Dear Chump Lady,
I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cover this topic, and my fellow chumpy friends and I are mystified by this behavior…
Schmoopie (the one that my husband/partner of 23 years left me for last year) gives ME (the chumpy ex-wife) gifts! What the…..?
I have never met Schmoopie in person. She is almost a decade older than my ex, and divorced with two older children. My two younger children have the privilege of spending time with Schmoops at her house — and on special occasions (Christmas, Mother’s Day, my birthday, Groundhog Day) over the past year, she has given me gifts under the guise of them being “from” my children. Mind you, I am absolutely certain that my ex didn’t purchase or select these gifts, nor my children, so there is only one person who could have initiated the purchases and executed the elaborate wrapping, minus any cards or notes.
So far, the gifts have included: a plush robe, a pair of gray floral fuzzy pajamas, a set of bath gels, a chambray shirtdress (which is too big — because I lost 30 lbs on the divorce diet), a silver bracelet with a charm that says “I Love Mom”, a custom-framed portrait of my children, and handpainted pots with flowers. These gifts are sent home with the children, without any explanation or pleasantries. Like pretty little time bombs.
From anyone else, the gifts would be warmly appreciated. From her, it’s a complete mindfuck. How am I supposed to interpret the intent behind these goodies? As peace offerings? As consolation prizes? As “I feel sorry for imploding your marriage and family… have a nice bath”? I can’t wrap my brain around it.
Not only that — but she constantly goes out of her way to “one up” me, by being super crafty and thoughtful. She freaking made a fancy brownie platter for my Divorce Care support group meeting potluck (delivered by my 9-year-old daughter who attends the children’s group)!!! Let that one sink in — the mistress made dessert for the ex-wife’s divorce group, and they did NOT have medical marijuana or laxatives in them! And because of this, I have dubbed her the “Martha Stewart of mistresses.” I have always considered myself to be a top-notch gift-giver and hostess, and this chick is bound and determined to outshine me every chance she gets. She already won the “booby prize”, but apparently she wants honorable mention too.
And here’s the kicker — my divorce is not final yet, and my ex and I are currently spending thousands in legal fees — so what kind of logic goes into the opposition buying GIFTS for the other team?? My ex doesn’t even talk to me at all, so why is his gal going out of her way to play nice?
It’s one thing to lavish my children with bribes (oops, I meant gifts) — but why ME?? Here’s a shiny object to distract you from the absence of your husband! Apparently she missed the class at cheater school where they teach you etiquette: Rule #1: Don’t buy gifts for your co-cheater’s soon-to-be-ex-wife.
So, the thing I’m struggling with is that old saying “don’t look a gift whore (oops, I meant horse) in the mouth.” Does it make me seem bitter and ungrateful that I can’t just grit my teeth and happily accept the gifts? Or that I won’t reciprocate and buy her a gift, or at least send a handwritten thank you note? I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone. Is she trying to kill me with kindness and show she’s the bigger person?
Do I just file this under the category of “untangling the skein of fuckupedness”?
Thanks,
GagGifted
Dear GG,
It’s a trap, Gifted! It’s a TRAP!
There is absolutely no good way to respond to this platter of shit brownies. If you accept them with thanks, you’re buying into the “friends” narrative, that there’s absolutely nothing transgressive about this Martha Stewart Menace fucking your husband. On the flip side, if you reject her gifts, if you catapult brownie bites at her head, or regift that fuzzy bathrobe to your nearest homeless person and photograph said person wearing said bathrobe, and upload the pix to OW’s social media (just a suggestion) — yes, then you’re “bitter and ungrateful.” Hell, if you fail to send a thank you note you’re probably bitter and ungrateful.
And that’s the point, isn’t it? To bombard you with bogus magnanimity and faux graciousness so you appear sullen and angry by contrast. Gosh, I’m such a Nice Person. Too bad Gifted can’t let go of her anger and accept!
The gifts are pure impression management. They’re a beautifully wrapped fuck you presented by your children. Ouch. And the worst thing about these wackadoodle acts of performance art is that they’re meant to mindfuck your children too. See, OW comes in peace! Pay no attention to your parents divorce — here’s a shiny thing! And one for your mother too!
I think you’re being remarkably gracious by not responding. Because yes, while it’s totally comedic, this kind of mindfuck is also abhorrent. It’s not a new set of pajamas, it’s a blundering attempt to get you to normalize injustice.
Oprah Winfrey has famously told the story of being raped as a 9-year old child. Afterwards, her abuser took her out for ice cream.
It seems preposterous, but anyone who has ever suffered abuse knows that this incongruity is typical. Man beats his wife, then buys her new clothes. Enslave a people and promote a few as “good Negros” or “credits to their race.” Buy the narrative that what I did was okay, and you’re okay with it, and you will be rewarded. I will think well of you! You will think well of me! And say no more about the Bad Thing! That wasn’t really Bad but For The Best!
This mindfuck is as old as time. What you’re experiencing is violation with ice cream.
Your family is breaking up, your still-husband is putting you through an acrimonious divorce, and this horrible woman is trying to insinuate herself into your DivorceCare group for fuck’s sake!
So what do you do?
You have a couple choices here.
1.) You can continue your strategy of ignoring her. However, that exposes your children to the continual mindfuck of delivering you “gifts.” OW may eventually give up, but do speak to your children about how inappropriate these gifts are. Do it as unemotionally as you can.
2.) Tell your children that you only want gifts from them. Not the OW. You cherish the pipe cleaner bracelet and homemade cards, and you know they don’t have money to afford fancy pajama sets. Divorce means Dad doesn’t buy gifts for mom anymore. And his OW shouldn’t buy gifts either. We’re two separate families. It’s okay for you to enjoy gifts at their house, but it’s not appropriate here. (See above.)
3.) Confront the OW. Borrow from the Bill Eddy advice when dealing with Difficult People — be BIFF. Brief. Informative. Friendly. Firm. “Dear OW, I received your bathrobe. I am returning it, as it is not appropriate for me to be receiving gifts from the children, which they did not purchase themselves. Or which are proxy gifts from you or their father. Please respect my wishes. All the best, Gifted!”
And if these do not work, consider the Machiavellian.
1.) Do it to her. Turnabout is fair play. Regift that shit. Did you get pajamas for Mother’s Day? Rewrap it and send it via the children to her on Groundhog Day. Do it every. single. holiday for every. single. gift.
2.) Ridicule it. Create a blog where you upload pictures of these presents. Call it “Shit My Husband’s Mistress Gave Me.” Post links on every divorce support site. Invite people’s suggestions of what to do with these gifts. Make memes. Upload photos of feral pigs eating the brownie platter. Dogs wearing chambray shirt dresses.
And if it gets back to her? Impression management fail! Narcs hate to be ridiculed.
Hey, if you’re going to be bitter and ungrateful, you may as have fun. Good luck!
