Tinsel, snow, I-Love-You-But-I’m-Not-In-Love-With-You… Tis the season for getting dumped.
CleoTheFormerChump suggested this Friday Challenge — all the many special ways to be discarded at the Holiday season. Not invited to the office Christmas party? Finding a gift receipt for Schmoopie? Left alone with a plate of milk and cookies for reindeer who never show?
It makes a certain amount of narcissistic sense why D-Days happen this time of year — double lives buckle under the strain. Kibbles for EVERYONE? Expectations of family time? Togetherness? Gift-giving?
I’m sorry, they’re very busy in the toilet right now with their cell phone. Work project. Gotta go! Bye!
Share your callous holiday stories here. And drive a stake of holly through that memory. Better days ahead!
TGIF!
Mine were New Year’s Eve and my mil’s birthday party (howorker showed up!) but my bestie found out about her cheater on Christmas Day, around the tree, with family and children , by seeing a text on his phone that said “love and merry Christmas to you and the boys” from a coworker. Still breaks my heart to think about her in that moment.
Seems that holidays fuck with the narrative they’ve been juggling, and the pants on fire stuff starts to chap their asses when the cheesy music starts at thanksgiving. Maybe the tinsel further scrambles that pimple between their shoulders that they call a brain. Lying is exhausting and requires spreadsheets, but tell the truth and you really don’t ever have to remember anything. Like telling your mistress to not text you on Christmas morning. Doh.
Since my birthday and Christmas are so close together, I thought I’d share this little crap nugget:
“I am sorry to miss your birthday this year and not be able to celebrate and put together a party or something special. I miss you and love you and pray for you. I really hope that someday soon we can be together in this process instead of opposed to each other. I look forward to that day. I hope next year I can give you a grand celebration and honor your life. I hope someone is able to celebrate with you. Be strong. Be soft. I love you”.
It’s easy to trust that he sucks when he goes to far to let you down. Also, guess what his gift to me was? SPICES.
I don’t cook…
Wow, I am LOVING the implied belief that you are alone on this special day, and that the ‘soft’ you is the REAL, adorable you, while this hard and bitter person you’ve become, not so much.
But my fave really is ‘we can be together in this process instead of opposed’. Because ya know, you THOUGHT you were together in that whole marriage thing. But that didn’t really work out. So let’s be together while we divorce! That way maybe you’ll be more likely to be my friend still and provide kibbles forever, and make me look good, and hey! You could, like, give me everything I want in the divorce, ’cause, like, we’re a team!.
I trust this one sucks, bigtime. Sorry this creep was in your life, When.
Disordered entitled pompous asshole.
Not for nothing… you need to send him a selfie of yourself from a beach in Hawaii or somewhere of your dreams… minus one self-absorbed fuckwit. AND… Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas to you… brighter days are ahead, he’s been blocking your sun.
Congratulations! You’ve won an expense-paid trip to Paris from Douchebag … One catch, though … you’ll have to cough up the single premium ’cause you’re going alone.
Translate … “When I’ve got my coffers filled again by sponging off Schmoopie, maybe I can treat you to something I always had promised you but never really meant it, and this will relieve my guilt. Meanwhile, here are some spices because I think at one point you had asked me to buy pepper on my way home from work and I didn’t. I feel so bad about that.”
In my case, my A-hole was ready to leave me right after Christmas, but then remembered my birthday shortly followed, so hung in for awhile. I didn’t know it then, but in hindsight, all the signs were there that that interval was a struggle for him to maintain the fakery.
minus one self-absorbed fuckwit would be the perfect legend for this kind of photo to send to the fuckwit if it weren’t for the ego kibble. But it is a good idea for social media
Be strong. Be soft. Be Charmin.
Yeah, he can go wipe his own ass now. Give me a break with that sanctimonious bullshit.
Horrible gifts are a death knell…..
I developed an eating disorder after D-Day. I just couldn’t stomach more than three mouthfuls of foo at a time. The Worm told me I was too thin, yet his Christmas gift was a Fitbit.
It actually helped get me to disengage with him though. Because it was symbolic of how out of touch he was with me, when I told the Fitbit story to people they instantly understood why I left. When I looked at it, I realized what an asshole he was. Maybe you could use your spices like that?
Food not foo….
My ex brought me flowers on the Thursday before Christmas last year, which wasn’t terribly unusual for him, but later, my sister was doing some internet “research” on him before he was supposed to meet the family for Christmas and asked why the AP had tagged him in a photo of flowers the same day (he had cheated on me two months previously, and had since been maintaining that he and the AP weren’t speaking). Sure enough, he had bought her flowers too, and since I had blocked her, I never saw the post.
His argument was that it was her birthday and that “flowers are a nice thing to do for a friend.” (My therapist even told me I needed to let the issue go.) Needless to say he did not meet the family at Christmas.
I hope you let that therapist go…
SOOOOO this!
Therapist = gonezo! Currently looking for someone who doesn’t recommend Ester Perel, as this one also did.
I told my (ex) therapist that Douchebag found his AP “warmer” than me. She suggested I practise being warmer for the next guy.
This offended me on so many levels.
Yeah but her kind of warmth is all related to poco
It’s to the fires of hell. Some therapist are all about being touchy feely and forgiving instead of asserting some damn firm boundaries.
That was meant to be proximity
Whaaat? I buy flowers for my friends allllll the time.
I also take my friends on dates all the time.
And move into their house.
And buy them diamond rings.
And wear white, stand around a crowd of all of our favorite people, and make legal-binding vows with each other.
You know.
Platonically.
My Cheater once explained how he had “joked” about buying his howorker a $40,000 diamond (he woud have to best the $39,000 one her fiance had given her. I got mad and he said “it was just a joke!”. My question was “really, and what other coworkers have you joked about buying wedding jewelry with?”
Man blocking the AP/OW is such a dumb move huh? I did the same thing. Missed out in their whole other life together on Facebook! Honestly one of the chumpiest things i ever did.
I never thought of it that way, but it was pretty chumpy. I did it mainly to avoid being triggered, but it turns out that people had a tendency to send me everything she wrote about him anyways, so I didn’t really spare myself much.
Mine was discovering (after the fact, of course) that he had gone into the Coach store with 2 co-workers and bought 1 bag for his wife and 1 bag for his BAG. One Fossil watch for his wife, 1 for his hag. On the credit card with MY NAME on it. And the light bulb never went off about how f’ed up that is! Christmas at his elderly parents’ home with him out on the back porch talking to her with the entire family assembled unwrapping gifts. “It’s WORK.” Hmmm… it’s work? On Christmas day? When the warehouse is CLOSED? Weird. Still – no light bulb at how f’ed up that is. It’s 4+ yrs later and it all still haunts me, every day.
You trusted a disordered fuck wit.
So did I.
Letting it haunt me keeps them central and they don’t deserve any place in my life. In my head or in my space.
Here’s to a fuckwit free Christmas. ????
Lisa C, you are in good company about overlooking the credit card statements…. Mine…..
Add me to that club of not watching the statements too.
Ditto. He did the bulls. Complained about it too. But when I offered to do them he said no. Now I know why.
Lisa C and SorryNotPoly: Haha pretty funny (not funny) that your fuckwits thought that just having the right vendor and day (for gifts to you) would keep you off their (OW gifting) trail…and actually extra impress you with how much money they/you spent on *your* present!! Sneaky!
The Twat got the shock of his life when I cancelled his credit card (which was in my name) and had him blocked from my salary account. Those cheques started bouncing left, right and centre when he had to start funding the bar bills and the whore himself!
Love it ! Priceless !
Every year my family has a holiday brunch featuring a Yankee Swap; kids are included as of age 12 and my daughters had been looking forward to taking part for years. My dad called and asked for a head count, as he was paying g costs the caterinfor each of his children’s families. Despite the fact that we were two months into the hellish “open marriage” episode, the Kunty Kibbler said “of course we’re all going! the girls really enjoy it, I like to see them enjoy it.”
The morning of the event, she came back from the gym with the following announcement: “I don’t want to go. Things have really been stressful lately and I just want to have a day to myself. I’ want to go to the new Star Wars movie.”
The girls and I went to the event and had fun; KK asked me to text her with updates about how the girls were enjoying it.
Weeks later, when I finally committed to doing what was necessary to find out the real truth, I saw the texting thread with the Carrot Singer from that morning. While KK was at the gym, he said that his wife and infant daughter were doing to be out of the house all morning; he gave her directions and said “Hang back until you see the car exit the driveway, then come on up.” (he’d already been in my house twice; I guess KK decided she needed to return the favor.)
When she got home and I asked how the movie was, she came up with the most appallingly pathetic story about “zoning out on the highway, I totally missed the exit for the cinema and ended up driving around for hours.”
It’s the one thing I confronted her with that she never admitted to.
Last call, last call, I’ve heard it all
The excuses get weaker, and the stories get small.
Great song about being chumped by Ellis Paul. (No, not the genius guitar engineer; folk singer ELL-IS PAUL).
The “zoning on the highway and drove for hours” is right up there with “sleeping in his car in a Vermont January.” We really have heard it all.
It is appalling how they throw away family for fucks, literally. She missed her kid finally participating in her long-anticipated Yankee swap (feeling grown up now) so she could go suck off the Carrot Singer.
I know your Younger and Elder are still in the throes of this mess but one they are grown women if there is ever any doubt lingering in their mind about what kind of person KK is you may pull this card one day and inform them of what Mom was doing on that day instead of being with the family. My girls are now 25 and 23 and I do believe I would produce such evidence if I ever heard they were falling for some sad sausage routine from my X Asshat.
I know we are supposed to just say Mommy Has a Boyfriend and We Can’t Stay Married without editorializing, but at some point adult children may need to be let in on the massive deception and incredible self centeredness of the X when they become the kibble dispensers.
I (fortunately?) have not had to do any big reveal. During OW#1 ten years ago, my two girls remember when the X asked them if it would be OK if he moved out for a while. He asked them what they would think of having OW#1’s 4YO daughter as a little sister. They cried and begged him not to go, and they never forgot about that after we ‘patched things up’ (I pick me danced and won, OW#1 fled into the darkness like a cockroach when confronted). He never apologized to any of us for his outrageous behaviors then.
When OW#2 popped up and he abandoned me my two girls were right back in that same early teenager mental space, knowing their Dad was leaving to go fuck around on Mom, and they have not fallen for his 3 channels of mindfuckery this time.
In your case it seems more likely that KK’s antics and constant selfishness will reveal themselves over time to your daughters and it will be obvious to them what kind of pig she is.
I admire how you have kept it together for their sake throughout, truly the sane parent.
Oh, my adult children know allllll about how Ex2 couldn’t keep it in his pants (but see, he’s polyamorous, so it’s NOT HIS FAULT!). He was their stepfather and they both independently cut him off.
Christmas reminds me of my brother and I growing up.
I understand how James must have felt. James was Jesus’s brother.
It’s a massive celebration for Jesus’s birthday……..but nobody cares when James’s birthday rolls around.
Fun with FoO issues in December.
I know it well.
There are a few other black sheep here at CN.
Hit the forums and let us help you.
You were the “scapegoat” to your brother’s “golden child”: which one of your parents was the narcissist?
Mine both were. I didn’t recognize this “golden children” and I did everything wrong dynamic until one of my brothers friends actually pointed it out. He had a chart and everything. He was taking psyc classes and he even had a picture of my brothers brand new tbird and my gutless cutless (that I bought from a drug dealer down the street) on the chart! ????)
Me and newhusband were having this conversation today. My brother was a rather shitty sibling…he cut his narc teeth on me…telling me many times a day how he was wonderful and smart and amazing and I sucked. My parents had different rules for him. Everything he does is gold to my parents and he was never punished. I was a huge scapegoat. They were committed to getting him a university education but not me. I just posted on another thread that I finally graduated !!
Congratulations on the degree!
After years of working for employers who were always Jewish or Muslim (so no holiday parties, Christmas bonuses, etc.), Cheater was working for a company that did do a Christmas party.
Except, he said, the owner was being cheap and spouses weren’t invited. I offered to pay for myself at the restaurant. He said that he’d asked and his boss said no; it was for employees only. He and his ho-worker carpooled that day and got out a few hours early… and I know this because, at 7pm, one of his co-workers called our house, asking if Cheater was coming… he was late, despite being let out 2.5 hours prior. That’s how I found out he was gone early. When I called him, he said that ho-worker had wanted to go downtown to get some Christmas shopping out of the way and he was STUCK. “You know women and shopping!”
I later found out that not only were spouses invited, but his boss had actually emailed him several times, asking him to convince me to go. Apparently, I didn’t want to go to their little party and had other things to do. Cheater and Ho-worker had planned themselves a little date night, complete with window-shopping, buying incense-y things in Pier One, and making out in the parking lot. Panera and Pier One were their makeout spots.
I never suspected them because she’s older than my mother, married to a successful surgeon (and had the whole, “big life” around that), had a teenaged daughter, and not his normal type at all. Basically, an old, established, “proper and respectable” Chinese lady. Of course, then I discovered that his real type is just… female and willing.
She’s older than your mother! OMG. They really are only as faithful as their options.
Mine attended OW’s son’s wedding on his own, he said I wasn’t invited because it was a small ‘family affair’ only. And as her dead husband’s best friend he was family apparently. I did some searching and found out it was held at a big country club. And that HE had hosted the stag night for the groom. What a turd. He was able to fly under the radar for far too long as his cover was his death bed wish to his dead friend to ‘look after’ his widow and her kids.
Seems like a very bad soap opera now.
Yes, Mitz… to be 31, a SAHM of three, and your husband is fucking around with a 53 year-old, married woman who only sees it as “a bit of excitement”…? Well, it felt pretty bad.
I hoped all winter that Cheater (a terrible driver) would slide his stupid little car under a tractor trailer so I could be rid of him, I’d get the insurance, and the kids and I would collect survivor’s benefits from SS. Alas, he only drove too close to a guardrail and effed up the driver’s side, spinning around several times on an empty highway. SO close.
Omg! Do we all have fantasies like this??!! I’ve aleays felt terrible for thinking such things!
I also think all narcs are TERRIBLE drivers! That’s got to be a thing.
“Looks like bad weather. Can I take your car [with AWD]?” Haha – NO. I have Very Important Milk to get later. I’d plan our (mine and the kids’) beautiful future every time he was more than 20 minutes late and then be all kinds of disappointed when he arrived home. Those plans are on the back of whatever paper was nearest and stuffed into my journal. If I was mad enough, I’d leave them out for him to see.
Cheater: Were you hoping I would die on the way home?
Me: Sure was! But that’s okay… there’s always tomorrow! ::snarky grin::
????
You know how that little tri-fold comes every year, of the SS amounts for your spouse and dependents and the maximum monthly payment? I slapped that sucker on the fridge with tape, not magnets. I circled the max with fucking glue and glitter. I was VERY mad.
“”Planning your beautiful life without him.”
Yep. Thanks for the laughs. I forgot I did this regularly. Now my beautiful cheater free life is a reality. Yeah me.
Cheater ex got at least 1 DWI last year. At least 3 car wrecks. Two cars totaled. He broke his back in one. Maybe cheaters and bad driving are connected. I’m so glad I wasn’t in that car. I’m so grateful to be free.
Mine too FindingBliss. 4 convictions for DWI, 3 cars totalled (2 rolled and he actually walked away from them) and then FINALLY the French cancelled his driving licence (as opposed to just suspending it 3 times already and having me chauffering him around). I’m convinced that’s really why he moved back to the States because he still had his US licence and knew he could never pass a written French test. That’ll be fun to see because they will be nowhere as lenient with him in the States as they were back here!
“all kinds of disappointed when he would eventually come home”
This^^^
That was my feeling/thinking the last few years we were together.
I found myself often imagining all kinds of death, and how beautiful my life would be without him too.
In a way, subconsciously, I was preparing for D-Day and abandonment…
Funny as my ex would accuse me whenever I questioned him about anything of ‘wanting him dead’. I never said that to his face, but he always said I thought that. Nice to have someone tell you what you are thinking!
Oh my goodness. The Twat was a keen fisherman (although I never saw him catch anything – he just had to buy all the gear). He went fishing in the spring in a national park in a very fast river. Fell over and got his waders totally full of water. Honestly I don’t know how he made it out alive but he did. Then as my sister said “he even fucked plan B up”.
hahahaha!! STBXDick liked to go fly-fishing too… dammit, a lost opportunity.
???????????? I’ve had such thoughts…
For YEARS, our entire marriage, Ex had an awards banquet that I was never invited to. It was a state wide awards banquet for his industry. And then there was a huge afterparty every year. He would get a hotel and stay downtown so he wouldn’t drink and drive.
Something always felt off to me about this event. One, I always felt his industry were a bunch of alcoholics. And two, I just couldn’t wrap my head around that there was this big gala, were everyone dressed to the nines and spouses were not invited (because tickets were too expensive and the employer wouldn’t pay for it nor could you pay yourself). One year he even won an award. Posted about it all over Facebook, but I just couldn’t get excited about it. I thought I was a horrible person.
