Cheater Freak Christmas?

In years past, I’ve done a Cheater Freak Christmas Countdown! where we try to best each other with our cheater freak stories.

In the past, I’ve draw cartoons of the winning submissions — which are pretty legend. The cheater who had a meltdown and escaped by hopping away in a sleeping bag. GladIt’sOver whose ex presented her with a half-eaten box of cereal. The psychotic squirrel assassin. Read the archives. This stuff is gold.

This is how the game is played — you tell Chump Nation the freaky, WTF particulars. Examples include, the cheating plumber who referred to his clients as his “fans”, the cheater who threatened his chump with a pagan scythe, the OW who made nail-clipping art. (YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP!)

The object here is to be as SUCCINCT as possible. No essays! You can comment on other people’s Freak submissions, but each submission needs to be a three brief sentences, tops.

For example, my submission would go like this.

1) He had the same mistress for over 20 years and three marriages.

2) OW and ex apparently had a kid together and she passed the paternity off on her brother-in-law.

3) After boinking his OW in Vermont, he drove home and presented me with a one-pound bag of coffee.

I will announce a winner at New Year’s. And you win a copy of my book. I’ll even draw a little something inside. So Chump Nation, BRING IT! And Merry Xmas!

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OptionNoMore
OptionNoMore
4 years ago

When confronted about his OWs no contact order against her own husband after an assault, the cheater’s defence was “the system is trying to make an example out of her because she is a woman.”

Geode
Geode
4 years ago
Reply to  OptionNoMore

I kicked ex out in 2016 after a 2 year marriage and since then he’s had 4 jobs and been accused in print of performing unnecessary surgery. I recently learned he lost another job for sleeping with the wife of a critically ill patient. Yesterday he buzzed my house so low in his small plane that it rattled the windows and the glassware of my Christmas brunch.

Chumplady please make a cartoon of a fat aging pervert doctor in scrubs and surgical mask.

Merry Christmas!

NewChump
NewChump
4 years ago
Reply to  Geode

The buzzing of your house does it for me on so many levels – I hope you don’t mind but I laughed out loud! A cartoon of a fat aging pervert doctor in scrubs and surgical mask FLYING A PLANE AND BUZZING YOUR HOUSE – bwahahahaha

Kathy
Kathy
4 years ago
Reply to  Geode

I think we have a winner here!

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
4 years ago

I can give you a single-dose selection:

Cheater #1 thought that he was going to get a senior job at the United Nations at the age of 24 and with a not terribly good degree in anthropology.

Cheater #2 designed milk cartons for a living, and believed this gave him special expertise in the printing industry. To the point where he epically beclowned himself at a meeting with my fellow graduate students who wanted to set up a print journal back in the 90s. He was amazingly patronizing, and I wanted the earth to open and swallow me.

Cheater #4 tried to tell me he had been a contestant on the UK TV program Mastermind, and also tried to impress me by telling me about the time Prince Edward had him to tea at Cambridge. Once. I suspect with a crowd of other people.

I clearly have a magnetic attraction for the over-confident and slightly delusional.

Merry Christmas!

Cam
Cam
4 years ago
Reply to  Lola Granola

Did we date the same Cheater #1?

He got an anthropology degree from a no-name college and spent the whole time making fun of classmates he considered inferior idiots.

Funnily enough, all those “inferior idiots” went on to get Ph.D.’s from prestigious research universities, while the cheater got rejected to every grad program to which he applied for years in a row until he finally gave up.

zyx321
zyx321
4 years ago
Reply to  Cam

I’ll give you guys over confident narcissists, but please do not rag on Anthropology— every discipline has idiots (one of my best friends has a degree in Anthropology)
????

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
4 years ago
Reply to  Cam

There’s definitely a theme. Mine started but I think never finished a doctorate, because it’s amazing how little incentive you have for a big project when your girlfriend is no longer around to write it for you.

MamaMeh
MamaMeh
4 years ago
Reply to  Lola Granola

Slightly!!

18monthsfree
18monthsfree
4 years ago

XH and OW were reunited after 30 years and each cheated and divorced their spouses. 6 months later romance fizzled. XH cheated with a different X HIgh School girlfriend on Shank OW.

Today, OW sent me a picture of her and my XH her XAP, with his arm draped lovingly around her with her bleached blond hair shining in front of a Christmas tree. My children recognized the picture from last Christmas.

My adult kids might of recreated the picture with the sleeves of XH shirt draped around a trash can with a blond wig in front of our Christmas tree.

Then inserted both pictures into “The Office” meme “Corporate needs you to find the difference between this picture and this other picture”
Pam: “they are exactly the same”

Best laugh I have had in a long time

Why would she contact me? She stole the SHINEY sparkly turd and Won the prize. And lost it to another skank ho trying to relive her high school dreams?

https://www.google.com/search?q=the+office+corporate+meme+template&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari#imgrc=hvibXGD-7_CTqM:

Martha
Martha
4 years ago
Reply to  18monthsfree

Your kids are AWESOME! lol 🙂

ChumpMeNot
ChumpMeNot
4 years ago

When I left, he tried to get me back and vowed to drop OW in a heartbeat. I told him to leave me alone, so he harassed me with nonstop insults and threats. Then he said he will “always love me” when I didn’t reply, they got engaged immediately, and I found out she was carrying his baby.

