Bitter Bunny Dating?

Okay, as promised, the Fun Friday dating profile challenge.

Part of gaining a life is considering the sort of life you want. Which chumps don’t do a lot. We get tangled up in other people’s visions, their needs, their values, and tend to neglect our own.

So write it down.

I’m a Nordic left-handed lug-nut operator seeking same, for cozy evenings spent reading P.G. Wodehouse novels to each other. Must like heritage breed cattle and marshmallows.

This is an exercise only. Not a real fire drill. No email address. No actual identifying information. This is an exercise to help you refine your sense of gain-a-life self and what you value post-chumpdom.

TGIF!

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No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
4 years ago

I love P.G. Wodehouse! Did you read his Mr. Mulliner series too?

Chumps chumoy chump chump (UK edition)
Chumps chumoy chump chump (UK edition)
4 years ago

Chump Lady. Grab your coat you’ve pulled ????

Smart Woman
Smart Woman
4 years ago

LOL

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
4 years ago

This is a great exercise. It made me realize I have more healing to do. I thought about it for a few minutes and could not come up with anything off the cuff, which tells me I remain too guarded still.

trixie belden
trixie belden
4 years ago

Time and Money. These are the two things that I am sorely lacking right now. So going forward, I want to make sure I am creating space for me to have time for myself, to do what I want to do, as well what I have to do. Possibly even having those two things converge!

I had a great setup with my own business but during the divorce it began failing and today I am laying everyone off. I have no income right now and am extremely stressed and anxious (understatement alert!). I have the kids all the time because he has “no space” for them (I guess in his heart). He also pays nothing. I am feeling crushed by life and I need to turn that around.

There *are* many good things in my life right now. I prefer being alone to being with him. I have my children, whom I love, although they are draining me. I have my pets, who also bring me joy. I am moving soon which will reduce my financial expenses dramatically. I would like to stop yelling so much and feeling like death is an option. I would like to not feel so isolated and alone. I have a plan, and am inching through it. It’s just taking so damn long and I feel like I’m drowning in the process.

I would like to write more, and find a way to take this sense of dread out of my insides. It’s gotten into my blood. It would be nice to date someone, but it hasn’t happened yet and I’m not that interested in someone else’s shit right now. I need to sort mine out.

So, medium to long-term view, I get my business back on its feet in some capacity, where I can still earn enough to live. My side project non-profit keeps going and perhaps even turns into something that could give me a salary and (dare to dream) healthcare. I write, and maybe see something I write out in the world somewhere. My kids are happy and healthy. My pets sleeping at my feet. Perhaps a special someone who actually SEES me and likes me for who I am, not what I can do for them. A clear head and a light heart.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
4 years ago
Reply to  trixie belden

I like how your screen names channels that literary Trixie Belden, that brave and badass early teen girl who made mistakes and then dusted herself up to solve the problems and the mystery. Plus horses. And a clubhouse.

chumpedchange
chumpedchange
4 years ago
Reply to  trixie belden

Hello trixie- yes it is so draining!
But it sounds like you are able to assess your situation accurately and that means if you can find a bit of space you will also be able how to assess forward what is best for you and yours.
You may find hwlp with Melanie Tonia Evans’ NARP programme (money refunded after 30 days if not satisfied AND you get to keep the programme)
I’m not selling this for her- but between MTE and chumplady I got my life back. It took 5 years but I could NEVER have imagined how good (and bad) it could get.
But mostly- I’m laughing these days.

Good luck to you. The forums are very helpful. Hugs etc

peacekeeper
peacekeeper
4 years ago
Reply to  trixie belden

trixie belden
This is the first time I have read a post written by you, but I might have missed some. I come here often, although not so much lately, (too may life happenings, you know all about it). But this feels like home to me, ( especially the forums, thank you so much CL, CN).
Go to the forums trixie, open arms, wise wise hearts await and welcome you.
I am writing this to tell you that I believe you have a great talent at writing. AND, YOU are such an UP person. In spite of all the shit happenings in your life right now, you rise above it all with positive loving thoughts.
You are the present, sane, loving, parent, you excel at that. You love your pets and the comfort you receive from them, sleeping at your feet. They feel warm and safe there!
You have hopes and ambitions, you have dreams.
I read every trixie beldon book as a young teenager, Honey, Jim, all the gang really touched my heart, as you have.
How did you come to choose this name here in CN?
Reading CL, CN, you will find so many incredible Chumps who have had such positive outcomes because of their never giving up, absolutely, positive attitudes, in spite of the pain, sufferings, and hardships dumped onto them by a cheating/narc like asshole.
Click on their names in the forum, read of their incredible journey, and follow through to see how they have come out as a full fledged winner. Sure, there will always be tough, rough, downright impossible, times ahead, but you will see them transform as you follow their journey. People like Mother Chumper for example and many more. Come over to the other side to read and reach out for encouragement and advice. See you there.
Oh, and keep on writing, you’ve got it trixie! One day soon, people will love to read “your” books.
I believe in you, I truly do!

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
4 years ago
Reply to  trixie belden

Sending love and strength from the Land of Meh. You are well on your way and although the journey is long and difficult it will all be worth it when you get here. I’m saving your seat!

peacekeeper
peacekeeper
4 years ago

Xxxxxx Mother Chumper 99
You will always be my hero!

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
4 years ago
Reply to  trixie belden

Hey Trixie, same!
I love my kids too, but the near constant drama with their school attendance, panic attacks, doctors appointments and trying to keep boundaries (my 15y o son has a very mucky potty mouth) is so very draining. Every so often we have a wonderful time together watching a film or something (we had a blast the other week taking my car to check the tyres ????) makes it all worthwhile, but holy moley is it draining!
Hugs to you today xxc

susan Devlin
susan Devlin
4 years ago

Would enjoy company of man, who is not dominated by his mum, pays child support, supports his ex and kids. Enjoys horror films, knows boundaries, knows pornography is not real.

Current Chump
Current Chump
4 years ago
Reply to  susan Devlin

knows pornography is not real.

THIS!!!!

Kfindingmyway
Kfindingmyway
4 years ago

Maybe I’ll be ready next year after divorce, Feb.
I’ll have lost 190 lbs. of useless flesh. Working hard to fix my picker. Well off financially. Own my new home.
Enjoy the company of genuine people who do not lie or cheat. I will treat people with respect but will not take any shit.

manna
manna
4 years ago
Reply to  Kfindingmyway

I’m struggling to loose 30….you are my inspiration today. I can’t imagine how hard it was to loose 190lbs while also going through the mental wood chipper of being a chump and the inevitable divorce.

pasdedeux_chump
pasdedeux_chump
4 years ago
Reply to  manna

I’m assuming that some of that 190 lbs had fuckwit parts attached, no?

Survivor
Survivor
4 years ago

Oh, yes. It’s amazing how that dead weight just melts away when you change the locks.

Kfindingmyway
Kfindingmyway
4 years ago
Reply to  manna

The 190 is the STBX. My attempt at humor.

CurlyChump
CurlyChump
4 years ago
Reply to  Kfindingmyway

Ha! I got it. I told people lost 200 pounds when i kicked Lady liar out – 25 off my body and 175 off my mind…

Valérie
Valérie
4 years ago
Reply to  Kfindingmyway

Haha! That’s really funny, I also thought that you actually had 190 lbs to lose!

manna
manna
4 years ago
Reply to  Valérie

hilarious! this will have me laughing for the rest of the morning.

ImAPhool
ImAPhool
4 years ago
Reply to  manna

Hahahaha. Got me too. Congrats regardless

Adelante
Adelante
4 years ago
Reply to  Kfindingmyway

I lost 300 pounds this exact same way!

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
4 years ago
Reply to  Kfindingmyway

Worked on me! ????????????????????

ChumpetyChumpChump
ChumpetyChumpChump
4 years ago

Ugh. Don’t wanna date, and you can’t make me. The photo posted is me being fabulous all on my own. Swipe left. Do it now. Ta.

Katiedidn’t
Katiedidn’t
4 years ago

Same. LOL!

Silver Anniversary
Silver Anniversary
4 years ago

I’m a mid 50s professional who volunteers at SPCA with DS14 looking for someone who likes cats (have 13), credit rating over 750 (you are responsible to pay your OWN bills), gardening, fishing, horseback riding, planning and taking family vacations, strong sense of integrity / ethics, needs to put into action catering for others (volteering, caring for parents etc.), sound employment, gentle and caring, sense of humor, likes to do upkeep on the home (EX left us in a hovel – in construction and wouldn’t do the upkeep or let me hire), Likes to cook. Must think I’m beautiful even when I’m heavy or my trichotilomania flares up.

DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
4 years ago

I am middle aged out of a 35 year marriage to a wasband capable of long term deceit and extreme selfishness.

I’m fucking hilarious, attractive and in reasonably good shape. I’m well educated and financially solvent, though not as rich as my ex and schmoopie. I need a guy who is not threatened by me and is fundamentally balanced.

Though I would rather be alone than wish I was, I am open to being a partner or even a wife to a good guy. In fact, I really liked being married when I was unknowingly hooked on hopium. Now I would like a partnership in REAL life.

(Must NOT be selfish or dishonest, which really should not need saying. But hey, this is my list and I’m making it for ME).

Must be able to laugh often and easily, be self aware & kind. Must be loyal. Also – please have taken care of yourself reasonably well as I’m not in the mood to be a caretaker again anytime soon. I enjoy an active life AND an inactive one, (I’m not extreme in either category) but I want to do some thrilling things and travel, AND also be able to veg out. If you are not up for something, don’t begrudge me doing it without you.

I am quick to apologize & forgive, and really mean it. Since I’m into reciprocity now, that means you do the same, and say what you mean and mean what you say. Show that you care about others with actions. Be tolerant of other views, while being able to articulate your own.

Live your words as I do mine.

BonitaBright
BonitaBright
4 years ago

I want to hang out with you!

Ivebeencheated
Ivebeencheated
4 years ago

Me Too ! Can I copy & paste , Well Said !

brit
brit
4 years ago

Dr.’s wife, I’m also fucking hilarious, love my sense of humor. Love to laugh.
Looking forward to more laughter. I miss laughing until my stomach hurts from laughing so hard.
My goal..
Great post!

peacekeeper
peacekeeper
4 years ago
Reply to  brit

Hugs Brit,
I share your sense of humour dear CN friend,.
I agree, belly laughs, dry humour, anything that makes Chumps laugh is so heart warming.
With a Leader like CL, who has the sharpest wit ever, a Chump can only win here.
Win a smile, win a heart, win advice, win understanding.

Feel good feelings abound here, where laughter lives in the hearts of Chumps!
❤️

YourLoss
YourLoss
4 years ago

@DOCTOR’s1stWife&Kids Can I copy and paste? This is BRILLIANT!!!!

lovedandlost
lovedandlost
4 years ago

“Education is power.” is my motto. Love running and scifi. Must love nature and my kids. Being a fellow chump would be an asset to share experiences both traumatic and humourous. Looking for interesting conversation, sharing activities and dinners but also enjoy silent company. I insist on reserved time for my family, friends and myself.
Romance is fine but friendship comes first as it takes time to build genuine trust.

Silver Anniversary
Silver Anniversary
4 years ago

Would ad, not really ready or looking to date….I’m looking to understand what is important to me to have in my tribe. I have no tribe, EX found issues with everyone around me

Melissa
Melissa
4 years ago

This makes sense now! So, lots of cheaters did this? I thought it was just mine!!! Lol!

weddingbelle
weddingbelle
4 years ago

Me, too! Just a small extended family now and a wonderful 20 year old son (only child) finding his path in college. Trying to make friends in your 60s is difficult.

Attie
Attie
4 years ago
Reply to  weddingbelle

Me too. I used to describe us as social lepers because the Twats antics pushed everyone away. No more though. My diary is full

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
4 years ago

Ex found issues with everyone around me.

Isn’t that the truth? They not only have no friends themselves, but they aim to isolate you and drive away your social network. All the better to control you and blame you for their unhappiness.

brit
brit
4 years ago
Reply to  FindingBliss

Mine also had issues with all my friends and their husbands, my first group of friends weren’t as well educated as him, he claimed they had nothing in common.
I sought out friends who were well educated with educated husbands, ( more in common).
Still not comfortable.
He had no male friends even though there were people he worked with that lived nearby.

Elaine, no you’re not the only one, ex didn’t have many male friends, only a couple high school friends who live on the opposite coast.

When we would pick up our son from elementary school ex would sit with the Mom’s instead of the men. That was something that always seemed odd.

Yes weird around other men. Not relaxed, awkward, his conversations with men seemed forced. Unless they were asking about his job which gave him an opportunity to talk about himself.
I suspect ex is Gay, if another man were to compliment his muscular arms he’d talk about it for weeks afterwards, seemed to notice other males physiques. He was more comfortable in groups of women as if he wanted to be one.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
4 years ago
Reply to  brit

Same. Exh2/The Evil One has no make friends.
Every friend I made, we’d hang with her and her spouse for a while before they got to detest TEO and he made things hard for me to maintain friendships. He would hit them up for jobs, for money, for booze, ugh.
He is a sorry sod and a horrible human being.

Nyra
Nyra
4 years ago

Oh my goodness!
Too think I thought I was the only one living with crazy!!
I don’t think X is really attracted to anyone except himself though.
People are just a means to an end for him. The love of money & flattery is what drives him. He’ll do anything to get either, including sacrificing his family & selling his soul!

Elaine
Elaine
4 years ago
Reply to  FindingBliss

FindingBliss

Oh my… so the lack of friends and isolation is not an exception but rather ..rule?
That explains a lot.
I am an introvert but with high dose of extravertism that comes and goes like a wave… people like me and my gf’s are never back stabbing, gossiping, materialistic A type moms…. but rather quirky, hilarious, smart and giving( ok there is few A types but that never brings bitchiness in them)

H- some friends from HS but not really…. I believe keeping his double life was too time consuming to establish friendships… btw. Am I the only one seeing that SA/ narc man have barely male friends? And they are weird around other men per se…

Survivor
Survivor
4 years ago
Reply to  Elaine

I’m afraid it is a rule. It’s a narc control thing. They don’t like their chumps to be close to friends and family. Narc men don’t have many friends of their own; perhaps a flying monkey or two. And if you love your job, they’ll try to torpedo that too.

marissathechump
marissathechump
4 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Mine was actively trying to sleep with ALL of her friends….

Chumplandia
Chumplandia
4 years ago

I’m a retired doormat catlady, with zero fucks left to give, seeking friendship because right now, after having to move our entire house by myself because crossdressing cheater gaslit me into thinking I was the problem then abandoned me 1000 miles away from my support and friends, I am exhausted. But free. I am free. I have my own home, decorated how I like. I go to bed when I want. I wake up when I want. I eat what I want, when I want. I have my friends over without sulking disapproval souring the experience every single time. I go out without him tagging along, afraid I would divulge his secrets. I like to read and watch MSNBC and if you get threatened by this, we are not compatible. Need independence now more than anything. Well, shit. I am undatable. But give me time! Bitter is the new black will not be my mantra forever – I actually felt a strange emotion the other day. I think it was gratitude. I am capable and surprise myself. I am building my own happiness, one day at a time. One step forward, two back has turned into a sprint. Run with me!

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumplandia

And what is with that “sulking disapproval souring the experience every single time” you have friends over? XH the substance abuser made everyone uncomfortable except his adult kiddo and his family.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumplandia

???????????????? brilliant!!!

EnoughAlready
EnoughAlready
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumplandia

LOL.
‘I’m a retired doormat cat lady, with zero fucks to give…’
Thanks Chumplandia! That gave me a belly laugh.
I’d like to put it on a T Shirt 🙂

ForgeOn!
ForgeOn!
4 years ago
Reply to  EnoughAlready

A new item for CL’s Store!!!

ForgeOn, Great Nation!

brit
brit
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumplandia

Chumplandia, I had to laugh at your comment on how Ex tagged along so you wouldn’t divulge his secrets. They are all so much alike in their weirdness.
Before my life exploded, I was social not the recluse I am today. During my social years, I wold host bunco or have friends over. If ex was home, he would hide around corners listening in to our conversations… when caught he’d deny it..

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumplandia

I think you may be my twin sister from another mother and our exes might be ugly cousins!

Excellent! I love your post!

Adelante
Adelante
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumplandia

You and I share similar stories, outlook, and likes!

Beth
Beth
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumplandia

OMG I LOOOOOVVVVVE this!! *high five*

ChumpetyChumpChump
ChumpetyChumpChump
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumplandia

LOL. You may not be datable, but you are most definitely mighty and friendable.

renee62
renee62
4 years ago

Calling all men 50+ who handle things like a mature adult and who don’t run away problems. Must be honest, caring & a genuine human being with a conscience.
Also must be employed and not expect me to take care of him like his mother did.
Loud & obnoxious men need not apply.

