Help, The Other Woman Is a Bunny Boiler
What do you do when the Other Woman is a bunny boiler — a stalking, obsessed mistress a la Fatal Attraction? The crazy Other Woman is showing up at her and her daughter’s activities uninvited.
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Dear Chump Lady,
My D-day was March 2017. OW, aka the Yoga Whore, is a woman who had met Porky Pig on a beach vacation when they were 14 years old. She hadn’t seen him or been in contact with him in 46 years but, when her second marriage failed, she looked him up on LinkedIn and contacted him. That, of course, was a megadose of centrality-kibbles for the Pig. Two months after they re-connected, she posted on Instagram that they were moving in together. (At the time, she lived in a different state.) Twu luv moves fast!
I did not do the pick-me dance in any way, shape, or form.
My daughter was 14 at the time. I was determined that what she would learn through all of the turmoil was that women do not need a man to be happy, and that when “bad” things happen in life, you hold your head up and soldier on. In Michelle Obama’s words, “When they go low, we go high.” My divorce was final May 31, 2018.
Here’s my confusion:
Despite my complete disconnect from the Pig, (the only contact we have is via email and concerns our daughter or items from the separation agreement), the Yoga Whore, who moved here to be with the Pig (although they’re not married because cohabitation was negotiated into her divorce) continues to stalk my daughter and me.
She shows up at various events that my daughter volunteers at, or at the coffeehouse my daughter likes. And she constantly drives through our neighborhood. She has snuck into my garage and let the air out of the tires on my car and vandalized my home. (I cannot prove to the police that she did this, but I know it was her…). She waits on the walking trails that adjoin my house and follows me when I walk the dog. She doesn’t try to stop me or talk to me, she just walks behind me.
Yesterday, I had a team tennis match. She showed up during the match and stood just behind the fence of the court I was playing on so I could see her.
She just stood there and stared.
I ignored her, didn’t even mention it to my doubles partner until after the match was over.
WTF is her problem?
I have never met her, spoken to her, or had any form of communication with her. And I have never tried to “fight” her for the Pig. I have not made any trouble for her (while my friends know who and what she is, I haven’t posted her on cheater sites or contacted her employer — a Yoga studio that bills itself as a safe haven for all).
We talk about “bunny boilers” here, and I get that kind of crazy when the cheater has decided to dump a psycho OW and go back to the wife (eff Hollywood). But in this case, the Yoga Whore “won”!
Do these women boil bunnies even if they have gotten no blowback from the chump?
Is that the track she’s on? Should I be worried? I hope you can shed some light on this for me. I will close with a quote from her “professional” bio:
(New Age yoga blather)*
Barf.
Mehny Rivers to Cross
PS: I’m attaching a screen grab of her bio so you can see that this is real. BTW, while she claims in her bio to play tennis, she doesn’t. I can only suspect she included that for my benefit… what a freak show. God, I wish the UBT could translate her bio……it’s just too classic.
Editors note: What appears — If smugness could hold the Lotus pose.
* Removed tagline for anonymity but yoga blather is pretty ubiquitous.
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Dear Mehny Rivers to Cross,
Wow. She’s certainly managed to get inside your head. Which isn’t surprising given she’s trying to menace you. Yikes! Yes, I would be worried.
She sounds completely deranged.
But then again I think the cheese slipped off the cracker with your ex too. He falls in love on LinkedIn? And moves her in after two months? (Between what? Improving articles on updating resumés?)
She doesn’t sound stable. I’ll take a stab (probably bad verb choice) at untangling her scary little skein in a moment, let’s begin with the practical stalker advice —
Take it seriously.
Build a document trail. Presumably you reported the vandalism to the cops. You can also tell them who you suspect did it. If they don’t believe you? Okay. You’re still building a document trail. (And why wouldn’t they believe you? So many crimes are committed on people who know the perpetrator.)
Get one of those Nest-type security systems. (No affiliate link, I’m just linking to show what I’m talking about.) Put cameras on your doors. Which really, as a woman living alone you all should be doing anyway. (No, I don’t like the world we live in either. And it’s not fair. But that’s my advice.)
Have your lawyer send her a cease and desist letter, as the first step in formal harassment charges.
Talk to your lawyer about the stalking laws in your state. When you send her the letter, cc the local police and cc her place of employment.
I had to do this with the OW in my chump story. (Well, the long-term OW among OW.) My situation was cyber harassment. Emails. Spam. Signing me up on dating sites and political campaigns (of the other party). Filling in all sorts of personal details (to fuck with my head that she knew them) and insults (because pick me dance…)
And it’s the gift that keeps giving. I did an identity theft check on myself last week (got an alert) and found her ADDRESS on one of my credit profiles. So… yeah, good times.
Anyway, my point is — normal people don’t makes these kinds of transgressions. Disordered people do, so don’t brush it off.
Also, don’t confront it on your own.
As tempting as it would be to walk across that tennis court, stand to your full height, and tell the bitch to fuck off — she wants engagement. She desperately wants triangulation kibbles. She feeds on this energy. You completely did the right thing to ignore her. You choked off kibble supply. Keep at it.
Of course she should be confronted and told to fuck off — but by third-party professionals — the legal system and law enforcement.
Now, to the skein.
WTF is her problem?
She’s a bunny boiler Other Woman.
Which means she thrills to the pick me dance, and you’re a wallflower at the Batshit Cotillion. You won’t dance.
How’s she going to maintain her superiority if you won’t dance? Surely, you want to compete for LinkedIn Love! How dare you move on with your life? She’ll just insert herself everywhere you are and REMIND you that she’s the WINNER of the pile of shit you divorced without a backwards glance.
How can she do this?
Because YOU loom very large in HER head.
While you might not be pick-me dancing, she sure is. That man of hers has obligations. He has put other Gods before her — a daughter and an ex-wife. It doesn’t matter how negligent he is, or minimal a presence in your daughter’s life, or yours — you exist. And if you’re batshit, that’s enough.
Cheaters also love to keep everyone off balance. More kibbles. So, if you unnerve her, that’s probably a win for him.
And he may have other hypotenuses (cheaters often do), and she may assume it’s you. (As you are the last known hypotenuse and she’s Very Special so it can’t be anyone else…)
The best thing you can do is extract yourself from this toxic geometry problem.
Call a lawyer. Buy a security camera. Please be safe.
P.S. I suggest the current carry her to the nearest psych ward.
If she follows you or your daughter anywhere you should take photographs of her on your phone as legal proof of the fact.
It is a good idea to talk the entire thing out with your lawyer as according to ‘The Gift of Fear’ by Gavin de Becker, sometimes legal action against a stalker can actually make them behave worse.
So sorry you are going through this.
“The Gift of Fear” is a great book and I’m trying to get my daughter to read it – probably only possible if it’s available in a text message format… Another book that helped me was “Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.” And the takeaway *is* scary. Crazy people act even crazier when they are confronted by natural consequences. I guess one of the reasons I always hesitate to call the lawyer is the $400/hour fee… yikes. But, my daughter’s safety is priceless and, truth be told, I worry Yoga Whore will harm her. Her ex-husband, a physician, described her to me as having “significant psychopathy” and deeply rooted jealousies. I fear she’ll target my daughter, as part of the Pig’s image management is deep devotion to his children.
Is your daughter in therapy? Are you? Gift of Fear is heavy reading for a child. Necessary for her safety, perhaps, but heavy. If your daughter isn’t seeing a therapist, please make that option available to her so she has a professional on her side who can support her during his difficult time. This is some scary shit even for adults, let alone a kid.
I would NOT interact with your ex in any way about this. Don’t confront the stalker either. It will only encourage them. She’s crazy and he loves the attention. Focus instead on ensuring safety and consequences.
That means security cameras around your house, so you can document any further vandalism. Talk to a lawyer today about how you can protect yourself. That may or may not include a cease and desist and/or a restraining order. Look into self-defense too. If you’re comfortable around guns, get a weapon. If you like dogs, get a big dog.
My stalkers were, fortunately, cowards who fucked off when I ignored them long enough. When it was obvious the kibble well had run dry, they gave up. Your stalker on the other hand has already proven herself relentless. Stalking you around town, vandalizing your property … she has invested a stunning amount of energy into you and your child, and she clearly doesn’t have any problem breaking the law. That’s terrifying.
Please surround yourself with authority figures who can protect you and prepare your home accordingly. This doesn’t sound like an individual who’s going to give up easily.
Cam, thank you for your reply. I did have my daughter in therapy briefly until the Pig refused to authorize it unless he attended every session. According to my therapist he demonstrates all the behaviors of full blown Narcissist Personality Disorder, if not tipping the scale at sociopath.
Believing that “birds of a-feather, flock together,” I do fear what that says about the Yoga Whore…
In my State, Virginia, the ex has to authorize the therapist. I obtained a verbal ok from the ex and the therapist sent him a letter notifying him. Our marital agreement did not refer to this, but my lawyer confirmed I would be in trouble if my ex didn’t ok it and took me to court. That being said, if you ask the ex first, by appealing to their ‘good parent’ image and not blamin the kids’ problems on them, and they still refuse, suggest to your ex that they meet with the therapist beforehand and ask questions, or he recommend another therapist he would approve. You can veto any suggestion he has, and no legit therapist would let him sit in on all sessions. I encouraged my ex to participate in a session so the therapist could see firsthand what we were dealing with. He never bothered to. Get these negotiations in writing and tell your lawyer. If the courts see that he is uncooperative they are likely to side with the child’s needs on this.
Yup, Virginia. I say no more (5th amendment), but please believe that my daughter is getting every bit of help available.