Be gone pond scum
Be gone pond scum
4 years ago

Brought me the same necklace twice… must have forgotten what he’d gifted each of us

Freer Every Day!
Freer Every Day!
4 years ago

I got the same Christmas valentine, birthday cards many times. he’d pull them out if the box I saved. I started putting dates on them. still got them.

Robin
Robin
4 years ago

1. Cheater invited OW over to our house for a barbecue while they were sleeping together. I served her salad and ribs.

2. When I confronted cheater he claimed he had to sleep with her to help relieve the pressure caring for my disabled sister. (who doesn’t live with us…)

3. Cheater wishes to follow OW’s dream of being a “tornado chaser,” you know.. like in the movie Twister?

LOL may all our Ex’s find their tornado! Happy Holidays!

Lori
Lori
4 years ago
Reply to  Robin

When her husband found out about her one year affair with my ex, his HoWorker went to the police station and accused my h of sexual assault. He was charged (later dropped), had to pay a $ settlement to her and her husband, a fine $$$, Court fees $$$, and was suspended from work for 6 months. I truly believe if she didn’t expose her crazy so soon, they would still be together today.

ResilientOne
ResilientOne
4 years ago
Reply to  Robin

OMG. I am speechless and chuckling just a little. This may just trump my story. Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year!!

Adelante
Adelante
4 years ago
Reply to  Robin

They are tornadoes…and destroy our homes.

FreedFromChumpdom
FreedFromChumpdom
4 years ago

X had a one night stand while away for a family wedding. When he overslept at the OW’s house, causing his ENTIRE FAMILY(parents, aunts, cousins, grandmother) miss their plane home, and call the authorities because they thought something tragic had happened to him…he told them that he got lost in Seattle (where the wedding was), and just couldn’t find the hotel. So he had laid down and slept on a park bench all night. And of course, the flying monkeys ate that story right up! *eye roll*

NeverTrustAgain
NeverTrustAgain
4 years ago

Okay, this is a really good one. I hope it wins!

Baselchump
Baselchump
4 years ago

When confronted about his presence at a private address unknown to us (tracked on findmyfriends) he said he was helping his friend to paint a wall. He never lifted a paintbrush in our 13 years together.

He moved out immediately on discovery at Christmas, and took this friend to a 5* spa hotel the weekend of my January birthday.

While I was selling the matrimonial home some months later he was on the neighboring island from the one we married on, with OW #?

ChumpedPunk
ChumpedPunk
4 years ago

Fuckwit left me pregnant for OW, who dumped him 3 months later for accusing her of cheating on him. He now lives in a shed in his grandmother’s backyard, and will be evicted at the new year.

Positano
Positano
4 years ago
Reply to  ChumpedPunk

I just spit out my coffee. Awesome! Evicted from his grandma’s shed… Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!

Cam
Cam
4 years ago
Reply to  ChumpedPunk

This one is my favorite so far. Evicted from a shed!

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
4 years ago
Reply to  ChumpedPunk

Even his Grandma can’t take his shit ????

Doingme
Doingme
4 years ago
Reply to  ChumpedPunk

Evicted from a shed! Priceless.

chumptastic
chumptastic
4 years ago
Reply to  ChumpedPunk

Karma is a bitch!

Phoenix Rising
Phoenix Rising
4 years ago

1. ExMoron went to secret island with 12 high ranking fire commanders for special training.
2. Put through extreme tests in ice-cold or burning hot temperatures (ice station zebra on a tropical island!) to test responses in emergency situations.
3. Of the 12 only 2 passed! Yep you guessed it, roly poly James Bond (short fat bald version) was 1 of the 2!!! Biggest load of BS ever!

Chock full of Chumps
Chock full of Chumps
4 years ago

Opened my front door to find it smeared with s#!t, toilet paper and all. and all. I snooped ithe Cheater’s ipad and found the beguiling photos the skank had sent him…of her breastfeeding her 3 year old!

Chock full of Chumps
Chock full of Chumps
4 years ago

Opened my front door to find it smeared with s#!t, toilet paper and all. I snooped ithe Cheater’s ipad and found the beguiling photos the skank had sent him…of her breastfeeding her 3 year old!

Miss Guided
Miss Guided
4 years ago

After hearing ho-ho was getting divorced from her husband, stbx asked her to her to go get Christmas trees from land we own. They went and then he decided to leave me. Though he told me there was no other woman. This was 5 years ago.

sweetChumpgirl
sweetChumpgirl
4 years ago

I was presented with a hand made sparkly ball wreath as my last Christmas present before d-day. After d-day my girlfriends and I had a lot of wine, a freedom fire and watched the sparkly balls burn.

EnoughAlready
EnoughAlready
4 years ago
Reply to  sweetChumpgirl

May the happy memories of the glow from that fire always make you smile 🙂

UXworld
UXworld
4 years ago

She spent part of New Years Eve in our daughter’s bedroom, taking and sending nude pics of herself to a Marine stationed in Japan. When asked why she was in that room, she said she had a panic attack after filling out an online grocery delivery order and just needed to be alone.

Attie
Attie
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Hey, ordering groceries online, naked, gives me panic attacks too. I thought it happened to everyone!

