Got Jesus Cheaters?

Jesus Cheaters

Yesterday’s column, “Don’t Date This Person,” had a glaring omission — Jesus cheaters.

Bible belt? This Friday challenge is for you. You get to tell CN about all the sanctimonious weird Jesus shit your adulterers got up to.

Meeting in hotel rooms for Bible study? Sending you “thoughts and prayers”? Demanding forgiveness?

Jesus cheaters are their own distinct category of fuckupedness. Could anything be more narcissistic than thinking you speak for God?

I realize the other major world religions have their versions of Jesus cheaters too. Christianity doesn’t have the market cornered on hypocritical douchebags. But that said, I do think the New Testament lends itself to a certain sort of spackle that the disordered love to exploit.

I’ve published my Jesus Cheater prototypes before — but feel free to add to this list. TGIF!

Phillip Forgiveness — God has spoken to Phillip and forgiven him, so I think you should too. Phillip forgives himself! So what’s your problem? He prayed on this! We’re all good! I think you need to cast out the demons of bitterness and get over it. Jesus told Phillip that’s what Jesus would do.

Holier Than Holly — Holly has slept with half the choir and most of the finance committee. She doesn’t understand why God made you so ugly that you can’t keep your man. She’s just trying to sustain these men from the affliction of your inadequacies. Holly considers herself a saver of marriages, really. If it weren’t for the Wake Up Call of Infidelity to make you realize how much you suck, you never would’ve tried to improve. You can thank her. I think you should.

Deacon Dan –Don’t let the sweater vest fool you. Dan’s a pervert.

Martyre Martha — You weren’t meeting her emotional needs. But Bob on the liturgy committee, he understands. You have such a dirty mind! They went to that hotel for BIBLE STUDY. Martha is a SPIRITUAL person, unlike you. Of course you wouldn’t understand because you’ve never wanted her to be happy. You’re jealous of her relationship with God… and Bob.

Ezekiel Love Bunny —  Ezekiel would like a hug. And another longer lingering one. Maybe a kiss? Hey, Ezekiel is just that kind of guy! Friendly! Would you begrudge someone FRIENDS? You’re so withholding. Can Ezekiel help it if people like him better than they like you? Maybe it’s because you’re so uptight. You should work on that. He’ll be sending you some scripture to meditate on while he’s out with his “friends.”

Amazing Grace — God saved a wretch like her. Was she stealing opiates from sick people? Did she lift your wallet? Well, that’s all in the past. Why won’t you put her on the finance committee? Are you going to hold those youthful embezzlement charges against her? That was THEN. Before God’s grace! Don’t you believe in Grace?

Willy We’re-All-Sinners! An emotional assassin whose weapon of choice is the false equivalency. Did Willy cheat? Well you don’t load the dishwasher right! We’re all sinners. Ye without sin cast the first stone. You make mistakes too and we’re all equal before the eyes of God. Did he mention how much you SUCK at loading the dishwasher? Because you do, but he was too much of a Christian to mention it before.

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Lola Granola
Lola Granola
5 years ago

Mine was not so much a Jesus Cheater as a pious middle aged gay man who enjoyed stringing along increasingly infertile Catholic women of a certain age.

It’s very important to discern marriage, you see. While getting kibbles from much, MUCH younger and less knowing women who are taken in by your eligible bachelor act, and can’t understand why you’re still on the market.

Needless to say, I – with a lively sexual history – was never going to be quite good enough.

Caroline Bowman
Caroline Bowman
5 years ago
Reply to  Lola Granola

my mother – deeply unreligious in any way – said to me from a very young age that if an eligible-seeming man (or woman actually, but she was talking about men generally), ESPECIALLY from a religious sort of background, was unmarried / coupled up / without a colourful history of some sort after 35, there was a very good reason and to steer well clear. Unfair? Perhaps. There are clearly exceptions and arguments against, but ”baggage” of one sort or another is what normal, honest people with life experience have, in one form or another. When someone is ”never married, no serious relationships ever” at 42, despite being attractive, gainfully employed and sociable, there is always a reason. Always.

Lania
Lania
5 years ago

Not particularly. Some just have high expectations of not wanting to settle for trash. It’s not always a bad thing.

I’d much rather be single than to have to put up with a man-child, to be honest. (That is not what I currently experience, having been in a loving relationship for several years now with a man who has enriched me in every way possible).

Chumptopia
Chumptopia
5 years ago

When I tried online dating….I would see a guy who was 50 + and ‘Never Married’ and I skipped right over them. I assumed he must be waiting for Christy Brinkley.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumptopia

The guy I am dating is a 52 year old bachelor who doesn’t have much romantic history and it is actually working out pretty well so far (about a year). I enjoy his company and he isn’t a creepy leach or a misogynistic jerk. He isn’t frigid and disinterested or gay either. He is not an addict. He has been with the same employer for 27 years. His lack of recent experience was apparent early on, but he is figuring things out and being trained to my tastes. The physical side of things is going pretty well these days. He is very shy, a bit of an introvert and somewhat overly frugal which might be a turnoff for some women, especially those who might have wanted to get married and have a family, but it isn’t a problem for me where I am in my life right now. He spends enough on me that I know he wants to be with me but he isn’t bleeding away his net worth on frivolities as ex used to do. He is also willing to step outside of his comfort zone (which is somewhat narrower than mine) to go have “adventures” with me sometimes. If I want to go to a fancy restaurant (not his thing) I will take my teenage kids. I am not sure I would want to comingle my finances with his and I kind of like having a boyfriend that goes home after we get together most nights (although the occasional romantic weekend is nice). This would be true for anybody I could date right now, however. Personally, I am glad he was available when he was and his past (or lack there of) really hasn’t been a problem.

PathOfTotality
PathOfTotality
5 years ago

I don’t understand the thinking that if someone has never been married by a certain age, they must be fucked up. As if getting married/being in long-term relationship is an automatic endorsement of one’s sanity? The stories on this blog prove otherwise.

That said, some long-term singles do have stupidly unrealistic expectations.

RoseThorns
RoseThorns
5 years ago

Although in general I tend to agree with Caroline Bownan, of course there are exceptions. I believe my brother is one of them. He married for the first time at age 52. He is rather shy & doesnt say much until you get to know him. He would probably be considered a little nerdy & slightly socially awkward. He did have several semi-long relationships over the years. He was probably lucky that he didnt chose to marry any of those. I know my brother has good character & integrity & a heart of gold. Of course, I’m biased though.

Mitz
Mitz
5 years ago

I had a friend who insisted that her boyfriend keep his own house. They were together over 30 years. They spent one or two weekends together a month. That was all she was wanting to have, and though he wanted more he was ok with it because he respected her and enjoyed their time together. They would see each other during the week as well, but didn’t sleep over then generally. Everyone has a comfort zone.

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
5 years ago

But then there was Fr Sparkles McCheater’s little run in with his bishop over his covert affair, who announced that he was being unjustly persecuted by the forces of darkness because he was so holy.

Go figure.

OptionNoMore
OptionNoMore
5 years ago

Crisis Chris – Chris is having a crisis of faith. He’s not sure what he believes anymore, so can everyone pray for him. He knows it’s wrong to be with that woman, but he’s having a crisis of love. Please show him your love and understanding. Chris isn’t sure who the real him is anymore. He’s having a crisis of identity causing the selfish part of him to take over. Come on everone. Gather around him to remind him of who he is and show him the way. Mustn’t we all work together to help our brethren in need?

CarryOnMyWaywardNerdGirl
CarryOnMyWaywardNerdGirl
5 years ago
Reply to  OptionNoMore

Crisis Chris is my guy lol. He claims now to have come to ‘realize’ that he wasn’t actually saved back then, and he was confused about who he was and what he wanted and what life was all about… but he’s saved for real now! He tried for reconciliation, even telling me that according to the bible we are still married (so much wrongness there!) but I’ve been at meh a long time now, and just laugh at him.

The Bible is pretty clear. If you are married your spouse is supposed to be like a part of your own body. That’s how you are supposed to love and treat them. Like a freaking limb.

It’s also clear when it says If they right eye offend thee, pluck it out. If thy hand lead you to sin, cut it off. I try and be a good Christian, and so I plucked that x right out, cut him from my life as completely as a I could (2 kids), and I believe God has blessed me ever since!

Jesus cheaters are their own special breed.

AC
AC
5 years ago
Reply to  OptionNoMore

Divine Revelation Johnny: The Holy Spirit talked to him and gave him a personal message that lying, cheating and stealing from you was ok, because he deserved better than you. Oh yes, he was forgiven by God and he knows it, because the Holy Spirit sent him a divine warm fuzzy feeling. Sort of like an orgasm, you know, but it lasted longer than 30 seconds. Remorse and reparation not required because Jesus already paid the price. So if God has forgiven him, why won’t you also quit living in the past and put his infidelity behind you too? Elephant-memory bitch. (Jesus may have paid the price, but Jesus doesn’t send the child support checks.)

Martha
Martha
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

During the time we were “working on our marriage” and counseling with the lying pastor. Pastor called anyone who wanted to come up to the altar for prayer. Cheater went up to the front and I followed him, because I thought my cheaters heart was sincere. Pastor and others laid hands on us while cheater and I knelt and held each other’s hands. I am not the type to go up to the altar at all, but I did it again with the cheater because of the “anointed oil” and prayer that I felt we really needed. Little did I know that during this time, the cheater started a lie-filled smear campaign behind my back at his job and his friends. He’d lie to anyone who would listen. He was also already talking divorce to his co-workers. I had no idea what was coming when he blind-sided me with The Divorce Letter. And all this going up to the altar for prayer was for church impression management. Look at Savior Steve being all holy and praying in front of others. Well, God cannot be mocked or fooled!! Savior Steve got what he wanted. Lots of people think he’s the most wonderful, godly, Christian man. But God saw all of it! All 23 years of lying and cheating on me. All the lies he told about me. All the ways he played with my mind and drove me to near insanity. Christian’s do not do this! And so-called Christians who support this kind of evil are cut out of my life forever! My ex and my ex-pastor used my faith and my love of God to hurt me even more. I will never forget how evil and wicked they are.