#plausibledeniability
Hi Mehny – I’m so sorry you have to deal with this at all.
She got into your garage – are you positive she didn’t get into your house?
Have you changed the locks? Don’t forget to install noisy window alarms and there are there the kind you can install easily and latch from the inside where no one can see them. The Door Guardian Door Reinforecment Lock – I have this one. SO easy to use. One-handed if you need to get out too.
Sabre Red for runners. Get the training kit so you are comfortable with handling it. It’s legal in Virginia. They also have an audible alarm you can keep with you (and your daughter).
I hope you ran the credit checks and neither you or your daughter have mysterious accounts opened up. If you don’t want to freeze them, at least put some sort of alert on them.
Image management is key to getting Wasband to cooperate with daughter’s therapy.
Good luck!
He can’t refuse to authorize it and he can’t sit in. That is bullshit. Tell him if he doesn’t like it, he can take it to court. You’ll win if he does. Especially if your family doctor has deemed therapy medically necessary, there’s nothing he can do about it. What a monster! Don’t let him bully you.
Ask the doctor. He’ll write a referral.
No Shit Cupcakes is absolutely right! Pay cash. Pay cash. Pay cash. Don’t file insurance claims at all on therapy sessions. I worked for a mental health department at a high level, there is no privacy. People talk. I also worked for an insurance company that was self insured and used a third party administrator to handle claims. Employee complaints went to the third party administrator because employees did not know the company was self insured and guess who got the complaints to resolve them? The company, i.e. the employer, i.e. the boss. You want to keep everyone out of your business when you are trying to get your shit straight. Don’t assume privacy even if the law is on your side. And yes, EOBs go to the person carrying the insurance not the person getting services. The EOB has procedure codes on it and it is not rocket science to look them up. Since you have a stalker and a fucked up ex you need to try and do as much on your own as possible when it comes to health care. Sorry. It sucks. It isn’t right. It isn’t fair. Protect yourself from all angles and carry mace just in case…. what a shit situation! I’m sorry you have to deal with such garbage.
Take him back to court to get full permission for her medical and psychological care. No judge is going to permit him to deny her therapy, and no therapist will allow him to sit in.
Hey Tempest! The therapist DD was seeing would not see her without the Pig’s consent. I do not know why but maybe it’s a law in this state? Maybe they’ve been sued before? It always struck me as unbelievable that he would insist on being in her sessions as it was HIS behavior that caused her to be there in the first place (and her discovery of the mistress at her grandfather’s funeral – also his fault). I took her to a second therapist and it was the same drill. She wouldn’t treat DD without the Pig’s consent. I really do believe, sometimes, that the system is rigged.
I doubt that is the case in any state. It may be a policy of that practice or therapist Find another one who is going to be your daughter’s therapist & advocate.
If you are on his health insurance then he gets the EOBs and so does Bunny Boiler.
See if you can take her to a different clinic that YOU pay for and he gets no information veyond what your daughter tells him. He can’t do or say shit if you take her during your time.
Get Sabre spray. It’s legal in most states. Not certain about Washington, DC. But you keep that on your wrist. Get the practice ones too.
It will drop BB like a rock if she ever attacks you. I hope she doesn’t. It’s still wise to have it on your wrist as you go out with the dog and about your day.
Again, what’s your custody agreement say?
Your ex is interfering with your daughter’s medical care. This is absolutely worth talking to your lawyer about and getting this in front of a judge.
This, 100%. Ex’s demands are bullshit and clearly meant to continue the abuse even after he abandoned the family.
What’s your custody order say, or your lawyer? Demanding he sit in on a private medical appointment might be argued as against your child’s best interests.
Also, what an asshole.
“The Gift of Fear” is available on Kindle and there’s an audiobook. That should help. Worth it to get both. She can listen AND mark passages that are important for her.
Protecting the Gift is another book de Becker wrote tailored to women with children. Predicting violence and listening to your intuition!
I had this thought, and also it crossed my mind that you could even briefly hire a PI to surreptitiously get photos for you for your record keeping. They can run background checks, too.
But yes, a lawyer is probably the best consultant.
Now in Canada, Freedom of Information Act allows us to go to any court house and access court documents. Sometimes you have to pay copy fees by the page. You also have to ensure that you are at the right courthouse because it’s not like there is a database that links all the courthouses.
That is how I got the court records of the OW litigation in the Superior Court between her and her ex over their children, of which she only had limited access. Got a copy of the peace bond that had been issued against her when she assaulted her husband. Records showed that she had problems abusing alcohol. Even learned that the “Office of the Children’s Lawyer” (lawyers representing the best interest of the children) had issued a letter on behalf of the children requesting that she keep family time with the children to strictly family, in response to her bringing men around them (which turned out to be my husband).
If the laws where your live are similar, you just need to contact the courthouse in her district to request copies of motions and finding.
Amiisfree,
Background checks, YES.
This woman is dangerous. One can’t help but wonder ( and worry) what has she been up to in the past 46 years?
That would scare me actually. I had a crazy job without knowing it but I think a PI would be a wonderful idea.
I’d be curious what other people in stalking situations have done.
Everything you suggested-cameras and alarm system (nod to Ring doorbell and SimpliSafe installed myself). Documented,documented,documented. Took to carrying around my smartphone and bought a zoom attachment to take images of Psycho when she’d follow me down the block or park/sit a few houses down on my street. And I never uttered a word to her but my attorney sent a strongly worded letter to her and her employer. Oh and I shared the file with close friends just in case. I’ve watched too many episodes of “Dateline” and its ilk.
So far so good.
Every young person should be required to read de Becker’s “The Gift of Fear” in high school.
My apologies for jumping ahead but several posters below have suggested Gavin de Becker’s excellent book, The Gift of Fear. A couple of years ago a member of CN graciously provided this link to the Kindle edition. I hope the link will work for anyone who wants to download it.
file:///C:/Users/User/Downloads/The%20Gift%20of%20Fear%20(2018_02_06%2018_44_37%20UTC)%20(1).pdf
I, too, love the book ‘The Gift of Fear’ by Gavin de Becker.
I report them to the police. Every single time. I read Gavin de Becker’s book but it was written years ago. People are so nuts now, especially when they harass and hide behind their phones. I figure if I end up dead, they’ll have an idea where to start. I have reported 3 disordered stalkers.
Mine stopped as soon as I talked to DV, I’m guessing they had a chat with him and since he is a coward right to his core he slunk away like the junkyard dog that he is.
I did basically what you suggested, except no Nest cameras (my personal situation happened in 2002-03 before these inexpensive items were available). However, the batchit crazy OW continued to contact my work and would park maybe 50 feet from my driveway. She also called me several nights in a row before the divorce was final basically pleading for it to be done.
One thing I suggest is to buddy up with the local police. I knew a few who lived in my neighborhood and they knew what was going on (one was a woman, too, so she got it). Their advice to me was to ask for the PD to make drive bys a few times a day just for a safety check. They also had a description of her car and license plate.
What happened next was hilarious. The cops never saw her – her drive bys were kind of random. But she called me a dozen times one night on my landline. I got fed up, called the cops from my cell. They came by and she was on the phone when she called again. I handed the phone to them and she didn’t believe it was a cop. I signed a complaint and they filed charges against her. I called my lawyer next morning and had a restraining order issued–she told the cops she was going to show up at the divorce hearing that week to “make sure that it would be final.”
Oh my god. Truth is stranger than fiction. This woman was crazy as hell. Of course my ex believed I was just jealous. Oh hell no. Can’t tell me she wasn’t obsessed and crazy! He was so pissed off when he was an ass at the final hearing–getting nitpicky about what furniture he could get, but I did not care. They definitely showed me their true colors.
Oh and one really twisted but funny thing happened after all of this. Turns out she got busted stealing drugs after. ???????? My kids told me that one — learned about it visiting him one night.
I dodged bullets and survived.
Winner????
X accused me of being jealous also.
Schmoopie, who married CheaterX 2 months after I moved out of the marital home, accused CheaterX of cheating on her with…ME!
I heard that and lol’d. She’d been cheating on him all while he was cheating on me!
As for the stalking, well, I agree to take it seriously and build up the kind of documentation to make it stick. That OW has a lot of bats flying loose in her belfry.
Definitely NOT one of my best moments…. but before I found CL and went no-contact and filed for divorce, I had told X to GTFO when he was caught texting young goldigger whore (as opposed to older legal client whore OW#___(?)…. he came over to get our daughter who wasn’t home yet…. I let him in and did some horizontal pick me dancing ????…. later in trial he testified he had been living with whore for 3 months at that point! So, I did “cheat” with my husband of 25 years in a twisted way…. I only feel bad that I valued myself so little then. Oh well, live and learn. I don’t even let him call or text me now- he’s blocked.
You can go to police and tell them you don’t want her on your property. So it’s documented with them. I did this with the neighbor. He called her and told her to stay off my property.
When I divorced they didn’t have all the cheap and easily hidden cameras. I would have loved to have been able to have had that protection.
Could you take pictures of her following you and send them to your ex? Idk if that is unwise butmaybe he’d realize she’s following you and put the pressure on her to stop. As in, she cares about his perception so use it to her disadvantage?
Certainly take a picture of her standing by the pathway, outside the tennis fence, at daughter’s school events. Document, document, document that she is showing up to places she need not be to harass you. It’s possible that alone will deter her; if not, you have evidence.
Taking pictures = kibbles.
Go back to tennis court/club and try to get security images or hire someone to follow you around and take pictures of her for a month. Kind of like the PI sting reversed?
(Thinking out loud here) Taking pictures of her yourself could be kibbles. And sometimes that just can’t be helped. But if someone else on your tennis team got a discreet photo of some creepy lady staring bullets into you while you played. Bingo.