Luziana
Luziana
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

KK a for the win. I swear, there are probably even more spectacular antics from her that you’ve trauma repressed, but she’s one of the more batshit delusional people I’ve ever heard of!

Luziana
Luziana
4 years ago

My ex husband was caught making plans by email with another woman with my same first name (we’ll say Luzy) to kidnap my daughter, apartment hunt in Boston where he is from, and I would ‘never see our daughter again.’

When I confronted him he punched me in the head with all his rotund bald troll might.

He went to jail instead of Boston. Even with a DV conviction he maintained a blog called ‘IStillLoveYouLuzy.blogspot.com’For YEARS.

But I’M the crazy one, folks!

Luziana
Luziana
4 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Ooh no Cold Slab O’Meat 2010-2014 did that. We never had children together. This is Pablo Diablo 1998-2005 RIP.

I have had a HISTORICALLY bad picker.

Luziana
Luziana
4 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

Cold Slab O’Meat is from Wales.
Pablo Diablo is from Boston by way of Portugal.

UXworld
UXworld
4 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

Luziana, Not for nuthin’, but he’s wicked fucked in the head. (One Bostonian’s opinion.)

Luziana
Luziana
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

He’s a real pissah!

But not for nothing he didn’t get the girl the actual things on her list this year. Or coach her science grade up from an F to a B.

WINNING.

Chumpster
Chumpster
4 years ago

#1 In June 2017, X told me he would never cheat in our relationship because our marriage and family was way more important than sex and he would never want to loose what he has.

#2 In July 2017, X told me he loved me and told his boys he would give up his life for them because they were the most important things in the world to him.

#3 In August 2017, X told me that that he hadn’t loved me for years, had wanted to leave me for years to find new sex, and then told the kids he was leaving us because his happiness with OW (he met 3 weeks earlier) was more important than anything else.

Stig
Stig
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumpster

Deee-luuud-ed. That’s what they always say, quick little rewrite to justify their shit-bird behavior.

EnoughAlready
EnoughAlready
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumpster

I could have written this. XHole said the exact same things except told the children we had ‘grown apart’ and worse got me to say the same ????

Unexpectedchumpiness
Unexpectedchumpiness
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumpster

My cheating ex literally said those EXACT SAME WORDS! He would never cheat because “Family is the most important thing” and “ain’t nobody got time for all that”. What fucking liars.

Jen
Jen
4 years ago

1. My cheating wasband told me on DDay he’d be home in 30 minutes (was “at work”) and then disappeared until the next morning for the first time ever. He admitted he had cheated when confronted and then accused me of “just wanting him to get caught”!?!? as I tearfully told him I was sure he had been carjacked and killed- the reason I called the police.

2) After 10 days, a marriage therapy appointment I made for us, and many attempts of spackling on my part, I finally had a nervous breakdown and flew home the same day to Mom in Illinois that I discovered he had made another phone call to the OW after vowing NC. It was a smart choice.

3) By the time my flight touched down in IL, my Ring doorbell, that wasband knew my mom also had access too and always watched (we were all very close and he loved this actually, before his mask fell off), recorded him bringing the OW to our house complete with a trashy red hooker dress. Bonus is her telling his sports car “Mr B is looking good” during the 15 seconds it recorded for me, but first my mother, to see.

There’s more but that’s the best part ????. I went on to buy your book, leave that cheater, and never look back . It was the hardest time of my life but it sure is nice to be on the other side of the pain this Christmas. ????

Iwantmyfairytale
Iwantmyfairytale
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumpster

This makes me angry

Soontobenarcfree
Soontobenarcfree
4 years ago

Our second son had a second open heart surgery in Boston. We were 13 hours from home for a month. XH flew Home to help with the 4 other children my Mother was watching. He had his married ho over for a homemade meal and beer while I was still in Boston. Divorce to be final next month

Rebecca
Rebecca
4 years ago

Takes a real pig ???? to do that!

AnotherOne
AnotherOne
4 years ago

Ex was flabbergasted to learn I was not going to carpool with him for 2 hours to attend his nieces’ graduation party. He had moved in with his ho-worker 2 months earlier. My kids went to celebrate with their cousin, I felt no need to do so.

Chumped in KoP
Chumped in KoP
4 years ago

1. Her First Affair was with my son’s best friends Father. They were both leaders of his Boy Scout Troop (he claimed to be an Eagle Scout). I was told how “well they work together getting things done!”. Ended when Douche-Canoe wouldn’t leave his wife.

2. Second Affair was with her married Yoga Instructor (whom she left me for). I was told fate brought them together. Apparently twice a day Yoga lessons are “just what a Yogi does”.

Happy Holidays to all of Chump Nation

SweetPotatoFlakes
SweetPotatoFlakes
4 years ago

Ex-wife’s way of minimization was to repeatedly say “I never went looking to cheat”. However, she loved creating scenarios where she could enjoy the duping delight. Supposedly she never had sex with all the OM in our bed, so she would uncharacteristicly initiate sex in places where she had (e.g. her office at work).

chumptastic
chumptastic
4 years ago

Karma is a bitch!

Hcard
Hcard
4 years ago

He told hospice nurse no woman had ever been kind to him, like her. Thought they could explore that.

He molested his hospice social worker. Grabbed her boob, then denied it.

He wanted me to plan a special little Christmas party, for him and his music therapy worker. She was very pretty, he was fat, 63, yellow teeth and freaking dying.

