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Snark and Dance Tunes

Lately, the very clever UXWorld has been breaking into show tunes with every posting. Taking whatever the talking point of the day is and composing a cheater ballad to go along with it.

A Friday Challenge was born.

Have you ever wanted to put “I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You” to song? Or maybe a torch ballad like “Schmoopie Sufficiently Appreciates Me”?

I know CN has a bunch of lyricists after you last serenaded the UBT. As much as the Universal Bullshit Translator would love more praise, it’s in a stupor after back-to-back David Brooks feedings. So sing to any creeper you want.

I should also mention that today is the 7th Anniversary of the Chump Lady blog. Generally I do a little stump speech, but it’s Friday. And I need the weekend to gear up to write something worthy of you all. So tune in Monday.

Meanwhile, you can hum along to this little ditty. TGIF!

SECOND MOUNTAIN HIGH — music by John Denver, lyrics by David Brooks

He was published in the winter of his 57th year
Mulling over a life he’d never led before
He left Sarah/Jane behind him, you might say he was bailing out
You might say he’d found a chump he could abhor

When he first met Annie Snyder, his life was unfulfilled
Feeling low, with no morality
But the cheating helped revive him, now he’s on the morning shows
And he’s filling out the wedding registry

And the egocentric Second Mountain High . . .
It helps to keep his little willy spry
The book tours and the spotlight will never cease to satisfy
Second Mountain Hiiiiiiiiiigh (fuck the valley)
Second Mountain Hiiiiiiiiiigh (fuck the valley)

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • I just want to wish Chump Lady and Chump Nation a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

    And I’ll play “Bridge Over Troubled Water” today. That is what this blog is to me. Sail on Tracy!

    May will be my third anniversary as a member of CN, the day I found and downloaded Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life.

    I don’t even want to think about where I would be if I hadn’t found CL. I’m still feeling stupid and angry over lost references. But I am surviving because of what, chump or no chump, I had built with my life instead cheating and taking unfair advantage of people. I had a place to fall without breaking too many bones. With Chump Lady’s help and wisdom, I could get up, shake the dust off and carry on.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY Chump Lady!

    • Yes! Happy Birthday to Chumplady! We appreciate her creation and attitude-riddled aid.

      Speaking of which, Dilemma! And with a weird twist, where it’s like my cheater wife situation has set up a… Well, I’ll save it for Ask Chumplady.

      • Oh yes, I frequently wonder, where would I be if I hadn’t found Chump Lady? I don’t even want to know.

  • Dear Chump Lady,

    Two years ago in Good Friday morning, I was awakened 5 a.m. by this strong voice inside my head saying “Wake Up. WAKE UP.” I can only say I felt and still feel it was God speaking to me. I had had an overwhelming feeling for months that I was in danger. Long story short – my husband of 23 1/2 years on that morning —I found viagra and condoms. I have the same story as many others- years of manipulation, lies, cheating, gas lighting, crazy making, and covert sexual and emotional abuse. I was MIGHTY. It took time two months to Uncover his hidden creepy life. The TRUE person he is. I went NO CONTACT. I went I to counseling. I had a hysterectomy while working on cleaning up all of our life. Sold my house – enormousness undertaking. Bought a new car and a new house. An amazing cute place with only my name on the deed. I sent my you gets to college and helped him get his first apartment two before my surgery. I went into terrible depression and anxiety- later after much counseling I was told that was not what I had- I had PTSD like being in a car wreck. The unearthing of my soul and life and mind. I forged on. I took a summer job away and never spoke of him for 9 weeks. It was healing. He is the worst human being I have ever met. Truly gross and has to be sociopathic to hold hands in church and kiss their wife …and then put himself in Backpage as the “clit licker”. That’s just a small part of the creep he is…Last year I found he had molested his little sister. He was 14 and she was 6. Then again when he was in college and she was 13. He emotionally damaged her beyond belief. I have spent the last 5 months trying to help her and get her counseling. On top of this- he gave me HPV and I have to be checked for cancer about every 6 months. My immune system is pretty low from the stress. So, these fuckers who think infidelity is just something the chumps need to stop whining about- they can FUCK OFF. I don’t want you to think my story is just this sad note though. I want you to know- YOU saved me and this group. Every morning, I start my day with your article and even through tears- I could laugh. The wisdom here was true and needed. Thank you. I can honestly never thank you enough. Today, I get up and move forward. A part of me is always sad and hurting, but I am trying to push that aside and just love the day, my friends, my family, and my pets! Today, I am going to focus on how damn strong and amazing I am and find joy in making a cake for my church, playing with my nephew, finishing a baby blanket for my new neighbors, and maybe work in my yard. A simple happy day. The people who are around me- I don’t have to pay them, sneak off to see them, hide them, or lie to them. Fuck him and fuck these people that pay him on the head and his sick life. I’m good. Actually, I am damn good. Keep shining your light, Chump Lady. Lots of chumps out here need to see the way to the better life- the cheater free life!

    • Dear PL, thanks for sharing your story and keep going on with your mighty self !! After learning of the cheating I was also worried for Cheaters younger sisters and recently had a chance to ask one of them and she was unhurt by him in that way…Im sorry for your Cheaters sister…I hope with your help she can heal.

      I agree that there needs to be some fuckedupness in someone to sit in church with their wife then pursue strange pussy…if they started out with any normal brain cells, they likely had fewer afterwords.

      Yes, simple happy days which are cheater free are the best.

    • Such a moving post. The real face of a cheater. The journey of the chump from crushing pain to finding her courage and moving forward with Chump Lady lighting the way. Thank you for sharing today.

    • Perfect Life thank you for your post. I was married for 24 years. I found CL and her book 9 months ago. It spoke truth to my soul and the only thing that helped me come out of the hopium and fog. I thank God everyday for CL and CN. I come here every day and get my fill of snark(which my ex used that term to describe me in an email to his AP). Fuck him and Fuck all cheaters. Feeling so much better now and learning to love my self again after years of emotional abuse and lies and whatever else went on in our sham marriage. Here’s to truth and living a life we deserve.

    • Perfect Life, thanks for sharing your story. You already know this, but let me say it –YOU ARE MIGHTY!!! My story started out exactly like yours. God woke me up around midnight and told me something was terribly wrong. Sure enough. Husband was out on a date with a newly divorced whore/former ho-worker. I too was married to someone who sat with me in church each week and I truly thought he was the real deal, but he wasn’t. Lord only knows all that went on behind my back. I know enough to know he’s a wolf in sheep clothing. And I ditto what I Finally See the Light ^^^ posted above said, Every day I thank God for CL and CN. I have no doubt in my mind that I’d be dead today if I hadn’t found this blog. I was so destroyed and confused before I found all of you. Thank you, thank you, everyone who posts each day. 🙂

      • And PS. Happy Anniversary, Chump Lady Blog!!! Is there any chance you’d ever have a meet-up again like you did for your book launch? I sure would love to meet you and also see some of the faces of Chump Nation. 🙂

      • Martha…. ❤️❤️❤️. Wolf in sheep’s clothing for sure

    • Two years ago on Good Friday, my EX accidentally texted myself a our children a love text meant for his office Schmoopie. Typical snake–guest in my home, on my boats and worked with my EX “selling” his company on numerous business trips. The summer before, I was also jolted from a sound sleep, two days in a row with a loud voice–“You cannot be married to that man”. I couldn’t figure out who was telling me this until I realized it was my inner voice.

