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Schadenfreude Snark

Yesterday’s breakout moment, about the perils of breaking no contact, was Tbone’s assertion that if she hadn’t looked at her ex’s social media, she never would’ve known “that my ex proposed to his new wife over takeout from Chik-fil-A. Hahahahaha.”

Not to be outdone, Sunny replied with an epic hashtag riff:

#HowCanYouSayNoToJeebusChicken
#WaffleFriesFTW
#KeepingItClassy
#LadyKillerWithNinjaTakeoutMoves
#DatLemonadeTho
#ChikFilAMakesMeMoistLikeTheirNuggets
#SayYesToTheWatercress (Salad, that is)
#LowBudgetKeepsExpectationsLow

What, did he get the ring out of one of the candy machines in the front lobby before he picked up his order?

A Fun Friday Challenge was born.

I must have more of this snark.

Your mission is to find some nugget of schadenfreude you’ve enjoyed in this shit show, and hashtag it.

Is your ex a bad gift-giver to Schmoopie?

#MicrosoftOffice #youshouldnthave

#STDs #noreally

Did the cheater marry someone else that wasn’t the OW?

#alwaysafuckbuddy #neverabride

You get the idea.

Snark away! We may all return to Meh on Monday.

TGIF!

 

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • #romanticallywalkingthedogdrunk
    #nothingsayssexylikepukinginataxi
    #whyohwhydomychildrendespiseme
    #buyingyourwifeahousetokeepitofffacebook
    #homewreckingyourownhome

  • My 39 year old husband cheated on me with a 19 year old he met through work. I thoroughly enjoyed telling him all the places where I wouldn’t run into him since she isn’t old enough to get in. And that he better not have his 40th birthday party at a bar because she couldn’t be there, or that in another two years he could throw her a really nice 21st birthday party!! When he found out she was pregnant ( about a month after their affair was exposed) he proposed and I told him congratulations for doing the “right thing” since he ruined her life too.

  • Well, my ex cheated on a woman 14 years older than me, 12 years older than him. She is now 59 ( or 60 maybe?) and he is 47.

    I told him, “You’re going to wiping her a$$ one day.” and “At least you don’t have to worry about her getting pregnant, she’s already gone through menopause.”! Some of my better come backs!

    #loveknowsnonumber
    #rodehardputupwet

  • For years my wife was

    #mrschristmas

    She bored myself, the kids, her extended family, her friends & social media in general with her Christmas obsession (you know the type, starts posting the Christmas countdown clock daily on FB starting on 26th December)

    Imagine my sheer delight when I discovered yesterday that

    #schmoopiedoesntdochristmas

    Joy to the world!

  • The OW wants a child.
    My still-husband cannot have children, so she will need IVF.
    My STBX doesn’t want children. He just angrily told me he will take care of that “later”.
    Like “later after she moved to another country to be with me”. She will turn 36 soon.

    #IVFtriplets
    #HeHasPotential

    • Wow.

      If she hadn’t taken my husband, I’d feel compelled to warn her.

      But the homewrecking whore doesn’t deserve to bring kids into her disfunctional sphere.

      #chalkoneupforhumanity

      • I did try to warn her, but she was in denial.
        My STBX did exact same sh*t to me. Mirroring (“I want as many children as you want”), making stupid assumptions (“but you were on the pill”), letting me make ‘reasonable’ assumptions (“not now”= later?).
        I feel for her. She’s in love and doesn’t see the ship is sinking.

        • That’s my story in reverse. Mine ditched me with a one and two year old in tow to go have fun sexy freedom with a stripper he met while working out of state. She (by his own sheepish admission) man-trapped him with not one but two newborns within their first 3 years together. #diapersnottassels #funtimesover

  • I was FB friends with my stepdaughter but no one else in Cold Slab’s orbit. I had not looked at his FB for two years. I saw his profile pic on a comment and it was a little baby that looked a very much like my stepdaughter but I hadn’t seen that newborn picture before.

    I clicked on it and that is how I found out an Extramarital Baby had been conceived during my marriage. The timing did not add up at all. Stepdaughter has been instructed during the pregnancy not to mention it before the dissolution was final.

    I contacted him with a WTF and he just lied and lied. What else did I expect?

    But the one time browse DID give me evidence of epic scale child support drama, new hypotenuse and serious money troubles, so my end result was a sigh of relief that I stepped out of that mess at the right time. I just wish it was before he gave me HPV and then Stage 1 Cervical Cancer. But hey, at least they cannot afford a vacation!

    I have never looked at that circus again! It really is not worth the WTF factor.

    • #oncealoseralwaysaloser

      I look back (just like you) at the men we once loved, and I just want to shake myself. What the hell were we thinking??

      • #metoo

        Putting aside all he did to me for 23 years — he’s no longer attractive to me and hasn’t been for four years. What made him attractive to me was his “nice guy” mask that he wears most of the time. I’ve seen the mask fall completely off three times and the real him is ugly to the core. I wish I would have believed this is the real him when the mask fell for the first time way back in 1992. What was I thinking? Well, I was in shock and still believing the lies. Lesson learned to believe who someone is the first time they show you!!!

      • I’m with you, about the exes. I would not touch any of them with a ten foot pole. It’s great to know I’m not harboring feelings for any of those losers. Especially Whore Mongering Cheater. He disgusts me.

    • Luziana,

      #cervicalcanceristhebestchristmaspresent

      #cervicalcancernevergoesoutofstyle

      #cervicalcanceristheperfectaccessoryforthecervix

      #hesworeonthebiblehedidnotcheat

      Cervical cancer a gift that is too memorable to forget. Please know I say this in gest.

      I was heading into stage 2 when I found out.

      I was stupid and thought that we were in a monogamous relationship. He told me we were; he read his Bible and he didn’t believe in sin. I was stupid and believed it.

      As soon as I found out about the OW and her promiscuous behavior, I RAN to my OB/GYN. I had seen the doctor for a while and was always clean of all STD’s and always had clean paps.

      But let’s go backwards…before I found out about OW, I got lazy and skipped a couple of years of screens.

      After I found out there was an OW, I ran to the doctor. I was waiting on the edge of my chair waiting for the AIDS results. Those were negative.

      Then the doctor dropped the bomb. Cervical cancer. We looked through my records and talked about my personal history (I was 💯% monogamous) The MD ascertained that I got it from OW. And this was during the holiday season.

      While other people were getting jewelry and new coats I was getting news of cervical cancer. As the Church Lady from SNL said, “Well isn’t that special?”

      I sure hope your doctor got you healthy. My doctor did, thank goodness. But, I will NEVER forget the experience of having almost all of my cervix removed.
      It’s one of those experiences up there with being hit by a train. Only you didn’t park on the tracks and the train didn’t betray you.

      #hopefullyhisdickfallsoff

      I hope you are well.

      Sarah

      • Sarah, My colposcopies are clear so far after the LEEP Procedure, and other than the expense I have had no symptoms. I’m okay with a hysterectomy if need be!

        It IS the most lovely gift for years of monogamy. I get to lose my fertility so that Cold Slab can sow his. and pay Child Support until he’s eligible for Social Security. Hope she enjoys those genital warts he convinces everyone are “skin tabs”. He’s a giant Skin Tab I excised from my life!

  • #WarcraftRomance
    #CheapVegasHookup
    #IFuckedATrollPriest
    #45YearOldTeenagers
    #BustedByMy12YearOld
    #ICantBelieveHeFiled
    #OopsLostAllWeBuilt
    #OhWellNewDudeWillDoIGuess
    #LiterallyMovedIntoHisParentsBasement

    • To the OW:

      #hereallyISbadwithmoney
      #heowestheIRS
      #imfilingforarrears
      #dontcallmewhenyoufinallydiscoverthelies
      #hesyourproblemnow
      #hesusingyouformoney

      My daughter saw a text on my ex’s phone where the ow was mad that he hadn’t made an effort to change some behavior and called him a selfish person. Lololol

      Don’t have kids with people you don’t really know or jump into a situation you don’t really know.

      #heleftawifewithcancer
      #helldothesametoyou
      #selfishat44selfishforever

      But according to her he has changed and realizes what he needs to be for his family.

      #ifyouhavetochangeeverythingaboutthemitsnotreal
      #raisinganadult

  • Oh, my STBXH is first generation American. His parents are from Germany. And nothing says “Ich liebe dich” like a big dose of schadenfreude.
    Speaking of German concepts, our sailboat is named “Zufrieden”, which means “carefree”. I might decide to change the name of the boat to “Scheisskopf”. At midnight. With spray paint.

    Sadly I don’t have much to share except that he told me recently he is not happy, that he is angry at himself. He told me he had been unhappy for years when I found out about the affair. News to me and our little girl. She and I are going to be processing trust issues for years to come because of that acting job alone. I am relishing the fact that now I am no longer the convenient scapegoat for him to hang his issues on. Oh, so I guess it was YOU?

    • Oh, I forgot! Here’s some OW schadenfreude! While the cheating accomplice has created a FB page shrine to him, he is on Tinder and racking up the frequent flier miles at illicit massage parlors….

      #youtoo
      #yourproblemnow
      #nothingspecial
      #sexaddictspermreceptacle
      #justablowupdoll
      #mrandmrsvillageidiot
      #velvethammergetstobezurfrieden
      #neenerneenerneenerhahaha

      • This >>> #velvethammergetstobezurfrieden

        You go girl!!!

        And Velvet Hammer, it’s a lie that he hasn’t been happy for years. He’s fxcking with your mind and heart. My ex said, “I haven’t been happy in ten years BUT I DIDN’T KNOW IT.” I had absolutely no clue he was unhappy and our marriage was just the opposite of unhappy. He always told me how perfect I was and how well I took care of our family. He beamed when he looked at me at home and in public. I don’t believe his lie. He’s just a serial cheater and he got caught. End of story. Don’t believe the lie that he was unhappy. If he was unhappy, he should have told you so you both could adult and work towards fixing whatever was making him happy.

        • Ok, what is it with the 10 years? My cheater claimed he hadn’t been happy for 10 years and since dday #2 Ive heard of 3 other couples where the cheater said the same damn thing–10 years. Is it in a cheater handbook or something?

          • It’s a big enough number so that people who hear it will know and understand how he/she SUFFERED. Everyday for them was pure hell and they ENDURED because they are just that NICE a person. #too stupid to know I’m unhappy.

            • Haha, Attie! That’s funny about only being able to count up to ten!

              I’m not sure of the significance of the ten years with the other cheaters not being happy. My ex-cheater dug deep into the past to come up with some reason that he wanted a divorce. He wanted a divorce and this is a direct quote from The Divorce Letter, “I want to be with someone who trusts me 100%. You can’t give me what I want. Trust.” Sooooooo, the cheater went back about ten years to a night that I of course don’t remember and he said that I told him, “I’ll never trust you again.” It’s quite possible this night did happen, because this was about the time that he admitted that he went up to Canada over ten times while I was pregnant and went to 100% naked strip clubs and got 100% naked lap dances (and probably more!). This is also at the same time I thought he was having an affair with a ho-worker (I now 100% believe that he was as he got fired from that job as he was pretty high up in management). So, he said in The Divorce Letter that “something died in him that night” and so he said he hadn’t been happy all those ten years. Total bullshit lies. He had to make up some type of story to justify all his lying, cheating and “unhappiness”.

              I’m watching the sociopathic killer Chris Watts’ interrogation videos and it’s like watching my ex-husband in action. Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie! Take a story and keep spinning it. Take a little truth and add some lies. Tell a story, but keep out the facts that might make you look bad. Lying, filthy snakes all of them!

