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UBT: “People Grow Apart”

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A bag of narcissist ego chowDear Chump Lady

I have a request for the UBT. I’m just over a year out after D-Day and am pretty much no contact with my ex apart from arranging his once-every-3-weeks weekend visit with the kids.

I’ve had him and OW blocked on social media since last summer and it’s made a huge difference to my mental health. But I did have a little wobble over the holidays and very briefly unblocked and had a peek.

I was relieved to find that whatever they were up to didn’t really hurt any more. I was mostly full of scorn and derision, reblocked, and haven’t looked back. But OW’s New Year’s post has stayed with me, and I’d love for you to put it through the Universal Bullshit Translator for me.

My girlfriends and I have made attempts at snark, but I feel like you could do it justice for the delusional drivel that it is. (I can’t take credit for any of the appalling punctuation, or lack thereof — it’s all her own work).

“We grow older we grow wiser, people grow apart and people change, not everyone fits but you are the piece of my puzzle I was always missing and I adore you inside and out and I will continue to show you every day, thank you for making me happy I will always make you feel like the best, most sexy, amazing version of yourself you can be, happy new year gorgeous, I love you.“

Yours,

Puzzle Piece Reject

Dear PPR,

I think it’s a generally good idea to avert your eyes at Pick Me Dance performances. No one wants to see the sad kibble toss. “I will always make you feel like the best…” tells me she’s accepted responsibility for how he feels. Oh sure, she’s good kibbles at this moment — but any second her stock could plummet at his displeasure. And. It. Will. Be. All. Her. Fault. He gets a sadz? Dance, motherfucker, dance.

This is what she signed up for. This is what you escaped. You had a peek at the crazy, now close the box.

But Tracy, if everyone kept no contact — you’d have nothing to UBT! 

Yes I would. It could feast on Huffington Post clickbait forever.

But, but… jigsaw pieces! 

(Sigh) Okay. I’ll fire up the transponders.

We grow older

Does that displease you? I could reverse time. Or plump my lips with pig urine injections.

Whatever it takes.

we grow wiser,

With the sort of sagacity that says, “Yes, date that married man with kids.”

I am wise like Athena. I accessorize with owls. My look says, “I sprung from the head of Zeus.”

#respectthebatshit

people grow apart

When you fuck their husbands.

and people change,

Their Facebook status to “It’s complicated.”

not everyone fits

I had to fuck a few other husbands before I found you.

but you are the piece of my puzzle I was always missing

Because you were in someone else’s box. Or stuck under the carpet. Or eaten by a cat.

The point is, I was incomplete before you. A few puzzle pieces short of a jigsaw. A couple sandwiches shy of a picnic. Several bricks short of a load. A toolbox in need of a tool sharpener.

Now I am whole. Your hole.

and I adore you inside and out

Those little tufty patches on your back? Love it! The skin tags on your neck? Precious to me! Your winsome spleen? You wouldn’t be you!

#allmine #Iwontheturd

and I will continue to show you every day, thank you for making me happy

Tapitty tappity tap. Shuffle, shuffle, slide. Jazz hands!

I will always make you feel like the best, most sexy, amazing version of yourself you can be,

A better version than that guy who left his wife and kids. Let me project SEXY AMAZINGNESS upon you! AND IT SHALL BE! Because Athena. And owls.

#superpowers

happy new year gorgeous, I love you.

Do you love me? Am I special? Gorgeous? Goopy messages on Facebook = relationship legitimacy. Your turn! Where’s my meme, motherfucker?

***

Nothing to miss here. Back to no contact, young lady. And no more peeking.

 

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Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • To think I used to be jealous of couples that posted messages like this on FB. I know that not every syrupy comment is a sign of something going wrong in the relationship, but they often put a bad taste in my mouth now.

    (In all fairness, I brag about my husband plenty, just not in social media posts.)

    • I feel the same way now.
      I have a few friends who came out to me about having serious marriage problems after I had told them about my pending divorce. Strangely those are the few that post the most about their marriage life, how happy they are, how great their spouse is, how much he is her best friend, or just generally a lot of happy pictures. I would have never guessed…

      There is one thing I learned in my job.
      The first character trait people tell you about to describe who they are is almost always not true.
      This includes things like:
      – I am so easy going (They typically are the opposite)
      – I never pay attention to the detail (They are the first to only focus on detail)
      – I trust people working for me (They typically do all the important things themselves and let their employees only handle non-critical stuff)
      – I am flexible whenever you need to leave to pick up kids (They typcially have already binned you into the “not promotable bucket and do not take your contribution serious)

      People that are genuine do not need to point things out…

      • I’ve learnt to run away as fast as possible when a man says something like “I’m an honest/ trustworthy person”, “I’m hurt if somebody calls me a liar”, “I appreciate honesty” (all examples from my personal experience). Yes, honest people don’t need to advertise their honesty, trustworthiness and integrity. They don’t notice it because they live it, embody it and take it for granted.

        I haven’t met one single person who spouted this or similar waffle and havent turned out to be exact opposite.

        • “I’m hurt if somebody calls me a liar.”

          I’m sure you are. After all, you put real effort into that lie – how dare that other person not swallow it. Actual honest people don’t have to set the stage by saying “BTW I’d be real hurt if you ever distrusted a word I said,” they just are consistently honest.

        • exactly!! People who make a huge deal about things like trust, honesty, accountability and work it into everything are always, in my personal experience, hiding something and usually are deeply hypocritical. This is extra-true when they use big words where little ones would do, sort of word-salad-speak ”thank you for dialoguing and opening up lines of communication to reach out” etcetera.

          I see them and I hate them and I no longer pretend to be nice or take their lies!

      • “If you have to say you is, you ain’t”

        One of my favorite quotes by a member of Chump Nation

      • I have seen the same thing! One woman in particular goes on Facebook quite often telling how fortunate she is to have her former cheater, yet I see first hand how he still disrespects her constantly even without the cheating. Recently I saw a male acquaintance post about how much he loves his wife, three or four times now, and it is making me wonder of course—– It seems kind of out of character for him—- Boy am I jaded!

    • Social media has make it super easy to spot the disordered! Bet this isn’t the only goopy post the OW has put out on the World Wide Web. Image control. But the lady doth protest too much.

    • IMO, around 80% of those over-the-top, sickening, treacle-dripping FB posts about one’s mate are insincere bullshit meant to cover up dysfunction. The rest are from people who are morons, copying the bullshit they’ve seen on other people’s pages because they think it’s deep. Deepak Chopra fans eat up that kind of drivel.
      By nature, real love is not exhibitionistic and full of itself. True fact.

      • Chumperella, my ex posts these really “deep” sayings too. Lifted straight off somewhere else. He’s pretty illiterate in reality!

        • Aren’t they hilarious? Please feel free to quote some. I love to laugh at the drivel entitled assholes babble.

