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Hey, I have an announcement to make — starting on Thursday, Aug. 1, the forums are moving to a new platform, Discourse.

What? Change? You know I hate change, Tracy. 

I know, I’m here to shepherd you through it. CN, we’re bursting our buttons. When I started this place in 2012, I was self-employed, living in the barbecue capital of Texas, thinking I’d create an amusing little brain dump of what I learned about infidelity and poke at the Reconciliation Industrial Complex.

Tops, I thought I’d be chatting with a couple hundred chumps, by some flukey Google algorithm.

Seven years later, this site has over 26 million page views and is an international support site. A testament to the healing power of snark.

That’s insane, Tracy. 

Totally. But with growth comes challenges — chuck the whole enterprise or grow with it? I’ve pretty much been running this site by the seat of my pants, with the heroic moderating help of Tempest and Rebecca (Tempest to knock heads on comments, Rebecca to fish your comments from spam on the existing forums.) But we’re at a turning point…

Why are you moving the forums to a new platform?

Because the old platform, BBPress on WordPress, has to be scrapped. My site, as it is running right now, is not sustainable. It’s not just the traffic, it’s the size of the database.

Every post, every comment, every forum post, every forum comment swells the size of the database. And that slows the performance and load time of the site. Discourse backs to the cloud. It will be cleaner, faster, and I won’t be lugging around a giant carcass.

What’s Discourse got?

Oh, it is a veritable forum Shangri-La, CN. Here are some features:

Private messaging.

Community groups. (No more creating a thread to find Chicago Chumps — you will have your own hang-out space!)

Private, invite only space. Want a left-handed vegan chump group? You can make one.

The ability to edit posts, create drafts, drag and drop graphics, dynamic notifications, expanded links, community moderation, spam blocking, badges, emojis.

Sounds great! But WHOA, what’s going to happen to the old forum? Where will all my posts go?

They’re being imported into the new forum. The sandbox is as you left it.

Is there a catch? I sense there is a catch. 

Yes. The current system is not sustainable (see also Carcass, Site Won’t Load, Too Much Content) and the new system costs money. We are WAY past the free Discourse plan. And maybe past the Business plan of 500K monthly page views at $300/month, but that’s what I’m going with, fingers crossed. I’m sorry, even with ads and Patreon, I have to pass some of this cost on to readers.

Starting Thursday, August 1 — the forums will have a pay wall of $3/month via Patreon. The cost of one coffee per month. Everything else on the site remains FREE. The daily blog posts and the archives.

The content here is enough to get anyone through the meat grinder of betrayal and the RIC. For forums, there is a modest fee.


Here’s a perk — with a private, secure, pay-wall forum, it’s much harder for your ex to stalk you!

Here’s another perk — the site continues to exist.

I’m sorry to be a public-radio-tote-bag bummer, but I need your support.

What about Patreon?

If you currently support the blog on Patreon — THANK YOU. You’re in like Flynn. You are the awesome minority of readers who are paying it forward for the majority.

I hope with a modest fee for the forums, we’ll be able to spread some of the cost, give folks more community and more ways to meet up IRL and online. Win/Win.

I’m also re-doing perks and tiers on Patreon (more on that in a moment.)

What about the ads? I hate the ads.

I hate the ads too. But at present I can’t see a way around them. They also drag the site down, however, offloading the forums will make the site run faster, also I’m having the Genesis theme updated. The new theme will also help improve the site performance.

The cleaner the machine runs, the more I can ask of it. Right now, I can’t add another thing, like translations or a forum, because the site is creaking under the weight of the database and lousy theme coding.

IT professionals cost money. The theme update and the new forums are going to cost about $3K. That’s before the monthly costs of hosting this site and monthly costs for Discourse. And it doesn’t include my time — as in, having zero margin to my life with a full-time job.

I get up around 5 a.m. I write a column before I go to work. I come home to an over-flowing inbox. I take my laptop on vacations. I deal with trolls, IT requests, suicidal pleas for help.

When you support this site — you’re supporting that unseen work, beyond the snark, beyond the daily post. Writing is the FUN part. Maintaining a site this large is the suck-fest and I need to delegate and offload more of that responsibility to professionals.

I thought that was the point of Patreon?

Patreon has been a game changer. But I’m also changing this as well starting in August.

They’ve rolled out a new program where, for a larger cut, Patreon does the marketing and distribution of perks. I send them my cartoon art and they make the fun prizes (stickers, mugs, posters, et al.) and distributes them to patrons.

And they’ll switch it up every few months to different perks. (Trust That They Suck stickers anyone?)

With a full-time job, as much as I want to do additional content (podcasts, video, etc.) — I’m stretched too thin. I would rather spend what extra time I have on finishing the second book (working title “Co-Parenting With a Fuckwit — The Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us”).

Are you getting rich on this?  

No. The blog supports itself, which is AWESOME. Ads and patrons support the operating costs with some left over for me. However, it must support itself, because it costs money to keep it alive.

Patreon takes a cut.

IT professionals take a cut.

The IRS takes 28% self-employment tax. (Side hustles are taxed at a different rate.)

