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UBT: ProJared’s Divorce Statement

The Universal Bullshit Translator was awakened from its slumber to several insistent tweets that it tackle some sort of ProJared bullshit.

The UBT had no idea what a ProJared was, as the “Pimp my dragon mount!” segment of the economy is unfamiliar to a simple analog machine. Apparently, among the savvy sorts who fancy themselves goblins, ProJared is a celebrity — a man-child who earns a measure of fame reviewing fantasy video games.

He is also a douche. Controversy arose last week when his long-suffering wife, Heidi O’Ferrall, outed him as a cheater.

Chumps will recognize the Mindfuck Greatest Hits — cake-eating, blameshifting, gaslighting… and of course, impression management.

Heidi’s airing of Jared’s sins was a response to a public statement he made about their divorce, speaking in the royal We:

Now for the UBT’s turn.

My wife Heidi and I have filed for divorce.

Her refusal to allow me a harem of adoring fuckbuddies has left me no choice.

I know this may come as surprising and upsetting for many of you,

I’m sure you were anxiously awaiting my latest review of Goblin Smiters 6.0 (affiliate link!), instead I come with breathless news of my dysfunction.

Do not clutch your 20-sided dice in horror. Do not weep. Do not unfollow.

but know that we do this so that we may both seek happiness for ourselves.

I speak for my wife because she is under an evil enchantment. Which is why I’ve blocked her. So she cannot express her manifest happiness.

During this time you may see a lot of rumors, speculation and gossip going around.

My wife might utter the truth. Remember, she is under an evil enchantment.

I ask that you make your own observations and come to your own conclusions.

I trust your judgement so much that I must write a public statement about my divorce, assuring you of its mutuality and warm regard. What would be the point of discretion or silence? Like a perv presses his hard on against a subordinate in a copier room, I must press my narrative. I only ask that you pillory Heidi, but spare my Schmoopie, come to your own conclusions.

I will add that this decision was reach after extensive individual therapy on my part

It’s a new therapy. I fuck a cross-eyed pigeon fancier named Holly, then deny it. Repeat until decision is reached. Or Heidi changes the locks. Whichever comes first.

and couples therapy together.

Okay, I might be seeing other pigeon fanciers. Pigeon-toed pigeon fanciers. Hammer-toed pigeon fanciers. Web-footed pigeon fanciers…

Point is, I did therapy, okay?

With that said, this is all I plan on stating publicly regarding this matter.

Unless you’d like to send me a naked picture in which case we can discuss all the ways I am a sad, lonely man shackled to a frigid forest fairy.

Heidi’s privacy, mental well-being and discretion have always been and will remain my highest priority through all of this.

Fucking pigeon fanciers has always been, and will remain, solely for the benefit of Heidi’s mental well-being.

Privacy is my watchword! My code. My honor. I’ve embroidered “Discretion” into my heraldic crest (two orcs holding the two moons of Azeroth). Which is why you are reading a public statement about my personal life with one million other subscribers — my ethos of discretion.

It is my hope that we both exit this marriage with style and grace.

It is my hope that Heidi never opens her pie hole. I know warlocks, Heidi. This could get ugly.

I plan on continuing to do everything I can on my part to make this happen.

I plan on mindfuckery. As a continuation of my previous mindfuckery strategy. Frankly, I face all situations with mindfuckery. I wouldn’t know reality if it bit my left tit. I am, after all, a man who sits alone in a dark room and reviews video games. AZEROTH IS REAL. HEIDI IS A LIAR.

#styleandgrace

Thank you for understanding, patience, kindness, and respect for our privacy.

Thank you for not unfollowing me.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Cross-eyed pigeon fancier… Oh, UBT, I love you even when you make me spit coffee all over.

    Privacy exposed to protect Heidi and … a good example of “Say anything you want about me, just don’t stop talking (following) me”.

    I wonder if this Jared Jackass was also “tired of feeling guilty”, sparkledick’s excuse for divorce.

  • Hey! Leave World of Warcraft out of this!!! Not everyone who is into video games is a cheater or loser #notallgamers

    Having said that, what a douche.

    • I’m a writer. You gotta give me license.

      I’m not dissing gamers. That said, I do find a vein of humor in a guy immersed in fantasy worlds turns out to be a cheater.

      (Also full disclosure, my husband’s ex met one of her APs, as a troll priest playing WoW — which is comic GOLD.)

      • Also, please don’t let this thread dissolve into gamer hate/gamer love. We’re snarking about Jared. He could be a stamp collector. The douchiness is all the same. (But it’s much easier to make Azeroth jokes.)

        • Oh agreed, and there certainly are plenty who take advantage of the fantasy element to make the transition into real world cheating easier. But it was just a game!!eleventyone!!

          For me it was just funnier as he currently carries more weight in the D&D world than in true “online gaming”. Enjoy your poetic licence.

          I will say, my favourite part of all of this is that his twitter feed is, how do I say this politely, dumping on him for being a stupid git.

          • I play D&D with my kids as the Dungeon Master because they needed one. Can’t get geekier or more immersive than that. The D&D world is actually really great to do with my boys because we build stories and worlds together. But, after Sunday afternoon and the Saturday night before when I set up the game every other week, I don’t think about much about it (unless I get an idea for a sea hag dungeon on a ship-wrecked boat, and then I’m up all night).

            As for video games, I am a gamer too. But, unlike massively multiplayer games that take hours of coordination, I play player v. player (PVP) games where they only take like 20 minutes to drop into a pick-up group (PUG) and complete. This is because, again, I have a life, responsibilities, and my kids. Games are for fun, not to replace my life.

            It’s the same reason I only played PVP on WOW because, again, I didn’t have time for hours of raiding and flirting with troll priests (although my undead disc priest rocked in battlegrounds!).

            • I used to be a bigtime wow player, loved the social aspect of raiding. But yeah, having kids kinda cramps that style 😉

        • “He could be a stamp collector”

          Yup.Since discovering comic gold on this website (and a group of people who get that cheating is an attack on the family and a form of abuse),I now refer to my father as Harlow the philandering philatelist !

          Cheaters come in all forms

        • I’ve got to remember “you wouldn’t know reality if it bit your left tit” on mediation day! ha ha ha

      • It’s also ironic that he tried to save his own skin by creating his own fantasy world and had serious trouble getting even his own fans to buy it.

