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Secret Names of Cell Phone Mystery

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Hey Chump Lady!

In my chump mind I have thought this could be a Friday challenge….

What was Other Person saved as under your spouse’s phone contacts?

Mine was ‘Home Office’ and I often handed his phone to him and left the room so he could have privacy!!! 🙄

neversawitcoming33

Well, I don’t know if we’ve ever played that cheater trope before, but let’s open the floor to cell phone secrecy. Or alternative names you’ve given you’ve given your ex on the phone?

His Schmoopie: “Home Office”

Your Cell Name for Him: “Do Not Answer This Call”

I’m sure you’ve got more creative ones.

I can’t play this one. It’s eons ago, but my cheating ex had NO contacts on his phone. And the ringer was always off. I stupidly assumed he didn’t know how cell phones worked. He had two engineering degrees.

Chumpy, chump, chump… Anywho, TGIF!

 

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Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Assistant.

    And just before The End, sparkledick was always talking about “my assistant” with his upper class posh accent in our language…

    • My name for my Fuck Wit was “Soon to Be Ex-Spouse” the moment I found out about his affair.

      And I renamed it to “Ex-Spouse” as soon as the divorce was finalized.

      Nothing more than that. Just some person I used to know.

      • My name for him is HIM
        My ring tone is an obnoxious siren
        The OW in his phone was his boss’s name
        30 years of marriage

    • My husbands affair partner was listed under cell for the first 2 cell phones he had. Her name began with C. I thought it was the cell phone companies number. She was also under hme for her home right below home for our home number. She was 25 under speed dial. In his last phone she was under C. I knew something was wrong but never checked his phone. Last time she came to our town, we are 6 hours away, he wouldn’t go to her fancy hotel room, paid for by her husband. I guess she got mad and texted him at night. I saw the text which began the journey towards being a detective. I hated it!

        • He is listed in my phone as “Captain save a Ho”

          Fire captain who cheated with volunteer he “rescued” from an abusive relationship

        • Yes me too! He saved her number under one of his old (male) colleagues names on Viber. I’d have never suspected, except her ugly mug appeared as the contact photo on his contacts. He still denies he was contacting her🙄…they really are morons.

        • Yes!!!!! Mine did too!! He was in the Army so the hoes’ names were like “sp garza”, which he knew that I knew was a male coworker. He would answer it as if it was a make on the other line and go into another room because… well I thought it was a male. NOPE!!

    • My ex-cheater is blocked along with her toxic family. I am not in to ringtones, but I do have just one. A few years ago, when I met my Lady Friend, “Wagon Wheel” by Darius Rucker was playing on the radio when I got back in my truck after having fixed her car. That is my ringtone when she calls.

    • My cellphone tones for my ex over the years (we have a kid so have to keep in touch):

      Looney Toons theme
      Yip yip monsters from Sesame Street
      Theme from various different horror films.

      Right now it is the theme from the Exorcist because it amuses me. It also lets me know I’m about to be annoyed if he is bothering to phone me. I usually keep everything to text (backed up of course) so I always send him a confirmation of what we talked about on the phone text. He rarely calls anymore because that annoys him too. Heh.

      • Mine was the theme for Halloween until my child said it was creepy and asked who it was. Couldn’t tell her it was her Dad so I changed it. (sigh)

  • I never knew her contact name for the AP back then. She is now “Mrs. _____” (his last name-she married him shortly after our divorce was final) on my phone. Also, before I blocked her and switched to a coparenting app, the ringtone I had set for her was kind of a spooky, Halloween sound effect. Now whenever I hear that ringtone on someone else’s phone I cringe – I blocked her because she was so abusive. Anyone else have a good ringtone for their ex?

    • I am 100% no contact, if a son had a serious accident I would have to call his work and only on a weekday. So don’t need a special ringtone. But if I did, it would be the shower theme from Psycho.

    • My ex was also an alcoholic. One of the coping mechanisms I used when he was in a rage yelling nonsense at me was to think of his verbal spewage as a duck quacking. Helped me not react. Quack, quack, quack. Lol. So that’s my ringtone for him–duck quacking=ignore.

      • I have XW’s picture set to the robot that says “Danger Will Robinson”. It’s dated enough that it reminds me, but the kids don’t pick up on it.

      • Flashback laugh! Ex used to shout “Danger Will Robinson” whenever he farted. It disgusted me but it would make a great ringtone – never had the chance as I went no contact almost immediately.

    • I used the claxon horn alarm sound and titled her phone number as “The Witch”. Later, I just blocked her and deleted all.

    • Years before my dad finally cut off his psychopath sister, his ringtone for her was the theme song for the Wicked Witch of the West.

  • My ex business name starts with the letter F. She was under FF. The secret email was Franz Friebach…. his phone was on lockdown. Good thing I’m ‘pretty bright’. My kids tell me he still gets a lot of calls from F. Also he put a security glass on his phone after the divorce. My daughter thought it was weird. You know, all cloak and dagger shit. 5 years out.

  • My dad is the cheater and is always no where to be found. He is such a liar. I have him listed as “the black hole” with the accompanying emoji 🕳

    • Nancy,

      Welcome.
      I love what you wrote.
      It sounds like something my daughter would write if she read input here. She saw the truth long before I did.
      Thanks for sharing

  • With my ex-wife it was the creative ways she would hid the channels of communication on her phone.

    There were game apps that had in game chat. Various memberships to web forums that allowed private messages. She knew I was more tech savvy than her. Text, email, and social media were too risky with me. However, she could figure it out when motivated.

    Her browsing history would keep being cleared, but only for the last hour. I figured out it would always default to the last setting selected, even if it was cancelled. I’d set it to delete everything and click cancel. A few days later it’d be back to one hour.

    He phone activity history was what busted her once. One sided sound clips of her speech-to-text. I went through it all and recorded it.

    She begged me to delete it during our “reconciliation”. She cleared it from her history. She was so concerned I was “torturing myself” by keeping it.

    Yeah, right. Her knowing I still have that recording is the only reason the divorce proceedings went as smoothly as they did.

    • Funny how they use that script sweetpotatoflakes. Mine wanted me to destroy the notes I started making of his massive gaslighting campaign. No, no I don’t think so. He was a master of blaming my trauma induced memory for not remembering things “right”. My notes showed him to be a liar many many times and I only kept notes for the last year, imagine if I had them for the whole 36 years?!!!

      • Newlady, I also kept notes of my ex’ behaviour but just for a period of 6 months. IT WAS APPALLING READING. I’m talking violence, promising to pick the kids up and going to the bar instead, not showing up at the airport to pick a neighbour up when he had offered, his dickhead behaviour, drunken car crashes, calling the cops on him etc. I stopped after 6 months because it was always going to be just more of the same (like 15 years worth), but I thought it might come in handy in the event of a divorce. I didn’t need it in the end but I did send him an email copy of the document in a fit of pique once. No comment back though!

    • XW’s affair partner was the head of IT for her experiment. They installed a dedicated point-to-point-encrypted messaging app; when I noticed it, she said it was to protect sensitive experimental data. Because, you know, gravitational-wave data has such high black-market resale value that hackers are always after it…

      • Involuntary Georgian – I had similar shenanigans happen with the ‘work’ cell phone and it’s password protected, you know, because it’s ‘special’ systems’, like Bloomberg was installed. (yawn) You know! Funny, as I was his personal assistant for work and had full access to the phone as he needed me to text, and even talk to, customers while on the road together. Suddenly, funny how the phone lock went into place on a dark and rainy night…and was laid off my job. (thankfully!)

  • I don’t know what the OW was is the EX’s phone, but in mine, the EX is LyinCheater because that is what he does and just in case I need a reminder……

    • I never knew either. No one touched his phones. Yes plural- he kept a work phone on him in a job that did not need after work contact. Should’ve been my first clue.

      Right now, I share a contact list with my child, and X’s name is affectionate. I’ll leave it as long as necessary because my child’s feeling right now are more important than mine, but prior to that it was just his name. Seeing his name makes me cringe. Hearing his voice is nauseating.

      So what a great idea! Maybe I’ll smirk if I can one day change it to Lying Cheater, Waste and Disposal, Blocked, Narc, or something much more fitting.

      • I have mine as Kid’s father since they are young. Once they are older I’ll change it to Fuckwit or Asshat or NSFW for narcissistic sociopath fuck wit or maybe GFYAH for go fuck your self ass hat or maybe.. even after 2 custody trials you still lost you dumb shit or don’t lie to the judge dumbass. The choices are endless!

      • I have Dr Cheaterpants listed under my contacts as ‘kids father’. That’s all he is to me now 3 years out. And he’s not even good at that!

  • As far as I know the OW was only listed under her real name. She didn’t need to call him, she worked with him 8 hours everyday. As for him he is now listed in my contacts as Rat Bastard. Doesn’t matter because if he calls or texts me I’ve got him blocked anyway.

    • Same here.
      They “worked” together late nights and they were always on the phone about “work” – texts, emails and calls.

      I knew her well and had sat in in many boring calls and meetings all about work. So why would I even suspect when the work changed to an affair.

