The Kindness of Strangers

I feel like I need a corrective to yesterday’s column, “If It Feels Good — Don’t Do It.” Fact is, most of us get emotionally sloppy after D-Day. (Except for those of us, like me, born emotionally sloppy.)

The advice to not let them see your hurt — vindictive freaks will use that in court, Switzerland friends to admonish you about Not Moving On — still stands.

But today’s column is about what happens after you’ve emotionally vomited all over someone’s shoes — and they respond with unexpected kindness.

Happy Hausfrau posted this little read over on Facebook, about a women sobbing in a bathroom (loo). And the writer reads her a poem. (Because hey, captive audience and all.) The poem ends: listen I love you joy is coming.

Joy is coming.

I LOVE THAT.

Kind strangers are harbingers of joy.

Tell me your stories.

TGIF.

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Chumpfrog
Chumpfrog
4 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

The techs at the lab when I got std tested were awsome, the nurse hugged me and told me that I deserve better.

An older man saw me crying at the gas station when I found out about OW. He simply said I was a beautiful girl and cheater is an idiot.

Bar tender also went through a relationship with a Narc, she said it is a long road but worth not dealing with the crap.

My son’s favorite teacher at daycare, said I’ve seen this happen a lot, you won, look at you, you’re gorgeous and you are rocking single Mom, your son will be ok because of you.

ForgeOn!
ForgeOn!
4 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Precious Tracy……

This has been ‘one of those’ conversations here at The Nation…..Exquisite! Empowering! Tear-jerking, too
Hope you make it one of the top recommendations for newbies

Love to all in this great Nation as we continue to ForgeOn! together

MamaMeh
MamaMeh
4 years ago

A massage gift voucher in my mailbox.

The unsigned card read
You are an amazing woman, an amazing mother and an inspiration. There are many in your corner.

I have friends who know who it was but are sworn to keep the secret: the person wants to remain anonymous for their own reasons.

Mysterious – and heart-lifting. Such an antidote to the fallout from cheater’s smear campaign.

Langele
Langele
4 years ago
Reply to  MamaMeh

Let me remember to be an anonymous woman.

VulcanChump
VulcanChump
4 years ago
Reply to  MamaMeh

A sweetness campaign instead of a smear campaign? Lovely!

MissBailey
MissBailey
4 years ago

I went to the bank and got in online for my favorite teller. I was sorting the accounts of my mom who had just passed away. She knew about my impending divorce and that my mother had been in assisted living. At the end of the transaction, she put her hand on mine and “I’m sending a prayer to God.” All said in the kindest tone I had ever heard, at that point. The kindness of people never fails to amaze me.

GoodNGone
GoodNGone
4 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

MissBailey, I lost my Mother, my last living Parent, directly prior to my divorce also, she to was in an assissted living. We had also went through a tax audit due to X ‘s out of state employment. During our 24 yr marriage I had helped him through the loss of both of his parents and all things associated. Most days I felt like a kicked dog. One day I stopped in for an ice coffee at a little shop , a rarety, but because they were SO nice, and So friendly, I. Found myself returning for many more coffiees. The kindness , went a long way.

Kbchump
Kbchump
4 years ago
Reply to  GoodNGone

Aww nice! What is it about the 24 year mark I wonder. I see that all the time. Mine also was 24 years till she cheated and left. And I also attended 3-4 funerals supporting her and her family, especially her father. Shortly after she left my mom unexpectedly passed away, she lived very close by. It was a terrible time and I certainly felt that void of not having a partner during that time. Any kindness from strangers etc was very appreciated. Your post was very familiar, hope you’re well now. 🙂

Giddy Eagle
Giddy Eagle
4 years ago
Reply to  Kbchump

Had to jump in on the 24 year mark comment. I made it to 24.5 — 28 years if you add the 3.5 years before marriage. (But I’m guessing he cheated for 20 years. I’ve said that multiple times and he doesn’t try to correct me.) Knowing I can never get those stolen years back is what haunts me.

Seeing Daylight
Seeing Daylight
4 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

The techs when I went for my humiliating STD testing were amazingly kind and just-snarky-enough about my ex. That was the first time I remember finding some short summary way to describe what had happened that led me to get tested.

I later moved into an amazing townhouse neighborhood where, it turns out, about nine women were in my same situation (middle aged, divorced after long marriages that ended with the ex cheating.) Somehow we recognize it in each other and when any chump newbies arrive (even some men now), we seem to become the strangers that know what to say.

Kingofpain
Kingofpain
4 years ago

Please tell me where u live. Sounds beautiful

TooSmartforthisShit
TooSmartforthisShit
4 years ago

We’ve found the physical location of meh!!!!! I want in too

Seeing Daylight
Seeing Daylight
4 years ago

Aww, my wonderful neighborhood is in the middle of flyover country— middle of the Bible Belt, of course! It’s truly amazing to have witnessed some of these neighbors gradually move from “deer in the headlights stunned” to their first steps into healing.

alexhank
alexhank
4 years ago

Are you in the DC area? Maybe I can mover there too! 🙂

Debi
Debi
4 years ago
Reply to  alexhank

Maryland here! I wanna be a neighbor too!

Alexhank
Alexhank
4 years ago
Reply to  Debi

I’m actually in Maryland too. A lot of chumps here apparently

Ann
Ann
4 years ago
Reply to  Alexhank

I’m in Maryland and what amazed me was the kindness of people in my neighborhood. I had more friends then I ever realized.

NotbLUEinTC
NotbLUEinTC
4 years ago
Reply to  Ann

Ann—I love your icon photo. It’s exquisite. Who’s the artist?

Mandie101
Mandie101
4 years ago
Reply to  Debi

I want to move to your neighbourhood! A land of chumps! ????

DOCTOR's1stWife&3Kids
DOCTOR's1stWife&3Kids
4 years ago
Reply to  Mandie101

I’m teaching in Europe now but am from DC and will probably return there to be near siblings and childhood friends who “get it.”

But it’s pricey and I’m a doctor’s EX wife now…

Kindness of strangers…many examples of dear friends and my siblings helping me THANK GOD…but from strangers?

Yes – when a policewoman pulled me over for a bad turn & my tags expiring b/c my ex took so long to send me MY car, he let it lapse but assured me it was fine (and chump that I am, I didn’t even bother to check.)

I told her all this to explain but not to get out of the ticket. But she said it “still amazes me what people are willing to do to people they share children with and made vows to” and then she let me go.

God only knows what she has seen.

NotbLUEinTC
NotbLUEinTC
4 years ago

I too, am Ex-Doctor wife. After forgoing my career for 19 years to build his business, I’m in need of a next chapter in my employment saga. How did you begin your teaching gig? I would love to hear from other women and their careers successes for inspiration.