This column ran previously. Would love to hear how GagGifted is getting on.
My son who lives with me regularly comes home with blocks of cheese.
And yes my ex ran off chasing after the milkman.
BT
The milkman, how cliché.
Do we even HAVE milkmen?
Owner of the dairy distributor that delivered in to my ex-wife’s store. Milkman.
BT
Are you talking about a dog or a spouse or both?
My ex ran off with a woman who paints and sells kitchy flea market shit. She kept sending home little decorations for my kids rooms. I couldn’t believe I had to set the boundary of “no, you do not have the right to decorate my home.” The idea of it made me puke.
2 Christmases ago I was gifted a cheesy wreath homemade with plastic balls on it. I wasn’t aware of OW at the time but afterwards I’m pretty sure she made it. Sparkly purchases it for $60 from a co-worker (ho-worker). It burnt in the fire pit on my Freedom Day. Xoxo
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
GagGift, you have a razor sharp wit, like our beloved Chump Lady. Razor sharp wit is a symptom of superior intelligence. So please rest assured that OW Welcome Wagon will never one-up you, no matter how many crafty casseroles she whips up.
The “hearts and flowers” stage of abuse occurs after the battery….here’s a BMW to make up for beating the shit out of you! (from my FIL to my MIL). All calculated to control and manipulate you and alleviate their guilt. Gifts, “nice” behavior. Serves to confuse the victim and keep
them off balance. As you are experiencing first-hand right now.
How about REALLY calling this out? I’d be bringing those gifts right back, IN PERSON, saying TO HER FACE (or at least with a note, all caps, BLACK Sharpie)
“GIFTS FROM PEOPLE WHO ABUSE ME (YOU) ARE A FORM OF MANIPULATION THAT I WILL NOT ACCEPT.”
I’d also use this as a TEACHING MOMENT for my child about the difference between giving/gifts, and MANIPULATION
.
She owes you restitution for damages that she will NEVER be able to pay you. Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, and Warren Buffett combined would never be able to repay you.
Along with a “cease and desist” letter from your lawyer?
Google
“hearts and flowers cycle of violence”
It clearly articulates what she is doing….and using your children to do it…an extra layer of effed up…
(Use is abuse)
Whatever you do, do NOT take this shit lying down. I have your back in spirit.
I completely agree—OW needs to be told to cease and desist.
These fuckers always have to remain central.
OK, I am all on board with this.
“GIFTS FROM PEOPLE WHO ABUSE ME (YOU) ARE A FORM OF MANIPULATION THAT I WILL NOT ACCEPT.”
^^^^^ What you said. Perfect!
You cant make up the stupidity of ow, resending the gifts is a clever idea, or giving her a how to have a good relationship book is another, or a sti check, or glasses if she finds your ex attractive.
Just follow the money. He does not want to pay child support and they are both scheming to make you crazy so that they can possibly get custody of your children. I think total silence. When the children come home with these gifts say thank you very much and then throw them away but don’t tell the children you did it. If they ask you where anything is say oh I don’t know let’s look around. You just have to act like you don’t know what happened to all that stuff. At some point she’s going to get tired of this. This is all about making sure they come out winners in this divorce battle. Just don’t give her anything to work against and she will go away.
I am also of this mind. The revenge fantasies have their allure, and I totally get the perspective of setting firm boundaries, but during this divorce as described, it seems likely that it could be best to just lay low. I know this ran earlier, so it’s all just ideas at this point.
I tend to think of this kind of thing as baiting. It baits the chump for responses, and it baits the children by putting them in the middle, which is just mean. I don’t think it is likely that most children will ask after gifts they didn’t care about selecting. And, depending on the ages of the children, one can always shift focus by praising the crap out of some other thing about the children and/or something they made or did. You can give kids lots of positive feedback without addressing every little positive thing they do.
And for God’s sake, don’t eat or serve that food. Say thanks, say you are saving it for later, then pick something out with the children to share. Surreptitiously toss that crap in the trash later as they sleep. No dish returns to the OW, even if requested. Maybe you could return the dishes to the ex’s lawyer’s office without editorial comment. That would be a nice way to make it clear that the manipulation is apparent to you AND maybe cost him another 15 minutes. ????
But, above all, don’t let them see that they get your goat. Just shake your head at their ongoing proof of their sociopathy, discard that crap, and move on, says me. Vent to your therapist or friends later.
I think ya’ll are on base about ignoring and discarding. My six year old comes home the other week he made me make cookies with “her” they are in my backpack. They are nasty-please throw them away. Even children know the truth!
I disagree. I think this is something that has to be addressed with the kids. “Mom and Dad don’t buy gifts for each other anymore and it’s not right to take you shopping for them. Let’s have your aunties/ uncles/ moms best friend/ etc help you buy a gift for me next time.”
I had a convo with my girls about this. It’s important they understand this is inappropriate and that anything that comes from them with the wife appliance’s help is not okay. My older adult children confronted her LAST Christmas and told her THEY would help their younger sisters choose gifts for me. That went completely unheeded by her this year, and I was pissed.
Yup, kids need to know that this is not appropriate, and it is manipulative. We do not accept gifts from people who have harmed and disrespected us, because those gifts are NOT a sign of good will or caring.
Politely tell the OW to lay off, and start sending the gifts back, and explain it to the kids.
Also I can’t quite approve of lying to your kids. Saying “I don’t know, let’s look” is sorta gaslighting.
From what she wrote it sounds like they are still very young. At some point they might ask about it but during a contentious divorce the less response the better. Alienation of affection is a real thing and I see this as the OW trying to “win”. There is absolutely no reason for her to do this other than a manipulation. Children are gaslighted every year they are told about Santa Clause or the tooth fairy. This mother is being harassed. These are not nice people.
Yeah, I guessed that the older one was the 9 year old. And everything is different when kids ask about what they are ready to know about. But if a your ND child isn’t that whipped up about a thing, it may be best to let it set. When my niece was in the second grade, she didn’t even care when I fawned over pictures she drew me, frequently saying “it’s just a picture”.
Each parent gets to choose, of course, and each child is different. I can see both sides. (And I, for one, am thrilled that my step-D and SIL don’t plan to keep the big Santa secret – I suck at secret keeping and I, too, am not a fan of fibbing to kids.)
(That ND before “child” is a typo.)
children that are told there is a santa and tooth fairy are NOT being gaslighted. … .. geesh… Gaslight is when you are redirected in conversation to alter your mental sense make you mentally crazy to throw you off and so you will not notice the bad thing he is doing.. … santa is just a jolly, happy old man that gives childrens gifts.. .. give me a break. i dont even know how you can compare gaslighting to santa, tooth fairy and easter bunny.
The Bonus Imposter did this at Christmas. She “helped” my kids buy me a gift. It sat under my tree like a fucking talisman and made me furious. She also showed up to my kids’ first day of school with crafty gifts for their teachers “from” my kids.
