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Forums Ending Aug. 1

I want to pass on the sad news that I cannot do forums on Chump Lady any more. You may have just signed up explicitly to join the new forums I was going to do on Discourse. After much agonizing over this decision, I’ve decided to not move forward.

If you signed up for forums on Patreon, PLEASE either CANCEL your patronage BEFORE AUG 1 or considering supporting the blog further as I figure out the new tiers. (In the next few weeks.)

Here’s why I decided this.

1.) There are places that can do this better than I can. A closed Facebook page, a subreddit, etc. The community can continue, I just can’t keep hosting it.

I’m at a fork in the road with where the blog is going, and as the traffic has grown, my costs have grown, and even with the kind, AMAZING supporters — the new $3 sign ups were not enough to break even taking on an additional $300 a month.

2.) I would rather do one thing well. I can write and I can draw and I can snark. That’s the blog. The writing, CN supporting each other in the comments, the archives. I need to decide where to invest the resources I have — financially and time-wise — and I’ve decided to put it into the blog. Making the site run better (new theme), leaner, cleaner, better SEO, hopefully solving the wretched ad situation. (Tied to my site loading issues.) It all costs time and money.

The forums were popular so long as they were free, but my site and free forums cannot both exist anymore. I simply do not have the time to take on more IT headaches, moderating, and admin work.

It’s really hard to admit I have limits, and it’s harder still to quit offering a place to support people who need support, but I hope the blog and community there, in the comments and elsewhere (Facebook, subreddit) can do that.

This is what I can do:

Keep the site going. Publish 5 days a week. UBT insipid cheater articles. Finish a second book. Draw more cartoons. Offer new perks to the beautiful people who are paying it forward for everyone. That’s the direction I decided to go. I hope you understand.

If you decide to keep supporting the site THANK YOU. The site runs on altruism, and I absolutely could not do it without you.

Some housekeeping —

THE FORUM GOES DARK ON AUG 1. So please copy what you want to copy.

I will be backing up the current forums, if I decide to revisit this issue and do Discourse in the future. That’s undecided, but not likely at present.

I will not be creating a subreddit or closed Facebook group, but you are absolutely welcome to. And I am happy to create a page with links to your communities. We can still have community, just need to find another place to move the party.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • I look forward to more blogs and a second book! I am so thankful for the truth and support I get from Chump Lady, Tracy!

    • I totally agree!
      The book was my bible, every single step, the best advise ever!


      (Posting this up high)

      It’s just the FORUMS that are ending. On Aug. 1

      • CL/Tracy,

        Wait a minute. Are you trying to set BOUNDARIES? HOW DARE YOU!!! (my sad attempt at trying to imitate some of the FW’s we’ve all been dealing w/for some levity)

        Tracy/CL, don’t sweat it. I hope I speak for the majority when I say we get it, and we will continue to survive and thrive w/you and the blog. I’m amazed you had any free time at all w/all you were doing for us.

        Thank you for all you do and have done. You’ve greatly helped to set many of us on the path to a better life. I’m very grateful for it, and I know many others here feel exactly the same. May you feel the love from all of us, and get some peace!

        • Ha, great post, thelongrun. I second every word, especially the part about setting boundaries (too funny). Obviously, Tracy, this isn’t a decision you wanted to make, but you’re doing the right thing, The blog, the blog, the blog!!!! THAT is the meat and potates that has changed people’s lives. Personally I intend to keep supporting through Patreon or however you wish, indefinitely. I am fortunate that I can, and I see it as a “pay it forward” thing. We (chump nation) are so, so grateful for you, your support, your wit, and your incredible spot-on advice. Side-note: How is it you are not a psychologist? You are so RIGHT about everything. Narcissist Kibble Chow? You’re a genius. And goddam hilarious. Never mind, you are helping WAY more people with the blog than you could as a therapist). So indeed, don’t sweat it at all, and take immense pride in yourself for making such an impactful mark on the world 🙂

      • The blog is what helps the most. Even though I can’t donate much, I intend to continue.

        Rock on, Kid!!

    • Chumplady, for me, this Blog in and of itself is a complete community, Ot’s one of the best things i’ve found. Thank you.

