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Imagine Justice

Chump Lady is feeling a little stabby lately. This is what comes from following the news cycle. I won’t get into it. I try to keep things nonpartisan here, which when you’re a stabby person, isn’t the easiest thing. Trust me, there’s a lot of imagined lapel-grabbing and shrieking. And then a beta blocker and a carbohydrate.

Stabby feelings pass. The important thing is persistence. Gotta live another day to fight the bastards.

When I’m in the throes of stabby feelings, I imagine revenge. Actual revenge, I counsel very strongly against. But imagined revenge? Human. I indulge some very dark thoughts some times, as I bet many of you do too.

Of course, you can’t live your life in a perpetual state of stabbiness. There are other things — sandwiches to be made, shoes that need to be found, jobs attended. And there are better things to have rolling around in your head other than… well… heads.

Unfortunately part of “meh” is eating the shit sandwich of injustice. Meh is not apathy — keep fighting the bastards — meh is about building a better world. For yourself, internally, and around you, in your larger life.

How to go from stabby to meh? For me, by imagination. Not just dark revenge scenarios (I don’t judge), but imagining what justice would look like. (Someone chokes on a Big Mac and then there are free puppies.) I also draw cartoons.

Cross me? You might wind up a cartoon. That RIC therapist in a sweater vest? Satirized forever here.

In fact, my very first published cartoon was “Playgroup Mommies from Hell” (“Bretyenback enjoys a good organ fugue and knows 376 vocabulary words. How many words does your child know?) Competitive mommying drove me over the brink….

Anyway… my point is — we can CREATE BETTER WORLDS THROUGH SNARK! And maybe they’re a template for real justice some day. Or bad novels. Or scribbly cartoons… The painter Alice Neel said:

The minute I sat in front of a canvas, I was happy. Because it was a world, and I could do what I liked in it.

So today’s Fun Friday challenge is to IMAGINE JUSTICE! Here’s your canvas — tell me what your just world looks like. Be as crazy as you wanna be. Like, in Nirvana, do they enforce child support? Can you pelt people with rotten cabbages?

Tell me all about it. And TGIF!

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
    • Revenge? I know the best one…

      Writing books and educating young girls ( boys as well, but girls should start earlier) about abuse, teaching kids red flags of spotting narcs, how and where to get help if needed, and stop bs about “ nice, kind lovely girls attitude “ as a rule….
      We can start in our families and spread the news…
      I would love having the knowledge I have now, back in my 20’s

      • Yes @Elsa! I believe the pen is mightier than the sword. As an avid social media user, I have been MIA for the past year because of the shitshow I’ve been going through. I actually wrote an epic update last night to all my friends on FB letting everyone know that I was okay and that despite the hell I’ve been through (without getting into tawdry details) I could not have done it without all of the love and support from so many people and sources (including CN!). Being as it was International Women’s Day, I made damn sure everyone knew who all the strong women influences are in my life and who have helped carry me along. I also talked about one of the biggest lessons I have learned is the difference between being nice and being kind. Being a role model for my kids is a top priority. Teaching my daughters what they should expect and deserve out of a life mate and people in general is a top priority. Teaching my sons how to be better men is a top priority. I went on to say that genuinely kind people make the world a better place and I plan to make it my goal to not only be kinder but to associate only with genuinely kind people from this point forward. I suppose this post was more for me letting everyone know I’m okay and I’m moving forward and I’m stronger. I was able to write it from a good place and exude happiness, which really surprised me because I went into it with stabby feelings fully intentioned to expose my ex for everything he had done wrong to me and the kids (veiled of course…no drama). But as I started typing, all the goodness just started flowing out. And the best part is my wonderful community had such amazing comments and replies. I felt truly loved by real people. I didn’t need to rant. I just needed to be uplifted and my social media peeps gave that to me. Gaining a new life with so much love and support feels great. Thanks CL, CN and all real people in the world for holding up others in times of need and showing us how to be bad asses when we need to be.

    • Excellent – seeing you out there demonstrating your rights as citizens makes me feel like my 20+ year military career was not wasted (I was originally a draftee – one of the 5 drafted in you know who’s place – that is why I will never ever vote for a draft dodger – I owe to the 58000+ names on our ‘wall’!)
      As for revenge – I’d like to start a reverse Ashley Madison site – put the cheaters on there and describe all their diabolical capabilities – I’m sure prospective dates/employers/customers would be very enlightend!

      • Cheaterville was shut down (due to lawsuits and legal problems ?) but Bad Boy Report based out of Korea is still up and running. They need a female version too-BGR. Just sayin’. Read up on the digital media laws in your country before you hit send.

  • Since DDay I have always thought that the big, scarlet letter A on ones clothing would do it for me.
    At one point my ex said to our son “why don’t you just put a sign that say SHMUCK on my back?” That would work too.

    Bit of an aside…2 weeks ago we had a vary large, public ceremony. My son made a speech where he thanked his father for teaching him how to work hard and for being his video game and movie buddy. Then he thanked me with every positive adjective you could imagine. He talked about what a wonderful parent I am and how he only hopes he can be half as good as me one day. The difference was striking and spoke volumes. Just as satisfying as a scarlet letter and totally unexpected.

    • What a lovely tribute! You raised a smart, diplomatic, and grateful kid. I hope you are as proud of yourself as you are of him. Congratulations!

          • My needs as simple, and not about my ex.
            I want to see a slew of class action lawsuits directed against the sex addiction treatment industrial complex by wives and partners who invested 5 and 6 figures in the guy’s recovery and ended up with nothing and sometimes someone worse than they had at the start. I will not trouble you with the many details of what is done and how it’s done. Just no there are no know credible research projects to support anything the industry promises or the theories on which it is based.
            On International Women’s Day I salute the women who are my clients. Damn Fine. Worth every moment.

            • As a recovering victim of a porn and sex and meth addict I would also support this. There’s no cure for misogyny that I know of bar exposing these predators to all and sundry and removing their kids from their care. Still working on the last one, unfortunately it’s hard to prove addiction to porn and sex when all the women he screws are protecting themselves and the role he played in destroying me and my kids. Ain’t no one gonna own up to that unless they realise they were one of many. If they not speaking up then they never know about the others. Truly sick predators are looking after our kids. Breaking the cycle would be nice but not sure how to do that without being taken to court for parental alienation.

            • I’m with Diane! I too am a victim of the Patrick Carnes nightmare circus. He needs a lawsuit leveled at him specifically.

      • For those of you behind me in the timeline, what CL says is true – be the sane parent, discipline without fear when your boundaries are crossed (my trick was to stand on the stairs to be taller then them), preach your values loud and clear, live by example and ALWAYS speak the truth.
        And be very, very patient. This isn’t a race to see how fast you can get there. The battle is won one day at a time.

        • I’m so delighted to hear that your wonderful son was able to publicly praise you in such a beautiful tribute. Kudos and high fives for being the sane, loving parent. Thank you for sharing this, Rebecca.

        • Thank you thank you thank you! You dont know how much I needed to hear this today. I’m trying so hard to get to meh, but being the same parent is so hard. So much work. So not rewarding in the moment. This week I’ve dealt with 1 kid in a school fight, 1 kid failing math after I’ve been paying a fortune to a math tutor (the tutor the fuckwit refuses to take her to, and refuses to pay for, so I take on all of it) and dealing with a “i need a costume for school on friday”. This was my week. Meanwhile, he bought them a dog. A dog! The thing my kids always wanted, but mom has allergies. So, guess where the kids want to be?

          I spent most of yesterday crying off and on and bitter about the unfairness. I keep thinking, when is Karma coming? But dark mental revenge scenarios help too…

            • I hope you can trust that someday they will thank you for helping them after the fight, understanding that math can be challenging (don’t even ask about my math skills) and knowing that you made the costume!
              I look back with pride that my kids knew I was there and how much they appreciate it now.
              Feel free to tell them that, while this is challenging and hard, you are glad to be there for them! Your hard work will be worth it …just not now.

              • Thank you Rebecca. I aspire to be the mom you are. Thank you for the encouraging words.

                Btw, I was up til 11 last night making the costume, and she loved it. I would have worked on it all night if I had to. And she looks very cute in it today! I shudder to think what would have happened if she had needed a costume on the week with her father.

        • Thank you Rebecca. This week has been hellish for me with my twins refusing school (has gone on several times each week for months and I am so tired) and my precious daughter, who really needs her counsellor to agree that she is clinically depressed (have been taking her to appts for months and I a:m so tired) breaking down… this week I have not felt sane. Thank you for reminding me. I love them so much and this isn’t the life I want for them.

      • Mr. Sparkles will get this acknowledgement as well some day, I would expect. A pattern in cheating X’s?

      • I agree, it’s right up there with ” we can CREATE BETTER WORLDS THROUGH SNARK! ” My smile is so large between these two images, huge thanks !

    • This is so awesome! So much of what we do to be the sane, consistent, and loving parent often goes unacknowledged. We get the rebellious teen or the ungrateful child that acts out. He affirmed that what you did and who you are was totally worth the hard times. Kudos Mom!

    • ((((Rebecca))))
      👏😊🤗🌞😁😘👏
      Plus every happy emolgi possible, because you deserve it.
      YOU are the shinning example of the present, sane, loving parent!

    • For my son’s senior banquet for water polo, he thanked his former coach quite eloquently. His father was the current coach and had just abandoned us to move in next door with his girlfriend.

    • Much better than a scarlet letter for sure! Great Rebecca!

      At my son’s wedding only I and my other son spoke about the new couple. Sparkledick sat in the audience like a bump on a log with a shit-eating grin on his face (which I know because I saw in photos of the day, I kept my back turned to him the whole time).

      Sparkles was sighing and complaining to sons that I was bitter because I did not greet him when his royal highness arrived. He tried to greet me and I told him there were already enough peacocks on the party grounds. There were peacocks, real live ones that kept honking and one backed me up with a nice, timely honk.

    • Hello Fellow Chumps, I spent some time after my last DDay imagining throwing a rock thru the OW’s window. They had broken up and gotten back together multiple times over at least a year’s period of time.
      This time I insisted that my Husband and I go over there and ‘break up with her’. What I really wanted him to tell her was that he loved me. He just kept saying “I’m sorry it’s over”. I was holding my favorite coffee cup. I actually threw it thru her window! She started screaming at me, I went nuts. I chased her to her door and started banging on it as she hid behind it. I ended up breaking the window in her door with my fist. Then I drove off. So, as I was driving I came to my senses and drove myself to the Police Station to turn myself in. The cops were very kind, and one of them offered to help me out. After she called, I followed him back to her house and he smoothed it all over (after a check and a sincere apology from me). Of course, that was insane. I also punched my husband and cut myself that weekend, so so crazy. True story, still miss that mug.

      Guess I would suggest not to think about doing something violent or illegal, for revenge. Justice should come from the world, not from us. Now adays I believe that success is the best revenge. Now that would look good on a mug!

    • In medieval times adulterers had an A carved into their foreheads. I saw this on a film so may be fictional! How great would that be to help with fixing your picker?!

    • Much better knowing that you did great even though life had some hard knocks. You were strong and got to meh. Congrats!

    • Letter A branded on cheater’s and AP’s foreheads would end my torture fantasies…

  • People who work in customer service get a Free Pass to retort with the same profanity screamed at them.

  • I had to put down my Toby, black lab mix, last week – nonstop nosebleed, suspected cancer. He was my shadow and he was a good boy. He was also abused by the Dickhead – excessive whippings, kickings, some stuff happened when I was not home but I heard from the kids.

    During this whole shitshow, I never once made any bad comments about the Dickhead on social media. But my dog – you son of a bitch – what kind of person hurts defenseless animals. I can defend myself and I have.

    I did this time “Fuck you Dickhead, I hope you rot in hell” only I used his name. And yes, I wish the earth would open and swallow you whole, you angry piece of shit.

    • this breaks my heart, I love labs and they are so loving and trusting. I hope – and I don’t often say this because it’s horrid and one must try and rise above – but I hope Dickhead dies a painful death, ideally one where he is immobile for some of it, unable to complain and first prize goes to at least one lengthy hospital stint with a Nurse Ratchet type, someone who enjoys hurting him for no reason, randomly.

      I’m so sorry about your good boy. Well done to you for doing the right thing for your loyal friend, not letting him suffer or go through further possible pain for no good reason. The pain is over for him, now you have to live with a broken heart. DAMMIT. Now I’m crying and crying. Why do dogs have to die? Why can’t Dickheads die rather?