GetMeToTheMeh
GetMeToTheMeh
4 years ago

I was sobbing to (what I thought was) myself on a park bench, when a lovely guy who was working nearby to set up a road running event came over to see if I was ok. I blabbed something about marriage breakdown and heartbreak. He came back with a chocolate bar and a bottle of water. Told me a bit about his story of a marriage breakdown (don’t think he was chumped) with his then-small child. She grew up to kick ass and get top grades at university. I don’t even know his name. But thank you for that small kindness that was big of heart.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
4 years ago

An old farmer stopped once when I had a flat tire and helped me change it. It had just been a really shitty day.

When we finished, he said “Well, have a good day and nice to meet you. I am headed to the hospital to see my new great grandbaby. I sure wish Mama was still alive to see her. She was told she couldn’t have kids, but God surprised us with one. That taught us that anything is possible. Life can sure be tough, so I always appreciate the miracles that happen.”

His words have gotten me through some really tough times.

MovingOn
MovingOn
4 years ago

I love that. Thanks for sharing it.

SYDS
SYDS
4 years ago

After stbxh left me with our 3 small kids (think: two toddlers and an infant), someone stuffed an envelope with $100 in our front door late at night on Christmas Eve. I never found out who did it.

We live way far away from town in a community deep in the woods. So it wasn’t just a short trip down the road for our mysterious visitor.

peacekeeper
peacekeeper
4 years ago
Reply to  SYDS

Thank you, dear CL, for this topic today.
Kindness is my all time favourite word!
There are so many kindnesses that I have received in life, but I would have to say that one of the greatest forms were found in the nurses who cared for my Mother, then a couple of years later, for my Fsther, at their time of death.
I was blessed in that my daughters and I were able to sit at their bedside for days at the end, caring for them, never really leaving them.
But when a nurse came into the room to administer pain medication or whatever my parent needed, the TLC that they showed each and every time never ever went unnoticed.
So, to each and every caregiver who reads this I thank you ( and them), for every single act of kindness you have ever given to those in need.

I think that each of us, who have given birth, remember the kindness of the nurse caring for us and present at this event , also as stated above, we remember when our hearts are heavy when we say good bye to a loved one, we definitely remember, when someone reaches out to them, and to us,with kindness. We just never forget.

I cannot forget to say, that those of us who have loved our pets with all of our heart, like our children really, well, when we have to make the difficult decision to say good bye to them, we remember the Vet who respected our family member and treated our pet and us with dignity, respect, and KINDNESS. ❤️

We would never get far in life ,or amount to much at all, if we didn’t have kindness in this big ol world we live in.

CL CN = Kindness!

David2016
David2016
4 years ago

The summer after my divorce concluded I fled to Europe by myself as part of my “prescription for healing.” On a plane over Sweden I tearfully poured my story out to a woman next to me who was traveling with her fiancé and child. She cried as she listened. I can’t tell you how unlike me this was: I don’t cry and I don’t discuss private matters with strangers. I was an emotional wreck and it was uncontrollable. I saw her empathy and my story just came out. She was so sweet, so kind, so quietly understanding. I thanked her and she wished me well through tearful eyes as she wrung my hand. It was just a moment, but I’ll never forget the simple humanity of this stranger.

NotMyFault
NotMyFault
4 years ago
Reply to  David2016

I too traveled to Italy alone. At the time, I did not know the reason why I was alone. This was a trip that my husband planned for the past year. He moved out three weeks prior with no explanation. I cried my way across the Atlantic and my seat mate listened and walked me to my waiting driver upon arrival in Naples at 6 am. I do not know his name, but I’ll never forget his kindness.

Gonegirl
Gonegirl
4 years ago

There were two incidents during the divorce that wouldn’t end. I worked as a nurse in a small town and took care of numerous people.

1)I went to get gas at the same station at least once a week. I went to get gas and my card was declined. I knew it would be close and payday was the next day. The man at the counter told me, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll charge you tomorrow. You took care of me one time.” I cried and said, “Thank you.” I was so embarrassed.

2)I got a phone call from the sheriff’s department. My ex was serving me papers suing me for full custody of the kids. The deputy met me at the employee parking lot to give me the papers because he didn’t want to do it in front of my coworkers because, “You were nice to my Mama one time she was sick.”

It has been years later and I still tear up when I write this. Such simple random acts of kindness mean so much.

NotbLUEinTC
NotbLUEinTC
4 years ago
Reply to  Gonegirl

You are an amazing nurse and so many people noticed that!

Just shows that the natural kindness of chumps comes back to us in positive ways. Hard to see that during the darkness, but I’m going to keep walking into the night trusting that I will someday see the sunrise. And continue practicing kindness for others.

Chumplyn
Chumplyn
4 years ago

When it first happened and people were finding out a friend said ” oh, who could leave you ? ” It wasn’t much but made me feel so much better that at least one person thought I was worth keeping.

Iwantmyfairytale
Iwantmyfairytale
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumplyn

That is very special. I have a friend that continues to tell me mine is losing out. That he just doesn’t know what he’s doing. That it’s his loss. Tells me every single time.

NotToday
NotToday
4 years ago

New city, first appointment with my new primary care doctor, getting refills on my anti-anxiety, depression meds. She’s all business, brisk and efficient.

“When were you first prescribed these medications?”
“After I found out about my husband’s affair when my son was 8 weeks old.”

She looked up at me with the kindest expression, directly in the eyes, and said, “I want you to know that it had nothing to do with you. When people do something like that, it’s something wrong with them.”

It was unexpected and amazing, and exactly what I needed to hear.

Adelante
Adelante
4 years ago
Reply to  NotToday

My doctor also was unexpectedly kind. In a follow up visit, after one in which in response to a depression screening I’d told her about my now-ex, the first thing she said when she entered the room was “Have you divorced him yet?”

Hopeful Cynic
Hopeful Cynic
4 years ago
Reply to  Adelante

My doctor too! When I first went in for the STD testing, and had to reveal why to someone for the first time (I was still foolishly keeping it secret on the hopium then), she spontaneously hugged me as I burst into tears.

I’m sure it broke medical ethics rules about how not to touch patients, but it was the first hug I’d had in months that felt like it came from someone who genuinely cared, and I really appreciated it.

eirene
eirene
4 years ago
Reply to  Hopeful Cynic

I went to my (male) doctor because I wasn’t sleeping more than three hours per night, my muscles kept spasming, and I had been crying for months on end. He took one look at me and prescribed ten pills of diazepam, which I took for about three days until I calmed down. He too had just been left (no idea if his wife was a cheater), and he was as gaunt and miserable as I was. We compared notes on coping strategies, and obsessive exercise was a real stress reliever with us both.