          My cheater recently said; “We all have our own path”. Deep thoughts by Jerk Handjob. I think he learned to talk that way from his blithering idiot mistress. He never did before her and is quite literate and well read. But as we know, they learn to mirror APs no matter how stupid and vile they are because they need to idealize them in order to justify cheating.
          So I sent him a meme with a picture of a guy getting caught cheating and that quote. He was miffed. Awww. 😈

          • -snickers-

            “Deep Thoughts”! That’s classic.

            I admire the humor, strength and courage you have been able to summon and maintain, in your dealing with that messed up situation.

            Personally, in dealing with my cheater wife, I’ve vascilated all year between trying to be strong and succeeding at being a disillusioned basket case. I mean, bahahasket case. She and I work at the same place, with many others, so to make it easier in dealing with my manager and etc, I pretended all my grief was left from my Mother’s death. I knew Mom would be fine, but it was a plausible OhmyGodI’mlosingmymind excuse. For several months, sure, but still.

            OMG, I still can’t believe how backward stuff is. Well, sometimes.

            Stay strong, Chumperella.

            You are handling your stuff there. Everyone who is dealing and handling on this site is inspiring to those of us still hammering out what’s going on at our places.

  • Back to No Content, because ‘We grow older, we grow wiser …’

    Snerk.

    PS the whole puzzle pieces thing is direct from Katy Perry’s ‘Teenage Dream’ – a song about two profoundly immature adults who genuinely think that this feeling of sex-infatuation will last forever, and will also confer upon them the benefits of eternal youth.

    (Or so Mr Spock says, anyway).

    • OW love to steal juvenile drivel from pop singers. My cheater’s dumb as a brick narc whore got him to believe she luuurved him by quoting a Pink song; “You’re fucking special. You’re fucking perfect to me.” His ego went all aflutter over that. How could my 27 years of love, loyalty, sacrifice and mothering his children possibly compare with the deep sincerity of pop singer quoting? 😄

  • Really the UBT is on fire. Almost 3 years into leaving the cheater, gaining a life thing and I just spit my coffee with laughter. My UBT will never reach the level of snark CL has mastered, but I can at least spot bullshit now. I read that OW post as a huge pickmedance to keep a turd. CL, you had me at #respectthebatshit

  • Ahhhh nothing like the love sick ramblings of a fervent pick me dancer. I was treated to such delights when I discovered the ex’s affair. In fact, the drivel run through the UBT sounds like something the OWife could have written or writes now. I wouldn’t know because I blocked her and everyone in my ex’s orbit the year we were divorced. Social media, phone, texts, all but one email address. I am never tempted to check on them and the UBT has reminded me why.

    Thanks for laugh PPR but do yourself a favor and fight the urge next time. Enjoy the fact that she is dancing now instead of you and don’t look back!

  • “A better version than that guy who left his wife and kids. Let me project SEXY AMAZINGNESS upon you! AND IT SHALL BE! Because Athena. And owls.
    #superpowers”

    Oh my gosh the translator hit it out of the park today! Brilliant. Thanks CL!
    #gotmyowncape

    • The word “AMAZING” in any FB post is a sign that the entire thing is utter bullshit.

      Whether talking about twu wuv or a new diet program or some skin cream, that word = “this is bullshit”

  • “Tapitty tappity tap. Shuffle, shuffle, slide. Jazz hands!” Snorting with laughter. OMG! Every time I hear some new bit of drivel I am going to repeat this in my head. The downside to living in a small rural community is everyone knows everyone’s business and they.will.not.stop.talking.about.it!!!

    So I hear more than I want. I do my best not to listen (I’ve even done the hands over ears la, la, la, I’m not listening to you thing to get the seriously persistent to stop) but I’m human so I hear. The latest tidbit is how the EX Mr Cheaterpants is all over social media posting about how IMPORTANT fidelity is, how EVIL and DISGUSTING cheating and cheaters are, how REAL MEN and WOMEN are faithful and devoted no matter what.

    After vomiting in my mouth a little, I did the happy dance. Apparently more than one of his post separation shmoopies has been unfaithful to him. He has a Sadz. New chick should feel bad for him and dance mother fucker dance. Promise her undying fidelity (pay no attention to that strange thong you found in my truck) Convince him she is worth of his battered mistreated (blackened shriveled rotting putrid) heart.

    Bwahahahaha – ok back to more important things. Like filing his hang nail.

    • Toosmart, hahaha! I thought the same thing…is it the cheater cha-cha, two-can-tango or 3 or 4, the slutty shuffle, the electric slide-my-way-into-your-vagina? Dance minion, dance!!!

  • Chump Lady, in the UBT translations, you see the gaps that I miss, and fill them with perfect insight.

  • Maybe it is too early to go this dark, but all we have to do is recall the incessant FB posting of Shannan Watts.

    Every moment was captured and trumpeted for the world and it certainly looked like Happy Ever After with a lovely home and possessions, those adorable little girls, a baby on the way, and constant declarations of how in love she and Chris were and how wonderful their lives were. See? SEE? WE ARE HAPPY.

    But, something was very, very wrong. No amount of FB highlight reels of life could make that monster be a human and so he murdered them all to pursue an affair and Brand New Life. Nauseating and horrifying beyond words. (And what of the OW in that situation?)

    That is the extreme obviously but it is always wise to look at such over-the-top declarations of passion, perfection, and the PLEADING quality of her post as being a serious sign that something is very, very wrong in paradise. Maybe not murder in this case but the X Asshat is clearly tuning up the band to get some serious pick-me-polka going with the twat.

    • I don’t want to go too far into it and hijack today’s post, but I definitely agree there needs to be some conversation around this. The realization that I loved a projection as opposed to a real human being, coupled with the knowledge that cheater was capable of such horrific acts of harm against me, has kept me up on way too many nights wondering if I could have been Shanann. I can’t be the only one in CN ruminating on this.

      • Every time I read a pregnant woman writing about her husband admitting he is not sure he wants to stay married or even be a father I think of Shanann Watts, Stacy Peterson or Carol Stuart(Boston years ago). They all married good-looking middle-class men. Every one of those men had the entire world fooled. They were sociopaths and murdered their wives to get rid of the babies. Sociopaths and narcissists do not want to be responsible for a human being for the next 18 years. When someone says they don’t want children believe them. In fact that fits right in with Maya Angelou. Believe them and run like hell.

      • Me too! The undercover gay/bisexual exhusband. Now the exboyfriend that wanted to break up with me but thought I was too fragile. Couldn’t stay friends as he flipped to this cold , mean, disrespectful passive aggressive person. In both cases I was gobsmacked and found myself asking “WHO are you?”

      • I have been ruminating about this same thing since his first news interview. My ex is a lot like Chris Watts. He’s a “nice guy”. Very calm, quiet spoken and pretty much everyone thinks well of him.

        The last time we had sex (post D-day), he wrapped his hands around my neck. I did not know at the time he was already planning divorce and The Divorce Letter would be read to me a few days later. He did not choke me, but he did put his hands around my neck and he never ever did that before. I didn’t think much about it at the time and forgot about it until Shannon was killed by her husband with his hands. The memory of our last time having sex came back to me and I got chills/goosebumps on the back of my neck.

