Especially if she has a young stud on the side laughing their asses off at the old fart’s foolishness. He deserves every bit of it.

  • I can’t but help wonder if he left it in the safe, knowing well that Ozziechump would find it. And perhaps, like a true chump, would take pity on her STBX and see that his cheating affair with the employee is OVER, and perhaps she’d take him back? Because kibbles? Why else would he leave it in a place he KNOWS Ozziechump would look?

    • Yeah Crazy, that’s a good point! Maybe cheater thought Ozzie would feel sorry for him for being dumped by a fortune seeker. Now THAT’S entitlement!

    • Because he doesn’t want to do the hard work of breaking up himself. He wants Oz to do it, and then he can claim victim status.

    • He left it in the safe because he thinks it’s safe! The thing about entitlement is that it’s all about them so passwords are easy to crack! Just play around with the numbers in their life and you will figure it! He has no idea that I check the safe. This is a man embezzling funds out of our shared company & business!

      • So what else have you managed to turn up in that “safe”? Hopefully lots of stuff that lets you get a good settlement.

      • The narcissistic approach to passwords may answer a thought I had. That letter contained a LOT of detailed information, explained in far more detail than necessary for a dear john letter. It struck me that it may have been written with the intention of the wife reading it. I wonder if the OW could get access to the safe….

  • I laughed so hard at the UBT I almost wish I had found a similar letter from D-Day-flatterfuck to sparkledick von glitterballs. Now that I have acquired Chump Lady’s way of understanding cheaters and have my own UBT, it would be a fun project.

    The D-Day-flatterfuck is also a shallow floosie 26 years younger than cheater. After 5 years she also dumped him. I think she figured out that sparkledick was actually in debt in spite of the fancy restaurants, trips, shoes and jewelry and presents for her four kids. No use for her.

    So it’s adult diapers for sparkledick. And who is going to change them? I feel so sorry for my sons.

  • He’s a dipshit, Ozziechump. Her, him – they are all fuckwits. Keep that letter for the divorce proceedings. And, I would definitely be looking through the records for what money got funneled her way. I can’t imagine going through a divorce and having a combined business. Good Luck and Best Wishes.

  • And in all of that no mention whatsoever of the wife and kids who were destroyed in all of this. She is sorry she has to hurt his feelings by dumping him but she isn’t at all sorry for tearing his family apart along the way. This might seem like an honest heart felt break up letter if the relationship had ever had a right to exist in the first place and hadn’t caused so much destruction. It’s as if she doesn’t even acknowledge that he was married and that there relationship broke his family apart. It’s like she lives in her own little bubble where she is the only one who exists. She is the very definition of a narc and “Charlie” is a complete and utter fool.

    • Oops. Missed that she was married too? Even worse. Obviously the boundaries of marriage have no meaning to people like her..

  • “I don’t love you enough to figure out adult diapers.”

    That is GOLD.

    He deserves to hold on to that letter and ready it every day. He is unloved now and forever. He should remember that. He should remember everyday how it feels to be discarded so callously. Shouldn’t have fucked up that good thing you had with Ozziechump!

    I have no sympathy for LimpDick.

  • Mr. Twatwaffles banged a younger OW as well… (39) and now she’s had a baby. (I seriously doubt she’s his. Looks NOTHING like him or my girls) Mr. T will be 50 in a few months.

    I was calling her Alp-Ho Twatwaffles, but since we went to court a couple of weeks ago and she testified on his behalf (gag) I now call her Fiona The Meat Sack. She came with her long, bad bottle dye job red hair, in two braids up over her head (like Fiona from Shrek) and in some horrendous Lularoo legging and knit top that accentuated every roll on her sloppy-fat body.

    Short, fat and troll ugly. She had the nerve to refer to MY kids as her “bonus kids.”

    I guess he really doesn’t have to look at her whole face when she’s busy blowing him…

  • Hallmark needs to make a sparkly valentine out of “I appreciate your practicality!” The warmth shared with that little turn of phrase is stunning(ly absent)!!!

  • This is why I wish my ex had gone for somebody younger. If he had, I would be smug in the knowledge that it wouldn’t last because he would be too old and she would be too stupid. It would also be easier to make him a laughing stalk. As it is, Schmoopie is exactly his age (almost 50). Neither one is likely to dump the other because they both know their options are limited elsewhere. Of course they already limited their options for finding a decent mate by looking while married. In spite of being the same age, one of them is bound to deteriorate before the other and then they will both be stuck, one with an invalid and one with a selfish narc who is irritated by it and resents the help to which the other feels entitled. Maybe that is Karma enough.