    • Chump lady you have saved me when I became a chump, friends and family helped me but your site saved me in those dark hours when reading your advice and all those amazing comments that make me feel like I was not on my own
      I would ask you to reconsider you decision as this is an important part of the whole healing process

  • Thanks for this Tracy. Thanks for your honesty and clarity. You set a good example for us all and I for one completely ‘get it’ as to the tough decision you had to make and I applaud you for taking the steps you have to take and the boundaries you have to set in order to continue with what you are doing.

    Yeah to you for sticking with what you do so well plus you have left options for people to follow so none of us are ‘left out in the cold’.

    Thanks for everything and I will continue to support you with my ‘meager monthly allotment’ so that this place exists for others in the future.

    You have saved my sanity. A safe haven for this RIC failure….I have found ‘my place’ at last.

    • Thank you from my heart. You will always bring a smile to my broken self.
      Bless you Tracy. Linda

    • Further thoughts fluttered into my head after I had posted the above. I feel compelled to add those thoughts here although they are not directly related to your ‘announcement’

      It is heartwarming to me to see that others are chiming in with support and appreciation as well as practical advice to try to save the forums. I want to add a bit more gratitude and somehow covey how indebted I am to your commitment to this community you have created and nurtured.

      My appreciation is tinged with a bit of sadness because my mother was abandoned by my father 55 years ago….Long before divorce was acceptable and women were held responsible for the dissolution of their marriages without question. For most women the stigma was inescapable. My mother never fully recovered from the shock. There was nowhere to turn for support. She didn’t get a chance at being Mighty and, as a way to cope, she spent the rest of her life living on ‘hopium’.

      As one of her daughters, I now see her Mightiness because she carried on caring for all of us – never missing a beat despite her inner turmoil. We were not an easy bunch to raise and, typical in such situations, I am ashamed to admit that we too blamed her for our father’s behavior.

      Now that I know how it feels to be abandoned and betrayed I have no idea how she was able to survive as well as she did because I can’t imagine what my life would be like without you and CN.

      You are doing a tremendous job – a stupendous one. I tell my mom about you all of the time hoping that wherever she is she gets that this once ungrateful daughter has finally ‘gotten it’ because of one young bright snarky woman on a ‘thing’ called the internet is waking us chumps up. That, in fact, there is a Nation of Chumps from all over the world supporting each other so we don’t have to suffer like our mothers and their mothers and their mothers etc had to endure.

      I also tell her that she has one hell of a smart granddaughter that got NC long before her mom did. 🙂

      I just thought you should know this and it seemed like an appropriate space to fill with my words of gratitude.

      • That’s an incredible story, EC. I wish your mom had a place of comfort and support. I’m really touched — it’s stories like this that keep me going.

    • Wish there were words to say thank you!!!

      Meanwhile I am thrilled that the blog is continuing- and definitely am not cancelling anything. Happy to support you in any direction you go because what you do is so amazing and so very helpful to all of us.

      To put it succinctly: your words save lives.

  • Please never stop the blog—it’s a lifeline for so many chumps—and me. It was one of the major reasons I filed for divorce and Left a serial cheater and gained my amazing new life. I understand you need to focus and am so happy you chose to focus on the blog. It’s the first thing I read Monday-Friday. Thank you Tracy!

  • Thank you dear Chump Lady for your years of snark, empathy and excellent advice.

    You’ve gotten legions of destroyed individuals back up on their feet and living life. I know I would not be here (literally) without your wisdom and the Chump Nation you created!

    I’m sorry that the call for $3 worth of support only netted 432 supporters. No one expects you to go out of pocket any longer. Mr. Chump Lady has been very supportive for a long time but you have a family to look out for just like all of us.

    So we go forth with you as blog followers and look forward to more books and new projects yet to come.

    • Precious Tracy!!! ^^^^What Rebecca said…..^^^^

      I will always remain a patron and a follower of your blog, as I never went on the forums anyway.

      Perhaps once a support community gets set up by the chumps who need it, you can have a link directly to that new community.

      Please, do continue to do what you do best! I do love me some good UBT and snark!

      There is no shame in recognizing and honoring your personal limitations. We all must! To ignore our limitations is insanity and will only cause more difficulties

      Love to all of this great nation that you brought to birth as we all continue to ForgeOn!