I sent a text to their father telling him that gifts “from” his corner of the world were not welcome. I’ll leave the gift giving for him to “his people” and “my people” can go with my girls to get gifts for me. Anymore of that bullshit from the wife appliance will be soundly rejected and sent back to the twatopotamus with an explanation to the girls that it is inappropriate.
I still have “the gift” here. (A lovely plush blanket, in my favorite color.) I didn’t want to hurt their feelings, but I want to throw it in the mud, run over it a few times, and dump it at their backdoor.
I cannot wait to get it out of my house.
I actually wouldn’t mind if the Ex or the OW helped my child buy me a holiday gift. She’s only 8 and my family is a state away, so they can’t help my daughter shop and I don’t have many friends.
This year my daughter asked her dad to help get a gift for me and he straight up turned her down, saying he wasn’t spending any money on me. I helped her get a gift for her dad because I felt it was the right thing to do.
But the crafty teacher gifts? Way over the line.
I put it in the trash today for you.
When it’s out of sight, it’s out of mind.
donate it to a homeless shelter or animal shelter.
“Twatopotamus.”
That’s classic.
I wish I could take credit for it, but alas, I did not coin it.
Wow, perfect timing!
My son came home with some crafty gifts over the holiday. Woven keychains that stbx, his ho-worker and the children made together (gag much?) They even made them in our school colors.
I didn’t say a word about them. When my kids weren’t looking, I chucked those items over the the consignment store.
I thought about returning them, but I knew my son would he crushed because he helped make them. Also the fact that my stbx would use that as a smear campaign. “Look mommy is so mean, we were trying to be nice and look what she did.”
So I went with the out-of-sight-out-of-mind tactic. They keep sending stuff, it will go up for sale and out of my house.
Love the idea of an Instagram account about “Shit My Husbands Mistress Gave Me”!
????
If you aren’t technically savvy with photoshop/memes/Instagram, sell some of the crap and use the money to hire someone on Taskrabbit to do the creative work.
Gives you satisfaction, gives Chumps a good laugh and gives income to some techie who needs work. Win all the way around! ????
Oh, and please post the link on the CL Forums!
Sounds like a fun snark blog for someone to create and maintain for a buck or two an entry. Could be a hoot! If I was retired, I’d do it!
It needs a gender free name, though.
Friday challenge?
Shit the side piece sent me?
Oooooo, yes!
When I first read this, I felt a bit miffed that the gifts were given by ME to her (she is a single SAHM and a former neighbor) and she never gave me anything. But then I remembered that she did give me many gifts, at least six of them over the 10 years of the relationship.
I would love to post pictures of the gifts that I received from the Whore, but first I would have to figure out how to post pictures of STDS. Maybe a photo of the hysterectomy scar (which runs from one hipbone to the other) which resulted from the chronic PID I had?
I love this!
My ex mother in law does this and I haven’t figured out how to handle it either. She just mailed me a Valentine’s Day gift (“my son left you so I’ll be your valentine”?). I know it gives her the chance to tell EVERYONE how I’m still bitter, angry, and ungrateful – it’s been 2.5 years and she can’t figure out why everyone (myself and my parents) can’t just get over it. I don’t want her gifts but sending them back or asking her not to give me gifts just gives her more to talk about. It PAINS me to no end to have to thank her.
leave it till it’s nowhere near a holiday then graciously write to her and say ”ex MIL, I’m sure you mean well, but I would prefer that you not send me cards or anything else. I am respectfully asking that you desist.” If she ignores you, go postal and get a TRO. You’re effectively being low-level stalked. Don’t sign for anything, put cards in the trash unopened OR if you have storage, chuck everything, unopened into a box and then Fedex it to her when you move house. Obviously leave no forwarding address.
“Return To Sender”
Tear it up and throw it away, and laugh in a demonic way when no one is listening. Then buy yourself a treat for being fabulous.
That way, she doesn’t even get the satisfaction of knowing that it arrived in the first place.
All the other options give her kibbles. DENY.
How about saying, “Given the divorce, I’d prefer that you save the money you spend on a gift for me. You can use it to get something else for the kids. Or you can make a donation to the local homeless/animal/domestic violence shelter.” (Pick one).
How about a donation to Chump Lady?
Ha!! That would be the best!
Send a polite thank you note to your former MIL: “Thank you for the thoughtful gift. As it was (too big, too small, have three already, against my doctor’s orders) I donated it to tbe (Salvation Army, local soup kitchen, homeless man on the corner) so it’ll be put to good use. Your continued generosity is much appreciated.”
I am in two minds about this one.
On the one hand, the thought of them seething with rage at the prospect of THEIR gift (and it’s always THEIR gift to you, but ‘you’ is a word that will never be in capital letters) being wasted on someone THEY didn’t choose to give it to.
After all, it’s THEIR gift. THEY get to dictate who uses it – a principle so utterly alien to the idea of gift-giving that it’s laughable, but that’s narcissists for you.
On the other hand, if you don’t say anything, you preserve No Contact, and the homeless man on the corner or the Salvation Army continue to benefit from the gifts – which are given this time with love, thus accruing good karma and erasing much cosmic shit along the way. Also, you could save all this up for the time when the so-called giver asks you where everything is, and you tell them you’ve been giving their stuff away for the past six years. BAZINGA. I love a good slow burn.
I suppose it comes down to how much the gifts’ constant arrival at your house burns you.
Schmoopie and I steer well clear of each other. Ex sometimes complains about me not wanting to be civil and interact politely on some level but honestly I doubt she wants anything more to do with me than I want with her. As such, I don’t have to suffer “gifts” from OW.
Meanwhile, my ex did not give me a Christmas gift this year (which is fine with me) but he did give a present to New Guy. I am not sure what message that was supposed to send other than perhaps “see, I am nice to your boyfriend so why can’t you be nice to Schmoopie?”.
In my case, the OW who was a good friend of mine, showered my kids, in-laws, and myself with gifts (including large gifts like furniture and expensive art) until DDay. When I asked my ex (who was NOT a gift giver) how he could have added to the humiliation of an affair by letting her mark her territory bc there was not a room in the house that didn’t have a gift from her—his response was along the lines of she loves the kids and/or you know how generous she is….Puh-lease. Seeing this post today helped give me clarity as to why these f-ers give gifts. Thankfully, my kids (who are still fairly young) threw every gift out and talked about being bribed. Sadly, my in-laws still display their expensive piece of art. It kills me that they don’t see the hurt towards me and their beloved grandchildren. And they do love us—but now I can see how limited they are in the common sense department. To my ex’s credit—he put an end to all shmoopie’s gift giving—even though he still believes she loves the kids. This would all be funny if it wasn’t true…
Yes a good way to show love to kids is by imploding their family. I hope things are a peace for you and you no longer are friends with this person.
And this is a case in point for chumps worried that the cheater “loves” the AP. They don’t love anybody.