    • I think there is a correlation in extreme gamers because gaming becomes a compulsive behavior, the ultimate purpose of which, in a marriage, is to distance oneself from the spouse and make him/her feel unwanted. So are cheating, porn, drinking, gambling etc. But casual gaming that’s under control is most likely not. It’s a matter of degree. My asshat was a compulsive gamer before he discovered that cheating, binge drinking and porn were even more effective ways to make me feel unloved and to avoid the dreaded emotional intimacy he feared. They do not want to be truly known and understood by us because subconciously they know they are cowardly, shitty people underneath the surface. So they find various ways to ward off our desire for a real human connection with them. Cheating is just one of many.

      • That’s my experience as well, Chumperella. IMO anyone who derives a substantial part of their identity from a fantasy life has mental health issues, benign or malignant. And at some point family pays the price, as mine did. A person can’t spend 1,500 hours a year on fantasy and maintain a job and have enough left over to do right by their spouse and children. We need more than someone’s delusional leftovers.

      • You are so right Chumperella!

        I finally started timing the Python’s marathon gaming sessions. He hit the 14 hour mark with one. There is nothing normal about that for an adult.

        Not when there are chores to be done on the weekend. Man-babies just expect the wife appliance to do that mundane stuff!

        • Clearly you weren’t doing enough to support his life goals. No wonder he cheated. 😉

          • Haha, Chumpinrecovery!

            Yes, one of his life goals was more POINTS! I clearly failed at supporting that important endeavor.

        • Ugh, mine was a compulsive gamer too. Hours and hours and hours spent with his precious games instead of spending time with me or his children. I am honestly surprised he found the time to cheat on between rounds of Final Fantasy.

        • Wow, I never thought of it this way, but monster was always obsessed with a new game. Since it was on his phone or ipad, and sometimes was just jellysplash, I thought it was pretty benign. But who *pays* as an adult to unlock achievements in games like that? Escapism at its finest.

          Ironically, when I was much younger, I lost a bf to Grand Theft Auto. I really thought I had graduated with this last one from the status of Playstation Widow.

        • Ouch! That’s super disordered. He’s an addict.
          My ex has a cousin who not only spends as much of his waking hours gaming as he can, but has an alarm wake him up at night several times so he can check on his games. This guy tried to kill himself but failed to connect his depression to this obvious addiction which ruined his marriage. Zero self-awareness, like almost all of the jerk’s family members.

        • My ex (27 yrs married) IS a game designer— and serious porn addict. He would do games all day at work and then came home and do more. His record was 13 hours… Meanwhile, I was mowing the lawn, going to soccer games, and, oh, you know, raising the kids and basically being the adult.

          These days, he still (apparently) plays a lot of video games, but has added a whole slew of teenage-boy fantasies come true: with shmoopie, he smokes pot every day, rides motorcycles, goes to sex clubs, gets drunk, does orgies and anything else a stupid teenager might fantasize about. He’s 51 and shmoopie is 50.

          I’m not at meh. I swing between devastation and pure disgust.

          • The thing that leapt out at me as the most cruel (which is saying a lot) is the asshat’s swipe at his wife’s “mental well being.” It’s not even thinly veiled, it’s an insulting gratuitous attack.

            Oh, so SHE’S CRAZY?? He blame shifts away, acts as if this was a jointly made decision after agonizing personal reflection,

            and then throws in TO THE PUBLIC, how worried HE is about HER mental wellbeing. Why not say you also worry about the salvation of her soul? Stomp on her some more.

            sickening

      • I am completely unfamiliar with that kind of gaming world but I have to say I read through many of the responses to her disclosure and they seem like a supportive group of people on top of how awful the cheating is. Nice surprise.

        • Completely agree. I was shocked that the gamers adamantly opposed to adultery. Good reminder not to judge a book by its cover, that’s how we all got burned in the first place!

      • I am a compulsive gamer. I can easily game for hours a day. Hours and hours in fact if left to my own devices.

        This thread has really hit kinda hard. The truth is: I don’t feel like I belong practically anywhere else. I’m not into serious fantasy games like running around in the woods like a frigging elf or something. Oddly enough, most of the gaming I do would resemble more of a workplace than anything.

        When I was a child, my father was very abusive (especially emotionally/verbally, that had the bigger impact on me anyhow). He let me know that I wouldn’t ever have friends, no one liked me, no one ever trusted me, I was lazy, but smart. My mother enabled this behaviour and does to this day. And of course, he cheated on her.

        When I got married things were okay for awhile, then he became more withdrawn and of course, it later turned out he was cheating on me. And had been for about a decade. Even writing this makes me realize just how much I disappeared into the games. In the games I am not an obese housewife that is an ineffective spouse & mother. On Facebook (another outlet) I have no problem making friends. No one can see me.

        In my real work in real life, I often deal with people for weeks and months over the phone before they meet me. When they see me, often the way that they talk to me completely changes. I know it’s because of my obesity. I’ve tried for years to fight my PCOS and obesity, and nothing has substantially shifted in over a year now. I’ve made so many changes to my eating and exercise and it’s been a constant, daily, losing battle. It’s so isolating and frustrating. I don’t even like to leave my house anymore. I do leave my house and do all of the regular adulting required. But since I work from home, it’s really easy to avoid doing that for a day or two at a time.

        So the gaming is an easy withdrawal from this. So easy. And to be quite frank, no one else has seemed to care that much except for the occasional times my husband needs a place to dump blame.

        I don’t even know if my reasoning just sound like cheater excuses. I don’t want them to be. I don’t want to walk around with “I haz a sadz.” I mostly just think/feel that at this point in my life, even with counseling support, I haven’t been able to effectively cope with any of the crap that’s been tossed at me. I often try to quit gaming. I often fail at it. I’ve had less luck quitting gaming than changing my eating & exercise habits. PCOS makes this a real bitch.

        I guess I need a 12-step group or something.

        • Please investigate bariatric surgery; I did, because I had many of your same problems, and it changed my life. Check out the website obesityhelp.com also. There are many forums with major participation and lots of good information.

          Life is short; go for it!