    • Wait I thought we were supposed to wait for August 1 to sign onto the $3.00 month. So the 432 who subscribed already must have known to sign up early. Oh no I hope Tracy’s decision was not based on just 432 signing on. Maybe there were others who thought we were to wait until August 1 and the move to the new forum site. Thanks

      • Patreon has around 350 supporters at various levels. About 60 NEW people signed up for $3/month.

        ANYONE who wants to cancel — at $3 or whatever level — please do so before Aug. 1, because I won’t be doing Discourse.

        If you’d like to support the blog — or CONTINUE supporting the blog — God Bless you.

        (Hope that’s clearer.)

        • You’ve reminded me that I said I’d up my Patreon (and I forgot). Just did. That is to make the next book happen as fast as it can.

          (excuse me did you say you need to SLEEP? Or have a LIFE even?)

          Tracy, bless YOU. I honestly don’t know how I would have survived without you. And I certainly wouldn’t be sane parenting either.

          Sanity angel, courage fairy … that’s a helluva pair of wings you got there.

      • I thought similarly; I was waiting till aug 1st to sign up.

        I still understand your decision CL, the site shouldn’t take over your life.

        • I misunderstood too. I thought the new tier would be OPENING for those wishing to sign up on August 1. I was glad to see that there was a new tier that I was capable of doing and I still plan on signing up if it is available.

    • Whatever you do, don’t apologise. You have done far more for any of us than we thought possible. You made us brave. You do you.

    • The blog (what you are on now) will continue.
      Chump Lady posted a blog about the complexities of hosting the size of this blog and the forums and the extra costs she would be incurring.
      She explained that she cannot continue to pay out hundreds of dollars a month to keep the amount of space that the blog and forums require.
      It’s unreasonable to have her in debt!

    • The current forum is not sustainable — it’s too large, and the storage it takes on WordPress and BBPress (the plug-in) has endangered the running of the entire blog. Imagine it like trying to run a 100-yard dash dragging a corpse.

      Either I can host the site on another platform — Discourse — which with the size of the existing forum would cost at least $300 a month (Discourse backs to the cloud) — OR I can kill the forum.

      I tried the first option, if people would help off-set the cost. Not enough folks signed up — I get it, I’m choosey about what I subscribe to as well — so I’d be paying more each month to keep this site running. (Hosting it alone is about $350 a month.) I have IT costs, a 28 % tax rate for self-employment (I have a full-time job, the IRS taxes side hustles, this is not a nonprofit), and there is my time.

      Administering a site this large is like a full-time job in addition to my job. It’s a labor of love, and yes, with Patreon and ads I earn some income from it. In exchange I have ZERO margin to my life. I mean nada. I wake up and write a column before I go to work, and I come home to an overflowing inbox.

      The days I repost a column, I have a morning appointment, I’m doing other blog chores, or I take an actual day off. I don’t travel without my laptop. I do this before I go to work and I do it when I come home. What it “earns” is constantly in question, compared to what it takes to keep it going.

      The community here is meaningful to me. I’m proud of it. I’m proud that my writing and snark and silly drawings help people. And I get the most amazing letters and stories of Mighty. I can’t think of any work I could do that’s more rewarding.

      However, I have limits. The forum hit a crossroads, and I decided I can’t take on Another Thing. I’d like to do this one thing — Chump Lady — smarter and let it go on for the people who need it. I can’t fund a hangout space when Facebook (closed groups) and SubReddit does it for free. To do it, I’d need to hire a professional moderator — in addition to the AMAZING, VOLUNTEER moderators — Rebecca and Tempest.

      Not. Worth. It.

      Blog will continue. Forums will not.

      • While i support your decision, i am also a problem solver by nature and try to point to potential intricacies that may not have been thought of. With that, i wonder if it is even possible for the forums to not remain in perpetuity. That is, for forums over x age (weeks, months, years….whichever time limit may be appropriate) that they be closed and then after y time that they get archived….off of the site. That could reduce the space required, but doesnt help you with the time requirements or the life work balance.

        Another potential IT (not pennywise) “fix”, if you wanted to keep the archives accessible to paying members only, would be an in home computer, only acting as a server for those archives….basically, an ftp site. No fancy graphics, no additional comments able to be added, just a record of what was discussed in the past.