I’m worried for you that she’ll escalate.
In my own case, I think my stalker has gotten bored and moved on. So let’s pray for that option.
No, I would not involve the ex in this in any way. What could that accomplish other than giving him ammunition? He’d probably just claim the LW was stalking the Bunny Boiler instead.
Hi Rag Doll; Plus it is Kibbles! Something I learned here many years ago here on this site that I didn’t put together myself. I is too pathetic for a Chump to realize in someone they once thought a lot of.
I agree. Don’t involve the ex. He is NOT your friend. He has to figure out her craziness on his own. Anyone tell him, even his mother, and he will defend OW at this time. Besides, when OW1 gets old and nagging and he has OW2, OW3, OW4…then he will turn on OW1.
Do involve the cops, lawyer, documentation, security cameras….
Do involve your lawyer to write a cease and desist letter to her, copy cops. I’ll add to include a line that says something to the effect that “if you continue to harass Chump, Chump will ask the court for a restraining order against you AND a mental health evaluation and/or assistance to help you comply with the restraining order.”
Is it really possible to ask for a mental health evaluation? Cuz I think this is a great idea…
Yes, in some states. The letter serves as a first warning and then the restraining order as the 2nd incident. One can always ask the court, may be granted or not. But, serves as a great deterrent. “Fuckwits” avoid counseling….
Install cameras all the way around your house and a couple inside.
The reason I think maybe she is stalking you is that things with your ex are not working out. It sounds so romantic to reconnect with an old girlfriend until you actually reconnect with an old girlfriend.
I was going to recommend reading “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker, along with his book “Protecting the Gift”. Document, document, document. Get a security system for your home and camera for your vehicle. Consider carrying mace or pepper spray. Good luck.
It says so much about the narcissist’s mindset (total addict) that his response to hearing from a woman he met 46 years earlier (as children!), who stalked him on LinkedIn, was, “Wow, what a compliment! She searched for me after 46 years!”
Any normal person would react by shitting their pants and blocking the stalker.
Also, how desperate is she that she had to seek out a man she hasn’t seen in decades? Tells you everything you need to know about how many bridges she’s burned.
There do seem to be a lot of those kind of weirdos around. My cheater had a woman he’d known in primary school come after him on Facebook, knowing he was married and not giving a damn. He didn’t bite, but I’m sure it was only because she’s massively obese. That’s basically the only thing that will turn the jerk off.
Hell, I don’t even remember the names of kids I went to school with. Wtf is with these people?
I eliminate the possibility of old boyfriends contacting me by not ever going on social media under my real name. I don’t understand why people use their real names, say where they live, work, went to school, etc. It’s an open invitation to stalkers and identity thieves.
Cam, totally agree with all of that 100%. My ex started looking up (married) high school ex girlfriends after he’d slept with everyone in town. He was desperate to keep the cheating going.
Ugh ugh ugh. I’m sorry.
A few years ago, a horrible abusive ex (who’d since gotten married!) reached out to me acting all nicey nicey and fake concerned for me, clearly wanting to reconnect, demanding explanations for what I was up to now and if I was seeing anyone. He flipped his gourd when I blocked him without reply. He was obviously fishing … and desperate.
These sociopaths have no shame.
Let Go:
I’ll use my daughter’s favorite expression… “T!”
(Truth)
Given the 46 year separation, I can only guess that the reality is horribly different than the fantasy. But, at this point… too many sunk costs and too many “happy” Instagram photos to turn back.
I live in a small townhouse community and my neighbors are wonderful. They are aware of the situation and many are retired (i.e. they are around all day and see what goes on). I did figure out if I got a Ring doorbell it would also cover the driveway and door to the garage. I think that will be a good investment.
I have a wyze cam – it was like $20 on Amazon. Works like a charm.
https://www.wyze.com/
If you have an old iPhone or Android phone laying around you can use the camera as a security camera (until you can purchase a Ring-type one). I’m not affiliated with them at all, but I use Afred. The old phone is your ‘camera’ and your current phone is the viewer and you can watch from anywhere.
I had no idea you could do this, wow…
Excellent idea, SandyChump!!!
People ask me why I keep my old cell phones around and fully- charged. I tell them so I can call 911 even without the phone being active, I also have a landline and am registered with p.d. as a domestic violence survivor. Also, I can use it as a recorder if need be.
Oh, and get dashcams for your car too, front AND back.
My dad had an unfortunate stalking situation this year and installed cameras all around the house INCLUDING the front door. He also has an app that lets him watch the cameras anytime he likes. If the doorbell rings, his phone alerts him. He could be at the grocery store and still know what’s going on around his property whenever he likes. He loves the peace of mind.
Bonus, everything uploads to the cloud so even if an intruder destroyed the cameras, the footage is safe and can still be turned over to law enforcement.
I highly recommend you look into this for your home.
Yup. Now that reality has hit him square in the face, he’s moaning about all the stuff he gave up, which she interprets as proof that LW is still somehow involved. It can’t possibly be that OW just isn’t that desirable once she’s no longer a fantasy fling – oh no! It’s the ex wife pulling something weird, definitely!
He’s no doubt moaning about child support. And college. And how your kiddo doesn’t pay attention to him.
Yep! Same.
Mrs. Dumbass (OWife) said to me a few months back, “I wish they (child support enforcement office) would go after my exh they way they’ve gone after (exh2/The Evil One)!”
I chuckled and did not comment further. I wanted to scream, “it’s OK for your husband, my exh, to not pay child support for almost a year, but not OK for your exh to not pay his?! Fuck you.”
Grey rock won the day.
They’re back on refusing to speak to me because I’m a “vile snake in the grass that pretends to be self-righteous” because I allowed TEO’s parents to visit DD last month when they were in town. I “betrayed” them, you see. TEO and Mrs dumbass aren’t speaking to his parents anymore, and I was supposed to be *loyal* to them against his parents.
You can’t fix crazy, or stupid.
Wait… LAJ… Do you know him???? Lolol
Cheater playbook, page 2, 3 and 18.
Oh! That could explain my sisters cheater ex’es other woman who he married attempting to still mimic my sisters life with ex almost twenty years later!?!? So bizarre.
I think some will alert you to movement so you can watch on your phone real-time and call police and/or activate recording if there’s an intruder, which could be helpful.
Yes; the system I have is motion activated and sends text alerts. It also has a subscription feature that archives activity, however that feature is optional.
This is familiar to me. My ex’s OW would stalk him on his days with our children. She would post photos on Instagram of her in the same place they were. It was fucking WEIRD.
I did all of what Tracy recommended – kept a document trail, told my lawyer, had a camera on my house, and did not engage with her. It was clear that was what she wanted. The kids were my achilles heel – I really did not want her around them, and stalking them got into my head bigtime.
Nothing ever happened, really. I think her and the ex broke up, her instagram went private, and the kids never met her. But for a while there it really screwed with my head.
I had a venting mechanism – I created a blog where I’d screen shot her instagram posts about this (she also had screeds about me on there too…sigh) and then analyze/debunk them. No one read it, except a few friends, but it was good to get the stress out of my head and make fun of it on the page. It helped a lot.
Good luck. Do NOT engage. That is the most important thing. She is dying – DYING!!! – to have a face off with you. Don’t give her the satisfaction. Let your lawyer or law enforcement engage if necessary, but you just waltz along as if she doesn’t exist.
This is really scary. Does the Ex know this is going on? How does the OW know about enough about the volunteer events, coffee shop visits, dog walking schedule, and tennis matches to show up on a regular basis? I would be worried that the Ex is somehow involved in giving the OW information in order to ramp up the drama and his centrality.
I think my daughter unwittingly tells Yoga Whore and Pig what’s going on when she sees them periodically for dinner. But, I don’t want to say anything to DD cuz she’s already dealing with the trauma of the desertion/divorce and I don’t want to make her paranoid on top of that…
Oh hell to the no. You sit her down and say you don’t tell Yoga Whore anything about you. And if she doesn’t want to be stalked, she’ll stop telling them her schedule. She’s dealing with the trauma of the divorce. She’s also dealing with a stalker. Don’t keep her in the dark. Make her be smart and aware. She shouldn’t confront these two but she can say, if they ask, “Nothing much goin on. Lots of homework. Taking it a day at a time…”
It’s not making her PARANOID for her to know she has a stalker when SHE HAS A STALKER. Paranoia is fear of what isn’t real. This is actually a good thing, in a way, because I got my first stalker in college. She can learn to deal with this stuff know. De Becker’s second book is “Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe.”
Don’t sparkle. Don’t minimize. Don’t treat this as if its nothing. She broke into your house and slashed your tires. You think this won’t escalate? This behavior is nowhere near normal. If he breaks up with her, she could blame YOU.
LAJ, I never thought about it like that… thank you. I think I’m guilty of thinking that people don’t really do the crazy stuff that we see in movies, etc. But the truth of the matter is that they do. I’m 100% sure that the parents of the students in Parkland never imagined a shooter would destroy their world. We never think it’s going to happen to us. How on earth do we raise kids to be safe and not scare them to death in the process?
Don’t terrify your child, you can follow the “don’t editorialize” mantra here. Sticking to clear factual stories about the times you’ve seen and that you don’t like, and then suggest your daughter doesnt tell her upcoming events. She needs to take notice, but still go about her day to day.
Read De Becker. It will scare you out of your illusion of safety. It’s not like there are serial killers lurking on every corner. But you teach kids to look both ways before they cross the street. They need to know when people are assaulting their boundaries. They need to recognize threat and danger. And they need not to tell everyone all their business. Google the abduction of Carlie Brucia, some years ago. It was caught on tape. Kids need to be conscious, aware, attentive to what is around them.