You get the picture.

Why don’t you do this full-time? People make millions on discussing Disney princesses and reviewing toasters! I think you could do it! 

Thank you for the vote of confidence. That was the initial goal of Patreon, to get enough supporters to go back to freelance life and have more time to make Stupid Shit Cheaters Say videos and what have you.

I almost did that. However, when reaching out to my old editor about freelancing, I got a terrific full-time job offer. Great jobs in journalism are as rare as hen’s teeth. I’m 52 and blogging doesn’t have dental and 401Ks.

I love my job. I also love this community. (Okay, and I’m still pissed at the dominant RIC narrative.) And as much as I caution against cake-eating, I believe I can do both. But I need to work smarter, delegate, and learn to ask for help. (I’m a chump, and I suck at that.)

What do I get for my $3? 

You get forum access and all the community bonuses described above. Plus all the stuff already posted on Patreon (podcasts, interviews, behind the scenes stuff).

At higher tiers, you get Chump Nation-themed cartoon perks (stickers, mugs, posters, et al). And you get angel wings for paying it forward.

Is there something you’d like to see? Tell me in the comments, please.

Why are you still doing this? 

Every day someone at CN reaches out to a chump newbie and says “We’re here for you.”

To stand behind that promise, I have to stand behind this blog and keep it going.

Please support this site on Patreon.

Thank you.

Happy to answer questions about the forum move or anything else in the comments. 

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Patreon tiers will be changing in the next week. I have to work that out with Patreon, so stay tuned…

    (If you visit the Patreon site, you’ll see the old tier structure now. You can still give whatever you like THANK YOU, but the benefits will be changing soon.)

    • Most excellent, Tracy! I had been intending to increase my monthly Patreon contribution. Your announcement got me off my duff and I got it done!

      You have literally been a lifesaver to many, so how could I not support you in what you do?! I hope this reminds others that they, too, can spare a bit of change to ‘pay it forward’

      Love ya as you continue to ForgeOn!!

      • Thanks!

        Hey, I’m nesting this comment up here so folks can see it. Let me spell this out — I CANNOT CONTINUE WITH THE FORUM as it currently exists.

        NOT because I’m trying to “nickel and dime” — but because it’s growth on my existing hosting site has imperiled the running of the WHOLE BLOG.

        My choices — ****Kill the forum entirely**** OR move it to something sustainable (Discourse).

        Moving it costs money. Continuing it, cost money.

        And yes, I am not prepared to pay another $300 per month to give it away free to everyone. Discourse costs are based on traffic and storage space. I have a LOT of both. A free resource would grow (as the forum has) and I’d have to figure out how to PAY for it.

        I am open to ideas.

        • Hey Tracy and CN,

          My problem is that I live overseas now as it helps to detox from the ghosting DOCTOR & his fabulous new family, and for me to GAIN my own life.

          Paying through Patreon is weird and insecure from central Europe (or was). Is there an alternative way to pay like Venmo or PayPal?

          I’ve been hacked and my credit card was skimmed twice since moving here.

    • Same here Tracy, I should have joined Patreon before now as your site has helped me and others in so many ways. Happy to join now and help you to keep running this for all the newbies and all the regulars that still get so much help and support here. You do a great job and thanks for being here for all of us. ????

  • Just you hurry up and get that book published. I will pay what you need. God I need that book and am mire than happy to cough up the price of a coffee plus Patreon fees xxxx

        • Yay!!!
          I’d pay top dollar$ to hear you narrate one of your books!
          Nothing against Laura Copland but she doesn’t do the snark as well as you.
          I’m a Patreon supporter since the beginning. ????CL&CN
          Thanks for all you do!!!

          • I had the honor of listening and seeing Tracy down in Australia. She has a terrific voice and delivery – I wish I had that talent. I also vote for her reading a book for us as she definitely has the snark in her tone when she wants it. One of the best days of my life!

            • Oh stop it I couldn’t get there!!

              Never have time to do more than read the blog, so my cup of coffee won’t be spent on forums – gonna up my Patreon contribution instead. That next book needs to be brought into the world ASAP.

              I just don’t get how Patreon readers are a minority. Tracy is worth her weight in GOLD, people. Every. Squidgy. Pound.

              She’s got our back – we should have hers. Only makes sense.

    • I attended one of Dr. George Simon’s lectures and he arrived with boxes of his books to sell directly to attendees. He travels across the country, gives his talk and then sells. I see this in your future Tracy as your word SPREADS with the help of all your readers/fans. I don’t know if you and your hubby see retirement travelling the country in a recreational vehicle but I would definitely come to one of your presentations with other chumps in tow.

      Keep up the fantastic work !

  • Sounds good to me. And yes, as a dyed-in-the-wool chump, I feel guilty every month that my contribution is so low. So thank you, Tracy, for boosting me another $3/month in guild-alleviation!

    • Oops, obviously that is “guilt” alleviation. Was afraid to edit my word press comment, in case it went “poof!”