I have a similar but not the same problem. My cheater ex has cycled through several relationships since D day. The one he is in now actually began after our divorce was final. So she is not an OW. She seems pleasant, She is kind to my son. If she were not dating my ex and we had happened to meet we might have been friends. The problem is she IS dating my ex and she is trying to push a friendship that I just don’t see as appropriate. She texts me all the time. Random chatty little stuff. Friendship is just not going to work.
First because obviously we are not going to be comfortable sharing a lot of thing friends normally share – kvetching over relationship stuff would be really awkward ya know. Second, I really really dislike her boyfriend’s friends and lifestyle and thus would not want to hang with her any time he was around. And most importantly because I would be warning any friend I had to run like hell from the loser she is currently dating himself – hello – character issues – serial cheater who ran out on his wife and special needs child – run woman, run!!
So mostly I try to grey rock her just like the ex – I am a little warmer and kinder but dull – so very very dull – in hopes she will get bored and go away.
I would block her. She is just dating your X. She shouldn’t have an open line for chatty stuff. And don’t say it’s because of the kids. That’s your X’s problem. She’s not a custodial parent.
I agree in theory. In practice I’m torn. I know my ex picks up my son and immediately dumps him at her place. I know because it’s what he did with me and his daughter from a prior relationship. I have not blocked her yet but I do not reply unless it is a direct question about my son requiring an answer like “is little guy allergic to any foods?” Answer “yes he is strawberries” nothing more no comments on the strawberry themed picnic she is making for him she saw on Pinterest, yadda, yadda
Aghhhh! Yes. It is so exasperating. My Mother in law sends me gifts and writes xxxxx after texting me although for years she was covering her cheating son’s arse so he could sleep with his ho worker. She is such a two faced bitch that l have now limited all communication and refuse to stay in Bates Motel. Apparently she was a bit upset when he decided to dump the OW.
I literally want to smash her horrible guerning mug every time l see her. WTF is wrong with these people.
I’m curious as to why you have contact with that woman at all?
Not your job anymore.
I love the acknowledgement here of how wrong and abusive all of this is: the betrayal, the lies, the cheater’s and whore’s destruction of a family, the harm the cheater’s and whore’s conduct causes to everyone else …. the mindfucks, the attempts at normalization of the injustice and abuse….. thank you Chump Lady for calling it out and telling it like it is.
It IS abhorrent. Today I’m feeling totally exhausted and burned out and hate all of the cheaters and their accomplices. But I plan to carry on with no contact and focus on taking care of my kids, being a supportive friend and good worker- plan to practice some self care. Maybe take a short nap mid-afternoon.
The gift,s gift wrap, brownies (crystal plate and all) gets dumped in the outside trash unopened. Every time.
Kids know to gift wrap themselves.
Don’t give a nanosecond of thought to this.
Ho trying to make herself central.
My ex’s OW called me “fat fit” and then mailed me bikinis that were “too big for her”. Let’s just say I call her skeletor because she survives on a diet of wine and cereal. Any way I lost 40 lbs (divorce diet also) and wear them on the vacations my boyfriend and I go on and take lots of pictures with them on!
Dress the dog in the bikinis, and have your children put them on the fridge at OW. No. Scratch that. I wouldn’t do that to the dog.
Anyone have an example of an OM doing this? Mine didn’t, but what would the gifts would have been if he did?
they’d have been territory-marking types of gifts; clothes, jewellery, perfume, that sort of thing. Did you see any new purses or undies when she was messing around?
Think about it.
I bought a new house with my settlement money right before Christmas. My D-Day was last Christmas, when I caught my then husband texting another woman while we opened gifts. So….Christmas was already going to be a hard day. XH took 13 year old son shopping for my gift, which he was really excited to give me. As I’m opening it, kiddo says “Oh, there’s a gift from Dad in there too”. Fucker bought me a $50 Home Depot gift card, with a card that said “Merry Christmas and Happy Housewarming”. He was an abusive asshole our entire marriage and has been unbelievably awful since D-Day. But, hey, nothing makes all that go away like a Home Depot gift card! We’re totally friends now!
Dear X,
Thank you for the lovely gift card. I used it to buy a large entry rug.
I think of you every time I wipe my feet on it.
Ha! I went with silence, as that infuriates my centrality-seeking XH like nothing else can. HE WILL NOT BE IGNORED (he rages while I ignore him)
Yessss! Most of the time, my ex is writing sappy, apologetic emails saying he still can’t believe he lost his family. But after so many go ignored, he rages about how I don’t return his emails, texted, calls, etc. I’ve called him Alex or Alex Forrest a few times during his temper tantrums, but I’m not sure if he ever gets it. ????
Kintsugi, That’s priceless.
I probably shouldn’t write this here…but I feel sorry for the OW. Let’s assume cheater sold her on the sob story…lonely, no love at home staying for the children. Plans to divorce. Wife is ok with cheating. Blah blah blah. Narcs are often the smooth talkers who can get away with this.
Maybe she is sucked in. She buys it. She’s smitten. Caught in the web.
Maybe she has a conscience and feels bad and things she’s helping make the situation better.
I think writing her the note saying stop sending me gifts is step on. If it continues than I’m all for memes and mockery.
Obviously if the ow is you ex best friend this need not apply.
Am I naive?
Yes, you’re naive. Because bottom line, when you know they’re married and mess around with them anyway, you’re a participant in an affair. Period. That crap about the marriage being over and the wife being okay with cheating is literally the oldest and lamest lie that married men tell to get easy whores to sleep with them and I just don’t believe that anyone actually buys that shit anymore. They just use it as a way to justify sleeping with married men. I mean, who actually thinks that shit is even smooth anymore? One of the oldest, slimiest, dumbest lines in the book…
We all know that because we have experience with it. I get offended every time I hear a man complain about his wife whether he is hitting on me or not. I am not sure all of the easy whores do know better, however. They may well think it is true if it is their first time involved in an affair on either end (chump, cheater, or AP). My ex had two OW that I know of, three if you count the EA. In the case of the EA she was the aggressor and was actively trying to get him to sleep with her knowing full well that we were actively married with no divorce even under consideration for either of us at the time. She was certainly no victim. Schmoopie 2.0 was married herself and looking to have an affair. She also knew he was married and knew I still loved him when they got together. After Dday she knew I wanted to reconcile and that we were in marriage counseling at his request (first appointment made before DDay) and she went out of her way to make sure that was going to fail. Her husband also cheated on her so she knew damn well the lies that get told. Schmoopie 1.0 is a different story, however. She was a very lonely single mother. He was the aggressor looking to seduce strange. He had her convinced that our marriage was dead. After a couple of months she thought better of it and ended the affair. I actually do feel kind of sorry for her as I think she was naïve and got in over her head. She also ended it instead of actively fighting for the “prize” and tearing someone else’s family apart for personal gain. I don’t and never have despised her the way I despise EA Schmoopie and PA Schmoopie 2.0 who were active, knowing and willing participants in trying to separate a man from his family.