    • (((((MissBailey))))
      I am so sorry for the loss of your trusted life’s companion, your sweet Toby.
      Many many hugs to you.

    • Hon. I’m so sad for you. I’ve been there with sick dogs and making that awful decision. It’s heartwrenching. But that Dickhead! My God! In my ideal, just world people like your ex, and abusers of innocents of all kinds, would spontaneously combust as soon as they laid one abusive finger or said one mean word. He’s obviously a psychopath. I would love to beat the hell out of him. For real.

    • missBailey,

      I’m so very sorry for your loss.
      When exh1 divorced me for OWife3, he took my beloved Golden Retriever— he actually claimed her in the divorce decree.
      A few years later, after being left outside 24-7 chained up she mercifully passed away.
      I cried angry bitter tears over that precious dog.
      I wanted to kill exh1 just for that. Bastard

      • Molly, your ex, must have a better heart than mine has: he did not ask for any of our pets, lift a finger to help with anything for them, totally ignored them.

        When D-Day and divorce came around our dog and one of the cats were very old and I covered all their expenses and took care of them (Dog had cancer).

        I almost asked sparkledick for pet support, but he had been dragging an agreement for so long that I was frantic to get things over.

        • Clearwaters, my oldest cat will be 14 on April 1. He absolutely adored the Dickhead. He would meow at him, jump in his lap, fly off the couch just follow the Dickhead around the house. When DH discarded me, he discarded the cat as well. I don’t think he even touched him after he filed and for the next 2 months. Mr. Bailey likes me as I give him food but I’m also the one that has to give him his daily pill for his hyper thyroid. The cat has never acted the same. Damn him again for tearing his family apart. I hope his eyes get clawed out.

          • OMG We have so much in common. My beautiful black cat will be 14 on April 1 also. In hindsight, I would have also asked for pet support. Since Dday in 2015, my poor cat has had at least four (very expensive) emergencies. Our pets have always been my responsibility (used to have a black lab), so, nothing new here. The only thing that I did not take part in was the attending of putting our dog down. I brought him in to diagnose the cancer and I was the one left making the decision (surgery/ amputation/ putting him down, he was thirteen). I blubbered for days making these decisions, but, just did not want to see which room it was done in, as I would still be bringing our cat there. Well, later on I hear my son say “just when her family needs her most, she abandons them”. We all know where THAT line came from! Emotional abuse at it’s best.

            • More vets are open to home euthanasia with animals that they have treated. Wish I had chosen that option when I had to put down one of our fur children;he freaked out every time we took him to the vet.

      • 😥He tortured her by leaving her chained 24/7? He only wanted that dog so he could hurt you. He doesn’t deserve to draw another breath on this earth. I fantasize about starting a justice squad that would take people like him out.

        • Speaking of dogs, I’m getting a new rescue dog this weekend! I’m so excited. I’m looking into fostering once everything’s settled and I’m feeling like my old self again.

          People who abuse their pets are the lowest of the low and are also capable of abusing their spouses and children, IMO. But that tends to land you in prison, so they substitute with pets. Utter filth!

          • Good for you! I haven’t decided about a new pooch. I’m buying a house this spring so I’m waiting till that all gets settled. I miss our walks and his bark. He was a watch dog until you opened the door and then everyone was a friend.

            Yes, they are utter filth. DH never abused me physically, just emotionally and mentally. However, the dog was a different story. He hadn’t abused him in the last few years because he knew that could tell if anything was amiss with Toby. The first years of the T’s life was a different story.

            My momma made me promise that if I ever decide to pursue dating again, I had to ask about pets and animals. She said Baby Doll, if he’s not nice to pets, he won’t be nice to people.

            • Yoir mama is a wise lady. I hope you get yourself another dog as soon as you’re settled. They help us to heal as we do them. There’s nothing quite so joyful as seeing a rescued animal thriving and happy in a loving family.

          • We absolutely need a forum to talk about how to get your dogs in a divorce.
            I would divorce a man immediately if he ever EVER FUCKING hit my dog.
            (I don’t have kids, but that would lead to hitting kids)

            It sounds like he had a lot of control over you.

            I would have killed and fought the divorce teeth and nail if I didn’t get all four of my Danes. He knew not to argue with me. Sure, it was freaking hard because they were a handful, but – there’s no way I would have given them to him – just because, he betrayed us all.

            I have tips! 🙂

      • I”m so sorry about your furry girl. I don’t understand the mentality of people that get pets and then proceed to treat them as accessories or furniture. He deserves to be chained and bitten by a thousand rats. Damn him!!

    • Sorry to hear that you lost your friend Miss Bailey. But even more sorry that he actually was mistreated by dickhead. What kind of person kicks a dog? And a Lab at that, such a friendly breed?

      And speaking of revenge, it would have be nice to see Lab bite dickhead’s balls.

      • Kiwi chump

        Yes! All other animals also I’ve saved adopted & always helped every animal in need. They are gifts from God Anyone who hurts or abuses them are evil disgusting cold hearted monsters.

        May your ex who left your precious dog out 24/7 rot in Hell. 👿. Too bad you couldn’t take him back. ❤️

    • My EXH took one of our cats and our dog with him as part of the divorce. I was so scared for them I microchipped the cat secretly before he left (confirmed dog already done – cat was an oversight).

      Max (dog) had Addison’s disease-nothing you die from as long as you get the medications. Gave him what I had before he left to move 1,000 miles away to live with the woman he cheated on me with 25 years ago. He needed to buy the injection medication- gave him the information and had to listen to him talk to he in our living room for a night while she helped him price it. (He continued to live in the house with me and our DS for two months while he sorted through everything—-basically if it had a value what was his was his and what was mine was his….even took presents he gave me.)

      Well in a month after he left for the last time he told his parents he too the dog out to a doctor out there – that he wasn’t doing as well (which was odd because I had taken him for a complete checkup at Cornell’s Animal Hospital two months prior to his leaving.). The doctor changed his medications.

      When DS (14) went to visit for holiday his father told him two things as they left the airport- 1) no bedtime at all while you are here and 2) the dog will probably die this week.

      That first night DS was there our dog died (Saturday). Lots of sadness’s/tears on my part Sunday. Monday I received a phone call from a MO pharmacy looking for EXH. Asked why were they calling me and was told ‘we are trying to complete the transfer of prescriptions from Cornell — this was. Started Friday but we had to wait for a new prescription to be called in from Cornell doctor as they changed their pharmacy system and couldn’t transfer the old one. Moral of the story, my darling sweet Max never got his medications, and in doing that EXH killed him.

      Two days later the cat also died. Similar symptoms. Now I really fall apart. My DS is still out there. DS tells me ‘mom it’s only our animals, her 3 dogs and 4 cats are just fine’.

      Yep, think EXH/OW helped my two babies leave this earth. Thank God I made him sign a piece of paper giving up his legal rights to those that stayed with me.

      Has anyone else had problems with their animals after divorce? Wondering how common and what if anything you did about it.

  • Most of the scenarios I imagine, give me a thrill of pleasure until I realize that if they came true, they would ultimately hurt my kids.

    Losing his job, getting audited by the IRS, going bankrupt, cheating on the OW… All of these would end up with him not being able to pay child support or focusing back on us (which he tends to do every time he feels as if he is not in control).

    Now, I just imagine that he no longer exists or is dead. Anytime I have to deal with him, it is like an annoying nat that I have to keep swatting away.

    • There is one thing that would feel like justice that would not hurt my kids. If he cheated on OW and contracted a horrible STD that she got as well. That would get two birds with one stone.

      • GetMeFree, I know what you mean. It’s hard to wish something horrible would happen to him knowing that it might affect the kids. an STD is a good one!

        • That would work, too, but he is a master at playing the victim. Would not want to hear that sad song or have him try to play it for the kids.

    • I wish he would die and she would die, in a horrible fiery car crash where they were stuck in the car and unable to get out and the car slowly burned them to death, like slowly.

        • The Fucktard x actually spiraled down the toilet in flames.

          He lost his prestigious tenured job and was publicly disgraced, after which he was unemployable. Then the OWife left him. Then his decades-long obsession with tanning scored him malignant melanoma. Then he developed a degenerative neurological disorder and spent six years addicted to painkillers, in and out of a number of nursing facilities (none of them would accept him back for a return visit), ultimately offending everyone but his most stalwart flying monkeys. Then he died, alone, the night before Valentine’s Day.

          I couldn’t have imagined a more satisfying karma bus scenario if I’d tried.

          • Some chumps get all the luck! Damn that was one big ass karma bus packed full of consequences. Sadly he probably never even connected the dots to see they all led back to him and his shitty character…

    • GetMeFree-
      You can still have your thrilling scenarios, just imagine all of what you described happens to him AFTER you’re divorced but then you win Mega Millions and the Powerball and he’s not entitled to a dime. You and your kiddos won’t need him or his money and you’ll be too rich to care what/who he does or even remember you were ever married to him…tra la la!

  • Well since not enough sex and “not feeling desired” was exhole’s chief complaint and justification for cheating, justice looks like some kind of injury that leaves him unable to perform sexually.
    Also, and this is a little darker, he married and had a baby with the AP. She’s 51. With a baby. Naturally I have imagined scenarios in which she is left a single mother to an infant in her 50’s.

    • Yessssss. Cheater ex has an enlarged prostate, and I keep hoping it will get worse and he will not be able to perform, since that is the most important thing in his life, and he sees himself as such a stud. What bar skank will want him if he can’t get it up???

      • Yes! My cheater has chronic prostatitis. I went with him to countless doctor/urologist appointnents. I did constant online research to look for any possible new treatments. I now hope his prostate explodes and that the explosion makes his dick fall off. Yes, I am still angry and bitter (not meh yet).

  • Yesterday JeepTess posted about Lilith’s Law. I think I could take satisfaction from that. I mean, as long as we’re dreaming . . . that’s about what it would take to get through to Goofy and make me feel I had some justice. And/or a public pillory. Except they’d take him off in handcuffs and he’d like that.

  • The cheater would have to be coupled for life with their AP.
    For those whose cheater had multiple APs, the betrayed partner would chose who the cheater would be with.
    Forever and ever.
    Seems like that would be justice for the both of them.

    • OldCrone

      That Justice arrived for the Limited the day I filed. When I met her I belly laughed. After two years of harassment, knowing her past records of addictions, mental illness, raging intermittent explosive disorder, Justice served.

      And when the cunt wanted to make peace? I told her that out of all the OW he’d cheated with she was by far the ugliest and most disgusting of all.
      And it’s the truth. I LOVE where he landed.

      It’s comimg up on five years. It’s a well deserved low.

  • I always imagined justice would have been her getting pregnant by her 26 year old boy toy and an uncontrollable case of herpes.

  • My ex would be miserable behind bars. For fraud. I would have my bank account money back, my still missing 401k, and all my lost money on lawyers back. It wouldn’t make me happy…but would make me feel justified and financially safe. A gal can dream, right??

  • When I saw this, I immediately thought of Chris Watts. Where is the justice for those beautiful children that he murdered with his own hands?
    I’m sorry to offend anyone, but he deserves to suffer and die for what he did.

  • Apologies if anyone saw this in comments yesterday but too perfect an opportunity not to repeat. Following on from CL’s vision of the lonely Cheater marinating in his overflowing bedpan as he fades away in a dementia unit, I added that he also had suffered for many many years with a v painful disease that made his cock rot and fall off in putrid chunks. Schmoopie is down the corridor, immobilised by the disease she contracted from Cheater. She has all her mental faculties, and is completely aware of the true awfulness of her existence. The disease will have slowly and painfully disfigured her, in an oozy way, and she will smell like a bag of old prawns. All her teeth and hair have fallen out. When she was 50.

    And neither of them will have a SINGLE visitor. Ever.

    • I think disease you’re talking about is called syphilis – on the rise again and becoming antibiotic resistant.

    • And I will add an extra twist: all around them, while they are suffering, they will hear and see people laughing, having fun, expressing kindness and love to one another – but not paying any attention or kindness to them. If the cheaters try to engage? They will be met with “who the fuck are you, arent you dead yet? You should be.” (Wow, that was really dark! Where did that come from?)

  • My revenge is ex has to pay back all the money he wasted on drink and drugs with ow. Ow goes on a course on how to act like a human being, as with ex. Also spray tans don’t make you look good, troweling make up on to look like the clown from it, is not good.
    Most importantly other people apart from you are entitled to be ill. You choose alcohol and drugs,
    Other people are just as important as you.