    • me too- wish I could afford more because I know I’m getting more than I’m giving.
      Chump Lady is a life saver; Chump Nation a GREAT unruly beast, full of amazing wisdom

    • Hmm… Guild of Chumps… That sounds like a brilliantly funny sit-com!
      Budding screenwriters – it’s all on you now 😉

  • Signed up. I was going to go for your offer to draw a cartoon of the scumbag ex, then realised I don’t have a photo of the fucker, nowhere, anywhere, cackle cackle! ????????????

    • I am the proud owner of a custom-made CL cartoon! You don’t need a photo. It was the first time I ever invested in a piece of art. How many investments pay off with personalized snark and where you get to pay for it monthly with zero interest?
      I described what I wanted and the amazing Chump Lady created a cartoon so much better than I ever dreamed of.
      I hug it where it is the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night.
      I was thrilled to be able to support a Lady and a Nation that has done SO much to help me survive and thrive.

      Yea for CL for modernizing the site to help even more of us chumps.

      There is nothing else I can think of that offers so much value for $3 a month.

  • Go Tracy. CL has been life-changing, but using the site has been hard lately. Thanks for not giving up! Can’t wait for the new perks!

  • Anything to keep this forum alive. I am a patron. Just a thought, why not have Legal Zoom, lawyers etc advertise and support this site. They benefit from divorce anyway. Realtors also would have the perfect audience, filters allow only people in certain areas to see certain ads. After years and years of others benefiting from chumps, let them support you and chumps? An advertisement is not an endorsement only an option. I found you right after you started, I’m paying it forward and helps remind me of needed boundaries for chumps self. Oh and the occasional spitting of coffee from a funny chump

  • I love this!! The forum as it stands now has been very hit and miss for me to get into, this sounds like a big improvement! I have been a Patreon member since the beginning and it was sad to see that not more members were supporting CL in this way, so glad you have taken this step Tracy and made it official for all!
    I know there are many cases out there where chumps have been left in utter poverty but I hope maybe there could also be a way that sone of us who have better circumstances could maybe “ sponsor” a few of those temporarily, say for three months at a time, so no-one that would benefit gets left out? Just a thought, but otherwise I wholeheartedly support this change , this site has been a lifesaver for myself and so many others!
    Well worth a tiny fee each month!

    • That’s a good idea. If there were a way to offer an extra $3 per month beyond what I already pay on Patreon to sponsor a chump who can’t afford it I would do that. The trick would be to establish the criteria for who really can’t afford it and how to document that. Those who can afford to pay should.

      • Chump Lady,
        $3 is more than worth it for this forum! What I’m concerned about are the chumps that aren’t even able to access a checking account to pay $3, like me when I first started visiting your site 5 years ago, married to an abusive cheater who kept me trapped.
        You say Tempest has some ideas about making the site available to those chumps- and that has me alarmed, frankly.

        Before I found you Chump Lady, I was a member of Tempest’s original site (I’m not mentioning it by name) and it cost $20 or $25 a month (I can’t remember which). The point is, I had to beg my husband to “allow” me to have a PayPal account (humiliation and other costs) simply to join to ASK THEM for the scholarship. And then the people running that site dropped the ball, there was no scholarship (even though they SAID they offered them- apparently they were handed out randomly or on a basis of popularity- I’m not sure).

        After a couple of months my (now ex!) husband tanked my pay pal account. I had begun to resist his abuse tactics, so he punished me (like all abusers do) by taking away the things I wanted most. Going to a shelter would have gotten me killed or my kids taken away. I got out alive with my kids so I did it right.

        It was mortifying enough to ask for help with a scholarship on that site, even worse to be denied or ignored.
        It was one of my lowest points, and I almost gave up on ever getting myself or my kids free.

        And then I found your site, recommended by Tempest’s site, and it saved my life. Or at least helped me to save my own life. I wanted freedom so badly, read everything you wrote about how to get free. And I did it. Well, he is still doing his best to punish me through family court. But I am free.

        I am more than willing to pay it forward for those chumps who can’t afford it, OR even more likely, those who can’t access a private bank account. I doubt many people would request a “scholarship” if they didn’t truly need it. On the other hand, I have only posted a handful of times on your site ChumpLady, because I am afraid of my ex stalking me and using anything I say against me in court. So a pay wall would certainly be more secure.

        PLEASE consider another system (than Tempest’s old site) for helping the worst off, the most desperate of chumps. No offense Tempest, but you guys over at the sister site aren’t aware of how inaccessible your site IS to the very chumps who need it most.

        Chump Lady, you saved me AND my kids. You deserve EVERY PENNY you need to charge. I know your focus is mainly on garden variety cheaters, but there are precious little accessible sources for abused women and we DO gravitate towards you and then lurk in the shadows. You talk about boundaries and the emotional aspect of abuse- I didn’t even know what boundaries really were until I started reading your site.

        I would love to see it become even safer for severally abused women (and men) to reach out to others for help on your site without societal stigma shutting them down. I know that is a tall order, I know you have your plate full, fighting the good fight, all that.