Now-I-Know-What-Hell-Looks-Like
Now-I-Know-What-Hell-Looks-Like
5 years ago
Reply to  Martha

My exact story as well.
It destroyed my faith. I’m working on building it back up but it’s been incredibly difficult.

Maria73
Maria73
5 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Martha, thank you for this! I still have a lot of pain from Christian friends supporting my ex-Jesus-Cheater, as I faded away into the abyss of betrayal. One of my “friends” repeatedly chastised me for leaving Jesus Cheater behind. He said (verbatim), “Pastor Chris says if you would divorce FOR ANY REASON, then you’re not ready for marriage.” Wha…?? Then I would tell him, “I’M NOT MARRIED.” And he would look at me with the glazed look of someone who blindly follows their pastor. It just hurt so badly to be told, ” You’re not ready for marriage.” I’m one of those somewhat older (45), gainfully employed, attractive, social people who has never been married. Then to have my Christian friend berrate me like that…… Martha, I admire you for cutting those friends out of your life. I kind of wish I had–with this one– at least. Yes, God sees it all. He knows. And he is the God of justice.

Martha
Martha
5 years ago
Reply to  Maria73

Maria73, I’m so sorry you were hurt not only by a Jesus Cheater, but other people in your church and also your friends. I know how much your hurt, because we’ve been taught that all Christians are safe. But sadly that is not the truth at all and there are lots of wolves in sheep clothing hiding in the church too. 🙁 That makes absolutely no sense for your pastor to say you are not ready for marriage, because you refuse to stay with a Jesus Cheater. You are doing the right thing by cutting off the relationship with him. Keep being mighty my sister in Christ.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Well, laying on, anyway. ????

Chumptastic Voyage
Chumptastic Voyage
5 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Annointed with oil. Snake oil.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

He did “laying of the hands,” in places where his hands should never have been!

Doingme
Doingme
5 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

I was thinking of a baptism; how long can you hold your breath?

lucien
lucien
5 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

????????????

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
5 years ago
Reply to  OptionNoMore

Lol!!!!!!

When will tuesday get here
When will tuesday get here
5 years ago
Reply to  OptionNoMore

I KNOW THIS GUY!

It’s so true- Crisis Chris is the worst. It’s like, ok, so you’re 30,40,50,60 and you’re confused about how your life turned out…SO ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE! But they don’t go ruining lives and shattering hearts- they work at themselves and why THEY aren’t content. They go to counseling or quit their jobs to go start blogs or anything but find their fulfillment or answers in something outside of themselves.

Mustard seed
Mustard seed
5 years ago

He stood in the pulpit and read Bible passages out loud about adultery. He hid his secret cell phone in the stained glass window in the sanctuary (bought and paid for by married OW). He used the church office as a private place to Skype. He spent church money on out of town conferences which were actually meetups. OW masterbated with bic pens, mailed them to the church, and those were the pens on a desk where people regularly gathered to meet and work. OW Skyped into my house to get spiritual guidance from my husband. He acted as a spiritual counselor to OW’s husband because of the crisis in their marriage. I could go on. He said he did it because she was “entertaining.”

Oh, and people in our church now accept them as a legitimate married couple who “found” each other. Apparantly the narrative us that they were both victims who have now come together in eternal happiness. Victims of what, I’m not sure.

And now they get my kids for holidays.

ShissNoMore
ShissNoMore
5 years ago
Reply to  Mustard seed

I never understand how people can openly accept cheaters who hurt so many people for their own selfishness. How do people accept them as a couple and be happy for them?! I feel that people who betray their spouses and get in bed with other people should not have support and be applauded for their extremely hurtful behavior. If you are unhappy in a marriage – leave, get divorced, then start sleeping with someone else. Sleeping with someone else while your spouse has no idea you are unhappy is just despicable. No one should find happiness in their new found love.

Fireball
Fireball
5 years ago
Reply to  ShissNoMore

ShissNoMore … EXACTLY!

Why break hearts, minds and bodies? I will say it “They are EVIL”.

The.end.

Leonidis
Leonidis
5 years ago
Reply to  Mustard seed

Mustard, that’s some fucked up shit right there! And people watch tv and wonder how a spouse or a ex goes postal on their betrayer.

Mustard Seed
Mustard Seed
5 years ago
Reply to  Leonidis

Agree. It is really disgusting! And I was called “bitter and angry” for my reaction.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  Mustard seed

This is why it is good to break the habit of putting writing utensils (and anything else of unknown origin) in or near our mouths. ????????☹️

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
5 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

This is why I always sign receipts,etc. with my own pen ! GROSS !

Traveling the World
Traveling the World
5 years ago
Reply to  Mustard seed

Mustard Seed, that’s just revolting. I’m so sorry.

Mustard Seed
Mustard Seed
5 years ago

Thank you.

Invisibleinsane
Invisibleinsane
5 years ago
Reply to  Mustard seed

Ewwww…that is beyond belief, or it would be if they behaved like normal people. Letting everyone share in the holy mysteries, all who share this one bread, this one cup and the handful of biros that she’s had in the one secret place, dogging ok, people make a choice to watch/participate, not my scene but all between consenting adults and all that, that is sick and would no doubt keep a conferencefull of psychiatrists/psychologists whoever has the special calling to understand the twisted and nonunderstandable busy f8r months, years. I can cope with God moving in mysterious ways cos well he’s God but that beggars belief

OptionNoMore
OptionNoMore
5 years ago
Reply to  Mustard seed

OMG – Your ex is a version of the Existential Erica I wrote about yesterday. It’s written in the stars…I mean it’s God’s plan that they be together. If you dare speak against them, you are so negative and need to be cleansed of the evil of your resentment. Cuz’ it wasn’t evil that attacked your family to begin with or anything…

Hope you have found a better Church community to engage with

Mustard Seed
Mustard Seed
5 years ago
Reply to  OptionNoMore

I did not go to church at all for almost 2 years, and neither did my children. Church made me gag with it’s hypocrisy and memories. Then I started reading the Bible, and now I’ve read the whole Bible cover to cover, twice. Then I found one church that loves us dearly, loves all types of people, knows what happened to me, and a lot of the people there know my ex husband personally as the awful bastard that he is. They surrounded me and my children with such love and protection, really pulled us into a gathering of people who would do anything for us and accept us for who we are…they are my family now.

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
5 years ago
Reply to  OptionNoMore

The OWife in my case is the steroid, speedball-laced version of Existential Sara. A pastor who happily sleeps with other women’s husbands. God wanted them to be together. It was God’s will. God champions their love. No mention of those pesky commandments that say otherwise. They both deny she was an “other woman.” The marriage was over and they found each other – except we were still married – apparently a pesky detail which will remain unmentioned. It is easier to pass off the miracle of love story to her congregation because he was living in a different state with his wife when they first got together. He has tried to pass the story off to our adult children who know exactly who she is and what happened and refuse to have anything to do with her. I am the evil demon that kept them apart all of these years – while she was marrying and married to her other husbands. He has to be with her because her love for him is so deep and God-ordained. The fourth husband must be the charm.

They are both Cray-Cray and lie like cheap rugs. If the Lord was blessing anyone it was me when he freed me from the insane asylum I had mistaken for a relationship.

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Honey, you have NO idea…

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Mustard seed

… beyond despicable. A true whited sepulchre. People like this and their profound hypocrisy are sickening. By their fruits you will know them as the good book says. And doesn’t Jesus say at one point “I never knew you”?

Mustard Seed
Mustard Seed
5 years ago

I had to look up the meaning of whited sepulchre. Spot on. Good one.

superchumpsince2014
superchumpsince2014
5 years ago
Reply to  Mustard seed

I remember reading about your ex’s bic pens tricks before – the idea that they were put in a church somehow makes it worse! I was picturing a stuffy board room or lawyers office before!

ItAin'tMe
ItAin'tMe
5 years ago
Reply to  Mustard seed

I’m gagging a little bit but I have to know…how did you find out about the pens? I’m sorry – morbid curiosity. I’ve seen you mention them before. gag!!

Mustard Seed
Mustard Seed
5 years ago
Reply to  ItAin'tMe

He left his secret Facebook account open on the computer. I turned on the computer and read all the messages. Afterwards, I asked him where the pens were and he told me.

Mustard Seed
Mustard Seed
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Agree! So gross.

Juju
Juju
5 years ago
Reply to  Mustard Seed

I remember this as well. Is there anyway you can print up these messages, and hand them out to all of the attendants?

Mustard Seed
Mustard Seed
5 years ago
Reply to  Juju

Ha, I could but it would make me look crazy. I have a friend who’s mother was cheated on. He doesn’t understand her pain and said to me, “I wish she’d just come down from the cross. She never let it go.” People don’t understand if they haven’t been through it. Better to talk to a therapist.

When will tuesday get here
When will tuesday get here
5 years ago

Oh snap.

Justice Jonathan- “Well, I have a lot of problems like sex addiction but just because I recover from that doesn’t mean our marriage will be healthy. You have toxic and unhealthy relationship patterns.” This guy signs his letters “peace and love” and tells me how much he’s praying for me. He was his sex addiction to propel me toward a healthier life. Justice Jonny’s “true” priority is bringing me closer to God via infidelity. He wants to know about the hell that was unleashed on my life in addition to “all the good things” that have come from infidelity. He tells me that he really misses me and is hurt about how I’ve been removing him from my life and then immediately follows that up with, “I don’t understand why you won’t let me come to church with you.”

Pesky Paul- that church leader who tells you “you have the right to get divorced tomorrow if you want” but everything they encourage you to do looks like reconciliation. However, this person will damn you if you stay and damn you if you go. When you do reach out to your spouse for administrative reasons, you aren’t letting go enough and you’re confusing the poor addict. When you don’t talk to your spouse and you go no contact, they push you to work on character flaws you have like that you shame other people and hurt them because you’re hurt.

Lania
Lania
5 years ago

Funny how they use the excuse of “sex addiction” yet they are not turning said addiction’s outlets towards their spouse, and instead towards fucking anything that moves, isn’t it?