After he left and I started doing my research, I saw a Instagram post from a coworker of his at the event WITH her husband who does not work in the industry. And I also happen to have met a new friend after he left that worked in the industry, she straight up laughed when I told her about spouses not being able to come because she had just started working in the industry, at a smaller company and was given 2 tickets, one for her and one for her boyfriend. And this year she was even nominated for an award, something she knew months before the event.
This was a lie he established while we were dating and kept up during 8 years of marriage. No wonder I felt so off about the event. And he knew I felt off about it and would always refer to it as the event I didn’t like.
This year he went with his new girlfriend, who is also in the industry and guess what? He didn’t have to get trashed at the after party. No hotel room for them because they had a new baby. Funny, when we had a baby, he still spent the night.
In my case, I knew all the other spouses and girlfriends went to the Christmas/awards banquet but I was always told I wouldn’t want to go because all the drinking and debauchery would just make me feel uncomfortable. He used to complain about how awful it was for him to have to suffer through all his coworkers drunken antics and how he was just saving me from having to experience it, too. One year I finally explained how jealous I felt about staying home with baby spit up and snotty toddlers while everyone else got to dress up and go out and party. He flat-out told me I couldn’t go because it was a formal event and I was too fat too find anything flattering to wear. ????
He is a truly awful person. So sorry that you had to hear a total shit head dismiss the mother of his children in such a cruel way. Hugs to you, Hopeful. ????
Maybe he was just to shitty of a dickwad for you to want to go anywhere with him. Fucker.
Middle fingers up to him !
The Twat complained about my fat stomach- the day I got out of hospital after the birth of our second child. I was 4 days after giving birth. I just said I can lose the weight but you’ll always be ugly! That shut him up.
Mind you, my fat stomach didn’t stop him from wanting sex the same night. You know episiotomy stitches and all that. Because his little dick had to be serviced,, That was a non-starter of course!
Of course you were too fat, too stupid, too ugly… only VS model could be an appropriate companion… oh my… such a douchbag ….
The older I get the more fascinated I am by the women’ s beauty and the way WE ALLOW fucked up people mess with our heads….
haha…fuck him. I would take pleasure in getting him back for that horrible comment.
hmmm…lets see…
Throw the fucker out.
What a disgusting piece of shit.
I want to fucking shank that bastard!
Scumbag, vile piece if shit!!! Bastard!!!
Mardi Gras balls are my absolute favorite fun thing to do— getting all glammed up and pretty…. We went to a few together and as many compliments I would get, not one ever came from him!
I hate them all.
Sorry. He knew his wife felt off about the event because he was lying and he said “it was the evnt you did not like” but still kept doing it. What dishonesty and disregard for his wife. Ugh. What a non-husband.
Kale, you just coined a new CL term: non-husband! Love it!
You should attend the party with your friend as her +1, just to let your xh know the jig is up! Ha!
Oh, I sent that Instagram pic to him. He is very aware that I know the jig is up. I don’t think he cares. He operates under the presumption that it was well within his rights to not tell the truth about that event because I am a horrible person. That or one employer had that rule and he transferred it to all employers. Whatever. I can’t really pretend to know his reasons. He operates in a different reality.
My ex’s favorite type too – female and willing. After Dday I found five aged 19-52 and never as good looking in real life as their profiles. Those were just the ones he had met in person. One Schmoopie helped me in the divorce and she said she dumped him when she caught him with 5 dating sites open on his iPad when they were at the beach together.
I forgot to add that one of those incense things ended up being a gift to ME, AND she bought our children these fluffy-angel ornaments. They were beautiful. I thought it was nice of that old lady to give us a little gift.
The first Christmas after D-day, when I opened the ornament box and saw the feathers and beads poking out, I set them on fire in the kitchen sink, took the charred remains to the toilet, and took a shit on them before flushing. I was positively unhinged at seeing them but it felt great.
OWife was a coworker when my kids were young – she’s apparently been in the picture for a long time. She’s also older than me by more than a decade.
Anyway, she used to send home ugly handmade plastic canvas needlepoint ornaments in obnoxious colors for the kids every year. I thought it was nice and appreciated that, although tacky, at least she had a hobby. Took me over 10 years to figure out what her real “hobby” was. . .
First Christmas post-abandonment, I opened the ornament box and found those things – and shoveled them directly into the woodstove.
I LOLed at this! That should be the standard operating procedure for all items related to cheaters.
Me too!
me as well. Thanks for the laugh.
Me too, insistonhonesty! A new ritual for Chump Nation.
Insist, thanks for the visual and belly laugh! Needed that today.
Alas, the ones that triggered me were the ornaments I ran across that I had made for him and I don’t want to shit on those.
:*( They weren’t worthy of how we loved them.
I once made a photobook of pictures I’d taken all summer after buying our first home, when the kids were so, so little. I pored through quote sites, looking for ones that made each picture most meaningful. I thought I’d gotten through to him – he feigned tearing up – and then, he gave that book to HIS FATHER for Christmas. Right.freaking.in.front.of.me so I couldn’t say anything!
I stole it back from their shelf, the next time we visited. When Cheater saw it, he protested that he’d given it to his dad and had forgotten – when I pointed out that *I* made it for HIM – that I’d given it him. He then doubled-down, later, and said I’d just made it for us and his father was getting old and it wasn’t for Cheater, specifically. Then, I pointed the G-dd@mn TRIBUTE TO HIM, NAMING HIM, at the front, so that if it’s passed down, everyone will know who it’s for. (His dad couldn’t read small printed words, especially scripted, so he wouldn’t have noticed.)
Then, I couldn’t find it and he said he’d taken it to work, to be able to “show off my beautiful family.” Uh huh. Impression management. “See? I’m a great family guy. I’m a catch. Look at this TRIBUTE to me.”
He left that job within a week of D-day and when he brought home the box of his things, I took the book. It’s MINE. And I tore out the tribute page. Fuck him. Without that page, our children and descendants will only see that the kids were very loved. I wrote a new tribute to them inside the cover.
It’s old fashioned and not strong enough but as I read what you wrote, I kept thinking “The NERVE of him, the absolute NERVE of him, giving the book you made him away…” What an utter douchebag. I’m so glad you got it back!!
Me too – and the new tribute is TO THEM, from ME.
I think what irked me more is that he’d never even read through it. He didn’t even notice that there *was* a tribute page, much less what I’d written. We all know how easy it is to print up a book of pictures… it was the quotes – finding the.perfect.one for each and every single photo and sets of photos and arranging it all *just so* – that took up so much time. Weeks of finding ways to cause a twinge in the hardest heart, for our children and family and the beautiful life that we (*I*) were making in our lovely new home, in our yard and village. How sweet they were. Pictures of the children looking up at him hopefully [but never returned with affection]. He’d seen how much I wanted him to enjoy it, because I cried when I gave it to him, and he faked tearing up. He just turned the pages slowly, never reading a word, when it would have been the same amount of time to read them.
Cheaters are nasty people. They value only unimportant things.
I didn’t even need him to love ME; but when our children began to notice? Seeing their crestfallen little faces? Seeing your 2 yo daughter – sitting in Papa’s lap because we had people over and he wanted to look good so he let her – lick her finger to wipe away a bit of homemade chocolate mousse from her father’s cheek: “Papa?! You gotta sumfin on you cheek! I geddit OFF fuh you!” – and seeing him slap away her hand viciously and then she did THAT THING… the great, big fink face and holding in her tears (everyone noticing but him) – and he only feels badly after everyone else went “Awwwwww – you’re so mean!” ?? Any love I had withered up and died. For goodness’ sake – they’re BABIES. These are literally the sweetest children in the whole world #nothankstoyou and you’re treating THEM like garbage. WTF is wrong with you?
(((((insistonhonesty)))),
I feel your pain.
I am so sorry.
The pain that we feel for ourselves is horrible, but when our precious children are involved there is just no way to describe the incredible pain. No way.
Narcs have a talent for taking credit for work they didn’t do, gifts they didn’t thoughtfully select (or in this case MAKE !) and purchase. What else ?
And for kids they didn’t lovingly raise, too. So proud!
This reminded me. The OW (a friend of mine and subwhoredinate of my STBX) bought me always dishes or vases for my birthday or for holidays. Once year, when apparently the affair started, my cat pushed one of those vases down and it broke into a million pieces. I should have taken this as a sign.
Right after DDay I went through the house and through all of her presents into the trash. it felt good.
I haven’t a belly laugh in a long time. Thx!
OMG, I LOLOLOLOL’ed at this!!!
I burned all the old shit too!!!
Rock on!
Hannibal Lecher had his torrid affair with gradwhore, ended it in early December 2006 (though I did not discover this until my d-day in 2014, when I found his notes preparing for a sexual harassment hearing about that affair from years past).
After the divorce, I was sorting through paperwork and found a credit card statement showing he had purchased her a Juicy Couture watch as a farewell gift. (Juicy Couture!!! Was she 12!?! close)
My ex would always say, ” If you don’t tell me what you want, you won’t get anything.” Then one Christmas following D-day 2; we had gone to counseling and I was full of Hopium. He said this gem, “Do you want cash so you can go buy what you want?” ‘
CASH?????? Are you my grandmother?
Yes cash
$7,000
( for the down pay on my new atty)
LOL! 🙂
Oh gawd, mine too. And it would always just a a gift certificate to an online jeweler.
Well, one year I said that I really didn’t need any more jewelry from that particular place. So I never got a gift again. Well, except for the year I had cancer. Then he got me a laundry hamper and a kitchen rug. ????
Fresh things to make housework easier for you! Gawd, you’re so ungrateful. He was only thinking of YOU!
Ugh. They’re demented.
Mine wasn’t Christmas, it was Mother’s Day. His family was having a big Mother’s Day celebration at a restaurant celebrating all the mothers in the family including his grandmother, mother, sister, aunt, etc. Well, HoWorker was invited and I point blank said, “She is not family.” Then the fight, the accusations started. I had my very first migraine that day and was there, miserable because of him and OW. The final D Day was not long after.
Our 12 year relationship imploded in November 2017. I began the process of moving out while he left notes saying, “I’m sorry but I won’t be home until. I’ll be camping with Smoochie.” I decided not to return to my home several states away last year for the holidays.
Later he said, “Do you know how much money you cost me in hotels and campgrounds by not going back to your house for Thanksgiving and Christmas?” Needless to say last Christmas was pretty dreary.
This year, however, I am home. My mountain cabin is warm and cozy. The pup and I share a beautiful 12 ft. tree, filled with lights, memorable ornaments, and joy. He can celebrate with Smoochie 1 or 2 however he wishes this year.
CL and CN, thank you for true gifts you’ve given me this year. Merry Christmas <3
You and your sweet pup too, Mighty Friend!
Our last Christmas together, he sets me in front of the TV to watch one of the “Roasts” that he had DVR’d. Find out post DDay that he spent 39 minutes on the phone with her in another part of the house. My gift from him that year (when he told people who saw them shopping together that she helps to pick out my gifts) was a so thoughtful gift certificate to a spa. Really needed help in picking that out! Fast forward three years and I am going through all of the “picture” Christmas cards that I always had difficulty throwing away and come across cards from HER of her children. The cards must have been personally delivered since 2012 because the sent cards predate the affair. I wanted to burn them. On an aside, the Sociopath was sooo important that he sent out Christmas cards to EVERYONE. It was his only involvement in Christmas planning, ever.
My Ex, the covert narcissist, cheater, liar, you get the picture. Three years ago he was having an emotional affair with his coworker, (but he had recently become her boss) and they hadn’t been intimate yet apparently. The classic signs were all there. Long, miserable hours at work, a work “thing” I wasn’t invited to, late night drives to “clear his head” this horrible season, sleeping on the couch, accusing me of not caring or understanding how stressful his job was, saying I never wanted him to have friends, that I was controlling. Christmas Eve was fun. He didn’t show up at home until about 2am. Then Christmas morning he was a beast. Our 4 children were opening presents while he texted someone all morning. He all but destroyed our daughter’s kitchen set when he was assembling it. No gift for me, but that was nothing new. After starting an argument he stormed out and that was that. Came to find out eventually that he and his OW had sex for the first time on that Christmas Eve at a hotel. Her kids were with her mother. So classy! Now every year during the holidays I get that cold wind from the past that I have to intentionally push away and try to just enjoy not having the asshole around. He had been a holiday ruiner forever, I wish I would have understood what it meant!
This sounds all too familiar here too…
Not only does this sound all too familiar, here’s how much of a chump I was. This is off the Christmas topic but I am triggered now. Douchebag was an early riser and always went to bed around 7:30 or 8 pm, thereby accomplishing the dual purpose of (a) avoiding the nuisance of any bedtime-routine responsibilities associated with children and (b) claiming the bed. DB also snored very loudly, which caused me difficulty getting to sleep. So I would finally wrap up my chores around 10 pm, and because DB was a “very important person” with “such an important job,” and “needed his sleep,” (even though I have a full-time job outside the home) and also because DB was already fast asleep and rattling the windows with his snores (no doubt because of his extensive extracurricular activities, which I only found out about much later), I was the one who voluntarily slept on the couch. Night after night. On D-Day, I sobbed to DB, “You can sleep in the guest bedroom if you like but you are not sleeping in our bedroom,” and DB responded glibly, “I will sleep in our bed. You can sleep on the couch like you always do.” Here is where I felt my very first surge of mightiness when I said, “GUESS AGAIN DB. I HAVE SPENT MY LAST NIGHT ON THE COUCH.” My first tiny but mighty step.
Holiday ruiner forever.
Yes. Stbx also.
OK so I want to share how mighty I am
This holiday season.
I know it’s not much but to me it is a major step in a different direction.
Twentysomething children.
DD to infinity during 34 years of marriage and me, the perpetual chump because
Sad sausage. Children. Passing of oldest son.
Separated 4+ years now.
So I’m sending out Christmas cards and I got a gift certificate gift to Texas roadhouse from a customer and I put it in stbx Christmas card because I know he likes that place.
So this week I’m driving down the road with my Christmas cards to the post office and all of a sudden I’m thinking – wait a minute – why am I doing that. There’s no reciprocity. There is no appreciation. There is only expectation and entitlement and sad sausage.
So I slit open the card and I slipped it in my son’s Christmas card who can use it and appreciate it.
And now I am not even going to send him a Christmas card because
don’t feel like it.
Thats the power of Chump Nation.
Awesome realization and fantastic decision!!!
Funny story about Texas Roadhouse. Ex would never want to go there even though I liked it because he was “too good” for Texas Roadhouse. He would only ever go to expensive (50+ a plate) steakhouses. I’d go to Texas Roadhouse with friends and have a blast. I found the fancy steakhouses nothing special and kind of stuffy.
Yup, my ex was raised in a lower middle class home. But he put on airs, he would say that he couldn’t go in to the ‘poor’ area of town. Which happened to be where he was raised lol. Such an inflated ego.
The Twat became a wine connoisseur because we lived in France. Used to buy $50 bottles of wine then drink 3 bottles in one go but was obviously a “connoisseur”. We were invited to a friend’s house for a spag bol dinner and he bought a bottle of wine that cost almost $100, Yeah that goes with spag bol. Latest schmoopie is just as pretentious. She is now officially the expert on all thing French because she spent 3 weeks here.
This! I experienced the very same change in demeanor and couldn’t put my finger on it for the life of me! I was so shocked when months later I found out the REAL reason why. Smh…
So very familiar. Are all of these guys the same?
Mine met up with his boyfriend while out picking up presents for my son. Needlesstosay when I found out I burned my sons presents and went and bought all new.
After a big Christmas Eve party with about 50 people attending and opening presents on Christmas morning, the trash bins were full. My ex. Mr. Attorney Man would put all these plastic trash bags in his car to “find” an empty trash bin near his office. He was gone over 2 hours. . . . He never ever took the trash bins to the curb in 35 years of marriage but always gone on Christmas Day for hours
Even though the affair was in full swing I didn’t know about it but I remember hating him so much and suspecting an emotional affair with a woman half the country away (but it was a physical one with whore next door).
I wanted to give him divorce papers under the Christmas tree. I still wish I had. It would have been epic.
My Xmas horror story happened way before Dday, but when it should have been clear that I was not what he wanted… He gifted me a bathrobe, full length, from the roll-neck collar all the way down to my ankles, in ultra-thick terrycloth material. In brown… In shit-colored brown…
I had family visiting when I opened that present and of course did not make a fuss.
And of course, I am convinced he found it in a clearance bin someplace.
Ahhhhhh, made me feel so special…
Ah, yes, the clearance items under the tree. On one rare occasion when I did not receive only bareroot roses for Christmas, X presented me with a “special gift,” commenting that he hoped I liked it as it was very expensive. I opened the box and exposed the lie. It was a silk blouse, on clearance for $29.99. I knew this because, as usual, I did all the Christmas shopping that year and probably passed by the rack of cheap blouses set out in front of that shop a dozen times. He must have thought I was blind and stupid.
