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Where You Thought They Were, Where They Really Were

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After you’ve been chumped “working late” takes on a whole new connotation. As does “Appalachian Trail” and “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.”

We’re a trusting bunch, and if you say you’re doing a Thing, we’re inclined to believe you’re doing that Thing. When in fact, you may be Doing a thing. Trust being the social glue that holds us all together and all…

So, today’s Fun Friday Challenge is to tell CN all the crazy places your cheater was when they weren’t. Any elaborate artifice to pull this off? Fake airline ticket receipts? False testimony from a bud? Or just your continued cluelessness?

Why dwell on something so unpleasant, Tracy?

There’s some benefit to naming all the cons. I think of this place as a great big data repository of the the Suck. You realize someone is going to read your story and think, “OMG, SHE TOLD ME THE SAME THING. Bible verses! Crown Plaza hotel! I-35!”

Lay it on, CN.

TGIF!

 

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Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Here’s a **Duh** that now I can tell was complete bullshit:

    “I need to be in nature alone to re-energize.”

    In Iowa. Not alone.

    • OMG I got this same one!! He wanted to go camping to be in nature and find the answers to his inner turmoil …turns out he was camping and white water rafting with the OW!

      • Mine too. Camping to clear the mind!!! Total BS. Mine sent me a picture of him in the woods, saying how much he was clearing his head. 2 days later I realized it wasn’t a selfie. Started going through his online accounts and his “Whore” was posting from same location. Amazing, the how they try to cover lies.

      • I read these camping comments and boy it sounds oh so familiar!
        My “former” booked a camping trip with white water rafting a month in advance on a long- weekend three years ago.

        A solo trip in a remote area- I was to expect spotty cell phone reception but he would sent me a couple of updates.
        Our relationship was based on trust and I bought the story hook, line and sinker.
        For heavens sake I even cooked up some potatoes for wonderful hashbrowns over the campfire!

        I found out after a second camping trip the following month that this was no solo event. And the rest my friends is now in the rearview mirror…..

        • My ex really did go camping for a week in our RV with our two toddler granddaughters during the summer when he was off work (teacher). I just didn’t know that he stopped to pick up his skank prior to going out of town and dropped her back off before coming home.

          • My ex moved out. He’d been out all night for many weekends ‘taking pictures.’ Taking pictures during the day hurt his eyes. One weekend he wanted to pick up our camper/toy hauler to take our 12 yo camping – with his 22 yo girl friend – in the new truck he’d asked me to cosign for,several months before, so “we could be safe towing the toy hauler.” One of his all nighters taking pictures he said he slept in his car. He’s 240 pounds and had a Kia Spectra. Lol. I found the hotel receipts. When I confronted him on the lies he was so insulted and informed me of my insecurities.

            My name is now off the truck, the camper is sold, and I am free of a soulless nincompoop.

            Divorced for a year now. Their baby is 2 years old.

            Sweet freedom.

      • Raising hand here! Except mine wasn’t camping. He was cycling along the coast and sleeping in campsites along the way. Damn if I didn’t get out his bike packs and clean them up, and get his gear ready and set him up with provisions. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t want the portable solo man tent I had picked up for him.

        One text over 4 days. No calls, nothing. No photos on his phone from the trip to share when he returned. He claimed no cell service. Funny when one of my girls did that same route by car she never had trouble using her cell service.

        Then he supposedly arrived at a nice coastal town about 50 miles from our house at dusk the last night, so he asked permission to book a room at an expensive hotel. That overnight turned into him wanting to take advantage of a nice day on the beach before arriving home. So he rolled in at dusk the following day.

        Did I mention this occurred at what was the start of our daughters’ Spring Break? So by the time he got back he said he had to work round the clock to catch up for having been away.

        It took me more months than I care to admit to figure out he wasn’t alone on that trip.

      • Mine too! Had to go to the mountains to ask God what he would have him do about his family
        Asked me to find his Bible and get his sleeping bag out and told me he’d borrow a ”1 man tent” so he could put it up by himself!
        Really he Went to the beach and enjoyed his ho worker
        Meanwhile, I never seen God photobomb any of their lovely pictures! 🤔

      • Never got that one. I was the one who didn’t mind camping. I took the FW XW and the kids camping three times total. All because in the beginning of our marriage I wasn’t making the big bucks yet, and she was being a SAHM, so we had little to no other income than mine. These three camping trips allowed us to take trips and vacations it would have been hard for us to afford otherwise at that point. I was used to and enjoyed camping, and I thought it would be economical for our family (it was) as well as a great learning experience for the kids. Plus it allowed us to easily bring our then dog w/us.

        Fast forward to a few days after D-day, when the FW XW tells me in angry tone that she “never enjoyed camping!” I guess I was supposed to mind-read that from her. Also, I guess I was supposed to put our family in debt to go more in style. Well, too bad, FW. As the marriage counselor told her, if you don’t bluntly tell the person you’re in a relationship w/that you have a problem w/something at least two times, you’re asking for them to mind-read, and none of us are good at that (ideally tell them three times. I got nothing until after D-day, and her now clear choice to leave me).

        And if I should ever get in a romantic relationship again (hard to imagine right now, even almost 2 1/2 yrs out from D-day and almost 6 months out from absolute divorce date), you can bet one thing I’ll be looking for is a woman who ENJOYS camping. Not to mention a woman who will be honest and tell me if they don’t like something I’m doing w/them, for fuck’s sake.

      • Mine was similar. He preferred to sleep in our horse trailer– whether parked outside or in a building, claiming it was darker and more quiet. Helped him to sleep better. More likely all the phone sex he was having out there helped him sleep. What a moron!

    • In Key West for a “guys trip”. He asked me to pack some incense and also asked for a few photos of me and our dog to take in his suitcase. I happily did it and sent him off for a good relaxing music recording session with his guy friends.

      Except it was with his office ho only, sharing a hotel room on the ocean, snorkeling, dining out, etc, etc, barf.

      I found out because when his phone wasn’t working for hours after he’d said he’d call when they arrived, I texted his friend to see if they made the trip okay and his friend was like “Huh? I’m in Jacksonville for work all week and weekend. Sorry, UC!”

      Then I began checking our joint phone record and discovered the whole ugly 1.5yrs long lie. Felt pretty naive for that one, for a while.

        • I’m guessing incense for the ho and photos of me to keep me from thinking something was up??

          And it worked because I bought it hook, line and sinker! Had absolute trust that he was going for a music playing relaxing guy’s weekend. Until his friend told me different…

    • Mine was a critical care physician….a compassionate, good one I thought. Now I will never know how many “emergencies” actually involved patients.

    • I was pushing my wife out the door to get exercise: biking, walking, hiking, kayaking. She was using that time to slurp cocktails and bar food with her ex-girlfriend.

  • Her go-to was “helping a friend.”. This usually was in the context of a coworker who was having a bad time or was drunk and needed a ride home. Always something virtuous.

    At least a couple of times she talked about sharing the Gospel with them. Even asked me for Bible verse references.

    Then she would be gone for hours.

    There’s also the binge drinking with coworkers which included her disappeating. These episodes also were described as “having one drink with a friend” while putting then straight on something. Again, gone for hours, friends didn’t know where she went. She was near blackout drunk by the end of most of those nights. I often had to come get her somewhere downtown where she would immediately try to start a fight with me.

    There were late nights at the gym for a while, and late nights at work. These were about 50/50 on truth, I think.

    I put up with it for too long, but had to have evidence to do anything about it.

    • I know exactly the BS Canadian RCMP same thing these lying pieces of shit get away with murder because unless you can “AFFORD” a private investigator you don’t have proof! Mine was lying and scamming everywhere, a mechanic training on the companies money in Red Deer Canada!

    • Your ex sounds just like my ex’s OWhore. A group of us would have dinner once a month and she loved dining out on her ‘shocking’ stories of drinks after work that found her passed out drunk and her ever patient husband having to collect her in the morning (picture timid forest creature). Until the husband rings mine one morning (by this time they are rehearsing songs for about a month) asking if he’s heard from her (drinks after work, phone dead, can’t find her). Suddenly not so funny. He doesn’t want to ring the ‘girls’ and out her (sorry dude, we already started to realise she identified with her ‘crazy’ self not herself as mother to 3 beautiful kids with a gorgeous devoted husband). Fast forward 6 months and these calls between her husband and myself are so regular… neither are home, ‘rehearsals’ have gone all night, both roll gone drunk sometime the next morning. Looking back, I was pretty annoyed he rang my husband that morning (she was my friend, what’s it to do with my husband?) … now I wonder if this was her pattern and he was just cutting straight to the chase and contacting her (potential) AP. So many red flags but I was so naive and trusting back then.

  • My ex cried saying she needed to go home to Canada to visit her dying grandmother. After several trips over the years. Her grandmother was still living. But I find out she had at least two boyfriends up there. After I caught her and tried to reconcile. She still insisted she wanted to go to Canada for the summer because it’s not fair that she spend all summer bored. My marriage counselor actually suggested I trust her and let her go. Looking back, I’m just dumbfounded I put up with this ridiculousness. Never again.

      • No need to be sorry, I got two great half Canadian kids out of the marriage. I know my ex is definitely not the model ambassador of your country. There are just as many angry Canadians wives as Americans wives at my ex for sleeping with their husbands.

  • What I thought things were (with Rhys) – an essentially good man getting out of a dead end relationship and having fun and falling in love with me.

    What it really was – a snobby Brit sowing his wild oats while making me think he cared about our possible future together. I still wonder sometimes if he lied to me about how his relationship ended, he said he and Minnie were no longer sharing a bed, but I’m thinking she just got sick of his bullshit.

    • You sound like my husband’s OW. If he was “still getting” out of a relationship with someone else when you started seeing him, you are the Other Woman. 🙄
      And yes Minnie was sick of his bullshit.

      • To clarify, we didn’t start going out until he and Minnie actually broke up, but he was still waaaaay too flirty when we first met. Silly me, I thought him waiting to properly ask me out was a sign of integrity.

        • Mine is so mundane. He mostly visited prostitution massage parlors while he was out of town working and sometimes while he was going out to food shop. I used to think it was so nice that he did all the food shopping…and wondered why he didn’t want me to come along and help. Also can somebody explain this to me? I read in his journal that he used the girls and then he would give them a massage. Who massages a prostitute after he’s done with them? What’s bad about?

          • To make him feel like he cared about them, that he didn’t just use them for sex. That way he’s not part of the sex trafficking problem.

            • Yep like mine in Thailand, he treated them really nice like a girlfriend so you know it’s all ok.🙄🙄🔫

  • When I thought he was at church preparing his Sunday School lesson, he was really at church fucking his secretary.
    When I thought he was at the hospital visiting a woman who was dying of cancer, he was really at home doing the dying woman’s daughter.
    When I thought he was caring for our young children while I was out of country, he was really out clubbing with whores while the kids cried at home behind locked doors.
    While I thought he was out in the mountains praying, he was really visiting “massage” parlors-only for oral though because he didn’t want to be unfaithful.
    When I thought he was having a business lunch with a future customer, he was really “doing” lunch with his now wife.
    When I thought he was missing family time for difficult work problems, he was really a restaurant (he would never take me to, because he’d heard the food was terrible) with a mistress.
    YET, IT WAS MY FAULT FOR NEVER TRUSTING HIM! 😂

    • This makes me sick to my stomach. I’m so very sorry. I wish I could jump on the “men are pigs” bandwagon but my wife was the one doing the cheating. Ugh.

      • It’s not “Men who are Pigs” it’s “Cheaters who are PIGS”. My EX is a Cheater = Pig.
        My Dad and Brother are honest, trustworthy, hardworking men. = Great Guys

        • Thank you for saying that, FindingPeace. All men are NOT pigs. Nor are all women whores. It’s the low state of their character, their shitty behavior, their lack of morals that identify them as the fuckwits they are, be they male, female, transgender or whatever. WE’RE the ones that have integrity. They are full of shit. Which is why they don’t mind handing out shit sandwiches all the time.

    • My X’s OW was living across the country. So it was a lot of long calls. He was: going upstairs to meditate, walking the dog for an hour (and oh, no need for me to come along).

      • Almost forgot about that 3 hour dog walk late at night. He wouldn’t answer his phone. I was worried. When he got home he was pissed because he saw all of my calls and thought there was some emergency. How dare I scare him like that. 😐

        • Having a “Girly Night” with her friends, some of whom are keen social media users. The check-ins and status updates were non-existent.

          They were to drink prosecco, and dance to the Greatest Showman.

          Which is were she got her bruises. The symmetrical on both wrists, finger shaped grabbing bruises.

          “I’ve not been grabbed!” She said, “I got them when my friend helped me up!” She said.

          Pinned against the wall or pinned to a bed bruises. I’m not an idiot, I pressed the issue.

          “Don’t text for a bit” was her hurried last text message before I got her phone.

          “Come get me, Husband knows, it was the bruises” I added now in possession of her phone.

          “OMW baby, stay safe” said the fucking white knight.

          She left on her own accord.

          Oh she’s safe as houses all right! She’s left this 22 year old relationship bruised and marked by the affair partner.

          Fuck them both, I hope they enjoy battering each other. I’ll be busy raising our legendary 14 year old daughter.

          • Spencer,
            I can only imagine what your soon to be legendary daughter would learn if her mom raised her. 🤦
            I’m glad she’s got you.

          • Hi spencer
            You are awesome my friend stay strong for your daughter, they think the grass is greener when they swam out of the door in there love bubble, but when that bursts and it dose, they are only seeing there kids half of the time they come to realise what shits they are in side , stay strong

    • When I thought he was caring for our young children while I was out of country, he was really out clubbing with whores while the kids cried at home behind locked doors.

      That is HORRIBLE.

      I think there is a chance that he left the kids to play video games in a store when he was in a city north of us whereupon he disappeared for a while. When he got home (After not telling me for hours where they were) he said he was giving me some “alone time” without the kids

      • Unicorn,
        Wonder what he was up to 😤

        Yeah. I found out about the locking the kids up part about three months after reconciling, having a vow renewal, and moving to another state where I had no job, friends, or family. I felt stuck back in the marriage and didn’t leave.

      • He should be arrested for child emdangerment. What an absolute monster! It takes a lot to shock me, but locking your kids in the house to go out whoring does. Imagine if there had been a fire or a break-in.
        I hope this child-abusing bastard does not have any custodial rights now.

        • Chumpup,
          After I discovered what he’d done, I never left him alone with the kids again until the oldest turned 13. To my dying day I will never forgive myself for not leaving him then. I was stuck in the church and since he always seemed repentant divorce wasn’t considered an option.
          The separation/divorce happened after the kids were mostly grown. They were teens and would have fought spending time with him, but he didn’t even try. And he was on a cruise with the latest OW when he should have been at court to seek visitation. But he has managed to make an excellent show of being a broken father who’s ex turned the kids against him. It is part of his game as he cons the new chump and his other supply.

          • Child endangerment, lol. 4 lawyers and they have all told me I need to show up in court with cigarette burns on the kids’ arms for the courts or CPS to do anything. You would have to wait for the fire or the break-in to happen and the kids to be hospitalized for smoke inhalation or be kidnapped and THEN the courts will consider calling it neglect.

      • I have so many. My favorite was when he said he was hunting with his friend last winter.
        He left our house with a small duffel bag.
        He wore Allbirds(felt sneakers) on his feet. He did not bring boots (snow on ground), a winter jacket, gloves, hat, orange safety gear or his guns.
        Hunting something other than birds!

    • Trust? Let’s consult the dictionary: Trust is “firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.” How do we come to have that belief? Because someone is consistently reliable. Consistently tells the truth. Consistently shows “ability and strength” in those ways we interact. So trust comes from observing a person’s behavior and character and noting consistency over time.

      Once trust is broken by lies, betrayal and deception–even if only ONE TIME, you’re not just back to NO TRUST. You are at MISTRUST. Because you cannot have that “firm belief.” Because you know that the person is not reliable, truthful, or acting according to mutual interests.

      What cheaters excel at is DARVO–denying, accusing and reversing victim and offender. They turn an issue in their character—that they are not trustworthy—into an issue in their victim’s character–“You fail to trust me!” They aren’t talking about “trust” at all. They are asking you to deny reality. Don’t fall for this move. It’s gaslighting of a high order.

    • Your post reminds me of my first cheating ex-husband . . . he was the church organist — in more ways than one. I thought he was at church meeting with Sister Margaret about the music for the next service — that’s what he told me, and that’s what I believed. Instead, he was following his organ into “Sister Margaret’s” pants. He later told me he was “helping her to see if she had a vocation.”

      I divorced my second husband, a former Benedictine monk, because he tried to kill me. I didn’t see it for years later — probably because I wasn’t looking for it — but his relationship with Father Stephen was VERY close. When he told me he was going to see Father Stephen for help with his habit of physical violence, I believed he was going to the priest’s residence for counseling. Instead, they were at a popular gay bar picking up friends (and perhaps strangers, too — who knows?) for “parties.” There were hints before the divorce — for instance when he told me that “orgies at the monastery were so great because everyone was into everyone else.” And then he’d quickly say, “Of course, I’m straight so I didn’t participate.”