        We are all thankful for what you have done for us, getting people out of the IRC and having us trust our guts and work on ourselves.

        • Charging to view archived forum posts still means the archives have to live somewhere. Right now they live on my site — which is dragging down the REST of the site. So they have to go elsewhere. That is the crux of the problem.

          And who would want to pay for something they can’t see? That’s another problem with pay walls.

          • agreed. My thought was to setup a separate server for the archives, kind of like a company would set up an FTP site that would have its own address. A completely separate access point and server, so your main website server would not get bogged down.

            That said, I also realize that it isn’t a fully thought out plan, so there could be pitfalls. Also, it was just a thought experiment. Something that if you decided to bring them back in the future, it might give you an option, or lead to identifying other possibilities.

            Please don’t think I am trying to pigeon hole you into changing your mind. That was not my intent.


  • I’m sad but totally respect your need to run your business the right way! I am confused though – if this is the forum, where can I find your blog? I don’t think I fully understood they’re separate entities. An aside, I bought your book and will gladly buy any more that you write! You provided light at the end of a tunnel that I’m still stuck in, but fortunately with more courage than I had beforehand. Cheers to you!

    • What you’re on now is the blog. The forums are on the top of the page. It says “sign in” and once you sign in, it says “forums.”

      This page will stay but the forums are going away.

    • Chump Lady is not going away — just the forums, which aren’t terribly visible now. (Which was sort of by design, stalking exes and all.)

      • I don’t mean to show my ignorance, but here’s a question: If’ I have never clicked on LogIn, then I have never been on a “forum,” correct? If I just follow an email link, and arrive here, then this is the blog. Is that correct? I am confused on terminology.

        • That’s right, NTA. This here is the blog which will continue as is. X

  • Tracy you’ve done so much for so many folks, we can’t possibly expect you to continue to do it forever. I’m just happy to have found you and wish you much success in the future. Thanks for continuing the blog and daily posts, that’s awesome of you. Truly. Thanks for everything!

  • I understand this will NOT affect the paying Patreon members who pay $10/mo.
    Do not cancel that – just the forum payment of $3/mo.

    • Patreon is completely voluntary — and I’m asking anyone who signed up at $3 for the forums to cancel. If you see this after Aug. 1, email me at [email protected] and I’ll refund you.

  • Thank you Tracy. I’m sure this wasn’t an easy decision. This blog is the reason so many of us left cheaters to gain a life. Thanks for all that you have done and continue to do.

  • You’re breaking my heart

    Will we still be able to comment on blog posts?

  • Thank you for continuing the blog! We all stumbled here needing this. The archives and current posts kept me sane the first week and I could never imagine where I would be without your words calling me into action.

    As for the forum, it’s a valued place for continued support. I have already replied in the general forum post, but for more exposure:

    I am willing to moderate a subreddit for us to continue there (reddit does still give us a LOT of anonymous reach). But I will need help with set up and continued support of it. If you are interested I have created an email found in my profile here for you to reach out so we can get it going! ChumpNation saved my life, I would love to help it continue!

    • Very kind of you, ChumpedPunk! This community needs savvy people to continue the discussion, and I’m happy that people more tech-savvy than I are willing to step up. Hope you’ll be patient… I’m going to have to ask my daughter to explain Reddit to me, so I’m preparing myself now for her eyerolls.

    • Are subreddits searchable? I’ve never commented on Reddit as the threads confuse me. I would hate for someone to be able to search our talk for free.

    • Thanks so much for offering this! I hope other people take you up on it. That’s incredibly kind.

    • While Reddit is not closed or private necessarily, there are SOOOO many various subreddits that it would be nearly impossible to just stumble upon it. Also, varied usernames can keep your anonymous status going. Also, Reddit doesn’t collect your personal data unlike other platforms.

      And there’s nothing saying we cant have both platforms. Heck, they are free, and everyone has a preferred method for this kind of contact. Maybe the platforms can ever collaborate? We have an opportunity here to take some weight off of the lovely Tracey’s shoulders while continuing the amazing thing we have going here!

    • And good news all! I’m reviewing the guidelines for creating a subreddit and Yes! we can restrict it, so that people would have to reach out to a Mod in order to gain access to read or contribute to the discussions. This will definitely keep the stalker exes at bay…

      • Thanks, ChumpedPunk! This is going to be a great thing; I just know it.

