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UBT: “You Were So Perfect, I Had to Cheat”

mindfuckchannelBWUsually cheaters run chumps down and blameshift their affairs. You Weren’t Meeting Their Needs. You suck. They love you, but just not in that clandestine-hooker-profile-rent-a-room kind of way.

Yet every now and then chumps get this particular bit of mindfuckery from the self-pity channel:

“I cheated because I was insecure and needed a distraction. I suffer from low self-esteem and every time we were together I just kept thinking ‘What do I have to offer this perfect woman?’ and it ate me up. Cheating gave me the distraction I needed to escape my thoughts.”

(This is an actual bit of mindfuckery sent to the Universal Bullshit Translator.)

I give it points for sophistication. To simply blameshift — “You suck, ergo I had to cheat on you” — is like being attacked with a blunt force object. Maybe a hammer or a piano leg.

To say “I had to cheat on you because you’re too perfect” is like being assassinated by a radio-isotope-poison-tipped umbrella.

It’s cunning! It’s clever!

What’s a chump to do with this? Be flattered? “He thinks I’m perfect!”

Be angry? But you can’t be angry because a) he just flattered you and b) he is a Timid Forest Creature who suffers from low-self-esteem! Any anger directed at him could cause the esteem indexes to crash and could result in calamity — a three-way with the Subway guy.

Look, I don’t know, but it could be DIRE. This man is so distracted by your perfection, there’s no telling what he might do!

How about you stop being so perfect and loosen up a bit? Let this affair(s) slide. Show us your humanity Ice Princess, the one without all the morals and boundaries and shit. Let your hair down and slum with Mr. Low Self-Esteem until he feels less threatened by you. You could have an affair too and let him watch! That would even the score.

Or how about you help him with his insecurity? He just betrayed you, yes. Risked your health, humiliated you. I get it. But why not bolster his self-esteem? Compliment him! “Lovely sweater you’re wearing today, Conrad!” Did he wipe the crumbs off the counter today? Notice!!!

Or how about you answer the cheater’s question: “What do I have to offer this perfect woman?”

Nothing, dude. Absolutely nothing.

This column ran previously.

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  • And all the time he was cheating I believed he’d find the perfect woman. Well, I have to say Nancy is his perfect match. Such a rare find, a serial cheater and a woman who has nothing to offer other than her ability to fake orgasms.

    Like my therapist said, “He can’t find attractive or intelligent.” That’s an understatement.

    He used to thank me for saving him from his dark side. I’m so happy I finally figured out his level of perfection was below my pay grade in every way possible.

    • Oh, yes. “Saving” him. I got that one too from TEO/exh2. He once told me that if anything happened between us, he would rather die than be without me.
      In the end, it wasn’t that I was “too perfect”, it was he “wasn’t happy” and that I “neglected him by playing Candy Crush too much” ????????
      He was then and always will be an insecure, petty, narcissist with abandonment issues that I could never satiate.
      He was never satisifed. Nothing was ever awesome enough. If it wasn’t about him or inflated his sense of self-worth, he pissed on it and wore me down until I felt the same. Any slight, however small, was always made into a huge deal. I walked on eggshells for him for 13 and never held him accountable for his bullshit, nor did I challenge or confront him on his shit either — it wasn’t worth the energy in the end, I could never win not would he ever accept responsibility or apologize.
      His AP-turned-OWife is ten years younger than him and was chumped by her exh, so he knew exactly what to say and do to schmooze her.

      • Haha, I used to play candy crush too. So very insecure indeed. To me this post regarding a chump being a perfect woman has to do with not owning where they land.

        If we think past the infatuation stage when reality hits it’s a no brainer. They trade down to their level. And think of the bar they set for the OW when they have that to compete with. SHE.CAN.NEVER.BE.ME.
        Oh, no she can’t.

      • Rather amazing how reading your comment exemplified exactly what my X did. Even after I found out about his 1st cheat , and tried to move past that, even though I told him, if he ever wanted someone else, just tell me and we can be through, he still found a new cheat, he still lied and denied all. Lies lies lies. He always needed people’s attention, would show off to get attention , flirted with women, and omitted truths or lied , then claimed he had a break down, how I am just a strone person than he is. Blah blah and blah. Then gas light then abusive behavior. Such a script. He found a gal 21 yrs younger, we were married 20. She a cheater to. Good luck to the both of them!

    • He didn’t get attractive or intelligent. The cheating accomplice is walking, talking, living, breathing proof that he is a jerk. They are a good match.

      My daughter and I were talking about why people cheat just last night before bed. It was a very short conversation. One sentence, to be exact.

      PEOPLE CHEAT BECAUSE THEY WANT TO, AND THEY WANT TO BECAUSE THEY HAVE SHITTY CHARACTER. Just like robbing a bank or buying your kid’s way into Stanford, it’s all about and only about the cheater.

      She caught him on Tinder. This was after he had moved into an apartment with his Dream Girl/Blow Up doll. And still going to the massage parlors the whole time as well. He just needed a new mark who is stupid enough to buy his bullshit, and thank God it isn’t me.

      Affairs are not between two people. They involve THREE. A chump in the dark is a very important and necessary participant. Like a three-legged stool. And guess what? When one leg of the stool walks away (me!) the stool is no longer stable, and a replacement leg needs to be found. The task for me is to withdraw energy and attention from the affair so its power over me dies, just like the cheater withdrew energy and attention from our marriage and killed it.

      I am no longer the one in the dark. I now know who he really is, and if she’s still with Cheaterpants Tinderman, she’s the one in the dark.

      My daughter will NEVER be misinformed about what this is….it is abuse and it has ZERO to do with the abuse victims.

      • You are correct, Velvet Hammer, cheaters have shitty character. And that when you withdraw energy & attention from the affair, it loses power over you. It has taken me a few months to learn to fully withdraw, but now it feels so good!

        I never asked the cheater, “Why?” I didn’t need to know because I knew his actions were not my fault. When he finally decided to tell my stepdaughter (4.5 months post D-Day via FB messenger), he reportedly stated to her it was not my fault. I did not ask her for any additional details on what he had written. Little did he know, I had already opened up to her 2 months beforehand so that she would not hear about our separation from someone else. She was already well aware before he reached out that he was a cheater & that the Skankopotamus had publicly shared on FB about their twwwuuu wuv (looking at apartments, going for b-day dinner, etc) 2.5 weeks post D-Day.

        He & Skankopotamus are both of shitty character, everyone knows it, & they deserve each other.

