Jingle Meh?

Dear Chump Lady,

While I’m working on getting out of my situation, I sometimes distract myself with a little mental daydreaming and write new lyrics to classic songs. They’re not always great works, but it’s a method of stress relief that’s kind fun.

Because it’s Christmas, here’s a festive little diddy for your mild amusement.

Sung to the tune of “Walking in a Winter Wonderland

Cell phones ding, he’s a-whispering
You’re down the hall, trying to listen
A promise was made
That he’ll get away
Sneaking to another woman’s bed

Not far behind, is the P.I.
He’s got them pegged, her and your guy
She pours him a wine
Says “babe you are mine”
Sneaking to another woman’s bed

In the morning you will call the lawyer
But pretend at home that all is fine
You’ll say “are you hungry”
He’ll say “no hon
but I gotta run to work and
find a file” *wink wink*

Later on, you’ll conspire
With legal teams that you’ve hired
To face unafraid
To send him away
For sneaking to another woman’s bed

Merry Chumpmas to all who are working their way out of Chumpland!

Cracker

Dear Cracker,

Very clever! Nothing like taking the spirit of the holidays and infusing it with snark. I believe a Friday Challenge is in order — Subverted Xmas Tunes.

I’m Dreaming of a… Life Without You (Just Like the One I Used to Know)

Oh Come Ye Merry Gentlemen (in Pictures on Your Phone)

What Cell Is This? (That Laid to Rest While I Was Sleeping?) 

Knock yourself out, CN. Or have another Christmas cookie!

TGIF!

Subscribe
Notify of

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

151 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Sunny
Sunny
5 years ago

Siiiiilent Cell… Hooooolllly Shit… You’re too calm, ’cause you’re not briiiiight…

Hey, I *am* getting in the holiday spirit!

Happy Solstice Everyone! ????❤????❤????????⛄????❤????❤

WhoamInow
WhoamInow
5 years ago

Dashing through the traffic, trying to get to whore, laughing all the way, at all the tricks you play
Bells will surely ring, but not the way you think, you and she both stink, and will rot in hell someday…..oh

What an ass
What an ass
Blowing our lives up
Oh what fun
It has been
To leave you with your ho!

Happy “Jingle Bells” to all!

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
5 years ago
Reply to  WhoamInow

Hahaha! Good job. We have some very creative chumps here. I can’t wait to see how this thread “blows” up this weekend!

Susanna
Susanna
5 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

I’m loving this.. think I’m going to find my holiday spirit.
Thanks CL & CN. You all have helped save me.
Happy holidays all!
????

torontoChump
torontoChump
5 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

I can’t wait, too… especially after some of us have had a glass or two of spiked eggnog at weekend Christmas parties and the full power of our creativity is unleashed.

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
5 years ago

It came upon a midnight clear
That jowl-ous whore so bold
Who text’d my husband from our bed
Their hearts- they are so cold.
“The babies are so colicky
And you seem to have control.
I’ll go for a walk to clear my head.
I can’t handle this at all!”

WhoamInow
WhoamInow
5 years ago

Dancing around the Christmas tree, with an STD from you
Having great fun in the stirrups while the doctor fixes me
You and the whore deserve each other
And belong in hell for sure
And later you can find
Another whore cause you’ll never come back to me.

You will get a special feeling while she steals from you
And you’ll never know it’s coming cause your special indeed

So rock it away, far from here
And never grace my door again
I’ll be happy here with our two kids
And my new life cheater free!

Sigh…have to go to work now! Merry Christmas to all (except cheaters)!

WhoamInow
WhoamInow
5 years ago
Reply to  WhoamInow

And sing to “Rocking Around the Christmas Tree”

don'tknowhim
don'tknowhim
5 years ago

What man is this, who laid to rest on OW’s lap is sleeping?
While angel’s tweet, who is this cheat, while everyone is watching.
This, this is the cheater king who whore’s embrace so he thinks he’s king.
Haste, haste to bring him laud, the cheater husband of Mary.

