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Did Your Pet Get You Through Your Break-Up?

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Today’s Fun Friday Challenge comes from Mr. CL — did your pet get you through your break up? Are you bestowing your love on rescue kittens instead of fuckwits now? Did you buy a puppy? (Can I see pictures?) Tell CN your furry friend stories!

Mr. CL was fondly remembering his departed Schnauzer, Casper. (A dog so spoiled, he lived 15 years on bacon grease and raw hot dogs.)

He got Casper in the divorce, which if you met Casper, you might understand why he wouldn’t be an ex’s first pick draft choice.

Casper enjoyed 3 a.m. barking at possums, digging under fences for frequent escapes, and destroying shrubbery if you didn’t throw the frisbee for him. (“Did the Shepherd catch MY frisbee? Shame if something happened to this rose bush…”)

In short, he was irascible, imperious, and high-maintenance. But Mr. CL credited Casper with getting him through his divorce. That dog loved him.

And hey, no time to mope — POSSUM!!!

Is there a Casper in your life? Bring the warm and fuzzy pet stories today!

TGIF and RIP, Casper, wherever you are. (Tearing up God’s landscaping…)

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Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • My dog was there every day for me. Best yet, when X left a pile of clothes behind to pick up later, my pup went over and promptly pissed on the pile. Not to miss a beat, I put the pile in bags to await their pick up. Bet they smelled great when he unpacked them a few weeks later.

    • My ex left behind his pet python. My teenage daughter took over the care of the snake and when cleaning out the cage, she found a big poo. She tipped the poo into one of his tool boxes and shut the lid before he came to pick up his things. A couple of weeks later she told me what she did and said that she wanted him to look in there, see it and know that he was a shit. It makes me smile every time I think about it.

    • My brother died during my divorce and left me his pitbull/jack terrier mix. My brother was younger than me, in his mid-40s, and died unexpectedly. He had had a terrible cold, we thought, but it was worse and he died at home alone. When my mom had not heard from him over the weekend she went over and his dog, who usually bounded to the door to greet my mom, was sitting somberly in my brother’s lap. I cannot tell you how grateful we are my brother had this beautiful creature.
      His dog is my dog now. My divorce was already is process, but I was still feeling alone and overwhelmed. This sweetness dances when I get home, we go for very long walks together where we are just quiet. We have routines that are so comforting–a long walk before bed. This dog’s mission in life is to protect me. If you walk funny, come to close, shout around me, etc. he will bark and growl. I sometimes joke that if my husband had loved me 1/2 as much or had the same idea of loyalty as my dog our marriage would have thrived. I know my dog is a dog, but he has better qualities than my former spouse. He can be sacked out asleep and if I ask him to move or come over he does it immediately…no fuss, no muss.

      • Pulmafool, I’m so sorry for the lose of your brother. 🙁 That’s such a sweet story about his dog being in his lap. That’s so nice he/she takes so good care of you now.

      • Bless you, pulmafool, I can visualize this scene as you describe it, what a sweet joy even in the great sadness! I live with two giant pitbulls, gentle and loving as they are stubborn, and two bully-cats, they’ve made these horrific months manageable in a hundred ways.

    • We had a cat (may he rest in peace) that urinated on her pillow after she tore into me for being suspicious she was being unfaithful.

  • I sold my engagement and wedding rings and bought a Labrador puppy.
    That dog has brought me more happiness in the last 3 years than my ex did in the previous 20 ( not hard to do.🙄).
    That dog is the best thing my ex ever bought me.

  • Dasher, my 5 pound Maltese. ExH and I got her at 8 weeks old. It was when exH suggested he should have custody of her, while he was deployed in Saudi Arabia banging an American English teacher there, that I found my backbone. She got me through many tear fests and sleepless nights. Just the greatest dog.

      • I lost both dogs in my divorce. They were in the divorce decree. She did it out of spite. They were older dogs who always greeted me at the door after rough days at work.

        I remember the day vividly when I got them at the animal shelter. I had originally planned on one….but couldn’t stomach it when they opened the pen, retrieved the beagle, then closed the gate….leaving the other dog by herself in that pen. She started whining, so I just had to get her, too.

        I miss those two girls. I do not know what has happened to them.

        • I have a beagle also. They are such love bugs. She wouldn’t leave my side when I couldn’t get out of bed during the dark days. Lucy was a rescue also.

        • Superduper Chump, That is just so sweet! You have a big heart for animals. Yes I also got my two cat children taken from me. I have chronic illness (on dialysis waiting for a kidney transplant) and my ex and I had adopted 2 siamese kitties from a rescue group. Tiana and Mr Fluff. The best sweetest kitties ever. Since I was living with him and disabled, I had to move out. He kept my babies. It broke my heart even more. They were always my little nurses. Support animals, always being near me. I hope soon I can get this apartment soon and cat nap them back! A mother needs her kids! I know he loves them but hell! He cheated with his office coworker behind my back! When I needed him the most in my life. Sorry I never got the memo that you have been unhappy for the lat 9 months of our relationship because “we didn’t talk”. I swear… these selfish cheaters… Who does that to someone? I’m so glad my babies will eventually be mine again. They really have helped me through hard times. Animals show us the special magic of unconditional love, especially when we need it the most. And they help you get outside your head, and make you scratch their bellies or chins;)

      • I guess I should be thankful that my ex was so ready to hate everything about me -and also lacks the sentimentality that allows one to grow attached to pets– that he didn’t even try to have any part of our two dogs. But the divorce was so hard on my daughter, who was applying to colleges, that when she got her rejection email from Stanford and relegated to the chorus in the school play on the same day…she had an overly emotional reaction. And I took her out for frozen yogurt, which was next to a PetSmart and they were doing a puppy adoption and when she said, “can we look at the puppies?” I said “yes”. And this is how I ended up with a third dog, Camille, aka “Stanford rejection puppy.” And then when she went off to college and her sister complained about having 3 dogs because her sister wanted a puppy and now she’s gone, and said that she had always wanted a cat but no one listens to her, I broke down again and allowed her to adopt Link, aka “the sibling equability cat”. So she leaves for college in a year and I am officially the crazy lady with 3 dogs and a cat. But, you know what? They are all absolutely wonderful, cuddly friends. The dogs keep me in shape because I have to hike every day and the cat brings me all sorts of lovely decapitated, eviscerated animals. What’s better than that? : )

        • “equitability cat” not “equability cat”–damn autocorrect deciding it knows what I’m trying to say…

          • I’ve been saving helping strays all my life. Many I found homes for while I took many in my home. A lot of them are gone now but I have my 13 year old Lucky & last year brought in a tuxedo kitten named Felix. I’ve gotten unconditional love from them that I never got from my narcissist ex husband.
            Animals are gifts from God & should be treated as family which I do. They were there for me
            through my entire marriage & during my cruel betrayal.

        • Can’t beat animals. I am now down to one young pup, all the others died of old age. However the one dog is a Belgian Malinois and to say this breed is high maintenance is an understatement. I’ve had all kinds of dogs and thought I knew it all…..nothing prepared me for this guy. We are just now seeing the (ongoing) training pay off and I can walk him on a lead without my clothing being shred to pieces. On the other hand he can be such a lovebug, is off the charts smart and very protective. While I do not recommend this breed, they would definitely take your mind off cheating partners and other nonsense.

          • We had a Malinois too, named Casey. She flunked out of police dog school. Extremely intelligent. She was traumatized and would tolerate only 3 people…Me, my daughter and X. No one else could come near or she would go ballistic. Going to the vet required a muzzle.
            Perfect guard dog…very little chance of a burglary.
            She was highly obedient and protective, to say the least. Its what she was trained for.
            The night Casey died, X was at the bar. She fell against the wall and couldn’t get up. I called him repeatedly, no answer. Finally he came home shitfaced and enraged. Accused me of poisoning Casey. She was DOA at vet ER. We returned home and the nightmare got worse. I cannot even speak of what happened, I’m so ashamed. It was the worst night of my life.
            CN and CL, I apologize…this Fun Challenge is supposed to invoke fond memories, I think. However, I now have an Australian Cattle Dog (Blue Heeler) who adores me. He is my best friend, loyal, smart, friendly. And also very obedient:)

            • Dear Chumpalou, you are not alone.

              Like you, I was the victim of an alcoholic husband who incessantly blameshifted. He’d get drunk every night, then blame me for anything he didn’t want to handle. Of course, being perpetually drunk, the way he actually handled other matters wasn’t much better.

              Then when he was sober, he’d repeat the blameshifting, because I was getting in the way of his hangover or the drinking he was about to do.

              I know I’m going off-topic about happy pet memories. I do have plenty. Many times the only people who showed me genuine love were my own fur persons. I think it helped to know that my kitty-cats loved me unconditionally, when the man I married chose to drink instead of being a real husband.

              I wish you well in the future. If you wish it, I hope you find a husband who loves you as much as your Aussie.

              • AC and NotbLUE…Thanks for your kind words. I do realize I am not alone; that everyone here has been abused in one way or another. It is particularly horrendous being married to an angry raging alcoholic who refuses help. The night our dog died, X was extremely mean and abusive to me. He was grieving, I knew that. Angry people take their negative emotions out on others. My shame stems from putting up with it.
                We had both dogs for a period of 2 yrs before Casey died. I would come home and ask, “Where’s Casey? Where’s Fox?” He’d say, “Probably hiding.” He was mean to and yelled at our pets as he got drunk daily. He also often cursed at me for killing his dog…and he freaking KNEW better than that. Just another awful thing to accuse me of. I’m so grateful to be free from the evil which used to permeate my home.

              • Dear Chumpalou,

                You have nothing to be ashamed of for putting up with his drunken behavior. You certainly didn’t enter into marriage expecting to be abused. You knew what he was when he was sober, which is why you married him, and it was not unreasonable that you expected he could put down the bottle and return to being the man you married.

                We take marriage vows “for better, for worse, in sickness and in health…” When things started to go downhill you were forgiving. When he turned into a drunken monster, you found ways to cope. When we take our marriage vows seriously, that’s what we do.

                But while we’re loving and devoted, nobody gave us a pre-marital psychiatric education in how addiction consumes people. Your husband, like mine, became an addict. They said they wanted to quit, but they didn’t really have what was necessary to fight and win, and we couldn’t fight that battle for them. Maybe it had a medical reason, maybe it was part of having bad character, but the result was the same.

                Our education in addiction was earned with hard experience. And one day, we realized that no amount of love or support could make a difference. You can fight a problem with all your might, but you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. We recognized we weren’t winning the battle, and one day we finally gave up our hopes of winning and gave ourselves permission to walk away.

                Dear Chumpalou, hold your head high. You fought against the addiction and for your marriage, which was an honorable thing to do. But when you understood that the price was too great, you cut your losses and chose to fight for your own life, which was a more honorable thing to do.

        • Love love love your names! And the evisceration stories! I would take a headless bird and guts ANY DAY, over finding text messages and flight tickets to France with penis nose dick face other woman!

    • My X wanted custody of my dog and his. So I let him have them. I think he was shocked because he never came to get them. Finally, I told him I couldn’t pay for his dogs medications anymore so I need to get rid of him. He picked his dog up, leaving me with mine, then complained that I was going to kill his dog. Whatever, I still have my dog and life is good. Of course he was doing it just to hurt me. He also requested the down comforter I bought for the bed. Didn’t get that either.

  • Me and the cheating ex had a cat together and she insisted then that we had another one, so we got a kitten also. When we got divorced of course the cat had to stay with me, because her new appartment wasn’t suitable for our cat. The elder one had already died.
    I was happy to keep her and I am happily greeted every day when I get home.

  • My cat Abby(RIP) helped me through the bad days. Abby was a stray. She used to sleep under my car. I fed her and talked to her. It took 3 days and she trusted me enough to come into the house. From day one she was a joy. I saved her. And returned the favor. Just having her sit on my lap. When I cried she was there. She was not a touchy feely cat. But, she knew how to make me feel loved and needed. I think she was sent to me by a Guardian angle. And my horses. They helped me through the dark days. They were there for hugs. When I cried the would nuzzle me. Both my horses were rescues. And just like Abby they rescued me. I still have my two horses we are growing old together. I just rescued another Cat. Animals are a gift.

    • To add to the above. While going through the break up. I constantly worried about my animals. Would I have to sell my horses? What would happen to my Abby.
      I remember the conversation I had with Skankella’s daughter(she had 2 horses). Her daughter told me that they were hoping they would get my house. Because I have a barn. And her horses would not have to be boarded. How low can one go? That made he angry. They wanted my horses homeless so she could save money. I contacted my lawyer. And I got the house. I guess skankella wanted my life. What a POS.