    • Good point that these fuckwits are limited to finding a decent mate while married. It takes a special kind of women or man that knowingly cheats with a married person. Decent people who truly care and love their spouse and family would not deliberately betray them.

    • Chumpinrecovery, do not lose hope for a little run-over by the karma bus, it doesn’t require a big age difference! My ex (who is 9 years younger than me) got himself an OW who was …. I think only 5 years older than him. But you know, affair partners are such quality people! Loyal, upstanding, honest! In a lovely sequence of ‘reveals’ after I confronted him about this, his second affair, he told me it was Twu Lurv, then a few months later, that it was never intended to be a long term relationship, and he was pissed he had to go to her city to get laid, and then later, that one of the things he liked in that relationship was that she didn’t judge him, because she, too, had blown up her previous marriage (3 kids) by cheating (long before meeting him). She understood!!

      Then, I guess maybe a year after I finally got him out of the house, and after he’d moved to her city to be with her (giving up his two evenings a week w/the kids and just taking every-second-weekend for a little over 24 hs), she dumped him. For another man.

      Then, after they’d gotten back together and he’d moved to her city again? She dumped him again. For the same other man.

      Gotta love that karma, and you never know when it might arrive!

      • I just love stories with happy endings! The twu wuv cheater story I’m still waiting for complete with felt consequences and/or karma–however you want to look at it!

    • Dear Moominmamma
      Yes they will continue and we are all better than this! I still have difficulty understanding why anyone is this stupid! Are we not role models for our children? How do we ask them to uphold values that we cannot even live? How do we ask them to respect us! They are so disordered!

  • Ooooo…..Ooooo… I’m about her age, so if I sit up straight and fold my hands maybe she’ll pick me to be her next chump! I’d feel so honored!

    Holy cow, are they all narcissists?

  • This is why I hate the OW/OM just as much as the cheater. There is no shame involved just a sense of entitlement and how will this benefit me.

    Women who pursue significantly older men re looking for $$$ it’s that simple. Many men (including my ex) simply refuse to grasp this because of their egos.

    But I am curious, though, who left the letter in the safe? Did he or skanky Lucy? Either way, it seems very cruel knowing Ozziechump would find it.

    As an aside, my ex introduced me to his extremely wealthy friend in a southern state (huge real estate mogul) who is married to a child bride. At the time they got married, the friend must have been in his late 60’s or early 70’s and she was in her mid twenties. My ex thinks they get along really well and there is nothing unusual about this marriage of 5 years. I turned to him and said, “Your friend looks like he is in diapers and she is only with him so she can ride horses all day and compete in expensive horse shows on his dime and not work!” He was appalled and oddly crushed when I said this. Again, I should have left him then….

    • and not to mention, I am appalled her parents allowed this… so many disordered people in this world! I can see her narcissistic parents cheering her on as they know they get to benefit from their daughter’s new found wealth.

      hell must be a huge place.

      • What a nest a vipers that family must be…….having their daughter marry the old rich fart. Maybe they hope to or have benefited from the union as well.

    • I must be the exception then – I always liked older men. I don’t know, I just like a man who is his own man. When the Twat left me I dated a long-term friend for 6 years and he is 13 years older than me. Never bothered me, I wasn’t after his money (he has money but I have my own), but I loved his intelligence and his wit. We’re not a couple any more but still friends – in fact we’re off to the cinema together this weekend. But I agree, when there is a huge difference in age (and income) I would assume it was a gold-digger.

      • I can understand 13 years older, but when it hits 20+ years? not so much. My cheater of an ex lied to me about his age 3 times – he ended up being 16 years older than me. Such an asshole.

        • My ex is 29 yrs older than scumbalina.
          Ex is 55,. They have a 2yr old.
          Last time i had a chat with EX SIL, she mentioned:”do over dad has his hands full,”
          No comment, changed subject lol

          • Ozzie, I love that you are right on top of things.
            Use that “gem” of a letter stashed in the safe for your great settlement.
            Thats “rich”!

          • Yep, while I’m sure they love their kids I’m not sure anyone REALLY wants a “do over” just when the first batch of kids are becoming independent and freedom in the shape of retirement is on the horizon. But then again, do they REALLY love their kids? We do of course, but them – not so sure!

  • It’s so soothing to know that both of these terrible people will be in their 80’s, alone, wallowing in their own shit.

    Seriously, fuck a bunch of that, Ozziechump. So glad to hear you’re exercising that Limp Dick and his Succubus!

  • It seems like every time I read one of these letters on here, my first reaction always is: What in the hell is wrong with these people??!! Seriously, something somewhere is missing or is fundamentally wrong with them.

    Also, the OW’s obviously a POS, but why is this guy saving this letter in a safe? So he can re-read it and look back fondly at what a fuck up he was? What’s the point? Unreal.