That’s how I know that “sex addiction” is a crock of shit. Just another excuse for someone acting like a piece of garbage.

Mandie101
Mandie101
5 years ago

I know justice johnathan!

OpheliasNewLife
OpheliasNewLife
5 years ago

Mine was Phillip Forgiveness all day long. He found Jesus as he walked out the door (and into the arms of AP). I found out about AP because they were seen together at church of all places and busted by a mutual friend. Friend told him he was not coming to his church to flaunt his girlfriend and he needed to really get right with God. Dumbass now goes to a different service at same church to avoid seeing friend. However dumbass tells other mutual friends to “please pray for Ophelia, she is having a hard time”…..WTF? Let’s unpack that. Projection, image management, guilt much? I make sure to tell my friends I am just fine and to save their prayers for the AP as she is the lastest victim. SMDH…

Tbone
Tbone
5 years ago

The Reverend Raunch-Dog.

My ex was (is? I have no idea) a pastor in a very conservative denomination (hint—no female pastors). He was also on several hookup sites as “a red-blooded American male who would like to see some sexy pics of u).” And he was planning to marry one of the OW, but I don’t think she knew about the others.

After I kicked him out, he continued to preach and give communion at the church he had been serving about an hour away. That’s some pretty impressive compartmentalization.

One of the things that pisses me off is that he had been making me feel bad about my spotty church attendance the weekend before I found out about the fiancé OW.

A large church in our city sent an email to me, inviting him to a special breakfast for “busy men of God.” I called & asked them to take that email address off of their mailing list, as he had been a “busy man of God” with several other women.

And yes, he proposed to his new wife during grace over Chik-fil-A. The #Prayer-posal.

ItAin'tMe
ItAin'tMe
5 years ago
Reply to  Tbone

I don’t know why, but the “a red-blooded American male who would like to see some sexy pics of u” has me dying over here!! HAHAHA These people are rich!

I mean, who knew that the man’s blood was red?
= )

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
5 years ago
Reply to  ItAin'tMe

And you know he would be preaching from the pulpit against women who are not chaste, or about watching porn!!!

I hate the sanctimonious hypocrite.

Susan Devlin
Susan Devlin
5 years ago

My ex, is a catholic, crosses himself passing a church, has holy water in a small bottle. That didn’t stop his ow following me and hanging around my house for years. Maybe he got what he deserved her.

So Done
So Done
5 years ago

This made me laugh. My STBX is not at all religious. However, shortly after I confronted him post-Dday, he told me that he had “confessed to the Lord Jesus Christ” and that he had “made peace with the Lord.” These were such bizarre statements coming from him. In fact, even as I type this, I feel overwhelmed with relief that I am no longer in the position of trying to make sense out of his endless, endless nonsense. The OW has that unenviable task now. 🙂

Divine Doorknobs
Divine Doorknobs
5 years ago
Reply to  So Done

“I am no longer in the position of trying to make sense out of his endless, endless nonsense.”
Yes, I know what you mean. The first Easter after she had left, she invited me and the kids to come to her new church where “the pastor preaches the word so well.” The church? “T.R.A.S.H. ministeries. (Totally Redeemed, Anointed Servants of the Most High”) A biker type church. No judgement, but hypocritical bikers being told I abused her? I’m wondering who will feel the need to avenge this sweet lil Harley chic (my STBX).

Skunkcabbage
Skunkcabbage
5 years ago
Reply to  So Done

My NX has “found God”. Funny with me he was pretty much Agnostic if not pure Pagan. But since the OW left him 6 mo after I did, and he’s yet to con a replacement, its a great way to get kibbles. “Pray for me, who has been stricken with such misery and unfairness.”, “Lord give me the strength to rise above this persecution and hate being cast my way”…. and more such drivel.

TooSmartforthisShit
TooSmartforthisShit
5 years ago

Best reply for Forgiveness Philip” is to play them “I don’t” by Danielle Peck. “You say that I should stay friends with you. That Jesus forgives you. You pray that I will but I won’t. The difference is Jesus loves you and I don’t”

Mandie101
Mandie101
5 years ago

My anthem

OptionNoMore
OptionNoMore
5 years ago

That’s a good one.

violet
violet
5 years ago

“They say in life you get what you give, but there are some things only God can forgive.”-Kesha

Triumphafterterror
Triumphafterterror
5 years ago

I laughed so hard at this, thank you CL!! My ex has been praying for me for 5 years now, for healing and that I’ll “Get better” and stop being angry so we can be friends. God would want it that way!!!!

He joined the skanks church (where she used to go with HER husband) which is Christian based. They bring in blessed alpacas for the congregation to touch – I mean, how much better can it get?? He wrote checks to the church from our joint account, crossing my name off & writing hers in. The church actually contacted me to try & clarify the address confusion. Sometimes he left my address, sometimes he wrote in hers. I clarified that I was his wife and lived in the marital home, and the OW was his affair partner that he had shacked up with. I also let them know that their other parishioner (her hubby) probably had a different address as well. I got a good chuckle out of that one!!!!

Skunkcabbage
Skunkcabbage
5 years ago

Do the Alpaca’s baptize the parishioners with blessed spit?

Expectations14
Expectations14
5 years ago
Reply to  Skunkcabbage

Love it.

Susannah
Susannah
5 years ago

Wait.. blessed alpacas? Why alpacas? My experience with those is that they really don’t like to be touched.

Martha
Martha
5 years ago
Reply to  Susannah

Yeah, I wanna hear about the blessed alpacas, too. lol 🙂

Rebecca
Rebecca
5 years ago

I got the old, “I know God wants me to be happy.” Apparently God doesn’t give two hoots about my happiness or my children’s happiness, or the happiness of the innumerable other friends and family members he hurt!

And also this gem, “I’m not committing adultery by my definition.” I didn’t know we had the authority to rewrite the commandments!

Freer Every Day
Freer Every Day
5 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

one of ex’s coworkers told me this:

I’ve never seen him so happy!!

he’s consumed with this woman.

I too thought “what about my happiness, my children, our 25 yr marriage, the vows he took, my now lack of health insurance, loss of home, family, my grandchild…all due to his smear campaign and lies while he was chasing his happiness….”

she has no idea how close she came to being knocked on her rather expansive ass. it still pisses me off.

ItAin'tMe
ItAin'tMe
5 years ago

I’ll toss one into the ring – God Doesn’t Love Me Gideon

Creature was one of those ‘philosophy, logical, pseudo-intellectual, let’s debate about why God can’t exist’ types.

Funny how when D-Day arrived, he fell into the sniffly, ‘woe is me, ‘I must be this way because God abandoned me’ routine.

Well, jackass, you did a bang up job of finding an endless supply of tramps to fill the void that was supposedly left within you. Maybe God will embrace your ass again but I sure as hell won’t (no pun intended)
= )

twiceachump
twiceachump
5 years ago

Dr. Cheaterpants and I were active in our Catholic church, sent kids through the parochial school system from preschool up. Both in Catholic high school, fuckwit is on the school board and volunteer asst coaching when our iClouds are joined with an upgrade and I see his texts and emails to DD14’s 20-something asst sports coach. He was supposed to be the mature one guiding several 20-somethings coaching young girls. Nope, he’s one of the gang and taking them all out for drinking shots and screwing all night, uhm I mean making coaching plans.

Since this was the second know schmoops in our 20 years together and he is a control freak asshole, I booted him. He is still with this latest young schmoopie living the high life. Buying a $450k home, lots of jewelry and tropical vacations, all while no longer paying for stuff for kids. SMH.

Initially he was trying to still show up at sporting events for both kids our kids in the Catholic school and trying to make this ho look legit like a real girl friend. I had outed him to the school when I found out and they were both fired and he was replaced on the board. They tried for a good year to infiltrate the girls’ practices, invite the team over to their new big house (thank goodness most parents wouldn’t have anything to do with that shit).

Ahhhh, and he still is an asshole to the kids. He’s a control freak. She’s a bleach blonde bimbo but mousy. I’m sure he’s enjoying the power and control and her submissiveness.

DD and I were at a tournament out of state and she needed to reach him on a Sunday morning and told me he wasn’t answering her calls or texts, she thought he must be a church. I thought what’s the point? Surely other church attendees are looking at this 50 year old, bald man, walks with a limp and a 20-something bleach blonde bimbo judging. Ha ha. It’s like doing the drills for your sport and never being able to execute a single skill or play in the game. A waist of time for all involved!!

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
5 years ago

SuperDuperChump won the Texas Lottery on Jesus Cheaters.

SuperDuperChump got baptized on an Easter Sunday. Turned it over to God. Changed his evil ways. Finally saw the light.

SuperDuperChump had no idea at the time that the “Minister” who Baptized him was banging his wife. Even banged her the night before.

No one can understand why SuperDuperChump enjoyed watching the TCU Horned Frogs get their asses kicked this year.

TKO
TKO
5 years ago

Rest assured…there’s a special place in hell.

unicornomore
unicornomore
5 years ago

AGH. the minister who baptized you banged your wife the night before ? – winner winner chicken dinner

So sorry for your pain. What a suckfest. I hope you ran from her like her hair was on fire.

My parents had friends who broke up when the wife banged their priest – the same priest the husband had gone to for counsel in his crumbling marriage. Years later they met (separately) reconnected with both of them…the husband wept as he told the story and the wife laughed. Purgatory is waiting for her.

Kale
Kale
5 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Any reason the wife thought it was funny? I mean saying “I cheated with the same priest my husband was trying to get counsel from ” sounds horrible – not funny. I hope the priest lost his pastoral license or whatever it is they have.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

SuperDuperChump has been in a 2 year relationship with his Polar Opposite and has never been happier.

I am living in one of those Hollywood Chick Flick movies that just can’t possibly happen. Perhaps “unrealistic” Hollywood portrayals could be incorporated into Friday Challenge.

unicornomore
unicornomore
5 years ago

I am also living an unrealistic Hollywood chickflick story that seemingly could never happen – so much so that when I post about what happened to me I add the disclaimer that “results will vary”
…I would never advise anyone to follow my path thinking that they would have the same ending…it all to unbelievable.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Some folks want to go to hell and don’t want to have to stand in line.