      • Awesome! Let me know when you have a link and I’ll direct folks there.

          • Awesome! I’m in the middle of a site re-do (behind the scenes). I will create a Community page with links to this subreddit.

            Also if anyone has an active meetup group now, I can make a page for those too — whether it’s a Facebook page, or part of the Subreddit, or an email — if Chicago chumps want to hang, I can include a link of where to connect folks.

          • I just tried that link and was not successful. I read Reddit everyday. It’s a great idea to be able to continue the forums there. Please keep us informed!

            • Pret, in the forums, in the thread about the site going dark, post your reddit username. From now on, that’s all anyone has to do. You will be added by the mods.

              • After the forums go dark we will have to have a public wiki for resources and how to get added. We are still working on the vetting process for getting added after dark day.

  • Thank you Tracy for continuing the blog, the cartoons, the books and especially the snark! You saved me, taught me how to draw boundaries, how to go no contact as best as you can with kids and most importantly how to be a sane parent. All of this advice from you and chump nation really helped me along the way until I got to meh on a Wednesday. I am eternally grateful. I’m sure you agonized over your decision but you also need to do what’s best for you. Xoxo

  • I agree with all of the above, let’s set Tracy free to write and snark the way only she can, and my Patreon payment will stay right there. So it’s now up to mighty Chump Nation to create an alternative. Who can and is willing to do this? What other option would offer a safe space? Would a closed Facebook group do it- call it Chump Nation! – and do we have enough tech savvy and enough time-rich Chumps willing to set it up? Is there a need for it? I’m guessing there is?

    • Ah ChumpdPunk’s comment just loaded, excellent!

  • Hugs sister????. As you tell us… have to do YOU! We appreciate ALL of your hard work and dedication. Thank you for everything you have done for our community. I truly believe there is a special spot in heaven for you with as much support you have given. You gave people who are currently or have been in despair a different perspective so they could live the rest of their lives healthier, unencumbered and find fulfillment in the shit sandwiches that life has thrown them. That’s really powerful! You are a true Wonder Woman????. Now go do YOU and watch your impact grow ten fold. I can’t wait for book 2 and so happy you are doing what is in your best interest.

  • Do what you need to do Tracy. You’ll always have our support no matter what you decide.

    • You’re just going to have to post your song parodies here, I’m sorry. 😉

  • I’m so happy for this decision, dear Tracy. Please “get a life” in the best possible sense of taking care of yourself and guarding your leisure time. You launched this group… we can take it from here, and I’m thrilled we will continue to get your Monday-through-Friday messages. My monthly contribution via Patreon will continue, so I can do my small part to make the world a better place.

  • Thank you so much for continuing the blog. I will be here as long as it continues. It saved me in so many ways. Brought me from a sadlady to a new lady….❤️❤️❤️❤️

  • Good for you, Tracy! You’ve been busy helping Chumps get a life at the expense of your own. Letting go of the forums and keeping the blog is a good decision. Wearing yourself thin financially and workload wise will serve no one. Hopefully some tech savvy Chumps can keep the forums going elsewhere. In the meantime my Patreon support will continue along with my gratitude for all you have done and continue to do for the Chumps of the world.

  • Thank you for saving me. You’ve made an enormous contribution to the world. Please go on and have a beautiful, peaceful life. I believe in divine timing so you’re meant to do something more now. Your new book will reach so many devastated people and show them they have worth. I will always be grateful to you!

    • The blog will be here! I’m not going away. Just the hang out space here… the rest of the Interwebz remains. 🙂

  • Chumplady has to eat too.

    Thank you for all that you’ve contributed to up til now.

  • You will still have my Patreon support.
    This blog is priceless!
    Thank you for all you do!!!
    We still have the comment section as a support network until a tech-savvy CN member can help set something else up. Thanks CL&CN ????

  • Chump Lady!!! Love that you’re keeping the blog AND finishing your book. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you do. I would not be as strong and a recovering chump if I hadn’t found CL.

    Would love to be part of CN. Let’s get something going! @ChumpedPunk keep us posted!