  • My XW went younger also- 24 years younger. I can’t help but laugh at this. They are so delusional they don’t even realize they are being used. Her AP stole her credit card numbers. LOL.

    • Reaction of a chump or normal person, after receiving such a letter:

      oh no… I was used…I am such a idiot for thinking that ego praises and sex( viagra anyone?) were worth more than keeping two families together….I am such a dupe… let me burn that letter so no one can see my humiliation

      Reaction of a cheater:

      well, she gives me credit for many things- like helping her, advising her, sharing my good taste with her, so it makes me feel good… at the same time, she breaks up with me.. let me keep it in the safe so after finding the letter ,my wife can see:
      – what a special creature I am
      – how sad the situation is, but since the wife is old and stupid-she may actually feel bad enough to take me back

      Ugh…. unfortunately karma doesn’t strike often…. I’m glad it did for this chump 😂

      I’m not in my 40’s yet, but it amazes me, that often, cheaters think that “ younger is better”, regardless of the qualities of their spouses…. wife in 50’s and up- so much knowledge, no small kids, opportunities to do many things together…. ugh. Cheaters are idiots.

      My H started cheating on me when I was a beautiful, grounded 24 year old.
      You can’t grasp the stupidity…. or at least I can’t

  • I laughed out loud when I saw CL’s meme…the old dude in his whitey tighty’s with his gray chest hairs ravishing his schmoopie and then the letter for the UBT !! Omg, my mother always said ‘there’s NO fool, like an old fool.’ I would pay money for this Karma bus to show up in my cheater XH’s culdesac.

    • But don’t we love her bold and blatant honesty! Not to mention the subtle mention that if he contacts her again she’ll probably take out a restraining order now that she’s finished “appreciating” his financial support.

      • No contact … she doesn’t want the next guy to see texts or messages that she was dating an old, married guy.

  • “I would like to date men my own age.”

    This is likely shorthand for “I am already dating someone I like better than you.” The age thing is thrown in there because it is an immutable characteristic he can do nothing about. And hey, she did the math and realized that caregiving wasn’t her thing, so it’s time to say goodbye.

    I really don’t see this creature breaking it off unless she already had a better offer on the table.

  • On one hand you got a small gift in seeing that goodbye letter because it confirmed what you were already thinking – that she was basically just using him. It may be a little satisfying to know the ow doesn’t really love him all that much & seems to think he’s just an old fart! Lol

    About a year & a half after my x left for the ow their relationship ended violently (in front of my 2 kids). A few days later, my suspicion about her more-less just using him was confirmed. While on on hand it was a bit of a relief to find this out, it wasn’t anywhere near as satisfying as I thought it would be. Surprisingly, I was more depressed than satisfied. I mean, here he blew up mine & our kids lives (& he & ow put me through hell for that 1.5 yrs) for a relationship that ended in violence in front of our kids & for a woman who just used him. Others would tell me he got his karma. It sure didn’t feel like karma to me though.

  • My ex left for a woman 13 years younger than he is…and he can’t see what is so obvious: SHE IS USING HIM. This is a college educated woman who can’t seem to stay in a job for any length of time. He met her while she was a “management trainee” at a large hotel in Singapore. Its lucky, really, that she quit that gig too…otherwise, when would she have had time to take all those scuba trips with my ex-husband??

    The fact that my ex could in theory facilitate her U.S. citizenship through marriage I’M SURE never crossed her darling, loving little brain.

    She is a piece of trash. Any man or woman who goes for a married person is a piece of trash.

    My ex is a selfish fool. Any married man or woman that engages in an affair (for a YEAR…while his wife is waiting for him to come home from yet ANOTHER Army assignment) is a selfish fool.

    I hope the OW in my life gets her American citizenship and whatever Army pension that’s left (after my share comes out). I hope she kicks my ex in the balls on her way to whatever age-appropriate prey she lines up after him.

    I can only home someday he can wallow in the amount of shame and misery he tried to lay on me. And I hope he finally realizes what an old, used-up, vapid, silly man he has become.

    • Liz C. You can bet on it…as soon as schmoopie gets her citizenship she’ll be giving your cheater xh the boot. Hahahaha and it will totally serve his trashy ass right.

  • First reaction: the letter is written in the language and format of a child’s laundry list thank you note, written under parental duress, “to be nice.” Would appear that the OW’s manipulative skills (image management) began in childhood. She still there; believing she’s that special girl entitled to goodies without reciprocity. AF demoted to kindly relative. A thank you note makes it all better!