        I have walked away from the situation with my head held high. As my STBX tried to get some “cake” out of me at my stepdaughter’s Memorial Day party, I shut him down with, “You are no longer my circus, not my monkey”. Twenty two years was enough for me.

      • Velvet Hammer – “He just needed a new mark who is stupid enough to buy his bullshit, and thank God it isn’t me.”

        I no longer want anything with my ex. And am thankful OW occupies his time so I can be free of his crap. Spot on!

      • Velvet Hammer,
        My daughter got this long before I did as I lived in the RIC fog for many months fueled by what I thought was the perfect wife syndrome where in she accepts the unacceptable because they are ‘sick people’.

        I spent decades perverting the alanon message because I was looking at his behavior as being attributed to being a ‘dry drunk’ and I was educated in to learning that his behavior was not my business. Little did I know he had a whole new side line going on.

        Now when I read the Al-Anon literature it has taken on an entire new meaning as I take out the word ‘alcoholic’ and insert ‘narcissist’….Alcoholics suffer from alcoholism – take out the alcohol and the ‘ism’ remains and now I know it has a new beginning – narc -ism. If the ‘ism’ is not treated – NOTHING changes. His behavior didn’t nor did mine as I did the pick-me dance unbeknownst to me long before D-day. I did it as a child growing up with a narcissistic father – I didn’t know that was what he was until I found CL and CN and now it is all tumbling place like Niagra Falls into making sense out of all of that chaos.

        I am no longer the 3rd leg and my eyes are open.

    • I also got the I “saved” him line in The Divorce Letter. I haven’t read the letter in a long time, but I think he was referring to me getting us back to church. Only a malignant narcissist can use God as a flying monkey. He even said that God wanted him to be happy. Lots of references to God in The Divorce Letter. Gotta love those Jesus Cheaters! They not only fuck with your mind, but they fuck with your faith.

      • I got that one, too. God doesn’t want him to be unhappy. He wants to see who God has “out there” for him. He said this after being married to me for 43 years. Apparently he didn’t like who “God had for him” the first time, so he is giving God a second chance to get it right. Not my problem anymore.

        • Oh, I bet God has someone *special* for him alright….someone just like him, a perfect match.

        • Their only god is themselves. When they say “God wants” what they mean is “I want” and trying to throw God into it is just more blame shifting and gaslighting.

          • EXACTLY! I mean, just think how much utter arrogance it would take for a person to presume to know what God wants. It is ridiculous. Also, it’s a sneaky linguistic trick that implies “How can you argue with what God wants?” I know this, whatever God wants, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t involve lying, cheating, risking innocent people’s lives, and sex trafficking, etc.

      • “Only a malignant narcissist can use God as a flying monkey.“. Haha, priceless Martha!

        • Thanks, Doingme, but I can’t take the credit! One of authors that I love and follow on Facebook said it. 🙂

    • I got lots of oblique references to HIS “dark side” but never anything specific. Can you tell me what it means? I really am totally clueless about what a dark side is. And yeah, I was supposed to save him from whatever it was.

  • Betrayal is bad enough – but the blame-shifting is the cause of the real damage! You gained weight, you weren’t interesting, you focused too much on the kids – blah, blah , blah – lame excuses that are all intended to make you think the cheating is your fault. And after months of misdirection, and second-guessing your instinct that something is wrong – your judgement is off/ you don’t trust yourself so you believe your cheater’s critiques and somehow think you are at fault. FULL STOP….. DO NOT BELIEVE A WORD!


    We all have the same fear – that our fuckwit was right about us. He’s not right about you. Remember that.

    • It’s true, I tried to work with his “reasons” for a whole two years, and the problem is they weren’t making any sense. It was terrible gaslighting. “I didn’t feel accepted at home because you cared about your health too much/that’s all you talked about” ? I really, really did not. “I didn’t feel like I could talk to you (so I talked to other people – but that wasn’t absolutely the extent of it)” ? When I was the one initiating talk about our lacking sex life and he shut me down every time – FOR 6 YEARS!

      It was terribly confusing and concerning at the same time, because I was absolutely sure these things were not real, so I worried his perception of reality was terribly skewed – which now I know IT IS, because a Narc sees everything throught the filter of entitlement and they lie about everything anyway. It didn’t help that our therapist encouraged each point of view as valid, when his wasn’t because they were lies! That’s a brand of therapy I will always and forever fight.

      I guess at the time he didn’t feel so cocky as to try and tear me down with things that could have been true, for example he could have exploited any one of my disadvantages, since living with him had made me lose many! I had no real job, no family or friends, no car, nothing. I remember being in an open space and feeling like the walls of the world were closing in on me.

      Now we’ve been apart for over two years and it’s hilarious the way he spins the demise of our relationship, he claims he isn’t in one because “he can’t stand people talking about their problems” – which, he can’t, he’s terribly lacking in compassion like that, but the point is he’s deluded himself into thinking it’s his choice, and not me who upped and left! That’s a bubble I’m not going to burst, he’s entitled to his fantasies, when they don’t hurt anyone!!! But it’s terrifying to witness such delusions. I feel it’s a human lost and that’s very sad.

    • I got blamed for going to the Cinema !

      His mood swings towards the end was unreal shouting at me for everything . So one evening after work i said to myself No i am not sitting there all evening with his moody face and being ignored ( again ) so i went to the Cinema .

      When i found out about whore he said ” well if you had not gone to the cinema i would not have had sex with her ! ”

      When i got home from Cinema i knew there was something off so i went to bed ( he never came to bed that night at all ) I asked him the following day are you having an affair ? Of course lied to my face oh stop being stupid Im not like that id never do it , i don’t have it in me
      He of course does have it in him but to get blamed for going to the cinema still makes me slightly chuckle .

      • I had a good friend who got cheated on by her husband. His excuse for cheating was because she didn’t go for a walk with him after dinner. I can’t tell you how many times she said this to all of us at work. Her mind was trying to make sense of his excuse for cheating. They will pull ANYTHING out of the past to point at why they cheated.

        • Tell your friend mine would NEVER go for a walk with me. I guess I should have cheated!!

          • Nope, WonderNoMore. Be thankful you never cheated. Hold your head high that you never did this.

      • I wouldn’t get up at 5am to watch Game of Thrones or the Walking Dead with him… that’s what broke our marriage… the mindfuck was him saying we needed to spend more time together because he couldn’t be intimate with someone without a connection (so I guess he spends extra on the Craigslist Hookers to watch TV with him before f*cking.)

        They are so unoriginal in their excuses for lacking character and basic human decency.

