‘I Cheated And Now She Won’t Be My Friend’

Dear Chump Lady,

I am sorry to say that I cheated on my wife.

For two and a half years, I was involved with the Other Woman. When my ex found out, I’ll admit I threw every play you’ve described out on the table, and didn’t even realize how much of a cliche I was.

Amazingly, she agreed to take me back. And the next year and a half were really good. Things were looking positive and I thought we were happy.

Recently she told me that that had been the hardest time of her life! That she had struggled with the decision to try and make things work, because she felt like she was betraying herself as much as I had betrayed her. I never knew how difficult it had been for her, and now that I do, I feel even more shame for the hurt I caused. Like I said, things were good for a year and a half or so, and then I gave in to a moment of weakness.

I googled the OW and what popped up was a link to her Pinterest page. I looked through it, and was surprised that there were a lot of quotes and sayings that referred to how much I had hurt her as well. There was a funny meme that I wanted to share with another friend, so I clicked on it to save it to my own Pinterest page.

Did you know that when you do that the other person gets a message telling them what was saved and by whom? I didn’t.

The next day I received a message in my Pinterest notifications. It was her. She asked how I was doing, and why I had been looking at her Pinterest page. I know, I should have just not responded… but I did. I told her everything was good, asked how she was, and apologized for hurting her. And the conversations continued from there. We never met or had sex (and I know that that does not matter at all, what I was doing was still wrong!) We did all of our messaging through the Pinterest app, so there was never a number that showed up on any phone bill.

Then one day I was trying to post a few pictures to Pinterest to show her a project or something, and the app wouldn’t work. So I texted them directly to her…  and that was the end of it all!!!

My ex saw the number on the phone bill and a started collecting all the information she needs for a divorce. A few weeks later she told me. Again, I pushed back, but she was pretty solid in her decision, so I gave her what she requested. We went through mediation because I didn’t want it to become a big fight. I didn’t want to put her through more than I had already. We signed the papers today and they just have to go through the court system and be finalized.

She has been setting boundaries and trying to establish her own “space” and her new beginning. I am proud and happy for her. When we started discussing how we wanted this divorce thing to play out, I thought we had said that we were going to try and remain friends. Recently that has been reworded from “friends” to “friendly.” I want to be completely supportive of whatever she needs to be happy again. But it’s becoming harder because what she needs is for ME to go away. And, with the exception of things that we need to discuss about our daughter, I have been trying to give her all the space she needs.

Is it unreasonable for me to hope that someday we might be able to have a small friendship again, if and when she is ready for that. Or am I only going slow down or ruin her healing? I don’t want to hurt her anymore. I want her to be happy, even if it’s not with me. But I still want to be a part of her life. Is that wrong? What else can I do to be supportive, and help heal the damage I’ve done?

Thanks for your time,

Rob

Dear Rob,

You realize they’re going to eat you alive here, right? Of all the infidelity resources on the interwebs, 99.9 percent of which preach reconciliation, conscious uncoupling, and other shit sandwiches — you chose mine. With “LEAVE A CHEATER, GAIN A LIFE” right there on the banner? You want me to help you triumph over your wife’s no contact? So you can be friends? For her healing, of course. I’m sure your intentions were purely supportive and have nothing to do with your whinging brand of noxious centrality. “Whatever she needs to be happy again,” you said.

Here’s a meme for your Pinterest page:

I mean really, Rob. The poor woman invested 1.5 years of her life on trying to reconcile with your ass and her reward is you swapping insta-pot recipes with the OW? You blew her life up for Pinterest? Okay, maybe it was a particularly treacly Pema Chodron quote and you shed a tear for the OW. Whatever. It wasn’t a “moment of weakness.” (Read the not-so-subtle-blameshift there: SHE DUMPED ME FOR A MOMENT OF WEAKNESS!) — it was felony stupid. It was repeated, secret, engaged behavior with someone you betrayed your wife with — for two and a half long sociopathic years.

OW had a sad? That expressed its sorrow to the 178.3 bazillion viewers of Pinterest? Not. Your. Problem.

Instead of cloaking this as Concerned Human Being Making Amends, why not just acknowledge what it really is? You needing a hit of centrality. I hurt her? I MATTER! That seems to be your M.O. — fucking people over and responding with a befuddled “Wittle ol’ ME?” Gosh, tell me more about your shattered heart!

You get off on this shit.

When my ex found out, I’ll admit I threw every play you’ve described out on the table…

So why would she want anything to do with you? You’re a self-professed manipulator. Why would she want to be “friends” with someone responds to accountability with mindfuckery?

I never knew how difficult it had been for her, and now that I do, I feel even more shame for the hurt I caused.

So you felt a feel and now you know how difficult this all has been?

Rob, you didn’t give two shits in a wicker basket about how “difficult” your cheating was on your wife. This isn’t a great nugget of insight — who knew fucking around on my wife would HURT her! — you knew exactly how she would react (likely to dump your ass), which is why you kept your affair a SECRET for 2.5 years. If you thought there was something benign or improving about fucking around on your wife, you would’ve mentioned it. “Running out for milk and a side dish fuck, Honey. See you at 8!”

And note you didn’t mention your shared social media texts with the OW either. After you had all the fall-out from D-Day #1. You got busted. This isn’t an insight problem, it’s a you’re-an-asshole problem.

She has been setting boundaries and trying to establish her own “space” and her new beginning. I am proud and happy for her.

Did you pat her on the head when you said that? Or did she block you with parenting software?

Well, Rob, you worthless dick dribble — I’m proud of you too. And happy for you. That you could sustain 15 entire seconds of shame. That you sat with those difficult feelings for whole simulacrums of time before you felt the need to press your wife with your “friendship.” Keep going, Sport! With practice, you might make a solid minute of introspection!

What else can I do to be supportive, and help heal the damage I’ve done?

1. ) Generous divorce settlement.

2.) Take the full blame for the divorce.

3.) Be a responsible parent.

4.) Pay court-ordered support and abide by parenting agreements.

5.) Leave her the fuck alone.

If you truly care about your wife, you’ll accept the consequences. And you won’t feel entitled to her good opinion of you.

Go earn it. (See 1 – 5 above.) It’s the very least you can do.

Subscribe
Notify of

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

224 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Let go
Let go
5 years ago

Well, he isn’t getting enough attention so he thought he would try this blog. Either that or he doesn’t want to study and writing this is more fun. Either way he is using up way too much oxygen.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago
Reply to  Let go

Nailed it, Let Go!

Can you picture the scene:
Rob is frustrated that he is getting nowhere with his very smart, gutsy ex-chump.
He spends hours surfing for internet advice (including pinterest) and, bam! lands on Chump Nation!
“Now THAT is the very prop I need!” he thinks.
He spends hours writing and re-writing his sadz letter to Chump Lady, every word run through the Thesaurus for the perfect impression management.

Either he is low on imagination or has poor reading skills.

AC
AC
5 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

Oh, no, I don’t think that at all. He’s totally frustrated because his ex won’t respond to his prodding, so he’s decided to go somewhere (here) where chumps just like her WILL respond.

Kibble.
Kibble.
Kibble.
Jackpot!
Giant heap of 200+ kibbles, all crashing down at his feet! Yumyumyumyumyumyum.
He gets a REACTION! He gets it from chumps just like his silent ex, but these are speaking up JUST FOR HIM! He matters! Yumyumyumyumyumyum.

Pathetic. Loser. Fool.