      You are lucky you went no contact. To my financial detriment, I didn’t listen to my inner voice right up to our divorce hearing. So I’m moving on, realizing that the man I was friends with for 35 is a psychopathic narcissistic child. Unfortunately, his new wife is also a child, albeit a 51 year old baby. His problem, but I feel sad my children have to interact with this “thing” now called their Stepmother. Glad she has no children, but she is constantly giving horrible advice about the kids which, of course, my EX listens to. Too bad he didn’t listen to me during the divorce to make things go more smoothly. But nothing I said had value–sort of sums up how he felt about me for the 25 years of our marriage.

      So now he’s the “demoted, disgraced” former President of HIS company. So the value I gave him? Two great kids, respectability, complete freedom to build a (once) successful career……you all know the Chump resume that these jerks torch on the way at the door when you get fired and they “hire” the Schmoopie.

      • It would be fun to share those texts meant for Smoops that came to us. ????


    My song would be:
    No I don’t want to share you.
    I pity the fool
    If she dumped her kids, she’s ain’t nice.
    Don’t ask me to feel sorry for you.
    Last one the ow, asked me.
    Your not my problem.
    Hell is other people

  • Based on the Four Seasons’ song “Walk Like a Man,” with apologies to songwriters Don Brewer & Mark Farner:

    Oh how you tried to cut me down to size
    Tellin’ dirty lies to my friends
    I’ll go no farther, it’s no good, don’t bother
    Your world is comin’ to an end
    (I said)

    Walk like a man, talk like a man
    Walk like a man for once
    You’re just a worm crawlin’ on the earth
    So walk like a man, you scum.

    Bye bye baby, I don’t-a mean maybe
    You’ll get along somehow
    Soon she’ll be cryin’ on account of all your lyin’
    Oh then just look who’s laughin’ now.

    (I’m gonna)
    Walk from you man, fast as I can
    Walk from a man like you
    I’ll tell the world I’m no cheater’s girl
    And walk from man like you.

    • And Happy Birthday to a blog that saves lives. Tracy, you’ve made a great community here.

      • Absolutely. Life saving in so many way. Thank you Chump lady and this amazing nation ♥️

  • From Chump to Cheater, the original Grinch song. No rewrite required. I suppose you could change Grinch to Cheater if your cheater wasn’t also a Grinch around the holidays. You might also do that if you don’t want people to wonder why you are singing Christmas Carols in April.

    • Chumpinrecovery: You told me one of the most helpful things I’ve ever read on here on my post which came out 7/11/18, truly a life changing statement: “The only thing you may have control over is when the divorce happens, and if you wait too long you may not even have control over that.”

      So to you I say, “Thank you!” By Dido.

      • Glad it helped. This is one of the best things about this site. It is an opportunity to get advice from others going through or who have gone through what you are going through. Also, it is sometimes difficult to see that our cheaters suck, but it is always so obvious to everyone else here. It helps to get that perspective.

  • This long distance anniversary dedication goes out to Tracy and this blog, and to the paradox that while it’s a life saver when we need it most, it also aims to get all chumps to the point where we DON’T need it anymore.

    Mr. CL, on behalf of all of us in Chump Nation, please take Tracy for a turn on the dance floor to this number . . .

    CAN I HAVE THIS BLOG FOR AS LONG AS I NEED? — music by Crystal Gayle and Anne Murray, lyrics by Chump Nation

    I’ll always remember the hell of my D-Day
    My mind in a horrible place
    I found you on Google, and knew when I came here
    I’d found my saving grace

    Can I have this blog for as long as I need?
    To deal with and process every misdeed?
    Things become much better as I read
    Can I have this blog for as long as I need?

    I’ll always be grateful for gaining the know-how
    To understand shit cheaters say
    For Bullshit Translation, for Tempest and Nomar,
    Cashmere and L-A-J

    Can I have this blog for as long as I need?
    To deal with and process every misdeed?
    Things become much better as I read
    Can I have this blog for as long as I need?

      • Good one UX!!

        But I’m not sure I’ll never “need” CL, b/c you guys make me laugh.

    • A highly appropriate (not to mention clever) rewrite for what was my wedding dance song with Cheater. I wonder now whether as we were waltzing around in front of the guests to the words of “can I have this dance for the rest of my life?” was he mentally saying “no”, or was he saying “sure we can dance, but I’ll still be doing the horizontal dance with anyone else I get a chance to”.

      • CHUMPFUL

        maybe he was mentally singing that you would do the “pick me dance” for the rest of your life…

        Turns out, he was wrong.

  • to the music of “Champion” by Buju Banton with some copied lyrics from his song

    Chump want to walk like a champion
    Talk like a champion
    What a piece of lying shit
    Cheater where you get it from?
    Knock ‘pon your entrance
    Call on your phone
    Cheater not in
    Oh where could you have gone?

    Chump would be more than glad to do the pick me dance
    And lead you to the promise land in my 20 ft. bed
    All you got to do is be true, so let’s correspond
    Satisfy your narciness

    Chump want to walk like a champion
    Talk like a champion
    What a piece of lying shit
    Cheater where you get it from?
    Knock ‘pon your entrance
    Call on your phone
    Cheater not in
    Oh where could you have gone?

    Hot off a the press, no more chump
    She got mighty tough and she got dangerous
    Heart hard as diamond like she never get a cut
    Mightiness expand and she start to rise up
    “Chump me haffi get to, it’s a must”

    Chump want to walk like a champion
    Talk like a champion
    What a piece of lying shit
    Cheater where you get it from?
    Knock ‘pon your entrance
    Call on your phone
    Cheater not in
    Oh where could you have gone?

    Chump have a thing
    “Plenty men a call, you’re no look fi theim way
    You look good, and haffi get against what the gals say
    Put on you clothes, it’s like a display
    Men stare and swear both night and day
    Could you be my honey, and a woman they lay
    With a gorgeous smile on her face and say
    She wants a man to do the work not one fi play
    A marathon man, she says she want one fi stay”

    Chump want to walk like a champion
    Talk like a champion
    What a piece of lying shit
    Cheater where you get it from?
    Knock ‘pon your entrance
    Call on your phone
    Cheater not in
    Oh where could you have gone?

    Chump want to settle down really start a plan
    Start a new life come to one conclusion
    Chump know the works that fuel the action
    Grab a new life your heart responding
    Non stop ticking just like a time bomb
    A you every cheater want slam

    Chump want to walk like a champion
    Talk like a champion
    What a piece of lying shit
    Cheater where you get it from?
    Knock ‘pon your entrance
    Call on your phone
    Cheater not in
    Oh where could you have gone?