        • I was chewed out for a weekend vacation two years pre-D-day in which I had bad breath because of garlic, we later realized. I was like hey we made the best of it and I haven’t eaten garlic unless you’re away visiting family in two years. He still came back with, “That weekend was supposed to be special and you RUINED it.” It was so crazy and laughable what they’ll reach for to rationalize the awful way to treat you. If bad breath on one weekend is all you can dig up on me … I’m proud of myself.

          • Oh, my gosh, your name!!! lol.

            You got that right, GarlicBreath. Be proud of yourself that’s the only reason he could come up with!

            My XH had to go back almost ten years to find The Reason why he had to leave me and start over with a whore. He said that one night I said to him, “I will never trust you.” He said he couldn’t remember what we were talking about that I said that. He said “a part of him broke that night” (poor little sad sausage). I guessing this was right about the time he confessed to going up to Canada over ten times and getting lap dances (and probably more!) from 100% naked strippers. I have no memory at all of saying this to him, but I said to my H, “Will you please forgive me?” And he sneered at me and said, “I’ll think about it.” In The Divorce Letter he said he “hadn’t been happy the last ten years BUT DIDN’T KNOW IT.” Yeah, right. He’s just a common cheater and got caught with his hand in the cookie/whore jar.

            GarlicBreath, maybe your breath can be your superpower to keep about the energy vampires/narcs! 🙂

            • “ it broke him”

              Yep…. during the fight in which I’m trying to figure out why the history on our laptop is filled with hooker ads and his dating sites profiles…. I’m saying “…. you motherfucker…”
              Not my proudest moment, I love my MIL it was just a matter of picking wrong wording….

              So what my h did?

              “ I will never forgive you for disrespecting my mother this discussion is over”


              • My cheater told me that I wasn’t spiritual enough as a blame shift for his cheating. Being the chump that I was I apologized and promised to do better in the future. Of course he was AWOL from church for years and I had been the parent taking the 4 children to church while he conveniently was “on call” watching football. They are all the same, douchebags!

    • Sometimes I think this has to be reiterated every day to stop us going back there.

  • Mine did a piano and hammer leg (blamed me for everything and his cheating throughout our marriage was my fault), then produced the radio-isotope-poison tipped umbrella. My perfection after all my faults came into the conversation when he felt I started developing a steel spine and might leave. I was still in that bargaining stage and full of question to figure out the why. I even think he may have googled “what kind of cheating justificiations shall I produce to my wife so she would not leave me” – just like I googled “how to revive trust after cheating and make him love me again.” Typing this now makes me nauseos.

    Three years post DDay and having read here every day I realize that engaging into any dialogue with cheaters is futile. They spin however they want. But it took me a long while to stop asking.

    Every morning I wake up I am thankful for my drama free life and inner peace.

    • @LTC, I feel the exact same way:
      “[four] years post DDay and having read here every day I realize that engaging into any dialogue with cheaters is futile…
      Every morning I wake up I am thankful for my drama free life and inner peace.”????????????????????????????????????????

  • Cheaters are a special breed aren’t they? My ex blamed me for his affair. He would not have cheated if I only would have been more fun. If I would have wanted to go out more. He did not think thst I loved him anyway. So why would I care that he played pool with skankella. Not once did he admit that he cheated because he wanted to. And he had a willing pos that cheated with him.

    • My ex blamed me for the affair, AND then blamed me when the affair didn’t work out. If I had the kind of power/control over him he claims, I would have used it to make him NOT cheat and lie and gaslight!

      • I got another version of the perfect called “nothing will ever be good enough for you”. That one upset me for awhile and I had to ask friends and family and a therapist if that was something they knew about me that I hadn’t realized. After lots of reassurance that I wasn’t that way (and lots of people pointing out how much my ex criticized me) I realized he was projecting his own viewpoint on to me. Nothing ever satisfied him. Nothing ever will. I used to feel sad thinking the OW made him happier (and then angry because she told people God brought them together and that was why they were so happy). What i realize now is that he is the same person just in a different relationship built on a shifty foundation with another shifty person. My guess is that it will be a race for them to blame each other for nothing ever being good enough so as to justify cheating again. That’s a loop I’m super happy to be outside.

        • Aww man. I got the “so nothing I do will be good enough for you then, I’ll never be good enough!” Even though I was the one constantly praising and giving thanks. And never getting it in return. Projecting much?

          • Awhile ago I realized that I was also his cheering section thinking someday he would get the message and acknowledge me or our children. I’m not waiting anymore.

            Several weeks ago, after talking to a friend whose husband uses a life coach to help with his business issues, she told me how much they paid the coach for her ‘advice’. Man-oh-man, if only I had known that years ago I could have been charging the X a copious amount of money for cheering him on in his business adventures because I did it all without pay.

            Being the chump I now know that I am I not only cheered him on for free but went a step further by pitching in copious amounts of money when his business income wasn’t covering our bills. Now I am looking at that shortfall through new eyes like maybe I was even funding his whoring around. Oh dear me – the things I did in the name of love.

            Yet another lost chump opportunity.

    • @Cuzchump, at least you bought a comfortable chair for your X to sit on!????????????????????????. That’s one accusation that gives me a laugh every time I think of it. X is a 7 figure earning law partner….he should have hired an interior decorator and had them get him whatever he wanted if the chairs didn’t suit him! I never signed up for that task. Absurd! It actually helps me to trust he sucks.

  • I get so upset when I see people running to my cheater’s aid, falling for his wounded forest creature act… and I know he pins it on me, his “crazy ex”. But I can’t talk or defend myself because I would seem crazy.
    One moment I’m sending out wedding invites and the next I’m expected to be a good little victim and go away…
    I didn’t matter. These last 8 months have been a cloud of gut wretching pain. And it doesn’t matter to anyone but me.

      • Corgi, it’s early days yet. You have every right to self pity – you were played by a professional. Don’t worry, you’ll get there!

    • CorgiLove, I hear you. Finding out you do not matter to people you trusted and cared about hurts beyond words.

      I tried to reach out to friends and therapists and even the national suicide hotline, and was very firmly told that my pain didn’t matter to them, and I should definitely shut up and go on letting my family treat me like dirt and stop talking about it.

      You aren’t crazy. You do matter.

      • Yes, wonderful to be told “I don’t want to hear it anymore, “your petty divorce”, ” this doesn’t involve our children”, “why do you choose to play the victim”, “the affair was between the two of YOU”, “you should be over it” “your marriage must have already been failing”. One thing that I never heard was “I am so sorry that you have yo go through this”.

        As if we did not suffer enough learning of the betrayal and realizing that our marriage was just really 36 years of disrespect and emotional abuse.