  • Dear Ozziechump

    The next instalment since we met that night for dinner, chat, laughs and a walk near the harbour…

    Wow. Pond Scum has done a solid job of sending him to dumptom… poor poppet.. not.

  • I hope I don’t I offend anyone because I love this letter. First, why in the hell did he save the thing in the first place. In a safe for crying out loud! Does he hold it near his heart and think lovely thoughts of her? Does he keep it because he thinks he’s going to get her in trouble someday? The reason I love it is because after you take all the flowers and perfume out of that letter all it says is “I’m dumping your beat up hairy ass because I’ve used up everything I could get from you and I am Done. Don’t call I will hang up on you. Don’t try to find me I will call the cops on you. Just don’t let the door hit you in the ass as you leave Mofo!”
    I hope you danced a jig when you found it and then I hope you went in the yard and set off fireworks. What a wonderful thing to find. Your ex is a horse’s ass and somebody told him he is. It can’t get much better than this.
    She is a piece of shit, but she is somebody else’s piece of shit.

  • This took some time to digest. Hopefully, the spam filter isn’t eating my comment.

    People like this LW’s husband are a damn cliche. They are so easy to fool. They choose to believe their own delusions instead of their own experience in reality. Everyone knows this story – the golddigger. I hate to use that term, but that’s all this is. Tale as old as frickin’ time. You think people would learn that if it’s too good to be true, it likely is. He got everything he deserved. May his next affair be just as fruitful. The LW is smart to run. He’s going to waste all his money – Take what you can and run.

  • Ozzie anChump! Hello again and I also got a huge belly laugh out of the letter! Wow, it seems to me that is true karma to find….I don’t even want to speculate why he’d put it where you were most likely to look? jokes on him.

    And, for others that don’t, I happen to know personally that Ozziechump is the best damn cook I’ve ever met in Australia!

    Thanks for the post. I hope you get out of this soon and get over here to clear your mind.

  • Spam ate my comment – anyway…trying again..

    OzzieChump – this was a great post to read, knowing what you’ve been through.
    Like the UBT – I had a good belly laugh.
    Wouldn’t we all have loved to read something like that? Or..not.

    Why he put it in a safe that you had access to, is bizarre. He wanted you to see it?

    I’m so glad you’re getting out of that business relationship with him and hope you retrieve some of those assets. Asshole.

    And, for the record, Ozziechump is an excellent food chef! I know it for a fact. Her jerk gave away a golden goose.

    Once the divorce is finale, remember, you promised to come chill with me on the Oregon Coast! 😉

  • Maybe he saved the letter so that if she (AP) came after him/ the company for sexual harassment then this letter would refute that. They had a consensual relationship from which she benefitted. My advice is to follow the money since it sounds like funds were diverted or skimmed off to help the AP have her own business. If she sued for sexual harassment that affects the chump’s business partnership share as well. My XH helped “a colleague” by loaning her money to keep her business afloat and helping her get a big contract with his employer, but when he wanted the loan repaid she claimed sexual harassment. His company fired him & kept her on. The chump needs to keep copies of anything she can whether she knows how to use the info/evidence or not. Time will tell.

  • And just because there’s a goodbye letter doesn’t mean it’s over. Maybe the cheating husband wants the chump to think it’s over! Playing the Poor Poor Pitiful me card.

    • I’m a big believer in Karma. My XH developed a neurological disorder which has a major symptom of “sexual dysfunction.” Now in his 60’s he continues to search for a nurse and a purse.

  • Hey , I got the romantic poems and songs about someone else left stuffed in a drawer and found totally by chance by me 11 years after the time. He says he forgot they were there, and it was a crush that went too far , we are still married but I can’t quite bring myself to feel the same , so I really feel for this lady, seeing written evidence, especially in my case in their own writing is horrible!!

    • Sorry. I hope he at leats understands the impact on your feelings. You should let him know that your feelings have taken a blow and that it affects your relationship. If he does nor care – that tells you something. At any rate, he thought it was okay to do that and did not try to resolve this with you. Whatever you decide, peace to you. I have similar experience (not written but words) which killed some of my emotional investment.

  • @Kale === “I hope he at least understands the impact on your feelings.”

    That is never going to happen with a disordered narcissist. NORMAL people don’t do this type of destruction to their family. MOST do not change and never acknowledge any wrong! 31 yrs experience with this, trust me

    Who give a rats a** what happen to them in the future. Go away

  • Such a strange coincidence. I found out about my husband’s affair 2 years ago though a text that the OW howorker sent him turning down a free vacation to Vietnam with him because she had met a new, younger BF. Husband sent her an airline voucher and she took her new BF on a trip to Brazil with it. Was there a fire sale on vacations in Vietnam for young howorkers????

  • >