      Blocked her (we were friends and planning his birthday party when DDay happened) immediately.

      Finally blocked his calls and texts recently. Older kids so no software needed. Have to keep my email address open to him for another 7 years according to decree but he never contacts me.

  • My ringtone for him is “Tubthumping” by Chumbawumba. “I get knocked down/but I get up again/you’re never gonna keep me down!” Because no matter all the shit he put me through (and there was a LOT), I’m better off without him.

  • KK never bothered with screen names, which made it very easy for me to structure a cohesive narrative as to just how pathetically shitty she was.

    But I’ll get my snark on and come up with ones she might have used:

    OP: the one who apparently started it all, the engineer in the (supposedly) open marriage who had a shared taste in music and opened her mind up to the ‘possibilities of ethical non-monogamy’
    Screen Name: Mr. Fix-It

    OP: the one who played the bass, lived with his bisexual girlfriend and introduced KK to the pleasures of BDSM
    Screen Name: Dom

    OP: the welder with whom she had unprotected sex in a hotel bathroom the first time they met, and who she brought into our home and bed twice before I caught them
    Screen Name: Sparky

    OP: the novelist and writing instructor who she met and fucked less than 10 days after the official split, who enjoys being pegged with the vibrating purple dildo, and to whom she is now married
    Screen Name: Peggy

  • SIADB. (Steve is a douche bag)

    One time a woman in front of me received a call, her ring tone was a blaring alarm that then said “ warning! Bull shit alert!” She turned around and apologized and said it was her ring tone for her ex. So funny!

  • My ex was “Fucking Moron” in my contacts list for a long time. I have an iphone and I use the sexy male version of Siri. One time when I was driving, I said “hey Siri, text Fucking Moron”. And in his very Australian accent, Siri said “What do you want to say to Fucking Moron?” I was laughing so hard I couldn’t speak

  • He would take his phone everywhere, even to the toilet, or the bath. no name on phone, but she called him, 28 times on Christmas day once, he asked me if he could go out (asking my permission probably).
    She probably was all excited.

    • Mine also sat on the toilet texting Miss Piggy. Near the end he started bringing his laptop with him as well.

      He had been known to spend as long as 3 hours in there ! Family noticed, kids noticed, guests noticed. It became a bit of a joke until he raged at us ( but never stopped ).

      I never once got hands on his phone. He slept with it in a death grip held tight to his chest and never set it down.

      This is the Minister who ( fully dressed for service ) jumped up and down in the parking lot of the church yelling “ I was supposed to be a firefighter “ while clenching his fists. ….

      So, ring tone is the sound of fire trucks to remind me that he is one hot mess!!!

        • Still collecting the God points I am afraid…better yet, long time Schmoops is also ordained.

          They married this year. Not my problem any more….

  • Cheater had sparkle dick listed as “Z” in her contacts and on snapcheat so he would be at the bottom of the list.

    • The Limited had an A as his first number on his phone. I’m pretty sure it was reserved for his AP’s. I was booted from his phone plan because I talked too much with my good friend. He was furious when I talked to her and laughed.

      As he graduated to dating multiple women he hid their phone numbers in his email account. When he was screwing Nanthony he was also seeing two others.

      He used his business account and added a second number which came up as Anonymous; it rang frequently.

      Here’s the thing, the OW are aware of the duplicity and knowingly engage with a low life cheater. What they once found exciting will bite them down the road. They signed up for it and look at the prize they found.

  • My ex is listed as Mr. Fake & Take. His phone was glued to his hand so I never knew OW contact name but call/text logs are such marvelous things.

  • Oh Chump Lady, the cell phone memories, they pain me. We purchased new phones and somehow his contacts were added to mine, and mine to his. He stood over me and demanded I delete those contacts “Right now!” I pretended to do so. In the process I discovered he had listed a thirty two year old, the niece of a high school friend under the name, Mama. When his financial affidavit arrived I discovered he is paying for Life Insurance to Insure Child Support payments. Our children are adults, there will be no child support payments. There is no child’s name listed in the section for Children Not of This Marriage. I suppose the hood rat is pregnant, hence the cell phone listing under Mama. I will meet with my lawyer and hopefully get answers. I plan to inform my adult sons if there is an adultery baby. I will also tell them he gave me a STI. They need to know he is without honor.

    The cellphone memories are hurtful. He used to have the phone glued to his hand. He once stood outside in twenty degree weather to talk on the phone. He would text the entire time we were trying to have a dinner date. He wouldn’t let me use his phone ever. He got extremely defensive if I touched his phone. His behavior around the phone was enough to convince me he was cheating, again.

    I changed my phone service. I have a new number, a number I did not share with him. I have a lawyer he can talk too. I don’t ever want to talk to him again.

    • 33 I found out yesterday that the whore is 3.5 months pregnant and they are engaged .

      He’s still married to me !!! She got pregnant less than 15 weeks after he left me . Now that was a kick in the teeth
      ❤️

      • Karenb6702, I am so very sorry. It is a kick in the teeth, isn’t it? Until it happens you can not fathom the pain.

        I love babies. I always have loved babies. I wanted more babies. He was adamant that there would be no more babies. Fuck that fucking fucker. I truly hate him.

        How can you be engaged when you are married? How can you date when you are married? How can you have a baby with a whore? Poor little baby will have a whore for a mama. How can you be an unrepentant asshole? Chump Lady says that trying to “untangle the skein of fuckery” is a hopeless task. So I’m trying to reframe my pain into positive action. Any ideas for positive action in the face of this betrayal? How are you handling this continuing devastation? Today I am struggling.

        • They let us (my mother, and us 2 girls) go visit the OW at the hospital when she had her child from my father. We did not know. Only many years later we got to now.
          One of the innumerable highs they had behind our backs. They thrive on hurting and humiliating.
          I ended up married to a withholder/vulnerable/mocking narcissist (did not know about this stuff back then).

        • I’m struggling to be honest

          I was 26 when I met him he told me he NEVER wanted children and if I got pregnant he would leave me as he hates kids . I adored him so I thought well you can’t miss what you don’t have and carried on with life .
          I’m now 45 so have no chance of having a child and here is him having a baby that he swore he would NEVER have .
          My in laws are beyond happy as he is the only boy so the name will carry on .

          Whore had it all over Facebook / Pinterest / instagram ( I’ve not looked but my friend told me and sent me their engagement photo )
          Her ring is nice way way better than he got me .
          The fact he’s still married you know to me well that’s inconsequential .
          I’ve said from the start this would happen and everyone said no no it won’t last well now they are getting married and having a baby .

          Much love to you 33 I hope you get through this as well and if you need anything I’m on the Reddit forum ( same user name ) just PM me ❤️❤️

          • Thank You Karen. I’m having difficulties entering the reddit forum. I appreciate your response. I’m sorry you have been dealt this shit hand. I know you will get through this with grace and courage.

          • Karen,
            I have this belief at the back of my mind that I was chosen also for my age (34), then strung along for several years, then marriage. And then he was a withholder. He abandoned me at age 49 for somebody younger.
            I am just glad that there were no children to the marriage because it would not have been good for a child. Yet the fact remains that I could maybe have met someone else back then…

          • 33 and KarenB–

            I’m truly sorry for you both. I had no idea the depths of sadness infidelity can inflict. This is yet another layer and I have no words–just sending you warm and positive thoughts.

            “know you will get through this with grace and courage.”–Thirtythreeyearsachump

            This makes me think of the Cowardly Lion. As everything has fallen away, I’m amazed at these cold-blooded cowards, Switzerland friends included. But you’re right, us Chumps are the courageous ones, just as the Cowardly Lion found out–and we have had the courage all along.

            • I toyed with using the names he used on the dating apps. Lovebringer69 and MrBarista69. I eventually settled for making his name all lower case. It is just a show that he doesn’t even deserve a capital for his name.

        • I’m so sorry for you! I cannot fathom the pain. I was in my 50s (so was the skank), so at least I didn’t have that pain to endure. It’s not the baby’s fault, it’s the fucked up biological father and biological mother. And someday, unless that baby gets psychological counseling, it’s going to be messed up trying to get love from narcissistic sociopath parents. How sad all around. I pray that you see that you’re much better off now that you are not having that fuckwit to deal with. Take it one day at a time. Remain No Contact. Put notes of affirmation on your bathroom window. Smile. Recognize your value (and that it doesn’t depend on a fuckwit to recognize it.) And thank the Good Lord that you don’t have to deal with a fuckwit today. Each day it gets better. Hugs!

          • Amazon Chump, everyday does get better. I am overwhelmingly grateful that I do not have contact with that stupid whore fucker. He is an old, sick, disabled vet who should have known better than to rawdog a hood rat. I’m just enraged at his Stupidity.

            Trying very hard to put the focus back on me. I think it is time to have a funeral like Elderly Chump. I need to lay this fucker to rest. Time to “MENTALLY divorce” him like Lovedajackass. Time to purge this fuckery from my mind.

            I can not wait to be divorced. I will smile because he cannot prevent this divorce. He cannot control that outcome. I will be divorced. I will receive spousal maintenance. I will receive my personal belongings. I will live a better life.

            Thank you Amazon.