You are also thinking she won’t hurt you. But she slashed your tires. She follows you when you are on the trail with your dog. Let me tell you that a human who tries to follow me on a trail or in a car is going to be sorry.
Just for clarification, she didn’t slash the tires she just let the air out of them so they were all completely flat when DD and I got home from a vacation. That doesn’t make it better… just less violent. But it still demonstrates a bizarre and scary side to her.
I was really glad that I told my son about the AP who stalked me because she got a job at the school where I worked. My son got a text message from another student saying “The substitute teacher is telling the whole class that your mom is cheating on your dad”. Since he knew the truth was that his dad was the cheater, he showed me the text. I was able to support him through the situation. She was fired from substitute teaching at that school again. Do not leave your child unprepared by not telling them what is going on and letting them know to tell you if anything happens.
Excellent advice. I hope she takes it. This is the kind of loon who’s possibly capable of abducting the child if the Pig dumps her. The girl must know the truth so she can’t get lured by this psycho.
*spackle not sparkle. Sorry.
Me and ex split up 6 years. The ow still hangs around. She’s always expects pity, she thinks my ex is great that shows how deluded she is. She dumped her kids, for my ex, its a tragedy really. Life throws you some shit sandwiches. I haven’t spoken to ow, I see her, but ignore her. I have told the police. She pushed me over once, she’s always really pissed off. I don’t think the drugs and alcohol help.
My ex, revealing his true colours, said she’s not his problem, he said she won’t be hanging around again, that was a fucking lie.
She said once he used to meet her, it was a one sided conversation, I ignored her, she seemed proud of them dumping their kids for a crackhouse.
Pushed you over physically?
Yes, I told the police, years ago, what she was like, the female officers looked shocked, the male ones weren’t interested. She obviously has issues. But she made her choices. I’m in London, a stalking charity said the police aren’t really interested. They said you have to be assaulted before they will do anything.
My ex has a role to play in this, but will he help, no.
Pushing someone over isn’t assault in the UK? Interesting (and upsetting).
Totally agree. Not sure what drives this craziness but I suspect that OW often don’t want the dirtbag as much as they want the wife’s (or ex-wife’s ) life. They reason that if they get the dirtbag then theyll get all the trimmings, too. Sometimes that happens, I guess, but many times OW probably find they’re getting brokeass losers with huge debt and support payments who complain constantly about the injustice of it all. Then they look at the ex who from the outside looks highly satisfied and it pisses the OW off (and probably the cheater ex, too) because you’re keeping your life and deep down they realize the transfer of the misery they’d planned for you didn’t come off at all. Infuriating! How dare you move on and find peace! You’re supposed to be broken and look at the new couple with longing and despair!! But you aren’t doing what you’re supposed to!
Definitely. The OW wanted my house at the beach, my cabin by the lake, my husband who called himself Doctor. A couple of years later, she didn’t have anything but PTSD. She wanted the trappings; she just didn’t like what the job entailed.
In the meantime, she drove the gettaway vehicle while the X terrorized me. Classy.
I sold the cabin, cashed out my share of the house, and moved far enough away that no one could possibly believe they’d tripped and fallen onto my property. On a not a through street. Two doors down from a local Sheriff. If you won’t dance, they’ll lose their common enemy and turn on each other.
NoRainNoFlowers…. this!!!!
OW was living with her cheater dad and sister in a run-down home— at 32?! She was working a delivery job for minimum wage. She met X on an elevator in his downtown law firm where he was a high six-figure partner. She saw a mark.
I have 4 children, a 25-year very successful law career where I’ve had the opportunity to take hundreds of depositions. I was top of my class in law school in the early 90s! X is now paying $80k a year for OW to go to night law school — she wants to be a lawyer because she wants to someday take a deposition “because she saw one and she thought she could do it.” ????
She has learning disabilities and is barely passing. It’s a terrible legal market even for the top students. It takes years of practice to be allowed to take depositions, which are extremely important to a case and you only get one chance per witness. The idea that she can be me is laughable, delusional, ridiculous. Depositions are so besides every possible point!
Meanwhile, I’ve moved way on to mehland where I have a partnership, amazing clients, important legal volunteer work on several boards, my kids are the most important people in my life and I have great relationships with them…. that is the point in life IMO.
Fuck them. They SUCK.
Aaahh MotherChumper – maybe you could give her some tips! It’s like me being a fat sod and wanting to be a prima ballerina! You kinda feel sorry for the sad bitches don’t you!
I also felt like this was true. OW was a longtime “friend” and I remember getting the distinct, but seemingly irrational, impression that she envied me, my life, and my kids. It kind of felt like she wanted my life and thought she could do it better than I.
OMG – that’s it
Slaggy-Anne thought she was getting my life. To get that she should have run off with me – I still have it all except Lardface.
She took the only bit that didn’t really contribute to my life in a positive way….. cool. Sucks to be her / it whatever she is
Chumpy Chump Chump Chump UK. Can I just say I love your post? I’m printing it out and putting it on my refrigerator!
I have a Ring motion light/camera. It’s very helpful when you aren’t home. Put one on the back. It might also be worth it to spend money on a new garage opener you can control with your phone.
I can’t agree with this more, in my situation at least – that the OW wants the ex’s life more than they want the person they’re having the affair with.
Here here! OW do want the chump’s life. When my XH told me he was leaving me, he said that our upscale home wasn’t really what he was about. He was a country guy – no HOA’s, you burn your garbage etc… Once the high-end marital home sold, he purchased a house in the middle of the desert. Less than a year later, he and schmoopie were married and his desert shit-hole was on the market. They purchased a home right around the corner from our marital home.
That’s one type of OW, but there are others. The OW in my case did not want my life, she just wanted my life to be ruined. She definitely did not want to leave her husband for my cheater, yet urged him to leave me, knowing full well that I have a chronic illness, our daughter is disabled, and I’m financially dependent on the cheater. Pure evil. She was somewhat stalkerish while they were together, but I never knew about it until after dday. It gives me the creeps, not knowing how many times she might have been watching me. However, she got hers when I told her husband, in great detail, of her history of infidelity with a number of guys, including his best friend, and the things she had said about him to my cheater. That defanged her and she appears to be afraid of me.
Run to your attorney. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.
I would also invest in cameras (front and back) to record her following you. Go right ahead and get a Go cam when you go for strolls. Take the manager of the local coffeeshop aside and alert them to this woman possibly stalking your daughter and would they please keep an eye on the situation? I’m hoping it’s small enough that this isn’t a huge imposition.
Your daughter knows? She needs to be aware of her surroundings too.
I wouldn’t put it past the crazy lady to gain access to your daughter’s school, steal her social security number (check it now and freeze it!), etc.
Also, did you know you can sign up for an account with USPS and know EXACTLY what mail is going to be delivered to your home? And if something isn’t there when you arrive, you can tell them? It’s FREE. If you have a mailbox I bet *things* have gone missing.
No Shit Cupcakes, excellent advice. Especially about DDs ssn. I actually discovered the USPS mail notifications after I began to suspect mail *was* missing from my mailbox.
This is the power of CL/CN. There are so many things to be aware of before, during, and after divorce that without this site we might not realize what we need to do.
Freeze your credit and your daughter’s too. Get monthly credit reports (digitally or sent to a PO box). Get a password encryption service like 1Password or LastPass to ensure no one can hack your email or other important accounts.
Your husband knows private security info that could be used against you (socials, birthdates, mother’s maiden name). Ensure he and Yoga Whore can’t use it against you.
Oh yes the mail. I forgot about that. The ex stole mail to make me late on my payments . He wanted to keep me from getting the mortgage. I got a P.O. Box to put a stop to it. It is actually a federal crime in Canada.
Fucktard X did that to me too. He forwarded my mail to his office, where he’d open it and sit on it for a month or more, then return it to me after my payments were overdue. It’s a federal crime in the U.S. as well, but it’s in the Cheaters’ Playbook so they think it’s clever and okay.
It’s a crime to steal mail in the US too. The Postmaster General takes a dim view of it. Ditto for using someone else’s home address as their own.
Prior owner used our address on his driver’s license for years after selling & moving out. When the police showed up to arrest him and scared my husband to bits (same first name & similar-sounding last name) it was a bit tense. They were very apologetic, fortunately.
ALL OF THIS. I would actually get a PO box if it’s at all logistically doable.
Smart! Really good idea.
Some people live for drama and triangulation. It’s all about the competition. The OW in my case was an ex too, who had cheated on every relationship she ever had. Batshit crazy and a child psychologist to boot. Lucky for me she was in another country, she tried stalking me electronically but it was pretty easy to block that. She did convince the slime ball to let her see the inside of my house on a visit to him, it was like being raped, you have my sympathy.
Have to agree with chump lady on this one, your behaviour is exemplary so far, she’s obsessed because she is nuts and because your ex is probably triangulating – I know mine did. You have no idea what he is telling her to keep her dancing for him. As CL said, document, get cameras for your home and catch the crazy in the act. You deserve peace and you deserve to feel safe in your own home, irrespective of who it is and why she is behaving that way. I really feel for you, good luck.
That’s what I was thinking–triangulation. I was the unwitting “OW” (groomee) for two much-older guys whom I didn’t even consider as romantic prospects, and BOY were they fond of telling me how screwed up their partners/exes were and how horribly they’d been treated and what an injustice it all was. In retrospect, this was obviously just a way to bind me to them with sympathy and (in one case) damage my friendship with the partner, not to mention convincing me that if *I* even considered challenging or questioning or suspecting them of any wrongdoing, I’d be just as twisted and horrible and amoral as those bad bad ladies in these guys’ poor unfortunate undeserving lives.