Truthfully not looking any more. Happy being by myself, with my great kids & with my loving friends.
Being single is not a horrible situation. Being attached with a cheater is mentally & physically exhausting.
Being single is freedom to be & do what pleases YOU.
Good luck to CN. We all can be happy????

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
4 years ago
Reply to  renee62

Preach, girl, preach!!!

Attie
Attie
4 years ago

Nine years out I pretty much have the life I want – and dating isn’t included in it – although if Mr. Fabulous dropped into my lap while I’m not looking I might give it a thought. Not totally convinced of that though. After the Twat left I threw every penny I had at my new mortgage, having had to buy him out. He went through that money like water and had to get a 25 year mortgage when he bought a place back in the US – so just another 23 years to go there buddy! Ha! My mortgage will be paid off at the end of April – 10 years early on a 17 year mortgage. I didn’t think I could do it but I have! Which is what allowed me to retire at Christmas!!!! I had planned on doing another 2 years but just couldn’t take my 3-4 hour daily commute so I chucked it in. I live on about one third of my previous salary but without my mortgage that’s more than doable! And I’m loving retirement although it is early days of course. Other than that, I would like to lose 30-40 pounds – you know the menopause blubber that really took me by surprise. Since I have more time for myself it is starting to come off slowly so it’s just a question of slogging away at it. That and get fit of course. I live in the French alps so wonderful walking country – I just have to work my way up to hiking some of those buggers! Other than that I don’t know what else I want to aim for as I am just content to be Twat-free! And during the hell years I NEVER dreamed I could be at this place, so newbies keep the faith. It can and will happen for you!

thrive
thrive
4 years ago
Reply to  Attie

????????JUST FINISHED WHOLE30 AND NOW KETO. LOST 10 AND FEEL AWESOME. WORTH A TRY.

ninon
ninon
4 years ago
Reply to  Attie

What a beautiful life. Thank you for sharing.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
4 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Hi Attie! Your post makes me happy – thanks for sharing. I always love what you write.

Btw—I’ve had a lot of success with IF/Keto after reading The Obesity Code by Dr Fung on the recommendation of another Chump here. ????

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
4 years ago

My doc recommended that book. I bought it but haven’t started reading it, just skimmed it over.
Menopause blubber hit me hard. Four years post hysterectomy for me now. Bkech

Attie
Attie
4 years ago

Wow MotherChumper, thanks for the info. I hear a lot of good things about keto and people say how mentally great they feel too. I will look into it. Went to the gynae today for my check up. Aarrrgggghhh walking out from behind that curtain stark naked even put ME off my lunch, I dont know about him.

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
4 years ago

Fabulous NJ woman who is available to date every other weekend and meet for dinners on Monday nights. Three tattoos. Content at flea markets and wearing sneakers 90% of the time. Confident that I haven’t won the Powerball because I know how to live within my budget. I’m an introvert often mistaken for an extrovert. Seeking a fellow chump – so if you know what that means we are off to a good start.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
4 years ago

Me!!! ????????????????

CurlyChump
CurlyChump
4 years ago

Love it!

MehBeSoon
MehBeSoon
4 years ago

Another fabulous NJ woman here!

I have to figure out how to to get back into the forums to see if there is a NJ chump meet up in the works……. Can anyone help? I joined a while ago, but stopped posting after a horrid wreckonciliation attempt. Was in such a fog I can’t remember my username or password! I guess I could just join afresh with a new email addy?

CurlyChump
CurlyChump
4 years ago
Reply to  MehBeSoon

I’m a Jersey girl, too! Would really like to meet other members of CN.

KarenE
KarenE
4 years ago
Reply to  MehBeSoon

Yes, join again to come re-connect w/Chump Nation! Tell us your horrid wreckonciliation story, we will cry, laugh and cheer w/you! Tell us how you are being mighty! And it will be an object lesson to newbies…..

UXworld
UXworld
4 years ago

Next time I’m headed to NYC/NJ . . .

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

LOL… I’m buying… no wait, that’s the old me… you’re buying 🙂

ForgeOn!
ForgeOn!
4 years ago

You two need to let the Nation know how the date goes……

UXworld
UXworld
4 years ago

ME:

– I’m not on Tinder because the man I am, and the story that got me here, cannot be adequately represented by pictures of me travelling, rock-climbing or posing in any way. (Takeaway: I’m not a poser.)

– I’m not on OurTime because it’s not “My Time” yet and won’t be until my beautiful outstanding teen daughters are out of high school. (Takeaway: I’m a father first and foremost, so don’t be possessive of my time.)

– I’m not dating right now because after everything I’ve been through, it would take someone “pretty fucking impressive” for me to take notice. (Takeaway: My picker is getting fixed, and my red flag radar is up.)

– I don’t drink coffee (so don’t ask me) or run distance races (so don’t try to coax me), I stop at and read historical signs and markers, even way out in the middle of nowhere (so don’t stop me), I still get a kick out of Three Stooges humor (so don’t roll your eyes), and I will spend a good part of my time with you wise-cracking a la Chandler Bing (so don’t be super-sensitive).

– I’m a Chump, and I wear that label with pride (so what you see is what you get; if it’s not enough, say so and move along.)

YOU: “Pretty fucking impressive.”

Poconochump
Poconochump
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I read historical signs and enjoy the stooges too!! ????

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Chandler Bing is my dream.man, LOL love him!!

BankofChump
BankofChump
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I am in the same situation.
Father first .
Any new woman currently gets judged by ” How would she fit in with the kids?”
And none of them would.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Part of the Marker Reader Club! THEN, I have to google who made the marker, then, then, and then.

brit
brit
4 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

Yes, nomoreskankboy, I almost posted the then Google, find out more about them possibly what they looked like, how, when , why, children?

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

You had me at “Three Stooges.”

Current Chump
Current Chump
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Putting your daughters first like an awesome dad should AND Chandler Bing?!
Swoon!

I have no doubt when you are ready, there will be a long line of ladies!

I finally see the light
I finally see the light
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Ux world. Loved your post. I had to laugh because I too stop and read historical markers ????????

MehBeSoon
MehBeSoon
4 years ago

Add me as a member of the must stop and read historical markers sub-tribe!

brit
brit
4 years ago
Reply to  MehBeSoon

Another historical marker reader..

kiwichump
kiwichump
4 years ago
Reply to  brit

Guilty…

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Actually wouldn’t that go

You: “Could you BE anymore fucking impressive?”

UXworld
UXworld
4 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

I am well corrected.

Single to Stay
Single to Stay
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I do say that’s impressive. Especially the part about being a father first and foremost. I predict when you are ready you will be inundated with great women who appreciate you.

smpav2016
smpav2016
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I luv this !! Haha. I can so relate!!

Single to Stay
Single to Stay
4 years ago

Gentlemen, form a line: Still-heartbroken nearly 50 year old looking for honest, funny, employed man to spend time with, go out to dinner, see movies, when my kids are with the ex. Was a physician but I haven’t worked in many years because I was solely responsible for raising four kids- one of whom is mentally ill and a real challenge. Lost too much weight after DDay and went from obese to gaunt and unhealthy-looking. Not attractive. No confidence. And my incurable STD that was a parting gift from the cheater rounds out this oh-so desirable package. Going off to cry now!

Chumperella
Chumperella
4 years ago
Reply to  Single to Stay

We are in much the same boat. I am also responsible for my mentally ill daughter. She’s also physically disabled. I went from a healthy weight to gaunt after dday. I have chronic health issues of my own which make seemingly eager suitors suddenly ghost me when they hear about it. My cheater also gave me an STD, and though I did manage to get rid of the virus, I kept the pre-cancerous cell changes that go with it. That time bomb will go off at some point. I accept that I’ll probably be alone forever. But remember, no matter what happens, we will still be cheaterjerk free. That’s a giant step up from where we were. So sorry about what you’re going through.❤

Single to Stay
Single to Stay
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

Chumperella, sending love. While I’m truly sorry about your situation, it feels a little less lonely hearing similar stories.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
4 years ago
Reply to  Single to Stay

Single-to-stay— better days are ahead! 4 kids too and also HSV pos thx to cheater. I am a lawyer who also had been a SAHM.

Since DDay I’ve divorced the abandoning X, taken the bar in another state, started a new practice area, got a great job where I work from home so I can be here for my teens, and met a great guy at the YMCA and guess what?! He also has HSV so it was a total no big deal after all in this new life. All of this was extremely hard but life today 4.5 years out from DDay — 25 year marriage completely imploded— is very good.

