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Cheater Freak Christmas?

In years past, I’ve done a Cheater Freak Christmas Countdown! where we try to best each other with our cheater freak stories.

In the past, I’ve draw cartoons of the winning submissions — which are pretty legend. The cheater who had a meltdown and escaped by hopping away in a sleeping bag. GladIt’sOver whose ex presented her with a half-eaten box of cereal. The psychotic squirrel assassin. Read the archives. This stuff is gold.

This is how the game is played — you tell Chump Nation the freaky, WTF particulars. Examples include, the cheating plumber who referred to his clients as his “fans”, the cheater who threatened his chump with a pagan scythe, the OW who made nail-clipping art. (YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP!)

The object here is to be as SUCCINCT as possible. No essays! You can comment on other people’s Freak submissions, but each submission needs to be a three brief sentences, tops.

For example, my submission would go like this.

1) He had the same mistress for over 20 years and three marriages.

2) OW and ex apparently had a kid together and she passed the paternity off on her brother-in-law.

3) After boinking his OW in Vermont, he drove home and presented me with a one-pound bag of coffee.

I will announce a winner at New Year’s. And you win a copy of my book. I’ll even draw a little something inside. So Chump Nation, BRING IT! And Merry Xmas!

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • When confronted about his OWs no contact order against her own husband after an assault, the cheater’s defence was “the system is trying to make an example out of her because she is a woman.”

    • I kicked ex out in 2016 after a 2 year marriage and since then he’s had 4 jobs and been accused in print of performing unnecessary surgery. I recently learned he lost another job for sleeping with the wife of a critically ill patient. Yesterday he buzzed my house so low in his small plane that it rattled the windows and the glassware of my Christmas brunch.

      Chumplady please make a cartoon of a fat aging pervert doctor in scrubs and surgical mask.

      Merry Christmas!

      • The buzzing of your house does it for me on so many levels – I hope you don’t mind but I laughed out loud! A cartoon of a fat aging pervert doctor in scrubs and surgical mask FLYING A PLANE AND BUZZING YOUR HOUSE – bwahahahaha

  • I can give you a single-dose selection:

    Cheater #1 thought that he was going to get a senior job at the United Nations at the age of 24 and with a not terribly good degree in anthropology.

    Cheater #2 designed milk cartons for a living, and believed this gave him special expertise in the printing industry. To the point where he epically beclowned himself at a meeting with my fellow graduate students who wanted to set up a print journal back in the 90s. He was amazingly patronizing, and I wanted the earth to open and swallow me.

    Cheater #4 tried to tell me he had been a contestant on the UK TV program Mastermind, and also tried to impress me by telling me about the time Prince Edward had him to tea at Cambridge. Once. I suspect with a crowd of other people.

    I clearly have a magnetic attraction for the over-confident and slightly delusional.

    Merry Christmas!

    • Did we date the same Cheater #1?

      He got an anthropology degree from a no-name college and spent the whole time making fun of classmates he considered inferior idiots.

      Funnily enough, all those “inferior idiots” went on to get Ph.D.’s from prestigious research universities, while the cheater got rejected to every grad program to which he applied for years in a row until he finally gave up.

      • There’s definitely a theme. Mine started but I think never finished a doctorate, because it’s amazing how little incentive you have for a big project when your girlfriend is no longer around to write it for you.

      • I’ll give you guys over confident narcissists, but please do not rag on Anthropology— every discipline has idiots (one of my best friends has a degree in Anthropology)

  • XH and OW were reunited after 30 years and each cheated and divorced their spouses. 6 months later romance fizzled. XH cheated with a different X HIgh School girlfriend on Shank OW.

    Today, OW sent me a picture of her and my XH her XAP, with his arm draped lovingly around her with her bleached blond hair shining in front of a Christmas tree. My children recognized the picture from last Christmas.

    My adult kids might of recreated the picture with the sleeves of XH shirt draped around a trash can with a blond wig in front of our Christmas tree.

    Then inserted both pictures into “The Office” meme “Corporate needs you to find the difference between this picture and this other picture”
    Pam: “they are exactly the same”

    Best laugh I have had in a long time

    Why would she contact me? She stole the SHINEY sparkly turd and Won the prize. And lost it to another skank ho trying to relive her high school dreams?

  • When I left, he tried to get me back and vowed to drop OW in a heartbeat. I told him to leave me alone, so he harassed me with nonstop insults and threats. Then he said he will “always love me” when I didn’t reply, they got engaged immediately, and I found out she was carrying his baby.

  • Brought me the same necklace twice… must have forgotten what he’d gifted each of us

    • I got the same Christmas valentine, birthday cards many times. he’d pull them out if the box I saved. I started putting dates on them. still got them.

  • 1. Cheater invited OW over to our house for a barbecue while they were sleeping together. I served her salad and ribs.

    2. When I confronted cheater he claimed he had to sleep with her to help relieve the pressure caring for my disabled sister. (who doesn’t live with us…)

    3. Cheater wishes to follow OW’s dream of being a “tornado chaser,” you know.. like in the movie Twister?

    LOL may all our Ex’s find their tornado! Happy Holidays!

    • OMG. I am speechless and chuckling just a little. This may just trump my story. Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year!!

    • When her husband found out about her one year affair with my ex, his HoWorker went to the police station and accused my h of sexual assault. He was charged (later dropped), had to pay a $ settlement to her and her husband, a fine $$$, Court fees $$$, and was suspended from work for 6 months. I truly believe if she didn’t expose her crazy so soon, they would still be together today.

  • X had a one night stand while away for a family wedding. When he overslept at the OW’s house, causing his ENTIRE FAMILY(parents, aunts, cousins, grandmother) miss their plane home, and call the authorities because they thought something tragic had happened to him…he told them that he got lost in Seattle (where the wedding was), and just couldn’t find the hotel. So he had laid down and slept on a park bench all night. And of course, the flying monkeys ate that story right up! *eye roll*

  • When confronted about his presence at a private address unknown to us (tracked on findmyfriends) he said he was helping his friend to paint a wall. He never lifted a paintbrush in our 13 years together.

    He moved out immediately on discovery at Christmas, and took this friend to a 5* spa hotel the weekend of my January birthday.

    While I was selling the matrimonial home some months later he was on the neighboring island from the one we married on, with OW #?

  • Fuckwit left me pregnant for OW, who dumped him 3 months later for accusing her of cheating on him. He now lives in a shed in his grandmother’s backyard, and will be evicted at the new year.

  • 1. ExMoron went to secret island with 12 high ranking fire commanders for special training.
    2. Put through extreme tests in ice-cold or burning hot temperatures (ice station zebra on a tropical island!) to test responses in emergency situations.
    3. Of the 12 only 2 passed! Yep you guessed it, roly poly James Bond (short fat bald version) was 1 of the 2!!! Biggest load of BS ever!

  • Opened my front door to find it smeared with s#!t, toilet paper and all. and all. I snooped ithe Cheater’s ipad and found the beguiling photos the skank had sent him…of her breastfeeding her 3 year old!

  • Opened my front door to find it smeared with s#!t, toilet paper and all. I snooped ithe Cheater’s ipad and found the beguiling photos the skank had sent him…of her breastfeeding her 3 year old!

  • After hearing ho-ho was getting divorced from her husband, stbx asked her to her to go get Christmas trees from land we own. They went and then he decided to leave me. Though he told me there was no other woman. This was 5 years ago.

  • I was presented with a hand made sparkly ball wreath as my last Christmas present before d-day. After d-day my girlfriends and I had a lot of wine, a freedom fire and watched the sparkly balls burn.

  • She spent part of New Years Eve in our daughter’s bedroom, taking and sending nude pics of herself to a Marine stationed in Japan. When asked why she was in that room, she said she had a panic attack after filling out an online grocery delivery order and just needed to be alone.

    • KK a for the win. I swear, there are probably even more spectacular antics from her that you’ve trauma repressed, but she’s one of the more batshit delusional people I’ve ever heard of!

    • Hey, ordering groceries online, naked, gives me panic attacks too. I thought it happened to everyone!

  • My ex husband was caught making plans by email with another woman with my same first name (we’ll say Luzy) to kidnap my daughter, apartment hunt in Boston where he is from, and I would ‘never see our daughter again.’

    When I confronted him he punched me in the head with all his rotund bald troll might.

    He went to jail instead of Boston. Even with a DV conviction he maintained a blog called ‘’For YEARS.

    But I’M the crazy one, folks!

    • Hang on… didn’t he also get the OW pregnant while married to you? Wonder how he explained the blog to OW? (The “still” part?)

      • Ooh no Cold Slab O’Meat 2010-2014 did that. We never had children together. This is Pablo Diablo 1998-2005 RIP.

        I have had a HISTORICALLY bad picker.

          • Luziana, Not for nuthin’, but he’s wicked fucked in the head. (One Bostonian’s opinion.)

            • He’s a real pissah!

              But not for nothing he didn’t get the girl the actual things on her list this year. Or coach her science grade up from an F to a B.


  • #1 In June 2017, X told me he would never cheat in our relationship because our marriage and family was way more important than sex and he would never want to loose what he has.

    #2 In July 2017, X told me he loved me and told his boys he would give up his life for them because they were the most important things in the world to him.

    #3 In August 2017, X told me that that he hadn’t loved me for years, had wanted to leave me for years to find new sex, and then told the kids he was leaving us because his happiness with OW (he met 3 weeks earlier) was more important than anything else.