        Yes, setting boundaries (and finding new therapists) is difficult. But, I now know that I do matter.

        • One thing I’ve learned in the past 2 years is that if you didn’t hear “I am so sorry that you had you had togo through this”. you were talking to the wrong people. I’ve met complete strangers who have said that to me. So there are people out there that get it.

          The people that place blame on you or tell you to move on are not your tribe and are also people with shitty character. They are probably guilty of cheating and do . not want to be reminded of how it affects the other side.

    • Corgi, I know how upsetting it is having people you know and thought were your friends running to ex’s aide. It hurts because you trusted that they were loyal and should know better.
      They don’t know better and you deserve better friends. You might not see it now but you’re better off without them.
      There isn’t anything you can do but keep your chin up, take care of yourself and realize the garbage took itself out. In time the hurt will go away and you’ll see them through different eyes.
      Sorry, but they’re no better than your ex.
      My neighbors who I thought were my friends were secretly going to breakfast with ex, going places on weekends with ex, inviting him over for dinner. Then they’d come over to my house to let me know how happy ex is and that I should move on with my life. I no longer speak to them. I was friends with these women for over 20 years. I hurt that they would side with the pathological liar and abuser. Evidentyt they’re from the same tribe.

    • This is awful>>>”One moment I’m sending out wedding invites and the next I’m expected to be a good little victim and go away…”

      I’m so sorry that happened to you, Corgi. You have every right to feel sorry for yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t have self-pity.

      And that’s not a true statement about no one caring about your pain. CN cares about your pain and we are here for you anytime you want to talk or vent. I was very lucky that I had family and friends that did care about my pain and the allowed me to talk and cry. But sometimes I think that people who don’t seem to care have no idea how to help us with our pain or just don’t get why it’s such a big deal. And then there are the others who lack empathy and they need to be avoided anyway!

      So many of us at CN have lived what you lived — people running to help the cheater, falling for his claims of being the victim of you and also him painting you as the crazy ex. I had all that happen to me too. Unfortunately he broke me down so bad and also started driving me crazy with his lies and gaslighting, that I started going a bit crazy and gave him the proof he needed that I was crazy. I know how bad this all hurts. We all do. But please know you are not crazy. You were abused.

      I’m not sure if you are ready to try this, but try saying something different about what happened. Instead of saying you are a victim (which you are a victim of him. I’m not trying to minimize your pain). Say something like, “Thank God I was saved from marrying a cheater. I’m so lucky that I didn’t marry a cheater. I’m so lucky that I didn’t unknowingly marry a cheater who I would someday have to divorce, because he never stopped cheating our entire marriage. I’m so lucky I didn’t have kids with this monster.”

      ((((Hugs)))), Corgi. You will get through this, trust CN when we say this is true. You are still in the early days, so give yourself a lot of love and compassion.

    • CorgiLove, your pain matters to me! Sending support????????????

    • Everybody, thank you. This community is a blessing. I wasn’t even looking for the book, it just stood out to me one day when a i was shopping and it led me here. I’m so grateful.

  • I got told as he was abandoning me for the Circus Clown (who I was unaware of at this point) ~ You are a Saint. And when you die if God does not make you a Saint, there is something wrong…

    • At his military retirement ceremony, he told the collected audience (with OW in row 2 with a fake date)
      “My wife will be sainted before John Paul II”

      When he was blaming me for his cheating, he told me that I was “too sinful” and “too holy” so he covered ALL his bases with his blame

      • ‘At his military retirement ceremony’? With the cheater sitting there too?WTF? If other military members were in that audience and knew he was a backstabber then they know he is a man WITHOUT HONOR! YOU got the last laugh – and they know it or THEY have no honor either- believe me – (I only did 24) the majority was on your side (including me)!

        • There is one particular photo from the reception after where he and 4 friends were all in the photo and I think he likely cheated with the other woman in the photo and I think all 3 men in that picture were also cheaters. I think they had a quiet underground of adultery. The other other-woman would come to events where my Cheater would be and swoon like a school girl. She wrote him a LONG missive in his retirement card (which later went missing) and yet with all of that, she did NOT come to his funeral (doesnt that all speak volumes?).

          In the same instant that I took this photo, he then looked at me (the photog) and has a look of blood boiling contempt…absolute distain. He was so angry at me for existing. I showed Patsy (a friend here..we had a slumber party when I visited her in Africa) the pictures.

          So yea, 18 years as a dutiful military spouse being dragged from pillar to post with no say and at the end, he had a giant, soul-raping affair (which turned out to be the last of many).

          I was faithful, devoted and true. I have no regrets about any of my behavior. I do get really sad when I consider that the relationship I worked SO HARD at was an impossibility. There were so many skeletons in the closet, I would have collapsed in shock had I learned.

          So the main gal in the photo with whom he was in an active affair at the time …I waited for a few months after his death and sent some casual text referencing his death as if I assumed she already knew but I think she likely didnt. I hope she crashed her car into a light pole or something (not hurting anyone). If I ever saw her I imagine I would say “It is such a shame you two didnt work out, I think you were the love of his life”…that would be some revenge served up cold.

      • The whore was at my ex’s retirement party also. I actually commented that she never came by to say hello to me and literally stood at the opposite end of the room (as we knew one another). At “picture” time, the family picture of “us”, his arms are straight by his side. I left early… and in later pictures, there he is, with his arm around her waist. Naïve me, did not confirm the affair until 17 months later!

        • I met my XH’s whore only once and at the time they were just coffee dates friends. She came up to me at a party and I had to look down at her as she’s so short. And I’m not tall at all. XH said to me, “This is XYZ.” She was all smiley and I was like, “Nice to meet you.” XH purposely walked away and didn’t show her any attention all night. I only know this, because I was by his side the whole night as it was a party with mostly strangers. Fast forward a year and the night I caught him out on a date with the whore. I asked to see his phone and the messages between the two of them. She wrote something like, “I didn’t talk to you at all at the party…….” Yeah, dot dot dot. Well, whore, he was avoiding you, because he didn’t want you to tell me that you two were great friends who’ve been seeing each other the past nine years! He didn’t want me to figure out he had a double life with many, many women. I’d like to say to her, “He’s all yours, whore! Now you’ve taken my spot, whore, and the side-chick(s) position is now open. hahaha. Good luck with that!”

      • Too sinful and too holy? That is a great one that just sums up the nonsense they speak. Five words totally contradicting each other.