Now, I certainly didn’t go on any vigilante rampages against said horrible ladies (and never really believed there was anything wrong with them), but if I’d been actually in love with either of these guys I suppose it’s possible I might have. I became severely depressed from the grooming alone, and that can make you act and feel crazy when you’re not; I wouldn’t want to know what it’s like to be an actual OW. So there’s my speculative take on what your ex might be doing now, at least in part. But if you engage either of them, be very aware that it will likely be used against you to make you look like the twisted one. It may be worth it (I’ve had a few instances of risking the “twisted” label by reporting these fucks, and I wouldn’t take it back). But it’s not just a matter of don’t give her the satisfaction; it’s don’t put yourself through that if you don’t think it’s worth it.
Hey – Rivers it’s obvious to me that Porky is having second thoughts about leaving you – the novelty has worn off and sugarclit isn’t as sweet like before. She knows this and is afraid – I think she’s suspecting he’s sneaking around to talk to you! You (and your daughter)could be in extreme danger you really need to take action now – do what knitterdobbin suggests before it’s too late.
Poor Porky (Lol)!
Bacon!!! I smell Bacon!
NMSB – love and miss your cheerful bartending at the FN Fire Pit! Hope you’re doing well and glad to see you’re as snarky as ever!
This cracked me up!
My ex stuck his dick in crazy too.
I was able to shield myself from her well enough that all she did was stalk me online.
The cheater is probably using you to mindfuck her and keep her dancing. As long as he keeps her thinking that you or your family are competition, then you’re a threat.
Read “The Gift of Fear”, and invest in security cameras. Get a wearable camera for you and your daughter and use them when you’re going places she shows up. Start documenting all the stalking and harassment, and make a safety plan. Don’t try and get any kind of restraining order without a solid safety plan in place. Get a panic alarm and carry it. If she approaches, pretend she is not even there and immediately get to safety.
Bunny Boilers need to have haters, enemies, rivals, and threats to focus their crazy at. There is nothing you can do to make her go away. All you can do is manage the threat.
I would do all the above and get a conceal carry license.
Brb, getting “Wallflower at the Batshit Cotillion” tattooed in a banner on my left arm! ????????♀️????
I agree with others here that the main things to do are (1) document, document, document (as my lawyer affirms, the more the better, and then she has a lot of content and resources to pick from when it’s time to get ready for court) and (2) ignore her, full “gray rock” style, so that as far as she can tell she’s not even a blip on your radar screen. As CL says, she desperately wants your attention. Don’t give it to her.
Venting totally does help too, but do that with close friends only so as not to add more fuel to the fire. I journaled via private blog posts for a while when it was all going down, and that was super cathartic.
Remember: you can’t control others’ actions, but you can control your own. If this ever comes to a head in court, they judge will be able to see each example of how zany she acted and how you were cool as a cucumber, and they will know who’s the stable one and who’s the danger.
As a wee bit of untangling the skein, because I just can’t help myself: I think sometimes when a woman does something like blow up her own and her partner’s life with wild abandon, at first she’s like “This is fine! I’m following my bliss!” etc. But then as time goes on, it nags at her. Probably living in the same town as you, she’s begun to see that all the horror stories he told her about you seem far-fetched, and that the more she observes you, the more non-horrible you seem. She *needs* you to be horrible though, in order to justify what she’s done. So she’s waiting, and provoking, and watching because she desperately needs that proof that you’re a Crazy Bitch™️ anyway. In order for her to feel okay about herself. Which is another reason not to take the bait and pay her back with equally garbage behavior.
You got this!
I agree with this. Looks like we have a triangu-combo of pure crazy and XH in her ear. Before I married X, we ran in the same circles and were friends. Even then (looking back now, after I graduated from Chump U last week) X would make odd comments about the ladies he was dating. “Oh, she HATES you” and friend-chump me was all concerned and like, but why? What? Worried about how I came across, etc. Years after that, we dated and married and divorced. In my brief relapse, I heard about the OW and new crop of ladies soon after. More of the same! “Oh, the OW was afraid you were going to come over here to the house”. What??!! Why? I’ve never met her, didn’t know a darned thing about them. I can only imagine what he said about me to her. Oh, it was probably all the same sack of BS he told me about the others. Stoking catfights much? But keep that up Sir Yoga, it seems you released a Kraken-Bunny-Boiler!
Chump-tastic, lol… what tattoo parlor are you going to? I’ll meet you there!
Also just want to add that her showing up at your tennis match and standing right up against the fence facing you made my blood run cold. Pure terror! Goodness gracious.
Chump Lady is spot on!! I did the exact same thing as you. I divorced immediately, never begged or called or wanted any kind of chance for us to work again. I also got calls to my job, calls to to the police that I was harassing her, tags on FB with pics of my daughter in a very creepy fashion considering she wasn’t to be alone with my daughter per our court order. I could go on and on, but I won’t, as it is just bad memories for me. We separated in 2017 and my lawyer finally sent her a cease and desist letter in April of 2018 way after our divorce was final. These women don’t understand why we bow out immediately. I think it makes them feel that they picked wrong and makes them question their already insane minds. They can’t understand how we want to be left alone and prefer no drama. Their relationship has completely benefited from the divorce, and now that its just them two..they feel off balance. CL’s advice is SPOT ON. Letter from attorney, security camera, etc. Once I sent her the letter, she stopped doing things outwardly. I would still see her driving in my neighborhood on occasion, but even that has diminished. I have a ring doorbell and cameras in the front. I have people i trust also on those devices in the event I need someone else to be alerted to what is happening. It’s been a year since the letter was sent, and things are calm. My ex hasn’t seen my daughter in a year, and I’m fine with that. I completely got off social media also because I was tired of it and I wanted her to get my message that I AM NOT PLAYING YOUR GAME! Life is good 🙂 Please take it seriously and protect yourself accordingly.
“They can’t understand how we want to be left alone and prefer no drama.”
^This^
definitely! Mehny rivers, I know where you are, and it sucks, but you will get through it and your daughter will see that. I agree with the above book suggestions as well. I have read both “The Gift of Fear” and “Why Does He Do That?”, and they were both very enlightening. My ex wasn’t abusive in the way that most men in the book were, but IMO cheating and long term affairs are a form of abuse and I mainly wanted to educate myself on how to not pick a man like this going forward! If you need any tips or suggestions on anything regarding lawyers, PI’, or just dealing with a completely psychotic whack job, please reach out! 🙂 you aren’t alone sadly…these people are multiplying at great speeds…
Install cameras inside your car. Front and back view. Inside house install cameras at front and back door. And of course all over outside.
Be discrete and act normal. Go about your business and act unaware but keep recording everything. It is weird.
I lived on 42 acres of a lot of woods around my house and a large open area that I could be stalked and watched and recorded.
I had no idea how sick the whore next door was till I was starting to make a nice dinner. I had gotten a really nice chefs knife for Christmas to cut up veggies for all the wonderful meals I cooked.
I went into my pantry to get my knife for cooking and it was gone. I also had a stack of my favorite Paula Deen magazines and they were also gone.
In my bedroom I had bought an expensive eye cream which I used very tiny amounts because it was expensive. I opened it was it was almost empty from being full a day before. She screwed the top on and placed it back.
Very much letting her presence known.
No TVs or anything else missing. Just my personal stuff gone. Isn’t it sick that she was probably cooking for the sick X with my stuff.
The day Monday X filed for divorce the nutcase next door placed a photo of her and her son standing in the field of my property in front of my field of sunflowers smiling like she won the lottery.
She was also his buddy when he took part of the computer to her house to hide it. So I couldn’t take it in to get files read off of it.
I guess she thought he was going to marry her but he married someone he met off dating site. Strange thing is she’s included in his family pictures of him his wife and her. The new wife has kinda a strange look on her face.
I do know this about her family life growing up. Her dad was a drunk. Her mother had many affairs. She herself drinks wine nonstop. Her husband was also an alcoholic. They had many blow out fights.
I also noticed one day on a account insteadgram or something she had actually labeled it second hand Shari.
So it’s a lot of low self esteem and self hate. And somehow if she gets the wife’s seat everything is grand.
You might also get a hidden body cam for you and your daughter.
I was really scared when I was going through my divorce because of her and the X. They were working together in everything.
X made a big show of walking out in the yard one day like he had cameras watching the house. It was creepy and I can tell you I was glad to escape that house. I just wish I could have brought both daughters with me and been no contact forever.
For anybody who suspects an intruder has been in your house (taken stuff or not), throw out your tootbrush(es) !
OMG. Ewww. Would not have thought of that either…
That is absolutely terrifying.
The backstory is sad, but her behavior is absolutely terrifying. I had no idea chumps had/have similar or, in this case, much worse experiences.
I hope you are safe and happy where you are now!
Yes I am. I’m glad to be done with all that. It’s part of the reason I haven’t wanted to date.
At the time of all this I was taking sleeping pills and one day I discovered a flashlight in the 1/2 bath under the counter.
Coming into my bedroom to search for what I don’t know while I slept.
He was bribing everyone too. I found a bank statement where he gave the district attorney in another county $1000.00. My Uncle in the same county $1000.00 a month.
I don’t know 1/10 of his and whore next doors evil crap. Crazy works in teams. They feed off each other.
I know also on his elderly parents he took out 100k before they died. I have no idea what he done with that money.
Like I said I was done with that when the divorce was final. I moved back to my hometown.