Deee
Deee
4 years ago
Reply to  Adelante

My male doctor called my STBXH a dirt bag and said he hoped he didn’t come back to him for treatment. I considered that a strong statement of support from a doctor. I wouldn’t have told him anything except he asked why I wanted STD testing and then he freaked me out by asking about prostitutes – to be honest that hadn’t even entered my mind. Still really only know the tip of the iceberg in terms of who he did the nasty with.

suzi
suzi
4 years ago

I worked for fifteen years at a non-profit that addressed Appalachian poverty. My town was very small and the culture of the clients we served steeped in the offering of prayer as a show of comfort and solidarity. Throughout the years I bowed my head as those suffering or grateful or both wanted to deeply communicate with me.

Three days after I found out about my husband’s affair (married 26 years – affair duration – 5 yrs) a very very old woman came into my office. She had worked in mills since she was a child and her little bent body showed every hour she’d stood at spooling machines. I’d never met her before but was immediately smitten. I signed her up to receive food from our pantry and I paid her power bill.
As I wrapped up her intake she reached across my desk and took my hand. She said that God was telling her that I was in great pain and she said , that as a woman, she could tell that I had been done wrong by a man. She was so calm and focused and her hand so tender that I whispered to her about my confusion and devastation and all-consuming heartbreak. She whispered in return that there was something she could do for me and I nodded knowing that a peaceful prayer was coming.

How surprised was I when she informed me that she knew some boys who could make my husband reconsider his decisions!

I never saw her again, but to this day I still chuckle at the absurdity and compassion of when that wise and wizened old woman offered to make my cheating husband regret his choices.

Stig
Stig
4 years ago
Reply to  suzi

Haha, that made me lol. Great story, and love the way you told it.

MissBailey
MissBailey
4 years ago
Reply to  suzi

My best coworker offered to take out the Dickhead’s kneecaps. I almost said yes.

Unexpectedchumpiness
Unexpectedchumpiness
4 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

You can send your coworker my way, I can use his services after this week’s worth of shit sandwiches.

VulcanChump
VulcanChump
4 years ago
Reply to  suzi

Whether its God, intuition or both, there are definitely people who have that amazing empathy to get to the heart of a problem. We should all be so lucky to meet one of these people at least once.

kiwichump
kiwichump
4 years ago
Reply to  VulcanChump

A total of 8 people,not particularly close friends, offered to take the traitor out…
It was scary, frankly. Heartwarming and scary.

SelfRespectin2017
SelfRespectin2017
4 years ago
Reply to  suzi

I love, love, love this! Thank you for sharing.

I don’t have a story of a particularly touching, discrete act of kindness, but the friend who answered my calls and listened for the 3.5 years between DDay and divorce, well, she strung together a bunch of them. So grateful.

kiwichump
kiwichump
4 years ago

A total of 8 people,not particularly close friends, offered to take the traitor out…
It was scary, frankly. Heartwarming and scary.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
4 years ago

The first Mother’s Day after the day, my kids gave me a $100 gift certificate for a massage. I knew they didn’t have that kind of money, but my son would not tell me where it was from. I suspect that the moms from his soccer team gave it to him. They were the ones sitting on the sidelines with me during those early days.

Tessie
Tessie
4 years ago

There have been so many over the years. Many of you know my story. For the sake of revenge, cheater ex kidnapped and murdered my youngest son. Eighteen months later cheater ex’s family had someone burn my house down.
Right after the fire, I literally had nothing but my vehicle and the clothes I was wearing. My neighbor, a sweet little old lady down the block, took me into her kitchen and gave me a bowl, a fork and a spoon. In her cupboard she had only a small stack of mismatched dishes, maybe two of everything. It was a kind and generous gift from someone who had so little, and made me feel so much better. I still treasure those items.

Tessir
Tessir
4 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

Aww, shucks everyone. Thank you for the very kind words. Truth be told, I haven’t done anything everyone here wouldn’t have done. We chumps are a plucky, resilient, courageous bunch. We never know how strong we can be until we are faced with our very own nightmare. Then because we are the ones who are actually carrying the family, we are the ones who come out better in this great big mess of infidelity and betrayal. Ya’ll rock in my book.

Rebecca
Rebecca
4 years ago
Reply to  Tessir

Tessie,
You are an inspiration to all who have followed your story.
Much love to you and your family as you grow stronger every single day.
I truly wish I had been one of your stops in your trailer. Can I please be on the list for your next trip? I promise to show you the peace, tranquility and inspiration that comes from living in a beautiful beach town!
XXOO

Tessie
Tessie
4 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

Tentatively heading east to the Atlantic, doing the Smithsonian, Gettysburg, and points south. Then across the south to Arizona.

kiwichump
kiwichump
4 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

Happy trails ((Tessie)), good to hear you are well and getting around your beautiful country, inspiration for our chump nation.

Tessie
Tessie
4 years ago
Reply to  kiwichump

Thank you Kiwichump. I don’t post as much as I once did, but internet can be spotty on the road at times. Plus there is so much kindness and wisdom here, commenting sometimes seems like adding gilt to a lily. I do, however, try to keep up with everyone and all the precious newbies who find their way here.

NotbLUEinTC
NotbLUEinTC
4 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

Welcome in TC Michigan anytime. No sharks, no salt.

Tessie
Tessie
4 years ago
Reply to  NotbLUEinTC

Planning to check out the UP and head a bit south then east from there. What’s is TC in Michigan?

Tessie
Tessie
4 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

Thank you so much for the offer guys, much appreciated… : )

Gorillapoop
Gorillapoop
4 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

I’m in Alexandria, VA. You have a place to stay with me when you visit DC.

NotbLUEinTC
NotbLUEinTC
4 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

Traverse City. It’s a beautiful town on Lake Michigan in the Lower Peninsula. Please stop by! I had to sell my dream retirement cottage on Elk Lake but did get to keep my tiny house in town, so you are welcome any time!

Tessie
Tessie
4 years ago
Reply to  Tessir

Yikes, misspelled own name…. lets hear it for fat fingers and proofreading.

ForgeOn!
ForgeOn!
4 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

You are a hoot, Momma Tessie!! Yeppers……We chumps are the best of the best, that is for sure! Sorry about the fat fingers, though!! hehehe

ForgeOn, dear one…..ForgeOn!

ForgeOn!
ForgeOn!
4 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

Precious Momma Tessie……So good to “see” you today! You inspire me still!

That was a moment in your journey I do not believe I had previously heard. (or my blonde brain forgot) Reminds me of the ‘widow’s mite’ account in the scriptures.
That was a gift from God, for sure! Kind hearts will be rewarded beyond anything we can conceive.