  • I must say I never believed a minute of it. Yes, I did question if I could have been better and did I make him cheat but I always knew he was just an asshole. Never thought the other woman was better than me. I would think boy he has horrible taste in another woman.HAHAHA!! Any woman that dates a married man is no prize. My favorite line from Chump Woman is Trust they suck!!! I may have been cheated on and blindsided but it was never my fault and I will never believe it.

    • Truth!>.>> “Any woman that dates a married man is no prize. “

    • Mine said early on that I should take 50% responsibility for his “almost affair” because I’m half of the relationship. I said I would never take responsibility for something I didn’t know about nor consent to. I am not to blame for HIS choices. We are only responsible for ourselves!

    • Yes!!!! I never ever wondered “what does she have that I don’t” because she was a whore with a boyfriend and son of her own pursuing a married man.

      When I put it like that to STBXH and asked him “so who’s best interest do you think she had in mind, yours or hers” he just kinda said “hers”

      The killer for him that still makes me giggle to myself is when I followed up with “and what makes you think she wouldn’t do it to you too then?!”

      Not being able to triangulate me, followed by his wife appliance being broken due to depression, is why he was “forced” to need to be an asshole so I’d finally get fed up and leave. Mission accomplished!!

  • My ex said he would talk to the OW about work problems (they worked in the same field) . He didn’t want to bring it home to me. He said he was protecting me…..So damn thoughtful!!

    • Yeah, the venue owner was in the same field at one time and I was told “she gets me”. Yeah, the person who planned my family member’s wedding knew you for 20 minutes and gets you. That’s not just twu wuv, that’s worth losing a 20 year marriage over!

    • My ex said that he started to talk to my cousin about me. He was concerned about my symptoms from early menopause. He just wanted to know what I was going through was normal. He said he asked her because she was a nurse. His sister is a nurse and so am I. So nice of them to bond over my early menopause. So kind of him to share my health issues. He was only looking out for my well being.

    • Mine said “the only thing we had in common is that we both had partners who treated us badly”

      Even fake misery loves company I guess

  • … and then there are those who flip the perfection excuse from the Sad Sausage side or the Charm side to the Rage side:

    “You’re just so fucking PERFECT aren’t you?! Everyone just thinks YOU’RE so PERFECT!! Well I’ve got news for you buddy — you’re NOT perfect, and I’m tired of bending myself into pretzels over someone who thinks he is!!”

    And we just stand there wondering just what in the fuck prompted this.

    • Yup, BTDT: “You think you are so perfect! We can’t all be as perfect as you!”

      Followed by rage about how judgmental, critical, etc. I am–because the real problem is never what he did, but my judgmental reaction. At some point, I stopped trying to defend myself and said, “YES! I AM JUDGING YOU. You are a liar, cheater, abuser, etc.” Any guesses as to how that went over?

      • Oh I got that too. They really are all the same arent they. SORRY BUT IM HAVING PROBLEM WITH MY KEYBOARD BY THE LOOKS OF IT. Punctuation will be restored as soon as possible.

    • @UXWorld, I got the exact same rage and words. It was actually scary to see under that psychopath’s mask. 26 years and I was unknowingly living with a monster…. I truly thought he had a brain tumor that was causing such a radical personality flip. Nope, just covert narcissistic abuse and the rage channel.

      So glad to be free of that!

      • I had so many people ask me if he had a brain tumor or other brain damage — that was easier to believe than the depths of his betrayal.

      • Me too. The behavior he flipped into totally threw me off guard as it was so different from how he had behaved for over 3 decades of our being with each other.

        When it did sink in, and it took a long time, I too was shocked that he is as disordered as he is and was so good at covering it up none of us ever guessed. He was the proverbial ‘good guy’ – the timid forest creature type of cheater.

        I felt ashamed for a bit but then read about the poor woman married to the Wichita BTKiller and realized things could have been much worse. (By the way, when he was arrested and it was proved that his poor wife was clueless, she was granted an immediate divorce! He too portrayed himself as the ‘good guy’.

    • I got the “perfect” line when I finally told her I want a divorce. I was told I can go spend Easter with my “perfect” family and my Catholic relatives. What? What the fuck does that have to do with her infidelity and our marriage? I think she’s so focused on her image management and what people will think, that she’s trying to bring me and my family down to her level by passive aggressively saying I’m not perfect either.

      I’m not. I never said I was. No one is perfect but lots of imperfect people don’t have affairs.

    • Out of the blue, probably I now know a few weeks after they met (he didn’t come home, phone records back up that’s when things start) on the school run one day I say something and he immediately takes offence. Up to this point we have never really argued or had cross words, it’s not our way. Suddenly I am told ‘Ah the cult of .. insert my name here…. you are so bloody perfect, well everyone looking in can see that our relationship is terrible. Anyway something along those lines. I was just so bloody shocked. Where did that come from. Now we know right. Same lines. This was the first omission of guilt I now realise, the first time it got thrown back in my face. Sad really.

  • How about “I fell out of love with you because you nagged”. 34 years he supposedly endured it?
    Gave him all the freedom he wanted but the Owhore
    was his choice. Wasted my youth on a narcissist. Wish I would’ve thrown him out years ago. ????

  • Apparently I didn’t do anything wrong.
    But the ow was a alcoholic, drug using slag, his words not mine.
    He liked her because she didn’t want her own kids, he also had the above problems, he said I should be grateful he stopped using the above, I said why should I be grateful. She tried to talk to my kids, actually saying she was going to be their aunty, my youngest said to her, you don’t talk to people you don’t know. We split up 6 years ago, this month, she still hangs around.
    He made his choices he can live with them. He did have a sti, I should ask her if she needs any antibiotics.

  • Mine was always intimidated by me that I do know. I’m more intelligent than him but that’s not difficult anyway as he sets the bar pretty low. The first skank most definitely was intelligent in a “physicsy” kinda way (I hated science) but was just a bar-room whore at the end of the day. Latest Schmoopie is younger, prettier and slimmer than me so who knows. But after my first son’s wedding 2 years ago and wedding no. 2 in a couple of weeks I’m beginning to wonder if he has found the perfect match. My daughter-in-law’s mother is originally from Korea so Schmoops phoned my soon-to-be daughter-in-law to say that she had heard that in Korea it is traditional for the mother of the bride and groom to wear traditional Korean dress so should she do so as well! At this point the future bride had had enough of her and said 1. you’re neither the mother of the bride nor the groom and 2. you’re from Pittsburgh! So yeah, maybe they are a better match!