BTW, how is OW able to find you and your daughter at so many places? You said Daughter may be accidentally revealing information at dinners with her father and his girlfriend, but there’s way too many coincidences here. Coffee shops? Tennis matches? Following you on a hiking trail? That’s a lot.
Please have your and your daughter’s electronics (phones, tablets) and cars checked for tracking devices.
Or she could have put a tracker on her car. She should have it looked over and the phone examined for spyware.
The OW in my case slapped ME with a baseless restraining order – the night before our child custody evaluation was released, which ended up me having the right to move out of state with the kids.
The stupid thing is, my attorney told me I don’t have the money to fight this – so we signed a mutual no contact order. Fine, but I thought for the kids at some point we are supposed to act cordial? Oh well, I’m now out of state and cherishing my family…
I got one from his whore as well (a seasoned OW: got her first husband while he was married too). I had contacted her once and told her she was a whore (he lied and told me there was no affair). She made up a bunch of lies (in my state you need 3 examples of harassment) about contact with me. 10 days later, my XH gave me one too. My attorney told me not to fight them. Risk of losing meant a misdemeanor (I’ve never even had a speeding ticket). My attorney is a judge pro-tem, and told me whore will destroy XH given time.
They are married with child now. They moved to my town and I take great pains to avoid them. I hope that one day their kid googles their parents – mom and dad have lots of splainin’ to do!
Also, I should add that my attorney told me that “OW is trying to destroy you”. “Get off the grid – change your number and move to an unlisted address”. The attorney told me that OW is one “Crazy Bitch”.
Anyone thinking of confronting an OW, let me be your cautionary tale. She’s sicker than I was smart.
Can you recruit a friend(s) to take a video of OW stalking you? A PI would be costly and just a couple of videos of her stalking would be more than enough for a restraining order. The standing at the fence watching you play tennis is so creepy, she is definitely unhinged. Be careful.
I hired PI and they are super expensive. 1500.00 to start.
All good advice but if she starts showing up in weird places, check your cars for tracking devices.
My buddy had an Ex stalking him and he was out one Saturday 2 hours from home looking at furniture and she pulls up next to him at a gas station and glares at him !! ????
Come to find out every morning she was duct taping an old Iphone inside his bumper and using “where is my phone” app to track where he went. She was also vandalizing his property so he installed hidden and “in the open” cameras and that nonsense ended.
Stalking is scary and besides talking to your lawyer, talk to your local cop and talk to them about it and things you can and should do to protect yourself and gain evidence for a restraining order.
My ex stalked me (and hired a PI to follow me too). I have no idea why except that he wanted to see if I was dating. ????♀️ (This was 6 mos after I filed for divorce). Cameras are the way to go. You can get a set of wireless cameras relatively cheaply.
I can relate to this. My hasbeen and the OW connected up in about the same way. Their mother’s were pregnant together so the bond happened in the womb. So what they had never seen or talked their whole life. When the stalking started I moved and got a place out in the country 30 miles from where I had been living. Actually walked out my door and caught her messing with my car in my driveway. I put up 4-5 ft heavy wire fence around my 5 acres. I put a locking gate across my driveway and planted 3 rows of pine trees around my perimeter. (so she can’t see in) I have 5 security screens going. I got 2 guard dogs who have free run of the property. I have a pistol and baseball bat next to my bed.
In 2012 I was shot at and the bullet missed my head by about 6 inches. Went behind the headrest on my SUV. She tried new tactics going forward from there. She would stop and take pictures of my farm and look up zoning codes for my area. (she lived in another state about 120 miles away) She’d report me to the zoning code people in my area. I’d have them come out 3 times a yr or more to investigate. We got on a first name basis. If I put a new window in she’d report me. Fix my deck and they were out here. She was a member of a coven of witches out of Tx. I got threats from them. My attorney asked me what I was going to do about those threats. I told him I was taping magic crystals on my shot gun shells as we speak. Figured I’d shoot them down when they flew over and drag them over to the fire pit and burn them. He was cracking up laughing. She tried to infiltrate my friends and family. She even has a blog site she’d slam my physical appearance and character.
Lucky for me I had a thick skin from working in a prison most of my life. Just a matter of out thinking her. (she wasn’t so bright) I’m good with a gun and have had martial arts training for many yrs. I do keep up on the vehicles they are driving so if I spot that color and make I have my guard up. This women way out of the lines of normal. She writes books about Scottish vampires and fancies herself as a decedent of one. Has my X wearing kilts which amuses me to no end. (no arse to hold the kilt up) He wants to run around the UP of Mich, heavy insect country, in a kilt that’s on him. It’s been an interesting 5 yrs. I guess she isn’t getting her dose of “kibbles” from me and has slowed her onslaught of me these last 2 yrs. Maybe she has figured out that the man running around in the kilt isn’t worth the effort. Maybe she needs a new color of plaid for that kilt to bring back the excitement.
Holy shit, this scared me and made me laugh out loud for real!!!
Bejesus !
You managed to get a “yikes!” and an “lol!” out of me in the same post. That doesn’t happen often. What a kook. I’m glad she’s a lousy shot and you’re safe.
Dear Rivers to Cross,
Great advice. Do as Chump Lady says. Also:
Ring has cameras, etc and can tie into servers for data storage and alert you by phone.
Get a GoPro camera. Keep it on you, except when you park your car in a public spot. Then leave the GoPro on and in your vehicle.
You have a smartphone, right? That or your friends do. Get pictures to back up the stalking charge.
I’m seriously concerned about this woman stalking your daughter. And be careful about letting your dog out without watching. She might stoop so low as to steal the dog or poison it.
This one is no joke. And Pig Boy has no idea the shit he’s in. LOL!
Omg yes take it seriously. The Wackjob stalked me AFTER moving in with Schmoopie by letting himself in the house( I had been told I wasn’t allowed to change the lock because he still owned half of the house). He hid his truck and came out of the dark(locked as he relived it and hid in the dark house) raging at me( also how he stole my jewellery and shopped for the good stuff to bring to Schmoopie). Disordered as f#ck. I was so in the trauma fog I didn’t immediately react. After waking up in the middle of the night in a fright I involved DV—they took it seriously. These freaks are dangerous.. he was a mechanic so I was afraid to drive my car for months.. I still always have my doors locked when I’m in my house. You are dealing with an insane person. Please protect yourself.
Relocked not relived
A friend of mine lives in a house that backs onto some woods. She was shot at two weeks ago through her own back window.
You have no idea how nuts this woman is. She may be convinced that your ex is still seeing you on the side. God only knows her mental health history.
If she showed up at my tennis game or whatever I would make it obvious that I was taking a picture of her standing there glaring at you.
Can you ask the police to check her out, see if she has any convictions of violence?
Please take this very seriously. The woman is obviously not stable and you do not know what she is capable of doing to you and your family. Your primary focus should be to protect yourself, to document the stalking and to put as much of a buffer as possible between you and this stalker. When you shop, etc., be sure to park in a crowded well-lit area. Always carry your phone with the GPS tracking on. Know your daughter’s whereabouts and make sure someone knows yours at all times. Make sure all of your friends and family know what is happening (sucks I know, but necessary). If OW follows you, drive straight to the nearest police/fire station. Internet stalking is a crime and can also be the subject of a domestic violence injunction, so document any internet harassment. Be sure your security system has the ability to record and to preserve that recording as part of its package. Take every reasonable precaution. Even if the cops aren’t helpful at first, involve them as appropriate. Look into the requirements of obtaining a domestic violence, against her. Since she is your X’s “girlfriend”, in most states, she can be the subject of such injunctions. I am sorry you are having to go through all of this trauma. Infidelity is the gift that just keeps giving.
Yoga Whore is like a bear pissing in the woods, marking its territory, showing you who’s boss, telling you to stay away, even if you no intention of being within 100 miles of that forest.
As others have said, do everything you can to protect yourself and your daughter from this certifiably crazy stalker… install security cameras and motion sensors inside/outside your home as well as your vehicles, purchase wearable body cams, lock down your social media profiles, file written police reports of every single sighting and/or incident, take a self-defense class, consider getting a carry/conceal license — and of course, keep your attorney in the loop. He/she may believe a cease and desist letter is appropriate, or may believe it would trigger escalation.
Since it seems you’re never quite sure where or when she’s going to show up, put your and your daughter’s network on alert (i.e. neighbors, employers, school officials, tennis club, volunteer event coordinators, as well as personnel at your coffee shop, hair salon, gym and any other establishments that you or your daughter frequent); if things go south, collaboration from other witnesses could come in handy.
Since you believe she’s been in your garage, what is stopping her from entering your home? If you think this is a real possibility, and you haven’t already done so, install whole disk encryption on all computers and use very strong passwords (10 characters or more) on all mobile phones, so even if she steals one she won’t have access to any of your or your daughter’s PII — Personally Identifiable Information — (i.e. photos, financial data, bank account numbers, credit card information, usernames and passwords, email accounts, Social Security numbers, etc). I know this might seem like overkill, but in this day and age, if someone has access to your electronically stored information, it opens the door for identity theft, electronic impersonation, and a whole host of other things that would be a monumental mess to clean up. It’s just as important to protect your physical person as it is to protect your electronic information. Lock it down!
Be careful – I just googled that bio quote and her profile came up straight away.
