Every faith tradition has its freaks. Today’s Fun (?) Friday challenge is to tell CN about your sanctified cheaters.
Did they send you a hateful email and end it with Scripture?
Claim their clandestine hook-ups were just Bible study?
Look very, very sad at D-Day, and sniff that they’ll pray God can forgive you for violating their privacy?
Wait, Tracy, my cheater was an agnostic. I can’t play!
Maybe you can! Were there New Age aphorisms posted on their Instagram? Crystals? Jade eggs ala Gwyneth? Can any sin be slathered over with Namaste? Are you a bummer and need a cleanse? (I feel the bitterness lifting out of my pores!)
Yes, there’s no mindfuckery like God-ordained mindfuckery. If you’re going to DARVO someone (deny, attack, reverse victim offender) you need a wingman like Jesus or Mohammed to make it stick. Hey, can’t argue with GOD! Impression management win!
Don’t let these freaks take your faith, or your God-given commonsense from you.
But we can snark about hypocrisy today. And maybe inspire a few fractured Valentines! Don’t forget to submit yours to the contest!
A special shout out to Divorce Minister today. This is usually his wheelhouse. http://www.divorceminister.com
Divorce Minister has been awesome. 🙂
My husband was a staunch atheist. Actually ridiculed me and my daughter when we said Sabbath prayers. His schmoopie is a devout Christian with quotes from the Bible all over her Facebook page. Oh, and something of a dominatrix who he enjoys dressing up in S&M gear and pimping her out for “free spanks” so he can feel like a big man. And now, he’s walking around with a cross around his neck. I composed – but didn’t send – an email to him congratulating on finally coming to G-d and asking him if JC was down with cheating on your wife and abandoning your family. I did send the whore a Facebook post that said, “G-d doesn’t send someone else’s husband to be your soulmate.” Anonymously, of course.
Omg our society today is sick my ex Narc husband latest “WHORE” who helped break up my marriage has already dumped his sorry ass!????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Beep, Bepp….gotta love that Karma Bus!!
My x-husbands “Whore/Slut/Tramp” who divorced her husband to have an affair with my husband have new broken up and now she wants to be friends with me on FB. She messaged me and told me that she had some very important information for me. I already knew that his D*** was not that good. She send me pictures of his new Whore through a variety of email with the message “I hope he does not get her pregnant”. I finally responded with “She looks a lot like you. I think I like her because she encourages him to pay his financial obligations for his 6 children and she is not too trashy. Plus our son might like to have a new sibling”. She has stopped messaging me…
I win 🙂
The OW in my case has a Bible quote in her instagram bio also. What the hell?
And my STBX would always say he felt after not feeling loved for so long that his girlfriend was a gift from God. Ridiculous. She’s from the devil dipshit.
(accidentally, popped up as a suggested contact somehow. maybe she looked me up??) Ran across my x’s office ho’s new IG account where she’s starting a wellness side business. I resisted (since she’s way old news and not worth my time, and I’m at meh for a while now and rarely think of her at all) – but wanted to post, asking if being a selfish ho qualifies her for such a business. She’s so benevolent! So self-sacrificing for the good of others! Barf. I feel bad for the people who will unknowingly trust her for a well-being coach. ugh.
Well, she’s now a single mom to a toddler (not my x’s), so hopefully she got cheated on. Since she deserves that. Yes, I’m immature and hope she got hurt! I feel bad for her kid b’c she’s incredibly self-centered and a snake.
As soon as ex moved out he started posting religious/philosophical quotes about the meaning and meaning of life, love and truth.. quotes he normally would ridicule suddenly had deep meaning to him. Next to the quote he’d post a photo of himself, posed like the thinker, gazing into the distance, sporting a muscle shirt with his biceps flexed,
At the time I thought he might have a brain tumor, stroke from the workout supplements he’d been taking were doing something to his brain.
he person I thought I married never existed.