        • I also have PCOS – and that rolled into a sort of medical nightmare that I’m still in the middle of. It’s true that people really do treat you differently depending on your weight. I have yo-yo’d many times between a healthy weight and obese so I have seen the difference firsthand. It’s considered “ok” to discriminate based on weight in America.
          Hormonal weight loss is extremely difficult and doesn’t follow the rules of normal dieting. I have found that low carb/ paleo is the only thing that works for me (in combo with thyroid meds).
          There is a book that is sort of out dated now titled “Screaming To Be Heard” (written by a doctor) and it was the one place where I finally found some answers to what is going on with my body. Unfortunately this is a female issue so it often gets ignored by the medical community…

        • I wish I can give you more information, but a friend of mine with PCOS has, within the past year, figured out how to beat the weight issues. I believe it had to do with some sort of enzyme that her body wasn’t producing….not hormones, necessarily.

          I am no longer on facebook, and live in a different state from her, so I can’t really get a hold of her. she had done a ton of research on various issues related to PCOS. Partly because the doctors didn’t believe her issues were related to PCOS….they simply said she needed to lose weight. She was exercising like 5 days a week for a few hours at a time, eating very healthy. But the weight would not come off. When she finally figured herself out and presented the info to one of her doctors, they started to prescribe something that helped. I do not know what it was. After that, she lost weight fairly quickly (not too quickly, something like 15-20 lbs in a month) and she went back to eating whatever she wanted, increased calories and still was losing weight.

          One of the treatments being studied today is the use of Metformin, which I am on for type 2 diabetes. It looks promising, but that drug is not yet FDA approved for PCOS.

          And recently (like a month or two ago), a study came out showing that roughly have of all PCOS patients have a specific gene variant. So, at least there is some positive movement with understanding it going on.

          Please, do research, if you have not done so already. Look in a lot of different places.

          Good luck!

        • Gamers are usually smart (like you). Game designers are smart too. The games’ reward systems are very clever and extremely addictive as you know.
          Here are my suggestions:
          Rip the band aid off and quit the games. Replace with a new hobby like a musical instrument or walking the dog. You can activate the same joy you get from beating a game on an instrument. Walking the dog makes you feel better immediately, try it! If the games fulfill you and bring you joy, community, etc. you will need to change your wiring – much harder than cold turkey quitting but you could try using the games as a reward system. I’ll play the game only after I’ve done XYZ type of thing. I understand PCOS is no joke. You need a workout regimen asap just like the rest of us for self esteem. Ease into it and be compassionate to yourself. Takes 2 months to see a change in the mirror but only 2 weeks for anyone outside your household to see it. When there is a pause in the game do yoga or pushups. This will demonstrably improve your performance in the game too. Best of luck, you are not alone, games are fun, gamers are not dorks, it’s time for you to make a change and write a new chapter in your life.

        • There are medications which can help you lose weight. Definitely being inactive by playing games is not the way to go, but you know that. It seems you have given up. Please don’t do that. Your health is everything. It’s not about your looks. Obesity will eventually kill you. Never mind what people think of your looks and start to value your health.

      • Agree with this. My ex was an addicted gamer who played as soon as he woke up, and until the end of the day (He found himself an online girlfriend and began abusing me very much like Projared did with his wife.) I also used to be a gamer, but I’ve been game free for over a year after realizing how out of touch with reality you are when you live in a fantasy world. I also believe habitual gaming will cause drifts and infidelities as to be an addicted gamer you basically kick your spouse/friends/family/real life responsibilities out of your life and isolate yourself exclusively online. As my therapist said, marriages require effort and nurturing like raising a child, and as an addicted gamer, you aren’t willing to invest effort or nurturing into anything other than your addiction.

      • I think you’re right – mine was addicted to porn long before he became addicted to gaming – and between the two, there was no time for me and our child. He would wake up (sleeping in the basement) and immediately access porn and then start gaming until he had to go to work. Then he would come home, start gaming and wait until I went to bed (or so I thought, who the hell knows WHAT was actually happening downstairs!) to access porn for multiple hours and then go back to gaming until the wee hours. Rinse and repeat. I literally had a front row seat to the disconnect. Even now, when he has my daughter for precious hours (I count visitation in hours, not days) if they make it back to his apartment after a Target/Barnes & Noble run (rarely do they make it back to his place, he usually drops her back off at mine after three hours once a month), then he plays his video games and she has her ipad to keep her company until I come and get her.

  • I had no idea who this guy was so I had to look him up – man, talk about Dobby the House Elf! And then the cross-eyed pigeon fancier!!! Can you imagine if those two mate! I can see another Harry Potter book in the making!

    • Oh Attie, thank you! I was trying to figure out who Jared resembled and of course, you nailed it. He’s an uglier version of Dobby without Dobby’s redeeming qualities.

      • I died laughing following the links! And cross-eyed pigeon-fancier OW had the narc gall to COMMENT on his “statement”, offering her support. UGH! They may *think* they’re unique little thumbprints, but they follow the predictable cheater/scmoopie script so well!

        What sickens me are the teens he enticed to send nude pics. Scratch a cheater, find a perv.
        #iunfollowyou
        #100000UNsubscribers

  • Thank you CL, laughter truly does help us keep our sanity. If I say I like to picture my STBX in a polka dot onesie with huge shoes and vibrant orange hair driving a micro car, might that offend clowns?

  • Oh agreed, and there certainly are plenty who take advantage of the fantasy element to make the transition into real world cheating easier. But it was just a game!!eleventyone!!

    For me it was just funnier as he currently carries more weight in the D&D world than in true “online gaming”. Enjoy your poetic licence.

    I will say, my favourite part of all of this is that his twitter feed is, how do I say this politely, dumping on him for being a stupid git.

  • Aww, what a nice guy. He is worried about his wife’s privacy and mental well-being. If he truly gave a rat’s ass about his wife. He would have not cheated. All he cares about is his reputation. You sure do not want it to get out that you cheat on your wife. One got to main the good guy facade.

    • Heidi said in a later Twitter post
      “If the truth about someone’s conduct can ruin their career, the problem is their conduct, not the truth.”
      Wise lady indeed.

      • That is indeed a wise lady. I love the comment — maybe I’ll use it as a sig line in another forum that I visit. “If the truth about someone’s conduct will destroy their career, then the problem is the conduct, and not the truth.” Good for her for getting that out there.