Last year Dec 16 the ex and I went to the neighbor’s Christmas party where he would meet Schmoopie. They discovered they worked in the same building and immediately hit it off. Christmas Day morning rolls around.. wake up to find my ex naked and drunk on the couch. We fight, he tells me he wouldn’t care if I died. That afternoon I find out I’m pregnant with our second child. So far that Christmas was the best and worst Christmas I have ever had.
Only two weeks later the sparkly turd dumps my pregnant ass because he doesn’t love me anymore and no, there’s “no one else”. That weekend he would go stay at Schmoopie’s house (told me he had work ops) instead of spending the last weekend he has with his son before we move across country to live with my parents “to give him space to clear his head”.
This year I’m celebrating Christmas with my son and new baby girl while cheater ex spends it with OW and her daughter. Im the lucky one!
What a creep. Good riddance and OW so deserves him.
You are the lucky one! Congratulations on your new baby! Enjoy your children and I’m sure you’re grateful not to have the dick in the picture. He really is the big loser. You may not know it, but you’re very fortunate to get out now when they’re tiny.
Hugs to you! You are mighty.
Right before Christmas 1991, I came down with a severe illness. It was strep throat plus bronchitis, and rarely have I been so I’ll. Coughing until I almost threw up, high fever, etc. Well, at the time I had been dating this younger guy for over a year. The Summer of 1991 had been wonderful; we did so many things, spent so much time together, that I thought wow, this could be The Guy. My kids even liked him.
Well, that late fall, he began behaving strangely, and on Friday, December 13, 1991, as I was about at my sickest, he broke up with me over the phone. Turned out there was a little transfer student in his program and he “wanted to get to know her better.”
Sick, broke, broken hearted. That was my holiday season of 1991. My birthday is on New year’s eve, and that night, my cousin was seriously concerned about me, as I sat in the bathroom and cried for an hour or more.
We tried getting back together a few times, but I could never trust that he wasn’t going to do another 180 on me, (winter 1991 was not the first time), so I moved on. I wish him well, but we are not suited. I have a loyal, sweet, loving husband of almost 22 years now.
Dec. 25, 2014
On way to show her family our almost complete “dream home”, I found a text app on her phone. There was a long string of texts about what they were going to do each other including him decorating her face with his man juices. Turns out this occurred on the 22nd. They had been hooking up on and off for four years starting in 2011 when he was 26 and she was 40. Merry fucking Christmas!
Disgusting. Stomach turning. I am so sorry.
I had to say that first because of what I am going to say next… And if years hadn’t passed since it happened I wouldn’t even make the joke… Here goes…
That’s one hell of a way for her to wind up getting all the cake she wants, to have her face actually BE the most disgusting cake ever!!! ????????
Without a doubt! Can never look at that person the same! As one might expect, she denied that had actually occurred. But I put the fear of God into the youngster and he spilled the actual truth. It did happen. Yep she had a frosted face!
These are the times that we look back on and say, “I don’t have to worry about THAT anymore.”
Yay for your freedom from EW!
Mine told our minister in front of me that the illicit sex didn’t count because he suffered severe pain upon ejaculation with her. You can’t make this stuff up.
Do what I did
Get to the next stop sign and stop, look at him and calmly say.
Get out
Got a tiffinys necklace that last Xmas
Made him send it back
Dumbf##k
Ex trying to dump me and kids on Xmas dat, the ow laughing her head off at me,
Wow.
Lucky stupid schmoopie took him off your hands. Creeps.
My D-Day was a few days after Christmas 4 years ago. I later learned through intercepted texts synced to an iPad that while I was making Christmas dinner, my ex was sending selfies of her legs in the air and falling out of her dress that were taken in our bedroom.
Funny in its own way. For years I would text and ask for a sexy pic etc…. she would always say she was not comfortable etc…. till her 26 year old started making request. Then it was full blown videos of her and toys!
I was sending sexy pics to my h… reaction? None
Or oh, nice… crickets
“ that’s just not my thing” mhm…
He was too busy requesting pics of the vaginas, boobs, naked pics from any willing/ paid person…
They are all the same…I feel sorry that even for a sec. I was thinking that it was probably myself- not attractive or skinny enough….
Which sounds ridiculous because most of his friends and family members found me very attractive ( I was usually shutting everything by focusing on their gfs or wives)
It was around Easter and my Ex and I took our granddaughter to the Mall. We took her to see the Easter Bunny and the pet shop. Bought soft pretzels etc. He was very focused on Bluetooth devices. Drug us to every store that sold them. I ask him why he was interested in purchasing a Bluetooth. He said it would be nice to have one when driving. A few days later he created an Amazon account. He told me he ordered a Bluetooth. When the package arrived and he opened it I thought I saw two. He denied. Later I found out that he bought one for Skankella. Mind you he never bought me gifts. My POS Ex used a day with our Granddaughter to shop for his whore. I also found out that every time he went away to play pool with Skankella that he would pay for everything. I estimated that he probably spent at least $400.00 a month on her.
He served me Divorce papers on my birthday. His grounds was that I took out credit cards with out him knowing about them. He failed to tell his lawyer that he only gave me an average of $600.00 a month to pay the bills. And refused to put me on his health insurance. The credit card were used to pay my health insurance and taxes. And he failed to tell his Lawyer that he stashed about $20,000 in his parents safe. Also, sold his 1970 Dodge Dart that I also put money into and kept the cash. And stupid me agreed to stay married to him and he stopped the divorce. And looking back I think he stopped the Divorce because his children and parents found out about Skankella. He could not use the excuse we met up after the divorce. And I found out about the cash(from Skankella’s Daughter). He knew he was screwed.
We started dating at Christmas time, and five years later got engaged Christmas Eve, 1987. Just before Christmas, 2008 was DDay #1 when discovered his 2 year affair with a woman who worked at Cabela’s sporting goods store. He always stopped at Cabela’s on his monthly business trips out of town to take a shit in their bathroom which he said was really, really nice. How’s that for romantic? I stopped to take a dump and there you were… 😀 Cut to 2017, when my daughter shows me ex’s former (?) stripper/fluffer, current felon-on-probation gf”s FB page where she posted a picture of the engagement ring ex gave her on Christmas Eve exactly 30 years after we got engaged. Sadly for her, all the legal bills from her drug conviction as well as the fact that he got fired a few months earlier meant that her ring was exceedingly unimpressive. *Almost* as unimpressive as what she has to service every night to maintain her freeloader status now that her income from drug sales is gone. I read in the comments that their plan is to get married in Jamaica. What she didn’t say is that the Jamaica trip will have to wait until her probation is over and she can leave the country. My only emotion at this point is relief that none of this is my circus and they are definitely not my clowns. #stillwinning #notakebacks
I’m half-tempted to print this up, wrap it up, and put it under my Christmas tree because the karma in this post is too damn good.
Maybe they should just elope? I mean, they’ll already have to go to the courthouse for the probation department. Imagine all the time they’ll save by just swinging over to the officiator!
Now, tell me, what wedding shoes go best with an ankle monitor? Stilettos or wedges?
A relationship that started with shit, sounds like shit, and will end up like shit. You can’t make this stuff up.
Oh she’s definitely a stiletto gal! Sequin pants and leopard print halter tops (at the same time) require stilettos. To be clear, the Cabela’s gf and the current felon fiance are two different people. There were about a dozen stripper “girl friends” in between Cabela’s and Current who came into the picture after we were separated.
I do love the thought of a quickie marriage while hitting up the probation department. Kind of a BOGO deal. LOL
My d-day flatterfuck uses stilettos. I know because I found the credit card charge for this expensive shop that sells ONLY stilettos and flashy bags.
Anyhow, many, many of this kind of expense all together helped me avoid having to split ANY of sparkledick’s debts. Only debts made in the interest of the family/couple would have to be split (about 0.5% in our case).
Wow, water eventually seeks its own level.
Swings by Cabela’s to use the special toilet ?! This is hilarious ! Does it wash and dry his bum like a Toto toilet ? An added feature of blowing smoke up his ass ?
No take backs indeed
Beth,
My timeline was similar to yours…began dating in 1983, married 1986…Dday in the mid 00 decade.
Got engaged to my cheater fuckface Christmas Eve too
He had the evilness to dump his family before Christmas and kick me off the health insurance on….Christmas eve….the health company called me to tell me in those very words. Now I laugh because only an evil person would do that and why would I want him anywhere near me
Christmas 2015 and my present from my husband was an ultra sound to discover the sex of our unborn baby. I remember driving together in his truck, and he made me sit in the middle seat (which isn’t that comfortable), so he could sit with his arm around me. The ultrasound technician put the gender of the baby in an envelope (decorated by our 5, 4, and 2 year old children). We put the envelope under the Christmas tree to be opened Christmas morning.
My ex-husband’s secret affair partner (a professional divorce attorney, 3x divorced, and 15 years older) created a fake Facebook profile to message me pornographic screen shots of their text conversations. She began around midnight of Christmas Eve and the time stamped messages rolled in for the next 48 hours, continuously. She told my husband what she did, so he simply applied spy ware to my Facebook and blocked (hid) her messages from me. I woke up Christmas morning with a sticky note on my cell phone that said “I love you”. The baby was a girl.
About a week later, the OW became increasingly unhinged by not hearing back from me. While having a sexual encounter in his truck in the parking lot of his city center job site, she allegedly kicked him in the head, wrestled his phone away and messaged me again – directly from his phone. That’s how I found out. I filed for divorce while 5 months pregnant with our 4th child aged 5 and under. I had $9 in my bank account. He refused to supply any amount of funds for his children and hid his income (self employed). The OW, who was friends with the Gaurdian Ad Litem, named herself as a witness in our divorce, hired her own high powered attorney to represent her, and participated in our divorce with glee. My attorney told me it was the nastiest divorce he has ever seen. Except she got so angry when she found messages on his phone begging me to reconcile with him. She would become enraged (drunk?) and message me about how mentally ill he was. I forwarded all those messages to the guardian ad litem and ended up with a positive outcome legally, all things considered.
I had an emergency c-section and my daughter was born presenting with physical symptoms (blisters) of a sexually transmitted virus. She was treated in the level 3 NICU for 10 days with anti-viral medicine to save her life, before being medically cleared. It was determined to be a false alarm that would not have occurred where it not for the fact that my ex enjoyed indiscriminate unprotected sex with his affair partner and then coming home for sex with his pregnant wife without even bothering to bathe in between encounters.
The OW’s Christmas morning Facebook messages came through later (I think my ex-husband changed the block?). I will never forget their cruelty. They are so depraved, it is truly shocking.
Last week my ex-husband messaged me (via OFW, the only way the Family Court will permits him to speak to me following his stalking and abuse case) that he had to call the police on the OW, who was allegedly sending harassing messages to his newest girlfriend and pretending that they were from his phone.
I am so happy to be free of him. He recently sent me a message “apologizing” for “destroying my life” and I was happy to tell him that he doesn’t have the power to ruin me. I am stronger than he ever imagined.
Gosh I hope you can forward her texts to the governing body for lawyers. She should not be practicing law. What a supreme loser she is. And so is your ex for participating in such cruelty. What a creep he is.
SNC, you are one of the mightiest of the mighty. What you and your kids have been through… it’s hard to imagine. And yet, here you are. Thriving. You have my sincere admiration. Merry Christmas!
Wow, Stalked! Just wow!
I can’t complain.
Hope you baby is doing well.
You are mighty!
This puts me in mind of the saying “a man who cheats on a good woman ends up with the bitch he deserves”. What a lunatic. I’m glad she beat him up and stalks him, though. She got revenge on him for you. What he did to you and the baby is pure evil. I hope she torments him forever.
Geezuz.$&^*ing.Chr!st. He gave YOUR CHILD an STD and didn’t drop himself to Hell in shame? What a fucker.
I hope this Christmas is your best ever. <3
Insists
Let’s be honest… any children from the chump on this site- NOT dealing with STD is due to pure luck, nothing else
When I told my h that he should be on his knees every day, thanking God for healthy children- he was SHOCKED, that I WOULD say something like that… after all, prostitutes from backpage and CL or any other willing human being was definitely healthy and clean- ????♀️Because they agreed to have sex with this great man ????♀️????♀️????♀️
SNC…you are so freaking badass, I am so sorry you suffered that !
My DD1 was Dec 9th. My ex had lost his job and his work phone. I put him onto my plan and he got caught through the phone records. I wasn’t snooping. I never suspected that he was cheating. I had logged on to pay the bill, and wanted to see if I had picked the right plan for minutes. I saw how many minutes he talked and it pinged my radar. I looked at the number he called the most, googled it, and a woman who reported to him came up. A woman, who had stalked my Linkedin a month before. I knew he was cheating. And I knew there would be no pick-me-dance, but Asshole™ was really good at gaslighting me and making me always look like the bad guy. I was NOT ending this marriage because he cheated, and I still came out looking/feeling like the bad person. So, I was going to wait and gather evidence that couldn’t be refuted and erased any doubts that I could have.
I went away for a week (already planned), the day after I found out. While I was away, through phone records, it was obvious that he had been with her. She lived a few states away, and they talked on the phone a lot, but here we are for a whole day and half not one phone call. By the time that I got home, he must’ve realized that I could see his phone records and explained away all these phone calls as an older woman, who was having problems at their job, and, oh, she told him to call her Mom. (Really, I can’t make this stuff up).
Now, it’s the week before Christmas. He’s not working, and lying his ass off to me. He’s going to the store to get something – he calls her. He’s going to the mall for Christmas presents – he calls her. One day, I go out and I leave on our home camera system with audio. That he is well aware exists and what it does. As it’s sitting right on the end table next to the sofa. When I come home, I decide to listen to, after claiming to go to bed. The moment I heard, exactly what I needed to hear, I shut it off and confronted him. He was shocked, denied it a few times, but when I threatened to call her husband and ask where she was supposed to have been spending the night the previous week, he admitted to it. And, of course, it was all “I made a mistake” “I don’t love her” “I’m sorry, what can I do” and attempts to HUG. The balls on some of these guys. I kept firm, told him that it was done, but he could stay until after the holidays.
He mopped around for two days, sad eyes, looking like he’d been crying. Christmas Eve rolls around and he tell me “I want to spend Christmas Eve with my wife.” I threw some profanity at him and he left to go Christmas shopping. (Because he likes to go Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve – JFC that should’ve been a red flag right there). While he was gone, I took a look at the phone that I had taken back from him. I had bought it and had paid it to be overnighted. After the confrontation, I took it back from him and told him he could get his own. He wiped it, but voicemails were still on there. There was another number that had been his 3rd highest used. A few voicemails were on there from that number. I listened. And that was DD2. This one, again a coworkers, I was able to quickly piece together had been going on for years. He had seen her the night before I confronted him about DD1.
He came home. I confronted him about the 2nd one, and he was done hiding behind his mask, because he knew there was no way he could recover from this. I told him exactly what I thought about him and kicked him out on Christmas Eve.
DD3 came on New Year’s Day when I found his internet search activity. Massage parlors. Backspace =. MAIL ORDER BRIDES.
Of course, he painted me out to be the bad guy to his friends and family, especially his family. And they fell for it, which I wasn’t surprised at. But I’ve had not one moment of doubt or regret. He ended up moving in with DD1. (I find it telling that when I confronted him about her, I told him that he could tell her not to worry about me telling her husband. That I wasn’t going to ruin her children’s christmas. AND then she leaves her husband a few days after Christmas.) They deserve each other. Two lying, immoral cheaters.
YIKES! I’m so sorry, what a turd!
Found the receipt for secret cell phone and sevice plan he purchased on Christmas Eve. The minute he got out of the store he called her. ( I thought we were trying to make our marriage work and it was going great. #fakereconciliation #iwilltalktohernotyou
We have a tradition on Thanksgiving where we write gratitude letters to ourselves to be read 5 years later. I found his after Dday and after I knew her name. In it, he simply wrote “Schmoopie has been kind.” At that point, he’d been sleeping with her (up to 7 times a week!!!) for about a month. By Xmas day, he was texting her the entire day— I remember at the time wondering who he was texting so much right there amid the wrapping paper. He was also irritable, distracted, and distant. Eggshells on steroids.
This Xmas (post divorce and two years later), he’s living in her run down one bedroom house in another state and confessed to me that he’s terribly unhappy. (Duh) He misses our family, misses our home, misses his old life.
Meanwhile, I’ve got a college age daughter coming home from school next week, the other 4 kids are home, the tree is beautiful, we light a fire every night, I’m surrounded by incredible family and friends, never mind Christmas lights!
I’m happy! So my message to anyone now where I was two years ago is to wait: meh comes. And so does joy.
Love this so much
Aaah–the Karma Bus!!!
Your present life sounds so wonderful!
