Hey, I just wanted to let everyone know, it took AGES but I finally just recorded and posted the first Chump Lady podcast over on Patreon!
It’s a half hour with yours truly and Mr. Chump Lady, discussing all the fun that is going to court. Mr CL is a trial lawyer, and the sort of perverse person who actually enjoys the stylized violence of litigation. (Which is really weird if you know him personally, because he’s the nicest guy.) But when Nice Chump Guy persona meets Trial Lawyer, what you get is some really terrific hand-holding about appearing in court. And some banter between us, because hey, we’re married.
Mr. CL (in typical lawyer fashion) would have you note the disclaimer that the podcast is NOT to be construed as legal advice — please see your own attorney for your situation. It’s just BTDT from two chumps, one of whom sues people for a living. The other of whom spent a lot of time in family court being sued pro se. (Good times… )
Hey, why is this for subscribers only?!
Because about 350+ of you support the other 33,000 (yes!) that come here each week.
But you’d really get your message out there if you made FREE podcasts!
Well, you’re probably right, but the unicorns will have to pay for the hosting costs and write columns and pay the nice lady at Arlington Independent Media for studio time and sound editing.
We were just thinking of you.
I know. I should do many, many things to promote CL and CN and I fail to do them because I work a full-time job.
But you should do THIS full-time.
Well, I thought of that. And I got thiiiiiiiiis close. But then I was offered a really good job. And faced with the decision between a 401K and nice benefits versus freedom and a tip jar, I went with the 401K. (People, I just turned 52. Retirement savings is real.) So I do both.
Okay, I subscribed to Patreon, but then stopped because you promised stuff and all I got was some posts and a lousy ringtone. Oh, and a video cast that looks like you made it from the Russian front.
First, thank you for supporting me. Thank you for supporting CN. And it’s totally okay to bow out. I dread disappointing anyone. It’s totally okay to donate once, or for a bit, and stop because you’ve done your part. You’re way ahead of the other bazillion who get it for free.
I will say, I’m working out the bugs and now that I’m past the hurdle of podcasting and learning to never EVER rely on my home wifi for video casts (ethernet cable!) no matter what the speed test tells you. I shall be better at new Patreon content.
The real bugbear is time. I wake up every morning and write or rerun a column (which still involves some set up). Then I go to work, and when I come home and just want to eat dinner and get in yoga pants and watch Escape to the Country… I open up my laptop and see:
That’s my inbox after 8 hours.
Boo hoo. Suck it up, Chump Lady. Where’s my UBT?
There. Right next to my free time.
I started CL when I was a freelancer. It was going to be a little hobby, you know, keep me off the RIC sites yelling “RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!” Simply a brain dump of what I learned about infidelity. Draw some cartoons. Then Huffington Post called. Then I wrote a book… then this thing flipped a million… then I met people who told me how much it helped them… Then I got invited to Australia… and met GLOBAL chumps…and now we’re closing in on 23 million.
So, you created a monster?
I hope I created a movement. But guys, please understand I’m stretched thin. And I’m thinking of ways I can preserve CN but bring content in new, original ways. And in ways that benefit the supporters.
Yes! Like podcasts! You want to hear my adorable, badass husband give not-legal-legal advice? About how not to lose your cool in court when the other side tries to paint you as batshit crazy? Then pony up $10 and support the blog for a month. And maybe the month after that.
Lots of new people wash up on our shores. It’s a BIG job to change a narrative. Thanks for listening.
Also, next podcast topics will be talking to a divorce lawyer (more not legal legal talk), exploring the world of divorce coaching, a chump therapist, and UXWorld may join us to discuss chumpdom from the guy perspective.
Lots ahead! And now that I’ve outsourced the techie parts (because time) I’m excited about podcasting! Yea!
I’m currently unable to donate, hoping thst situation will change next year. In the meantime, I want to thank you Chump Lady and those of if your there supporting the rest of us by helping to support Chump Nations fearless leader! Much Love and Thanks!! ????????????????????
People, I don’t know how Tracy manages! I hope she can be CL full time. Can any of us imagine starting our day and going through what we did and do WITHOUT her and the UBT?
The UBT is quite happy for the rest… it’s oiling its sprockets for the next round of bullshit I inflict on it.
I put down the laundry, dishes, and children, went and got my card and completed my donation membership. I’ve probably started at least 5 times and never actually completed it, despite it taking less than three minutes lol.