  • Good decision. My parallel: I’m a personal chef, really good at cooking and dealing with clients. To raise my business to a whole new level, I would have to focus on marketing and management of employees. Not what I want to do! Not my strength! Not my happiness. Stick with what you know and love.

  • Thank you so much, Tracy, not only for all the good advice, funny snark, and straight talk, but for modeling what it means to set priorities and boundaries. Looking forward to the next phase.

  • I’d be happy to create a run a closed Facebook group if there is interest. I’m a mod on a very large (17k people) Australian single mums group so I’m familiar with how it works.

  • I can’t wait for book #2! I listened to book #1 while mightily tiling my backsplash by myself! I have learned to draw boundaries, and not take any crap (even from my grown children). I will never do a “pick me dance” again, lower my standards, listen to an Asshat give me his narcissistic diatribe. I only take responsibility for being co-dependent and not drawing a line in the sand… I understood the absolute necessity for a kick-ass lawyer and got what I wanted in mediation. I am truly free from narcissistic abuse! You and everyone here in Chump Nation have saved me.

  • Chump Lady, you saved me. I’m sure your second book will save more chumps. I keep your book in my car to give to any chumps in need of snark, a two-by-four, and guidance. I’ve replaced it twice. You do you! It is an inspiration to those of us struggling to do just that.

  • Alright, so I may have jumped the gun and created the private subreddit. r/ChumpLadyNation
    If you are interested in being a moderator, please email me and let me know with your username so I can find you. If the subreddit is cool for some and not others, nothing to stop them from having an FB group. Hope you have the chance to check it out (Might take some time to really get going, but hey, we have a few days before the official forums are shut down.

  • It is amazing how you have kept up the blog many years after your own problems ended. A true lifeline.

  • Goodbye to the forums

    I’ll admit it – they saved me. Chump Lady saved me more. I’ve shed some tears this evening.

    Life is about change. I am so sorry that Tracy has had to make this decision. I can hear the anguish in her words, it couldn’t have been easy. I respect the decision and look forward to wherever the new forum goes……

    Blessings to you Tracy. And thank you so much

    • I’ve tried searching and can’t find it so with it being a closed group is there an invite first?

      • I’ll keep an eye on it each day, as I mod another large Facebook group as well. If it gets large we’ll need to choose a couple to make it run effectively – trying to cover the different time zones.

  • Hugs to you Tracy – we all so appreciate your efforts. I just wish I had found you sooner.

  • I am a little confused. How do I cancel my auto payment for Patreon?

    I am sorry the forum has to close as I read them but I totally understand the reason for closing it. You have saved people’s lives with this blog! Although I was chumped years ago you blog has helped me see what was going on and why I felt so confused (gaslighting).

    Thank you so much for all you do for all of us!!

  • Thank you, Tracy, you are an inspiration, life saver, and a bad ass!!!

  • Yes, I was overwhelmed, desperate, drowning cold and alone in the dark … then along came the Chump Lady life boat and I saw the light and felt the warmth and I was saved. Thank you forever.

  • Is it possible to leave the forums up but not allow any new comments or posts as of August 1? I think they’re an invaluable archive.

    • No, unfortunately, because the size of them is imperiling the performance of the total site. When I back them elsewhere, the internal workings and load time of the site will improve. Sorry.

  • The private facebook group looks easier to join that the reddit one, but I have a couple questions / concerns:

    – Can people who look at your profile see that you’ve joined the group?
    – How do we all feel about meeting each other under our real names?

    • My understanding is that membership of closed groups do not show to anyone, but I’m happy to be corrected.
      As for avoiding people knowing you’re real name (which I completely understand), I don’t think there is a way around other than creating a fake name profile and using that to joins groups on facebok.

  • Thank you so much for this site and the forums, Chump Lady. When I was still in the midst of the immediate turmoil after discovery, I used to cling to your blog posts like a life raft. Weekends were harder to get through than weekdays because there was no Chump Lady post. Now, a beautiful two years later, I sometimes get to the end of a two- or three-day stretch when I realize that I forgot to check out Far from an insult, that is a testament to the wonderful work you do. Only you presented a narrative that helped with my inexplicable reality. Thank you so much for helping me to get to where I am today: surrounded by friends; a master’s degree under my belt; a full-time, benefits-having career; money in the bank; and most recently a will to date again.