Once again I come here and find exactly what I needed to read at the perfect time. Thank you. Have a wonderful holiday season with your lovely family.
There’s nothing like finding out you were married to a sociopath to find gratitude for a life free of that shit show!!
He went Christmas shopping with his best friend and Schmoopie (They were co-workers.). The best friend helped him pick out a thoughtful gift for Schmoopie and he sent Schmoopie off to shop for me. Sadly, it was the nicest present I received in over 20 years with the douche bag. He and Schmoopie got it on right in the church durning Christmas week-he was a Reverend. I was a very chumpy chump and we didn’t divorce until more than a decade later after many more Schmoopie had come and gone.
I found out about the affair in Nov. Kicked him out. He moved in with our daughter since he was on parole and couldn’t leave the area. He ordered the OW nipple clamps and edible undies and had them delivered to our daughtper’s apt. This is after my daughter and I had found crab/lice medication in his suitcase. Just ick! My daughter is still grossed out.
O.
M.
F.
G.
????
And once again, Friday’s theme is you can’t make this shit up. I don’t think I’ve stopped saying WTF all night as I read these. Some are playbook cheater romances, others, not so much…… your poor daughter. #clothespinnipples #cherrymeltsinyourmouth
Y’all know it, but here it is again.
17 years married, 20 together.
He left for work the morning of NYE 2014, kissed me and told me he loved me and asked what I wanted to do for dinner that night.
Came home that afternoon, kissed me and told me he loved me. Helped me cook a lovely surf and turf dinner, and then told me to let the kids clean up because he wanted to talk to me for a sec.
Took me into the bedroom, closed the door and said “ I don’t want to be married anymore.”
Boom.
I began to hyperventilate and he left to “give me a min to collect myself”. He went and ate milk and cookies on the couch with our son and acted as though everything was normal.
He came back in our room at 11:45 and asked if I wanted a hug.
I told him “ no, but I would like for you to die.”
Weeks later as he was packing to move in with the other woman he assured me didn’t exist (#urcrazy) I told him how fucked up it was that he dumped me the way that he did and he said “NYE is not a holiday.”
You can’t make this shit up.
Sigh, deep sigh. Indeed, you can’t make this shit up.
Paintwidow, I did not know your story, and I am so glad you are rid of this awful human being, ooops, creature that lives without a heart or brain.
Chump biologists, I know sponges do not have hearts, but do they have neurons? Because Paintwidow’s cheater is lower than whatever living animal has neither.
This Fun Friday has actually been very sad.
Yes…the greatest gift he gave me that holiday season was leaving me for her.
I never would of left him.
I haven’t seen him since June 2016 (except people who see something on his social media and forward it for a laugh) I haven’t spoken to him since October of this year.
My kids don’t speak to him so it’s full no contact now. That’s the best gift I got this year.
He’s a sociopath, I should send her a thank you card.
Paintwidow that is just so cruel. But in the end we end up so much better off don’t we.
It’s sad like a butterfly looking back at the remnants of its chrysalis is sad!!
The Dickhead sounds as cold as your ex. Good riddance to the trash.
I was thinking in his sick mind he was ‘starting the new year fresh’. The reality as we all know of course is that he gave you a fresh start. But what an ASS for doing it that way. Quite sick.
Totally
I used to think they were crazy for giving us the normal everyday reactions like texting what’s for dinner and how’s your day just before a massive bombshell . Now I’ve heard it all from everyone else I think it’s a calculated sinister move to have us off guard so we don’t catch on to what they’re up to and they can feel like they got one over on us like a sick game
I gotta say… my discard was in the Fall of 2014. He begged to sleep over on Christmas Eve that year along with my stepchildren (they had all moved out) so he could see our son (who still believed in Santa) wake up on Christmas morning. They stayed all day… we opened presents, I cooked brunch and dinner, everyone napped and watched movies and enjoyed the day. Suddenly at 6:00pm, he dressed and dashed… had to go meet Schmoopie because she had just dropped her kids off to her X for visitation.
Flash forward… three days before Christmas 2016… my divorce decree was signed by the judge! His OW was long gone because she found out he was cheating on her and he was well into lovebombing his latest victim.
I wonder, would it be inappropriate to give the GF a copy of CL’s book? Afterall, Mr. Sparkles is on Ashley Madison and what not still getting his pathological lying bisexual freak on. What would Santa do?
Love to all at CN… a better life is out here!
We went to my spouse’s Christmas party last year and looking back it was the . I met a co-worker who seemed really surprised I had come. Anytime my spouse and I were dancing, the co-worker would be there too and I felt like the awkward one! Early into the evening, she said “you can go home if you want.” My spouse requested our favourite song and when I went to find her on the dance floor, she was close dancing with the co-worker. I went back to our table and with 5 seconds left in the song she came over and yelled at me for not dancing as she had been looking for me the whole song.
I tried to sneak out a couple hours later as she was off visiting with everyone else but she spotted me and made a big scene to come home too. We discussed it when we came home and she downplayed everything and totally turned it around on me. Never taking ownership of any of her actions. Looking back on it now, it was just one more messed up moment in the demise of this relationship. So happy I don’t have to deal with that bullshit anymore!
Thank you for the lesson!
So, Christmas was about a month after GTFO (Get the F*#! Out) day when I learned of the affair, or one of them at least. I was being very cordial and nice to him for the sake of our daughter. “Extra chicken casserole? Let’s give it to your dad.” “Need to borrow the tool kit? Sure!” On and on. I was in no way interested in having him back and honestly relieved that I discovered he was such a turd and filed for divorce almost immediately, like, I was wearing the same clothes to the attorney as when I found out about schmoopie ethics professor, married mother of three nightmare of a woman mistress. I may or may not have been pretty stinky. Anyway….
It was Christmas and I suggested we have a few hours just the three of us to open presents. I had texted him a few things that our daughter wanted for Christmas and told him to let me know what he got so we didn’t duplicate and I’d do the same. I held up my end.
Then the day comes. He prances in like he’s a f-ing hero and everything is right with the world. I notice he brings nothing with him. No presents, not even a damn candy cane for our daughter. At the request of my daughter I had gotten him a small gift. I noticed when I packed up all his shit that he had stowed away MANY very expensive watches in his underwear drawer. Nice. So, I got him a watch case and it was my little internal joke.
When he looks under the tree he FLIPS OUT. I mean, really loses his marbles that there are not presents FROM him under the tree. He expected me to go shopping for him. Unbelievable. In front of my kid, he throws a tantrum saying I was just trying to make him look bad. No buddy, you are fully capable of that on your own.
I ask him to talk with me in the kitchen and offered to let him have one of the “Santa” gifts I had stowed away. I was worried my kiddo would be scarred for life knowing her father didn’t get her anything for Christmas right after he moved out. Now I know it was a good lesson for her in realistic expectations.
He refused the offer and screeched out of the driveway to go to the nearest big city (an hour away) to find a place open to buy my daughter a gift. He got back in the middle of the night and left it on top of my car, requesting I put it under the tree for the morning. It was a badminton set that apparently she had asked him to get her.
Oh, and by the way, he heroically took her shopping to get a gift for me ahead of time. What did he purchase for her to give me? A used cookbook. This, on a tenured professor’s salary. Nice.
Sorry so long. Lots to unwrap there. Pun intended.
Have a great weekend!
Tuesday
Dec 16, 2015. OUT OF THE BLUE. NO WARNING. 830 am, in my bathrobe holding a cup of coffee, talking about our first grandchild that was to be born in a couple of months….THIS–“I fell in love with [coworker that I’ve known for 2 weeks]” “She’s my soulmate” “The planets aligned” “She doesn’t want me to be married anymore” “I am the bee to her flower” “I can separate my love for you from my love for her” “I have a solution. Have you heard about polyamory or monogamish? ” “You need to let me pursue this to see if it’s real” This is what I endured during Dday before Christmas. Along with a lovely Christmas gift of an effing OVEN MITT that year. I lawyered up real quick when he ran away. Things only got worse in a divorce with a high conflict narc–guess that histrionic sociopath career homewrecking slunt may have moved on, I’m not sure. Don’t know/don’t care. Pretty much at meh although he still wants to be “friends” in the snail mail letters he sends. This is the first year I’ve decorated for the holidays with real joy.
“I am the bee to her flower”??? I would have divorced him for that sappiness alone. Geez. Good for you,
Diary!
I found a poem/song he wrote to her and that junior high line was in it. PUKE, right?
….’this is the first time I have decorated with joy’
Me too. I’ve gone overboard the way I used to. It’s taken 10 yrs for me to have the desire to.
I even decorated the bigass cactus in the front yard. (SoCal) NO one is gonna steal my joy ever again. NEVER. Someone doesn’t like it? BYE. For the first time in forever, it’s all about ME.
Mr. Sadz is remembering how he proposed on the beach in Kauai in 1991 and how awesome it was. I guess he should have thought of that before skankwhorecook cooked the few brains he had left. Is he still buzzing around her flower? I think she was more crazy than he thought, but not. my. problem. No contact.
He had been particularly interested in bad heartless sex for a few months……but rarely home
Dec the 9th … I took my 3 kids to a lovely Christmas party he stayed home to work. It was a day thing because we live a ferry ride from the city. He stayed home as He was a young successful entrepreneur.
After the kids sat on Santa’s lap and watched the juggler, magic show picked up ballon animals… we ordered lunch. Sitting in a tight booth. A tired 4 year old tucked in my elbow. I had forgot to turn my ringer off…
His ring came through with a very clear text.
Somehow my two older boys read it upside down with the same speed as I did.
PING…… I don’t love you anymore…
As my body absorbed the trauma and began to shake the waiter was there to take bring our food order. I couldn’t see. I couldn’t talk… I certainly couldn’t jump in the car and drive 2 hours home with my kids crying and asking questions…
He was a young successful entrepreneur. Why did he have to mow, cook, parent, you never fold the laundry right. You don’t sleep with me enough. I had been the breadwinner and stay at home parent for 7 years he was unemployed. His business was just taking off after a year of hard work from both of us. But yet to bring any of the money home for bills or food.
7 years later – bankruptsy…. court… threats of jail time for lack of child support…multiple ow…. 10 bounceback attempts… now total greyrock. So very hard on my kids.
Christmas has never been the same
But I’m free
.
I’m glad you’re free, H Laundress!
This is a multi parter. It was the first Christmas they were deep in middle of all their shenanigans. I at that point new that something was going on but was being so heavily gaslighted by both of them that I would agree to things just to avoid conflict. I should note that the OW was my coworker and our families were very friendly. I so wanted to not cause anxiety for both our families children and potentially ruin all of our holiday. So the ex went off to do whatever he had to do Christmas Eve while I prepared Christmas Eve buffet for both our families. The Ex was gone all day “shopping” coming home in the evening to be concerned that made enough food and that what I made was impressive enough. When the AP and her family arrived, they hardly ate anything – they had dinner earlier in the evening. I was so pissed but the Ex was so pleased to be the big showman. Her husband made a comment that he couldn’t understand why they had come over that night. I knew she just wanted to show off in her Christmas outfit and they couldn’t be separated for the whole holiday. But wait there’s more…..
To preface one of the family traditions we have is we always did Christas stockings I put a lot of effort into the kids and my Ex’s. His repsonisblity was to fill mine. Well we got up Christmas morning and everyone but my stocking is jammed with stuff. Mine is empty. I at first thought is was a joke but he sheepishly admitted that he forgot. All that “shopping” he did on Christmas Eve he didn’t buy one thing for my stocking. But it didn’t end there…
We spent !New Years Eve at the AP’s house. What a way to ring in the new year.
Omg, I had the exact same thing happen with the stockings for multiple years! It was so infuriating because I did EVERYTHING else for Christmas, and this was the only thing he had to do. One year he realized on Christmas Eve, and just took stuff from my side of the bathroom cabinet and put it in my stocking. I finally just bought my own stuff, and of course he was pissed. The worst time was when my mom stayed with us, and the sad look on her face when she realized I had nothing in my stocking was heartbreaking. I think she knew what I had on my hands long before I did…
Christmas Eve Hell
It was Fall of 2011 and we were selling our house in one State (where I was living and working) and she was living with the kids in a rental house in another state near her parents. The reason she convinced me to do this was (gullible fool that I was) that “selling the house with 3 kids and a dog and 2 cats is too much so we could move all of our stuff to a rental house near her parents where it was cheap and I could stay and work in the old house and work with the realtor to sell it. Once it was sold, I could live in our RV until the end of the school year and then they would all move back down with me in a new house that we would get”.
The old gullible me agreed like a fool and I would go up every other weekend to stay with them (due to her parents living 500 miles away from old house). Interestingly enough my Ex had lost weight and was working out and of course not working during this time. We had been married for 16 years and I really foolishly trusted her but little things bothered me. She was flirty with other men I noticed (I was told I’m just jealous and she was just friendly), she was more sexual than normal (I was told that this was because she missed me and was in better shape), etc.
In desperation because these thoughts were killing me, I turned on the logging feature on her old AIM chat without telling her. I also about this time received an anonymous email from someone saying that she was cheating on me ( I’m pretty sure now that it was her cousin who did this).
Now on Christmas Eve 2011, I am with her and the kids to celebrate Christmas. I check the AIM log and the evidence is all there that not only is she cheating on me but with 3 different guys !!
I tearfully confront her in the bedroom and tell her about the anonymous email and she never denies cheating and flies into a range that someone would dare betray HER trust and rat her out (She thinks to this day that it was her mother who had seen her with a guy and told her to stop it). She then told me that “good it is all in the open now”, she wanted a divorce, full custody of the kids and that I should shut up about it because I “would ruin Christmas for the kids” (who all 3 were under 10 at that time).
She then proceeded to sext one of the OM in front of me and the kids while we were watching Rudolph the red nosed reindeer and then leaves for the evening to “visit a friend”.
I sat there stunned as my whole World came crashing down and when my daughter saw me crying (which was rare for me), I told her that Rudolph always made me cry.
The next day after the kids opened their presents and we ate dinner, I was in a combined state of agony, pain and red hot rage but was desperately being quiet for the kid’s sake and I finally said that I couldn’t take anymore and left. I grabbed a few of my things and drove down the road and cried hysterically for 15 minutes and drove home.
I later found that she had been planning this for over 3 years and had all of her ducks in a row and financially in the divorce I lost everything as well as having as minimal visitation as she could get with the kids 500 miles away from me of course.
Thus Christmas was ruined for me for many years but as I’ve said before 4 years later I met my current wife and my life and Christmas has never been better.
P.S. It add a cherry on the top of this shit sundae, the 3 OM that my Ex was cheating on me with were:
1. The married father of my oldest daughter’s best friend and my Ex was their Girl Scout leader.
2. The 18 year old son of one of my Ex’s best friends (they no longer speak after her former bestie found out).
3. A loser living in a trailer who is now hew husband and step dad to my kids but he’s a Jesus cheater and a holy roller– speaking in tongues the whole works.
All total downgrades from you Laughing Gator-jus’ sayin’
Are things still improving with you relationship to the kids as the grow up and wise up?
Chumpinrecovery,
The oldest is now in college and the younger two are finishing up high school. All 3 are busy with their own lives and boyfriends/girlfriends, studying, friends, etc. In other words, normal kids at their ages. We get along OK but years of her and their step dad’s (#3 OM) brain washing have had their effects and sadly we aren’t that close. Hopefully as they get away from her then their eyes are opened. For example, my oldest now away in school is seeing things much clearer now that he is living away from the Ex. It is what it is but I always try to do right by them and pray that someday we might be closer.
I really am totally at Meh with the Ex but the damage to my relationship with the kids that she has worked so hard to accomplish, I can never really get over that.
Still, I have a great life now with a great job, wonderful wife and dog and someday maybe the kids will come around. If not, I can say that I did the very best that I could for them.
Thanks for asking !!
Let me encourage you:
Two-fold:
1. As a child growing up with divorced parents – both cheaters, both putting us kids against each other for years- it wasn’t until I got clear away from my mom, total narcissistic bitch, and living a thousand miles in college, that I was able to finally have a relationship with my dad free and clear without my mom interfering.
2. Exh1 caused a lot of shit between me and my boys– they were 9 &3 when he divorced me for OWife3, and then-husband2 didn’t help either with his treatment and behavior towards them. For a few years there, it was quite toxic to say the least.
Then when exh2 left, and exh1 got over himself, my relationships with my sons are so much better!!!
Keep on being mighty! They’ll come around.
Despicable!!! It seems that gender doesn’t matter… it’s either a good human being or not… religion, nationality, nothing stops the cheater and nothing can push a decent human being to become one????
WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN WITH THIS HOLIDAY SOCIOPATH?!
We started the holiday season by him announcing in early November that he didn’t know if he wanted to be married anymore. That he needed space to think. HELLLLLOOOO EARTH TO COOLNEWLIFE! HE WAS CHEATING!