        Is my ex capable of murder? After all the horrible things he did to me behind my back –cheating, lying and the lie-filled smear campaign he started about me months before I even knew he wanted to leave me for his whore — I’m 100% convinced he’s capable of just about anything to protect his image/mask of being the wonderful, nice guy, Christian man.

        • Yup. Now that I know my ex is planning a CNC kidnapping and gang rape of one of his current partners, I count myself lucky to have gotten away from him, physically unscathed, after 11 years of marriage. He has the same athletic good looks as Chris Watts, but he is smarter and more confident.

            • CNC means “consensual nonconsent.” That means, at least in theory, that this would be a make-believe game with adults. As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, the police will not care.

    • Shannan Watts had a business that depended on having an online brand- her social media postings were advertising for her business, which she had expanded very successfully despite having two small children at home. They needed her income, they had had major financial issues in the past.She believed in what she was posting when she put it up, she thought she had a loving husband, and she adored her kids.Shannan Watts was so beloved by her friends that they reported her missing within eight hours of her death, becausethey were so worried she wouldnt answer her phone. So her social media profile was not all a big lie. She had beautiful kids, she loved her kids and did activities with them and she had awesome friends. And I am so fucking sorry for her.

  • “No more peeking.”

    At another site I told a young lady who was overcome by sadz about her ex-girlfriends’ Facebook posts that “no contact” meant “no contact”. She created a second account to call me a bully and other names. She said that looking at Facebook posts wasn’t covered by NC. I disagree.

    Look, I get that there are stages to this thing. We’re hurting and looking for a reason why. Think of a reason why. We were sick and couldn’t provide what was needed? We got pregnant and started carrying extra weight? The OPP was just magical and like some will o’ the wisp our others just had to chase it down? These things don’t ring true. The only “why” is that whoever hurt us did not love us enough to say, “I am being a jerk. I need to stop this NOW.” I know it’s difficult, but can we stop shooting ourselves in the foot, please?

    • For me, NC means no physical contact but I also expand it to include pain shopping. Pain shopping is peeking, it’s searching the web for info, it’s asking Switzerland friends – it’s anything to find out what going on in the life of the ex. I’ve tried to stop all of that for my mental health. Almost 11 month out of the shit show and 8 months from divorce, I can say that my urge to know has diminished greatly. I just keep going back to “Trust that they suck”.

  • I peek sometimes just to feel better. D-Day flatterfuck has this description on her Instagram: “Mother, woman, daughter, lawyer, IT specialist, teacher, marathon runner, triathlete. Whew!”

    • Wonder what the “IT” in specialist stands for in her case? Icky Turd Specialist? Infected Twat Specialist? Incorrigible Tramp Specialist? Anyway, she can run all she wants but she’ll never be able to outrun her disgustingness.

    • Eeeew. So narky. My cheater created a secret account just to follow his skank. He described himself as; “Husband, father, data analyst, lover of fine vodka, and most important of all, one lucky guy”. He meant lucky to have HER and couldn’t resist a covert put-down of his wife and kids by including us and making her “most important”.
      They suck donkey balls.

  • LOL

    I was just telling my lady friend this morning how we’re like two pieces of a puzzle. Now I’ll need to change that up 😀

    We’ve been dating for a bit. Not too long but long enough to know that we’ve developing feelings for each other. I’ve met her mother and we’ve told a few good friends and family that things are good. Nothing posted anywhere beyond anonymous blogs until we’re sure. Both of us well out of our former marriages and with supportive friends and family encouraging us to “get out there”.

    It did make me think though about the differences between “twu wuv” and a healthy relationship. I do think that at the beginning that a certain amount of “pick me” is natural – but both of us are very clear that we are comfortable with who we are and don’t expect the other to change. If we fit, then we fit. And if we don’t, we won’t. Move that puzzle piece to the other pile in that case. I do like how everything feels so normal and natural – but on the other hand that’s how I felt with Mme YogaPants for almost our whole marriage. And I also believe that any relationship requires continuous work to keep it healthy. Just like my flower beds. Got to pull those weeds and trim the weigela.

    I’m a big fan of something called the IgNobel Prizes. Science that makes you laugh and then makes you think. This is snark that has made me laugh and also makes me think.

    Thanks for that

    BT

    • Congrats on moving on bow tie. I wish all good things for you whether with or without a new relationship. (((Hugs)))

  • I love it! I wonder how sugarclit will feel when he’s caught with the his newest one – I’m betting she won’t feel ‘puzzled’!

  • Why do we recognize this as a pick me dance? Because we were all trying to do the same back when we were still dancing. “Let me prove how much I love you so you’ll know how special I am and won’t leave me for the next shiny thing that comes along”. It didn’t work for us and it won’t work for the APs either. It will never be enough.

  • Just a different take:

    A while ago my husband left me for another woman. He moved her into the penthouse across from my townhouse, and they would sit at the kitchen table, with a full glass wall, and talk for hours, right in front of me. Then they’d turn off the lights, walk through the living room to the bedroom, and she would go, stand by the window and hit the button to release the blinds, and they would slowly descend… My brother called to check on me, and I said, “I can’t take myself away from the window.” He said, “Good. You need to keep watching.” I said, “Whaaaaaa?” And he said, “Yeah, or else you won’t believe it’s happening. It’s too terrible for anyone’s psyche. You have to see it to believe it.”

    Who knows? Maybe he was right. I’m so over it…

    • LightHeart–I’m sorry you had to witness that. The upside is that the crappy behavior of cheaters and their APs, even after they’ve “won” each other is the best way to detach emotionally from them. They are bankrupt in empathy.

    • I agree. I blocked him from social media but a friend sends me updates that I may find relevant. Apparently, he cheated on the tru wuv schmoopie he left me for (with a gf of that schmoopie) and that relationship is over. Subsequently, he has gone through at least 3 more relationships since – 1 or more per year, not including what he can manage on the side of those. Disgusting yes, but certainly freeing for me as I now see the depth of his fuckedupness (sp?) #meh

  • Remember always that FB and social media is a stage for impression management that the disordered cannot resist. If you looked at my Ex’s FB posts, all is wonderful in her World with birds singing and she has the ultimate love with OM#3.
    My kiddos that live with them tell another story.

    This post reminds me of a lady I worked with a few years ago. She was single and good looking and had this fabulous romance with a high priced attorney in town. He was “technically” married but he was “separated” according to her (funny that he still lived with his wife and kids too). Anyway she works on him for a few years and he agrees to leave his wife and kids for her. You hear over the cube wall the most sickly sweet talk between them (and the sickly sweet FB posts) and she plans this huge expensive wedding. I remember a friend of hers at work asked her “aren’t you afraid that if he’d cheat on his wife then he’d cheat on you” ?
    She said “that’s ridiculous, he LOVES me and would NEVER do that” !!

    So she has the big wedding but gripes that she has to sign a prenup first and then he buys her a fancy car, new jewelry, expensive vacations, etc. She gripes all the time about his kids visiting messing up HER house and being “little brats– I hate them”.