          • Absolutely in the cheater playbook. Mine said the same thing while revising his history. In the meantime, I looked back at all the emails, cards, etc. where he proclaimed his love for me, how much better his life was with me in it, how I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I believe the “10 years” thing is about making him look like a saint to his friends/family for staying in such a miserable marriage, all about impression management so that he isn’t judged as the complete ass he actually is.
            #sainthoodforcheaters
            #STDsforeverybodyelse

        • Thank you for this! I struggled for a complete YEAR, blaming myself because my Ex also told me (at the discovery of his affair) that he “had not been happy for TEN years!” And, it is bullshit. He was the guy that all of my friends wanted to clone, and we were “happy”. 20 years into it, happy…not “everything is NEW and exciting” happy… you can keep that affair fog!
          It took a long time for me to stop the pick-me-dancing and realize that it wasn’t ME, but HIM… and how can anyone say they hadn’t been happy for TEN YEARS? Hell, I ten months is too long… what they really mean is, that real life takes over the new and shiny, and I didn’t really want to put the work into our marriage, so I’ll take my ball and go play over here, with a new friend, that doesn’t know the real me…YET. Have fun with that!

          • Gah! They are so disordered! Just before I kicked him out he drew a heart and filled in our initials and wrote 34 years of bliss for our wedding anniversary. He posted it on social media for all to see how much we were in love. A few months later he said he hadn’t been happy for years (maybe 10…though he wasn’t exactly sure) and wasn’t in love with me. Oh, and he wouldn’t be able to take care of me on my cancer journey because he and 20 year younger Backpage massage parlor whore schmoopie were trying to have a baby together. He said, “it’s what she wants” and I love her.

            #serialcheaterscaughtinlies
            #itsnotmyfaultihaveaBAincommunicationsbutcan’tcommunicate
            #whyyousomean?
            #MeandmeandmeIdeservetobehappy
            #6FidelityaccountsthatonlyIcanaccessbutI’mnothidinganything
            #14gallonsofScope
            #2casesofwetwipes;what?
            #Freshbreathcleangenitalsatalltimes;just Incase
            #Whyyousomeanandwant50%Can’tyoujustdieofcancer?

            #Nowhe’susingthewetwipesforheandwhoresbaby
            #How’shisfoulbreathandgrandpadaddygrayshriveledparts?
            #Grandpaof3newdadmeetyournewunclekids
            #How’sthatexternalsearchforhappinessgoing?

            Me; meh.

    • Hahaha. I am German myself, so Scheisskopf is a great name. So would be Flachwichser. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves with swear words.
      Happiness this undefinable concept is what drives all their actions. And then they need a scapegoat to blame everything on. And the constant need to be admired.

      I got the “I have not been happy and hated my life for 15 years.” And of course I am the root cause for everything. He only remembers the bad things. Anything positive is completely filtered out.

      And then the contradictions. He describes me as the worst person ever: anger issues, mistreating everyone around me, constantly yelling. And then the same evening he asks if we can stay friends. If I was half as bad as you said, why would you want to be friends with a person like that.

      I am done with his entitlement and inability to learn from the past and only blame others.

      The only Schadenfreude-Story I have is:
      He is losing his air. it is visibly thinning in the front. He, who for years, has bragged how everyone is going bald but him. Ha.

      And the other day, he was bragging without need that he is a better artist than his brother. And my daughter (13) looked at him and said: Did you see Uncle D.’s drawings? He is way better than you.

      #Becarefulwhatyoubragabout
      #Noonewantstohearhowgreatyouare

  • All the ex’s crap got dumped in my basement when he scuttled back to the States to be with his latest twu wuv and abandoned his rented home, all its furniture and the dog. So it’s been sitting in my basement (well the stuff that my kids didn’t want) since then. The other day I started going through a box of his books figuring I could put them in our second-hand book sale. I picked up a book in English on fishing and thought somebody just might like that. But waddaya know, out popped 5 pages – his psychiatric report when he applied for invalidity. Man oh man did THAT confirm everything (and more) of what I knew about him. It was in French but roughly translated he was a “fragile narcissist” who could no longer cope with the pressure of his work, who “emitted an alcoholic smell from his skin” but who had been traumatized by seeing men abused and killed “before his very eyes in war zones”!!!!! Mr. Marine Corps spent most of his MC duty stationed in the US, 18 months in Alexandria, Egypt playing guitar and BBQing with the British Consul’s wife, and then 2 years in the “death zone” that is Geneva, Switzerland!!! Yeah, he might have got hit on the head by a Swiss cheese. The most “traumatic” thing that ever happened to him was getting pulled over by a Swiss cop for driving in the bus lane! I showed it to my younger son and his gf (who is a psychiatric nurse) and told the older one what was in it. So yeah, I never was making all that crap up! How funny it would have been if I had just put that book in the book sale without looking inside it eh!

    • Fragile narcissist? Who knew that such a thing existed? My ex is a teflon-narcissist-he makes sure nothing ever sticks to him!

      • Kmanning- I think I will be borrowing the teflon reference.
        #Arrested15timesNOJailTime
        #ThinksItWillNeverStickUntilOW’sBabyWasBorn
        #WillBeKeepingMyLastNameJustToPissHimOff

    • Attie, I think “fragile narcissist” wins over sparkledick’s psychiatric diagnosis of “hypopragmatism”. Poor thing was so depressed that his “lack of will” made him travel with flatterfuck, buy an expensive car we could not afford. Etc.

    • Can we please quit with the “older women are gross” vein of humor on this thread. Some of us chumps ARE that old, and dont need the pile on.

      • I think your missing the point of this completely. I am older than my ex husband and it’s hurtful what he did to me and our children. This page was about “snark”. It’s my truth and I’m not sorry.

  • KK and RPD appear to have lost interest (surprise!) in their sex podcast project. After a flurry of buzz-seeking posts on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter a month or so ago, neither of them has posted anything in more than two weeks. #followthroughishardwork

    One of their buzz attempts was: “Describe your feelings about sex and sexuality in six words. #sixonsex”

    Okay, in the spirit of today’s challenge . . .

    #NothingMoreBoringThanNarcissistsFucking
    #LeaveTheVibratorTakeTheCannoli
    #SexualPodcastsForSexualPodPeople
    #ListeningToBeatzWhileIBeat
    #BendOverRPDImComingIn
    #EstherPerelWannabeInTheMaking

  • Macho Man cheater didn’t feel “needed enough” because I was the primary income and expected housework to be an even spilt. The wannabe Marlboro Man found himself a receptionist with two kids and no daddy. Word on the social medias is she gets up at 4 AM to cook him a full breakfast every morning. I presume she wipes his ass then too.
    Recently found out he got a second job under the table at a factory swine farm to afford her credit card habit. They are all in his name too because her Chapter 7 discharge is barely a year old. Guess she’s enjoying that perfect payment history I curated.
    #pigsloppyseconds
    #swipeitagain
    #shelookslikeapigandyousmelllikeone
    #howsdoesitfeeltobeneedednow
    #oinkoinkmotherfucker

    • He thought that Civil Engineer money just flowed in everyones front door? Uh no…sounds like he was very accustomed to this part of his life being effortless. Would have loved to see his face when he first did the math.

      My Cheater had developed a plan to set me and the kids up then move to Seattle and establish a whole life with Susan. It might have worked if he made like $400,000 a year…trouble was, he didnt and the same deluded braincells that convinced him he could have a wife and whore informed this process. Not sure how long it took him to do the math, but he eventually gave that plan up.

      Pig farm, that is some Karma Bus action there.

      • Yeah, doing the math would require looking at the future realistically! Cheater Narc wasn’t going there! After I kicked him out, I wanted to go to mediation to get $ settled, so I could plan and budget. He told me that was unnecessary, we’d just keep living as we had before. OK. We’d maintain two homes, plus your flying back and forth to see Shmoops, travelling w/her and going out w/her, on the same income we’d barely been managing one household on. Delusional!

        He managed it for a while, by emptying his retirement accounts. Because that’s a smart move for someone in their mid-40s!

        Fortunately we weren’t married, in a jurisdiction that doesn’t recognize common-law. So he couldn’t touch my retirement, nor ruin my credit. And we owned the house 50-50, he couldn’t touch the equity either. Dumbbell.

        • Wow Karen, they really are that stupid aren’t they! Well mine was anyway. I’m so glad you are financially safe from that idiot!

  • 70 year old ex left me for 68 Owhore.. she died.
    Immediately moved in with 82 year old woman.
    He’ll be pushing her in a wheelchair soon!
    #ViagraNeededHere

      • Attie
        You believe that? Told my adult son “ she looks 65 looks great & he can’t satisfy her sexually enough “! Vomit 🤮
        I don’t know anyone whose in their 80’s that look 65? Unless he’s living with Cher?? What a loser!

        • Oh dear Lord, the visual. Your poor son. How many adult kids want to hear about their parents’ sex lives!!! Yikes! I’m so glad you’re out of there Kathleen. After my (younger) ex left me I dated a 13 years older colleague. I still love him to bits but we are no longer a couple. Still friends and see each other regularly. BUT are we all denying things here. He was mid-60s when we started dating and sex started off ok and then of course went downhill. No problem for me. I loved his hairy chest, his wicked sense of humour and his intelligence, but you don’t go with an almost 70 year old man for the sex do you. Your ex is either deluding himself that he is a stud or a lying piece of shit to think he can still get it up at that point and he “can’t satisfy her”. Glad you’re out of there Kathleen.

          • Attie
            I am glad I’m out of all the toxic crap but sometimes the loneliness hits hard. I’d rather be alone than be cheated, betrayed & lied to.
            He definitely down graded with the now dead whore.
            He’s living on Viagra with an old woman who he’s using. He’s an narcissist who still thinks he’s a stud. 😅. Shame I wasted my youth on
            such a loser . I’m glad your doing better. Us chumps are strong & resilient! Bless you Attie. ❤️

    • After 40 years my 68 year old left me for an old hag said he wasn’t happy for years. He died 4 months ago maybe #hediedlaughing!

  • My Cheater carefully planned his exit with “decoy” AP’s, the first photo op decoy was engaged, then he had another decoy attorney AP.., “he had never been happier.” Call it intuition, but there was something that made me question his sincerity. He had a “friend” my son would mention or I’d see a reference to his friend named “A.” His name was mentioned in an article on running with his biggest fan “A”.
    I quit spying until recently when I found out he got married. I decided to find out who his bride is. Come to find out “A” was also married until a year prior to their wedding, they married on the anniversary of her divorce, she has two kids who are active in sports and now in college. Cheater and his true love were both in the same running clubs which are in inconvenient locations from where they both live, coincidently they entered the same out of town marathons, same weekend getaways.. marathons have suddenly come to a halt now that they don’t need to sneak away for weekend rendezvous.
    Cheater is a personal trainer and trained her to enter the over 50 body building competition in Las Vegas, We have the same last name and I had been wondering why I had been getting invites to this competition and others. I know that working full time, preparing for body building competitions and a love interest, doesn’t leave you much time for your family…
    By the way I just discovered this in the last couple of weeks, I find it interesting, my intuition was right. All these years hiding from her hubby, until the big day, (wedding in Hawaii, our favorite vacation spot). we’ll see how long the forbidden true love plays out when Romeo’s mask comes off.

  • I am one week post divorce and 1.5 years past Dday. I’m trying to make my way to Meh, but will happy take the exit for a quick stop in schadenfreude. At my 12 yo son’s soccer game, another mom said to me that my XH looks like Schmoopie’s kids grandpa. I wanted to give her a hug! As I piled up his shit in the garage, I put on top a training potty from when my kids were little. I couldn’t help myself!

    • “As I piled up his shit in the garage, I put on top a training potty from when my kids were little.”…
      That’s brilliant! My kids were all grown, so no potty available. Instead, after I loaded his stupid car with all his stupid shit, I left his gun on top. (in a case). This incensed him.
      #leftyourgunontopofyourshit

  • I clearly remember the night before Mme YogaPants finally moved out. That was when I looked her in the eye and told her that I had recently had STD tests done and that the technician had looked at me probably wondering what sort of crack who’re this conservative looking middle aged man must have been sleeping with to warrant a test.

    #notacrackwhore
    #ineedspace
    #ineedaplanb
    #dancedoughnutboydance
    #canyoukeepmakingmycarpayments
    #notacrackwhore

    Oh. And my tests came back clear.