1. He told me he was working on Thanksgiving. Thought that was weird. Was very sad. He had spent Thanksgiving at Schmoopie’s house with her family. He came home afterward and ate our leftovers.
2. Captain Cheaterpants ran two work locations (before he was fired because he hired Scmoopie at work and lied about it lol #nepotism) so he brought me to the local office party and took her on a fun weekend getaway to the out of town party.
3. Clued in on cheating on December 20th. I insisted that he come to Christmas with me because I didn’t feel like explaining to my family.
4. He bought me, my mother, and my grandmother an Ulta gift card. Schmoopie got jewelry.
May they burn in hell. I actually decorated for Christmas this year. Feels good.
Ex couldn’t take the kids for Thanksgiving this year (it was officially his year to have them) because he had training for his new job as a copilot on Thanksgiving day itself. That is plausible. Pilots certainly work on Thanksgiving so I suppose they can be trained that day too. I asked if he wanted to take them later in the day after training but he said it would be over too late. The best part is that I don’t have to care if he is telling the truth or not. I got the kids for Thanksgiving this year so it’s all good. 🙂
Last Christmas we were together I was preparing Christmas dinner waiting for company coming.. came into the kitchen all showered and dressed heading for the door. I said “where are you going? It’s Christmas “
He said “ I’m going to a party – do what you have to do
I’m not stopping “. Left me & our son to face relatives alone. I had to hold back tears the entire day until company left. Following summer I served him divorce papers. Just one of many red flags.. horrible memories ☹️
My stepkids and I had a similar Thanksgiving back in 2006. There was a kerfuffle between my stepdaughter (10) and the daughter of the Dickhead’s sinister sister so we were not supposed to see them on Thanksgiving that year. DH decided to go to her house (leaving me, and kids at our home) to go fry their turkey because nobody else could. He was gone most of the day and he finally came home around 7pm after my repeated calling. And of course, he wasn’t hungry. The kids and I waited all damn day for him while his place should have been with his family, me and kids. Even his daughter asked why he went because to her it looked like he was talking sides with his niece.
To this day, I have no idea if he had an OW or if he really was with his family. I just know that that the 3 of us waited all day for him. We cooked a loving dinner and waited. There are so things that, looking back, could have been an OW. Now, who knows for sure.
I’m sorry for both of us, Kathleen, we got played. I can’t imagine what you went through. You were married almost twice as long as me. I wish we could visit over a cup of tea or a glass of bourbon.
Miss Bailey
Yes we did get played. I’m sorry you went through that too. But we have to not think about those horrible days & nights. The holidays remind me of
that although I try not to go there.
He’s not with the original whore ( she died) but with an 82 year old woman whose taking care of him. He doesn’t want to live alone so any port in the storm.. I guess.
But it would be great to meet with tea or bourbon ???? I feel we are friends. ((Hugs)) to you.
Kitty nickname for Kathleen ????
Aah Kathleen, that’s so sweet. They could swap glasses that they put their false teeth into next to the bed each night!
Attie
I never thought of that! ????
Your so funny! ❤️
Crap, these are all so tragic and hallarious.
The narc i divorced a month ago…. 1st christmas 2013 been dating 4 months – he *accidently* blocked me on FB and didnt know how to undo it….plus he was borrowing his friends daughters car to come see me. She was an ugly bitch of course, bla bla bla he hated dealing with her….. He bought me ugly $10 pajama pants for Christmas and brought them over only after I BEGGED him to come over….. ok, i was an idiot. Few months later discovered the “daughter” was a woman he called Hot Katie and saw on the side.
Always wondered what lie he told her about needing to use her car. Like a fool i forgave him.
Christmas/New years 2014 we had a violent fight cause he wanted me to have sex with random men we would go find at the casino, he would film us fucking. WTH? since i would not, he became insanely drunk and tore the house apart.
I was still an idiot because narcissists are so goid at their craft.
Christmas 2015, he gave me an engagement ring, married 6 months later. STUPID ME!
Christmas 2016 when my adult son had visited and i was so so happy to have my boy home, the fuckwit told me he wanted a divorce cause he didnt sign up to be a step dad. Next day he “didnt remember” saying it.
Christmas 2017 i was full aware by now if multiple cheats, lies, other bitches, he was a full blown abusive alcoholic by now who would scream that I was nothing without him! He gave me a coffee pot. A $10 Mr. Coffee after Id said for 5
Years i hated those and didnt want one. He was mad i didnt like it, if course.
May 2018 kicked him out. November divorce was final. Now christms 2018, my children and I live in peace and get a peaceful happy Christmas!!!! No more drunk asshole, no hopium, no policing, no pick me dancing, no sadness, we can even afford gifts.
While I don’t recall the subject of CL’s post last week, it prompted me to recite POP’s heinous shithook fuckstick fuckface behavior regarding both Christmas and the following New Years Eve…..
Going over it then was enough for me. I considered doing so again today but I realized it’s not worth the trouble. I mean HE’S not worth burning the brain cells or taking my time. I can’t let the pain of that enter my brain or heart anymore.
I guess I’m even closer to meh than I thought!
Like!???? Hesatthecurb, go ON with your mighty self. ???? Your story, literally leaving him at the curb, an ending and a beginning, is one of my favorites.
WOW!! These are great stories. I appreciate everyone for sharing in their sad stories (that are very disturbing and often very disgusting! where did we originally find these whores?)
My ex-husband was always furious at me over the holidays. So I was extra quiet and made sure everything was perfect. I’m a great homemaker and excellent cook. We often spend a few days over the holidays at Great Wolf Lodge because my sons loves it so much. That year the first day we got there my youngest son had a seizure, after I turn him on his side, I called the hotel front desk while rubbing his back, the paramedics were there in two mins (an amazing thing about having so many lifeguards in the building). They asked me if anyone else was in the room. I looked around and was like yeah – my husband is in here somewhere. He was locked in the bathroom the WHOLE time. WTH?
The next day (everyone at the hotel really went out of their way to make sure my son was having an amazing time) Wiley the Wolf (the lodge mascot) came to my son’s door to ask him if he wanted to come to story time in his jammies. I’m getting my son in his jammies and my (ex)husband starts yelling something about Black men not going out in their pajamas, I ignore him, then he starts mumbling about natives in grass skirts and not having any respect for yourself. I ask him if he wants Leroi to stay in the room. Then he pounds on the table and roars about how I don’t appreciate everything he’s done for me. He then slams the table against the wall. I tell him to go for a walk. He keeps yelling. I tell him to go for a walk or I’ll call the hotel security, he’s scaring our sons.
Turns out ‘all he’s done for me’ is break up with the most recent OW to stay with his family. WOW! What a prize!
Poor thing! So much pressure!
First Dday was 2 months after wedding. A young male employee was threatening to file sexual harassment suit. He said it was a big misunderstanding. I wrote a $10,000 check to employee to make it go away. 20 years later, I discover he has been f-ing around with 4 of our so-called married male friends. I chose not to tell any of the wives, because I couldn’t bear destroying 4 other families. But the worst came when a beloved nephew came forward to say the ex had sodomized him on Christmas 4 years prior. I want to throw up. I want the SOB dead.
Is the statute of limitations up? Can your nephew file charges (is it worth it to him to do so)? Was he (gulp) underage at the time too?
I’m so terribly sorry. I hope you’re no longer his social beard.
OMG! Turn the creep into the police!!!! I hope you are not longer with this criminal.
Even if the statute of limitations prevents prosecution for that specific crime, the report is worth it because it’s unlikely to be an isolated incident.
I agree with getting him on their radar.
selfish bastard!
This really was not Fun Friday!
I’m so sorry. How horrible. Total sociopath.
It’s not a one and done deal with predators like your ex. They’re repeat offenders. Report.
Reported and waiting and praying for justice. Can’t say anymore for now.
You are a superhero.
Fingers crossed!
He had been acting so strangely that I urged him to go away for a night over Thanksgiving Weekend alone, rather than with ds and me, as originally planned. I stayed up worrying and saw him come in after 1 in the morning; we made eye contact–I can’t remember if we spoke–and I went back to the guest room as it was clear he didn’t want to be near me. In the morning, I was determined to reconnect, but the first thing he said is that I should UN-INVITE MYSELF FROM CHRISTMAS. Two hours later, I received an email from a stranger telling me he was cheating.
I just posted this lovely Christmas Story about a week ago, but I thought I’d add it here to warm everyone’s Holiday Heart.
For years, we did Christmas with my ex-whore-fucker-husband’s inbred family about 6 hours away from our home. My husband hated flying. I hated long boring road trips, so for about 5 years, we worked out a compromise where he would get up in the morning, start driving north, and I would hop on a plane about 3 hours later and meet him at his mom’s house.
The last year, I decided at the last minute not to fly, but to join him for the road trip. We got up early christmas morning, and he was grouchy (grinchy?) the whole trip. I remember thinking what a drag it was that he had to pick a fight with me within the first 5 minutes of the drive for no reason.
D-Day hit 3 months after Christmas. Part of the evidence I found of his whore-fucking was an email back and forth with a whore who lived about midway between our house and his mom’s. They had made plans to meet up for an early-morning-baby-jesus-birthday-fuckfest while he was driving to mom’s. Apparently, my last minute choice to join him though the snow to grandmother’s house cock blocked him that day…
Now, four Christmases later, I’m living across the country, single, but with my new puppy. This may not be the MOST festive Christmas I ever had, but I’ll tell you what…. ANY Christmas is better than one where your husband is meeting with a holly jolly cum dumpster before you hand him his gift and pretend to enjoy time with his inbred family.
The moral: No matter what future Christmases hold, it will be better than this. Merry Christmas!
Hahaha oh boy can I relate! My ex MIL always insisted on making a video of us eating (because who doesn’t want to watch a video of people chewing and swallowing their meal?) and opening our gifts and then would want to watch the very same video after we finished (uh, we just lived those moments, why do we need to see them again?). One of the best parts of every holiday since the divorce is not having that damn video camera recording everything we did and not having to endure ex MIL hypocritically pretending to like me when we all knew she didn’t. You’re absolutely right. Every Christmas, regardless of whether I have the energy to celebrate or not, is better than the ones where I had to pretend to enjoy my MIL’s company.
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. My ex MIL would watch everyone eating and critique us if we took too little of any particular dish. WHAT…..you don’t like the corn? Is the stuffing not to your taste?? So idiotic and controlling.
Oh the MIL stories…. one festive year with the in laws I got referred to as “the trophy wife” in front of everyone at the table . My ex pretended not to hear. 20 years married and 3 kids later I can tell you I did not feel like a trophy especially to her rotten bastard son!! These crazy MI Ls make the sad son husbands that cannot ever act like a real man and can never stand up to their narc mothers
He was one month in to his affair that Christmas. My mother had been diagnosed with cancer 4 months earlier. I had flown overseas for her surgery 3 months prior, and was booked to fly to her for Christmas as she was having radiation treatment, and I wanted to care for her and give my brother and his wife a break.
I got sick shortly before I was due to fly, and for the first time ever, he was concerned for my well being, and wanted me to get better to visit my mother. He took me to urgent care, paid over $100 to get me seen on the joint credit card that I’d be paying off, something he would never usually do, because he tired to control how I spent my money too.
They told me I was contagious and couldn’t fly, and I was so grateful for the diagnosis as he kept pushing me to travel, but I felt like death, and knew I wouldn’t be able to look after myself, let alone care for my mother having radiation, who should have been around germ free people anyways, due to her delicate and compromised immune system. But my ex gave zero fucks about any of that.
At the time, he seemed genuinely devastated for me not being able to go and care for my mother, and took his time nursing me back to health. Usually, he would just keep the kids away from me, but never offer to feed me or see if I needed anything, but that Christmas, he actually cared for my health and well being, fed me and checked in on me.
He was attentive for about 4 days straight as I was as good as bed ridden. The first day I was able to get out of bed alone, and walk through the house, I had this crazy notion that we’d spend the evening together after the kids had gone to bed, but the mofo had his own plans.
He was going out. He had been at home long enough making me better, watching the kids.
Instead, he went out to see his girlfriend that same night, and was absent most of the next 10 days that the kids were off over the Winter break. Even when his business was closed, he said he had to go in to do admin. He did spend Christmas day and New Years with the kids and begged me to go with him, but I couldn’t because was back to his abusive ways.
I am so glad to be rid of him.
Oh gosh Glad. Reading your post has just made a lightbulb click in my head. My mother had been declining from Mixed Dementia/Alzheimer’s for a number of years. Prior to discard, my Ex kept encouraging me to take all the time I needed to go help with her care and be present for my aging parents. Of course I believed it was due to his love and respect for them and all they provided our family over the decades (financially, emotionally etc…)
I see it now for what it was. A convenient way for him to get me 300 miles away for days or a week at a time, so he could cultivate his new relationship. Interestingly enough, once the divorce was under way (high conflict, dragged on for years) he didn’t give a sh*t that my mom by that time lost the ability to speak or walk, and was bedridden on hospice care.
Calgal1, your story is so similar to mine; high conflict divorce, and a mother who supported us financially. He gives zero fucks about her now. He has no remorse for anything, for taking her money, letting her do HIS job of providing for HIS family. It’s like my mother never existed, he’d always been polite to her when she visited and stayed for a few months at a time, but I realize now it was because she paid for everything while she was here, and when she wasn’t, she paid for our flights for a family of 6, several times. He tolerated her because she served a purpose.
I have those lightbulb moments every now and again, and it’s like a fresh wound for a while.
I was in the living room wrapping our kids’ presents on Christmas Eve after they had gone to bed, and my (now ex) husband was in our bedroom talking to his girlfriend who he told me was “just a friend.” I stayed up till nearly one in the morning getting everything wrapped and bows put on. He didn’t lift a finger to help in fact he was irritated I asked for help because it interrupted his phone time. A week later he moved out and got engaged to the girlfriend. In one weeks time, his Facebook profile went from “married” to “single” to “in a relationship” to “engaged.” No joke! His Facebook friends must have thought he was bonkers, and he was! You know it’s true love when you change your Facebook status… they broke up three months later because HER husband was coming home from Afghanistan and she had second thoughts about divorcing him (they had 4 kids too). Yes, while her husband was spending Christmas dodging bullets she was screwing my husband. A double Christmas Scrooged you over. I’m kinda sad she and my ex broke up, they deserved each other!
ELL493, what a shit show huh? Its amazing actually seeing the devil’s circus ooze out of someones head into real life!! I’m a firm believer in exposing all cheaters involved! Not to meddle. But I believe that its right to give a victim of that abuse A CHOICE!! Your Ex blew up his own family and she was on the cusp of blowing up hers. And all for nothing. Well, except FB status. For some reason these ——–pathic people have the greatest timing. A holiday, illness, anniversary you name it. Its strange how they don’t care what it does to their own children, family, extended family. How their friends and coworkers will view them. Knowing that everyone knows or is going to figure it out. Knowing that their own kids, if not immediately, will some day certainly despise them or be totally indifferent to them. But hey!!! They deserve to be happy right? To always feel that great feeling of new found love. GAG!!! And then remarkably try to manage their image. To the kids, family, friends and work colleagues. And thats where the campaign of blame shifting begins. Its so cliche its not even funny. I love hearing the ” LIFE IS SHORT” speech from emotionally failed and crippled dunderheads. I nod my head, grin, listen pretend to agree and then UNLOAD on their failed asses. Life is a fucking marathon!! Not a sprint. If we lived by that motto we would be in a grave by 30. Life is long. Sometimes hard and sometimes so great!!! Thats why we have health insurance, savings, 401k, soc sec. for pete sake. Now I lloive to ask this to cheaters I encounter or some one who contemplates it. On your way out of this world. Looking back at your life. What is it that you THINK you will remember or be remembered for? Great sex and the feeling of new found love? Or being a family man. Someone who who was loyal, honest and took good care of his family and still had the ability to in their adult years? Ya!!! I actually do this and am proud of it. Some listen most don’t. But they learn later. Its been almost 5 years since my DDay. Life is good. Learned a ton. Better man than my exwife was and is a woman. And I like that about myself.
Well, this isn’t that spectacular but… After DD#1 in October, Assholio and I were in wreckonciliation during the holidays. He had supposedly broken things off with the bar whore he had been screwing on work trips, but unbeknownst to me at the time, they were still at it, and had had a fuckfest the weekend before Christmas. Pick-me dancing like crazy, I decorated, cooked, made everything festive and fun for the kids and us, while he did nothing but sit around and lap up all the attention. On Christmas Day, after we had opened presents, then eaten a lovely lunch I had prepared, we were sitting in the family room in front of the tree and fireplace. He gazed around, smirking from the recliner, and said, “Well, that wasn’t so bad…” My mouth fell open. After all the work and stress I had gone through to make everything perfect for his highness, that’s all he can say. Poor thing had to suffer through the holidays with his family so he could back to work and bang his whore.