    • Wait! Buju! Caribbean people in the place? Represent!

      Member since 2014/2015. And no turning back. You have saved my sanity and my life. You have validated my experience. I live in a society where infedelity is common place. Men are expected to have a wife and an outside woman. I live in a society where we blame the cheated on spouse and pat cheating men on the back. Cheating women are whores though.
      I felt very alone in my stance on cheating and the damage that it causes. I have an STI, two hurt kids, a property that I might lose in the settlement and trust issues that are off the scale. I am not the person I used to be but still I am here.

      You and CN put it all together.
      In the beginning CL was the first thing I read every morning. These days I can go a day or two then I remember to check in.

      New chumps… Don’t leave. Stay and be supported then pay it forward. A new chump is born every day.

      To CL… Thank you and God bless.

      • Mandie, this post of yours is my experience too. Culture in which it’s “normal” for men to have a mistress (HIS culture, not mine), blame on the wife, the STI, two hurt kids, trust issues, checking in with CL every few days or so. CL saving my sanity and validating my experience. ✔️ to all of it.

        Next month will be 3 years since I left him. I’m doing much better these days. But still wobbly on some things. I hope you are doing well ????

  • March 26, 2012 was D-day. I spent the next 3 weeks waist deep in RIC books twisting myself into a pretzel. I’m not even sure how I stumbled onto CL but I did because there were only 4 articles then. My Google searches were “how to save my marriage” not “how to be mighty”.
    Thank God I found this site. It pulled me out of the darkness. It took a long time but it was my saving grace. I still read the articles every day to ensure keep my picker fixed and stand strong. Thank you Tracy for starting this site. You are an inspiration to me and everyone else who found the Chump Nation.

  • To the tune of “When you Wish Upon a Star”

    When you met her in the bar
    My PI was in the car
    Watching every move you made
    Got pictures too

    Then you slipped into a room
    There she rode you like a broom
    Was it worth the price you’ll pay
    For a lousy screw?

  • Stamp out your man (with NO apologies to Tammy Wynette; this music has always made me feel foolish)

    Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman
    Sharing your cheater’s dick with all the land
    You’ll have bad times
    And he’ll have good times*,
    Doin’ things you don’t wanna understand

    And ‘cause you love him you will spackle,
    Even though it’s clear that you’ve been scammed
    And if you love him, oh you’ll pick-me dance him,
    ‘Cause after all he’s just a man

    Stamp out your man,
    Give him the trash can to cling to
    And no more chump to come to
    When he’s in debt and maxed out

    Stamp out your man
    And show the world you’ve canned him!
    Keep being as mighty as you can
    Stamp out your man

    *Wynette got this part right…

      • CLEAR WATERS….

        DAMN! That was awesome.

        The one indisputable upside to the shit sandwich and ordeal I’ve been through the past 30 months, is that I AM AWAKE to this shit now.

        NO spackle left here. Which is why I know that song’s original lyrics were penned by a major Chump, still actively addicted to hopium. That’s the sad thing. Oh well.

    • Truly laughed out loud here in NYC. This is priceless, especially given the fuckedupedness of real song.

  • Happy anniversary Tracy and all of Chump nation! I’m not sure where I would be without this online support group; a big reason why I support it with a small amount of money every month!! A HUGE thank you to all of you:)

    I first found Tracy’s book about a year and a half after the first D-day and it felt like she was talking directly to me. I had cycled through almost all of the complete bullshit put out by the RIC. But truly, the magic happened when I logged into the website!! To know that there are so many others out there with similar situations was incredibly helpful during that dark, depressing time. I finally had a tribe of people that really “got it” and weren’t afraid to write, laugh and cry about how horrifying the betrayal really is.

    Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot of time now to write my own snarky show tune about the devastation that cheating can do to a person, but wanted to share my go-to ‘fuck the cheater’ anthem anyway: “Be Careful with Me” by Cardi B. Not a huge fan of all of her stuff, but this one is so dead on to the chump/cheater experience (and has some good cuss words too) I just had to share.

    Happy Friday!

  • In lieu of musical theater, lyric opera will do in a pinch too, and what better selection than Kurt Weil’s “Mack the Knife”

    The old bitch that, fucked your life up, is now married to your Ex.
    In her mind it’s a cougar romance, but it’s plays out like, Oedipus Rex.

    Facebook eats up all their bullshit, but the truth is, something’s amiss.
    He likes to fuck strange, without condoms; she won’t announce contracting syphilis.

    Now in the suburbs, mmhmm, in their palace of lies, is their affair spawn, who’s your namesake. It’s super fucked up, on so many levels, but you didn’t give them any cake.

    Now d’ja hear about eHarmony? He joined last year, babe, after moving in with his old ass skank. Now they’re married, but he’s still trolling. A healthy union, it clearly ain’t.

    Now you Chump, (no ho), yes, it’s still scary. And a lot of times you’ll feel just down.
    Out is cyber space is ChumpLady, where much mightiness can be found!
    Look. out. and. don’t. take. them. back!!

  • To the tune of “I Don’t Like Mondays” (with apologies to Boomtown Rats) Interestingly, it didn’t take a lot to make it about a cheater rather than a spree killer….hmmm.

    The silicon chip inside his head
    gets switched to overload.
    And he isn’t really on a business trip today
    while you handle things at home.
    The whole family doesn’t understand it.
    He always seemed to be good as gold.
    And you can see no reasons
    (‘Cause there ARE no reasons!)
    What reasons do you need to be told?

    Tell me why…
    I’m just not happy.
    Tell me why…
    I should be happy.
    Tell me why…
    She makes me happy.
    I’m gonna burn, burn, burn, burn, burn
    Our whole life down.

    • Notafraid… very clever. I enjoyed singing this one. LOL

  • Also, Happy Birthday to CL and CN. This place has been a lifesaver. And I mean that literally. Thank you!

  • Happy anniversary Tracy! Though I cannot recall the exact venue where I found out about you and CN, I do know that it was way back in the day when you still (very begrudgingly/disinterestedly as I recall), lived in the BBQ Capital of Texas, Lockhart.

    I live about 85 miles away, have never been there to enjoy the ‘que BUT POP (Predatory Opportunistic Predator), used Lockhart as a beard destination to ‘visit an old male friend for continuing spiritual guidance’ when in actuality, he was 8.5 miles away screwing one of his many harem ho’s. Ah, the memories of how I tricked him and found out about that ruse….one of my best moves.

    Now, back to finding you: It was some sort of narc site and the blogger suggested three additional narc/cheater sites. CL was one of them. Blogger warned of frequent crude language….I figured ‘now THAT is worth a look!’. I took a look and soon became a regular reader and frequent contributor. I’m pretty much a lurker these days.

    It’s been ten years since POP was kicked to the curb. My life has flourished and his continues to flounder—-he’s currently awaiting a judge’s decision on whether he will remain on probation for his second DWI or head to jail. (Every now and then, something in my head says ‘check the public record, I sense he’s fucked up again’–and BINGO I get the gratification of seeing that he has indeed fucked up again)

    As many others have said and will continue to say in the future, what you do is invaluable. I can say that back when things were so damn bad, CN saved my life. Here’s to many more years of success and saving the sanity (and lives) of chumps everywhere.