    Well 2 years later and they start arguing and he “works late” a lot and sometimes doesn’t come home for a few days. She has a Dday and he tells her to pack her stuff and get out of his house because he was divorcing her and new schmoopie is moving in.

    Oh and that preneup means she doesn’t pass Go or collect $200. The crazy thing is that she was devastated and had to go to therapy over his “betrayal” even though she had been the OW for years !!

    Never trust the image management of people of FB and in public, it is often total BS.

      • I know and I’ll never understand the thinking of OW/OM.
        The thing is that if you could have seen their FB posts, they had the perfect life and love right up until he kicked her out the door then mysteriously all of her old posts disappeared.

        I know that chumps during and after the divorce can’t help but spy on their Ex’s social media and it brings more pain thinking that the cheater and scmoopie destroyed their lives and are happy and having a good time while the poor chump is suffering. The thing is that most of that is just impression management and NOT true.

      • I love that comment and a happy ending!!! yes, you reap what you sow, and you lose em how you git em… so they say!

    • I know of a couple that pretty much has this same story. She was the OW, pursued the hell out of him and he did leave his wife and ended up married to her. Shortly after the wedding he started the devalue phase.She hung on for dear life but didn’t matter. In the end he dumped her for an OW. He didn’t just dump her he set her up and had her arrested. They had recently purchased a high end home in FL and she had to leave the marital residence. She had to go back up north to live with her mother in a tiny cottage. All the while posting on facebook what a narcissist and sociopath he is and how she got so screwed over. I guess when he left his first wife for her it was AOK but when he dumped her he was apparently insane.

  • Gah, nothing makes my eye twitch more than hearing…..”We grew apart”. Obviously! Fucking someone other than your spouse will definitely cause this. It’s one of the lamest excuses for I just wanted to fuck someone else and I didn’t care about the destruction it would cause.

    • I agree with your post.
      This comment always makes me vomit.
      It is bullshit. If you purposefully run off with another women just because your own wife does not meet your needs. It essentially means that you never intended to have a true partnership. Otherwise your first step would be to try and rekindle things with your spouse with all your means and efforts available to you.

      The fact that you feel your needs need to be prioritized before addressing anything in the relationship itself is a true sign that you are a selfish jerk. Growing apart my ass.

      • Truth. It’s real easy to grow apart when another woman’s 😺 is wedged between a cheater and his wife.

        “We grew apart” is right up there with “we just communicate differently”

        Yep. I’m honest and say what I mean, and expect the same. Cheater lies and gaslights on the regular. Def different communication “styles”.

        • My ex told our ‘marriage’ counselor that he was telling everyone we were splitting up because we ‘argued about sex.’ Dude, you cheated, and then we argued, and then you cheated again, so I threw you out. When we were married, I thought I was so lucky to have such a wonderful husband and father for my children. Puke. What a chump.

        • Fearful&clothing

          We’re separated

          Code for she’s in the kitchen, dealing with the kids, at work, on the other side of the bathroom door or there’s this space between us in bed.

    • My ex’s OW was German so I found this version of ‘people grow apart’ in an email she sent to him: ‘The German expression of ‘Life Period Companion’ is very good. People change, even with the same interests, so sometime people don’t suit other people any more.’
      I love the idea that in German there is a special word for OWs to use in order to express their contempt for a long-lasting marriage.

      • It is a long shot but is her name Katja?
        My Australian love rat had an online German whore. Don’t be fooled people they do jump on a plane and meet up.

        • Ha! My husband has a German whore, as well.

          My husband is a walking cliché, actually. He:
          -Is balding;
          -Bought himself a Porsche;
          -Was/is uninvolved with our children and home life;
          -Started working out and lost a lot of weight;
          -Bought himself a new wardrobe;
          -“Worked late” nightly;
          -Had many “business trips” and barely enough vacation time for an annual family trip;
          -Started trimming his ear and nose hair;
          -Demanded our family make an unnecessary move to an expensive, showy, oversized house in the suburbs (I discovered the cheating less than 2.5 years later);
          -Adopted a dog (that he promptly abandoned with me 10 months later upon my discovering his affairs and kicking him out);
          -Was secretly diagnosed with ED and had a Cialis prescription reserved only for his extramarital lovers;
          -Purchased himself a burner iPhone in the same model and with the exact same cover as his work iPhone so that the phones were indistinguishable to me;
          -Hid affair evidence in the garage; and
          -Had a German whore who he promptly moved from Germany (where she, as a 37 year old woman, was still living with her parents) and into his new Beverly Hills bachelor pad.

          He can keep all of the above (except for the dog!). Life is so much better without a cheater.

    • Same here. My ex is telling people “we grew apart” and “we had different priorities in life”. Yeah, fidelity was one of my priorities, not his. Therefore, “we grew apart” because he was giving his attention to other women (yes, plural). Ugh.

      • My response would be “That’s what happens to a marriage when the husband/wife can’t be faithful.”

    • I just received an email from the ex with the whole “we grew apart” B.S. He believes I’m upset with him about the divorce. Absolutely no clue about the fact I’m NC/grey rock because of the abuse and massive betrayal. Nope it’s got to be about the divorce. Centrality with this idiot. Glad to be away. Another 5 years and then 100% block!

  • Jazz Hands- HOWL

    Can we collectively push FB to add the relationship status:
    Potemkin Village?

  • Hilarious as always!!

    The OW’s post reminded me of what the OW wrote to my ex back in the day: “I am your queen and you are my king.”

    Gag. Royalty at its best.

    • Cloud…yep. Mine’s was OW was a princess and he was a dragon warrior cause he was so full of strength when they screwed. Princess 👑 and dragon 🐉 emojis. 56 years old! This was the same man who fell asleep in his easy chair (when he was home), snored like a chainsaw and was just “exhausted from work”.

      You can’t make this stuff up. Good riddance!

  • At the time I was to stupid and in denial to understand. But when she called for a separation, I noted a lot of daily FB post. In my denial, I tried to twist it that she was messaging me. Turned out she was doing the pick me dance for her ex bf! Turns out he had dumped her. It’s funny now to look at. There was some real jewels posted up!

    • Yes. It’s faux prose- fauxrose.
      Nothing says eternal love like memorialized ignorance on FB.
      Cheaters and grammar- “we grew apart”.

    • What is more romantic than a babbling, run-on sentence?

      Maybe she was liquored up. Maybe he was giving her a sulkz and she is pleading the pick me. Maybe she lacks editing skills. What a prize.

    • Please don’t put down us poor grammar users. When I was in a creative writing class in college my professor asked me where I was when grammar was taught. When I ask him why he said he it was obviously I had never been introduced to commas. It made me so self-conscious that I put commas in too many places. Also, I don’t do perfect with spelling. When Siri came along I was thrilled because I know Siri can spell. The sad problem is I’m Southern and Siri understands nothing I say. When I proofread and try to clean up there is no help because Siri has mangled my sentences. I can’t even decide what I said anymore. For those of you that are purest we are the ones that drive you crazy and we apologize. The royal “we”.