    • My cheating ex literally said those EXACT SAME WORDS! He would never cheat because “Family is the most important thing” and “ain’t nobody got time for all that”. What fucking liars.

      • 1. My cheating wasband told me on DDay he’d be home in 30 minutes (was “at work”) and then disappeared until the next morning for the first time ever. He admitted he had cheated when confronted and then accused me of “just wanting him to get caught”!?!? as I tearfully told him I was sure he had been carjacked and killed- the reason I called the police.

        2) After 10 days, a marriage therapy appointment I made for us, and many attempts of spackling on my part, I finally had a nervous breakdown and flew home the same day to Mom in Illinois that I discovered he had made another phone call to the OW after vowing NC. It was a smart choice.

        3) By the time my flight touched down in IL, my Ring doorbell, that wasband knew my mom also had access too and always watched (we were all very close and he loved this actually, before his mask fell off), recorded him bringing the OW to our house complete with a trashy red hooker dress. Bonus is her telling his sports car “Mr B is looking good” during the 15 seconds it recorded for me, but first my mother, to see.

        There’s more but that’s the best part ????. I went on to buy your book, leave that cheater, and never look back . It was the hardest time of my life but it sure is nice to be on the other side of the pain this Christmas. ????

    • I could have written this. XHole said the exact same things except told the children we had ‘grown apart’ and worse got me to say the same ????

    • Deee-luuud-ed. That’s what they always say, quick little rewrite to justify their shit-bird behavior.

  • Our second son had a second open heart surgery in Boston. We were 13 hours from home for a month. XH flew Home to help with the 4 other children my Mother was watching. He had his married ho over for a homemade meal and beer while I was still in Boston. Divorce to be final next month

  • Ex was flabbergasted to learn I was not going to carpool with him for 2 hours to attend his nieces’ graduation party. He had moved in with his ho-worker 2 months earlier. My kids went to celebrate with their cousin, I felt no need to do so.

  • 1. Her First Affair was with my son’s best friends Father. They were both leaders of his Boy Scout Troop (he claimed to be an Eagle Scout). I was told how “well they work together getting things done!”. Ended when Douche-Canoe wouldn’t leave his wife.

    2. Second Affair was with her married Yoga Instructor (whom she left me for). I was told fate brought them together. Apparently twice a day Yoga lessons are “just what a Yogi does”.

    Happy Holidays to all of Chump Nation

  • Ex-wife’s way of minimization was to repeatedly say “I never went looking to cheat”. However, she loved creating scenarios where she could enjoy the duping delight. Supposedly she never had sex with all the OM in our bed, so she would uncharacteristicly initiate sex in places where she had (e.g. her office at work).

  • He told hospice nurse no woman had ever been kind to him, like her. Thought they could explore that.

    He molested his hospice social worker. Grabbed her boob, then denied it.

    He wanted me to plan a special little Christmas party, for him and his music therapy worker. She was very pretty, he was fat, 63, yellow teeth and freaking dying.

    He lasted just over a year on hospice. He was furious they gave him an all male staff. No, wonder after 40 plus years, still working at sanity.

    • So many cheaters are delusional! Ugh.
      Happy holidays to you, here’s hoping for clarity and sanity in the new year!

    • Turns out a lot of female nurses refuse to do home care with older men, single or married. Gee-I wonder why ?

  • 1. X is flying 1st class. Sends me an email that we could join the mike high club because there is so much room.

    2. Dday #4 I find an email to schmoopie that says we should join the mike high club in hmy first class seat because there is so much room.

    3. He sent us the same thing…my god at least be original!

  • When asked why….just why would he sleep with a teenager? My porn addicted STBX said he was “just like an old dog.” Constantly guilted me that it was all about sex for me (while we weren’t having it). I am now accused of trying to kill him because I had papers served on a stressful work day.

  • These are reruns but still funny…

    1. Hubble is away on a Mission Trip (he’a A Minister ) and sends MOW to my house with a box of designer chocolates ( this is 6 months before BD and I know something is “off”).

    2. We had a large house. MOW and Hubble are doing their Master’s together. He leans across the dining room table and says in a very serious voice….Miss Piggy is having problems in her marriage and I think she and her kids should move in with us.

    3. Everyone knows about our legal separation. But Appearances! Christmas! Ministry! Kibbles!!!

    X decides to go with me to my Sister’s big holiday event ?!?! Half way there he tells me to pull over – he’s getting out. We are an hour away.

    He changes his mind – comes with. At her house he gets cold feet and decides he will go to the mall and pick me up afterwards. It’s the 25th – nothing is open. There is a raging snow storm.

    He sleeps in the car for two hours and then calls and says he’s coming for dinner. 30 family members wait and eat rewarmed turkey for HIM.

    The dog growled at him ????

  • 1. Sad (trying to be Sexy Sausage) Sausage took shower photos of himself when he first met the OW and sent her pictures in various provocative positions with the caption … “Thinking of you…” Hard not to notice my pink loofah, Venus Razor, and Dove body wash in the background.

    2. During our contentious divorce, he mistakenly sent me a “Taco Tuesday” oral sex graphic that was for the OW and wrote … “Tacos tonight” with a winking emoji face. He denied it was for OW and insisted it was for me and to lighten the mood and make me laugh before court.

    3. He had veneers put on his upper teeth at a place OW recommended and when he drove up in his new truck to drop our son off at swim class, he said he couldn’t stay because his two front veneers fell off. He yelled, “Please help me find a dentist! I can’t walk around like this!”

    Drop mic.

  • A 40 year old visits a strip club out of town. He invites Barbie, the 21 year old stripper, to take a ride on his rented Harley. He “didn’t invite her on a date”, he was “just being friendly!” That motorcycle isn’t the only thing that ended up between her legs.

  • After telling the cheating sociopath that he could no longer sleep in the same bed with me. He turned into the victim/sadz sausage. He went down to our unfinished basement. Set up camp on the concrete floor. Laid out his sleeping bag. Plugged in the nightlight from his grandma; he was 45 years old. I went down to the basement to see what the heck he was doing and found him laying on the floor, looking like the toy, Glo Worm. His Bible, shoes and nightlight were neatly sitting next to his head.

    The kids and I went to WI one Thanksgiving due to a family emergency. XH stayed home because he “had to work”. XH was invited over to his cousins house for Thanksgiving. All his family, including parents would be there. He “called in sick”. Said he “might” have the flu. His mommy even dropped off a plate a food. He wasn’t sick. He stayed home to lay in our bed and masterbate to soft porn movies on our TV; I found the history on our TV and spilled bottle of lube in my nightstand when I got home. I never said a thing, because I knew he’d lie and deny it. He also laughed and said, “Why would I want to spend T-day with them!” All his family still thinks he’s a saint and such a great Christian guy.

    XH would always be “tired” or “starting to get sick” anytime my family came into town (we live 600 miles apart) or we went to visit them. He’d have to take a nap or somehow draw attention to how tired he was from all his long hours at work.

    Sorry, not very good at writing short stories. 🙂 Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday’s, Chump Nation! I hope everyone who is struggling today finds a little peace in their hearts.

  • There are so many I had to pick a theme.

    1. Promised he’d drop AP if I bought him a new bicycle so he’d have something else to do.
    2. Gifted me an inspirational 8×10 glossy of himself going over a tiny jump on his bicycle with the inscription “Aim high and you can achieve your dreams”… autographed.
    3. Claimed he was using viagra to improve his performance – on bike rides.

  • The POS told me that he had to spend summers in his home town working in person with his father (financial advisory firm) and focusing on the clients. He was never in touch with me or the children during those times or during any “business” trips.

    Turns out he had a secret life with a wealthy woman and her 4 children. I found out 3 years later.

    Holidays are alternated so he has the children for Xmas. Night before last, the “blended family” hosted a massive bowling party at his and her private city club. Afterwards, her children went to their grandparents to sleepover with their visiting cousins. Him and her dumped my children in her mansion and left them alone while they went out for drinks!!

    Merry Xmas to CL and CN!! I am so grateful for you all!! ❤️❤️

  • This year my soon-to-be ex had to be “out of town” on my birthday. I came to learn that he’d stayed in a ritzy hotel with the OW and taken her shopping to buy a designer purse and accessories (I didn’t even rank a birthday card). When I confronted him, he said he didn’t think I’d mind since I wasn’t a fan of that designer, anyway.

    • 4 years ago my ex was in ritzy hotels with his coworker while telling me he was out all night taking pictures. He bought her all kinds of expensive stuff. I didn’t get a birthday card, either, on my birthday after he’d been gone for a couple days. He sat on the bed and said, “Happy birthday” when he rolled in then went to sleep on the couch. I think I said thanks. I didn’t get mad or anything. I showed no emotion. Too numb. Today, though, is a beautiful day. Sweet freedom….. He never saw me cry. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. I’d been through it before. Hope everything is ok now.

  • Five sentences but I needed them all.

    OW is an exhibitionist with Daddy issues who was Cheater’s student and spent many hours with him in his office in a stained blue velvet easy chair I’d salvaged from the side of the road, discussing her pseudo-feminist ideas (she never worked with actual women professors—such as me, who directed Women’s Studies). She created a Facebook page she called “Fans of Cheater,” and once asked him to get an online minister’s degree in order to marry her to her then boyfriend. He did, but she didn’t marry the boyfriend; he once up and left me and my son standing in a T-Mobile store waiting for our new phones so he could go and “have coffee” with her because she had just “blocked her father” and needed his help. Unbeknownst to me Cheater began “exploring his gender issues” with her, and after he dropped his subsequent trans-bomb in my lap decided to give her the stained blue velvet chair because she had become the “counselor” and he the “seeker.” He never came out, but now seeks his pleasure in himself while wearing women’s lingerie.