OMG! you are well rid of him!
I love Jesus Christ and one of the reasons I love Him is that He was never afraid to call people out for their hypocrisy and oppression of others. JC definitely does NOT love this behavior. Why did He go into the “woe to you Pharisees speeches”? Because they had the same attitude these Jesus cheaters have today where they love to point out faults in others while being hypocrites.
Thanks for the shout out, CL! Sadly, these cheaters still abound…
Divorce Minister rocks!! He talked me off the edge many times and helped me not lose my faith. 🙂
Divorce Minister and Chumplady helped me see the light!
Love me some Divorce Minister! Helped me to keep my faith and delve deeper. Divorce in the right circumstances is alright with God.
Yep. Ex was an atheist. Hooked up with Jesus cheater who posts daily bits of scripture and condemnations of others less holy than she. Wrote me countless emails saying I had “lost” because I sucked at my wifely duties and so ex was free. Ex started going to her “bible-based” Church with 3 hours services. When my son said he did not want to go and i reminded him our children are a different faith and his adultress could jot take over their spiritual development (esp. Because i had 100% custody) he banned our son from his house if he did not worship. 20 years and this guy laughed at the idea of Jesus. He ow said i had no right to judge her because God had forgiven her and she and ex were meant to be. Really? 25 year age difference and he was married with 2 young kids.
My ex wife basically same scenario. 24 years together we attended church exactly 0 times. Once she set her sites on Mr Wonderful who was always praising God for this or that on Fakebook she ALWAYS responded “Well said _____”
Now that their in AP Heaven together she can’t send a text without mentioning prayer and always including the praying hands emoji. I swear I never saw her pray ONCE in 24 years lol. Just ludicrous. Well she used to ridicule her mother behind her back for saying she was “lifting it up to the Lord”..funny how they morph into their cheaters environment. Like snakes.
“I firmly believe that God has a plan for each of us and the best awaits if we just trust Him” was what the skank wrote to me in her email. The UBT’s interpretation: My affair was just part of God’s plan. I trusted in God, waited for years, and got your husband! See what happens if you just trust in God?
Wow! But I totally believe they write that shit. My EX was always “trusting in God” to fix his huge messes. He declared bankruptcy and then cheerfully proclaimed that God had made all those pesky bills go away.
Haha! Good one! ????
Schmoopie wrote on her Instagram that her dead husband brought my cheater to her.
She posted something that made my heart sick that my cheating husband (we were still married at this time). Said “even though we’re apart, know that we are always together”. She said her dead husband said the same thing to her, so it’s dead-husband-spirit approved that she cheated with my live husband. On that post she posted 2 pictures, one of her dead husband in a boat and one of she and my husband hugging. That’s the post that threw me to the floor wrenching out my soul on the ground, then served him divorce papers very soon afterwards.
Then it was a good thing that you saw the picture. It was the impetus that you needed to get rid of him. I also saw the skank’s twu luv photos of the dick and her walking hand in hand on a beach and her profile picture was the two of them kissing. That really hurt, but those are just pictures. And they haven’t changed who they are inside. God has allowed them to be together and has let them wallow in each other. I’m glad he’s no longer in my life. God allowed me freedom and peace.
I have heard stories of widows throwing all morals to the wind and engaging with whomever they want after death. I will admit a few crazy thoughts but I quickly dismissed them as selfish and ill-advised. Not all widows lose their decency, but some do.
They don’t lose their decency. They never had it to begin with. This reminds me of a famous Johnny Depp saying, where he talks about when people get a lot of money. He said that it doesn’t change them… it *reveals* them. They’d always been that way before. It just might not have had the opportunity to present itself up until that time.
Wow and he should know! That karmaquences but him hard then made an endless buffet out of him ????
Fucked up narc whore. So, crazy itS funny. Bizarre.