      • That one hits a nerve with me as well. Ex complained that I didn’t proofread my texts before I sent them and that made me look stupid. I guess that was reason enough to cheat with Schmoopie who has such perfect grammar that she corrects his texts which was apparently a turn on for him. Talk about self conscious.

        • You think he’s been cheating when really, they’re just good friends exchanging opinions on the grammar.

        • If you all are insecure about it, do something about it. I still watch you tube videos on a weekly basis for grammar and punctuation. Today I was posting in a networking group and watched a video on how to use whomever/whoever. What does CL always say? You have agency. Being that this blog is the epitome of breaking the habit of codependency maybe a first step would be to take your future education in your own hands and learn. This really isn’t not a topic to ask someone to be sensitive over IMO. That said, I had no intention of hurting anyone – just snarking at the AP.

          • It generally wasn’t lack of education so much as responding quickly on a cell phone screen and not proofing before hitting send as I was usually up to my eyeballs at work when he’d text. If I waited until after work, I was ignoring him, didn’t love him, and he wasn’t a priority. Not taking the time to proof and correct my texts to him also proved I didn’t love him, apparently.

      • I have a horrible grammar hang up. I have a friend that calls me Captain Correction or Grammar Girl when I get too far out of control. I don’t ever make any assunptions about others intellectual ability based on it though. I just recognize it as an annoying quirk of my own. And I make plenty of typos of my own. Trust me They drive me berserk. If you hear people criticizing Your grammar, shrug them off. They are probably just a nut job like me and no one to feel intimidated or looked down on by.

  • My cheater ex’s version of “we grew apart” was “we’re very different people,” which is what he told anyone who would listen. Apparently I hid my true nature from him until we had been married for ten years, and this forced him to cheat. Might have been depression, but don’t look too closely because that would mean you would have to actually be a supportive partner and attempt to help someone instead of just checking out and screwing bar whores… And yes, we are very different people, because he thinks it’s okay to lie and cheat, and I don’t.

    • I got “relationships change.” They certainly do when there are more than two people in them. They change when one partner is living a double life. They change when one partner’s hobby is sucking dick in a parked car.

      • LOL!!!

        Soo flipping funny, but not funny when you are the chump. I got the “we just grew apart” at one point too, but now, since I was the one to file, it is ALL MY FAULT.

        The first D-Day was over 3 years ago, we’ve been divorced for 9 months. this is the text I received from him YESTERDAY:

        “Remember you made the choice to get divorced, destroyed our family and our kids. All future social events will be impacted by your decision and hostility. Maybe once you are over being angry it will change. Hopefully you are getting help.”

        Of course, I did not reply. I am going complete NC after our youngest goes to college in the fall. Cheaters can all fuck off.

        • And full disclosure, this was out of the blue, I rarely initiate contact with him, and if I do it is only about the kids. And I don’t see him or email or communicate with him at all. I don’t talk shit about him with the kids or anything. When he says I am being hostile and angry it’s because I won’t talk to him and I don’t want to be friends with him. That’s hostile and angry to him – WTF.

          • What a jerk. That is what you should be writing to HIM. If he cheated, he destroyed your family. Period. I hate blame shifters and even more, people who say “You need to be accountable for your part in the failed marriage.” Yup. I didn’t mop the kitchen floor often enough and he was a serial cheater. Clearly we both bear some responsibility.

            My ex asked me yesterday for ways to help the OW feel more welcome when he brings her to visit next month to see the kids. (We live in different states.) Like wtf!? I’m supposed to help her feel welcomed?

            Do they have brains? Or just empty space between their ears?

            • “You know what would make her feel welcome? Not introducing her to the kids, that’s what. Fuck her and her “needs”. She isn’t their mother so she can fuck right off”

              I of course would not actually say that, but would be certainly thinking it.

        • That text reads as “I am an abject attention whore, I’m not getting attention from elsewhere so I will boomerang back onto you again for ego kibbles, and I will also try to make you feel like shit in the process because it is all about me and my needs, nobody else matters. I am a sanctimonious piece of shit and are better than you, and I will project my shitty behaviour onto you and pretend that it is actually you who does it instead”.

          It’s seeing shit like this which makes me realise that it was never us who were the problem.

  • I remember reading Anthony Bourdain’s book, “Kitchen Confidential” and the very flowery dedication to his wife. I commented to a friend that it was over-the-top and I bet he was trying to paper over problems.

    I don’t know if he cheated on her or not (I’m pretty certain he did, with wife #2), but they did split up and he wrote some nasty things about her afterwards. That she had a great education but never worked, that she was an addict (talk about the pot calling the kettle black!), etc.

    So while I think it’s very sad that he killed himself and I REALLY feel badly for his daughter, that dedication was the publishing equivalent of a too-good-to-be-true FB page.

    I hope his ex-wife is doing better without him in her life.

  • The OW has checked me out several times on Linked In (you get notifications of who is looking), the most recent was just last month. That is 16 months post divorce and yet I am still in her head though we never met and the X Asshat denies she exists at all.

    I smile a happy little smile of the obvious pick me dance that Asshat is trying to get. I hope he talks about me and compares her to me, or talks about regrets or even talks about me as a wicked witch who is keeping him from his daughters (both DDs are adults, they are NC with him).

    I give zero shits about him but I love that he is probably still playing the same games and will never, ever be happy. I hope the OW makes him miserable with her insecurity.

    • I respect your feelings but your facts are off. Bourdain and Putkoski divorced in 2005. He was traveling about 270 days per year at that time and did take some responsibility for checking out of the marriage. He did not meet Ottavia Busia until 2007. They were married for nine years and parted amicably. She was never an OW. Ottavia is the mother of his child, and both state that early on they bonded over cooking but as time went on the separations as well as Ottavia’s increased interest in competitive Jujitsu and a restrictive training diet left them with less and less in common. They remained friends and she was supportive of his subsequent relationship with Asia Argento.

      People do grow apart and part amicably. Using that reality as a lie to cover up infidelity is what I have a problem with. Checking out of a marriage you’re still in and not bothering to inform your spouse while discussing your complaints with a side piece, also bad.

      • Thank you for setting me straight, Luziana. Yes, it was the overlap between Ottavia and Asia, not Ottavia and Nancy.

        Tony certainly did rip Nancy apart in “Medium Raw”, but he didn’t mind all the work she put into editing his books when they were married. They were a mess, but I don’t see why he had to blast her in writing. Nancy has been remarkably quiet through the years and she suffered her share of disappointments too. Apparently she wanted to be a mother, but Tony didn’t at that time. C’est la vie.

        “But the public displays, the fawning Instagram posts…by Tony and Asia..is petty and sooo fucked up.
        Don’t know what happened- but I do have a fairly good understanding Ottavia seems to be getting punished.
        He ghosted her. What she did to deserve it I really don’t know. But there was messy overlap with Asia…and the two of them in tandem blasting their relationship all over social media feels a lot like pay back. Petty, small and tone deaf.”