    • Christ on a cracker – he’s a Hot Mess!!!Just like the chair – imagine what woven into the Upholstery of that blue chair . A cartoon of cross dressing husband/therapist straddling the blue chair stripper style for the win CL ?!?

  • My loving husband of 6 months went to SC to “help his brother in law set up a new business” he had a side business as well… dating women while there. Cell phone in lock down upon his arrival home. I cracked the code “696969” appropriately for my whore husband… Bumble profile full of lies and MULTIPLE women’s voice mails of his visits with them!

    • So much more to this story too! I contacted every woman. And when confronted my husband he said he was showing someone how to make a Bumble profile. He conveniently took his wedding ring off for his mirror selfie. Ladies voice mails said he left things at their condos “last night” etc. was woman was exhausted from
      his visit with her. So many lies. Testosterone injections in his ass… came home and asked me to help him pay $4k of back child support before I uncovered the cheating. So many women in his social media profiles. So many lies. All after getting married in Hawaii this past February. Used and emotionally abused! He married me to be a mommy to his son and him! I immediately kicked him out of my home and went no contact. This book and website have saved my sanity along with my family. – Disappointed and sad but grateful! New year new life. Thank you god.

      • Tammy,
        Sorry for you going through that awful betrayal. There’s no untangling that skein of what goes on in cheater’s minds. Just Trust that He Sucks! Meanwhile you are Mighty: ” New Year New Life” Amen to that!
        “Testosterone in his arse..” Suddenly jolted my memory about XHole asking about Testosterone in a Pharmacy and almost getting into an argument with the shop assistants, while I was so humiliated. What is it with the Testosterone and these losers?

        • Me three! Testosterone shots in the ads! What is it with these losers? My cheater, as it turned out, was actually having an affair with the “anti-aging specialist” who prescribed the hormones for him! You can’t make this shit up. It’s hilarious to me now, and I am so glad it was this outrageous — I wasted no time kicking him out. Life is good!

            • Whoops. I posted this in the main spot and not here in Reply!
              Thank you both! Yeah it’s crazy. You really can’t make it up. So how I found out and his response was even crazier. It’s amazing how instant and elaborate his lies are. So… I found a receipt for syringes. I was like what the?!?! Omg and thought the worst! I confronted him and he laughed and immediately told me they were for his sisters dog who needs injections. I said oh really. But it didn’t sit right with me… I later found a l vile empty under the seat of his car and top … it was testosterone. He told me it was his friends who he used to work out with. I sort of believed it. I then Found another later and asked him about the needles and testosterone. He instantly got mad. Called me crazy. Etc. and again instantly lied saying it was for his elderly father. It’s insane how stupid he thinks I am. I laughed and said ok. I let it go and recently he admitted he’s been doing it once and a while throughout our entire marriage.

    • 1. My spouse initially told me he was traveling for “work” – he was actually running away to the other side of the country with AP, where he drained our joint bank account and they went on many Facebook documented adventures, including getting matching finger tattoos that say “Do it.”

      2. When I finally confronted him after the finger tattoos, he told me, “I know you’re upset, but don’t post anything on Facebook that will ruin her business” – she’s an engagement/wedding photographer.

      3. I had to quickly switch over payments (mortgage, utilities, and so on) for our actual life from our drained bank account to my own, pay off the roof that we replaced just before his adventures with AP, pack all of his personal items, and then fight with him to get him to pick any of it up – only to be told, “I never actually chose to leave if you’re going to be difficult.”

      This was in July/August – I only have 33 days left until the final divorce hearing! Not that I’m counting the days or anything…

  • Feb 26, 2017, while floating around in a pool in Phoenix having spent the weekend looking for our retirement home, X Asshat declared, “I want to be with you the rest of my life.”

    April 6, 2017, I received an e-mail while away on a business trip, “I moved out today, we can get a divorce online.”

    April 9, 2017, when asked why he declared his eternal love just weeks before, “I just wanted to see how it sounded. I have NEVER EVER loved you.”

    We were married 28 years and I got an e-mail as my only indication that my marriage was over. The OW is 26yo.

    • What a liar. Liars lie remember.
      He will get his, dont you worry!
      Bless you and merry Christmas!

      • Yeah, his answer to WTAF about all of it was that it was my fault. He is blameless. And my co-dependent, chumpy self went right along with that.

        Here is a prime example: My X Asshat Cheater once bumped his head on a low heating duct in the basement when we were moving into our home. Though I had never observed the low duct myself and I passed under it easily, my co-dependent chumpy self somehow decided his hitting his head must somehow be my fault.

        The Asshat agreed.

        That sums up my married life. Thank God I can actually see it for what it was now.

        Thank you for the kind words! Merry Christmas to you, too.

  • Coming up on my one-year anniversary of regaining a life. Note my moniker, to be sung to the chorus of Frosty the Snowman. It was a doozy of an Xmas. Highlights…

    1. He will open presents hand-picked, wrapped and labeled by my 10-year-old nephew, who mistakenly adores him, “all in good time”. Never does.

    2. We are to have a state-of-the-union (not good) on New Year’s Eve, his choice of date because he likes to keep his life by the calendar year “as you know”.

    3. New Year’s Eve sends me a text that he is really tired, is taking a mini-break, and won’t be home tonight. Cialis missing from bedside table. Neatly planned, I’ll give him that.

    Denouement… I google all things cheater until I find something, anything, that makes sense to me, and stumble across Chump Lady. Thank you all for keeping me company the past year. You have been a godsend.

  • Chump lady is THE ONLY THING on the www that makes sense. God bless this amazing woman!!!!!

  • Would LOVE a cartoon (even if my post isn’t picked) of a cheater doing a dating profile selfie in the mirror ring off etc. TRACY- I will personally email you the screenshot of my husbands pic the woman sent me. It’s pretty great and you could imitate it in a cartoon. So many profile lies.

  • My ex was a therapist, and he came home one night laughing about an African-American woman who started therapy with him because “she was afraid of dookie,” (yes, a fear of poop).
    They started having an affair and he told me at one point he, “prefers to date black women because they’re used to being treated like crap.”
    Later he said he doesn’t date black women anymore because “they only care about money.”

    • Wow. Amazing to lay it out so blatantly. My white STBX also had an African-American AP last summer (we are all women) and thought she was being so progressive, when in fact she also was benefiting from the AP’s screwed-up personal history and low self-esteem. My STBX would never, ever agree that she has anything in common with your ex, though!

  • 1. During one of our many arguments after D-day, he grabbed a bowl of apples from the dining room table and threw them one by one onto the floor and yelled, “I’m baking pies.”
    2. Presented me with an orange Michael Kors purse. Said, “I found two of them on the sale rack and took it as a sign”. OW got the exact same Bronco (his favorite football team) orange purse.
    3. Told me I was losing too much weight on the infidelity diet. Bought me a Fitbit for Christmas.

  • Every Christmas I would buy all the gifts. I never received gifts from him. Not because he would not buy one. Because we decided when we were broke to just get for the children. He would never contribute any of his cash. I remember the Xmas If 2016( one month before Dday). We were at our daughters. He sat on their sofa texting away. I asked him who he was texting that was more important than his family. He just said people. I later found out that my cousin was sending him pictures with her on a toilet. And he gave her cash to buy herself a gift.

    This Christmas I bought myself new furniture. My ex sent me a card with a diamond necklace telling me he misses me and he screwed up.

    • Oh did he now? He sure is a slow learner!
      Well, you learned a lot, too , and now you’re too smart for him.

        • what I mean is- this chumps cheater cheated on her with her cousin. We know the story well and how horrible it has been. She said that he never got her anything for Christmas. Now her ex sends her a card with a diamond necklace telling her he misses her and he screwed up.

          I think that is a shocking Hoover attempt, worthy of chumpnation shock. Honestly, I have a sarcastic sense of humor. I’m saying this diamond necklace Christmas present from that cousin fucker (we are allowed to use that word here) just might be the shock of the season and could break the internet.

          But I see it’s not quite the shock to others as it is to me. I’m super jaded after being messed over royally.

          • A CARD with a diamond necklace pictured on it? Man, that asshole is still a cheapskate.

              • I thought it was a card and a diamond necklace not that it was printed on a card. I thought that was odd and a massive unexpected Hoover. Oh boy, it’s all kinds of confusing. Not wanting to start any big issue here.

    • Wow! Just Wow! Cuzchump.
      Prize for the most brazen Christmas Hoover!
      How quickly can you sell that necklace and what are your Mighty plans for the money?

    • If he sent you an actual diamond necklace, sell it and buy yourself a nice chair or something. Loser!