            • The thing that’s killing me is he swore he NEVER wanted children as in EVER . He said he’d leave me ( well he did but I wasn’t pregnant ) if I ever even had a slip with my birth control .

              Yet here he is going to be a dad his wife to be posting it all over the Internet for anyone in the world to type her name in and see it .

              Me his actual legal wife you know little old me with the wedding certificate well no one gives a fuck .

              Everyone is ooohhh congratulations this is amazing news well done well done . We have saved the date can’t wait .
              No one even bats an eye that she’s engaged and having a baby with my husband !!
              It’s the most surreal thing ever and I’m seeing it all in front of me

              • Karenb6702, it is just astounding isn’t it? They have no shame. They aren’t capable of shame. Block all forms of social media. They do not deserve a moments consideration. That everyone is ignoring the fact he is a married man demonstrates his friends are shit and not your friends.

                You deserve so much better than this.

              • Shit is going to get real for both Fuckwits once the baby is born and the novelty wears off. Don’t think he will be different or better with her. He is the same turd who will eventually lie and cheat on her too and since she’s younger, she may very well get tired of his old ass real quick. Be glad you didn’t breed with him – he did you a favor. He is NOT the stand-up kind of man you would want to be the father of your children anyway. I know it’s painful but in time, you will be rocking that single life and he will be tied down and living miserably ever after. Trust that they suck.

              • I’m so sorry, Karen. What he did to you is to unspeakably cruel. Block them all, they are as had as he is.

              • Oh Karen! I’m so sorry! If it helps any I know how it feels to have your life feel surreal and like a complete nightmare. You’re not alone. My exhusband got the OW pregnant with twins. The OW found out she was pregnant after he broke up with her (she probably felt him becoming disinterested and got pregnant on purpose). Anywhoo he had someone else waiting in the wings and married that woman instead. Oh.. he too didn’t want kids while we were married either.

                Here is the good news! It gets better. I have a beautiful life now that doesn’t revolve around a lying, psychopath cheater!! My number one word of advice is stop all social media or however you are seeing the OW and her pregnancy news. That is pure torture for your sweet soul!You deserve better!

              • Someone said to me at the time his affair became known “We’ve never seen Fuckwit so happy. he’s completely consumed with this woman”. she still has no idea how close she came to being knocked on her rather expansive backside.

                I just can’t believe the callousness of people to the wife of 25 years.

                I’m 5 years out and so very grateful to be away from the garbage I lived for half my life. She deserves him. They all do.

        • Dear Karen ,so sorry for your anguish , please know that he is sick ,disordered , and everything the others have said here is true , she will tire of his old ass , and he will soon no longer see all that sparkle in her .there is a somatic therapy called “brain spotting” , it’s by a doc called Dr. Brand ,he is on u-tube , it’s easy to do .i have done it and it works really well . i have no info on his phone ,because i was never allowed to see it .on the brain spotting you “imagine a scene ” and of course it can be any scene you want ,as sweet or violent as you want .it works ,give it a try .good luck honey . you will get your justice .

      • Oh. My. Gosh. PREGNANT?!?!?! I am still married too. And I am 2 years into this shit show. Meanwhile, my HUSBAND has been all over the country with OW and her small children. (Ours are in college). Why do they feel they can do this??? And isn’t there ANYTHING that can stop them???? It seems like there should be a whole separate police department for these things. I heard mine were shopping for a new home in a price range WAAAAYY more than our home is. It makes me sick and I am READY for the karma bus!!! I can’t imagine dealing with a pregnancy……I’m so sorry. 🙁

  • the AP’s name was her best friends name with an extra a on the end

    in my phone she is not listed as a contact, i just see the number, i’m also an engineer but i do have other contacts in my phone

  • S. He saved her as S. But with over 300 contacts I didn’t even notice until I had to marriage police and started connecting the dots.

  • Ah, the cell phone games!!!

    The best was her fake messages that she “planted” on her phone during my brief snooping period. They were to her OM, and to a friend, saying how remorseful she was and how she had reformed.

    Her intent was for me to see just THOSE messages and believe she’s changed. Manipulating your husband = MORE CAKE. Yummy!!!!

    • Mine did that with his OW, they sent email they knew I would find, how they did not sleep together and that she was glad he was going to start working on his marriage and she was going to work on her relationship with her live in boyfriend. The first thing I did was print it out and ask him if he was on the phone with her when she typed it, he admitted yes he was…. asshat. He used male co workers name for his contact in his phone for OW. When I found the one admitting to sex with “Steve” I handed him divorce papers right then (I had filed months before “in case”. I also was furious that he put us in a bad position with his job if Steve ever seen the implication that they were having sex on his phone…. I am sure something would have hit the fan.

      The kicker is that right after the divorce he married a second OW I was unaware of ( I wonder if first Ow knew?) and she married her “boyfriend” and moved to my neighborhood. They are both moving on and it took me 4 years to prop my Sons up and just get to survival mode. Life is a bitch sometimes. LOL

  • Ex hid his message app under Finance, I found it anyway. AP called herself Curious George. I call her Chickaboob.

  • He’s blocked, so I have nothing for him, before I blocked him I used a monkey for his image.

    He wan’t very creative with his phone. I found out about the GF when I was using his phone and her named popped up as she was calling him. That was easy.

    One thing he did do is set up a secret facebook account, it was a stupid name but only his GF and one other enabler was friends with “Nike S____” His name is Mike, so lame.

    • Mine wore one too! A really bad, cheap one.

      I call him “shitty toupee guy”. That’s how my friends know him too. Dude, nobody thinks you have a ton of jet black weird looking hair that doesn’t blend well in your mid 60’s.

      Lol. I know for a fact his coworkers make fun of him because one of his coworkers who remained my friend after she found out what a piece of shit he was told me.

  • He had all his email to her set to go to a special folder in his gmail account. I can’t remember what it was called, but he was on a business trip and told me he’d be late back because he was taking the train out to have lunch with her (from Manhattan to Long Island!) and that’s when alarm bells went off in my head. They became a klaxon when I went into his email and could not find a SINGLE EMAIL between them. Then I found the secret folder.

    Later, all kinds of pieces fell into place, like how once we were in the car and I picked up his phone to check the maps app and he jumped down my throat and gave me a twenty minute lecture about violating the privacy of his business clients and how dare I look at his phone. It wasn’t his clients. It was her.

  • mine had two sim cards- two what’s app accounts to hide the other people. One was listed in his phone as a nonsense name – I was told it was real estate agent. Mobile phone was the death of us – besides his complete lack of integrity. Cheating central. Once found out he left in 36 hours after a 30 year marriage and ran back to his native Argentina. 8 months on, no contact rules, and I just found out his phone was stolen yesterday. Such good karma. His most important possession: gone.

  • My Ex used Kevin1 for Skankella. The ironic part is we used to have window phones. When I got a new one I signed into my email address and downloaded my contacts. The weird part is that it downloaded his contacts instead. I asked him who Kevin1 was. He said it was our friend Kevin’s old gophone number. I believed him because Kevin had several gophones. I actually kept the number on my contacts up until I found out about Skankella. To think I could have found out about it earlier if I just would have called or text that number. When I found out that it was her number(he still denied it). I texted the real Kevin the number and asked him if it was ever his number. And of course it was not. My Ex was Furious that I contacted Kevin. He said that I had no right bringing him into our problems.

  • he just had her in his phone as her name, nothing too interesting.

    My name for him now on my phone is “Is it essential”. In the beginning it just helped remind me that i don’t need to respond or reach out to him. Now it’s just stuck

  • Mine listed her as her place of work. After I discovered they were texting and talking all day I confronted him. He stopped using that phone and bought a secret phone. Hides it everywhere including his sock while walking and his shoes in the closet. The idiot thinks I don’t know about this phone, but he talks to text, so easy to record.

  • My stbx name in my phone is Toby. That’s the name of the devil. Have any of you see Mr. Bean’s standup show? He goes out and says “as you can tell I’m the devil, or you can call me Toby.”

    His dumb schmoopie is in my phone as schmoopie of Toby. You may wonder why I have schmoopie in my phone but I did it because I was snooping once, adding Snapchat and some other apps and seeing if she and him are in there when pulled in from my contacts. I’m not at meh yet

    Another interesting item: he had a recurring item in his calendar every Friday at lunch time called – Justin Fabulous. WTF? I remember it going off sometimes and he gaslit me saying I don’t know what that is, who it is, it just comes up on Friday. I don’t know why it’s there. Yeahhhh I’m thinking it’s schmoopie’s standing Friday lunch date. He’s at schmoopie’s every Friday now. How do I know? Why do I care? Did I mention I’m not at meh?

    • You’ll get there. Meh took 5 years for me to reach, but most assuredly, I’m happily at meh. The day will come when you’ll laugh at his stupidity instead of hurt. Have confidence that the day will come. And you will truly be able to say, “He’s not my problem anymore! YES!!”

  • I have my ex listed as “Bad Penny,” because whatever move I made–divorce, retirement (we taught in the same department in the same small university)–whenever I thought I was free of him, he’d turn up (like a bad penny). For short, I thought of him as “BP,” which also worked for “Bra and Panties,” because he had to dress up in them (and change them out for others) when we had sex.