      • Cuzchump, I’m so glad she didn’t get your house. What disordered freak says out loud what she said? Her Karma is Him! Enjoy!!!!

        • Have you ever seen the man’s t-shirt?

          “My Next Wife Won’t Have Horses?”

          Funny. Especially if you are a barn husband or barn dad.

    • Mordecai the maltipoo was just a puppy when mine left, and we had two older bonded labs who have since passed. Morty got my 13 daughter through losing her family as she knew it and her father. When she went through a cutting phase to dull the pain, he was there. He sat on her lap, slept with her, and was just there for her. Two years, many hours of therapy, and a much happier mom later, my daughter is a happy freshman with more wisdom than most adults, and , Morty is a rambunctious naughty boy who keeps us smiling. My son, the quiet type, cried all the tears he never cried after his dad left (with a group text no less), when our girls passed (the labs) especially when Luna basically died of a broken heart months after Shasta died.

      Our pets saved us all in a nightmare abandonment. They keep us laughing and the love is unconditional……every time I scoop poop, clean up hair from our rescued Australian Shepherd, or pick up something they’ve chewed, I try to remind myself how wonderful they are 🙂

  • My yellow lab would lick the tears off my face when I sat and cried. My Brittany spaniel, Ella, would sit at my feet and just love me. They helped me.
    I got my daughter a kitten and that cat is her life and thinks he is a dog!!!
    PS: ex always complained about my lab and the hair. Now he is raising 2 German Shepard’s with howorker. Asswipe

    • Ohhh that’s glorious! I’m certain every plate of food he eats contain several strands of Shepherd fluff. LOL!

    • 28yearchump, Yup, No dog hair at all with two German Shepherds in the house. What idiots. I’m so glad you are fuckwit free!

  • Aww Mr CL’s rose bushes! I like to read the interweaving of your tales over the years.

    I don’t have anything to add of my own pet, but my sister’s golden Labrador is the love of me and my daughter’s lives right now. I sometimes wish I could kiss him and turn him into a real man, sort of like the frog prince, because he’d be the perfect man for a companion. He’s large, handsome, faithful to a fault, protective yet friendly, and will even snuggle. Once he followed me all over the house and I didn’t notice that he was behind the fridge door when I opened it and accidentally bopped him in the nose! I thought he’d hate me after that but he didn’t. I truly love that dog.

    • Babs, I’ve frequently thought the same about my late dog, Harvey. Harvey was mostly Golden and embodied all the breed characteristics. He adored me. I’ve never ever had that from a man in all my decades.

  • My corgi and mutt, on night one when I slept in separate bedroom, jumped on the bed and slept with me until he left. Really pissed him off. My mutt is super anxious…always paced. The minute he moved out? She stopped and has been a completely different girl. It is amazing! He tried to demand custody, but thanks to chump nation, you helped me say see it as a way to get to me and I said no. Got it spelled out in the divorce decree. Even now, my boyfriend says he is happy we don’t share them. Said my ex would use them to manipulate, miss drop offs, etc. So thankful I have my fur children!

  • My daughter just moved in with me after experiencing an increasingly violent relationship. Her ex had bought her a dachshund puppy to share with one she has had since before their relationship. After she left him he suddenly wants it back. He sent the cops and threatened to charge us both with felony theft. We had to return the dog which was a gift to her and now he is basically holding the poor little thing hostage. We are so worried that he will hurt it. He didn’t even like the dog before, but anything to hurt my daughter.

    • The cops in my area were quick to defend such guys too. I called the cops while my ex was stealing my stuff from my yard after I left him and showed them the separation agreement where it said in black and white that it belonged to me. No action at all was taken. He got to keep my stuff.

      • I am so sorry. That conduct was wrong and those officers should have been disciplined for their failure to perform their duties. Sadly, the problem of getting law enforcement to act in domestic matters, is starting to again raise its ugly head throughout this country. Another terrible problem is the failure of law enforcement to enforce orders relating to children.

        Where I live, it is a felony to interfere with child custody. When local law enforcement is called upon to enforce this clearly written law, however, the victims are informed that it is a family matter and there is nothing the police can or will do-even when the violation is clear and ongoing. I have actually heard instances of cops and non-custodial parents laughing together when victims seek help.

        A non-profit organization I work with has taken this problem to the head of our local law enforcement. We were told to pound sand. His officers “don’t have time” to enforce this very clear criminal statute. The bad guys are well aware of this attitude and now routinely refuse to return children to the custodial parent.

        Since it can take weeks to get on a judge’s docket, even for emergency motions, this has resulted in many people spending lots of time and money, not to mention the emotional costs to the children, to get an order of contempt/return. The lawyers who donate their time at our non-profit are attempting to get the chief judge to intervene, and are now writing in explicit language regarding enforcement, but the problem persists.

        Do not even get me started on how victims of domestic violence are now treated. We have regressed at least 20 years in the last 3 (new sheriff, who is a disaster). Even with orders of protection, we are seeing a sharp increase in refusals to arrest.

        I live in a urban city, with a population of over 1 million, so this is not just a problem with a small town force, that might lack the resources of a larger community. I never thought I would live to see this problem reoccur, but it has. It is so disheartening that some victims just quit trying to get the protection they deserve.

        • Thank you Violet! You will make a big difference for so many people and society in general.

          They are also only making things more difficult for all ‘good citizens’ overall, when they let people disregard a legal decision like that. It only encourages more disrespect for the ‘law’, which is there to keep everyone more safe etc. That is a very slippery slope.

        • No, it’s a problem everywhere still. The local sheriff here in my rural Virginia county does this with animal control.. “Call Animal control” is the standard response. Recently a friends dog was poisoned with antifreeze which shuts down canine kidney function and is an exrutiating death. I’d jackslap anybody that purposefully did this.

    • 2legit, the National LINK Coalition has 30+ years of research on the link between animal, child, domestic, and elder abuse. They track legislation by state regarding animals, including recently passed or in progress bills regarding pets in divorces. You can check their website for your state to see if there is new legislation that might help to get your daughter’s puppy back.

      • Also check the local shelters and Craigslist. A lot of these fuckers don’t really want the pet; they just want to spite the Chump. They’ll dump the pet afterwards. Also, if possible, see if your old neighbors will let you know if the pet is outside in all weather or otherwise seems to be poorly cared for. In these cases, you can contact animal control.

        • kb the police told us to make sure we took dog to vet before returning her to ensure that he doesn’t do something and say we had returned her sick or hurt. the police had their hands tied because he had the dog in his name and my daughter had no physical proof of ownership. The vet heard my daughters story and told us that this happens a lot. She told us we could chip the puppy and if he does that then at least we have the chance she would be notified and could get the puppy back. And no he doesn’t want this pet. He hates it because she isn’t potty trained completely and she is full of anxiety around him. This all just happened on Monday, so I appreciate all these ideas! My daughter is worried sick but is not falling for this trick he is pulling for her to contact him.

          • I’m so sorry you and your daughter have this additional fear on top of all the horrors of the situation. I do hope he gets bored of looking after the pup and sends her back to you.

      • Our 11 year old son missed his golden retriever who had passed at 14. He wanted a wolfhound! We compromised with a German Shorthaired Pointer. Extremely obsessed with retrieving frisbees. I would run him alongside my bike to wear him out so we would have peace. My ex was not fond of his destructive mischief and she bitterly complained. She told me we had to get rid of that dog or she is leaving! Yikes! I later saw this as a test run for divorce, as she was already fooling around, unbeknowst to me. I found a rescue that would locate a good home for him. When I told her the plan she got really upset, “That would just make me the bad guy!” More testing about divorce.
        Not long after was DD, and I eventually pushed her out of the house. She moved in with her mother and the got an apartment. She took one cat and left the other, the one she told me “God had sent to me”. Thankfully she took her 5′ iguana too.
        So it was me and Buddy and the big tabby cat Shadow. Our sons were off to college. Buddy and I were regulars at the local schoolyard in the evenings and weekends. He would run his heart out chasing frisbees. I could commiserate with all the other divorced folks who hung out their. Buddy and Shadow slept on my bed and were very happy to see me when I came home from work. He would snuggle up when I wept in grief and encouraged me to get out of bed in the morning. I missed her less and less.
        After a couple years Buddy was my chick magnet. My future wife was attracted by my dog! He was definately better looking than me. She had a dog and a cat too along with a 12 year old son. Our dogs behavior problems disappeared when we paired up. After a couple years we got married and she moved in with her pack. Buddy was one happy dog! Unfortunately, He had inoperable tumors and I had to put him down at 12. He died in my arms as I was bawling tears of grief and gratitude for all my friend had meant to me.
        We are now a GSP family. We have rescued 3 more of this breed and currently have two. Like they say, “Who rescued whom?”

        • Bruno, ah I had a black cat called Shadow. Oh man, the memories, especially of when he was ill and cheater made me pay for the vetinary bill out of my personal money (yeah, the cats were all mine when it came to looking after them and caring, but ours or his when he chose to use pics of them to look all soft and fluffy to people on social media). Shadow was a handsome boy. Who really was my cat, as he hissed and ran like lightning away from everyone else!

          I have two gingers who have kept me going. Kazooie and Stripes. Siblings, sisters, partners in crime…all the naughtiness and playfulness and just all round cat love. I am a regular cat lady, love all the cats. All their presents by the door mats, under the beds, in the corners of cheater’s cineman room!

          Oh the best ever present was a nice big cat poop on his side of the bed one night, that I will never forget and neither will anyone else who witnessed the ensuing rage (and trail of mess he made, as he hates messes of any kind)

          The thing is he verbally threatened to kick them and harm them (boy did I tell him off and say if he dared even), he picked Kazooie up by her tail once when she was a kitten, when she ran off. He is such an abusive prick…yet he used their pics to lure ladies on dating sites, like they were his and he was the catdaddy (yeah he actually used this handle on one of his social media sites) Everything and everyone has a use to him, but beware pissing him off…even though he tried to make light of the verbal threats of harm to my fur babies (I was only joking, he would say, smirking).

          • Yup, our pets were afraid of him. I am quite sure he did mean things to them when no one was watching. There was never any proof, but a person knows by their pets behaviour around these creeps.

  • A TNR cat showed up at our doorstep after stbxh left. She was wearing a very ratty collar without a tag. I had her scanned for a chip, posted information on our community website and online on missing pet sites for four weeks.

    She cried at our door for a month and would try to sneak inside whenever we opened the front door. Eventually, we finally let her in / took her for a new rabies shot and deworming and a vet exam / got her registered under my name. Now she’s one of us and provides so much comfort to myself and our kids. She’s the most affectionate “stray” cat.

  • My daughter got me involved with feeding some of the horses, when I was up there with them out in the field it was great. I also kept up riding for a while, at one point, the only tie I got a break from the pain was when I was concentrating so hard on doing all the right things at the right time with hands and feet. She hatched me out some chickens and I spent time with them looking after them and just watching them. She got a puppy, and I sometimes look after him, and he is such a sweetie. They have all helped so much

  • During the worst of it I started volunteering at a dog rescue. It’s a little place right near my house. One day when out walking I stopped by to see if any of the dogs needed to get out. Of course dogs in rescues always need to get out for a stroll so my hobby began. It’s been years now and I’ve adopted, fostered and walked lots of pups. During this time I began to see the parallels between what the dogs go through and what people in our situations go through. Abuse, neglect, disregard, and abandonment. In them I see me. Every time I help heal one of them I help heal me. I take a picture of every single dog. My phone is full of beautiful furry faces. When I’m having a bad day I scroll through and remember their beautiful souls and focus on the miracles of their adoptions and second chance at a good life. I believe we all have a better life out there too.

    • What a beautiful post. Rescues are the most loving companions. During a very rough spot, my son brought home a mixed breed rescue (mutt), who is also half pit. Despite the things some folks say about the breed, my dog is the most gentle, loving, sweet animal. If I am gone from home 15 minutes or a week, he meets me at the door upon my return like he has just won the prize in the Cracker Jack box. I wish every person could experience the love that comes from a rescue.

      • My rescue pup is the joy of my life right now. I didn’t adopt him until a year after the divorce, but I look at him and think about how much more happiness he brings me than my ex ever did. Even though he leaves fluffy hair all over the place or wants to go out to pee a million times a day in the freezing cold. My son never wanted us to get a dog when he was still at home and when his father and I were still together. Because my son loves dogs so much and he was afraid his father would abuse a dog.