First thing NOT to do is get a Nest or Ring camera. Seriously, if you don’t know-look it up! It’s no different then putting tape over your PC camera. You will invite every hacker on Earth into your home and yes all of your tech stuff will be used too. So if she is going to this extreme, she can get a tutorial on YouTube to hack your cameras. Get Trail cameras with low or no light infared. Put black electrical tape over the red light so it cannot be seen at night. Trail or Game cameras come camouflaged and can be hidden easily. How do I know this? My Fuckwit brings his schmoopie to my home while I sleep…..be safe, oh, yeah one more thing, YouTube Taebo. Learn it, it not only makes you toned, it teaches self-defense. This kinda crazy is dangerous and you should probably look into carry and conceal. You start moving forward with Leagal entities, you will piss her off. Never allow yourself to go to a secondary crime scene. Protect yourself in every way, this is not a joke. Be strategic and don’t tell ANYONE what your doing! Not even your daughter, things slip. I am being very serious-she’s showing obsession issues. These people hire hit men, or flip their cookies and do it themselves. What good does a Restraining order do for you(ask abused women how well that works after their ex’s break in and attack them before the cops arrive).
There was a vulnerability but only if the hacker can get access to your wifi network, which should be locked done. It would take some hacker skills to get in there, but 1) never give out the password; 2) change the password frequently; make it 12-14 random letters and numbers. Make THAT password different from phone and devices and that different from social media. Recent tech articles say that companies are aware and addressing this vulnerability. Trail cams are a good idea if the point is footage. But BoilerSchmoops probably won’t know a motion light also is a video camera. What you want is for her to LEAVE. And get video footage of her doing that. So if the generally safe from all but skilled hacker options like Ring scare you, get the Trail cam but also get regular motion lights, front and back so she knows she will be visible to anyone in the vicinity. You may even be able to talk the condo association into installing cameras.
OW was with my ex husband for years and I had zero idea she even existed until he left his email up and my spidey senses had been tingling so I opened it. Not only did I read about jaunts in the hotel rooms and I learned all about the times she would be in my home while I was at work and would hold up my pregnancy panties from my laundry basket and laugh at me to him. How she would change my newborn’s diaper and feed her her bottle while I was at work and she was hanging out with him. She would cry to him in those emails dreaming of the day when I would be paying him alimony and child support why they ate dinner at my dining room table with my daughters and her sons and how I would pay for it all. That it wasn’t happened btw. What happened was she sent all those emails from her University Employed work address and sent and recorded videos of them doing the deed at her office after hours as she was married too. Public Records requests are amazing and I got her fired and unemployed and provided my evidence to her husband for his divorce lawyer. My ex gets neither alimony or child support and didn’t want her after the divorce. Nevertheless the planning and the conniving and the laughing at me by her that was all in those two to three years worth of emails was scary and upsetting. Today I sometimes read her blogs that she writes where she was an inpatient in a mental ward just to thank the lord that this woman never became my children’s stepmother.
Right after GTFO day, and previous OW contacted me and told me TEO) exh2 had her convinced that I was a shitty mom and that she was going to raise DD because I “didn’t want her full-time” and that I was going to pay him child support and palimony since I make such big bucks as a public servant, mmmm, OK, stupid ass.
That’s a true horror story. Sometimes we dream up scenarios where OW think these things but clearly it can be a real thing that they want the chump’s life—and the chump to pay for it. That’s evil.
Taking well thought out preemptive steps was really important in our success.
As Magneto, I applaud your success.
Here is where I differ from the “just ignore her” advice.
Get a spiral notebook, enter every date and time you see OW, single spaced, skip no lines.
In addition, every time you spot her, obviously snap a photo, THEN ignore her. Certain activities, things you do that ramp her up??? Lay on those heavy. Yes, encourage her kookiness – SURE, she might guess your photos give her kibbles, – go along with it – for a month or two.
Document, Date. Snap. Every time.
People want to believe chumps make things up. I don’t get it, but it happens.
If you have enough data to back up your claims — 14 “sightings” in a month is not a coincidence by anyone’s standards- pull the noose, via your attorney or my making a police report –
She will understand once it’s too late for her to explain this pestering.
My XH was a screwed up whimp. His car was outside my new house, he created a fake FB profile and friend requested my family to snoop — I absolutely documented every occurrence and BLASTED him, via his attorney and my divorce attorney about stalking.
I threatened police action if it did not stop immediately. As far as I know, the instances stopped immediately, I didn’t even have to file the report….
Coward of being exposed. All of them.
Rules to harming a narcissist cheater or OW;
1. Expose them ( especially if you can do this with facts and being “clean” about it.) – photos, social media screen shots, save all texts (and your responses)
2. Do not let them carry on statue quo. Once you realize a pattern, make choices that de rail them.
3. Strong boundaries – without fail.
4. Hit them in the pocket book. Court appearances cost money. Follow up every missed support payment/child reimbursement ticket.
I truly believe Cheaters and OW and OM are notorious bullies, who cower at authority.
^^^^^ I say the above things to encourage total separation and an end to triangulation. I believe no contact is the way to live your life, SOMETIMES letting a bully know you are not going to take it IS the way to go.
— I became a professional at outsmarting the cheater. 99% he has no idea how “it” happened. I live a 100% cheater free life now –
He is truly afraid that contact will only result in more exposure.
This would seriously creep me out. I once was harassed by a neighbor’s teen son. I was a single mom, too. I was a wreck. So I asked my divorce lawyer to write up a cease and desist letter. She didn’t think it would help but I begged her and she did. We were both delighted and relieved it worked. And the kid’s father apologized to me. Anyhow, take lots of pictures of her nose pressed against the fence and following you on the trail or at your daughter’s coffee house. And check to see if your ex hadn’t broken up with her. He may also be trying to make her jealous by threatening to return to you so she may believe you are her competition.
Hey Chumplady, what happened to my post?
Spam filter. Don’t take it personally. It’s restored.
In Michelle Obama’s words, “When they go low, we go high.”
This does not work with the disordered. It is terrible advice for dealing with cheaters.
If you wave an olive branch- they will chop off your arm.
I did have a lawyer send the OW a vicious aggressive cease and desist after she called me a crazy whore on FB.
I have no FB account- she was just randomly slandering me- and she got the “prize”! A hyper sexed multi millionaire meth addict redneck. No kidding.
Just like the cunt bothering you.
And just like you I thought/ why is this bitch focused on ME?
Because you were playing a star role in the relationship and have no idea. He probably had said something to the effect of she is a great tennis player- you. He is going to constantly try to keep her off balance by comparing her to you. It’s their other drug.
Truly it is a phenomenon that social scientist should study. When I look back over the Maggot’s life, he never did NOT have a hypotenuse. In other words if he had a female in his life he always had another female in the wings that he wanted to hate the person he was with. He nurtured it like a poison garden.
It is so terribly disordered -that there is no way to untangle that skein. They are hopelessly demented.
So she is scoping out her competition. The dumb bitch doesn’t realize she’s dancing by herself.
I would spend it a few thousand and open a big can of obscene legal misery on her crazy ass. So far she has not suffered any consequences. She’s bold.
For an extra 50 bucks you can have the sheriffs office serve the cease-and-desist letter on her. I would do it at the yoga studio. During a class.
Her chakras will be shattered. ????
Kadin, if you are not a lawyer, please go to law school. I will send you a retainer. Seriously, one of the saddest things about this process is realizing that lawyers and judges just don’t get the nuances of what cheaters do and how they manipulate. I have come to believe that the law is, essentially, misogynistic at the very least.
Mehny – She has more than her yoga gig at stake. Her licenses are at risk too if she is found guilty of criminal charges. Yeah, I looked her up.
You can try a PACER search in her too. The first 15 searches are free per quarter. I didn’t bother because your attorney may already have done so, or will if you request it.
I agree, the “we go high” doesn’t always work. It makes people like that see you as weak. You have to fight back but do it through legal channels. I have a feeling once the cops are involved and her work finds out, she’ll back off. Of course she’s going to spin it like she’s the stalking victim, but who cares as long as she backs off.
Don’t take pictures of her directly. Enlist a friend, maybe your doubles partner or someone else who won’t freak out, to line up a selfie with the two of you, with her in the background.
She needs to feel utterly ignored, and all your evidence needs to be gathered without her knowing that you noticed her.
There are dash cams that can be installed discreetly and I would mount one in the back of your car window. I’d put one on the front, too. Then cameras all over the house. I wouldn’t make a big show of it. Once she figures out she is being filmed, she will get sneakier.
This is really bizarre and I am scared for you. I’m sure I’m not the first one to mention this.
I have an Arlo camera. They have a free service and every movement is automatically recorded, then stored into cloud for sometime (you can download/save them if you’d like). Also, I’d recommend a self-defense class or two. All these helped give me power back.
Yes – all such good advice. My ex’s ex (9 year affair partner – post divorce he then dumped her for new fancier gf) decided that she and I should connect to commiserate about our shared ex (OMFG) Reached out to me on social media and email, and even texted me. I ignored her. Last week a package was in my mailbox with “Psychopath Free” by Jackson Mackenzie and an unsigned note. Ignore. But I then find out she sent the same book to the new gf with a note intimating it was from me! And sending new gf emails pretending to me be me (HUGE OMFG) So I am meeting with the chief of police in my little town today to make a report. Jeez – just when I thought I was done with the crazy…..
OW, aka the Yoga Whore, is a woman who had met Porky Pig on a beach vacation when they were 14 years old. She hadn’t seen him or been in contact with him in 46 years but, when her second marriage failed, she looked him up on LinkedIn and contacted him.
Only 2 sentences in and I’m WTFing all over the place. A new personal record for me on this site.
Cam: if you are anywhere near the mid-Atlantic I will drive to your location and buy you a drink. I would love to meet you in person! Your comments here have been humorous and insightful. Thank you.
Mehny, I actually live in the mid-Atlantic! Let’s talk … I’m not sure how to exchange emails here, maybe Chump Lady can hook us up?
I’ve clicked on notifications for this comment, so any replies you make here will notify me by email.