  • Narcles the Porn Clown went to visit old high school girlfriend at college where shes was doing graduate work and her grad professor/mentor while I was out of state visiting and introducing our 18 mth old son to his grandparents, he ‘had to work and couldn’t go’, while old gf ran from dorm which didn’t work because dorm roomie busted her and told Narcles she was at the home of her grad prof who was 20 yrs her senior whose marriage she broke up to get her phd, took pictures of old gf with grad prof to hide and pine over, he was not in them, with my camera no less and then the coup de gras, presented old gf with a half eaten box of Krispy Kream donuts that he had partially eaten of while waiting in the parking lot of the dorm for 3 hours since he got there too early to call on her properly. When I found out his excuse was he ‘thought I was going back home, out of state visit, to divorce him so he went to see old gf and that old gf’s mom had wanted them to get back together’, but mom was deceased. You just can’t make this shit up.

  • Grandiose Sense of Self.

    “Yes I slept with her-but I had to tell her I just don’t have the time for her that she wants from me.”

    “Yes-I know you moved out and filed for divorce-those are just your ways of showing me that you won’t let me go.”

    “I chose you over her-but now that she’s separated-I’m glad I can be with her since I thought that ship had sailed.”

    Whenever my STBXH opens his mouth and speaks-it’s like a hug from Jesus.

  • After cheating, emotionally abusing, and gaslighting me for two years, followed by a separation, brief reunion (her cheating continued), and a permanent separation, cheater bought a house with her mistress. When she met me for coffee to discuss some outstanding financial issues, she told me that I was still the only one for her…Needless to say, I didn’t reciprocate.

  • I asked him once why he could have 30 different affair partners and I was being judged for dating after he filed divorce.

    He said because he can’t get pregnant.

    He forced his nineteen year old girlfriend to have an abortion that year.

  • During the 2-month period I was monitoring his online activity but hadn’t yet confronted him . . . nightly pre-bed “bathroom time” Facebook chat with schmoopie where she pines for the beauty of Oregon, where she once visited. He would love to take her there. Comes out of bathroom, and with the enthusiasm of a small child unwrapping gifts from Santa, says to me “you know where we should go on vacation? Oregon!”

  • Almost forgot my most memorable (hurtful) comment:

    After being angry with me for being on Lexapro for anxiety and suicidal feelings-because it was “killing your (mine) sex drive” and telling me I HAD to go off the meds:

    “The OW helped me understand why you need to be on those meds because she is also on them-so she helped you.”

    I never went off those meds. I told him he could go fuck himself….

  • Never actually wrote my story. Here we go in three sentences however a much better story when longer 🙂

    1. My ex (and father of my children) was on a reputable dating site and on slimy craigslist personals planning potential hook ups. Met his true love eventually on this site as I gave birth to my son.

    2. During holidays (a few years ago now) said he had to travel for extra work on Thanksgiving, some of Christmas, and New Years Eve ( he did come home before midnight LOL)! My gut was telling me something was wrong but even friends and family said “no way“ that this man would never do anything like that to me. I was not the only one fooled- let’s just say that.

    3. I found the condoms in a suitcase a few weeks later and all of the very explicit photos of OW on our home computer and selfie’s of him smiling at her with dates on each picture since it’s an iOS device!! After I confronted him he packed up all of her things in my car and moved her down here to find work and a place to live nearby and asked if I could move her stuff in my garage just for a little bit for him “as a friend”. My lawyer said nope and to call the cops.

    • Thank God you got a lawyer immediately.

      Hey you were sharing a husband, why not a garage? I would light that shit on fire….

  • I get that it’s not the pain Olympics! Several stories above made me gasp. But still, here’s one of mine, and I’m sorry to say it takes a few sentences to paint the whole picture!

    The day before my birthday in 2018, I suffered acute abdominal pain (I’m a cancer survivor) that sent me to the ER. STBX was acting distant and strange all day; I chalked it up to the fact her mom had died 2 months earlier in the adjacent house. (We are both women.) The next day, my birthday, we had to take a ferry and travel all day while I was still on a liquid diet. The day after that was my mother-in-law’s memorial service, during which STBX asked me to take pictures and pass around a microphone so that other people could say nice things about the woman who was usually a jerk to me when she was alive (MIL was an overt narc). I just barely started eating solid food that day. The following day, after a brunch during which I chatted up STBX’s family while she chose to catch up with an estranged high school friend for over 2 hours, I prepared to drive my two kids back up to the island ferry alone in terrible traffic so that STBX could fly to another city for a research trip. I was horribly afraid, having no idea whether the abdominal pain would recur, and while we had considered other logistical options, none of them made sense – apart from STBX’s cancelling her trip and staying with us. But she clearly wasn’t willing to do that, and again, she was grieving her mom, so I was trying to be supportive. I bet CN knows what STBX *actually* did in that other city for a week. (She flew out her AP, who lives on the opposite coast, using her mom’s inheritance money, because it was “hers” to do with as she chose. They painted that city red while I took care of our two kids and dealt with my grieving FIL for the week.)

    Best holiday wishes to all my fellow Chumps!

    • Nice you could be the audio-visual help while being chumped. Ugh. I’m sorry.

  • I was recovering from surgery on Christmas and after he discarded me 4 months later for SparkleTwat, I found a text he had sent her on Christmas Day stating that she would be SparkleDick (her first name and OUR last name). She proceeded to “help” around the house while I was laid up on the couch for the majority of 4 months, which she spent convincing TwinkleDick that I was being lazy when I was actually following doctor’s orders. He actually told me that I was the type of person who waits for their doctor to tell them what they can do, whereas he is the type of person who pushes himself – it was major surgery and I was literally following doctor’s orders. Why I fought for him after that I don’t know!

    • Yeah – I agree that the ones who will f*ck around on spouses going through medical issues (including pregnancy/early parenthood) deserve a special place in front of the karma bus, though I like to think that fuckwitdom is its own punishment. I certainly hope you’re feeling better now, Mama!

  • Too many to list and really does not matter. To anyone.
    We all inherently knew something was NQR. And for a multitude of reasons- we stayed.

    I’m mad at myself. I was smarter than this . But ended up being the ultimate shit for brains.

    • THIS, splinter, so much this. That’s what I keep coming back to, three years post D-day. SMH.

    • I know this feeling well, but I’m trying to rewrite it. There’s nothing wrong with being loving and trusting, we just picked the wrong people to love and trust.

      Seeing how intelligent, eloquent, and mighty the rest of chump nation is has been so therapeutic. Everyone here is so so far from stupid, yet they got duped too. I was finally able to stop calling myself an idiot, or feel ashamed, due to this blog.

      In other words, you definitely don’t have shit for brains! The smartest, best, and brightest of us have been cheated on.

  • XW had affair with gym trainer. Wanted me to be proud of her progress, but then I had to pay for remaining sessions when she wanted to go back to school.

    Had an affair with teacher at school to pass classes. Bragging to everyone how great she was at school.

    Had an affair with new boss at her internship while finishing school. Failed her thesis but new boss was able to tell school her job performance was so good that she deserved to pass.

    Instead of telling me what was going on. Just wanted praise on all of her accomplishments.

      • I know it was awful. No one had any idea. She confessed everything during discard when leaving for the boss. All she could say was that she was a bad person and hides it from everyone. She also admitted that she steals from everyone too. That was four months ago. Handled divorce alone, haven’t heard a word since.

  • Quit his $100K per year job in banking industry a few weeks after we separated because “God opened all the doors to his success” and “destiny of being famous.” Spent next seven years doing insane stuff, much of which is documented here, and was basically homeless for many of those years. Is now back working the exact same job in the banking industry, is engaged to some woman who has money and a good career, and lives in a nice house again. I can’t explain any of it, but am still so incredibly GLAD THAT IT’S OVER.

  • The dick-ex flew to Minnesota to be with his mother who was having a cancerous tumor removed at the Mayo clinic. His dad’s health wouldn’t allow him to make the trip. I stayed home minding the fires calling every so often to find out the how his mother was doing. The skank went with him to console him every time he left the hospital.

    The dick-ex took our two granddaughters out camping for a week in our RV trailer during the summer. The skank accompanied him to make sure they had a great time around the campfire.

    The dick-ex was surprised one evening while I was out of town when my son showed up at the house. The dick-ex was caught naked hurrying to don his bathrobe closing the bedroom door behind him. When my son (more astute than I) demanded to know who was in the bedroom, the dick-ex said, “I will NOT be accused of adultery in my own house!!!” The skank disclosing everything later said, “I was so scared! I was hiding in your closet naked! I thought your son would come in and see me!!” — Not ashamed of being in my house and in my bed, just hiding in my closet scared that someone would see her.

  • DDay was Oct 2018 – Ex went on an 8 hour ‘outing’ with Dick Director because “working tech week was so demanding and stressful, we just wanted a day to decompress from it all”. My parents were visiting, and both, separately, indicated they thought something funny was going on.

    Following Thursday I confront her with evidence of infidelity –
    the b: “You have to understand that I resent you for the 14 years we’ve been married. You got everything you wanted, and I got nothing. I didn’t want to be married, I didn’t want kids. I wanted a degree and to have fun in my 20’s, and I wasted it all!”

    Still tried to reconcile, the hopium was strong.

    Feb 14, 2019 1130 pm-
    the b: “I’m going to go on an ‘outing’ with Dick Director on Sunday, he’s paying me back for all the help I volunteered with on his play”
    me: “Is he paying any other volunteers back for their help?”
    the b: “No, but NO ONE ELSE HELPED AS MUCH AS I DID!”
    me: “Well, the next time you plan on going on a date with someone else tell me after I’ve slept, cause I’m now not going to sleep tonight”
    the b: “IT’S NOT A DATE!”

