I’ve recently just attended the baby shower of a fellow chump friend that I met recently. She told me the story of her past chumpdom and she now has a new partner and baby on the way. All lovely, but…
in attendance at her baby shower was her first husband’s affair partner.
Apparently, the first husband got this OW pregnant during the affair. The OW decided to stay with her own husband, but my friend and then-husband wreckonciled and she later ended up getting pregnant as well.
My friend would often look after her own baby and OW’s baby while her husband was out philandering. Don’t know how it can get anymore chumpy than that!
Anyway, of course the cheater husband wasn’t getting enough kibbles and moved on to Affair Partner 2. My friend finally ended it, but is now ‘good friends’ with Affair Partner 1 (the one who had her husband’s baby if you follow me), which is why she was at my friend’s baby shower.
Am I being a stick in the mud for thinking it is strange to be friends with the AP?
Thanks for your insight!
Stick in the Mud
Are you sure inviting your ex-husband’s former mistress to your baby shower isn’t one of those weird games? Like wrapping each other in toilet paper? Or spinning the baby bottle? Maybe it was a treasure hunt? Perhaps the woman sitting next to you brought the uncle who molested her.
Ruling that out, yes, it’s weird. At least it’s weird to me, but consider that I’m not exactly in step with the Conscious Uncoupling zeitgeist.
There’s letting bygones be bygones and then there’s sharing Thanksgiving with the guy who once shoved you in a locker. I don’t really want to feign a mutuality that doesn’t exist, you know?
(Which reminds me of that time Michael Moore got Yugoslavian diplomats together to explain Bosnia by dividing a pizza.)
Out of all the people on the planet to be friends with, she chose the person who fucked her husband and left her alone to babysit. That’s some fucked up shit.
But it occurs to me that this might just be some Jedi-level masterful passive aggression. Think about it. (Okay, think like a disordered wingnut for a moment.)
I fuck your husband, but that’s not humiliating enough — do our babysitting. Chump can’t say no, there’s a poor innocent lamb who needs caring for. Do It For The Children!
Aren’t we modern?
Now, your friend’s star is ascending. OW’s relationship status is God-knows-what. (Is she with her poor chumpy husband still? was she dumped?) And your friend can REVEL in her superiority and good fortune. Who best to invite to witness her triumph? The OW!
It’s a frenemy masterstroke!
The other way to interpret this (and it’s not either/or — could be a mix of both) — is she’s more deeply chumpy than most chumps. Her spackle includes:
1.) The OW got cheated on too. Ergo it’s equivalent. Ergo we share the bond of One Bad Cheater. #sisterhood This totally ignores that OW was also a cheater, to her own husband, and to the chump in question.
2.) Anyone can be my friend. Are you nice to me? Do you just pretend? Doesn’t matter. I feel obligated to be super nice in return. Come to my baby shower! Hey, didn’t you just meet this person?
3.) My child must have a relationship with her half-sibling and that’s more important than my feelings or boundaries. Noble. But shared DNA is often overrated. Also, you could presumably have the child in your child’s life without mom, and it can happen on Dad’s time. Also, the chump is producing another half-sibling for her child, so there’s plenty of family to go around.
I know I’m leaving out the possibility that OW is just a really stellar person and the life of any baby shower. Maybe she spins baby bottles with gusto. I don’t know.
But I think it’s okay to judge people by the company they keep. I’d take a long look at this and ask yourself if you share the same values as your new friend. And if you too aren’t suffering a bit from Anyone Can Be My Friend-itis.
Be choosey. Your friend is a living example of what happens when you aren’t. You get invited to tea parties with tiered trays of shit sandwiches.