They want to take the Hell Express.

I am at the point in life where I am able to laugh about it. I guess it would make a great ice breaker if I ever decide to join another church.

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
5 years ago

“Some folks want to go to hell and don’t want to have to stand in line. They want to take the Hell Express.”

That cracked me up and made me smile all the way on the inside. And the church said, “Amen.”

Mustard Seed
Mustard Seed
5 years ago
Reply to  Chump Princess

Baptized by the OM…there is …I mean that is…I mean…what?!? No words. That’s awful.

Dd61999
Dd61999
5 years ago

Brother,

I’m happy to hear your faith persevered through this horrible experience

I love Meh
I love Meh
5 years ago

I shall dub my ex Two-faced Tom. He was always so pious and holy at church and around that set of friends and was also the one who could make the dirtiest joke around another set of friends. He was a deacon in our church and taught the high school kids Sunday school class while he slept with every coworker who was willing. I had to be the perfect Christian wife, mother, and example. Most of the church members couldn’t believe it when they found out he was cheating… and didn’t want to get involved. I was treated like an outcast amoung people who should have helped. I was no longer one of them. The veneer had cracked. God forbid you have a hard time with a cheating husband! Your getting a divorce…we don’t know how to communicate with such folks!
Then when he confessed to me that he cheated and that he hadn’t loved me for years, the poor tortured souls said he was trying his damnedest to do the right thing. All this termoil was going on in his poor little head while we were in the process of adopting twin girls. He said he decided to wait till we had them a year before telling me to make it “easier” on me. So sweet…

carrie
carrie
5 years ago

Disgusting Darrell is a Native American practicing Buddhist. And he wears a cross around his neck. He likes to impress numerous people. When he was being investigated by children services for his love of abusing the shit out of his pets in front of our child, he simply showed them his lovely meditation room and how he deals with his rage and sex addiction by meditating and colouring in children colouring books.
He drags our daughter to Buddhist temples when he is not in his acting out phase. When we were still married, he would go visit ‘massage’ parlours at lunch and come home to ‘meditate’. Disgusting, dirty, demented, dim witted Darrell.

Divine Doorknobs
Divine Doorknobs
5 years ago
Reply to  carrie

That is alot of alliteration!

OptionNoMore
OptionNoMore
5 years ago
Reply to  carrie

Cleanse those negative thoughts, Carrie. Light a salt lamp, ding a bell, rake some sand. Become as enlightened as Disgusting Darrell.

I don’t mean to mock the practices of faith traditions. I’m an educator in the Catholic school system and have taught World Religions for 15 years.

I do mean to mock those who treat faith traditions as a trend. Today it’s mandalas and ripped jeans. Tomorrow it’s a sweat lodge and skinny jeans. None of it has substance because these faith traditions are all supposed to be expressions of an understanding that there are universal truths about a greater good than ourselves, the love that stems from that greater power, and morality of how one ought to live to reflect the goodness of that power. When that is missing, it’s just smoke and mirrors – a misguided notion that greater self-actualization has been achieved when really only greater self-interest has been gained.

Now go burn some sweetgrass…

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  OptionNoMore

I had many of these same thoughts — so I guess you can probably appreciate the mean joke that went through my head, which was “He can go smudge himself”. ????

Nicelutherangirl
Nicelutherangirl
5 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

“He can go smudge himself.” THIS! When Snakeface started on his Lakota path, he’d smudge our house with sage before he started tying prayer ties for Lakota rituals. He was well into his relationship with Spiritual Slut then, so the smell of sage became the smell of betrayal and abandonment. If I’d only come up with “Go smudge yourself.” on my own. That’s brilliant!

CleotheFormerChump
CleotheFormerChump
5 years ago

“so the smell of sage became the smell of betrayal and abandonment.”–beautifully said!

Nicelutherangirl
Nicelutherangirl
5 years ago

I mean no disrespect to you, Carrie. The sage that triggers me is the same sage that heals you, so the sage itself is innocent, neutral. The intention, and the integrity of the user, are what count, so smudge on!

Carrie
Carrie
5 years ago

No disrespect taken 🙂 I totally understand triggers. And lol to ‘spiritual slut’. Hah, I have met a few.
Though the ‘girl’ DD eventually left for (ya – I kept hoping and being fooled) was a transvestite Spanish person that was very very broken. Oh, and his student (he teaches upgrading at a community college). Ohhhh how I wish I could go back in time!! I would have a lot of fun!

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago

Same here. I smudge a space now and then myself. My snark is directed in exactly the way I understood what Carrie described – disdain for the exploitation of something good into a tool for deceiving and manipulating the vulnerable.

Thank heaven for CL and George Simon and others who teach us how to see through these ruses.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

(Oops, OptionNoMore, I meant to put your name in with Carrie’s, mea culpa!)

Carrie
Carrie
5 years ago
Reply to  OptionNoMore

OptionNoMore I love you 🙂 And I agree 100% with your comment. And I am actually going to use sage today – in a good way. Happy Friday!!

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
5 years ago
Reply to  Carrie

In some dressing?? I love a nice, hot, heaping serving of Stove Top!

McJJ
McJJ
5 years ago

My ex got a Masters degree in religion from Univ. of Chicago – took so long they said if he would just write a dissertation and come back to campus for one semester he could get a Phd, but of course he didn’t finish. Got a job as an assistant pastor at a small Baptist church (he grew up a Baptist), but was never ordained because he said it was the church’s duty to invite him to be ordained, and at this small church they expected the individual to declare their calling and ask for ordination. Because he knows more about God and the Church than anyone, and he is always right.

We moved to a suburb out of town and joined the Presbyterian church, where he taught the older ladies Sunday School class and served as both a deacon and elder (always berating the pastor for various shortcomings). I had stopped attending the church (and never was in one of his Sunday School classes) when his affair with the bat shit crazy Bunny Boiler was in full swing (she lived a state away). Found out later that he would go to the early church service, then head out to his car to sext with the OW, sending her dick pics and she would send pics of her tits and crotch. THEN he would turn his phone on and tuck it in his front pocket so she could listen to him teach his Sunday School class! His words were so magical!

Mustard Seed
Mustard Seed
5 years ago
Reply to  McJJ

My ex did the phone in the pocket for SS (which I attended) and preaching sermons (I was in the choir), too.

Invisibleinsane
Invisibleinsane
5 years ago
Reply to  McJJ

Oh my goodness

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
5 years ago
Reply to  McJJ

Well, that is especially disgusting. Hypocrisy on stomach turning awful levels!

Manna
Manna
5 years ago

Oh yes. Willy We’re all Sinners. He was an elder at my church. During discovery I asked him how he could serve communion to people (in my faith this is considered a very Holy Sacrament and only appointed elders/pastors are asked to serve communion) after knowing he’d had craigslist rendezvous over lunch on the Friday before….his answer “we’re ALL sinners”. When our pastor humbly tried to talk to him and tell him he needed to truly apologize to me for all that he’s done to me and our family…Cheater Cheatson’s response to him…”well you just don’t know what she did to me.”

unicornomore
unicornomore
5 years ago

My Cheater didnt pull too many Jesusy stunts, but a few…

We were a devout Catholic family (I converted for family unity then became a hard-core Catholic)…he said that it was OK for him to leave with Susan of Seattle because me and the kids had been his “gift” to the Church…he could leave us on the alter and it was ok to walk away with Susan…he could then work on converting her. The only gift I ever knew he bought her was a book on Catholicism. He said that Susan of Seattle (banger of married men) was “the most Christlike woman he knew”.

He said nothing he ever did was adultery because we were never married in the Church. Well yes there was that big wedding in a Catholic church building with 2 Priests and bridesmaids and grandmas in chiffon and 180 witnesses, but that didn’t count because he was so reluctant that his “consent” was never fully valid…

he told me this theory during wreckonciliation which meant that if he was accurate, then our marriage at that minute was still invalid and spiritually, we were merely “shacking up” and to me the situation needed to be corrected.

I asked him if we could please go down to the Church on a weekday and privately reconfirm our Sacrament with the Priest or Deacon and he said (at the time we had been married like 18/19 years) “If I live until our 25th anniversary, we will do it” (odd thing for a 43 year old guy to say but I have found that Cheaters often oddly foreshadow their lives with odd things they say).

So I lived this sucky wreckonciliation for years then just before the 25th anniversary, he had his best friend tell me that he decided to not do it. I was left in a spot where I was ostensibly not in a valid marriage and the only option I had was to divorce him and get an annulment…yet he ate cake and gave just barely enough kibbles to keep me in the marriage (seemingly helpful at the time because children).

As a devout Catholic, his declaration that our marriage was invalid and refusal to fix it (despite my daily prayers that we would go to my little country church and have our marriage blessed) caused me such pain.

I was smoking hopium and perplexed about what to do. His behavior was spiritually abusive. 374 days after his refusal to renew our vows on our 25th anniversary, he dropped dead. A year and a half later, I went down to my little country church and had my Lutheran marriage (with my new husband) blessed by the same deacon I had hoped would marry me and Cheater.

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

#MeToo again

Mandie101
Mandie101
5 years ago
Reply to  Lola Granola

Should we not delight in the will of God? God gives and God takes away. Give him thanks ????

Chumptopia
Chumptopia
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I like that part too CL????

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
5 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Unicorn no more – I have also met ‘unilateral annulment’ types who cause their spouses horrible pain.

It’s bullshit and it’s abuse. The only way your marriage could be annulled would be by him and you both fronting up to the marriage tribunal, being deposed with actual evidence, with witness statements, and then a due process.

But because he knew he was full of shit, and that he had zero grounds for annulment, he didn’t have the cojones to face up to the tribunal.

Pretending that he had his fingers crossed means nothing before God or the Catholic Church, because the marriage is always presumed to be valid unless there’s some damn good evidence otherwise. Catholics aren’t Muslims – you can’t just say ‘I was only pretending’ three times and suddenly you’re living in sin.