He lasted just over a year on hospice. He was furious they gave him an all male staff. No, wonder after 40 plus years, still working at sanity.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
4 years ago
Reply to  Hcard

Turns out a lot of female nurses refuse to do home care with older men, single or married. Gee-I wonder why ?

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
4 years ago
Reply to  Hcard

So many cheaters are delusional! Ugh.
Happy holidays to you, here’s hoping for clarity and sanity in the new year!

chumptastic
chumptastic
4 years ago

1. X is flying 1st class. Sends me an email that we could join the mike high club because there is so much room.

2. Dday #4 I find an email to schmoopie that says we should join the mike high club in hmy first class seat because there is so much room.

3. He sent us the same thing…my god at least be original!

Amazon Chump
Amazon Chump
4 years ago
Reply to  chumptastic

Oh my gosh!! That rocks!! I’m definitely laughing out loud.

chumptastic
chumptastic
4 years ago
Reply to  chumptastic

*mile high

Steel Magnolia
Steel Magnolia
4 years ago

When asked why….just why would he sleep with a teenager? My porn addicted STBX said he was “just like an old dog.” Constantly guilted me that it was all about sex for me (while we weren’t having it). I am now accused of trying to kill him because I had papers served on a stressful work day.

Lucky
Lucky
4 years ago

These are reruns but still funny…

1. Hubble is away on a Mission Trip (he’a A Minister ) and sends MOW to my house with a box of designer chocolates ( this is 6 months before BD and I know something is “off”).

2. We had a large house. MOW and Hubble are doing their Master’s together. He leans across the dining room table and says in a very serious voice….Miss Piggy is having problems in her marriage and I think she and her kids should move in with us.

3. Everyone knows about our legal separation. But Appearances! Christmas! Ministry! Kibbles!!!

X decides to go with me to my Sister’s big holiday event ?!?! Half way there he tells me to pull over – he’s getting out. We are an hour away.

He changes his mind – comes with. At her house he gets cold feet and decides he will go to the mall and pick me up afterwards. It’s the 25th – nothing is open. There is a raging snow storm.

He sleeps in the car for two hours and then calls and says he’s coming for dinner. 30 family members wait and eat rewarmed turkey for HIM.

The dog growled at him ????

madkatie63
madkatie63
4 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

Love this one

Vanessa M.
Vanessa M.
4 years ago

1. Sad (trying to be Sexy Sausage) Sausage took shower photos of himself when he first met the OW and sent her pictures in various provocative positions with the caption … “Thinking of you…” Hard not to notice my pink loofah, Venus Razor, and Dove body wash in the background.

2. During our contentious divorce, he mistakenly sent me a “Taco Tuesday” oral sex graphic that was for the OW and wrote … “Tacos tonight” with a winking emoji face. He denied it was for OW and insisted it was for me and to lighten the mood and make me laugh before court.

3. He had veneers put on his upper teeth at a place OW recommended and when he drove up in his new truck to drop our son off at swim class, he said he couldn’t stay because his two front veneers fell off. He yelled, “Please help me find a dentist! I can’t walk around like this!”

Drop mic.

Amazon Chump
Amazon Chump
4 years ago
Reply to  Vanessa M.

Taco Tuesday!!! Oh my gosh!! You can’t make this shit up!! And to cheer you up just before the court date. Oh my gosh!!

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
4 years ago
Reply to  Vanessa M.

#3 … winner! ????

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
4 years ago

A 40 year old visits a strip club out of town. He invites Barbie, the 21 year old stripper, to take a ride on his rented Harley. He “didn’t invite her on a date”, he was “just being friendly!” That motorcycle isn’t the only thing that ended up between her legs.

Chumpster
Chumpster
4 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

Lol!

Martha
Martha
4 years ago

After telling the cheating sociopath that he could no longer sleep in the same bed with me. He turned into the victim/sadz sausage. He went down to our unfinished basement. Set up camp on the concrete floor. Laid out his sleeping bag. Plugged in the nightlight from his grandma; he was 45 years old. I went down to the basement to see what the heck he was doing and found him laying on the floor, looking like the toy, Glo Worm. His Bible, shoes and nightlight were neatly sitting next to his head.

The kids and I went to WI one Thanksgiving due to a family emergency. XH stayed home because he “had to work”. XH was invited over to his cousins house for Thanksgiving. All his family, including parents would be there. He “called in sick”. Said he “might” have the flu. His mommy even dropped off a plate a food. He wasn’t sick. He stayed home to lay in our bed and masterbate to soft porn movies on our TV; I found the history on our TV and spilled bottle of lube in my nightstand when I got home. I never said a thing, because I knew he’d lie and deny it. He also laughed and said, “Why would I want to spend T-day with them!” All his family still thinks he’s a saint and such a great Christian guy.

XH would always be “tired” or “starting to get sick” anytime my family came into town (we live 600 miles apart) or we went to visit them. He’d have to take a nap or somehow draw attention to how tired he was from all his long hours at work.

Sorry, not very good at writing short stories. 🙂 Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday’s, Chump Nation! I hope everyone who is struggling today finds a little peace in their hearts.

JJ
JJ
4 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Glo Worm for the win — perfect cartoon fodder.

Quicksilver
Quicksilver
4 years ago

There are so many I had to pick a theme.