  • Dear Woman,

    You’ll just be too much woman.
    Too smart,
    Too beautiful,
    Too strong.
    Too much of something
    That makes a man feel like less of a man,
    Which will start making you feel like you have to be less of a
    The biggest mistake you can make
    Is removing jewels from your crown
    To make it easier for a man to carry.
    When this happens, I need you to understand,
    You do not need a smaller crown –
    You need a man with bigger hands.

    By Michael Reid

      • I don’t recall who posted it here first, but I have loved it ever since. ????

    • I’d edit this poem to close with:

      “…When this happens, [please know] You do not need a smaller crown –
      [You don’t need any man, you are strong enough to wear your crown with no man’s hands.]”

  • Reminds me of sitting in a joint therapy session where we each had to come with 4 things we wish the other would do.
    I wanted 1. to go on romantic weekends 2. date nights 3. have him come to bed at the same time as me even if he left after a half hour of talking, sex or cuddling and 4. dance with me when we go to events.
    Ex came with no list because I did everything right and he didn’t want me to change in any way.

    Not much to work with…

    He didn’t need me to change because he had already moved on. Wish I had known.

    In the end it all sucks and cheaters suck as partners, spouses, parents and people.

    • I keep losing my posts, so I’ll make this short, one of ex’s excuses for leaving besides he’d built resentments towards me over the years bringing up something I said in 1994..,
      I apologized thinking we could work on our marriage and he would forgive me for 1994.
      It was obvious that he was cheating but being the Chump I am I ignored the glaring red flags and ache in the pit of my stomach that something was off. I believed I married a man of integrity as he so often reminded me. He’d never do such a thing, he isn’t that kind of guy.
      His next complaint and reason for leaving was the tone of my voice when speaking to him.
      I replayed our conversations in our marriage and if anything I was too nice. Being a chump I said I’d work on it. This is when I found CN and it was life saving, otherwise I’d still be blaming myself and taking voice lessons waiting to find out my next fault and reason for his leaving.

      • SOMETHING YOU SAID IN 1994?!

        Sweet smoking Jesus.

        • Oh yeah, another classic move from the handbook. It’s hard to make up for something you did that ticked them off so long ago. Mine had resentments going back to our wedding night (also 1994) that I certainly didn’t know about at the time. In fact, that particular complaint was later rectified, but he resented that it wasn’t rectified that night.

        • My narcissist XW brought up stuff I did wrong on our honeymoon in 1994 to excuse her many affairs (something very minor).

          • 1994 ?! No to gunnysacking, not that it would matter with a personality disordered nutter.

          • What is it about 1994? It must have been a bad year for ticking people off many years in the future.

  • ” I just kept thinking ‘What do I have to offer this perfect woman?’ ”

    … I’d have taken a sandwich? Like… yanno… if you really felt that you wanted to offer something more, a sandwich would have been fine. Or maybe a backrub? A few surprise flowers, maybe…

    I’m just saying, if you were wondering about things to offer me, “go stick your dick in another woman” doesn’t show up ANYWHERE on my amazon wishlist.

    • Traffic, this is BRILLIANT!! Us amazing people actually don’t need a lot, a sandwich would be great! A cup of tea ….

  • I got sort of a version of this for a while. He claimed moral ignorance. Alas, how was he to know that spending our mortgage money on skanks was WRONG? He said, “You seem to know these things naturally. But I need help to understand!”

    Of course, chumpy me volunteered to help him. I would share my moral understanding! He just needed to UNDERSTAND!

    Fast forward a few months, and he was saying that his conscience dictated that he should not agree to me knowing the contents of his phone. And as a moral man who never went against his conscience, he would not let me see his phone.

    And apparently, I didn’t understand because I was not a person of integrity like him.

    That’s when I realized that they just throw excuses at the wall to see what sticks. There’s no actual conviction behind anything they say.


      Maybe that could be a Friday challenge? The stupid things they threw out as excuses just to see what sticks. Either when covering up a lie or when rationalizing why they cheated.
      I picture one of your cartoons with spaghetti being flung at a wall.

  • Mine couldn’t seem to decide if I wasn’t good enough for him or he wasn’t good enough for me. One minute it was “why should I have to lower my standards to stick with you?” and the next minute it was “I feel like I am tainting you and your family” and back and forth.

    • i got this same mindfuckery too. From the cheater handbook. Isn’t it great to see through it now? Thank you ChumpNation

  • I wasn’t there to one, but her affair was my fault because She told me…“I’m too hot for you”.
    And most recently she texted that the 18 yr old is going to be the one to suffer because the money being spent on the divorce is money that could have been used towards her college…..again, my fault, cause I filed.

    First court date is today..

  • How about the ‘crazy’ excuse? The Mindfuck channel I was on for months after Dday was the most painful, humiliating experience Ihad ever endured – doubting one’s own sanity and sense of reason. I couldn’t sleep, could barely eat, but obviously had to carry on in a constant state of anxiety. All the while the cheater is euphoric with his new control and using the ‘she’s crazy’ excuse for his narcissistic behaviour Three years on he clings to the excuse that I ‘lost it’.

  • My ex narc serial cheater is with an attractive educated woman…she’s new supply for him so I don’t know if she’s also a cheater or not but she does knows he cheated on his wife (not to the extent that of how much he did it but she knows enough to know better). However, how smart can she be if she still chooses to be with a man who has no honor, no integrity and an admitted history of serial unfaithfulness?
    Is she SO special that she can keep him from cheating? No, she’s a chump. I’m sure she’ll find her way to ChumpLady eventually. Best part now is that it’s NO LONGER MY PROBLEM. 🙂

    • Knowledge and wisdom are two different things.

    • I mean, he was clever enough to fool you, so one assumes he can pretend for a while. But yep, not your problem any more.

  • Because I knew and was friends with some of the OW, this was the “theory” floated, keeping in mind that my ex went the way of the “affair down” approach and would willingly admit it.

    “You’re so perfect and ten times better than anyone I could ever have. These women wanted to be like you and the only way they could try to do that was to be with me”.

    Loved that excuse, especially when it was interspersed with my flaws: “snoring, not letting him travel as much as he’d like to, not wanting to go out drinking every night, not playing golf”,

    Talk about whiplash.

  • Hmmm – my STBX has really just played the silent game. Cold cruel shark eyes if anything tried to be discussed. Happy with dancing and singing around the house as he texted OW continously (he cannot tear himself away from his phone). Definitely screwed with my brain by saying he loved me and things would be okay while he actively acted like a dick (going out for expensive long leisurely lunches “by himself”). Ignoring or competing with his two terrific teenage boys.