  • All cheaters would have to marry APs. ALL of them. If there are a dozen, they all live together, bitching and moaning, lying and scheming. Preferably in one big, mirrored room. Also, they never get to go to baseball games, own dogs, or eat cold watermelon. Those things give joy, and cheaters owe a debt for all the joy they steal from everyone around them.

    • Would take a large house for mine. If I took every guy she was at least communicating in inappropriate ways. That would be 9 brother husbands!

    • All of them fitted with male or female versions of chastity belts, so that all they can do is look longingly at each other, without fulfillment.

      • No no, that might actually reduce the levels of jealousy and tension if everyone knew nobody else was getting any either. Let them all be thinking “he/she is getting what should be mine”. Ideally, nobody would be getting any but everyone would think the others were.

    • Sounds like a great punishment. Mine would need a large stadium for all the skanks (male and female) that he had sex with. Would have been nice to see THEM in the Supedome after Hurricane Katrina, instead of all those poor people who were left stranded there for days.

  • STBX will achieve enlightenment in some sweat lodge in Mongolia and acquire acute emotional intelligence, mature character and complete empathy. He will then perfectly understand and fully appreciate the consequences of his actions for me, our teens, his family, our friends, my and his children’s life chances, and what might have been if he hadn’t chosen to ‘explore his relationship’ with the Dream Princess.

  • Genital herpes would do nicely, for a start. His dick should be itchy night and day. Also, some incurable but non -fatal disease that causes cheater to have to take A LOT medications daily (he hates meds and avoids them at all costs. Even an Advil) with the main side effect being low energy and weight gain, so he gets fat (he’s obsessed with his body and being fit so this would really depress him). Also, he should be hounded by the APs he cheated on me with for the rest of his life- both are naggy, demanding and went crazy on his ass. I’m 99% sure he blames the second one for causing our impending divorce, since he is unable to truly take responsibility for his own actions. Finally, he finds the next twu sub, but she ends up cheating on him- lying, gaslighting, the whole works. Everything he did to me and more. That would do for a start.

    • I like this…but I’d like to add for you that these necessary meds give him constantly loud, putridly smelly ‘sharts’ that strike without warning ESPECIALLY when around twu wuvs, FWBs, APs, etc….

    • Zoe,

      I’ll take one of these revenges please for my exhole cheater. I’d also like to order one mind altering medication that makes him loose his charm and his memory so he sounds like a blubbering idiot. Then he would loose his beloved job and fancy status and no one would give one fuck about him.Then he can sit there and cry all alone with only his red scratchy dick, and fat sharty ass 🙂

  • Fuckup took up with Skankbag after my mother died, I had a lot of responsibilities for sorting things out with the estate and the house and also my sister, who has some issues and was very dependent on our mother. At the time I was also at the point in menopause when my sex drive was in the toilet and I’d gained weight and couldn’t lose it no matter what. You can imagine how great all that makes you feel about yourself and your life. However, I always told him how important he was to me, and how attractive and sexy I found him, and how we just had to get past this stressful time and wait for the hormones to level out again (which FYI, they have!) But Fuckup “wasn’t happy” and being with Skanky felt like “coming up for air.”

    So, in a just world, Fuckup, who can’t handle any sort of responsibility, would be saddled with something massive and unshiftable. This would happen after both his parents are gone, and for some reason neither of his siblings would be functioning independently. Erectile dysfunction would raise its ugly head (or rather, not) and whatever woman he was with would pretend to be supportive, while searching out the most embarrassing OM she could find. Then she’d have wild sex and go to concerts and on trips and do all kinds of fun things with the OM. When Fuckup found out and asked why, she would tell him, “I was drowning! I mean, I needed to have SOME fun.” Then she would helpfully point out the ways in which he hadn’t been fun for awhile.

    • I think ED and permanent herpes is the best revenge in my case. When all he did was plan the next affair, happy endings, look at porn rather than work it would be perfect. All his behavior looking back was based on the next hunt for a new skank. See how far he gets with 30 and 40 year olds when he is in his late 60’s with a limp one. Even Cialis was starting to not work when we divorced over a year ago so I think part of my fantasy revenge was already happening!!

      • Yes…this.

        Mine told me that his ED was only with me and evidence of he just didn’t love me.

        When we met over 15 years ago, he was already suffering problems which he assured me wasn’t about me. I can’t imagine that now in his mid-40s he’s functioning at full capacity without a little help from some little pill.

        I also remember coming across some videos in our computer’s history about how to satisfy a woman without having full intercourse. I thought at the time that it was his way to satisfy me during the times that he couldn’t follow through himself. Now I know that he wasn’t interested in using those techniques with me.

        No doubt the excitement of an affair helped get him off. Wonder how that’s still working for him, so revenge fantasies of the ED maintaining full force abound.

  • I would like two Pandora’s boxes please, Chump Lady.

    In it I would put all of the hurt, humiliation, sleepless nights, all the wretched pain and suffering my kids endured and pack them up in the most exquisite way just for my X and his narcissistic family who dumped my kids because they just won’t comply with Dad and his new family.

    When they open it I want all the truths to automatically come out on social media and national press about how they are not so super shiny after all.

    Oh that and they all have to stay together forever.

  • My first thought was always that my ex and schmoopie would get incurable gonorrhea. Both of them have the kind of personal reputations that make that very possible, so it really left little to the imagination.
    But then, less than a year after the divorce was finalized, the ex was hospitalized with a blood clot. His papa started having those kinds of problems in his 40s and died at age 51. That’s only 4 years away for the ex. My divorce settlement gives me first priority in the payment of his debts should he die. When the divorce hadn’t even been finalized the ex got a new life insurance policy and had it sent to my home (on purpose I think). The mistress (not his kids) was named the beneficiary of 1 million dollars.
    My sweetest justice would be his death of natural causes. I already have spoken with my lawyer about filing for the payment of my settlement and would have schmoopie in court almost immediately. Then I would go to his grave with a bottle of champagne and drink myself silly for the joy of having let nature and the legal system keep him from ever destroying another person’s life.
    Too dark???

  • Video of all of their lies and evils—texts, trysts, phone calls, abuse, all of the giant wreck—is suddenly and inexplicably projected on the wall above the altar as their nuptials begin. The video encompasses all of the other affairs, as well. The images are crisp, and the audio loud and clear. Chas ensues, but nobody can figure out how to make it stop. The wedding guests feel that it isn’t quite right to watch or listen, but can’t tear themselves away.

    I am sipping a strawberry daiquiri on some gorgeous far flung beach as all of that unfolds. My phone starts pinging as the Switzerland hordes begin sending a barrage of texts, vids, and snarky accounts of the events. I open none of the messages, mute the phone, and wade into the warm surf as a glorious tropical sunset paints the sky.

    • Cashmere-YES! I just once want Douchebag McGee and homeslice’s conversations for everyone to see…him asking her if she wanted to make a “Mold-a-Willie Vibrator Kit” with him.

    • Brilliant Cashmere . Maybe also a curse where, as they try to say their vows all that comes out of their mouths is a list of their lying cheating actions. Also every time Kaa gets passionate he forgets OW’s name and uses the names of his ex GF’s or the woman in the cafe he winked at last Tuesday. Also after the ceremony double incontinence for them both at the first thought of sex forever..

  • I get 22 years back, but I get to keep the wisdom and personal growth I’ve achieved in the last year.

    • I hear you, GB. All we really have is today, clichè but accurate. Your resilience and determination inspires me.

  • I can’t imagine anything better than karma is already delivering. A tree falling in the OW’s house? Already happened! They fight all the time? He got fired? Uh huh and uh huh!
    Stay tuned, more to come…..

  • JUSTICE for me would be if EVERY cheater had a secret green slime glow to them (that everyone else can see) so that we all can avoid them and their toxic personality disorders.

    If only the outside looked as gross as the inside we would all be saved!!!!!

  • A slow (not too slow) painful death! How? bleeding to death from the whorebag’s exhusband cutting off his dick just sounds so pleasing to me.

    Not my best thought but you asked what justice looked like!

    Happy Weekend!

  • Whenever I see one of “them” and I’m feeling all “stabby” I imagine they are one of the martians in the movie “Mars attacks” hearing Slim Whitman’s yodeling. Ya know, when their heads explode inside their helmets and all you see is green goo oozing down the inside of the helmet? All the assholes in my life….they all die like that in my head!

  • JUSTICE for me and some of my CHAMP friends is

    that their dicks get infected and melt off and at the same time they encounter a hunting accident and while they are down on the ground melting and bleeding vultures pick at their infected dicks and bleeding wound.

    okay then…………have a good day CHAMPS!

  • I’ve thought about justice for my STXH a lot. I think what would be just for him (and the whore) would be for him live a very, very long life with erectile dysfunction and the pills don’t work.

    • Actually for whore…I would like for her to have a couple of kids with him before the ED sets in. That would seal her fate, for sure.

  • Justice for me would be that my cousin would lose everything. That all her lies and screwing around with my Husband would be posted online and on billboards all over the country. However, she is living alone(My STBX dumped her) and has to work three jobs to pay her bills.

    As for my STBX I would have loved to expose him to his employer. And get him fired from his job. However, our children barley speak to him. And to this day he continues to ask me to take him back. Yea like that would ever happen.

  • For the first year or so after D-day, I had the same fervent wish for my cheater: she’d get together in a LTR with another cheater. Then she could know what I’d been through.

    Now….I’d probably go with having her first few AP’s being publicly humiliated and fired for what they did. Almost all of them were these supposedly “pillar of the community” married police officers, whom she met at all their ribbon-cutton ceremonies for public do-gooder projects. Such hypocrites. It just makes me sick thinking of it.
    She, meanwhile, would be the first person to contract “Facebook-itis,” a condition that develops after spending hours and hours a day chatting up would-be AP’s on that stupid social media platform. Her eyes would only be able to see the world through a timeline created by a corporation, her fingers would only be able to click a mouse, and a giant blue “F” corporate logo would grow on her cheek.

  • I’m snarky and bitchy, but this one is a tough one for me. My child got sick after everything blew up, so the karma that hit dumbass was really awful for me and the family. I think about that bus very differently than my bitchy judgy foul mouthed self used to. Trust me, he got his karma in spades, in case the mow and her husband were sending bad juju his way. It. Hit. Hard. And will affect all of us forever. Unfortunately the child suffers most.

    I just want her to be a laughingstock loser whose suffers from constant pain due to knee blow outs caused by blowing on her knees so much. I hope she’s professionally humiliated every day. But I’m so careful to wish harm in case her kids have to suffer more than they already do since they have a terrible whore for a mom. Maybe she’ll be the mother in law that never has a relationship with her kids or grandkids once theygrow up move on. Die lonely.

  • I have repeatedly stated I don’t want revenge (I’m not that type of person, and it would be bad for my kids). But imagining revenge? Oh, I like this idea … It would look like this:

    Ex’s parents stop supporting her financially. Her trailer falls apart sooner rather than later. The mice infestation gets worse. She decides to go live with her parents (1,500 miles away) so she’s closer to her boyfriend/AP who’s in state prison. She visits him often and they hold hands giving each other googly eyes (and masturbating like crazy later that day). She finds another crappy, not quite full time job, with her MSW and is still broke (especially because I’m getting child support for our 4 sons). In 2022, her boyfriend gets out of prison. They move in together and she gets pregnant (poor kid) They’re 41 when the kid is born. He now has three kids. She has five. They have child support to pay, plus they need to take care of this one. Oh, and there’s his drug habit. He never gets clean, she starts using. Their child goes to her parents. Now they are parenting a fucked up toddler in their mid 60s (not enough Jesus in the world to make that enjoyable). He ends up in prison for a third time, and she goes too this time. And she’s pregnant again, but this time it’s not his kid. It’s some guy’s she fucked for the drugs she got that got her busted. That kid goes to her parents too.