        • I beg to differ. Separation papers were filed by both parties in 2016. He met Argento a few months after. This is pretty firm because he met Argento when she was a tour guide for episodes of the show. there was an eight month gap bwwteen meeting and dating. He began dating Asia Argento in 2017, he died in 2018. Custody was settled for over two years, some of the financial provisions were not.

          Ottavia is a certified badass and lady crush. She wouldn’t eat a shit sandwich if it was covered in truffle oil. She has not stated infidelity was an issue. Let her have her story as she’s stated it.

          By all accounts Argento is a hot mess, but there’s no evidence she was an OW either,

          The gap between Kitchen Confidential’s flowery dedication and the first marriage falling apart was 5 years. 5 years in which Bourdain got off heroin and Putowski did not. Also a fair reason to end a marriage. No blame, just no longer a couple. If she wanted to be a mother and married someone who was a junkie and by his own accounts “would have been a shit father” so refused to become one, good choice.

          I get you don’t like the guy, and perhaps there was plenty to not like. But he wasn’t really known as a serial cheater or woamnizer like Mario Batali and Bobby Flay.

          • Fame and substance abuse often go hand in hand. So many people grieve Bourdain. I didn’t know his work, not being a foodie.

          • The sad thing is I did like his books and I was sad that he wrote nasty stuff about Nancy in “Medium Raw”. He quit heroin – great! But what he didn’t choose to do was NOT trash her for the world to see.

            I don’t have cable and don’t stream, so I’ve never seen his shows.

      • I agree. I have two long time friends who divorced after long term marriages. Both knew it was coming, and both waited until their youngest finished high school. And yes, both were amicable. I have derived much support and comfort from this site, but I admittedly cringe when I read of someone commenting in a derisive way about people who choose to divorce, especially after long marriages that involve children. I have huge issues with cheating, but I have zero issues with divorce. I do not believe that children of divorce are doomed to sad, unsuccessful lives with stunted emotional lives. Sorry, but I happen to know many children of so called “broken homes” that are every bit as happy and successful as their “damaged” counterparts. If the list of reasons that you come up with to remain married includes kids, intact 401 K’s, and the loss of your perceived “perfect life”.. it is beyond time to go. So yes, people do indeed grow apart…and if both members of a marriage are not willing participants, it is not a marriage at all.

        • Troll ^^

          Sorry. Lots of science on kids from divorced homes.. and on kids from cheating jokes. Takes an extra strong single parent to make it whole for the kids.

          Staying married until 18? Is that cheater is doing? Ah.. avoiding child support and dragging out the AP commitment as long as possible.

            • Easy to spot. Suspect it’s an affair partner. Talks two sides. Divorce is no big deal to kids… then ‘stay together until 18’. UBT “AP wants cheater to divorce (D is no big deal), but cheater brainwashed AP that staying until kids get 18 is better.”

              Which leads me to another thing, that telling older kids about a parent’s affair is a good thing. Older kids want the truth, can easily spot a lie, and the more the cheater lies, the less & less & less respect the kid will ever have for the cheater. Older kids often catch the cheater, cheating, through electronics. And, the devastation for older kids (and ‘adults’ of 19, 25, 35…) is worse then for tots. Older is more aware. Older has better value system. Older’s ‘home base’ ties are stronger then a babies. The AP is seen as helping dupe the innocent spouse and kids, and is absolutely hated as the home wrecker. Drug use and promiscuous sex are very common in broken homes, and when an authority parent (the cheater) has cheated…it brings about a world view that authority can’t be trusted. So, the kids are set up for gangs, lying…

              A cheater co-hort just got arrested for fraud… pretty bad with a lot of people in the area taken in by his bad scheme. His AP (and secretary) is defending him on Fakebook. Twu Luv.

              The APs aren’t chumps, in that they know cheater is married. They are willing participants in a fraud on spouse and kids. They think they are so special they will change him. (Why the troll ^^ said, ‘I hate cheaters’…UBT “Cheater won’t cheat on my because we won’t have a bad marriage….when it happens…after kids are 18….cuz he can’t take the responsibility of truth and child support and giving up cake.”

              • So you know that my comments are not based on 2 friends and my head isn’t in my ass…

                https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2313246/How-ruin-childs-chance-happy-love-life-Have-affair–damage-WORSE-older-stray.html

                Divorce can be the only alternative. Say the spouse is super bad. Has 16 cat, 20 litter boxes that a few cats don’t use, fur and cat pee everywhere, a meddling mother in law, and stinky feet. Is the best option to get spouse help, divorce if spouse doesn’t get help, or have an affair(s)/see hookers/deplete savings for ‘good times’? Basic problem solving skills…. Why married people having affairs are low people….

              • Believe what you will. It says a lot about you that you immediately default to the “knowledge” that they were having affairs..because that was not the case in either situation. If you seriously believe that children of divorce are doomed to be emotionally damaged..and the divorce rate in the US hovers at around 50%…higher actually for those over 50, I would imagine we should prepare for a collapse of our society..seriously?? Smh

        • Indeed isn’t divorce grand and “no big deal” in this enlightened time ??

          I don’t mind at all that I wasted 16 years of my prime with someone. I don’t mind at all the 10s of thousands of dollars I lost and over $100,000 in my 401k. After all having to work an extra 5 years before I can retire is no big deal.
          I just love that instead of living with me my kids live with my Ex and the OM 500 miles away. Wasn’t it a great time when I was contemplating putting a gun to my head after the divorce and had to go to therapy for several years to get over her cheating and the “no big deal” divorce ?

          If you are trolling then go away and if not don’t come onto this site where people have been badly betrayed and had their whole World come crashing down around them and their kids all due to their Ex’s entitlement and selfishness.

          Divorce is a terrible thing and while sometimes necessary is never “no big deal”.

          • News flash pal..I’m not a troll, and you are not a king. I was chumped badly years ago, and came home to an empty house and a note..so I have little tolerance for your assumptions. Never did I say divorce is “no big deal”..it certainly is. I suggest that instead of assuming that you have all the answers and are fit to govern everybody else’s life, you pull your head out of your ass long enough to run your own life. I don’t take kindly to mean or ignorant people, and you check both boxes.

            • You said “I admittedly cringe when I read of someone commenting in a derisive way about people who choose to divorce, especially after long marriages that involve children. I have huge issues with cheating, but I have zero issues with divorce.”

              That certainly sounds like you are saying that divorce is “no big deal”.

              I am neither mean nor ignorant rather I went through the horror that many here went through and came out the other side and am quite happy today. I support the CL community both with my words, recommendations and financially because this site is badly needed and gives help and hope to those who need it.

              If I misunderstood what you were trying to say then I apologize.