I know you probably know all this, but other people might not, and it’s absolutely shitty the your late ex did this to you – it’s spiritual abuse. I am so sorry – I am glad he’s dead – I am glad you pray for him – and I am super glad God sent you such comfort afterwards.

unicornomore
unicornomore
5 years ago
Reply to  Lola Granola

Thanks for your kindness

I think on some level he fancied himself in the image of JFK who had a respectable Catholic wedding to a respectable woman but he could do what he wanted behind closed doors because he was SPECIAL.

As we grew older, I grew in my faith and dragged him along with me and with his life viewed in the contest of adult faith, he likely found some profound cognitive dissonance and need to blame.

He had, at any point in time, the option to say “I was too immature and disconnected to give full consent that day (he actually really did seem to believe that part of his story…maybe there is some truth to it) and I have never been fully, sacramentally engaged in this marriage, it is invalid and we will pursue a divorce and annulment” but he never did because cake.

Im still pretty mad and will likely be forever, but Im sure it is so much worse for him. His early decisions caused him to fail miserably at the most important aspects of life. I do believe he exists in Purgatory and is now fully aware of the things he disassociated when he was alive. That experience has really got to suck.

OneFleshWithACheater
OneFleshWithACheater
5 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

//he told me this theory he had…that our marriage at that minute was still invalid //
//he was so reluctant that his “consent” was never fully valid//
//…he dropped dead.//
Woe unto the man whose measure of iniquity is full!
And also, Congrats!

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
5 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

I particularly like your insight that: “Cheaters often oddly foreshadow their lives with odd things they say.”

If only we could have known at the time that they were telling us their plans!

unicornomore
unicornomore
5 years ago
Reply to  Eilonwy

I DO think that there are times when they tell us the truth (like “I never loved you” or some such) but we don’t believe them because the truth are mixed into so many lies and we bring our own hopes to the conversation. After my experience, if a newbie told be that their spouse said “I never loved you” I would encourage them to believe it.

Similarly, those who use a lot of projection tend to tell a lot of truths if you listen (I tended not to listen because he was accusing me of things in his rants which I later realized were all truths of his).

chump-pin
chump-pin
5 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

I got accused of cheating at least once a quarter and anytime I looked at any other woman, you could see the anger in her eyes. I’d actually go out of my way to not look at any women, which is hard to do in a world filled with 1/2 of those “hungry-eyed whores.” Yes, in retrospect, projection.

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
5 years ago

Tom Trinity–he IS God. He feels he is in a lot of pain. Every day. But, he points out, Jesus only suffered a short time on the cross, whereas he suffers all the time. From this he concludes he is equal to Jesus–a part of God and in communication with God. And as further evidence, God sends him signs all the time. His driver’s license number has a 3, a 5, and a 7 in it (as do his license plate and his birth date and his social security number–these numbers are holy signs!) Three blackbirds landed on a telephone wire right before his eyes while he was thinking about how much he wants to quit his job and go to seminary, and since God sent him a 3, he knows quitting is the right choice. Oh, and his wife needs to “beg on her knees for forgiveness” from him for sinning and requesting a separation. All his sins are forgiven, but hers are another matter, because breaking a vow made before God is the greatest sin of all–i.e. wanting a separation.

Invisibleinsane
Invisibleinsane
5 years ago
Reply to  Eilonwy

I’m surprised he didn’t slaughter chickens and inspect the entrails, not sure how I’d numbers work in your neck of the woods but sometimes numbers on significant docs include a nod to the birthdate, so if his birthdate has significant numbers other docs will have too. And honestly not counting 0 there are only 9 numbers to choose from

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
5 years ago

You’re telling me! He’d use simple addition to get to his magic numbers too–so 1 blackbird on one side of the road and 2 on the other also got him to 3, etc. It was hard not to find signs of God’s approval.

On the bright side, he was asked to reconsider his “calling” and kicked out of seminary after one term.

OptionNoMore
OptionNoMore
5 years ago

Well, unicornnomore, thank God he gave you all you needed for an annulment so that you could be free of this farce. He was an embarrassment to Catholicism with no clue about what constituted a marriage in his special brand of theology.

So happy that you found a fulfilling love. God bless.

unicornomore
unicornomore
5 years ago
Reply to  OptionNoMore

I didnt need an annulment since he died although if I could get a posthumous one, I would apply for it. (Apparently they sometimes do posthumous annulments in Italy to mess around with inheritances but in the US its not a thing). He was an exceedingly good example of why we are not to create our own theology or truth.

I believe he is in Purgatory now and likely has a better grasp on these truths than I currently have. That must be frustrating for him. Occasionally people will tell me they hope he is in Hell, but I dont want that. I sacrificed years of my life in prayer for his soul – too much to throw it away. I am not sure if there will be any interface between us when I die…sometimes I hope that one of his acts of penance will be accounting for every lie or act of abuse against me. God has a system for these things and I dont know what it is…Im gonna trust Him on this.

Liz C.
Liz C.
5 years ago

The OW in my marriage was a texbook Holier than Holly. Which is pretty rich, since my ex was pretty much a disinterested atheist…sure, he veiled it in ways by saying “I’m more spiritual than religious” or “I just get more out of being in nature than in church.” Except I never saw the man reflect on anything, meditate, or spend any non-work-required time in nature.

One of the few credit card line items I was able to tie to OW was for a jewelry store. Ex explained that away as his ol pal OW’s cross necklace broke on a scuba trip. He felt bad…so he replaced it. NBD, right?

I hope they both burn in hell. Since OW was an unemployed leech who still lived with her (very fundamentalist Christian) parents in Asia, I took the opportunity, during the last week I was officially Ex’s wife, to send her dad a letter. I made sure to tell him everything that happened, including the fact that I had concrete proof that his daughter was actively breaking up my marriage with my husband. I made it clear that there was no blackmail motive involved, just that myself and my lawyer should not have to know what his daughter looks like with my husband’s cum all over her face.

I never knew if the letter reached him or not (I sent it to a work address I found online), until she email-berated me a few months later. The only communication she and I had…and I am pleased that it was able to confirm that I got her where it hurt. Even a tiny bit.

Mustard Seed
Mustard Seed
5 years ago
Reply to  Liz C.

Wow. What did the email say?

Liz C.
Liz C.
5 years ago
Reply to  Mustard Seed

It said, in a nutshell, that I am the wife of XXX, and that I desperately loved my husband. I told him that when my ex met OW I thought it was great that he had a friend in a foreign land while he was away for work…but that I now had proof that there was an affair, and he was leaving me. I told him as a Christian myself, I was desperate to save the marriage but that OW continued to talk to my husband.

I told him that I thought he should have the truth, no matter what happens and that as a Christian man he should know what his daughter was doing and that Ex was not being honorable.

In retrospect it was just me being desperate and emotional. But it was cathartic; the idea that my EX could now never just slide into that family as a poor, innocent, misunderstood divorcee has helped.

pissedinPA
pissedinPA
5 years ago

My stbx probably hasn’t gone to church since he walked out on me and our 3 kids last year to live in his recently inherited (from his parents death) house with his hunting and drinking friend. We shall call this other guy FUDS. FUDS filed for divorce from his wife of 24+ years within a month of my father-in-law dying. Neither my stbx or FUDS had ANY time for their kids or any other activity last year. Now FUDS likes to tell his ex-wife that “I am praying for you” and that she “has no soul”. He even showed up at church to harass her while she was reading. He texted her that she “should listen to the words she is reading” and “tell the truth”. FUDS thought this was hilarious and was even bragging to his friends about his bad behavior. Luckily a few of them apparently told him to knock it off – doubt it will deter him though. FUDS loves to hold himself out as the devout Catholic and injured party. Woe is FUDS! FUDS is a pervert too. After I had my double mastectomy a few years ago he started texting my stbx pictures of women in wet tshirts or topless.Special place in hell for these losers!

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago
Reply to  pissedinPA

Wouldn’t be shocked to find that your STBX and FUDS have their own special relationship.I remember reading about him before and thinking how convenient for the both of them.

pissedinPA
pissedinPA
5 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

My oldest child is convinced he has a significant other – be it FUDS or someone else…. not my problem but I’m sure the truth will come out eventually.

Ka-chump
Ka-chump
5 years ago

Mine (xh2) loved to gossip and whine about the ‘Jezebel spirit’ that was trying to seduce the ‘men of God’ – but I didn’t realize he was one of those men and just how abusive and perverted he really was.

The whole time he was always criticizing me for ‘flirting’ with men, such as greeting the butcher as I bought meat or any slight interaction whatsoever with anyone. I left that place quickly and ghosted him, what a toxic misogynistic crowd it was.

Manna
Manna
5 years ago

Sorry for the double posts…but had to put this one in there too— my ex left everything behind–everything– and one of those items was a leather bound journal I purchased for him one year. He’d written in maybe 4 pages total but in retrospect it was creepy nonetheless. He wrote about how he wanted to leave behind a legacy about his political view points and make a difference for the those who didn’t see things as he did etc. etc. (he’s leaving a legacy alright). One of his issues was abortion and how terrible it is that the current administration (at the time) was funding abortion clinics.

Dude had an abortion with one of his mistresses.

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
5 years ago

Sorry, I just have to add a second entry today;

Charles Childsaver: Drags children to church events any time he has custody in order to save them from the sins and heathen ways of the other (sane) parent and to unload them on someone else for as many hours as possible. He is particularly fond of the female congregants who offer to bring him over a meal when he has the kids because they want to help such a devoted father. Once he starts calling parishioners to see if they can pick the kids up from school or take them to a sports practice because (fill in any lame excuse you want), his welcome starts to fade . . and he moves on to a new church with his poor kids.