Oh well, if he wants to define himself by licking scum off the sidewalk, he can do that.

Listen, loser. If you ever want your life to have real meaning, learn this: It’s not what you say. It’s what you do. Stop pretending that what really matters is what you say (“It should have been OK this time because I didn’t f##k her. I just got real cozy and intimate with her. But I didn’t f##k her.)

Start BEING an honorable man. Your actions will always say more than your words. Or did you miss the wedding vow clause about Forsaking All Others? (You probably did.)

Your relationship with your ex is over. Walk away. Start practicing the advice of a certain very wise deacon: “Make your every action a worthy prayer.” Then and only then, you may earn some of that honor you’re trying to steal.

Nymeria
Nymeria
5 years ago
Reply to  Let go

This was my first thought as well. He wants all of our attention. He can slide back under that rock, he isn’t worth the pixels.

Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
5 years ago

Thank you for the big reminder about why divorcing my “husband” is a great idea.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
5 years ago

I enjoy reading these type of letters. They give an insight into the twisted, fucked up minds of these Douchebags. Always the same exact script.

The poor woman got totally destroyed on D-day #1.

But…..she felt like a complete fool for allowing him to make an ass out of her on D-day #2.

He not only cheated her…..he also cheated some wonderful man out of a good woman who would have cherished her.

Caro
Caro
5 years ago

Rob must be desperate for attention after his wife kicked him to the curb if he’s begging for it from strangers on an infidelity site. Haven’t laughed this hard at a letter in a long time.

Chumptopia
Chumptopia
5 years ago

Thanks SuperDuperChump…one of the things that was the most upsetting to me when I found out cheater XH was such a serial cheating POS, was that he robbed me of having a wonderful man who would have cherished me. I will never forgive him in a million years for ruining my life.

I took care of his supposedly dying ass while I nursed him through a frightening bout of cancer while we were married. Wish I could go back and sit at his bedside again, knowing what I know now.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumptopia

Chumptopia, I feel that mine robbed me of the ability to ever trust or love a man again. Maybe I’m wrong but I don’t think so. That makes me so sad and for that I will never forgive him!

Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
5 years ago

Tracey, we must have had a Vulcan mind meld. I read this just before I came to Chump Nation this morning.

https://www.infidelityhelpgroup.com/2014/06/25/once-a-cheater-always-a-cheater-2/

Maybe people can change, but I am not willing to gamble any more of my life with my “husband”.
Let him learn on a new victim. With billions of people on the planet, my odds of happiness are much better leaving. The cheaters regard the world as a universe of endless opportunities; I can steal and alter that page from the cheater playbook to remind myself that there are legions of loyal and kind people of integrity. On my own is way better than being the fish in a blender that I would be staying with him. If I have a future partner, he will be an accessory to a solid life by myself. I didn’t lie, cheat, defraud, deceive, fail to communicate, or bail on my family and the last thing I need is a “partner” who is cool with all of that.

Chumparoopie
Chumparoopie
5 years ago

Thank you so much for posting that link. STBX makes me roll my eyes with his pledges to “stay faithful”…TO OW #3. The irony and cliche of it all makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. He’ll get his. And he’ll get a front row seat to how awesome I am without his moody ass.

Lia
Lia
5 years ago

HOLY F**K that article. Omg. Kris’ actions are almost EXACTLY what Ex did with strumpet, only they messaged on freakin’ linkedin.

Damn. I’m firmly at meh, but omg. Great article and reinforces even more that I Did The Right Thing.

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago

Serial cheaters will always be serial cheaters; lots of evidence. One-off cheaters might have a chance of redemption, but you’re right–who wants to give someone a gun after they’ve just fired on you? (And for what it’s worth, most chumps who think they have a one-off cheater should dig a little deeper. Typically you’ll find a lot more vermin in their closet).

Unrulychump
Unrulychump
5 years ago

Thanks Velvet Hammer for posting the link to that article. It helped me remember that my ex is always going to be a cheater.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago

hahaha!

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
5 years ago

Hey Let go-how are you doing? I am particularly fond of the cute picture of the kitten on CLs blog this morning. I hope everyone has a great day!

Let go
Let go
5 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

Hey CS. Just wandering around. How ‘bout yourself?
Do you think this guy is legit?

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
5 years ago
Reply to  Let go

I think he wants centrality wherever he goes in life which is why I chose to “Scan, Discard, Select and move on” with my comment. If it works for the SATs, it can work for narcissists too.

Jojobee
Jojobee
5 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

Yes! Also, I wonder if this kind isn’t working on his schtick. Thinking: ” Here’s the perfect place to craft my narrative. They can point out all the stuff I should have done and said. Then I can make my narrative perfectly super sensitive and well worded. A new chump will think: ‘He’s learned his lesson. He’s done everything right. Yeah he made a mistake but it changed him.'” I don’t feel like helping this asshole. He is like the jerks who go to counseling and just learn to cloak their assholishness in sensitive therapy speak with a whole lot more professional s/sympathetic sounding excuses and chump blame.

Hopeful
Hopeful
5 years ago
Reply to  Jojobee

“He is like the jerks who go to counseling and just learn to cloak their assholishness in sensitive therapy speak with a whole lot more professional sympathetic sounding excuses and chump blame.”

So guess what happened after my cheater fooled our marriage counselor into believing that he was NOT having an affair and that I only suspected it because I was such a mean wife…

He took one look at her appointment book and realized how much money she was making and said “How hard can that job be?” (direct quote, btw) and ENROLLED IN GRAD SCHOOL TO BE A FUCKING COUNSELOR.

Jojobee
Jojobee
5 years ago
Reply to  Hopeful

OMG! So that’s where all the terrible marriage counselors come from…

Rebecca
Rebecca
5 years ago

And while you leave her the fuck alone, go fuck yourself.
Anyone who can lie and cheat and endanger the health of his wife is not anyone that normal people want to be friends with. Or even friendly with.
Go off and find someone just like you. Someone mean, self-centered, cruel, narcissistic and cowardly to keep you company.
Let your wife find whatever happiness she can find after she goes thru the hell of recovering from all the horrible damage you did to her. She deserves a generous settlement and peace.
She earned that. I hope she finds happiness and so much more.
You earned nothing; I hope life shows you what misery feels like and only then might you understand the pain you have caused.

RaesOfChumpshine
RaesOfChumpshine
5 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

Rebecca, the truth you said is lost of this regrettable human being. He already fucked himself; can you imagine how hard he jacked himself off after he wrote this to CL? And, just like in real life, after he was done and smug, he left a bunch of women angry and unsatisfied.

Rebecca
Rebecca
5 years ago

Actually, I’m not angry at all.
I hurt for her but he is a pathetic worm.

Chumped but good
Chumped but good
5 years ago

Are they really that dumb when hunting for more centrality when the chump goes no/low contact or is that part of the kibble hunt? If that dumb how do they function well enough at work and bang their secretaries in secret? The picture even looks like my ex. Right on Chump Lady.

ChumpedUpChik
ChumpedUpChik
5 years ago

Is he possibly he’s delusional enough to think we’d grant him unicorn status? Or even bent horn unicorn status – bc I mean he “didn’t really DO anything” this time. ???? bitch please. Clearly HE thinks HE’S pretty swell! Never mind that little 2+ year side dish fuck around. And, also forget about him revisiting side dish fuck affair AGAIN, after wife granted him a second chance.