    Now they’ve got a preschooler and a baby while being closer to 70 than 60. They are also broke as hell. Meanwhile, my kids have long realized how fucked up their mom and her family is. They are adamant about no contact and I don’t force it on them. At some event (let’s go with my youngest’s high school graduation) my ex is there having served her time. The boyfriend is long gone. Her parents are with her as are her two meth head babies (delusional impression management folks). My kid acknowledges his grandparents and mom with some passive aggressive “thanks for doing your best” comment. And then gives me the best accolade filled thank you ever. His brothers all look at me in admiration during the speech and nod their heads. Ex and her parents soak it all in (to be denied later, sure, but they got the point). After, they are invited to my and my wife’s house. It is a lovely home and the love in it is palpable. I am visibly in love with my life and compelty meh with all those that have hurt me. Not that I need to be. My wife, my kids, her kids (if they exist), and our kids (who knows ..?) all run interference all afternoon. The attempts at hoovering never go anywhere because my loved ones have my back. Ex and her parents go back home (again 1,500 miles away) and I enjoy my life.

  • Justice for my XH would be that he find his SOUL MATE, not the first one, oh and not the other one, oops nope not the current one either…but the REAL SOUL MATE. Then when he feels like he is finally completed with the love of his life that she cheats on him and breaks his heart into a million pieces.

    So when the day comes that he’s so heartbroken I can just remind him that he once said he’d die for her but wouldn’t even show up for my funeral, that I will be glad to put him out of his misery.

  • Wow.

    Women like you is part of why I march. NO WOMAN gleefully chooses an abortion. It is often a painful but necessary decision. If you don’t want an abortion, don’t have one. It’s that simple. What infuriates me is all the concern for the unborn, but none for the actual babies and their mothers when they are born. You tell women with no support system/money (which is why they quite often they are choosing the abortion in the first place) that they have to have the child, but no help for them when they are born. Welfare? That’s socialism- how dare you expect help for the situation you are now in!! You are so often the same people who appear to have no problem with locking children in cages at the border. Empathy appears lost these days.

    Feeling stabby? Damn right.

  • how did this rant about abortion get into the mix
    or are you being sarcastic and pulling it off extremely badly

  • Justice. I am not sure what that is yet. What I see is shitty character and the offspring of it. Here is the short list so far:
    1. X gets engaged a bit over a month after the divorce, bet the family was proud of this.
    2. AP has had 5 jobs since d-day. He apparently qualifies as a “real catch”.
    3. X has added what looks to be 100+ lbs. She is now twice the man he is.
    4. X purchased the AP’s parents’ home. AP is not on the mortgage. Hmmm.
    5. Looks like the wedding was a barn burner – none of the publicly posted pictures have her with her “friends” in them. Must have been great.
    6. Current job is not working so well, she has been moved out of her department and ostracized. Actual rehab work? No, couldn’t cut it, got booted from the actual rehab department from the Hospital. Hmmm.
    7. AP (now husband) has class – he posts a picture of of his favorite t-shirt which says: “I like to fart”

    Justice – no. But, until I waste any time trying to figure out what that may look like, I will quote King George from “I Know Him” in Hamilton:
    “All alone watch them run
    They will tear each other in to pieces Jesus Christ this will be fun
    Da da da da da
    Da da da da daye da
    Da da da da daye da”

    Justice – No. I have no idea what that is, but I can happily move my life on humming:
    “Da da da da da
    Da da da da daye da
    Da da da da daye da”

  • It’s my divorce-a-versary today 😊. 5 years since leaving, 3 years divorced. I wish that all the horrible destructive things my ex did would happen to him (he had a son with the married OW while we had our daughter. They’re married now.)I won’t go through his laundry list of lies, but he tried to destroy me and my family financially. He has made my daughter hate him. Aside from that, his life is perfect. I wish I would get the financial stability he enjoys and that his new wife would tear HIS life apart by cheating, stealing and hiding money, and lying under oath to the court (which is what he did). This karmic irony would be SOOOOOOOO perfect.

  • The cheater would not leave the house after admitting to having a side piece. Long story short, I filed a Temporary Protective Order after an incident and my lawyer made the deal that I would drop the TPO if cheater agreed to never step foot in the house.
    Sooooo, I had to pack up his belongings: clothes, electronics, paring knives (I kid you not…)
    Anyhoo… His clothes got a special treatment before being packed up in huge trash bags, to be deposited at the end of the driveway for the neighbors to see.
    I sew and I know about clothes and fabrics so before the special treatment consisted in taking a seam ripper to every single seam and button on ALL his clothes. His dress clothes, his underwear, his leisurewear… Everything.
    Mind you I didn’t rip it all the way, I’m not an animal… 🙂 I ripped just enough that it would fall apart over time. One stitch for every 2 or 3… And I took special care at the crotch 😉

  • Karma is x marrying his AP, which he did. My life is better without him in it. I have travelled more with my children than we ever did when I was married to their father. I recognize now he was holding me back. My world is much bigger now.

  • In my ideal world, Trump, Pence and Kim Jong are on top of a burning building. Their only recourse is to jump. At Kim’s suggestion, Trump makes Pence go first. “God save the President!” he cries as he jumps. After Kim points out that Pence said God is going to save him, Trump eagerly goes next. “God save my hair” he cries, clutching his wig as he descends.
    Kim waits a few beats, looks down, aims his body carefully at a certain spot and jumps, chortling; “God won’t save the big stupid bastard I’m about to land on!”

    All kidding aside, all fascists, dictators, malignant narcissists, psychopaths and abusers of any stripe should die like pigs in hell. That is my just world.

  • Hmmm…

    One thing that really pissed me off about my exes, whether they cheated or were just selfish assholes, was the sheer level of how little they gave a shit about anyone but themselves. The pursuit of gratification regardless of who they stepped on to get it. One of them liked to often tell me “Everyone is entitled to the pursuit of their own happiness.” Sure. But he only ever seemed to say that when it was convenient for, and applied to, HIM after he had done something shitty and selfish that I found out about, and proceeded to lecture me on how I needed to let go. So it was more like “I’m entitled to the pursuit of whatever I feel like and you just need to put up with it.” Very similar vein of the cheater addage “I deserve to be happy!” This is one of the things I can’t stand about Esther Perel, too. The subversion of the idea that we are allowed to want happiness. Sure, we are. But that doesn’t mean we get to step on people’s necks on the way to it. If obtaining happiness means you have to hurt people to get it, maybe you should think about whether it’s the thing you’re going for that makes you happy, or
    is it really hurting others?

    So (proclaims in a queenly voice) to all the cheaters, narcs, selfish assholes, Esther Perel word-salad spitters, and just downright smarmy creeps, male or female, who have ever said to their chump “I deserve to be happy!” or anything with the subtext that they deserved to cheat…Justice would look like a curse of constant sex, but no real love.

    They would go through conquest after conquest after conquest…over and over…but no one would ever stay. Sure, it would be all fun and games at first, until the emptiness really starts to set in. They would keep meeting new people, year after year, but each one would eventually give them at least one classic line “I love you but I’m not IN love with you…” or “Well I like you but…” or “I’m just not really looking for something right now…” pick a line, the list goes on.

    And every new sex partner they have will always, ALWAYS, move on to someone they really love and live a happy life.

    So the cheaters/narcs/selfish assholes who once treated everyone like they were expendable, will become expendable themselves.

    …and R. Kelly would go to prison.

  • I don’t think I am really at meh yet (getting closer all the time) but I no longer feel a burning anger towards ex (and to his credit he has stopped doing things to trigger new anger – I am sorry so many other members of CN can’t say the same). Most of my lack of meh at this point is just a sadness that things ended the way they did and disappointment with him for not being the strong man I once thought he was. The only real Karma I maybe still wish for is that either he or Schmoopie would cheat. Even that no longer seems as important to me as it once did. His new job has him traveling 3-4 nights a week (airline pilot) so maybe that’s karma enough that she has to put up with that instead of me. Mostly I just focus on keeping my own life and the lives of my children (and the dog) as positive as possible. I think I have been relatively successful in that regard although the kids get most of the credit for the positives in their own lives. They were two teens and a preteen when everything went down, all three are teens now and they have handled themselves amazingly well focusing on their futures instead of on being irresponsible teens. They also know that their mother loves them and will always be there for them. Their dad loves them too although he does it better from a distance. I guess what I am trying to say is that as long as the kids and I are leading relatively good lives in spite of the way in which he chose to blow up our marriage, then maybe I don’t really need any more justice than that.

  • OK, bitter revenge fantasies? Can do. In a perfectly just world:

    * My ex-husband #1 experiences permanent facial paralysis and is no longer able to smirk.

    * My ex-husband #2 realizes how dumb he is … and how long everyone else has known that.

    * My current husband of nearly 25 years — the one who cheated on me for four years — develops an allergy to Viagra and continues losing teeth at an accelerated rate.

    • You just made me choke on my tea. Hahahaha!

      Mine would be that Adolph gets caught masturbating in the bathroom at work and every day for the rest of his working life his workmates refer to him as Spanky. After her retires, he gets painful ass cancer from the HPV he gave me and dies as he lived, a flaming asshole.
      I collect his pension and death benefit, put him in a plywood box and choose a suitably insulting gravestone at which I can leave dead flowers.

      Mistress Kitty Kunt gets drunk at lunch again and crashes the computer system at work. She is fired, dumped by her husband, and spends the rest of her life selling it cheap (believe me, it would have to be bargain basement cheap) to afford her liquor. She also dies of HPV related twat cancer and her gravestone in pauper’s field has on it only a single word. It starts with a w.

  • In my imagined revenge scenario, cheater X would develop deep level empathy and an even deeper level understanding of what he did, not only to our kids but Schmoopie’s as well. I also imagine he marries Schmoopie but she doesn’t develop empathy or understanding only becomes more self centered and proceeds to attempt to blow every man she works with. I imagine one of the wives of the many men she attempts to blow embarrasses her publicly, shames, and humiliates her so horribly she has to leave town. I imagine cheater X lives out the rest of his life fully understanding he most definitely traded the sugar for the shit. I imagine he wallows daily in misery, regret, and remorse the rest of his long long life. I would never wish them to die. I would rather them live the rest of their long lives remembering every single day, all day, through the night into their sleep, just how truly horrible they are and what they’ve done. I know, this is all completely laughable…cheater and remorse….never going to happen. One can imagine though!

  • This is her blog. Go to an “alt-right” (aka Nazi) blog if those are your crazy beliefs and you don’t like hearing CL’s point of view. Wow, I’ve never heard such a pack of loony lies in a long time, and I was married to a pathological liar. You clearly have problems it would take a team of shrinks 50 years to sort out. You don’t get to post such vile lies or try to shame the blog owner like that. You might as well fuck off now. I’m pretty sure you’ll no longer be welcome here after that appalling diatribe.

      • The comment I responded to was deleted. It was a crazy right wing hate screed. I doubt CL wants me saying who wrote it so I won’t.

      • Chumperella is probably referring to a post that was removed by either Tempest or Chump Lady. It happens time to time when someone posts something particularly vile. I didn’t see it either but thanks Chumperella for defending our nation and our Chump Lady!

        • Anytime, Beth. Get this; the post was screeching (directed in particular at CL, of course) that liberals and feminists are all narcs and gleeful baby killers who commit violence against poor, put-upon right wing nuts.

          Gee, I don’t see any anti-feminist, right wing blogs that are helping chumps and victims of narc abuse. Oh well. Whatcha gonna do when they kook a doodle doo.

          • Can we not make this about politics, please?

            There are some people who hold conservative views who are not horrible people. And there are plenty of them who don’t tolerate shit from narcissistic fuckwits.

            • As an addendum – regardless of one’s political leanings, there are arseholes in all camps. And there are decent people in those as well. Arseholery doesn’t discriminate based on your political beliefs.

            • I didn’t make it about politics. The poster I’m talking about did.
              A right wing nut is not a conservative. A conservative is moderately right of center by definition and would not have posted such vileness about CL and others with her POV.
              There are no good fascists. So no, there are not good people in every camp.

              • What you said could have been interpreted to mean all conservatives in general. That’s why I feel the need to say something.

  • Ok, not sexy. I would like ex and other woman to feel what it is like to be betrayed and abandoned. I’d like this to happen when they’re already thick in grief and reeling from sudden loss and illness. My XH left me after I lost my mom and had ACL reconstruction. He’s a marathon runner. I hope his joints and major organs disintegrate.

    So far, the real justice that I’ve seen is that ex married OW. She has a penchant for married men and is probably a borderline. She has just given XH a son. His first child. He is 47. They are deep in debt at this point. I don’t think he’ll be able to retire. Ever.