        • I too subscribed to the sister site for a while. I believe it was $25. The site was very helpful but in the end I could not afford it. STBxH stopped paying all joint bills and has never paid a dime of child support. I couldn’t afford anything extra. That’s why I came to this site. Fortunately, now I am able to be a patron and would love to help sponsor someone who cannot even afford $3 to access the forums. Hope this can be figured out!

  • I’m just a little confuse????????‍♀️ I’m already a Patreon contributor. Will I need to add another $3 … it’s not a problem. I’m happy to do it!

      • Thanks for asking this, Ivebeencheated. And I hope that instituting a subscription plan will dissuade all those trolls that have plagued you (and the rest of us, too), ChumpLady.

  • I’m so excited for you!!!
    I’m even more excited about your forthcoming book on co-parenting with a fuckwit!!!
    Life with exh2 The Evil One co-parenting has been a roller coaster a continuing conundrum of dealing with his narcissistic abuse.
    I’ll be subscribing next payday.
    Good luck, Chump Lady!!!

  • I support you! Your blog and book saved my life and I quote you All. The. Effin. Time. Thank you for everything you’ve done! And I think you should get rich off this! Why the heck not?!

  • I’ve been a Patreon member since the first month. Happy to do it and pay it forward for the newbies. I was super bummed you didn’t reach your 1000 member goal but I think this is a great idea. Your advice is the best out there and the RIC charges far more for shit advice. Way to go CL! Always proud to be a member of this great nation!

  • Dearest Tracy, YOU can eat cake ALL you want! You change lives for the better.

    And as the saying goes, if you need something done, always ask a busy person

  • I’m so excited about this. I would love to meet chumps in my area. It would be nice to start up a support group too in our home towns. Chumps helping other chumps. We can all use help.

  • Instead of dinging my account 3 bucks a month, could I just pay the $ 36.00 for the year in a lump sum?

    • Unfortunately that isn’t the Patreon works.
      Since they do all the administration, it’s their rules.
      Monthly or nothing.

      However, for anyone worried about their credit card statement, it only lists the amount as being paid to Patreon NOT Chump Lady.
      Lost of other sites use it (like Humans of New York) so you can say your supporting anything.

  • My attempts keep failing, but I’ll keep trying.
    So, I’m confused. What are the forums? The free stuff is the daily topic & comments, but the $3 is for…

    • If you’re on, scroll to the top of the page and click on the word FORUMS.
      It is the place where chumps post questions or comments and other chumps respond. A safe space where chumps hang out to help and support other chumps.

      • You have to sign in first to get “Forums” to appear at the top right of your screen. So if you’re just reading the daily blog, and haven’t gone up to Register/Sign In, you won’t see the word Forums.

  • I look forward to the changes and don’t mind paying up for more services. Tracy has saved me so much on therapy bills. As soon as I found her, I quit my therapist.

    I’d really really like to see her do a TED talk because I think that exposure would put her over the moon.

    • I no longer needed a therapist (many who parrot the RIC) and the huge cost once I found this blog and CN. I signed up for Patreon and think the best ideas so far are: 1) a set number of free forum views on a monthly basis; 2) Ted Talk ASAP; and, 3) new book promotion. Non-chumps just don’t get it! Thanks to this amazing community, my kids and I are on our way out of abuse and despair. Let’s continue to spread the word!

    • SheChump,

      Ok, so I’m living paycheck to paycheck, since I bought the house out from the cheating XW, to give our son a stable environment (school, his original room, etc.). Even so, I’m pretty sure I can afford $3/month for all the benefits this site gives me. So I’m in.

      Tracy, your site has been a godsend to me. You’ve helped me move forward in the face of all the XW’s and AP’s fuckwittedness and treachery. I wish I was doing better financially to contribute more. Some day, not too far off I think, I will.

      SheChump, I also wanted to respond to your comment because you mentioned Tracy should be on a TED talk. Let me address that, please. I was driving my hour long trip to work this morning, and caught a European accent and talk of infidelity on VPR (Vermont Public Radio). It was a show called On Being, and today’s special guest was…Esther Perel! “The Erotic is an Antidote to Death” was the title. I only caught the tail end, but they mentioned she’s done two TED talks?

      I only know what Tracy/CL has said about her, and the fact that my FW XW left a picture on our iCloud account, post D-day, post leaving me soon after D-day, that I came across, where she took a picture of this woman’s (then new) book, The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. That alone is enough to piss me off towards this woman. I’m going to have to read her stuff at some point to not be ignorant about her, but I agree, I wish Tracy would be asked to do some TED talks too, and wake people up to the bullshit that’s out there about infidelity. Stay strong and be well, CN. And SheChump, thanks for letting me use your post as a springboard.

  • I’m in. It’s going to be a hassle to start drinking coffee so I can skip a day once a month, but I can do it. I CAN DO IT.

  • Pattern supporter and more than happy to pay extra for the forum. Keeping this place up for past, present and especially future chumps is important. There’s no other place like it.

  • The fact that I sincerely believe this website and Tracey’s book saved my life, I’ll gladly pay 3 bucks a month!

  • Tracy is correct. The blog alone is enough to get people through the worst. I have never even been to the forums but I subscribe through Patreon anyway because I don’t want the blog to go away and I want to support the forums too for those who need them.