Oh wait, before we get all judgey – there was NO sex or anything like that this time (meaning YET). Well ain’t that some stellar blue ribbon restraint FFS! I cannot even.

What a flaming narc fuckwit this guy is? Thinking he’d snow us into helping him somehow. He was straight up hoping we’d grow faint and woozy with hope after his craptastic unicorn audition (because some of us still desperately wanna believe in that fairy dust shit), OR he was hoping we’d inadvertently give him more or better tactics to use on his poor XW. No fuckin way. She was mighty enough to shut this shit show down once and for all and ain’t nobody here helping this fraudster. I really hate these manipulative motherfuckers.

Chumptopia
Chumptopia
5 years ago
Reply to  ChumpedUpChik

Love the way you talk ChumpedUpChik !!!!

KarenE
KarenE
5 years ago

I was actually wondering if his chump is on CL, or he thinks she might be. And his delusional cheater mind might think this would be a good way to show her his sadz and good intentions!

Clearly he doesn’t know CL or CN!

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
5 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

I wondered that too, thinking how her letter would have looked if submitted.

“Dear CL, I took back my cheater 18 months ago after finding out about a 2.5 year affair. After blameshifting, gaslighting, and telling me all the ways I am at fault for the affair we decided to stay together. It has been really hard on me and our daughter but I have tried to make the best of it. I felt like I was possibly betraying myself for putting up with what he did but for the good of my family I tried to hold it together even though the cheater sort of acted like it was no big deal and all in the rear view mirror. Well, you guessed it, I found out he has been communicating with the OW via Pinterest! My gut was right and when I saw that number on the phone bill ONE TIME I got my ducks lined up and divorced his ass, he never saw it coming. I am grey rock and it is driving him nuts. Thank you for all you do! I look forward to meh. Love, MightyOneWhoDumpedRobsAss”

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
5 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

“P.S. He has a tiny dick too so good riddance.”

RaesOfChumpshine
RaesOfChumpshine
5 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

Bingo! If the chump is here, I’ll volunteer for guard duty in the armed watch tower on the morning shift to keep “Rob” at bay.

DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
5 years ago

This small man MUST think his chump wife is here on this site, b/c a malignant narcissist would not bother us on THIS site otherwise. (I mean, what’s in it for HIM??). Besides, there’s too much potential for his vigorous image management to FAIL here…

I’m living & working in Europe now, as I had thought WE dreamed of doing. No way would that have happened with him as my wasband…

I remember how sad the DOCTOR once felt (as in, ONE TIME that he felt sad) with his sudden realization that I’d made huge professional sacrifices for HIS happiness, for years, giving up my own career to be at home to raise our kids, while the DOCTOR refused to work normal hours, fewer hours or even in the same city…for years (what’s that? There’s a ‘chumpy chump’ award? Quick, Over here, I’ll take one!!)

He actually got tearful in front of our son and unexpectedly apologized to me on our 34th anniversary, (so sad was he, and so surprised was I, that it got kinda awkward to be honest). Unfortunately my mom died unexpectedly the next morning. Who knows what I might have processed and said, otherwise?
ALAS, He could not sustain anything close to remorse because it…felt…un good. Here’s the thing – within a few weeks, he was on his next “feel good about HIM again” mission.

I won’t pretend he did not hurt me. He broke my damn heart. He really did a number on my brain too. A huge WTF??? has gone on for over a year of my precious life, on top of the years I spent trying to “love him thru” his chronic search for the next rush, lifestyle.

HERE IS THE UPSIDE FOR ME…

Recently…finally, I’m starting to believe — down at a cellular level, that much as my ego would love to hear him regret his behavior, it really matters NOT that he sees the light.

What matters is I am free. Free of that free floating sense of angst I had off & on for years, while I pick me danced. What a life sucking virus that was, and what a long recovery path I’ve been on.

I’m not saying I’m not still angry at this terrible man who hurt me and our children so very deeply. Maybe he is haunted by that but if not, (and I suspect not) then he lacks an empathy chip and I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life with someone who is missing that chip. No thanks, been there, done that.

What I missed about our marriage was mostly what it might have been, but rarely was.
He his charms, to be sure. The guy is smart, funny and takes care of himself (it’s his family he abandons, not HIS body).

But he did not treat me or our children well for a very long time. I’m sorry I did not cut him loose long ago. Schmoopie can have him. Hey, ya know, maybe he will be ALL better with her.

But if WE were still together, I’d still be following him around and hoping dear GOD, HOPING, that he’d finally keep the promises he had made and the pick us dance would be over…and I’d be waiting the rest of my life.

No thanks.

It’s MY turn now – and I’m taking it.

Thanks

DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
5 years ago

Dear CL

I sure wish we had an edit button! (or that I had only one glass of wine before posting the above – )…

Anyhow, I hope the chump of the horrid little man who wrote to you (BTW did you verify his existence? He really sounded like a troll)…finally says to herself,

“Good riddance to lunacy” and comes to know that in time, she will actually be much more at peace without him.

This thing I know.

Cuzchump
Cuzchump
5 years ago

Really?? Your wife took you back and invested another 1.5 years with you. You say that you know how much you hurt her. Then you message the OW. And you want to be friend with the women you betrayed. I too made the same mistake and tried to make things work after my Ex Husband had a long-term affair with my cousin. And to find out that he was messaging his ex girlfriend from high school. And denying it. He seen how his affair with Skankella affected me. I took pills and drank a bottle of rum. His affair broke me.

You did not give a dam about your wife. You waited enough time for her to let her guard down and again you you betrayed her. I have no sympathy for you. Your cake eating days are over. Karma is a bitch.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
5 years ago
Reply to  Cuzchump

Same here. I spent 2 years trying to reconcile and not a day went by that didn’t hurt. There was a constant sick feeling. Trying to get past something I could never understand is cognitive dissonance. Because in your gut you know they are capable of cheating and lying. And just like you, my ex cheated again.

You and your lack of character are not something she needs in her life. Striving to be civil (or friendly as she put it) is more than you deserve.

unexpectedchumpiness
unexpectedchumpiness
5 years ago

PREACH!!!!!!!! This is the BEST!

What I wouldn’t give for you to say this to my exhole!

Rob, Please go whine on someone else’s page and tell your wife to join us here so we can help her decipher your continued mindfuckery. We’d love to have her mightiness!

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
5 years ago

Yes!!
6. On the list…send your wife here.

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Yes! (chances are she’s already here, if Rob knows about CL. Anyone want to admit being married to this garden-variety loser?)

kb
kb
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Good heavens! Even if the Chump is here on CN, who could say if this Cheater is their specific cheater? I mean, this is so generically cheater that it is still right out of the Cheater Handbook, lol!

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

My thought too. In the ongoing need for image management, this dude lays his crap narrative on the table right where his discarded wife is likely to garner support. 100% self oriented. Entitled to never having to accept consequences. Cake cake cake.

His whole LIFE is a moment of weakness.

Way to call out the BS, CL.

Persephone
Persephone
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Garden variety … ha ha ha!