    Filed for divorce the next day. Almost month later, I’m still trying to figure out how to serve her. She tells me one morning that she is going on another ‘outing’ with Dick Director. That night she walks in to the house from her ‘outing’, I hand her the divorce papers.
    the b: “…. What prompted this?”

  • 1. When I learn of OW #5, I told her about OW numbers 1 through 4 – all running concurrently.
    2. OW #5 insistently claimed, “Oh, (ex husband’s name) would never do that!”
    3. Ten plus years later and I still can’t think of an adequate response. #justnotworthit

    1. When I learned of the OW, I called to confront her and to share my STD testing results.
    2. OW didn’t recognize my LAST name (same as XH’s) so I had to spell it out very slowly.
    3. But then I got stuck on how one spells out S-T-D.

    Same other woman in both of the above scenarios, very long term affair.

  • The Dickhead left our Christmas festivities to go to work all the while his sinister sister and family were still at our house. To this day, I’m convinced that he went to see some trollop as he couldn’t wait to get out of the house.

  • Two weeks before Christmas Fuckwit told me he dumped the mortgage money and our child’s Christmas gift money in a slot machine and lost. I went into the New Year as a single mom.

  • 1-cheater x was a contractor. I found out he was getting women’s numbers in the aisles of Lowe’s, to go fix their ”leaky faucets”.
    2-When confronted about this behavior, he said I work for LOTS of single women. Do you want me to stop working?
    3-He remodeled OW’s (he left me for) house, then her condo at the beach (where the “happiness” began). He is currently still remodeling her house 2.5 years later. New deck and all the exterior. He’s plucked her to the tune of at least $200,000.

    I guess he just could not keep his wrench in his tool box.

  • The last time we took holiday photos together as a family, he rubbed up against us with the same jacket he wore to his work party….the same party he took his mistress to and the same jacket he took off at a motel that night he fucked her. Merry Christmas!!!

  • First time poster…long time reader. It’s been years since cheater blew up my life. I have happily moved on, married and had children. I found this blog as way to make sense of the way I felt, the utter chaos, gaslighting and cruelty. It has truly been therapeutic to read similar stories, know that it wasn’t ‘me’ but a narcissistic playbook at work. Much love to all the chumps, Tuesday does come and with it clarity and satisfaction at getting through the dark days. Here’s my submission:

    1. Cheater took OW on Hawaii vacation we had saved years for (also d-day).
    2. Cheater mailed me a sarong from said vacation with a note that read ‘we thought this would look better on you’.
    3. He hovered back a year later to complain that she cheated on him with the guy she regularly hired to clean their carpets.

    • Karma. I was married in Hawaii this past February and my DDay was this past July when I found out my husband was a serial cheater. Voice mails. Women I. Phone. Dating profiles. So much uncovered lies and blindsided. Thought he was the live of my life. In the early days now and working to be strong and toward a new life. God bless you.

    • Dear AF5, I’m sure you know, but just in case you need to hear it from someone else: This is abuse. It’s not even incidental or ignorant, it is intentional, mindfucking, abuse. A sarong? “We thought . . .”? Sent from what was supposed to be YOUR vacation? Please, get away, no contact or as damn near possible until the divorce is finalized. I am sorry this abuse is happening to you.


      I hope you strangled him with it! I’m so glad you hear you have a beautiful new life.

  • Cheats with 1st other woman…yes I thought I had a unicorn…traveling with her on all business trips.
    Our birthdays are one day apart so he just buys two of everything…denying they fuck.
    I call MY cell with out house phone and put my cell in his car and listen to him phone sex her all the way to work.

    • Oh that must have been so painful. Genius move. I hope you have moved on. The hardest thing is not wanting to google his name and find things. I can’t wait until My Tuesday.

      • It was…and I have a hard situation to boot. We have four daughters. Our youngest has Down syndrome so cheater will never be totally out of my life. But I have moved on and moved away to another state where his family is and they are an amazing loving kind support to me. I am blessed that way.

        • You should be very proud of yourself. Your children are a blessing. That is a live you can always count on. You are very blessed and smart!!!

          • Thank you so much. I stayed awake at night trying to figure out how to catch him…like that was necessary. He was going down with the ship with denial. I had no way to pay for anything to listen to him and it just came to me while he was in the shower to do the phone in the car. He said I was a horrible loser because I had to “snoop” ???? My biggest disappointment is that I can’t do complete no contact with him because of our daughter. His latest tramp emails me pictures of him and her while he is in town visiting our daughter. She writes “Is he whit you” (literal spelling) and he says the picture are “blurry” and he “can’t make them out”. I told him I literally don’t care just tell her to leave me alone.
            I really am very happy in my new life and hope someday I can meet an actual loving kind honest man. It was a long 30 years with a narcissist.

            • You went with your gut. You are not a snoop or crazy. He’s just mad he got caught. I went though the same thing!! My friends keep telling me honest kind men exist. We need to stop trying to make unicorns out of the broken. The real stuff is out there. We need to believe in ourselves and our worth enough to leave something that does not deserve us or serve us and that brings hurt and pain. For now we need to live ourselves and be strong enough and happy in life with ourselves and others who love us. Friends. Family. It’s so hard sometimes but it’s because it is change and change does not come easy. I bought a home for my STBX his son and my grown son three years ago. We moved in we’re engaged ready to fill it with love and memories. My son moved out he’s in in twenties. Bad timing. Same time as around DDay when I kicked my husband out. My husband and stepson are a package deal. Now I am here alone in a big house and it’s like my entire family was gone at once. I’m getting better day by day. I raised my son well and am proud of the man he has become. It is time for him and a normal part of life. It’s quiet. It’s different and it’s my new normal. Sometimes I put the tv o. Just for voices and noise. I often stare out the windows just curious what the future holds. I am trying to be strong and ok. I definitely have moments of sadness and it goes away. My Tuesday will come and I’m getting closer and closer to it 🙂 be proud chumps… we got this! New life new us stronger better wiser.

    • The phone thing was an impressive stunt. Kudos!
      I hope you are living well without him!

  • First Christmas after D-day, about two months after I left him, I inexplicably drove a thousand miles BACK to spend Christmas together. (The hopium was strong!). We were sitting in our favorite Indian restaurant on Christmas Eve, and without any warning, he suddenly started to shout at me and call me names over my grievous failure to recycle a 16 ounce water bottle the evening before. (I had apologized profusely for my “failure” to put said water bottle in the “right” trash bag.). Escalating to SCREAMING at me for my carelessness, selfishness and stupidity, he got up and stalked out of the restaurant, leaving me sitting there with everyone in the place staring at me. That was the moment I decided I needed to divorce him.

    • They try any argument to pin guilt on us. Going through this now. Hopium was strong for me as well even therapy sessions. Etc. he’s playing text games. Calls. Seeking kibbles. I am ignoring. It’s very hard.

      • T-
        I know how hard it is. Don’t take the bait because every text and email WILL show up in Court.

        Turn your phone off . Block the texts. Block WhatsApp.

        Do not respond.

        • Thank you splinter. He has the divorce papers and it’s a wash no shared anything not getting a dime just divorce and done. No court involved even. I can’t block him bc his crap is still in the shed at my place I don’t even know what to do with it all it’s been in there for a month or two (and his ten year old sons things 🙁 ) he lives with a friend right now bc he’s broke without me.

          • Why a wash and not getting anything? Did he not spend any money on his cheating? You also need rental fees for storing his stuff in your shed to be paid now or paid back when he gets a job. Write it all in your papers. Even without going to court or wanting to use an attorney, you don’t need an attorney to write what you want in your divorce papers. Plan for the future. Get paid back whenever it is.

            • Because he is broke and currently owes me $4k for paying his back child support. He is in sales and has sold nothing. Hasn’t contributed to bills since the month of May. Kicked him out in August. It’s not worth the stress and aggravation. I just want him to sign and be done. I will take him to small claims court after he signs.

    • This happened to me when I went to our couples counseling session when my then husband was in alcohol treatment (Betty Ford). He began the session (our first, so the counselor had just met me) by bringing up an old problem we had a couple years ago, and escalated into an angry state over something I spent too much money on. It was outright confusing because we had put that topic to rest a long time ago. I felt like he was performing an act. This made no sense, until…

      I then saw a credit card charge for a car rental and gas stations later that day in Minneapolis (where his new Schmoopie lives). It suddenly made perfect sense. He had met her on Tinder earlier in the week, and he had to do something drastic to end the possibility of reconciling. He literally was poached off of Tinder, rented a car to chase his sex addiction, and met her (22 years old, he’s 57). I left the treatment program devastated, he never returned to our home or even our state. He moved directly from the treatment program into her apartment. They are out spending his money like no tomorrow (Christian Laboutins, Hamilton tickets with first class flights to SFO, Kate Spade, Michael Kors, Uggs for every family member, flights and hotels for family members to south Africa (where she was born), it’s just freakish. Funny that we used to fight about money. Divorced 12/17/19. This is a hard Christmas.

      • I’m so sorry you are going through this. Please know that you deserve better and it will get better. I am going through a hard Christmas too but we have to be strong because life is not forever and we cannot waste time with these selfish undeserving Cheaters. We have to be real and know that they only care about themselves and what they will gain. I suggest you read the archives here. Even buy the audiobook. It helps me when I’m feeling sad I re read and re listen!!! Many substance abusers are also cheaters/liars. My husband too (STBX) Is an alcoholic. I also found drugs (cocaine) in my home. A hidden habit he did once in a blue moon. As far as I knew. It’s such a mess you deserve so much more. You deserve to live life to the fullest for yourself and what makes you happy. No one else. It took me months to learn this. Chakra healing yoga. Meditation. And chump lady help me SO much!!!!!