    He tells his kids he is living “an alternate lifestyle”. The woman from work that he is “seeing” is a married woman that drives a Porsche and travels the world. He wants only the finer things in life. Is insisting he wants our china as his everyday wear. He is pathetic. He had a good life but he chucked it away to go chase sex, drugs, and fancy crap. This is a man who works in a field that demands high ethics – he has none.

    It is hard not to try and unravel things. My kids are really pissed because he won’t be honest about things. He doesn’t have the capacity to have a conversation and open himself up (possible because there is only black primordial ooozing sludge inside). I, on the other hand, can access my feelings and show my love in actions and words. I will be better off in the long run it is just getting there that’s hard. Hugs to you all.

    • Yes the getting there is long, but you will. Better than being the marriage police, shit sandwich eating chump. (((Hugs))).

    • I felt this so much. I love to sing even when no music. Him never. Except when he was carrying on with his whore, texting and snap chatting. So how funny he was just singing along in the shower while I was crying in the bedroom after he had yet again rejected me. These people are so absolutely horrible!

  • This is my stbxh !! My therapist had to point out to me that it was still manipulation. He said I was perfect and our marriage was still in the “honey moon phase”, yet he had an affair. Clearly delusional.

  • I got this, but only after hours of grilling him about “how could you cheat on ME with THAT person?” Evidently I was the perfect partner: beautiful, independently awesome, supportive, and communicative about my needs. I made him anxious with the overwhelmingly enthusiastic gestures I was always doing for him, because he was supposedly incapable of doing the same for me. Here I thought that making him all his favorite childhood foods from scratch was something he’d enjoy; evidently I was only sealing my doom! OW was able to snag him not because she was perfect or beautiful, but because she was notably unattractive and desperate. She fawned over him, fed him cheap frozen microwave meals, and never asked for anything in return. It made him feel in demand and in control. How he saw himself with her was more important than how he saw either one of us. I can’t compete with that level of pathetic self-effacement, nor would I ever want to.

    • Yes!! I was so busy putting my needs aside to make sure his were met that it drove him to cheat. Then, when I was involved in activities that made me happy, I had no time for him! It’s all about the adoration, external validation, power imbalance and image management for cheaters. They will say ANYTHING to preserve that. It’s funny though, they all seem to say the same things, even though there is no website or YouTube tutorial for “how to cheat”. I could have written pretty much any of your stories LOL.

      • I have to check myself sometimes from letting my misandry fly through the roof. This whole business of being giving but not too giving, strong in a hot way but not in a threatening way, etc., is a mindfuck up there with the expectation that we be “cool girls” who eat cheeseburgers and drink beer every day while staying fit and skinny. I’m left not really knowing what to do, because after years of being too intimidating (read: independently successful and cool) for most men I thought I’d finally found someone who wanted that in a partner, only to discover he was just paying feminist lip service. It’s so sad to see someone you thought was amazing and perfect turn out to mimic the same pathetic behavior as all the other anonymous sad sausages people describe here.

  • I got this version of that mindfuckery; “I was intimidated by you because you’re smarter than me and a better person.”

    Me; “Then you should have felt lucky to have me instead of devaluing me and cheating.”

    I also got; “You’re too controlling.”

    Me; “How controlling could I possibly have been, since you did whatever you wanted, regardless of the fact that your coldness, neglect and emotional abuse caused me to become depressed and suicidal? Project much?”

    It turns out “controlling” was code for; “You didn’t like me being a drunk.”
    He did the OW’s bidding like a slave but never considered her controlling because she was a drunk, too. That manipulative cow herself deemed me controlling because I objected to him riding his bike on the streets drunk and getting into accidents. She actually told him; “It’s your life to risk if you want to. None of her business!” Unbelievable. My daughter and I were both terrified he’d get maimed or killed. He’s the sole breadwinner because we’re both unable to work for medical reasons. I’d like to punch that evil bitch in the chops for having the bold-faced gall to say that. This is a woman who herself has MS, but risks her own health and shortens her lifespan by being a full-time drunk. No concern for how her kids would feel if she died. What a heartless monster. Even my cheater realizes he was wrong to risk his life like that and worry his family and he has stopped drinking, but she keeps on boozing daily, often right in front of her kids. She also deliberately exposes them to her many affair partners. I’d have reported her to child protective services if I had found out sooner, but they are both over 18 now.

    These people are fucked in the head. They have zero sense of personal or social responsibility or concern for the feelings of their own families. They need to be marooned together on an island, where they can all screw each other over and leave us the hell alone.

    • Similar situation here. Apparently I was “controlling” because I didn’t want them to maintain their “friendship” while we were together. I feel like my head is going to explode whenever I consider the irony of OW convincing my partner of 7 years that I was the manipulative and controlling one in that situation. All the lines he used on me about his affair came directly from her. He told me that during the daytime when he had sobered up he’d go talk to her and tell her that he felt terrible about what they were doing together at night while drunk, and she would tell him that he had nothing to be ashamed of because he was just “following his feelings.” So he’d spend the day feeling guilty, then get wasted to cover the guilt, then have sloppy wasted sex with her again. I couldn’t stop him from drinking, from having sex with her, or from insisting on maintaining contact with her. Most of the time they knew each other, I didn’t even know they were hanging out. Yet I was somehow the big controlling meanie.

      • Good grief! The projection these moronic, self-involved clowns and their manipulative whores engage in is infuriating.
        I bet he’s lying about feeling bad about it. You don’t do something over and over that makes you feel bad unless you’re mentally deranged.

  • Well, apparently he married me because I was the perfect woman. He would be a fool to let someone like me go.

    Then, a couple of years in, he realized that it was a lot of work to be married to “someone” like me. Life is too busy and all about responsibilities.

    Followed by him taking every one of my strengths and turning them into criticism so that I became the most horrible wife that any man had ever had to endure.

    Ending with him telling me that he just needs to be with someone who isn’t so strong, but really I am to MOST amazing mother to our children.

    Ta da!

  • I got a version of this. Fuckwit would tell me that I was so much his ultimate dream woman that he wanted to share me with other men, and that he was okay sharing me with other men because I was extremely loyal to our marriage. This speech would always end with Fuckwit saying, “This is a huge compliment to you”, and me spitting out, “I am NOT complimented!” Each time, Fuckwit would just stare at me, looking confused by my reaction. I’m pretty certain he was reading garbage on Reddit that led him to believe saying that crap would work, and was baffled when I didn’t go along with it.

    • Two things of the very very few things he did say around DDay time:

      1/ He had to be too many things to me ( I guess meaning parent, husband, lover, brother, sister, friend.
      Well, he was never there for me so he flunked at being the one thing he made vows to be, a partner, a husband.