You’ll get here too — one minute at a time????????????????????

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
4 years ago

♥️ you, MotherChumper99 !!!
You give me hope!!!

Attie
Attie
4 years ago

MotherChumper you are amazing!

Dixiedory
Dixiedory
4 years ago

Thank you for sharing. This gives me hope. ????????????

Single to Stay
Single to Stay
4 years ago

❤️thank you so much for this !!!

violet
violet
4 years ago
Reply to  Single to Stay

I am so sorry for all that you have been through. It is so tough to be left to be the responsible parent. I also have 4 kids; when cheater bailed, I had a kid in junior high, a kid in high school and a kid in college. My oldest son was (literally) jumping trains for a”living”. I thought I was going to die. Hell, I wanted to die!

Eight years later, two of my kids have graduated from college, one of them now has a post graduate degree and an established career. My youngest will graduate from a great university next year and will be applying to graduate school. And my oldest, the train jumper, is now working on his second degree!

It was not easy for me or for them. All of us had to make lots of sacrifices in the process. All of us understand that others have not been so fortunate. In an odd way, X’s cheating made my kids understand the importance of honesty and fidelity. We have been humbled, in the best way possible.

It is so difficult when you are in the middle of the jungle to understand that the whole world is not a jungle. Single, you are in the jungle. I hope you are able to see a little sunlight. I have not dated since my divorce and probably never will. I am at peace, though, something I never was when I was with X. It took me a very long time to get to this place. I’ll be rooting for you to make you way through the jungle, too.

Single to Stay
Single to Stay
4 years ago
Reply to  violet

❤️thank you so much for this

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
4 years ago
Reply to  Single to Stay

Single to Stay, Jedi Hugs! It will get better, keep on moving and cry whenever you need to.

Single to Stay
Single to Stay
4 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Hugs back to you, Datdamwuf. It helps so much to hear someone say it will get better. Thank you-

dd61999
dd61999
4 years ago

Shoe sale!!!! Buy one get 2 free!!! All latest styles available!!! Now that I have your attention I’m loyal, my emotional baggage is small enough to fit in the overhead compartment of a small prop plane. I’m actually employed and can buy my own shoes, sale or not! Ex wife ran off with younger musician to play coffee shops across the country. Leaving me independent from drama and a proven track record for being a responsible adult as I raise my two terrific teenage kids who live in a drama free zone as well. No cheaters, freeloaders, drama queens, drug users, passive aggressive people. Looking to share the rest of my good life with someone special over good food, good wine, fun times, and good conversations.

ImAPhool
ImAPhool
4 years ago
Reply to  dd61999

Haha. Great intro. And you know what you want. Or know what you don’t want for sure ????

Persephone
Persephone
4 years ago
Reply to  dd61999

Isn’t there any fcuking way to make these shitters accountable???? If I was physically harmed, even accidently, I’d be entitled to compensation, why not if a creep gives me STD?? I’m so angry!

Chumperella
Chumperella
4 years ago
Reply to  Persephone

Depending on laws where you live, you might be able to sue him for not practicing safe sex with his whore(s), not warning you that he’d been practicing unsafe sex, and thereby giving you an STD. I can’t afford to sue so I just punched him in the neck when I found out. His neck was sore for days, but it pales in comparison to what he inflicted on me. He assaulted me first by deliberately not protecting me from infection, so I get to assault him back. If I get cancer from the HPV, he’ll get a lot worse than a punch in the neck, and I don’t give two shits of I get charged for assault, either. If I’m going to die from what this pig did, I’m going out swinging.

Poconochump
Poconochump
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

Oh my god! Fuck’n hilarious. I only got in a bitch slap! Plus called him a 2.00 dollar dishrags whore! So jealous! After I got my trainer and he had me lifting heavy weights the adrenaline would surge and I would feel so pumped up! I told my trainer I wanted to throat punch my stbx at that moment. U made my day! Love it!

Single to Stay
Single to Stay
4 years ago
Reply to  Persephone

I’m so angry too. Being discarded was bad. Excruciating. But the lifelong HSV is more than I can handle. I’ve slept with a total of two men in my 48 years and I feel like a leper because he could neither keep it in his pants NOR even ask if she had any diseases before he did his also-married co-worker. So so so angry. Your anger validates me. Thank you.

Dd61999
Dd61999
4 years ago
Reply to  Persephone

Unfortunately the current laws protects adulterers. If they were held accountable for committing fraud in their marriage contract. You might see a slight improvement in society

Magneto
Magneto
4 years ago

Note to Chumps: Remember every day is a brand new deck of cards.
— Even if you are working with the same deck with the constants of family, job, health, relationships and “life”, ever day is a brand new shuffle.

Play your hands accordingly…..

NewBeginnings
NewBeginnings
4 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

Good Advice, Magneto! Thank you!

MissBailey
MissBailey
4 years ago

Seeking honest and kind man who will cherish me. Must like birding, cats, traveling, theatre, lazy Sunday mornings, cooking for his lady, cleaning (especially mopping), lawn mowing, people, and calm peaceful days.

Lying, cheating, scheming, addicted, drama-types need not apply.

Survivor
Survivor
4 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

You forgot the part about being willing to show up with flowers for no reason. Otherwise, it’s perfect.

MissBailey
MissBailey
4 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

And flowers, especially daisies and white carnations.

cashmere
cashmere
4 years ago

It would be best not to date me. Divorce and empty nesting after two children and thirty years of marriage means that I have juuuuuuuust a few issues, particularly since it turns out that the former spousal unit had girlfriends the whole darned time, including during dating and engagement, and is currently living in a McMansion with the latest of those. Marriage and perhaps reproduction will follow, because apparently that cliche and values free life was the ex’s dream. It’s safe to say that while I utterly rock at monogamy, I have zero clue how to date. Plus, though I’ve been informed by reasonably trustworthy sources that I’m rather a cute 56 year old, the truth is that I’m also rather bookish and introverted. I’m not the gal to stand quietly at your elbow engaging in idle chitchat at cocktail parties, but would absolutely be happy to trade stories—ghostly or silly—around a real backyard fire of the sort that crackles, sends sparks flying upward, and leaves your hair smelling smoky. I love Halloween, thick grilled steaks, carnivals, fireworks, vintage everything, all things autumn, and living outside as much as possible until it’s too impossibly cold to do so. I can’t resist a summer parade. My Starbucks order somehow became so impossibly hipsterish over time that I’m vaguely embarrassed about it. Pretty sure nothing and nobody could ever get me to cohabit again. No clear vision of what my ideal male companion might be like, but I think he would need to have all of the usual good qualities (kind, honest, cute as heck) and have his own life and space. He should be fun and interesting and energetic, and then go home. But thinking about all of that is pretty exhausting. Clearly, I’m no smooth and skillful digital dating strategist. You should probably move along to the profile of the sparkly young thing who likes to party. And good luck with that.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
4 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

Love this!!! You nailed it!!!

EnoughAlready
EnoughAlready
4 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

Hi Cashmere,
‘I utterly rock at monogamy’
I want to put that on a T Shirt too. (As well as Chumplandia’s ‘I’m a retired doormat cat lady, with zero fucks to give’)
I liked your description of the backyard fire. Very occasionally Xhole would do that – but only as impression management. I love carnivals, parades and fireworks too and have missed out on so much because Xhole hated them and would suck the joy right out of them so I gave up trying.
This is such a great exercise. Being such a Chump I was starting to think some posts here were getting too picky. But Chump Lady is so right, us Chumps need to fix our picker and make it picky as we damn well like.

Beth
Beth
4 years ago

Low maintenance (except when plumbing or large-insect-inside-the-house issues arise, then exceptionally HIGH maintenance) woman seeks financially and emotionally secure partner for quiet evenings cooking dinner together, discussing our respective days and reading our respective books in between letting the dogs in and out a thousand times. Must love dogs. A lot. Must not mind a coating of dog hair on every surface or chewed socks found in the middle of the backyard. Willingness to empty the dishwasher a huge plus and will probably guarantee sexual gratification. MY sexual gratification should be a high priority in any close encounter. Must put the toilet seat down, especially in the middle of the night. Must have own residence and be willing to go there when I need alone time. Good communicator a must. Personal integrity and kindness a must. Good sense of humor and patience (see dog comments above) a must. Hair optional (bald guys are sexy), hair longer than mine is a no-no. I won’t care about your love handles if you don’t care about mine. Absolutely no smokers, misogynists, or cheaters. Bonus points if you actually read my profile since 97% of the men don’t seem to bother reading them. Major bonus points if you are a fellow chump.

nomar
nomar
4 years ago

I’d suggest that those who aren’t interested in dating or partnering up might write an ad for something else they’d like to attract (a job , volunteering opportunity, mentor, dog, hobby—whatever). Chump Lady says, “Gain a life!” So what do *you* want in *your* new and improved, cheater-free life? Think it over, write it down, and put it out there for the universe to hear!