    • Yeah, nothing better than thinking you’ve been in a monogamous relationship for 23 years and having your gyno tell you that you should get tested for HIV and STD’s. Nothing more fun than sitting in the phlebotomists chair while she punches all the codes into the computer of all the blood tests the doctor ordered. I can only imagine what they think when a 48 year old woman is getting tested for HIV and STD’s. Well, I enjoyed putting the blood draw bill on my cheaters desk so he could pay for it as he paid the bills. It was all spelled out in black and white what I got tested for.

      • Martha…what about sitting and explaining to your GYN why there is STD testing results coming her way, and why oh why I didn’t call it an emergency while scheduling ( and waiting my appointment)
        She was very serious about my health, finish all the rest of testing PP didn’t do…. but pity on her face… or maybe that was compassion?
        🤦‍♀️

        • Yes, Elsa. It’s so nice when our doctors actually are very concerned about our health and what we could have been exposed to. My male gyno actually sat with me for at least a half hour and talked with me. He’s the one who suggested the tests be done and I took his advice as I’m sure he’s probably seen a lot of horror health stories of women who have been cheated on. I’m thankful the tests came back as negative as my ex spent over ten times up in Canada with 100% naked strippers getting lap dances. I found out here at Chump Nation that for extra $$$ you can get even more than a lap dance. My ex is just the kind of perv who would have gone for the whole enchilada if it was offered to him. It was worth the embarrassment of getting those tests ran in order to know I wasn’t infected by anything. I told my male chump friend about getting tested and he was shocked. He said, “I can’t imagine having to get tested after being married for 20 years!” I told him that I had no clue how many women he cheated on me with!! His wife cheated with only one man (that he knows of) and that man came from a long-term marriage, so he considered that “safe”. Hey, nothing is safe when you are dealing with pathological liars and cheaters!!

          • Martha!!!! UGH!!! Spot on!!! It hit me like a ton of bricks after the divorce that I should really get checked out. Youre right. There is no way of knowing how many other people there were. I came out good. Wheew. But hear about some of the stellar choices my ex wife has made since divorce. I don’t look for it but the news always drifts back to me. Usually old news by the time I get it. From what I understand she may graduate magna cum loudly from HPV U.

            • I will never trust anyone to be “ safe”
              Not a chance!
              I’m doing my annual or semi annual check ups now, extra protection plus annual record of the person I’m having sex with( no one at this point)
              I told my best friend to get tested and she was not thrilled by the idea of asking her doc’s ….
              I think the shock of being exposed to deadly disease on regular basis for YEARS ( my husband started cheating on me from the very beginning, unknown to me.. together 16 years, I was faced with the whole picture more than a year ago) including times of pregnancies 🥺
              And he was refusing using condoms with me “ he was careful and he knew which hooker was safe”( WTF?!?? Tip of distorted thinking)

              Ugh…

              • I went to a new doctor and requested HIV, etc., testing; he looked at me and said he couldn’t believe I wanted to be tested that way. I asked him if he’d ever met me before or if he knew anything about me or my life??? He gulped, went silent, and ordered my tests.

                Good grief, sometimes I just don’t believe doctors…

          • I went in for a full panel a few months after I found out about the affair. It wasn’t a big deal for the doctor, but I explained the situation because my then-wife and I have the same doctor and I knew have to report positive results to my wife as well. I figured I should just clear the air ahead of time in case they came back positive. It was actually much less embarrassing than I imagined it would be: not my secret to keep and not my moral failure.

            • I went to my gynae to request HIV testing too after my ex came back from a conference in Africa where he “found” a prostitute giving him a blow job in his hotel room when he work up from his alcoholic stupor! Not a nice experience but I wanted my reasons on my file! Thankfully negative!

      • Well you did better than me. When I got tested I was still smoking the hopium so I hid the bill from him (it was on my insurance so he didn’t need to know) so as not to insult him by insinuating that I could have caught something nasty from him.

        • I ordered HIV tests( he was still gaslighting me in believing in him not sleeping with others) he had a tantrum, then said “ I told u so” with a fucking smirk after clean result…following stone walking me for such an offensive actions(hiv testing)
          All that knowing that he was fucking anyone willing the whole time we were together🥶

  • I kept our family functioning despite Cheaters desire for the biggest and best cars/houses that his reasonable but finite income as a military officer could afford us. He travelled so I kept the family books and he knew he could not hide purchases for long, so Susan got very few (if any) gifts. She is Hindu or Buddhist (I forget which…she is free to whatever religion she chooses) but the only thing he ever bought her was a book on Catholicism.

    #HowtoJesusCheatBuddhistEdition

    #IsAdulteryReallyAgainstMyReligion?

    #CheaterNotFineWithHerBuddhism

    • Nice! Same situation here–ex knew I looked at the bank, as he was overseas on orders. The only line item I could ever find was $40 he spent at a jewelry store in Brunei. His story–true or not–was that her cross necklace broke and he wanted to buy her a new chain. He didn’t see the irony that even Jesus didn’t want that homewrecking whore doing his advertising for him.

      #irony
      #signfromgod
      #goodluckgettingmyatheistextoyourevangelicalchurch

      • // He didn’t see the irony that even Jesus didn’t want that homewrecking whore doing his advertising for him.//

        #troof

  • #lifeasasidepiece
    #imsospecialhestayedwithwifeappliance
    ##lifetimespecialloveinamotelroom
    #lookingforloveinallthewrongcoworkers
    #wherearemykidsididntcheatonthem

  • #cheatedonyoutooshocking
    #youknowhelikesdudesright
    #gaveyouapuppytoavoidfuturechildsupport
    #norichdadinlawforyou
    #losinghairandcharacterdaily
    #nomoneyfordentalwork
    #uncledad
    #sixkidsnoneloveyou
    #toohurtbypasttomarryhernow
    #noreally #youcankeephim

      • My OW is an auntie mom too…she had children with brothers, she married one of them but lives with the one she’s not married to but they tell everyone that they are married. So she is aunt mom and he is uncle dad to the kids. The kids are brothers and cousins just sick shit!

        • WOW… that is right of “Deliverance”… sorry BB.

          For me, #uncledad means he acts like more of an uncle (only sees kiddo on weekends, takes to fun events, returns to me to do homework and build life skills)…

          Either way sucks 🙂

          • Aww…that makes sense! I was wondering if that was what you meant because it seems to be rare that people literally are an uncle dad or aunt mom lol…. but I have heard a few other situations of this deliverance shit! It still disgust me and I can’t wrap my head around it. After DDay when I did an internet search on her and I found out what kind of person she was I actually threw up and can’t believe he destroyed everything for a woman like her, even tho none of us knew what she was until it was too late and she had us all fooled. I should have done an internet search sooner! 🤪 I knew something was off with her from day one! Not that it matters I guess, he shouldn’t have went there in the first place! But I feel like she betrayed and manipulated me worse than he did!

      • CM – funny for us, not so much for the kiddos sadly. My friends say “but it is better than nothing”… I wonder.

        • My kids have figured out that no father at all is often better than a self-centered, angry father. It’s frigging sad, never what I thought would happen, and of course the kids struggle. But really, sometimes it’s better to stop exposing yourself to that pain, rather than persist because … hope.

  • Ive had a moment recently. The ex and his OWife apparently have a top of the range security system.. hooked up to HER phone.

    She uses it to see what he is up to, who is visiting etcetc. If HE doesnt answer his phone she checks who he’s with and rings them!!!

    #shetrustshertruwuvNOT
    #ofcourseItrustyoujustdontdoanything(oranybody)whileImatwork
    #youdeservethisyouwhore
    #youdeservethisyoulyingcheatingSOB
    #ohandyouthoughtIwasparanoidevenifitwasrightlyso

    • If ex doesn’t answer his phone OWife then calls the person ex is with…..that is priceless! Even if you are not a cheater or have no intention of cheating, how annoying is that? Plus being in your own home and to have someone with the ability to check in via camera to watch your every move is downright creepy. Must really suck being your ex:)

  • I’ve gone so NO CONTACT that I’m not sure what karma bus may have hit Creeper, though I do know he was the Saddest Sausage ever as, when he left my house for the last time, he was so butt-hurt he could barely walk, and said (like a 2-year-old), “You refuse to see the good in me….” Pooooooooooor boy!

    About his cheapskate tendencies–for our first date, he had me over at his sister’s house (where he lived), and made tacos for us. Yes, his sister was there, too. But whenever people asked us where we went on our first date, he would tell them, “Cheesecake Factory.” This was a lie. However, a week or two into our fauxlationship, he did take me to Cheesecake Factory with GIFT CARDS he’d been accumulating for years. His so-called “first date” with me didn’t cost him a dime! Smarmy!!

  • #Godsgifttowomenislivinginabasement
    #toldmeibringnothingtothetable
    #buthehasnotablenow
    #robbedmeblind
    #buthehasnowheretoputit
    #MONTHLYSTORAGEFEES

    #somuchabuseididntknowiwasthebreadwinner
    #hahahahaha

    #hestolemydogtoo
    #ivecriedfor6months
    #ipickupmyrescuepuppytonight
    #youcantdestroyme
    #enjoythemildew

      • I agree, Chumperella

        It was his grand finale. The only things I have that are important to me – my garden, my birdhouses, my butterflies, and my dog – systematically broke, destroyed, or stole them. He did take me to my knees. But his victory is if I stay there. I am not staying there.
        If a maniac destroys my garden, it’s being rebuilt 10 times bigger. And when i find my dog I’m fighting for him.

        • What a massive jerk for stealing your dog!!! They sure know how to try to destroy us. They target everything we love and all our wonderful qualities that are true. I worked so hard to be the best wife and mom I could be. For years he told me what I great wife and mom I was. I was a great wife and mom. I would marry me! And then after the discard he said, “You never took good care of me.” I was like, “WHAT?!” He totally f’d with my mind and heart and tried his best to destroy me. BUT HE DIDN’T thanks to CL AND CN!!! Oh, and my family and friends too!

          • Martha, I heard the same words, I was a great Mom, wife, and for years he told me what a great Mom and wife I was until the discard. Suddenly, I became a terrible wife and Mother, neglected him and our son. He’s done and said everything imaginable to destroy me including alienating our son from having a relationship with me. He should be ashamed it’s obvious he has used our son as a tool to hurt and destroy me, knowing how much I loved our family and our son. Sadly, no concern for our sons future or well being.
            Like you, CN and CL saved me from despair.
            They’re unbelievably selfish and cruel.

            • Brit, I’m so sorry that he has alienated your son from you too. The evil bastard, that gets me so mad!!! I have heard this same story so many times. My ex tried the same thing and thank God he didn’t succeed, because I for sure wouldn’t be here today if my kids weren’t with me. I hope your son sees the light someday and comes back to you. Big (((((HUGS))))) to you, Brit.

            • A lawyer told me that anyone can alienate a child from their other parent if they are willing to sacrifice their child’s mental health for their own spite and control. Sad.

        • Good for you, whatring. He sounds like an out and out psychopath. I fervently hope you find your dog and my heart breaks for you.

  • I still like the olive man story—giving his daughter olives (she hates olives) for Christmas because she told him she was disgusted with his behavior.
    My favorite, however, is that I bought him out of our house at a number $250k lower than I sold it for 3 months later. I hear he’s still whining about that one.
    The newest thing I heard ( my sister lives with my daughter so she shares stuff she hears that she thinks I would want to know), is that Wackjob and his schmoopie are trying to talk her elderly father into selling his house to pay off her mortgage.