1. Promised he’d drop AP if I bought him a new bicycle so he’d have something else to do.
2. Gifted me an inspirational 8×10 glossy of himself going over a tiny jump on his bicycle with the inscription “Aim high and you can achieve your dreams”… autographed.
3. Claimed he was using viagra to improve his performance – on bike rides.

She Won't Even Notice!
She Won't Even Notice!
4 years ago
Reply to  Quicksilver

Is your ex LITERALLY Stuart from SNL?

“Look at what I can do!!”

CCCC UK Edition
CCCC UK Edition
4 years ago
Reply to  Quicksilver

Any chance if a copy of that photo for us all ????

“Tiny jump” ????????????

Quicksilver
Quicksilver
4 years ago

I should have kept it for amusement sake but it probably got dumped with his other garbage

Cam
Cam
4 years ago
Reply to  Quicksilver

#2 is amazing. Do these people ever listen to themselves?

GermanChump
GermanChump
4 years ago
Reply to  Quicksilver

Please, let it be No 2. I want to hand it out amongst my girl friends

Amazon Chump
Amazon Chump
4 years ago
Reply to  Quicksilver

Funny!! I sure hope you’re still getting lots of chuckles out of his stupidity!

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
4 years ago
Reply to  Quicksilver

Omg
#2 made me laugh so hard….

Wanting to be on the Other Side
Wanting to be on the Other Side
4 years ago

The POS told me that he had to spend summers in his home town working in person with his father (financial advisory firm) and focusing on the clients. He was never in touch with me or the children during those times or during any “business” trips.

Turns out he had a secret life with a wealthy woman and her 4 children. I found out 3 years later.

Holidays are alternated so he has the children for Xmas. Night before last, the “blended family” hosted a massive bowling party at his and her private city club. Afterwards, her children went to their grandparents to sleepover with their visiting cousins. Him and her dumped my children in her mansion and left them alone while they went out for drinks!!

Merry Xmas to CL and CN!! I am so grateful for you all!! ❤️❤️

Book and Dog Lover
Book and Dog Lover
4 years ago

This year my soon-to-be ex had to be “out of town” on my birthday. I came to learn that he’d stayed in a ritzy hotel with the OW and taken her shopping to buy a designer purse and accessories (I didn’t even rank a birthday card). When I confronted him, he said he didn’t think I’d mind since I wasn’t a fan of that designer, anyway.

nomorecamping
nomorecamping
4 years ago

4 years ago my ex was in ritzy hotels with his coworker while telling me he was out all night taking pictures. He bought her all kinds of expensive stuff. I didn’t get a birthday card, either, on my birthday after he’d been gone for a couple days. He sat on the bed and said, “Happy birthday” when he rolled in then went to sleep on the couch. I think I said thanks. I didn’t get mad or anything. I showed no emotion. Too numb. Today, though, is a beautiful day. Sweet freedom….. He never saw me cry. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. I’d been through it before. Hope everything is ok now.

Adelante
Adelante
4 years ago

Five sentences but I needed them all.

OW is an exhibitionist with Daddy issues who was Cheater’s student and spent many hours with him in his office in a stained blue velvet easy chair I’d salvaged from the side of the road, discussing her pseudo-feminist ideas (she never worked with actual women professors—such as me, who directed Women’s Studies). She created a Facebook page she called “Fans of Cheater,” and once asked him to get an online minister’s degree in order to marry her to her then boyfriend. He did, but she didn’t marry the boyfriend; he once up and left me and my son standing in a T-Mobile store waiting for our new phones so he could go and “have coffee” with her because she had just “blocked her father” and needed his help. Unbeknownst to me Cheater began “exploring his gender issues” with her, and after he dropped his subsequent trans-bomb in my lap decided to give her the stained blue velvet chair because she had become the “counselor” and he the “seeker.” He never came out, but now seeks his pleasure in himself while wearing women’s lingerie.

Lucky
Lucky
4 years ago
Reply to  Adelante

Christ on a cracker – he’s a Hot Mess!!!Just like the chair – imagine what woven into the Upholstery of that blue chair . A cartoon of cross dressing husband/therapist straddling the blue chair stripper style for the win CL ?!?

Tammy
Tammy
4 years ago

My loving husband of 6 months went to SC to “help his brother in law set up a new business” he had a side business as well… dating women while there. Cell phone in lock down upon his arrival home. I cracked the code “696969” appropriately for my whore husband… Bumble profile full of lies and MULTIPLE women’s voice mails of his visits with them!

OhMyCats
OhMyCats
4 years ago
Reply to  Tammy

1. My spouse initially told me he was traveling for “work” – he was actually running away to the other side of the country with AP, where he drained our joint bank account and they went on many Facebook documented adventures, including getting matching finger tattoos that say “Do it.”

2. When I finally confronted him after the finger tattoos, he told me, “I know you’re upset, but don’t post anything on Facebook that will ruin her business” – she’s an engagement/wedding photographer.

3. I had to quickly switch over payments (mortgage, utilities, and so on) for our actual life from our drained bank account to my own, pay off the roof that we replaced just before his adventures with AP, pack all of his personal items, and then fight with him to get him to pick any of it up – only to be told, “I never actually chose to leave if you’re going to be difficult.”