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
5 years ago

Narc-Ex got run over by the legal system
Cheating abusing stealing at our house Christmas eve
You can say there’s no such thing as Karma
But as for me and CN we believe

Hcard
Hcard
5 years ago

LMAO

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

Awesome!

twiceachump
twiceachump
5 years ago

Bravo!

newly chumped
newly chumped
5 years ago

Last Christmas a gave you my heart
By the May you had thrown it away
This year after so many tears
You’re living with slut she’s so special

Once bitten twice shy
You’ve started hoovering
Trying to catch my eye
Tell me fuckwit
Do you recognise me
The way you’ve treated me
A thought you dispised me

ShockedChump
ShockedChump
5 years ago

Sung to the tune of Jingle Bells:

Alimony check
Alimony check
Alimony alllll the way

Oh what fun it is to ride in a car that my ex just paid, hey!

Alimony check
alimony check
Alimony alllll the way

Oh what fun for his new bride when she finds his addiction to cake!

Mustard Seed
Mustard Seed
5 years ago
Reply to  ShockedChump

I like this one!!!

coolinmn
coolinmn
5 years ago

Who’s got a whore and a wife appliance too?
Cheater’s got a whore and a wife appliance too.
Who texts his mistress from the loo?
Cheater texts his mistress from the loo.
Texts in loo.
Wife appliance too.
Must be cheater,
Must be cheater,
Must be cheater and his Ho!

CleotheFormerChump
CleotheFormerChump
5 years ago
Reply to  coolinmn

“Who texts his mistress from the loo”– DYING!

This whole post is full of awesome!

Happy Solstice, and may all your Christmases be fuckwit free!

Chumpity-doo-da
Chumpity-doo-da
5 years ago
Reply to  coolinmn

I’ve always hated this song until now! There will never be another version for me. It’s already stuck in my head.

coolinmn
coolinmn
5 years ago
Reply to  coolinmn

As a music teacher who had 7 performances and 3 church services in the last 9 days before Christmas vacation, I could do this all day!

Who banged his mistress in our bed?
Cheater banged his mistress in our bed.
Who’s got more hair on his back than his head?
Cheater’s got more hair on his back than his head.
Hair on head,
In our bed,
Must be cheater,
Must be cheater,
Must be cheater and his Ho!

Lexie Donald
Lexie Donald
5 years ago
Reply to  coolinmn

Oh yes this one: perfect

Intothelight
Intothelight
5 years ago
Reply to  coolinmn

This. Is. Hysterical.

coolinmn
coolinmn
5 years ago
Reply to  coolinmn

Who’s got a secret bank account?
Cheater’s got a secret bank account.
Who’s got a younger whore to mount?
Cheater’s got a younger whore to mount.
Whore to mount.
(Secret) bank account.
Must be cheater,
Must be cheater,
Must be cheater and his Ho!
Must be cheater

Mustard Seed
Mustard Seed
5 years ago
Reply to  coolinmn

Ha!! Yours made me laugh!
Whore to mount!! Ha!

cashmere
cashmere
5 years ago
Reply to  coolinmn

Dying. Love this.

JWH
JWH
5 years ago

Twisted Christmas Carols – chump style! Very cool.

Kar marie
Kar marie
5 years ago

Oh hoey night,
The glitter shines so brightly,
As he appears with his penis in hand,
A thrill of joy,
the asswipes finally leaving,
For i now gain,
a new and glorious life,
Fall on your knees,
You digusting nasty whore,
Your asshole is coming,
To be your shining knight,
You skanky bitch,
What a prize you’ve won,
Oh night oh glorious night,
Rejoice rejoice,
Chump nations cheering you on,
Oh night i am freeeeeeeee,
And chump nation cheers with me!!!!!!!!

I sang in glee club for many years so to honor my beloved music teacher i did the ending her way. Rest in peace miss h. That was fun thanks chump lady!

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

Love this!!

Martha
Martha
5 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

Love it!!! lol 🙂

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
5 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

So awesome!!!

Beth
Beth
5 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

I almost couldn’t read past “Oh hoey night” because I was laughing so hard. That was EPIC!! Hahahahaha

LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
5 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

“Oh hoey night,” Haha!!!