    #oliveman4ever
    #winwinonhousesale
    #whatalovingdaughternot

  • #ow#is#a#top#nowyourthebottom
    #bdsm#notworkingforyouanymore
    #yogacamptrolldumpedyou
    #kidscallyouasshole
    #stdinacoffeecup
    #oldandaloneforever
    #whosebeingabusednow

    Sparkletwat turned out to be a dominatrix and was born the year we got married and yes, I did ask him this:
    #whatcreepyoldguygetsyourdaughter

  • When XH finally admitted to cheating with his married ex-girlfriend from 30 years ago, he said, “If it hadn’t been her it would have been someone else.” When I told him I didn’t participate in 3 person marriages and began divorce proceedings he then convinced her to leave her husband of 30 years and marry him.
    #Goodluckwiththat

  • #BigBoobsorBust
    #HoSnatchTheNewHotpocket
    #ChtrZGotMadSkillZ
    #HookersWithHooters
    #PantalonesEnFuego
    #PuttinOnTheTitZ
    #KlassyLikeOkStupidMatchDotCum
    #WanderingStyeEye
    #PussyCatHolePatrol
    #SlutsNHosDelight
    #MaryXXXmas
    #YouCantMakeThisShitUp

  • I had my share of that this week. I finally received my stbx’s financial disclosure. True to form he is living paycheck to paycheck and eating out every meal. That was a problem in our marriage because he would drain our finances eating out all the time. So now OW gets the joy of being the budget police. I was so relieved to bot have to deal with that any longer.

    #nolongermyproblem
    #hopeyoudontmarryforthemoney
    #sparkleandshine
    #budgetmyway

    • Divine, my ExH actually stamped his feet and yelled, “You can’t stop me from buying breakfast and lunch out every day! I’m a full professor and don’t bring leftovers for lunch!!!” Too bad his salary didn’t match his entitled spending habits.

      Divine, we were always out of money by the third of each month, every single month. I clipped coupons, was paying down our low-interest 15-year mortgage, and made dinner from my back yard garden.

      Fast forward to today: I own my present home outright, love my life, still pick my dinner, and am getting by on $16k/year.

      ExH married his bankrupt AP, lived in her derelict house until the bank repossessed it, and recently needed me to sign some forms so that he could “consolidate his credit card debt” by refinancing the mortgage on what had been our marital home.

      You already took #nolongermyproblem, and other people have claimed various versions of #hahahaha, so I guess I’m left with

      #ohthankgod
      #freeatlast
      #justbreathe

      • Eirene – me too. I earned just a little more than the Twat (100-200 dollars a month). BUT I knuckled down and paid as much as I could towards my new mortgage in order to get rid of it. So now, after 7 years of a 17 year mortgage, it is paid off. Him? Took out a 25 year mortgage 3 years ago and will never be free. Schmoopie had to go back to work. To put it in perspective, if I sold up here in France I could buy 3 of his houses for cash and have a nice pension to live on. Him? 22 years to go on the mortgage, Schmoopie working now and 3 times my income but going nowhere. Ha!

      • Yes! Yes! Yes! I would clip and save and cut corners to keep us afloat while ue felt that he didn’t have to put in any effort!

        I clipped coupons, purchased clothing from consignment, used apps like ebates and ibotta to get any little bit of money back.

        Meanwhile, it was all really to keep up with HIS lifestyle.

        #goodriddancetobadrubbish

  • I have some snark. We are all familiar with the songs about pyscho bitches and sex. Well, that was Dickhead. I figured out that while he was good in bed, he fucking sucks at life.

    #boringAF
    #nothingbetweentheears
    #baldingandsnaggletoothed
    #loser
    #duh

    • You deserve a man that cherishes you for what’s on the inside and the outside.
      I’m in a sunken hole too. But you know what, we married shallow trash that chases money or whores or what ever other shallow bullshit these people want.

      After we got married he started telling me that I’m “disgusting” after we had a fun day or after we were intimate. He would scream at me “are you too dense to understand that if your husband can’t get hard to F you then you are the problem!?” “Whores keep their husbands wrapped around their finger.” “You tricked me into thinking you were going to be a tan woman and keep my attention. But you are a vanilla cone when I ordered chocolate.” On and on.

      I read your comments and I don’t know your whole story but screw him. He’s a user.

      #jokesonthem
      #hesatoxichermitcrab
      #realmendontmaketheirwivesfeelworthless
      #wearewomenhearusroar
      #theyaretoouglyontheinsideforus
      #fuckthisshit

      • Eh, I’m not fussed about him really. I interpreted this post as being something akin to justice. I’ve certainly won’t get that. My son is autistic, so there won’t be another person in my life.

        • Dem,

          You are not alone in this situation. I am a late middle-aged now divorced mother of young kids, one with incurable chronic cognitive issues. My abusive, adulterous husband left for younger women and men. I Finally thought life was going right when a fellow chump (covert narc?) that I thought I knew for three decades started dating (Love bombing) me. After a few years, he left me for the last time for a very successful work subordinate nearly 15 years my junior. Several wonderful relatives have died this year. I know that this garbage you describe is tough to deal with. I try to take solace in the fact that at least I am no longer being lied to, gaslit, insulted, criticized, controlled over things large and small by someone who covertly, quietly manipulates others for his gain while keeping up a successful ‘Nice Guy’ mask. I am trying to look beyond the piles of garbage around me to fully realize the beauty in the universe. F–ktards have not yet destroyed all of it! I wish you peace and happiness.

          • Like I said, it’s not about him. I don’t miss him and I don’t want him back. I’ve become acutely aware of what life is for me though. It’s daunting when you realize you will deal with this alone. That’s it, no other way out. No one worth talking to wants this lot. And what did I do that was so wrong to deserve this lot? (And I’m not talking about the cheating)

            So there’s no hash tag to give, no justice to be found. I’ll trudge my way to the grave and find peace in it one day. Another placeholder in a field. He’ll find someone else to pay his Bill’s and give him normal children. He’ll forget his son and carry on. Some of us get stuck with the unhappy lot in life. Just how it goes.

            • 🙁 I feel you, Demhoez. I’m in a similar position in that I have a disabled daughter and a chronic illness which I will eventually die of, if cancer doesn’t get me first. The Asshole gave me HPV and I have already had two abnormal pap smears with precancerous nodules. I might have recovered from my illness if not for the trauma and years of stress inflicted on me by The Asshole.
              Some people are lucky and others are not. The universe is a random place in which there is no justice or fairness. I’m keeping my sense of humor, though. The Asshole sure as hell isn’t taking that from me.
              I hope you can find yours again. It could help get you through the dark times.
              Don’t assume nobody would ever want to be with you just because you have an autistic child and some baggage. You have a lot to offer and somebody may recognize that.

        • he’s a beast with no empathy. a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

          Even crazier… after he says these things to me… he says “why do you force me to tell you such horrible things?” or “you always want the truth – so there ya go.”

          #smilingbecausethereisnolongerabeastinmyhouse

          #letsnotforgetheislivinginabasementnow

          #;)

      • Whattriangle…

        He said what?!?
        They are really disgusting…. mine told me “ it’s not my business why he ordered some viagra” ( nope, no sex in months) and then why half of the viagra pills are gone ( apparently he used it with me, since he was unable to perform – unknown to me) and finally delivering the blow of “ hookers were getting him hard in a sec. while with me it was a 😓 hard work.

        Well, smart person.
        He only remaining question there was: why, following his logic- I would stay with a 40something man, in ok shape with erecting disfunction( news to me) instead of having sex with 30 something guys?!?

        Yeah…. dumb wife and her idiotic values.

  • #somanyOWcantkeepthemallstraight
    #foundoutnoproblemjustgounderground
    #OWhasmynamesokeepthemonogram
    #dontbealarmedhismicroisagrower
    #keeptryingonAPsuntilonefits
    #marriedhoworkersaresoconvenient
    #justuseKGBskillstoflyundertheradar

  • #stbxhasprostatecancerat57
    #hellopeepadsandlittlebluepills
    #dependsformengaggiftfrom50thbdaynowneeded
    #karmaforputtinghispenisinstrangepussy
    #nomoreimpulselonglunchcheatermotelfucks
    #caringforyouisnolongermyjob
    #nobabiesforyoungMOW
    #OWcanchangehisadultdiapersinstead
    #owmustusehersickdaystocareforherfuckdaddy
    #hahahahahahaha

  • #Romanticsexinpharmacybasement
    #OWhasherpes
    #OWthinksmyex-ishercompletepackage
    #ExhasgainedweightOWhasadietplanforhim

  • #flatterfuckscostfamilymonies
    #importedfancycarscostfamilymonies
    #cheaterisfullofdebts
    #cheaterdoesnotownahouse
    #cheaterpaysrent
    #chumpownsherhouse
    #chumpownsasmallfarm
    #chumphasnodebts
    #chumphadbetterlawyers

  • I also learned that Mr Chikfila is still Facebook friends with his AP (you know, the one he was proposed to when we were still married—how does that work) because they recently had a conversation in the comments of a post). And a friend sent me screenshots of his bumble profile that were taken six month after his wedding.

    #WaffleFriesGetColdFast
    #GottaGoSomewhereElseOnSundays
    #TrustMeTheSecretIsNOTThePickle

    • @Tbone; .#TrustMeTheSecretIsNOTThePickle” … I don’t care who you are, now that’s funny right there! (As Larry the cable guy would say😄)

    • Tbone, you are my SHERO. I will now think of this every time I drive by a Chik-Fil-A. Who knew chicken meant forever…

  • #IDontDrinkExceptWhenIDo
    #3monthsAgoMyWifeLeftAndIHavn’tHadTheStrengthToClean
    #ChangeIsEasyWhenItsOnInstagram
    #CheatingDoesn’tCountIfISayItDoesnt
    #IDidn’tWantYouToLeaveIJustWantedStrange
    #WhyCouldntYouLetMeLiveMyDream
    #HappyToTellOWMyWifeMovedOutButIForgetWhy

      • After i filed he told me he stopped drinking and that he only drank because he was miserable in our marriage…of course he’s already drinking like a fish and apparently AP twuluv is anti-drinking but she still thinks their day-date drinking is cute (so i’ve been told) she doesn’t get it yet. I want to tell her, Honey wait until he drinks himself stupid every night so he can rationalize texting other women with an excuse that it’s not the real him… oh fucking well

      • Hahahaha! Mine is a recovering-NOT alcoholic with offices in 4 cities to treat substance abuse patients, and my kids told me he recently passed out (for the second time) and got a big scar on his face (the first time last year resulted in a DUI).
        #WhyDoesMyAddictionDoctorSmellLikeBooze
        I checked his Yelp ratings recently and found a bad review from a showgirl patient, saying he was creepy and suggested that she consider trying sex with a woman.
        #WhenFuckingJustOnePatientIsn’tEnough
        #It’sNotHarassmentIt’sADoctorPatientRelationship
        #IndictmentWillLookGoodOnYou
        #SpecialDiscountsForPornStars

  • The ex married the Beetlejuice ow in a small home ceremony. The bride wore a lovely 1990s blush bridesmaid dress from goodwill. The groom adopted a old timey hipster look with a wool vest on a hot hot hot September day. The brides Beetlejuice makeup shimmered as it melted off her face. The backyard smelled faintly of the dogshit that was picked up earlier that morning. Only subjects loyal to the cheating fuckwits by blood were in attendance to witness the shameful spectacle. The groom proudly held his 2 year old daughter from his first marriage as he prepared to make the same vows he broke in his first marriage. His 4 year old walked ahead of the Beetlejuice bride to whatever room held the most people. After the lying cheaters took their vows of monogamy the guests enjoyed delicious deli meats from a Walmart tray served on a whirlpool washer and dryer. Salad was served from the shelf the detergents usually occupy. It was a shotgun wedding as 2 months later the announcement was made the progressive, break the patriarchy Catholic bride is expecting her first with Mr. Cheaterpants.

  • Ex kept saying I was going to have to pay him spousal support and child support because I went to college and got a good paying job and what a waste of time and money that was because now I have to pay him. He lived the good life. Never had to worry about money or if the bills were being paid. Always money in the account and he started cutting his hours.

