How do I deal with the following situation?
I work at the same organisation as my husband though in a different team. His other woman is in my team.
She is full-time in the office, I am in the office for one day every two weeks for meetings (home based worker).
In 8 days time I have to go into the office, which is a large open plan one and I don’t know how I will react when I see her. A lot of the team have worked together for years, so I think some will know what’s been going on.
I was with him 17 years, married 9 years ago and have figured they have been seeing each other for at least 3 years, probably longer but he won’t say how long. He rents a flat so he can go to the office daily and comes back to me on a Friday evening before travelling back on a Sunday.
Dear Co-worker Chump,
This is a shit sandwich of epic proportion. And when faced with a shit sandwich you can either eat it, refuse it, or reframe it (i.e., “tasty!”)
So, you can either keep your job (and stress vomit biweekly), quit your job, or realize you’ve already faced this situation — repeatedly, for three years, unknowingly — by working cheek-to-jowl with the OW.
If anyone should be mortified, crouched under a cubicle, it’s her.
I’m going to assume you need your job and won’t find another one in the next 8 days. So in the short-term, I think you’ll have to summon your mighty and stare that motherfucker (husbandfucker?) down. Put on your best bitch boots, stand to your full height, and treat her like the insignificant twatwaffle she is.
Remember CC, the OW could be any willing orifice. She’s not special. Really. But what’s NOT insignificant is that she and probably entire swathes of your office have been conspiring against you for years. And that is truly traumatic and awful.
I think you should be talking to a lawyer ASAP and Human Resources about this situation. A lawyer to help you figure out your divorce and how to approach HR on this, because time is of essence. If the office knows, that means the two idiots could be fired at any time (or enabled, sounds like you got the dysfunctional office culture) and by telling HR, you may put them in the position of having to do something about it, and you probably need that asshole’s paycheck.
About that asshole…
Chumps often send me the Wrong Question, and your letter is exemplary. You’re describing deck chair formations on the Titanic, when you really should be looking for a lifeboat.
THIS SITUATION IS NOT SUSTAINABLE.
The marriage is NOT sustainable — “husband”? Multiple years of cheating and conspiring against you where you WORK? A separate fucknest? (How convenient!) Working with the OW?
Big things need to change here. I can’t tell you how to live with this, because I don’t think you should live with it. I think you should quit the husband and quit the job. Fuck working with ANYONE who enabled your abuse. And I’m sorry, keeping the culture of silence going while you were being chumped is enabling your abuse.
Fuckwits like your soon-to-be-ex and his OW press everyone into their conspiracy of enabling your abuse and that’s wrong and unfair, and I understand why people do not tell, but I also understand why people do cowardly, weak things and don’t stand up when consciences tell them to stand up. Doesn’t make not standing up right. Someone should have told you. Period.
See a lawyer, and in 8 days, call in sick. Buy yourself some time until you’re firmly in that lifeboat floating toward a new life.