EstellaO
EstellaO
5 years ago

I’ve got one from another tradition–the more STBX got into serial affairs with women and anonymous sex with men, the more deeply spiritual and into meditation he’s become. He loves Buddhism now–because life is suffering!! There’s nothing we can do but learn to accept our painful lives!! Empty our minds, so we don’t need to actually feel or think deeply about what is happening. Oh woe–did STBX ever imagine that HIS OWN ACTIONS (lies, betrayals, irresponsibility) ARE WHY HE AND THE PEOPLE AROUND HIM ARE IN SUFFERING AND PAIN? Oh, no? Oh, God forbid mediation include actual self-reflection! Son gave him a meditation book for Christmas “because he’s so into self improvement.” Yeah, that’s going to be a project for a lifetime and a half!

On a less funny note, STBX was raised a Catholic during the height of the church’s covering up of sexual crimes–guess he learned that lesson well! (A bitter joke… this is not a topic for snark, I know.)

JWH
JWH
5 years ago
Reply to  EstellaO

I suspect the activity & cover-ups have been there since the beginning. It’s harder to hide thanks to the increased communication and records available online. Before they could hide the proof more easily.

DivineComedy
DivineComedy
5 years ago

Where do I begin?

My stbx is definitely a Jesus Cheater through and through. Initially that was one of the things that attracted me to him was that he toted that he was a “good Christian Man” who believed in the “sanctity of marriage”.

Turns out, Christianity is just another cloak that he hides under. After abandoning us for his ho-worker, he has started going to church more and preaching his “long-standing” love for Jesus to our son. I can count on my two hands how many times he attended church functions when we were married. I’m pretty sure this is just impression management in an attempt to fool any lawyers/judges that he is a decent father. Another ploy.

thankyouCN
thankyouCN
5 years ago

My ordained minister ex was a living martyr. His parting statement to me when he left me and our two daughters to shack up with the howorker; “My God would not punish me by wanting me to be miserable and holding me to words I said 20 years ago.” *Words* — pesky things, those vows.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
5 years ago
Reply to  thankyouCN

Don’t you mean “My god” … as in that which resides between his legs?! I think Jesus Cheaters are being truthful about following their own god…it just happens to be a god who destroys and harms.

Fireball
Fireball
5 years ago

AMEN to that DM …..

Its the god of this world and that is who they choose over and over.

No matter the sign above our door said “For me and my house will serve the Lord”

Martha
Martha
5 years ago

Savior Steve — saving one ho-worker at a time.

In the never-ending, crazy-making, gaslighting conversations. Savior Steve somehow managed to make me feel guilty for questioning his emotionally close relationships with current and former female co-workers. Didn’t I remember the one time he prayed with someone at work? He was doing the Lord’s work all the time. Leading women to Christ every chance he got. God just wants him to be happy. Stop being so judgemental and controlling, Martha.

A direct quote from The Divorce Letter: “We have different values. I’ve always been a person who can see things from another’s perspective. You see things in a black & white world. I feel your world has absolutes, the need for more justice and more retribution and restitution. I look to the Bible for absolute rights and wrongs, and see the rest as all gray, and I’m interested in the perspective on how people look at that. And I use that as an avenue to introduce people to God’s perspective.”

Look at Savior Steve going to church every weekend and tithing 10%. God doesn’t care that he’s committing adultery, is a pathological liar and launched a lie-filled smear campaign behind his wife’s back in order to make her look like the bad guy and drive her crazy. The God that Savior Steve serves “loves us and wants to see us grow in Christ. I think I am on that path and I think you are too.” That too is a direct quote from The Divorce Letter.

Savior Steve’s girlfriend is not a Christian. She’s the whore that I caught him out on a date with. Or maybe she’s a “Christian” now like Savior Steve. Maybe he lead her to Christ via her vagina?

Savior Steve took our children to a “purity” meeting at church a few years ago. He did this while he was committing adultery.

I could go on and on about my ex Jesus Cheater and his hypocrisy.

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago
Reply to  Martha

That’s a whole lotta word salad coming from someone who knows that he’s a POS.

Martha
Martha
5 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

Word salad for sure! Before The Divorce Letter, there were conversations from hell that we’d have. I remember feeling so confused talking to him when we’d have a discussion about his “healthy female friends”. Now I know all the things he was saying to me was to confuse me and to keep me off balance. Someday I’m going to submit The Divorce Letter to the UBT. I just don’t have a way to scan it and I can’t bear to type it all out. I read it now four years later and I can see all the word salad and mind-fxcking going on. Four years ago when he first read it to me, I took it as the truth even though not much of it made any sense.

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago
Reply to  Martha

I still have a couple of emails from the Dickhead, before D-day and before the shit storm started, that I remember reading and shaking my head. I really had no idea where the hell he was coming from. It was like he was in the whole different universe. Even the things he said about me (not much) I was left shaking my head. Things like “we shouldn’t have to change for each other”. The fool! I never asked him to change. I just wanted him to love me and make us a priority. I guess that was asking too much and required too much change.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

“we shouldn’t have to change for each other”

I got that too but I never asked him to change. I wanted him to not change but he went and changed anyway. Even then I tried to adapt because I didn’t want to be controlling. Meanwhile he spent most of our marriage trying to change me. Maybe that’s what he meant. I shouldn’t have to change for him so that’s why he discarded me in favor of trash. I guess it is just as well I wasn’t capable of becoming a selfish self centered slut with no morals, no compassion and no sense of decency.

Martha
Martha
5 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

Yes, they do seem to live in another universe when they are trying to justify their bs. In the paragraph I quoted he said I live in a world of absolutes. Then he goes onto say that he looks to the Bible for absolutes. Well, that’s where I get my absolutes from too, but if they are my absolutes, then I’m wrong. But if they are from the Bible, they are right. You can’t make this crap up and now I know why I felt crazy!

Annette303
Annette303
5 years ago

He plays in the band at his church and has banned me from going to his church because he says we both need to form our own relationships with God. He doesn’t have sex with me because he says we’re not supposed to before we get married. But if he’s not having sex with me who is he having sex with. He ghost me on many occasions and then will tell me that he was at a retreat or he was with his band playing somewhere and he didn’t hear his phone. he has pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes because they think he is holier-than-thou because he has committed his life to the Lord. he tells me he cannot fix our relationship by himself because any time he tries to do it and messes up. He just leaves it in the hands of the Lord to fix our relationship. I need to break away from this toxic relationship and realize that the Lord would not want me to be with someone who is against me. It’s sad to think that the church has many of these wolves in sheep’s clothing preying on women of the church.

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
5 years ago
Reply to  Annette303

Don’t tell me, let me guess:

a) you live with him, but not married. He mentions marriage (vaguely) every once in a while.
b) you do his laundry, cook for him, take care of his house.
c) you sleep with him and do all his sex requests.
d) you make sure he never has to deal with bills, car repairs, etc.by taking care of those expenses yourself.

So what he has is a cook, housekeeper, sex worker, and an accountant, just for rent.

I_survived_Larry_the_tool
I_survived_Larry_the_tool
5 years ago
Reply to  Soldiering On

Annette303, honey, leave! He is isolating you and stringing you along.

As a child I knew a woman in her 80’s who was a devoted life companion of a wealthy man. She had been his mistress decades earlier and in front of witnesses (me included) she frequently referred to herself as his wife. She did everything for him except finances or paperwork; she was barely literate. He never married her and he died leaving everything to others and she didn’t know she had any rights under common law. I visited her in her 90’s in a 1-room squat, shared toilet down the hall, no bath or shower, no AC or heat. I took her out to eat and she at like she was starving, which she probably was.

Sunny
Sunny
5 years ago
Reply to  Annette303

Hope I’m not intruding, but if you’re in the 303 area code, we have a local Chump Nation meetup for Colorado Chumps. There’s more information in the forum. Sending you big hugs! Just know you’re not alone… got a couple Chumps in the group who have been through similar situations.

Traveling the World
Traveling the World
5 years ago

I was married to a particularly wicked and twisted version of “Wanda We’re-All-Sinners.” She was a serial cheater who told me, as she was leaving me for latest OM, that clearly God had wanted her to marry someone else, anyone else, but me. Because all these other men were willing to sleep with her with no strings attached, OBVIOUSLY she was more attractive than me, and therefore she was never “supposed” to be married to me. She then rattled off all my flaws (which included my parents being divorced, I kid you not), so God had therefore destined for her to cheat and that the best thing she could do was leave me for Shiny Sparklebuttmonkey.
Further, she described how she wasn’t perfect, but I obviously wasn’t either. Since neither of us were perfect, her cheating was morally no worse than me being raised by single parents. In fact, she was really the “better” person, as she hadn’t ensnared this more attractive person into a marriage that was a blight in the eyes of God.

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
5 years ago

I hope your life radiates joy and peace and happiness now that you’re free of this disordered train wreck and liar.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

I’d like to comment but I don’t even know where to begin. All of that is so messed up. Of course I think anyone who imagines that God (whether he exists or not) sanctions adultery of any kind is pretty messed up and delusional.

DD61999
DD61999
5 years ago

I’m a die hard Christian and I don’t doubt my ex wife’s beliefs in Christ. But she put on this huge holier then though persona. People called her Snow White because she was so innocent like. No R rated movies were allowed in the house, no one was allowed to curse. Not even the word “Damn” or “Hell”. She would attack people for little white lies. Little did they know she lived the biggest lie of them all. Sleeping with any macho jerk that gave her attention. Including my kids coaches and their friends fathers. Every time I caught my ex wife, her and my mother in law would say I didn’t forgive her if I need to bring up her numerous past affairs. Stupid me, I fell for this crap and let it be bygones only for her to cheat on me over and over again. Walking away was extremely painful, but the best thing I ever did. Just remember people, God has been betrayed multiple times by adultery in the Bible. He didn’t tolerate it, neither should you. Matter of fact it’s one of only two reasons he allows for divorce. He allows divorce for adultery for a reason!!!

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
5 years ago
Reply to  DD61999

Glad you’re free of her lies and abuse. Your ex mother in law is a classic enabler of a disordered person.