    #WelfareWayne

    I busted him several times m-bating not even 2 min after I would leave the house using my laptop
    #spanktop

    I woke up to him m-bating and recording himself NEXT to me in bed
    #ILikedToBeWatchedHeSaid

    He admitted to m-bating 4-5 hours at a time on his days off
    #Spanky

    #AshleyMadison
    #LookingForAnAffair
    #JustCuriousHeSays

    After I moved out and left him about 4 months later he went to dr and told dr his wife cheated on him and that is why he needed to get tested.
    #DocItWasn’tMe

    Divorce over, No spousal support and no child support
    #ThisIsWhatWorkis

  • Ex lovebombed OW while we were married (using marital funds). After divorce, he hasn’t changed his lifestyle.

    #byebyeretirement
    #bancruptcylooming
    #whereismymoneygoing
    #whoneedsabudget

    Making plans to not NEED support.

  • My Cheaters OW who in her defense was in the picture before I met him. She said she would always be “in the picture.” Was feeling pretty victorious when I finally left him. During a moment of desperation shortly after the breakup I joined a paid dating site. About 10 profiles in I saw HIS paid dating profile. Created the same month I left. How’s that for victory?

    #thecompanyisnotdownsizing
    #thepictureisverycrowded
    #theprizeisaturdsicle
    #gettestedforstdsmonthly
    #mainchickpositionisopen
    #sidechickhastenure
    #thecompensationpackageisleaking

  • #yougotcaught
    #shes15yearsmyjunior
    #Ilookyounger
    #younowhave2littlekids
    #herbobjobislopsided
    #youstillneedviagra
    #goodluckgettinglaid

    #hesnores
    #youhavetoshavehisback
    #heisindebtuptohiseyeballs
    #hehasED
    #stockuponbluepills
    #yourboobsarelopsided
    #youwontheprize
    #goodluckgettinglaid

  • XH left me 5 years ago for Skankenstein. He told me, with smirk, how he wanted to be single and have no responsibility; and live a rural life that resembled his childhood. Within a year of our 70 day divorce he was engaged to 10 year younger than me slut. 6 months later, married it and then she immediately had him put his rural dream house up for sale and move down the road from our upscale, marital home. I’m not sure how they qualified, but they are paying a ton in PMI. Other woman spends like a drunken sailor. He just turned 47 and is awaiting arrival of his first child in 2019.

    #OurMortgageWouldHaveBeenPaidOffIn2025
    #EthanAllenBaby
    #GrandpaDaddyAtKindgergartenGraduation
    #401k<529
    #Goldenyears

  • #affairsatworkalwaysworksout
    #toilettextingisrealromance
    #usingcompanyemailmeansitsreallove
    #onlytogetherforthekids
    #haventsleptwithwifein2years
    #soweirdthatshespregnant
    #miracles
    #weareactuallyseparated
    #itoldherallaboutyou
    #sheshappyforus

    BUT.

    #nevercontactmebefore8AMorafter5PM
    #noweekendsever
    #infactilljustcallyou

    • “#toilettextingisrealromance”😆🤣

      Your #’s just reminded me of everything that I do not miss. Thank you for that.

      I’ll add one…
      #deletethattextthreadwhenyoupullinthedriveway

      ok one more lol…
      #sheonlysendsmepicturesofherdog

  • My ex hated buying gifts & always made a big deal about how put out he was getting gifts. He even told me when we broke up that he was glad he didn’t have to get me gifts anymore. It was the OW’s bday & my littlest came home & said that ex bought 1 brownie & they all(4 people) split it. #enjoy.listening.to.him.complain.about.gifts.ho. #heres.your.one.inch.piece.of.brownie

    • My ex had the same problem giving. Hence, coasters for my birthday. Repeatedly.

      #YouReallyShouldn’tHave
      #No,Really
      #Oh,Lord,NotAgain
      #Didn’tWeTalkAboutThisLastYear?
      #AndTheYearBefore?

      • #atleastyourfurniturewillbestainfree.
        The last gift he gave me post discard was an oven mitt. #Iamanappliance

        • Good grief! Either he’s too stupid to realize they come in sets or it’s a passive-aggressive dig.
          My Christmas gift last year was a re-gifted gift card he got from his skank. It was for Whole Foods, which I never go to and which is nowhere near where I live.
          #shoppyseconds
          #whorefoods

  • My ex keeps breaking up and getting back together with OW at his convenience when he wants some strange (she always takes him back, how sad). I can tell because the hoovering texts start. The last hoovering text was a rather charming picture of his downstairs appendage. I guarantee you I’m not the only woman receiving the lovely images of his d—.

    #youwontheprize
    #lowselfesteem
    #justhaveanopenrelationshipjesus
    #postingloveydoveypicsonFBwhenyougetbacktogetheragainmakesyoulookpathetic
    #hesendsmesadtextstellingmethatyoutwobrokeupcauseyouwerenuts

    • same here. been divorced 4.5 years they have broken up more times then i can count. he attempted suicide (or she tried to kill him) the second year they were together. he gave up his boys for this troll because she was so insecure that she did not want him visiting or calling his own children. (she was so worried that he and i would have sex if he came to the house to see the boys). she screwed him over so many times and literally beat/abused him. yet he would go back to her and so willingly gave up his children (and wife for that matter). they dont have anything, neither one can keep a house, apartment, job or vehicle.

      now he is currently homeless since october because they broke up “for real” this time. he is living out of his van in an abandoned home with his crackhead sister. he just turned 43 years old. when he left me he told me that i “got boring” and i “did not treat HIM right” even thou i was doing everything, paying bills, keeping house, yard, vehicles and children. all he had to do was go to work and come home and he did not even do that shit right. .. . he left me for the neighborhood party girl methhead that had abandoned her own 4 children and hubby (she is STILL married) but he honestly believed she would treat him better and love him better then i did.. . S.U.R.P.R.I.S.E!!! (not really)

      #LivingInAVanIsSoRomanitic
      #TheGlowFromTheStreetlightsHideTheMethMarksFromHerFace
      #HomelessAgain
      #NothingShowsLoveThenAbandoningYourChildren
      #ABeerBottleToTheFaceMeansSheLovesHim
      #AtLeastSheDrankWithHim
      #LeaveUsAlone #YouAreJustJealousWeAreHappy
      #DontJudgeUs
      #WhoIsBoringNow #BetYouMissTheWarmBoringHouseNow
      #MethLivesMatter2OtherMethHeads

  • Omgeee!!! Love this Friday challenge! Many snorts this morning🤣🤣🤣

    Love this thread!!

    #hecantgetitupforhereither #Newfoundloveofcanadasohecanbulkorderviagra
    #hohodoesntworkhecanbethesugardaddy #hemakesthemoneynow
    #thankgodipaidoffhisstudentloanswhilehewasenjoyinghappyendings
    #shewantsababyandisbaffledthatsheisntgettingpregnat #hehadavasectomyandissterilefromchemo #oopsguesshedidnttellyouthat #seeabove

    #ileftacheaterandgainedalife
    #chumpladyandchumpnationsavedme
    #findingtuesdaysoon
    #somuchbetterwithoutasshat

    • Holy moly. She’s trying to get pregnant, but he didn’t tell her that she never will by him?! Hoho and him deserve each other!

        • Omg, her getting prego would be the ultimate karma! She’d tell him it was his, not knowing about the vasectomy. He would have to tell her about the vasectomy to explain how he knew for sure it wasn’t his. They would both be furious the other had lied to them. Like they should be surprised about that. Yep, that would be the ultimate karma moment! Tee hee!!

  • #thanksbutidontneedyourhelpwiththat
    #thanksbutidontneedanythingfromthestore
    #thanksbutidontwantanythingwhenyoutakethekidstodinner
    #idontneedyou
    #beasniceasyouwantyouarestillajerk
    #divorce+schmoopiewithfivekids+airplane=debt
    #iamintheblack
    #myboyfriendisoversopleasedontbringthekidshomeearlyagain

  • In a conversation with the ex about him expecting to retain the family home… (#nowayinhell)

    #butyouknowi’llhavetoliveinaSHACKright

    Sad-sausage

  • OW:
    #can’twait2livewithhismom!
    #buyingstockinglitter
    #dumbdumbgavemeaplatinumcard
    #thespecialdon’tgetcheatedon
    #Ipostaboutsupportingwomenwhilefuckinghusbands
    #futurehookerinhell

    XH:
    #fatheroftheyear
    #weRgoodshedprayedlysolupherwho-ha
    #I❤️dirtyva-jayjay
    #playingfamilywithmyslutatDisney4Christmas
    #my6yearolddaughterisreiliantright?Ohwhocares
    #liningupanewcaretaker4mysuperneedymother
    #worldsmostpatheticmanbaby

  • My runaway husband always had trouble with erectile dysfunction, when he ran he quit his job so he has no health insurance, viagra is very expensive, good luck to her!!! #limpydick#herproblemnow#notsogreatsex#jokesonher

    • Mine claimed that he only had that problem with me. Doubt it though. He was already having some issues when I met him that he assured me in those early days had nothing to do with me. Then he was watching a bunch of porn for a couple of years before starting affairs (which often kills sex drive in a relationship). Then, the excitement of the real deal of the affair probably helped get him off. Then, there are all the cialis and viagara pop-ups that started appearing as email spam even thought we had good filtres on the computer.

      He just engaged his own benefits plan at work when he’s always been on mine (I have way better benefits). What makes his so good now? Ah, yes, 85% coverage up to $500 on ED drugs.

      Have fun with that honey. He’s a real sex machine alright.

      • The Twat was 4 years younger than me so everything “down there” was still up and running. Obviously it won’t be forever and God help Schmoopie when that happens because he will be AWFUL! Sex was very important to him. ME? I had my lovely, older (much older) Dutchman. Sex was great for the brief period that he was young enough to still manage it. Was I frustrated? A little, at first. Afterwards, I just loved snuggling up to the hairy chest of an intelligent, funny man and to hell with the rest. Take my (younger) ex back? Never in a million years!

        • I was always the more passionate one in our relationship, and he admitted to that. But, like many couples, pregnancy and kids affected the sex drive. I even went to the doctor to test my hormones and find out what was going on with me. She told me to get my husband to start romancing me. When I asked him to take me out, help me feel beautiful, he told me that now that I had asked him, he didn’t feel like doing it (but he wasn’t doing it anyways). When I stopped the pill because I didn’t want anymore synthetic hormones, he waited over two years to bother to schedule a vasectomy. In the meantime, because condoms killed his erection, we rarely had sex.

          When I hit my late 30s, my mojo started coming back. I would ask him to be playful, take me up against the wall, have morning quickies. It seems as if any time I suggested anything, it made him not want to do it. Where was his adventure? The seduction? The intimacy? He hadn’t been able to sustain a morning erection for sex in years, long before issues arose in our marriage. He then just said he wasn’t going to try mornings anymore. Then he started to have problems keeping it going, so sex became more quickies. I started to ask him less and less because I didn’t want to make him feel bad. I also kept suggesting that he go to the doctor and couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t. But, that’s how he is – lack of initiative, keep your head in the sand.

          So, now I’ve got a “friend,” he’s on old flame of mine who was also chumped the year before me. For a few months, we connected. We had an amazing sex life when we were together years ago (before I met my STBXH), and we were just as amazing as we were back then. I’ve still got it! And I’m good! It wasn’t me all these years of marriage.

          What I know is that the OW is not getting amazing sex. I was with that man for 15 years, including the early fun, carefree younger years. I know what his capacity is and there is no way he’s suddenly a casanova. Even with medication to help him out, he’s still without flair. So she can have the liar and cheater with the mediocre sex on the side.

          Well, how’s that for oversharing on my part!