      2/ He said you cannot work a long distance away ( meaning when he left our home, wife and child, he could not just do his job and come home to wife and child). No, that was too hard, he had to fall madly in love with OW, and he felt about her how he had never felt about anyone else ever.

      Geeez, they really are all the same, aren’t they!

    • On Reddit every second guy seems to think he’s an expert on wooing women and making them swoon. It’s a haven for incels and other assorted members of the He Man Woman Hater’s Club.

  • I think what really is being said here is “You were such a perfect chump, how could I NOT use you, humiliate you, and generally do whatever I wanted for my own personal gain, you were PERFECT IN EVERY WAY for this role, as a matter of fact I derived so much pleasure abusing your trust in me, I had to repeat it over and over!” Only before it gets churned through the UBT, we hear “You were so perfect, what recourse did I have? how could I compare?” I got a version of this as well on DDay, when I confronted him in the parking lot of a local pizza place, LOL

  • I can’t imagine the “you’re-so-perfect-I-couldn’t-take-it” argument, as I got the opposite: “you suck so bad, and I am so awesome, I was simply following what God/Fate/the universe/natural selection intended.”

  • Mine started with the oh-so-unoriginal and ever ridiculous blame shifting:
    – “You invited family on our vacations”.
    – “You made me buy you iced teas every other day.”

    As I rebutted his absurd accusations, he became more nebulous:
    – “You’re controlling.”
    – “I’ve not been happy in the last 6 weeks, well, actually, 3 months. No make that since the day your tore your ACL (6 months).

    As I fell apart upon realizing it was an affair with the office whore that was responsible for the sudden crisis in our marriage:
    – “It’s not you, it’s me. I’m the asshole.” Alas! The truth!

  • Mine was that I wouldn’t travel with him abroad on his business trips. If only I had gone with him, I would have prevented his cheating. Yes, a grown man telling me that he needed babysitting on a 7 day work trip a few times a year. It’s so absurd I actually burst out laughing in his face when he said it. That shut him up fast.

    Then it was on to the sad sausage, sitting on the floor crying that the whore wanted him, so what was he supposed to do? Poor poor child….just didn’t know how to keep his dick in his pants or how to say no thanks while I wasn’t around. Clearly if I had only been there to tell him what to do……. Totally my fault he was cheating, I failed to make him behave like a decent human being……

    I used to feel like it was all so surreal, like you couldn’t make this up if you tried. Then I came here and the stories are all so similar, the respective fuckwit’s excuses almost mundane.

    • Oh my gosh, the crying baby man at work was mine too! He claimed that this girl (who I had no idea he had been involved with on any level until DDay the next week) he was scared of. Cuz she said she was gonna come back to his department and fuck him after her shift! Oh no help me wife!!

      Then after Dday when I found out I was a chump not a helpful wife. He lamented “she is just so flirty and she wouldn’t leave me alone”

      Like WOW. It was after that display, along with literally grabbing my ankles as I headed out the door during our separation, that I can never see him as a man again. What is with these guys?

  • When my XH’s serial cheating came to light, his reasoning was- “you were a great wife, mother companion, but after 33 years, this life is boring. I need more excitement and affairs along the line gave me a thrill. I would never have left you and I am only sorry you found out and you now want a separation. Let’s still be best friends”.

    His story changed later, according to some friends. To justify the separation and divorce, I became a frigid, non supportive wife.

    He never acknowledged the betrayal or hurt that he caused. It was only ever about him and how he felt.

    So, I moved on, totally shattered for several years. I hear from my one child who still sees him that he changes partners frequently. I have no idea who they are and finally don’t care. As everyone says, “trust that they suck”.

    • Yes you were frigid and non supportive of his cheating habit. I wonder if he remembered to mention those specifics.

  • LOL, oh no, I was full of irreparable flaws. I could never meet his expectations, whether it was dinner or my body or the way I told a joke or how I parented our kid. He was full of compliments on the surface and to others, but then would spend plenty of time slowly and subtly cutting me down.

  • Yes. I got a similar comment from my fuckwit . He said I was too generous; He felt like a man-child. I did too much. i suggested he get a job which might make him feel manly. Also His AP was a Single mom Who is extremely poor and on subsistence . he said he was comfortable with her because that’s where he came from. I think I’ve crossed the bridge into MEH-land with just minor Retreats back over that bridge . hugs

  • It’s been a long time since I heard this BS (at least ten years. Ahhhh how wonderful it is to say that!) but it’s still BS nonetheless and I can laugh about it now.

    “Compliments from other women are more important to me than compliments from you because you’re my girlfriend and I just expect that from you anyway. It’s better coming from other women because they don’t have to compliment me.”

    Or (when I told him about some men who had made me really uncomfortable harassing me on the street)

    “Why do you do this to me? You KNOW I don’t feel good about myself, and then you go out and these men give you attention. I wish women would compliment ME as much as they do you. This makes me feel bad about myself when this happens to you and not me.”

    The “compliments” were not welcomed, and had been extremely sexually explicit comments about what they wanted to do to my body.

    This dude cheated on me with 6 people and got one of them pregnant.

    The I-Have-Low-Self-Esteem line is a deflection.

  • How the heck does a guy out on a farm have the time or even find women to cheat with? What a loser.

    When I pressed my cheater about why he stayed in the marriage, he said he was a coward. Absolutely true. An insecure, entitled narcissist coward. Good riddance.

    Now, can I have those 28 years back please? So I can actually experience what love feels like?

    • Omg mine said exactly the same when I screamed at him why he didn’t just end things with me, why cheat when he could have just walked away – because he is a coward. Ain’t that the truth. Also sick disordered, selfish, entitled freak.

  • Nothing more exhausting than saving a cheater from themselves. XW fed me the “you’re strong and I’m so weak”, “you’ve helped me so much through the years… don’t give up on us”, “I did it because AP reminded me of YOUUUUUU”

    Blah. Walk away from these lying weirdos.

    • Ugh, even worse, I got a 3 page letter telling you how friggin awesome you are
      I know buddy, now step aside, I’ve got a life to be had!
      Hugs around!

    • “I did it because AP reminded me of YOUUUUUU”

      Zell, It’s uncanny how I got a line very similar to this. I didn’t walk away right then like I should have. She turned up preggers 4 mos later and, oh yeah, it wasn’t mine. That’s when I finally learned how to walk.

  • Wow.
    Garlic. God. Perfection. Walks. Math. Job.
    “I cheated because __________”.
    Just dump a bunch of nouns out there.
    Cheater Madlibs.

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