      I cannot look at religious leaders with any sort of trust or respect any more.

      • The ExMrs.,
        I can’t look at religious leaders with respect either and I have a ministry degree and served in ministry myself as week as mine time as a pastor’s wife.
        So very minister are horribly corrupt in the filthiest sense of the word and the ones who aren’t are usually chomping at the bit to cover up, reconcile, “heal”, and restore to ministry the ones who are.
        Disgusting doesn’t even begin to describe what I have seen on the inside of the church. For all the talk they do about holiness and decency and morals, I’m hard pressed to find any of those things in actuality. The dirty little secrets are oozing out of every organization if people only cared enough to look.

      • I am so very sorry this happened to you. And I am so glad you got away.

        I know good people in different churches – I know they exist – but I am not blind to the corruption either.

  • His friend’s mother was ill, so he gave xhole his cruise tickets. xhole was gone a whole week, he only called to rub it in and make fun of me for being hurt that he just up and left me with the kids for a week at a bad time. I thought he was on a free cruise with a friend on his friend who couldn’t go. In reality, he met up with an old girlfriend in Miami, took a week cruise with her, came home to berate me again for not wanting him to go. Such a catch he was.

  • My ex travelled for work.
    He said he’ll be running a workshop in Singapore.
    Turned out he was in Phuket with his girlfriend 35 years younger than him.
    They’re married now with a one year old. A baby at 62? Good luck with that.

  • Boy was i fooled so many times!!! The working late bullshit when he was either taking her to dinner or the motel. Or he was shopping for xmas with his sister for six hours and he hates shopping. Visiting family in another country for weeks, probably took his slut. Or stopping at sluts house on his way to work, probably fighting and just had to make up with her because she is his latest victim. So many things to name. Never again…

    • The Worm used the Christmas shopping excuse but he bought everyone gift cards.
      I was the exception. He bought me a duplicate of the purse he bought the OW and a Fitbit (D-day was six months prior and I was suffering from anorexia at the time).
      Needless to say that shopping took an entire weekend.

      • My three favorite excuses;
        I was in the ER for my stomach,
        I got arrested but they let me go after 5 hours because they didn’t have anything on me,
        and picking a fight so he could go “cool off”.

        • My XW gaslighted all the time so she could leave. When she had to “run up the the gas station for a minute” she would be gone over a half hour. It was 5 blocks away in a small town. I would ask her when she came home why she was gone for a half an hour and she would literally say that she had only been gone 5 mins. I know how to tell time and was making a point to watch the time after a while. She would actually call me CRAZY for saying she had been gone so long. You really can argue with the clock, can you? Crazy making and gaslighting just to start fights and justify to herself that the relationship was bad. It is such a cowardly way to go out.

          • This is giving me flashbacks of memories. My stbx had a standard line when he left to go out. When he left to go out anywhere. “I’ll be back in about an hour.” He never came back in an hour. It was always several hours. Over time the trust in that “ about an hour” statement was gone.

            Every time he uttered those words I knew it was a lie. One time he said I’ll be back in about an hour. I said no you won’t. It’ll be several hours at least. You always tell me an hour and it’s always many many hours you are gone. He smiled and chuckled and he walked out the door.

          • Omg, we lived in a small town and the liquor store was 3 blocks away. Only thing is we are/were not drinkers. I found it odd he suddenly was in a panicked hurry to make it the the liquor store, hours before closing and we were people who might have a drink twice a year. He was gone for 40 minutes. She lived 2 blocks past the liquor store.

  • My ex liked to make up elaborate tales. At first I believed them. Then slowly the truth was revealed. One tale was his kids got into a fight with their mothers new husband and he was SO worried and upset he didn’t answer his phone all day. Or the one where he had diarrhea and just couldn’t talk.

    • Hahaha, diarrhea, I hope he really gets a case of diarrhea that is so bad his vocal cords stop working!

    • So ‘rhea and on the toilet-can’t talk ?And then there are the ones who spend HOURS in the crapper texting their other people.

      It’s all bullsh*t.

      • XW would take 3-hour baths 4-5 nights weekly, with her phone of course. When I’d check on her or want to talk, she’d get irritated or say “I’ll be out in a minute” [never happened; I usually went to bed alone].

  • I was totally clueless. I trusted the bastard when he told me he was going to Kevin’s house. He also had a friend named Bill(whom I never met) that he went to play pool with and overnight trips to his cabin in upstate NY. He even told me he was going to Bill’s 50th Birthday party. Yup, the 50th Birthday party was for Skankella. You would think I would have been invited since I was her cousin. Oh, chumpy trusting me believed that he was going out with his friends. Looking back the signs were there I just trusted him and thought he would never cheat. He took full advantage of my trusting nature.

      • Not sure where my response went?? She does not talk to any of her family including her parents. The party was thrown by her best friend. The only people invited were friends. I suspect my ex double dated with Skankella’s friend and husband. Nice people aren’t they?

      • Cheaters lie out of their lying liar hole. Probably said “Oh spouse couldn’t make it so I’m representing the family with my attendance.”

    • Yep, same here! Looking back, all the signs were there, but, like you, I trusted her…completely and consistently. I never thought she’d cheat, let alone leave and treat me with callous indifference.

  • Always “working overtime” yet we were always “broke”
    Cuz its hard to have money to pay the bills when you are “working overtime” sneaking in and out of McFakeboobs (which I paid for) house while her kids were sleeping bringing her food and gifts.

    • Fantastic that your posts are separate. Kinda like the real experience the lie, then the truth. (at least for me)

      • When I discovered that he travelled all the way to Indonesia whilst on a work trip to Switzerland, I was hoping he was actually some sort of undercover agent. But alas, it was to f*** some lady he met on an app. The hilarious/worst part is, he went for ONE night and flew right back to Europe to go to his conference. I would’ve stayed at least a few nights to justify all that travel time and effort.

    • Ha! JD, mine was in UK but in Colombia.

      Actually, most of the places I don’t even know. He used to travel a lot for work and how would I ever know where exactly he went? Said one thing but did another.

      Oh, and once he actually told me he was going to Mexico to be around pyramids and nature and contemplate on life. I thought he was depressed and wanted to support him so I let him go. He pulled Mexico again in a couple of years. I later found his Colombian owhore was meeting him in different places. But I also found out about others: howorkers, ex gf’s, wifes of business partners. I kept digging and finding more until I no longer wanted to look. Done now.

  • “Out for a run…”— in reality, at Super 8 Motel fucking his research assistant
    At an international Alzheimer’s Disease conference in Copenhagen, having continuous “meetings”— in reality, barely left his hotel room due to wooing/ fucking his research assistant
    Working late— in reality, getting bjs from his research assistant in the graduate student apartments’ parking lot.

    But usually, he just wouldn’t even tell me where he “allegedly” was, he’d just leave me and our young child for several nights in a row and refused to say where he was, if he answered the phone at all.

  • Where she was supposed to be: at a family Xmas party with me and our daughters

    Where she said she was going: “I just want to have a day to myself, where I don’t have to think about [all of our recent marital troubles]. I’m going to go to the new Star Wars movie and forget about things for a while. You and the girls have fun, let me know how things are going.”

    What she said ended up happening: “Well, funny thing . . . you know how sometimes when you’re driving, you just space out and don’t even remember the previous 5 or 10 minutes? That happened to me. I was just driving along, when suddenly I realized I’d gone much farther than I’d intended and I didn’t even remember the past 15 minutes. So I just kept driving. I drove around for another 20 minutes, then grabbed a coffee and came home. How was the party? . . .”

    Where she really was: fucking the Carrot Singer at his house 55 miles away, after getting word from him that morning that his wife and infant daughter were going to be out of the house. “Just hang back until you see the black minivan pull out of the driveway, then come on in. Can’t wait to see you and taste one of your cookies ;)”

    • I think I see what her next project will be after the podcast… Kunty Kibblers Kookies, maybe copy write it before she has a chance to?

    • Any partner that needs “alone time” away from the house, the city you live in, or in multiple days is full of turds.and should be treated as suspect. I hate to think about this as the Dickhead would often work on holidays or leave the house to go a “friend’. Thank goodness I do have work my brain into a pretzel worrying about that anymore.

  • My Ex drove over two hours to his ho-worker’s home to help “fix” her broken clothes dryer. My response, when I found out was, “A pharmacist making her salary can surely afford to have an appliance repaired or replaced locally.”

    Not missing that drama.

    • NCMountaingal,

      As a pharmacist that hasn’t practiced pharmacy since 2013, I can tell you she DEFINITELY could have afforded to have it repaired or replaced. Unless her drug habits were sucking all her money away, ha-ha. Another pathetic bunch of fuckwits. So sorry you had to deal w/that.

  • My stbx is a contractor. Many Saturday around brunch-time he left the house dressed nicely saying he was going to “fix a leaky faucet”.

    OMG can we UBT the leaky faucet???!!!??!!! If the point of this exercise is to show others what happened in our lives so they can open they eyes to the horror, then I hope this helps.

    Gotta say I don’t know where he actually was. But he would come home with packaged desserts, or restaurant lunch for me. (Wasn’t that nice?). He would ask if he could drive my car so he could look nice on his job. Being the chump I was, I said yes take by black Dodge Charger to work to fix a leaky faucet in your nice clothes. I’d ask him why are you dressed nicely to go to work? Oh I want to look nice when I show up, then I change into my work clothes to get dirty, then back in my nice clothes.

    • Now that I think of it he’d bring that food home and say he wasn’t hungry, go ahead and eat as much as you want. I bet his Schmoopie was pissed as hell that he’d buy me a to go meal at their lunch out!!!!

        • Ahhh good point. I can see lots of ways he’s getting her to pick me dance even now. He loves the centrality of it. But I don’t think he loves either one of us. He adamantly told me that he would not live with anyone ever again and deal with all of that.

      • I figured it was HER leaky faucet he was fixing. But yes his leaky faucet needed to be fixed. Drip drip. They were a couple of leaky faucets.

  • I was 35 weeks pregnant with our 3rd just out of a hospital stay for high blood pressure. And he was supposed to go to a concert with some buddies from his motorcycle group. I asked him not to go he layed on the biggest guilt trip since the tickets were bought already. He actually went to the concert just the buddy was only one buddy his other woman. And she rented them a cabin for the night. hE spun a whole story about the concert and the crap hotel he stayed at. Went really he was with her the while time while I was at home hugely pregnant with our two other young kids. 🙁

  • My ex used to tell me he was out “mall-walking” with a support group he found for parents of autistic kids. He’d get dressed up in sweats and sneakers and everything, when he was actually meeting the OM at a local hotel.

    He didn’t even believe our kid was on the spectrum…

  • If course working late( all those years when he never made it home to eat with us when the kids were little and he never bothered to be there for their bedtime stories). Helping neighbourhood single ladies by plowing our their driveways. On a business trip to scout new used car suppliers—but couldn’t provide a ticket or receipt for it( he took his skank( our friend) somewhere I’m sure—nobody goes to Winnipeg in February unless the have to)), oh and “ but she’s my friend” when I told him he couldn’t be her friend anymore after the affair. Ya right!

    • “Ploughing out their driveways” ! 😉 A bit like fixing the leaky faucett… So much helpfulness…So much imaginative metaphor. There is room for a whole article on UBT’ing the helpfulness

  • He got rid of me (go to your parents for a couple of weeks, it’ll be great for the kids), then flew to Russia to meet with girls looking for a visa to Europe (he’s Italian). He wined and dined them, fucked them in an expensive hotel, then got home in time to feed the cat and greet his wife and kids.

  • On call.
    There were so many call shifts.
    Years ago he dropped a receipt which showed he’d been out to lunch during the time that he said he was called in. When confronted he fessed he went to lunch with a drug rep & that it was a one time thing & he was sorry. I was angry & hurt but i let it go at that.
    Now many years later I discovered that he has been in a long term affair with one of the nurses (yes, he’s the boss doctor). This hit me like a mack truck. I never thought this was something he was capable of. I couldn’t imagine he could live such a duplicitous life. There are so many why’s. Saturday “on call” was actually yoga with his whore. Only god knows the rest.

    • Yep….I was married to a cheating doctor too. They are a horror. Mine was also always on call, being called in, staying late for an emergency. Pay never matched and he was always complaining about HR and mistakes. I will never know how long or how many–whole marriage a lie, I suspect. God only knows how many nurses he fucked until he got one pregnant–22 years younger than me.

  • My Ex has his own business. He would often be out very late and claim that he was “networking.” Whenever I questioned him about his frequent late networking, he would go on the angry offensive, claiming that I had no idea what it was like to run my own business, how important networking is, how I’m crazy, etc etc etc.

    He also frequently went “car shopping.” He does love cars, and so car shopping made some sense, and yet. Looking back, I cannot help but marvel at what a Chump I was. But, as Tracy says, I was a trusting person — if someone tells me that they’re doing a thing, I am inclined to believe that they are doing that thing. I don’t lie, and I didn’t expect others to lie either.

    I am now 2 years post-separation, 2 months post finalization of my divorce, and essentially no contact, and all I can say is that I am SO HAPPY to be free of my Ex and his endless, endless lies. The path to this point was not easy, but it was sooo worth it. I no longer spend each day with an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach wondering what is true and what is a lie.

    Life is infinitely better here on the other side.

    • The “you have no idea what it is like to own your own business”.
      LOL
      Everyone who owns their own business has to mount up on whatever bitch catches their eye. Oh, the stress. 😆

    • Mine too owns his own business he was:

      1 Working
      2 Fishing
      3 Checking the cottage Up North over night
      4 Traveling “no Out West, you don’t need to know what hotel I’m in, just that I’m gone from Aug 1-16”
      5 Working some more
      6 At the boat
      7 “Taking care of my mother”
      8 At a funeral visitatation (for 7 hours, we were late for a ski meet, I drove alone with kids and gear after
      waiting 3 hours for him)
      9 Picking up a pizza — took over 3 hours and the pizza place called
      and the best one was he went to the ‘gym’ on Christmas Day because “I deserve some ‘me’ time on my
      birthday”. He was two hours late picking up his mother, my daughter and I had made a complex
      birthday cake and he swore at me because I wasn’t cooking the meat the way he “told me”. That was
      fun. I yelled at him in front of the kids and his mother to “go fuck yourself”. Little did I know that he
      already had a “good fuck”. That was during the time of my detective work and in May I had him
      served.

      Oh, those were the days 🙂 as I sit here on a Friday morning drinking coffee and playing with my new puppy. I’m at the point where I feel I’m ready to meet someone, my past forays into dating I have been able to identify red flags very quickly. I’d love to meet a fellow chump but I’m at that place where if I am alone for the rest of my life, I’m ok with it.

      Cheers to Chump Nation, it get’s better on the other side!

  • Going to a mens group at church.

    I had a flat tire.

    I need to get away for the night..

    Just to name a few….

  • Ex had heart bypass surgery a couple of months earlier but the angina came back. I was worried sick about him. He texted me at work that he was so upset he needed to spend the evening alone getting his head straight. I spent the night doing medical research and worrying. He took the OW out to dinner.

  • Oh my, this hurst! I was so stupid, he even didn’t have to lie, I made it so easy for him.
    He was always where he said he was and with whom(?) he said he was, fuckity fuck (seeing red). Climbing with the fucking red haired monkey (sorry monkeys). She was my friend and I cooked special dinners for her! They were climbing buddies. I feel anger coming up after al these years.

    • al K, I did the same thing. He was where he said he would be. Dinners with his male boss, they were having sex. He even sent me pictures of them too at the restaurant.

      Vegas trips with his boss and his boss’s wife. I was invited, but he knew I would say no because I never wanted to leave my daughters without at least one parent at home. I wonder if the boss’s wife ever found out.

      Working late with my “good friend,” she was actually my boss when I used to work with all of them. I was so naive, I trusted him and her, after all she was a married woman and her husband and my STBXH were buddies.

      But, I feel sorry for him and all the other miserable people. They have not and will never know the feeling of love. They will never be content with their lifes.

      “Those who have indulged excessively in pleasure have a certain grin on their face that is of a leery superiority, but there is no joy in them… because physical memory entangles you in a way that your mind cannot even figure out…they do not know where they belong, because the body is confused.” -Sadhguru.

  • Where I thought he was: in his office (he was an academic, and had a flexible summer) busily revising his course notes for the fall.

    Where he was: taking her halfway across the state to the city where she was transferring into a graduate program, to look for an apartment.

    Clueless me: when I asked him why he failed to answer his cell phone a number of times, he told me he silenced it to keep from being distracted.

    I get a clue: in his email 2 days later is a form from the apartment complex that he needs to fill out in order for him to guarantee her apartment, as he’d promised her.

  • Mr. Fitness decided he wanted to start commuting on his bicycle to work. So he needed to leave the house extra early. So he needed to build a bathroom at our business so he could take a shower after he got to work. So he needed to add a room onto the bathroom so he could keep clothes there to change into for work.