  • So glad you’ve decided to stay with it Chump Lady Tracy! This site is worth it’s weight in GOLD. The Forums are a lifesaver of another kind, a community that really supports/guides fellow Chumps with their words of wisdom and assorted FUCKS! We need you. We really do! I’ve been a Patreon member since it went up on offer here, because I can’t believe how much $ and time I would have spent on therapy bills to come to the same healthy conclusions. LOVE to support you and you are absolutely right, it’s time to scale up! It isn’t gonna scale itself, now is it??
    Much love and appreciation to you. Don’t be afraid of asking for that $3. Know Your Worth!

  • Aww. I get it, but I’m a little bummed. I hate being nickeled and died and I feel like this is another in such a long list of things I already pay for every month. Thank you so much for everything you do, Tracy. I genuinely appreciated reading the forums and will still read the blog. I need to mull over whether I want to continue on the forums.

    • Yeah, it’s tricky. I really hate that everything has gone to subscription models, and I’m conflicted about having no choice if I want to stay a part of things here. Liz C., just fyi, I personally look forward to your comments, and I’d hate to see you go.

    • It’s hard to get something for free and then have to pay for it. I get it. However, I’m not Reddit or the New York Times. I’m one woman with a full-time job who writes very large checks to keep this place alive and I spend a shit-ton of my time maintaining the running of this site.

      The rewards have been WORTH IT. The community has been WORTH it. Changing the narrative has been WORTH IT.

      I’m NOT changing to Discourse to “nickel and dime” — I’m changing because I CANNOT CONTINUE TO OFFER FORUMS. The growth of it, the storage it requires, HAS IMPERILED THE ENTIRE BLOG.

      EITHER I kill it OR I figure out a new way to host it (Discourse).

      As I explained up-thread — if I let it be free (and suck up the $300/month — I’m asking you for $3, I pay $300 and do all the work) — the growth continues and the **STORAGE and the TRAFFIC** costs go UP.

      There are many downsides to a pay wall — the largest to me is that forming community will not be as easy — and that’s a real loss.

      Tracy takes on One More Thing and pays for it is not sustainable. If I could keep it as it is, I would, but I cannot. (See “storage requirements on existing hosting site imperil entire blog.”)

      • I will be proud to support the changes. I remember when I was Amazon chumping and saw Tracy’s book. I bought it on Kindle right then and there. That is how I was introduced to CL and found the blog and forums. For a long time I haven’t been able to participate because of the spam filter. I am making a try now, but who knows. I hope the next blog and forum will not automatically filter out my contributions.

    • I think the “nickel & dime” comment is very hurtful. I have know what happens behind the scenes for almost 5 years now and the amount of work Tracy puts in (not even including the headaches when problems arise) is ASTRONOMICAL. If we calculated her hours against what she has earned from the site, it would be negative. Yes, not even 50 cents per hour.

      Many (most?) of us credit this site with saving our lives and/or our sanity. We readily plunk down a $30 copay per therapy appointment, yet this site has been better than any therapist (which is not to disparage therapists; I work with them, and know many wonderful therapists).

      One way around feeling nickeled and dimed at $3/month is to contribute more than $3 ; )

      • Tempest, my intent wasn’t to be hurtful, but to be honest. I’m sorry you’re offended, but it’s easier for me to gracefully step away now that you’ve said that….I shouldn’t get jumped on for being honest. Thank you again, Tracy. Truly. But that was maybe a sign from Tempest that the change isn’t for me.

        • Liz, please don’t give up on this place. Tempest didn’t jump you, she just injected some common sense. “Being nickled and dimed” was a needlessly unpleasant way to put it, and not accurate. Of course you get to express your feelings, but so do other people who may have feelings about what you say. That’s only fair and not a good reason to leave, IMO.

          I’m financially strapped right now myself (with what’s turned out to be a huge money pit of a house to fix just to get away from the fuckwit, but I digress) but even I can afford the three bucks. If you really can’t, you can still post on the blog.

      • Yay Tempest!

        “One way around feeling nickeled and dimed at $3/month is to contribute more than $3 ; )”

        I second that emotion!!! What Tracy (and you and Rebecca) have done for soooo many cannot even be measured in $$. It is measured in quality of life and lives saved, etc

        Many of us, even those of us on very tight budgets, often drop waaaay more than $3 on misc ‘stuff’ thru any given month. And the ‘return’ on that ‘stuff’ is no where near the ‘return’ we get here at this Great Nation!

        Chumps tend to be generous and giving people. So, even after we have reached the peaceful Land of Meh, giving back to the newbies through our comments and advice brings us so much satisfaction and joy.

        Love all ya all as we continue to ForgeOn! together.

        PS: I do not even go on the Forums and I feel this strongly about supporting them, because supporting the Forums supports the ENTIRE blog and Nation

        • Liz, I mentioned this yesterday:

          For me, it’s worth $3/month just to keep out the trolls. I think of it as increased security for minimal investment. But I understand your reaction; everything in life is going up, up, up, EXCEPT my income.