Hope you’re doing well and hanging in there. Glad my comments helped!
Daaaammmmnnnnn!!!
The OW#2 (and the one he left for, a European chick half our age) keeps looking at my Linked In profile. I got many notices that she was looking and up pops her greasy face and employer.
I don’t understand why since I have never spoken to her and the X Asshat denied she was a thing. Yes, he moved to her country and wouldn’t stop texting her heart and love emojis in front of our adult daughters in the months leading up to moving but clearly we are all just crazy. And the Linked In views just must be my imagination. Fortunately I retired and will not be updating my profile or e-mail so I will stop knowing about that anymore.
They are all nuts. I have not spoken to or had any sort of contact with my X Asshat in about 14 months. I have no idea what he says about me but wonders if he speaks of regrets or compares her to me in order to triangulate. She is young and dumb. I don’t give a shit about either of them.
But I do have security cameras. Arlo cameras are only about $100 each and are wireless and work really well. Get some. Do it now. You can’t control her showing up at common places until you get the restraining order but you need to document the shit out of everything and take it very, very seriously.
JFC, she has a license to prescribe. He got himself a Bunny Boiler with a prescription pad.
I’m assuming you’ve locked down your house with equipment that your XH has no access to–garage, windows, doors.
Now you need to make sure she didn’t leave any spyware behind. How does she know when you play tennis or DD volunteers? If you have a laptop, look for a key logger. Maybe it’s time to trade out the old phones or change the password. Require two-step verification for log in. Have a pro look at the house and car for GPS trackers. And see this article teaching people how to use other people’s phones to “track” them. https://celltrackingapps.com/track-cell-phone-location-without-them-knowing/
It’s very worrisome that she shows up where DD is going to be. She or one of her friends or the shop owner (etc). can snap the photos. Every time. Then document. Every time. Make sure the school knows she’s a stalker and what she looks like.
I think the advice you got is really good. But until you have some idea how she knows where you are, you can’t solve the problem for good. It might mean new phones. But get a tech expert to look at the car, the garage and house, and your digital devices. Once you know you’re clean, upgrade those passwords. Change them regularly. Don’t let other people use your devices. If someone needs to call in an emergency and doesn’t have a phone, you put the number in and the phone on speaker. And run a credit check and be sure to lock down your credit so she can’t access that.
Take someone with you when you walk the dog. And let that person turn around and take the picture if she follows you. But do a full stop. Both of you turn around. What is she going to do? Keep walking? Or stop? You get the still photos (2-3) then flip to video. Say nothing. Just record. If she confronts you, call the local police, not on the 9-1-1 line, the regular local number, which of course you will have on speed dial.
I like the “selfie” photo idea when it’s tennis or the coffee shop. But walking the dog on a trail, you are very, very vulnerable. Don’t go alone. And make sure she knows you know she’s there and you have proof.
Read “The Gift of Fear.” When I was a young woman, I was a distance runner who used large local parks that had great running trails. But inevitably some man would tuck in behind me and run at my pace, up and down the hills. I would often stop and step off the trail, with a large branch in hand and force him to go ahead. If he got defensive (“I’m not bothering you”) I would answer loudly, “Yes you are. It’s not OK to follow me or any other woman.” That usually ended the problem. Use your voice. Be loud if you need to. Carry a nice-sized metal flashlight with a strong beam. Get your daughter a loud alarm for her key ring. This is not the time to channel “I go high.” This is the time to channel, “Stop fucking with me and my kid or I will rain hellfire on your head.”
Hi Rag Doll; Plus it is Kibbles! Something I learned here many years ago here on this site that I didn’t put together myself. I is too pathetic for a Chump to realize in someone they once thought a lot of.
didn’t have a minute to read all the comments, but I have to second ChumpLady on the next-type cameras. My ex was continually breaking in–one time he stole 6 TVs, all jewelry given to me as gifts including my engagement ring—what the heck for? he lives in a 2 bedroom apartment. The last time he tried, he showed up with a locksmith to change the locks, and I got it all on what they call a ‘clip’ which is just a piece of audio/video that can be shared. I posted signs by the entrances to my house that the cameras were in use, and that I could and would share any clips with law enforcement. But what finally stopped it all is me breaking NC to text my ex (and I told my attorney I was doing so, after the fact) that should I see any further clips of his fat fanny, I’d be also forwarding them to his family members. (I don’t know if I would actually do that, that would be pretty harsh, but so is breaking into the house of a woman who lives alone and stealing her belonging)
Haven’t heard a peep from him since! And you can believe nothing’s going out from this direction.
Nest-type, oops
Having home security cameras is amazing. I highly recommend it, not just for the stalking but for your peace of mind in general. We installed one a few months ago and it’s changed our lives for the better. I can see if a package has been delivered. I can talk to my kid’s friends when they come over to play and we aren’t there, I let them know when we’ll be back. We are installing more soon in the backyard and garage area. I can’t recommend them enough.
Jealousy is a weird thing that lives in insecure hearts. There is nothing you can do to stop someone else when they decide to be jealous of you. I found this out at a young and tender age when I would go into a new school system and other girls would treat me abominably. I did not know them. They never gave me a chance. If I said hello to a boy, he was someone else’s boyfriend and I was seducing him. I didn’t even know what seduction was then. If I explained to a girl I was not interested in her boyfriend, it was somehow an insult to her. Why not? What’s wrong with him? There is no winning with someone who is jealous.
If you drop a cheater, and walk away, as the mighty are able to do, the OW wonders why. She wants to take him away, not have an undesirable cast-off.
Jealousy is a misery that is self inflicted. You have to learn to love yourself, embrace even the non perfect bits which make you the individual you are, and not care what others who do not know you think. There are many who love to believe the worst about anyone else who is not them. This is a tribe of crazy folks you do your best to avoid.
Learning to protect and defend yourself is always a good idea. Eventually, someone more interesting to hate will come along, if you can act as disinterested as possible. Good luck surviving Crazy Town — life is so much better when you can’t even see the LOSER residents anymore in the rear view mirror.
Incidentally, jealousy seems to last for a lifetime. I still meet others who think I am interested in their man, or men who believe I must be interested in them, even though I do nothing to encourage these beliefs. I have not “dated” by choice for years, and I still deal with this ridiculous shit. I am approaching being designated an official crone, and have retired from work. I don’t go out much. I am not rich, a world class beauty, famous, or even a snappy dresser. There is no logical explanation. Just as we did nothing to cause our spouse to cheat, we do nothing to encourage others to desire us, unless regular bathing, using deodorant, and brushing your teeth count as seduction. You can’t fix CRAZY!!!
I read Mehny’s story and all the comments and wowzer what a nut case. How would you even remember someone’s name you met on a beach when you were 14 years old ?? Gawd, she was really scouring the bottom of her brain for victims. I have no idea why the OW would be involved in stalking. I could almost (kinda) see the spouse doing some of it just to see what they were being replaced with….but the OW won the sparkly turd. I think most of you hit the nail on the head saying that Porky Pig must be throwing out comments to make her dance. Ugh. Anyhoo…It wouldn’t hurt to have a lawyer send a strongly worded cease and desist letter to her and protect your property and yourself and DD. Just like everyone said here.
Agreed Tracy she’s crazy and probably very insecure about him sticking around with her. Get a lawyer!
I agree with everyone’s posts and SMH at the craziness of these OWs…cheese and crackers, bitches be cray-cray!!!
When exh2/The Evil One left almost four years ago, I went into full protect-myself-and-dd mode. I changed the locks, I hung “black-out” curtains on all windows facing the front, WiFi password is super long.
I sent DD over to him for a weekend with her her tablet, because he didn’t have one for her yet. . Yep, he used her tablet to go to my Facebook profile and check out all my postings. It was still early in separation, so I had already found CN and heeded the advice of “keep it off social media”, but did have a lot of narcissistic abuse memes posted. Eh. Oh well.
I live right off a busy road, so I’m sure he still drives by — nothing to see here, fucker, move along.
Stay safe! Stay aware!
Well, I think the triangulation Kibbles are mighty important to some of these husband poachers. While the secrecu and deception keep it perpetually arousing, the excitement of the pick me competition is positely heady! Every time the ass hat chooses to ditch his family for a taboo morsel from the side dish, even for a meager moment, is a win for Schmoop bucket! But when she’s taken home the final spoils, all kibble wins cease, and the boring business of being the sparkeless Drudge begins. Yay Schmoopie! 2, 4, 6, 8, who do we appreciate? Yay Schmoopie!
I just need to take a moment to acknowledge how damn mighty Mehny Rivers to Cross is. This is a bizarre, scary, and heartbreaking situation. Yet she is fighting it by living her life and rocking it! Much love and stay safe. Thank goodness for all the wisdom here <3
DIS: your response here actually brought me to tears. What I want, through all of this chit, is to be a good role model for DD. That is my purpose in life. Believe me when I say I have plenty of moments when I’m not very mighty. I try and limit them to nights DD is spending the night out with friends. Then, and only then, do I let myself feel all the normal feelings any chump feels: outrage, betrayal, disbelief, self-doubt, insecurity, et al. Tracy can attest to at least one drunken, crazy-angry midnight email. Not my proudest moments, and yet I don’t regret them. Healing from infidelity is a process, not an event. We all do some things well and others, not so much. It is what it is. For me, I couldn’t have gotten through the betrayal and desertion without Tracy’s snark. Laughing helps. I just wish that now it’s all over, it was really all over.
I know most of you don’t recognize me by this name, but I’ve been here for awhile.
Peace. And calm. <3
Thank you CL and CN. I hope I can be there for you in the way you have been there for me.