Everybody can play!

Adelante
Adelante
4 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Oh, great idea! Right now I’m more in need of a place to retire to than a companion, so here’s mine:

Wanted: place to retire that meets my requirements: three seasons (summer optional, meaning no real heat), easy accessibility to natural areas (walking, hiking, wildlife refuges, migratory bird byways), near a small university town (neither hopelessly liberal nor offensively conservative), low (human) population density, interesting terrain (mountains and big trees a plus), and not so expensive I can’t afford it.

And if anyone has any ideas, I’m all ears (eyes).

Beth
Beth
4 years ago
Reply to  Adelante

https://www.yellowspringsohio.org/

Yellow Springs has Antioch College and is a fun, artsy little town with lots to do. Lots and lots of beautiful nature (Glen Helen, Clifton Gorge) right there. Dayton is just down the road and is home to University of Dayton (where I work), Wright State University and Sinclair Community College. Dayton is close enough to both Cincinnati and Columbus that you can enjoy their big city activities without dealing with the gawdawful traffic on a daily basis.

#shamelessplugfortheBuckeyestate 😀

katiedidn't
katiedidn't
4 years ago
Reply to  Adelante

@ Adelante, you may like this: https://www.visitberea.com/

Adelante
Adelante
4 years ago
Reply to  katiedidn't

Hey thanks, Katiedidn’t! I know about Berea (I am a college teacher), and have family roots in Kentucky.

violet
violet
4 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Great suggestion, as the thought of dating sends me running for a piece of cheesecake! Your question is a one I have been asking a lot lately. I have had an amazing and very meaningful career, but I know it is time to plan my exit strategy. My profession has been a huge part of my identity and it has provided me great comfort and motivation.

I always felt it important to “make a difference” and my work has allowed me to do that. After a major health issue, which I will live with for the rest of my life, the time has come to think about what I want my future to look like. But my work helped me survive the implosion of my marriage. It feels like I am letting go of the only life jacket I had!

Maybe I will start a Chump’s Retirement Club, for all of us “older” chumps who want to do good, but don’t know exactly how to accomplish that lofty goal.

NotAfraid
NotAfraid
4 years ago

Sooo, I’m a SCF (Single Chumped Female) hetero, basically nerdy, 50+ English as a Foreign Language teacher and Admin Assistant for an Africa-based NGO, SPCA volunteer, native Bronxite. Fun aunt/godmother, but no kids. I like traveling and the experience of being a foreigner; languages; reading; writing; history; politics; learning about cultures, especially food culture—and cooking; and animals (all creatures, but especially felines and corvids). Not sure about dating, but open to meeting a SNnM (Single Non-narc Male) who also loves animals, enjoys being a foreigner, and has a restless, curious mind and a silly sense of humor. (Since it’s not 100% clear if this is even about romance, I am also open to meeting NnFs too. Do I sound like your cup of tea? Do you sound like mine? If so, wanna be my friend? Can you tell I’m not good at this dating profile thing?)

Tempest
Tempest
4 years ago

Lover of mysteries and histories (yours, as well as the world–especial favorite is Tudor England), with a quirky and dark sense of humor, who has an entire bookshelf of tomes on science and statistical reasoning, and sometimes dresses like Cyndy Lauper in her 80s heyday; affectionate woman seeks kind, intelligent, monogamous man who is free of any major untreated DSM diagnoses and will support my efforts in the Chump Revolution. Oh, and must love dogs (as I have 5 of them).

Doingme
Doingme
4 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest, I love that you dress like Cyndy Lauper. She still rocks it!

Beth
Beth
4 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Love Tudor England? ME TOO! Quirky/dark humor? ME TOO! Have five dogs? ME TOO! I don’t know if we are sisters from another mister or true soul mates, Tempest. Too bad we are both Hetero. 😀

Tempest
Tempest
4 years ago
Reply to  Beth

No kidding, Beth, cruel twist of fate that we are both hetero!

Attie
Attie
4 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Have you read The Last Tudor, by Philippa Gregory? It was a bit hard going but very interesting!

Tempest
Tempest
4 years ago
Reply to  Attie

I LOVE historical fiction, but am also a stickler for historical facts, so went off Phillipa Gregory when she advocated that Anne Boleyn really did have an affair with her own brother (a view advocated by only one wacky historian that I know of). Tudor history was sensational enough without adopting crazy positions–Six wives, two of them beheaded is sufficiently Jerry Springerish!

Smart Woman
Smart Woman
4 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Alison Weir, a historian so if you like accuracy, writes a fab story.

Patsy
Patsy
4 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Lady Jane Grey, poor thing. Bit humourless and rigid.

Newme
Newme
4 years ago
Reply to  Patsy

It’s beautiful in Berea! Kentucky girl here!!

DejaBlue
DejaBlue
4 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

That’s awesome. I think I want to date you!

Overcomer
Overcomer
4 years ago

Single, almost done with 50’s ish, gentle lady chump seeks friendship to share fits of laughter, an adventurous spirit and the ability to share peaceful daydreaming.

Not looking for husband, I can take care of myself, do kind things for myself and am loyal. I love and appreciate myself and can do small projects around the house.

Just looking for someone that shares my values, likes being in life’s moments and chooses to laugh at the irony but mostly must be a kind person and like dogs.

Smart Woman
Smart Woman
4 years ago
Reply to  Overcomer

Yep being kind and liking dogs would just about cover it for me too

Adelante
Adelante
4 years ago

Woman, on the cusp of retirement, solvent and happy in her solitude, would welcome the occasional company of a “no drama Obama” man with nothing to prove in rambles, paddles, and back-in-the saddle enjoyment of our beautiful world. I’ll do for you if you do for me, because reciprocity is necessary and effort is sexy.

ImAPhool
ImAPhool
4 years ago

Me – in my 40s, but no mid life crisis here.
Hard on the outside, but softie inside.
Can be sweet, funny, caring, lovable, huggable, unless you’re an ass to me.
Can cook for myself and if you’re nice, for you too.
Will watch Sunday football with you. Beer and Wings – Yes!!
Living the best life possible – but could use some help on some days
If you’re out there find me. I’ll be in Chicago, the best city ever.

Liars, Cheaters, Assholes – need not apply

weddingbelle
weddingbelle
4 years ago
Reply to  ImAPhool

Go Bears! ????

DemHoez
DemHoez
4 years ago

As an obviously gifted woman of high aesthetic taste, I enjoy hiking, traveling, and love dogs. Gaze upon my professionally shot profile pictures featuring inoffensive floral patterns, natural makeup, and long, plain safely layered blonde ombre hair. I am a kumbocha mother farmer living in a quaint Germantown loft. I am spiritual, but not religious. I’m looking for my twin flame. I am a cool, skinny woman who will not challenge you in any way.

Ladies and gentlemen, every woman on tinder ever ????

Chumplandia
Chumplandia
4 years ago
Reply to  DemHoez

I love cheeseburgers and beer, and maintain a size 2.

DemHoez
DemHoez
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumplandia

The cool girl monologue is the realest thing ever written.

LezChump
LezChump
4 years ago
Reply to  DemHoez

^^^ ???????????? ^^^

GrandeDameChump
GrandeDameChump
4 years ago

I need income that will allow me to pursue my goals. I will not ever again abdicate responsibility for my happiness to someone else. I alone am the creator of my happiness. I have worked my ASS off, sacrificed my time outside of work, to become reemployed and certified in a new field and secure benefits for me and my kids (because Mr. DownLow is purposefully “underemployed” and his benefits won’t cover the kids unless they live in his tristate area….. of course). I started my own business as well, and took every online business management class I could find. I have read books and listened to podcasts until I figured out how to run a business. I need the income and the time to go on adventures, do active, fun things. I want to start my day with yoga, eat intentionally, have a social life! I want to do those fun things with someone special, to share those experiences with someone special, but I can and will do them alone or with friends. I want a simple home that doesn’t require a lot of maintenance, preferably in a development with a gym and pool ( they do exist here ). In about 6-8 years I want quit my full time job and run my business, so I have time to enjoy all my hard work, because right now, for the past three years its been ALL hard work, fun at times, but definitely hard work. I want to own another dog, and have that dog go everywhere with me. I am running out of time and I have wasted so much already.