Love You!!! Prayers for you and both of your precious sons as you continue to ForgeOn! You are one amazing woman

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
4 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

Tessie, your dear son is gone but will never be forgotten. I think about you a lot and have since I first met you here 4 years ago. Sending love????????????????

karenb6702
karenb6702
4 years ago

Tessie
I have read your story in the archives I cry every single time today being no exception .

You are so brave and kind to keep sharing your story for us new chumps . Thank you from the bottom of my heart thank you ????????

Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
4 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

Tessie, I have read your story before and every time I can’t even breathe just reading it. I have no idea what it must take to actually live through it and live with it. ????

All I can think of to say is that I would get in line right behind that neighbor lady to be there for you.

peacekeeper
peacekeeper
4 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

((((Tessie)))
This is my favourite CL topic today, because of people like you Tessie. Whrn I think of you, I actually imagine a very beautiful, sweet lady, who always thinks of others before herself. All that you have been through, all that you have suffered, and still you come here to comfort, to raise others up, in their time of need.
I am sorry to have reason to be on this site, even sorrier for the reason that you came here, in the beginning. Still the strength, the wisdom, the compassion, and the kindness, that lives here , in the hearts of all Chumps, cannot help but be a positive force.
Bless your heart sweet Tessie!

Working It Out
Working It Out
4 years ago
Reply to  peacekeeper

Ditto!

renee62
renee62
4 years ago
Reply to  Working It Out

All of CN are mighty.
Tessie is especially an inspiration for us all. Peace????

Thankfully many people recognize our goodness & worth even if at times we do not.
To Meh ???? may we all find it.

madkatie63
madkatie63
4 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

Tessie, I cannot believe that happened to you and I admire your strength. I don’t know what I would have done.

Involuntary Georgian
Involuntary Georgian
4 years ago

XW dumped me a few weeks after the kids and I moved to join her at her new job, 1000 miles from our old home. Different part of the country, miles from my family, and I knew literally not a single person here.

After a week or two of bottling it all up, I walked into my new neighbors’ house and just started crying in their kitchen. I had talked to them maybe three times – about garbage pickup and best routes to walk kids to school, things like that. They gave me a big hug and let me vomit out my story for two hours.

Three years on, they are my best friends in the world. Our kids play together almost every day, I have dinner with them probably once a week when I’m all alone in the house, I stayed with them for a week in Sweden last summer, we’re building a soapbox derby car together in my garage. I’m not sure I would have made it through this without them. They are truly fantastic people, and I am sure that my complete breakdown at their kitchen table was what started it all.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
4 years ago

Wow IG give your superb friends a big hug from Chump Nation, please! What wonderful people and how joyful for you to find such lovely friends!

Rebecca
Rebecca
4 years ago

The day after DDay, was the Jewish holiday of Rosh Hashana.
I went to synagogue with my sons and we were all shell-shocked.
I fell apart in the ladies room and a random woman sad with me for such a long time; holding me and listening. It was such a lovely, kind gesture and I will never forget her empathy.

For all the grocery check-out people, the electric company employee and random people who told me that he should go fuck himself – thank you!

ozziechump
ozziechump
4 years ago

When my then 60 year old husband of 27 years (36 together) spent a year grooming his 37 year old SAHM neighbour married with 3 small children and a beautiful husband. When he blew up their lives and our family- I was running a cafe, catering business and boutique Sour Dough bakery plus our speciality game bird farming business. I was absolutely blindsided; almost paralysed with grief. My customers came in, in droves to envelop me in hugs, to share their stories and to surround me with love. I can only repeat what they said, over and over and over. They said they loved me. It still brings me to tears, it still humbles me with its power and simplicity. They cradled me and they believed in me. AND IT KEPT ME STANDING! Many of the stories made me snort with laughter. One customer when he was 45; came home to find his 43 year old wife had run off with their 18 year old daughter’s first love. Another 62 year old customer ( second marriage absolute gentleman love of her life); she came home just in time to catch him heading out fully dressed in her clothes, high heels and makeup!? You know what they all commented without exception! You can fix many things in this life, but YOU CAN’T FIX STUPID!

ozziechump
ozziechump
4 years ago

And Tracy
I have to say; meeting you in Newcastle Australia and all the kick ass wonderful women; was so deeply affirming and healing. The air blushed blue with our stories, our humour and our amazing solutions! It was such a privilege to be there. It helped all of us so much!

madkatie63
madkatie63
4 years ago

Shortly after d-day, I was sometimes holding it together and other times vomiting my story on people’s shoes. It was hard to predict when I would vomit the story. My kids were being extremely difficult, and one night a small gathering of my 15-year-olds friends turned into a crazy party because of a snapchat going around and a rumor that parties at our house were unsupervised (this because, near the end, the ex had left the kids alone whenever I was away for work and they would have friends over–I later learned). Anyway I was out for only 2 hours, from 7-9, and with the speed of social media, the party had gotten out of hand-at least 200 kids were in my house. I came home to absolute mayhem; the house smelled like beer and weed and my kids were trying to contain it. I started kicking everyone out, and while that was happening a neighbor called the police. The police showed up and began lecturing me about serving alcohol to minors and seemed unwilling to believe what had happened at first. They asked where the girls’ father was and I said, “I don’t know-probably with his girlfriend” barely containing myself. The two cops looked at each other and then one said, “We’ll help you get this cleared out.” They rounded up the kids, started taking names, calling parents, and assigning kids to help me clean up. They waited until everyone was gone, the major mess was cleaned up and before leaving the same cop said, “It gets better.”

unicornomore
unicornomore
4 years ago
Reply to  madkatie63

One of those parties happened at my house. There were handcuffs on my daughter. eek

Mitz
Mitz
4 years ago

After my sudden split, two friends offered me keys to their houses. Another said I should call her any time I was upset, even if it was in the middle of the night (I didn’t, but what a kind offer and she meant it).

I met a new friend at that time, she was posting in the want ads, selling off all her ‘cheating husbands’ collectable stuff! I responded to her ad, and she and I are a great support to each other.

My own family was less than supportive, except for my mother, she was unexpectedly great, which is out of form for her lol.

There were many blessings; bank clerks, appraisers, accountants; people who helped me out confidentially, and at some risk the themselves. Wonderful people!

There were a few people I should not have confided in, they used me as a source of gossip. But the many good ones made up for this.

BetterOff1Day
BetterOff1Day
4 years ago
Reply to  Mitz

Mitz – “There were a few people I should not have confided in, they used me as a source of gossip. But the many good ones made up for this.”. I too confided in a few Switzerland’s I should not have. They used me as a source of gossip as well. This hurt me unbelievably because I thought they were my friends. Lesson learned. The many good ones have for sure made up for this.