          However, for me, it is well worth it to keep this forum as a dedicated no-troll space where chumps can anonymously pour out their hearts, feel a sense of community, and know that THEY are the normal ones.

  • Umm, I’m great at some things (parenting, making gin & tonics, charades,) But not so good at tech stuff. Will there be a gentle idiot-proof tutorial?

  • Would it be possible to give new users a free trial on the forums? If I’d been met with a paywall when I first went to read the forums, I don’t think I ever would have read them. And they were my lifeline at the time. Many people hit the forums for the first time in true crisis mode – not just emotionally. As we all know, people have shown up to say their husband has a gun or they’re in the hospital fighting for their life and have no idea what to do.

  • All the help I’ve received here is well worth $3. This is the first place I recommend for new chumps to find their legs.

  • Can we have access to the historical forums without membership? It feels weird not to be able to get back to things I’ve written myself.

    • Yes, the whole site is being imported from BBPress to Discourse. All your comments and threads will still be there.

      All the bookmarked pages links will work (after the pay wall).

      • Right… But if we can’t pay can we still look at our old stuff on the forums? If not can we somehow delete all our old forum post?

  • That’s me signed up
    I honestly can’t thank you and all the amazing people on this forum enough . It’s truly a life saver . I honestly don’t know what I would have done without you all .

  • Would there be some way to give new chumps a free trial in the forums so they can see the value?

  • I am typically against a subscription model (naturally, who doesn’t prefer free?) but this discussion forum is pure gold. I can’t think of any other place where I’ve gleaned so much insight, knowledge and gotten some damn good laughs. It’s CATHARTIC and I love that we support one another. It’s like a mini copay. It’s the cost of my organic half n half which I don’t even blink at. I think when there’s something tangible it’s easier to pay money. I will just think of the $3 as metaphorically dumping creamer on someone’s head; several sparkletwats and the cheater, himself, come to mind.

    Thank you, Tracy, for finding a way to keep it going.

    • I agree, Groundhog Day–the forums are invaluable. Aside from the Five-star advice and support people receive on issues as far ranging as settlement, how to handle Switzerland friends, what to do with a suffering child, that community has pooled resources to help chumps in dire straits, and led to many phone calls to suicidal chumps so that they can hear a friendly voice. There is nothing comparable on the internet, IMHO.

      • I am SO looking forward to the private messaging application. That has been one of the most frustrating things for me in this current forum. I encounter people that I would like to reach out to but there’s no private way to share information. I’m sure Rebecca and Tempest are tired of being the go-betweens. Thank you all for your service however! Many lives have been saved here.

  • I signed up last night. If i get the maintenance i need from cheater, i will go the next level. Thank you for creating this site!!!!!

  • I am so grateful for CL & CN!! Every snarky post helps me heal and keeps me going. Thank your CL and all chumps helping behind the scenes. I am IN and cannot wait to see the new place!!

  • I 100% support a Forum upgrade. I have been a Patreon subscriber from the launch and continue to be even though I’m mostly (at least trying) to be out here gaining a life.

    I can’t advocate enough for how much of a life line this place was for me in a time of absolute crisis. If I can’t pay it forward with helpful comments because of time constraints, the least I can do is help with dollars.

    It would be spectacular if there was some way if somehow some of our monthly support dollars could somehow be allocated to new chumps or chumps who simply don’t have the means to pay.

    Please know how much I appreciate Tracy and all she does for all of us. I’m sure I wouldn’t be where I am today without this community and her words.

  • YES YES YES to Change.
    Tracy, this is fantastic news- WP sucks in so many ways-from user interface, storage, to behind the scenes code structure.
    Re: protect the newbies comments- NYT does a “free read” 3-4 article max per month. That would give time to make connections with existing support.
    Also, raising my hand on a newbie sponsor option. Happy to add on to my current monthly Patreon amount to help someone new for 3 months, or 6 months, etc.
    CN is a solid base. Keep telling us what you need, and we will all rally to figure it out. It’s a smart, creative bunch.

  • Spot on, Tempest.

    This blog, the forums, Tracy’s book, have been absolute *lifelines*to me, I don’t think I would have survived, or at least have been able to go forward the way I did, but this place, Tracy’s snark, wise advice, (ditto for the chumps on the forums) has made me laugh, made me cry, and given me the strength and impetus I needed.

    I am so grateful. I signed up to be a Patreon member right from the start, but checking my bank statements, just now, found nothing was going out. Then I realised I’d had a replacement debit card with a new ccv number, and had neglected to update this on the Patreon site. Shit. (smacks head) ????????.

    I’ve signed up for the monthly $3, but do I need to go on the Patreon site to update? Sorry, absolute computer Luddite here.

    Once again, Tracey, thank you *so* much for all you do. xx

  • I absolutely love that the paywall is going to help prevent the fear of the ex stalking Chumps that are in need of a place for just themselves!
    I’d been thinking of donating on patreon for a while now because of what the blog and archives have done for me. I only recently discovered the forums and they have been amazing! It’s worth the money and I am happy to pay it to keep me on track with my own recovery of my life.
    And Tracy, Tempest & Rebecca thank you for all your hard work! You three are amazing and wonderful people that have changed my life and many others! As someone that works in IT (previous hosting support) I understand the struggles you have been facing and fully congratulate you all for keeping the site going the way you have already! Bravo!!