          • Option No More,
            Thank you for sharing–reminding me why I shouldn’t keep exes on pedestals.
            #YouCanHaveSkinnyD–k

          • Optionnomore ….your story is my story ….i could never figure out why he wouldnt do anything either …pretty much everything you said….is exactly the same

  • THE OW:
    #reallyiamagoodpersonwhohasjustmadesomemistakes
    #ourloveiswritteninthecosmos
    #mypsychicadvisedmethatyouwouldcomeback

  • #EverybodyHatesHer’CuzShe’sBitchy-BooHoo
    #TriedToGoOutWith2OtherMarriedMenButTheySaidNoooNoooNooo
    #BitchBreathPickedHimThird-HeAreSpecial!
    #ShowingUpAtHisHotelToDrive2Dinner&MoviesWasPurelyEthical
    #Lie2Wife-SheWouldn’tUnderstand
    #FeltSorryForTwatWaffle!HeWasMentorMan!
    #Whudt?NotDates!FriendsWithUncleFesterNDrag!
    #WifeBegged&HeExcusedHimself-Fester’sWaiting-Sorry(notsorry)AboutYourCryingJag
    #ShirtInSuitcaseWasMineAllAlong
    #PictureOfFesterSheWoreTheSame
    #ExcusesOfJustFriendsNeglectDidn’tSeeWhatTheRelationshipWasWasLame
    #NeverTouchedHerEvenThoughHeFailedPoly
    #NoFucking,Fooling,OrFlirtin’ByGolly!
    #DefenseOfFestersFeelingsAboutNoContactLetter
    #RelationshipWasInappropriateButDidntKnowBetter
    #NoMatterHowOftenWifeyToldHimOtherwise
    #SasugeCouldntStopSeeingFesterFace-MoreLies!
    #TwatWaffle’sJustHurt!Didn’tKnowItWasAnAffair-NoContactFarewellLetterIsLikeATruck
    #ReallyDude?WTF?
    #NowBothWomenThinkHe’sSick
    #He’sEgoIsTiedToHisDick
    #ToreAMarriageWideApart
    #YouAin’tNothingDude,ExceptAFart

  • Soon after I purchased a car, the ex couldn’t be outdone so he went out and traded in one of his vehicles on a lease.

    Three weeks after he leased his vehicle, he made the oldest son take the afternoon off work to drive him to the doctor. While there, the car was caught in a major hailstorm. A little over a week after that, he was on the highway behind a rock truck and one of the rocks fell out and hit the windshield cracking it beyond repair. At some point during that same week, he was hit in a parking lot and had a scratch the entire length of the bumper.

    #TheUniverseHasSpoken
    #UberWouldHaveBeenCheaper
    #HailYeah!
    #ImageIsEverything
    #WhatWillTheLadiesThink?

    Since he had an accident earlier this year that was claimed on his insurance, he was going to pay out of pocket for the repairs. He had to drive around for months with the car in that state and now that it finally is fixed can’t afford to get it back from the repair shop.

    #BudgetsMatter
    #HopeSchmoopieLikesPBandJ
    #PosterChildForExcludedDrivers
    #YourInsuranceIsMoreThanMyHousePayment

    Best part of all is that his other car is having electrical issues since the repair from the accident. DS told me that every time you hit the brakes, the warning bell chimes and the dash lights up. The ex was complaining that it was doing that when all the “big bosses” were with him

    #DingDongsForADingDong
    #YourDashHasMoreLightsThanMyChristmasTree
    #TheSweetSoundsOfKarma
    #UltimateDrivingMachineMyAss!
    #YourNeckVeinKeepsPopping
    #WhyIsYourEyeTwitching?
    #MaybeALittleFahrvergnugenWouldHelp?

  • Just a few hashtags from when he was in the vomiting out everything without censoring himself phase:
    #ithoughtiwasanonymousbutiforgottoremovemyrealnamefrommyemailsignature
    #evenguysfromcraigslistm4mhavestandardsthatifallshortof
    #Whywonttherandomguyijustsuckedoffcuddleme
    #womenonhookupsiteswantmoney
    #youarenotpolyamorousifyoudonttellyourwife
    #polyamorousorjustalyingcheatingsackofshit
    #ethicalcheatingisnotathing
    #youcantgethpvfromatoiletseat
    #youcantgetherpesfromatoiletseat
    #youcantgettrichomoniasisfromatoiletseat
    #youcantgetchlamydiafromatoiletseat
    #stopblamingtoiletseats
    #ordoorhandlesforthatmatter

    I could go on, but got to get some stuff done around here.
    Can’t wait to come back and read some more of these, you guys are so funny! Laughing through the tears, right?

    • Another scripted move…what’s up with the polyamory thing? i got that too, “i can love both of you” “my love for you is separate from my love for her” HER is a career homewrecking coworker whore he had only known for a couple of weeks. We had been married for 28 years. No thank you, not into sharing.

  • About a week after my now xh walked out for ow, I found many profiles of his on various dating sites. For the shock of my lifetime, some were gay sites and I found evidence he had cheated with men as well.

    When I confronted him about why he didn’t tell me he was bi-sexual before we marries he said he thought of I knew I wouldn’t of married him. Apparently, he had slept with men occasionally since college (he’s now 51). Then he said he doesn’t really consider himself bi-sexual because he only sleeps with men a few times a year. Wtf?!? I had always described him as “A Man’s Man” kind of guy. But gee wiz, I didn’t mean it literally!

    #LiterallyAMansMan
    #NotBisexualOnlyOccasionallyFuckMen
    #FuckingDudesDoesntMakeMeBisexual
    #IHaveHisBackHeHasMine
    #Cumming&GoingBosexual
    #IBottomLikeABitch

    I would luv to hear any additions anyone can think of! I need to make light of & laugh at this because as someone else on this site once said, your cheating ex also being a closeted bi-sexual or gay takes the pain of betrayal to a whole other deeper level. So please, give me some more hashtags CN!?!

    • Rose- it doesn’t matter!!!

      It’s about his character ( shitty) not his sexual orientation…. my ( straight lol) husband cheated with ts, women, hookers, who knows with whom else.
      I don’t care with whom.
      I do care about the cheating part.
      I was supposed to be in monogamous relationship- period.
      Anyone else ( man woman ts) – was a violation of our agreement.

    • My X made lots of similar comments. After piecing together all of the evidence I gathered over the years, I figured out he’s not even bi, but he will also never, ever admit to being gay. In fact, he just scored himself a new beard and is lovebombing the hell out of her.

      For him:

      #I’mNotGayIJustHaveSameSexAttractions
      #I’mNotGayI’mJustSubliminallyAttractedToMen
      #I’mNotGayIJustHaveLatentHomosexualTendencies
      #I’mNotGayI’mJustCuriousAboutWhatNakedUncutGingersLookLike
      #I’mNotGayI’mJustBeingSpammedByGayPorn

      For her:

      #checkthecloset
      #beardedlady
      #NoMoreOralForYou

    • RoseThorns,
      Did we marry the same bisexual man?
      Mine lied to me when I asked him during our engagement if he had ever had sex with a man. He said, ‘No,’ although he had multiple multi-year gay affairs in teens, twenties, and thirties. It was just one of many huge lies to come.
      #ByeByeBiLiar

  • Ex hubs gave this adorable bracelet for my birthday. Later, I found out that he discovered it the day before in the trash bin while cleaning out a plane at work.
    #SomeTrashForMyTreasure
    #HappyBirthdayToMe
    #SoRomantic
    #SoMuchThoughtful
    #NoEffortMeansMoreLove
    #HowLowCanYourStandardsGo

  • I got sent ex husband and hoebag magee’s anniversary post from facebook yesterday. It takes some brass balls to include those dates! Hoebag praised them for making it through a very tough year. I got my feelers hurt for like eleven seconds and then I remembered that this fuckwit IS NOT A PRIZE! Her problem now.

    #YouCanGetFiredForNepotism?!
    #HeIsNoFunWithoutAllThatMoney
    #Jobless
    #Homeless
    #Carless
    #AtLeastHeHasAMotorcycle
    #HarleyGirlInAHarleyWorld
    #MostLikelyToWreckSaidHarleyBecauseTooMuchDinnerTequila

  • #celticowboyballroomdancingsecondwedding
    #oldestwontloanmeherOSAPmoney/anymore
    #expensivengagementring=noheatinhouse
    #OWhasinheritance-quick!!!
    #Istolemykidsummerjobmoneytoparty

    Also:
    #hookersiniagrafallsonannivetsary/toodrunk
    #daughterslaptopornpop-ups
    #Ishouldhavebeenafirefightertempertantrum

    I could go on, but I need to keep my lunch down .

  • #Dday:NoDoubtAboutItImAddictedToPorn

    #OWIsMyMomsAge

    #BuyStockInAdultDiapers

    #WatchingInRearviwMirror

    #SingleIsSpectacular

  • Him:

    #nursewithapurse
    #shedoesn’tknowIambroke
    #milliondollardebttothestate
    #newpussywillfixmeright?
    #I’llJustStartAnotherBullshitStartUpCo
    #I’llneverpayoffthishouseinmylifetime
    #ThatFourFlusherLife

    Her:

    #bigfancyhouseforthewin
    #DidIMentionIAmTheWinner?
    #WhyRedecorateWhenKeepItMovin’DidAllTheWork?
    #fallingdowndrunk
    #tryingtoohard
    #noSelfEsteem
    #howdareKeepItMovin’stillexist!
    #IfIBlockHerOnSocialMediaDoesSheStillExist?

  • …after decades of a useful Chump that ran well with a little gaslighting on behalf of DX

    #ChumpTookMyCakeAway
    #DesperatelySeekingKibbles
    …two months later
    #NewWifApplianceSorted
    …seven months later
    #NewWifApplianceBroke … #CaughtCheatingAgain
    #AnotherDayAnotherOW

    #YayDivorceNearlyThrough
    #NothingSaysTruWuvLikeAPrenup

  • #ittook31womentoreplaceme
    #seriouslyyoucantmakethisup
    #buthedoesnthaveanaddiction
    #hejustmadeamistake
    #hecheatsonthenewwifetoo
    #shemarriedhimanyway
    #shethinksshecansavehim
    #goodluckwiththat

  • ExN husband is so needy, extreme jealousy which is just extreme projection of his own cheating ways. I never cheated but sorry CN i did start out as a cheat. #regretit #wishitneverhappenedbutidont regretmykids

    A wife/woman who travels is his biggest trigger. I hooked up with him when his first wife went overseas to see family for 2 weeks #learnedthatlessonthehardway

    Post child and marriage I got asked to go to Brazil for two weeks. He wouldn’t let me and the rage was so extreme i actually told my work i couldnt go because of the baby. #nottheactualbaby #the40yearoldbaby

    A year later i got asked to go to Japan. I did. I loved it and hated the good time i have. 3 more trips to Japan over the year and he started his 4 year affair with #gingerrodgering that went well into my miscarriage, my finding out, his saying it was over, our new baby and our wedding a wedding the next year!

    She dumped him i just found out a few days before the wedding. He cried like a baby through the whole ceremony. #ithoughtthatwassweet #hewasdumped #itsnotyouitsher #whodoesthatshit

    I believe it went on for another 12 months until the next OW victim entered the scene when MY MOTHER WAS DYING! #newsupply #omwardsandlowerandlower

    3 years later a year ago her bff let me know about it. I believed her but still managed to be gaslighted out of calling a day on our sham of a family/marriage.

    I waited til he walked into his own trap. I knew he would. 6 months later he did i got the evidence i needed and was done.

    But you know the best part? She’s cabin crew! She flies overseas all the time. He is going to be soooo triggered. I have reason to believe he’s already triangulating her with #gingerrodgering as well as me still even though we are well and truly over.

    She’s not smart. She’s super needy. He hid her for 4 years as well as continued to deny it was her when i found his texts and porn gifs he’d been sending someone in July.

    #hesproudofher #notreally #shesstillinhiding #economyclass #wouldyoulikenutswithyourdrunk #cattleclass #downgrade

    I ended up getting proof of her in our house wearing my things on instagram after i travelled to Europe a few weeks ago and he stayed in the house. Needless to say we dont coshare house week on week off anymore. He’s gone.

    I knew my trip to Europe would make him do something with whoever it was in our house as thats what he’d done when id travelled before. It was the greatest gift to myself to agree to the trip. #businessclassisawesome #shecanhavehim #keepherawayfrommykids

      • I’ve never figured out the other woman thing. If he cheats WITH you, he will cheat ON you. These cheaters have no moral compass and they don’t think anything of chasing their dicks all over town. Skank OW actually thought she had the platinum pussy that could make that leopard change his spots. Ha! Marriages that start on lies and deceit have no foundation. God does not bless these types of union. Now you know how his ex-wife felt.