Deee
Deee
4 years ago
Reply to  BetterOff1Day

I have a friend that took the Switzerland stance and what sucked is he was transferred to my place of work and is sorta my boss. I was quite surprised by the Switzerland stance as I see him a lot and the STBXH really doesn’t see him so to me it was a no brainer. His stance makes me think he condones emotional abuse so I told him we are just colleagues now. It has really opened my eyes how some people just won’t be there for you. This same guy wants to share all his happy news with me – I am starting to think he is a narcissist as well.

LifeIsGood
LifeIsGood
4 years ago

My friends and family have been incredible throughout this process, but the kindness that sticks out the most right now was just last week. I was having a really difficult week & then found out that my stbxh was once again being enabled by his family, who are picking up the pieces for him financially, logistically, etc. It seemed to me that there would be absolutely no consequences for destroying our marriage, our finances & our future, while I am still struggling to find balance. My friend said to me, “he has a huge consequence & it’s the most important one of all… he doesn’t get YOU.”

It was so incredibly touching and I broke down in grateful tears. Sometimes you just need someone to remind you of the big picture 🙂

Chumpful
Chumpful
4 years ago
Reply to  LifeIsGood

That is the nicest thing I have heard, and so true.

ChumpedPunk
ChumpedPunk
4 years ago

A couple of weeks after fuckwit left me, I was at work, struggling to hold back the tears while heading to our workplace cafeteria for lunch. As I approached the elevator someone from another office suite held the elevator for me. We got in with a few of my coworkers who were wrapped up in their own conversation. I stood in the corner and just stared at the floor willing myself to keep it together. This stranger standing next to me tells me that he liked my earrings. I raised me head and said thank you. He then tells me that I am really pretty and had been kind to him in the past. We get to the main floor of the building (very slow elevators at my office building). I get out of the elevator and he was waiting to tell me that no matter what is going on that has me so down he knew I could get through it with my kind heart in tact. After that he always made a point to say hello with a kind smile that seemed to bring me out of the mental loops I was stuck in.
His office suite moved out of the building about a month and a half ago. We never exchanged names or anything, but I will remember that kindness while I was at my lowest.

Newlady15
Newlady15
4 years ago

I am eternally grateful for the kindness of strangers whose shoes I vomited on by and large all very sympathetic to my plight. And for my sister and my closest friends who listened every time I needed to tell it again or some new divorce horror was going on. And still to this day that support me and provide validation and advise since I still seem to be finding selfish and self serving men who want me in their life but have made me an option rather than the main event. Second one about to be removed lol.,

Unicornscomingoutmynose
Unicornscomingoutmynose
4 years ago

Soup. My sister’s mother-in-law sent me an expensive gourmet package of soup in the mail from someplace like Zabars or Dean and Delucca. It came with 3 pieces of bread and a ladle. I was two months past D-day and so depressed I couldn’t eat. Even the sight of food made me queasy. The soup was supposed to be two portions, but it lasted for eight days (the miracle of Hannukah, but with soup!) and was all I could get down and keep down during that time. It was an incredible kindness from someone I barely even know.

Jersey_Chump
Jersey_Chump
4 years ago

About two months ago, I was eating lunch at a Italian restaurant near my job. I must have been deep in thought, or pretty bummed out, thinking about my wife and what nonsense she has been up to, ugh. . I got the buffet that day, finishing up my plate, which is only about $11. The guy at the register could see me. I went up to pay, and he just wouldn’t take my card, he said it was “ok”, and waved me away. I did not know what to do, I was trying to figure out if I did something. Next time i came in, I thanked him.

renee62
renee62
4 years ago
Reply to  Jersey_Chump

Warms my heart ❤ that this happened in Jersey. You don’t hear many nice things about NJ. Chin up. It gets better.
(((Hugs)))
We are Jersey Strong ????????

ChumpNoMore
ChumpNoMore
4 years ago

I am so Thankful to everyone that has let me spill my guts to them. My dear co-worker is definitely my angel on earth. The things she has done for me to help me. Making phone calls pretending to be me because they were phone calls I just couldn’t make…. Helping me write up things to the judge. It was like my mind was in a blender and she came in and hit the off button. Helped me think things through and assured me things weren’t as bad as my mind had portrayed them and that people would see through my ex and things would eventually go my way. Just her words helped me get through and every step of the way she was right!

She also introduced me to God winks… Its those little unexpected things that God sends your way to remind you that you are on the right track, that you will be ok and that things will turn out as they should. 1 God wink was after getting my house back, in the mail was a court date for my ex for a DWI … This was 2 weeks before our custody evaluator was going to make a decision. This definitely helped. Thank the LORD!

SSSF
SSSF
4 years ago

There really are angels everywhere; from CN (esp LAJ); to the woman who waived my late fee for water when she heard about FW leaving the 4 kids and me to move in with his married boss; to my dermatologist, who gave me extra time to pay for the cancerous biopsy on my arm; to Angie, the woman who helped me sign up for SNAP (food stamps); to my “uncle” Frank (college friend of my dad) who comes with me to interview new lawyers; to Brian at the federal department of college loans, who gave me 2 months grace period on my loan, while I file a police report about FW forging my signature; to the assistant to my realtor (and we’ve never even met!), who found an old valid signature of mine on paperwork; to Langston, the guy at AT&T who helped me remove my ex from the phone plan after he had charged a bunch of services and plans to my account; to my book club, who gave me a gift card to Target so I can feed my kids; to my BFF who will pick up my kids when I can’t. I’m not mighty yet, but I have a huge army of strangers lifting me up.

P.S. I love reading these. Keep ’em coming.

CC
CC
4 years ago

The general manager at the company I worked at told my neighbor (who he was friends with) that I had cancer and my husband left. They in turn told the rest of my neighborhood and coordinated everyone taking turns snowblowing my driveway. Two year later they all still do this because they know I am a busy single mom and they ask how I am feeling, how my health is every time I see them.

My damn ex never asked me once how I was feeling and he is pissed that these people help me. I’m glad and so appreciative for my neighbors who have shown me what true character and kindness is.

Bruno
Bruno
4 years ago

Friday’s were when my teenaged sons came home.
Their mother wanted me to have all the weekends so she could spend her off time fucking around like she was19 again. I was trying really hard not to care anymore.
They liked to eat. Pull up an office chair in front of the refrigerator kind of appettite. Soon f
Fridays I would come home with take out. Pizza, chicken, etc. Tonight was going to be spicey hot falafels, hummus and banana milk shakes. A place in town that was run by the same extended Persian family for decades was a favorite. I ordered at the window, but when I pulled out my wallet I was $7 short. I started to cry. (not caring about who my kids mom was fucking tonight was not going well) I blubbered I would be right back from the bank with more money. He looked me in the eye and said “I think you could use some kindness, so it is a gift from my family.” I couldn’t talk.
I moved away from that city, but pass through it occasionally. I have a hard time not turning off the freeway to have a falafel, banana shake and a memory.

paula
paula
4 years ago
Reply to  Bruno

Beautiful!