    Thanks for helping me to trust that he sucks and to stop skein untangling.

    Thank you for all you have done and never ever apologize for having to make changes to sustain yourself. We are strangers but you have had a wallop of an impact on my life. May you fall asleep feeling warm and loved tonight, knowing that you have given to the world and made it a better place.

    • ^^^^this!!!
      I just left a comment and then read Stella’s comment. Exactly what I feel (except I am not ready to date yet)- just said so much better and more eloquently.

    • Thanks for the kind words. Everyone, these messages are making me quite verklempt!

  • CL you started something big, you blazed a trail, you thought outside the box. I’m sure you never could have predicted how it would grow, it’s not surprising there are hard decisions to make, if you didn’t make them, you’d crash and burn. We all get that, you do whatever you have to do, we understand. It looks already like other folk in the community will be able to take up some of the slack by setting up alternatives. Bless you xx

  • For those worried about using their Facebook account, I’m going to set up a new account in Facebook using the email that is only used for chump lady site and Patreon, so I should anonymous.

    • Yeah, I think that’s the way to go with facebook. If you want to retain your anonymity, you have to create a new facebook account. Thanks for pointing that out.

  • Tracy you are a snark angel!
    After years of only finding RIC articles your book and then blog FINALLY gave me permission to say this is not acceptable to me.
    I still struggle after a 21 year marriage of mind games with knowing what is normal. Your blog and book have been such a blessing and a safe rock as I move forward.
    Thank you!

  • Don’t sweat it one bit. I will happily still pay my Patreon and will keep visiting this site. With or without forums, it’s a gold mine. Do what you need to do x Love from us all.

    • Agreed Dudders!!!
      The blog is gold!
      I never made it onto the forums – too scared to open up as Xhole went cray cray with the stalking and anyway I kind of lost all trust in humanity and mostly lost trust in my own people skills.
      But I’ll keep being a Patreon subscriber because the sanity of CL’s blog and the shared experience and kindness of Chump Nation has kept me alive and given me hope. And then there’s the laughs 🙂
      Also, thank you Tracy for modelling true grit: Today’s and the previous blog have inspired me to channel the courage fairies and leave my job at ‘Narcville’.
      Rock on Chump Lady and Chump Nation!!!

  • Grrr. It keeps reloading the site. Tracy do what u got to do to have a life.

    Cl and CN have helped me through dark times which still happen but through the book and this blog it helps me to keep moving forward.

    With support and appreciation.

  • Adding my voice to others who’ve said it already: Completely understand. Do what you need to do. Your blog gave me the tools and courage to understand what I needed to understand and then to do what I needed to do.
    I’d also like to say that it is also helpful (and a good lesson) to see how you have handled your decision to discontinue the Forums here on your site. You generously wanted to keep them, and were willing to do the work and give the time to allow them to continue; you did the homework for what would allow you to do that and what alternatives there were if you were not able to do that; you laid out the conditions that would allow you to keep them, and when those conditions didn’t materialize, you did what you had to do and followed through.

    And….I’ve been needing to get up to speed on Reddit, so this is just the push I need!

  • This blog is a treasure for Chumps who when they have their Dday have tons of RIC BS advice and then there is CL.
    As much as we love the site ( and I am a proud Patreon supporter and will continue to be forum or no forum), Tracy is just one person with a real life, husband, other full time job and costs in time and money to run the site. She can only do so much and the worst thing would be for her to burn out and close CL down.

    So maybe the forum discussion is more “it is on hiatus” for now and down the road if we get more money and people to run it then “maybe”.

  • Tracy,
    All I can say is eternal thank you for being there at the right time for me. With all the stupid RIC sites out there, yours stands out as the only sensible venue. I will be contributing to your ongoing efforts because you likely saved me thousands in fees for useless therapy that I might have otherwise sought.

  • Tracy/CL,

    A huge amount of gratitude for this, the funny sh*t, the truth, the support, etc. Once you realize what a narcissist is (in a terribly intimately damaging way) you cannot un-see them anymore. Being able to tap into a community that shares this knowledge has been so beneficial for me.

    Very smart move moving from this forum, due to your well-deserved success the forums have exploded in a format that is simply too large to read or navigate well.