    My divorce will have been final one year on November 9, and I am beginning to feel the “meh.”

  • Ringtone for Dickhead: Lips Are Movin’ (But You Lie, Lie, Lie)

    After I realized he was cheating (but he didn’t yet know that I knew), I saw that he had renamed me quite some time ago “DW” – Da Wife”🙄. Since he didn’t know I knew what he was up to, I pretended I was sad about it and made him change it to “My Love”. So every time I called or texted him, I showed up as “My Love” – just to fuck with his head and piss off OW if she saw his phone.

  • My ex didn’t need to be secretive with her number because they always met up at the whore bar (where he bought rounds and rounds of drinks out of our checking account). In retrospect I should have changed his contact name in my phone to “I’m just going out to get smokes”, or “I’m stopping at the bar for a QUICK drink”, both of which meant he would stagger home completely trashed about 12 hours later and looking for a fight!

  • No AP. name per say.

    I was such a 27 yr trusting chump, you know, supporting and protecting my family, that I wouldn’t have caught it anyway.

    My new contact name for X of 8 weeks?

    NO CHANGE!

    • My wasband was constantly on his work phone and sometimes coworkers called his personal cell. I remember seeing the howorker’s name pop up on his phone but figured she was just calling about work. Later once he discarded me it was pretty easy to look at his FB friends and fill in the blanks when I saw her name. Yep, this one married, has 3 kids, works at different location than him….,I filed for divorce 4 days after discovery. Funny she hasn’t yet filed for divorce. I hope his ass ends up alone. He’s probably already looking for new narc supply.

  • Oh my ex thought he was so clever. The lies he would make up. But he couldn’t figure out how I knew who the OW was. He thought someone in his office had the nerve to squeal on him. But no, they never did. All his cheater club friends protected him as well. But in his phone, all his work people were listed by last name, including women. Except her. Nope. She was Leslie. When she transferred to his office, she was just getting through a rough divorce and her ex was difficult because he was angry about her cheating. My ex wasn’t the first married guy she screwed around with. Her kids all have different fathers. And it turns out my ex knew her in High school. All things he never mentioned. It still bugs him I found out. But it was he who revealed it. He ain’t so smart.

    • The dick got so upset with me once when I said, “You know , you’re not as smart as you think you are.” They really aren’t all that smart.

  • My ex hubs ringtone is Problem by Ariana Grande. I don’t know if he had phony names for the other women. He conducted most of his chats through Words with Friends and the Facebook messenger app. He hooked up with the women after meeting them on Facebook

  • BAM (Brokeass Mountain … his contact name in my phone) had many carefully labeled contacts in his phone, all with “Tennis” added. As if he wouldn’t quite remember how he knew this person unless he reminded himself. But funny thing, the guys he played tennis with didn’t have the label by their name, whereas the ones with “Tennis” all had short, sort of masculine sounding names but turned out to be women. Like “Mic Tennis” … was Michelle. Do you think that fooled the marriage police? Um, nope.

  • My ex’s name begins w/ L- I changed it in my phone to lying cheating Shithead & completely forgot about it – we are 98% no contact unless there is an issue with the adult kids or if my alimony is late.imagine my surprise one day when a text out of nowhere – showed up as lying cheating Shithead – I laughed so loud – I had to explain to my coworkers what I was laughing about

  • As far as GrannyHo, the Wifetress, I don’t think he had her listed in his phone other than her name. He worked with her and her calling I thought was no biggie. Apparently it was.

    Anyway, for him he is simply “Donor” in the phone. That is how I view him now and the song is “The Asshole Song” by Jimmy Buffett. He didn’t release that song, but you can find it on Youtube.

    Happy Friday y’all!!

    • Same. Her first AP was a co-worker, so it came up as his actual name. I didn’t think much about it until he texted that he wanted to take her from the back.

      Her second was a methhead from the rehab I paid for, and she put him in as the name of the rehab clinic.

      But, of course she didn’t cheat with the second one after discovery because I had said I wanted a divorce (I was still reeling from the first D-Day only a month before). Right…then why the fake name, coming back home to live with me again, and saying she wanted to reconcile?

      Oh, that’s right. I was still a useful spouse appliance.

    • “I drive really slow, in the ultra fast lane” LOLOLOL I love this song, and Denis Leary. I was 18 when this came out, and just starting to drive on the highway, so I would sing this song when someone was driving below the speed limit in the left lane for no reason. I still do !

      1993. I still can’t believe that was 26 years ago.

  • Cheater’s ring tone is Tracy’s voice stating “Trust that he sucks” repeatedly until I answer the call.
    He rarely calls so I don’t hear it often. But it helps to be reminded.
    Once he called while I was at my GF’s house. I had to explain the ringtone. She laughed & understood. She’s a Chump but she’s at Meh. I’m a work in progress hence the reminder.
    Thanks CL & CN for understanding & helping us get to Meh.
    Thanks Tracy for making the ringtone!!!

      • I forgot to mention that the ringtone is available through Patreon membership. Tracy posted them on 7/4/18- (*Independence Day)
        There’s one for our male chumps as well with Tracy stating: “Trust that SHE sucks”.
        And all entitled cheaters do suck!

        I will be a lifelong supporter of CL & CN. They got me through the bad times when I doubted myself. I want CL to be available for the newbies who need to hear the truth.
        Peace to all🙏💙

  • I didn’t know what her name was in his phone because I didn’t know about her until late after the breakup.

    But fellow Chumps of Chump Nation here’s a protip:

    If your boyfriend uses thumbprint ID for security on his phone, and lets you put in your thumbprint as well as backup in case you need to use his phone, this is good.

    HOWEVER if, almost a year later…

    He hands you the phone to “look at something” but the screen goes black and then the phone DOES NOT ACCEPT YOUR THUMB AS VALID ID and locks you out…

    You might have a red flag.

    He is blocked on all social media and I don’t even remember what his number is. I wouldn’t recognize it if he did try to bother me.

    My other exes aren’t in my phone. Ex husband is blocked. Don’t talk to the other fairly short-lived relationships. The only one that is in my phone is labeled as “Don’t talk to me.” Being honest I should probably just remove that one too. Considering….I don’t talk to him lol

  • He uses a burner phone layered with second number apps for all his shady dealings so that he can keep his personal phone clean. Everything is hidden and protected. He told me that the burner phone was an assigned work phone and I had no reason to doubt it. He was never protective or suspicious with his personal phone and would hand it to me freely to make calls for him, look things up, and use navigation. He was hardly ever on the supposed work phone and never acted weird about it either. I have no idea how he coded any contacts on the burner phone. I would never have felt entitled to go through someone else’s work equipment.

    I’m total no contact with him now so there isn’t any contact information for him on any of my devices.

  • I don’t know how my ex had the twatapotomus listed in his phone, but I call GirlGeorge (because she looks EXACTLY like Boy George from The Culture Club) and he hates it. Of course, that makes it more fun!

    Our divorce was just finalized and I am close to being able to block him forever. For now, he is listed in my phone as LCMC for Lying Cheating Man Child, with a photo of one of my favorite quotes: “Silence speaks when words cannot.” It reminds me not to answer if/when he calls, so I can enjoy the peaceful, happy life I am creating for myself.

  • He’s in my phone as Douchelord. He never had a secret name for schmoopie, but she has a gender neutral name.

    The one that hurt was his contact name for me – Ball and Chain. I objected, but received the covert narc “I don’t know why you’re so upset! It’s just a joke! Everyone else thinks it’s funny!” line of reasoning. It remained Ball and Chain for YEARS. Looking back, it’s so obvious that’s how he truly saw me.

    • How sad. But now you know that if anyone EVER refers to you in any disparaging way, dump his ass immediately. Red Flag!! I will never allow anyone to ‘joke’ at my expense again.

      • Also a whole other Friday, texts that you received that were sopposed to go to her! Ha!
        Have a great weekend!
        LIS

  • Mine wore one too! A really bad, cheap one.

    I call him “shitty toupee guy”. That’s how my friends know him too. Dude, nobody thinks you have a ton of jet black weird looking hair that doesn’t blend well in your mid 60’s.

    Lol. I know for a fact his coworkers make fun of him because one of his coworkers who remained my friend after she found out what a piece of shit he was told me.

  • His AP on his phone was “Coach Kelly”. I know now she was only an amateur golf coach. She only taught him how to get his stick in the hole and not the ball.

    His icon on my phone is a “Shiny, Sparkly Unicorn”. My kids do not know why but I giggle every time I get a message.

    But….he had to get a nurse AP. (#2 I know of) to get the stick out and now he is struggling to keep his needle in position. But I guess that is not working either because his current FB is a High School friend teaching him the basics.

    One night when he was texting about the kids supposedly …I got irritated when he was complaining about his X AP and I said “She is really a nice lady and we could of been friends if you two were not FB”. He responded with Face Book Friends? I just smiled inside and said nothing.

    I do use the word “boundaries” was too much when I communicate with my kid’s SD.