My D-day was October as well and I had the pleasure of a fake reconciliation over Christmas also, complete with freaking WIERDASS behavior from ex while I was tortured with keeping our secret from nearly 50 close family members at various gatherings. (He was in the bathroom at Midnight with his cell phone New Years Eve) I was tweaked mentally, pacing every night sleepless with anxiety for the week long stay with family, but I was rockin’ the size 2 jeans not being able to eat any of my favorite Christmas treats because of loss of appetite.
When this type of post is run, I am always amazed by the diversity of depravity that exists in our world. These are not the mythical monsters of stories, movies, fictional works. These are not the stories we see on television sitcoms or soap operas. As bad as the villains are on all these created genres, these dysfunctional dimwits are worse, because they are real spouses and parents, and cheating partners, and these stories are about unnecessary pain created during a holiday season that is supposed to celebrate peace on earth good will to all. The background symbols of the holiday decorations, and gifts that are supposed to originate from love, especially for small children, make the whole attitude worse. These folks are so immature, so selfish, so sexually oriented that they can not put their own interest aside for the sake of their own family, for a few days of the holiday season. The OW/OM wants “proof” that sneaking around and breaking vows with another in order to be with them is THE most important thing. Prove you love, pick me, show me — I don’t have enough emotional maturity to postpone my own gratification long enough to allow families and small children a few hours to enjoy a holiday. This attitude is so toxic that the memories and scars from holidays ruined stay with us and PTSD thru our lives. If a marriage/relationship needs to end, why can’t it be on a random day of the week, why must a holiday or a birthday be ruined. Oh yes, kibbles are especially grand and tasty if a dysfunctional sociopath can hurt someone else on a special day. Why can’t I remember that these folks define fun as taking away something from someone else, hurting someone who has been good to them, cutting off good memories from innocents. Really, the best present any of us ever received was the vision of these devastators walking away.
Happy holidays to us all. Starting a new life and a new tradition without these Harry Potter Dementors sucking all that is good out of our lives is the best gift of all.
???? Portia, always good to hear your voice.
Wow, thank you Chump Lady and Chump Nation for this amazing conversation. As was just said above, both tragic and hilarious.
I was a Christmas dumpee, and I’ve bonded before with a couple of chumps over the peculiar and subtle pain of being devalued and discarded by a Nice Guy Cheater. No, I wasn’t pregnant or the mother of toddlers–or both!– discovering that the Christmas money had been spent on hotels and hookers, or on diamonds for Schmoopie. My cheater wasn’t a sociopath or a narcissist–just a weak, selfish man. Or, as I’ve dubbed him for eternity, a Whiny Passive-Aggressive Man-child.
But it hurt enough, and it took long enough to get over. And it’s the way that I found this remarkable community, and what binds us all together in pain, in healing, and in love.
As Chump Lady says– Better days ahead!
And now, the fantastic Ellis Paul, with the moving Chump ballad “Last Call,” describing a place and time we all know too well.
Tomorrow is the nine-year anniversary of the day cheater came directly from a threesome with the two married coworkers he was fucking to meet me at the coffee shop in the mall for a little break during my Christmas shopping. Over that coffee, he announced he didn’t want to be married to me any longer, he’d basically been miserable for every single day of our 20-year marriage (funny how up until that moment he’d always said how happy he was) and no, he wasn’t having an affair with anyone.
Next morning, he left our home and sent a mass text message to everyone we knew, informing them that we had separated and they should all wish us luck. He then packed a bag and left.
Christmas Eve, he returned to our home, claiming I could not legally prevent him from entering and that he was moving back in whether I liked it or not. He set up in the guest bedroom, and that was how it remained for the next 4.5 months until I was able to move out.
Christmas morning, he gave me two pink washcloths from the drugstore, while I sat in stunned silence watching our son open gifts.
New Year’s Eve, I have no idea where he went, but son and I went to close family friend’s party, as we had done for years. Next day, cheater furiously went off on son, because son had not called him at midnight to wish him a happy new year. Keep in mind that son was 13 years old at the time, DID NOT HAVE A CELL PHONE, and had just learned his parents were divorcing a couple weeks earlier.
Our first grandchild was born close to Christmas. We travelled to where my daughter lives to see the new baby and celebrate Christmas. I felt terrible because I wasn’t overjoyed at being a grandparent the way I expected to be. I watched my husband coo over the baby and it just made me sad because he was not affectionate with me anymore. Grandparenting was something we couldn’t really enjoy together since there was such an emotional distance between us. I hated myself for not being able to fully connect with my grandbaby the way I longed to. That is, until recently when I understood why. It turns out while he was hypocritically playing happy family man, he was texting his whore the whole time we were there and planning to divorce me eventually. I sensed he had discarded me. I just didn’t know why.
Now I no longer hate myself for my inability to have the feelings I should have about being a grandmother. I hate him for causing it by ruining those precious moments with his callous mistreatment of me. I now have another grandchild I haven’t seen yet. I have been suffering from both depression and ptsd from both the betrayal and long term emotional abuse so I have little desire or energy to travel to see her. I won’t be seeing her at Christmas. It hurts enormously and I have been feeling guilty about it. Then I remember whose fault it really is and the rage comes back.
Oh, and last Christmas he gave me a useless re-gift from his mistress as a “fuck you”. Knowing full well I was deeply depressed over our marriage, he was covertly laughing in my face. Until he was caught, he was still posing as a happy family man while knowing that he would have walked out on us in an instant if his skank had been willing to leave her marriage for him. If there’s one thing I despise, it’s a hypocrite.
I remember that horrible hole it left realizing he had lost his affection for me! I can see how maybe you mixed that in with feelings for your grandchild. When you feel up to it I recommend just diving in. There is no relationship that can match that opportunity of Grandparent/Grandchild. My son absolutely loves his Grandparents even though we do not live near by. It is nourishment for my son’s soul I believe, part of his foundation.
I was on another site where the mantra was ’emotions are not our friends’. So true. Screw your ex and the feelings those experiences have left behind. Even if you feel dead inside, it is worth going through the motions of forming a bond. I don’t mean to sound preachy but I would bet at some point you would be grateful that you did.
Am I missing something? I don’t understand how going over the pain of these awful Christmas memories is supposed to “drive a stake of holly through them.” It just makes me even more sad to remember how my kids had a dollar tree Christmas with a tabletop tree because we were too broke (didn’t know he’d been spending money and buying gifts for howorker and her niece) and how I didn’t get anything, not even a card, and how I begged for help with decorations and preparations but he wouldn’t so then he spent Christmas Day sending pictures and texts to the whore making fun of my feeble attempts to put up a small tree and my homemade and very heartfelt gift to him and my kids’ lame $ store “presents.” It truly just makes we want to vomit with grief. I don’t feel better at all after this…
((hugs))
No, the memories are not good and they are not what launches us into being mighty or lets us finally boil the cheaters in their own pudding. They are painful and horrifying.
However, it is necessary to visit the ghosts of the past to see it for what it was. Now that we have been pushed to the other side we will make no excuses and we will have no confusion about it. At the time there was probably plenty of spackle to smear around about why he was not involved or why there was no money.
Now you can see that it was him pooping in the egg nog the entire time and that is the first step to healing.
Yes, I think you are. These stories lose their power to wound us when we share them with others who can both sympathize and empathize with us. I look at your story this way – it was a sad Christmas for you and your kids but you got through it and it sounds like you gave your kids a really nice Christmas. It’s not about how much you spend, it’s about how much love you put into it and you clearly put your heart into your family whether it was appreciated by your partner or not. Hopefully this year will be better. Is your cheater out of the picture? Think of the money you’ll save not having your funds go to the OW! You can spend all your resources (emotional and financial) on yourself and your kids without having to endure the petty criticisms you had to put up with last year. And I bet someday you will look back and be proud of yourself for what you got through. {{{Hugs}}}
Oh, Hopeful, I am truly sorry that this has been more painful than helpful to you. We are all at different stages, and it just may be that this conversation is not one that you can bear to have. Maybe for you it never will be. I am sorry that it brought you pain today.
Hopeful, what these stories did for me at the beginning were to make me realize it wasn’t me that was mad. These things really were happening and he was that sick of a bastard. I really was being gaslighted!
2 years ago right at Christmas, I opened my 3 tree presents and they were all frying pans. When I wasn’t as appreciative as he thought I should’ve been, he screamed at me that if he stayed in the marriage any longer, he was going to commit suicide. Merry Christmas to me. I don’t celebrate much anymore. At least not yet.
Dear Irrelevant (no, you’re not),
You’ll get there at some point. It took me 4 years before I felt like celebrating Christmas although I tried to do a little bit of decorating and celebrating when my kids were home. Now that both kids are out of the nest, if I feel like celebrating, I do. If I don’t feel like it for whatever reason, I let it go. I get my joy from a peaceful life and freedom from fuckupedness and that I can get any day of the year, not just for the holidays.
If you can, go on a vacation during the holidays. But not New Orleans (there’s a lot of fried food there.)
Oh yeah I got the “I was going to kill myself” apparently we were all so unbearable he could not tolerate another Christmas of being nice to me and his 3 adoring kids. He was so addled in his own selfish needs he managed to hide it so well until the day he decided it was time to walk out
Pity he didn’t follow through
Selfish bastard
My birthday is 3 days before Christmas. It’s never been pleasant. I was heavily pregnant one year, my husband had to go out to see a band i think (whatever it was it was something pregnant me wasnt interested in).
I found out recently he was seeing Ginger Rogering through the whole pregnancy (all those nights out while i stayed at home pregnant with 5 year old child keeping me company, much better company than her dad to be fair).
I’d discovered Ginger Rogering (a friend of mine) and Dick (real name Nick) were having an affair 2 months prior to getting pregnant (been trying for two years but his extramarital affairs had somehow put a subconscious block in my fertility).
Same day i found out about another one as well. I didnt know her and he manipulated us both into becoming friends. Let’s call her Brown Nose. Little did i know that friendship was a ploy to stop me noticing he was carrying on with Ginger.
Miraculously the discovery of these affairs (nothing had happened apparently) put me into my first cycle of the pick me dance and i got pregnant within 2 months (after years of trying).
Anyway so that birthday, 3 days out from Christmas, he went out and i got a surprise call from Brown Nose and we talked babies and stuff for an hour or so. It was nice given my husband had better things to do on my day.
This was 6 years ago. I kicked him out 5 months ago. I found out how long him and Ginger had it going on from friends after we split. Not sure why they wouldn’t tell me when we got married a year after baby was born AND DICK AND GINGER WERE STILL SEEING EACHOTHER but at least they told me in the end (proxy kibbles?).
But it was THEN I realised Brown Nose was just a decoy, and an actively engaged and compliant one at that, called in to distract me ON MY BIRTHDAY while he made whoopie with Ginger fuckface and PREGNANT ME was at home distracted by Brownie!
So many birthday discard stories. Most involving Ginger Fuckface. She discarded him in the end (too possessive and controlling, jewellery gifts bought with my money too wierd etc etc). Around my wedding. No wonder he cried all through the ceremony.
The great thing is though, he then predated on his next victim, when my mum was dying a few months after we got married (she died day before my birthday…yeh shit time of year every year now). That went for 4 or so years and i found them out when i discarded this year. Lets call her CattleClass (she’s a flight attendant although im surprised they let obese women do that job to be fair so she may be ground crew now). But here’s the great thing…
CattleClass cant wait to tell the world about her secret boyfriend now public main course. Finally she’s out of the shadows (it was her insta that gave them away) AND HE IS NOW TRIANGULATING HER WITH GINGER ROGERING!!!
Because ive worked out his lovers are positioned just to be distractions from the real ones he wants to keep (read as control) I’ve stopped winding him up about CattleClass (im actually no contact but these things still come up….to distract me with a lie and thus keep controlling me I suppose…its not working lol). I’ve changed my signature hashtag from #shecanhavehim to #theycanhavehim. They really can.
Happy birthday to me this week. No drama or triangulation in sight (a lot if effort gone into that by me. No doubt some drama will arise. Im prepared)
He
I never realized how lucky I was that DDay for me was in July. It was, however, just after I came back from a European vacation with my daughter. It was about a month before that trip that he told me we needed counseling but we would start after I got back from the trip. I was anxious, but hopeful, as I thought counseling would help our marriage as he was behaving in all of the dickwad ways that cheaters evidently act towards their spouses and kids when in the throws of an affair. Needless to say, concerns about my marriage were on my mind throughout the trip but I put them aside and generally had a good time with my then almost 16 year old daughter. When we came home he was reluctant to pick us up from the bus stop a mile away from home with all of our luggage but he relented in the end. When we got home he hugged me like I was the most important thing in the world. Then he refused to come to bed. The next morning he was both clingy and stand offish and I was upset and confused as hell but he refused to explain what was going on with him and why he was acting so hot/cold. I was suspecting an affair but figured I would ask at our first marriage counseling session scheduled for a week later. Two days later I got the call from Schmoopie’s husband. That affair had started about a six weeks before I left with my daughter.
Here is the kicker. Months earlier, (I think he was involved with Schmoopie 1.0 at that point but I didn’t find out about her until much later) when I was working out timing for the trip with daughter, he suggested that I should plan it for when the boys were away at camp so he wouldn’t have to parent solo for two whole weeks. I deliberately did plan it that way so he could get a break. That was my gift to him. What an awesome gift for someone in the throes of an affair. We all know how that time was spent. Of course he later claimed that I set it up that way with the deliberate intent of making him feel lonely for those two weeks because I was just callous that way. Never mind that it was his idea in the first place and I was trying to accommodate. Anyway, it is hard to look back on all of what should have been good memories of an amazing trip with my daughter without being reminded of ex’s betrayal and blow up our marriage. It’s hard for daughter too.
My ex moved out two weeks before the trip to Italy he had planned for us. I went alone…not knowing what was happening. He was obviously given an ultimatum. While I was in Italy, he was filing for a divorce and served me the day after I got home. He, to this day, has never admitted to anything. Like you, my trip was tainted and although it’s been three years, I still have not put my photos in an album. Also, within two weeks of his filing, he booked the exact trip in August of following year. Yes, we were still married!
CL, do you still have the “cheater crashing through the living room ceiling onto the Christmas tree” story on file somewhere? That one is always one of the “best” Holiday-With-A-Moron stories out there!
First time I met ho-worker schmoopie was at my cheater XH’s Christmas party. We were standing in line at the buddy bar waiting to order drinks and I happened to notice this woman behind us being so weird. I’m trying to find words to explain it. She was wriggling, squirming and giggling all over the place like she was 14. I turned around and looked at her and my husband introduced me to her. She grabbed my hand and told me ‘how nice it was to meet me.’ I found emails later that indicated their affair was in the beginning stages then. I’m sure they planned to meet up there to goo-goo eye at each other while I was left completely in the dark to be humiliated lied to. Honestly, she was so ugly I didn’t really think much of her. We weren’t having marital problems and I thought we were having a great life. Ha! Nothing is great for long with a cheater. They ruin everything.
Yeah, the cheater pigs love to shove it right in your face. You are well rid of that creep.
Early in The Asshole’s affair, he invited me to a gala event which his hag would be at. I declined, not even knowing about her. He tried with another event. I declined again. Later he invited me to what would have been a double date with her and her husband, though he wasn’t that specific about it at the time. Strike three. They must have been so frustrated that I refused to go along with their sick, abusive agenda and they couldn’t disrespect me right to my face. She settled for involving her kids in the affair by repeatedly flaunting him in front of them and even bringing one of them on what was meant to be that double date. Sickos, both of them.
One year ago, I found my stbx with ow after a holiday party. He texted me at 8 pm said he was paying the bill and will be home. At 11 pm, he was nowhere to be found or answering his phone. I went to the restaurant which was right down the block and his parents were staying at our house (so they were watching our children). WELL, I found him! with OW (his subordinate) on top of him in his car.
Happy Holidays to me!
This will be my first Christmas day without my kids.
What was the reaction from his parents? What a shit show.
Hi mother cried. I am still really close with them and when they come to visit they stay with me and the kids.
He said it was the first and only time he ever cheated on me…and I just happened to catch him! HUH!
It’s quite amazing how cheaters can’t tell the time isn’t it. Mine would say he was going for “a” drink (ha, big joke, unless it was straight out of bucket) and he would be home around 8 p.m. It would usually end up around 3-4 a.m., and then later not at all. Heck we worked in Switzerland – I should have bought him a better watch! Or maybe a cuckoo clock!
My super considerate cheater waited until January 2 to drop the bomb. Isn’t he the most thoughtful cheater? I’m sure he and his howorker planned it so as not to “ruin the holiday” for me. I had gone to visit my daughter and her family that Christmas while he claimed he couldn’t take off work. He was a Christmas downer anyway, so I left him home. What I didn’t realize was he wouldn’t come so that he schmoopie could plan their escape. This was last year. I’m glad he’s gone, but the holiday season is a grim reminder of betrayal.