Jodi Lynch
Jodi Lynch
5 years ago

Funny… its been done already by someone named Bob Rivers…

Walking Around In Women’s Underwear Lyrics

“Lacey things, the wife is missing.
Didn’t ask, for her permission
I’m wearing her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose.
Walking ’round in women’s underwear.

In the store, there’s a teddy.
With little straps, like spagHetti.
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night.
Walking ’round in women’s underwear

In the office there’s a guy named Melvin.
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He’ll say “Are you ready?”
I’ll say, “Woah man! Lets wait until the wife is out of town.”
Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress, like Madonna.
Put on some eye shade, and join the parade.
Walking ’round in women’s underwear.

Lacey things, missing.
Didn’t ask, permission.
Wearing her clothes, silk pantyhose.
Walking ’round in women’s underwear.
Walking ’round in women’s underwear.
Walking ’round in women’s underwear…… “

cheatstroke
cheatstroke
5 years ago

Fucking dicks fucking dicks fucking all the way
Oh what fun it is to fuck another dick today AAY!
Fucking dicks fucking dicks fucking all the way
BH swears, who fucking cares, one less dick to lay!

Shitting bricks shitting bricks shitting bricks today
BH filed, now I’m riled, he won’t get his way AAY!
He will fight, I’ll gaslight, he will try to say
“I get kids”, judge forbids, BH screwed anyway!

Silver Anniversary
Silver Anniversary
5 years ago
Reply to  cheatstroke

This is amazing —- very funny and uplifting!

chutesandladders
chutesandladders
5 years ago

I’ve always had a problem with “Baby It’s Cold Outside” so here goes…

You really can’t stay
But baby it’s cold outside
You’ve got to get out
But baby it’s cold outside
This butt dial you sent, was the last straw
But it was only one time I swear
My mother was right about you
Your mother raised a bunch of shrews
My sister heard about you from your whore
Can I just have a few drinks more?
I need to get on with my life
But you’re my appliance called “wife”
You can spend the rest of your days in strife
Cuz baby it’s cold outside.

Nicelutherangirl
Nicelutherangirl
5 years ago

I was hoping someone would use that damn date rape song and turn it in to something useful! Well done!

kibbleshopflop
kibbleshopflop
5 years ago

Agreed!!

cashmere
cashmere
5 years ago

You better watch out
You made your spouse cry
You idiot lout
With monkeys that fly
She hired the best lawyer in town.

He knows where you’ve been sleepin’
Your ass he gonna bake
He knows that you’ve been bad not good
So your cash he’s gonna take.

Oh, you better not shout
Yeah, don’t even try
OW has a face like a trout
(Cell phone pics never lie)
The karma bus is comin’ to town.

Martha
Martha
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

LOL! 🙂

coolinmn
coolinmn
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

Ha!

cuzchump
cuzchump
5 years ago

This is not a Christmas song. But I used to sing to myself.
Shes a very skanky girl the kind you don’t take home to Momma. She will never let your secrets out. Cause she knows she will lose her pool partner. Once you get off her feet.
She likes her cousins hubby.
She says he is her all time favorite.
When they make the move on the pool table it gotta be quick.
The girl is a skank now
The Girl’s a super skanky
The kind of girl that screws Trump
She a super skank a super skank yea

I know it is juvenile. But, it was fun to sing.

UXworld
UXworld
5 years ago

I’ll be ‘meh’ for Christmas
I don’t really care
We’ll have real serenity
And peace without you there

Christmas Eve is finally
Tranquil and stress-free
I’ll be meh for Christmas
And you’ll have RPD

Nicelutherangirl
Nicelutherangirl
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Sheer perfection. It fits the melody beautifully, and the message is stunning in its simplicity. My Santa hat is off to you!

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

UX— awesome!!!

Elizabeth
Elizabeth
5 years ago

I wish ex a crappy Christmas
I wish ex a crappy Christmas
I wish ex a crappy Christmas and an awful New Year
Bad tidings I wish for ex and his ho
Bad tidings for Christmas and an awful New Year
Oh bring me my alimony
Oh bring me my alimony
Oh bring me my alimony and a stress free new life

Mehtamorphosis
Mehtamorphosis
5 years ago

Joy to the chump, the ex is done
Let her receive her things
Let every shmoop prepare him room
And flying monkeys sing
And flying monkeys sing
And off goes the chump to sell her rings

Joy to the world, the state of meh reigns
Let chumps snark songs employ
While n’er again untangling skeins
Repeat the sounding joy
Repeat the sounding joy
Repeat, repeat the left-a-cheater-gained-a-life joy!