    Gee, that’s weird. For all those weekly miles on your bike you’re not losing an ounce of weight.

    The government was offering a tax credit for business owners who bought new trucks in 2015.
    We had just bought a truck the year before. It should have been a red flag that a skinflint miserly parsimonious Scrooge wanted a new truck, but he threw me off the scent by giving me the Toyota Tacoma we had just bought when he went out and got the Dodge Ram 8000.

    I thought it was the Dodge Ram pickup truck.

    It was actually the Dodge Ram Pickup then Hookup with Craigslist Casual Sex Listings truck.

    Early on, I realized the cheating accomplices ALL live in the phone. The phone the cheaters are glued to.

    There is no there there, and no there or where even necessary anymore. They are always present, in the phone.

    Thanks, Steve Jobs.

    • VelvetHammer, don’t blame Steve Jobs. He wasn’t the greatest guy, but that’s not on him. Lay the blame where it belongs, which is on all these adulterous, lying pieces of shit that we’ve all had to deal with. They would have found another way if Steve Jobs hadn’t help create the iPhone.

  • the story: at the coffee shop
    The reality: on a “date”

    Unless she met him at the coffee shop?! cheap date

  • He said he spent Sundays with his family, extremely ill aunt, nephew with a traumatic childhood etc. He’d go to the church with his aunt. How good and selfless he was.

    In reality, he was stalking his ex partner (that I didn’t know of), visiting sex workers, going on dates with women he met online, or stalking women in FB.

    I believed everything he said because I trusted him. Never would have I thought that he’d toy with his aunt and nephew’s life. It turned out that the so called aunt was his ex partner’s mother (he lived with her, making me thing it was his aunt), and the traumatized nephew was his ex’s nephew, not his. The poor kid was just fine, no traumatic past.

    It’s been six months since all of this happened, and I’m still baffled at all of his lies. I was in so much pain when I found all of his lies…

    • It’s been 6 months for me as well since I found out. Discovering the lies upon lies and having this reality sink in has altered my DNA.

      1 week before he moved out we took a drive out to the country and stayed in a hotel. As we drove away from our home he pointed to a restaurant and said oh look “ blah blah “ restaurant. I heard that was good. So directly behind that restaurant is an apartment and it just happens to be that his new apartment’s balcony looks out over the restaurant. He had obviously already toured the apartment, picked that unit, and put in an application. So he was pointing out his new apartment to me as we drove by it on our way out of town for a romantic reconciliation trip.

      Where he said he was- homeless staying in his truck

      where he really was— went straight to at Schmoopies house when he moved out stayed there 2 weeks and then moved into that apartment behind the restaurant.

      • I Want My Fairy Tale,

        Well said–Hearing lies on top of lies has ‘altered my DNA,’ too. I hate the fact that not only did several of my partners, including the last two (now ex-husband and now last ex-boyfriend), repeatedly lie to me and abuse me, but also I have become cynical and wasted precious decades of my life mourning the loss of jerks.

        • Rockstarwife, you’re not alone, I feel the same. I’ve wasted precious years being naive, gullible, sacrificing my career and myself. I repeatedly ignored my gut feelings and spackled ex’s abuse, believed his lies and questionable stories.
          I didn’t realize people could be as evil as cheater, I was under the assumption that everyone had a conscious.
          Our marriage, 25 years building a life of memories together meant absolutely nothing.
          Heart wrenching ..

  • He was in a fishing tournament. But he didn’t win! He was in a golf tournament. But he didn’t win! Myrtle Beach with the guys golfing. Yeah strip clubs! Helping friends on their house. Yeah he was banging the hammer of whore in Buffalo.

  • Camping at a family reunion that was actually happening b/c I attended. I was 8 months pregnant so I was not camping. He stayed till I left then left himself. His family was confused as well.

  • My wife was in bed in pyjamas when I ‘set off to evening martial arts class’. She was still in pyjamas when ‘I returned’, having stayed in drinking wine.
    ONLY I never went to class, I hid crouched in the rear of her car and enjoyed the trip she unknowingly took me on to meet AP in a car park!

  • The first one he flew into him while away for work.
    The current one, he was going to “get help to figure out all the negative thoughts in my head because I hurt Mommy and you guys so much and I NEVER want to do that again”. “You guys” being our 3 young kids and “help” meaning abandoning us for a teenager he’d never met and spoke to online for 3 weeks. That was over a year ago and we haven’t seen him since. 11+ years of marriage.

  • My stbx claimed he needed to be at his parents house (they had both died in the previous 2 years) so he could “find himself”…. Yeah, he found himself – drinking with his hunting/drinking buddy who also walked away from his wife and kids. His hunting buddy lived with my stbx out in that house for a year!

  • Oh my goodness, so many places and times! But my favorite was when he was helping his best friend, who lives a 2 hour drive away, repair his swimming pool plumbing one weekend. If only he hadn’t forgotten to take the American Airlines cocktail napkin out of his pocket before he put those pants in the wash basket when he got home. 🙂

    • My XH went on a business/golf tournament to FL with co-ho(?)-workers. Flew Southwest. He came home with a swizzle stick that he saved from the flight. It was red with a heart on the end of it. I questioned him what it was and why he saved it. He got on the Internet to prove it was from his flight. Okay, “But what did you save it?’ Crickets. Why would a 40ish man save a swizzle stick if it didn’t have some meaning or memory behind it? God, I do not miss AT ALL all the lies and mind fxcks!

  • Working late = strip clubs and banging strippers in the family minivan. I want to vomit when I think about the pillows and blankets I kept in there for the kids to use on long drives. Apparently he paid the strippers with gift cards? Once when cleaning out the van I found a bunch of gift cards in a storage compartment in the back. He said he took a bunch of guys from work out to lunch and they must have left them there. Yeah, I was so chumpy I believed that. Years later I still can’t see a man driving a minivan without cynically wondering what he’s up to in that thing (sorry all you good dads who are innocently driving your children around).

  • CL, I laughed out loud when you mentioned the Appalachian Trail. My cheater (married 20 years) for the first time in all those years gave me a special birthday to remember. He was stationed in another city and surprised me with a visit home. We had just built our forever home he was going to retire to. He had a new hiking pack delivered to ‘myhouse’ and I bought him hiking boots for his first hiking excursion. (He never hiked before that).
    Fast forward two years later and I’m now friends with the poor woman he’d deceived into thinking he was divorced when they met (we were building our house for real though) and I find out he’d left me after “the best birthday ever” and flew to the city she lived in and stayed there instead of hiking. The best part is he knows that I know and that his other victim and I have shared all the REAL stories behind his lies.

  • One Sunday morning I was making his favorite breakfast and planning a nice family meal. Nope, he had to go off to fly his airplane and it couldn’t wait. He had to go fly it right then because he hadn’t flown it in a while that wasn’t good for it so off he went. The airport was about ten miles away. About the time he would have been at the airport but not yet in the air we had a massive Thunderstorm followed by torrential rain. I called and asked him to come home and have brunch with his family because he couldn’t fly his Cessna in a thunderstorm anyway. His response: “It’s not raining here”. Yeah right. Asshole.

    In general he usually was where he said he was just not with who he said he was with or doing what he said he was doing.

  • He needed space to clear his head, he’ll be back he’s just not sure when. He’ll be around and let me know.

    But actually he flew across the country to his girlfriends new residence and planned to catch the red eye back on Monday morning and show up back at home with his head fully cleared.

    Too bad I found his car at the airport. And moved it to an undisclosed location. #win

  • The Dickhead was deep underground with his secret life. The only times I now wonder about were the times that his sister supposedly contacted him and he had to drop everything to go help her out. He never acted that enthusiastic to help me with anything. Or maybe the holidays he said he worked and maybe didn’t. There was even a hunting trip to Colorado that may have never happened.

    I honestly don’t know and I don’t want to know.

  • About once a month, Fuckwit would offer to take our daughter someplace fun (local amusement park, movies, go-karting) to have a Father-Daughter Day and I could have some “Me Time.”

    I thought this was so sweet.

    That is, until my seven-year-old daughter told me about the “lady” who would always join them and make daddy take off his wedding ring for the duration of the outing.

  • On Christmas Day: I have to go see a friend

    Refusing to go on our Disney vacation: I can’t be around you, thus I can’t go on our family vacation

  • My ex was a Scout leader and a Mason ( think Shiner) and he used both of these institutions to cover his tracks. Every weekend he either had a cub or scout camp to go to, or he had a Lodge meeting in the city where twatwaffle lived ( 2hrs away). It got to the point where I was getting very pissed off. But the absolute best lie he told myself and our son was this…. he was so stressed from work he needed to take a week off work and just go hiking in the forest. He was going to stay at a friends cabin for the week. The week he chose Dec 26 to Jan 1st. He was so “stressed” he actually left Christmas Day right after dinner.

    The reality was he drove up to the OW city, picked her up and then went to a casino resort in New York for the week. When he came home he was more exhausted than when he left.

  • One time the ex was going to upstate New York for a “business trip.” He made a big deal to tell me that his boss didn’t want him to go but he told him that he already registered for some seminars and he was going no matter what his boss said. I thought I was crazy at the time but he made this declaration so defiantly that it felt like that message was really for me, which would have been weird because I never had a problem with him traveling for work. After dday I realized I wasn’t so crazy after all. He went with the OW.

    Not long after that episode, he told me he was going to the gym. It was a Sunday around mid-morning. My sister called and our phone call got away from us. We had talked for almost three hours. I had mentioned that the ex went to the gym earlier in the conversation and she asked me when he got home when we realized we were talking so long. (He was an infant when I spoke on the phone to anyone for any length of time and would rudely turn the volume up on the tv or interrupt me a thousand times) I told her he hadn’t gotten home yet and she said something along the lines “Cheater doesn’t have the body of a man who spends 3 hours at the gym.” She was very suspicious. I was a very big chump!

  • « I never lied to you. I said that I had to stay late at the office; I never said that I was working late.» Accompanied by a creepy little grin of duper’s delight. Their first fuck was on the sink in the employees’ bathroom – so romantic!

    • I got the ‘I don’t have time for you. I’m working late/on weekends’ from my last boyfriend. Little did I know that he was working late with the young work subordinate that he soon left me for and married. I think that he was just waiting for confirmation that she would have him to leave me as he often voiced that he missed being married (he cared more about his serial cheating ex-wife than he did about me, who would have died for him, but didn’t want to marry me) and was scared that he might be alone for the rest of his life. He wanted me to comfort him as he was dumping me, the one who probably WILL be alone for the rest of her life. (All the single men I meet these days seem sleazy, disordered, gay, or young enough to be my son.)

      My ex-husband didn’t make excuses. He just left our young kids and me without explanation for weekends away–after being gone for two months on business trips. (90% of his work was outside our geographical region.)

  • The one that still hurts the most:

    He was supposed to go home the morning after our son was born, spend some time with our older kids who were with their grandparents, and get some decent sleep so he could help with the baby more.

    He did go home…to chat with Schmoopie…about the timeline for him leaving me…while I was in a hospital bed with our newborn son.

    Absolute total failure of what a father is supposed to be.

    • I feel you on this! While I was on maternity leave with our second, my now xh had the roof and windows redone because in his timeline for leaving me, the house would obviously need to be sold soon, and he wanted top dollar. I suffice to say that I am still in that house now, and own it out right. Thank you again, doofus for the new roof and windows 🙂

  • Before D-Day #1

    Mostly it was music “practice” and working late, but once in a while it was some weird thing that was pretty surely a lie, like getting stuck talking in a parking lot at some store chatting with someone he ran into.

    After D-Day #1

    He said he needed to move out to think.

    I said people who move out do it so they can fuck other people unobserved.

    I loaded his truck.

    There was no D-Day #3.

    • Ugh. Such bastards.

      During OW#1 in 2008, my X Asshat asked our teen daughters if he could move out for a while “to think.” They were horrified and told him so. I didn’t know about this until after the truth came out and our girls had the horror of realizing he was ASKING THEM if he could go fuck around on mom.

      9 years later when he abandoned me for OW#2 our daughters, as adults now, see what a completely inadequate father he was and are fully NC.

      He will never know his grandchildren. Hope the sparkletwat is worth it (I actually believe he would say that yes, the twat who is the same age as his daughters IS WORTH IT.)

  • Ex cheated during workday with secretary in downtown hotels that he rented by taking out cash from the ATM or on top of the grocery bill and buying Visa gift cards. He was always like”I can’t understand where all the money is going” and he’d blame me for household expenses. So while I thought he was working he was screwing. I busted him because one afternoon I kept calling him and when he finally picked up he said he was in the elevator at work and I could hear the beeping as elevator was descending. His work elevator doesn’t beep. That’s how I busted him. I felt like Agatha Christie solving the mystery of the missing douche nozzle.

  • Golfing – because we were in the trust and verify phase I had requested photos as proof he was golfing – He took a picture of a golf sign – not any with his buddies golfing.

    Yep screwing her in his Durango, taking her to dinner – who knows.

    Another was fishing doing the trust and verify phase – again with the Ho and a picture of a fish – none with his fishing buddies.

    And working late happened a lot – but her was meeting at parking lots to share with Ho love and plans to be together.

    The enjoyment he got from my pain and all is lying is just so incredibly sick and awful – words can’t describe – I guess Evil, pure evil.

    It does not hurt to write this – it still makes me angry but mostly glad I am OUT OF THERE. What a shit show, really.

    MIGHTY!

    • Sending a picture of himself to prove where he is, is one of the reasons I think my EX pastor is a cheater. During MC, he told us that he would send pics to his wife to prove he was where he said he was. I thought that was odd and my XH said to me after that meeting, “I’m not going to live like that.”

      He also was 100% on the side of my XH. Downplayed, minimized, rationalized and justified every single fxcking horrible thing my XH did to me. He tried to “understand” my XH’s need to have close female “friends”. Went as far as telling me that my XH “felt more comfortable” with women, because he was brought up by women (not true at all). I hope that lying, gaslighting pastor gets what’s coming to him someday.

      The pastor is a hugger. All done in the name of love and “I love you guys.” He has a special line you can wait in to get a hug from him after the service. He disgusts me.

    • Exhole sent a pic of the plane he was in to out son. Except it wasn’t the flight he said he was on. Going to Iceland to tour with a well known pop star yet ended up in Berlin with his 2nd skank. He took the other first skank to Berlin too the year before when he told me he was doing a catering job on the Isle of skye….!
      I laugh now at the lunacy, the subterfuge and lies. For what? To get his dick wet?
      He’s lost his home and his kids. Glad to see the back of him now he’s not costing me money! Hahaha

  • For me, it wasn’t where he was, it was where I was. My work required a lot of travel, but I always made it a point to be home to celebrate major events. X and I shared a profession and worked together on many large projects. Because of his health, these responsibility for out of town travel fell mostly on me.

    X’s milestone birthday was approaching and, as usual, I made big plans. All of a sudden, at the last minute, a huge crisis arose that needed immediate attention. Of course, that required a long (very long) distance trip by me. How convenient. X was then able to be with OW in my absence. All the while bemoaning the fact that we couldn’t be together on his birthday.

    Everyone here surely can guess what I later learned. X had created the whole problem behind the scenes. There was absolutely no reason for my grueling trip, except that X needed for me to be gone and it needed to be that I put work before our relationship.

  • International airline pilot was in Brazil “working” when in reality he was taking his low life Brazilian ho to meet her family in the backwater town she came from. Oh, her son was an addict and they were doing an intervention. But gee, you don’t speak Portuguese.

    In Hong Kong working when suddenly his phone didn’t work for four days. Oh, it was because cell service was bad. In reality he was in backwater Philippine town with married ho, domestic worker, girlfriend meeting her family including kids who call him “uncle” even though he’s old enough to be their great grandfather.

    Talking to me on the phone in a hotel room in Brazil one morning with ho girlfriend right there in the room with him. I had bugged his suitcase so heard their sex fest and the one with the next girl that occurred that night. Yep, old guy had two different girls in one day. Then called me and his dad to say how bored he was.

    Butt dial from Hong Kong with girlfriend in the taxi with him. After calling me and saying he was tired and going to bed. I left the connection open and called his work phone from my work phone and said “what are you doing?” He said sleeping. I said look at your other phone. I heard it all. He was pretty shocked at that one.

    Found a thumb drive with videos of him having sex with multiple women in multiple countries and one was me. Without my knowledge or consent. Oh, he “has a problem.” Yeah, I’ll say he does.

    Once in Colorado he got a DUI driving an airline “crew car.” In reality he had picked up some woman in a bar and was driving her to her home in her van for sex. The law stopped that one.

    I could go on and on. This man is a disordered fuckwit. I am sooooo happy to be rid of his bullshit. Trust that they suck and run for your life. The only good thing I can say about waiting too long to get rid of his mangy ass is that I have a pretty good financial situation now. Was it worth all the pain and shame? Probably not but at least now I can go where I want and do what I want. And I don’t have to co-parent with him. Kids are grown and we all have very little contact with him.