        It breaks my heart when I think about how my kid was 13 and begging me to leave his dad and I just continued to stick my head in the sand about my ex’s true character.

  • We had two dogs married. During D process, XW suggested I take one, she’d take the other and I’m so glad I did.

    Now we’re like two single guys living it up together I’m the big city. He’s got a human, guy-name, so all the more like the odd couple.

    The hardest day for me is Xmas morning; the kids are with her so I’m alone.

    This roommate of mine gets me out of the house and into nature and has helped create a morning of spiritual reflection and quiet mindful walking when the rest of the world is waking.

    He’s been my rock

  • When Fuckwit left me he also left his cat. We had 2 cats that pretty much decided they get each of us as their own human. My cat was fine that he was gone, but his cat simply mourned. I’m sure to her he died since he left and didnt come back. Took me 2 months of searching the house to find her multiple times a day to give her attention and comfort. Until finally one day she came to me for that love she was finally accepting from me.

    He showed up to get some of his things, he tried to say hello to her and I think it dawned on her that he had left her too because suddenly she became angry. She hissed at him and walked away. He almost cried, I almost laughed. After he left, poor sad sausage that he was, I went to find her and give her more comfort. She comes out of hiding and wants to be picked up and loved. Now it’s a nightly ritual. She visits me in my bed, snuggles up to me on one side, my other girl on the other side of me and they snuggle me to sleep.

    I was 10 weeks into my pregnancy when he left. I’ve had the baby now (she’s 2 months old!). I have one cat that runs and hides when the baby cries and the cat he abandoned comes running to me to tell me that the baby needs me. They both like her smell, but neither wants to touch her. This cat that had her world shattered when he left pours so much of her care and love into observing and protecting the baby it melts my heart. When we get home from work/daycare she spends about an hour smelling and observing the baby to make sure she is alright. My daughter loves this cat and I can see in her eyes that she loves the tiny human right back. I think she traded up.

    I’d share pics if I knew how on here.

  • My giant Newfoundland is the best dog ever. He is 154 lbs of pure love. When ex-asshat decided he had a sadz and was moving out (later I find out about the 800 minutes a month to the ho-worker), I told him he was NOT getting the dog. The dog lives here, in my house, that’s it. He acted like he was sad, but he didn’t put up a fight.

    Later, asshat buys a shiny new puppy….to take pictures with and put on instagram….under a name that he made up that he thinks makes him look cool, but it’s ridiculous…..

    Everyone and everything is replaceable in a narc’s world… charm, rage, self-pity.

    • My two newfies have been the canine loves of my life. My guy is clearing counters of holiday feasts in doggy heaven. My girl is about to turn 13. They have been my steadfast buddies, footwarmers, comedic revelations, and new friend ambassadors. Through many a hard time of discord, they provide(d) endless love and smiles.

      • They are truly gentle giants! My sweet boy is almost 7. When he puts his giant head in my lap, all is right with the world!

  • The cat was a source of contention in the break-up. She was an ‘engagement gift’ for my ex but unfortunately for her that meant that everything was in my name, vet, insurance, cattery etc. She was moving out to live with her mother who has a dog and couldn’t provide a safe home for her so I put my foot down. I let her have visitation with the cat for a bit (eyerolling at my former chumpy self) but when she went fully public with Schmoops I cut it off. Cat is the absolute light of my life and doesn’t know or care she used to have another Mum. She’s the most loving little thing and has tolerating much weeping into her fur, before trotting off to swiftly groom herself. Just having someone to say hello to when I walk in the door has made such a difference to getting used to living alone.

  • I spent the entire Sunday before I filed in bed, convincing myself to overcome hope and shame and do what I knew deep down I needed to do. My dog and his cat stayed with me the entire time, until ex left for his out of town job. They were both my comfort and my protectors as toward the end they both had come to hate him. After he left, they transformed into consistently calm, loving animals that helped me and my teenagers through the difficult road ahead.

    Ex never asked for his cat. He knew his cat would never love or like him.

  • My ex tried to get custody of the dog. Had him before we met. Premarital property dumbass. He got shot down in court in a second! I had to move in with my sister and the dog couldn’t come so my parents took him (which made the ex even madder). Though he was the first victim of the divorce, my parents walked him three times a day and took him everywhere with them, even short trips to the grocery store. They’d send me pics of him on vacation with them. He was having a better life than I was! I visited him when I went to my parents and he had a much better life with them then he would have with me at the end of his life. He is still missed but now resides in a box on my dresser.

  • I had a cat and it had eight kittens. It was magical. My ex would try to come back and reconcile but blame my cats for not comming back not the cheating. They were the life support in the early days during the divorce.

    It’s been 4 years since we separated and 3 years since the divorce and one year 2 months since the last embarrassing attempt at reconciliation pick me dance before he remarried the ap 8 months ago.

    I and really in a better place now. See I got my first real job as an executive after the divorce.
    He never gave me money or let me in on the finances. That is why he came back and I wasn’t going to give him my wallet. I worked in construction and I yelled at grown men all day for money. It was a far cry from the stay at home door mat. So it lasted 3 days. He took me to the bank and wanted a joint banking account.

    Enter Valentino the black miniature schnauzer. My ex-husband would never let me have a miniature schnauzer. He is everything about a dog but my ex husband hates. High maintenance, expensive, wears little clothes, goes with me everywhere, and hates him. The hate is wonderful. I can forget about him because the dog has it covered. Everytime he gets out of his car to pick up the kids he barks and barks at him. The kids let him out and the dog just yaps the entire time growling and slobbering like he is 10 ft tall and bullet proof. He can’t hurt him, he is eight pounds so I just let Valentino have at him. My ex tries to pet him he gets his fingers. Valentino brings me all the joy and loves just about everyone else.

    • Jessie, my schnoodle does the same thing. Barks ferociously at my kids father. In fact she’s got a special bark just for him. We hear that bark and without looking out the window someone will yell “dad’s here.” He once accused me of training the dog to hate him. I told him I didn’t need to. She’s just a good judge of character.

      • I love Valentino, that is. Jessie, is the name of the Bonus Imposter, the second ex’s wife. I will now call her Schnoodle because I am finding the irony hysterical.

        And just because irony is so weird in my life. My first ex husband is named Jesse. And my second ex husband left me for his affair partner, also named Jessie, aka Schnoodle.

        • Aaaand as I scroll up, I just saw that the original poster is also named Jessie. Sorry! Didn’t realize that as I was posting! No offense. I posted in reference to the Schnoodle and how that ticked my funny bone. I wasn’t criticizing your name at all.

          • haha, I love how this just went off the rails here with the names.lol!

            @Jessie, “I worked in construction and I yelled at grown men all day for money.”
            This^ Me too… Lol, “why the hell did I put my backbone under the doormat when I arrived home?

            • I am 120lbs and would often stare down 6′ 4″ lb – 250lb men and tell them to get off their butts and go to work, where is money… Then go home quietly make dinner, never pick the tv show, cry when he would leave in the middle of the night and just hand my money over :(. Not any more!

  • Before I knew for sure of the affair, my cheaters OW wanted to take MY pet.
    …and she did, for awhile.

    Turning out terribly for her/them because my parrot has a BbBBBBbbbbiiiIIIIiilllg mouth.

  • Oh yes, I got Tilly, my sweet, now departed poodle. She had already been traumatized by his bringing OW into our bed, and leaving her in a strange kennel while they went off for a weekend. No way was he getting her. She saved my life. Knew when I was down, always raced to greet me. She showed me more love than he ever did.

  • In the early days of the blindsided discard, I was numb. I went right past angry or shattered to almost catatonic. I curled up on the couch in the living room and every 8 hours I would take a sleeping pill. If not for my 2 faithful and loyal rescue dogs – who sensed my broken heart and absolute hopelessness at the time – I can truthfully say that I don’t know what I would have done. And that’s a scary thought for me to accept now. My only sense of purpose was the responsibility that I felt for feeding them and letting them go outside every 8 hours. Other than that, I felt worthless. (I didn’t know about an OW at the time but as he was leaving for a sudden 9-day “Army trip”, his parting shot to me was a typed List of the 8 Criteria in which I wasn’t meeting his standards… all news to me as none of them had ever been mentioned before).

    In any event, I hit rock bottom during those 4 days on the couch. 18 months later, they are all still a hazy blur in my mind. I credit my dogs with saving my life. And I don’t say that lightly. They are what got me through.

    • What a DICK!

      They are so mean and nasty out the door. Such unnecessary negative energy spewed into the world. I strongly believe the amount of s**t they hand out is equal to our strength and highlights their weaknesses.

      “Your candle doesn’t shine any brighter when you blow out mine”

      He never had a light, just a black hole sucking in all the positive light you gave him. His karma is that his soul is being filled with darkness and will never be satiated. And you are daily given unconditional love and affirmation. Your light is shining brightly.

      • Thanks so much for your kind words, NotbLUEinTC.

        Since the discard, karma has kicked him in the ass 17 different ways from 6 different directions. I am not at Meh yet and am still delighting in his misfortune. But… I have come a very long way! (Incidentally, he has yet to ask about the dogs. Ever. In his quest for Nirvana, they were just an albatross around his neck as was his loyal wife who stood by him through 4 Army promotions). I now feel a sense of calm and excitement to see what my day will bring. That has been solely lacking. My dogs have also benefited from his departure and that they appear more happy and healthy than they ever have. The term that someone could “suck the life right out of you” never made much sense to me. You don’t realize what is happening in the middle of the madness. But once I stepped outside, I can see that dawn is now shining brightly!

    • Colonel’s Ex-Chump, Fuck that guy. Military cheaters are the worst. Mine signed his one text to me in seven months VR. Hah, he has never respected me ever.

      I’m so glad you are off the couch. I’m so happy the dogs are happier. You all deserve so much more than his List of Criteria. Fuck him and his whore loving List of Criteria.

      I maintain a Litany of Grievances against my STBX just in case I’m tempted to break NO Contact. I’m adding to it that he never once asked about my dog, Harvey. He knew Harvey had cancer. LTC Asshat didn’t care.

      Karma never loses an address. He can reap the consequences of his choices. I’m so glad the sun shines for you!!!!

      • Thirtythreeyearsachump –

        “Karma never loses an address” <— Really like that! As the empowered woman I am becoming, I intend to steal that! Haha!

        Did a bit of a backslide though lately regarding No Contact. Had been doing so well until last week when he found a way to get to me. I fell for it…. and what followed can only be described as a verbal cage match… via text. It was ugly (and I didn’t even have to refer back to my own List of Grievances. They came hard, fast, and are apparently still close to the surface). It was disappointing to me that he could STILL get any kind of reaction. There is no road map for this journey none of us wanted to be on. Hoping that was my last “off-roading” trip.

        Curious… is VR the Asshat’s initials or is this a CL abbreviation that I need to learn?

        • Thirtythreeyearsachump–

          I’m stealing that gem too! Priceless.

          The Colonel’s Ex-Chump

          This journey is a meandering path and navigating the potholes can be difficult. I think the reason NC works, is that this a game for them and they want us to keep playing. NC took me awhile and although I have a long list of grievances, he doesn’t care. He would read my playbook, laugh and use it against me. CL is spot on with this one and it’s one of my regrets during this process–wish I had gone NC the minute he threw his wedding ring at me and walked out the door, muttering….”I’m finally thinking of myself for once.” These a**hats are all the same unoriginal dicks. I’m going to admit that it’s going to take me a long time not to feel satisfaction for his self-created karma.

          But for my kids, I wish I would have dumped his ass in 1994, when he pinned 1LT Nurse Whore on the Arizona. To me, that sums up the no shame these self-entitled babies have.

          • NotbLUEinTC –

            I have to alternate between NC and Gray Rock due to 3 ongoing financial, contractual items in my divorce decree. Just the thought of having to deal with him – even through a text – feels like an invasion of privacy.

            Glad that you are free of him. We all have regrets on the years wasted. Meh is in the future (on Tuesday) but in the meantime, it sounds like karma is serving up a shit sandwich smorgasbord for both of them!

            The higher the rank in the military, the more entitled they think they are.

        • Dear The Colonel’s Ex Chump, VR is an acronym for Very Respectfully. He signs his work emails that way. He has never respected me.