    You are LOVED. HATC

  • With deepest apologies to Johnny Cash I offer you this cheaters lament:

    I fell into a younger woman’s pussy
    I went down on her
    And my entitlement shot higher
    But it burns burns burns
    my poor penis
    has an STD
    an STD
    an STD
    (tot he tune and rhythm of ring of fire)

  • Tracy, Thank You each and every day! Had. I known of your book the first time I got cheated on, it probably would have validated my own questions and determination to split from my cheater and realise his cheats were probably many over the course of our 23 yr marriage. Despite a turmulous life the callousness of a cheater and harmfull effects kicked me down. Leave a cheater became my bedside book, the column I read daily. Both have been instramentle in my recovery from the BS . Each day looks brighter , there is clarity , humor and knowledge . You’ve created an army of wiser people ! If we all stomped our feet at the same time the earth would rumble!

  • Sorry that I don’t have time to create clever song lyrics to add to the wonderful collection!

    I did want to wish CL a happy seventh birthday. I joined in 2014, nearly five years ago! Having CN to talk to every morning for that long is like having wonderful long-time neighbors. Tracy is like the neighbor, who back in the day before we could connect through Internet, invited you over for coffee and compassionate, witty conversation.

  • I Can See Clearly Now the Cheaters Gone
    I can see all the obstacles in my way,
    Gone are the Cheater’s lies that had me blind,
    It’s gonna be a bright, bright, bright sun-shiny day!

    I think I can make it now the Cheater’s gone..,.
    All of the bad feelings have disappeared..
    Here is the rainbow I’ve been praying for..
    It’s gonna be a bright, bright, bright Sun-shiny day!

    Look all around there’s nothing but blue skies
    Look straight ahead, nothin but blue skies…

  • I am not a clever song writer, or parodist, so “wild thing” by Sam Kinison will have to do. A parody of the Troggs song.

    Wild thing, I think you move me…
    But. I wanna know for sure!
    Every time I kiss you, I taste what other men had for lunch!
    The only thing that can get you off is to see me in pain, but I think I love you!
    Wild thing!
    You make my heart scream!
    You took everything!
    Oh, wild thing!
    Wild thing, I think you move me!
    Ah, that just came to my mind – I thought I’d say it…
    You made me trust you, then stuck the knife in my heart!
    You’re a lying, unfaithful, untrustable tramp, and I think I love you!
    Wild thing!
    You make my heart scream!
    You took everything!
    Oh, wild thing!
    Wild thing!
    Oh, we’ve all had some kind of wild thing that went through our lives and made it hell.
    ‘Cause everybody’s had one – you, me – NOBODY likes to lose!
    And you know she’s out there, laughing at you –
    I don’t care if it was last week or the 3rd grade!
    Someone broke your heart!
    What was her name?!!!!!
    Wild thing!
    I’ll never forgive you!
    You make my heart scream!
    How do you live with yourself?!
    You took everything!
    You never loved me!
    Oh, wild thing!
    You used me!
    Wild thing!
    I hope you slide under a gas truck and taste your own blood!
    You make my heart scream!
    Why didn’t you tell me you were a demon from Hell?!!!!
    You took everything!
    You deserve the men you’re gonna meet, you loser!
    Oh, wild thing!
    Railroad b__s! Transients! Out-of work guys!
    Wild thing!
    Guy who’re gonna use you like you used me!
    Wild thing!
    Guys who are gonna take money out of your purse and crawl out a window!
    Wild thing!
    Oh! O-o-o-o-o-oh!
    Wild thing!
    What’s her name?

  • Sing this to the tune of “Puppy Love” by Donny Osmond. Yes, I’m dating myself here. lol. Donny’s one of my favorites, so here it goes!

    And they called it twu wuv
    Oh I guess they’ll never know
    How a black heart wants what it wants
    And why I wuv a ho

    And they called it twu wuv
    Just because we’re forty-seven
    Tell them all
    Oh please tell them it isn’t fair
    I now won’t be going to heaven

    I masturbate each night
    While I think of you (porn)
    Hoping my semen won’t make a stain
    I hope (I hope) and I pray
    That maybe someday
    You’ll be on your back (on your back) in my car (in my car)
    Once again

    Someone help me
    Help me please
    Is the answer, is it up above?
    How can I
    Oh how can I ever tell them?
    This is not a twu wuv
    (This is not a twu wuv)

  • I am not feeling very creative today but I keep remembering songs that really don’t need a rewrite. This one was a Weird Al original, Elvis Presley doo-wop style.

    [Verse 1]
    Well I heard that you’re leavin’ (Leavin’)
    Gonna leave me far behind (So far behind)
    ‘Cause you found a brand new lover
    You decided that I’m not your kind

    [Verse 2]
    So I pulled (I pulled), your name out (Name out), of my Rolodex
    And I tore all your pictures in two
    And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go
    Just because it reminds me of you

    [Refrain 1]
    That’s right (That’s right), you ain’t gonna see me cryin’
    I’m glad (I’m glad), that you found somebody new
    ‘Cause I’d rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass
    Than spend… one more minute… with you

    [Verse 3]
    I guess I might seem kind of bitter
    You got me feeling down in the dumps
    ‘Cause I’m stranded all alone, in the gas station of love
    And I have to use the self-service pumps

    [Refrain 2]
    Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase
    You ain’t (You ain’t) gonna break my heart in two
    ‘Cause I’d rather get a hundred-thousand paper cuts on my face
    Than spend… one more minute… with you

    I’d rather rip out my intestines with a fork
    Than watch you going out with other men
    I’d rather slam my fingers in a door
    Again and again and again and again and again

    Oh, can’t you see what I’m tryin’ to say, darlin’, I’d…

    [Refrain 3]
    Rather have my blood sucked out by leeches
    Shove an ice pick under a toenail or two
    I’d rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue
    Than spend… one more minute… with you

    [Refrain 4]
    Yes, I’d rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks
    Or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue
    I’d rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades
    Than spend, one more minute, with you

    I’d rather rip my heart right out of my rib cage with my bare hands
    And then throw it on the floor and stomp on it till I die (gasp)
    Than spend… one more minute… with you

      • There are also lots of seriously chumpy songs. I heard Carly Simon’s “Jesse” on the radio last week, where the song goes from a wise conviction to stay away from an abuser:
        “Annie, keep reminding me
        That he cut out my heart like a paper doll
        Sally, tell me once again
        How he set me up just to see me fall”

        to, in the next words, calling for the hoover
        “Jesse, quick come here
        I won’t tell a soul
        Not even myself
        Jesse, that you’ve come back to me
        My friends will all say “She’s gone again”
        But how can anyone know what you are to me
        That I’m in heaven again because you’ve come back to me.”