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
4 years ago

The young notary at the bank sat quietly as the cowardly liar cried and howled about how much he loved me (after so many D days I lost count) and was I sure I wanted the divorce, etc… I quietly and firmly kept repeating that for now, we need to be divorced.

The ex finally signed to become my ex, the notary notarized it all, and the ex left the bank crying dramatically.

The notary met my eyes and laid a hand on my hand, just for a moment, and said “for what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing.”

It was so kind and supportive. He was so kind and supportive.

I walked out with the papers, got in the car, drove to the courthouse, and filed, and three days later I was divorced.

The notary was right. I definitely did the right thing.

MissBailey
MissBailey
4 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

The Dickhead and I had agreed that I would only pay $200 towards the attorney fees since I used his lawyer and he has initiated the divorce.

At the closing of our home (selling), the title rep passed a paper toward me that showed me paying 1/2 of the lawyer fees and it was being taken out of my share of the proceeds. Meanwhile, the ex is sitting right next to me. But, I saw it her eyes and her words. She knew exactly what had happened and I saw kindness. She asked if this was Okay and I said yes in firm and mild voice. I wanted to stand up and bring my fists down on his big bald head but proceeded through, thanked everyone for their time and walked out to the my car with my head held high. It was only when I closed the car door that all composure was lost.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
4 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

Mighty.

So glad they are in our taillights.

Julie, Mother of Jonathan
Julie, Mother of Jonathan
4 years ago

My excheater left me when my son was 2 years old. My son has a very rare genetic condition that was life threatening at the time. Mr super duper music man couldn’t handle the fact that he had a sick baby boy and couldn’t show him off to the other super dupers in the studio.
I was a very proud, stubborn chump. Resisted the fact that the ex was gone, gone, gone. Three times gone to assorted OW.
We had modest house in Franklin Tn. My son was now four. I was way behind on the payments. It was going into foreclosure. A man came to my door to serve notice. I vomited. Literally, from the stress and then cried for at least an hour. He paid the back amount due, dressed up as Santa and delivered presents the next week. My son had made it to four years old.
He contacted my ex’s boss. She went to the hospital and guaranteed the medical bills.
Over the years I have paid them both back and paid it forward many times.
My son is now 24. He will live a life full of adventure, happiness and success.
It has taken years and the kindness of my friends, strangers has always amazed me, lifted me up and helped me put one foot forward again. Never ever give up.

Elderly Chump
Elderly Chump
4 years ago

Wow. Gave me chills just reading this! Thanks for sharing and how wonderful that your son is alive and well and so are you and you are cheater free!

Kathyglo
Kathyglo
4 years ago

This is so beautiful to hear. Renews my faith in people.

alexhank
alexhank
4 years ago

My sister in law isn’t a stranger but she did something that made me so happy. It has been about a year since D day. My SIL, who lives in a different state, never reached out to me and the kids. It hurt all of us and we assumed she didn’t want to get involved.
However, last week she called me to say she had no idea we weren’t together. My ex waited a year to tell her (I think his receding hairline, horse mouth tru wuv must have encouraged him). My SILs response to him was the best!! She burst out laughing and said “you’re a cliche.” He told her he was happy and she asked him “what does that mean exactly?” At one point he asked her to stop laughing at him. She wasn’t buying any of it and she stood up for me. She always thought ex was difficult and wondered how I lived with him. I felt vindicated and I know it really bothered him. I just hope the girlfriend heard the conversation.

Mustard seed
Mustard seed
4 years ago
Reply to  alexhank

Awesome.

Skunkcabbage
Skunkcabbage
4 years ago

I am a new low level federal employee. I had left the community where I was married and was struggling to began again from scratch in a small town. I finally landed my position and was in it less than a year when the furlough hit. The tiny town I live in has a Coast Guard Station and the District FS office where I work. Me and my co-worker are single mom’s with little to no support from our Ex’s. This furlough was going to hurt us badly.

The community got together, rounded up donations of food, clothes, and gift cards from local businesses (businesses also gave huge discounts to the furloughed employees). A certain angel in worn jeans and a tent shirt came around to our office to give my co-worker and I the gift certificates and made sure that we were going to be o.k. The hugs were even better than the grocery gift cards.

When I arrived here 4 years ago I was devastated, depressed, and despairing that I’d ever be able to land on my feet and take care of myself. Now I know that I will be o.k., and a lot of that security has to do with this community and the people who live here. I love this town more and more each day.

Shell-shocked-chump
Shell-shocked-chump
4 years ago

Kindness from a friend who drove me all over town buying planters, gardening tools and flowers (which the X would never allow).
It gave me a sense of purpose and strength when everything else fell apart. ????

Bonnie
Bonnie
4 years ago

I was on a business trip when I realized my partner was having an online affair that started on Facebook. He was new to the platform and was sloppy enough to leave comments on her public page and she commented back on his (he told her he was single). While speeding home the next day I was pulled over by a state trooper for going 90 mph in an 80 zone. When the trooper approached the car I broke down sobbing and when he asked me why, I told him and he was very concerned over me and if I was ok and safe to drive. The fact that he was so kind caused me to cry even more but he still gave me a ticket.

Working It Out
Working It Out
4 years ago

Mothers-In-Law are much maligned. Mine was an unexpected source of support. She said to me: “This is not about you or the other woman. Take care of yourself. Call you doctor for an appointment and see a lawyer. You are welcome to come here at anytime if you need to get away.”

WomanScorned2017
WomanScorned2017
4 years ago

My dishwasher died the big death the day after I kicked out my wasband, almost 2 years ago. I went to Lowes to purchase a replacement, and started to quietly tear up as I paid for it since everything was SO new, SO terrible, SO uncertain. The woman who was helping me said “Honey, tell me.” So I did. The first person I’d even said it out loud to: “My husband of 25 years has a mistress and he loves her and I didn’t hesitate and I kicked him out and I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

She looked me dead in the eye and told me that she WAS me 20 years ago, and it would get better but it would really suck for awhile. Talked me into the cheapest dishwasher (“Honey, you’ll probably sell the house anyways and since he’ll get half why let him get half of something as nice as this. Fuck ‘im.”). Told me to pack up his shit and put it in storage since my kid shouldn’t see me setting it on fire. Told me I’d heal. Told me I’d struggle. Told me to get tested for STDs. Told me that one day I wouldn’t miss him, or even hate him (“Honey, he’ll be a fly on a turd”). Told me my kid would be ok. Told me to ask for help. Told me to let people love and care for me. I did sell the house and more, I did everything she said without realizing it until it was over, divorced the piece of crap, etc. I went back two weeks ago for a mini fridge for my new place’s wet bar. SHE REMEMBERED ME. And of course, I remembered her. Gave me a hug, greeted me by name, asked what was new, and told me I looked free and beautiful. we

She was right on all counts. A stranger made all the difference in that first day, everyone else in the weeks and months to come.