  • This blog and the daily blog comments alone saved my life! There is already so much here. It’s my daily dose of sanity. I’m looking forward to new forums elsewhere, info for meetups, and will continue to happily support via Patreon. I’m grateful CL is working on that book. Chumped parents really need it!

  • Tracy,

    Your book and blog saved my life and sanity. Both continue to keep me moving forward. Your writing is wonderful, and at least one of your cartoons is always attached to my fridge Thank you for everything you do.

  • Thank you so much for hosting the forums for as long as you did. It helped immensely to be able to read the stories of people who went through the same things that I did, and that I was not alone. It helped me to understand a cheater’s mindset by seeing it exposed by so many people. Thank you.

  • Tracy you do whatever it takes to keep your sanity and balanced life. You have done so much for this community I think I speak for most of us, we will always support you 🙂
    This blog is my bible every single day and every single time I even think about breaking no contact or doing anything that will wreck my progress.
    Your words and this safe space are SO Important in my life, you have no idea.
    Thank you

  • I remember being in the middle of wreckconciliation and thinking how awful the experience was, how horrible and mean my ex was – thought I was losing my mind – myself and I read your book and it pretty much described my entire experience.

    I needed to save me – and I did. TY!

    I have shared your book with others.

    Thank you for all you have done for us –

  • Whatever you need, Tracy!!

    If I win the lottery somehow I am underwriting your crusade.

  • We’re moving to Reddit! For more info, visit the WELCOME thread in the forums.

  • Thanks for the blog; it’s awesome and I check in daily. I subscribed to Patreon and won’t cancel.
    About reddit – there are a number of sub forums encouraging affairs and adultery .
    Sure, it’s just a vehicle but some of the pro affair types started to post on forums concerning the victims of infidelity.
    I don’t think reddit deserves the presence of anything to do with the chumplady .

    • Maybe they don’t deserve it, but it sure sounds like they need it!

      • I can’t remember the exact name of the forum , but a quick google search should get you there.
        It’s pretty offensive to say the least . And these guys then infiltrated other forums.
        Stress nobody needs

    • to my understanding this is a private invite only group, so, fingers crossed, we should be safe from trolls. i have mixed feelings about reddit, but for me personally i just came to see the underbelly as a function of anything online that grows to reddit’s size. i think it’s the best we can do in the few days we have left, and we can always finetune it or even decide on something else altogether once we’re there.

  • I know there is a secret/closed Facebook page someone started for chump Nation a couple years ago for the chumps that are concerned about anonymity still.
    Also, there is GroupMe, which is more like a chatroom, but it’s free and you can’t still use your Chump Nation ID.
    I have loved and appreciated the forums the last four years, but I get the issues with sustainability of it.
    I will give Reddit a shot, too.

  • I completely understand., your book, the forums have helped me in more ways than you could ever understand. As you are one of the few to stand up and set boundaries…and to stand tall on the side of the chump.
    I’m sad to see the forums go. But I’m extremely exited to see a new book from you.
    Looking forward to the future

  • Tracy, I’m so grateful to you for having created this community. Keep doing what you’re doing with the blog and the books, and leave it to the rest of CN (us!) to sort out the forums! And thank you ChumpedPunk for setting up the subreddit for those of us who don’t do Facebook.

  • I am one of new subscribers who joined to get access to the new forums, but I do NOT want to cancel my subscription. I am so grateful to Chump Lady and this blog and its wonderful community, and want to support this site, no matter where the forums wind up.

  • If someone is interested in taking on the forums – is pretty decent. I hang out on a board there. We moved there after MSN shut down their money forums around 7 years ago. I wasn’t involved in the set up for the move or the ongoing moderating/running of the board.

  • I completely get it. Thank you for all you do and for setting a wonderful example of setting boundaries. <3

  • Your blog and your book literally saved my life, and that’s no hyperbole. Even if you quit everything tomorrow — and you have that right! — the positivity and wisdom and the new narrative about cheating that’s you’ve put into the world would still buoy up people like me and the new chumps who are created every day. It’s OK to turn loose the community you built, and focus on the things you do best.

  • Thanks CL for the heads up. Much appreciated. If there were some way to include the responses /experiences along with your articles in book form that would be great. It’s even more impactful when you see how many persons share the same shitty tale.
    Much respect to you for coming to us ansv laying it out.

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