        #turnaboutisfairplay
        #whatdidyouexpect

    • Thank you for posting. Its nice to have confirmation that yes they suck, and they dont change. and they are not prizes, and that OW do regret.

      • Not meaning to pile on but I suspect the regret came after only she became the “victim.” I didn’t catch where she understands the pain she caused, the language is pretty casual about the hook up and circumstances that got her riding the baloney pony while the first wife was away a mere 2 weeks. #hopeshefinallygetsit

  • #myowgotmakeuptipsfromtheclowninIT
    #shecanworkmiracalesshethinksmyexisgreat
    #miracle,2,size20,butsaysshesa8,really?
    #sheactuallysoundslikeaman,
    #miracle3,thinksexisgoodinbed,canshepart wateraswell
    #wearsthatmuchfaketansheisactuallyorange

  • #TwoPredatorsTogetherAtLongLast
    #SheDoesntActuallyWantYouWhenYoureSingle
    #SexlessNarcissistSexAddictSadSausage
    #YourMomCantSaveYouThisTime

  • #ItTakesALotToGetFiredWhenYouAreATenuredFullProfessor
    #GettingTheUniversitySuedForAnticsInvolvingOWWillDoTheJob
    #TroubleInParadise
    #MaybeSurvivorWillComeBackToWashMySocks?
    #Crickets

    And my favorite:

    #I’mPlantingDaisiesWhileHe’sPushingThemUp

    • #I’mPlantingDaisiesWhileHe’sPushingThemUp–the ultimate in Schadenfreude, Survivor!

      I’ll add a few for my predatory Professor Ex:

      #metooYounext?
      #sexualharassmentsuitinmypersonnelfile
      #reputationasaskank
      #thanksformovingustoaCommunityPropertystate
      #bitlonginthetoothforAshleyMadison
      #everyoneknowsGFwasyourAP

      • In my ex’s case it wasn’t a sexual harassment suit. It was defamation. According to the complaint (filed 2 weeks after our divorce was final), the jerk was chasing the same student (later his OWife) as a visiting professor. Ex sent a truly uncalled for email far and wide throughout the University, straight up to the Dean, maligning his competitor in many ways, resulting in the visiting professor’s contract not being renewed for an additional year as had been expected.

        The lawsuit caused a ruckus, and was resolved by money changing hands and said jerk being uncerimoneously shown the door, at which point he blamed the object of his desire for his loss of job and reputation.

        #betteryouthanmesweetheart

        • Tempest, planting daisies is always better than pushing them up. And the Fucktard ex missed his chance to be newsworthy yet again. He chaired the dissertation committee for a student now known as Christine Blasey Ford. Before his fall, of course.

          The downward spiral of these sorts seems evident just from reading here. They can be successful if a chump handles their day to day, but then fall apart rather quickly. At least that is my take.

      • Thanks, RSW! I’ve got one. I went off on my own and rebuilt my life, enjoying my friends, family and cats and job. Bought a funky house for myself, and had a great time.

        I swore I’d never marry again, but when my then BF sat with me all day through chemo treatments, I reconsidered. Yes, I got a prenup signed as we both are older and previously burned. We married 8 years ago. Five years back, we bought another funky house with the proceeds of both of our prior homes, and it is ours. My cats passed in 2004. His sweet old dog passed in 2008. Our rescue dog has been with us since shortly after and is over 12 now, but still goofy as shit.

        My hope is that all the goodness I’ve reclaimed will cancel out the last hint of the damage done by the ratbastard. I think I’m close, but that was a hell of a lot of collateral damage.

        • Survivor,

          What an inspiration you are! Sorry to hear about the demise of your lovely pets.

          I hope that, although I am already in my fifties and my salary, in spite of my grad degrees, is so low that my young kids get free breakfasts and lunches at school, that I can somehow someday buy a decent house in a decent place and find a good permanent partner. That’s my fantasy, anyway. ‘Til then, need to just keep plugging along, trying to avoid getting bogged down by depression.

  • The ho placed an ad seeking a dance partner who had ‘rhythm’. Criteria included: 48-58, no married men(2014).

    #ballroomdancingrequiresballs.
    #thecriteriachanged:ADULTwithWORKINGparts
    #meetingguyswhileyouwork

  • Nanthony, what can one say about a pathetic needy bar cunt who got sloshed at bars and hooked up with whatever sat next to her.

    Her words, “He won’t cheat on me”.

    #Yaalwayslookbetterwhenyou’rethelastwomanatthebar
    #Youcallthemlovers #Onenightstandblackout

  • 2 years into the land of #Iwantadivorce

    He says. #thismoneymine
    #imgoingfishing
    #leavemealone

    Give me a divorce already..

  • My STBXH left me to look after our dogs (technically they were his, since he’d had them for 18 months before we got together), keeping the marital home running and supporting him whilst he pursued (another) job of his dreams 90 miles away. I foolishly told him that since he had to pay for food/accommodation in his new town that he could reduce his contribution to the joint account to a(very small) token payment each month – it just about covered the insurance policies for both dogs. One of the dogs was diagnosed with stomach cancer last year and it was impossible to get in touch with him during her illness. He would never answer his phone, and he never made any attempt to see her before I had to make the heartbreaking decision to have her pts a week later. The dog that was left behind had serious, ongoing health issues that were draining not only financially, but mentally, physically and emotionally. When I needed knee surgery late last year he reprimanded me for accepting the first date I was offered without considering his busy and important schedule. He has the option of working from home, but he flatly refused to come home for the week of my surgery to help look after the dog – this was my ‘lightbulb moment’, suddenly I realised just how low I had become on his list of priorities. My elderly mum ended up helping me look after her instead. I told him then that once the dog was gone I was going to file for divorce.

    The dog had to be pts last Saturday. I was too distraught to call him that day, and I didn’t want to tell him by text message so it was Sunday when I was finally able to stop crying long enough to make the telephone call – it lasted less than 2 minutes, before he said he had to go – he needed to be alone.

    Wednesday morning I get a text from him saying he needs his name taking off the mortgage to be able to get on with his life and secure his future, so Thurs morning I was at the solicitors getting the divorce rolling. He couldn’t even give me a couple of weeks time to grieve.

    I know he’s hoping for a large chunk of equity from the house, but like everything else in his life, he could never stick at anything for too long. There are several unfinished renovation projects on the house that he started off enthusiastically enough but he would then get bored, before giving up altogether. There isn’t going to be as much as he thinks (I know the figure he has in mind).

    He had the same problems with employers – it was the best job ever, the boss was the best boss ever, and his colleagues were great. A few months later, the colleagues were all bitches, then the boss would be rubbish, before finally he was so unhappy in the job he started looking for something else.

    He was the same in the bedroom too – it all started off okay, but he could never keep it going.

    #WhenTheGoingGetsToughIGetGoing
    #I’veStartedButICan’tFinish,
    #IfIOnlyHadAHeart
    #IfIOnlyHadABrainThatWasn’tInMyTrousers
    #FollowTheYellowDickRoad
    #IsThatAMunchkinInYourTrousersOrAreYouJustPleasedToSeeMe (oh no, it’s just a munchkin)
    #There’sNoPlaceLikeHomeBecauseThatWouldMeanI’mHappy

    Whoever he ends up with, they’re welcome to him.

  • #yourExGirlfriendIsPlatonic? #WhyDoesSHEcharGE$$$onYourCreditCardEVERYmonth

    #NoSTDS #WhyIsValtrexInYourBathroomAndBriefcase

  • My ex MIL complained for years to anyone who would listen that I was a sad excuse for a wife/DIL because I didn’t dress up for holidays or wear enough makeup on a regular basis. She also thought it was a waste of time that I did volunteer work while a SAHM rather than doing work I got paid to do.

    Ex doesn’t (as far as I know) have any social media accounts but his felon-former (?) stripper/fluffer-fiance has a FB account and every once in a while I give it a look, [hat she also has a LinkedIn profile that lists her occupation as Fluffer is a story for another day]. For New Year’s Eve following my divorce, Ex and F-F(?)S/F-F went to a riverboat casino where F-F(?)S/F-F took some selfies in the bathroom showcasing her sequin encrusted leggings and leopard skin tank top. I had to laugh when I saw that and how much makeup she was wearing. I mean it was SLATHERED on her face. Is that dressy enough for you, MIL? She’s wearing enough makeup for five women. Are you happy now?

    So this bit of schadenfreude is for my ex MIL:

    #becarefulwhatyouwishfor
    #babyboytradedhiswifeapplianceforaviagraappliance
    #viagraappliancesdonothingforfree
    #doesnotknowherownsonisengaged
    #isleopardprintwithsequinstackyortrendy?
    #guesswhoisgoingtotakecareofyouwhenyouronlychildistoobusy?
    #itwon’tbeme

  • Before I went NC with all my mutual acquaintances of the cheater, I heard some juicy gossip about him.

    He found a sugar mama. But she wasn’t rich and glamorous, she was a middle class office worker who came into a little extra money with her divorce settlement. So he was a kept man on a budget in the suburbs.

    #budgetboytoy
    #suburbangigolo

    And then she sent him packing to go live with his mom after the money ran out because he sat on her couch all day smoking weed, playing video games, and eating delivery pizza instead of getting a job.

    #middleagedmammasboy
    #sugarbabyburnout

  • #SchmoopieMovedOnSoFastBecauseTINDER
    #YouShouldaHiredALawyer
    #YourWifeIsALawyerWhoHiredALawyerMoron
    #WheresYourCashNow
    #NoIWon’tGiveYouMoreCustodialTimeAsshat
    #OopsShouldHaveHiredALawyerBeforeSigningTheParentingPlan
    #DidIMentionThatAlready?
    #YouShouldNotHaveAgreedToGiveUpEverythingToKeepTheFancyHouse
    #GuessYouWon’tRetireQuiteSoSoon
    #TheLawyerYouEventuallyHiredTriedToAdviseYou
    #YouOnlyTHINKYouAreOmniscient

    It is hard to not hit the spacebar!

    • Hahahahaha. Me too. “#YourWifeIsALawyerWhoHiredALawyerMoron” My ex hired a lawyer pretty much straight away but that didn’t save him from having to hand over 85% of his pension which is what happens when your former divorce attorney wife lawyers up better than you did. #dontjusthirealawyerhireagoodone #dontborrowmoneyfromyourpensiontopayforstrippers #noretirementforyou

  • Hey CN my stb’s nob is broken hence a consultation with a urologist. Flomax is prescribed ahahahaha

    #KarmaNobcomes (or maybe not!??)

  • Hey CN my stbx’s nob is broken hence a consultation with a urologist. Flomax is prescribed ahahahaha

    #KarmaNobcomes (or maybe not!??)

  • Get into the Holiday Spirit: #stuffstockingofstrangeinmaritalbed

    Embrace Your Catholicism: #bringmistresstomidnightmass

    Commitment…Cheater Style: #proposetohoworkerwhilestillmarriedtowife

    Out with the Old, In with the New:
    #owwasonly3yearsoldwhenhusbandmetwife

  • One year after D-day theX turns up at our daughter’s wedding with OW in tow….

    #sexynewlook
    #manbag
    #drippinginjewellery
    #diedhair
    #toupehairstyleduetonewcolour

    Now has a nickname: Mr Toupe

  • #HeThoughtThePickMeDanceWouldContinue
    #IDontWantYourSTDAgain
    #TooStupidToTakeCareOfIt
    #WhorebillyHasTheNewBorn
    #WhorebillyCanKeepYouAtHerParents
    #BuyingMeSpecialToysWontChangeMyMind
    #BenWa’sInTheTrash
    #NotGettingAnyWhorebillyTore
    #IHadCSections
    #GoodLuckFindingTheNextOW
    #IToldEverybody
    #YouCantHoldYourPeeBecauseShinyTinyGonnaFallOff

    How did I do?