          I’m super pissy right now. LTC Asshat is “ inspecting” the house and property where I am currently living. He locked me out of our primary residence and yet feels entitled to invade my privacy. So tomorrow between the hours of 12:00 and 3:00 he will be doing God Knows What in my little shack. This was all arranged between our lawyers. I took my Mean old Mother and left for a four day weekend. He can inspect away. I really do not know what he hopes to find.

          I think he is just bullying me. I worry he might attempt surveillance. I have nothing to hide. He can listen to my radio and watch me knit, read, clean house and write in my journal. I live a very quiet, modest, serene life. I rarely have a visitor. He will be bored out of his mind if he spies on me.

          He knows there is nothing of value in the house. He knows he has separated me from my personal belongings. He knows I have no access to the money. Why he needs to “inspect” all 638 square feet of my little shack just bewilders me.

          I wish I was free of him. I hate that he will touch my belongings and feel entitled to photograph my decor. I’ve decorated the house with curb finds and thrift shop furnishings. I literally didn’t have a pot or a pan when I moved in seven months ago. I’ve gone to yard sales all summer to outfit my kitchen. I hate that he gets to inflict himself on me like this.

          The man is a pig. He will funk up my little sanctuary and disturb my zen. But I have a plan. When I return home, I’ll air the place out and rearrange all the furniture. I’m switching curtains from the bedroom to the living room. I’m scrubbing the stench of brimstone and betrayal right off the walls. Then I’m decorating for Christmas with the box of decorations I bought at a yard sale.

          I will not let him ruin my life any more. He is not the boss of me. He can fuck as many thirty two year old hood rats as he can fit into his very important schedule. He can court his amazing HO-worker and take her out to lunch every damn day. They can sleep in a big old greasy heap. I’m done. All I want is half of his pensions and all of the benefits I earned by enduring his bullshit for thirty four years.

          I want my own fuck wit free life.

          • Thirtythreeyearsachump:

            Exorcism is the only way to go! Write in your journal a twelve-step plan to rid the evil spirits brought in from LTC A**hat…….Candles, incense, chanting, dancing, make a meal that you like and he despised…..

            This is just another attempt at control & intimidation. I’m surprised you’re attorney would agree to this, as photos should suffice. But I’ve discovered good divorce attorneys are few, especially in small towns where they feel they need to be “chummy”.

            The Colonel’s Ex Chump:

            I understand your legal predicament. I too, had to have contact to sell our home. My lightbulb went off when I found myself in the fetal position this past January after another scathing interaction. I just couldn’t understand why he felt he needed to continually be so mean and disrespectful. Well……because he will never be happy! And I realized she didn’t “win”–he took his tortured soul when he hooked up with “soulmate Susan”. And going NC was the only way to stop the torture. CL is correct about their supply of kibbles. So my heart goes out to you.

            I’m an attorney in Michigan (licensed in Hawaii when he was stationed there) and I want to pursue getting my license after being a SAHM mom since 2000 (divorce final 2018) and help fellow chumps. I will NEVER condition a decree based on future performance. It needs to be done & dusted when a Chump signs the Decree of Freedom.

          • Thirtythreeyearsachump –

            You are being held emotional hostage not only by LTC Asshat but also by both his lawyer.. and yours!! Why is this being allowed to happen by your lawyer??

            I would be absolutely livid!

            NotbLUEinTC –

            I applaud your future goal of being the kind of lawyer that would look out for us Chumps. So little is known or understood in the mainstream population as to the emotional and mental damage these dysfunctional dicks can cause, sometimes for many, many years afterward.

  • KK brought Youk home as a surprise. We’d discussed getting a dog for our daughters and had looked at a few as a family, but I was insistent that we take our time and find “the right dog for us.” I came home one day and there he was — no heads up, no prior indication that she’d found one she was interested in, nothing. The girls were already excited, and KK had always dawned over hounds (York’s a beagle/basset mix), so I didn’t say a word, even though it was just another example of: “We’re not going fast enough, I want it now.”

    She tried training him but gave up fairly quickly (beagles are notoriously difficult to train), and her turns for walking him increasingly fell to me, until I was the one doing it every evening.

    On the day I found out that the Carrot Singer was coming over for a midday romp (his third — that I know of — in my house), I entered the house to confront KK, and Youk greeted me at the door. He’d been let up from the basement when KK left work for this rendezvous. It occurred to me that he’d likely been witness to the previous two romps, and as he looked at me I couldn’t help but wonder if he thought: “I wanted so badly to find a way to tell you…”

    After the blow-up, and during the hell that was forced cohabitation, I took Youk for his annual check up and forwarded KK the bill for 1/2 reimbursement. She refused, stating that Youk was NOT in fact the family pet, for which we shared equal responsibility, but rather was my “personal property” and therefore none of her concern.

    He is in every conceivable way a better housemate and companion than KK could ever hope to be. Hell, a 150-pound yellowfin tuna would be better.

    • UX World: A guy I dated told me about the time he went and bought a dog without telling his ex wife first. She was very angry because she wanted them to go as a family at some point and make the decision on which puppy and what kind etc. together. He didn’t understand why she was so upset, since they had talked about maybe getting one. He was telling me as if I was supposed to feel sorry for him for having such a bitchy ex-wife—- geeze. Red Flag on that one—— (of course I was still in the early days post divorce so I still hung around for awhile mini-spackling— yikes)

  • Wackjob took our mini-daschund (11years old) and have him away( asshole). I kept one of our cats Jazz who suddenly went from aloof to super cuddly—she knew I needed her. She is still my cuddle bug. He kidnapped the other cat, allowing me and my daughter to think he was killed by coyotes rather than inform us he took him(asshole part deux).

  • Hah! Sparkledick didn’t even ask about our old pets!
    We had 2 dogs, both dead less than 1 year after divorce was final, and 2 cats, one dead one year after divorce was final ….
    Since I wanted badly to finish the divorce and not spend more $, I did not ask for pet support, which judges in my country are now giving.

    Sparkles did drop by to ask to see one of the dogs. Thankfully I was not home; the housekeeper said it was just for image management. And probably curiosity to try to see our house inside, which he did not get to see, the housekeeper kept him at the curb.

  • For sure: my dogs were intertwined in my betrayal narrative:

    While my XW was continuing her affair in my face, destroying me, my 13 year old dog died. I was devastated. She’d been with me longer than my XW.

    When XW moved out to continue her affair without her family getting in the way, she took with her our other elderly dog. I saw her only one more time before she too died (with XW and AP at her side instead of me). More loss.

    After divorce, my children and I started fostering puppies. Wonderful distraction and therapy.

    When my 13 year old dog was dying we had adopted another dog to “smooth the transition” for the kids (and for me). Seven years later, she is still with me: slept next to me every night through the hellish divorce, the brutal “co-parenting,” the thousands of lonely, solitary nights. In the early days I held her and she stayed still until I fell asleep. Her brown eyes and now-graying muzzle are still the last things I see before I fall asleep. I’ve thanked her many times.

    Dogs have absolutely been crucial to my healing. I don’t need to tell the other dog lovers why, and why dogs trump people in so many ways.

  • Our animal family includes an Egyptian Mau (Lola Biscuit), a green cheek conure (Puppy), and two betta fish (Cocoa and Bunewnew). Except for the fish, it’s an all girl household and we like it that. None of the animals like him. No wonder.

    I’d rather have my daughter, our animals, the friends who have our back, and you Chumps than be married to a lying cheating thieving traitorous jerk any day of the week.

    There is a dog coming someday soon. I saw him in a dream. He is a giant breed and his name is Hero. I have never had a dog before and it was quite a surprise. I don’t know when he is coming or where from, but he is the next male I am going to be in a relationship with.

    Blessings and long life to all our animals family members!

    ❤️

    • Velvet Hammer,
      Your “Hero” is waiting to win the puppy lottery.
      Go get him!

      Lucky guy, he is the winner, coming to your home & heart!!
      ❤️

    • I just this last week had a dream that I was holding a cuddly golden retriever puppy that I had been given. So surprising to me, as I have always been a cat and horse person. Never had a dog. I’m not in a position right now to act on getting a pet, but I am now thinking that when it’s time, my horizons are bigger than they were before.

      Which, come to think of it, says everything about getting divorced from the cheating, crossdressing delusional narcissist: my horizons are bigger than they were before

    • This is such a trigger for me because I love animals. My ex had to take care of a “friends“ dog when he was out of town one time years ago. Turns out it was her dog.

      To distract me further and because he had to have the BEST in everything, my ex drove two states away to buy a high level hunting dog puppy, very expensive. When we split, he tried to leave the puppy with me, stating, “Those dogs should stay together” NOPE, NOPITY, NOPE. No thanks I have my own sweet Labrador that I live in a 600 ft apt with since selling the home. He would have dumped the puppy if he could have. I made him take his dog.

      Poor pup, He never took care of the dogs anyway.

  • I was with my narcissist abuser for almost 11 years before I got away. I broke up with him repeatedly over the years, but kept getting reeled back in. Finally, I realized exactly what I needed to stay gone. My ex had a gorgeous cane corso mastiff we both loved, but the dog was cat aggressive and I could never have a cat. When I left, I adopted my beautiful, fat, sassy, loud, and incredibly affectionate kitty Squirrel. When my heart was aching, I would pick Squirrel up and literally lay her on my heart where she would provide her warmth and cuddles. When I thought I desperately wanted to “go home, ” I realized I couldn’t put her in an unsafe position, nor would it be fair to her to give her up when she had come to love and trust me. I made it because of Squirrel, who I believed saved my life when I had even had a previous suicide attempt. When my beloved husband and I got together and he asked me to move in, I first said “No,” because Squirrel and I were a package deal. I only moved once it was clear Squirrel had a safe place to be. She is my buddy and I adore her.

  • I took our 5 year old Siberian Husky because sparkletwat wanted to meet him, and I was like… fuck no… you’re not meeting my child.

    Ex is so saddddd that he won’t get to see our boy again.

    Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

    Now I have this wonderful boy to live for who provides me with unconditional love. I’ll never take him for granted like the ex did.

  • My daughter definitely loves being “daddy’s little girl”, so it didn’t surprise me when Disney Dad agreed to let her get two kittens without my knowledge. This was May 2016, so I knew that when she went back to school in the fall, I’d be the one caring for them.

    Around that same time, my son’s tutor strongly suggested I get a dog. She claimed my son absolutely adored her new dog and it would be a positive bond for him. I was a non-dog lover Chump, but of course I would do anything for my children. Hanson (named after my absolute favorite Detroit Lion), came into my life June 2016, probably the month when my Ex dived into HoWorker #2 (now wife). Looking back, I realized he took the dog for long walks–any excuse to get out of the house. Schmoopie had 3 dogs (4 now), and she even gave me a Halloween costume for my dog–no shame. Naturally, Hanson attached to my husband.

    DD#2 was April 2017. During divorce negations, Ex wanted me to give him $1,000 for the dog. That demand fell away, but I realized after the fog had lifted, he had stolen $$ from my money drawer–he would randomly show up at my house in the early days, before I realized how petty he’d become. We decided to split the pets, so I took the dog. The moment I realized my Ex’s games, is when he tried to guilt me into taking the two cats, stating he was going to have to take them to the Humane Society. Thank goodness I stood up for myself. I learned later that, not only did his behaviors had names, he’d been this since I had met him in 1983. I found out later that he told my son & daughter he had taken them to a farm an hour away (ironically in the same city he now works). I wonder if they’ll ever figure that out? Solidifies he’s a selfish dick.

    Anyway……as everything fell into place, Hanson became my dog and my children adore her. She’s been with me through it all. I’ve yelled and screamed, yet she snuggles beside me every night. I’ve cried over the deaths of my parents, and she gave me soulful gazes. We take long walks together, and she listens to me sing the songs that have gotten me through the darkest days. She’s there for cuddles when I’ve taken the knife out of my back from so-called “friends”. We’ve had our moments, but we both realize we’re in it for the long haul.

    As I look back through all the s**t flung at me, I came out with the best things in life. Still not to Meh and I am struggling with lonely v. content, but Hanson will be with me through it all. A healthy relationship.

  • 3 weeks after D Day a coworker needed to re home her black lab and asked me if I wanted her. I realized I didn’t have to ask anyone and immediately said “Yes!”

    Olive was the love of my life for many years. She decided I was her mom and she was my protector. She slept on the floor in front of my bedroom or on the bed beside me between me and the door. She HATED my ex, aggressively barked at him every time he showed up. She loved my new husband like he was her Daddy.