    • I rarely post but have been coming here for a year. It’s time for me to support and I’ve already joined Patreon. I love the idea of messaging, and getting to know others in my area! I’m getting my masters in counseling to hopefully give back to my fellow chumps while their world is spinning. I’ll be fighting the RIC but I’m ready for that! Thanks for everything!

  • As I said previously, thank you so much for creating this site and the labor of love you continue to put into this site. Thank you Tempest, Rebecca and CN for the hard work and support/advice you give to all chumps. Even when I hit meh, I’m going to contribute what I can to help pay it forward to new chumps down the line. This site is priceless, as it gives chumps the opportunity to leave a cheater and gain a life!!!!

  • Have you ever considered (of course you have) or have others asked you to consider eventually becoming a non-profit/charitable thin-a-bobber? 501c kinda thing?

    Then there could be tax-benefits to donating.

    I don’t know much about it, but an idea.

    • I haven’t explored that and I really don’t know what’s involved. This is a bastard child. Snark, self-help, support, blog. I’m not sure it would qualify, frankly.

      • It would. Pro tip if you go that route: Buy a defunct 501(c)3 & simply file to “repurpose” it with the IRS. WAYYYYY easier, cheaper, & faster. And yes, nonprofits can generate revenue. I definitely see this as a charitable endeavor. ????

        • CPA here. Tracey, i would strongly encourage you to spend the money for an hour of a CPA with not for profit exp ( any decent local or regional firm will have one) and talk about this option. Not for profits are set up to serve some need in the community which you clearly do. A good CPA, within an hour, can hear your Chumplady purpose and give clear advice on how running it as a not for profit would work.

  • In like Flynn is my desire! So I’m a Patreon now ????

    Tracy, I’m not ready to break up yet ????

  • Chump Lady and Chump Nation saved my life against the evil chuckles who was telling people I was suicidal. He got my whole pension if I died while married to him. I got a speeded up divorce. If it was not for this website I don’t think I would be here now. $3 is nothing for my sanity, my life and my kids being safe. Thanks for all the hard years of work Chump Lady. ( From Australia )

  • I’m a monthly Patreon, but I don’t want a mug or other novelty items. I just want to pay it forward for others going through the pain and severe cognitive dissonance I experienced. Will there be an opt-in (or opt-out) for the novelty items?

  • Ok, I don’t have to change anything for my Patreon-age, correct? It’s enough of a challenge to remember to unlock my credit card on the last day of every month, let alone change things up.

    Congrats on the growth! I mean, I think congrats. It is a shame it is necessary but I am glad it is here.

  • This IS a WIN/WIN Tracy! Thank you for providing a blog that saves lives!

    The Forum is a important part of this sight. I can’t say enough about the collective wisdom and heartfelt replies provided in general, post, and resources.

    AND let’s not forget the VALUE in the meetup section! Priceless!

    Thank you for all you do CL, Tempest, Rebecca and LAJ!

  • The idea of there being a trial or some space for new members to post before subscribing sounds great, as do the various bells and whistles on top. Happy to pay $3 a month (or more!) to continue posting.

    A couple of questions though:

    How do we integrate our existing screen names/IDs to our Patreon subscription etc? Will it still be anonymous, or will we be known by whatever ID we have connected to Patreon? I am sure that this is an area others will also be interested in knowing about, given some of the stories we know about on the forums.

  • I’m looking forward to it and all in favour. Im already a patreon, and feel it is imperative it continues to help others and of course it shouldn’t be subsidised by CL. People have talked about paying for those that can’t afford it. but if everyone who benefits, contributes, then the costs will be more than covered and everyone will benefit by the cost to join being kept low.
    I’m looking forward to having a group for those who have been discarded after long marriages!
    Surely at least a conversation was warranted after 40 years before being replaced!

  • I have 2 questions:

    The current spam filter, Akismet, always throws my comments into moderation and then the posts don’t change to be able to be read. I have asked for help in the past, but it still persists. I stopped trying to post awhile back because of this.

    So, is Akismet still going to be a part of the new setup? I can’t change my ISP and Akismet will not pull me out of whatever spam filter they put me into. (ETA: I am not a spammer or black hat qnd never have been.)

    I want to join, but I can’t if I am going to be filtered out due to Akismet.

    The other question I have is will the Patreon members have an advertisement free experience on the site?

    Thank you!

  • Will there be an option to pay with the type of Visa credit card that you can buy at the grocery store? I can’t have anything show up on the joint account or credit card.

    • Is there a way for you to use such cards and connect them to a PayPal account? The subscription allows PayPal as a method of payment.

  • Ahh well, I understand that the site expenses require a subscription. Unfortunately I only read/reply here now in order to help new chumps since I’ve been firmly at “meh” for a while now. I will not likely be subbing, so will not be able to offer learned experience or support after the site changes in two weeks. I will make a one-time donation on my way out since this site was such a ray of hope/humor/wisdom/comfort when I did need it.