Cleo
Cleo
5 years ago

I’m Dreaming of your whore’s Christmas
Just like your countless ones of old
Where the strippers glisten
And the gold diggers listen
And believe all many lies you’ve told.

Martha
Martha
5 years ago

You know Wiener and McDermott and Watts and Clinton
Tiger and Spitzer and Sanford and Simpson
But do you recall
The most famous cheater of all?

Assbrain the Long-Nosed Adulterer
Had a very peculiar nose
And if you ever saw it
You would even say it grows

All of the other cheaters
Used to think he was lame
They never let Sad Sausage
Join in any Cheater games

Then one rainy October night
Ho-worker came to say
Assbrain, with your lies so bright
Will you be my “friend” tonight?”

Then how the cheaters loved him
As they shouted out with glee
“Assbrain the Long-Nosed Adulterer
You’ll be going down to Hell with me!!!!”

Let it snow
Let it snow
5 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Omg. You all are incredible!

Unexpectedchumpiness
Unexpectedchumpiness
5 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Hahahahaha ????????????????

gentlechump
gentlechump
5 years ago
Reply to  Martha

I love this.

Elizabeth
Elizabeth
5 years ago

Shady car lots, city park paths
That’s where they met
In the air
There’s the thrill
Of cheating
Children crying
Liars lying
Meeting up on the sly
And from every Swiss Friendship you hear
“It’s your fault, it’s your fault”
“What did you do to poor cheater?”
I don’t care – it’s not my fault
Soon it will be divorce day
Hear the gaslight
Feel the mad spite
As he blames you again
The cheaters rush home to
Their crushed wives
Hear the blameshift
See your mighty lift
This is Chumpy’s way out
And above all the venom
You’ll hear
Leave a Cheater – Get a Life
Soon it will be divorce day!

cashmere
cashmere
5 years ago

Cheater yells, what fresh hells
Narcissist time in the city.
Ding-a-ling’s, cell phone blings
Soon it will be his dday.

See the side-hos, skanky side-hos
Dressed in spouse poacher style
In the air there’s the scent of deception.
Cheaters laughing, gaslights gassing
Spouses try all the while
This is what every chump fears.

Cheater yells, what fresh hells
Narcissist time in the city.
Ding-a-ling’s, cell phone blings
Soon it will be his dday.

Strings of hard nights, endless gaslights
It’s a real nightmare scene.
And the cheater’s insane by all measures.
Watch his face bunch, hear your heart crunch
This is the big d-day
But beyond all his hustle you hear.

Wedding bells, now sweet death knells
It’s freedom time for all chumpies.
Our chains we fling, our walls they sing
Soon it will be true meh day.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

Spouse-poacher!!! Bwwaahahahaha!!!

coolinmn
coolinmn
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

I lost it on, “Dressed in spouse poacher style”.

It’s lines like this that keep me coming to CN for my daily dose of snark.

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
5 years ago

Cheaters nuts roasting on an open fire
Jack Frost, the divorce lawyer at the door
Burner phone vibrating, hiding in a drawer
Calls from the OW who’s vagina will never tire…

Champ
Champ
5 years ago

You know Flashin and Dancin and Prancin and Lickin,
Cummin and Dupe-her and Bong-her and Clits -in.
But do you recall, the most famous AP of all?

Schmoopie, the red-nosed Whore-Slut
Had a very 80-proof nose
And if you ever saw her
You would have to say, “She goes” (nudge nudge)
All of the other APs
Had lesser jobs that didn’t pay
And they wouldn’t let poor Dickwad
Play and drink and fuck all day.
Then one special holiday
Dickwad came to say
“AP with your nose so red
Won’t you climb right in my bed?”
Then AP said she loved him
Trapped him in her family.
Dickwad and AP Whore-Slut
Will go down in misery!

kibbleshopflop
kibbleshopflop
5 years ago
Reply to  Champ

Lmao at this one!

spiritwoman
spiritwoman
5 years ago

Oh thank you Chump Nation, I haven’t laughed so much in 5years, I’m feeling the holiday spirit again. So in awe of the brilliance of all you mighty folks. Going to keep these singing these classic songs!