      • I had an old iphone that still worked except I didn’t have it attached to a phone number anymore. Internet and everything else was still ok. So I installed the Voice Record Pro app on it and turned it on to silent record, voice activated. Put it way down in one of the pockets of his suitcase and waited. It captured almost 2 1/2 days of his trip before the battery died. But the recording remained and was stored on the cloud because I back up every night. I listened to the entire thing one weekend. Amazing that it worked. But it did. Heard him jack off after looking at stuff on his secret laptop, have sex with two women, talk on the phone about others he was with in other countries, talk to me…

        There are recorders that look like ink pens that work very well too. I actually like them better. Long lasting, voice activated, download to an audio player on your laptop. Save the recording, space through stuff you don’t need. There are multiple ways to catch a cheater if you’re so inclined. They’re pretty stupid generally. I’m done with all that now. Thankfully well on the way to meh.

    • Ex Pilot’s Wife,
      One AP co-worker of my ex-husband, who also travels around the world for work, took my then-husband home to meet her family. I struggle to fathom this–I can’t imagine saying, ‘Aunt Sally, please meet the married father I am screwing and who I have asked to impregnate me while he is still married to his current wife.’

      • RockStarWife,
        You can’t make this stuff up! Wouldn’t you love to have seen the look on Aunt Sally’s face when this news was offered.

        Chump Lady needs a TV show. Chump of the Week. These responses just prove how stupid cheaters are, and sadly, how easy it is to take advantage of good, honest, loving people.

  • My wasband said he was going to a work conference out of state. Although it wasn’t a complete lie, he did go to out of state. Not for work though, but to make his online emotional affair, physical. I mean in his defense he had to make sure he wasn’t going to blow up our lives over someone if he didn’t also connect with physically, right? He is disgusting. He sent me so many pictures of this fake conference, that he pulled directly off of the internet!! He even searched hard to a very specific place to stay because he was supposedly staying at his bosses vacation home. His boss is very outdoorsy. So, he had to make it look like he lived there. He, of course, had to send pics of this cozy cabin “his boss owned”. Oh, and how could I forget the credit card he opened (because work wasn’t paying for the trip like he said it was) to fund the trip. A card I had to pay off as part of our divorce settlement.
    On a side note, the mistress was also married and she sent her husband pictures of the trip she took with girlfriends. Pictures, she also took from the internet. They laughed at how stupid we were to have believed the pics, but we got the last laugh when we divorced them. They didn’t last but her ex-husband and I have been together for over a year and going strong. HAHA

  • The gym, a baseball game with his buddies (he was at a bball, but with her, his buddy, her son and my son), out with his best friend from out of town, but mostly the gym-leaving at 9 and not returning until 2. I did not believe that one for long, but did not have the energy to try and follow him. BD came pretty soon thereafter anyway (3 months from meeting her to BD).

    Fucking loser. 22 years gone.

  • Holy cow. I just had an epiphany.
    My leech of an ex did not work for 4 years. Had a back injury that was mysteriously so bad he couldn’t work even though he was denied for disability and the doctors didn’t have any real solutions. (He was still able to have sex with some unknown number of OWs.)
    I encouraged him to get his bachelor’s degree while he was home doing nothing. But for some reason, he was unable to get his work done during the 40 hours a week when the kids and I were gone…..so he would have to “study” in the evenings and on weekends. Hmmm…..

  • So many excuses—I’m ashamed of myself for actually believing them—but while hindsight is 20/20 at the time I was making decisions based on the information that I had available to me.

    Some highlights—he is an attorney and the local county Bar Association has many happy hours and events —that he didn’t want me to attend with him as he wanted to focus on “networking” and I would have been bored, he kindly explained, because I wouldn’t know anyone and I am not an attorney. Anyway—after each event/happy hour, he would call me and say he was going to dinner with some friends/colleagues he’d met. Then —he’d come home that night with a bag of Taco Bell.
    I remember finally asking him why he would go to dinner and then come home with tacos?

    At the time, he said he didn’t get enough to eat because he was “talking” and “socializing” and “networking”—turns out, he just wasn’t eating “food” during those supposed “dinners”. HA! OW is also an attorney.

    Another time—still makes me angry to think about it—he brought home pink time sheets as a prop over a three day weekend—on Memorial Day Monday he tells me he has to go into the office and waves the pink time sheets in the air saying he needs to go in and fill those out. Then he comes into the kitchen where I’m making a snack for our kids—and asks me how he looks in this shirt—-I ask him why he cares when no one will be in the office………. I found out about the affair a few days later.

    After I find out about his ( at that time) 3 year affair and he swears he loves me, it was a mistake, he begs me to stay married, makes appointments himself for counseling, cries—oh the tears the man shed–he arranges for the OW ( also an attorney) to come to his office which is next to an Embassy Suites —during the day and they would get a room. Because he wasn’t going to the events/happy hours anymore!

  • Easter Vigil Mass… because he didn’t want to go to Sunday Easter Mass with me and the kids and my parents. This was right before DDay.

  • My X Asshat stopped coming home for dinner in about 2006 and started working very, very late. Sometimes till 4am. The usual trope. OW#1 was 2007-08.

    He then started doing work overseas and away from home in the states for weeks at a time. He lied about why of course. OW#2 was the final bomb drop in 2017 with his complete abandonment of me.

    Recently he actually told my 26YO daughter that he stopped coming home because she and her sister got older and really didn’t need him around. Yep, he actually blamed our kids for growing up and becoming boring teenagers. Our 26 and 24YO daughters say they feel like I was a single mom, and I agree. The girls finally pulled the plug and are 100% NC with him after this latest encounter.

    As I read all of these I am reminded that Esther Perel (and many more) think this is all hunky dory and is just a bunch of exuberance and feeling fully alive.

    There is so much deception and immorality and pure evil described here that it makes me furious.

  • Jackass used his mother: “I have to take her to the funeral home.” “She wants to talk.” “I’m the only one patient enough to take her to the store.”

    He used his father’s death: “I need to go around and thank the florist and others for what they did.”

    He used his friend’s death: “I’m talking to MOW to work on our shared grief.”

    • Despicable doesn’t even begin to cover it. I hope justice will come in the form of him dying alone in agony and being put in potter’s field because nobody wants to pay his burial costs.

  • He decided to take up jogging to reduce the stress in his life. When I questioned why he was jogging for 3 hours each night, he claimed he was jogging to my kids’ elementary school (about 2 miles away) and walking back. He was really out of shape, so I didn’t question it. Come to find out howorker lived right behind my kids’ school.

  • It’s been 3 years since he discarded me, and even still, every once in awhile, I have an epiphany about whatever BS happens to surface at the moment.

    I had one of those just the other day.

    My ex started going to school on the GI bill in January 2012. That summer, he started having an interest in Native American spirituality and attended some “sweats” in a sweat lodge supposedly built by one of the Native American instructors. He’d spend all day “helping” and “sweating.”

    You can see where this is going. And finally, 7 years later, it dawns on me that he was full of shit about that too.

    The last 3 years have felt like a steady barrage of realization about how dumb I was for so long. Sigh.

  • An Army Colonel with.an upcoming deployment and a Command over 2000 soldiers can hide a lot of sudden trips involving an airplane.

    • I got the same bullsh*t – and if I had a dollar for every time someone told me, “it’s just what military men do”, then I wouldn’t even need a settlement. I won’t normalize or justify it. Military men can do whatever the hell they want, but I’ll be damned if they do it to me.

      • Same for airline pilots. “Oh they all do it, it’s meaningless.” Meanwhile he’s paying their rent and talking marriage and children with about five women at once. All 3rd world trash too. At least you could try for one who is somewhat educated and maybe speaks English properly, right? I guess trash is easier to procure. And doesn’t ask for much.

    • Shit, a LOT of the time they are fucking on deployment. Mine was screwing a slutty captain under his command while in Afghanistan. Assholes.

    • Marine Corps Major who would pull the “you aren’t a supportive military spouse” out the second I asked him to pull some weight tending his family. The day of major move-ins our move-outs he was desperately needed in the office and left me to deal with movers (notorious misogynists who recoiled at women giving direction) who literally blew snot on my dishes and put beds together upside down just for sport. He could have protected us from that but he chose not to.

      He had his whore in the second row at his retirement ceremony.

      I think now he had whores in California, Boston, Kansas, Virginia..likely numerous in each place.

      • Unbelievable. Have you divorced this POS yet? You most definitely proved that you were in for the long haul. The higher up the soldier goes up in rank in the military, the greater the chance that there will be a divorce. They just can’t get over themselves. Control freaks in BDU’s.

        • Mine divorced (cheated on) his first wife when he got promoted to Captain and divorced (cheated on) me when he got promoted to Major. Unfaithful dickbag.

          • By my count, Unfaithful Dickbag has about 3 years before the current ho gets the heave-ho on his way to LTC.

        • The worst of the worst was right around the time of his retirement, but we wreckonciled and sayed together 7 years into his retirement although I later learned that the first 2 years of wreckonciliation were with him and OW still going strong. He was miserable to be with and unrepentant.

          He was cage-rattling again about leaving and I had resolved myself to accepting that and letting him go without an argument, in fact I said a prayer to God that if there were a place that he could be happy, he had my permission to go. He dropped dead. Please dont go down the “I wish mine would too” that ground has been covered here and I get the validity of that but the irony is that I didnt wish it (I just wanted him to be decent to me) and I never even wished to slap his face let alone see him dead, so the outcome was really surprising.

          • I have never wished the RH dead but I have repeatedly (and to his face) wished him the life that he deserved.

            What that happens to be? Not my concern. I do, however, smirk to myself and friends every time karma kicks his ass & it does seem to be quite often.

  • From what I have been able to discern, it went on for years and I never suspected a thing as I was very trusting. I still have epiphany moments of “Oh, that weird day, now I get it”

    He was off on a holiday Monday and made a specific point of calling me at school to tell me he was in a bike accident where he broke his knee cap. His bike was fine and he had no other injuries. I wonder who took a baseball bat to his kneecap

    The BIG discovery was that he was supposed to be in central or eastern Washington state whitewater rafting with work friends. He was in Vancouver BC with Susan of Seattle

    When the kids were little he said he had to work over Thanksgiving and could not go on a family outing with us. God only knows what or who from that trip

    When the now-grown sons were tiny little boys, we went on a family weekend to San Francisco. In our hotel room the boys got fussy at bedtime and Cheater stormed out of our room indignant because we were (apparently) all so horrible . ( I never ever nagged him…he was a monster when I was a sweet as honey, I cannot imagine how horrid he would have been if I were unpleasant to him). He was gone for like 2 hours…alone in the middle of the city at night(?). It was his norm to shower at night just before bed, so if he returned and showered, that wouldnt have made me suspicious. I never suspected a thing and prob laid in bed thinking of how I could have avoided conflict with him that evening.

    For me, perhaps the worse was our 5th wedding anniversary when we were moving out of our first house. I was caring for 2 little kids, supervising movers and cleaning the whole house (scrubbing on hands/knees sort of cleaning) and he was supposed to be dropping off the propane tank. 3+ hours later he came home WITH the propane tank. If he did as I now think he did, he can sit in Purgatory until I get there and Im quite healthy.

    • Oh yes….the shower. Mine went to gym for hours every day so it didn’t raise a flag. I travelled with the kids a lot to visit his family 4 hours away, made for a great free weekend with his hoes over the years

  • Ex usually resented having to do anything in the house. I still remember how thrilled I was when, newly into wreckonciliation, I commented on some old pallets in the garden and he instantly offered to take them to the dump (pallets which he’d sworn he was going to turn into raised beds for me, something I had ALWAYS wanted, and got very offended when I doubted he’d finish the job, which he never did).
    The half-hour job turned into two hours, and I knew exactly where he was. I also still remember how incandescent with rage I was when he snuck back in via the garage and I confronted him. He had already agreed not to contact EA OW by social media or by going to her caravan. He defended himself by a passionate speech about how ‘that girl’ had suffered in her life and how she’d bared her soul to him that afternoon about her family life and eating disorder, and he’d Heard her and and advised her. Her distress and his kindness in counselling her was supposed to have defused my anger at his deceit. Of course, I have only his word for what they were actually up to, which has proved to be as worthless on the whole as a chocolate teapot.

  • My ex was where he said, work functions; BUT she joined him. When I read emails and texts she went with him to business meetings (they were in the same line of work) , he met her at special events. The best was he started sleeping upstairs,he said his snoring was keeping me up. He would tell me he had work calls when he was talking to her…

  • My ex said he had to sleep in the guest room because I was disrupting his sleep or “coming to bed too late” — he was going to bed at 8:00 PM while I stayed up “late” parenting. Turns out he was up in our guest room texting and calling his OW.

  • I’m afraid I really didn’t have a clue where she really was, or when she was lying 🙁 . I just bought so many lies I’m not sure what’s true and what isn’t now.

    I do have one example of the reverse situation, though. When I chaperoned our son’s Scout camp, she arranged for our daughter to go spend the night with my mom. My mom had asked for years to be able to keep her granddaughter overnight, and my ex had always found some reason to kill the idea. My mom was thrilled. I was so glad that my wife was going to finally stop being obstinate about this, and let Grandma have a night with her granddaughter. My wife made a big show of how “generous” she was being.
    It was all for show. There was nothing nice about what she was doing. She just needed the last person out of the house that night so the AP could stay there.

    • I took my daughter on a European vacation that ended about a week before DDay (a gift from my sister but not enough funds to bring the whole family). When I was planning that trip and also planning summer activities for the boys, Ex said it would be nice if the boy’s camp overlapped with the Europe trip so he wouldn’t have to single parent for two weeks. I deliberately set it up that way to give him a break. That was my gift to him. Now I know what he did with that gift. Alas, Schmoopie had not found a way to get rid of her family during that time so she had to sneak around and tell lies and I guess her then husband got suspicious enough to check it out. I got the phone call from him a week after I got back.

    • Traveling,
      That is so devious. And that she took credit for being generous to grandma …🤦

      • She’s a pro at “impression management.” I can’t tell you how many times she’s convinced people she’s Mother Theresa.

        • TravelingTheWorld, that sounds similar to my POS XW. As a sparkly turd local politician, she fools a lot of people. They’re all so pathetic. We’re SO much better off w/out them. Wishing you a bright future and peace.

        • My XW is the queen of spin and she excels at image/impression management. It’s very easy for good people to get sucked into her contrived reality.

  • Playing in the over-40 hockey league, but really fucking in the third row of her pilot.

    Catching up with co workers, but really fucking in the third row of her pilot.

    Going out with buddies for s few beers on a Friday night, but really fucking in the third row of her pilot.

    Working …but really fucking in the third row of her pilot.

    Sick at home but really fucking in the third row of her pilot.

    I could go on and on and on…

    • It is much more comfortable to just put all of the seats down in the back of the Pilot and have a nice big less cramped space. I figured this one out several months after the divorce was final and I had been dating my current beau for a bit and decided that if Ex could be fucking around who knows where maybe I should get a turn making love in the back of the Pilot.

      I hope you ex was too stupid to figure that out and it was cramped and uncomfortable the whole time. 🙁

      • Nah. He’s a moron. They really never got out of the Pilot. For 2.5 year!

        Used to trigger me when I saw that fuckmobile around town… but now I just feel sorry for her kids who sit in it every day to go to school. She’s such a scum.

    • The video from the PI that I got showed them parking her Mazda CX-7 compact SUV — which doesn’t even have a 3rd row — in the alley behind the downtown restaurant they ate at. My personal favorite moment of disgust was when she pulled out our daughter’s little pink car seat and put it in the hatchback to make more room.
      The alley was so small they had to park the car between two dumpsters. I’m sure that smelled great.

  • In Biloxi Mississippi at a fishing tournament = True, but brought a friend.

    My ex was a firefighter paramedic so there were countless days where he called when he was getting off shift but he had “a late call and had to stay to do paperwork”
    Paperwork = fucking ER tech he met at the hospital x every 3rd day for 4 years till she got uppity and wanted to be more.

    Had to go get a part for his boat= me tracking his phone to the actual fucking parking spot at a quality inn hotel.

    Fucker.
    Unfortunately. I could do this all day.

  • “Going to the cape property to mow my parent’s lawn. On Friday night. Through Sunday night.”

    Translation: Missing every one of our sons’ weekends to go to Cape Cod to relive the beginning of our “love story” with his skank. Originality was never the guy’s strong suit.

    When he finally left, nothing really changed as far as our routine. But we no longer feared the tension he would bring home from Sunday night to Friday morning.

  • Oh, I’ve got lots of them…..lots of details to each ‘event’ and or how I found out the TRUTH but I will keep each short (as it’s not worth getting myself ‘torqued’ over his shit).

    Said he was visiting his mother’s grave on the anniversary of her death–to a town 400 miles away. He was actually 12 miles away at his longtime complicit ho’s hovel.

    Used that ^^^ one again, this time he WAS in Dallas but it was to meet up with two different women he’d searched out on Match AND to attempt to track down the aforementioned complicit ho who had moved there.

