I’m sure a few of you navigated this shit perfectly right out of the starting gate, but most of us floundered in the most humiliating of ways.
If you could go back in time (and no, you don’t get to wish your whole relationship away, the time machine only allows this ONE encounter…) — what would you say to a younger you?
Would you give yourself a pep talk on D-Day? A master class in boundaries? Or no regrets, because this clusterfuck taught you a lot?
This is what I’d say to my D-Day self.
You married an asshole. Cut your losses immediately.
I know you think you’re doomed, but your doom is with him. Life on the other side will, yes, be challenging. Single parenthood again, the ring of hell that is 50 Bad Coffee Dates, financial insecurity. Don’t let those fears overwhelm you. Wrestle those motherfuckers to the ground and get the hell away from this abuser.
He’ll try and punish you for leaving him. Expect that. Surround yourself with support and the law.
Don’t be afraid to sing like a bird. This isn’t your shame to wear.
You WILL be loved again. You WILL love again. He will NOT be the last person you’ll ever care for.
Someday soon you’ll reach meh. You won’t give a shit who he is or what he’s doing or with whom. He’ll be a storybook character. A cut-rate villain. An obstacle over which you triumphed.
Never forget this is your story — get out there and make a happier ending to it.
(And we’ll do a gratitude challenge next week — a bit closer to Thanksgiving!)