This was in July/August – I only have 33 days left until the final divorce hearing! Not that I’m counting the days or anything…

Tammy
Tammy
4 years ago
Reply to  OhMyCats

Wow! What a total loser. You are better off now. God bless

Tammy
Tammy
4 years ago
Reply to  Tammy

So much more to this story too! I contacted every woman. And when confronted my husband he said he was showing someone how to make a Bumble profile. He conveniently took his wedding ring off for his mirror selfie. Ladies voice mails said he left things at their condos “last night” etc. was woman was exhausted from
his visit with her. So many lies. Testosterone injections in his ass… came home and asked me to help him pay $4k of back child support before I uncovered the cheating. So many women in his social media profiles. So many lies. All after getting married in Hawaii this past February. Used and emotionally abused! He married me to be a mommy to his son and him! I immediately kicked him out of my home and went no contact. This book and website have saved my sanity along with my family. – Disappointed and sad but grateful! New year new life. Thank you god.

EnoughAlready
EnoughAlready
4 years ago
Reply to  Tammy

Tammy,
Sorry for you going through that awful betrayal. There’s no untangling that skein of what goes on in cheater’s minds. Just Trust that He Sucks! Meanwhile you are Mighty: ” New Year New Life” Amen to that!
“Testosterone in his arse..” Suddenly jolted my memory about XHole asking about Testosterone in a Pharmacy and almost getting into an argument with the shop assistants, while I was so humiliated. What is it with the Testosterone and these losers?

Jubal
Jubal
4 years ago
Reply to  EnoughAlready

Me three! Testosterone shots in the ads! What is it with these losers? My cheater, as it turned out, was actually having an affair with the “anti-aging specialist” who prescribed the hormones for him! You can’t make this shit up. It’s hilarious to me now, and I am so glad it was this outrageous — I wasted no time kicking him out. Life is good!

Jubal
Jubal
4 years ago
Reply to  Jubal

*in the ass, autocorrect.
And yes, I discovered this right before Christmas last year.

T
T
4 years ago
Reply to  Jubal

Whoops. I posted this in the main spot and not here in Reply!
Thank you both! Yeah it’s crazy. You really can’t make it up. So how I found out and his response was even crazier. It’s amazing how instant and elaborate his lies are. So… I found a receipt for syringes. I was like what the?!?! Omg and thought the worst! I confronted him and he laughed and immediately told me they were for his sisters dog who needs injections. I said oh really. But it didn’t sit right with me… I later found a l vile empty under the seat of his car and top … it was testosterone. He told me it was his friends who he used to work out with. I sort of believed it. I then Found another later and asked him about the needles and testosterone. He instantly got mad. Called me crazy. Etc. and again instantly lied saying it was for his elderly father. It’s insane how stupid he thinks I am. I laughed and said ok. I let it go and recently he admitted he’s been doing it once and a while throughout our entire marriage.

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
4 years ago

Feb 26, 2017, while floating around in a pool in Phoenix having spent the weekend looking for our retirement home, X Asshat declared, “I want to be with you the rest of my life.”

April 6, 2017, I received an e-mail while away on a business trip, “I moved out today, we can get a divorce online.”

April 9, 2017, when asked why he declared his eternal love just weeks before, “I just wanted to see how it sounded. I have NEVER EVER loved you.”

We were married 28 years and I got an e-mail as my only indication that my marriage was over. The OW is 26yo.

no-way
no-way
4 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

What a heartless prick!

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
4 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

What a liar. Liars lie remember.
He will get his, dont you worry!
Bless you and merry Christmas!

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
4 years ago
Reply to  Letitsnow

Yeah, his answer to WTAF about all of it was that it was my fault. He is blameless. And my co-dependent, chumpy self went right along with that.

Here is a prime example: My X Asshat Cheater once bumped his head on a low heating duct in the basement when we were moving into our home. Though I had never observed the low duct myself and I passed under it easily, my co-dependent chumpy self somehow decided his hitting his head must somehow be my fault.

The Asshat agreed.

That sums up my married life. Thank God I can actually see it for what it was now.

Thank you for the kind words! Merry Christmas to you, too.

ChumpetyChumpChump
ChumpetyChumpChump
4 years ago

Coming up on my one-year anniversary of regaining a life. Note my moniker, to be sung to the chorus of Frosty the Snowman. It was a doozy of an Xmas. Highlights…

1. He will open presents hand-picked, wrapped and labeled by my 10-year-old nephew, who mistakenly adores him, “all in good time”. Never does.

2. We are to have a state-of-the-union (not good) on New Year’s Eve, his choice of date because he likes to keep his life by the calendar year “as you know”.

3. New Year’s Eve sends me a text that he is really tired, is taking a mini-break, and won’t be home tonight. Cialis missing from bedside table. Neatly planned, I’ll give him that.

Denouement… I google all things cheater until I find something, anything, that makes sense to me, and stumble across Chump Lady. Thank you all for keeping me company the past year. You have been a godsend.

Tammy
Tammy
4 years ago

Amen!

Tammy
Tammy
4 years ago

Chump lady is THE ONLY THING on the www that makes sense. God bless this amazing woman!!!!!

Tammy
Tammy
4 years ago

Would LOVE a cartoon (even if my post isn’t picked) of a cheater doing a dating profile selfie in the mirror ring off etc. TRACY- I will personally email you the screenshot of my husbands pic the woman sent me. It’s pretty great and you could imitate it in a cartoon. So many profile lies.