    Sadly, Olive became old and feeble and me and my husband treated her well, we changed her doggie diaper, hand fed her and pulled her around in a wagon on vacation. She is now running free and pain free in heaven.

    I grieve her loss but she was my miracle dog who got me through some of my darkest times.

  • In the midst of my crappy divorce, a good friend said “Lose a husband, gain a dog”. So I bought Oscar, a beautiful black, long haired, miniature dachshund. I walked and walked with him through 4 seasons, as far as his little legs would go. At night, he would crawl under my covers, wiggle to the end of the bed, lay on his back and sigh in happiness. That little animal was my therapy.

  • K – Another difficult Friday challenge for me. Lots of memories.

    Mme YogaPants had a Pomeranian. Officially her dog and not mine but I was the first up so let it out, fed it, cleaned up after it when it would pee on the bathroom floor and down the heating duct, all the usual things. I didn’t really like him but accepted that he was part of the family. When she started her affair the puir dog really suffered through separation anxiety and I made sure to spend time with him in the evenings. When she (eventually) moved out she took him with her and actually started walking him regularly or so she said. He was so fat that he couldn’t actually see his own butt and although she had a thing for long haired pets, she never took care of them so he was often matted and soiled. Which I would often end up dealing with. Last I heard – which was a couple of years ago, he has a bunch of health problems and is getting quite elderly. No clue if she still has him or not.

    At the same time we had an elderly rescue cat that we had raised from a kitten called Tweedle-Dee – I may see if I can find a picture to post over on Reddit. He was my buddy. About a year before D-Day he developed an upper respiratory infection that resulted in cat boogers all over the house. Disgusting when he was on your lap – but he was my buddy.

    After I found out about her affair, he was so ill that I probably should have put him down but it took me months of agonizing to make that decision. Mme of course had her head so far up her butt that she was no help with those sort of decisions. Eventually, I took him over to the vet and held his paw until he breathed his last. I fell apart rather badly and the vets were very compassionate and had a back way out of the clinic prepared for me. I buried him under the lilacs. Mme – of course – didn’t want to have any part of saying good bye to him and showed no compassion or concern for my pain. I still miss him.

    I still have two cats “my girls” who are officially my DS25’s cats. They are annoying little sods who curl up with me on cold nights when I’m in my rocking chair with my book and blanket.

    I’m grateful to have had the joy of the love of these fine companions on all parts of my journey.

    BT

  • Ex tried to split custody of my darling Zoey (pictured at the right) and brought it up the day before I was scheduled to leave (we were Army stationed away from my hometown). I laughed in his face. That girl was my deployment buddy and best friend, and there was no way Ex was going to feature in any way in my post-divorce life.

    That sweet Z passed away in April, after about 2 post divorce years. She was thirteen. She was the best friend, silliest stinker, and sweetest comforter I have ever known. She was my rock during the divorce, and really she was my rock her entire life.

  • A collie named Daisy! I’m a cat person (I have 4 cats) but my daughter’s collie became “mine”
    and would lick my face when I cried. Can’t tell you how many times I hung on to her.

    And how many times I thought what a great replacement she’s been for the the long departed idiotic self centered cheater who wouldn’t even bother keeping the pets’ names straight.

    • Mine mixed up our nephews names! (but not the nieces?) Even one nephew in particular who adored him and looked up to him! I tried to explain to him that this particular nephew thinks the world of him and he still would get him mixed up. We were married long before this kid was born and saw them at least a few times a year.

  • My cat is a wise little animal. She knew something was not right with the cheater, she would bite him whenever he tried to pet her. And she’s friendly with everyone else. I should have paid more attention to that red flag. She knows when I’m not feeling well and stays close. She’s been a comfort over the past few years.

  • I too have a dog story. My ex told me that I was “mean” to the our dog because I stopped him from jumping on his 85 yr old mother. Jay was supposed to be my ex’s dog but he never walked him or trained him. Big big big GSP – nearly 100 pounds. I was staying with friends and couldn’t fight that fight at the time.

    About 6 months later, ex asked me if I wanted Jay – to which I replied, “Absolutely.” He returned him to me with a flea infection in his ear and very happy to see me. I lavished all of my affection on that dog and a short time later, he was diagnosed with Addison’s disease, a genetic adrenal gland disorder. In the diagnosis, many scans and ultrasounds were taken. My vet informed me that Jay had suffered a blow to a kidney that had atrophied. In my mind, he was abused by either the ex or his mistress. Either way, the expensive monthly treatment for his disorder was undertaken. I bought a home where it was cooler so Jay wasn’t heat stressed. I bought a car that was easier to for him to get into. I owed him a good life. Jay recovered and had another good three years of playing with foxes, chasing deer, sniffing leaves, running through the snow, and sleeping on the couch. He couldn’t go hunting as he would get too excited and have issues. I regret that he couldn’t do what he loved to do.
    He couldn’t make it up on my bed, but many many nights, I crept down to sleep with him on his.

    After he died, I dreamed that he was all white instead of brown. He was and still is my angel. I will never forgive the abuse he suffered at my ex’s home.

    He’s buried in my yard among flowers…daisies – which always seemed to get caught in his collar. Run fast, dear Jay. I miss you every day.

    • That made me cry. What a lovely dog Jay was, what a lovely person you are and what an evil SOB your ex is.

      Both my dogs are rescues. One was saved from a puppy mill and the other was a stray found half frozen and starving. Another hour outside and she’d probably have died of hypothermia. They both have bad hearts and aren’t likely to last more than a few years, but they are safe and warm and loved beyond measure. 🐾🐶💘

    • Chumpfor21

      Just WOW! So beautifully written. My dog is concerned because I’m in complete sobs.

      Thanks for touching my heart. You are mighty.

    • My GSP, Buddy, got me through divorce.
      I love the breed! We have rescued three more since my divorce dog.
      Dog lovers beware. German Shorthair Pointers high energy sporting dogs and take a lot of exercise and training to live with.
      Just sayin’…

      • Hounds are clowns and GSPs are the head of that circus. Agree – they need lots of attention, training and exercise. I miss the breed SO much. I have a rescue now…a lab and Aussie mix. Absolutely a gentleman and full of love.
        So very fortunate to have earned his trust.

    • Chump for 21, Jay was so lucky to be returned to you. I’m so glad you got him back.

      There is special place in hell for animal abusers. I am so sorry your Jay is gone. I know what you mean about missing them everyday.

  • Just musing here but do any of you think the pets get negatively impacted health-wise by being with the narc. The cat the wackjob kidnapped had to be put down within a year at 4 years old he was full of cancer. My daughter told me…

    • I do think they will get negatively impacted. Sometimes the meanness directed at the Chump is also directed at the pet. I’ve seen it happen.

  • Im not really a pet person, but I’ve had my share of dogs. We had three at different times when the ex and I were married, two came to a demise and one was rehomed, a beautiful Great Pyrnees, that I and my two girls loved. But he was a big dog and a lot for our little yard. I did all the cleaning up after him and my grass was destroyed because of him. I complained because my ex wanted the dog but did NOTHING in terms of maintenence and clean up. He made no moves to find solutions until one day he just unilaterally decided to rehome him. I told him I did not want to give up the dog, but he had found a farm with another Great Pyrn and really he did need more space. So I allowed it and told him that I DID NOT want to be the reason he was getting rid of him. He assured me it was just really better for Lazarus to have a bigger place and another dog and I knew he was right.

    Fast forward to the last fight my ex and I had, It was over that dog where he accused me of making the dog “nervous” because I didn’t want him to piss on my furniture (The ex made NO efforts in this) and that I favored the cats more than him because I would let them lie on the furniture but not the 140 lb dog. It was filled with other ridiculous accusations and was the turning point where I realized I had nothing to work with. We were fighting over a DOG when he’d already moved out because he’d been sampling the pussy buffet.

    Anyway….all that time, I was made to feel like I was the reason we couldn’t have a dog. Three of them died, for various reasons ( one was diabetic, one he shot because I’d finally had enough of that dangerous dog and the growing list of people he had bitting, including our 1 year old daughter when I told him absolutely ENOUGH and that he had to DO something, and the 3rd died for an unknown reason and even the vet didn’t know.) He swore off dogs, vowed to never have another and to this day he doesn’t. He was supposedly the dog person.

    Fast forward yp July of 2017. I worked with a guy from Texas whose dog had a litter and he was selling them. I mentioned that I was looking for a dog for my girls, and he just gave them one, because he knew the hell we’d been through the previous year. And now we have an Ausssie named Luna.

    We LOVE her. Shes a major pain in the ass, but weve all found a groove. She chases any cat on site ( we have 3 now. Two of which I had when the ex husband and I met 15 years ago and they are STILL going strong. The other belongs to my daughter and granddaughter who moved in last spring) she barks the crap out of everything, she shows as very aggressive to anyone who in not in her pack, but gentle as can be with my 2 year old granddaughter, who lays on her and chases her around the house. I cannot count the number of jerry-rigged ways we’ve had to secure the chain link fence to keep her in. I have to shove a Benedryl down her throat to keep her from puking in my car if we go anywhere and I have cleaned up dog puke more than I want to admit.

    But we love her. I worried about being alone in my house with my girls at night. Not anymore. That dog is 23 lbs of tear-you-a-new-asshole if you come in without knocking. She KNOWS shes not allowed on the furniture, but manages to win us over by exposing her underbelly for a scratch in payment and in the morning I wake up with her on the foot of my bed, which she jumps up on after I’ve fallen asleep.

    The ex says he can’t have dogs now because the Bonus Imposter’s kids are allergic.

    Sure they are. How conveinent.

  • STBX is highly allergic to cats. The neighbor’s had 3 children under 3 and an old cat who did not like the children. So, he started coming to our house every single day. STBX whined about how I wasn’t taking his feelings into consideration “I’m allergic to cats!” he said. “I’m allergic to mistresses,” I replied.

    I finally have my own place (with the kids) and we had to leave the neighbor’s cat with the neighbor, but we replaced STBX with two adorable kittens. Street cats that now have a loving home.

    As my kids say, the new cats are much better than their old father, and they are not wrong. And cleaning out their litter box daily is still less crap than I had to shovel with STBX.

  • The crapweasel refused to let our rescue dog Harley come with DD and me as we moved out of state. He was willing to throw away all of the other agreements and parenting agreements we had finally come to for keeping Harley. At that point I was so beaten down, I didn’t have it in me to fight anymore so I compromised on a custody schedule for the dog: I get Harley in the summer when DD is primarily with crapweasel. During the school year, DD is primarily with me so crapweasel has the dog.

    Stupid thing is crapweasel’s skank already had a dog so he was just keeping Harley out of spite. Harley isn’t a dog that does well in multi-dog homes so poor thing’s anxiety has continued to climb the last two years. She calms down with me in the summer because she’s the only dog here.

    Fuuuuuuuuck the crapweasel. He didn’t think of what was best for DD (who loves Harley) or what was best for Harley (who loves DD). He fucking sucks.

    Eventually DD and I will get a puppy for our home here but I’m not quite ready for that. I have to puzzle through the best way to bring a puppy into my home especially with Harley still coming for summers. I don’t need dogs defending territories all because of a short-sighted selfish fuckwit.

    • One fun fact about Harley – when I was pregnant with DD, I had terrible morning sickness. Harley would come in and sit with me in the bathroom. She’d also bring me her toys so I’d start laughing in the middle of throwing up. She is her mama’s dog despite where she has to live.

  • Dr. Cheaterpants abandoned our elderly dog and the cat that he had sent pictures to young schmoopie for image management of what a wonderful and loving guy he was. That old girl snuggled him through cancer treatments years earlier and was a great family dog. When he moved out to pursue his twu wuvs, he rented a place that didn’t allow pets. Being the cake eater he was, he probably thought he could come and go through the family home when he wanted to play dad and family man then escape to the bachelor pad to screw the dumsel in distress. I guess the locks being changed put a damper on that.

    That ole girl would watch him pull up to pick up DD14 through the glass door and drive away (she new the sound of his SUV). What a fucker he was. When that ole girl was 16 years old and could no longer walk and started to seize, the kids and I lovingly took her to the vet and loved on her while she was put down. All 3 of us were blubbering snotting messes. We bonded even more over the loss of our faithful companion and we were there for her and for each other. I can’t help but wonder if screwing young schmoops was worth the loss of one’s family.