  • I guess the comments here gave me a pause this morning. On the day after Christmas in 2016, I received a terrible phone call from my sister-in-law telling me that my 36 year old niece had been nearly beaten to death by her estranged husband. They had been separated for two months and my niece had taken their two boys ages 10 and 12 with her when they separated.
    On Christmas Day, her husband had taken the boys for the afternoon was returning them to my niece when he told her that he wanted her to end her affair with another man and return home. She laughed at him and told him that was never going to happen. That is when he went into a violent frenzy and nearly killed her. My grand nephew ran to a neighbor’s house who called the police. Both the doctors and the police told my brother that if the neighbors had not intervened, she would have been beaten to death.
    Today, my niece is divorced and and still suffers both physically and emotionally from the beating. In fact, she will be going in for more neck surgery next week. Her ex husband is prison and is due to be paroled early next year. His career is destroyed, has no relationship with his two sons and has lost the respect of his own family. He is a destroyed man. Their two sons have suffered as well. they live with the reality of having a father in prison and mother who suffers with real medical problems. Extended family do help all they can but we can’t replace their parents or erase what they experienced that Christmas Day.
    My niece was morally wrong to have the affair and certainly set no good example for her two sons. There is a right way to end a marriage and she chose the wrong way. But honestly, I don’t think she deserved to be beaten to death. Her ex husband has said that my niece got what she deserved and that he would rather sit in prison than have to pay child support to a woman who had cheated on him. For him, this was justice.
    There is no moral justification for betraying your spouse. However, how people deal with the real feelings of hurt, anger and rejection can affect everyone in a family forever and please get professional help if you can’t control those feelings.

    • Such a tragic story. The chump could have chosen to keep his head and be the sane parent and would have come out ahead in the end. He could have been the hero. Instead he chose “justice”. This is why CL recommends fantasy rather than reality when it comes to revenge. Real revenge rarely leads to justice, only more pain and suffering for all involved including innocents and the chump.

    • I’m so sorry this happened to your niece and your family. I’m glad he’s in prison. May he rot.

      I wish people understood how volatile this shit is and that we have relationship choices — they both could’ve left the other. Instead, those poor kids suffer and are essentially orphaned. Tragic.

    • And this is why your blog Tracy is so important. Better to come here, read, learn, commiserate, vent in fantasy mode only and not act on one’s rage. No emotional abusive, cheating f*ckwit is worth going to prison and destroying one’s own life in the process.

    • I can understand completely why he did what he did, to be fair. When you have the rug pulled out from under you – it’s very easy to lose all reason. The fact that she laughed in his face was most likely why.

      I find it very difficult to sympathise with a cheater, especially one who, when asked to stop, chose not to and chose to also rub it in his face.

  • The best revenge is that my X Asshat watches his daughters grow and build their own families and he is not allowed to be any part of it. He knows they hate him and wish he was dead. He hears how happy I am without him and when he comes across pictures of me I look better than ever, my face glows with happiness as I enjoy the life we were supposed to share with them. All of that actually has a high likelihood of happening.

    Now for the fantasy part.

    He realizes the incredible mistakes he made and lives with regret. Every. Single. Day. he wishes he could go back and do it all differently and would pay any price to have all of the wonderful things he squandered. It tortures him. He is unable to build any new relationships, even fake ones, because he is consumed with guilt and regret. He becomes a shell. The stress causes him to become very ill but no one is there to support him in his final days. No one cares about him and he fully realizes that it is because of what he did, right to the end. His body is cremated by strangers in another country and no one mourns him, he doesn’t even have a grave marker.

    Yep, my ultimate revenge for him is that he simply has a conscience and has actual, daily regret. I can’t imagine a greater pain.

    A little dick rot would be nice, too though. 😉

    • Oh boy, this is mine too!! And in my case, it has already come partway true. I have a son and a daughter. After the divorce when I changed back to my maiden name, my daughter went to court and changed her last name to my maiden name as well so that she would not be associated with her father in any way in the future. She hasn’t spoken to him since 2014. My son has very intermittent contact with his dad – a few text messages a year mainly. I hope my ex hears how happy we are without him. Like you, I look better than ever while he looks like he’s 20 years older than he is.

      Daily regret on his part would definitely be the best revenge I could ask for. He threw away a great life and a great family. We are happy without him. I rarely think about my life “before” except to feel great relief that I have the life I have now. I wouldn’t go back to that old me even if I could be guaranteed there would be no cheating. Cheating was only the tip of the iceberg.

      As for “a little dick rot would be nice”? That’s probable too considering he’s been living with a former stripper with a drug problem. The “little dick” is also a given. 😉

      • Unfortunately I am certain that the X Asshat will declare that the reason his daughters don’t want anything to do with him is because of my influence. Clearly I poisoned them. He has always needed me as a punching bag and will absolutely never have any self reflection on that.

        Did you find that was the case in that for whatever contact exists, is your fuckwit doing the rage and self pity channel on how it is all your fault?

        One daughter finally blocked him completely and the other simply ignores him. I expect a phone call from him at some point attacking me for my obvious poison and my driving a wedge between their wonderful relationship. Barf.

        • That was one of the many advantages to my kids being older when the shit hit the fan. They both know exactly what and who caused the divorce. The fact that he moved his stripper girlfriend (who was AT LEAST the third stripper gf he had while we were separated and “working on the marriage”) into his home before the divorce was final was the icing on the “I can’t say shit about your mom” cake. My ex MIL tried one time to tell my kids that I was to blame for not appreciating their wonderful father and told them how terrible I was for “keeping them” from their dad (they were 21 and 23 at the time, mind you). They told her if she ever said anything negative about me again and they heard about it, they would never speak to her again. They are her only grandchildren so that was a credible threat and it worked. I’m sure Ex plays the self pity card to other people, at least the ones who don’t know me. He got fired from the job he had when he still had a family. I wonder if the people he works with now even know he HAS children! Other than that, as far as I can tell, his only friends are the strippers and bouncers at the strip clubs he frequents. Wow… the more I think about it, the more pathetic his life seems. Such a shame… *giggle*

  • I imagined the same as many of you from death to STD’s (ok I still hope that one happens) but these days I just think that he’ll reap what he’s sown and that’s just none of my business. I have far better thing to think about. When I first found Chump Nation I read every post current and past and found the golden nuggets in the comments. I wrote most of them down in a journal. Then as I healed I read and posted fewer and fewer times. Now days it might be a week before I come back and catch up but I usually don’t read the comments anyone. Reading the new people’s pain brings it back and I’m Just gonna keep looking forward. You guys have been there cheering for me when I got my teaching certificate and I just wanted y’all to know that I’m about to end my first year of teaching FACS (Home Ec). I went from being a very dependent stay at home mom with some college but no job in 20 years to a new state, a new job, and so much self confidence. I credit my sanity to God, my sister, and Chump Lady/Nation. He’s had a few karma type incidents that I laugh at but really the karma bus has hit me. I’m so very happy!! I’ve gotten the peace, love, and joy that I deserve. I hope and pray that for all of you. And the very best part in all of this is that I get to teach high school students about setting boundaries, what it really means when someone says they want to take a break and to value themselves.

  • Happy international Women’s day!
    Be we ever resilient.
    Thanks to the women and men who made us so.

  • Keeping it simple for today.
    For cheater:
    Everywhere he goes, I hope he never finds a parking spot for that goddamn car he obsessed about. NEVER finds a spot. The thought of him endlessly driving around, so metaphorical.
    For myself: No contract forever. If I ever saw him in public randomly, or he saw me, the strength to fully ignore him, to feel nothing but the breeze.

  • Permanent irreversible erectile dysfunction! x was always just a life support system for his erect penis.

    True justice would be for every chump to just be able to shrug and look at our past and say “that was then, this is now” and enjoy our present moments and gladly look forward to our future…without a single fleeting thought about the exes.

  • Honestly, in my imagined world, I’m not even interested anymore in destructive revenge (oh I’ve been there and imagined it plenty). But at 2 years post divorce, in my world I can move away, several states away or another country, and never have to see the narcissistic wandering penis cheater pants again ever. And I could take my son (he’s 7) and son would be totally fine and ok never seeing his dad again. (IRL, my son adores his dad and sees him somewhat regularly when daddy fabulous isn’t traveling the world for his fabulous job.) But to never have to see, hear, talk to ex again…to have just one person from his side of the family reach out to me and say sorry or how are you doing (I got the big dump via silence and crickets after ex left), and to have ex pay his child support/shared obligations without me having to use lawyer interference (which doesn’t seem to work anyhow). Oh that all sounds like paradise to me.

  • In my nirvana, his current GF would actually know the truth about how I survived an abusive marriage and it only became sexless because I didn’t want to contract an STD from him.

    In my nirvana, Mr. Sparkles would get arrested at one of his “orgy by the airport” parties or he’d be struck with permanent erectile dysfunction… or best… he’d get caught by a husband of one of his Tinder f*ck buddies and get his kneecaps broken or at a minimum the guy would show up at his work so everyone there would KNOW their boss/colleague is a bisexual lying whore.

  • Hello CN!

    Slowly I think I am coming to terms with the fact that a man who cheats on his pregnant wife is not a man I want! I am practicing self care and focusing on bettering my life.

    Recently I had an emotional bump in the road! I heard my husband whisper to the other woman he’s been seeing for 5 months he loves her, he said it more than once. My heart did hurt all over again! Is it possible? Does he really love her? I mean we just had our second child together and we were committed, or so I thought we were. I’m trying to understand…… he asks me to be intimate often, wants to take me out as a family and on dates with just me and him. Tries to hold my hand when we go out on family outings, tries to kiss me etc. could he love her truly? And still do all those things with me? That can’t be a healthy relationship? And does she really believe it? Like he walked out on his family for you… wouldn’t that be a red flag? To so
    Coldly turn off your feelings? Anyone want to run this through the UBT for me?

    The fact that the other woman x husband cheated on her leads me to believe she couldn’t have possibly believed the bullshit he was spewing….. or she just doesn’t care at all.

    • Heartbroken, you have to understand that the disordered like your Ex is very shallow and totally unable to comprehend what REAL love is. They usually assume the hormone rush that you get in a new relationship is love and then as that fades (and in healthy relationships develops into real love) that they don’t “love” the person anymore and either cheat or move on.

      • That makes sense to me, thank you. That’s true because I don’t think like him so being in love so fast doesn’t make sense to me, especially when we were together for so long, to not even process and jump in with someone else is crazy.

    • Heartbroken, a man who cheats on his pregnant wife falls into the malignant end of narcissists in my opinion.

      1. You are at the most vulnerable point in your life when carrying a child.
      2. This is supposed to be the most joyous moment, welcoming you child into your life.

      A man who cheats when you are vulnerable AND ribs you if that shared joy isn’t just shallow. He takes enjoyment in having the power in a relationship.

      If you are struggling with the belief he’s disordered please research covert narcissists. That’s what you described.

      • Thank you, I will look into it.

        Yeah it was the most vulnerable point in my life and he crushed me, and the coworker he’s in a relationship with knew he was married with a pregnant wife the entire time, the lack of common decency for another woman is appalling. I hate them both, they just act like what they’ve done is no big deal, I sometimes wonder how they both can be so ok with shattering someone else, but I guess it’s becjase they don’t care.

        • On the flip side Heartbroken you are here and have support. When it happened to me there was none and I stayed. You my friend will in fact heal and have a better life moving forward with the knowledge you deserve better. Freedom from an abuser is a precious gift.

  • Okay this is dark. You’ve been warned.

    Neurological science advances to the point where a brain monitor can essentially read and translate thoughts, lies, memories, images, etc. in someone’s brain and present them as clearly as though you’re inside the monitored person’s head. Nothing is hidden. You hook this up to a disordered cheating piece of sh*t along with battery charger cables which will deliver jolts of electrocution of varying duration under your control. Think electrocution scene in Taken. Except you already know all the answers before you even challenge them and before they even begin their next evasion. You literally watch the abusive tactics come into mind as they concoct them. They have no idea how their interrogator knows all that they know. It includes details so minute that it’s unbelievable except that it is real. You then “correct” them at every turn, non-stop possibly for weeks, until they give up on every habitual wired-in disordered brain process they’ve used their entire lives to get their way and exploit everyone else. This includes jolts of correction for the self pity they’ll feel as they bemoan the justice they’re facing. Nothing disordered goes unpunished.

    Finally, as blubbering messes, they are forced by pain and fear and self-preservation to simply adopt a policy of honest accountability. It’s difficult to maintain and reflex often causes them to be juiced, but eventually they get decent at it. But instead of leaving this process at simply making the cheater dance through their lies with searing pain at each mis-step off the path of basic human decency, once they begin pain-avoidance honesty you have an even bigger challenge for them.