  • I took a Super Close-up of our toilet bowl for his picture, knowing my son may see my phone I didn’t want it obvious. I also had ‘SSF’ (Smelly Skank Fucker) under his name. OW really was a Skank and when I would get in his car it would sometimes smell like strong cheap perfume. When I asked why his car smelled he told me it was his buddy who wears too much cologne——-

    He just had her real name in his phone, but yes, spent a lot of time in the bathroom with his phone. Weirdo—-

    • My ex was either on the toilet with her phone or in front of the washer and dryer. She could not be approached from a blind side in either of those locations. There wasnt that much laundry to wash.

  • SPAR-her initials. And I changed his name to Mother Fucker in my contacts after the divorce. I was still consulting for his company and, after an MacOS update, my apple mail started pulling my own names for people and putting them in the address line. I had hit “reply all” to an email from someone who works directly under him -on which he was cc-d- and the mail app changed his name to “Mother Fucker” in the return email. I did not plan that and would have changed it if I had realized. I did change his name in my contacts back to his name. I learned from someone that it was thought to be funny and several of the team were new employees and didn’t know I was his ex wife.

    • Madkatie63-

      That’s pretty damn hilarious! Ex cheater douchebag and I work at the same place. Whenever an email comes up (viewed on my phone) that he is cc’d on, it shows up as “D-bag”- his assigned name.

      • Yes-I had thought mine was just the phone thing as well. Because prior to that, I had not seen my nicknames being visible to the recipient. And I did get a kick out of Siri on Apple CarPlay reading the occasional text about visitation arrangements in her robot voice, “Mother Fucker says he cannot pick up Emily until 7pm.”

  • OMG, where to begin? I think cute cell phone nicknames for his emotional/physical APs were just part of the charm of the infidelity experience for my XH. The first (emotional) AP was Big Agnes (hideously unflattering on its face, but also the name of a tent company, which is why he chose it–he loves the outdoors, dontcha know … it’s where he reconnects with himself and also, apparently, with whores). The second (physical) AP had a couple of nicknames, for cell + FB Messenger: Firestone Tire and Bobcat [insert puking emoji here]. She and I have the same first name (I know, I know), and I used to refer to her as [ChumpMeTwice]2 when we were still in wreckonciliation, which he hated. He now refers to me by my first and last initials when talking to his family (and, for all I know, when he talks to our kids)–that way he doesn’t get confused between the woman he was married to for 18 years and the Artist-Whore he cheated with, I guess. As for me, my phone contacts are synced with my daughter’s, so he shows up in my phone as “Dad.” I think this is appropriate, actually, since this is really all he is to me now: the father of my children.

  • The ex used to list his women under their own names – but he kept his phone off if he was with me, as this was in the days when mobile phones were only phones.

    I ended up saving him on my phone as Lying Skank and the OW was Desperate Fishwife, as she had a propensity for shouting stuff at me whenever she saw me.

  • The stbx rarely calls anymore but when he does, my iPhone displays the “Hello My Name is” badge with DICK in large print.

  • He had her real name in the phone. She was a coworker/howorker. I have him blocked, but his name is Cheating Asshole in the phone.

  • Ken Rogers. Because those were her intitals. Gee, how original. Email, What’s app and BBM chat name; Joseph Bloggins or something like that.
    He thought he’d gotten rid of all that evidence, but he was as incompotent about that as he was at being a husband. He was dumb enough let himself be tracked by google maps and the car’s gps going back years, so I know exactly where he was when he said he was somewhere else. I found out he had planned to divorce me from his google searches on the subject. I found pictures of her when he’d insisted there were none. I caught a flirtatious email he’d sent to her before she allegely came on to him, out of the blue, with no encouragement from him. 😄
    Oh they will lie, my friends, but the bright side is that they’re usually not as clever as they think they are and their lies are easy to uncover.
    I was able to parlay those (among even worse) discoveries into a very good financial offer, because cheaters are elementary, my dear Holmes.

  • Cheater’s name in phone contacts for schmoopie: Trouble
    My name in phone contacts for cheater:
    (He was blocked then deleted and then I changed my number – no kids)

  • He didn’t need any secret names because his phone was glued to his ass and on silent since I’d known him. One time he stopped at the front door and waited to get in to talk. I could hear his side of the conversation, he made some dumb excuse about a coworker wishing him good holidays, but joke’s on him because I knew he could only fish from the Office Pond.

    Now that he has a new relationship, he’s wearing a wristband watch/phone, I bet he thinks he’s clever that he can vet his tech activity that way now.

  • I never saw phone contacts or suspected that there were any.
    A text message to the someday STBX was the first clue that opened to door to discovery. Simply. “are we going to hook up again tonight?”
    5 years later and with some digging that revealed internet searches I finally saw behind the mask and confronted him. Married 38 years at that time and he confessed to going to prostitutes for the past 20 years.
    I now suspect it was much longer. I filed within 4 days of the confession and divorce is still pending after almost 3 years. He sourced his new supply and has been with her for almost 2 years. I am waiting for divorce and I would love to find someone to spend time with. I am planning a wedding for our youngest daughter and I have to put on my happy momma face and I will. I am hopeful that the divorce will be final before her wedding. I’m always smoking that hopium. His name is still in my contact list but he doesn’t call so I haven’t deleted it yet.

    • Stop smoking the hopium and life will be so much nicier! I was only married 30 years to your 38. I’m so glad my divorce took 5 months (from D-Day 2) to accomplish. And now I’m free in the head too. Good luck!

      • Amazon Chump I think she means she is smoking the hopium that the divorce will eventually be finalized. She filed immediately but the divorce is dragging on 3 years. My divorce took 2 years and that process was worse than D-Day. You are right to be glad yours only took 5 months.

  • He’s under CrapWeasel in my phone. He gets three video calls with DD a week so every time I see that it’s CrapWeasel calling, I laugh. Then I can be in a better frame of mind for having to listen to his stupid shit when he’s talking to DD (she’s 5).

    I don’t have skank-now-wife in my phone at all. Fuck that.

  • My ex worked with 2 women named Jane. She had her last AP (there were apparently at least 3) in her phone as “Jane.” It was an easy scam; I wouldn’t question
    Once while she was looking through her call logs, I noticed that “Jane” would call in the morning before work, probably on the drive in.
    “Why do you talk to her on your way into work? You’ll see her ten minutes later.”
    “We’re good friends! We like to talk any chance we get.”
    Yeah, I bought that one.

    Now, for her, I rotate her contact name through a series:
    “Princess Sluterella”
    “Hester Prynne” (for fans of the “Scarlet Letter”)
    “Adulteress, the Cheater Superheroine”

    The first one is my favorite.

  • I have no idea what name(s) he used for his various APs, hookers, or whatever they were. However, if I had to name his current woman (the OW), I would use Fungus Amungus because of her real name.

    • I’m NC with the Dickhead except for one email still open as we still have joint car loans. After the divorce was final and the house was sold, I deleted his contact out of my phone. He was blocked way before then. Once the loans are paid, I will block him on email as well.

      • I like “Fungus Amungus”! I have kids with the dick, so I keep his info just in case we need to contact each other in regards to one of them. And unfortunately, we have had to do that in the past. But they’re adults now. I could probably remove his contact info, but it’s so much fun knowing he’s in there with some disparaging ID.

  • He is not listed in my phone at all because I changed my number, and he doesn’t know it. Thank God It’s Tuesday.

  • I have no idea. My XW’s affairs ended 10-12 years ago. It was with coworkers, so probably under their names. We had a land line. She would have never let me look at her phone.

  • I dont know what OW was called in his phone, but stbx is ‘cheating selfish sociopathic scum’ in mine. He had deleted every message in his phone when I lost my shit and asked to look at it, which was evidence itself. Beofre thsi I had noted he had turned off Google location, changed his pin and turned of ‘last read’ in Whattaspp

    I had the OW in my phone as ‘Whore face’ as I did have a chat with her on DD3 after I found out he was stringing both of us along for three months with neither of our knowledge, however, she did know he was married with kids (and was married herself ) on DD1 and DD2, so she is still a whore. She also took him back even though he was effectively cheating on her, with me, for their entre ‘relationship’ – Go them

  • I am fully no contact He doesn’t even try. I just had to check to see if he is still on my phone– yup “Wackjob” is still there. We haven’t spoken in about 3 years now. The only contact was a nasty email about me claiming capital gains on our cottage, sold in the divorce ( funny how the government caught up with him refusing to claim capital gains–which is the LAW). I even told him I would be claiming it because, hello, I HAVE TO. As always, rules don’t apply to the wackjob.

  • He had her as TG – her initials. Very creative. At that point, I changed my cell phone ringtone for him – now, whenever he calls or texts me (we’re still involved with each other financially until the divorce is final, which I hope will be soon) – my phone plays “Before He Cheats.” And I file his emails to me in a folder named “Assholes.”

  • The Other Woman — the first one I knew about, really — was in his contacts under the male version of her first name. Think Henry/Henrietta or Samuel/Samantha. I thought he and Sam talked on the phone and texted back and forth an awful lot, but everyone needs friends. Later, I found out about all the other women — who were in his phone under their real names, with their real pictures and real work phone numbers and cell numbers. He was a nurse — he worked with a lot of women.