  • #feltsodirtybeinginthesameroomasyou‭ #haveyouevertoldthetruth. #doesshethinkoursonisalawyerbecauseofyou #ionlywishidknownthissooner

  • #enjoyyourlifeasherslave
    #whatashocksheisawfultoourkids
    #keepspendingmoneyonhouserenostofillthevoid
    #youthoughtyouhaditbadwithme
    #enjoyyourmarriageprisonwhileienjoymyfreedom
    #lifeaftertheexisfilledwithjoy

  • Cheater and schmoops had their mansion all picked out, and were in a hurry to buy. Cheater tried to get my permission to take the cash for the down payment–big chunk of change–prior to divorce. I said nope. He took the request to the judge. She said nope.

    Meanwhile, my lawyer and accountant put together a very nice settlement for me. Cheater apparently did not read it closely. Too much like work, I suppose. I read, read again, and read some more. Made envisions right up until the last possible moment. Then signed.

    Cheater did not show up to court. Cheater signed without looking.

    Cheater will be able to buy that sparkly castle for schmoops, of course. It will undoubtedly be super-duper special with sprinkles on top.

    He just won’t be able to do it for awhile. Ahem.

    #onlyidiotssignwithoutreading
    #cheaterhasnoliquidity
    #cheatermanoronhold
    #schmoopiesarepricey
    #maybeiwillbuyalakecabin
    #mylawyerateyoursforlunch
    #thekidsspentthanksgivingwithmebecauseyousuck

    Snort.

    • Mine never read anything either – although I’m not sure he actually can read. I should/could have taken him to the cleaners. I didn’t but at least I’m out of there.

  • So, ex was obsessed with his car, his hair and his dream of being a rock star. As age 40 approaches, how long will his 29 year-old AP (part-time artist, full-time mess) stick around? Has she noticed the the salvaged car title, the rapid hair loss, the sad ballads of mysterious lost lovers?
    #isthatsongaboutmeeeee?
    #turdpolish
    #Mustangpoweredtowtruck
    #pompadourneeds

  • On dday, I asked why. He said “it just happened.”
    #itjusthappened, #remindselftowalkbackwardssonostrangedickcanbangme

  • Oh mama. So many belly laughs.

    #notmyproblem
    #checkthecloset
    #ifyouresohappilymarriedwhyareyoustalkingmeonFacebook
    #notmycircusnotmymonkeys
    #lifewithouteggshells
    #IBSclearedupmysteriously
    #menopausenowmanageable
    #peaceandquietandsunshineholidays
    #gainedalife
    #gotmymojoback
    #lyinginonsundaymornings

  • Ex was visiting the strip club where all the dancers are such good listeners and like him so much more than the other patrons, and it has nothing to do with the $4000 he spends there some weeks. On credit cards.

    And while he was there a stripper’s jealous ex slashed my ex’s expensive tires.

    #borrowedmoneyfromhismomtoreplacethem
    #karmicloveliness #yesallfourofthem #HAHAHAHAHA

  • When we were together, he would have his narc mother come down to Florida for 3 months. Dropped that responsibility with me. (Even after I told him 6 weeks was enough.) His glittery vajay-jay had her down for 2 years for…..wait for it…..wait for it…6 weeks. THEN, when she knew she had him, she refused Mother of Satan down last year. The big Italian family despises her!

    #messwithanItalianfamilyyouaredeadtothem
    #havehimbytheballs
    #have63yearoldstepgrandpadaddydriving10oldtoschool
    #”shesgoingthroughmenopauseandiscrazy
    #snakankboysharesdoctorsayssheisborderline
    #NMSBsaysbuckleupwearahelmetandenjoytheride

  • I have a few

    #filestaxeseveryfiveyears
    #hasntfiguredoutgirlparts
    #changesjobseverytwoyears
    #houseworkisforgirls
    #yardwardisforgirls
    #isbeingaslobadealbreaker – he said that to me after a few dates, can we agree this is a red flag?
    #lazyaf
    #lovebombdoesntlast
    #notakebacks

  • #BoughtAnotherNewMotorcycle

    #MostExpensiveOfThe3

    #LoansOnAllOfThem

    #DroppedNewOneOnGravel2WeeksAfterBuying

    #DoesntPayBillsOnTime

    #CollectionAgency

  • Many have read this story but for the newbies:
    On Dday when I tossed his cheating ass out and called a locksmith, he was soooo insulted (narc injury) to change the locks he had to leave the house. Texted me to let him know when the locksmith was gone. I did. When he returned he had that pissy assed look. I asked “what’s your problem?” He responded “you don’t trust me.” *I* said “I trusted you with my heart and look what you did to that.” That shut that shit down right then and there!
    Skankboy-
    #I have noF%$#@*%ideaaboutlife
    #Ithinkwithmydick
    #Iwanttodateyouandbangthewhore
    #fromNMSBgetthefuckoutandyoureluckyIusedHeftbagsandnotthecheapDollarStoreones

  • After 10+ years of his child custody torture, last year I decided to end the drama so I offered XCobra as he wanted, _full custody_ , plus $1850/month child support. He REFUSED and made a ridiculous counter offer … So, I opted to go to court -still pending. He absconded to another state with the kids, bought a grand home with OWife (mortgage under her name) … a year later I learn – he’s arrested for felony domestic violence, awaiting trial. His previous family lawyer has ditched him and our case is on hold (best for me). OWife has left the country; he can’t afford the grand house so he’s trying to rent it out and has bought a smaller one, sinking under CC and student debt & new mortgage…

    Meanwhile I just got a better job, debt free, saved up a ton, will be moving to a town nearer dear friends and beloved relatives.

    #hesallyourssweetie
    #slowmotiontrainwreck
    #passthepopcorn

  • #unemployedcheater
    #mommypaysmanbills
    #sinceimstillonyourinsuranceiwillhavesurgery
    #fauxwokewhitephilosopherfucksoverbrownwife

  • #Im16again
    #NEJonesHighrevisited
    #rahrahcheerleaderslut
    #noimnottawhore
    #blowmy1stboyfriend35yearslater
    #mycollegesonsaremoremature
    #sonsthinkimadrunkslut
    #illmakeitupbybeingsparkly
    #twinkletwinklelittlegaslight
    #drunkfuckhubbytextbfleavephoneomg!
    #lastchancesluttingb4pussydriesout
    #55goingon13
    #doesmycelluliteshowinleather?
    #pushupbratitshidemybelly
    #quitoverthinking
    #dontreadchumplady
    #ilivemylifeonfacebook
    #andinstagram
    #itsalie
    #bettertobemydogthanmyhusband

  • BAM’s new love (er … victim) is what I would kindly describe as somewhat unsophisticated. I hear snippets from my kid after visitation and I struggle to keep a straight face. Sadly, it does hurt that he has replaced me, but I take some comfort in knowing that while she seems to be a nice person, she is rather … simple.

    #potpiesforyourbirthdaydinner
    #icebergisnotanactualvegetablemuchlessone’sfavorite
    #teachersshouldunderstandthegreatgatsbyjustalittle
    #alexafindmybrain

  • During reconciliation attempts my xhusband would wake up and start pumping his penis (every fricking day!). He would turn to me and say “it feels so good. Don’t you want a piece of this.” He also wanted to watch him masterbate along with sending photos of his penis He believes he is Gods gift not only to women but to the world. By the way he is 59 and she is 26. The same age as his daughter.

    #shecanhavehim
    #wherethe hell are you suppose to look when he pumps himself
    #thankfuly not my problem

  • To my exhusband’s reques to “meet” to discuss divorce:

    #stripperswouldn’tmeetforfreesowhyshouldi

  • I saved up money to move to my ex’s city and a month after I moved he cheats on me with some airhead.I didn’t have enough money to move out so I stayed for a year and suffered. The period between breaking up and not seeing him took about half a year, in which I did the pick me dance to the max. He enjoyed it thoroughly. Said he wouldn’t see other girls out of respect to help me cope yet went back on his word and started lying to me about a “friend.” I found out through the first girl he cheated with that he was lying, and we both told her about his deceit since he was messing around with all three of us at the same time. Her and I were friendly for a bit and we parted ways. The first girl he cheated with and I are decent friends now since we bonded over hating him. I left a nasty message to him and he responded months later that he isn’t to blame because we never got back together, despite his word and despite how he didn’t want me to see other men. #hypocrite

    I found out the other day that the second girl is still seeing him, despite knowing she is a rebound. In the words of Dennis Renyolds: #youdumbbitch

    #25andstillliveswithhismom
    #notmyproblem
    #HeLasts2MinutesInBedAnyway

  • To my ex who asked me for a personal “meeting” with him to discuss “ongoing issues” with our divorce, I said he could pay my $4K car loan and $3K legal bills.

    #stripperswouldn’tmeetforfreesowhyshouldi
    #mostexpensive30minuteswithagirlyou’veeverhad
    #exceptforyourlawyer

  • The OW’s social media profiles are public, and I could comment on anything if I wanted to. The way I keep myself from doing this is that I’ve told myself that one day when she finally shares that magical post gushing about getting engaged, I will wait for her friends and family to respond enthusiastically and then, when she’s at work and not receiving notifications, I will offer to share with her fiancé exactly what she took upon herself to share with mine just before our wedding. I’ll get to expose her to everyone and ruin her engagement just like she ruined mine, and then when she blocks me I’ll be free of her forever. #followyourtruefeelings #goldenshowers

    • I totally understand this.

      But have you considered seizing control of the narrative by just blocking her and the ex now, and reclaiming your mental real estate?

      If you go to seek revenge, dig two graves. Or in this case, maybe three.

      • Indifference is the most powerful tool at my disposal. It’s a game changer. It locks me out of the maze of obsessive thoughts and keeps me from serving up to them the emotional centrality they crave.

        The more I put myself in a position to wield the mighty force of indifference, the more power I will have. Whoever cares the least has the most power.

  • Five years out and have finally taken back all my power and truly gained a life!
    #mehsvilleispleasant
    #whatschadenfreude?
    #IDGAF
    #Chumpladywasright
    #hopeforchumpnation!
    #mylifefuckingrocks
    #didthehardworkwhichpaidoff100%
    #worthallthepainandsuffering
    #finallyfree
    #lifegetssomuchbetter
    #youareworthit!
    #hungrynowgoingtomakemyselfasandwhich

    • #absolutely
      #bestlifeever
      #cheaterdetoxdiet
      #thankgodimsingle
      #havesomemorepancakes
      #readthepaperuninterrupted

    • What is with cheaters and elves and trolls and fantasy worlds in which there are zero consequences and no one ever gets really hurt and has to live with lifelong pain?

      Oh, wait …

  • #justlearnedornurseexpectingbabywithelderlyobsgyndociworkedwith
    #docsaysshitithoughtyousaidyouwereonthepilltoyoungnurseproudtobefirsttimemom
    #firstwordsbabyuttersgranpagranpa
    #theyreallypissmeoffhurtingfaithfulwifeandolderchildren
    #poorbabydidnotaskforthissillyoldfartforadaddy
    #docwillsoonbeyellinghelpi’vefallenandican’tgetup
    #leavethesillyoldfartonthefloorwherehebelongs

  • PS-

    I suggest everyone send their ex’s the Shame Wizard song from Big Mouth IF their exes hoover or love bomb. They tend to do that this time of year. So instead of answering with words when they love bomb, just send the Shame Somg.

    #shameshameyouhavenoonebutyourselftoblame

    Note the Shame Wizard says some mean things in the song. I do NOT agree with him for shaming the gay boy. But the rest of the song has merit, especially for any Monty Python fans and those who love a good Cockney accent.

    https://youtu.be/jy7ny4pUPs8

  • #shitmygirlfriendis15yearsyoungerIhavetoworkuntil70
    #myexwifegetsalimonyuntilage70
    #hadtosplitthat401K
    #shitIamworkinguntil70

    LOL!