SomethingNew
SomethingNew
5 years ago

I agree, put “tell STBXW (you go with your mighty girl!) to join her tribe at CN” at #4b, and then immediately double down on #5! My not-soon-enough-to-be-ex is also confused why we can’t “go back to how things were when we were first dating”. My response, summarized as “because your crappy life choices showed me exactly what a crappy human being you are. I choose to spend my life minutes with people I respect and trust, who reciprocate the same, as that is what brings me joy”, didn’t register. So surprising, I know. I didn’t even bother to respond to the cliched “push back”. The journey back to Grey Rock City gets faster each time, and I find the desire to make the commute to Shitty City less and less often. This must be close to the fabled Meh. 😉

Chinook
Chinook
5 years ago

Jeezus H Christ on a bike!! Nearly choked on my tea!! I thought things in my own life were bad enough (got a hooverer on half-assed to full throttle at the moment). I can’t fathom this at all. Agree with let go, good old attention seeking.

kiwichump
kiwichump
5 years ago
Reply to  Chinook

Got me ” a hooverer on half-assed to full throttle at the moment” too! Ha, ha, ha, Try-Hard but … not so much.

twiceachump
twiceachump
5 years ago

Oh my goodness. He thought his words would keep him smothered in cake ????. How could she take his cake away?!?! She changed the word friends to friendly and that’s not what he agreed to! Never mind those marriage vows and his interpretation of them weren’t what she agreed to. It’s rwally all about him.

Okay I must confess I was hoping for the cake in the rain picture again CL from Donna’s song. Really, it never gets old!!

kiwichump
kiwichump
5 years ago
Reply to  twiceachump

He changed monogamy to monogamish, so what’s the big deal 😉

Trudy
Trudy
5 years ago

I’ll probably never forgive or forget how much filth my ex brought to my life and into our family. Filth that at a certain point borders on evil. That’s why I cannot stand looking at my ex’s ugly face. A face I loved that now repulses. Friendship means not hurting your friend. You have failed totally. Just go away.

Sisu
Sisu
5 years ago
Reply to  Trudy

Lots of filth from my ex too. I understand the abuse is finite, it’s now over; but it seems like the more I understand the personality disordered “subhuman” my ex is, the more disgust I feel. This too shall pass, I suppose. I’m only 3 months since Dday, and 2 months since he moved out.

Kelly
Kelly
5 years ago
Reply to  Trudy

“I’ll probably never forgive or forget how much filth my ex brought to my life and into our family. Filth that at a certain point borders on evil.”

Exactly this.

NotMyFault
NotMyFault
5 years ago
Reply to  Trudy

Exactly, the filth. At my son’s recent wedding, it actually made me feel dirty to be in the same room as my ex (two years post divorce). I actually never looked at him nor acknowledged that he existed. Being anywhere near him sent shivers down my spine.

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
5 years ago
Reply to  Trudy

I agree
My ex cheated on his first wife, while devaluing her and his son
I married him 5 years later after
without knowing that story
Guess what he did to me and his son AGAIN?
God gave him an opportunity to clean up his act, but no.
Continue to hurt people, cruel
Hurt people hurt people
Fucking losers
Go away

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
5 years ago
Reply to  Letitsnow

Word to the wise. Interview any exes or formers before signing on the dotted line. “So what happened ? Why did your marriage end ?”

PathOfTotality
PathOfTotality
5 years ago

I joke that I want a list of references for any one I date these days. Maybe, too, a resume of sorts that spells out previous relationships – years/months in them, brief description of said relationship, reason for leaving or being left. And names, phone numbers or e-mails of those previous partners for reference checks. Plus longtime friends, co-workers, family members.

I remember asking my cheating ex-boyfriend, ‘If I called your ex-wife and asked her what the worst thing about being with you was, what would she say?’

He actually said something insightful but I didn’t realize it at the time: ‘She often seemed frustrated that she never really knew what I was thinking.’

She was in a holding pattern, just like me.

NotAfraid
NotAfraid
5 years ago
Reply to  PathOfTotality

“She was in a holding pattern, just like me”

^^This^^

For years I have been looking for the right way to describe that tiny, underlying discomfort in my basically good (except for the cheating and lying that eventually came out) 18-year relationship with cheaterpants BoyMan. Thank you for putting a name to it!

Lastinline
Lastinline
5 years ago

This is just another example to help prove my theory which is that cheaters just plain don’t stop. They don’t. One way or another, their minds circle back around to the other woman/man. They don’t want to let go. They go back, sniffing around like the dog in this post did, just dying to look back on past thrills, usually because in their minds, they were forced to give something up that was fun and we all know these assholes NEVER, EVER want to give anything up. Me? Give something I want up just because it hurts my wife? Fuck that shit. I’m doing whatever I want. Now let’s go Google the whore who helped me hurt my wife and then pretend like I’m sorry and want to fix the pain I’ve caused.

Why don’t you just leave your wife alone and let her heal? You’re the source of her pain; don’t act like you’re going to fix anything.

Cheaters are human wrecking balls, destroying their spouses and families and pretty much everything else in their paths. Go back to your whore and destroy her life instead of your wife’s.

ivyleaguechump
ivyleaguechump
5 years ago
Reply to  Lastinline

“Human Wrecking Ball” Absolutely. Go away and allow her to rebuild with somebody who deserves her. NOT you, “Rob”.

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
5 years ago
Reply to  Lastinline

It’s always that toss up isn’t it?
Go back to the whore and ruin her life.
In my case they were both cheaters that blew up two families for their love of the ages.
She’s a decade younger than him, but he makes a good living even after the alimony…it’s a toss up of which one of them will blow it up.
I don’t live there waiting for that anymore, but if somebody wanted to shoot me a text when that happens that would be okay????

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  Lastinline

That is correct although they may not circle back to the same woman in the end. My ex’s mind circled back to the point where he regretted that his emotional affair had not gone physical. By that time it was too many years and a long distance move away to go back to that one, but he found a couple of others to stand in for her and then fell for the second one (the first one dumped him after a few months).

2timechump1timecaller
2timechump1timecaller
5 years ago

this, mine circled right to the same patterns but would find new women. I’ve realized throughout our marriage he cast a wide net, a few were dumb enough to get hooked.

David
David
5 years ago
Reply to  Lastinline

“One way or another, their minds circle back around to the other woman/man” Absolutely spot on!
In my case cheating wife returned to an AP from over 20 years ago (before we’d even met).

Lastinline
Lastinline
5 years ago
Reply to  David

Lol, they’re all the same. They all THINK they’re unique, but they’re all one and the same.

My ex? Same thing. The whole dating, engagement and marriage process spent chasing the same dumb tricks from 20 years ago, 25 years ago… Why? Well, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: THESE PEOPLE NEVER LEFT HIGH SCHOOL! They haven’t and will never mature to the point of ever thinking about anyone but themselves and they’ll always crave the point in their lives where they peaked… Which was high school.

Hello? Oh, it’s for you. Your ho from 1994 is calling you back on your Zack Morris phone. LMFAO. Pathetic little perpetual teenagers living in the past. I say leave their asses behind with Vanilla Ice while you live on the date that’s actually on the calendar.

GratefullyDivorcedDad
GratefullyDivorcedDad
5 years ago

Agree with CL’s recommended five steps with strong emphasis on #5. Would also recommend he take up BASE jumping.

Lifegoeson
Lifegoeson
5 years ago

This guy is dumber than a box of rocks. In fact, it was such a stupid letter that I thought someone made this up. Narcissism at its finest.

torontoChump
torontoChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Lifegoeson

I do think someone made it up. However, I also believe plenty of true cheaters in search of cake online will find it, and CL’s response, and I hope that – even if only for a moment – they will feel the full force of Chump Lady’s and Chump Nation’s disdain.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
5 years ago
Reply to  torontoChump

I disagree. My ex could have written this letter. He spouted much the same to me.