    Said he was going to Houston to visit his Marine son, who was on leave from his recent duties cleaning up after the 2011 tsunami in Japan. He was actually 12 miles away at his longtime complicit ho’s house.

    Said he was working with St Vincent de Paul charity, deliverying food to the needy. He was with one of the harem members. Then when he started not coming home for the evening, the deliveries ran late and he spent night at his friend’s apartment rather than drive home.

    Said he was ‘seeking spiritual advice/guidance’ from an old aquaintance in a city 45 miles away (in an odd twist of irony, the Texas town CL lived in when she started this amazing blog). He was 12 miles away at the hovel of his longtime complicit ho.

    OH! I can’t forget this one! New Years Eve, a Thurs night–dinner and dancing (on my dime), dressed to the nines (him in one of his 3 custom tuxes, acquired during his 2nd marriage) I was literally having the time of my life (had put all the shit I had already endured out of my mind, just wanted to live the ‘fantasy’) Soon after the stroke of midnight, I excused myself to ladies room. Immediately upon return, he announces he’d gotten a call from his best friend’s wife—he’d been in an accident, she needed to go to hospital, would he come to their house to watch their kids? Pissed and skeptical as hell, we went back to my house to drop me off. He DID NOT CHANGE from his tux or take a change of clothes/toothbrush…nothing.
    He remained gone for 4 days, with minimal contact and kept getting tripped up when there was contact. He returned to my home in shorts/tee on Monday morning…when his longtime complicit ‘ho had to go to work. (Somehow he magically had a gym bag full of HIS clothes/toilettries in it with him).
    I knew he’d f’d me over and also knew that my insurance agent knew both him and the ‘accident victim’….just to verify, the next time I saw my agent, I inquired about the alleged accident. Of course it never happened.

    What put an end to my giving him access to my vehicles for these pursuits–therefore, cutting his wings off completely was one day I got into my (chic magnet for him) Mercedes convertible and took notice of the mileage. I wrote it down, knowing that he planned one of his spiritual advise trips for that evening. When he came back home, there were only 24 miles on the car–equal to distance to/back to the ho’s house.

    The karma hits just keep a comin’ to POP (Predatory Opportunistic Predator). He refused to move out of my home so I had to have him evicted. He went directly from my luxury horse ranch property with all its amentities, access to three vehicles, me paying all expenses to the HOMELESS SHELTER. All of his pricey possessions (designer suits/shoes/jewelry, luggage etc) were put in a rented storage unit. He was unable pay the rent after his brother’s 3 months down ran out–all was sold for pennies on the dollar.

    As the years have passed, his legal issues continue to mount….after years of getting away with drunk driving, he keeps getting DWI’s. Put on Probation, breaking Probation. Getting in more trouble for that. Legal fees piling on in a never ending cycle. (I know this by a easy check of local arrest records found on line)
    Lord only knows where he’s managed to find a place to live/woman to live off of.

    He lived high on the hog on the backs of both his 2nd wife and me. That came to a crashing end.

    I kept telling him he was going to reap what he’s sown. I couldn’t be happier in knowing I was correct (and neither can both his first his 2nd wives, both lovely women who I’ve gotten to know).

    • One more–our first Christmas ‘together’. I’d spent all day preparing the meal. He had given my a very thoughtful gift. The day was going very well, not one of the typical issues he’d cause–such as drinking.

      Dinner was planned to be served at 5pm. At 4:30 I see him wrapping a gift–in the room adjoining the kitchen–right before my very eyes. Spidey sense kicks in. I inquire what’s going on. He tells me its a gift for P, the man we casually know who owns the gym we frequent at times. What is it? A wallet. (That makes NO sense in so many ways….) Next thing I know, he says he’s leaving to deliver it to him–at the gym. Uh, no you aren’t. I am about to serve the meal I have taken all day to prepare. He fucking leaves. I eat alone fuming. I knew what he was up to, of course. His ho confirmed it a few days later: he’d shown up at her house even though she’d told him not to. Her parents were visiting and they knew his history and HATED him. She wouldn’t let him in, he sat on her front porch for hours (he’d managed to get drunk on the way–in 14 miles time) and finally left–leaving the gift on the chair. He turned up at my house around 11pm, very drunk and expected me to ‘fix him a plate’. Fuck.that.noise.

      I found out that even though he had given me a very thoughtful gift, the value of the gift he gave HER was 5 times as much–a Louis Vuitton wallet. Where he got the money for either gift was a mystery to me but that was the least of my concerns.

  • When I was in the hospital recovering from a c-section, I thought my husband was going home to get a good nights sleep since it was an emotionally exhausting day having just watched your wife get sliced open to give birth to your beautiful son.
    Instead he picked up his 19 year old mistress and fucked her in my bed for the next two nights until I was healed enough to come home and ruin his little party.

    • THAT should be criminal.
      I am so angry reading this. Outrageous!
      From one c-section mama to another, I am so sorry that happened.

    • What a scumbag and I’m so sorry that he treated you this way.

      As someone who was cheated on while pregnant. Theses pregnancy and birth stories always get me so mad!

      My XH was cold, mean and pretty much not around at all during this pregnancy. At the hospital, he sat in a chair that was against the wall, while I was in labor. Only became engaged when the doctor and nurses where there to see Mr. Caring Husband. Yelled at me over the phone when I “woke him up” to ask if he could bring me something when he came back. Yelled at me when he got back to the hospital. Turned on Mr. Wonderful Husband and Daddy ACT when his parents showed up with our first born to see their new grandchild.

      I hope their is a special place in Hell for men who cheat on and abuse their pregnant wives.

    • I hope one day when he’s recovering from an operation, whoever he’s with goes home and screws their OM in his bed..in his car…at his desk…in his loafers…in his robe….etc. I also hope they record it and he finds it just when he thinks their relationship couldn’t get any better…

    • Ugh, same, my ex did that too, it’s so cruel when you are so vulnerable and they let you down like that.

  • There are so many she used and I caught her on. She’s just a fucking idiot. Can’t believe I put up with it.
    One night I called her work to talk to her. I got sorry sir she already left for the night. This is how fucking dumb she is. Her, the kids, & I have the Find Friends app on our phone. I popped it up and there she was. Sitting in an abandoned taverns parking lot fucking sparkle dick. I started driving to spot to end the shit once and for all. But I turned around since it wasn’t worth it. So I kept checking the locale. She finally gets home 2 hours after she left work. I asked her where she was and she told me Walmart. I laughed and told her she wasn’t there. I told her exactly where she was. She got crocodile tears and went to sleep. I woke up to go to work the next morning and she came clean that she was with sparkle dick and they “just kissed” & told each other they thought they loved one another.
    Another time she was going on a cruise with her mother. Her plane was leaving the next day at 2 pm. She was supposed to leave at 8 am to say goodbye to the kids in the morning since she was leaving for 10 days. But at 11 pm that night she grabs her bags and starts heading out the door. I said where you going? She said her ride is her she needs to leave now! Her ride was sparkle dick. I let her know what a shitty parent and person she was and off she went. She told me they stayed at a wayside. I knew damn well they stayed in a hotel. I laughed about that one in her face. She’s had so many fucked up stories.

  • Snowy Christmas night. I am 9 months pregnant with our second child. He gets a text from his male work friend, asking to borrow a dog cage. I call him out on it and question why he would leave us on a holiday in the snow and dark when I’m so pregnant to go and do this and he leaves the house immediately.

    He says he drives to his parents house to pick up the cage, then drives to meet the friend. Returns home around 11:00pm.

    A few months later, that male coworker friend is at our house for a meal. The friend says he can’t wait to move so he can finally get a puppy for his family — saying where they live they are allowed NO pets / that they have no pets.

    Later, stbxh confesses that the dog cage was for OW who had gotten a dog for her kids and needed a crate ASAP. I always assumed the crate never even was part of it, that it bought him an extra hour or so on snowy Christmas night with her.

  • Always at work. Always working late. Talked down to me because I didn’t have to work. since he was such a big shot. Always on the phone with work. Shocker, he was phon fucking and real fucking his direct report (older, ugly and married). I found a hotel receipt for a local hotel and was surprised. I’d been away with the kids then and of course he wasn’t with us because he was working. His excuse was that he had drinks with friends (also big shots), to talk about an amazing business opportunity too complicated for me to understand, one got drunk and needed to sleep at the hotel but didn’t have a credit card. Some big shot. Considering where we were financially, it made no sense that my douchebag would cover anything for anyone. Or that Other Big Shot didn’t have a stack of his own credit cards. And I said so. That’s when I got the 15 minute rage about how I had ruined every friendship he’d ever had, how he had no choice but to not tell me about it because I always freak out, so he’s forced to lie, and that I had also ruined all his family relationships. I just crumpled on the floor and cried, which was the desired effect. If I’d been any stronger, I would have had him call that friend on speaker phone and hear the credit card story myself. And what about the business opportunity? Oh hollow bunny just shut up, you don’t work and you don’t fucking understand how shit works. This was a red flag because I’m the genius in the marriage and we both know it. Everybody knows it. I’m fucking brilliant.

    When I kicked him out, he drove hours to sleep in his mom’s uterus I mean house. He could have walked to friends and family, WALKED or subway offs, we lived in the city, but since he had fucked all of those relationships up, he had no where to go. I was his blame shield for everything he didn’t want to face. And his shame for living within walking distance of friends but not seeing anyone because he was wetting his dick in whatever hole she offered up. Family reunion? Hollow bunny said we can’t go. No wonder all those assholes hated me and still do, I kept everyone from the Golden Boy. smh.

    For the most part he was always working, he was just getting blown while working. While working in hotels, after dinner with his mom and sister, before breakfast with his mom and sister – who of course told him what a financial burden I was to him since he worked 24 hours a day and I did nothing. Man that chaps my ass. Guess how many times anyone, including douche, ever called me to see if kids were bathed, fed, well, did I need anything – zero because they knew I was on it and doing it alone. Too busy swooning over this Man Who Works So Hard.

    Best part was how he was a laughing stock when it became public. He was just the latest ass who said yes to the company mattress.

  • I need to take an up north break! Be without phone service to just be alone! Monday morning he had decided he “needed” the divorce.

    I know the only place he cast his fly.

  • Cheater always wanted to go to our hometown to “see his mother.” He used this excuse for years. If we were all going there for a holiday, he’d have to go ahead of us a few days to “spend time with her.”
    He would stay with her, and then hook up with his ho, who lived in the same city. One time he flew to our home town and then didn’t show up at moms. His sister called me, concerned that he hadn’t shown up. We both called and texted him. Hours later he called back and said he’d been “driving around for hours and didn’t get our calls/ messages.” In a major metropolitan city. The sound of his voice made me sick. A tone I’d never heard. I knew he was lying. I asked him if he’d been with someone and he denied it.
    Another good one was that he took our kids camping with his “friend from high school and her son” whom I had never met. (same ho) I told him I wasn’t comfortable with this and asked him not to. But of course, I was the one with the jealousy/ insecurity problem. He used our kids, on their spring break, to spend time with his ho.
    Narcissistic, gas lighting, pathological liar.
    Better off without him.

  • During a bumpy patch early in our marriage, then husband says he wanted to go back to our college town to clear his head and think things over in a place where he was happy. He really was shacking up in a hotel next to his office with that OW. (and ugh! I was supportive of his desire to think things over!)

    Just before he told me he wanted a divorce (still not revealing his infidelity), he was away on a work trip out of state. Our dog got sick and I was trying to reach him on his cell phone and he wasn’t answering. I called the hotel who told me there was no one registered by that name. When I finally got a hold of him on his cell, he still insisted he was at the hotel, but would not call me on a land line to get a caller id confirmation. Found out later during the divorce he was in yet a different state shacking up with the latest OW.

    Now, he only lies about his whereabouts to our kids.

  • Work.

    Reality: howorkers house were they would “work” remotely then screw all day, play with her baby (not a euphemism, she has a small child), occasionally hang out with her husband, (he new and approved of everything because they have an open marriage), acre some more, and then he’d be home on time for dinner.

    Cheater would actually sit at the table with wife and son after a day of screwing his employee and act like nothing had happened. That’s why it took me so long to figure out what was going on, no missing time.

    BONUS event: CHURCH at Christmas time, to listen to a choir.

    REALITY: Church listening to choir, while sitting with his howorker AND HER HUSBAND.

  • “I’m going out to shoot pool.”

    To be fair, he was definitely shooting his balls into someone else’s pocket. Inconvenient detail that the hotel emailed him his receipt and I intercepted it.

    TGIF Chumps!

  • All those business trips. In fuckwit’s case, particularly clever since it was 50% correct. The part he neglected to mention was that whore was sitting in the corner of the restaurant, patiently waiting on him to finish his actual business meetings like a good little dog that she is. My apologies to actual dogs.

    The most difficult lie to catch is one sprinkled with a great deal of truth. If I had talked to any of the business partners/employees, which was a possibility since we have business together, they’d have confirmed the meetings and would have had no clue there was a whore in tow. He kept her out of their sight.

    Even the phone/text contact side while he was away, he’d practically drive me crazy constantly keeping in touch. How he pulled that off while fucking the whore, I don’t even know. My guess is asked her to step away because he needs to make an important “business” call or perhaps he was texting me while she was blowing him. Not only that, but he’d snap and text pics of things he thought I’d find interesting while on his way to some meeting, waiting around for whoever to show up, he’d come home with gifts from the trip, etc. He covered his tracks so diligently that short of hiring a PI to tail him 24/7, you’d never even guess he is leading a double life, let alone catch him at it yourself.

  • My cheater ex was (and continues to be!) a bare-minimum kinda guy – he simply went to work every day, which is where his jadedmuse-trade-down also worked/s. I was never the wiser up until DD1. There were the business trips too, which, as revealed in deposition, afforded these two quality co-workers their randy off campus romps on company time and dollar – but as Tracy points out, a chump actually does believe that his/her spouse is doing the Thing he/she purports to be doing. Reading these posts, I think I might have actually enjoyed the elaborate scheming or creative fuckery; all my backstory does is remind me that Uncle Dad has always taken (and lesson learned: always WILL take) the path of least resistance and that of greatest convenience. For and to, himself of course.

  • After my XH told me ILYBINILWY and that he was having a midlife crisis (while denying an affair), I told him I would go to my dad’s house out of state for 3 weeks. I was thinking XH had a brain tumor or Low T (because he seemingly changed overnight into an emotionally abusive son of a bitch). He was supposed to get into counseling. While I’m dry heaving and lost 18 lbs, debit card and credit card records would show he was at his whore’s house and entertaining her in our home.

    It’s been six years. I’m 98% meh. They are married with a baby. But when I think of the deception, I still fantasize about throat punching him (and her).

  • I thought that he was working.
    He actually was preying on & trying to connect with the females that he spoke to on the phone doing business. Every one was a potential candidate for his “love”.
    Also work trips that were really fun trips with the OWomen. There were several. Each not aware of the other but they all were aware that he was married & that we had 4 kids together but that did dissuade them because he was that good at love bombing.
    Now the OWhores can all fight amongst themselves since I’m no longer the “reason” that he can’t be with them. Also
    “working late” usually meant “screwing some skank” that thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. Nah he’s just some moldy bread that you need to throw the f#$k out. And I did after 25yrs. Better late than never.

  • With mine its “Let’s go visit my parents for the weekend in [OM]City! The kids can visit their cousin.”

    And then, later,'”My BFF [and alibi] really wants to see me, do you mind if I go see her tonight???”

    And then she comes back at 2AM, and heads straight for the shower.

    Monthly for several years, more often nearer the end. She had three different OMen a short uber ride away!

    SMFH.

  • My ex drove truck so he was gone a lot.

    Had to stop on a side street because something he ate didn’t agree with him and he had to crap by his truck.
    Reality meeting a hooker for a Nuru massage and handjob.
    Walking for hours in the evening because Home Depot had closed.
    Reality visiting a massage parlor for a Happy Ending.
    Stopped for a nap because he was so tired from driving when he was only 1.5 hours from home
    Reality stopped at a pullout to meet a hooker
    Cleaned out his work pick up in a small town because they have an awesome car wash there
    Reality waiting for the person he contacted on Craigslist to meet him on a side road for a quickie (she was 18 btw and he was 46)
    Stuck in construction for an hour
    Reality stuck in a skank he met on Leolist for an hour

    Oh the list goes on and on and on……….jackasss!!!!

  • “Can you pick up the kids, a late meeting just popped up?”

    Translation: I’m screwing my boyfriend while pregnant in the woods at the park and I need more time.

    • I literally made the “screaming emoji face” after reading this one… hands on face and everything!

  • He left our final family vacation 5 days early because he was starting a new position at work-he was an elementary school principal. The morning he left we watched the sunrise together on the dock of the lake house we were staying at. I cried my eyes out because I KNEW. The affair had been going on for 2 years by this point. He told me I had nothing to worry about. I booked the rental car to get him to the airport. I booked his one way ticket back home. He left me & the kids at the lake house and he of course went home for a 5 day fuckfest. Probably in my home- probably in front of my dogs. I kicked him out of our bedroom 3 months later (on the day after our 18th wedding anniversary) when he told me he had something to tell me and please don’t interrupt him because this is really hard for him to say. He told me I should go get tested for STDs because he had and had come back positive for herpes. (Thankfully I was totally clean). After 3 months living in the guest room he finally left for good and moved straight in with his howorker/sugar mama. This was 4.5 years ago & I’m loving the single life.