OneFleshWithACheater
OneFleshWithACheater
5 years ago
Reply to  DD61999

//He allows divorce for adultery for a reason!!!//
Adultery wasn’t given as a reason for divorce. Adulterers were stoned under the Mosaic law, so there wouldn’t be any need for divorce. Thus, adultery is eliminated as an option to divorce. Porneia, however, is given as a reason – selling sex for money (prostitution) during the betrothal period. That is why Joseph had the option to divorce Mary prior to their covenant vows. Moichao (adultery) is not listed as a reason to divorce, but is the result of remarrying another while a covenant spouse is still living. Kinda really sucks for us, I know.

//God has been betrayed multiple times by adultery in the Bible. He didn’t tolerate it,//
Jer 3:8  And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce;
Jer 3:14  Turn, O backsliding children, saith the LORD; for I am married unto you:
Even though God gave a bill of divorce, He still states that He is married. The divorce didn’t end the covenant.

Susannah
Susannah
5 years ago

It is triggering for me to hear things like, “God hates divorce.” I’m sure He is not fond of it, but I was told this after fleeing to a battered women’s shelter. The Darkness had taken to beating the kids, and had thrown our 18 month old against a wall. I left when he threatened to kidnap and hide the kids from me. (My Baptist doctor still felt that a good wife would tolerate a “husband’s shit.”)

This still wasn’t good enough for the f*cking evangelical talking to me. I should have waited to see if the behavior improved, apparently. Nevermind that he went from slamming doors to killing pets to breaking bones. This was my first clue that my Baptist friend was an un-empathetic narc, and that my doctor probably had a pretty dark side, himself.

DD61999
DD61999
5 years ago

Onefleshwithacheater

There are four theological views on divorce and remarriage. While I’m not discrediting your views. The rest of Chump nation should now your views are not the be all end all of the what a Christian should do in our situation. I’m sure you have strong convictions backed by scripture passage. But so do the other three views. The readers of Chump nation should educate themselves on all of them and pray for Gods wisdom to guide them in their situation. I originally wanted to debate you on this topic. But just like Calvinism and Armenianism. A 500 year old debate is not going to be settled on a Chump Lady forum.

Besides, if other readers educates themselves, in most cases it will only bring them closer to God

Peace be with you brother

ItAin'tMe
ItAin'tMe
5 years ago
Reply to  DD61999

Eww – the mother-in-law is a rat too!

My soon to be ex (thank goodness) MIL had major attitude when I moved out and left her son so he could be alone with his hookers. But – not only does MIL’s current husband live with another woman, he has fathered children with the OW through the duration of the marriage. I don’t know what she’s smoking – he doesn’t even take care of her financially.

Nevertheless – I guess because it’s her daughter that she thinks “I forgive you” means sweeping everything under the rug for life? Oh yeah, and the clock resets over and over each time you cheat. How DARE you hold the past over her head. You clearly need to pray more.

Glad you stood up for yourself and left.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

My ex made sure he gave up on the church before going off and having affairs. The sermons in our church were all about kindness, empathy, acceptance of others, humility, service, and what you can do to make the world a better place. There was also something in there about not being selfish, self-serving and covetous. The preacher wanted us to define success differently than most of society and ex in particular defined it. You are only as important if you make others important. That worked fine for me, but not for ex because it would have required too much effort and self-reflection to change. The funny part is that when he soured on the church and stopped going he said it was because the members were all hypocrites because they were rich. At the time, we were rich too but less so than some of the others so that made them the evil ones (because they had even more wealth than we did). On the one hand he resented other parishioners from having more wealth than he did, while on the other hand he resented the preacher for telling him that he shouldn’t be so hung up on and clingy to his.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
5 years ago

What an ugly person he is. Glad you’re free of him, lovely. X

cashmere
cashmere
5 years ago

Out of the Blue Bible Billy: He’s a total atheist, but will indulge in some magical thinking when his evil is unmasked. So, after dday he of course bought a Bible to put on the nightstand next to the bed in the rental house in which he was shacking up with the schmoops. A Bible apparently makes a good no coaster, and is a handy prop for the iPhone when there’s a need to go hands free in order to create and consume porn. Such a blessed union. Because Bible. Right there by the infidelity bed. How holy.

Marketing Mark: That faith crap is good for business. Press a sucker’s hand warmly between your own, gaze into sucker’s eyes with faux sincerity, make noises about blessings, and peace, and remembering people in the prayers you would never in a million yrpears utter, because there is no God, and even if there were, he would not be the boss of you. Amen.

Sausalito
Sausalito
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

Oh yeah, that would be Assholio. God’s not the boss of me, so why should I follow His rules?

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

Marketing Mark, Oh yeah, that’s my ex right there. I think that’s the real reason he gave up on the church. He didn’t want God telling him what to do. He would absolutely fake it, however if he thought it would make it look like he cared about someone else’s pain.

Martha
Martha
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

Oh, the Bible!! Let me count the ways……

Took the Bible into church each week, but didn’t open it up to read the rest of the week. All “good” Christians bring their own Bible to church with them, dontcha know.

He would bring the Bible into the bathroom (and his phone too of course). He’d stay in there for about a half hour reading the Bible. Well, Smart Martha got wise to this. Savior Steve had a bookmark in his Bible. I’d note where the bookmark was before and after in the Bible. The bookmark never moved. The same for all the other books he took in the bathroom. I called him out on my discovery and boy was he flustered. Came up with a quick lie of course that “sometimes I have to text work.”

When Savior Steve was feeling sorry for himself after I told him that since he no longer wanted to be married to me that I no longer be do anything for him and that he’d be sleeping on the couch. Savior Steve took to our unfinished basement and set-up camp on the concrete floor. Sleeping bag, nightlight from his grandma (I kid you not!) and his Bible right next to his head.

Savior Steve was acting all holy, reading the Bible in the living room in front of our kids. This was a first in our 20 years of marriage. I felt like grabbing that Bible out of his hands and hitting him in the head with it.

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
5 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Ah, the very public reading of the Bible ploy! I’ve seen that one! Good call.

ItAin'tMe
ItAin'tMe
5 years ago
Reply to  Martha

It’s a wonder the thing didn’t burst into flames!

cashmere
cashmere
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

And watch those dollars flow. That’s God’s favor, right there. If, you know, there were a God.

Chumptastic Voyage
Chumptastic Voyage
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

^ this is awesome, Cashmere. Truth.

Chumptastic Voyage
Chumptastic Voyage
5 years ago

Admittingly, I first saw “Marky Mark”.

Marketing Mark and the Chumpy Bunch.
(Sorry to Wahlberg, but that was a music project fail anyway.)

thelongrun
thelongrun
5 years ago

This isn’t exactly what CL asked for, but hopefully it’s close enough that it won’t be minded. It’s the best I’ve got. A year plus after D-day, waiting for the divorce to be finalized, the STBXW texted or emailed me to let me know that she’s feeling she’s having to take on all the responsibility for providing our children with their needed “spirituality” (mainly our only minor, the now 13 yo son she left w/me at home with when he was 11 and she had to abandon our family for her rich, 15 year older, politically powerful boss, ending an almost 25 year marriage on our side & a 40 yr marriage on his). She’s stayed in the UU church we were in. I can’t stomach it anymore. They seem to be taken in by her sparkly turdness, and are willing to overlook that she blew apart the family for her own personal gain, without a second thought for our marriage & my love for her. I’m trying to provide a good moral example for my children in how I’m dealing w/this fiasco. I guess it’s taking away from the “spirituality” lessons I should be giving my children.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  thelongrun

You absolutely don’t want her providing that “spirituality”. Perhaps you can find another church whose values will align better with your own? Have you asked your son how he feels about his “spirituality” and how he wants that to be developed, if at all?

thelongrun
thelongrun
5 years ago

Chumpinrecovery,
Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond. Travel weekend w/my son to see his grandmother, my mom. ‘Nuff said. I think I’m done w/churches right now. I’m trying to pass on spirituality to my son (& daughters) by conveying, as best I can, my own type of spirituality. I can tell you he and his sisters all expressed a strong desire to stop going to “religious education” classes at this church. They went & he’s going through it to please his mother. Further supporting my theory that no matter what religion, teenagers don’t want to have religion/spirituality stuffed into them. I was brought up Catholic & I didn’t enjoy it either, but went an extra year to make my mother happy. I think I’m helping them more by not showing I feel they should get an organized religion to teach them spirituality. I’m trying to do it in more subtle ways, when opportunity permits. Thank you so much for your concern. I really appreciate it.

storm traveler
storm traveler
5 years ago

When I caught my husband cheating several years ago, he actually got a call from the OW when she was on her way to church with her mother in the car. I got the whole, “the past is in the past” and “you need to forgive and forget.” He told me I was not a good Christian and I needed to pray more , have more faith, etc. He pointed out Bible verses that in his mind gave him the justification to cheat. Fast forward to 2017 and he places an ad on craigslist and little did he know but I responded under an alias and this confirmed my suspicions that he was cheating again. I hired a PI, because I was out of state, and within 24 hours the PI calls and told me he caught my husband having sex in his truck,in a mall parking lot, in broad daylight. This OW broke it off after a couple of sessions of truck sex because she said, ” She found her way back to the Cross.” Yep, they are both a couple of Jesus cheaters , but at least she’s good with God again.

Laughing Gator
Laughing Gator
5 years ago

My Ex loves absolutely loves churches because as a Narc they are perfect places for image management.
When I met her when she was 21, she was totally non religious although her father went on and on about his Baptist “faith” but was a liar and swindler in business and I never saw him or his family ever go to a church in the 16 years that I knew him.
I was raised Catholic, went to Catholic schools and my Ex immediately said that she wanted to become Catholic when we started dating. Fine..she did and she became “so devout”.
Fast forward 16 years and on Dday she is cheating on me with 3 men and OM #3 is a holy roller living in a trailer who says that “Jesus brought them together”(he’s now her husband).

My Ex said after Dday that she didn’t commit Adultery because our marriage had been over for years and Jesus brought them together and ordained it in heaven. Oh and she also started to file for annulment in the Catholic Church and her grounds were that I was a homosexual ! When I told her I would fight the annulment and that vile lie, she dropped it, then went from being an uber devout Catholic to join OM #3’s Church of God church complete with talking in tongues. She also tried to force the kids to go but they revolted as they had been raised Catholic and wanted no part of that church. So she drops them off at the Catholic Church every Sunday and goes with OM #3 (now hubby) to his holy roller church.