Thank you for all that you do CL and Mr. CL. CN saves my sanity daily and allows me to vent to people who get it and care. And, last but not least, CN helped me to see that really good, fun, funny, awesome, literate, smart, sexy people get cheated on by selfish entitled assholes and that there is nothing fundamentally wrong with me. Knowing that is gold for someone’s sanity.
My life is better because of you. I found you early in the process and navigated 11 months of cohabitation with no contact and grey rock while simultaneously completing a Masters Degree in Counseling. Because of ChumpLady and CN I hired a badass lawyer, did my research and went to mediation and came out pretty damn well. Furthermore, my mastery of no (verbal) contact, NOPE, not a single spoken word since the first custody exchange when I told my X to ‘get the hell off my porch and get in your truck, this is not your house’….3 years ago….yep. The kids are ok, good in fact. My point, this blog guided me through the worst storm of my life, made me a better therapist, and gave me the courage to tell it like it is. You are worth the Patreon subscription! Every penny.
Now, I need to listen to your podcast.
I think it’s mighty as hell that you went through D-Day AND got your MA — so now you can channel your therapy powers to helping others.
Thank you so much!
I have been a Patron since the first day. When I was chumped in 2010 there was no chump lady. Just a bunch of useless RIC advice and websites. I felt like I had too many sunk costs to leave the cheater that I had been with for 24 years of my life to that point so I stayed; ate the shit sandwich; took 1/2 the blame for my fault in the marriage breaking down enough so he would have an affair (all RIC words which amount to=it’s all your fault chump!); and pick me danced like a champion but none of it felt right. Even when I was defending the choice it didn’t feel right.
3 years later, I happened on this website via a link from a RIC website and everything changed. I decided to leave the cheater that year and I’ve never regretted that for an instant. The only thing I had in store for me was more cheating if I stayed. I had lost all respect for myself for not walking away the moment I found out.
I support this blog because I want all the new chumps to come here first and see all the options in front of them! I want them to realize that they have agency and it’s okay to have deal breakers. This is the best message new chumps can get and I think it’s incumbent upon all of us who have benefited from her wisdom to pay it forward.
Thanks for the podcast CL and for everything else!
Thank you! That’s incredibly mighty to leave after 24 years.
And yes, it’s interesting how you have to investigate how you sucked to just the proper degree to get him to cheat. If you’d only pushed the needle further… then what? He gets to strangle you?
I was one of those lucky Aussie chumps who went to Newcastle and spent a couple of days meeting fellow chumps and Mr & Mrs CL – forever grateful to Zhuchi for organising it. Actually it wasn’t luck, once I started following CL mantra, stopped untangling and giving ground thinking I could ‘nice’ him out of being an asshole, the more I was able to focus on the things that mattered to me. I found my voice and a simple No or Grey Rock was sufficient. 10 years on I am pretty close to being financially back on my feet, it was touch and go for awhile – Chumps are resilient, just invest that effort back into yourself instead of your undeserving cheaters. So for those who can, please pay it forward. For those who are struggling, it won’t happen overnight but your life will be better when you find that elusive inner peace. Tracy and Paul, thank you for all that you do.
Newcastle was incredible! Thanks so much for making it. And Zhuchi is the bomb.
I understand being stretched thin, but I have another idea for something to suck up your free time: how about a TED or TEDx talk? Those seem to go a long way toward getting the word out.
Not sure how I’d manage that but I’m not opposed to it. 🙂
I am on YouTube a lot and it drives me potty how many times that bloody Esther Perel ‘re-thinking infidelity’ video keeps popping up.
I do follow TED Talks, but why this one stupid video keeps following me around I have no idea. Feck off EP!
I’m embarrassed to say that I am a patron and have no idea how to get the podcast. HELP PLEASE!
Thank you! (HUGS)
I just finally got a job! I will be donating as soon as I get my first paycheck in hand. I decided to step away from nursing and work in a nice clean factory..not much stress or socialization which is just the way I want it right now. Thank you for all you do!
Congrats on your new job!
Hi Tracy, just a quick question from the proof-reader in me; in Patreon it says the title of your podcast is Chump_Lad_Podcast_001.mp3 Is it really Lad instead of Lady?
Apart from that it was great to listen to!
