My ex, after a year and a half, thinks that we should still be buying joint gifts for the kids, and signing them from ‘mom and dad’.
I disagree and have sent him a request that I will be doing my own Christmas with the boys at my house and he should do the same at his place. I would like to start new traditions as my own self with the boys.
This year he is going away for three weeks with his Schmoopie (the OW). He will leave two days before his son’s birthday on the 24th and will not be there for Christmas. Apparently because I chose to not take a vacation with the boys, then he would do so instead on his own.
He insists that all gifts should be put under MY tree and he does not want to give his gifts or celebrate christmas beforehand with the boys — he will just drop his presents off at my place to put under my tree. I have declined this request, to which I receive this email from him:
“You can make any traditions YOU want for YOU. I’m suggesting the presents for the boys. If you don’t wan’t my presents under the tree, then I will make it very clear to them that is YOUR choice.
I will have my presents wrapped for the boys, and I will drop them off with them after dinner next Saturday. I will ask them to put them under the tree to be opened on Xmas morning as that is my preference. If you don’t agree with that, you can be the one to tell them “no, open them now”. This is about them….please don’t make it about us. I will give the boys the choice.”
Please tell me I’m right in insisting that this is insanity making!
Dear Sane Mom,
You’re right. This is insanity-making. Your ex manufactures crazy like Henry Ford made automobiles. Apparently, he’s unclear on the divorce concept. You’re not responsible for his holiday gift giving or impression management therein.
He doesn’t like it? Oh look what Santa left him under the tree! A big bag of Shut the Fuck Up.
Let’s put his email through the Universal Bullshit Translator.
You can make any traditions YOU want for YOU.
You can spend Christmas all alone in a cat sweater swilling appletinis to the Hallmark Channel. I really don’t give a Kris Kringle what you do for Christmas.
Christmas is about ME and maintaining MY TRADITIONs. Historically Christmas is celebrated by triangulating my family with my mistress.
I’m suggesting the presents for the boys.
And what a great help I am! I make suggestions! I even lifted a pen once and circled an item in a catalog. (Now I am fatigued. Bring me an eggnog.)
It is the job of wife appliances to do the purchasing, wrapping, and holiday gift logistics. Did the wife appliance get the wrong lego set? BAD wife appliance! I am blameless. I am merely the Holiday Suggester.
If you don’t wan’t my presents under the tree, then I will make it very clear to them that is YOUR choice.
If you do not obey me, uppity Wife Appliance, THE CHILDREN WILL SUFFER!
I will tell them that their suffering is YOUR CHOICE! You thrill to their pain! In fact, it is your NEW HOLIDAY TRADITION to punish them with my absence and the WRONG Lego sets!
I will have my presents wrapped for the boys,
And present you with half the bill. Because… Christmas. Also a surcharge for wrapping and 7.4 inches of cellophane tape. And $87.50 for the 9 minutes of my time.
You can pay this in advance of Christmas Eve. I will show up with some shit in a CVS bag.
and I will drop them off with them after dinner next Saturday.
Because I am magnificent this way. “Here boys, take these gifts from me and Schmoopie, put them under your tree and remember us on Christmas! We’re on vacation sunning ourselves on some distant isle, but still right here in your hearts, reminding you how we shattered your intact family.”
I will ask them to put them under the tree to be opened on Xmas morning as that is my preference.
Children don’t know that Santa left me a big bag of Shut the Fuck Up, so they will do my bidding.
If you don’t agree with that, you can be the one to tell them “no, open them now”.
Children just hate to open presents early.
This is about them….please don’t make it about us.
Am I putting you in a difficult, painful position? Don’t blame me. The CHILDREN did it!
I will give the boys the choice.”
I am just the Suggester. Children are the Deciders.
My preference is that I be the center of attention at your holiday celebration. The hair in your biscuit. The turd in your punchbowl.
I may be on vacation with Schmoopie, but I’m still there under your tree, and in your head.
CL back again. (The UBT is a corner gorging itself on lebkuchen.)
Sane Mom, this guys is a mindfuck and you are under ZERO obligation to honor his “preferences.” He’s a fruitcake laced with emotional razorblades. Return to sender.