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way
Out the door off to your whore
Oh please just go away

Chumpity-doo-da
Chumpity-doo-da
5 years ago

Hey, texty text, hee haw, hee haw
It’s Whorela, the adulterer
Sucky suck, hee haw, hee haw
Blow jobs a-plenty
La, la, la, la-la, la-la-la-la
La, la, la, la-la, I’m free at last.

Sung to Dominick the Donkey. The donkey imagery seems appropriate.

coolinmn
coolinmn
5 years ago

This is great!

cashmere
cashmere
5 years ago

Hark, that telltale cellphone zing
Whores on holidays always ring.
Moral dearth and sluts gone wild
Newsflash: I won’t reconcile.

Joyful, all chump nation rise
Join the triumph of getting lives
With angelic CL proclaim
Perel does not deserve the fame

Hark, the mighty chump walls sing
Glorious is the might we bring.

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

Beautiful, cashmere!!

Intothelight
Intothelight
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

Love this!

meandmytruck
meandmytruck
5 years ago

Silent night,
I lay in fright,
that he’ll wake,
And start a fight…
Holy Father protect me from him,
Help me escape this life that is grim.
He sleeps while i lay awaaaaake
Planning my bless-ed escape.

***we are divorced now thank God****

cashmere
cashmere
5 years ago
Reply to  meandmytruck

Glad you got out. Too many of us know this fear and have whispered this prayer. ❤️

Jumper
Jumper
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

Amen

kibbleshopflop
kibbleshopflop
5 years ago
Reply to  Jumper

Double amen! Very, very glad you all got out safe.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

My attempt to come up with something in a hurry for Christmas bells:

I was so mad
He is so bad
What can I say
He went away
Left me for a selfish slut
Who let him fuck her butt
Now he is gone
Left me alone
It’s better here
Look forward to next year
Without asshole here to ruin it
With all his lies and stupid shit
Now…that… he’s….. left….
I….can…..gain…a life….
Who needs that dick
Making me sick
Now I am free
Doing great yay me

Meow Mix
Meow Mix
5 years ago

Oh, there’s no place like two homes for the holidays
‘Cause no matter how far away Sparkledick roams
When he pines for the sunshine of a friendly gaze
For the holidays Sparkledick can’t beat two, cake eating homes!

I met a guy who lives in Tennessee, and he was headin’ for
Pennsylvania and some homemade schmoopie pie
From Pennsylvania folks are travellin’
Down to Dixie’s sunny shore
From Atlantic to Pacific
Gee the traffic is terrific!

Oh, there’s no place like two homes for the holidays
‘Cause no matter how far away Sparkledick roams
If he wanna to be happy in a million ways
For the holidays he can’t beat two cake eating homes!

Meow Mix
Meow Mix
5 years ago
Reply to  Meow Mix

Gee the sneaking in terrific!

Meow Mix
Meow Mix
5 years ago
Reply to  Meow Mix

The last verse…

Oh, I have no home for the holidays
‘Cause ex took it in the divorce
Lost my job and Schmoopie dumped me last 3 days
For the holidays, I guess I’ll buy a whore!