They both claim that my anger towards them comes from Satan and I need to repent or I’m going to Hell. ????

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
5 years ago
Reply to  Laughing Gator

She is mentally not right.

Martha
Martha
5 years ago
Reply to  Laughing Gator

It’s always Satan’s fault or a Jezebel spirit. Your anger is the problem. Not their lying and adultery.

I will never forget my ex-pastor, who’s a liar too, saying to me, “Martha, you just need to forgive him. You don’t want to be angry and turn into a bitter woman.” Seriously? Everything was always on me to do. Be a better wife. Be thinner. Be sexier. Be, be, be! Savior Steve could do any vile thing he wanted, but I just needed to forgive. And don’t forget to FORGET! That’s in the Bible too. Um, no it’s not!

OneFleshWithACheater
OneFleshWithACheater
5 years ago
Reply to  Martha

//I will never forget my ex-pastor//
Me too. I trusted and admired the pastor who married us. I went to him for help when things went sideways. He said “my son is divorced, you’ll be ok and things will work out.” I drove home in complete bewilderment. Still bewildered by the secular view pastors have of the marriage covenant.

Ell
Ell
5 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Yup, that was my experience too. “Be a better wife and then he won’t cheat on you and beat on you.”
I’m no longer religious…

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  Laughing Gator

Yeah, she’s a psycho. Thank God your kids stuck up for themselves and let it be know that they wanted no part of her new “church”.

MehBeSoon
MehBeSoon
5 years ago

Very entertaining read! Of course my EX would not fit any of these labels, because he has no faith. There’s no higher power than his own ego 😛

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
5 years ago

Oh, Lordy….here I go. I had forgotten this because there was JUST.SO.MUCH.BULLSHIT.THAT.I.TOLERATED. And I have been protected by a heavy duty case of PTSD.

POP, after I stupidly asked him to move in with me, quickly felt he should get back into his ‘routine’ of charitible works. He told me he had a history of working with St Vincent de Paul charities, taking food to the needy. I was unfamiliar with this organization at the time but I knew he’d grown up Catholic so it seemed plausible.

In my love bombed fog, my response was ‘Oh, what a good man! Sure, take my brand new Mercedes 2 seat convertible (instead of the SUV) and go feed the poor and unfortunate! Oh, you do that on Thursday NIGHTS? Oh, because the needy work during the day and nighttime is when deliveries are made to them? You have so many deliveries you won’t be home until around 11 pm or later?’

Duh, he wasn’t ‘serving God’. He was serving himself. Going off to fuck various harem ho’s. By the third time (I was beyond suspicious after the FIRST), he didn’t come home until the next morning–he’d ignored my panicked calls and texts. He was still drunk….

Shit, this is so disgusting, I can’t bring myself to finish the rest of the tale…..

***POP= Predatory Opportunistic Parasite

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
5 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

Hope you had your car detailed after the discovery !

Bruno
Bruno
5 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

I am so sorry Hesatthecurb.
So glad you are out of this.
You will heal from this shit.

Spoonriver
Spoonriver
5 years ago

This triggers too many things. In the end he has to “splain it to his god.

Trudy
Trudy
5 years ago

I’ve seen priests chased and fought over by priest-hags. It’s sickening and creepy. But what ticked me off the most was when they sent around the special envelope basket for sad father leaving the priesthood only to find out he had run off with the married choir lady who was leaving her hub and two children. Takes a special kind of adulterous nerve to ask your parish for money. At least he wasn’t a pedofile. Just a lying covetous adulterer.

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
5 years ago
Reply to  Trudy

#MeToo

Bruno
Bruno
5 years ago

I could write a book.
My former wife’s Twu Wuv fucked her in a cheap motel, but before he did that they read a book together about “Christian divorce”. In the morning he took her to his pentecostal church, presumably to seek a sign that they were soulmates. Much more I could say, but let’s leave that for another day?
I started in a “DivorceCare” group at a local church. It was very helpful., I even started to help lead after a year. Three years after DD, I remarried and eventually moved to a new town and joined a church where we started our own DivorceCare group. Boy, could I tell you stories… Eventually we saw this church as enabling abusive marriages and left for one that fit us better. Continued with DivorceCare, but became dissatisfied with their overemphasis with forgiveness and the bible thumping. Began using a non-spiritual based curriculum. We became the group for divorced people fleeing their abusive churches and spiritually abusive spouses. I really appreciated that the conservative (abusive) churches in town warned people not to come to our group. One woman said that her husband’s church told her he was repentant for cheating on her and putting a loaded gun in her mouth, so she was biblically required to submit to him and return to the marriage. Yikes!
Like I said, I could write a book.

Bruno
Bruno
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Thank you Chump Lady!
My DD was 18 years ago, but I am still learning and growing from the experience. You and Divorce Minister have opened my eyes to new ways of seeing the truth about adultery.
My wife (15 years in June!) and I read you blog almost every morning. One of us usually snorts coffee out our nose or comes running to the other to breathlessly say, “Did you read Chump Lady yet this morning!” You got a mouth on you and we love you for it!

OpheliasNewLife
OpheliasNewLife
5 years ago
Reply to  Bruno

I’d be interested in the non-spiritial curriculum @Bruno Did you write it yourself? We have few options where I live. There are Divorce Care groups but for the non-spiritial, the only choices are expensive therapist led support groups or domestic violence groups. No middle of the road support around here.

Loren Haas
Loren Haas
5 years ago

It’s not perfect, but good for groups. There are support groups around based on this book. I think spiritual awakening and growth can be an important part of recovery. It was for me. Unfortunatlely, many churches use it as an opportunity to thump you with a bible when you are vulnerable instead of lifting you up. Some churches do a great job, so do some homework and feel free to walk awayif it is not for you.
https://www.amazon.com/Rebuilding-When-Your-Relationship-Ends/dp/1626258244/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
5 years ago
Reply to  Bruno

Write it, please. Too many people submit to the kind of abuse you were witness to because they are taught it is their duty. The more we can do to get the word out, the better.

Ell
Ell
5 years ago
Reply to  Bruno

Bruno,
yes! That is exactly what my old church did to me. They said if my husband beat me, which he did, then I needed to go to a shelter until he cooled off and then come home and try to be a better wife. And if he is beating me it’s probably my fault anyway. They also said if I divorced him he I was going to hell. They didn’t seem to think his many many affairs were a big deal either.

Elsa
Elsa
5 years ago
Reply to  Ell

ELL

It seems that “ not following the scripture” and doing everything against teaching is perfectly ok, as long as you are a man????
Disgusting…. any church leader, leader, friend etc. who says that “ place of a wife is next to her man” regardless of HIS actions- missed on the core of all religions…. sad….

MF
MF
5 years ago

Ahh yes, OW is Holier than Holly. She’s a pastor, you know. So was her husband before they both unceremoniously cast us aside. She also runs retreats. Would you like her webpage to view the hypocrisy for yourself?

They bonded over their shared (fabricated) abuse at the hands of their horrible spouses.

They’re married now, so it’s all Ok, you know. Thanks to CL, I regularly refer to her as wifetress. The pious postings continue…

Ell
Ell
5 years ago

What I hate the most is that when members of the church find out about the cheating they rally around the cheater and blame the betrayed. “You did something to make him stray. You clearly weren’t fulfilling your wifely duties.” and “He’s just lost. Look how repentant he is now.” And if you say you want a divorce YOU are the one going to hell. The poor cheater is just misguided but divorce is the biggest sin of all and you’ll be punished. Such rubbish! This happened with my first ex. Funny how I’m not religious and both my exes are, yet I have never cheated and they did.

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
5 years ago
Reply to  Ell

What I find so aggravating is that it’s always the wife’s fault, and never the fault on the husband who cheats. The abandoned wife is castigated and gossiped about, but the husband is “forgiven” for his sins because that’s the “Christian Thing to do”.

This attitude is part of the reason I don’t do religion.

Sirchumpalot
Sirchumpalot
5 years ago
Reply to  Soldiering On

I think is worse if the wife cheats. Then people think she HAD to be in an abusive relationship so her cheating is OK. My XW played up that her multiple affairs and getting pregnant with OM #1’s child was forgiven by God and I should forgive her, feeling sorry for her and never bring it up. She also said I didn’t have spiritual grounds to divorce her.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
5 years ago
Reply to  Ell

Sounds like that church has some serious issues if that is how they react to adultery and divorce as a result. So, it is not surprising to me that your religious exes did not find integrity practicing their faith in such environments. They got excuses and enabling of sins as opposes to what they needed–a swift kick in the butt to repent!

Nicelutherangirl
Nicelutherangirl
5 years ago

“Christianity doesn’t have the market cornered on hypocritical douchebags.” So true. On one of the occasions when I raised my voice about Snakeface’s growing relationship with the Spiritual Slut, he got all wounded and indignant and claimed “She prays for our marriage!” when she’s in the sweat lodge. Ugh. I always wondered if their Lakota spiritual leader on the rez in South Dakota had a sense of what was going on between the two of them.

Skunkcabbage
Skunkcabbage
5 years ago

Do the Alpaca’s baptize the parishioners with blessed spit?

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
5 years ago

Magic Mirror Mike: He takes your faith and quotes from the Bible or from you and turns around to spout it. It’s as if when he looks at you, he is looking in a mirror and honestly thinks he is the one with those values.

“I pray for you and the kids all the time”

“I don’t understand why God led me down this path, but it must be his plan”

Just a few weeks ago, he sent a religious birthday card to my 17 year old son. My son was like “Can he be any more ridiculous?”

Chumptopia
Chumptopia
5 years ago

There isn’t a bigger atheist in the world than my cheater XH because of course, he believes in nothing. Something that always chapped my ass was that the whore face skank woman got him a cross of Jesus to wear around his neck to ‘protect’ him. You know, because they are such Christians. Could they possibly be any phonier??