They twist everything around in their heads to convince themselves that they are good people, what they did wasn’t so bad, and for impression management purposes. They are not right mentally. Staying as far away as possible is the right approach.

marissachump
marissachump
5 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

Same. My ex totally could have written this. Some of the details are different but the pattern is SPOT ON.

Is there like a cheater school of bullshit that they all attend?

KarenE
KarenE
5 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

Yes! Even the smartest (my ex has a Ph.D and an MBA) become super stupid when the entitlement kicks in. I will do whatever I like whenever I like, and everyone will be delighted w/me, all the time! Or perhaps heartbroken (because I’m that important!), then delighted again!

Consequences? What? What? Squirrel!

And when is the entitlement most likely to kick in? Always.

Hopeful
Hopeful
5 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

^ same. In fact I was reading it wondering if it was from mine until I got to the part about the wife discovering the phone bill. I am so sorry for this loser’s ex-wife to have gone through that, yet I was also relieved to realize the letter wasn’t about me.

David
David
5 years ago

Despite NC/grey rock my cheater still insists on being the wife that never was;
think #BFF on steroids. I’ve recently had:

“please don’t hate me forever”
“never say that the marriage was a farce”
“think of all the wonderful things we’ve done together”
“the beautiful children WE created”
“I hope we can at least remain friends”
“if you ever need any help or support with the kids you only have to ask – I’m not a mind reader”

Mind read this bitch: FUCK OFF!! 

Beau
Beau
5 years ago
Reply to  David

Had to give that one an up-tick, Dave. Thanks for the comment. Spoken like a boss!

GrayDivorce
GrayDivorce
5 years ago
Reply to  David

Be my friend? You had 20 years to be my friend. The WHOLE marriage is a farce, because if you cheated and lied once I’m going to believe you did it the whole duration. We made beautiful kids? Never thought about them when you were destroying their family. Are you always going to hate me? …that means you are bitter and can’t move on. Hey asshat….I have moved on with my life, as in I’m done with you and NEVER need to see you again

Elsa
Elsa
5 years ago
Reply to  David

David…. right on!!!!!
Lol ????
So many great moments( while I was fucking other people and you were either working or keeping eye on our precious children)
Such an amazing kids ( that I have no problem bragging about but it’s too much to keep me away from destroying their life)
Whenever you need me, I’m there for you( except when its inconvenient or it effects my plans or I don’t feel like helping)

List goes on ????‍♀️

BlindsidedCHMP
BlindsidedCHMP
5 years ago
Reply to  Elsa

They are so dense that they can’t even process how their filthy deeds and lies destroy and effect the children. The only thought that fits in their eggheads is “I deserve to be happy! (and fuck everybody else, including children.)”

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago
Reply to  David

Oh yes, I know that script. She reminds you of all the wonderful things you did together without understanding that you only did them because you thought she loved you and had your back. If you’d known she was a lying, cheating whore you wouldn’t have been with her to do them. So you didn’t have the information you needed to make a choice whether or not to do them. She took away your freedom to choose. They don’t get how that taints everything you’ve ever done with them. They took a giant dump on all your good memories, even ones that involve your kids, and they expect you to want to be friends. Batshit, the lot of them.

Spoonriver
Spoonriver
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

This^^^^

BlindsidedCHMP
BlindsidedCHMP
5 years ago
Reply to  Spoonriver

This!!! and more

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  David

Same here David. “Look at the beautiful children we created” — yeah, the ones who had to drag you off me when you were beating the shit out of me. Wish he would just fuck right off too!

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Yep, create beautiful children, then break their hearts, hram the woman who carried them into this world, abuse everyone and give them PTSD, because clearly that’s how you show them how important they are to you.

I am sorry you all lived through that.

????????

Elsa
Elsa
5 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Amiii… let’s not forget exposing those beloved children to HIV and STD’s because you know- when your wife is pregnant/ breastfeeding them, you have unprotected sex with her while fucking whichever hooker you can find on 3 different continents ????????????????

Motherchumper99
Motherchumper99
5 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Ditto here me and my four children ????????????????????????????????????????
????????????????????????

BlindsidedCHMP
BlindsidedCHMP
5 years ago

Got the same fucking speech about the beautiful kids and how we should stay friends for their sake.
It came out from the same vile mouth that called me a crappy husband and a crappy father right after the D-Day.

2timechump1timecaller
2timechump1timecaller
5 years ago
Reply to  David

I got told “we’re a team, and no matter what or who else is in our lives i will always be there for you to help and take care of you, because we’re a team”

This was after i picked up the kids and had to run back into the house cause my daughter forgot her hat so he handed me….a hat.

Seriously they say anything to feel better about being an absolute shit.

And that statement, albeit dramatic, is nice. However, he’s currently having sleepovers with AP while my kids are at his house and were still legally married so i just cant muster up a give a fuck for his painful need for centrality and “friendship” from me.

I find myself feeling so much better when we havent interacted in a long while, seeing him and having him spew his, too-little-to-late friendbullshit hurts my feeling and makes me feel worse and more confused. So if OP was serious he should take away that all you’re doing is hurting her, you don’t need to be mean. This isn’t a one or the other type thing. Simply be present for your kids, make divorcing her as smooth as possible and move the fuck on

noonenowhere
noonenowhere
5 years ago

Im just shaking my head. Your wife had it right that by staying with you she is betraying herself. Get this through your head people who treat people like you treated your wife deserve nothing. She is going to sail into the sunset and gain a life. You on the other hand you’re stuck with your own shity character and will encounter yourself again and again. That’s not her problem just leave her alone now asshole.

R
R
5 years ago

Bwahahaha. This was entertaining. Thanks, CL.

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago

You cheated and she gave you a chance to make it right? You were one lucky guy and you fucking blew it. And, let’s be honest, you really don’t care. When your wife expressed how how hard this had been on her (and trust me, you really have no idea the amount of pain caused by betrayal), your solution was to contact the OW. Talk about doubling the pain, you fucking jackass. Did you even bother to look inside yourself? Did she need more trust? Did she need more assurance that she was the only woman for you? Did she need more assurance that you were 100% committed to her and the marriage? Did you change habits that had previously made her suspicious?

Sound like her pain and the marriage were just too hard on you and you gave up. You lost the privilege to be her friend. Why the hell would your wife wants to be on friendly terms with her husband that betrayed her? That’s not firiendship.

Do what CL suggest in 1-5. That implies that you actually care about your actions and what you have done.

Persephone
Persephone
5 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

Honestly, a horrible mistake is going to a party alone and having one single drunken one night stand and feeling devastated because of the damage you might have caused. Two year affair + sexting around for another year is far too many “mistake” (see, no longer singulat).

Rhoda
Rhoda
5 years ago
Reply to  Persephone

Exactly.
I don’t see how an affair measured in months or years can ever be forgiven. All that repeated lies and deliberation and hiding and sneaking around. It’s not a mistake. It’s a choice.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
5 years ago
Reply to  Persephone

Actually, I don’t agree. A mistake is forgetting milk at the grocery store. Getting drunk at a party is a choice and if you’re in the wrong company, a really bad choice. Having a one night stand as a result of it is also part of that choice. How one acts after this is done is a different story but cheating in any form is NEVER a mistake. Mistakes are unintentional. You don’t get unintentionally drunk.

Kale
Kale
5 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

Yes – getting drunk is a purposeful act and i feel it is doen to deliberately loosen inhibitions and then do what one wants and blame it on the drink.