    I never even suspected him of cheating — I thought he had too much honor for that. When I found out about the Other Woman, I did some digging. He was cheating all along, but he did it at work, or in the ladies room when the whole team went out for drinks. (At least one time, I was with him — standing at the bar talking to one of his colleagues while he was doing the nasty with another. I heard about the couple (both married to other people) who got caught screwing in the back of an ambulance parked outside the ER . . . It was a big object of gossip through the whole hospital. Didn’t know that the guy was MY husband. I heard about (even saw part of) the security tape where someone was screwing on the helipad. The guy’s back was directly in front of the camera, and he kept his back to the camera. Security was very frustrated because “they knew where the camera was, and they kept their faces away from it.” I don’t know for sure, but that was probably my husband, too.

    In MY phone, he’s listed as CAD, working for the company “Cheating Abusive Douche”. And the ringtone? “Done” by The Band Perry. I’m Done. I was done within a few weeks of the first D-Day. Thank God for t hat!

  • I was the one with friends listed under other names in my phone, because my x started to become extremely scary controlling towards the end. Now, I have the “no spackling” picture from CL set as his pic in my contacts.

  • You live by your phone, you die by your phone. My ex-h liked hookers and he liked variety, so there was no need to save anybodys contact info. He loved making a huge show out of how transparent he was with his phone: I knew his pass code, etc. However, he used to do all of his Backpage, Cityxxx fuckery on a secure folder, which remained hidden until he got sloppy and forgot to close the folder before getting into the shower one day. He used GoogleVoice to set up his ‘dates’.

    I’m completely NC but when I was still vulnerable I saved his number ‘He Who Lies Easily’ in my phone. He wouldn’t dare call me, but I love the idea of making his ringtone the siren from Silent Hill = )

  • As per all the advice of this great nation, ex is listed as “Predator – do not text or call.” This helped me hugely after Dday, when I wanted to let him know exactly what I thought of him, but understood that No Contact was the way to go.

    I’m 3 years out – I thought I had him blocked everywhere. One Monday morning a few weeks ago my phone started chirping with the sound of crickets and ‘Predator – do not text or call’, flashed on the screen. I didn’t answer, he didn’t leave a message, he’s definitely blocked now.

    Meh

  • I listed the Ex as Assclown and that used to make me laugh every time he attempted contact.

    I also went through a string of online dating cheaters and developed phone list nicknames for each one of them.

    Assclown did attempt a message 3 years after I last encountered him; I received it during a dinner date with a very nice man. It gave me great pleasure to ignore and delete the text. I wished I’d texted back “who is this”. He has since died…suddenly…of a heart attack. OW apparently was with him at the time, but had no CPR skills, sat there and watched him die. The story was chronicled in a local paper.

  • Ex didn’t need to have false names for affair partners because ex would rage at me viciously every time I even questioned anything. When I finally wisened up enough to at least say no more, she declared affair partners were “just friends” and that i was a controlling monster. Ex would also tell all her friends that I was so controlling and manipulate them into helping her carry on her affairs. They would have ex talk to affair partners on their phones instead of hers.

    Ex also discovered snapchat and carried on the affairs a good many years that way. Also fetlife. I’m sure a litany of others I didn’t know about.

  • Ex never put the phone down to know what the whore was named on his phone. Whore was saved in my phone as “what the Fuck is it whore”. The 1st guy at my job that saw her picture that’s what he said about her. My ex was saved as “Lying, cheating, pyscho with last name”. My ex father in law who has paid ex’s bills for the whole time we have been split and every time I talked to him he said “its so sad” yet continues to wipe up ex’s shit show was labeled ” Ass wipe with last name”. My ex stepmother in law was listed as “phony faker” she has tried to pretend she had no knowledge of what happened, even after our child told her what happened she just told my daughter “she was a drama momma like her mother. ” In final decree I put my ex thru a server. Since divorce finalized I have blocked and deleted them all. No contact for over 1 year! They are not my tribe; they lack morals, character and any values. The fact that our mutual friends have since blocked and deleted ex said a lot to me.

  • No witty names to report, NC was relatively swift.
    It was funny to contact AT&T- to drop his line from the account- apparently they hear these stories VERY often.
    Schmoops goes by “Piper”. So that was fun.
    Two trash cans rolling down the street together.
    #Garbagewuv
    #dirtypipes

  • Ooh-I want to play!

    I had access to the phone records and I saw the same number popping up.

    I went on socialcatfish.com and found her-her first name was Tracy but I can’t remember he last name.

    For some reason-when I looked at his phone-he had her as “Tracy Redondo.”

    Not very creative if you ask me.

    I have the final revenge-since we still have kids and have to deal with each other-I changed his name to “NC” in my phone for “No Contact” just as a little reminder to keep it brief…..

  • This is a public service message for Chumps planning their escape from the abuser. I am on a Verizon family plan with my husband (he recently shot himself and I got a restraining order while he was in the hospital for three weeks). I went to Verizon to have my phone removed from the account but they refused to do so without contacting him. Contacting a person who is involuntarily committed to a psychiatric unit is difficult…..well, impossible. I explained that his imminent release would allow him access to his phone and my phone records. This is how I was able to track his texts to women…I spied on him, and I could tell where calls originated. So, now he can do this to me. He was released from the psychiatric unit yesterday….and guess what…he made a beeline to our home.

    I will go to Verizon today to ask permission to please let me remove MY PHONE from the account; this will require a call to him….so, contact….with the abuser…is their ONLY solution.

    That a person in danger has NO RIGHTS with Verizon must change. I plan to write a detailed letter to the CEO and other high level executives demanding that they change their policies. A RESTRAINING ORDER is not sufficient to remove MY PHONE from his account. They told me I would have to provide a COURT ORDER to do so without his permission.

    Since today’s topic was about phones and deception, I thought this might be useful to share.

    • Kate, I remember you story. Good luck to you honey. Please stay safe and do write that fucking letter! Pity your ex was such a bad shot!

    • Kate, I’m sorry he didn’t do the world a favor and die. Just as a precaution can you dump that phone? Can you buy a cheap burner phone?

      Just when you think cheaters have reached the bottom there is a cheater like your STBX. Men like him are terrifying. Until you deal with an unmasked narcissist you have no concept about the danger they pose.

      I’m glad to know you are kicking corporate ass. Good luck to you. I’ve been thinking about you and wondering how you were managing. Thank you for the public service announcement to Chump Nation. That you can think of others in the face of your trauma shows your fine character.

    • How about just ditching your account and getting an entirely different phone? I use Consumer Cellular, and it’s pretty good. They’ll even give you a free chip for your existing phone with the new number. Ta Dah!!

    • I went through this with Verizon too and the bill was in my name. They finally broke him off and began sending him his own bill. I assume his attorney advised him to get his own phone so I couldn’t access it. He said he lost that phone ha ha always a lair. I was no longer the marriage police and cared less.
      Legalities can be difficult.

      • I wonder if Verizon has different policies depending on the State you are located in? Our family plan account was in his name, but at D-Day only the children and I had phone lines on the plan. His phone was on his company plan. I always had administrator access with the passcode. I was afraid he would close the account once I filed and that we would all lose our phone numbers without notice. I had no problem contacting Verizon and requesting that all 4 phone lines be transferred to a new account and plan under my name. This was in 2015.

    • Hopefully this is not too late. Something I learned from an attorney, when sending letters of complaint be sure that each member of the Board gets a copy, not just the CEO. You can find out who the Board Members are by looking them up on the New York Stock exchange or google the Board of Directors of the company. I have used this on several occasions and it is very effective.

  • After hyper vigilance set in, after I read her FBIMs…LACGAL
    I was introduced to the NC concept. I changed my ringtone FOR HER to “Crickets”. I learned to document everything by screenshot texts or emails AND ONLY TO Communicate about lawyer directed signatures that were required. I didn’t change her name but did block her after getting my head around NC’s necessity for my mental health.
    Very soon after the divorce was finalized, I deleted her.

  • He had her in his phone as William Smith. His chief counsel was Bill Smith (also in his phone).
    He’s in my phone as FF, which stands for fuckface. She’s in my phone as DB, which stands for dumb bitch.

  • My ex had his girlfriend listed under his brothers name in his phone — so, any time he said he was talking to his brother, in his twisted mind, it was true

  • My x had too many to keep track of Im sure and I could never pry his phone from his hands to check it out. Although his name on dating sites was “Life is Good”. I digress!
    My name for him is Alien and ringtone is Sci-Fi tone. He rarely calls 4 yrs out. I don’t give him space in my head anymore. Truly and alien … 32 yrs I never knew you!!

  • This one is mundane but convenient. I am sure he was proud of himself, master of deceit that he was.

    He had been in the real estate business peripherally but was no longer. One local builder is KB Homes.

    His ‘former girlfriend’, perennial ho’s name was K**** B****. So, for the longest time he got away with having her in his phone under ‘KB Home’. (What cunning, huh!?!?!?)

    Others in his harem were usually put under men’s names. Anytime there was a new name in his contacts, I could be sure it was a new woman.