  • Years ago I dated a guy who was a real jerk and only used me to take him to work cuz he did not want to drive his fancy Cadillac and then he wanted me to come to his house for maybe 10 minutes of sex before he would just fall asleep. I was bored and lonely in that relationship.
    Then I got a sweet rescue cat and called a friend telling her I was no longer lonely. She said”girl you are less lonely with a cat then a man? You need to go break up with that dude!” And I did!

  • I tried to post this but it did not work.
    So I dated a guy years ago who I realized was only using me to drive to work cuz he did not want to drive his fancy Cadillac and he would ask me to come over for maybe 10 minutes of boring sex after which he just fell asleep. I was very lonely in that relationship
    One day I got a rescue cat and I called my friend and said I was not lonely anymore. She said, “you mean you are less lonely with a cat than a man? Girl, you need to break up with that dude.” And I did that day.
    I’ve always been an animal lover and their unconditional love has gotten me through a lot.

    • Once again CL’s timing is amazing. My sweet doodle crossed the rainbow bridge the day before yesterday. The last 3 years were not as great as the previous 12. A lot of elderly issues, no yard, and her kids had all flown the coop. But we had a elevator and multiple walks a day. She was the only time I stood up to the dick when he said “hell no!”. Our daughter was 8, sort of lost, and born just loving dogs. She’s now 23 and the most beautiful person. A few months after the dick left, he suggested they bring the dog to the boat when they visited for the weekend. He was still pretending to live on the boat and be the long-suffering martyr who had been the perfect husband and father( if he says it it must be true!). That was a light-bulb moment for my daughter. She said “why the eff would we put the poor dog through that….she HATES being at the boat, and mom was the one to get her ashore and walk her all the time.” She saw the image management and selfishness so clearly in that moment. He trotted her out and played with her now and then (kind of like the kids) but wanted no part of the hard work, elderly issues ,or vet bills. I don’t know what I’m going to do without her sweet presence.

  • I don’t think my ex gave our dog a second thought when he left. That was fine with me. That little dog was a part of my family, and apparently not his. Sweetest little dachshund ever! When he passed away, the kids and I decided to get another rescue puppy. The new puppy is neurotic, and crazy, but one-time the ex stopped by to pick up the kids and tried to open my front door before I was there to greet him, and my new little furball attacked him like an intruder. She got extra pets and treats that day, and I considered a turning point to when I started to feel better.

  • I had to leave an old lab behind when I left, but he was XAss’s dog and I couldn’t take care of him. I hugged and kissed him and said goodbye to him, knowing I would never see him again. I think the dog knew I was leaving and I wasn’t coming back. He looked so sad, he knew he wasn’t going to get the same kind of regular attention from XAss that he got from me.

    I took my cat Pixel with me – Pixel means a small point of light – and she certainly is that for me. That fuzzy little girl became my emotional support kitty. Many long days and nights of crying into her fur. A small warm bundle who insists on attention and snuggles, and has a way of making me laugh when I least expect it – and seem to need it the most.

    The day I left the small remote fly-in only village I lived in, she got out of the house and disappeared under the work shed 1/2 hour before the plane was scheduled to land. I was hysterical that I wouldn’t be able to get her before I HAD to leave and who knows when or if I would have gotten her back from XAss? I think it was the first time I really freaked out in front of my son. My son, 10 at the time, went outside and pretended to play in the yard. Pixel came out of hiding to see what he was doing and he picked her up and got her back 10 minutes before the plane landed. Whew!

    Pixel waits for me at the window for the car to come down the drive and is at the door just like a dog to greet me when I come home. She gives me something to focus on outside of myself. I so love my fuzzy fur baby – her presence in my life goes far, far beyond just being a ‘pet’.

        • Adelante and Skunk Cabbage, I fell deeply in love with Alaska this summer during a visit to my son stationed in Fairbanks. I’m going back to celebrate my sixtieth birthday next year. I’ll go in November to see the Northern Lights. I’d love to Meet Up in the Far North.

  • I do not currently have a companion animal. That’s because when my beloved Fishy (a cat) died, my then husband said I could not get another cat (or any other kind of animal), so I had no one to take with me when I left, and I am currently not living in a situation that allows me to get another animal.

    Fishy was a small kitten when by means of some tuna fish my then 9-year old son lured him out from under the bushes where his feral cat mother was hiding her kittens. (Hence, his name.) I slept with Fishy on a mattress on the kitchen floor the first couple of nights, and immediately bonded to me. He was a joy and a comfort. Whenever he heard my car in the driveway he would come to stand by the door to greet me.

    One time I returned home from a trip away, and he wasn’t there. I asked my then husband where he was, and he said, “Oh, I haven’t seen him around for the past couple of days.” Although Fishy stayed mostly indoors, we had a cat door that allowed him into our fenced back yard, so after I looked all over the house I went out into the yard and started calling his name. Soon I heard a pitiful mew coming from under the forsythia bushes, and I went over, and found him lying at the base of a bush, hidden. When I got him out, I discovered a huge wound in his throat. When I took him to the vet, the vet said he had such a high fever and was so dehydrated he would have died soon if I hadn’t found him and brought him in. (After that, Fishy became an indoor cat only.) I was furious at my then-husband. His callousness and unconcern appalled me, but I was a chump then, and spackled.

    Fishy died about six years later, three or four years before I left the marriage. When my ex said “no more pets because you travel,” I agreed, with that episode in my mind. So when I left my marriage, I had no companion animal to help me get through the roughest time, but I would think often of Fishy. I would imagine him lying next to me, with my stroking his fur, and sometimes evening stroking my own arm, so I could feel the sensation of petting him.

    I am currently taking care of my aging mother, caretaking a condo near hers, so am not in a position to get another animal, but when I am settled again in my own place, a companion animal will be one of my first orders of business. I grew up here in this town, “on the back of a horse” as I like to say, and so a horse and cat will definitely be part of my new, mighty life. In the meantime, I help my cousin with her horses, which has been a wonderful way to remember who I was before the disaster.

  • I had Teddie Bear…a shih tzu I found in a Montana blizzard three days before Christmas and rescued. I’ve since had to put her to sleep at 16 year of age. I so wish I could go back in time and love her the way she needed to be loved during that horrific year after the fuckwit abandoned me for schmoopie. I wasn’t there for anyone. I also had a granddaughter born a month before he shit all over us and he ruined that time too for me. I told him that I would never forgive him in a million years and I meant it. I never fucking will.

  • My neutered rescue dog has more love, more caring and more balls than my STBXH. The kids love that naughty dog who always greets them happily, plays with them, and makes them feel loved.

    Dog is a shih-tzu mix, and is a better bed mate than my STBX.

  • When I moved out, the cat was not to be found. So I came back the next day with my new housemate and called for the cat, he came running from the neighbor’s yard, willingly got in the carrier for the 15 minute drive to the new place in the new town, and then purred for the rest of the day when I opened his carrier in the new living room. Which was very unusual behavior for this adopted stray cat. He’s still a comfort to me 5 years later.

    We shared “custody” of the 12 year old golden retriever, but x would rage at me during the 2 weekly exchanges, leaving me paranoid and sleepless at the time. I offered to adopt the dog, who could hardly walk despite various old dog medications, but x flew into dramatics and dragged his flying monkey’s in, so I gave the dog to him. Broke my heart way more than separating from my husband.

    I took nearly 3 years to buy a house on my own, with a fenced yard for a dog, then started looking and the next door neighbor knew of a large dog needing a new home. We have been very happy, along with another stray cat that showed up.

  • I had a cockatiel for 19 years – so I had him before the 15 year marriage. He was my buddy, and always hated my ex ( the feeling was mutual). Then I started dated the man who is now my fiancé – and my bird loved him! They’d whistle songs to each other. Seriously, sometimes I think pets get it more than we do.

    My bird passed away this past summer and I still miss him.

    But…we just got a puppy. He’s a rescue hound/lab mix, 5 months old, and he’s the best sort of healing for my kids and me. Especially the full body wag whenever he sees one of us. 😁

    • Yes, I do believe that animals are great judges of character! The full body wag – I need to find a man that does that when he sees me! LOL.

  • I have an Irian Jaya Carpet python and that little fart is the best buddy ever.

    One of my exes used to love throwing him under the bus when he was yelling at me. It wasn’t just me he’d attack, it was “You and your stupid snake!” Or “You and that stupid thing!” A few times he would send me blogs or articles about people killing snakes because they hated them or something. One time he sent me just a shared post from facebook of a man essentially going on a rant about how he’ll kill any snake he sees and doesn’t care what anyone thinks because he’ll get them before they get him (it was seriously unhinged. And he was also talking about rattlesnakes which…mine is a python so…???)

    I didn’t really understand why he was sending me things like that until after the breakup and I realized it was because he was trying to just be mean. He knows I love snakes and reptiles (been a fan of the Steve Irwin since childhood) and I love my pet, and I really hate it when people find out I have a snake and immediately assume I’m crazy and have this volatile monster in my house that could kill me at any moment (seriously…people have told me they are never coming to visit me unless “that thing is locked up good.” …Really????) So basically the only reason he would be sending me articles about people hating and killing snakes is because he was trying to be cruel.

    But guess who is still around and who isn’t. I still have my scaly companion, that’s been there through everything I’ve gone through in the last four years. Through all my moving, all my pain, all my struggles. I take him out and he sits on my shoulders or sits in my lap and sometimes he will climb my arm and bump his nose on my cheek. And my current boyfriend doesn’t call him “that stupid thing” or “your stupid snake.” My current boyfriend calls him “your snaky” or “your friend.”

  • I have 3 cats. They all played their part in comforting me.

    My girl was pre-Ex. She went through a period of pooping in front of the door. She stopped as soon as ex moved out. I guess she was the first one to know something was up.

    Our youngest cat was supposed to be my ex’s (so we each had our own) except he never really took to ex and ex started pushing him around. To this day he is very hesitant of men.

    My daughter’s cat is an absolute sweetheart. After ex left and one of the first weekends he had our daughter I completely broke down. I had cancer, was bald and felt like I had just been tossed out with the trash. I laid in bed and sobbed. My daughter’s cat laid up against me and purred until I stopped sobbing. When I stopped he moved to the corner of the bed. A few minutes later I started sobbing again and again the cat laid up against me and purred until I stopped crying. Stayed in bed with me the rest of the night. I will never forget this moment.

    To this day, every weekend daughter is with ex, I can expect the two cats (lost my girl in June to old age) to plant themselves firmly on my lap the entire weekend if I let them.

  • X never liked the dog I had when I met him, although he certainly pretended to in the beginning. He said he wasn’t a ‘real’ dog. X’s family hated my dog and constantly disparaged him. Dog was stupid, gay, annoying, it went on and on. Old dog, a whippet, died of old age. I was heartbroken. X refused to get another whippet. He wanted a water dog because, at the time, he liked to fish. I spent a year researching breeds, speaking to dog owners and visiting breeders. Finally decided on a breed. Saved money for a year to pay for the expensive pedigree water dog that X absolutely needed. X took off 10 months later. Of course the dog was left behind, although he did ask me once or twice if he could walk him. I said no. I love my sweet dog, he is a knight in dogs clothing, but he is a LOT of work and totally opposite to my gentle whippet. The saddest part for my puppy was watching him wait at the back fence every night for months. Waiting for X to come back. He’s now 3 and quite a handful still, but no way in hell would I ever trade him in. He’s the only guy for me.

  • Asshat left the family causing the most drama, trouble and cost possible. Of course, he left every responsibility to me, including cleaning,selling the family home, to being homeless with a fiesty Visula dog.
    The stress moving the quiet country dog to a trailer park, then to a house “in town” drove the dog to distraction. Literally made him mad.

    At only 12 years old, I had to have him put down due to what the vet called “Springer rage”. He became ferociously aggressive with us all, had many “close calls”, and was not trustworthy to not hurt people, including family friends who he had known since puppy hood.

    The stress and relocation affected his demeanor to being an unsafe large dog.

    I drove him out to the country for a few hours the day he was put down. Alone and with me, he was happy and calm. Even though the vet was kind, I still have never quite forgiven myself.

    I will never forget the havoc xh raised with my family. The ripple effect and stress of the traumas, emotional and physical, took it’s toll out on us all.

  • X Asshat used the cats as shiny accessories and then discarded them, leaving one cat paralyzed due to his neglect and giving her to the OW (I have written about them before so I won’t repeat it).

    In the end I have a beautiful kitty that came from the Middle East. Though the Asshat is the one who rescued her and brought her to the States she hates him now and scratched him bloody when he refused to put her in a carrier and drove 5 hours away upon his abandonment of me. He gave her up after toying with a stupid notion of shared custody which I refused. I love her to pieces and she is my big fat 15 pound baby.