Mine is a January story. I can’t remember exactly what year it was, but probably 2010, after DD1, when I weighed 49kg from grief ( current weight 67kg at 165cm). We live in South Australia, our families live in Victoria, so we made a late “Christmas” trip which coincided with my birthday. My XH had allotted one afternoon to spend with my family. When I pointed out that they might want to spend a little longer seeing me and our 2 kids he literally wailed in anguish, his face kind of morphed into the face in “The Scream” painting, and he howled ” I never get what I want!”It came out of nowhere, in the middle of a previously routine conversation, and was one of the most shocking moments of my life, like his mask hd dropped and I got to glimpse the real him. The real him thought that more than four hours with my family was pure torture- and they had always liked, him, been kind to him, lent him money.
Remember ..cheaters, liars, abusers, soul rappers, DON’T have hearts, emotions, remorse so why would they be capable of managing the timing of blowing us up. I was married for 31 yrs, been divorced from SAxh for 3 years now. Since he always hid behind ME the holidays were especially thoughtless. Gifts that mattered not! One year on Thanksgiving I got delivered DD#2 when hoe gf was signaling him on his pager all night. I got that GUT feeling and turned on the light to look into his lying eyes. He confessed to this OW. Said he had met her on a call (yep he was a cop) disgusting that he needed to help the damsel in distress while I struggled at home with 3 young kids. I was going to file for divorce then but regret letting therapists, pastors etc talk me out of it.
So Christmas rolls around that same year and the gift he brought home that year was our first desktop computer. Late that night I wake up and notice him gone and look downstairs to see him “enjoying himself” while looking a porn on our computer. Said he was just curious. OMG why oh why did I stay another 20 years! Pretty much defiled everything in my world.
I can point out almost every life event, major, minor, holidays, vacations etc HE screwed it up somehow. It has taken me a few years to let it go. It does help to remind myself why he is gone. They ONLY have their own interests at heart. Found out during divorce that he had spent the evening my 3rd baby was born at a strip club and watching porn. Sickened me. He took advantage of every single opportunity he could!
PEACE, JOY, & LOVE to all us Chumps this wonderful season of Christmas
Christmas eve 2015 the wasband did not come home. IT was typical for him to spend the day shopping but he was usually home by 4 ish and we all attended Christmas service together. The kids and I were all dressed and waiting for him so we could go to church from 4 until 6. He would not answer his cell or any texts. Finally we left without him. On the way to the church we passed a local bar he liked to disappear to on the regular and sure enough his car was there. So I pulled in to see if he was planning on joining us for church at all. He was there with the OW, which I had no idea about until that moment. I left in tears and took the kids to church. He slipped into the house about 7 am the next morning as the kids were getting up. I sat shell shocked as they opened their presents. After which he said to me, I want you and T (our son) to move out as soon as possible. When I asked abut his daughter my step daughter he said if I didn’t make trouble I could see her sometimes but if I did he’d make sure I never saw her again. Then he left again – to go spend the day with the OW. There is my Christmas D day story
I guess we shouldn’t be amazed but I still find these stories jaw dropping!
Evil, pure evil!
My cheater had sex with OW in OUR BED on the day we posed for our annual holiday family photo! DDay occurred 10 days later. Fast forward a year, he took this same HoHoHo to Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve at our Catholic Church in our hometown. PS We are still legally married yet the two of them got engaged!
Christmas 2009 was just like any other I guess. He was just as much an evil drunk as ever. Then January 2010 he stopped coming home. Just stopped. Until 6 weeks later he finally showed up at the house bringing our 2 sons with him to tell me that I would soon be getting divorce papers. He had moved in with his dumpy, fat ankled bar whore skank. Yeah that was a great move. The best bit was that she had a dingy apartment right next to the fire station and the alarms would go on throughout the night. That was also where they held the cattle auction so he got to live with the auctioneer yelling and the fire alarms and then came home to complain about how he couldn’t sleep! Oh and of course he never filed for divorce. He wanted to come back a month later but I put him straight on that one.
Attie, GOOD FOR YOU!
Give me 25,25,25.25!! Moooo!
How romantic.
Lol.
The last Christmas we were together was 2014. We were having troubles, for sure, but my gut was screaming at me that there was something going on with a ‘friend’ of his who was ‘just a friend’ (not).
I got some really lame ass gifts from a discount store, a sweater that was a sizeL, but a girl’s L, and a silver bracelet that was painted plastic. He was usually quite good at gifts, so that was surprising. I later found the receipts in our house with the date/location purchased. I gave him a book titled “Adultery” and 2 glasses etched with “Fat Bastard Ale”. I know, passive aggressive, not gonna lie. I think I knew it was over…
He almost killed us all driving Christmas Day to his family’s celebration.
He changed his plane reservation to be back in NYC in time to get a ‘jump’ on work in the new year (i.e, Spent New Year’s Eve/Day with Schmoopie). She’s the one who got jumped. I got dumped.
DDay was February 5th, the very next time he was home from the East Coast, out at a favorite restaurant, to drop the “I don’t want to be married anymore” speech. Because, don’tcha know Valentine’s Day is about to get real awkward… Turns out he and his girl’friend’ had gone Christmas Shopping together while he was staying at her weekend house. I’m sure she picked out that cheap-ass stuff herself and they had a good laugh. They’re living together now. We’re still married. Sorry, no tagbacks.
You all make me glad my lying, abusive, adulterous former partners are gone for the holidays! As much as I don’t like being a divorced dateless (mom), I think that my life is less unhappy life than the one with one of the monsters described here!
I get triggered watching the holiday car commercial where the wife asks “why are there so many miles on it?” as the dude hands over the keys. He does the “uh……mmmmm……wut!” thing and I just want to punch him. Too much searching and trying to think up an answer and then he ends the discussion with a quick gaslight move for good measure. He might as well have been explaining inappropriate texts from some AP.
I know the point is that he was enjoying the car for lots of rides and that is why it has so many miles on it but it feels very much like the douche just bought himself a car and is playing like it is a gift. The wife will get to enjoy lots of ‘why’ moments in the future with this car, as if he is never going to touch it again, ya, right. The lame attempt at lying is over the top.
I know, I know, it is just a commercial. But you tend to see douchebaggery everywhere once you have been lied to day after day for years.
The person who conceived the commercial is a douche bag.
Once you got your radar on…
Yessssss!!!
This commercial pisses me off too!
The other one is the one where the dad is driving and wife is sitting beside him with earbuds in and doesn’t hear him bragging about the insurance kickbacks he gets and all the things he buys himself…puke.
I hate that car commercial as well. That guy just looks guilty as hell even though its just a commercial its very triggering, Id be rich if ever time I saw that face when questioned of whereabouts. And to piss me off even more is the guys kids are smiling in the back seat (sworn to secrecy) ugh haven’t we all been there!
Pants of Fire Alert !!!
Right?!?!
Or the one where the guy gets injured and the wife and son are saying, ” Take dad to the hospital, it go to Hawaii?!…uh, Hawaii!!!” ( With high fives)
Bitch
Right at this time last year-my STBX came home from one of his trips (he’s a pilot) and we got in a huge fight over nothing-he just flipped out at me – told me everything that was wrong with me and how I sucked…..I knew there was yet another stupid chick. So I look on his Instagram account and see a picture of 2 glasses of drinks and a rose on a table in a fancy restaurant in Peru. Of coarse everyone “liked” it and asked who the lucky girl was…..it didn’t take me long after looking through those peeps who “liked” it to find out who the chick was. I know now she was my blessing in disguise. My STBX has since moved out to a neighbors house, I am NC except kids and bills and we are Mediating with lawyers in February! It’s going to be the best Christmas ever!
NY D-Day was two weeks after my birthday (March 2015) in which (I found out later) he watched me on his laptop’s web cam remotely synced with his phone discover his cheating and telling his OW about him about to move out… I hope he liked seeing me laugh and smile at his lame ass attempts to schmooze the OW… I was relieved and proud of myself that I remained calm, cool, quiet the following week until “the talk”…
By Labor Day 2015 we were divorced, he was engaged to his AP (OW on D-Day, I suspect was a decoy from the now-Mrs. Dumbass)…by Thanksgiving 2015 they were married (I didn’t get an invite). Thanksgiving 2015 was on our would-have-been 12th wedding anniversary, and it was wonderful!!!
Chumps, I tell you plain— every single holiday or special occasion was a shit show when I was with him- depressing almost- then he left
Ever since, my holidays have been so.much more wonderful! Happy, peaceful, calm.
It *does* get better!!!
I’m literally counting down the days to one full year since STBXH left for good.
Dec. 9 – He finally owns up to perusing the internet looking for rental properties and confirms he is looking for Jan. 1. Absolute shock as he had re-committed to working on our marriage just two months before, even attending a marriage counselling weekend with me. Swears up and down that this is his decision and that there has been no contact with the OW.
Dec. 19 – He signs the lease on a townhouse for Jan. 1st. Comes home to tell me that it turns out the owner is one of my relatives, and when the owner made the connection that this man was my husband leaving me, he teared up and attempted to talk to my husband about what happiness is and that leaving a marriage because “to be happy” is not what it’s cracked up to be.
Dec. 22 – He goes to see a friend’s band play. Picks up a woman and takes her back to the friend’s place to sleep with for the night (I found out about this night six months later). This was NOT the OW – so much for true love.
Christmas – Pretend to both our families that everything is fine. I die a slow death within me. Notice that he seems to be sneaking off to text several times throughout the day.
Boxing Day – Sneak a peak at his phone and note a new email account with Christmas love emails to the OW. He’s telling her how much he loves her, wants to spend new years with her. She tells him that she hopes he finds the FUN in dysfunctional throughout Christmas. He responds that he wants to find the F U to everyone in dysfunctional. I call my cousin, my husband’s best friend, and reveal what’s been happening the last couple of weeks. He drives past the OW house to find my husband shoveling her driveway.
I spend the night with the kids at my cousin’s place. My husband spends the evening sending both of us texts apologizing for acting like a teenage boy who can’t exercise patience in reconnecting with the OW, alternating between writing that I deserve better respect or I need to start accepting that it’s over.
We provided no response.
Dec. 27 – I return home while he is at work and try to figure out the secret email on the computer. Third attempt at a password and BINGO. I print a binder full of emails over the course of two months that reveal the full extent of their relationship and details his take-down of the marriage while I believes he was trying to work things out. I choose not to let him know I have these emails. He still doesn’t know that I have them or that I know the full truth of his affair.
I leave from the driveway as he arrives home and spend another night away.
Dec. 28 – He emails me some separation agreement that he got off the internet with some fields filled in. Seriously, it’s four pages long. I told him immediately that I refuse to sign it and will be requiring a proper separation agreement be created.
Dec. 30 – He decides this is the day to tell the kids. He has done no reading to help figure out healthy ways to go about doing this. I make him get on the computer to research and he gives me his ideas a half hour later. I present him with the visuals that I created the week before, the children’s story books I got from the library and a potential script. I read the kids the stories and have them talk about what they understand about other kids in their classes who have two homes. Then, I make him tell his kids what he is doing. He leaves a couple of hours later.
For four days he does not see the kids. Doesn’t even call them for new years. Kids keep asking me when Daddy is coming back, indicating that they don’t really get what’s happening fully. He thinks that the whole thing went down really well and the kids are fine.
Dec. 31 – He finally tells his parents what he’s done. He had yet to bother to tell anyone in his family.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! He’s with his schmoopsie.
One year later…
I am in a much better place this year than last year. Still experience anxiety, particularly over the legal separation agreement that is currently getting some final touches before he gets it to sign. Hope to God he signs it. I am sincerely grateful for a massive support system around me. Every person I know that matters to me – my family, my STBXH family, friends, neighbours, his friends that I’m close to, people at our church – all know the truth of what he’s done and do not support him. He continues to live his double life. He basically lives with her on the days with no kids. Then, he connects with his family and friends on the days he has the kids. He does not speak of this woman to any of the people in our lives.
My children are thriving. I am very close to them. My STBXH doesn’t pay for anything (I was the money), so the kids see me as the parent that gets them what they need. They talk to me. They’ve been in family counselling with me. My son has autism and he’s managing fewer transitions between households better. He’s progressing really well through ABA therapy. Their father does not plug into the therapy or their schooling. I’m fine with that. I get to keep the kids in their home. I’m financially managing well. When the kids are with their dad, I get lots of things done and self-care. In fact, I am managing my life with almost none of the stress that I have been experiencing for years. I didn’t realize how much mental energy being with my husband was costing me. Even physical ailments that I had been suffering – a hormonal imbalance, weight gain no matter what I was doing to control weight, deficiencies in B6, B12, iron have all completely cleared up. Completely. And, I’m 30 pounds lighter and have kept the weight off. For years the doctor had been telling me that it’s likely stress causing many of my symptoms and encouraging that I learn to manage it better. And, now, next to no stress in my daily life.
It will always be saddening to me that all of this happened. It didn’t need to. Our issues were not so bad that it warranted nuclear destruction on the scale in which he delivered it. He was carrying on this particular affair for about 19 months and I did a very serious pick me dance for the last year of my marriage. I have never prayed so hard for anything in my life. At one point, there were a half dozen members between both my family and my in-laws, very Catholic families, praying daily rosaries for this marriage. I was going to my church in the evenings after the kids went to bed for about 15 minutes to pray and return to my husband to hang out together during those last couple of months, and now I’ve got emails time-stamped to show how he spent some of that time writing to her.
Evil attacked my family and won through the weakest link. That evil no longer dwells in my home or maintains a daily presence in my life. My conscience is clear and my life of abundance awaits me.
We don’t always know what is best for us. You and your families prayed for the marriage, but obviously God knew you were better off without this loser. Sometimes when God says “No” in response to our parayers we can later see that it really was for the best.
Option
Saying while saying “evil preyed on the weakest link” may seem like a comforting thought – there is no mysterious dark force here.
Your husband- as any other cheater- consciously decided to destroy our lives… they are 100% responsible.
Maybe they will end up in Hell, maybe not.
Here’s a good one. It isn’t my story but someone I work with.
This particular person is young, newly divorced and in a relationship with a married man. (So immediately I have reservations about this girl, and how we’ll get along in the workplace moving forward).
She seemed really pissy the last I worked with her so I asked her what was up and if she was okay. This is when she tells me about her situation. Apparently she had been seeing this guy for a while and held together their secrecy for at least a year. They agreed last spring to tell their spouses, divorce and live “happily ever after”. So she told her husband and proceeded with divorce. Meanwhile the other guy told her he had told his wife and would also be moving forward with divorce.
Well as it turns out, the same day her divorce was finalized, the OM confessed that he STILL HASN’T told his wife and doesn’t plan on divorcing anytime soon. The girl will never tell the wife herself because she’s terrified of what will happen. We live on a small island and her reputation would be shattered. (my cheating husband knows all too well. He may as well have the scarlet A sewn on to his chest).
The girl does seem sweet and perhaps just really naive. (she’s 23, he’s in his 40’s) but dare I say the karma bus hit her square in the face and she’s currently scraping herself up off the pavement.
She doesn’t know my story and when I tell her, she’ll understand why I could offer her nothing more than a half smile and a shoulder shrug, with a follow up of “She’ll find out. And when she does, be prepared for a shit storm, because winter is coming”.
????????????️????️
The sad thing is that him staying with his wife is probably the best thing that happened to side-ho. Otherwise she’d be tied to a cheater twice her age and everyone would know that she was a skank. Now she can maybe salvage herself.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=s0O61FMofF4&feature=youtu.be
This popped up on my Facebook memories today. Perfect timing!
Funny! Unsinkable, thanks for sharing.
Sadly familiar as we’ll, disinterested when they’re on the dock, she’s trying to be romantic, he doesn’t celebrate Christmas, no, we started dating in December.
He’s got another “boo”
i love love love it!
WHY are you all chumps????? I don’t get it. Reading these comments it seems you were all married to losers, abusers, alcoholics, liars… you should be glad they left you. Not cry over losing these pieces of shit. Why cry and try to save marriages with these low quality men?? Let that shit go.
Because chumps took their marriage vows in good faith, truly meaning all that stuff about for better & for worse & forsaking all others. Because chumps are normal human beings who bond, and it’s hard to un-bond even from a POS.
The question is; why are you on a blog for chumps if you weren’t chumped and have disdain for those who were? Are you just here to troll people who are going through enormous pain with judgement and highly unrealistic “advice” about how we should feel?
To give you a reality check, nobody is going to glad when a relationship he/she has put his/her heart and soul into ends, particularly if betrayal is involved. It’s heartbreaking, soul-destroying and takes a long time to recover from. We didn’t do anything to deserve being abused, cheated on and discarded. We just got conned by scumbags who claimed to love us. So you think it couldn’t happen to you? The only sure way to prevent being conned is to never trust anybody. However, if you do that, you cannot love. So good luck with that.
Additionally, you seem not to have noticed that the entire premise of this blog is to encourage chumps to LEAVE cheaters, not to try to save the marriage.