  • Mine was great. He was unemployed and we were teetering on the edge. We had recently declared bankruptcy and I was worried about being able to keep the lights on with a 3 year old who needed stuff like food. I was working full time and coming home to take care of the kid at night while he did whatever. He was supposed to be working part time night job. Nope.

    He claimed he NEEDED to go to Texas (from Iowa) for a week to record music with his deadbeat friend. When I suggest he drop me off on the way at my parents he freaks out about needing time to himself. Ok.

    Turns out he was in Chicago meeting his online muse from Australia for a “good time”. He even told me about a hipster absinthe bar he went to because he wanted to share with me, just left out that she was there. I later found out from his ex fiance that he couldn’t even get it up. HAHAHAHAHA. Took money from me and my son to do this with a promise that it might end up with a contract. Of course, no recording, no contract. Just all lies.

    I’m soooooo much better now. Much happy. No stupid debt problems.

  • He joined the downtown YMCA even though he could work out at the state-of-the-art athletic facilities at his university for free. He claimed he didn’t want to be bothered by his students. So, every Wednesday after work for he went to the Y. Eventually it dawned on me that there were no dirty gym clothes in his hamper after all these workouts and he hadn’t lost a pound. So I asked him where they were. He said they were in his trunk but they never showed up. And, after that, every Thursday there would be a set of gym clothes in the hamper. BUT, they still smelled like fabric softener and were creased where I had folded them. I never confronted him about this but it was the beginning of my “snooping” that eventually led to discovery.
    After I filed for divorce I searched his trunk and found about six different “gym” bags. They each had a change of underwear and a few had t-shirts or shorts. I still haven’t figured out what that was all about. I knew by then he was having random hookups with men. But where was all his dirty underwear?

  • CheaterX wasn’t that creative.

    When the affair was young, Schmoopie wanted him to come over to her house to have him do some kind of home maintenance. For example, he told me that he needed to go over there to take care of a tree branch that had fallen. I wasn’t thinking about an affair at that time, but I knew that she was trying to find excuses for him to go over there and I wanted him to start setting boundaries. I said that she needed to ask a friend or neighbor to help. He didn’t have to rush over there.

    What I want to tell newbies now is that even a few minutes is enough time. Here’s my story.

    When I learned about the affair, I kept quiet because I was in a financially very vulnerable place. I spent a good year and a half lining up my ducks. About 10 months after Dday, my brother came into town and stayed a few days with me. CheaterX always liked to play the host, and we were set to go out to dinner on a Friday night.

    CheaterX texted me to say that he was caught up at work and that he’d meet us at the restaurant a few minutes later than planned.

    A few days after my brother left, I was going through CheaterX’s pockets (I had discovered that CheaterX had opened up a “secret” bank account and was funneling money to Schmoopie via the account). There was a Starbucks receipt for the day and time that CheaterX called me. Yep, he was having a Starbucks date with Schmoopie.

    I realized then that every single cheater has time to cheat. That post-work fuck can take 5 minutes, but in their heads, it’s been mind-blowingly awesome.

    • For real, mine was hard to figure out because him and his howorker would get their rocks off during lunch in a parking lot most of the time. Then they started stopping in park and rides and church parking lots on their way home, it was maybe 15 to 30 minutes max, but it was really hard to find out for sure until my parents hired a P.I.

  • We had moved into a new house (at his insistence) and were renovating the old one, which I had dearly loved and hated leaving. He claimed to be at the house doing renovations but was really on dates with his mistress. I remember our contractor commenting that every time he got there, nothing seemed to have been done. I knew my husband was lazy and slow so I was annoyed, but not clued in. It took 18 months to finish that house and I ended up having to do a lot of it myself to compensate for his failure. It cost us at least fifteen grand in holding costs alone. Then by the time it was ready to sell, the market had slowed and we got much less for it than we would have if he wasn’t a cheating SOB and had put in the effort to finish it faster. Then there was all the money he spent dating her. We almost went bankrupt, he tried to blame our money problems on me, and nagged me into accepting far less than the house was worth, citing the massive debt *he* got us into which I was unaware was caused by him being a dirty, backstabbing slut.

    (After D-day I insisted he pay me back all that money plus more as compensation for damage to my health and well-being. But it’s not enough. Even ten million dollars wouldn’t cover the loss of 32 years of my life to a con man.)

    After the house was sold he cheated mostly on his lunch hour, no doubt with some “working overtime” excuses, plus “out with the guys” occasional evenings.
    He would also spend several weeks in the summer with her as volunteers at music festivals, pretending he was just volunteering out of community spirit. Many of his “shifts” were actually long nights of utter drunken debauchery with her, including on our wedding anniversary multiple years. His angle was that I wouldn’t complain about volunteer work, even though it meant using up the best weeks of summer and his vacation time and not spending it with me, which hurt. He was right about that, as I was far more reasonable about it than I should have been because he was normally a selfish ass, so I was encouraged by the volunteerism. I didn’t even complian before he started “volunteer work” and he bought expensive tickets to go to these shows, ostensibly all by himself. I was nonplussed, but figured it was just some new quest for youthfulness prompted by mid-life insecurity, and I should be supportive. The fucker cynically used my innate decency against me. He fucked her after one of those shows, didn’t wash, and violated my home with their disgusting drunken flop sweat and sexual fluids filled with an STD. He even slept next to my precious little dog like that! What a fool I was to trust him.

    He also took her to multiple rock concerts over the years (on one occasion finger banging her in a dark corner of the concert hall and then not washing his HPV-covered hands) and I don’t know the excuses used for those. Most likely it was “out with the guys”. He even paid $100 for the dumb drunk-ass bitch’s taxi, which of course I had to find out combing through the credit card bills. He didn’t even have enough respect for me to try to cover his tracks and pretty much threw it in my face the whole time, laughing at my trust in him.

    Oh, and one time he offered to dog-sit for his brother so he could drive an hour to a dog park to be with her for a short time, bringing the poor dog along with him to use as the perfect cover. He claims to be a dog lover. Nope. He’s a drunken twat enthusiast.

    There are doubtless other equally vile incidents and accompanying excuses I’m unaware of. He has omitted a lot and much of the background I discovered by going through credit card statements and his google maps timeline.

    • I forgot to mention the worst one;

      “There’s a problem and I can’t leave work right now. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” This was his excuse the day I watched my father die and sat sentinel over his body while waiting for the doctor and the funeral home. After that, I was alone and very distraught, so I asked him to please come home. Right after that phone call and the excuse, he and his slag walked right out of work and over to a dive bar where they spent several hours, no doubt talking about what a drag I was with my problems and how he hated to go home to a needy wife he didn’t love. I can see the ho nodding faux sympathetically and patting his arm. The always insincere “poor you” was one of her favourite responses to his petty, self-centred whinefests.
      When he finally got home, I tearfully lifted my arms and went in for the expected hug and he actually CRINGED.
      I was so traumatized by my father’s terrible end that it barely registered at the time.

      Heartless. Fucking. Bastard.

    • I think they are all selfish asses who will volunteer to help anyone but their spouse and kids.

  • Ex-husband told me he was going to the gym after work but was actually going to the affair partner’s apartment (his gym was at his work place so we couldn’t go to the same one). So even if I didn’t feel like going to the gym that day I would drag myself there anywhere feeling guilty that I was being lazy by not going. Of course I found out months later he wasn’t going to the gym after all, grrrrrrrrrr.

  • Ahhh, yes the gym bag in the trunk. Not only did it have gym clothes, it had ‘date clothes’ cologne, all toilettries–and a pair of dress shoes hidden in the tire compartment. Alas, no condoms because, you know, ‘he didn’t need them, he was clean’.

    Guess who (now) has herpes???

    I think out of ALL the hideous things he did to me (including drunken assaults/drugging and raping me/holding me hostage), giving me herpes is the worst.

  • Working and he was… But was sleeping with his clients, their roomates and wives as well as his social media manager. :can’t find the eye roll smiley: I’m sure the husbands would be thrilled to know they were paying him to sleep with their wives in their own homes. Good riddance!

  • September 11, 2001 – He said he was meeting a friend for a weekend in Leland, MI. I called his cell while he was driving, and said he should come home, I’m picking the kids up from school and we should all be together. He said, no, his friend needs him too. He was gone for 5 days.

  • My soon to be ex wife claimed to be going on trips for solitude, as she was supposedly grieving her Dad’s death, our dog’s death, and her brother’s suicide from a couple of years ago. She used the deaths of family members to lie to her husband about fucking another man. Can’t make this up. I began driving Uber as a side gig to save to go on our first anniversary trip to San Francisco. She was already fucking him by then. She said she was house sitting for a friend and her dog, when instead she was on a trip to San Diego with this asswipe. Her friend went so far as to include me on group texts giving instructions on taking care of the dog in case I had to go over instead. The friend in question was in our wedding, and supposedly had been a “friend” of mine for 8 years. The friend never even went out of town. I was duped by an entire network of people, conspiring, and condoning the affair. The ex had even went on “double brunch dates” with AP, my “friend” and her husband for months. I was out of town while this went down. So, uh, yeah. This stuff happens if you’re trusting enough, and the liars are good enough at what they do, which a lot of them are.

    • It’s very sick how they use dead people as an excuse to screw around. A person has to be very low to do that. Amoral.

    • The worst are the soulless accomplices that were guests in your home, you supported in their divorce and go on to actively enable your spouses cheating. At my former mother-in-laws memorial service she walked up to my son to offer condolences and then approached me. I casually turned my back and started another conversation. “What is that about?” said my adult son. “If you really want to know, ask me later.”
      Later never came…. They know their mom.

  • – working late, at the gym, or just plain thought he was home because i did all the evening sport practices with my son and he’d make sure he was back before i was. they would leave work, check into a hotel for a few hours and both be at home with their families by 7:30 pm! oh i just grabbed something at work or on the way home for dinner.

    when he started getting bolder and coming home a little later, it was happy hour with his team at work!
    The $300″hotel” charge which he told me was from the restaurant at the hotel, where it was his turn to to treat….that was what finally made me say “i need to see the receipt”- he freaked out and said to just divorce him rather than come clean. A week later i found out it was 5 years of hotel bars and rooms!

  • WHAT I BELIEVED: Prince Harming was at therapy, after I insisted that he go due to intimacy issues (he refused to have sex with me).

    WHAT HE CLAIMED: That he went to therapy. He would come home with worksheets issued by his therapist aimed at exploring my behaviour and figuring out our love vocabulary among others.

    WHAT REALLY HAPPENED: He would go and hang out my the pool hall or go fu@k whores, but not before he visited the site http://www.marriagebuilders.com. There, he would download questionnaires for me to complete, which I eagerly did. After all, I craved intimacy!

    HOW I FOUND OUT: After over a year of “therapy,” there was still no intimacy. I demanded to go with him to a session. Would you know that the therapist suddenly died???

    EPILOGUE: He later found his one true love (again), kicked me and the kids out of his house (after assaulting me), brought in her and her brood, lavished her with expensive gifts while I fought him in court for child support. He continues to to smear my name to this day.

    #tiredofshitsandwiches.

  • The most egregious (that I know about):

    The story: “I have to head to a work project out of state a few days early; our clients are flying in then and boss wants me to entertain them.” The story includes several chatty phone calls to me, describing the weather over there, and how the hotel lost his reservation and is full so he has to room with a coworker.

    Reality: He’s at a fancy hotel in our town, paid for on a secret credit card (I found the receipts).

    Extra credit hit: It’s our anniversary weekend (which I spent at home caring for sick toddlers).

  • Camping. At the same campground his friend’s widow just happened to be camping with her kids. He gave me such short notice that I couldn’t get the time off work to go with him and our child. Children make a wonderful ‘beard.’

    So glad he’s hisssssstory……such a relief not to have to worry about his schemes any longer.

  • I don’t know and I don’t want to know. Yes, there were times when the asshat was supposedly putting in some extra hours at work over the weekends, but by the time I began to really wonder what was going on the abuse had started to really ramp up, and I was beginning to think about leaving him. The irony is that I was the one sneaking around. During the last couple of years of our marriage, my X became crazy controlling, needing to know where I was all the time, and not ever wanting me to do anything by myself. I began to not inform him if I had a change to my work schedule, so that I could spend a couple of hours before or after work roaming a bookstore or reading in a cafe by myself. There was one day, after I’d just gotten in my car to drive home from work, that it began to rain really hard. I sat in my car, enjoying the sound of the storm happening around me, and settled in to just enjoy a moment of peace. The downpour lasted for about 20 minutes, but it was one of those moments when I realized just how far gone my marriage was at that point, and that by leaving him, I could have more of those life moments.

  • One time when he didn’t come home he told me that he went to his frat brothers home who lived in a bad neighborhood. Apparently there was a shooting and he spent the night in a police department.

    Never saw anything about that on the news ….

    I was also told that I get myself checked out for a STD because his sister cheated on her husband and contracted Chlamydia and then gave him a kiss on the cheek and he then contracted Chlamydia.

    FROM A KISS ON THE CHEEK…

  • “I’m at game night with my buddies.”
    Cheater was fucking affair partner, but who know, maybe while at game night and maybe with the buddies!

    “I’m TOTALLY getting a hotel room in her town that I’m flying into and not staying with her!”
    Cheater was staying with her.

    “I’m getting drinks with a coworker after work.”
    Cheater was getting couples massages with said coworker and probably a “happy ending” at home later.

    “I’m going to the drive in movie with a friend.”
    Cheater was getting a handjob at the drive in movie with said friend.

    “It’s a Halloween party with friends!”
    Cheater was desperately trying to sleep with all of said friends and finally found one who would comply.

    “I’m supporting my friend who has to work security at this party.”
    Cheater was making out with so many people at said party.

    “I’d never drive all the way to her house!”
    Cheater drove to her house.

  • The fuckwit had a tradition with his brother to go work security at a NASCAR race for two long weekends every summer. No big deal to start with, because chumpy me thought it was great he spent time with his brother at something they both enjoyed.

    He usually came home late Sunday evenings. The last summer before DDay, he was very late and hadn’t texted any updates on his progress home. I checked his location on my phone and he was 45 minutes PAST our house, at a meet up spot I knew he met up with ‘work friends’. Particularly one married one that was actually his MOW skank. I had already confronted him about his ‘friendship’ with her several times before so I called him and bitched him out for driving past our house to go see her instead of come home to his wife and daughter. She was ‘having a hard time with her divorce and needed a hug.’ I saw right through that bullshit and hung up on him. He then proceeded to try to call me multiple times on his real way home, and then burst into the house furious AT ME for hanging up on him and ignoring his calls.

    Then he tried to angrily accused/explain that he told me he was going to come home on Monday instead and I just forgot he told me that. Nope. Dumbass fuckwit forgot to tell me the lie that would have been his pseudo-alibi. True DDay and divorce initiation were shortly after this incident.

    Fucking morons, all of them.

  • She told both her mom and I that, on her last day of rehab, she needed to be picked up at 3 pm. She was going to get discharged at 12 pm and have lunch with a “female friend” she met in rehab. Her mom would then pick he up and take her home so that we could work on the marriage (my finding out about her married co-worker fuckbuddy is what drove her to relapse and end up in rehab in the first place).

    Turns out she instead went to a hotel with a 20-something (she was 39 at the time) meth-head guitarist to get fucked for a few hours before going home. They professed love, after all.

    When I marriage policed and finally caught her, she said it wasn’t cheating because we broke up (news to me). Then why lie about the lunch with a woman? Oh, because before fake reconciliation to maintain cake, she just needed some more defiant exuberance by taking it in every orifice.

  • 25 years of double-life, where do I start. (OMG I was an idiot.) Mostly he was “at the gym”, “working late”, “networking”, “helping colleagues.” The gym worked well because he is obsessive about his appearance, but it did eventually become obvious that the 2-a-day workouts were a lie. Networking, working on huge projects, and work travel was screwing co-workers, subordinates, clients and fellow vendors. And, also strangers in hotels on business trips. Some trip were business and screwing, some were vising his out-of-state whores (many married.) I went cross country to his family reunion alone with kids because of “work,” I took the kids to DS’s hockey tournaments alone because of “work,” I single parented for 17 years while married because of “work” and “workouts.”

    One of my favorites though was right before the mask slipped on the final DD in 2015. He was “helping someone in accounting move.” He was actually screwing accounting whore (who had recently stopped screwing her boss the controller (also married), and “chosen” my X. They got so drunk that she completely passed out and forgot it was her daughter’s 16th birthday! Niiiice… The daughter was understandably upset and went to her step-dad’s house asking if she could move in with him because she “hates her mom’s new boyfriend.” She told the step-dad who it was and what had been going on for months. Right after our divorce was final he looked me up and told me the story.