AwakeningDreamer
AwakeningDreamer
5 years ago
Reply to  Kale

I and friends of mine have been very drunk and I never slept with anyone I didn’t want to.

Being drunk is a choice. Sleeping with someone will drunk is another, seperate choice .

Jojobee
Jojobee
5 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

Yes, let’s make it clear to these assholes: We all prefer friends that don’t make us cry ourselves to sleep at night. Or give us HIV, HPV, HSV, Chlamyddia, gonorhhea, syphilis….you get the idea….

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago

Tracy has nailed it again.

Fuck off, Rob and figure out another way to be in the spotlight to look good and powerful that doesn’t bother your ex. You don’t care about anyone, you want ego-kibbles and props for your Royal HighnAss Act.

Rob, I really, truly want to vomit when I remember sparkledick, his family and how I was exploited, gaslighted and blameshifted by them. Your ex seem to be MUCH smarter than I was. I envy her.

Get a life, Rob; you seem just as mediocre as my ex is.

Boy, Chump Lady, I needed this today! My first grandchild was born yesterday and, based on the spread of peacock feathers at my son’s (baby’s dad) wedding, I suspect X will try to be a “friendly fellow grandparent”.

My hope is that the grey rock treatment dispensed at the wedding will discourage any attempts. Hope he is vain enough to avoid the humiliation. For the sake of Rob’s ex-chump, I hope this works for her as well.

Just in case I am copying CL’s list of “to dos”:
1. ) Generous divorce settlement (it was not, but I had better lawyers).

2.) Take the full blame for the divorce (does not).

3.) Be a responsible parent (is not. For example, one son needs therapy, but $ goes to fancy cars).

4.) Pay court-ordered support and abide by parenting agreements (not applicable, but never loses an opportunity to disqualify me before sons).

5.) Leave her the fuck alone (I make this happen).

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

Just in case (comma) I am copying CL’s list of “to dos”: ….

katiedidnt
katiedidnt
5 years ago

“Dear CL, I am sorry to say that I cheated on my wife.”

Not sorry he did it, just sorry to say it. Also sorry to learn that none of his tactics were original…blah blah blah.

Also sorry that his ex doesn’t want his lame ass “friendship”? Gee whillikers, Robbie- why might that be?

Go away, dude. We don’t want to be your friends either.

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
5 years ago

Another classic case of words Defying actions.

“I am sorry to say I cheated on my wife.” So sorry in fact, I was pining for the other women when I thought things were going good.

“Hey, things have blown over, my wife seems good, yet that’s not good enough for me. I wonder if the OW misses me? Oh, I broke her whittle heart… that’s so sweet!

“And then I gave into a moment of weakness”

“I know, I should have just not responded… but I did.I told her everything was good, asked how she was, and apologized for hurting her.”

“And then I gave into another moment of weakness, and then another, and another, and… well you get where this is going.

“And the conversations continued”

The lack of introspection in this one is strong my chump nation Jedi!

He’ll forever be the “good guy” who made a mistake, and poor him because ….. consequences!

PUKE ????

geekmom
geekmom
5 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

OMG, Got-a-brain!! “Blows over.” I’d forgotten ex used that phrase to justify to adult DD and my Swiss brother why he hadn’t “explained” his abandonment to me. He was waiting for “it all to blow over.”

I still haven’t gotten said explanation after almost 4 years. Guess ending a 40 year marriage by abandonment takes a lot of “blowing over.”

And now I just don’t give a fuck – I suspect the only thing blowing is the OWife – so much older than I. Wonder if she takes her teeth out first? But the money must be worth it. Meh.

2timechump1timecaller
2timechump1timecaller
5 years ago

Are you my ex????? seriously this was just the perspective i needed to read to know i’m in the right place and moving away is moving forward. So thanks for that

Caro
Caro
5 years ago

Same. This letter could have been written by my cheating ex, who was upset we couldn’t stay friends.

I never understood it then, but Rob’s letter here beautifully illustrates the mental gymnastics inside a cheater’s head and gives me a sense of closure. These people are insane, shallow, and self-centered. There’s nothing going on beneath the surface worth understanding, we can just move on.

I’m glad Rob’s wife filed. Best wishes to her for a wonderful new life.

BlindsidedCHMP
BlindsidedCHMP
5 years ago
Reply to  Caro

You nailed Caro.

Mental gymnastics it is and they all qualify for the “Olympic” team.

mann
mann
5 years ago

I followed a link posted on CL’s page a month or so ago and it led me read a recommendation for “The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist”. After an 18 year marriage to a serial cheater this book, and ChumpLady, are helping me to trust my instincts again fix my picker so I avoid people like Rob.

Totallydumb
Totallydumb
5 years ago

OMG what a dumb shit!!! Leave this woman alone so she can rebuild her life! Who in the hell wants a friend who continues to hurt you! Unfuckingbelieveable!

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago

Rob, you do know you’re an epic douche, right? You do know you’re not fooling anybody with your claim that you want your ex to be happy, right? You only want the center of the universe, Rob and His Knob, to be happy. Rob and His Knob are super happy when two women are paying attention to them. Rob and His Knob were just tickled to know that they had hurt not just one, but two sources of kibbles. That means Rob and His Knob must be super important, right? Delicious, intoxicating power! So Rob and His Knob were a duplicitous, despicable asshole yet again and lost one of their sources. Panic! Rob and His Knob are down one supplier. There is a supply deficit and that cannot be borne. Thus the mealy-mouthed whine; “Can’t we all just get along? Why won’t she be me friiieeeeend? I only want her to be happy. We can, like, wear matching Christmas sweaters and go to the Cheescake Factory together and shit. For her happiness, of course. That ‘s what matters most to me. I even saved some memes about friendship on Pinterest for her. I mean, I’M TRYING HERE PEOPLE. How was I supposed to know having your heart broken sucks? You could have knocked me over with a feather when I found out. So I had an epiphany. Now all I desire is to be a source of light and love in her life. Namaste.”

Let’s see, why can’t you be friends, other than the fact that you’ve betrayed her repeatedly and she’s unlikely to forgive? Because, like I said, you’re an epic douche, Rob and the Knob. You just aren’t friend material. You are punch in the face material, if anything. Now make like the other woman and blow.

ThursdaysChild
ThursdaysChild
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

@chumperella **stands up clapping** Beautiful! This is perfection. Made me want to strut down the street fist pumping yelling “Fuck yeah!!!”

MyRedSandals
MyRedSandals
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

Chumperella, I get the same asinine line of “Why can’t we all just get along?”, albeit mine comes through the grapevine because I’m zero contact. That dumb ass question grinds on my last nerve every time I hear it!

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago
Reply to  MyRedSandals

So this loser tells your friends this whiny bullshit for them to tell you, hoping you’ll relent and give poor little Fartypants McSkeevy some attention? It’s like he thinks he’s in middle school, passing notes to a friend to pass to the cute girl in the front row. These cheaters have arrested emotional development. They stopped maturing somewhere around 10-15 years old. My idiot stbx used to send his skank kissy face and heart emojis every night. He gave her the kind of cringeworthy, cutesy nickname you’d expect from a 12 year old. He’s a 55 year old man, FFS.
Sheesh, these clowns. I’m learning to laugh at the bullshit, Red. It’s four and a half months since dday and I can see the humor in how mindnumbingly stupid and immature these people are instead of spending most of the day crying and wanting to die. CN has certainly helped in that regard.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

Brilliant Chumperella – Rob and his Knob!