Anyway, if you’re not here to be supportive and helpful, you might want to piss off and troll somewhere where you won’t be dealing with people who are so sick of being dumped on that they are liable to rip you a new asshole. Just sayin’.
Well I’m here cause I left a cheater. Trying to deal with it and move on. But not going to cry over him now I know what a piece of shit he really was. He did me a favour really. He actually made it so easy for me to leave once I realised he didn’t love or respect me. Newsflash: people who love you would never cheat on you!
Just because you objectively know something doesn’t mean you can demand your feelings act logically. Look, people are here because they recognize that their partners were awful people and that they need to leave them and get a life (like, it’s literally the slogan of the site?). Thing is, non-disordered human beings also develop feelings for people and stuff, so there’s gonna be some grief in the process. There’s no shame in that – it’s just part of being a normal human.
We’re not crying FOR the Cheaters… we’re reflecting on their assholery. Assholery that propels us to Leave Cheaters and Gain Lives. We get angry about and cry over the many
millions of memories that were tainted by them being assholes.
And this is being expressed with the 20/20 vision of HINDsight. Very often, we didn’t KNOW these things were happening… it’s only later, when we line up the texts, emails, calls, and GPS locations of these past occasions – looking them up because that one day seemed just.so.OFF – with what we experienced that we understood that we were being gaslighted and deceived.
For example:
Seeing FB Memories pop up of that lovely time I took the kids and their friends to see the Nutcracker ballet. We only had one car at the time and, since Cheater said I wasn’t allowed to go to the work Christmas party (employees only!), I decided not to dwell on it and bought tickets for the Nutcracker instead. He’d carpool with his old, married-lady co-worker.
The only thing weird about that night was his co-workers calling from the restaurant to ask where Cheater and Old Lady were, moments before the kids and I left. When I called, they were Christmas shopping and he described himself as a hostage to an old woman with a bad shopping habit. He hoped we’d have a wonderful time at the ballet and wished SO much that he didn’t have such a dick of an employer so I could have gone to the party too!
But actually, as Hindsight pointed out, he was fingering her in her Jeep and making out in quaint shops downtown instead.
That’s what I think of, when those “lovely memories” pop up. They’re forever ruined by Cheater’s assholery.
We’re not crying for them; we’re angry that they ruined our memories by not letting us live in Reality.
That’s a (sadly) beautiful way to put it. “We’re angry that they ruined our memories by not letting us live in Reality.”
I agree, and have said this a million times. If they are in love with you, they don’t cheat on you, Period…..but he married me, had kids with me, etc… cheaters do what they do because people are of use to them. It truly does mean nothing. I was the biggest chump ever, but I made a vow… to MYSELF… to not let history repeat itself. Some call it cynical, I just really believe it is common sense and good old fashioned realism. I have heard many chat on about how the relationships between OW and cheaters are “built on deception and lies”… Food for thought, so are their marriages, sooooooooo………….
You are either really great at repressing your feelings or you didn’t care that much about the guy if you aren’t feeling sad at all. It is natural to cry as you grieve the end of a love relationship. That doesn’t change because you found out he’s a dick. If you spent years loving him and believing him when he said he loved you, you are going to be destroyed by his betrayal.
We fall in love with them, build a life together, have children with them (and grandchildren for some of us) and we plan on growing old together. Then WHAM! The atom bomb dops. There is a secret double life and the realization that after all your love, sacrifice and loyalty, you were replaced by some worthless homewrecker (or with prostitutes, strippers, whatever). He thinks so little of you that he’s willing to risk losing you, even to flat-out abandon you, just to get the chance to behave like a hormonal adolescent with some trifling bitch or multitudes of trifling bitches.
You realize it was all a lie, that this person you built your life around, whose children you nursed and raised, never really loved you at all. He just used you and callously discarded you when he got bored. Who in her right mind wouldn’t cry? I have cried every day for five months. My kids are devastated, too. That makes it all the sadder.
You don’t cry? Congratulations. Go ahead and do you, boo. Just don’t tell us how we should feel about and react to our shattered hopes and dreams. Of course you can leave a cheater and still grieve. It is a completely normal reaction.
Yeeeaaassss, Chumperella!!!!
On my birthday, which is very close to Christmas if that counts. My husband dropped the bomb on my birthday. Moved out the next year, on my birthday. Married her the third year, on my birthday. After 30 years together. I guess he really came to hate me after all the years together and wanted to make sure I got the message.
Alone, you have the power to reframe it! Your birthday of all his lying, cheating, assholeness , has set you free on your birthday. It is a renewal in life! xooxoox
Yes, think of it as the universe giving you birthday presents! Three times you got the gift on your birthday of being free from him! I have a favorite, lucky day and it was on that day that he finally stopped coming “home”. I decided that if it happened on my lucky day, it must be lucky for me that he was gone.
Tracey, I saw something that made me think of you that you’ve got to look at. Cardi B was cheated on by Offset right (rappers) and she is divorcing him. She recently because the first woman to headline Rollin Loud and he crashed the show giving her a very public apology. It’s classic cheater mindfuck BS.
I’d like to see an article on this too.
My (now ex) husband was in Washington DC for an extended job assignment. He had been gone since late July. Around Thanksgiving, we talked about him coming home for a few days to spend the holiday with us. He was weirdly hesitant, complaining that flight times were “unreasonable.” Our kids were hurt, but our older daughter ultimately “guilted” him into coming home. (Yes, that’s what he said. She made him feel guilty about coming home for Thanksgiving.). He was distant for those few days, but I just thought it was because we were all readjusting to him being home.
We had made plans to go to DC for Christmas so he wouldn’t be lonely. I sent a box with presents ahead of time so it would feel like home on Christmas morning. On Christmas Eve, the 4 of us (we have 2 daughters who were 15 and 14 at the time) went to a movie and then out to eat. It had felt “off” the days prior, and he was really being an asshole on Christmas Eve. He told us that he had applied for a permanent position in DC. He told our girls he had parented them for 15 years and that it was now his turn to be happy. Our younger daughter was sobbing, so I took her to a room in his little corporate condo to console her. A short while later, our older daughter came in looking like she had just seen a ghost. She was freaking out, telling me that she had something to tell me but was scared. I told her that she could tell me anything. She said that she unplugged her dad’s phone from the charger so that she could plug her’s in and saw a message pop up. It said, “Goodnight, my love!” and was from Dixie. I asked him to come in the room and confronted him. He said our daughter was lying and that she was just trying to get attention. He said that Dixie was a co-worker’s wife and that we were being invited to their home. I said, “And your co-worker’s wife loves you?” He finally admitted his affair. Our kids were freaking out and I was hysterical. I took all the presents I had sent for him downstairs and gave them all to the gentleman working the midnight shift in the lobby. It was the middle of the night at that point—it’s all a blur at this point. I tried to change our plane tickets so we could just leave, but it was too expensive. Like $1000! As soon as the sun came up, the girls and I took our stuff and walked in the rain to a nearby Residence Inn. The day wore on. The only restaurant I could find that was open was a Mexican place, so I walked there and brought take-out to my girls. That’s how we spent Christmas in DC.
He showed up, begging for our forgiveness. He said he was going to cut short the work assignment and come home asap. None of us believed him, even though I think we all wanted to. The next couple days were awful and heartbreaking. I was so sad for our daughters.
The girls and I got home on the 29th. He called consistently, agonizing over what he had done. However, on New Year’s Eve, we didn’t hear from him at all. We banged pots at midnight and went to bed. I knew he was with her.
The next day, the girls went to a friend’s house for a few hours. I had never once in almost 20 years together snooped through his wallet or email or anything, but I got online and (1st try) guessed the password to his email account. There, I found the whole story of his affair, including emailed receipts for all the stuff he bought her. Victoria’s Secret, the Red Door Spa. On and on it went. It was gross and they were both so stupid. Dinner and a movie, or a movie and dinner? Puke.
I filed for divorce in early March, shortly before he returned home from DC. I told him I didn’t want to fight, and filed via a paralegal. He demanded a 50/50 custody arrangement, even though our kids were opposed to it. I asked him to be kind, and to give them time to adjust to the new normal. He wouldn’t have it, and hired the nastiest attorney he could find. Reviews from her own previous clients cautioned against hiring her! I hired an attorney, too.
Then…he moved his girlfriend here! Across the country to our little town, when it was all still pretty raw. Our kids didn’t like going to the grocery store for fear they would bump into their dad and Dixie. He chose her over them time and time again. It was horrible.
Our divorce went on for about 2.5 years. It cost me over $60k. It was insane! In the end, though, he dug his own grave. He took the low-road at every turn, and the judge wasn’t having it. The family therapist saw through all his bullshit, too, and determined that he was detrimental to our children’s emotional health. He is allowed to see them for 2 hours a week.
Christmas will never be the same, but we’re doing our best! Our older daughter got a full scholarship to college, and our younger daughter is kicking ass, too. We laugh all the time in our new place. We moved closer to my work, so we’re not all in the same little suburb with Dixie and my ex. I rarely even think of him anymore. I would do anything to erase the pain my kids suffered, but I wouldn’t change the outcome for anything. It’s crazy to me that I didn’t even realize I was married to a narcissistic sociopath…but I certainly was.
oh, katielies, I wish my family had been there for yours. One of our first holidays together as a forever family (me and my three kids, all adolescents at the time) was spent in DC. My daughter was working at Georgetown, her first year after graduation, and her siblings and I elected to spend the holidays with her there. We loved her new friends and old brownstone, served breakfast at a homeless shelter, went thrifting (one of my favorite activities), visited the Holocaust museum, admired the White House (and their Holiday decorations), and then went up to New York City, spent the night in a hostel in Manhattan, ate Chinese food on Christmas Eve, and ate dinner while it snowed. Bittersweet, but looking back, very healing. Our hearts were so fragile then but we all recognized that we were now embarking on our new life together (and that the man who had been in our lives for so long no longer existed) . Every year since, we have chosen to vacation in a new locale together. We have explored more places in the United States than we had in all our earlier years together…. I can’t tell you how many beautiful memories we have made. Children are resilient. Embrace your new life, and enjoy your girls. My Best wishes on your new journey forward.
My last year’s holiday gift was a pair of navy blue ugly pajamas and an “I want you happy” holiday greeting. He walked across the street from worked and grabbed the gift. I knew something was wrong as navy is my most hated color. Little did I know that he was adorning his shmoopie (20 years younger, married with two young children) for two years. Oh, and he is an ancient 65 yrs old. WTF???
Oh and his excuse after finding a second phone in our bedroom…well, our marriage was bad (duh!!). It’s time for both of us to move on with our lives. How lovely? Narcs take zero responsibility for their affairs. Asshat!
Oh and his excuse after finding a second phone in our bedroom…well, our marriage was bad (duh!!). It’s time for both of us to move on with our lives. How lovely? Narcs take zero responsibility for their affairs. Asshat!
Heh. He told me that he’d been sleeping with someone else and siphoning off money into a secret account to leave me for her. Right before Christmas, with our 3 year old. He said “at least I told you, I was just going to leave without saying anything and you and our son would never know what happened”. Nice.
He also neglected to state that this money was money he said was going to bills, so I got to figure out how to keep the electricity and water on over Christmas with no money to even consider buying my child anything for Christmas. And he wanted me to feel sorry for him because his schmoopie dumped him before he even moved out of the house. Sad sausage!
So now away from that man who literally drove me to bankruptcy and nearly ruined everything (that christmas was provided by some generous friends who knew what was going on and wanted to help me. they were awesome) to now where I’m remarried (7 years later) to a magnificent man who spoils me and my son, owning my own house, plenty of Christmas presents under the tree for my young man, and no worries. He’s off being lonely spending Christmas alone because this is my year for the holiday and he’s out of luck. Guess being a free spirit wasn’t so lucrative after all since he’s getting older, his interests are getting younger, and no one wants to hear his sob stories anymore.
Getting dumped at Christmas, while super painful at the time, was the best thing to happen in the history of my romantic relationships ever. Those of you in the thick of it? Remember, this is actually a gift in disguise. Make it one!
Fuckwit spent Christmas Eve with me, dinner & presents etc. 6 days after, he tells me I won’t see him for a little while. Next thing I know, He is in Korea with the young Thai bartender going on a mini honeymoon. She is only 35 years younger (he’s turning 62 and she’s 27) and they have soooo in love with each other. He finally found his forever.
This is our first Christmas in our new forever home for my young daughters and myself. Reading all the stories got me thinking about last Christmas. STBXH went Christmas shopping alone except a friend phoned me to say she saw him and Schmoopie howorker in Toyworld. They just ran into each other, what a coincidence, right? Christmas Eve rolls around and he can’t promise to meet us at 6pm Mass to see the kids in the Nativity play cos he is gigging until 6pm (5 mins from home and Church). Then I notice Schmoopie howorkers husband in Church with their kids, only it turns out she actually promised to meet them at Mass. Her Husband leaves early and finds them in his driveway drinking after the gig. She couldn’t come to Mass cos my STBXH told her she smelled of alcohol after the gig, and he just followed her home to make sure she got home safely (a consideration I don’t think was ever given to me) and I guess why not just drink some more. To choose to do that over your children? Just sad, actually. New Years Eve rolls round and out he goes the entire night, assures me not with his band mate howorker only I find the photos later of her in my car. Oh, the gaslighting. Well, Chump no more for me. And I pray one day her husband may see the light too. Now I am looking forward to the Nativity Play with the children and a beautiful Christmas free of the heartache and drama.
I am currently going through my marriage blowing up over the holidays!!!!! For 3 months jackass has been weird, distant and always changing his story. I called him out on it a few times, especially our phone bill. He would text 1 number HUNDREDS of times in a day… when I tried to take the adult honest approach and ask to see his phone he got cagey, walked away from me and clicked on the phone very fast and then handed it over to me… and of COURSE the number I asked to see surprisingly had no messages. He then renamed the number to a guy… so of course, I knew this was all wrong. I took his phone a few days later while he was sleeping and that phone number still had no messages, but the name was now a woman’s name.. I confronted him with THAT and he said he knew I would sneak around on his phone so he changed it to a woman to fuck with me since he already proved his honesty, WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I QUESTION HIM AGAIN AFTER HE ANSWERED ME!!! This triggered us to go to therapy. He was very enthusiastic about therapy and kept saying he hopes we come out better/stronger and could trust each other again, blah blah, bullshit bullshit bullshit… We went to 3 therapy sessions… each one was very stilted, like he had something big on his mind but wouldn’t come clean. Then each time we would go out to dinner and he would get so angry with me and say we should separate since we are so unhappy at home, he can’t breathe, he can’t think when he is around me.. oh boohoo hooo!!! I knew the only reason he wanted us to live apart was then he could fuck his little side piece, who he invented a whole different world with, and if I didn’t fully know the details, maybe he could come home again someday and I would have been none the wiser he was not only fucking a coworker, but having a full blown relationship, and denying every piece of evidence I could find (he was very good, always keeping his phone & computer clean, has no credit cards or money of his own etc). I finally set up an old cell phone in our house on record. and I hit the jackpot of evidence!!! He brought this trollop into OUR home, told lies about me…. that I am making him move out and how dare I , because I had some man in my life, but would get pissed at him for having a girlfriend … this was all before we officially separated. He fucked this girl on our couch while I was at work and our daughter at school. That night, I almost couldn’t believe my ears when I heard it all…. it was HOURS of them hanging out doing all the things we used to do, he fucked her (which BTW, he had just cried to me the night before and we had “passionate” sex all over the same couch he now has his girlfriend on). After listening to all this I was shaking with rage….. but I kept my cool for my almost 4 year old daughter sake. I put our daughter to bed and then came out to confront him. I asked him how Annie was… and he was like what, huh??? Until I started quoting all the shit they said and laying out all his lies…. he was SO surprised I actually caught him and he couldn’t believe I would bug the house, HOW DARE I FIND THE TRUTH FOR MYSELF!!! Needless to say I told him this was 100% over, no change of reconciliation (he blew the chance by continuing this charade until he was caught red handed).This all just blew up 1 week ago… now I have had to barricade all my belongings into my bedroom ( we live in a 1 bedroom in NYC, so no real space to coexist until all this is worked out) just so I can go out of town and now his trollop won’t be able to touch my things while I take our daughter to my parents to have a nice holiday without his toxic cloud!!! OOH and our daughter is a Christmas Eve baby, so that adds to this lovely time of year. I am trying very hard to not let the hate and anger for him ruin this completely. I know I have so much healing to do… but thankfully I have a move in date to a new apt. after the new year. My family has a holiday divorce curse….. years ago my cousin found her husband cheating on her NYE, last year my Uncle found his wife cheating on him on Christmas… and this year it is my turn! Granted, a few weeks before Christmas, but still right after Thanksgiving (which he spent with me and his family but text his trollop the whole time) and right before Christmas. I hope my move is finalized by my birthday in 3 weeks. I need to get started on living without his bullshit and lies.