Mandie101
Mandie101
4 years ago

Love this story! Brought a tear to my eye.

Mandie101
Mandie101
4 years ago

X had been preventing me from chatting with children via Skype while I was overseas studying andc generally being a dick.
I went to collect some information from the school’s admin and she asked me how I was doing. I was meaning to tell her I was fine (polite response to polite question). Instead I burst into tears… Dear God.
She closed her office door and gave me a hug then told me to have a seat. I finished crying and of course now I could not tell her I was fine. So I told her about the withholding the children and just plain nasty that he was being. She said to me that she knew of another lady whose husband was not supportive at first but he came around and that maybe mine would. (mine never did, but kind words from her still). T he n she offered me a sweet and said that we need to sweeten up our lives sometimes. Lol! I left feeling much better. Finished that programme and kept swimming.
She died a year or two ago. God bless her.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
4 years ago

Here’s to try #2 — I keep getting a “webpage failed to load” error this week on CL. . . boo!

I love this post! All of the comments have my heart singing.

In the 4 years and 9 months since Dday, these individuals are try stand-outs:

Tracy, the one and only great Chump Lady, for obvious reasons — truly saved my life! I was having a lot of suicidal ideation at the beginning when I thought this was my fault and that I could control XH if only I was “better” in some way, shape, or form…..NOT!;

Peacekeeper, who is the kindest, most loving and big-hearted person on this board. She has made hundreds of supportive replies and comments to me and each one has helped to heal me;

LAJ, who also is very supportive and has amazing insights that have carried me through;

KarenE, Tempest, Beth, UX, Pasadeaux (yay for Reddit CL forums!), MickeyBlueEyes, VelvetHammer, and so many others. . . . you have made a HUGE difference for me and my families’ well being;

ICanDoThis18, who has become the very best friend I always wanted in life, like a sister . . . we were connected through a mutual friend. We live 1,000 miles apart, but we’ve talked or texted every single day since March 2016. We always start the day texting about CL’s posts. We’ve cried our hearts out. We’ve messaged each other instead of breaking No-Contact, we’ve helped each other through terrible divorces and come out mighty on the other side. We cheer each other on daily! We’ve vacationed together in each other’s respective States, our kids have become best friends — a special bond that only chump-teens can have because they know each-other’s pain. . . . I literally cannot say enough about this wonderful friend and what she means to me. She has a heart the size of California! She’s the reason I can truly say that something good came out of the horror and devastation that XH perpetrated.

and

My now-partner. He was a friend I met at the YMCA after Dday. He was going through a bad divorce too (no cheating, but XW’s addiction and grave mental health issues). I had known him about a year when my dd3 had another suicide attempt. I had been in the ER for two days waiting for the public health officer to issue a temporary hold order. He texted and asked what he could do to help. I needed a ride home in rush hour traffic and then back and then for someone to wait for an unknown length of time at the hospital while she was admitted to the psych unit. I was too tired to drive safely. I was too fragile and worried about money to call for a stranger to drive me in an uber. He came, picked me up, drove me home to get some things, got me food and coffee, drove me back to the hospital and then waited 5 hours in another wing of the hospital just in case XH came into the ER waiting room — he understood that drama was the last thing we needed. Then after 1 a.m. when dd was safely checked into the psych ward he drove me home. All without doing or saying anything to make me feel guilty, or ashamed, or bad. It was such a stunning act of kindness and goodness that it made me have a glimmer of hope that maybe I could build a life worth living in the aftermath of XH’s destruction of everything I had known for my entire adult life (28 years at that point since I had first met XH and started dating — 25 years married). That hope carried me through those dark days when my 16 yo daughter struggled to regain her reason for living after her father so cruelly discarded her, when I had to travel hundreds of miles to see her each week after she was transferred to a longer-term facility out of state, as I battled the narcissist XH in the divorce, as I worked so hard on building my career after years of being a SAHM and part-time worker. Today we live together peacefully and happily, parent our respective youngest teens who are the last of 6 still at home, and we are planning a fun future with travel, family, and commitment to each other.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
4 years ago

He was heaven-sent.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
4 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Absolutely! ☺

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
4 years ago

MotherChumper, I am excited and so pleased to read that you and ICanDoThis have connected so closely! What a boon this community is. And I’m also excited to read the name Mickey Blue Eyes. Being in the UK my first internet ask for advice was on MumsNet, and it was Mickey Blue Eyes who told me in no uncertain terms to come to Chumplady. I don’t know if she/he ever reads here, but thanks Mickey!
MotherChumper – congratulations to you and your partner on your peaceful happy life! x

Trudy
Trudy
4 years ago

I cried reading these letters. I’m still sad about the dissolution of the family I created with my ex. I still don’t miss him and his 600 lb gorilla on my back personality. He wasn’t always such a dick and I’m not sure how he ended up that way – a lying, cheating manwhore. . But CL and CN is a place I go when I have no where else to vent. I also like that I can curse in writing. Fuck off fucker – I can get that out my head and on screen. I know, it’s weird. But I find it cathartic. Lots of people don’t want to hear about the confusion, pain and anger we suffer mostly in silence. Faking it for our kids, family and even our exes. Anyway, getting it out is healthier than keeping it bottled inside. But it’s not easy to inflict the ugly on people who are loving and kind and who have listened enough. Chump lady – there’s a whole second tier of folks you have saved by being here. Bless you.

Langele
Langele
4 years ago
Reply to  Trudy

He was always such a dick.
We just didn’t know it.

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
4 years ago

A friend told me to come over so we could lock my kids and her kids out of her bedroom, eat baked brie, crackers, drink wine and watch crap television. Our conversation was about everything except our troubles that night.

It was perfect.

Elderly Chump
Elderly Chump
4 years ago

A poem comes to mind that I read awhile ago. Forgot. Came to my attention again yesterday. Feel it will have an understanding ‘audience’ here because all here are so forgiving of all of us who have fallen in the same hole over and over again only to be welcomed with open arms a forgiveness, compassion and courage:

“I walk down the street.”
by Portia Nelson

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.”