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

????That name brings back memories. The first asshole boyfriend I ever had was named Rob. He was such a malignant toad that I vandalized his beloved muscle car. I slashed all the tires and ripped the crap out of the upholstery. I waited until a long time after we’d broken up so I would not be suspected.
Yeah, it was childish. What the hell, I was 15.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
5 years ago

What a fool you are, Rob. You had a wife who was willing to forgive and give you another chance, even try to be friends – some of the dreadful ways some couples treat each other on breakup, you should have known what a diamond you had right there. But when the sparkly wears off a bit from your reconciliation, you initiate and resume contact with the woman you betrayed her for.
You were so, so lucky to be given another chance. But you blew it because you didn’t properly value what you had. This happened to me too, I was willing to be friends but soon realised that I could only be friendly because even after I forgave him and agreed to try again, he was the same man as before. You didn’t change enough Rob, you’re not a unicorn, and if a devastating thing like cheating on your wife wasn’t enough for you to change, nothing else will be. You have to accept that your wife is out of your league, move on and find someone else on your your own level.

ZoeIsPissed
ZoeIsPissed
5 years ago

Whether or not “Rob” is real or a character out of the cheater’s playbill, he’s just another example of the narcissistic, unevolved person who does this. He thinks he cares about his wife but he really just cares about himself and not having everyone hate him, because, come on, he’s a “good guy” – he goes on pinterest and makes casseroles! No, Rob, you are not. You are a liar, cheater, betrayer and probably a gaslighter. You fucked over your wife and ruined an intact family for you daughter because you are a selfish, needy, self involved asshole. Mommy didn’t give you enough attention and your wife couldn’t fulfill that tall order so you had to go find even more (okay- now I’m projecting my own cheater husband’s issues – but maybe they apply…) ? Please take the spot on advice given to you by CL- give your wife what she deserves and more, and leave her the fuck alone – that would be a way to show that you actually do give a teeny tiny rat’s ass about her.

Doingme
Doingme
5 years ago

Rob is stuck somewhere between the age 7-12 years old.

Caro
Caro
5 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

This letter made me laugh aloud when I read it.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

Boom.

Newlady15
Newlady15
5 years ago

Not interested in helping him. At.All.

nodancing
nodancing
5 years ago

I’d bet money that this sad sausage rages, threatens, and intimidates in private while going around with fake tears in his eyes in public.

MightyLady
MightyLady
5 years ago
Reply to  nodancing

I am on this same track – 11 months out from Dday –
Stbx makes reservations for Thanksgiving (first time ever lifted a finger in connection with a holiday) for our family of 5 at the same club where AP, her husband and kids and all our mutual friends belong.
What the …?
Then when I express my disbelief he says ,” I don’t understand why you would have a problem with this”
Exactly – Just more confirmation that I made the right decision

But I would like to know how best to deal with the duality of public lets be friends vs. rage and bullying in private

KarenE
KarenE
5 years ago
Reply to  MightyLady

A) tell everyone of each incidence of his crap behaviour (record it if you can)!
B) avoid any contact that is not absolutely essential. In the same hospital (preferably not the same waiting room) while your kid has surgery? Absolutely. At the same table for Thanksgiving? NEVER.

And anybody who doesn’t believe you or understand why you’re No Contact, or as low as possible? They are Switzerland. Neutrality is not acceptable in the face of real wrongs and abuse. Get them, too, out of your life.

NoMo
NoMo
5 years ago

Kinda hate adding another comment as it’s ego chow but just have to say ol Rob here is nothing special.

Just another play in the narcissistic handbook. Impression Management.

*yawn* How predictable.

Biggest Chump of All
Biggest Chump of All
5 years ago

Way to go Chump Lady! Who the fuck does this guy think he is? You’re not getting your way so you want to be friends? Fuck you! Work hard and pay up dip shit! You fucked over a woman that found it in her heart to try and forgive you only to get fucked over again. You and the OW can fuck off! Leave her alone so she can find a real man! What a dumbfuck to come here for support. We don’t support your kind here!

Attie
Attie
5 years ago

I must admit I didn’t think “Rob” was for real. I kinda feel he’s some smug-faced narc reading from the play that is the narc handbook. Turn page “I tried so hard”. Turn page “but I love her”. Turn page (with empathy this time) “I realize I only want the best for her”. You know, like the kid in the school play that can’t act for shit (that would be me by the way). He obviously has read the “right” words somewhere and now just needs to get them down on paper so he can take up his rightful place centre stage. Fuck off Rob the Knob!

Juju
Juju
5 years ago

If OP is really serious,

I agree. Generous divorce settlement plus more. It needs to be about selfless actions. And i dont mean buying a lot of crap and taking the kids to Disney. Instead, give HER money to take the kids to Disney. Secretly. You cant post about your generosity on pinterest or anything.

Give her whatever she wants. Take the kids on a Saturdays night so she can go on a date. Make sure she gets first choice on the holidays she wants to spend time with the kids. Dont just pay 50% of the extracurriculars. Pay 100%.

Who knows, maybe she will one day say to herself “hes not someone any one should ever be in a relationship with. But maybe i accept him for being an asshole and can grab a beer with him”

We all have friends like that. The type of friends that you don’t morally agree with, and you would never trust and feel bad for their spouses, but can deal with once in a while for a bit of entertainment. Kind of like george costanza? Sounds like you aim high as a human being.

Now that being said, it is strange you would post on a site like this…

Is it because you are getting indifference from her, and want to hear from us about how much power people that cheat have over making us feel bad? You want to convince yourself she’s really thinking about suicide over losing you as opposed to working out and bettering herself for a future partner?

Or perhaps your part of some red pill reddit forum? Prooving your oh so cool lack of any type of emotion? Responsibility? Honor? Thats for suckers.

I suspect that has more truth to it then actually wanting to maintain a friendship with your ex. If thats the case i recommend therapy. Maybe explore some mommy/daddy issues. Did you not get enough attention as a kid? Country club parents? Or maybe neglectful alcoholic ones?

Unlimited Nom Nom
Unlimited Nom Nom
5 years ago

Worthless dick dribble…. epic!

A master craftsman response. Not sure anyone else on the planet could write it.

As someone who was ghosted without so much as a whisper backward, this type of behavior is amazing. I can’t imagine the human rectal leak caring enough to dial a phone let alone write a letter.

He DIDNT care enough. After the second DDay I have not heard from him in going on three years. He doesn’t know if I’m alive or dead and does not give a whit. It’s a peculiar brand of torture.

But Rob’s man baby mewls are equally exhausting.

It’s all still a shit sandwich six ways from Tuesday.

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
5 years ago

I see that the OW doesn’t want you either then? Of course you tried there first and she rejected you too, right? So turn back to the good ol’ wife (aka Plan B) and see if you can squeeze out a bit more Centrality Juice for your ego.

And yes, Chump Nation noticed that it took you NINE FUCKING PARAGRAPHS before you deigned to mention your DAUGHTER. You know, the collateral damage. Whatev. Kids are resilient, right?

You are a worthless POS.

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
5 years ago

Ain’t gonna lie, I scrolled all the way down to the end to see if “”Rob had the stones to say anything else.
If he’s even Rob…..my ex had a few alias too.
1-5 “rob” and go the fuck away.

TKO
TKO
5 years ago

Excellent cheater Word of the Day…Simulacrums! “A representation of someone or something”.