    They have to “work” with another cheater. They must get this second cheater to come clean and become a decent accountable human being. The catch: while both cheaters are hooked up to mind reading machines, only the first cheater receives the punishment jolts. Every time the second cheater plays games with the first cheater’s efforts it’s the first cheater who gets punished. If he/she claims this isn’t fair, more juice.

    Now he/she realizes what it is to be an honest chump dealing with an abusive disordered piece of sh*t. All the harm blithely delivered, all the egocentric self-interest manipulating them without a care, and yet it’s they the victim of the lies who has to feel the pain, not the liar. Until they embrace the entire process as right and deserved and self-improving (none of which they can fake due to the mind machine) this continues.

    Ahhh, justice.

    • Love this, well thought out! The thing they are connected to should be called something like an Empathizer. Ironic goodness.

      Here is another application of that awesomeness – the second cheater subject is their AP. They have to apply the truth-juice to their co-conspirator and when that second cheater lies they BOTH get the zap. Eventually the AP and the original cheater see the awfulness of what they have done and loathe each other because they realize what a complete POS they hooked up with as well as being unable to look at their own image in the mirror.

    • I like your justice, TKO, but until the point where cheater/liar/scumbag might actually be cured.

      I don’t want them to be cured. I want them be eternally tormented and have their liver grow back every night, only to be eaten by a vulture the next morning.

      Cackle, cackle, cackle.

  • In the LONG term, the karma bus usually runs over our cheating Exes due to their repeated bad decisions and there IS justice.

    In my case, 7 years after Dday and divorce I am remarried and very happy. I have finally recovered financially and am really enjoying life.

    My Ex ? She married OM#3 and she tries to keep her “Ms sweetie pie” mask on all the time for OM#3 otherwise he’ll leave her. She is really afraid that he will bail once the child support gravy train from me runs out in a few years when the youngest kiddo turns 18. My daughters told me last summer that she has never been happy like she was when she was married to me and is miserable.

    So, on the surface and FB everything seems peachy in her life but under the surface and in reality it is not and she can hear the beep beep of the karma bus backing up in her direction in the distance.

  • I would like to take the twatopotamus’ long fake red hair, and braid it into two long braids. Then I would like to take each braid and wrap them around her neck in opposite directions and strangle her with them.

    However, the fact is that I wouldn’t be able to follow through, because the fact is that cheating, regardless of how bad it is, is not a capital offense and I could snuff out her exisitence because of that.

    She lays a finger on either of my kids, however…

  • Let me see.

    I’ll start with health: I had noticed the smell of sparkledick’s breath had changed and I made doctor appointments for him (as though I am not very busy myself) because of his gastritis and reflux esophagitis. In hindsight I can imagine where and how he picked up the microbes….
    So I hope he gets stomach cancer.

    Next is money: He calls me for a loan and I just hang up the phone.

  • I just want all the lies that he told to me, about me, about others to finally, FINALLY, come and smack him in the face. I want all the ugliness that he projected upon everyone else to be fully, clearly, unequivocally exposed. I want karma to kick him publicly in the ass loud and long. And I want to be on the sidelines innocently witnessing his comeuppance.

  • In celebration of IWD, I just donated to an organization which supplies menstrual supplies to third world women and girls. They often can’t go to work or school because they have no reliable, sanitary way to deal with the bleeding.
    I encourage other chumps who can afford to donate to make donations to charities which improve the lives of women.

    • The documentary film “Period.End of Sentence” won the Oscar this year in the doc category. Yay !

      Boggles the mind to realize what women are subjected to (no health or sex education, little to no access to feminine hygiene products, female genital mutilation) in impoverished, oppressed nations.

      • Plus endangered by lack of plumbing. They go outside to relieve themselves and get raped. Horrifying.

  • Admittedly, this is a combined revenge followed by justice fantasy, but….The mind movies of XW and OM after DDay were too much to handle, so I decided to add in my own special ending to those. Anytime I started getting hung up on their sex life, my fantasy unfolded thusly:

    I walk into our house where XW and OM are in bed. In the throes of passion, they are completely oblivious to my presence. To announce myself, I walk up behind OM, grab his ball sack and completely crush his testicles in my hand. As he writhes on the floor, I calmly put all of XW’s clothes in a garbage bag and tell her that she needs to get her shit and leave. I even offer her another empty garbage bag in which she may carry any other shit (nod in the direction of OM) she would like to take with her. A few weeks later, XW finds out she’s pregnant with OM who is now completely impotent and must use a catheter for the rest of his life. XW spends the rest of her life working full time in a low paying job to raise their child without his help while also changing his urine bag.

    I have to say this worked like a charm. This is the only mind movie involving both of them that ever pops into my head.

  • Strangely, in my case, the OW, assisted by cheater ex, writes one of those pretend-kardashian blogs in high she lays out every cringeworthy detail of their ‘family life’. So, instead of having to imagine revenge, I just (anonymously) browse the blog every now and then.

    It is the sort of window I wish every chump could have. It is such an interesting study of a deluded pair who imagine themselves to be wannabe celebrities (of the you tube variety) but who, in the process of pursuing their dream, show the entire audience what complete and utter twats they are.

    I honestly have had the best “yes” moments whenever I’ve read that he got fired, or that she had yet another road rage incident, or that she has found yet another “illness” to be afflicted with. They’ve had debt collectors at the door (hey it’s not their fault…they had to go on that cruise) and she regularly moans about “all the mean trolls out there” (I swear, I have never trolled her, so glad to hear she has some other fans).

    The bottom line is, it really is true that the best revenge is living well. Discover the good person you were before cheater came along, and be that person. Then when your time comes to an end, you will be happy you did the right thing.

  • I try not to think of my xh cheater’s current life, but I certainly can’t deny that I would like to see the karma bus roll over his behind. then back up. Then slooooowly roll forward again.

    “Mr. BigAutoExec” who ran off with a HoWorker, thought he was sooooo much better than me.

    His new life, complete with younger OW- (who apparently had “SsSssseeeXXxX with him TWICE a day! and treated him like the ROCKSTAR he is!”), was going to be a slow ride off into the sunset, without bothers of children, pets, responsibilities or pesky spouses in the picture.

    After monstering at me for years, I am finally free and recovering, albeit struggling. Those kid college tuition debts and those pesky responsibility things real life hand you don’t just go away. I understand and accept this.

    Neither OW or Cheater got a personality transplant, I am assured enough they will give each other everything they deserve. I just trust.

    All over the news are reports that his level of managerial employment at his company is being cut by 25% this year. Oh! I can only imagine how “Mr. BigAutoExec” has taken that news. I don’t know if I care that he is in the 25% fired bunch or not… but I certainly get a grin KNOWING how he has been probably accepting this news. Not like a grown up boy with big boy pants. AND I hear OW was “batshyte crazy” — WHAT A COMBO!

    His last, and only “better than you” self identity marker, his job, may just go straight out the window. OOOOOOooooohhhh, too bad4U! 😀 😀 😀
    It has been reported that things like bonuses and perks are all being shut down for remaining employees.

    All that dough/prestige OW thought she was winning away from me? She works as a supplier. Her career is not for sure, either. One year AFTER they co bought a McMansion….

    It makes me sleep much better at night knowing HE is the one probably having the sleepless nights. I try to not focus on his life, but to see it in the news (in my town) regularly makes it kind of tough.

  • As much as I would like to have him burn in hell for eternity, or get hit by a mack truck, etc. I can’t wish for that because if he dies, my wonderful pension payments that I receive from his monthly pension will stop and that my friends would be bad! I just want karma at the moment, I want her to dump him and throw him out of her house for another man and maybe lose his job, and then try to come back to me and I can turn him down and laugh. Laughing in his face while I say no way asshole would be pure magic!

  • The lovely callback for me on this post is Tracy’s previous ode to Love It or List It Designer Hilary Farr.

    I’m trying to live my own Justice, Hilary style. I am embracing that fully.

    I am not allowing Narcs or my own self sabotage or Imposter Syndrome to make me question my right to state a carefully considered position on things I know a lot about and hold dear. I’m owning my shit and filling in my own deficits in performance and knowledge.

    I am not speaking recklessly if I don’t know of what I speak or haven’t carefully considered first. I am not dilly dallying with my assessments while obvious shit goes down, though. OH, THAT’S SHIT. IS IT? IT IS.F THAT SHIT. That’s how quickly I can act now.

    And like Hilary, I’m not owning others’ shit. I’m not so terrified of conflict now. Do I seek it? No. Do I hold my tongue when prudent? Yes. But if it jumps me like a Mountain Lion I am going to strangle that shit and keep moving. I’m not going to rehash a good decision or linger over other hurt feefees like Hilary is not going to own a homeowner’s failure to get an inspection that would have shown off code wiring.

    I consider, decide and act. I admit when I am wrong. I get shit done. I keep moving.

    • I love this.

      When I grow up, I want to be like Luziana.

      Seriously, girl… you’re like a touchstone.

  • As much as I would like to see him burn in hell, or get hit by a mcack trouck, I can’t wish that because if he dies then I would lose the pension payments I receive off his pension everymonth and that would be bad! But, I would love it if she threw him out, he lost his job, could not get it up anymore, just to name a few things would make my day. Even better if I won the lottery and I didn’t have to give him a dime (guess I should play). Maybe she will cheat on him and he will learn how that feels. We can only hope!

  • Oh, in my imaginary revenge world, I would rent several billboards in The Whore’s (the AP of my husband) hometown in PA. She and he were childhood sweethearts. They managed to reconnect on FB, 38 years later and discovered that old flame still burned. She still lives there and has a respectable business that she runs from her home. Her friends, family, grown children, neighbors and customers would be mortified to learn the truth about this widowed, yoga practicing, really busy this time of year since she does taxes, mother of 4, who puts on a really good, completely false facade. She actually had the very misguided audacity to present herself as a victim to ME. (Insert scoff and eye roll here). The bill boards would be lighted, so they would be visable day and night for all to see. These wonderful bill boards would include the photos she sent my husband (some of them show her face and others are crotch shots. I wouldn’t be so tacky as to put crotch shots on the billboards. I would rather send those to her family and friends, instead.) as well as some of the disgusting texts and emails. I would include her name, business name, phone numbers, emails, social media names, etc. That way, people would know who she REALLY is and how to contact her, if they felt so inclined. And, in my imaginary revenge world, I would be parked in my car near the bill boards. I could watch my orchestration of the crumbling of her world and life. In my mind, I am leaning against my convertible actually have a 4WD) wearing a fur coat (I don’t know why) and sipping a martini. Then, I toot the horn and wave at her as I drive happily away to Meh.

  • I truly feel at Meh most of the times but since the Friday challenge is sweet revenge….oh boy !! This would be awesome. Cheater XH and schmoopie would get in a terrible accident and he would not survive and since I am the beneficiary on all of his life insurance policies (court ordered in the divorce) I would be rich!!~ whoopee!~ but schmoopie would survive. However this is one old and butt ugly woman now and I highly doubt she would be able to fuck another woman’s husband especially now that she’s in a wheelchair. She would get to spend the rest of her life all by herself and alone ruminating on all the fucked up and mean things she did to other people and know that Karma finally hit her. Teehee~

  • Justice grinds slowly, but surely.

    So many cheaters lying and partying lifestyle lead them down the wrong path. We’ve seen on this board cheaters who partied so much, they lost good paying jobs. Some, ended up in jail. They lied so much, older kids ‘figured them out’ and they lost reputation as a parent. With friends and family, they become of the butt of viagra, sport cars, and 25 year old jokes. They get sick, and schmoopies leave them for younger, stronger men. They are depressed and trying to bandaid it with affair partners. They are their own worst enemy. So, no fantasies are needed. The reality is bad enough.

    One of my friends lost her cheater ex to a heart attack. He was in his early 30s. Drugs + heredity…I suppose. Anyway, she ended up better because his social security kicked in and paid her $$$ for the kids. Something he was good at evading. God is good.

  • Another sweet revenge fantasy is that schmoopie gets a dreaded disease (I think asshole cancer would be appropriate) because there is NO way in hell would my cheater XH hang around for one minute and be a care giver. He is the most selfish man on earth. I couldn’t even get a headache in front of him without him getting pissed off. He would leave her so fast her head would spin.