Sirchumpalot
Sirchumpalot
4 years ago

Most advise I was given was not to date for years because I was married 24 years. I did most of my healing dating and going out in mixed groups. I didn’t even know what I wanted in a woman. I was 21 when I started dating my serial cheater XW. First girlfriend post divorce was my first love (high school girlfriend) who reminded me WHO I was before my covert narcissist/BPD XW destroyed that. Second girlfriend, we had known each other since we were 1 years old (mothers are friends). She gave me my self-worth back by loving me. Telling me what a kind person I was growing up. But she was to damaged from being married to a narcissist also. I WASN’T looking for anyone when I met this wonderful woman while playing Scrabble with older (my mothers age) women. She is a chump also. Now we are engaged. This was what I wanted:

Single, father of two teenagers, looking for a spiritual, faithful (not a cheater), kind, easy going, and loves traveling. Looks are not a high importance as a great inner person. Must like my kids and family. Have no problem with me being disabled. Reciprocal relationship a must. No screaming allowed.

I got that and a ton more. I did not have a check list, just standards. But I had to put the work of healing in first before I could attract a healthy person. I still have work to do and have been upfront about it. She still wants to be with me as I am the most kind and tender person she has uncountered. Don’t give up in finding love.

ChumpSaidBuhBye
ChumpSaidBuhBye
4 years ago

Seeking unattached ethical freak who has his financial, legal, and mental shit together to share adventures on the wild side and explorations off the beaten path. No kids, no dogs, and no normies who are only interested in being weekend warriors of The Weird Life.

50 Chump
50 Chump
4 years ago

Me: Early 50’s, two kids, one in college and one in high school, own a business and have a second job, somewhat of a worker bee. Love to garden, cook, listen to music, and play guitar. I do the dishes, the laundry, wash floors on hands and knees.

You: a real person, one without a phone surgically attached to your hand, one who doesn’t judge their value through Facebook, one who can enjoy nature, and find pleasure in the simplest of things, and are able to communicate your thoughts and feelings.

If your a high conflict disordered parasite that stays in bed past noon….no need to respond

Martha
Martha
4 years ago

A few years back a female chump friend of mine said to ask myself, “Would you want to date yourself?” Her answer about herself was, “Hell, yeah!!!!” And it was the right response, because she is a fabulous woman! My answer then and now is, “Hell, no!”

If I would have answered this question before D-day, I would have said, “Hell, yes! And I would want to marry myself too!”

After D-day, I went into counseling for my “low self-esteem problem” and my counselor gave me an assignment to write down all my good qualities and to also ask a few people close to me what they would add. We filled up an entire page in a composition notebook and the cheater agreed with everything that was written down and also added three more things. On paper and in real life I was a great wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend and employee. So why wasn’t I good enough or enough for my husband? Why did he not appreciate who I am and how much value I added to his life? No matter how much I did or didn’t do, it would never be enough to stop him from seeing “friends” behind my back.

So, today with the help of CL and CN, I forced myself to get out that composition notebook and read what I wrote down almost five years ago. I’ve been apprehensive to read it, because I have not been my old self since D-day (that’s probably a really good thing!) and I was afraid to see that I’m no longer like my former self. So this is my dating profile list as to who I am and it’s in no particular order and I will include some stuff that you’d see in a dating profile, minus the long walks on a beach. haha. 🙂

I’m in my early 50’s, dark blonde hair, blue eyes and average body type. I’ve been told I’m beautiful, but now I’m not sure as that could have been love-bombing from my ex to keep me hooked in until he discarded me when he found new, trusting, sparkly supply. I own my home, car, have a job and can take care of myself. I have kids, but don’t want anymore of my own, but would welcome and love yours to the best of my ability. What’s most important to me is my faith and my family. I look forward to one day being a grandma and having my kids and their families over for dinners, holidays and family fun. Some of my life goals is to walk the Camino de Santiago. Hike parts if not all of the Appalachian and Pacific Crest Trail. Yes, these are lofty goals, but I like to dream big and sometimes my dreams come true when I decide to put my time and energy into making them happen. Another one of my goals is to visit all 50 of the United States and as of today, I’m somewhere up in the 30’s. I love visiting national parks and have been to quite a few of them. I also love traveling to Europe, but I’m the backpacking type of European traveler. I love history, true crime, anything related to WWII. At the moment, I’m obsessed with learning about personality disorders. You know, those fun people like narcissists, sociopath and psychopaths. I’m also currently obsessed with the Chris Watts case, but that won’t be forever. I’m the type of person who gets interested in a person or topic and then researches it to death and then I put it on the shelf and move onto something else. I’m kind of a homebody, but I also enjoy going out to see movies, theater and doing new things in my community. I’m always up for an adventure or road trip. I’m not really into sports, but wouldn’t mind if you are. I wouldn’t mind going to a game once in awhile, but not all the time and if this is what going on a date to you is, then I’m not for you.

I’ve been told I have the following characteristics and I believe them to be true to this day, even though at times in the past almost five years I haven’t been this way: hard worker, organized, promise keeper, compassionate, patient, dependable, thankful/grateful, secret keeper, smart, beautiful, I’m loved, independent, great mother, kind hearted, caring, are there for people both physically and emotionally, great baker, keeps a clean house, conscientious employee, reliable, trustworthy, great sense of humor, efficient , wise, giving and insightful. THE END.

There you have it, CN! This is pretty much me. My sister was the one who said I was a great mother. My exes addition was “efficient, wise and giving”. I’m now realizing today that he didn’t add that I was a great wife. In an assignment we had to do for the pastor in MC, the ex wrote down that I was a “great mother and a GOOD wife”. That really stood out to me at the time, because he always told me what a great wife I was (AND I WAS!), but the devaluation process had begun, but I didn’t know what that was at the time. After he told me he wanted a divorce he said and I quote, “You never took good care of me”. There it was! The final devaluation and rewriting of history. Another total lie, but you can never expect truth from a pathological lying cheater.

Overcomer
Overcomer
4 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Martha, you sound amazing! Please give yourself a prescription for glasses so you can see your own loveliness for yourself. No one else can give you this gift as you can! ????

If you want to know what the PCT or AT are like, get onto one of the trails when thru hikers will be coming by. Bring cutie oranges and chocolate ???? thru hikers will stop and share their adventures with you for an orange or chocolate ???? They are from all walks of life and all places. It will inspire you! Much love!

Martha
Martha
4 years ago
Reply to  Overcomer

Thank you, Overcomer! 🙂 Next time I’m close to a trail I will most certainly take your advice. 🙂

renee62
renee62
4 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Martha you are awesome!
I want to walk the Camino de Santiago with you!
I’m an obsessive researcher also.
Love true crime, WWII & history.
We’d have a lot to talk about on that journey! Peace????Sister

Martha
Martha
4 years ago
Reply to  renee62

Renee62, that’s so wild we like the same things! I would most certainly walk the Camino with you! It will probably be a few more years until I’m able due to my job, but I for sure will do this one day! Peace be with you too. 🙂

washthatmanrightouttamyhair
washthatmanrightouttamyhair
4 years ago

Getting my second wind! Nearing official retirement age but healthier in every way than I’ve ever been. I’ve realized teaching is my gift and I want to use it. Looking for an educational institution of any kind to take me on while I earn my license back (let it lapse while being chump support staff for the terminally self-absorbed). You won’t be sorry–I have brains, humor, empathy, enthusiasm, and a fierce drive to succeed. I’ll get the coursework done in record time because apart from a few good friends and my pets, I have no interest in having a personal life.

Adelante
Adelante
4 years ago

“terminally self-absorbed”–what a great phrase. And fits my ex to a T.

washthatmanrightouttamyhair
washthatmanrightouttamyhair
4 years ago
Reply to  Adelante

The flavor of the self-absorption changes (varying sexual/gender identities mostly) but the intense single focus does not. For years of RIC work, I wondered when it would be time to focus on the marriage. The answer was never, and there’s nothing left to fix.

DejaBlue
DejaBlue
4 years ago

What I truly want in bed is a good book, cup of tea, purring cat, and a plate of pancakes smothered in butter.