    The soap opera of the whole thing is that had all worked at the same company. That particular work whore came after I quit to stay home with the kids (actually coerced into quitting because it’s super hard to fuck everyone in the industry and at the office when your wife works there.) This co-worker of ours married work whore and then got her a job there. X and I went to their wedding which was the actual day of our 10th anniversary. This work whore (there were very many) also screwed her (married) boss (the controller) during marriage. The president and CEO screwed the owners (married) daughter and then wound up marrying a girl many years younger who worked under me. One of my other (married) employees got pregnant screwing the (married) IT Director. One of the HR managers had 3 cases of sexual harassment against him before they finally got rid of him. X used to tell me what assholes the other married sales guys were because they had sex-feasts oat trade shows. They had to keep an attorney on retainer for a while because of those, and all the other, sexual harassment cases. Each one settled and hush-hushed. That is the culture at this company! And they all think it’s fine and normal. The little I knew horrified me, and I hardly knew any of it until my divorce nightmare. Don’t work in the fitness industry!

    • Gosh…and I thought the Cheater I was with was the only one who cheated with all married co-workers, men and women. They all knew about me since I used to work there, plush 13 years of company Christmas parties. I now laugh of how nice and naive I was with all these people. They are all sad pathetic people.

      He has been lucky that no sexual harassment has been filed against him. He is also a manager. On DDay, I went to his work to talk to the poor girl (that also got chumpped by him-a new girl that didn’t know about me) to tell her to leave him alone, at that time I thought it was only one and I was doing the pick me dance. Well he had the nerve to say “please don’t make a scandal, you are going to get me fire.”

      I always tell people that he didn’t screw me over, he screwed our girls’ future and he will have to live with that. I have a clean conscious.

  • He called one day to tell me that the phones were not working at work. Happened often for a few months. Told me to call on his cell if I needed him. I was such a chump I believed him. After d-day I had my ah ha moment.

  • Half Truth: England and Paris trip with male friend after college graduation. Going to visit female “friend” who is stationed in the Army there.

    The Whole Truth: He’d been writing love letters and sending mixed music tapes to her. She said in a letter that I read, “If you come visit me. We can spend the whole night together and have sex”.

    “Out with friends” = f-cking around with strippers

    “I have to work late three nights a week (11pm) to prove to my boss that I can do the job.” = continuing the affair that he got fired from his last job for.

    “at work” = being late for work, to go out for coffee dates with ho-workers.

    “lunch dates with females” = networking

    At a business dinner with NYC bankers until 1:30am = Dinner with bankers until 9:00pm and met out with a newly divorced whore for drinks afterwards. Busted, you lying piece of shit!

    I am trying my best to learn from how stupid and trusting I was. I’ve learned that I should have trusted myself the first time I thought he was cheating (1992). I have also learned that I have it in myself to keep myself safe from these character disordered lizards.

    • Oh, I forgot this little nugget:

      Reading the Bible while sitting on the toilet for a half hour = Texting ho-workers and “friends” while sitting on the toilet.

      Called him out of this one, when I checked his Bible afterwards and the bookmark didn’t move one single page. He did this another time with a book he was reading.

      Nothing better than seeing the blood drain from his face for the second time when I caught him in yet another lie and called him out on it. He stammered trying to come up with a lie to cover his butt, but this time he had nothing to say, but “Ugh, ugh….” lol.

  • One Saturday afternoon, he was going to his friend Jim’s house to watch football. DS and I decided to go looking for a new car since my car was in need of serious repairs. We picked a nice convertible and decided to go to Jim’s house to show Asshat and see what he thought. His truck was there, but nobody was home. I knocked, looked int the windows, walked around to the back yard. Nowhere to be found. He said they went somewhere else. … Years later I asked him where he was, he said “why do you care, that was so long ago?”. Asshat probably just parked his truck there and was picked up by someone….

    But then most of the time, he was home. In the shower. With the water running. On the phone. For hours….

    Phone bills don’t lie, Asshat.

  • Said he was going to the gym and working out. A lot. But he kept putting on weight. But I was too polite to say anything about it. I told myself, what counts is that he is concerned about improving his health, not that he loses weight or necessarily gets more fit. Well guess what, he was getting a workout but not at the gym. The lengths to which we go to reconcile, in our heads, shit that just does not make any sense.

  • Helping my best friend move. Helping my best friend with her depression. Helping my best friend when I’m out of town.

    Helping himself to my best friend. My best friend helping herself to him.

    Meh. Doesn’t matter. Who cares. I’m free. From both! Free! Don’t even freak out about parenting stuff. Just free.

  • Mine needed to get out and ride the motorcycle I bought him, so he could clear his he’s. When he came back hours ( one time even days) later and I asked where he had been he would say riding my bike.

    Which is why I still refer to schmoopy as his bike to this day.

  • Working at a new job in hong kong and working out with a new personal trainer! Hmmmm. Still working out with her but now at our family home he got in the divorce.

  • Ex-wife told me and sons she was leaving to kill herself, left a note and shut off her phone.

    Disappeared for four long days. Tracked her cars toll scanner…..she was in another state having an affair with my cousin.

    Left her birth control behind which my son found

    Aaaaah such great memories.

    BTW reached meh years ago……life is amazing

    • Say WHAT? She told you and her *kids* she was killing herself and hid from you for four days just to get away with cheating?
      Of all the low cheater excuses, that takes the prize. The most abominable cheater excuse of all time.

      So glad you are at meh and with that asshole out of your life.

    • I can’t even imagine. I thought my fuckwit reached the pinnacle of cruelty, but this takes the cake.

  • Let’s see….. on way out of town to work, missed her turn got lost. Was too embarrassed to talk to me. Why she didn’t answer phone. Actually banging boy toy at his house for couple hours. On way back home, got caught up late with work. Reality left early, stopped back at his house for another round. Stating at moms for the night. Reality at the Days Inn with her high school ex. Hanging out with my cousins for the night. Reality at the Super 8 with boy toy. And many more. Odd thing is she always went to cheap hotels to do the dirty work!

  • Here’s my story.. He worked late after the close of business and then went straight to his AA meetings at 8pm. When I would push back, his response was “I cannot run my Multi gazillion dollar business on 8 hours a day and my meetings are necessary to stay sober and alive. How do you fight that?? What a crock! He was having sex with them all…his employees and the women in his AA groups. I thought I was supporting his sobriety and the business that funded our life. Would you call that gaslighting?? My mantra now…Trust but Verify.

    • A lot of sexual predators at AA meetings. A documentary was made about it. My XH is a predator of vulnerable women too. He groomed his current whore for years, along with lots of other women. As soon as he found out she was getting a divorced, he pounced on her when she was vulnerable. The Snake deserves a woman who dates and sleeps with a married man. And I don’t feel bad for her at all, even though he slithered into her life when she was vulnerable. She deserves a serial cheater; they are perfect for each other.

  • (After 8 days of ghosting)

    “Oh just been so busy with this project at work, haven’t had much time to do anything else but work and come home.”

    …and fuck someone else.

    Whenever I hear the phrase “I’ve been busy” my brain immediately wonders “…so what’s her name then…”

  • Oh I have another one.
    Said that he and a few guys from work had to go secure the office which was located on a peninsula off of the mainland – during a hurricane – and then said that they got stuck there after the bridge had been closed. So, he was staying in the office for the worst parts of the hurricane. I was in our house, worried and alone with our dog, no power, for over a day and a half, phone service was out, windows were boarded up.

    Truth: He was shacked up at his office ho’s (who lived with her mother at the time). So, he, his ho and ho’s mother spent the hurricane together while I worried for his selfish ass the entire time. That one still pisses me off! Cold-hearted snakes!

  • At the Christmas party = ditching the Christmas party and making out in parking lots between fake-couple shopping in the gross part of town, where no one would know them. But, Cheater had a gross co-worker who saw them…

  • I thought mine never had time for an affair….Mine worked in property and often worked part day or all day Saturday. Unbeknownst to me he didnt really work Monday to Friday as well. Thursdays and Fridays consisted of just one early work meeting, finishing around 10am, then he had the rest of both days off!! He had told me they were his long days, with work meetings and functions after work on those days. Really he was spending almost 2 full days a week off with Schmoopie! Wining, dining and spending the days in luxury hotels. Fancy lunches every other day. He even got me to put littlest in after school care until closing time on those days so that he could have extra time with Schmoopie! Worked out later that their affair was costing our family over $1200 a week. For 2 and a half years.

    The truth keeps on coming. I recently found out that once when he was meant to be home with a sick 8 yr old child, he locked her in the house and told her he had to go to a work meeting at the coffee shop a short distance from our house. He was gone for most of the day. Sick child felt awful and tried calling him, but he didn’t answer phone. So she unlocked the security and took herself to the shops, to find the coffee shop empty, and Dad nowhere to be seen. Later he came home with a treat from the bakery for her. She never let on to him that she felt so sick, scared, alone and let down by his lie, or that she’d gone to the shops alone, as she knew she would get in trouble.

    At one stage he started doing the market shopping for me and always took up to 3 hours. Always seemed to run into people to talk to there. Amazing that I could do same shop in 45 mins, door to door. Later found out they were hooking up in motel next door.

    Even now almost 3 years since GTFO day, he continues to consistently lie to the children about his whereabouts. Tip -dont tell savvy older teens that you are anywhere other than where you actually are. Telling a teenager that you are still at work and can’t pick them up from sportstraining at an oval before the timed lights go out doesn’t make them feel safe or loved. Especially when your shared location on your phone shows that you are not at work, but at affair partners home, many suburbs away. And what makes that even worse, kids know shes Schmoopie. Poor Schmoopie, wonder if she knows that he has another girlfriend, but that the other one is more important, she is the one who goes to family functions, and sleeps over when the kids are in his home. Schmoopie has been with my ex almost 6 years, and is still the other woman. She’s so stupid that she hides and runs to her car when kids arrive -hilarious from a 50 plus woman. She thinks shes hiding from my kids, but he’s actually got her hiding from the new other woman. Gaslighting at its finest.

    No contact and getting closer to MEH each day, but some days it is hard when you are dealing with kids continually triggered and traumatized by his actions.

  • I have a lot from my own marriage, but this one is actually from a guy who USED TO BE a friend.

    We were studying at a local library for nursing school and he suggested we go and get some Starbuck’s. I’m a coffee hound so asking me to go there is a no brainer.

    As we’re walking to the cars, he suggests that we take my car for convenience. I didn’t mind, but what happened next really pissed me off.

    He says, “Wait a sec. I’ll be right back.” He walks over to his truck and tosses his cellphone into the front seat, then returns to my car.

    I asked, “Why are you leaving your cellphone? Your wife is pregnant and pretty miserable. You don’t think she’ll call you?” He claimed that the phone was dead, so he didn’t need to take it with him.

    I told him he could charge his phone in my car, as we both had the same kind of phone. He got antsy and angry and said….”Can we just GO? I’ll explain later.”

    We did go to Starbuck’s and I sat listening to him “explain” that he had “always had feelings” for me and that he was thinking about leaving his wife, but that he needed to be sure I was interested.

    Ex. Friend.

    This is the bad thing about those “find me” apps. They can just toss the phone into a potted plant at the venue in question—and go on their merry way.

  • Boy is this a timely post! My cheater went on a “boy’s camping trip.” His friend picked him up early this morning. He REEKED of cologne. I asked why he was wearing it and he said he wanted to smell nice in the car.

    This is a trigger for me as in the past he has put on cologne when going to places he should not want to wear cologne for!

    He wore it to the gym one time. I asked why. He said, “You bought it for me, don’t you want me to use it?

    Later he confessed he was not at the gym. He had gone to meet some rando from Adult Fuckfinder.

    It’s going to be a long weekend of suppressing my urges to play the Marriage Police.

    He also said they’re going to be where there is no cellphone service most of the time. How convenient!

    May I get my ducks in a row sooner!

    • Oh my dear skinwalker. I wish you patience and sanity for this weekend. You do not deserve this stress and apprehension. We are here for you this long weekend. Reach out in the posts.

  • He was heading out on a road trip for business so I made him some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to eat on the way.

    I THOUGHT he was in his car.

    Before he actually left town – he had said he was going to try to cover a lot of miles so “don’t call me, I’ll call you” – he stopped at a motel for a booty call with an old acquaintance he had been flirt texting with for a few months. She thought he was divorced. Because he told her he was. She picked the place for their first sex romp together because she knew this place had some suites with big round 2 person tubs in them. Mirrors on the ceiling too.

    When she found out he was married, just a few weeks later, she came to my house (while he was out of state on another business trip) to tell me he had been cheating. One of the things she told me is that in addition to fucking that first night together, they were in that sex suite eating the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that I had made for him.

    You can’t make this shit up.

  • I thought he was working. Ya know, like i was. Turns out he was living multiple double lives out of his family business telling his parents he was looking after our kids. My poor kids 😭

    Imagine my surprise when his toxic mother said to me right after i dumped him *well he’ll get the kids won’t he* (like they’re some kind of property 🤔) *being the primary caregiver and all*

    Say what?????

    He’d basically run their business into the ground with at least 5 pieces of shit (male and female) long term (like 5 years a pop, seems to be his number), proper relationships by day and being family guy by night. And making out i had nothing to do with parenting while i allegedly *focused on my career* and THEIR business was compromised by all the time he was taking off to *be the parent* No wonder they hated me. But never thought to mention it to me did me. He would have been making sure they didn’t like me enough to think of talking to me about what went on at work.

  • Board meetings for the local little league. Twice a week. In January. The league had a lot of “issues” to work out before spring ball. The other board members cut ties with them both after the hankie pankie came to light. Last year the Board secretary asked me to join. I just couldn’t. Not when in my head “I’m going to a baseball meeting.” really meant “I’m going to go f**k my girlfriend.”

  • “Going out for coffee with my sister” whilst I looked after our toddler kids.

    Turns out it was usually with the AP that both she and her sister shared. All married, all with at least two kids. 🤮

  • “I”m going to a conference for work.” Oh, cool, where? (cause we used to piggyback a vacation together on those conferences since employer was already paying her airfare) It’s in California. WOO HOO When do we go? “Well, it’s not a conference like that.” There are different kinds of professional association conferences? “It’s just a big meeting for people who work at all three locations of the company to all get together in one place.” Oh, ok, well. still… “There’s really no sense in you going because I won’t have any free time while I’m there with all the meetings I have to go to.” Uh huh. Right. Yeah.

  • In a “meeting”. You know, with $300 an hour hookers. He also took vacation the entire time I was traveling internationally with our three small children, with HIS mother.

  • Where he said he was going, to the pharmacy to pick up my pain medication following surgery. Where he was? He said he went out to lunch. That is right, fellow chumps. He left me alone with no pain medication after surgery. I called repeatedly, he never picked up. Then yelled at me when he came home because I was crying from the agonizing post surgical pain. He said I was exaggerating.

    I can not wait to be divorced.

  • “Going to Home Depot.” For 2 hours. And coming home empty handed. Now I know he was actually at Ho Depot!

    The other favorite was ” going for a drive.” Lie of omission: driving ten minutes to OW’s house to screw her. But it was technically a drive, right?

    • Ho Depot! Lol.

      Oh yes, the technicalities!

      Me: Are you still talking with ho?
      Him: No we’re not talking now.

      I see ho’s number on our online phone bill the day after he says this. His response was that TECHNICALLY he was not talking with her at the very minute I’d asked – but yes they were still talking daily. I told him to move out after that.

  • When my ex said he was at work because he quote needed to work late”, he was actually at work. You see he managed a restaurant, so the other woman would meet him there when the restaurant closed. So very classy. I have tried to keep the images out of my mind of where they’ve done the dirty deeds.

  • “I need to go fishing to clear my head” = in hotel with slur-pants getting head.

    “The football team need me, they’re playing away” = she needs me and I’M playing away

    “You need to get away for the w/e for a change of scenary” = I need the house empty for a change of woman in our bed.

    “You don’t want me to let the football team down, do you?” = I need to guilt trip you into letting me go to this non-exstant football practice, so I can let YOU down……

  • I called my cheater ex at work (at a restaurant) only to be told he’d been sacked. He’d been pretending to go to work. He told me he’d been upset and gone to a hotel for a night to clear his head.

  • This isn’t actually the same thing but years ago I organized a boat for my company to race in a dragonboat race in aid of a local cancer charity. Now I knew dickhead would want to show up “and win the race for everyone”, and I also knew I wanted him nowhere near my friends and colleagues and embarrassing me by getting paralytic drunk. So I was very vague about the date. On the Saturday morning I got up as though I was going grocery shopping and shot off on the 2-3 hour drive to the lake. And wouldn’t you know, the man who would get the gold medal for sleeping must have woken up after about an hour, called me and asked where I was. I told him “remember, I told you I had the dragonboat race”, to which he replied that he would come out and “help”. So sorry folks but I lied about which lake it was on!!! I know, I know, I’ll probably burn in hell but I WAS at the race and the whole event raised around $140,000 for charity. And I had the time of my life without him!