              • Fatherlessness is a big problem…
                But better no father, then a bad father…
                Divorce yields many men who don’t pay child support and the family goes into poverty.

                https://thefatherlessgeneration.wordpress.com/statistics/

                63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. Of Health/Census) – 5 times the average.
                90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes – 32 times the average.
                85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. (Center for Disease Control)
                80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes –14 times the average. (Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26)
                71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average. (National Principals Association Report)
                Father Factor in Education – Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school.

                Children with Fathers who are involved are 40% less likely to repeat a grade in school.
                Children with Fathers who are involved are 70% less likely to drop out of school.
                Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to get A’s in school.
                Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to enjoy school and engage in extracurricular activities.
                75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes – 10 times the average.
                Father Factor in Drug and Alcohol Abuse – Researchers at Columbia University found that children living in two-parent household with a poor relationship with their father are 68% more likely to smoke, drink, or use drugs compared to all teens in two-parent households. Teens in single mother households are at a 30% higher risk than those in two-parent households.

                70% of youths in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average. (U.S. Dept. of Justice, Sept. 1988)
                85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. (Fulton Co. Georgia, Texas Dept. of Correction)
                Father Factor in Incarceration – Even after controlling for income, youths in father-absent households still had significantly higher odds of incarceration than those in mother-father families. Youths who never had a father in the household experienced the highest odds. A 2002 Department of Justice survey of 7,000 inmates revealed that 39% of jail inmates lived in mother-only households. Approximately forty-six percent of jail inmates in 2002 had a previously incarcerated family member. One-fifth experienced a father in prison or jail.

                Father Factor in Crime – A study of 109 juvenile offenders indicated that family structure significantly predicts delinquency. Adolescents, particularly boys, in single-parent families were at higher risk of status, property and person delinquencies. Moreover, students attending schools with a high proportion of children of single parents are also at risk. A study of 13,986 women in prison showed that more than half grew up without their father. Forty-two percent grew up in a single-mother household and sixteen percent lived with neither parent

                Father Factor in Child Abuse – Compared to living with both parents, living in a single-parent home doubles the risk that a child will suffer physical, emotional, or educational neglect. The overall rate of child abuse and neglect in single-parent households is 27.3 children per 1,000, whereas the rate of overall maltreatment in two-parent households is 15.5 per 1,000.

                Daughters of single parents without a Father involved are 53% more likely to marry as teenagers, 711% more likely to have children as teenagers, 164% more likely to have a pre-marital birth and 92% more likely to get divorced themselves.

                Adolescent girls raised in a 2 parent home with involved Fathers are significantly less likely to be sexually active than girls raised without involved Fathers.

                43% of US children live without their father [US Department of Census]
                90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
                80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes. [Criminal Justice & Behaviour, Vol 14, pp. 403-26, 1978]
                71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father. [U.S. Department of Health and Human Services press release, Friday, March 26, 1999]
                63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
                85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. [Center for Disease Control]
                90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live with only their mother. [Wray Herbert, “Dousing the Kindlers,” Psychology Today, January, 1985, p. 28]
                71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. [National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools]
                75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes. [Rainbows f for all God’s Children]
                70% of juveniles in state operated institutions have no father. [US Department of Justice, Special Report, Sept. 1988]
                85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home. [Fulton County Georgia jail populations, Texas Department of Corrections, 1992]
                Fatherless boys and girls are: twice as likely to drop out of high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems. [US D.H.H.S. news release, March 26, 1999]
                Census Fatherhood Statistics
                64.3 million: Estimated number of fathers across the nation
                26.5 million: Number of fathers who are part of married-couple families with their own children under the age of 18.
                Among these fathers –
                22 percent are raising three or more of their own children under 18 years old (among married-couple family households only).
                2 percent live in the home of a relative or a non-relative.
                2.5 million: Number of single fathers, up from 400,000 in 1970. Currently, among single parents living with their children, 18 percent are men.
                Among these fathers –
                8 percent are raising three or more of their own children under 18 years old.
                42 percent are divorced, 38 percent have never married, 16 percent are separated and 4 percent are widowed. (The percentages of those divorced and never married are not significantly different from one another.)
                16 percent live in the home of a relative or a non-relative.
                27 percent have an annual family income of $50,000 or more.
                85 percent: Among the 30.2 million fathers living with children younger than 18, the percentage who lived with their biological children only.
                11 percent lived with step-children
                4 percent with adopted children
                < 1 percent with foster children
                Recent policies encourage the development of programs designed to improve the economic status of low-income nonresident fathers and the financial and emotional support provided to their children. This brief provides ten key lessons from several important early responsible fatherhood initiatives that were developed and implemented during the 1990s and early 2000s. Formal evaluations of these earlier fatherhood efforts have been completed making this an opportune time to step back and assess what has been learned and how to build on the early programs’ successes and challenges.While the following statistics are formidable, the Responsible Fatherhood research literature generally supports the claim that a loving and nurturing father improves outcomes for children, families and communities.

                Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior, and avoid high-risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy, and criminal activity compared to children who have uninvolved fathers.
                Studies on parent-child relationships and child wellbeing show that father love is an important factor in predicting the social, emotional, and cognitive development and functioning of children and young adults.
                24 million children (34 percent) live absent their biological father.
                Nearly 20 million children (27 percent) live in single-parent homes.
                43 percent of first marriages dissolve within fifteen years; about 60 percent of divorcing couples have children; and approximately one million children each year experience the divorce of their parents.
                Fathers who live with their children are more likely to have a close, enduring relationship with their children than those who do not.
                Compared to children born within marriage, children born to cohabiting parents are three times as likely to experience father absence, and children born to unmarried, non-cohabiting parents are four times as likely to live in a father-absent home.
                About 40 percent of children in father-absent homes have not seen their father at all during the past year; 26 percent of absent fathers live in a different state than their children; and 50 percent of children living absent their father have never set foot in their father’s home.
                Children who live absent their biological fathers are, on average, at least two to three times more likely to be poor, to use drugs, to experience educational, health, emotional and behavioral problems, to be victims of child abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior than their peers who live with their married, biological (or adoptive) parents.
                From 1995 to 2000, the proportion of children living in single-parent homes slightly declined, while the proportion of children living with two married parents remained stable.
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            • “If you seriously believe that children of divorce are doomed to be emotionally damaged..and the divorce rate in the US hovers at around 50%…higher actually for those over 50, I would imagine we should prepare for a collapse of our society..seriously?? Smh”

              Got news for you, we are collapsing as a society. Cheating on your spouse? Who cares. Cheating with a married family person, who gives a shit. For all our so-called tolerance we are a miserable society. We sweat the small stuff (maybe some politician didn’t use correct verbiage, said too much, said too little and my God the hysterics) and our eyes glaze over or we do not discuss rampant child abuse/trafficking, animal abuse, blatant stealing from taxpayers or this one may get me kicked out of CN….we are actually debating the woman’s right to abort up until full term???? Not talking life or death of the woman just her “Reproductive Rights”. Are we out of our fucking minds? Full term abortion? Oh yeah and just to note I have always been pro-choice, reluctantly pro-choice but pro-choice. Ok rant over.