TooSmartforthisShit
TooSmartforthisShit
5 years ago

On the first day of Christmas the Wasband gave to me one nasty STD
On the second day of Christmas the Wasband gave to me two weeping children and one nasty STD
On the third day of Christmas the Wasband gave to me three hidden credit cards, two weeping children, and one nasty STD.
On the fourth day of Christmas the Wasband gave to me four past affairs, three hidden credit cards, two weeping children, and one nasty STD.
On the fifth day of Christmas the Wasband gave to me five days in shock, four past affairs, three hidden credit cards, two weeping children, and one nasty STD.
On the sixth day of Christmas the Wasband gave to me six skanks introduced to my kids, five days in shock, four past affairs, three hidden credit cards, two weeping children, and one nasty STD.
On the seventh day of Christmas the Wasband gave to me seven stupid rationalizations, six skanks introduced to my kids, five days in shock, four past affairs, three hidden credit cards, two weeping children, and one nasty STD.
On the eighth day of Christmas the Wasband gave to me 8 days of hoovering, seven stupid rationalizations, six skanks introduced to my kids, five days in shock, four past affairs, three hidden credit cards, two weeping children, and one nasty STD.
On the ninth day of Christmas the Wasband gave to me 9 character assassinating rumors, 8 days of hoovering, seven stupid rationalizations, six skanks introduced to my kids, five days in shock, four past affairs, three hidden credit cards, two weeping children, and one nasty STD.
On the tenth day of Christmas the Wasband gave to me 10 months of raging e-mails, 9 character assassinating rumors, 8 days of hoovering, seven stupid rationalizations, six skanks introduced to my kids, five days in shock, four past affairs, three hidden credit cards, two weeping children, and one nasty STD.
On the eleventh day of Christmas the Wasband gave to me 11 months of whiny poor me phone calls, 10 months of raging e-mails, 9 character assassinating rumors, 8 days of hoovering, seven stupid rationalizations, six skanks introduced to my kids, five days in shock, four past affairs, three hidden credit cards, two weeping children, and one nasty STD.
On the twelfth day of Christmas the Wasband gave to me 12 wasted years, 11 months of whiny poor me phone calls, 10 months of raging e-mails, 9 character assassinating rumors, 8 days of hoovering, seven stupid rationalizations, six skanks introduced to my kids, five days in shock, four past affairs, three hidden credit cards, two weeping children, and one nasty STD.

Nikki Lynn
Nikki Lynn
5 years ago

Standing ovation!!!

ozchic
ozchic
5 years ago

You have made my Yuletide!!!!!

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago

For the win!!!

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
5 years ago

Flipping amazing!

cashmere
cashmere
5 years ago

Totally brilliant.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

Ok. I am not getting much done at work today:

Looks like TooSmart beat me to it but here is my version (disclaimer, not my experience exactly).

On the first day of Christmas my (not) true love gave to me an SSS TTTTTT D.

On the second day of Christmas my (not) true love gave to me two stupid lies and an SSS TTTTTT D.

On the third day of Christmas my (not) true love gave me to three lame excuses, two stupid lies and an SSS TTTTTT D.

On the fourth day of Christmas my (not) true love gave to me four attempts at blameshift, three lame excuses, two stupid lies and an SSS TTTTTT D.

On the fifth day of Christmas my (not) true love gave to me five…promises…to…reform…, four attempts at blameshift, three lame excuses, two stupid lies and an SSS TTTTTT D.

Etc. Here is the final list below:

1. STD
2. Stupid lies
3. Lame excuses
4. Attempts at blameshift
5. Promises to reform
6. More texts to Schmoopie
7. Nights a sneaking
8. Telltale e-mails
9. Explicit photos
10. Smug confessions
11. Divorce concessions
12. Years of Alimony

DWD
DWD
5 years ago

Little (can’t) Cummer Boy

Come she begged him, old frumpy dumb dumb
His limp dick in her mouth, old frumpy dumb dumb
She licked and sucked all night, old frumpy dumb dumb
She tried with all her might, old frumpy dumb dumb, but he can’t come, cheater can’t come.

So she danced for him, old frumpy dumb dumb,
His CPAP keeping time, old frumpy dumb dumb
Her toothless grin for him, old frumpy dumb dumb,
His hand goes up and down, old
frumpy dumb dumb, still he can’t come, cheater can’t come

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  DWD

His CPAP kept time….
OMG, fucking hilarious!!!
????????????????????????????

Mustard Seed
Mustard Seed
5 years ago
Reply to  DWD

Hahaha! Old frumpy dumb dumb!!!

Adelante
Adelante
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I’m never gonna hear it and not think of my ex! I’ve always hated that song, and this is the first version I’ve ever liked.