        • You could use the same concept to address the age appropriate truth question we had last week. If the truth about a person’s cheating ruins their relationship then the problem is their cheating and not the truth.

  • Why is he using the term “mental well being” I think it’s his way of implying she’s mad before she says anything publicly.

    • I thought the same thing when I read his statement. What a douche. Stating that he’s concerned about his wife’s “mental well being” was a preemptive strike — he put that out there first so that anything his wife subsequently says will be suspect. So so so so despicable.

    • Apparently he has been telling people she is crazy and/or lying. It’s mentioned on her twitter. One thing I will say for my cheater is that AFAIK he has not done that. He came clean that he cheated and was completely at fault for our break-up to friends and family.

      • Chumperella,
        Having your Ex come clean must be somewhat validating for you. I can only imagine. My STBX continues to deny that he had any affairs, notwithstanding the fact that he previously admitted one affair to me. He continues to call me crazy and a liar. In one letter, his attorney stated that if I am looking for evidence that my STBX is a bad person, he suspects that I will be disappointed. (!!!!). Ummm . . . I’m not “looking for evidence” — I have all the evidence I need.

        I think that this whole process would be easier and less frustrating for me if my STBX would just admit his affairs. But he won’t. #ImpressionManagement

        • Same here too. He continues to deny, deny, deny – in spite of overwhelming evidence. I don’t care anymore. No contact means that I don’t have to hear the lies anymore!

        • How about you send his attorney copies of your proof? I’m willing to bet the Cheater hasn’t told him the truth…

        • Well, you have one admission. Try to get it in writing. You could mention it casually in a text or email, not as if you’re fishing, just as if it’s conversation, in order to get a written admission, and you’ve got him and can expose him.
          What the lawyer said sounds pretty transparently like they’re trying to discourage you from looking for more, which likely means there’s a shit-ton more. I’d be hiring a P.I. immediately after getting that letter.
          My jerk probably confessed because he knew I’d expose him if he didn’t and my narrative would be a lot more inclusive and harsher than his. Sounds like yours might be scared and is getting his lawyer to try to keep you from searching for the truth. That’s a super dumb move. If he’s that scared, maybe something illegal is involved. Did you get a forensic accountant and a credit report?

      • For my ex his image was all
        He cared about. That and keeping his money. He lost his shit when I told everyone what he did. That was the moment he said he never wanted to speak to me again. And he doesn’t. I don’t regret a thing. The truth is out. I know he tells people I’m a crazy psychotic bitch. Have at it! But everyone knows you’re a cheater. If you don’t want people knowing – you shouldn’t have done it in the first place.

        • Exactly. “If you don’t want people knowing — you shouldn’t have done it in the first place.”

          This ^^^^^^^^^^^

          One million times over.

      • Cheaters usually accuse their Chumps of abuse.

        Cheaters usually enter the public narrative before the Chump.

        Cheaters lie

        • No More Narcs,

          Sadly true that narcs will falsely accuse chumps. I just found out that my lying, abusive, adulterous ex-husband took me to Court recently (again) to get custody of our kids—in addition to ending spousal support. (Found out about request to end his spousal support of me just in time for Mother’s Day.) As I never knew that he was trying to change custody this year, I missed the custody hearing by several days! I just found out by talking to an attorney about another case! My ex-husband talked to many many times (email, phone, face to face) in the last several days but didn’t say squat about him taking me to court for custody! He filed for change in custody a couple of months ago. Where is the Karma bus?

          • ROCKSTAR Wife,

            Why didn’t your attorney know any of this? If you were once represented then that lawyer ought to have been notified and in turn, would notify you.

            AND OR your wasband must show proof of service unless your state is truly unusual.

            Ugh…

      • It’s certainly possible she may have hit him when she found out, but nobody really thinks that’s abuse. Abuse can only be perpetrated on innocents, not pedophile predators like him. That’s why we don’t consider throwing such people in a prison full of other predators who will prey on them abusive. What a whiny little bitch he is.

    • That’s what I thought…….he was trying to plant the thought that she was unstable. She sounded rock-solid to me.

      • It’s difficult to play the “she’s crazy” card when she has evidence. But let’s not let facts get in the way of the narrative. He is just making himself look worse.

    • Yes that phrasing really got to me. He’s a total douche. I can imagine exactly what she went through, and sadly what’s in store for her during the divorce.

    • Yeah, that phrase triggered me too. Even before I knew that my ex was plotting divorce behind my back. He was telling his coworkers and friends that I was unstable and crazy. And then after the Divorce Letter was read to me, he set into motion actions and words that made me question my memory and history. I truly felt like I was going crazy for a very long time. Nope! My mind and heart were being fucked by a master manipulator and liar. Finding CL and CN helped to untangle my mixed up mind.

      • My master manipulator poisoned me to my adult son as he began conducting the affair. Coincidence? Not likely. I miss my son so much and he doesn’t know one iota if what his father did.

        • NotMyFault, I’m not one bit surprised he turned your son against you. My ex tried the same thing. He pushed and pushed my buttons with his odd behavior and comments and I eventually snapped. Unfortunately my kids were there during all my outbursts of anger. I will never forget my son who was 14 at the time saying to me, “I want to live with someone who is stable.” I have no doubt in my mind that the word “stable” came directly from his dad and/or grandmother. It didn’t matter that I was stable his whole entire life and our 20 years of marriage. I was unstable because of what his dad what doing to me!! NotMyFault, one day your son will return and you can tell him the truth. Keep being the good person that you are and living your life well. Hopefully one day he will see his father for who he truly is. (((HUGS)))

          • Yep, they literally drive you crazy, then point at you and say; “See! I told you she/he was crazy!”

          • Guaranteed that all throughout those 20 years of stability – you were already being maligned

            • NoMoreNarcs, I have no doubt in my that my ex was talking trash about me behind my back our entire marriage. I’m guessing mostly to his harem. Who knows? I don’t care anymore. He’s one sick, evil bastard who sucks! That is something I know for sure!

        • Notmyfault, my ex did the same thing with our son. I was naive, I didn’t realize there were people in the world so evil as to turn their children against the other parent. Without any justification other than being malicious and self serving.

          Ex wasn’t satisfied destroy our family. Ex needed to win, he knew how much I adored my son. I can only imagine the long term effects in the future will have. Obviously not a concern of his father.
          It’s all about them.