        Best description ever of a trauma bond and of a relationship that is actually an addiction to abuse.

  • Happy 7th birthday to the blog! I’m glad you launched this site seven years ago and that someone was kind enough to mention it on another site. I started frequenting this blog not long after it started and then found that it was all I needed to deal with the nightmare of cheating and its continuing trauma. I recommend it to anyone who mentions that they are dealing with cheating because it really does help chumps to get their lives back.

  • Happy Anniversary Tracy and chump nation. Just wanted to say a huge thankyou to Tracy for helping me (and so many others) to see through the fog of reconciliation unicorn country and light our paths out of that hell hole. I am SO grateful to you Tracy for pointing out the obvious in a sea of gaslighting, which helped me to get back to who I really am and save myself from staying as that poor broken wreck I had somehow become. And also to chump nation, every single one of you. Realising I was not alone in this experience helped me to stop feeling stupid, ugly, old, uninteresting and generally just not good enough on all levels. Your stories and support have helped me to be mighty when I’ve needed to wade through the shitstorm that was to come as soon as I stood up for myself, and buoyed me up the times I was in danger of sinking. My life now would be very different without you. So thank you all – and especially you Tracy. You started a blog which grew in a way I doubt you could ever have imagined. It must have taken over your life at times. And at the end of the day you didn’t have to, you didn’t need this for yourself, you had moved on and you were already happy. You did all this and have continued to do it – for us. So incredibly kind and selfless. I will be eternally grateful for your lone voice of commonsense at a time when the only other advice was from unicorn hunters. It helped me pick myself up off the floor and find the strength to change my life. And my life is soooo much better for it. Thank you so much. Happy anniversary ???? xx

  • Been meaning to ask.
    How many MOUNTAINS are there?
    asking for a friend.

  • With Thanks to Freddie, CL and CN

    We are the champions, my friends
    And we’ll keep on fighting ’til the end
    We are the champions
    We are the champions
    No time for losers
    ‘Cause we are the champions…

  • with thanks to Aretha Franklin

    I’d better think (think)
    Think about where I want to be
    Think (think, think)
    Think about the steps to, let myself be free
    Can’t go back, can’t go back
    Keep going on, be mighty then
    CL and CN lead the way
    leave a cheater, gain a life day by day
    I ain’t no psychiatrist, I ain’t no doctor with degrees
    But, it don’t take too much high IQ’s
    To see how it needs to be
    I’d better think (think)
    Think about where I want to be
    Yeah, think (think, think)
    Go NC and let myself be free
    Oh, freedom (freedom), freedom (freedom)
    Oh, freedom, yeah, freedom
    Freedom (freedom), oh oh freedom (freedom)
    Freedom, oh freedom

  • Happy Birthday Chump Nation! Thank you Tracy for creating this blog and the proud nation of chumps, where we can snark and curse freely.
    Not musical, but still:
    I’m too sexy for my Schmoopie,
    Too sexy for my AP
    So sexy it huuurrts.

    As I remember the song also went: Love’s going to leave me…

  • With a nod to Talking Heads Psycho Killer:

    You can’t seem to face up to the facts
    Your intents and actions you can’t relax
    You can’t sleep cause your cocks on fire
    Don’t touch me you’re a diseased liar

    Psycho Cheater
    Qu’est-ce que c’est
    Fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-you cheater
    Run run run run run run run away oh oh
    Psycho Cheater
    Qu’est-ce que c’est
    Fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-you cheater
    Run, run, run, run, run, run, run, away oh oh oh
    Shame shame shame shame!…

    (No need to change the remaining though)

    You start a conversation you can’t even finish it
    You’re talking a lot, but you’re not saying anything
    When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed
    Say something once, why say it again?…

    Psycho Cheater
    Qu’est-ce que …

  • Damn it feels good to be a Chumpster
    Damn it feels good to be a chumpster
    A real chump-ass wifey plays her cards right
    A real chump-ass wifey never runs her snarky mouth
    ‘Cause real chump-ass wifey’s don’t start fights
    And cheaters always gotta high cap
    Showing all his boys how he nailed ’em
    But real chump-ass wifey’s don’t fight sluts
    ‘Cause real chump-ass wifey’s know they are nuts
    And everything’s cool in the mind of a chumpster
    ‘Cause chump-ass witey’s think deep
    Up three-sixty-five ayo 24/7
    ‘Cause real chump-ass wifey’s don’t sleep
    And all I gotta say to you
    Wannabe, gonnabe, cock sucking, pussy-eating pranksters
    Is when the fire dies down what the fuck you gonna do
    Damn it feels good to be a chumpster.
    Damn it feels good to be a chumpster
    Feeding the kids and helping out with their bills
    Although I was born in the country
    Now I’m in the courts making deals
    Damn it feels good to be a chumpster
    I mean one that you really do know
    Riding around town seeing lawyers
    Getting ready to finish up the show
    Now chump-ass wifey’s come in all shapes and colors
    Some got killed in the past
    But this wifey here was a smart one
    Always living for the honesty in the past
    Now all I gotta say to you
    Wannabe, gonnabe, pussy eating, cock sucking prankstas
    When the shit jumps off what the fuck you gonna do
    Damn it feels good to be a chumpster
    Damn it feels good to be a chumpster
    A real chump-ass wifey knows the play
    The real chump-ass wifey gets the meanest of the cheaters
    Ask that gangsta-ass cheater Little Jake
    Now cheaters look at chump-ass wifey’s like a stop sign
    She play’s the role of Little Miss Sweet
    But catch her all alone laying out her plan
    And end up watching your own defeat
    ‘Cause chump-ass wifey’s be the game playas
    And everythings quiet in the mind
    A chump-ass wifey thinks bigger
    And her chicks in the posse ain’t tellin’ off shit
    Real chump-ass wifey’s don’t talk much
    All ya hear is the judge is the gavel blast
    And real chump-ass wifey’s don’t run for shit
    ‘Cause real chump-ass wifey’s can think fast
    Now when you in the free world talkin’ shit do the shit
    Hit the pen don’t let the mothafucka yank ya
    But chumps like myself kick back, win the game
    ‘Cause damn it feels good to be a chumpster
    And now, a word from the lady resident
    Damn it feels good to lead the chumpster’s
    Gettin’ voted into the chump club
    Everything lookin’ good to the people of the world
    But the Chump Lady is the boss
    So every now and then I owe a favor gettin’ down
    Like helping a chump get through
    And send ’em to the the land of the free
    So we can bust you know who
    So chumps of the world keep supportin’ me
    And I promise to take you from where you are
    Other cheaters better not upset me
    Or I’ll send a million troops to start the war
    To all you chumpsters that helped me win
    I sincerely like to thank you
    ‘Cause now I got the chump world listening
    And damn it feels good to lead the chumpster’s

    • Cool! When we break from the relationship we really are pretty badass. It just takes a few years to see how tough we really were.

  • Based on the 80’s classic “Take On Me” by Ah-ha, which was a big song around the time I first met Adolph.