I still say that it’s common knowledge that married men looking for affairs use that line all the time. It’s literally a cliché to the point of it being one of the top subjects of soap operas and Lifetime movies. Do I believe there’s ever any amount of gullibility at all? Sure. But come on. They just take some guy’s word for it and start sleeping with him just because he says it’s over? No, they hear what they want to hear and run with it because the other option is giving up the opportunity that they want to take anyway.
it’s cliche and also truth because the marriage is over once they are cheating, whether or not it is official or unofficial.
I don’t feel sorry for fuckwits who help destroy a marriage.
She’s a narcissistic cunt.
It’s not kind for the AP to blow up a marriage and then buy gifts for the person wounded in the explosion. It’s worst when the Cheater follows up the explosion by fighting the divorce. Gifts in that context are abusive. Manipulative.
I think you are nice. I know its cathartic to trash talk the other woman here, but they are often quite pathetic. My OW was a single mother with a history of being sexually abused by a step-parent and serious mental health issues. Someone with self-esteem and coping skills so minimal was probably very vulnerable to the ex telling her she was special and different than fat unfashionable ole me. I do feel sorry for her. I don’t feel the least bit sorry for my ex, who is an enormous turd.
No, you’re not supposed to be friends with the other woman and it just proves that these whores have absolutely no boundaries at all. They’ll fuck your husband, participate in his affair and deception, and then turn around and try to act like another extension of your children by participating in holiday/special occasion gift giving under the pretence that the gifts are from your children.
I would box up every single “gift” and mail them to her at work. If the boundaries can’t even extend to your children, I don’t see why her job is a line that can’t be crossed. Straight to hell with that whore’s games. I’d play every single one 10 times better.
Ever heard the saying “never wrestle with a pig – you both get muddy and the pig likes it?” You’re just feeding into her drama if you try and play her games.
Meh. If some cow who slept with my husband while we were married starts sending me gifts, it’s on. And I’m okay with getting muddy, too.
I used to feel this way. Try to blow up my life? Put me on the floor with the shock? Should have made sure I didnt get back up bc now I am coming with napalm.
But honestly i finally learned that to him, and all of them, losing centrality and starving them of attention IS THE NAPALM.
In BOLD print (on label sticker) clearly labeled on the unopened envelope of the Christmas Card… “Return to Piece of Shit Senders. Addressee MOVED ON.”
It looks so professional, until you read the type.
At least the mail lady knows….. Petty yes… bet it ends the holiday greeting cards.
I would addressit to “so and so, Adulterer; xx street; xx city; etc.”
When I sent the dead flower packet on Dr.Ho’s birfday, That was the way I addressed it,and wow did it hit the mark. Apparently UPS left it on the porch and her (older)kids found it before she got home from work. heh.
She even had the police call me,and I just said, “I only sent her some flowers officer.”. But she knew the drill, since she had been OW many times before…
Bin the food.
Give the clothes, plates & stuff to a homeless shelter or shelter for battered spouses.
Wow. My STBX’s OW knows better than to send me anything now, but gave me plenty of things while they were in the midst of having their fuckfests. I burned them all in a bonfire. I was in the process of knitting her a rather elaborate double-helix scarf, which I took great pleasure in unraveling in front of STBX, and then burning the ball of yarn.
Since DDay, over 2 years ago, she has removed herself from FB in order to be more “opaque”, I guess because being honest and transparent is just too scary for her. For a while, I kept on eye on her on twitter, and I think she did the same with me, as she would post pics of birds (I’m a birder), and articles related to a strange medical condition I have. Whatevs.
She used to refer to STBX as her “otter”, because he was so playful, I guess. I wonder if she has any idea they are closely related to weasels? #notmyprob
Oh, and as far as the marking territory goes, while he was giving her jewelry, he was giving me, lessee, a pancake griddle among other things, but that was the most memorable. Oh, besides HPV.
I have something a bit different I’d like to get some opinions on. You I do buy gifts for my ex, the reason is that when the kids gave him some home made shit for his birthday after we split up, he did like that and he was open about not getting nice things to the kids (I think they were 6 and 9) so they felt bad.
The next year or Father’s Day or whatever I made sure they got some stuff, it’s usually hideous “daddy” stuff or it’s generic chocolates or something that you might get for a teacher, but the kids always have a gift for him.
So now this fool starts getting me stuff and I’m like ????????????????
I’d like to know what anyone thinks but just know that I don’t get too bothered, I eat the chocolate or cake or whatever and then forget about it.
I’m one year out now, so I’ve just experienced the first Father’s Day, birthday and Christmas post-separation. My kids are 8 and 10. I decided to go with helping the kids buy a gift for dad. Budget is low – about $20-25 each kid. I take them out. On Father’s Day and his birthday, I encouraged the kids to plan something to do with daddy and I arranged/paid for it. They took daddy out for dinner for his birthday, and they took him bowling and for dinner on Father’s Day. Some would say that maybe that was too much. I don’t know if I’ll keep that up.
I do the gifts for two reasons (OK maybe three):
1) To teach my children that you make a big deal out of these occasions. You plan things. You put thought into those gifts. They aren’t old enough yet to do it themselves, so I model how.
2) Although I grey rock my STBXH, I always, always show him civility in front of the kids. I am always polite and mildly friendly, as I would with a stranger. My children understand their father did wrong – that he cheated. My children know the “other lady” is not a good person (he has kept her away from them since the separation – the double life continues). I want my children to see that I extend courtesy to their father. He will not ever be able to accuse me of being anything less than supportive of the children’s relationship with their father.
3) Let’s be honest. I also do it to show him that I am a better person. Mother’s Day came first. It was his weekend with the kids – He dropped them off early Sunday to spend the day with me. The kids came with their school-made gift (which I loved), but he didn’t even have the courtesy to pull it out of their school bags to protect over the weekend. When Father’s Day came around, I offered him the entire day, even longer than what he asked (he refused the longer day). The kids took him bowling (I reserved and paid), they took Daddy to the park to blow bubbles (I got the bubbles), and they took him for dinner (I reserved and got the GC to cover it). They had their school-made gifts, but then I got their school pictures framed to give to him (frames from the dollar store). I know that he was embarrassed by the discrepancy in attention and courtesy.
Luckily, although I know my ex sucks, I have one of those cheaters that has the decency to be guilted and embarrassed. He cares about what people think, he wants to still be seen as a good guy, which is why I think that he still keeps the relationship away from all of his family and most of his good friends (the wives of confirmed that he comes solo to all events and that he never speaks of this woman). He feels he needs to pursue this relationship until it ends up where it ends up (that’s what he told me when he left) so that he can know once and for all, but at least he’s keeping it to himself. Because I’m in touch with everyone, he cares about what gets said and how it makes him look.