Sandy Marra
Sandy Marra
4 years ago

My ex was a therapist, and he came home one night laughing about an African-American woman who started therapy with him because “she was afraid of dookie,” (yes, a fear of poop).
They started having an affair and he told me at one point he, “prefers to date black women because they’re used to being treated like crap.”
Later he said he doesn’t date black women anymore because “they only care about money.”

LezChump
LezChump
4 years ago
Reply to  Sandy Marra

Wow. Amazing to lay it out so blatantly. My white STBX also had an African-American AP last summer (we are all women) and thought she was being so progressive, when in fact she also was benefiting from the AP’s screwed-up personal history and low self-esteem. My STBX would never, ever agree that she has anything in common with your ex, though!

Wormfree
Wormfree
4 years ago

1. During one of our many arguments after D-day, he grabbed a bowl of apples from the dining room table and threw them one by one onto the floor and yelled, “I’m baking pies.”
2. Presented me with an orange Michael Kors purse. Said, “I found two of them on the sale rack and took it as a sign”. OW got the exact same Bronco (his favorite football team) orange purse.
3. Told me I was losing too much weight on the infidelity diet. Bought me a Fitbit for Christmas.

spiritwoman
spiritwoman
4 years ago
Reply to  Wormfree

Baking Pies, please draw a cartoon!

Creativerational
Creativerational
4 years ago
Reply to  Wormfree

I’m baking pies…. full on word fruit salad

JJ
JJ
4 years ago
Reply to  Wormfree

“I’m Baking Pies!” Truly cartoon-worthy.

Cuzchump
Cuzchump
4 years ago

Every Christmas I would buy all the gifts. I never received gifts from him. Not because he would not buy one. Because we decided when we were broke to just get for the children. He would never contribute any of his cash. I remember the Xmas If 2016( one month before Dday). We were at our daughters. He sat on their sofa texting away. I asked him who he was texting that was more important than his family. He just said people. I later found out that my cousin was sending him pictures with her on a toilet. And he gave her cash to buy herself a gift.

This Christmas I bought myself new furniture. My ex sent me a card with a diamond necklace telling me he misses me and he screwed up.

EnoughAlready
EnoughAlready
4 years ago
Reply to  Cuzchump

Wow! Just Wow! Cuzchump.
Prize for the most brazen Christmas Hoover!
How quickly can you sell that necklace and what are your Mighty plans for the money?

Iwantmyfairytale
Iwantmyfairytale
4 years ago
Reply to  Cuzchump

Wow, the cuzzun fucker did that? Well this may just break the internet!

Odd
Odd
4 years ago

What do you mean by that?????

Iwantmyfairytale
Iwantmyfairytale
4 years ago
Reply to  Odd

what I mean is- this chumps cheater cheated on her with her cousin. We know the story well and how horrible it has been. She said that he never got her anything for Christmas. Now her ex sends her a card with a diamond necklace telling her he misses her and he screwed up.

I think that is a shocking Hoover attempt, worthy of chumpnation shock. Honestly, I have a sarcastic sense of humor. I’m saying this diamond necklace Christmas present from that cousin fucker (we are allowed to use that word here) just might be the shock of the season and could break the internet.

But I see it’s not quite the shock to others as it is to me. I’m super jaded after being messed over royally.

GladHe’sGone
GladHe’sGone
4 years ago

A CARD with a diamond necklace pictured on it? Man, that asshole is still a cheapskate.

Odd
Odd
4 years ago
Reply to  GladHe’sGone

The lighting up the internet threw me off. I did not understand that?

Iwantmyfairytale
Iwantmyfairytale
4 years ago
Reply to  Odd

I thought it was a card and a diamond necklace not that it was printed on a card. I thought that was odd and a massive unexpected Hoover. Oh boy, it’s all kinds of confusing. Not wanting to start any big issue here.

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
4 years ago
Reply to  Cuzchump

Oh did he now? He sure is a slow learner!
Well, you learned a lot, too , and now you’re too smart for him.

Dancing Queen
Dancing Queen
4 years ago

Narcles the Porn Clown went to visit old high school girlfriend at college where shes was doing graduate work and her grad professor/mentor while I was out of state visiting and introducing our 18 mth old son to his grandparents, he ‘had to work and couldn’t go’, while old gf ran from dorm which didn’t work because dorm roomie busted her and told Narcles she was at the home of her grad prof who was 20 yrs her senior whose marriage she broke up to get her phd, took pictures of old gf with grad prof to hide and pine over, he was not in them, with my camera no less and then the coup de gras, presented old gf with a half eaten box of Krispy Kream donuts that he had partially eaten of while waiting in the parking lot of the dorm for 3 hours since he got there too early to call on her properly. When I found out his excuse was he ‘thought I was going back home, out of state visit, to divorce him so he went to see old gf and that old gf’s mom had wanted them to get back together’, but mom was deceased. You just can’t make this shit up.

StrongerNow
StrongerNow
4 years ago

Grandiose Sense of Self.

“Yes I slept with her-but I had to tell her I just don’t have the time for her that she wants from me.”

“Yes-I know you moved out and filed for divorce-those are just your ways of showing me that you won’t let me go.”