    Cheat On Me

    I’m walking away
    You took away my faith and joy
    So fuck you anyway
    Just another cheap little slutboy
    Humping away
    I’m a-gonna kick your ass, ok?

    Cheat on me
    Lead me on
    I’m so gone
    Suck on that

    Oh, things that you say
    Make no sense cuz they’re bullshit
    You like it that way
    You suck donkey dongs and you know it
    Lying away
    I’ll bitch slap your stupid face, ok?

    Cheat on me
    Lead me on
    Stick this song
    Up your ass

    One last thing to say
    I’m not fond of HPV
    But I’ll be okay
    Cuz I put antifreeze in your coffee
    Puking away
    I’m a-gonna lol all day

    Cheat on me
    Lead me on
    You were wrong
    Stupid twat
    I’m so gone
    Suck on that

  • I just want to say that I love the continued David Brooks hating happening on this blog. For years I hated that guy without knowing there’s a whole subculture people out there hating him along with me, and it’s a relief to know I wasn’t alone or insane.

    • You are far from alone or insane. In fact, hating Nazi POS David Brooks is a universal sign that your mind is sound.

      Those bastards at Amazon won’t let me review him because I don’t have a Prime membership. But I was able to upvote reviews there which sound like they are either from CN people or like-minded folks who would enjoy CN.

  • I will let Blu Cantrell do the singing today. I remember my ex had the audacity to sing thing song “Oops” to me one time. It was when we were together, while he was cheating, and while I had NO IDEA. I remember driving down the road with him and when this song came on the radio, he started singing it in an exaggerated style. That’s certainly a level of fucked up. The song is song by a woman who was cheated on and who is having her revenge. For me to be in a relationship and to have my narcissist cheater sing this song to me is ridiculous. It’s almost like he was flaunting in my face that he was cheating. Only I had NO idea. We were planning a wedding and I had never cheated on him, let alone anyone else. Yup. He knew I was as chumpy as the arctic summer is long. That’s pretty messed up.

    Without further ado, here is Blu:

    • My POS used to sing Mambo #5 all the time when it was released by Lou Bega in late 1999 early 2000 . Nothing like singing about a little Monica in my life, a little Erica by my side….while cheating on a loyal supportive spouse. Asshole waited 12 more years to walk out on me after I outlived my usefulness as his completely stupid wifey.

  • PS- Happy Seventh Anniversary!!! ???????????? That is an awesome accomplishment, but you also do a much needed public service since this blog is an Island of Sanity for those who need it the most. (Yeah, I still need it).

  • I am destroying the music my favorite movie (AGAIN!) but…
    Lonely Big Turd ( to the tune of Lonely Goatherd from the Sound of Music)

    High on pot was a needy big turd
    Lay me! oh lay me! oh lay me; Let’s screw!
    Loud was the rage of the needy big turd
    Lay me! oh lay me! oh lay me; Let’s screw!
    Whore in a bar that was filled with smoke heard
    Lay me! oh lay me! oh lay me; Let’s screw!
    Lusty and clear from the Big Turd’s throat heard
    Lay me! oh lay me! oh lay me; Let’s screw!
    Oh hoe, Lay me! oh lay me! Oh hoe, lay me; Oh lay!

    Oh hoe, lay me , oh lay me, Oh lay me, Oh me, Oh lay!
    A prick and a slut on a Facetime cam heard
    Lay me! oh lay me! oh lay me; Let’s screw!
    Wife all alone waiting at our home heard
    Lay me! oh lay me! oh lay me; Let’s screw!
    Whore in the midst of her own affair heard
    Lay me! oh lay me! oh lay me; Let’s screw!

    Dad drinking beer with the foam afloat heard
    Lay me! oh lay me! oh lay me; Let’s screw!
    One little skank who was never sobered
    Lay me! oh lay me! oh lay me; Let’s screw!
    She texted back to the lonely Big Turd
    Lay me! oh lay me! oh lay me; Let’s screw!
    Soon her Mama with a loser daughter
    Lay me! oh lay me! oh lay me; Let’s screw!
    Financed the booze for the whore and the Big Turd
    Lay me! oh lay me! oh lay me; Let’s screw!
    Ummm (ummm)
    Oh lay me! (oh lay me)
    Oh lay mee mee (oh lay mee mee)
    Oh lay me
    Crappy are they lay mee oh lay mee oh
    Soon the duet will become a no go
    Lay me! oh lay me! uh-oh
    Oh lay me, oh lay me
    Oh lay mee mee, oh lay me
    Oh lay oh lay, oh lay oh mee, oh lay oh mee
    Oh Oh lay oh lay oh lay

  • No witty song lyrics here, but I want to add my name to those thanking Tracy for creating this community. I’m now known as “eirene,” but I just checked my archived ColdT-rk-y comments, and I see how far I have come since I stumbled upon this site that sleepless night back in 2012.

    I’m glad to read that others here are also old timers. I have felt mildly ill-at-ease that I was still coming here after seven years (five divorced), but the witty, kind, wise, hilarious people here have taught me so much about life and human relationships that I realize that this site isn’t someplace that chumps ever age out of. Kinda like AA or a similar support group… this life-saving community is a place where I’m still learning things about myself and about how healthy human interactions should go.

    Thank you, all.

  • (Just tried to post the following comment under my former name, but the comment is in moderation, and since that account is idle, I’m not sure it’ll ever make it out.)

    No witty song lyrics here, but I want to add my name to those thanking Tracy for creating this community. I’m now known as “eirene,” but I just checked my archived ColdT-rk-y comments, and I see how far I have come since I stumbled upon this site that sleepless night of agony back in 2012.

    I’m glad to read that others here are also old timers. I have felt mildly ill-at-ease that I was still coming here after seven years (five divorced), but the witty, kind, wise, hilarious people here have taught me so much about life and human relationships that I realize that this site isn’t someplace that chumps ever age out of. Kinda like AA or a similar support group… this life-saving community is a place where I’m still learning things about myself and about how healthy human interactions should go.

    Thank you, all.

    • I’m almost 5 years out of hell & I still come here for insight & support.

      Thank you CL & CN for being here.
      Happy Blog Anniversary!????

  • This song has helped me a lot. My cheater was a “Christian”. I was devastated. We settled today. Happy Birthday to CL, Happy New Life for me. It cost me thousands, but I received a good settlement at age 63.
    Praying by Keesha

  • Dday was 2 years ago today. I wasted time with RIC bullshit. I’m so thankful that I found CL’s book and then this website. I’m so thankful for the wonderful people here who have helped me so. Happy birthday CL and thank you!!!

    37 years ago in college I would make up songs for my stbx when in the car. To the tune of pomp and circumstance…. it used to be “I love my “boyfriend ‘s name “, I love him so….”
    Now it is:
    You’re such a narcissist, what a waste of years.
    You blew up our family…. for a child howorker.
    Now I can see clearly, after thirty four years
    You’re a compulsive liar, nothing to work with here.