“I firmly believe that God has a plan for each of us and the best awaits if we just trust Him”
Terrible source but the idea that God WILL reward us for trusting in Him is a solid sentiment. If He loves us enough to carry our sorrows and die on the cross to pay for our sins, (Isaiah 53) He loves us enough to care deeply about what we’re going through right now. Of course, there is a lack of rewards for a lack of faithfulness and we reap consequences for what we sow so the source should open her Bible a little more…
The EX was a huge Jesus cheater. No one was a better Christian than him, according to him. When we were dating, he piously refused to watch R-rated movies. He neglected to mention that he was heavily addicted to pornography, strippers, voyeurism, etc, whenever I wasn’t around. When he spent all our money on hookers, porn, and just general money-wasting like going out to eat every day at fancy restaurants, he told me that I needed more faith to believe that God would provide the money to pay the bills. Whenever I would say that I didn’t trust him, he would be very surprised and ask me why. When I would mention his cheating and stealing, he would start into a sermon about how I should let go of the past and forgive. He was amazed that I didn’t think he should become an elder at the church. He also told me that I had to divorce him, because he wanted a divorce but didn’t have biblical grounds. I guess He thought God was too stupid to see through that very transparent cover-up. He assured me that if I was the one who applied for the divorce in the church, he would admit his misdeeds so that it would be approved. I did apply. He refused to admit anything. I realized that all along his plan had been to get me excommunicated for wrongful divorce, so that he could get the divorce but also play sad sausage about his wife leaving him and keep all his friends. It didn’t work out that way. I presented proof to the Session. The lawful divorce was granted. A church elder (an elderly gentleman) went to court with me so that I would have support and wouldn’t have to go alone. So the EX doesn’t go to church anymore, but he posts terrible poetry on Facebook about God supporting him in difficult times. The only likes he gets are from his Flying Monkey family. After he tormented his daughters about how they had to forgive him (and he even suggested that the younger one get psychiatric care because she was mad at him three days after she found out about his cheating and stealing), his daughters won’t talk to him.
Jesus Cheaters are the worst.
Oh, and the pseudo-religious comment I came to hate the most: “Sometimes I stumble.” See the great thing about that one for a cheater is that it sounds like an innocent mistake. It sounds like Carol39 left the cover off the pool, and he was walking along playing Pokemon Go and fell in. It fails to describe the carefully premeditated cheating that involved a complex fraud operation to obtain the money and a whole network of lies and cover-ups. It also doesn’t describe his glee at getting away with things, how he proudly proclaimed that his fraud schemes were so well hidden that he’d never get caught. Stumble? He climbed the fence, cut the barbed wire, and set fire to the pool cover before flinging himself in. That wasn’t a stumble.
A stumble happens, but when someone actively pursues a particular lifestyle over and over again, it is not a stumble. It’s a choice. I’m so glad you got rid of him.
Yea, decades of cheating and he told me “I had a bad moment”.
His religious vocabulary was not evolved enough to make really good Jesus-cheater excuses but his smoking-gun of an email to Susan of Seattle was saves in his computer as “Susan and Christ”…he wanted his new love to understand his faith.
In the end, one of the most comforting things for me has been the teaching on Purgatory…I know a lot of people don’t believe in it, but I treasure it. There, we are held accountable and God uses the perfect balance of mercy and justice.
If I held the Evangelical belief (that if you once ever ever in your whole life ever accept Jesus then you go to Heaven at the instant of death) I might have lost my mind about this. Nope…I will be held accountable for my behavior as he is for his.