Good catch. Alas, I can’t update it as it’s the filename the sound engineer gave it.
It’s a good name anyway! Mr Chump Lady = Chump Lad ????
I second this motion.
All in favour?
Hi from New Zealand – excellent podcast. I have to say that without CL I would still be living my miserable life while constantly feeling seething fury. Now I am far away, with a lovely man in my life. That’s why I am a patreon thingee. Thanks CL and CN
I love a happy gain-a-life story. Beats seething any day. Thanks for the kind words.
Congratulations on the new job and 401k! I hope it’s wonderful. Still saving up for your book.
Here’s to the success of the podcast.
A million thank you’s for blog. I learned so much. I continue to refer people to your blog. Woohoo! Happy dance!
I can’t afford it either BUT geez people it’s TEN BUCKS! I signed up because gratitude. Huge Gratitude.
Chump Lady has done more for me and my kids than many of the real live ppl in my life. I owe her.
Eat baked beans or muesli for a couple of dinners. Get a cheaper bottle of wine. Make your own coffee instead of buying it out. Count the ways. Chump Nation, we are good folks and we know how to say Thank You nicely. We all owe her.
Please don’t eat baked beans on my account! Thank you for the blog support, but no desperate measures. Beans. (Shudder.) You’re very generous to do this.
I am one of those who would LOVE you & your message to get out there more – have a YouTube channel, do a TED Talk, do a TV debate with Esther Perel, get paid to be a consultant for TV shows that feature adultery – like Esther Perel has done.
But, I have to say, firstly recognising and then putting your own needs first is very un-chumpy-like. It’s actually very, very good example setting to us all, who in our chumpy ways may stretch ourselves thin and make our own needs small. And not to underestimate the time, effort etc that it takes to run this blog! To have a good job and still run a daily blog – amazing!
Thank you a million times over for continuing to run this blog when you yourself are several years out and have a job. Big thank you. I will donate.
I’m still living in hope for that second book though. No pressure! 😉
Yeah me too. I’m actually working on that too. Have a few chapters written. It will get done. Some day. Thank you!
Oh I’d love to see a TV debate with Esther Perel 🙂
So much to thank CN for. Life is improving (almost divorced) and finances are better so about time I contributed and so just did. Thanks Tracy!
Those ideas are good ones “Off the crazy train”. What about targeted Google Ads to direct new chumps to CN and/or Tracy’s book and away from RIC
BTW I first found CN a year ago just 2 weeks after D-Day but I didn’t want to hear the message of truth & reality (but I want to reconcile! more hopium! more hopium!). It took me over 6 months of pick-me dancing et al before I came back and was ready. So how about a big “New Here?” link at the top of the main page of CN? Or a “Just found out your spouse/partner is having an affair? This is what you need to know right now!” that will take you to a CN summary web page (there are techie ways you can set this up so it only appears once for a new visitor). Sort of a variation on the “About” page, but which is highlighted to draw attention to it, that spells out the reality of being chumped and what to start doing next
I’m a Brit Chump and donate each month, as five months after the devastation of my personal tsunami, I know I wouldn’t have been able to do what I’ve had to do without good friends and CL. I found you through a Facebook reference two months ago and now looking at the forums each day is part of my survive and thrive strategies. Thank you CL and bless your cotton socks as we say over here.x
Ps Love the podcast and it’s smashing to hear your voice (and that of lovely Mr CL too).
A Brit chump here too Annie! And this site and the amazing people on it have saved my life. No exaggeration. This week two separate people spoke about my DDay to me and told me that I cannot have loved cheater ex as I detonated our relationship almost immediately after I found out…it’s because I was directed in the early few days to Chump Lady and realised that he was not worth dancing for. Don’t care what others think! It’s been a long hard slog and things aren’t good but I take comfort in knowing I am not alone .
What a cheek some people have Dollydaydream! It’s a lonely old road at times. Well done you for kicking his cheating arse as soon as you knew the awful truth.
I consider things like the podcast a nice little bonus.
I became a supporter because of the work you’re already doing. It has helped me a great deal, and I’ve passed the knowledge on to some other people who have been helped. : )
I wish I knew how to download the ringtone but I don’t. That’s ok, I’m glad my little monthly contribution is helping the site.
Is there any chance of a new ringtone that sounds like a nice heavy-duty cradle phone receiver being slammed? How I MISS being able to slam a phone down in a fuckwits ear. I’ll settle for a ringtone.