  • I thought he was all in with the marriage and family life, totally committed and would do anything to protect the only thing in life worth living (spouse and kids). He was, as CL has described before, only here with one foot in the door, never fully committed to the life we were living, always on the hunt for something better, something worthy of leaving everything behind for.

    I thought he had learned that lesson the first time he left for twice divorced, history of cheating on both husbands, nick named ‘crazy’ by her nursing peers, howorker schmoopie. The grass wasn’t greener when we sold the dream home we had just built the year earlier and he saw the kids, then 2 & 4 years old, every other weekend and Wednesday evenings. Even then he had to have his sister help him take care of them but I digress.

    I wreckconciled with that fuckwit although I had that queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach but told myself it was best for my kiddos. I spent twelve more years with Dr. Cheaterpants. Somehow clueless to 2 secretaries and lots of lunches but they were married so you know, just didn’t let myself believe there was anything innapropriate. And one of them decorated his office with oriental rug, lamps, fake plants and pictures that weren’t his style so he came to me to ask how to handle it.

    Fast forward to him volunteer coaching DD14’s sport in our kids’ Catholic high school and he’s on the school board. Our phones were merged in the mysterious iCloud when I got a new phone and upgrade. I see his constant texts and emails to DD’s 20-something asst sports coach and leave his sorry arse.

    Again I thought he was a devout Catholic family man that made a mistake early in the marriage and since he’s a physician he was naïve to cray cray women who thought he was their golden ticket. Now I know he’s a predator using his MD at the end of his name to lure in prey.

  • There are sooo many:
    Sleeping in his office cause he doesn’t want to drink and drive home
    Going away for work – every 2nd week….
    Sleeping at his mates place after a night out ?? WTF
    Yes I bought all this for years….

  • My GW would come home late from her “friends” house and the excuse was always “we were gardening and the time got away from us”

  • “I’ll be at lunch with Kurt.”

    And 3 hours later when I text Kurt because the cheater isn’t replying to my texts, he replies almost immediately and says they have just parted ways. Three minutes later the cheater responds to me to say that there was no signal at the restaurant.

    “What about WiFi?” I ask, as we’ve eaten there many times before and he always connects to the WiFi so he can do important things, like check sports scores or I guess, text Shmoopie.

    “I forgot,” he said, blaming Kurt for being drunk and having personal issues and distracting him.

    Later that evening, the cheater’s phone buzzes. I ask to see it. (Having been caught 3 times cheating before, our couples-counselor-prescribed agreement requires he comply.) Hands shaking, he hands me the phone. I look at a conversation between him and “Emily”. He’s thanking her for listening earlier today. She’s so happy to be there for him and to spend time with him just like all the other times.

    “Did you have lunch with her?” I ask.

    “No, she’s a colleague, we talked on the phone.” he lies.

    I go into the contact information. I text her from my phone. He begs me not to.

    She confirms the lunch. I guess there is no honor among thieves.

    Later, Gator. I just regret the 4K spent on the vow renewal 11 months earlier. I could have spent that on a Chanel bag.

    • There is always a skanky woman willing to “understand” a cheater. She is led to believe she is special and the only one who understands him. Cheaters pray on skanks and women who are desperate to believe they are are special. Vomit!

  • Many examples but the most blatant was when she said she was going to visit a college friend 2,000 miles away in Oregon—even sent me faked-up e-ticket from airline for the trip—then flew to Vegas and fucked a loser dude she met online (married with small kids, of course). Even called me and our kids every evening from “Oregon” to tell us what about her adventures with College Friend. Only after the second D-day did I discover the credit card charges in Vegas. She admitted the trip, but no adaptive anxiety, no shame, no apologies.

    In hindsight I see that in the 25 years I was with her she was NEVER where I thought she was. I thought we were in the city monogamy, the state of devotion, the land of reality. She’s never even visited those places.

  • I am in my third year of de-chumping my whole life. Most of my relationships even from my teens and college years have involved somebody cheating on me or telling lies. Two and a half years ago I had to confront that I tended to conflate love and caretaking, that I tended to get into trauma bonding types of relationships and that I had to quit relationships for a few years and go cold turkey and figure out in the deepest sense how to live a post chump-osity life. Hat includes being a chump sometimes with my kids and my friends. I ended a few friendships. One big chump context, like a marriage to a narcissist, tends to put us at risk of others I noticed. I am not quite free of being “naturally” attracted to men who will be jerks, but I can get now away in the early weeks when the little red flags start to show up. I had to heal my anxious attachment tendencies, my early trauma patterns from my mean mom. In my tentative return to dating a college friend who was married (and lying) tried to seduce me. He then claimed he had a “complicated” marriage. This was a famous humanitarian type dude with a preaching gig no less. I was not expecting scum baggery. But I called him out and told his wife. I was a professor at a creepy abusive university and working there was a chump experience and an abuse experience. I am one month into my new job. Chump lady helped me get out of my job with the concept of escaping abuse, just get the hell free.

  • During wreckonciliation, Fuckup “needed some time alone” because “this is all too much.” When I asked whether Skankbag was still in the picture, he said, “No, there is only me. I need some time to clear my head.” And, like a doofus, I believed him. I actually wrote in my journal, “I believe him. I think he’s just really lost right now,” and gave him space (i.e., no calls, texts) for over a week.

    Where was he really? On a charter trip to Greece with the Skank. I later found the cute couple selfies (him: sunburned and shirtless, her: sunburned and saggy in a smocked romper). When I finally got him to admit it, he told me that he went because he “needed to put things right with her,” and that “it was good to get away for a bit.” There are simply no words.

      • When Ex told me he was leaving our home (he didn’t say leaving me) I told him he was welcome to come see the kids anytime (forgive me, I was newly chumped) but he couldn’t bring EA partner with him. His reply, very definite and very final, was “That’s all over.” But he still went to stay with her landlady, almost within sight of her caravan. (The landlady whose husband lived with her but had an OW and two children in our village.) During that time he lied to me about seeing the EA partner. A few weeks later he was asked to leave, dunno why, and came back to us for six weeks to save for his own place. (Forgive me, newly chumped.) So he had said it was all over and so I still hoped. He moved out and, within two/three months of assuring me it was all over, he was trying to get with her (and telling me all about it, down to the romantic dream he had about them being together, showing me their FB convos). She said no.
        It’s really hard now for me to believe I put up with all that but the hopium was strong with this one, and without my heart being broken over and over again I doubt I’d have broken free of the whole ugly, humiliating, depressing pit of nastiness they shared. I am a very compassionate woman but I can judge without condemning, and although I can deal civilly with them all as humans I never want to be involved with behaviour like that again.

      • The more you read on this site, you more you realize that they all work from the same playbook. It’s horrifying and comforting at the same time.

    • Mine said she was taking a girls trip to Mexico. Said she “needed space” and time to “sort out her thoughts” and “decompress”. Thing was, I’d never met any of the “girls” before; they were all “old friends”, from out of state. She was gone 5 days, during which I received no contact save for one emailed selfie of her face with a beach in the background. When she returned, she had no souvenirs, there were no pictures to share, no stories told, just “I had a good time.”

  • Told me he went solo to a benefit while we were dating – a bunch of hunting friends all went solo. Truth: he brought his sugar baby whore.

    Good riddance! It takes a certain kind of skank to attend a trophy hunting benefit. You couldn’t pay me enough to attend that event! No surprise a trophy hunter is a cheater!

  • It cuts like a knife to your gut when the person you love and trust lies so wrecklessly and casually right to your face. All these stories are are extremely disturbing and mind blowing showing the extent to which these pieces of shit will go in order to get what they want with no regard for anyone but themselves. They are like little children only these assholes know better and just don’t care about consequences and who they’re hurting with their actions.

    My heart goes out to each of you and at the same time I am thankfully reminded that I choose not to live that way and won’t tolerate such blatant and gross disrespect.

    • “It cuts like a knife to your gut when the person you love and trust lies so recklessly and casually to your face.”

      Yes. It is truly heartbreaking…in every painful, emotionally-devastating sense of the word.

  • Nothing very original here:
    Working Late = leaving work at 3 pm to drink, party and screw randos. Then arriving home at 8 pm expecting dinner.
    Christmas Shopping = excursions with his former high school girlfriend. But it’s okay because they’re just friends and I am jealous and paranoid.
    Trapped in a hotel during an ice storm = actually true, but he neglected to mention his whore was there with him.

    • My XW’s go-to excuse was the impromptu declaration of “Well, I’m going to go run some errands. I’ll be back after a while.” When I’d ask “What’cha got on your to-do list?”, she’d reply evasively “Just stuff. I’ll be back.”, then she’d hastily leave and be gone most of the day.

  • Mine would text me around lunch time and so charmingly ask me what I was doing and where I was. How sweet, I thought, he’s thinking of me. I would reply and ask him the same only to get no reply until many hours later. Come to find out he was meeting one of his many “female” friends for lunch and wanted to pick a venue where he knew I wouldn’t be close to. He is a sicko with no conscience or soul. It’s amazing to me how many women are willing to cheat with a man with money. Ahem, his married insurance agent who is just a “business associate” all the lonely money grubbing divorcees in his small town, not to mention the local female realtors, multiple divorced hypocritical women who are wannabe do-gooders and any other woman with loose morals….not to mention the younger women he “pays” to travel with him.

    The karma will catch up with all those cheating hos though because he has herpes. But shhh! He doesn’t tell them that, you kind of have to find out on your own.

  • Ok, now for the best lie I got:

    I was interviewing holocaust survivors for my book and I was too upset to drive home.

  • I thought she was rushing to finish up at work to come home and comfort me: My mother had died the previous week and I was overcome with grief. I called her and asked her to come home; I needed her. She assured me she would. Instead she drove to AP’s and fucked him. I still wonder, What was she thinking? Seriously: what goes through a person’s mind, to think, “My husband is in tears over the death of his mother. He just told me he needs me. Instead I will have sex with my affair partner.” I’ve tried putting myself in her place, to mentally squint through her eyes. I might as well try to get inside the head of a block of ice.

    • I’m sorry you had to cope with this, David. Yes, it goes to show it’s not worth trying to untangle the skein, when we can’t put ourselves in the shoes of people who could do something like that.

    • Can’t figure it out. My father was dying when I discovered her trying to set up a three weekend fuck fest with her boy toy. Some really sick stuff!

    • They are warped. You will never be able to understand them. You probably wouldn’t want to “understand” their depravity. Mine did same thing when my father died.

  • Various writing groups and ‘retreats’, all paid for by chumpy trusting me. He was meeting his co-author MOW (who writes romance novels, you can’t make this shit up). It helped me with my financial negotiations though. As soon as I claimed 50% of his future rites from the 4 putative novels that he had been writing during the ten years of our (totally me funded) retirement, he panicked and dropped his claim for my pension. The four novels will never be finished, he’s too lazy to edit a shopping list, etc alone the boring drivel he writes. Delusional wanker!

  • “Working late on a story” = meeting Schmoopie somewhere. “Driving around to clear my head” = fucking Schmoopie in the corvette or in her student apartment. Too bad I caught him and her in the car.

  • I thought he was at work ( he worked “away” and boarded with an elderly lady, who he said was very very deaf, so I was not to call him on her house phone as it would have to ring many times and would wake her up).
    Yes, I was so naive, I should have said, ” Well, you pick it up on the first ring then.” BTW, I called him only twice at work in many many years as in an emergency, when I was being taken to the OR for emergency surgery.

    Where he really was….yep, sleep overs at OW’s.
    Always busy, “making a living”.

    🤦‍♀️

    • Persephone, it is sad isn’t it? But to reframe it, look at all these mighty Chumps who walked away from their cheater.

      I read this thread and I feel a certain solidarity with Chump Nation. I am not the only chump who stayed for far too long. I am not the only chump who tolerated abusive behavior from the person I loved with all of my deluded heart. I am not the only one who regrets not leaving sooner.

      I see my military cheater wasn’t particularly clever or even inspired with his lies. I see other military wives were betrayed by their less than honorable service member. My 24 years as an active duty family proved the Army is a hotbed of cheaters.

      I am alone most of the time. It is still better than living with a cruel and disordered adulterous liar. I feel victorious, mighty and strong because I left that ass. Don’t be sad. I am so happy now. I hope you can see the absolute joy in reclaiming your life and refusing to tolerate adultery.

  • HIM: ‘I missed the last train and stayed in one of the edit suites at work’. ME: No you didn’t you stayed in the Queens Park area of London. HIM: Eh! What are you talking about. ME: Your phone traced you to this street out 5 miles from where you said you were. HIM: the tracking must have been out. ME: by five miles? HIM: ok I did stay there but only because I knew telling you would cause hurt.

    Stayed on the sofa fully clothed apparently. Guess who with and who I just hd to drop my daughter off with tonight. That pair of fuckers. Give me strength can’t even lie properly.

  • Mine claimed to be going to take care of his sick and dying father on weekends… and, yeah, I believed him because his father really was sick and dying. He actually lapsed into a coma and died while XH was at the beach with his yoga whore.

    I really do believe there is a special place in hell for people who use dying parents as a cover story.

    • My XW utilized a similar ruse, although her parents weren’t sick; they’d passed-away years back. She said she needed to visit their grave (a 4-day trip, out of state); it was something she felt she needed to do…alone, of course.

  • When I was very nearly done with “reconciliation,” and finally figuring out that my ex loved to manipulate me and frighten me, we had one of our day-long endless circular conversations. Finally he (as he often did) stormed out of the house. I knew that he wanted me to react with worry (“Are you OK? Where ARE you? I’m so sorry– please come home.”) But he got radio silence from me.

    Finally he sent me a text letting me know that he’d be camping out by himself, to clear his mind. Ok, I said. Where did I think he was? I didn’t know. I doubted he was camping, but I’d be damned if I was going to lose sleep over it. I went to bed. When I woke up, had coffee, got ready for work, I took a bag of trash out to the garage to put it in the bin. The idiot was sleeping on the floor of the garage in a sleeping bag.

    He had parked a block away so I wouldn’t see his car. No doubt he complained to OW and maybe friends that I had kicked him out, poor baby. I told him to go inside and I left for work. I’m so glad he is no longer my problem.

  • “I need to go into the office to help install drivers for some new computers”. It was Sunday afternoon. I’ve worked in the tech sector and I know IT engineers often do such things on the weekend so as to minimise disruption to workers during Monday-Friday. But he was a lawyer and he was having an affair with his boss.

  • First it was “at the massage place to get a massage after work”, then it was “at her friend’s house so they could both get a massage because you get a better rate for two people”, then it was “at her parent’s house so she could get a massage and the masseuse could also massage her mother who had physical problems from a past stroke”.

    Turned out she was screwing the massage therapist. Her parents weren’t even home- they were at Wednesday evening Bible study at church. I trusted someone I shouldn’t have.

  • Individual therapy session during wreckinciliation. Found them in a motel instead. Dday#3. Got charged for the therapy session he didn’t show up for. Asswipe.

  • Mine was on a surf camp for disabled people.😐
    He had been on one the previous year as he is a a disability worker. Yes he was spending a few days helping to bring joy to people who have physically confined lives. Reality he was holed up with his German girlfriend who flew in for five days from Singapore at a 5 star hotel two kms from our home, taking day trips to our family favourite beaches and eating oysters from our local market. The oysters sat in our fridge and then mysteriously vanished as I had asked what was he thinking spending $50 on oysters. Muggins here was oblivious and went to work and cared for children as normal and commented that he looked very healthy upon his return from said trip.. Pieces fell into place some 8 months later. He is trying to come back after 2 years, remembering this kind garbage and a load more helps me stay no ish contact – kids …

  • Musings on my Ex Wife’s deception…

    * “I’ll be working late, covering for someone. Don’t wait up.”

    * “I’m going to a party with some coworkers. You don’t know any of them, so you probably wouldn’t have a good time.”

    * “I’m going to run some errands.” (she’d offer no details and be gone for most of the day)

    * “I’m going on a girl’s trip (with “girls” I’d never met before and rarely heard mention of). I need to get away, collect my thoughts and decompress.”

    * “I’m making a trip to visit my parents (grave site, out of state). It’s just something I feel I need to do.”

    None of the above should raise concern in a healthy, loving relationship. And, in fact, they didn’t for me, because I trusted her. She said she was working late, going on a trip, attending a party? No worries. I never questioned. Why would I? All those activities are legitimate/innocent. But when you read the list in light of her affair and supporting evidence, those activities take on a different (heartbreaking) context.

  • Nothing crazy about the place, just XW claiming she ‘needed’ to visit her family again (overseas). That’s where her long-distance OM is so that was obviously the real reason.

    After D-Day she went back again, while we were in wreckonciliation, claiming that she had to confront an abusive family member from her past (and yes like a true chump I bought it).

    2 years on and she still won’t admit the truth and just recently spent a month away from the kids “visiting her mum”. Ah well not my problem any more…

  • my favourite was when i busted my ex sharing a hotel room with her “training partner” whilst overseas.

    the beginning of the end.