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago
Reply to  DWD

I literally hurt my stomach from laughing so hard.
Old frumpy dumb dumb and her toothless grin will live in my memory forever.

pasdedeux_chump
pasdedeux_chump
5 years ago
Reply to  DWD

FTW!!

UXworld
UXworld
5 years ago
Reply to  DWD

Outstanding.

newly chumped
newly chumped
5 years ago
Reply to  DWD

Hahahaha

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago
Reply to  DWD

Such a bad picture, I actually groaned. Sad but I’m sure it’s true somewhere.

flowergirl
flowergirl
5 years ago

” Deck his balls with bits of holly
fal la la la la
La la la la”

ozchic
ozchic
5 years ago
Reply to  flowergirl

❤️❤️❤️

Onwards
Onwards
5 years ago
Reply to  flowergirl

LOL

Onwards
Onwards
5 years ago

Jingle bells, just a friend,
is texting cheater again
despite what he said
and decades wed
he f****d her in our bed.

Jingle yay, one fine day
I will be legally free
leave a cheater
gain a life
its a better way to be

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago
Reply to  Onwards

I gotta copy this one!!

finally see the light
finally see the light
5 years ago

Oh my gosh I so needed this today. Was feeling blue because this will be the 1st Christmas in 28 years I haven’t spent with fuckwit. Thank you for making me laugh chump nation. I will try to make my own song.

Lucky Bamboo
Lucky Bamboo
5 years ago

Ode to Chump Nation
Cheaters.Don’t. Change.
Let Chump receive her Meh
Let Divorce Lawyers prevail
And Parenting Software be the Mail
And Chump and Children sing
And Chump and Children sing
Oh Tracy and the Blog, let Chumps reign

Lucky Bamboo
Lucky Bamboo
5 years ago
Reply to  Lucky Bamboo

(Joy to the World)

katiedidnt
katiedidnt
5 years ago

(Sung to the tune of Elvis’ ‘Blue Christmas’

I’ll have a Meh Christmas without you
I’ll be so Meh, not thinking about you
Declarations of dread will no longer be launched at me
Because I am not there to receive them, you see?

And when those Meh snowflakes start falling,
Don’t even think about calling
You’ll be deep in debt dung
With your shmoopie, so young

But I’ll have a Meh, Meh Christmas!

indychump
indychump
5 years ago

Tune: a Christmas Song : also known as -Chestnuts roasting on an open fire

His nuts roasting like they’re fire
Jacked Frost nipping at his dick
Fool rides Carol, he’s being rung by another
The fucks dressed up like 2 bag hos

Everybody knows a cheater with some mistletoe
Is all it takes with schoomie, not so bright
Tiny dick with his eyes all agog
Will find it hard – to get hard – tonight

He wonders if the pill will work
She packed lots of sex toys and goodies for this foray.

And every cheaters AP is going to spy, to see if cheater is also cheating on her…

And so I’m offering this simple phrase, to all chumps, old and new,
Although it’s been said many times, many ways.
Lawyer up now, go no contact now. Toooooooo-daaaay

Merry Christmas!
(Okay not fabulous, but fun as hell!)

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago
Reply to  indychump

I think it’s fabulous!! They really are scum and I’m getting to be so very glad that I’m free of the Dickhead.

indychump
indychump
5 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

Thanks Ms Bailey! can’t carry a tune and am not nearly as clever. But wow, This is the first Christmas that I have actually been joyful, happy and meh.

It truly is a wonderful life! (gaining the life I imagined!)

Glum2Glo
Glum2Glo
5 years ago

Jingle balls
I know more each day
All the Games you played
Deceit and lies you tell
You do it very well
I was Chumped far to Long for not seeing all the wrong !
Oh Cheaters know
How they glow
Those secrets how they hide
Now I know
And here I go
To try and save my pride
STD’s texts and deeds
Deception in phone calls
You’ve had your fun
and now we’re done
My dark days will return to Sun !

bellochump
bellochump
5 years ago

Not dashing ‘cause she’s a ho
She likes to part her legs
O’er to the back seat she goes
In the family Cheverolet

Bells on cell phone ring
Secret texting into the night
What fun it is to have a fling
Next morning she picks a fight.