  • KK and the Chlorine Special get married in the spring.

    They go to Israel in the summer for CS’s son’s bar mitzvah, with CS’s ex, her parents, and his own father along for the 10-day trip. After a few days with mask firmly in place, KK starts getting displeased with the fact that she’s the ‘outsider’ in the group and is not the focus of everyone’s attention, and the mask starts slipping. She gives CS subtle hints that she’s bored, tired, and generally not happy, making everyone else uncomfortable. KK senses this discomfort in others, and immediately plays the super-sad-sausage, “nobody loves or appreciates me” card. CS privately apologizes to each of his family members (except his sons) for his new wife’s mood, spackling as best he can.

    Fast forward two years . . . CS has had enough, decides his literary genius cannot flourish while being weighed down by such emotional demands, announces he is leaving to find his true self, and publicly apologizes for urinating in Margaret Atwood’s cat’s litter box. He dedicates his forthcoming novel to Renee Richards and pledges 10% of its proceeds to Keshet.

    (All but the last paragraph are very likely to happen.)

    • I totally love this. I’m sitting in the bar for my weekly Friday libation and LingOL at Chlorine Special. God, KK is sooo insufferable.

      That is a Great and very believeable justice fantasy.

  • My revenge?

    Natural consequences work.

    I get another job and he loses the health benefits I provide. Nanthony calls him on his excuse for not putting a ring on it. They plan the wedding and get married. A month later his implant needs replacing; with shitty benefits he has to pay a huge copay. The surgery leaves him with added scar tissue and it’s crooked at that, all 1 1/3 inches inflated. BOOM,

    I’m sitting in paradise with my Margarita in hand surrounded by chumps at our annual chump convention in Paris surrounded by mightimesd. as CL takes the stage.

  • Year later: Nanthony puts an ad in the local paper looking for a dance partner. She dumps him for an Elvis impersonator and he’s faced with living in a camper on his 1,000 social security check

  • Justice: Jackass marries a women who looks just like his mother and goes back to that job and the boss he hates so much…

    …wait…that happened….

  • In the early days I certainly had some revenge fantasies. Oddly most of them were aimed at OM instead of Mme YogaPants. Yeah – I’m a chump.

    – Send hookers to OM for when Mme was expected to visit
    – Damage OM’s business reputation
    – Send them each flowers and love notes from the other to encourage them to “get on with it” and set me free
    – Broadcast on social media exactly what happened – Everyone figured it out on their own with my snarky posts after the “happy couple” were outed accidentally by friends

    I had a friend suggest just bumping them off and when I suggested that – hey – the cuckolded husband is “never” a suspect – especially after he did a large cash withdrawal – they offered to front me the money. Yeah – I’ve got some great friends 😀

    It turned out that doing nothing and being a sad sausage that she can’t blame for anything has been the best revenge of all.

    Tomorrow is the 3 year anniversary of D-Day. I started dating a lovely lady recently. Life is pretty darned good.

    • Bowtie, I also had revenge thoughts about the other man. These were intrusive thoughts, not something I wanted to dwell on. They involved duct tape, an electric drill, and a forest road. I used to be a combat medic, and have knowledge of anatomy and how to keep a person alive, as well as all the most painful spots to drill. Dude is lucky I’m a moral person. Those thoughts no longer pop up, which is good. That’s not who I want to be. Plus, he weighs around 300 pounds and I wouldn’t want to hurt my back trying to get her duck-taped downgrade into the back of a vehicle.

      • Ditto on the OW. My rage is directed at her and less so at him? Why? Probably because she’s moving in on my kids and bought my 9 year old her first bra.

        Cuntcake.

  • Simple.
    An absolute copy of every second I’ve endured.

    I wish he experienced all the uncertainty, confusion, shock, anguish, self-doubt and pain. The shame, desolation and self-torture. The shattered dreams, loss and grief.

    • Yes! This would be perfect. Create a way to transplant all the pain and shock and grief and torture and mind movies (oh yes, hours and nights and AGES of mind movies–but altered to be whatever would cause them the same pain that imagining them with their APs caused us) directly into their brains. We’d be free of all this and go directly to meh, and they’d have to spend the months, weeks, years trying to rebuild some kind of peace of mind.

    • Perfect. Love this concept, it would also work in other contexts.
      If an abuser would feel everything that their victims felt, abuse in any form would almost immediately end.

  • When it comes to revenge scenarios, after the I get to punch his face bloody with it spattering all over the place and kick his balls up so high into his body they won’t drop back down till his next life, I always defer to the small speech from Bette Midlers character in “The First Wives Club”, roughly quoted:

    “I want to see him dumped! I want to see him dumped by that spandex sucking crotch jocky teenager! I want to see him dumped on the six o’clock news! And then after that, of course, I want world peace.”

  • In my imaginary justice world, cheater himself would know what a douchebag he is. I see the dawning in his eyes, that he can no longer just “forgive himself because you can’t expect him to walk around feeling guilty”. And everyone around us knows it too – his precious image is destroyed. DESTROYED.

    And with the great crushing guilt he feels, as he sees reality for the first time – he stops being an asshole dad/ex, so I don’t have to deal with his BS All. The. Time. And maybe my kids would have the dad they deserve – an adult. Who prioritizes them.

    Sigh. Ain’t gonna happen.

  • Cheaters must register with a special database (like a sex offender). This database is accessible to the public, and any registered cheaters are blocked from using dating sites.

    Adultery is punishable by law. When I take my evidence to the judge, he/she immediately declares that my ex-cheater violated his marriage contract and, thus, has forfeited all of his assets to me.

    When the ex shows up at school events, he is shunned by all community members. There is a special section in the back of the auditorium/bleachers where all cheaters are required to sit apart from everyone else. It is cordoned off by a vibrant, red ribbon.

    Thus ends my vision of all adulterers living in a dystopian world, stripped of their rights and humanity.

    • Yes!
      The cheater database. The breach of contract punishment. Perfect.

      Is there a petition I can sign to start this?

    • This is perfect. I would give money toward that goal. Heck I would run marathons!! And I hate/loathe running. Seriously, why isn’t it this way already. Cheaters breach marriage contracts, there’s no other way to look at it.

  • In a perfect world, my children, family, and all of her friends would break all contact with her for what she has done. But it’s not a perfect world.

  • I’m all for branding “CHEATER” in shouty caps across their foreheads. I used to think about tattooing but then realized they could get laser tattoo removal or cover it up with Dermablend or products from Kryolan-regular makeup won’t work.

    Let me see “How has justice been served to cheaters I know ?”

    Neighbor (lives in a smelly hovel above the garage which I saw during an open houses) who is morbidly obese,has crazy Einstein hair, an unkempt Grizzly Adams beard and missing teeth. The two hookers he hired were doing drugs with him, grabbed his car keys and stole his car.

    A man who was fired from his job as national sales manager for a snake oil company when boss realized he was using company funds to cheat on his current wife during international business trips. He can’t find another job and lists himself as a “business consultant” on LinkedIn. His two adult daughters have no contact with him, don’t include their maiden name on social media and have denied him access to his four grandchildren. He posts lovely things on the interwebs like “Never trust something that bleeds for a week and doesn’t die”

    The man whose two children live on the other side of the country. He wasn’t invited to their school graduations or weddings. He had prostate cancer and is stuck living the remainder of his years with a pushy,crass wife who talks incessantly. His brother and sister-in-law finally realized what an asshole he is and cut off contact with him several years ago.

    Three Episcopal ministers-two male and one female. The man died unexpectedly at age sixty. The whore’s ex-husband remarried and was mourned by many when he died last year. She lost the cage match to win the title of Mrs. Bishop to Judas Jack and died alone. J.J. had a stroke a couple of years ago and I’ll gag when I read the puff piece that will run in the New York Times after he croaks. Thank God none of his daughters procreated;they all sided with him after he drove their mother into a mental institution “Bitch be crazy””She has acute paranoia” he claimed.

  • My friends and I would sit around and commiserate about all the things that I wished would happen to my ex dickhead all the time. Believe me we came up with some good things over cocktails.

    But this past summer Karma came around and did something I never imagined. He lost his job. 22 years in a union job, high seniority, great pay. Fired. Two days later he calls me to let me know and gets angry when I tell him I have no sympathy for him whatsoever. How do you loose a union job by loading a truck incorrectly?

    Two weeks later I get the paperwork from the court that he wants his child support lowered. I go to court tell the master that there is no reason his support should be lowered. He shouldn’t have lost his job. He’s getting the highest allowable unemployment possible. Our kid is a senior and he only has less than a year to pay. I stand my ground.

    So now we have to go before a judge a few weeks later. But before we do, we have to see the master who counter offers with more support but not the full amount. I decline. Meanwhile dickhead is screaming and yelling at me in the master’s office.

    Head into the courtroom. Listen to all the cases with deadbeat dads who don’t pay support and see a few get carted off to jail for lack of payment. Judge calls dickhead to the stand. He whines on and on about how poor his is etc. (Meanwhile he is making $20,000 more a year than me and his total support is less than $8000 for the year)He then says he is having a hard time helping his GF pay the rent. My head spins. What?!? According to real estate records she paid a dollar for her house. Judge listens to him – not the least bit impressed and then asks if I have any questions. I sure do. Who are you paying rent to? Oh it’s a mortgage? I saw in the deeds that she paid a dollar. How can you be paying a mortgage.? Judge looks at me and then reams him out. Guess who has to pay full child support? That was August. In November he got a new job. Must have got fired last month because the support payments aren’t coming from his employer anymore. So now he is out of a job and out of unemployment compensation.

    The Karma bus will come – you just have to be patient!

    • Girlfriend was probably charging him rent, union job and all. The Limited must have looked good with that little BMW and his own business. Car was unfixable and he knew it. At best it would run for a year. And the business, he hated it. He wanted to downsize from my home. I said no. He moved in a dump, it was condemned.

      My guess is that half his share of rent is equal to my home. My rent never goes up; it’s been the same for 13 years.

      I paid our income taxes every year as he was self employed. Guess who rarely paid into SS and is 62? First year prior to divorce he owed thousands.
      He took out a 3 year loan. And wait! He bragged that she made no money. All that and she’s a hag. Yup, love the bus!

  • Justice would be Felonious Drunk finally ends up in jail. My ex was not just a serial cheater, but a physically and emotionally abusive addict, too.
    The last few years were so bad, I didn’t feel safe unless he was in jail. I’m so glad I got out of that situation a couple of years ago.

    Recently, I got curious and looked up county court records and he was busted last year with cocaine and a hand gun. With a prior felony, the gun is a big no no. He was supposed to go to trial a few weeks ago, so I’ve been watching for his sentencing. But, the fucker failed to appear in court. They revoked his bond and there’s a warrant, but, jeez, I want them to find him. Maybe then I can finally rest easy and stop wondering if that’s his car down the street, or if he’s the shadow I see outside at night 🙁

  • My revenge would be him being known for who he really is, all he’s done to me being known, and exonerated with my children, and him having happen to him all that’s hes caused to happen to me.

    How I’ve dealt with it:

    Learning all I can about the disorder. freeing myself from all responsibility. going to college and getting over a 4.0. moving. throwing all abusive and flying monkey relationships. learning to speak up and recusing to hide anything. helping other women. healing by writing. here is a poem about his constantly trying to steal my thunder any place he could:

    Glory Heist

    “Habitually Defiant” describes him best
    Never feels an obligation to the rest
    Wants to be served….
    …..admired….to preen…..
    Wants to shine
    Wants to be seen
    Uses others
    …..his status to raise…..
    Boots you over to steal your praise
    Never creates a painting or book
    …..but….if you are lauded…..
    He will look
    Like he is the one
    …..who makes you great…..
    …..YOUR talents…..a step…..
    …..his craving…..to sate…..
    He thinks it’s his right
    To deeply sup
    Long deep draughts
    From the winner’s cup
    Never having ran the race
    …..but….strangely…..
    No one ever sees a trace
    Of the sick and twisted
    Agenda he brings
    Or sees the truth
    That his own bell he rings
    Sitting beside you
    All of those times
    The dais is yours
    …..but….what a surprise…..
    He surreptitiously kicks you
    Off of the stage
    Bowing and smiling
    With hidden narc rage
    It’s not enough
    Your thunder to steal
    Inside himself
    He knows you are real
    While he is a construct
    With nothing inside
    A windbag inflated
    With lies, hate, and pride
    An imposter in order
    To be believed
    Must destroy the truth
    So he can deceive
    His evil plot
    Must be sold
    Those who applaud
    Cannot be told
    …..that he’s full of shit…..
    And YOU’RE made of gold!