    I also have my original stray 17YO tabby who despite weighing only 5 pounds rules the roost and bosses her sister around easily. Unfortunately the tabby is at the very end of her life and will be gone within just the next week or so, she has let me know it is time. I was always the one to take care of such things during our marriage because the Asshat loved to acquire new kitties but refused to do anything to care for them including managing their final departures. Of course, they always love the kibbles that pets bring but excuse themselves from any of that messy and bothersome stuff.

    There is a meme going around that says something like “how you treat animals lets me know everything about you.” Indeed.

  • I couldn’t take my dog with me when I left. She was MY dog. I rescued her. She was ill before I left and the vet didn’t think that moving her would be a good idea. So….. stay until the dog died…. or get out of a potentially unsafe environment with my minor child? (The dog was never in danger, I’m sure all the men my husband brought to the house to have sex with loved her, but you see why I couldn’t leave my daughter there..). So, my dog spent her last year without me. She died without me. I am definitely MEH about my marriage of 26 years being thrown into the dumpster, but not about abandoning my dog. I am still devastated 4 years later that she was a collateral. can’t even finish this comment because I am choking up.

    • GrandeDame, your dog may have been sad and missed you, because he didn’t understand what happened, but he also had many many good and happy years with you, before that. You gave him those years!

      I hate your Ex too, this is just one more reason to add to the list.

  • Son wanted a cat. Narkles the Clown is allergic, or so he always told me so I told son we couldn’t get a cat. Of course later Narkles the Clown proceeds to tell son that he’s not allergic and he doesn’t know where I got that from. *eyeroll* So we went and got a cat. Of course Narkles fawned over the cat and took lots of pictures of it for social media but didn’t take care of it at all, in any way shape or form. *eyeroll*

    Narkles the Clown traveled a lot and the cat would pee on his stuff when he came home. Not like once a year but quite regularly. Later after D-Day I would find out the Flying Whore had a cat. Of course it was then that I knew the cat had been trying to tell me something smelled funny the whole time. I still laugh about that.

    Of course Narkles had it put in the paperwork that the cat was mine and he would not support its care. He then went on to tell son that I wouldn’t let him have the cat and I was so mean and horrible. By then I had been a member of this mighty nation for a few months and I whipped out the divorce agreement and showed son exactly what Narkles the Clown had put in the legal document. I then assured him that his cat would always have place here in my house and that I would take care of it. That cat sleeps on my bed and we are best buddies and there will always be a little nip to brighten his day just like he brightens mine.

  • I loved this so much I clipped it and posted it to my journal. Hat tip to the poster ‘Sunrise’ from February of this year:

    “My dog sleeps with me every night. I never worry that he’s cheating on me. He’s not suddenly working out, or lost weight or bought new underwear.”

  • I could write a novel on the comfort and joy my dogs and cats have brought me. When the shit hit the fan and I told ex he had to get out of my house, he called the married OW to come and get him. He told me he was taking our dogs and two of the cats. The OW was completely on board with taking my dogs and leaving them outside at her parent’s house. They are both 100% inside dogs. I don’t think I’ve ever hated someone so much. It was just emotional blackmail to get me to sign over the truck to him. I did and he moved out a couple weeks later. Our older dog started showing signs of illness as soon as the break up happened. After many trips to the vet and tests it was decided he needed to surgery. The vet called me during the operation and told me my dear Bugsy had cancer that had spread throughout his abdomen. I went straight to the clinic and held him as they put him to sleep. I hated the ex and still do for making me have to face that horrible moment alone.
    Trading the truck for the dogs and cats was well worth it. My fur family absolutely gives me more love and support than the ex ever did. Even “his” cat that always hated me has come around and is now so loving and sweet.

  • I have never been a fan of cats. No offense to the cat lovers out there. I have had two sweet dogs in the past I have loved. A couple months ago I came across this kitten. It was one of those situations where I was not looking for a cat but she found me. She needed a home so I took her.

    I am living in my house alone which is an adjustment for me. I so miss the companionship I used to have. This little cat is bringing me so much joy. It is so nice to have another living being in my house. I find myself laughing at her and, I don’t know if I should admit this, talking to her. She will crawl up on my lap and she will snuggle next to me when sleeping. I think I made the right decision to take her.

    • Oh, Warrior, you are a cat person now!

      Talking to our cats? Hell, I have entire conversations with them!

      I’m so glad that little critter came into your life.

  • After the old rescue cats got to the end of their days X wanted more immediately. Unilaterally got brand cats and made social media posts. One cat would not go near him. After DD and moving, although it was difficult to find a rental that would take cats, they have been such a purring comfort. Am just finally sorting a new place – maybe a dog next 🙂

  • When we got married we bought a dog together. She was a compromise dog. I wanted a little lap dog (like a Yorkie or Maltese) and he wanted a huge dog (like a Newfoundland). We researched and compromised on a Sheltie.

    Our Sheltie was much smaller than is usual. She was also quieter & less yappy for her breed. She did bark but only when someone was at the door (or when he yelled at me & threw things – interesting that she didn’t bark at me when I yelled at him, lol).

    From the beginning, she was attached to me. She would let him pet her but, she never went to him & was stand oafish & cautious around him. When she was about a year old, he lot all interest in her (as he did with most things & people after a year).

    MY Sheltie was truly my personal Therapy Dog. She always knew when I was sick or in distress and would follow me and curl up with me, putting her head on my lap and giving me those sweet empathetic puppy dog eyes. Unconditional love at its finest!

    I think she was sent to me to help me get through the horrible marriage. I got her a the beginning of our marriage and she passed away 4 months after he walked out. She was my hero!

  • My ex and I had two weims. The older weim I had given my ex as a present. The second we got a few years later. When I asked him to leave, he left and did not take either dog. He came back about a month later and asked to take the older weim for the weekend….he missed her. It was my gift to him so I relented and let her go. Of course, he never did bring her back. I missed her terribly. She lived for a few more years but has since died and I have a photo of her on my fireplace mantel that will always be there.

  • I was going to post a picture of Max and Stella but the Gravatar proved to difficult for me to follow.
    Within 3 weeks thereabouts from DDay, X concubine (XC) left myself and our three dogs for camper boy. Spunkie (Female Jack Russell Terrier), Max & Stella (tricolor beagles- Brother and Sister).

    Spunkie had a stray sister Mia, a border collie that died. This prompted XC to bring MAX & STELLA home as Puppies. Maybe 12 weeks old? In hindsight… probably just replacements to her corrupt mind.

    Anywho… I AM A BEAGLE HUMAN. I always revert to that breed because their bellow when scenting (SQUIRREL!!!! RABBIT!!!!DEER!!!!.) never fails to humor me and make me smile. Their brains turn off when noses hit the ground with white-tip tails raised like flags in motion. And they were Sooo easy to pottytrain. They love each other sooo much. And THEY ARE MY KIDS. PERIOD. They make great bed warmers and snuggle buddies in the cold winter nights, good guard dogs plus my official food tasters, they are my everything NOW.

    Spunkie was my shadow and fret-wife. I could go nowhere without her by my side. I was her human. period. Whenever I sat in my catnapper chair she glued herself to my right thigh.

    So long story short I get a text from my now neighbor one day saying that XC was going to “come get Spunkie”. She didn’t. She showed up a few days later and took her. I was NC with XC.

    Honestly, I was glad she took Spunkie because 3 were too many. And the thought of her fouling camper boy’s trailer made me smile. I don’t know if she (XC or Spunkie) is alive or not.

    Spunkie probably became a gift to someone else (sidefuck) as an impression managment tool. I can hope she is well cared for but I honestly expected her to show up one day unnanounced. It was also a spite move I’m sure. Now it doesn’t matter. MEH.

  • Oh Yeh, one more thing. Tracey, please write a step by step guide on how to post pics. Something simple an engineer can understand. LOL. Later Gator

  • My sock obsessed dog brings so much comfort, joy and humour for the kids and I in our tough times. She gives great cuddles and sympathy, and gives us all a reason to get out of the house whenever we need some time on our own.

    Once DH wanted to meet to talk kids and settlement. I felt safest meeting at the dog park -a public place but people wouldn’t be able to overhear our conversation.

    While we talked and I threw the ball to our ball-obsessed dog, a huge dog the size of a small horse came up and cocked it’s leg on DH, doing the biggest, longest wee ever on his leg!! That dog pissed litres!

    Then it turned into total pandemonium at the dog park! Absolutely hilarious! The other dog’s owners were apologising profusely and trying to catch their horse/dog who was suddenly very excited and tearing around like a maniac. Then my dog and every other dog in the park (about 20 of them) started acting up and all joined in the crazy, yapping barking and tearing around DH! DH just sat there in the middle of it all with the sadz. With his wet legs and shoes full of dog wee. I was so weak from hysterical laughter, that I wet my own pants (not that I ever let on!).

    As we left DH’s comment was “How humiliating! Even my own dog doesn’t love me and ignores me.”
    Yep. Karma!

  • XW had bought an expensive little dog. Never took care of it though. I ended up taking care of her as I did all things. Dog bonded with me and has been my little buddy since. Luckily XW never asked for her. During kid drop offs the dog is still happy to see her and goes to the front door to greet her. Once XW is gone I joke with dog about being too friendly with the enemy.

  • I did get my dog. It wasn’t even really discussed – I was the one who loved her and took care of her and although my XH likes dogs, she wasn’t really ever his. Once I kicked him out, he was in limbo at VRBOs for a bit, then moved in with his AP and her dog in a rental and I never once even assumed he would get her. I even said, “I might have to share kids with you, but you’ll never get the dog, so don’t even ask.”

    Now when my dog sees him it feels good that he calls her over and she stops, looks to me to check, and then goes sometimes to me first before him. She’s more loyal than the kiddos at 11 months out. 😉

  • My Ex organised a new puppy for us (after our old doggie died) a little minnie foxie and our three boys loved him.
    A year or so later, he abandoned us for a skanky slag he met 3 weeks earlier, and over the last 2 years the boys have loved that dog with an intensity that I assume is their way of channelling their lost love for their Dad.
    I echo the sentiments of all the other posters, in that I truely believe he is one of the reasons they have come through this as well as they have. As a single mum, he is like a security alarm that goes off anytime anyone comes anywhere near the house, he barks his head off, a sense of protection after being betrayed and abandoned.

  • Mine was a second marriage, he came with a dog.
    Sadly he never really liked the dog but I realised later he kept her to spite his 1st wife. During out time together we rescued 4 cats and I got my beautiful Red Heeler (Australian cattle dog) he also ‘had’ to have an 8ft tropical fish tank . When he left for schmoppie I got left with it all.

    His 1st wife’s dog is now very elderly but has been with me for 11 years, I couldn’t dream of letting her go .

    I love my pets to bits , they cost me a small fortune I can ill afford , but the love , loyalty and faithfulness is worth every cent. They have seen me through some very dark days and my Heeler is super protective of me especially when I’m upset . They are called the Velcro dogs for a reason .

    In 17 months he has never once asked about any of them . All just disposable.

  • Had a lovely springer spaniel named Blanche; which my WS kept. After I’d moved out, Blanche began freaking out whenever anyone left the house. She goes to the door and shakes with anxiety. That was 4 years ago; and she still does it. She and I were close…

    The part that gets to me the most about the dog though is that she sleeps with the WS and AP. The thought of the AP sleeping with my dog actually bothers me WAY more than him sleeping with the WS.

  • My cheater suggested we still share the pets. I told him to get his own pets which, of course, made him angry and sullen.

    Those two dogs got me through so much. They’ve passed on now but I’ve rescued another dog and two cats. Love them. Can’t say enough about how wonderful and healing my pets have been.

  • I didn’t have pets when my marriage broke up, but about 9 months later I finally got two kittens. My ex had never been a cat person but I love them. It definitely helped my girls, who were 10 and 8 at the time. And I really wished (at the time, I’m very meh now) I could have seen my ex’s face when my youngest told him she wanted to be at home (ie my place) on her 10th birthday and not his because it was only her second birthday with the cats and she wanted to wake up with them there 😀 😀 😀

  • We all love a thread about animals, so here’s mine I’m so proud of.

    From the beginning of divorce papers I served, I demanded all 4 Great Danes.
    About 600#’s of dog. All but one was young.
    I’m 5’2 and a small weight but I’d be damned if he was taking even one.
    Then, he didn’t even try. One male was all his who slept with him.