Oh single soon, single soon
Lawyers work away
What fun it is
To laugh and sing
As I wait for judgment day.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  bellochump

Yeeeaaassss!!! Brilliant!!!
In the family Chevrolet ????????????????

Addendum
Addendum
5 years ago

It’s beginning to look a lot like Dickless
In his dick photo
Take a look at his flaccid member
On the twenty fifth of December
The picture that he will text his ho.

It’s beginning to look a lot like Dickless
Sex toys for his whore
But the most hideous sight you see is the dick pic of he
And his chancre sore.

A script for Cialis won’t cure his syphllis
And Viagra won’t work either
Some Cipro for Ho or else she won’t blow, cause she’s got gonorrhea.

It’s beginning to look a lot like Dickless
His cell phone is so chirpy
Just one thing more as he runs to the store
For some Valtrex for his Herpes.

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago

Sung to the tune of The First Noel

The first dday
The cheater did swear
I am a changed man
And no more affairs

He hoovered like a champ
For a couple of months
Got drunk and fell into
Some hooker’s cunt

Dday dday dday oy vey
How many times must you live through that day

The second dday
The RIC con
Told you you failed
’cause you put mom jeans on

If you’d only embraced
Your inner porn whore
Jerkoff would want you
And cheat nevermore

Dday dday dday oy vey
How many times must you live through that day

This time will be the last
Because CN has helped
You got a lawyer
Said “go fuck yourself!”

The therapist intoned
“You must accept blame.”
You fired her on the spot
And called her rude names

Dday dday dday no way
Never again will you live through that day

CleotheFormerChump
CleotheFormerChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

Another great one!

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

LOL – mom jeans – these are priceless!!!!!

Glum2glo
Glum2glo
5 years ago

Jingle balls
I know more each day
All the Games you played
Deceit and lies you tell
You do it very well
I was Chumped far to Long for not seeing all the wrong !
You tripped and fell stuck her so well
While I lie at your feet
Oh
Oh Cheaters know
How they glow
Those secrets how they hide
Now I know
And here I go
To try and save my pride

STD’s texts and deeds
Deception in phone calls
You’ve had your fun
and now we’re done
My dark days will return to Sun !

T
T
5 years ago

BRAVO everyone!!!!

Loved them.

Faithful
Faithful
5 years ago

On the Twelth Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Twelve lies again
Eleven bills unpaid
Ten excuses
Nine name callings
Eight jobs unfinished
Seven contradictions
Six raging moments
Five strange phone calls
Four pity parties
Three blank looks
Two hours missing
and one S T D

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago

Oh, what the hell, I’ll do it again, this time about my own story.

Sung to the tune of Oh Christmas Tree

Oh cheater creep
Oh cheater creep
Your long affair has ended

Oh cheater creep
Vile cheater creep
My broken heart’s not mended

The hoover train has now derailed
Your bullshit claims completely failed

Oh cheater creep
Narc cheater creep
You lied and you pretended

Oh cheater creep
Gross cheater creep
Told slut you like my baking

Oh cheater creep
Sick cheater creep
Your family’s forsaken

You spoke of love and deep remorse
But now I know you planned divorce

Oh cheater creep
Sick cheater creep
Don’t bother to keep faking

Oh cheater creep
Sad cheater creep
Goodbye to boozy lunches

Oh cheater creep
Dumb cheater creep
No spin class and no crunches

The joys of public finger bangs
Are in the past, your fat head hangs

Oh cheater creep
Ex cheater creep
Your face could use some punches

Dianne
Dianne
5 years ago

Irving Berlin gets it right in White Christmas:

Love, you didn’t do right by me
You planned a romance that hadn’t a chance
And I’m through
I’m back on the shelf and I’m blaming myself’
But its you

My one love affair didn’t get anywhere
From the start.
To send me a Joe who had winter and snow in his heart
Wasn’t smart

Love, you didn’t do right by me
As they say in the song
You done me wrong

Sung by Rosemary Clooney in the most awesome dress.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  Dianne

Love that movie!!! And her dress!!!