― Portia Nelson, There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery
tags: hole, nelson, sidewalk

Thanks to all of you here who continually show me and help me re-kindle the light in myself and encourage me to stay strong!

renee62
renee62
4 years ago
Reply to  Elderly Chump

Love the poem too! Thank you!

Thirtythreeyearsachump
Thirtythreeyearsachump
4 years ago
Reply to  Elderly Chump

Elderly Chump, thank you for the poetry. I am really sad about falling in the same hole for thirty three years. I climbed out and now I’m grateful to walk around the deep holes on these unfamiliar streets.

That poem was like a little gift of words. Thank You.

Elderly Chump
Elderly Chump
4 years ago

33yearsachump,

You have 3 years on me; I’m a 30 year chump. That makes your hole a bit deeper than mine 🙂

One of the things I love about CL and CN is that there are a lot of us ‘long timers’ here which takes the rub off of my situation. Still a lot of shock etc but I know I am not alone and now after about 2 years I am so glad to be divorced. I couldn’t have imagined myself saying that a year ago.

I did a good year of pick-me dancing inspired by the RIC before I found LACGAL at which point my whole life changed direction and I finally understood that I was a chump and, in actuality, was Plan B instead of his beloved long standing and faithful wife who, when I took my wedding vows, I meant every word I spoke.

All the stages of this betrayal process surprise me but I was told by a woman in her 90’s who has been divorced for over 50 years that she is still finding out things about her x that surprise her so I know there is no rush and apparently no end the uncovering their shenanigans.

Motherof2dragons
Motherof2dragons
4 years ago
Reply to  Elderly Chump

Love this!

MaisyL
MaisyL
4 years ago

I recently ran into my son’s 3rd grade teacher — the teacher he had when ex walked out and I was a total wreck. I sobbed all the way through two parent teacher conferences and told her way too much. She was empathetic throughout. Now, three years later, she approached me and asked how I was and told me she still thinks about me and my son and what a horrible person my ex is. I was sure, after the fact, that she would have thought I was a total nut job. But she was kind.

Marsydoats
Marsydoats
4 years ago

this reminds me of a wonderful movie (old but..) life and loves of a she-devil (based on a fun book too. Here’s where she blows up the house. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xG80L74PSY

Marsydoats
Marsydoats
4 years ago
Reply to  Marsydoats

but oddly this did not appear in the order I posted it (as a reply to something above); so is out of the context of fortunate kindness (sorry!)

The Original Melissa
The Original Melissa
4 years ago
Reply to  Marsydoats

I love She-devil!!!!

Marsydoats
Marsydoats
4 years ago

and there is also this (where they are splitting up the property – with a chain saw)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNyw39a0qnc

hypocritebegone
hypocritebegone
4 years ago

Amazing friends who forced me to take care of myself, kept me busy, and were always ready to listen showed their kindness daily. There were those strangers and acquaintances however that somehow said just the right thing. My exhusband is a Jesus Cheater so I thought everyone considered him to be a great guy. I was amazed when the handy man, two neighbors, and a few members at my church said, “I never liked him” or similar sentiment upon hearing I was on my own now.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
4 years ago

I was having a mental breakdown over manipulation and gaslighting during the discard. When I had to flee the house and run to my lovely SIL’s house for a break, a mutual friend of Ex and I came over to drive me to the train station (I couldn’t drive at that point). On the way to the car, he opened the gate and stood back for me to pass. Just that tiny example of consideration and respect drove it home to me how little ‘seen’ and respected I felt by Ex at that point. He never realised and he’s fallen away from my life now, but I am still grateful for that.
Around that time, a very kooky woman I met in the woods who had been kind to my friend during her marriage breakup started visiting me. She didn’t know me that well, but when driving away one day she stopped the car, leaned out of the window and said “I love you!” and I knew she meant it. She is now my very dearest and closest friend, superbly kind and generous-spirited and even more wierd than I had realised!
And I have to mention so many fellow Chumps here who I’ve seen being so patient, heartbroken for others, generous with their time and effort in writing answers and encouragement, and so vulnerable in telling their stories to help fellow Chumps. Long live Chump Nation. <3

Seeing Red
Seeing Red
4 years ago

A D-day, I discovered Cheater Cat was shacking up with his Sugar Ho. After driving many hours to meet him for a weekend, I was shocked he wanted to meet me at a location other than his “friend’s” house where he claimed to be staying a few days ahead of me. Said “friend” was Sugar Ho. I had to turn around and drive 6 hours back! Bleary eyed, crying, and exhausted – a cop pulled me over near Ojai doing over 90mph (I slowed down to this when I saw him ahead). In a dirt lot just off the freeway off-ramp I balled, telling him what happened as I handed him my license and fished like a lunatic for my documents. I cried so hard I could not see. I knew it would be little use to offer an excuse because cops hear every story… He took forever and ever behind my car with my info and I wondered if I were going to have my car impounded and how much That ticket was going to hurt. He came back handed me some things and left. I sat in that dirt lot for another half hour crying. Then more calmly I drove home.

I never did receive a ticket, and I didn’t even realize this at the time. This cop saved me without a doubt, as clearly I was suicidal even if it was temporary.

ForgeOn!
ForgeOn!
4 years ago
Reply to  Seeing Red

Divine intervention, for sure!!! {{{HUGS}}}

EMC
EMC
4 years ago

I love this! I love reading all these positive stories! I was lucky enough to have a great deal of help and support of close friends and family, as I was able to move back home. I have many stories of kindness from my closest, during my divorce. However, I do recall a perfect stranger using his tractor to pull my best friend’s car that I was driving, out of the sandy soft shoulder of a back-woods dirt road, lol! No emotionally vomitting, but I was so embarassed. He just was at the right place during the right time.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
4 years ago

During the mysterious 90-day period when I was being discarded but didn’t know it, one of my cats got sick and was diagnosed with lymphoma (she had just seen the vet so all of us were shocked). She was in cat ICU for tests for nearly a week but I brought her home for the end. The vet and a vet tech made a house call so she could die at home, safe and at peace, in familiar surroundings. I built a fire to make sure she would stay warm and got to hold her through the end. Forever grateful.

Thirtythreeyearsachump
Thirtythreeyearsachump
4 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Elderly Chump, thank you for the poetry. I am really sad about falling in the same hole for thirty three years. I climbed out and now I’m grateful to walk around the deep holes on these unfamiliar streets.

That poem was like a little gift of words. Thank You.

NotANiceChump
NotANiceChump
4 years ago

The nice clerk at the social security office who was on the receiving end of my sad story when I went to change my name back said to me “anyone who would let go of a woman like you is a damn fool.” Thanks man, I needed that.