    I understand that the pathetic alcoholic piece of puke is having karma served to him in a very harsh way. That is very gratifying to me.

  • I never clued in the cell phone thing until a couple of months ago when my ex and I were at our daughters swim team picnic and his new wife appliance texted him and I heard the text tone, which was set as a whistle.

    I heard it ALL THE TIME before he left me…. never dawned on me until that moment.

    I have him as HP in my contacts because I screen shot our text convos and I don’t want to have to explain “asswipe” in any testimony.

  • Still struggling with no contact, deleted his number and blocked it many many MANY times. He is now in my phone as either Unavailable Fuckwit or If It Quacks Like a Duck…sometimes RUN GURL!

    No special ringtone though, lazy communication for millennials, texting only. Ugh…

  • The XH’s contact name for his whore was listed as her name. You see, I trusted my XH 100% until D-day. I never asked to look at his phone until the night of D-day. I’m am 100% confident that he was shocked when I asked to look at his phone that night. He was glued to my side while I read all the flirtatious emails between the two of them. XH’s phone was always in his front pocket, snuggled up next to his penis.

    I changed his name many times on my phone. Assbrain, Psychopath, Sociopath, Satan’s Son, Snake, Pinocchio, Evil Fucking Adulterer and many more that I can no longer remember. I eventually changed it to just plain old X as I gave my daughter my password to my phone and I didn’t want her to see all those names. lol.

    I have two gmail accounts and folders with crap from him are called, “Sociopath” and “Snake”. Both names fit him very well.

  • If I were still in contact with narc family members they would be listed as the following
    -H.P.P. Harlow the philandering philatelist
    -Darvo
    -Hell/wife 3.0./Flying Monkey

    And on behalf of a family friend whose cheater/husband (50+years of marriage) died in 2003 before cell/smart phones, Howard the Whoremonger. A cell phone would have been like crack cocaine to him. Had a face lift a couple of years before his pancreatic cancer diagnosis. And of course he left his body to science for posthumous ego kibbles.

  • I have a picture of a donkey for his contact on my iPhone. His name is listed as Tin Man. Because he lacks a heart.

    He would put her name in his phone as a guy that he worked with.

  • Never bothered to go through his phone, so no idea what he hid the whore under, just know that he would do it. Like the disordered even hid his parent’s names under different bs in his phone…you really can’t make this up.

    Anyway, I did find it therapeutic to rename him as a reminder to myself what a pos he is, especially since we still have business together and he still tries to gaslight me. Initially, I had some choice words in English, but then I was in a meeting, my phone was out and fuckwit was texting me and let’s say I got some strange looks from people who glanced over and saw the expletives……sooo….being that I know a few foreign languages, I switched to that. Still expletives, but sound so much better in another language and most people can’t read it or understand what it means. I like it and it still serves as a constant reminded that I’m dealing with a disordered, evil, sadistic pos who is trying to pretend to be human.

  • His schmoopie the first time round – “Jim”

    Second time round but same OW (after I’d insisted he delete “Jim”even though he said they were just talking) – “M”

    Him in my phone now – “Twunt” followed by the boxing glove emoji. Wish I could delete him altogether but, shit sandwich parenting!

  • Never thought to check his phone. It was a Blackberry so security setting would have kept me from it.

    I assume it would be Cici.

    Once I discovered the OW name, he knew he couldn’t keep that name going. At that time of discovery, she was simply a “friend” and he had only “been over there a handful of times” to chat or watch a movie. Of course, I stupidly believed it.

    Five months later he took the kids away for a daddy’s weekend without mom. He allowed the OW to join them. We were not separated at the time. He introduced her as Cici to the kids. He figured that if the kids talked about “Daddy’s friend from school” named Cici, I wouldn’t figure it out. It took five minutes after they arrived home for them to say something, me pulling her picture up on the internet for them to i.d. her positively, and hell to break loose.

    Cici became his nickname for her – a 40 year old woman.

  • They rang each other multiple times a day. OW was not in his phone. He often had coworkers in his car. Couldn’t afford to have her name pop up on the in-car Bluetooth screen, as she was ex employee who moved to a rival company, and also, she wasn’t his only girlfriend on staff.

    Hilariously he turned up at my house a few months after D day. In a terrible state, asking for urgent help to deactivate his Tinder account before Schmoopie found it. Chumpy me thought I’d help for the kids sake, as the kids cousins has already discussed Uncle being on Tinder. Awkward for our kids.

    Turns out that when he set up his Tinder account he had been drunk and so used to dialling her that he’d put Schmoopie’s number in as his contact no, instead of his own. His password reset request would be sent to Schmoopie! Oops! Karma.

  • The day after DD & him moving in with OW, he went from “Hubby” on my contact to “CHEATING SOB”! That remained for at least a year (w/a ring tone announcing, “Asshole Calling…”.

    After divorce was dragged on & I was attempting to be nice in an attempt to get it over with, he was listed by just his first name & had a regular ringtone. As soon as the divorce was final, he became “ASSHOLE EX”.

    A year or so after the trial of him being charged with Felony Child Abuse toward our kids, my teenage daughter took it upon herself to change my contact to “SPERM DONOR” with a ringtone of “Dont Answer Asshole Calling”. I don’t usually allow my kids to get away with cussing but in this case, I’ve allowed it.

  • The day after DD & him moving in with OW, he went from “Hubby” on my contact to “CHEATING SOB”! That remained for at least a year (w/a ring tone announcing, “Asshole Calling…”.

    After divorce was dragged on & I was attempting to be nice in an attempt to get it over with, he was listed by just his first name & had a regular ringtone. As soon as the divorce was final, he became “ASSHOLE EX”.

    A year or so after the trial of him being charged with Felony Child Abuse toward our kids, my teenage daughter took it upon herself to change my contact to “SPERM DONOR” with a ringtone of “Dont Answer Asshole Calling”. I don’t usually allow my kids to get away with cussing but in this case, I allowed it.

  • I never even looked. I just assumed that if he was on his phone it was work related or some far flung friend (he didn’t have many local that I knew of). Silly me. I trusted him so completely.

  • Mine had my step sister (one of his OW) as Gregg. When I asked him who Gregg was he said his phone somehow changed her name, even though her name didn’t have one single letter of Gregg in it. That’s when I figured it out, since I’d already looked through the texts and could tell it was an OW. His others he didn’t have listed.

    My name for my ex (even though I have him blocked in my phone) is ThatDisorderedDick.

  • The level of gaslighting around the cel phone was just mind boggling.

    He’s bought himself a phone on my cellular plan. On my credit. Then used it to cheat on me. And would insist the text bubbles that I could SEE popping up from the Sluterus were ‘Candy Crush’. That’s was probably her code name.

    He and Candy Crush exchanged over 5000 texts a month for three months. The day after D Day I insisted we go to the carrier store and get that damn phone lease in his name and off mine.

    He wasn’t the least bit broken up about breaking up his family. He was only nervous that I’d he couldn’t get credit in his own name how he’d be on prepaid cellular Candy Crush.

    I made him stand there while I said to the clerk, ‘Hi, I’d like to no longer pay for my husband to text his mistress, can you give him his own Whoreline?’

    When he was on the phone with the credit people he got a delighted look and gleefully flashed me a thumbs up. Without a hint of sarcasm. You see, his credit had always been shitty. From living with me rent free and with my help, it was over 700 for the first time ever! I had served my purpose as a wife appliance well!

    Stunned, I stood up and did a full thumbs out Elaine Benes Dry Heave Dance.

    I have never seen two guys in Pink T Mobile shirts look more uncomfortable. Zero Regrets!

  • CHUCKLES
    he is a deadpan fish who never even smiles
    I still laugh everytime he has to text me about the kids

  • Exhole’s name on my phone is FIGJAM (F*k I’m Good Just Ask Me).
    The picture attached to his contact just says ‘Loser’ in big red letters.
    His Mistress of 4 years (who came to my house twice to visit me to convince me she was no threat to our marriage, came out on a dinner and movies date with us and whom he made me take out at my expense for a day trip and lunch in an effort for me to accept her as my inevitable replacement after my cancer prognosis) is in my phone as ‘The Vulture’.

  • My ex had all his escort, hookers, Dating site hook ups etc. listed in his phone in the Q’s. For example: Q Blonde Bimbo. When I first was playing detective and hoping for reconciliation I found the stash of all the Q women and counted at least 50. Later after we separated and then got back together I was so hopeful when I snuck a moment alone with his phone and found that the Q women had decreased to about 15. My chumpy self thought that was such an improvement!

    Before dday my then husband had my ringtone as the theme for Darth Vader. He thought it was hilarious. I asked him respectfully to change it as I didn’t share his humor. He said he did. Come to find out he changed it to a voice saying, “Warning, warning, It’s the Wife!”. Should have been a HUGE red flag.

  • The ex has been blocked for a couple of years but prior to that was listed as Judas. He got through after an update and has also had someone else try to get me to respond. When that didn’t work, he reared his ugly head by coming to my mom’s funeral and serving me soon after under the guise he could no longer run his business so support should be excused. It’s been 3 years divorced. Same old same old. Court is January.
    I would advise anyone new to go for a lump sum even if its smaller than you deserve but you’ll be free. It may be hard to accept at the time with emotions at play but you will be far better off than dealing with a clusterB. If you are dealing with a disordered person, they do not go away.