NaiveNoMore
NaiveNoMore
4 years ago

I feel like I’m in mourning and I’m just stuck. I have days where I’m accomplishing my goals and I feel good and then I have days like today where I feel down and out and I struggle just to get out of bed. I keep pushing myself to keep going and to feel my emotions and not suppress them but not to let them destroy me. Right now I’m at a place where I don’t even want to think about dating or relationships, cause I just don’t want to deal with another guy right now. I can barely deal with myself sometimes. I would love to become a surgical tech/nurse and get started on my career after being a military spouse for 17 years. I have to rebuild my self-esteem and self-confidence, then maybe I can dip my toes in the dating pool again. The Chump Lady has been a godsend, it has helped me so much. She’s better then my own therapist!!!

royh
royh
4 years ago

50+ male ISO mature woman who knows what she wants. Must enjoy the following: cats, dogs, movies, video games, eating what I cook, the outdoors, board and video games, hugs, being amazed by things, and laughing. Nerds go to the front of the line.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
4 years ago
Reply to  royh

Being amazed by things! My hobby!
And board games.Yes!

MissBailey
MissBailey
4 years ago
Reply to  royh

I think this is lovely. Someone else that like board games!

Traveling the World
Traveling the World
4 years ago
Reply to  royh

“…Nerds go to the front of the line.”
Love it 😀 !

Kiminator
Kiminator
4 years ago

Attractive lady, 60ish, seeks cat, to enjoy curling up on a rainy day. Must like good Literature. Prefers Siamese or Birman, but a DSH is fine as long as you are litter trained, your shots are up to date, and you are spayed or neutered. I am bicatual and swing both ways. I can provide gormet cat food and a good lap, a little shedding is ok. I’m not a mind reader, so I appreciate a vocal cat; one who’s not afraid to say what’s on his/her mind. I enjoy a little cat nip now, and again. Must be young enough to play, but old enough to nap, not claw the furniture or climb the curtains. Absolutely no fleas or ticks. I will not tolerate a cat that plays with my yarn ball, or interferes with my knitting. If this is you, contact me at I-800-no dogs please.

ninon
ninon
4 years ago
Reply to  Kiminator

I am a dog person and yet I also love this 🙂

Current Chump
Current Chump
4 years ago
Reply to  Kiminator

bicatual
BWAHAHAHA
Love this!

Chumplandia
Chumplandia
4 years ago
Reply to  Kiminator

HAHA! This is perfect. I love it.

DejaBlue
DejaBlue
4 years ago
Reply to  Kiminator

If you get a surplus of good candidates, send them my way!

chumplicious
chumplicious
4 years ago

Not thin, Lost my perky. Excellent at online shopping and packing school lunchboxes. Seeking sober, employed, mentally fit man who extends the occasional kind gesture without duress. Emotional intelligence score above zero required.

unexpectedchumpiness
unexpectedchumpiness
4 years ago

What I would like my profile to say:

I’m a single, fit 36yo female with two awesome kids. I went through a divorce but came out the other side with so much more to give and I really know who I am. I’m spunky, fun, outgoing and love to have a great time. I have my own house with a cute pool and a fun life with my kids. I have a good career and am looking for a fantastic man, who is honest, kind and attractive. Our ideal life would involve traveling with a tiny home RV and seeing the world. We would work hard (but not too hard) and laugh hard (very hard) and have a great relationship built on trust, love, admiration and the same values.

What my *honest* profile would say:

I’m a sadly single female who used to be fit but has gained 20lbs stress eating from sadness and divorce and worrying about paying all the bills my excheater saddled me with. I have kids whom I love, but one can be a little shit sometimes. I love to travel and explore and go to festivals but I hardly get around to even having a day off because (refer to above) my ex saddled me with the house and huge pile of expenses so I spend my *free* time, working, cleaning and reading financial books so I can get ahead. I have sparkly blue eyes that don’t shine anymore because they are the window to my soul, and, well, my soul has been crushed along with my heart. I have long, dark, hair that used to be pretty but now it has a small handful of greys because (refer to above) my ex abandoned us and ran off for strange and I stayed to parent my kids and try every fucking day to rebuild my life and heal my shattered heart. I’m pretty good at keeping my head straight on most days but still wish I had my family that I adored and my husband that I cherished and still ask myself a year later wtf happened? I’m hopeful someday I’ll have my awesome self back (with a few deep seated scars from cheater pants) but you probably will have to wait around a few years for that. Right now I’m dieting so I’m not so self conscious, because when your husband runs off for strange it can really boost your self-esteem amiright? I have no clue what I’m looking for in a man but I know that when I even bother to look it will definitely be someone with good values…if I ever go there trusting someone again.

No wonder all the broken men are into me these days….

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
4 years ago

Unexpected, you’re beautiful <3

Leonidis
Leonidis
4 years ago

Unexpected, My, that’s really honest. You’ll get your awesome back. It will come with baby steps and small accomplishments. Being chumped myself and saddled with an avalanche of marital debt 5 years now. Things are getting better. Started a small trucking company with my brother so that I can be not just financially independent but INDEPENDENT to do the things I love more and things I missed out on the last 20 years. 48 now. Son is about to graduate HS. Started dating almost 2 years ago. UGH! LOL. Met one woman that I’ve grown fond of. Just having fun together and seeing where it goes. Recently she told me how amazing she thinks I am which I haven’t thought of or heard in what seems like forever. I think she’s pretty special too! If things don’t work out with her that’s ok. Although, and this is just knowing myself, she will be the last woman in my life. After that, hope not, I don’t see the point in my early to mid fifties starting over yet again but I’m perfectly fine with it. I still work my full time job of 22 years and will do both until our enterprise becomes more than I can handle on my spare time. So UNEXPECTED, don’t sweat it too much. You’ awesome will come that I can promise you.

unexpectedchumpiness
unexpectedchumpiness
4 years ago
Reply to  Leonidis

Thanks Leonidis,
Honestly, this week has been really hard, stressful mediation, major life decisions (do I keep the house or sell it?), I look in the mirror and see how I look so worn from so much stress, and both my kids are soooooooo excited to see their cheater dad for the weekend that it just makes me sick to see him be the hero while I bust my ass every day and look like the cranky stressed out mom that I am. I’m only a year out so I know I have a ways to go. This is just a really stressful week and I’m feeling really down today. Thanks for the kind words, I’m sure I’ll start being a bit happier and more myself sometime soon 🙂

SMS
SMS
4 years ago

I’ve been struggling lately with the “hero dad” issue too. My kids are with their dad every other weekend and sometimes, when convenient for him, he also shows up at their activities. I do everything else, including pay for everything (not a single dime from hero dad since July last year), structure, discipline, reliability…you know, parenting. Plus we have fun mixed in. But I totally hear you on feeling like the stressed out, cranky mom who busts her ass every day to eat the shit sandwich of “when do we go to dad’s?” And “YAAAAAY dad’s house!” Or even “you’re mean! I love dad more!”

A couple things I try to remember (sometimes successfully):
1. I also used to think he was fun and I’m an adult, so it’s no surprise he can trick them too. Some day they will realize how oppressive it is to live with him, just like I did.
2. I’m glad I don’t have to send them to a place they hate, even if it’s hard to hear them squeal with delight.
3. I’m angling for friendship with my future (25 year-old) children, not my toddlers. Right now I have to make them into people I’d actually want to be friends with.

It’s frustrating still. I’ll take any advice on this topic!

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
4 years ago

Just seen yr latest – that’s me too, three kids, two troubled and one worryingly narc-like after break-up, scary financials, grey hairs, looking haggard. But like you, doing my best. And that means I’m the best me I can be – right now. who know what the next year will bring – after all we had no idea what the last year would bring, right?! 😀

Hugs xxx

chumpfor21
chumpfor21
4 years ago

Me: Financially secure, red flag aware, loves outdoors, hiking. Has own camping trailer for adventures.
You: Must love hikes, be excited to spend time with and enthusiastic about my cooking. Must have soulful eyes that shine and show your true feelings.

So….I’ve found my love. It’s my dog!

Attie
Attie
4 years ago
Reply to  chumpfor21

Ha ha, Id better get a dog then too.

ddame23
ddame23
4 years ago

No thank you, I’m good over here on my own.

For anyone interested, Elizabeth Bernstein had an article in last week’s WSJ called Mastering the Art of Being Single.
https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-art-of-being-single-11553005457

ChumpyouMoFo
ChumpyouMoFo
4 years ago

Pretty good looking, takes no bullshit middle aged female seeks more cats to join her harem. Ideally you purr when I touch you, are a good listener, enjoy dining together, and cuddle up in bed. Humans can apply but you need to meet all requirements of the cats AND use toilet, not the litter box.