    • Yes, the mental illness line is a campaign management line, he’s implying she’s mentally ill, and he’s a great guy because he’s concerned about her mental well being. This sets the stage for two important image management tactics, 1) End of conversation. 2). He can use the wife is mentally unstable as an excuse for his wife, when she makes a public statement on the truth as to why the marriage ended.

      Ex used the same line, he was concerned for my mental stability. He was so concerned for my mental stability he left our marriage for AP. Such a great guy telling anyone who would listen ( Seriously anyone, people we only knew as acquaintances) that he was concerned for my mental well being, dabbing his eyes with a tissue as if it brought him to tears..

  • The Now Deleted Twitter feed of the OW is also priceless.

    ‘I understand some shit is going down on the Internet. (Not you going down on someone’s husband in real life, Holly? – Ed.

    If you want to believe a hyperbolic statement from someone you don’t know on the Internet, with no previous background information and use it to demonize strangers, so be it.
    (Come on. I’m a nice lady. I’m going to use your good faith in me for impression management. The problem isn’t the Adultery I did, it’s that the wife talked about it.)

    This isn’t anyone’s business but theirs.’ (Except for the part where I, a stranger, inserted myself smack dab in their business by inserting a married man’s dick into my business)

    She goes on in Classic Free Love Bonobo Monkey Circus Fashion:
    ‘If it’s worth anything, you all know me and I’d never hurt anyone, any I only want the best for everyone around me. If you’ve followed me for a long time, you know that. Gonna get off Twitter for a while.’
    (I am a Timid Forest Creature. Pay no attention to the anguished bowls of That Woman Whose Life I Just Disemboweled with My Splendid Pussy. I’m about love and kindness, but not consequences. Ew. But on my way out, let me tap into my social collateral to gaslight all my friends that I fooled into thinking I was decent. PeaceLoveOut, Suckerz!)

    • Here is how the wife burnt it down:
      ‘Honestly you look very ashamed and insecure in all the nudes you sent my husband. I think it would help your chronic self esteem issues if you started fucking men who aren’t already married’

      What bothers me most, however, are all the comments stating ‘What a mess!’ And pretending like the wife is the problem. She said NOTHING publicly until her husband sent out that Fidget Spinner of an announcement without her consent and then BLOCKED HER FROM SEEING IT.

      Have we lost our collective minds? We’ve officially become so soulless that watching someone righteously howling in pain over having their life upended is heard as indiscriminate noise? I’ve had to re-educate friends over this time and again. Consensual Non-Monogamy is ethical. Creeping on an unwitting spouse is a complex series of abusive, deceptive and unethical acts, including depriving someone of their natural outrage on discovery. It’s not ‘messy’ you smug spectators. You are compelled to not side with the abusers.

      I’M DONE WITH PEOPLE.

      • Luz I am so with you. The looks you get if you should take the effort to point out that, yes, it is always sad and difficult when a marriage ends, and yes it is best for everyone not to dwell on the past and What Went Wrong … But this shit is a whole ‘nother LEVEL and is not Just Another Marriage Ending! Argh!

      • Thanks for sharing that now-deleted Twitter thread, Luz. Yet more evidence that OW/OM are delusional in continuing to exclaim their innocence and goodness in the face of disconfirming evidence. Methinks the OW doth protest too much.

      • Switzerland friends and the ole “there are two sides to every story” people make me want to punch someone.
        As I’ve relayed before, that happened to me and it so pisses me off. Bad unethical behavior is bad unethical behavior PERIOD. There is no excuse, no “2 sides to the story”, nothing but someone admitting what they did and asking for forgiveness. If they don’t, it shows what a POS they really are.

      • Thank you Luz! I posted my experience as I was going thru it. And I have some some friends who would say- I don’t think I would post stuff like that. Part of me did it because I think the hiding of the impact cheating has only helps cheaters. They continue with their lives- image management at full throttle- because thou shall not speak of the cheating! Bullshit- I burned his image down! Told every last friend and family member I had access to. 99% of them have been supportive and lovely. The few who bought his “story” can bite me!

    • Oh LOL!

      ‘I understand some shit is going down on the Internet.”

      I understand y’all found out I fucked my (former) friend’s husband.

      “If you want to believe a hyperbolic statement from someone you don’t know on the Internet, with no previous background information and use it to demonize strangers, so be it.”

      Come on – you can’t trust what Heidi says! I mean, I fucked her husband! Clearly she’s not objective about this.

  • I’m just under 3 months out from DDay. When everything went down, I thought my story was SO INSANE and how he reacted was so unique. After reading chump lady archives everyday for hours on end, this story really solidified that all these shitbags operate off the EXACT SAME MANUAL. Doesn’t matter who they are, who they are married to, what the circumstances are- it’s the same shit, different cheater. Good for her for sharing her story publicly! Mighty!

    • It definitely helps to know you are not alone and to recognize your spouse’s actions and words being repeated by others. They aren’t special, they are common.

    • They really are unoriginal and yet they would be so offended to be told so. Just a bunch of pod people trying to suck the life out of everything that is good.

    • It really is all the same shit but in a different package isnt it? what i love about this site is that I realised what was happening to me wasnt my fault, i wasnt over reacting or irrational and that what he was doing was not ok.

      ive recently cut out his family and friends who have all rallied around him but when they see me (no support at all from them) they just look give me a look like they feel sorry for me, like i just lost my favourite toy! i told them i dont want anymore contact and so much happier for it. no more hanging around people who pretend like there is nothing wrong to image manage.

    • Yeah, way back in back in 2016, I spent an entire weeks vacation reading every single blog post by Chump Lady and every single comment from Chump Nation. That’s how fucked up my mind and heart was. I needed every single drop of wisdom and storytelling from CN. I continue to read, because I still need the wisdom and laughs of CL and CN! I can now see toxic and abusive people and walk away from it now. Just yesterday the aides I work with tried to pull me into their crap and drama. I said, “Go talk to the supervisor. I’m not dealing with this anymore.” And I walked away. Old Martha would have tried to fix it and got drawn into the shit show. Not my circus, not my monkeys.