“I chose you over her-but now that she’s separated-I’m glad I can be with her since I thought that ship had sailed.”

Whenever my STBXH opens his mouth and speaks-it’s like a hug from Jesus.

Debbie Marshall
Debbie Marshall
4 years ago

After cheating, emotionally abusing, and gaslighting me for two years, followed by a separation, brief reunion (her cheating continued), and a permanent separation, cheater bought a house with her mistress. When she met me for coffee to discuss some outstanding financial issues, she told me that I was still the only one for her…Needless to say, I didn’t reciprocate.

jessisnotamess
jessisnotamess
4 years ago

I asked him once why he could have 30 different affair partners and I was being judged for dating after he filed divorce.

He said because he can’t get pregnant.

He forced his nineteen year old girlfriend to have an abortion that year.

Cam
Cam
4 years ago
Reply to  jessisnotamess

WTF?

splinter
splinter
4 years ago
Reply to  jessisnotamess

This is all kinds of fucked up to Tuesday.

Jess-
I’m not sure what to say here.

riptide
riptide
4 years ago

During the 2-month period I was monitoring his online activity but hadn’t yet confronted him . . . nightly pre-bed “bathroom time” Facebook chat with schmoopie where she pines for the beauty of Oregon, where she once visited. He would love to take her there. Comes out of bathroom, and with the enthusiasm of a small child unwrapping gifts from Santa, says to me “you know where we should go on vacation? Oregon!”

StrongerNow
StrongerNow
4 years ago

Almost forgot my most memorable (hurtful) comment:

After being angry with me for being on Lexapro for anxiety and suicidal feelings-because it was “killing your (mine) sex drive” and telling me I HAD to go off the meds:

“The OW helped me understand why you need to be on those meds because she is also on them-so she helped you.”

I never went off those meds. I told him he could go fuck himself….

Resilient ONE
Resilient ONE
4 years ago

Never actually wrote my story. Here we go in three sentences however a much better story when longer 🙂

1. My ex (and father of my children) was on a reputable dating site and on slimy craigslist personals planning potential hook ups. Met his true love eventually on this site as I gave birth to my son.

2. During holidays (a few years ago now) said he had to travel for extra work on Thanksgiving, some of Christmas, and New Years Eve ( he did come home before midnight LOL)! My gut was telling me something was wrong but even friends and family said “no way“ that this man would never do anything like that to me. I was not the only one fooled- let’s just say that.

3. I found the condoms in a suitcase a few weeks later and all of the very explicit photos of OW on our home computer and selfie’s of him smiling at her with dates on each picture since it’s an iOS device!! After I confronted him he packed up all of her things in my car and moved her down here to find work and a place to live nearby and asked if I could move her stuff in my garage just for a little bit for him “as a friend”. My lawyer said nope and to call the cops.

LezChump
LezChump
4 years ago

I get that it’s not the pain Olympics! Several stories above made me gasp. But still, here’s one of mine, and I’m sorry to say it takes a few sentences to paint the whole picture!

The day before my birthday in 2018, I suffered acute abdominal pain (I’m a cancer survivor) that sent me to the ER. STBX was acting distant and strange all day; I chalked it up to the fact her mom had died 2 months earlier in the adjacent house. (We are both women.) The next day, my birthday, we had to take a ferry and travel all day while I was still on a liquid diet. The day after that was my mother-in-law’s memorial service, during which STBX asked me to take pictures and pass around a microphone so that other people could say nice things about the woman who was usually a jerk to me when she was alive (MIL was an overt narc). I just barely started eating solid food that day. The following day, after a brunch during which I chatted up STBX’s family while she chose to catch up with an estranged high school friend for over 2 hours, I prepared to drive my two kids back up to the island ferry alone in terrible traffic so that STBX could fly to another city for a research trip. I was horribly afraid, having no idea whether the abdominal pain would recur, and while we had considered other logistical options, none of them made sense – apart from STBX’s cancelling her trip and staying with us. But she clearly wasn’t willing to do that, and again, she was grieving her mom, so I was trying to be supportive. I bet CN knows what STBX *actually* did in that other city for a week. (She flew out her AP, who lives on the opposite coast, using her mom’s inheritance money, because it was “hers” to do with as she chose. They painted that city red while I took care of our two kids and dealt with my grieving FIL for the week.)

Best holiday wishes to all my fellow Chumps!

MamaLuna
MamaLuna
4 years ago

I was recovering from surgery on Christmas and after he discarded me 4 months later for SparkleTwat, I found a text he had sent her on Christmas Day stating that she would be SparkleDick (her first name and OUR last name). She proceeded to “help” around the house while I was laid up on the couch for the majority of 4 months, which she spent convincing TwinkleDick that I was being lazy when I was actually following doctor’s orders. He actually told me that I was the type of person who waits for their doctor to tell them what they can do, whereas he is the type of person who pushes himself – it was major surgery and I was literally following doctor’s orders. Why I fought for him after that I don’t know!

LezChump
LezChump
4 years ago
Reply to  MamaLuna

Yeah – I agree that the ones who will f*ck around on spouses going through medical issues (including pregnancy/early parenthood) deserve a special place in front of the karma bus, though I like to think that fuckwitdom is its own punishment. I certainly hope you’re feeling better now, Mama!