    Thank you, Tracy and all CN members! You all help make this world a better place by being who you are. I’ll keep all of you in my thoughts for better and brighter futures.

    Much love and gratitude, UnderConstruction

    • Thank YOU UnderConstruction. You’ve helped me in so many ways; I always look forward to your posts. I’m forever grateful; best to you, my Friend. I will miss you!

    • Precious UC…..

      As I reminded marissathechump, the fee is only if you wish to use the forums. The main blog post, comments and conversations, such as this one, are still available to all.

      You can continue to share your hard-earned wisdom with the Nation and all who ‘land’ here & you can continue to offer ‘learned experience & support’

      Stay here with this Nation as we all ForgeOn together!

  • I’m so grateful that I stumbled across Chump Lady while navigating the post D-Day fog. This site and the community gave me the confidence finally to leave my cheater and set me on the path to gain my life back. Otherwise I know I’d still be suffocating in the reconciliation muck trying to mend things with someone unmendable.

    I visit CL/CN daily for a dose of inspiration. Most often times it’s exactly what I need to silence the brain chatter that nags if I’d made the right decision or wonders if I should contact my ex.

    For me $25/month is a lot less than therapy or pints of ice cream to shovel down my throat. I’m certain this community has saved me months if not years of agony.

    A million thanks to for Tracy for keeping this site alive even though it’s stressful and not financially lucrative. Another million thanks for everyone who has shared their stories and offered advice. You’ve helped countless souls. I know you’ve helped mine.

    Looking forward to the Chump Lady makeover.

  • Dear CL, Dear Tempest,
    I have been trying to post as I just recently saw this archive topic.
    My posts keep disappearing. I will keep trying, for now will keep it short.
    Thank you for all you do. Please know I appreciate each and every kindness you give to all Chumps.
    I have serious problems and concerns of how I can pay and believe others must have also, so I will keep trying, just want you to know I believe in all you do and am so thankful…..

  • I live in another country. I cannot pay by visa, I tried to purchase a US visa gift card but was unable to figure out how to pay with it.
    The only thing I can think of for me to pay would be by purchasing a US money order and sending it, but that is the problem, where would I send it? This is probably a bigger pain to you CL and I can totally understand that.
    As I said earlier though there must be other Chumps who have this same problem, not being able to pay in the usual way, for some reason or other.
    I dont mean to add to your problem of trying to be everyone’s mother and figuring things out for them.
    I wanted to post this as I appreciate you and I want to contribute to you financially…

    • Peacekeeper,
      Do you have the ability to create a Paypal account?
      Others not in the USA are able to do that.
      As the coders figure out the changes, I’m sure someone will figure something out.

  • Sadly the $3 per month is too steep for me currently. Thank you for all that you do and I’ll be sad to lose the community until I’m in a better financial position.

    • marissathechump,

      Remember, you can still read the regular blog posts, enjoy the conversations as well as comment. Still so much to be a part of! You will still be part of this community!!

      The small fee is only if you wish to chat on the forums.
      Hoping the best for you as you continue to ForgeOn!

      • Good point. I mean I get why this needs to happen. SO much work put into a giant blog and the network can’t possibly support all the needs. Fair pay for fair work is a really big deal and CL and the others who moderate do so much and give so much.

        But I wonder if there might be ways to help especially strapped for cash chumps…? I wonder if there could be a feature to pay forward for other chumps who just can’t do it right now….?

        I’d donate to that when I make a bit more. 🙂

        • Hang tough, marissathechump!!! I have been there! Many chumps have.

          I understand Tracy & the crew are looking into a way those of us who can, can help others out. I sure would be more than thrilled to sponsor you and a couple others.

          Thankfully, as I have gradually gained a cheater-free life, my financial situation is more stable. My income is still low, but I live a VERY simple, basic life. And my son, who is my business partner, makes sure any large expenses (like new tires) is cared for by our business. So that helps a lot! Allows me to have a few $$ to put toward worthy causes such as this.

          Stay close to this fine Nation & they will help you to ForgeOn!

        • I’ve been a Patreon member for awhile now because this website has helped me so much a few years ago, but I’m way past meh in my life (yes, it is sooo much better on this side). I’m more than happy to sponsor/contribute $36 for someone to have access to the forum for a year or give to fundraiser/microloan to support chumps.

  • I am in IT and totally understand all of the issues Tracy has been having.

    To repeat others, Tracy has saved me from many anxiety attacks that go with Fuckwits and enforcing the NC. No matter how hard they try to push those buttons. I will be happy to pay the fee. And possibly connect with other chumps in my regional area.

    Way to go Tracy and your growth spurt. Also can’t wait for the new book.

  • YAY!

    Its wonderful when a lefty old liberal goes capitalist on us.

    MUCH BETTER Tracy.

    The Patreon support group of volunteerism meant that 300 of us were paying for everyone else (a good example of why socialism is a terrible idea).

    So well done for the price of coffee – you deserve to be successful.

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