  • I still look at ex’ FB page but I am totally at meh and it makes me laugh mostly. He is, however, a rampant Dump supporter and his racist posts do manage to get right on my tits! She has already had two husbands. Don’t know anything about her politics nor do I care to but she/they are forever posting luvvy duvvy pictures posed like two Sears Roebuck catalogue models. Eeewwww! They have been together nearly 4 years and I don’t know anybody who is still that gooey eyed after that length of time. Oh well, it gives me a chuckle! I just came back from a trip to Sri Lanka, posted a few photos (of the scenery, not me) so my kids could see, and my only comment was that the mozzie repellent seemed to be working but I couldn’t figure out why nobody wanted to sit next to me on the bus! But then I don’t have to look like a Sears Roebuck model!

  • *Raises hand sheepishly in the back* this was my letter. I am Puzzle Piece Reject – thank god! I don’t want his piece anywhere near me ever again. Oh the jokes that have been made over that since I first read it 😂

    When I did first read it I was convinced she wrote it for my benefit. ‘I’m better than you, I won, and this is how I’ll keep winning.’ Then I went to thinking it was for the benefit of all of his friends and family who still know me, serious impressions management. ‘They just grew apart and I saved him from not feeling sexy or amazing anymore!’ Now I don’t think I care less who it was for. Well maybe I still care a bit or I wouldn’t have written the letter. I suppose I do still have anger at them trying to excuse what they’ve done. And I have to remind myself I’m only a year out and true meh takes a lot of time. I do know they’re a pair of messed up crazy who are very much welcome to each other. I didn’t lose him. I won the opportunity for another chance at a life without him and with truth, honesty and respect.

    Also, the comments are amazing. My favourite is ‘sugarclit’. I definitely shared that one with my sister 😂

    • It is very tempting to peek at the ex the first couple of years after you break up! Totally normal.
      She probably feels a little scuzzy and need to justify to herself and others that her actions where worth it (they weren’t). These two won’t last, and if they do they will be living in misery.
      I’m amazed when my ex finds a girl to stay with for for a whole 2 years. He’ll text me saying how wonderful she is and how I’m the devil (he has Borderline Personality disorder) then their relationship inevitably blows up and he’s nice to me again, wants to go get coffee and such (even though I’m remarried and I always ignore him). I’m looking forward to when the kids are grown and I never have to have contact with him again.
      Hang in there, Chumplaura. You’re doing awesome!

    • Of course it was written for your benefit. I knew I was at Meh when I didn’t care if Jackass knew anything about my life, so long as he doesn’t show up at my door.

  • As a psychologist who reads research constantly, I can tell you that research shows that couples who post lots of “we’re in love” BS on Facebook are typically NOT happy. It’s a sign of trouble. I always chuckle at the narcissistic knuckle heads who are constantly posting (20 or 30 post a day) about how wonderful their life is and how amazing their spouse is. There is trouble in paradise when you need that much spackle!

    • Totally. Anyone that exhibitionistic is a narc, and so is not capable of authetic love, and is only of using claims of twu wuv, happiness, spiritual peace, blablabla as image management. Big fat YAWN to the lot of them. Bunch of boring, drivel-spouting, self-obsessed bitches.

  • OW need to prop themselves up. I’m kinda stuck on, “If it makes you feel any better mom she’s dumb, really dumb.”

    Haha, my attorney looked at me with a puzzled look almost 5 years ago stating bluntly, “He’s really dumb.”

    There was nothing better about the OW. She was available, was willing to fuck a married man, and believe she was special. Neither of them were wiser, experienced growth or change.

    The OW landed a serial cheating liar. Being focused on someone else’s happiness is the piece of the puzzle that never fits quite right.

  • These gloopy social media posts are embarrassing, unless they are greeting to parents, grandparents, or far-flung relatives. Please, everyone, stop buying into the impression management on social media.

    For example, I don’t discuss the 20 pounds I’ve gained since the 2016 election on Facebook, nor the fact that I forgot to schedule my car inspection, and I missed a dental appointment. And my “friends,” many of whom are former students, don’t need to read about my private life. I’ll post about the cats or photos I take or clip an interesting article. I’ll wish everyone happy birthday. That’s it. Because my life is really, really good and I don’t need to convince anyone else of that. I KNOW.

    • LovedaJackass, you made me chuckle! 🙂 I’ve gained 12 pounds since the election. I’m working to take it off now. It’s hard though.
      I’m so over people’s impression management. I especially can’t stand the every. single. meal. posts! Who cares that your “terrific boo” made you broccoli and some sorta meat for dinner? *eye roll* And you got Starbucks? So interesting. Not. When you’re having dinner at Wolf Gang Pucks…post it. Until then no thanks.
      I mainly post pictures of my kids just so I have an extra place to store them and the context in which they were taken. It’s been good looking back on the memories.

  • CL, if you want to make a quick buck look no further than your UBTs. Put them in a book. ASAP. They are classics.

  • Yes, NC is key! I hate Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. I quit it all and don’t even waste my time with any of it. When my STBX was the center of the universe between his gf in South America and me – and he didn’t go see her as planned because I had asked him to not go until we figured out our separation…….man – when I was looking at their social media and hers – she was over the top poetically romantic – artsy and deep and spiritual and posted shit about him a million times a day to keep and get his attention – it was sickening!! Of coarse he “liked” it all and commented on many of them. All the while being at home with me and the kids.

    Facebook and anything online is mostely full of phonies who are full of shit. When people use it to share poetry about the love of their life who they know is married and they have kids together – and all her followers love it – you are seriously mental.

    She can have him. He can have her. I haven’t looked at any of it since last May and I will never-I have more important things to to do!

    • omg can so relate. She was constantly posting love crap on her FB, had in a relationshit for status and even wears a fake engagement ring. Talks about how faithful my husband is to her.They’ve never even met. Delusional and mental!

  • Wow, it’s probably already been said, but I got exhausted just reading OW’s post. It must take up so much energy trying to be perfect so your new partner never regrets that he gave up his/her former life for you.

  • >>>>Those little tufty patches on your back? Love it! The skin tags on your neck? Precious to me! Your winsome spleen? You wouldn’t be you!<<<<<

    Hahahhahaaaaa!!!!
    This reminded me of exh2's skin tags that run along with of his inner thighs, they were so gross, but I overlooked them, just like every thing else that irked or displeased me

    Mrs. Dumbass can enjoy that now.

  • ‘I will always make you feel like the best, most sexy, amazing version of yourself you can be…’

    Did anyone else get the feeling Cheater Turd was often lamenting to Schmoopie about how ‘unappreciated’ he was at home?

    ‘She doesn’t praise me every day, has her life and ‘needs’ getting in the way of sexually pleasing me when I so desire it and does not worship the ground I walk on. Woe is me!’

    Poor, poor Cheater Turd. Thank god he found someone to ‘make him feel like the best, most sexy, amazing version of himself!’ Oh wait, until illness, death in the family, financial hardships, babies, mental health problems, addictions, family drama, eg life get in the way!

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