  • PPS-

    I can’t leave this David Brooks thing alone because the more I read his columns, the classes he is giving, or his wedding announcement, my eyes grow wider. His wedding announcement was published in the Washington Post and the column was marked as a Reliable Source and written by Emily Heil. Is that a thing the Washington Post does? Don’t people read it because they expect it to be a reliable source?

    But, I digressed. The comment thread that people wrote had me in stitches. Of course, it was NOT as funny as the comment thread here, but it was funny.

    Some of the highlights, since the reader comment section in his wedding announcement focused on infidelity. Here are my top picks:

    5/3/2017 5:08 AM PDT
    Apparently, “The Road to Character” lies somewhere near the intersection of “Bored with Wife/Kids” and “Hey, Look at that Young Hottie who works for me.”

    Desert rat
    5/6/2017 5:44 AM PDT
    I read where Kirsten Powers said the wedding of Brooks and his former research assistant was a “love story for the ages”. I’m sure the first Mrs. Brooks agrees with that assessment.

    roberta schrote
    5/4/2017 2:56 PM PDT
    I wish our culture didn’t celebrate adultery. It is shameful to pretend his latest marriage occurred in a vacuum, especially when Brooks is peddling a book about character.. There are adult children and a long-time first wife who were betrayed by this charlatan. “Conservative” and “family values” are not synonyms; “conservative” and “hypocrite” maybe.

    5/3/2017 4:05 PM PDT
    Can someone help me understand how everyone got to the conclusion he cheated on his wife? I didn’t read that in the article. Of course, I’m not a friend of either party so I wouldn’t know about such personal info.

    Response by Connie Goggins
    5/4/2017 11:29 PM PDT
    2 + 2 generally totals comes to 4.

    5/2/2017 12:07 PM PDT
    For all the ostriches on this comment board, the reason this is notable is because David Brooks left his wife and 3 children for a woman who worked underneath him (literally and figuratively) while he was married. For all his moralizing and holier than thou BS spewed over the years, it strikes one as slightly hypocritical to see him leave his wife and children to marry his assistant. And yes, the age difference is significant. If that needs to be explained to you then you’re either blind, stupid or a nice mix of both.

    5/3/2017 6:43 AM PDT
    So the guy who wrote “The Road to Character” is a cheater who married his mistress? Way to go there Mr. Conservative Values.

    5/2/2017 2:18 PM PDT
    Older men often change partners after their spouse’s libido death. Wouldn’t make sense to look for another 50-60 something, now, would it?

    Reply: winchestereast
    5/3/2017 4:25 PM PDT
    or could be old tossers looking for their own lost libidos? their little ego boost? wow….look at me….
    young conquest ….

    4/30/2017 11:22 AM PDT
    Young women continue to sign up to be nursemaids to old men. Too bad if she’s looking to live a wealthy lifestyle because the mother of his three children got most of his fortune.

    Reply: AuntieDote
    4/30/2017 11:29 AM PDT
    And rightly so.

    5/1/2017 6:57 AM PDT
    Why are their ages important here? They are both adults. I’m sorry his first marriage broke up, but how is any of this our business?

    Reply: ProudTexan2
    5/2/2017 7:11 AM PDT
    Because David Brooks, a moralizer, is an adulterous hypocrite.

    Reply: dake2424
    5/2/2017 9:49 AM PDT
    And what exactly does that have to do with age difference again?

    Reply: ItsTheHumidity
    5/4/2017 12:28 PM PDT
    It means they’re both stupid.

    Atlanta Dan
    5/2/2017 7:06 AM PDT

    This from a 2015 Columbia Journalism Review article: “On his book tour over the summer, Brooks committed to a mission for the rest of his career: to restore comfortable, competent dialogue about what makes a virtuous life.”

    Maybe Brooks can write on how Matthew 7:3 should be a guidepost for columnists preaching the need for a virtuous life.


    Hope everyone got a laugh out of those. There are also some longer comments worthy of the UBT, but I did not include those. We all know what cheater bullshit sounds like and I will leave those to the smart and witty UBT to analyze if the UBT is not choking and gagging too much on the last round o’ bullshit. (Poor UBT!)

    Finally a song:

    Come on Eileen by Dexy’s Midnight Runners

    New title: Come On Anne Snyder by David’s Midnight Wank

    Come on, Anne S.
    Come on, Anne S.
    Poor old David Brooks
    Sounded sad sausage upon the radio
    But he moved a million people to get mono

    You’re grown, Anne, (so grown up)
    So grown (so grown up), Anne,
    Now I must say more than ever,
    like my daughter,
    (Come on, Anne Snyder)
    Too ra loo ra too ra loo rye aye

    And I can sing just like our president,
    Come on, Anne S., oh I swear, Anne S.
    At this moment, you mean everything
    The turn of your prose, my thoughts I confess,
    Verge on dirty

    Ah, come on, Anne S.
    Come on, Anne S.

    These people ’round here
    Don’t understand daddy-daughter luv,
    They’re resigned to what their fate is,
    Being normal and ethical people,
    But not us (no, never), no, not us (no, never)
    You are far too young and I am clever.
    The bulge in my pants is my Viagra.

    (Remember) Anne S.
    Too ra loo ra too ra loo rye aye
    And all the other nonsense I come up with,
    in my columns.

    Come on, Anne S., oh, I swear,
    Ah, come on let’s take off everything,
    Here on my desk,
    Take off that pretty red dress,
    Anne Snyder (tell him yes)

    Ah, come on let’s, ah, come on, Anne S.
    Ditch that pretty red dress, Anne S. (tell him yes)
    Ah come on let’s, ah, come on, Anne Snyder,
    and please this old man who has such a sadz.

    Come on, Anne, too rye aye
    Come on, Anne, too rye aye
    Now you’re full grown
    Now you have shown

    Oh, Anne
    Said, come on, Anne,
    Your writing is a sharp sting on my skin,
    And I know how hurt so good feels,

    Now I must say more than ever,
    Things ’round here have changed,
    Men like me are more acceptable,
    With my, too ra loo ra, too raloo rye aye nonsense.

    Come on, Anne,
    Oh, I swear (what he means)
    At this moment, you mean everything,
    You in that dress, my thoughts I confess,
    Verge on dirty

    Ah, come on, Anne S.
    Oh, come on, Anne S.
    Oh, I swear (what he means)
    At this moment, you mean everything
    In that dress, oh, my thoughts I confess,
    Well, they’re dirty

    Come on, Anne S.
    Come on, Anne S.


    What’s sad is I copied and pasted the lyrics and I only had to change a few of them; I left some alone. (Read the original lyrics and see for yourself… it’s pretty shocking.) Lol!


      • No problem. 😉 We MUST laugh through trauma or we simply won’t survive. Oh, I cry too, but sometimes laughter is the best medicine.