    My 2 males at the time did not get along. Young one wanted to kill old one. I had to keep house separated which is stressful. I got between a couple of tough dog fights but neither one got killed. Sure took my mind off the divorce proceedings, so to speak.

    At the end, I asked him for money to help with the dogs care: food, medicine. etc is huge the huger the dog.
    He said nope, since I wouldn’t let him visit them.

    Fine with me. #won

  • It was long past D-day, but I got a Labrador retriever puppy for my daughter (and me 😉 ) on her birthday. He is the most loving and faithful animal. Many a night was spent curled up with him.

  • My German Shepherd was a steadfast companion. He stuck to me every second, as that loyal breed does, instantly determined that the ex now qualified as entirely unwelcome, deployed his scary gaze (and bared his teeth and loosed his bark) whenever a stranger made me nervous, slept at my feet every night, made me laugh, and was generally a lifesaver. I joked that he was the most faithful male I had ever had in my life, but that was really no joke.

    Had to put him down a few months back. A heartbreaker, but it was the right thing, and I sent him off with sincere gratitude for everything he had been for me.

    There could never be another dog, I decided. God would have to drop the perfect dog into my life. Otherwise, no.

    And then there was another dog. Giant, the way I like them, and fuzzy, huggable, sweet, and goofy. Nothing like my good old boy, and that was good. This guy is more of a family pet than a personal companion, but that turns out to be perfect right now.

    • Cashmere, “I joked that he was the most faithful male I had ever had in my life, but that was really no joke.” I too, can say the same. I’m sorry for your loss of a steadfast companion and I’m so glad you have another dog. I’ll get there when I have resources to support my favorite kind of dog which is size extra large! A family member asked when I would get another dog, I told her I was still in mourning. I always say No More Dogs, then one walks right into my life and picks up where the last devoted dog left me.

      • Something especially comforting about the giant ones, isn’t there?

        Every time I have lost the best dog ever, I have sworn I could never do it again. Shreds the heart too thoroughly. But then along comes another eventually. This time, I think it was really the kids who needed this giant guy. He’s a therapy dog to his core, and brings much healing with his gentleness. Especially charming, his unique combo of huge and utterly sweet.

        They break our hearts, yes, but such a blessing in the meanwhile.

  • Thumper, my yellow lab, saw me through two divorces and the birth of my twin boys. He would sit at my feet and lick away my tears and would walk with me for hours as I navigated lonely weekends. That dog taught me more about love than any man ever did and I was heartbroken when his time was up. I miss him every single day.

    • I dreamed of my beloved dog Harvey this morning. He was nudging my arm and asking to be petted. It seemed so real. I felt better just for reuniting with him in a dream.

      When I left I took Harvey and a car load of my personal belongings. My STBX never contacted me until he was served. He never once asked about me or the dog. Then to really piss me off he claimed pet expenses on his Financial Affidavit. He doesn’t have a pet. He never did. He was only nice to Harvey if other people were around. Ge treated me the same way. He was only nice if someone else was there to see him being the perfect husband to his imperfect wife.

      I miss Harvey. He died after a month in doggy hospice care. I held him in my arms while he crossed the Rainbow Bridge.

      I miss his enthusiasm, his love and just his big warm body. That dog adored me. He was a faithful companion. All he wanted was to be with me. He loved everyone but I always felt like I was his favorite person.

      Harvey helped me in so many ways. In the early days after I left STBX and was terrified at being so utterly alone, he was there. He protected me. He would nudge me awake before I had the screaming nightmares. He needed walks so he started me on my fitness journey. I was scared of everything but with ninety pounds of Harvey by my side I felt safer.

      I miss Harvey. I do not miss my STBX.

      • I think they really do visit us in our dreams, so close is the bond.

        Definitely expect to see my good boys again some day. ❤️

      • Thank you very much. He was the best boy; I have other dogs now but they’ll never come close. My baby left his paw prints on my heart 🐾

  • All of these pet stories make me realize that love is freely given, not revocable, and everlasting. A creature that is not a human taught me and many of us that lesson. Amazing to me that people cannot give their all like a creature.

    Much love all chumps and chumps-to-be. And their beloved pets who give so much.

    As Will Rogers said (paraphrasing here), if dogs aren’t in heaven, I’m not sure I want to go there.

    If I ever find a love in a man like that in my dogs, he may have a chance with me. Until then – I’ll love the dog I have now, my family, and the giant dog who got me through this mess and passed on.

    Wishing you all peace

  • Just lost my sweet canine girl Sadie at 14. She was my baby since puppy hood and I miss her so much. Her mom was a German Shepard mix and her dad was a coyote. She was very independent minded, we had 2 years of dominance wars before she grudgingly decided I could be boss. She was so loving and loyal and never had any of the aggression or fear problems that coy dogs sometimes have. She just loved everyone with one exception, a delivery guy she would not let in my yard. She joyfully travelled with me for her last two years and passed from old age in Sedona Az.

    I still have my three feline boys Bud, Lucian and Elf who is currently draped over my stomach. They put up with the nomadic lifestyle, but don’t absolutely love it. However, they are happy to be wherever I am, so it’s all good.

    Cheater ex hated cats, and protested loudly when I and the boys brought home a lovely little fluffy girl cat. He threatened to drop kick her out the back door. I simply told him he would be right behind her. He backed down. She came with us when we left cheater ex’s sorry butt. Of course he complained to everyone I stole his cat. I laughed so hard when a flying monkey told me that one.

  • Ohh, my lovely Zeus (cat) was going to be my rock through my divorce. He would follow me around, sit next to me and curl up with me wherever I was. Unfortunately a few months after we separated he took a bad turn and we had an awful night together.

    I called my ex to ask him to come be with the kids because I thought Zeus was dying and he told me he’d come in the morning. I credit this act of callousness to be the point when I fully committed to moving on to a new life. I spent the entire night lying on the closet floor with Zeus, who’d been unconscious most of the night, and then started having seizures. My kids woke up and my middle one started texting their dad, saying You need come here NOW. (God I love that kid, an 8 year old who just “got it” so much more than their dad did…) He finally came over and I took Zeus to the vet and we put him to sleep.

    I swear that loss hurt more than ending my marriage did, because that cat was so good to me. Zeus’ sister was still with me then, so we still had a cat in our lives, but I was devastated that my guy wasn’t there to see me through everything. I’m glad he was there for the beginning, at least and his sister, and then our new cat additions have been here too. Pets are great.

  • At one point I cried to my therapist that the only thing I had to live for was my 3 cats & a bird. His response: well, then live for them. So almost 10 years from dday & I’m still here sans bird who died of old age.

    • Hurt1, I am glad you stayed. Now you have Chump Nation and well, Chump Nation has you. In Military Jargon we got your six!!!

      I wanted to die after multiple betrayals and countless cruelties. I’m still here. Chump Lady, Chump Nation and an earthbound angel of a therapist saved my life.

      Any plans for another bird? I’ve thought about getting a bird. My last parakeet lived for ten years.

      • Thanks TTYAC – I can always rely on CN to lift a low spirit from time to time. No plans for a new bird as youngest of 3 cats is a bit wild & always attempted to charge the cage.

  • My dog, Bear, is a little Shi Tzu – he is blind and deaf now at 13 but just as sweet as ever. He knew before me about Cheater Ex. Bear used to ALWAYS sit on cheaters lap at night, and all of a sudden the dog is sitting on my lap. It was so weird. Turns out cheater was having the Ho over for sleepovers when I was out of town.

    Bear apparently did not like that his owner was cheating and disowned cheater for a bit.

    Bear did come around and the few times he saw cheater(at my daughters when I was not around), the dog really did miss cheater. Dog forgives and forgets easier than me lol.

    But the dog is mine, obtained through a court order, as I do not want to have to “share” anything with disordered cheater.

  • My two black cats were the only reason I got up before work. I am forever grateful to them. Plus, they made me realize that I don’t walk away from responsibilities. He could, but that wasn’t me. I’m proud of who I am. I am a responsible pet owner and a good person.

  • FW and I had a dog named Buddy. FW was jealous because Buddy preferred me, and FW would actually get jealous when I gave Buddy attention. Jealous of a dog! When FW deployed, and I was newly pregnant and got the stomach flu, Buddy didn’t leave my side for an entire day. Not even to eat or drink. When DDay came (five months after having twins, and FW refusing to take any leave to help me — he arrived the day before the csection and left the day after we were all home from the hospital so he didn’t have to take a slight temporary pay cut that we could absolutely afford), I sobbed and sobbed into Buddy’s fur. He was there for me through the subsequent postpartum depression that came just after DDay. He was there for all the Valentine’s Days and my birthdays that went unacknowledged.

    Buddy was completely housebroken, but one day he shit a big steamy pile right on top of one of FW’s t-shirts that the entitled jerk couldn’t bother putting in the clothes hamper two feet away. No mistaking the message there. That dog planned and saved that bowel movement, and consciously aimed it on FW’s shirt. I wonder now if he maybe smelled another woman on it. I don’t think I’ve ever had a more loyal friend than Buddy, and I don’t know that I ever will again. <3

  • My darling purring dog guarded me when she suspected the Traitor was still cheating during wreckonciliation. I’ve told the story before so I won’t repeat it, but she nearly bit him, she KNEW. After he left she took over his lay-z-boy chairs in the dining room and in the lounge. She was my best friend and my substitute daughter, she passed away in April this year, aged 15.
    She gave me pure love and I returned it. She gave me the gift of grief, because thanks to her I have experienced the grace of pure grief again. No regrets, nothing left unsaid, no love that either of us didn’t express, no resentments. I hadn’t experienced it since I lost my first dog decades ago. I certainly haven’t experienced it with the loss of my mother and grandmother because of FOO issues. The grief at the loss of my family because of the Traitor and the Whore is tainted and bitter, and simply awful. I didn’t think I still could experience any grace after all the betrayals.

  • Our dog, a beagle, waled into our yard as a puppy hence her name, Puppy, because the kids were young and named her. She was an inside dog and only rode in the car on vet trips.
    We left in the middle of the night within a two hour time frame since he was approximately two hours away and had “his dog”. She was confused by what was happening but I would never leave her behind. I squished that fat sausage of girl in my car with all the other things. She had to stay with my parents for the first couple of weeks while we stayed in somewhere hiding from the exs anger and then took my DD to college.
    When we go back and settled, she was so happy. She became my shadow. She walked by me while I cried, slept by by bed, sat by my feet when I was paralyzed. But the best part is she was relaxed. I didn’t realize how rough she was looking. She reflected on the outside how we were on the inside. Her fur became beautiful and shiny again and gained the spark in her eyes. However, within six month it became difficult for her to walk and get up. Puppy looked at me and the spark was no longer there.She was ready and I think happy that she saw us through getting away from abuse. The vet came to the house and I held her while she was put to sleep. We loved her. She had been a part of our lives for 15 years. The ex never once asked about her but did text once telling me he was sad because his dog that I potty trained, had fixed,etc. was sick.
    We waited about four months before going to the shelter and adopting the babe we have now. She had large paws to fill. She came in when emotions were high as I was still going through the divorce so she taught us about boundaries.I wasn’t sure we could handle her. The first Christmas her stocking was labeled “dog.” She got her name on it the second one. She travels with me, sleeps next to me on her pillow, ans is always up for an adventure. They both saved us.

  • A very good friend practically forced two little feral kittens on me soon after STBXH and I separated. I’m so glad she did now. They are lovely, very different to each other, despite being sisters. I love them dearly.

    Picture if you will, I’m on the phone to my lawyer, after FW violated yet another clause of the separation agreement. One teenage cat stuck their head into the plastic bag full of glass recycling, got her head stuck in a handle and started running around in terror. Glass clattering furiously and stopping very suddenly after said bag and cat vanished into the spare room. I rang off and chased after the cat to find she’d managed to shake the bag off and pee on my wedding dress. I was scared at the time that kitty had hurt herself and took her to the vet where she got the all clear (we’ve done this about a dozen times, her sister has never troubled me this way). It’s now a funny story.

  • I’ve never owned a dog in my life. But one month after he had left, I wandered into the pet rescue, to just look and I left with a puppy. I knew it was an emotional decision, but whatever it was, I also knew it was right. And that is the one thing I was right about in a long time. She got me and my kids through a tough time, and for that I will always be grateful. Plus she is a lot of fun, she livens up our household, and we all adore her to bits. No regrets!

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