      • My story is very similar to yours (my STBX 52 to AP’s 23); I’m still about 8 weeks out from final divorce. Addiction, lying as a multitool used with zero conscience or remorse, out of control spending when he wouldn’t speak to me for days for buying flowers for his mother for a holiday or buying household necessities. Anyway, this is your first and only first Christmas after D-day, let it be what it is, build a love you love every day after. Sending you all care and light!

  • 1. After about 6 months of allegedly staying at a (male) fri4nds place every other Friday night (i enjoyed the break from his raging and drinking), i discover intimate messages with him and a girl friend who lived near this guy. He insists he’s been at the guys place, watching porn in the basement together (wife upstairs) and masturbating. Apparently nothing happened.

    2. 3 months later, I’m pregnant (angry break up sec after 3 years of trying) and walk in on him blowing our lawyers dick! Apparently nothing happened.

    3. 5 years later, i find a girl on girl porn gif in his messages (unrecognised number he sent it to and replying to it) when i ask who it is he said “ok it’s a guy” because clearly that worked before!

    Epilogue: I laughed. He left. He’s still picking up bi guys online (*for her*) after OW catches him cheating who are actually for him. She can have him. And his closeted mummy issues

    • WHA???

      Um, maybe the Bar association needs to know about the blow job with a client? That’s got to violate some sort of ethics rule.

  • Retrospectively discovered my husband of 36 years had been recontacting old girlfriends. The first one sent him photos of her new garden shed and the second photos of her grandchildren. Further down the list he contacted another one but her younger husband answered the phone so he hung up. Reduced to the last one On his list he makes contact and she jumped into bed with him. The interesting bit is that these two were engaged and about to marry back in the day (hats bought, guests ready) when he dumped her. Apparently the intervening 40 + years were a dreadful mistake but hey twu luve won in the end.

  • Yeah! Finally managed to get a profile (technically challenged). MY Xmas gift to me!! Unsure of all the acronyms used on CL, so please bear with me. Hello everyone!

    1. Discovered “Mr. Wonderful” had a secret double life when he rushed out to rescue/solve a shopping “emergency” lol

    2. He’d left his personal email open and I was COMMANDED to look at it by a voice in my head. Weird experience btw; never looked or questioned this before…

    3. Mr. Wonderful had a DELUGE of emails from female “fans” all praising his sexual prowess/dick…I thought he had ED, but the poor sausage (literally!) was apparently worn out!

    4. (Sorry, Tracy), he wrote the same rushed message to MULTIPLE women, mixing up their names (multiple affairs at the same time, as well as being actually MARRIED for 25 years IS tiring, I guess). They were all SO pissed and accused him (remember he is also MARRIED) of “cheating” on THEM!

    I laughed, then I cried. The karma gods gave him movie-star looks, but very few brain cells. I was mommy of a man-baby.

    Happy holidays to all; I love the columns, and epecially the comments. Happy to be on board!

    • This is very similar to my story. God sent you a sign and it was a hard pain I know. I’m going through it. It hurts bad. I cannot wait for Tuesday. Stay strong. This site and book is my saving grace.

  • 1) Spent Xmas/family birthday couch texting ‘just-a-friend” colleague and ignoring kids requests to play.
    2) Home after work reeked of perfume especially my side of our bed.
    3) Gaslit his way out of these, only to contradict those lies year later, when asked about other couch texts (his sister’s name is not that long and she was not texting at 2am her time).

  • After D-Day, I found an email between my ex-husband and a prostitute that he had planned to meet while driving to his moms house for Christmas. Plans changed just before Christmas and I decided to drive with him, which clearly put the Kabash on his spruce scented fuck fest. I wondered why he was so nasty to me during the whole drive. Apparently, I cock blocked my ex-husband on Christmas.

  • Hi! I could t figure out how to get a profile can someone please post the steps! I’d love to be a full member here. I only figured out how to reply to posts 🙂 thank you!!!! When I tried to register on the site it said it wouldn’t take more but I think I did something wrong. Lol

  • #1 Cheater mistakenly sent me a text while I was on holiday abroad with our daughter and my parents that read, taxi at 1 pm works. Kisses Cheater

    #2 During his two year fuckfest cheater who is an alcoholic and lawyer would binge watch the following series (all seasons) on our shared account after returning from “work” at night: The Affair, Big Little Lies and Golliath. Once he invited me to come and watch with him. I asked him to stay in the bedroom and watch my series with me – Dr Foster! He lasted 5 minutes.

    #3 After D-day Cheater admitted to having given OW a pen for her birthday (I didn’t get anything) but refused to tell me the price. I used his credit card to order a Montblanc engraved with my name. He then phoned to shout at ne that it hadn’t even been 10 percent of that price. I used that pen a week ago to sign the seperation agreement which gives me the house.

  • 4 years ago after not coming home for a couple days because he was with coworker – on Dec 27th, my birthday, around 8pm when he came home – I was in bed. He came in and sat on the edge of the bed and said, “Happy birthday.”

    In the divorce papers he listed his baby son with coworker as a hardship. The boy is perfectly healthy

    Two years ago our daughter was on camping trip with him and gf. Daughter told him she didn’t like what he did to our family. He brought her home at 2:00 a.m. because she ‘hurt his feelings.’

    Ex told our daughter it was my fault she was losing her home – I wanted spousal support he couldn’t afford. He makes 6 figures and has huge mobile home, motorcycles, toys for days…. He said I was going to force him to live under a bridge. He now has more toys and a new puppy. Yesterday he said he can’t afford to pay for our daughter’s phone anymore.

  • 1. On Christmas while having an affair with his married co-worker in another state he announced she was dying of melanoma and down to 90 lbs.
    2. On Valentine’s Day he reminded me she was dying and he would be going to her funeral when she died.
    3. A few months later he told me he was leaving me so he could be with her so I asked, “how long does she have to live, and will you be coming back to me when she dies?”
    Owning my chumpiness.She was never sick.
    That was 5 years ago. He now lives in HO-HIO with his OW.

  • We had fertility issues but little did I know that at the same time she was asking me to have my sperm tested she was having an affair with the fertility doctor (20 yrs her senior). So while I was cumming in a cup, Dr Strangelove was cumming in her.

  • #1. What happened in Vegas followed him home.
    #2. Dingus and Dingbat returned to the scene of the crime to get married.
    #3. Dingus and Dingbat put up a Christmas tree and my 7 year old daughter was NOT asked to help decorate it. DD and Dingus baked brownies together but he brought her home to me BEFORE the brownies were finished baking.

    Merry Christmas CL and CN!!!


  • After DDay, I asked him for his list of complaints about me, and all he could come up with was that I “left crumbs in the butter”.

  • 1. Cheater blew up his family for a whore that would have sex with her dog according to her Facebook followers.

    2. Cheater swore he wasn’t cheating with whore who was posting nude all over Facebook during time he was with her, it was only dinner.

    3. 6 months after divorce finalized whore left him didn’t want his sex apparently.????????????

  • If there is such a thing as a mediocre cheater, sparkledick NEVER, not even ONCE, gave me a Christmas present. But made sure I got his family, including mother, their presents, Christmas, weddings and birthdays. Along 40 years of marriage. How chumpy can you be?

    • Hope you bought yourself some great presents this season. Like 40 years worth.

  • Found him snogging a female guest at our holiday party when I walked into our kitchen. Later that evening after the guests were gone, he picked a fight with me because I didn’t shout and get angry at the time of the incident. My refusal to throw a tantrum in the moment showed I didn’t care about or love him enough.

  • I have so many ‘highlights’ that I could use a whole comic to document his Walter Mitty style escapades! Haha

    1. He stole my cherry red Dr Marten boots that were a gift from him to me previously to give to OW#2 for her Christmas. He snuck into house to get them whilst I had kids at my mother’s for Xmas 5 weeks after D-day.

    2. OW#1 sat in my home having dinner with us whilst I was heavily pregnant. He wanted to introduce me to our new and suitable tenant. An ex work colleague of his. He was fucking her in our old home for over a year!

    3. Me, him and our son went to Berlin on holiday. The next year he went with OW#1 telling me he was catering a wedding in the Western Isles. He missed the ferry so was delayed for 2 days. Lies! She fucked up the return flight booking and they had to get a hotel after leaving their airbnb in Berlin. Charging out joint account. He then went to Berlin again with OW#2 telling us he was doing catering for the PJ Harvey tour in Manchester and then on to Reykjavik… He was actually in Berlin again. I found out via an email boarding card on the family computer. Then when I checked her Instagram there was pics of them in Berlin! She was also a work colleague and subordinate.

    4. I confronted both OW#1 and #2 before even giving him an inkling of what I was piecing together about him. Both were shocked to find out we were still together.

    5. He had OW#1 spend night with him and my baby whilst I was staying at my mums suffering from post natal issues 8 months in from giving birth.

    6. OW#2 told me I had apparently given them my blessing to go to Berlin. As his mum had told me about them!?!?

    7. He couldn’t get a loan so I co-signed with him to help him purchase a cafe business. He could never show me any paperwork as apparently he didn’t “work like that”. After being with him for 21 years I trusted him…! I later found out he’d been to a business start up expose with OW#1. Apparently it was their business together. She thought he’d got the money himself.