WEAK – that’s how he looks because that is how he is. Sad, really.
He sounds like an imbecile to be honest. You are massively generous
Blah I actually relate to this in a roundabout way…
Way back in my early 20’s I had a toxic relationship with my high school boyfriend. Neither of us were mentally healthy at the time but we ignited the others issues when together. Outside of that, he was becoming physically abusive…which my father also was to my mother (that’ll connect momentarily). So after the ex body slammed me on his wooden bed frame
during an argument and as I was trying to run out of his house, he also pushed me out the door and onto the cement and threw all my belongings onto me, I called the police. I felt humiliated and embarrassed that I was even in a situation where that would need to be done…but wtf else should you do when someone who’s twice your size and strength physically assaults you? Well my mother learned of this and instead of empathizing with me, her daughter and the victim of the abuse…she started sending gifts to the boyfriends house, to his parents. She made them Sheppard’s pie and dumplings and whatever the fuck else would somehow make her appear innocent? Sweet? Thoughtful? Anything other than what her daughter was being made to look like…which is guess was an antagonist to abuse? My mother never left my father and although the physical abuse there stopped, she never once took a stand. So instead of wanting more for me, she tried to shower my abuser and his family with gifts so she could look innocent and gracious and my 20 year old abuse victim self would look like a demon.
Wow.
Image management, taken to Olympic standard. While leaving you – her own flesh and blood – utterly unsupported and vulnerable.
Nice one, Mom.
Does anyone REALLY wonder why we end up with these shitty partners?
Before I knew it was an affair, Ex’s female “friend” would tell him how pretty I was (picture of me in his overseas quarters). She would offer to pick me up from the airport. She Facebook friended me.
What an absolute psycho. She was f****** my husband and going on lavish scuba trips with him the entire time.
When I think about it even to this day it just twists my insides into a knot. Ex thought all these gestures showed how wonderful she was. Of course.
On second thought, it’s winter here. Give the food, plates, etc. directly to the homeless.
I think this is first and foremost about impression management with the children. Mistress is naturally afraid that the OP will be telling them the true story of her whorish behaviour (in an age appropriate way) and that if the truth comes out, then that will make her dealings with them more awkward. Depending on their ages, perhaps just quietly sell the crap on eBay or gift it to Anyone Who Wants It. They will someday reach the age where they can process the whole situation with their own adult minds. It is only then that you can have a big laugh with them.
We have a similar thing with my partner’s ex who cheated. She “returned” some suitcases which she had kept for over 15 years since the divorce. To our horror, the side pockets of those cases were full of handfuls of silky lacy size extra small women’s lingerie….expensive stuff. She no doubt left it in there by mistake…or perhaps was just thinking she could mindfuck the ex, who knows. My solution was to wipe it around the kitchen floor or ensure some serious dirt got picked up, then put it all in a dirty old shopping bag, hand it to now-adult stepdaughter and tell her return it all to her mother. I laughed when I did it. Stepdaughter was horrified, judging by the look on her face. Never heard a word about it.
In the meantime, your children may think OW is lovely and generous, or they may see right through her. In any case, they are the ones who have to deal face to face with her, so why make them feel awkward. They will know soon enough that she wrecked their home life. Or did she. Maybe she did you all a favour by stealing the scumbag.
Ignore the whore! She wants attention, she is doing impression management, don’t give her an audience.
Howdy Chumps! GagGifted here, with an update! First, I can say that when the post originally ran – I was amazed & validated that even ChumpNation (who’ve seen it all!) was appalled by the audacity of my cringe-worthy Schmoopie offerings. Sure did make me feel better about those pretty little heart-shaped shit sandwiches that I received in a gift basket! Schmoopette surely earned her Good HoKeeping seal from CN.
1) I seriously considered starting that blog that CL suggested! I was beyond flattered that people even put me in the same ‘sharp wit’ category as CL – what a huge compliment!! I still see a blog in my future, but I won’t let Schmoopie be the catalyst for that project. Here’s a quick tidbit that happened shortly after my last post: The OW sent home (with the children of course) a large bag of lemons from her fruit tree – and she graciously LOANED me her juicer so that I could make lemonade with my kids! Needless to say, I returned the juicer with a note that said “When life gives you lemons…squeeze them in people’s eyes”.
2) ChumpLady hit the nail on the head when she said: “Hell, if you fail to send a thank you note you’re probably bitter and ungrateful.” The gifts did eventually stop arriving because – as the children were told by Ex&Schmoop – I was very rude for never thanking them for any of the gifts. Oops, how very thoughtless of me – let me go get my calligraphy pen & wax seal kit so that I can pen an eloquent apology note, post-haste!
3) Schmoopie’s gifts are not gone yet. About 5 months ago, I moved to a new rental home. Sure, it would have been easy to donate the ‘gifts’ to a homeless person, or accidentally leave them in the garage for the next homeowners to deal with. But somehow the box made it to my new garage. I have grand notions of re-gifting them to the Happy Couple at their upcoming wedding, perhaps with some bedazzling added! I know I can find a way to turn that trash into a treasure…
My divorce is now done. My children are 100% wise to the shenanigans that are happening on the other side, and we casually laugh it off and go about our business. The Land of Meh is a fantastic place to be, I highly recommend it for all of you newbies and look forward to seeing you here soon! And for pete’s sake, don’t eat the brownies…
Glad life is better GagGifted. May I suggest you bury the re-gifts in glitter? Also consider sending a bag of gummy dicks complete with glitter bomb for the skanky couple?
They’re sent anonymously, of course!
Glad the kids didn’t buy their bullshit.
I love the idea of gummy dicks, anonymously of course. I would think the ow would love them lol. The side piece in my ex life right now asked for photos of the kids so she could make a family display at her home, that her ex is fighting her for. I guess she can spend her time cutting me out of the pics. Bat crap crazy, smh.
https://shipabagofdicks.com
Well done, Gag! You sound as though you’ve come through the situation with the kids aware of the creepiness, which means they won’t spend years thinking she is nicey-nice. That pair sound like they live in the fog of self-justification like so many who perpetrate moral outrages.
I love the idea of regifting it to them as a wedding present, but tbh that would no doubt be interpreted by them as you being bitter.
Best revenge…live well…time brings the karma bus if one waits patiently.
So what happened in the divorce? Did you get a fair settlement?
Babs – How sweet of you to use the word “fair” – I live in California, which is a no-fault state. Somehow cheaters get the upper hand here. I was the breadwinner and he&OW insisted on lawyers to “make sure he wasn’t getting screwed”. So we wasted thousands on legal fees for a very uncomplicated case that dragged on for 18 months. In the end, no alimony for him and he still has to pay me child support because he only sees the kids about 15% of the time. But he’s stuck with a psycho and I’ve got the kiddos with me…so clearly I’m the winner here!