Chumpity-doo-da
Chumpity-doo-da
4 years ago

36yo, blue-eyed, divorced white dad with thinning hair but blessed to be left handed. I’m a biology nerd and scientist by trade who loves totally random trivia, cooking for those I love, goofy and off-color humor, and classic cars. My alternating weekends are spent playing hide and seek with my three sons, mowing the yard, going for a run, and scouring antique shops. My ideal weekend would be spent restoring an antebellum mansion to its former glory or hitting the beach for a quiet getaway (with some occasional camping in a classic airstream trailer thrown in for good measure). Looking for someone around my age who will love my boys (even when they are being little shits) and appreciate the everyday things I do to show I care. It would be great if you want to share at least a few of my varied interests, but you must share my values (kindness, integrity, and family first which means you actually try to get along with my parents). Oh, and I sit down on the toilet to pee.

Chumpity-doo-da
Chumpity-doo-da
4 years ago

LOL!!! The enthusiasm for this cracks me up. Seriously though, I file sitting down to pee as a simple way to show consideration for your wife. Not to mention how much easier it is to keep things clean. I’ll never understand why someone would want the bathroom in their own home to look and smell like a public restroom.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
4 years ago

Yes ! Men who sit down to pee, don’t consider it emasculating and are just as grossed out as I am by a golden moat and tinkle stains on the wall !

Patsy
Patsy
4 years ago

“Oh, and I sit down on the toilet to pee.”

YOU ARE MY MAN!

NotToday
NotToday
4 years ago

As a female 36-year-old blue-eyed, left-handed biologist/environmental scientist currently looking for a house to renovate for me and my two littles, you have just given me hope that there will one day be someone out there for me when I’ve fixed my picker and put down my battle-axe. Of course, that momentarily put a crack in my master plan to go grey by myself in a beach house with a rescued german shepherd, so I have mixed feelings about this whole thing.

Best of luck to you and your boys. You sound like a fantastic dad, and I hope you find a lady who cherishes all four of you.

Chumpity-doo-da
Chumpity-doo-da
4 years ago
Reply to  NotToday

Thanks, NotToday. You’ve given me the same hope in return. I hope you find that special house to turn into a cherished home for you and your kiddos.

Beth
Beth
4 years ago

“Oh, and I sit down on the toilet to pee.” If I were 20 years younger… You would have won me over with that line alone. 😉

All the men (women too but since I’m looking for a man, I’m focusing on them) I “see” here in CN are such catches. I hope you find a woman who deserves you and loves your kids.

ChumpyMcGill
ChumpyMcGill
4 years ago

ME: Late 50s, healthy, in reasonably good shape. I’m gainfully employed but also a musician. That means weeknight rehearsals and weekend evening gigs. Its what I do. I’ve been chumped and my BS detector is sharp. I have adult children and I won’t bash their mom just because I divorced her. My eating habits are adventurous and healthy, with the occasional comfort food indulgence. My musical taste is adventurous.

YOU: If you’ve ruined your voice with cigarettes and booze, move on. You can pronounce and use words correctly. You’re not the center of the universe and you don’t expect to be the center of mine.

Bossy Nova
Bossy Nova
4 years ago

Middle aged lady seeks companion for cocktails and walks. Must have NO ALLERGIES to work, the truth, or monogamy.

50 Chump
50 Chump
4 years ago
Reply to  Bossy Nova

Love it Bossy!
Hopefully those walks come before the cocktails,
those serpentine walks can take a lot out of you ????

Doingme
Doingme
4 years ago

It’s is the part that keeps me off dating sites, but I’ll give it a go.

Independent 62 year old woman who loves photography, music, museums, and architecture. I’ll never look like Barbie and rarely look in the mirror. I shop church sales and the Salvation Army to buy warm clothing, hats and scarves for the the less fortunate, and distribute items in the city.

Looking for someone who has their own interests who isn’t clingy, a couch potato, drunks in excess or needs to get high to function. Can you plan a date? I fucking hope so cause it’s the first step.

AuntieMame
AuntieMame
4 years ago

I love my life. I love me. I’m smart, funny, clever, a fierce and loyal friend, compassionate, honest, brave, and I’m damn interesting. I spent 20 years trying to hide my awesomeness not to make a mediocre man feel bad himself. And he spent 20 years trying to make me feel bad for being awesome. IF you are going to date me, you have to bring something special to the table. Because I’m not giving up my life or dimming my light for anything less. I don’t need someone for the sake of having someone. Living my life without a romantic partner does not frighten me. I’m not lonely. There is no void to fill. I want a partner. An equal. Someone who I can share my life with, not someone who is my life.

ChumpetyChumpChump
ChumpetyChumpChump
4 years ago
Reply to  AuntieMame

I’ll be plagiarizing this when I’m ready to date.

AuntieMame
AuntieMame
4 years ago
Reply to  AuntieMame

Do it! But fix my mistake first “I spent 20 years trying to hide my awesomeness not to make a mediocre man feel bad *about* himself.” ????

But seriously. I’m tired of mediocre people dragging down good, amazing people. These piece of shit cheaters cheat because they want to feel power they can’t possess. Because they are bland and empty.

Let your light shine!

I finally see the light
I finally see the light
4 years ago
Reply to  AuntieMame

AuntieMame love your post. I also would like to copy and place on my mirror

bcchump
bcchump
4 years ago
Reply to  AuntieMame

This rocks. I think I need to copy it and tape it to my mirror.

Unicornscomingoutmynose
Unicornscomingoutmynose
4 years ago

Woman with two large Labrador retrievers seeks kind man who does not lose his mind at seeing a few dog hairs on the sofa while expostulating about his right to keep expired coupons, packages of underwear, batteries, tictacs, phone chargers, two years of unread magazines from 1987, plastic bags from a drugstore in Germany, and stacks of paper that “could be important” on the kitchen island, bedroom floor, bathroom counter, coffee table and any other place that is not a garbage pail.

Me: I’m a middle aged, hard-working, honest animal-lover who makes a mean peanut butter and jelly sandwich, watched too much Sesame Street as a kid and can sing a song about every letter in the alphabet except “I”, and does not cheat on her taxes. Ideally, you are a middle aged, hardworking and honest animal-loving man who believes in reciprocity, ramen noodles as an OK substitute for dinner if similarly equipped with poor cooking skills, and blessed with a working knowledge of how to use a vacuum cleaner. A big plus if you’re passionate about rhinoceroses, chocolate poptarts, and honesty. If you can help me with the letter I, I think we might have a future together.

Will be ready for your reply in approximately three years.

ninon
ninon
4 years ago

Haha re. reply in 3 years. I need a year at least.

ninon
ninon
4 years ago
Reply to  ninon

I mean another year!

Chumperella
Chumperella
4 years ago

My ad:
Wimpy covert narcs beware. Apparently, I’m so “intimidating” and “aggressive” that sissified weaklings have to resort to cheating on me for years with some bottom-feeding skank just to feel like “real men”. Even if you like and admire my take no shit quality at first, after we are committed (or at least *I* am), you will expect me to change into a Stepford Wife and protect your frail ego from the truth you’re too cowardly to face.
Now, if you’re a self assured, but not narcissistic guy who isn’t a closeted misogynist, you won’t have that problem. You’ll be guatanteed a loyal, loving, giving partner and a lot of laughs. I even bake, and exceptionally well. I just won’t kiss your ass, nor will I expect you to kiss mine. I want an equal partner who doesn’t lie and doesn’t keep secrets. I won’t ask for gifts. You don’t ever need to bring me flowers. I just want you to tell the truth and care about others. Deal?

Ed note: No substance abusers of any kind, please. No porn hounds, oglers, sexual harassers, or other preverts. If you don’t respect women, you can waddle away to fuck offity land on your cloven hooves.

washthatmanrightouttamyhair
washthatmanrightouttamyhair
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

“Even if you like and admire my take no shit quality at first, after we are committed (or at least *I* am), you will expect me to change into a Stepford Wife and protect your frail ego from the truth you’re too cowardly to face.”
BTDT! Oh no, there are more of him.

OptionNoMore
OptionNoMore
4 years ago

Mid-40s, fit, educated, professional mom of two who loves to hike, cook and drink wine is seeking a 40-50 year old adult male who is a king in his own right to have great conversation and to enjoy social activities (No, this is not code for sex). Looking for integrity, honour, initiative, self-reflection, opinions, ethics and values. On the one hand not desperate for the love of my life to sweep me off my feet, and on the other hand, not looking to be used and discarded. If you’re married (even only separated), move on. I got morals and believe that loose ends should be tied.