  • Funny – my narcissistic, cheating ex used to say I made him feel like a bad person. 🙄
    I never got that and finally told him that made no sense because I knew I wasn’t a bad person and he could never make me feel like one- if he feels like he’s a bad person, it’s because he knows the things he’s done and knows they’re wrong (not that he cared, he just didn’t want to be seen unfavorably).

    • One of the bigger healing epiphanies I had was finally recognizing how many times over the years I heard sentences that began with the words “You’re making me…” — and always when she was being called out for some shitty behavior.

      Never “I feel badly that…” or even “Well NOW I feel that…” The focus was always on me for causing her to acknowledge and deal with the fact she’d acted poorly.

      • “I’m tired of apologising for Being Me”.

        Should have embroidered that on a pillow for him. Or knit a jumper with that knitted in.

        Classic narc anthem.

        Sadly for my kids he is now the Free Spirit Formerly Known as Dad. Loving his apology free life. Ten years of fucking (a lot of anonymous) strange? No apologies!

      • thats what my ex sister in law did whenever we talked about the subject of her brother abonding his family to move in with howorker. ‘this hurts me so much’, ‘i dont want to get involved, this upsets me seeing you both like this. i love you both’ barf!

        from the same tree right?

    • I was told that I was not allowed to say what he did was wrong (abandoning me while I was out of town and sending and e-mail as my notice my marriage was over, married 28 years).

      The fact he WAS wrong to do it was completely immaterial to him; he simply wouldn’t stand for anyone to point it out.

      Talk about living in a fantasy.

      • He never told me i couldn’t say anything

        So i am telling everyone what a lying , cheating , manipulative Narc he is . His favorite line to me was how he always went out of his way for me but could never actually back up in any way how he went out of his way for me . Like every evening I go out my way to make sure i don’t hurt you !

        How is that putting you out of your way ? You are not supposed to hurt me that’s your job being my husband but for him he was going out of his way for it .

        So now i am going out of my way for him i am crossing the road to tell anyone that will listen what a POS he is . Everyone i know now knows and i am sure many i don’t do as well . That’s going out of my way

    • Shewarrior, my X said something similar: that I made him feel inadequate. Wtf? I was devoted to his wellbeing and happiness for 26 years…. if he felt inadequate, which I doubt seeing as he never mentioned anything of the sort, and at the time of the current affair he had recently doubled his income and was working less and had complete control over his very successful career, fucking a 30 year old behind my back was never going to improve his lack of self esteem…. unless he is a shallow narcissist BPD!

      • Motherchumper99
        ex used to tell me I didn’t accept him for who he was – he used that to try to manipulate me into putting up with shitty behavior. Finally, I said I do accept who you are, I don’t accept you treating me like shit – there’s a difference. Gave him examples. It didn’t change a damn thing. Of course, he was fine, and I was just some bitch who didn’t accept his abusive ass.

    • When I am stressed at work I tune into to Chump Lady several times a day to change my focus or, when it is a UBT day, to relax.

      So I tune back in this afternoon and see that Shewarrior has taken the words from my mouth: sparkledick also always used to chastise me for “making me feel bad” and, like UX’s cheat, usually after I was complaining about shitty behavior. But he would also pout for no reason at all.

      Even to remember the feeling his ‘crazy’ behavior used to give me makes me sick: I felt confused and would wonder what I was doing wrong, I was always on the defensive, always trying to understand what was upsetting him. That is exhausting!

  • It’s maybe not surprising that I see a lot of similarities between this guy’s “style” of bullshit self-defense and Joss Whedon’s. Is there a special subset of Dweeb-Douche Cheaters?

  • A dear friend of mine is big in the gaming world – D&D, board games, WoW, etc. Gets to go to the big game conventions in Germany, NY, etc.

    Wait until I share this – Jared is gonna be toast. I think one of my kids may have read much of this guy’s stuff too.

    What a waste of space.

    I hope Heidi finds her way here. She deserves a big crowd of support and still more snark (wit & wisdom) dished out daily.

    • My daughter told me all about this on mother’s day. She knows these people because she’s into gaming and D&D stuff. She had been a fan of Holly, The cross eyed pigeon lady, I even drove her downtown to a holly meet up once, But now she’s says no way. No longer a fan. Schmoopies can run but they cannot hide from the truth.

      I just shared the chumplady article with my daughter. Says this is trending #1 on twitter for days. What a mighty chump our chump is! She’s doing it for us all. I hope she’ll find out we are all behind her.

      Amazing how cheater stories are all the same, those lying asshats.. Love that UBT!

  • I think she may already have found CL & CN.

    “Heidi O’Ferrall ✨@AtelierHeidi
    18h18 hours ago

    If the truth about someone’s conduct can ruin their career, the problem is their conduct, not the truth.”

    • Heidi O’Ferrall ✨

      @AtelierHeidi
      May 8
      More
      I’m aware that Jared believes, and had told many people, that I’m abusing him. That’s his justification for cheating on me. But the logic is flawed because even if I AM the worst person in the world, it’s still his responsibility to break up with me instead of banging other girls

    • Opinion: I think we should be careful to respect one anothers’ desires about privacy in this forum. People might use alternate names here for important reasons. I say, let’s let the anonymous stay anonymous.

      Just my two cents.

      • That is copied from Heidi’s public twitter feed. It’s not anonymous. She’s speaking her truth and I’m admiring it.

        • Ok. It originally appeared to me that you were comparing her Twitter feed to comments here on CL and drawing an association. Sorry for misidentifying.

    • Whether she has found CN or not, she seems to have a pretty good understanding of the message.

  • Mentioning his wife’s mental health is just a way of saying she is fragile if not crazy. By trying to manage impression of himself as a superior being he is putting her down. I can see why she says he was gas-lighting her. A…hole!

      • Mine claimed to someone (and probably many others) that he had to work on his own mental health. He was implying that I abused him, and that he had to recover from it. (The person didn’t buy it … he knew the real story.)

        So same diff … he was careful not to call me crazy, but he implied that I made him crazy.

  • Cheaters will have their point of view, chumps will have theirs.
    It sounds like image management to me.
    He’s pretending to care about her, he didn’t care when he cheated, but he cares now. Bit convenient isn’t it.

  • Can we send Heidi a welcome basket to the club no one wants to join? We could put in CL’s book, some barf bags… I’m sure everyone here could come up with great suggestions!