Tsk tsk. Shame on GagGifted for being do…. Uncooperative
Unrelated to today’s rerun.Tracy, please dissect the clusterfuck Alzheimer’s afflicted Barbara Smith (former model and lifestyle guru) is living with her husband and his live in girlfriend, for all the world to see. Gobsmacked !
husband Gasby/Gasbag
More common than you think! My ex moved in to his OW’s marital homes with her husband and kids. Gross
True. For example, I watched a documentary with the writer Hillary Mantel. Her mother moved in her lover with the family (and husband, of course). and they lived like this for years. The father was pushed aside into the attic or something, languishing. Even worse, Hillary then took the lover’s surname! Mantel is OM’s surname. There’s no indication that the biological father in any way abusive. Some people …
Not exactly the same–but I could use some advice. I still have a gift certificate to Victoria’s Secret my last partner gave me before he discarded me for the woman he started dating and married not long after. On the card is a note (heart with ‘Love, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.’) Could use some lingerie but feel sick buying it, thinking about my last partner with his new wife. I haven’t had even one date in a year. Any suggestions?
I would say, if there’s no expiration on it, put it in a drawer and wait until Meh hits–then buy something sexy when you are ready to go “there” with a more worthy man.
If it has an expiration date, or if you are doubtful you can forget the Ex-connection…maybe use it to buy a bridal shower gift or even makeup/perfume/bathrobe for a female friend for a birthday or Christmas?
Hang in there, RockStarWife. Ex used to only ever give me sexy lingerie for birthdays/Christmas, and I threw every last stitch of it away during the divorce. Honor yourself–that’s the important part.
Hi Liz,
Thanks for the ideas and the support. Knowing me, I think that Meh is still years away. I don’t know of any female relatives or friends who would want the certificate or what it can buy, but I’ll keep my eyes open. (I wish that I could exchange the darn thing for cash. Maybe I can sell it at a discount on Craig’s List…)
Hope you are doing all right.
This hit home for me. On Christmas Day I allowed my ex to come over and spend time with the kids opening presents. I left him to it while I was in the kitchen.
When sorting out the recycling later I found the gift tags: written by the OW, to each of the kids “from dad, [other kid] and OW”. She had met them three times at this point which was 8 months after d day (after I’d fought and fought to prevent a meeting straight after d day – her poor kids had to endure living with my ex 50/50 the week after d day, don’t know how their dad is coping with that or why).
Also in the pile of wrapping paper were gift cards from OW’s PARENTS. Who my kids have never met.
I have no idea if my ex actually explained the gift cards to the kids. I think I heard him whisper something explaining who the parents were.
But for her to insert herself into a manufactured family unit and align one of the kids on each gift card made me feel physically sick.
I didn’t say anything to the kids. I just got on with Christmas. I think they’re as bemused and uncomfortable as I am.
I’ve come to learn that expecting these people to behave with decency or any empathy at all is pointless. It will always lead to disappointment.
Making the kids a part of it is the sick part.
My ex keeps asking my daughter why she doesn’t speak to his mistress and the mistress complains to him. Really?!! You don’t understand why she doesn’t want to be friends with the woman who helped break up her family. Wtf!! ????????
My ex recently ordered pizza for us (and I’m remarried). Paid for it and had it delivered to our house without letting me know in advance. This was after he verbally abused me in text messages. It was him saying “I’m such a good person. Also, you don’t feed the kids properly so that means I have too.”
These people are fucked up!!!
It’s always interesting to meet people for whom the word ‘boundaries’ is utterly meaningless.
Ell,
My ex-husband often tells me, the Court, kids’ school faculty, friends, etc. that I don’t feed our kids properly, don’t love our kids (so no wonder they don’t want to return home to me). He officially left 4.5 years ago. As the kids spend 85% of the time with me, isn’t it a wonder they haven’t starved to death? These comments from the guy who didn’t know how long his kids had been in cub scouts and I was their den leader and one of our kids had been in Special Ed for years, even though I told him as soon as these things started…he is threatening to take me back to Court as he seems to do almost monthly. According to him, I set up one of our kids to be accused of plagiarism at school. WTH?
My ex-husband hasn’t sent over pizza, though. He has dropped off food for me purportedly from his mother, who has generally been kind to me, even after her son left me. I have sometimes been afraid to eat it, though, as he has abused me in some scary ways. I wouldn’t put murder past him if he thought that he could get away with it–even though he was the one who lied, cheated, abused, and left.
Rock star wife. Why haven’t you gone no contact? There is the program called divorce wizard or something. People on here hace referred to it. He is tormenting you and still threatening you? Saying you don’t feed them properly? I think you need to take this guy seriously. I hope you are documenting all of this stuff he is doing and saying. You need to go no contact and have a way either by the program or whatever when there needs to be discussed regarding the kids. You must put a stop to this.
I’d use the gifts on Halloween. A witch in a broom with a bathrobe spray painted black.
A skeleton with cheap jewelry on th wrist and around the neck.
Get creative. A scare crow with the OW’s likeness with exaggerated features on the pumpkins face wearing that gifted plaid shirt. .
Make it fun. Put all items in a decorations box.
Any ideas for what to do with the rosary my ex’s mistress got me from her home country? Nothing like taking Jesus Cheating to a whole other level!
(crosses self)
Leave at church next time you’re in a Catholic church, the priest can do an exorcism or just chuck away if he can’t sense the evil
Yes – always welcome, when left on the table or racks at the back/by the door of the church.
(If you leave it in the pew, someone will assume you lost it without meaning to, and may follow you out with it).
Someone else will pick it up and make better use of it than she did.
When my ex ran off I got all his crap dumped in my basement. As I’m now finding time to go through it I found a bible – beautiful leather bound, with a dedication to him from a previous Schmoopie – you can’t remove the leather binding or the dedication. I’m not in the slightest bit religious so I plan to offer it back to him (let’s see how Schmoopie 2 likes that) at my second son’s wedding in July. If he refuses it (like he refused beautiful pictures of our kids with his family) I will dump it in the trash in front of him. I don’t like doing it but (a) I don’t keep a shrine to him and (b) he can damn well take it if it bothers him!
When my kids need to buy me a gift, I take them to Target (or whatever store they want), give them a cash budget, strict instructions to stay together, and then I sit and wait until they are done. Granted, they are not small – they are teenagers. But it works for us.
Gifts from the OW would go directly in the trash.
This woman is likely going for image management and also possibly trying to assuage her guilt.
I wouldn’t spend too much brain power trying to figure this out. I would simply tell her to stop giving gifts, period. You don’t even owe her an explanation. Just stop. You don’t need or want her “gifts.”
Then take the ones she has given you and donate them to a battered women’s shelter or any organization that distributes these items to folks in need.
Tracy, 100% spot on! Yes to the potential response to the OW that you wrote per Bill Eddy’s book. His books provide essential tools to keep cluster B’s at arm’s length. Yes you all you said. All spot on! Love the idea of a blog detailing gifts from the OW and love re-gifting back. So funny.