And aren’t they all just such false simulacrums of whole people?

As for “Rob” (perfect name for a thief of lives), I at first thought he had to be a fake. No one could be that obtuse – schooled up as he apparently is to the cheater cliche that is he, and yet nonetheless pitching a woe-is-me story about his ongoing betrayal and abuse of an innocent wife! But then, this is perfectly definitive of the retarded development it takes to be one of them. A remnant of toddlerdom, a literal structural deficit formed permanently in their brains.

Walking away with my nose plugged
Walking away with my nose plugged
5 years ago

This hit too close to home
My ex is 68 months behind in child support and playing the victim he needs to see this kind of advice. he is terribly good to his schmoopy and her kid. I just want the air all around me to stop smelling of the sh&t sandwich he served me.
I’ve managed to pay his leans and save the house.

I just want him to f$ck off

My heart goes out to everyone who’s families have blown up in this situation

Run wife run
XX????

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago

If you haven’t already, reach out the child support in your county about getting his wages garnished and possibly grabbing his tax returns.

Lia
Lia
5 years ago

Geeeeez, and I thought my ex and the strumpet messaging on freaking LinkedIn was bad enough. PINTEREST??

Dude, leave her alone. I know, I know, kibble is SO yummy, but sheesh.

MrsVain
MrsVain
5 years ago
Reply to  Lia

Can you even chat or message on pinterest? You would have to look mighty hard for that. I have been on pinterest for years and never seen a message option. But then again I am not a cheater

Nevermore
Nevermore
5 years ago
Reply to  MrsVain

Me either!

Sisu
Sisu
5 years ago
Reply to  Lia

I’ve had random men start games with me on Words With Friends, and then start hitting on me via the chat on WWF. Seriously? I guess it’s easy to hide an affair that way, “I’m just playing WWF, honey.”

My ex is now on to the smear campaign saying I’m crazy and an alcoholic. Neither is true of me, he’s projecting his faults on to me so his sad sausage story works with the OW and his cheerleader friends.

So tired of shitty people.

QueenBee
QueenBee
5 years ago
Reply to  Sisu

When there is a will, there’s a way. My ex would play this Godfather video game for hours late into the night….with people from all over the world. Turns out, there’s a chat app on that too. Once you catch them, they simply go further underground. There are too many options to need to rely on texting. If you think you can demand loyalty and respect, guess again. The thought of living with that doubt every time he hopped on yet another plane, leading to another hotel, on another business trip? No thanks Bog!!!

Nevermore
Nevermore
5 years ago
Reply to  QueenBee

Mine used to play that, too!

He is was unemployed for 3 years after getting fired, (claimed it was bullying, but years later I overheard him talking to his brother and realised it was because of some very unprofessional behaviour). He did basically no housework or parenting (kids were in daycare for his “job search). He claimed that he had to play his stupid mafia game so he felt successful at something.

Ugghhh, I just realised he was probably using the game’s messaging to arrange the hookups were he got his STD’s while the kids were in school and daycare and I did all the paid and unpaid work. Damn, how oblivious was I?

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago
Reply to  Sisu

OMG, Sisu, WWf is the worst! I can’t the number men trolling the game for kibbles. They are truly pathetic.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

Cute kitty. Makes me want to cuddle it. Is that how some cheaters see their former chumps when they are clearly trying to communicate “go away and leave me alone you asshole”?

Hell2theNO
Hell2theNO
5 years ago

Hell YEAH! This was an awesome response! I spewed coffee at that meme!

Kar marie
Kar marie
5 years ago

Rob isnt sorry he cheated hes sorry he got caught yet again. Friends? Phffft!!!!! Who needs friends like rob? Screw off rob no soup for you! And leave your ex wife the hell alone!

MyRedSandals
MyRedSandals
5 years ago

Yawn… Rob, you’re so UNspecial, it’s laughable! You’re just like all the rest of the low rent dumb ass cheaters who try to make everything all about them, and then have the chutzpah to scratch their head and say, “Golly gee, I don’t understand, I just want to be friends“. Let me introduce you to my XH, he’s in that same club.

What you did to your wife and your marriage was so moronic, I don’t even know where to start. Seriously, Pinterest?!?! Face it, Rob, you’re nothing but a little boy prancing around in grownup clothing, running after every shiny new thing that gives your dick a rise and catches your eye, while the people who loved, respected and trusted you get nothing but your absolute worst.

So, you wanna be friends with your ex? ACCESS DENIED! As Chump Lady so eloquently advised, GO AWAY.

Let go
Let go
5 years ago
Reply to  MyRedSandals

Pinterest! I look at recipes, sailboats, funny Memes, some decorating, and just stuff. I have never communicated with another person on Pinterest. I read somewhere that there is pornography on Pinterest. Is that true?
This guy is just ridiculous! This is how this, oh so sorry, man communicates with his friend. On Pinterest. Just cannot wrap my head around that’s what he does with his spare time. I hope his wife can only see him through the dust as she’s peeling out of the driveway on her way to a better life

MyRedSandals
MyRedSandals
5 years ago
Reply to  Let go

Let go:

Notice that Rob mentioned using Pinterest so there was no paper trail left behind, no phone numbers to reveal his secret.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
5 years ago
Reply to  MyRedSandals

I use Pinterest to get ideas for the after-school club I run for Primary school kids. Is there no area of life which hasn’t been degraded and tarnished by the deceit and selfishness of cheaters? ????

Let go
Let go
5 years ago
Reply to  MyRedSandals

An affair on Pinterest. It just does not compute. I really hope this guy is a bored college student and not some bozo who conducts his affairs on the same site I get good recipes from. The problem is that he is one of many who think they are unique.

Danni Smith
Danni Smith
5 years ago

imagine that-a secret from his wife, and not about her next anniversary present.

douchefreelife
douchefreelife
5 years ago

Amazing the self absorbed thinking here, wow!

phillygirl93
phillygirl93
5 years ago

Loved this CL!!! You have a way with words. What a dumb f—. His ex doesn’t want to be friends? GOOD.

Also may I just note that Pinterest has a delete message function? It’s not like the app forced him to reply to OW. That’s a suck a– excuse.

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago

“This isn’t an insight problem, it’s a you’re-an-asshole problem.”

mic drop

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Yep.

Beth
Beth
5 years ago

Dear Rob’s STBX,

I hope with all my heart that you’re a resident of Chump Nation while on the road to Meh so that you can enjoy CL’s utter shredding of your former fuckwit. Tracy’s driving the karma bus today and it failed to make a stop for your STBX. Instead it ran ol’ Rob straight over and then backed up a few times just for fun. Girl, you keep going the way you’re going and you are going to be fine. You are mighty!! Rob? Well his punishment is being Rob and having to watch you live a happy life without his bullshit “friendship”.

Jay Martin
Jay Martin
5 years ago

This makes me so glad I divorced my “wife”. Daily reader here, love my Chump Lady!

Wednesday
Wednesday
5 years ago

I’m ceaselessly amazed by the utter stupidity of these freaks. I suspect this turd is just looking to bask in the glory of our outrage. He’s into the pain he causes. The beauty is that he is stuck in his own pain, no escaping that, Rob. It must be exhausting having to run around generating new ways to feel important. In the end your stuck with poor little sad pathetic you. It’s just not good enough is it? Better run back to Pinterest and find a new person to fuck before you actually have a human emotion.

Wednesday
Wednesday
5 years ago
Reply to  Wednesday

You’re*