    8. He also conned 2 other friends out of thousands of pounds for this cafe investment.

    9. I had access to his Facebook account throughout the split. It was eye opening!

    10. He moved straight in with OW#2 after I asked him to leave. He then moved 200 miles away to live in a caravan with OW #2, at the bottom of her parents back garden. No heating. Septic toilet.

    11. He packed like he was going on holiday. 2 rucksacks. Left everything else. 20 years worth of stuff, books, records, cds, clothes, photos… Never replied about collecting it or dealing with it. I freaked him out, hopefully, by couriering up 18 boxes of his cut up crap to her parents address. I donated his 30 odd pairs of trainers to a homeless football charity.

    12. He’s abandoned his kids. If I done the same I’d get done for neglect! Not seen them since Easter 2017.

    13. His toxic mother threatened me with court weeks after we split… She wanted guaranteed continued access as per past to her grandkids. I told her to take that up with her son. Yet again I was the baddie! I didn’t need her babysitting anymore to cover his fake work shifts. I received several lawyers letters and court paperwork from her. I wonder where his sense of entitlement and cumbersome handling of situations came from….? She has no contact with her daughter or other 5 grandkids and tried to use court proceedings to see them after their mother /daughter relationship broke down.

    14. I have to email OW#2 to get him to pay child maintenance and debt repayments. Apparently they are both skint just now so can’t afford his weekly payment to me (cafe black hole debt). Yet I’ve just spent a shed load of money on Christmas for his kids!

    15 . I told OW#1 about OW#2. They had been to weddings together and OW#1’s mother has his artwork on her walls.

    16. For 21 years he lied to me about his family history. Meeting up with his long lost father. Taking our young son to see him. I never met his father as usually it was fleeting and last minute lunchtime catchups when his dad was up on business… According to his mum she has never told him who his father is! According to OW#1 he attended his dead father’s funeral! Apparently at the same time as he was best man at his pals wedding in London that we all attended as a family….

    Freaked out, traumatised and angry didn’t cover how I felt.

    I now laugh at his pathetic absurdity…..

    • It was over the second he stole your cherry red doc martens. I love my doc martens. What a jerk. And really,so disordered. I’m all for buying stuff at thrift if I can get a good deal, but previously worn shoes for Christmas to a romantic partner?

      • Oh, they were new.. I hadn’t broken them in yet as I’d just had a baby and had other things to deal with.
        Breaking them in is a bugger!

  • My stbx wife used to go to a “women’s yoga retreat”, which was really what she called “The Love Shack,” where she would meet her schmoopie. After d-day, she went to a counselor who asked her to imagine a “safe space,” to go to whenever we argued about her infidelity. Despite the fact that her schmoopie had died years ago, she chose the Love Shack as her safe space. That was the final straw in our failed reconciliation.

  • I found out about the other woman when my wasband phoned me from county jail for harassing and stalking and threatening her after she broke up with him. I learned that it was intimate Affair when the judge read the charges, until that point she was just a roommate renting a room from our family and he was being friendly and fatherly and she needed his advice. 2 weeks later our 19 year old drowned in the river. 2019 the year of suck.

    • My heart breaks for you. His betrayal is nothing compared to your loss but the two together must be horrendous.
      I send you my condolences as one stinger to another. Hugs

    • OMG I’m so sorry about your child. ((((HUGS))) That and a D-Day? Just a monumental amount of loss. I’m sorry.

  • Well …

    1. Dumped the 1st OW because she got needy . Evidently she wanted all the trappings his wife had.????

    2. Having dumped me brutally for the 2nd OW, asked me to get his tax invoices together so he could file his tax return.

    3.Stood up in court lamenting how he had been forced to live in a caravan for 3 months , having just produced evidence in court of the lease he and OW took out 4 weeks after leaving

    There are so many more ……

  • XW is in a wheelchair and recovering from her second major ankle surgery in six weeks time. After celebrating Christmas Eve at her parents party barn, instead of putting her in a car to bring her back to their house, AP pushed her in her wheelchair over 100 yards through a horse pasture! XW was totally pissed at AP for doing that and let everyone present know it! ????

  • Not sure why my first one didn’t post

    D Day#1- found emails while on vacation of his Pringle’s can and asking for sex sent to multiple Craigslist ads… his email account was “hacked”

    D Day#2-8- oh hail master of cumtributes and lover of chuckhold…. all involving me (had no f*ing clue this was happening)

    Told me it wasn’t cheating since he was jerking off other men and not women to my pictures and videos (WTF!!!) since it turned him on sharing me with other me (again WTF)

  • Well this year marks my first Christmas with my STBX. Married in Hawaii Feb. 17, 2019 and DDay six months later the DDay. (In earlier posts). I survived what was supposed to be my first Christmas together as husband and wife. He texted. Binge called. I ignored everything All day today. It was really hard. I guess when you find out your husband is a serial cheater/liar and are blindsided listening to voice mails of other women saying he left things at their condo “last night” and the list goes on… (multiple women) and have an image of his bumble profile burned into your brain when breaking into his phone… it is time to say goodbye, stop believing he loves me and move on. Nights are the hardest for me. It hurts a lot but I know time will heal.

  • My stbxh of 20 years left me for his high-school-virginity-taking girlfriend who is his “birthday twin” and DESTINY.

    They take naked pictures of each other (faces included of course!) and I’ve seen her displaying her vagina like a med school textbook diagram, sprawled on top of her young daughter’s bedroom desk. She looks like the phrase “rode hard and put up wet”.

    Merry Christmas!

  • My cheater kept wanting to poke his head out the front door and yell nasty comments as I was packing my vehicle to leave. He was instructed by the police officer who was with me to stay inside of the house. Cheater then called the police station to inform them that the cop outside was holding him hostage inside his house.

    • 3rd time trying to post this

      1. Found email account back in the day with pictures of his manhood and emails asking for sexual favors to a multitude of Craigslist ads…. was told his email account was “hacked” how dare I accuse him of cheating

      2. Found new email account with violating pictures/ videos of me sent to multiple emails involving physically meeting up with strangers to pleasure themselves to these materials…. told wasn’t him doing this… email account was hacked/ shared account how dare I accuse him of cheating

      3. Admits to meeting up with strangers but states it’s not cheating since it’s with other men…. blames me for not making him feel worthy so he now has to get off to other men getting off to these pictures/videos as he wants to share me with the world

  • After DDay, I asked cheater to break up with skankpastor OW. He said, “She is my best friend and we have a soul connection. I’ll give up OW if YOU give up YOUR best friend.”

    (btw, didn’t matter when I pointed out that I don’t get blow jobs from MY best friend. He used that line multiple times with me)

  • My soon to be ex husband left me on my own with two kids after d-day. My family live on the other side of the world. Within a week he sent me a 4000 word email in bullet points (it would have taken too long to make it into prose) detailing everywhere I went wrong and his unmet needs which lead him to behave the way he did. He also asked me to tell him where I went “wrong”. At no point in the 4000 word email did he apologise for actually having an affair.

    Sometime after our failed wreckonciliation I told him I only needed 4 words to tell him where I went wrong and that was “I married a fuckwit”.

  • My Ex built an altar for a dead rock star in his apartment, “the only one that ever understood him”. He placed there his photo, a small figure of the dead guy, a bottle of liquor and a glass. He posts photos of the altar on the social media, with “happy birthday, my friend” and such. Needles to say the two never met

    • Lamia that is hilarious! Thanks– I actually laughed out loud. A friend of mine has an ex kind of like yours, and she always explains their relatively smooth break-up by saying, “It’s much easier to divorce a cartoon character than a fully-formed adult man.”

  • Dr Cheater Freak had an affair with his patient. She was diagnosed with PTSD and he referred her to Drawing Therapy classes as part of her treatment. She contacted me via Messenger and I looked at her fb page only to discover sketches of her and my husband. She stalked our home, he is suspended from practicing medicine and has also been diagnosed with PTSD and I am trying stay sane for the kids!!!!!

  • Told me he was better suited to the OW because they were both dogs and I was a horse, per the Kama Sutra, their favorite bedtime reading.

  • Flew from NC to California to visit OW but pretended to be hanging around town, just not at home because he “needed time” [away from me and our five children ages newborn-8yo]. I found his car at the airport and moved it to undisclosed location. Fuckwit called me for a ride home from the airport.

  • 1. Had naked pick-me dancing sex with cheater for the first time post DDay (about three weeks after discovery of his 10-year relationship and secret marriage to Hamburger Whore).
    2. Cheater introduced a sexual position that we had never tried previously in over 40 years together.
    3. When questioned later, admitted that it was Hamburger Whore’s favorite position.

  • Thank you both! Yeah it’s crazy. You really can’t make it up. So how I found out and his response was even crazier. It’s amazing how instant and elaborate his lies are. So… I found a receipt for syringes. I was like what the?!?! Omg and thought the worst! I confronted him and he laughed and immediately told me they were for his sisters dog who needs injections. I said oh really. But it didn’t sit right with me… I later found a l vile empty under the seat of his car and top … it was testosterone. He told me it was his friends who he used to work out with. I sort of believed it. I then Found another later and asked him about the needles and testosterone. He instantly got mad. Called me crazy. Etc. and again instantly lied saying it was for his elderly father. It’s insane how stupid he thinks I am. I laughed and said ok. I let it go and recently he admitted he’s been doing it once and a while throughout our entire marriage.

