I like a lot of what you have to say, but I find your aggressive writing style makes me uncomfortable.
People who get abused by infidelity don’t want to be called a “chump.”
Can’t you find a more neutral word that captures what you want without insulting people who are already feeling the worst they can feel?
Honestly, i do agree with you. Infidelity is abuse. I just don’t think the way you write helps the case any.
I guess I missed the meeting of the Universal Order of the Betrayed where you were elected spokesperson.
I don’t have a “neutral” word because infidelity is not a neutral experience. There’s a bad actor and there’s a victim. There’s a con and there’s a dupe. There is a cheater and there is a chump.
You can’t really wrap your arms around a problem unless you know exactly what you’re dealing with. That’s why I prefer descriptive language to euphemisms.
I chose the word “chump” deliberately. I wanted this place to cut through the bullshit and call a thing a Thing. Thus, you’ll see no soppy “betrayed spouses” here. (Not everyone who is chumped is married, and you’re more than the experience of betrayal.) Nor do I brook the nonsense of “wayward.”
“Wayward” sounds soft in the head. Like they weren’t off pre-meditatedly boinking someone they met on Craigslist but rather got befuddled, lost their car keys, and couldn’t find their way home until a kindly adult came and pinned the directions on their sweater.
Chumped means you got fooled. You cannot be conned without a con artist (see “Wayward”). You were played for a stupid person, but that doesn’t mean you’re stupid. It is, however, meant to be a verbal slap — “HEY, YOU’RE GETTING PLAYED!”
I’m not trying to insult you, I’m trying to get you to see the abusive dynamic. “Hey! FRIENDLY KITTEN AHEAD!” doesn’t convey the same gravitas.
Finally, Barry — I get what you’re saying, but your aggressive writing style makes me uncomfortable. It’s like telling a woman she should smile more. I’m a friendly person, but this is not a friendly topic. It’s a painful topic and my language reflects that. It’s also swear-y and profane and snarky.
If you don’t think I “help the case” any, why don’t you go create a support site, get 5.5 million people to come to it, flip 29 million page views, write a book, get it published with a big 5 publisher, sell the audio rights, earn out your advance, get optioned for a TV series, and get back to me, ‘K?