I asked my cousin about that sound when hanging up. It can’t be done. Seriously.
Awesome news!! Thank you!!!
Greatly enjoyed this even though my legal stuff was a year ago.
Minor tech glitch which is unsurprising. There was dead air and the some outtakes of the intro at the end on the file I got.
We’ll done though and many thanks to you and especially Paul (Chump Lad) for this.
Although I’m way past divorcing a cheater, I enjoyed listening to the podcast (I’m only about 1/2 way through). I’m dealing with a covert narcissist at work and her smear campaign is exhausting. Keeping calm and not playing into the bat shit crazy narrative is so helpful for me.
I donate because I come to this site not only daily, but several times per day. It’s the only information I’ve found helpful in the mayhem of dealing with a cheater. I did not seek a therapist so I feel like I have saved a lot financially by this site. I want to help others. I want to support Tracy so she can continue to help others.
Leaving a cheater can be financially devastating. I know how hard it can be and I know not everyone can spare it. All it takes is $10 per month to help.
I donate because I want to help and don’t expect anything additional from Patreon postings. Thank you Tracy and Paul for all you do!!
Ten dollars a month to change the narrative, priceless. Thank you for all you do. It’s an investment for future generations. My granddaughter just turned 18. She benefitted from your words navigating her grandmother from being broken to a thriving individual.
This shit is generational. I learned from my mother. Thank you!
Congratulations on your first podcast, you have helped a lot of chumps. We do appreciate what you do.
I have been a CL Patreon supporter since she first talked about it on here. I totally understand the time thing and how this site and the Chump Nation have blossomed into a huge movement and a column/blog that needs a lot more attention than a “hobby”. Honestly people, 10/month is fuck-all. You probably blow that on energy drinks/sodas/starbucks etc in just a few days every month (and all that stuff isn’t good for you anyway.). I could panhandle 10.00 in less than 45 mins in the right location (and thank goodness I don’t have to). I am way past needing the valuable advice given here, but I support to keep the site up and running and help those who DO NEED THE ADVICE
I just signed up to be a Patron. I’ve been waiting until my finances were utterly severed from those of my stbx. And now they are.
Thank you, Tracy-Chump Lady. You provided clarity, motivation, and support when I needed it. Thank you, Chump Nation. I learn from your wisdom every day.
Done! I just signed up. Thank you, Tracy for all you have done for me personally by being the voice out there that made sense to the voice inside me. Nothing else resonated because personal integrity only aligns with truth! And a shout out to Chump Nation (who is always there to encourage and share). I believe CN is part of this movement to change the narrative. I treasure the wisdom and laughs that I have gained from this site!
I finally subscribed! Thank you so much Tracy for making the effort, going the extra mile for all of us here, being the only voice that makes sense. You literally saved my life! This is a chump (now mighty and transformed) from Uganda. that is how far you have gone to touch peoples lives. Its been over two years post Dday but i still come here everyday 🙂 God bless you.
This was a very timely reminder. As I was going through the nightmare of the divorce process, I decided to join Patreon after the divorce was final. There’s nothing like discovering your husband is a narcissist and then trying to navigate through a divorce with his entitled self trying to screw you at every turn. So with all that going on, I was afraid to have anything related to CL that could be discovered. My divorce was finalized earlier this month (praise God). I just signed up. This site and Tracy’s book were so important to me regaining my sense of self after it had been consistently eroded over the course of 20 years. I’m happy to support her efforts so others can benefit and break free of damaging relationships.
Thanks, Tracy, for all that you do. You are a lifesaver and my kids are way better off now that their mom is back to normal.
The podcast was EXCELLENT!! The content, the sound quality, the pace was all professional grade stuff.
Thank you both!
It was very comforting post hoc a finalized divorce to realize how well things actually went for me.
I also thought the sage advice by Mr. CL (spoiler alert) on making a good and secure life the object of your divorce over revenge or being heard has applications in many of life’s transitions, and mimics the advice oft heard in these parts, “When all directions are risky (or suck), go for the one that can secure the most agency”.
…Which is what I think Chump Lady may be doing by sticking with her full-time job. Brava.
Hey Chump Nation, did you know Chump Lady also supports other artists on Patreon? She might not tell you that, but I will.