  • Justice Fantasy 1-
    AP cheats on him and it all finally blows up and he gets to experience whats its like. ( I do think this is likely mwahahahaha)

    Justice fantasy 2- Im on duty at the hospital (Im a doc, and he comes in with fatal weiner rot and I get to amputate. (Super mwahahahhahaaha)

  • Justice would be the moment they cheated, they were erased from existence. They just simply disappeared.

    That way there would be no dealing with fuckwits in the world.

  • Justice would be that my ex suddenly has a character transplant and realizes what an absolute piece of shit he is and could actually feel/understand the trauma he caused his kids and me. And he see his mistress for exactly what she is but is stuck with her.

    At the same time of his new revelation I would have won the lottery, the kiddos are all healed with firm boundaries and I met a smoking hot guy who thinks I’m the best thing since slice bread. I give him the middle finger while I ride off into the sunset with my awesome new life.

  • I guess the Real revenge would be that he cry every single tear that he made me cry over him. Like that would ever happen but that would be my best revenge on him. That he could feel my soul scorching humiliation in front of our entire little town, in front of our colleagues where we worked, in front of our children and grandchildren. That he was the ONE that was left to sweep up the million little pieces of broken hearts while I nanced off with my Broom Stick Cowboy to a way cooler and more prestigious place, not even bothering to glance over my shoulder at the tsunami of pain I left behind for him to sort out.

  • Mine would be to hit the one of those giant lottery jackpots. I would move so fast and far away to some wonderful place that I would finally feel like I had escaped him. Plus, not having to keep looking over my shoulder for a sniper to pick me off would be a bonus.

  • I wasn’t considered fun enough (after 40 years) and cheater pants complained our social life was non excistent, basically cos he was always away! I said I’d have been up for a better social life. I was told “people are attracted to people who are fun”. So I intend to spend the rest of my life having fun. All the time caring for him has been freed up and every time I do something nice for me I think of him working and having to pay me, which is driving him nuts. My fun is my revenge, but I’d quite like someone to key his precious cars which is what I felt like doing!

  • What does justice look like on my canvas?

    I am wildly successful. I am wealthy and kind and generous. I am healthy and beautiful. I have very healthy relationships with my family and friends. I serve my community. I practice my Faith. I dance. I paint. I cook. I read and write. I walk. I am joyful and wise. I tell the truth.

    That bump in the road, from the past? I hardly remember it . . . .

  • My reality was that nowdeadcheater died without me learning the extent of his cheating.

    In life he got away with all of it – which makes me sick on a few levels.
    (I trust God to work this out in His way)

    My fantasy is that I would have learned back in like 2004 or 2005 that he was a huge cheater (with some dramatic “you are a disgusting fuckwad dont ever touch me again” sort of reaction to learning about serial adultery) and given him the divorce HE insisted that he wanted.

    The fantasy continues in that I would marry the man I married in 2015 but in fantasyland it is 2005 and Im only ~40 and when Cheater comes to pick up daughter for his Disneydad visitation, he is met at the door by a tall Colonel who can afford a nicer house than him. (Cheater would have hated everything about newhusband from the color of his hair to his nationality, his storied athletic accomplishments to his height and his rank…its a tragedy they didnt meet). Cheater’s arrival on our stoop would be met with profound disinterest and whatever he said would blend into background noise.

    (In all this, I would get my revenge, myhappy life and my kids wouldnt have to suffer in such grief)

  • From everything I’ve learned about the OW, she’s pretty high-maintenance, has a drinking problem, is a cheater herself, gets out of hard work and flies off the handle easily in very dramatic ways.

    My revenge fantasy is that she goes completely nuts on him. I have a feeling that she’s already been revealing her capacity to be high maintenance with him, but he tolerates it because he’s “in love,” doesn’t want to be alone and doesn’t want to be proven wrong for leaving his marriage to be with her. I hope the embarrasses the crap out of him.

    But, I want him to experience the full breadth of her narcissism and hang on for as long as he possibly can so that he can come to a realization of how sane and good our life had been and could have become if he had just chosen to water the grass on this side. I want him to see me move on in my life and be great for it so that at some point he’ll realize that it could have been his future, but he chose crazy instead.

    Definitely, the best revenge is the complete implosion of that relationship. His wake up call to all of her self-victimization and lies. Let her cheat on him too so that he can have some inkling of what it feels like. Let him become the outside observer to the amazing relationship I have with our children and the fantastic things that we get to do together that he will never be a part of.

    Perhaps, one day, another point of revenge will be that he gets to see how utterly happy I am with a new person that is the man that he could never be. That man will be a wonderful role model for my children, and my children will have a positive relationship with that man and witness an example of what a healthy and loving relationship really looks like. My ex will get a glimpse of how great a “boring life of responsibility” plays out in strong family bonds that his children are a part of but that he opted out of years before.

  • First off let me just say I am thankful this site exists, its keeps me mindful of my situation. If I would have found this site earlier I wouldn’t have spent so much time untangling the skein of fuckedupness. All I had to do was look at the responses for her whys and therefore, and match them up with excuses found on this site. A cheaters frame of thought seems to be universal in dialog as well as actions.

    Justice came all on its own, I didn’t really have to reflect on any kind of revenge.
    My STBXW has Borderline Personality Disorder and one of their main fears is “If anyone really knew who I was they wouldn’t like me”. Well after D Day she lost everyone, even her best friend turned on her. My family won’t talk to her. I can honestly say she never thought of the consequence of her actions. She seems shocked every time she hits the brick wall she created. She has attempted to reconnect with her friends and family only to be shut down. She didn’t realize how dysfunctional her family was until trying to get support from them.

    Oh and what about the AF? He wants nothing to do with her. He just wanted sex with no strings attached. Looks like her main fear became true through her own actions.

  • ALL of Asshat’s screen names, dating profiles, affair partners, backpage activities, and stupid shit he did would be listed for all to see. Asshat would have to read it every day, be unable to escape and deny what he did. His friends and family would see and accept how fucked up he really is. His little blue pills have stopped working and is unable to be sexually satisfied or satisfy anyone ever again. He lives alone, far, far away from us and has no way to contact us.

    My bank accounts are full, filled with all the money he stole. I live how I want. I have an amazing & supportive partner. I love my job. I love my friends & family. My home is paid off. I have found and love Meh.

    Most of all, my girls have healed are able to set amazing boundaries. 💜

  • My revenge fantasy begins on D-day except there is no confrontation. After receiving an email from his ho-worker claiming she is dating my boyfriend (because aren’t I someone he shares a bed with occasionally), I decide to use my awesome powers of imagination and pretend it went to junk mail. I’m a chump after all and I’m the master at avoiding conflict and sweeping all things uncomfortable under the rug.

    Besides why give her the satisfaction of blowing up our relationship which was clearly the intent of her email. Why create more of the drama they both crave. Let her suffer because she can’t have the man she so dearly loves. Why should I feed his ego with my anger and tears. I’d rather dish out revenge, slowly and discretely.

    I start with shaving laxative into the coffee grounds. Saltpeter, hailed for taming erections, is generously sprinkled in the salt. Neurotoxins somehow find their way into his spice rack. The meals he once used to seduce are now silent weapons of disintegration.

    Mysteriously he’s fat and flaccid. Her hair falls out and strange sores bloom around her mouth. Brain fog, no energy, unexplained rashes; their symptoms keep mounting. Renown medical specialists, naturopaths, healers, energy workers, reiki masters, and shamans are all baffled by their problems and offer little relief. Their affair ends not with a bang but a whimper and a sneaking realization …

  • Since cheater ex is six feet under by his own hand, and has been there for some time, I can’t think of a more apt punishment. The only fly in the ointment, was the fact that before cheater X killed himself he kidnapped and murdered my youngest son. I am very glad he is dead, ol’ cheater ex. He no longer has the capability of hurting anyone else. The price of his death however was way too high.
    As for justice, in this lifetime, there isn’t any. But… I choose to think he took his case to a higher court, one that he can’t lie, scam, or finagle his way out of consequences.
    For me, well, I truly believe that the best revenge is a life well lived. That means I’m the best me I can be. It also means, that I live my life with as much kindness, dignity, and integrity as I can. It also means that I treat myself as well as I do others. And lastly, it also means that in my retirement I get to travel the United States in my van stopping when I want, visiting where I want, living my life the way I see fit, and at long last, completely owning my own life. I am happy and free.
    Ol’ cheater ex would hate that…..Good!

    • I’m so sorry to hear about your son. There’s nothing that can avenge that. However it’s sweet justice that he’s stewing six feet under knowing that you finally have the happiness and freedom you deserve.

    • Tessie, I would so love to visit with you and host you for a wonderful backyard bbq at my home in your travels. Tempest can put us in touch. You would love the Pacific Northwest in the summer 😊

  • Permanent ban from internet since that is where he lives 99% of his double life
    For any of the skanks to repeatedly cheat on him and and mess him around psychologically and financially
    For his willie to shrink to a tiny size permanently
    For all of his lies to be exposed and everyone sees him for the pos he is.

  • Justice = no one can remember his name, he is irrelevant to everyone he tries to get attention from, his jokes aren’t considered funny, in fact people of worth see him as pathetic and don’t give him the time of day. He runs around desperate to get attention but it is nowhere. He has all the adult, mature, responsibility related tasks come at him at once. Taxes, laundry, bills, work, child rearing, family expectations, dishes, cleaning, scheduling and none of them are simple or straight forward. He asks for help but like the boy who cries wolf, no one takes him seriously. His flying monkey friends, AP, family and work associates see through his bull crap. They drop him like he has leprosy. He has a compassion transplant and starts to feel and be haunted by his past actions. It starts slowly at first, like a glimmer in the peripheral view, and builds over weeks, months, years. He can’t stop it. He seeks therapy to rid himself of the pain but it doesn’t work. He spends him time trying to make amends to the kids, me, his family but we are soooooo meh it’s pointless. AP wakes up and just leaves out of the blue. No word, no excuse, just gone. She takes with her a curse which has her bounce from unfulfilled relationship to unfulfilled relationship, no peace or joy. Just plain, boring and dull is in store for her.

    Meanwhile, over here in Gained life ville, I am happy, at peace, calm and relaxed. I enjoy healthy relationships with my kids, my family and my small group of wonderful friends. My work is rewarding and I earn enough to be comfortable. I’ve bought a cute home that I feel secure, safe and orderly in. My kids live by their values and they make effective choices to learn and grow. We are all happy and healthy. We have healed our wounds, fixed our pickers and share our lives with love and care. I’m in a new partnership with a wonderful man I can respect, trust, honour and appreciate. We are equals and we operate as a team. Together we look forward to our futures, content with our lives and holding hands as we smile broadly. And there is a feeling of happily ever after for real this time.

    Thanks CL & CN. All the best for you on this inspired quest!

  • My justice? Well, I don’t know but I think it came quite by accident.
    I like to express my thoughts.
    I like to write and respond to and with people.
    I joined C/L and C/N immediately.
    I also joined the great site, Quora which uses my real name.

    I’ve put my story out there.
    I’ve decided to quit saving his and his family’s face, and tell the truth about what happened.
    Using my real name.

    I don’t know the consequences but I don’t really care.
    It IS what happened.
    It is a permanent Scarlet Letter on his forehead.

    (if anybody reads it)

  • Can I have revenge in hindsight? Knowing what I know now, I NEVER would have forced him to the hospital with his burst appendix… he’d be dead in the chair. Those eye drops I was putting in his eyes before Dday (and because he had a detached retina)? Well, they would have been bleach!

  • I had a friend, a wonderful lady full of accomplishments, a special education teacher, a mother. Her son is my son’s best friend. She was killed in a car accident. Our boys are 6.
    Often I just wonder why.
    Why take this compassionate loving mother and wife and leave this disgusting excuse of a human that ran around and kicked me and my kids out?
    I don’t know.
    God has His purposes and reasons.
    But I once heard someone say that God takes the good because He wants them ever nearer to Him. He leaves the bad out of compassion because this is the only heaven they’ll ever know.
    Judgment day is coming though, and in God’s time, I’m sure my ex will reap what he sewed.
    But sometimes for my sanity and peace, I wish it had been him instead of her.

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