    • Love both the comments and the song. ☺

      It’s good to know that many people hate Nazi POS David Brooks and are willing to refute cheatespeak rationalizations like ; “men leave for younger women because women over 50 don’t want sex anymore”. Utter nonsense. A lot of the female chumps here were deliberately sex-starved by their cheaters, who preferred hookers, porn, and just about anybody other than the spouse, because they liked being cruel and withholding. In my case, the cheater witheld emotional connection in and out of bed, and during intercourse, he treated me like a blow up doll rather than a beloved partner, which often made sex a traumatizing experience for me (though I did not recognize it as trauma at the time, I just thought it was bad sex). He refused to change his ways after being told I was not getting what I needed to even feel safe and loved, let alone satisfied.
      So that asshole who said women over 50 have no sex drive can go pound sand. Not true. They do, however, get tired and burnt out from so many years of bad sex with uncaring, abusive jerks. Guaranteed the guy who said that is terrible in the sack and has a fetish for much younger women. May they all get terminal crotch rot.

      • Chumperella,

        Glad you liked the comments and the song. Frankly, I am so PISSED since discovering what David Brooks has done that I cannot let it go. Why? Because the guy is all over PBS now more than ever!

        I LOVE PBS and it is a shame that they continue to give him a platform. I will still continue to watch PBS and read the New York Times because these are some of my favorite sources. I just wish they would reconsider working with David Brooks.

        Oh I hear you about men sexually depriving their wives. I am well aware of women often hitting their sexual peak in their 40’s and it can continue well into their 50’s and 60’s. I am well aware of husbands withholding sex from a wife who desires a sexual relationship. It is an ENORMOUS slap in the face when a wife is sexually starved by her husband and a wife stays loyal regardless, while her husband is off trolling for 20-year-olds.

        Chumperella, I am also sorry that your husband withheld from you emotionally and physically. But, unfortunately, this is real.

        A (partial) article from Salon:

        “Once in bed at night, Cathy’s boyfriend would almost instantly curl up in the fetal position facing away from her and begin breathing heavily as though asleep. “But if I put my arm around him, he would stiffen up and hold his breath,” she says. “A couple times, I even saw him hurriedly shut his eyes.” Sometimes the 37-year-old from St. Louis, Mo., would take a more direct approach, telling him, “I want to be with you” — but she often ended up being rebuffed. It wasn’t uncommon for him to ask, “Why do we have to have sex all the time?” When I put out a call for women who had experienced having the higher sex drive in a relationship, I was flooded with responses — and many of these women wanted to put me in touch with female friends with similar tales of sexual dissatisfaction.”

        I started reading about sexless marriages about five years ago – the ones where a wife has a normal libido and the husband claims to have no libido at all. I started hearing about it from friends. (I was shocked because these were very attractive, older women). I found that many men were caught in the throes of watching too much porn, cam girls, and/or hook-ups with strangers from websites for created for cheaters. That REALLY gets under my skin. It terrible when husbands will not have a sexual relationship with their wife because the wife is aging.

        To male readers, it is NOT fair when healthy and capable wives withhold sex from you either and then these wives go off to find an affair partner instead. That’s just terrible and it is just as emotionally devastating!!!!

        Anyhow…I have some more David Brooks gems. He just can’t stop pissing me off. He wrote an article in late 2017 responding to the sexual predators in Hollywood. Remember, David was married to his assistant by this time. David wrote an article for the NYT where he was metaphorically “the pot calling the kettle black.”

        Here are my favorite, cringe-inducing quotes from David Brooks on sexual predators:

        “The world seems full of sexual predators these days. But I don’t think good men wake up one morning and suddenly start thrusting their tongue down the throats of women they barely know. You’ve got to walk through a certain number of doors before you’re capable of that kind of behavior.”

        My comment: So, how many doors did he have to walk through to thrust his tongue down his young assistant’s throat? (Oh, I hope I didn’t ruin your dinner; I am about to hurl mine).

        “Most men are raised with a certain way of thinking about sex. It’s the way contained, implicitly, in every children’s love story, in most every classic novel and in the lived experience of most married parents. It is: Sex is something you do with the person you love.”

        My comment: What? Sex is in every children’s love story? That is news to me. For whatever reason, my parents didn’t read me “children’s love stories” that were sexual in nature. Plus, the notion of a children’s love story is an oxymoron. Children and love story don’t belong together for the normal folks of the world! Sex and children’s love stories? I don’t know what kind of books David is reading, but these books are certainly NOT in any library near me or you, folks!

        “So a lot of men cross the threshold and enter another room, the room of the prospector. In this room sex is a gold nugget, a pleasure, like any other pleasure, except maybe it’s better and the desire for it is stronger. If you’re straight, women are the people who can give you this pleasure. When you go to a college party or a club, you’re on the prowl for women who want to share this pleasure with you.”


        “But a small percentage of men are not satisfied with this room [the college party] and they cross over to the next room, the predator’s room. In this room, the pleasures of sex get mixed up with the pleasures of power.”

        Hmmm… is that an autobiographical statement?

        “But predators do seem to start young, often beginning their predatory behavior in college. They are not looking for a relationship. Narcissistically, they are unwilling to acknowledge what their victim is feeling. They have morally obliterated that person.”

        David is the expert of serving up moral obliteration on a 24-carat gold plate, ostensibly from his latest wedding registry. David is also the expert on narcissism that is unwilling to acknowledge the pain what his victim is feeling.

        “More important, in the public mind the line between unwanted sexual attention and force is growing indistinct.”

        It’s not indistinct in my mind. There is a difference between a stranger yelling, “Hey hottie!” and then letting a woman walk by without physically touching the woman VERSUS taking a woman by force and violating her in a back alley while she screams. There is a distinct line there. Maybe he watched the music video “Blurred Lines” so much his brain fell out.

        “It is necessary but not enough to have a negative vision of what men should not do. It would also be nice if there were some positive vision of how sexuality fits into a rich life, how it flourishes in the private sphere as a (very fun) form of deep knowing.”

        Translation: When rich, middle-aged men finger their assistants who are sitting on their desks, this is positive and a super-fun way to get to know your assistant deeply.”

        Okay, David, please STOP talking about perpetrators when you are THE perpetrator. Don’t hijack the narrative of female victims; it’s their narrative. Step off, David!

        I leave everyone with a video from a real woman who understands what victims experience: Amanda Palmer. Here is her video “Mr. Weinstein Will See You Now.”

        Amanda Palmer is fierce and I adore her.

        Peace! Now I will go back to my own corner of the world.

  • I made LadyLiar move out of our home three years ago on Easter Sunday. Instead of being with my mother and grandmother like I have been on Easter nearly every year of my life, I took my daughters and dogs to a friend’s house who was away celebrating the holiday with her family, and we waited. We waited while this woman we believed to be a partner, friend, and parent packed up her things and moved on, where she could star in a new play on a new stage with a new chump as supporting actor. While my daughters and I moved through the fog, LadyLiar continued to complain that I was making things “difficult” for her, calling me selfish because I made her leave on a holiday when she couldn’t rent a UHaul, so she had to make multiple trips with her friend’s truck because it was Easter Sunday. She then returned during the week to separate our dogs and take “hers,” refusing to let me have visitation. She is a cold-hearted narc. CN and CL contributed SO MUCH to my recovery. Happy anniversary!

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