    It’s got to be terrible to experience all of the gaslighting and victim blaming publicy. My heart aches for her.

    • Wobble – totally agree that to go through this so publicly has to be excruciating, but good in some way because she is shining light on the shit storm the cheater created. And he opened the door for it by publishing the statement – typical narc a**hole.

      I also think you may have come up with a great idea for a Friday Challenge – What would you put in a gift basket (besides CL’s book) for a newbie Chump?

  • Blech. Trying to sound all noble and above-it-all with pleas for privacy now that he was caught, but this is the same dork that was walking around in cosplay with his dick out. I can’t even. None of these people are even remotely attractive on any level, from their sun-starved basement-dwelling lack of muscle tone to their oversized Pikachu eyes. That must have been one anemic dick-dangle.

    Their character is the ugliest thing about them. Far and away, absolute pieces of trash. I hope the wife decides to come sit by the grownups and get away from anyone who covers for these pigs.

  • Heidi is so much more attractive than the pigeon girl.
    -100 Wisdom
    +2000 Dumbassery

  • Kudos to Heidi for being brave enough to stick up for herself and get the truth out there in spite of his preemptive “nothing to see here, don’t listen to the crazy women if she speaks, and it’s nobody’s business anyway because privacy”. He makes it sound like he is being a saint for using discretion in talking about his marriage imploding when he is the only one who has anything to hide. Nice try Jared.

  • Always, the swipe at the betrayed partner’s mental health, as in “We must be sensitive lest betrayed partner has a nervous breakdown because of losing me, wonderful me! Poor thing. It is tough to lose me, but here’s hoping betrayed partner heals (we should all help betrayed partner ease into that straight jacket) eventually. Sniffle. It’s hard on me.”

    Can’t unsee their manipulations once you grasp them.

    • I got this explicitly from my XW, when she refused to go to marriage counseling, stating “If we went, I would have to be completely honest and it would destroy you”. Smug and self-serving with a generous dollop of patronizing.

      • “If we went, I would have to be completely honest and it would destroy you.”

        OMFG. I. would. love. to. time. machine. back. to. statements. like. this.

    • Yeah, the mind games. My ex played me so well. The day before he read the divorce letter to me, he asked where I put my antidepressants and THREE sleeping pills my doctor prescribed for me. Yes, she only gave me three pills. I hid them, because I didn’t want them laying around with kids in our house. Well, he took them and left one single antidepressant pill. He said he did this, because he didn’t want me to commit suicide. His life, his entire family and all his many whores lives COMBINED are not worth my one single life. Yes, I did feel suicidal for a long time, but it wasn’t for missing or wanting him. It was from my life being totally nuked by that asshole and all his flying monkeys. Also for coming to terms that I married a very dangerous man and my marriage was a total sham.

    • Cashmere,
      Well said!
      My ex-husband used to privately tell me things (implying that he was schizophrenic). However, in legal correspondence, he would try to get people to believe that I was by telling my attorneys to ensure that I ‘took my meds.’ I’ve never heard voices of people that weren’t there or experienced psychosis in any other form. Projection much? Sadly, I’ve spent over $100k dealing with ex’s hostile insanity. Back to court this month—five years after ex-husband officially left.

  • “Heidi’s privacy, mental well-being and discretion have always been and will remain my highest priority through all of this.”

    I feel like he said this to make it look like he has mental issues. Good for her to come back. I’m not sure I would have had the guts to.

  • The common thread among all cheaters is a Fantasy world + power–be it World of Warcraft, porn, Happy Endings massages, seeking an OW/OM as soon as their spouse is revealed as (gasp) a human being with actual flaws!! or worse yet, has an illness, or a baby!! Cheaters desire a world where they are the Sun and all the planets in their world revolve around them, never getting too close (people are always More Perfect from a distance). The cheater must be acknowledged as the Sun, ever-burning brightly in their looks, their talents, their career, their sexual prowess, or beware, mere satellite! you will pay the price.

    I suspect the vast majority of cheaters are either Avoidant Attachment style, have a personality disorder, or an addiction–all 3 promote a selfishness that is inconsistent with a healthy relationship. That leaves their partner to do all the work in the marriage on very little intimacy sustenance. And yet we are the ones who stay faithful. The only way to stay sane is to break out of the orbit and join a psychologically healthier solar system.

    • Yes you nailed it tempest!!! My ex is such a selfish coward I was so faithful but his porn addiction was all he wanted. I am so glad I learned that he truly sucks.

    • This is so true>>>>”That leaves their partner to do all the work in the marriage on very little intimacy sustenance.” I have never worked harder than anything in my life. Our marriage and family — work, work, work. Giving, giving, giving, with crumbs given back to me. And I was made to feel guilty for the crumbs that were offered. Never again!

    • Tempest, thank you. I had to copy your post and save it because it was so good!

      Fantasy world + power. So true!

      I’m sure the Python has a personality disorder (narcissist), plus I believe he’s also showing signs of frontotemporal dementia – which involves brain changes that promote even more selfishness. It’s an odd kind of dementia in that memory loss comes later on; the weird behavioral changes happen first. And it usually strikes people in their 50s.

      Hygiene deteriorates, impulse control is almost non-existent, rudeness becomes routine, sweet cravings lead to obesity, and some people develop language problems like echolalia (Python started repeating the last word or words of TV commercials – so bizarre!).

      • A dear coworker’s husband passed away from complications of FTD – it was sad time as he went through the behavioral changes first and no one knew why an otherwise passive man became some one so different.

        • Sorry to hear about your coworker’s loss, MissBailey. But thanks for sharing.

          FTD is apparently underdiagnosed, as well as misdiagnosed. I suspect it may explain a lot of “midlife crisis” situations.

  • …This is why I follow Game Grumps. (Well…not the only reason I follow them, there are other reasons but anyway…)

    Arin has been with one woman (Suzy) his whole life. They met in their 20’s, fell madly in love, married, been together ever since and Arin never misses an opportunity to show her how much he loves her. (Plus I follow her gaming channel too. She’s pretty awesome. And her makeup tutorials…and her art…)

    Dan started seeing an animator in LA and kept their relationship private because he didn’t want her harassed, but when he made their relationship public, he said he did it because they’d been together for some time and it would be inauthentic to continue keeping it private.