  • 1. We were shocked (or at least I was shocked) to learn she had just kicked him out for fucking the neighbor while her (the neighbor’s) husband was dying of brain cancer.
    2. Somehow this led to how he had presumed he and I would go our separate ways after our kids graduated high school because he had things he needed to do, that I won’t let him do: Go to Brazil to have sex with transgender prostitutes, participate in a gang-bang and travel to Antartica.
    3) I discover the texts between him and schmoopie the next day and he claims that she is the female version of him and understands him and…yes…she will do these things with him.

    (note: I have no problem with traveling to Antartica)

  • My cheater went on a business trip to s Korea and came back with a Korean girlfriend wanting a divorce. His reasoning… while he was feeling so hurt and sad for being a pathetic husband and terrible father (his words), she showed him a kindness he had never known before.

  • During wreckoncilation, I found a joint room booking for cheater and ho-worker at an office conference. When confronted, cheater said this was because ho-worker sleepwalks and had embarrassed herself in the past by wandering the corridors at night. Therefore this was a completely selfless act, that I couldn’t be told about, as I would completely over-react..!

    • Pedigree Chump, Your cheater is obviously a cheater but believe it or not I used to sleepwalk around the 16th floor hallway of my apartment building in Chicago. A coupld of times a security guard helped me back to my apartment; other times I woke myself up by banging into the wall and wandered confusedly back to bed. My parasomniac episodes happen less frequently these days, but I still don’t sleep naked.
      I’d completely forgotten about those sweet nighttime security guards until I read your comment just now.

  • -Blamed his messaging OW online on poor coping skills after my 15 year old son’s death.
    -Found out it started BEFORE my son passed away and in fact had been going on for over a year.
    -After 6 months with no change and the lies continuing, I moved out with our goal being reconciliation. He messaged his ex girlfriend that day and lied about my son again.
    -Graduated to texting a female coworker and met her outside of work.
    -Says he still wants to reconcile.

  • My defining get the hell out moments were -having all 275 lbs and over 6 feet of him sit on the bed and roll his legs over his head to show me his ass boil he wanted me to care for before he tottered down the road to see his OW under the guise of needing space. 2- pouting and sulking bc I “really needed to know her, she was really funny and she bought him dinner”- while we were married and still “working on things”.
    Bye bye

    • Um, I definitely do not want to draw your ex’s ass boil! Ewww~! I hope his ass boil got lots of “space” away from you!

    • Wow Sarah, you got a twofer: a virulent pustule on a virulent pustule! These people are UnbeLIEVable, aren’t they. What a moment.

  • Nothing so freaky as seeing Xhole hang Christmas decorations:
    1. OW Howorker tried to photo bomb our family photo at XHole’s workplace family Christmas party.
    2. XHole always ‘suffered’ through Christmas. Hated Christmas decorations, shopping mall Santas etc because they were “fake”. So EnoughAlready did ALL the Christmas stuff for our children while XHole was busy watching TV. For 20 years.
    3. Our last Chrstmas before the discard, I was baffled to come home from my work to find XHole busily putting up Christmas decorations, and Christmas morning he gifted us all matching shirts which he made us all wear for a happy holidays family selfie “for facebook”
    Cheaters make even the most simple and wholesome things fucking freaky!

  • 1) Exhole would go to a neighboring town that had a Home Depot to get some wood…his skank lived there so no I know what wood he was REALLY getting.

    2) He ordered cameras for the house under pretense of monitoring the doors and back yard shed outdoors, only to install them inside the home because it “made him feel better to look in on his family” while he was at work.

    3) He used said cameras to have a crazy last fight by recording me packing for a weekend away with him, accusing me of hiding a shirt from him then refusing to acknowledge the shirt was indeed packed when I compared it to his footage.


    • What a manipulator! Mine started picking fights with me over anything and everything he could just to blameshift. This was when hopium was strong and we tried therapy and wreckconsiliation. When I first kicked him out after DDay my father came over and installed the ring system all over my house. STBX was PISSED about this. He said great now there’s cameras so if we wreckconsile I gotta worry about every little thing “why I parked a certain way” why my left eye is twitching” etc. I said the cameras ARE NOT ABOUT you!!!! They are for me and my protection in a big house now by myself!!! EVERYTHING was about him!!

  • Me working with builder on new dream home. Her out of town getting facials from her 26 year old boy toy!

  • 1. Was feeling like snooping around Christmas so I put VAR in his car on the 23rd. Knowing they were going to take a ride and exchange gifts bought with marital money.
    2. Listen to them open their gifts and hug each other and tell each other how much they love the gifts and each other forever.
    3. We open gifts as a family on Christmas Eve, and low and behold I receive many of the gifts she gave him. I think they call that regifting?

  • Chump Nation Public Service Announcement: Whenever I find myself doing things around the house I. Need of noise during free time I put on the movie “The Other Woman” Cameron Diaz, Leslie Mann and Kate Upton. I’m telling you WATCH this movie chumps. Everything is on point and the end is amazing!

  • Three of my many WTF moments;

    “Do have any idea what it was like to not be able to kiss you goodbye on the lips because you had put lipstick on?” (One of the many things I did to make him cheat)

    “I get along better with 20 year old girls than I do with men my own age” (said at 45 years old while trying to convince me she was just a friend)

    “I’m too fragile to face you right now” (two weeks after d-day #2)

  • My spousal support is based on a formula–25% over a certain income, which should be determined no later than April 15.

    Bad News (my past):
    This July, Dr. A**hat sent the 25% while he knew I was away on vacay with our 20-year old son. He purposely sent the check to my attorney instead of mailing to me, making me pay unnecessary legal fees and knowing I would receive the very first day of our trip. A week later, another attorney email appeared in my in-box. Apparently Dr. A**hat miscalculated what he owed. He actually had his attorney tape a Quarter to a letter, stating he owed me 12 cents more and that I could keep the “extra” 13 cents.

    Good News (my future):
    I didn’t bother to open either emails during my trip–wasn’t even mildly curious, didn’t let A**hat creep into our journey and was able to thoroughly enjoy my fantastic two week road trip (drove from Florida to Michigan, stopping at over 20 National Parks along the way & Neal Armstrong’s childhood home). Not one peep to my son about his father nor did I get angry. Makes me smile thinking about how much I still annoy him!

  • The last Christmas I was married, now exh rang me from his holiday pad in Paris which he refused to leave a few days early to spend Christmas with his family. In the middle of the Christmas lunch I was hosting for my parents, sisters and children. And while he was talking to me he wrote uughhhh as a comment on a photo of me my son sent him on the facebook family group.
    Doesn’t really hold a candle to many other stories from CN but it certainly hammered the final nail in that particular coffin. .

  • 1. After a few years of fucking Hamburger Whore behind my back, Cheater decided that he needed to lock down his relationship with her. He was worried that she would cheat on HIM, as a previous OW did.
    2. Cheater and Hamburger Whore exchanged rings and vows in a bogus “wedding” ceremony in front of her friends and family.
    3. Cheater promptly began “cheating” on Hamburger Whore as well with one-night stands and Craigslist hook-ups.

    In case I wasn’t clear: Cheater and I were still married and living together, and Hamburger Whore was fully aware of this as she was a neighbor.

  • I have 2.

    1: he gave me a gift I had given his mother years earlier; a set of 2 tea mugs (1 was now chipped), with the only 3 teabags left that were stale (she refused to keep using it as soon as she knew it came from me)

    2: the last Christmas I gave him a beautiful flannel shirt I knew would look great with his blue eyes and blond hair. he looked at it and said very audibly…oh, she’s going to love this….took a selfie with it and immediately texted OW a pic of him holding it up by his face. right in front of me, his WIFE, who bought the gift.

    • What IS it about gift giving that brings out the monster in these people?

    • Wow, Freer Every Day, I just said NO. NO WAY! so loudly while reading your comment that my dog rushed over to protect me from the spider he assumed I’d seen, judging from the tone of my voice. (I hate spiders. But compared to your ex, spiders seem downright lovable.)

  • Told me he was going out at midnight to photograph the tractor in the moonlight.

    To my eternal shame I believed him.

    Then I found pictures of his erect penis on the family laptop, with a painting in the background we had bought together. I had to explain this to the lawyer as he was threatening me with police, they wanted to know how I knew it was his dick. That and the tube of canestan cream I found in his bedside table.

    Anyway turns out he was more interested in the 23 year old who lived up the road and they would meet at the barn where he housed the tractor. Hes 50 years old and wears a flat cap. She’s welcome!!

  • He fucked escorts at our neighbors house 3 doors down – then came home to play with the dog and the kids….ended up “asleep” in his recliner…

  • Late to the party here…Cheater made a big deal of finding and having us watch a PBS documentary on a subject I was professionally interested in. We talked about it, the science, and the scientist at great length and I was thrilled he was thinking of me and made the effort to find and watch this program with me. Only problem? Unbeknownst to me, the scientist in the documentary was his affair partner! Sigh….

  • I wouldn’t t trust her data. I’m picturing AP as a sociologist, and Cheater as one of those people who came out smirking. One of those newborns who smirks before he draws his first breath. Some comments just present you with strange instant visuals, you know? And that’s what popped up when I read yours.

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