  • First mistress I-Phone name was KK, after someone at work.

    His “secret” Instagram account was Dewitte Wank–the white masturbator.

    His “secret” Facebook account was Hawiian_wolf (dumbass couldn’t even spell that correctly)

    His “secret” Flickr account was BunnyLover1 (first mistress name)

    He didn’t even bother using a “fake” name for his now wife. But he calls her Buttercup (as he did me also) and they have purchased Buttercup Farm. Quaint.

    Recent Instagram account was TheGreat_Dave, and he friended his first mistress and she comments on my daughter’s photos. I don’t think Buttercup knows. Chump Lady is right–they don’t change.

  • I changed his name to ‘Judas Iscariot’

    But because of all the dodgey things he was doing he kept changing his number. Now I NEVER answer a number I don’t recognise, I let it go to message and then return the call when I know who it is.

  • Just a follow up on the other side of this. recently, I was in his presence. And I saw his phone and my texts to him. My name was still listed as my real name. Also he misplaced his phone and had me call it. The ring tone was still the normal everyday ring tone. Both of those things were semi-reassuring. I would have thought for sure my name would have been changed to bitch, or something like that. And the ring tone some kind of squawking sound.

  • Narkles the Clown had the Flying Whore listed by the name of a character in a book that happened to be a dog. Of course calling her a bitch wasn’t a difficult leap.

    In my phone he is “Father of my Children “ with the Chumplady shark illustration. I’d use the butthead illustration but my son sometimes uses my phone.

  • Just thinking about all this shows me I’m not nearly as close to Meh as I hoped I was.

    I was never allowed to use his phone and he had a fingerprint thing on it. Her name was probably just her name as she was a friend of mine. He hated her until she started hanging around with me and was the fun, care-free one. Now they’re together and I still flare here and there. We were having problems and were headed down the D road but I still trusted him, as I foolishly had all these years. He was not of good character, lied about stupid things and never made me feel safe. I just thought he wouldn’t ever do me this way and he has done this and more. I’m way on guard and if anyone ever guards their phone like this again, they’ll be out the door. If I ever even open up another door.

    Anyway for him, he’s had a variety of nicknames since this whole thing happened. Right now I’ve been calling him McShorty, he’s 5’2, she’s 5’10. I would cringe and feel sick every time he called but since changing it from David to McS NC/Meh has helped tremendously. Now I can answer on the few occasions he calls and feel nothing as the phone rings. I have No contact with her but her name is HorseFace.

    It’s the little things I guess! 🙂

  • My cheater asswipe would go hunting and tell me he didn’t have phone service, yet I would find him active on Whatsapp. He is the biggest fucking scumbag and liar I ever met. Lied constantly and gaslighted me constantly. I believe him and his hunting buddies flew in their age inappropriate whores or even something worse, to be with them on their so called “remote” trips. At this point, I seriously would not be surprised if he gets caught up in the Jeffrey Esptein scandal.

    That fucker told me he wouldn’t have cell phone service on NYE, yet his whatsapp blew up around midnight. I look forward to the karma bus running him down.

    • Crickets is what I use – when it went off (thought it was blocked), I just stared incredulously at my phone. Worked very well.

  • My WhyDoIHaveToWaitSoLongToBeX had the OW along with other patients name in his phone! He didn’t hide her but when the Medical Panel found out he fucked her in a Mother’s Room they deregistered him!!!!

  • No names on my ex husband’s phone contact list. Not a one. He could remember numbers and did not need names to go along with them. Only contacts on his phone were a few work numbers and guys from his favorite bar. After D-Day, he threw out his flip phone and was not going to get another. Couple days later he gets an I-phone and a “free” iPad. A few months later, a friend said check the message on the Ipad, wow that tip helped me get a lot bigger alimony settlement. Wish I checked the message tied to the phone a lot sooner. He told his kids, his family that I was crazy to think he was cheating. He had to call his kids, crying A YEAR LATER, and tell them he cheated on me with his co worker. I’m doing great, I get a nice check every month, typed up by the Jesus Cheater, and I have a lot more money and integrity than this sorry loser.

  • My ex’s ring tone used to be “Kiss This”. For those that don’t know older country is goes “you can kiss, yeah kiss this and I don’t mean on my Rosey red lips. Just kiss this good bye”. Right now it’s “here’s a quarter call someone who cares”

  • I knew her name, but she was on the other share of the country. He never hid her name. A friend he said. I believed him. I didn’t know that she was flying to where he was when he traveled for work. I didn’t know those weekends where he needed “some quiet time” for himself that he was actually meeting her. She had money… and paid for everything. The affair lasted 10 years. She even divorced her husband to marry mine.

    Then he “cheated” on her by starting another affair with someone he met off of Craigslist’s now defunct sex site. Two months into that one he told me about it and said it was just too hard to manage all three of us, so he wanted a divorce (after 25 years). I was blindsided.

    He broke up with first mistress, divorced me, ran off with the Craigslist slut.

  • Ok. Sounds like my husband in every post. DK .
    We live in Leighton.

    He’s only screwed half the UK. LIES ABOUT IT. TRIES TO MQJE ME THINK I’M CRAZY. FOR TWO YEARS. .
    He’s insane.
    !!!!!

    I saw him on PORHUB.
    THAT’S HOW I FOUND OUT. A STILL DENIES IT. Says he will die without my daughter and myself that he’s done nothing wrong. Cough cough b*llsh*t

  • My STBX is listed under manipulative asshole, makes me smile every time I see a text pop up from him! After he thought we could be married and he’d have his AP on the side too. Big nope from me!

  • I never had access to see what he called the Ho, but he is FT on my phone for Fucktard. Which still describes him until he does something decent or acts decent toward me, FT he will be.

  • Fun challenge idea!

    My stbx saved his affair partners in his phone as “Steve” and similar male code names. But of course the idiot would get sloppy and I would see from the text content that it was not a male he’s talking to. A reverse phone number search would get me the real answer.

    After we separated I named him in my phone as “Satan – 13 years wasted”. I felt childish but it actually helped me maintain NC and not pick up the phone when he would call me at a weak moment in the early days of separation. Many times I was screenshotting my texts to send to my lawyer as evidence (to document the many things he lied about in his court documents) and I had to change the name back so that I didn’t want it to look like I was being childish when the court saw it. Btw, let me just say I’m so glad that I hadn’t deleted a text message ever. The easy availability of the text content boosted my case significantly. my ex tried to lie about things that we had discussed and it was great to have it in writing to show he was lying and keep the record straight in court. I tried to get full text records from my phone carrier but they don’t keep them very long, so I suggest using a backup app and protecting this data if you’re going through a divorce.

    Btw, major milestone in the divorce yesterday – The house was transferred to my name only! F yes, I fought so hard for this! I love this home – I found it, I chose it, I talked him into it, I made it a home. We bought it years ago at the bottom of the recession and it would really be hard to find something like this now even at double the price, so I’m glad it worked out for me. Divorce should be final by December and I can’t wait.

    • Mushroom Cloud, that is awesome! I’m so happy your divorce will be over next month!!! Best Christmas gift ever!!!!! Getting rid of a fuckwit is a true gift!

  • The ex male whore is “Do Not Call This Piece Of Sh*t, with a emoji of a pile of poop. Works every time!

  • My husband (now ex husband) listed the OW in his phone with our last name which she gladly took immediately after she destroyed my family and married my husband.

  • When our 14-year old SON picked up his phone when his hero father went to the bathroom during a Red Sox game break, he and asked, “Hey Dad, “CW” keeps texting weird things. Who is that?”

    “Co-Worker,” son. Someone stole “his” phone. Why? What did it say?”

    He lied to everyone who loved him here. My now 22-year old son hasn’t talked to dad in years. He can’t rtrust him.

  • Never had access to my XW’s phone, so I don’t know how Sgt Sugardick was listed in there, but I’ve changed her ID in my phone to “WOMANCHILD (Do Not Answer)”.

  • I intercepted STBXW and her sister (triangle) talking about the AP by calling him “Sabrina”, though the context seemed off and I figured it out.

    After DDay, STBXW changed his details to “Private Number” so that if I a call ever popped up, I would think it was her work or something, as internal office phones do not show up except as private number.

    After the reconciliation (or what I thought it was), I have STBXW in my phone simply as “Kids’ Mum” as that is all she is to me now. I also added the specific ringtone called “Time’s Up”, which is perfectly titled, LOL.

  • My kids still use my phone to call him sometimes, so I have XH in there as his name. I did delete his picture and put in a really unflattering one.

    His AP was his coworker and in there under her own name. I never suspected b/c I never needed to look at his phone. I’m guessing I would have figured things out had I actually looked, but I wasn’t threatened by her then – or now. But I do have her in my phone as “The Worst” – she gave me her phone number for emergency contact if the kids are with them sometime, but I doubt I’ll ever text or call it.

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