    Neither of these men (or their respective partners) are cheating on anyone. I’ve been following Game Grumps for years and seeing Dan announce his relationship made me genuinely happy (and yeah, I follow his lady’s instagram now. Her art is beautiful and she’s pretty damn awesome herself.)

    Outside of this personal aspect of their lives they share with their fans, Game Grumps is just enjoyable to watch. There’s no controversies over sexual allegations (because neither of them have any interest in creeping on underage girls) they just have a real love of creating fun content for their fans.

    …and then over here we got THIS mofo…(and while we’re at it, also mofos like PewDiePie who keep “accidentally” shouting racial slurs and Nazi slogans, swinging back and forth from “apologizing” and doing it again…over and over…almost as if…he’s not actually sorry…)



    There is just…no reason for this shit. Hey gamers, especially famous gamers, there is just no reason for this. There isn’t. This is the shit that ruins gamer communities, it makes the rest of us look bad. Game Grumps should be the rule, not the exception. Good people, sharing a love of good games, having fun. Game Grumps have managed to become enormously successful without ever feeling the need to be sexual predators or unfaithful douchebags. What the hell is ProJared’s excuse?

    …nevermind I don’t want to know his excuse. -_-

  • “Heidi’s privacy and mental well-being are my highest priority”! WTF does that even mean? Yes, spoken by a true douche. Don’t consider that the physical week being after being exposed to god only know what STD that could potentially become life threatening. Or emotional well being might be of concern after the steady stream of lies told explode her fake life. PTSD I think its called. These rodents deserve being exposed so F off on that privacy shit. Thats really funny!

    Peace out from these cheaters …….. give it to them, all of it! They deserve everything we can throw at them. Oh and bitterness too! hehe

  • I wonder if he consulted with Jeff Bezos in writing this . . . oh wait, he has a copy of the Book of Predictably Unoriginal Narcissistic Cheater Plays.

  • “Every video the Game Grumps uploaded with @ProJared has been deleted”

    Suh-Weet. Well, they aren’t Switzerland friends of colleagues. Of course, Ross O’Donovan and Holly divorced in 2018 and I bet there is some timeline overlap between Ross and Jared…

    • That’s because they’re awesome.

      Arin severed his collaboration with Jontron as well when he went off on a racist rant.

      Arin’s never had the tolerance for that kind of thing. It’s not surprising something like this comes out and they sever their ties with ProJared too.

      Game Grumps know what’s up.

  • The pos is getting eviscerated on his twitter statement. It’s about 1,000 screw you’s for every 1 supporter right now. I’m shocked all the gamers knew immediately that his dumbass post was just standard cheater bs. Are we seeing a paradigm shift? Before I got chumped I didn’t know anything about these sickos. Looks like they get outed and lose big sometimes.
    One dummy tried to say that false cheating accusations are common in divorce. Yeah dummy, one side has a logical timeline of events and specific examples of downright sick gaslighting, the cheater has nothing except some bullshit about how their chump is crazy.
    Still boggles me that all of our cheaters do the same exact shit. Doesn’t matter if it’s a 55 year old fat bald dad, a 25 year old glamor mom,
    or this ultimate gamer dickhead – they all do the same exact shit and think they are so clever for beating the system.
    I tend to disdain public shaming as it is usually political but it is exactly what these adulterers need and deserve. Their social image is the most important thing to these creeps and they have no problem destroying our families to have disgusting relations with other cellar dwellers.
    I hope his ‘style and grace’ comment about exiting the marriage he destroyed haunts him forever.
    Seems rare that a cheating hypocrite gets blasted to the entire world and has no chance to lie his way out of it. Yes!!! ChumpNation rising!

    • The 2nd ProJared hyperlink in CL’s column takes you to his Twitter. You don’t need to be a Twitter user to see the golden comments. His former fan base is angry and their comments are hilarious, rivaling and occasionally exceeding what we see here daily. Go to his Twitter, scroll down just a bit and click on “A Statement” (the text above the statement not the picture of the statement). This will open the comments and I’m telling you they are so therapeutic and awesome it is well worth it. His poor chump went full on Mighty, outted him with proof that he was sending underage girls dick pics. This sack of shit is literally done.

  • It looks like the OW may have been betraying her husband with him before her divorce, which happened before she moved to be near Mr. Cheater Sicko Pants— I am amazed by the support she is getting on her Twitter account!!

    • Chris Perkins i have heard of, but not the twu wuv birds on the mentioned podcast. I’m an old tabletop gamer and game designer, though, and I don’t keep up with the podcasts. My asshat cheated on me while I was away at GenCon last year.

  • This just so reminds me of a guy I used to read, Mr Money Mustache, some kind of self-proclaimed badass of frugal living and early retirement. He used to repeatedly trumpet the importance of choosing the right spouse in the success of your plans for early financial independence and retirement. Then kept very quiet about the fact that he had decided to end his marriage and was only outed when his ex mentioned it on her own social media. He peddled variations of ‘I deserve to be happy’ and ‘Things hadn’t been happy for a longtime, but methinks that his head was turned by the swarms of frugal snatch that swarmed him on national and international meetups, and I instantly lost respect for him. Projared sounds like a less sophisticated, but similar kind of boofhead, the kind that I categorise under the heading Chris Pratt-itis: achieve a moducum of celebrity, and suddenly the supportive and loyal wife you’ve cherished when you were a chubby nobody is shoved aside for someone more upwardly mobile. Total douche-moves.

  • https://www.newsweek.com/projared-commander-holly-heidi-ofarrell-cheating-scandal-youtube-1431799

    “The third leg of the YouTube love triangle between ProJared, Atelier Heidi, and Commander Holly has finally spoken out—and Commander Holly went off on a Twitter tangent Monday night, saying ProJared was in an abusive marriage and that they were terrified of Heidi and feared for his safety.”

    Classic cheater and SideFuck moves!

    https://www.dailydot.com/upstream/commander-holly-speaks-atelier-heidi-projared/

    Holly is still trying to justify adultery.

    https://twitter.com/AtelierHeidi/status/1130658832789647360/photo/1?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1130658832789647360&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.dailydot.com%2Fupstream%2Fcommander-holly-speaks-atelier-heidi-projared%2F

    Heidi is smart enough to hang onto the text messages.

    Go Heidi!

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