As for the OW….Who wants to bet a plate of my homemade brownies (which are made with kindness, sincerity, organic ingredients, European chocolate, and integrity) that the other woman is a garden-variety sociopath?
Any takers?
Why do I believe this is a sociopath? Well, it takes a certain type to knowingly break up a marriage. But, the gifting part … coincidentally my ex’s OW was 10 years older than us and impression management was her greatest skill. Her life revolved around impression management because she was a sociopath and continues to be one. Sociopaths know that society doesn’t like them and that if they are found out, word travels fast. Since they are incapable of being kind people, which is completely different than being nice, they watch what kind people do and do the same things.
How do I know the OW is a sociopath? Because only a sociopath would be able to model the behavior of truly kind people as a means to an end and such a person wouldn’t have a twinge of guilt.
Let’s say someone who is “normal” and not a Cluster B pursued a married man. Well… that in itself is a stretch because people who intentionally pursue people they KNOW are married (and not separated) are selfish at best. So let’s say the other woman is extremely selfish, but not a sociopath.
In this case, the OW would NOT give a flying f*** about the wife. A selfish person wouldn’t think of anything but their own needs. That’s how selfish people are. They have tunnel vision and everything is about what they can get from others and how they can grab all the goodies.
How about a narcissist? Selfishness is only one of the features. There is also grandiosity and feelings of being very special and superior to others and the feeling they deserve special treatment. They are entitled. These behaviors must be consistent for several years and observable in all environments. This is NOT the full DSM definition; just an off-the-cuff summary.
Let’s go back to the sociopath theory. Female sociopaths are generally more socially aware (conniving) than male sociopaths. They have no empathy for others. They don’t shed a tear when they lay waste to entire families. They don’t blink when a teen becomes suicidal because she, the other woman, is breaking up the marriage of the teen’s parents. But, the sociopath knows that “normies” do care and find the sociopath’s behavior UNACCEPTABLE. So, the female sociopath watches what kind people do and mimics it. But, since they have no empathy, it doesn’t really cross their mind that sending gifts to the woman whose husband she has stolen is inappropriate. She can’t quite put herself in the shoes of the wife… and so she metaphorically buys the wife shoes. (Well, this OW didn’t actually do that, but she might if she had the wife’s shoe size).
Example: one of my husband’s married coworkers was “stoopid” enough to be taken in by a married spouse poacher. She saw $$ signs and prestige and pretended to be something and someone she was not. There were six children involved between both families and many people witnessed her relentless pursuit of him. He was an IDIOT for falling prey to this lady. As soon as their divorces went through, they planned a wedding. The children of the male coworker were in college and devastated. His was a 25+ year marriage. The other woman told his children she was buying their plane tickets to the wedding. His children said “no thank you.” That caused her to tell everyone his children were spoiled and ungrateful human beings. (Uhhh… his kids were still reeling from EVERYTHING they lost in the divorce: the home they grew up in, the lovely family they had, the stability of having a mom and dad who were still married.) Well all of that was ripped from them. The other woman told her new (poached) husband not to waste money or time on his spoiled and ungrateful biological children. (His children were neither spoiled nor ungrateful. They simply saw through her tactics to “buy them” and refused to be bought). I am absolutely certain this woman that my husband’s coworker married is a sociopath. I have met her a couple of times and before I knew she broke up a marriage, the hair on my head stood on end. It was like she had a flashing neon sign on her head that read “spouse poacher.” Even though she would be considered attractive to SOME men, this guy dug his grave. The other married men at work saw that, but the one who was poached was blinded by her; I still have no idea why. After he married her (the OW), he has had one stroke of bad luck after another. She is like a walking and breathing bad-luck charm. He had to divide all his assets and what was left of his assets, he lost in a Ponzi-type scheme. I laughed SO HARD when I heard that. Also, she (the OW) just happened to have to quit work after they got married. I think the poor dear stubbed her toe because she wasn’t smart enough to walk around the hard furniture like dining room chairs. Tragically, now that she chipped her toe nail polish, no one ever knows if she will work again. Bless her heart. Can you imagine how difficult it would be to go to work with chipped toe nail polish? The thought is horrendous. Plus, not all nail salons are good at color-matching. What if they don’t even have the right nail polish brand? Double bless her heart! Maybe someone can call the prayer chain. Oh wait, the OW is an atheist. She says God is not the boss of her! Well, cancel the prayer chain. I guess she will have to suffer from the painful condition of chipped toe nail polish for the rest of her life.
Back to the woman who wrote in. I say set up that site and detail everything the OW has bought her. Sociopaths hate having their real motives uncovered. Their social face is ALL they have since evil exists right beneath the surface. Their social face is the only thing that allows them to be part of society. If people knew they were interacting with a sociopath, many would run away. A sociopath’s success in life depends greatly on their water-tight social face. Anything to expose the OW for what she is will be the wife’s best bet. And please keep children away from the OW. They are unknowingly being used to do the OW’s dirty work. Let that sink in. Sociopath it is.
Sarah, you said it all. They are purely thinking of themselves and no one else. They just come across as “nice” as they copy others or are trying to get whatever they can for themselves first. They don’t care what actually happens to anyone else. I’ve always done quite well to stay away from these types of people then one came in to my life completely uninvited by me.
GG, since you got the box still, burn it! Take pics for the later blog if needed.
As entertaining at this sounds , calling out people by name on the internet can cause one serious legal problems. I read Bill Eddy’s book “5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life”. He addresses how not to become a Cluster B’s Target of Blame, which can go on for years. Detach,detach,detach and strive for meh.
HOLY CRAP!!!! As I read this I was in disbelief. I cannot believe how sick people are. What a twisted chick this one is. Have a nice conversation with your kids nicely worded that this is unacceptable and why. Tell them to tell her they will not be bringing you her gifts anymore. Send a note to the two idiots to stop the bull shit. Whatever you’re settling for in your divorce, Increase it !!! More money, property or whatever LOL!! Your gift to them. Sorry, you have to go through this bullshit!!!
Schmoopie lived in the centre of our small town here in France. The Twat moved in with her. Every Thursday is market day so while you can always park in town they put signs up Wednesday night saying “don’t forget to move your car before market set-up, otherwise it will be towed”. Well one day Schmoopie forgot to move her car and it was towed. The Twat told her not to worry as “Attie will take you to get your car from the pound” (he no longer having a licence – drink/driving issues you know)! She’s still waiting for that ride as far as I know!
Then the (paranoid) Twat decided EVERYBODY was talking about him/them so “just to prove everything was all right between us” we should go out to dinner, the 3 of us, in a very public place, just to prove to the elusive “everybody” that we were all good. I told him to fuck off!
Please choose Machiavellian Option #2!
Mine offered to teach me how to sew (before I knew what was up).