Yes Amazon Chump you are so right. I wanted to reply exactly that to the OW (his ex wife). She attends different churches and spends time with God.. her last text to me was ‘I do have a compass of morals and values I live by but that doesn’t mean I’m not human and will make mistakes’ Thankfully I stayed No Contact but I so wanted to say well your compass should be returned as it has been off course your entire pathetic existence and mistakes are when you don’t know you are doing the wrong thing not actively choosing to do the wrong thing!
lolololl….. you made Me LOL!!!!!!! Pokémon. Go!!!! pool!!!!! i’m divorced today!!!!! decree entered!!!! drove down south lamar in ATX with the radio blasting sunroof open and THEN on the radio came the DJ chick was like who hates their EX!!!!! I was wavong my hands out the sunroof and hooting and hollering in rush hour traffic wooohooop yeah baby!!!!!!! the last disputes were resolved. I get the dog and NO step downs in child support with 4 kids!!!!! out with my cute hot 6’4 older more mature boyfriend!!! party time!!!!
Oh hell im in Austin and I got divorced today too!!!!! What what?? Yayyyy. Where are you we oughta get together. Write me in the subreddit.
That whole “you have to forgive me” thing sucks, especially when they try to use Jesus to justify it. Luckily, our preacher got up one day and explained forgiveness, it’s letting go of revenge, not consequences.
Thank you for that, I’ve been ‘stumbling’ over forgiveness lately, very helpful.
Exactly! And the consequences of divorce, and never having to have the cheater in your life again to prevent continual abuse, is biblical.
“… forgiveness, it’s letting go of revenge, not consequences.”
Your preacher is great. I have never heard it boiled down to its essence like that.
Thank you I’ve been concerned if I’m becoming obsessed with collecting and presenting evidence on my husband. I will now reframe it as ensuring consequences for his behaviour not revenge!
My faith was used against me, especially in the end although X wasn’t religious. Xhole was even baptized into my church. This after I think he discovered they all fell for his charm. So once again, I became the bad guy.
He went down to the front one Sunday, to ask for forgiveness after DDay #3. It was a last ditch attempt to win me back, but I was done and so embarrassed. Before I blocked his crazy texts after our divorce, he would sign off with “till death do us part.” Creepy since we were divorced and I was living with someone else.
Thank god u ditched that Jesus cheater freak!!
Two months after DDay and him moving out, on what would have been wedding anniversary, Jesus Cheater gifts me with a $100 Bible. He is so bold to write a note that he hopes I don’t loose my faith in God. Don’t worry I didn’t. In fact it was God and my girlfriends that got me through. Special thanks to my Pastor who asked XH to step down as president of the congregation and let him know he would no longer be able to partake of Holy Communion since he would not repent. Church leaders that understand and take action against adultery should be applauded. As for the “Christian” organization he and his AP work for, good luck as a lack of character eventually shows up no matter how hard they try to cover. I returned the Bible and used the money for a great haircut and color.
In my case, the ex, aka cheaterpants, was expelled from our religious faith. Twice……He is totally out now
In my faith, this is NOT tolerated. If he shows up, no one will speak to him, as we practice shunning. Which is way better for cheaters than in ancient Israel—-at that time, adulterers were stoned to death. THAT is God’s true view of cheating, regardless of what the cheaters say.
That whole “you have to forgive me” thing sucks, especially when they try to use Jesus to justify it. Luckily, our preacher got up one day and explained forgiveness, it’s letting go of revenge, not consequences.
I don’t know how I posted this twice….
It’s a miracle!
Definitely worth reading twice.
Post it again!
Well, it was so good it was worth repeating.
Forgiveness is letting go of revenge, not consequences. This is absolutely brillliant! I probably will always gag when I see the asshat, but I no longer fantasize about running him over. I felt guilty about not forgiving him, but I think I have. I don’t think about kicking him in the nutsack (very often). Thank you for the insight!
My ex was not a religious person. But, he always had a high opinion of himself. He always used to say he hated liars. That liars are the worst people to be around. He was at times critical of others. How ironic was it that he looked me square in the face for 4 to 5 years and lied. Told me he was going away with his friend Bill. All the time screwing my cousin(he said they never had sex). These fuckwits live by their own rules.
The rules only apply to US, not them.
“I will never do to you what our parents did to each other.” and “Liars are the lowest form of human.” and “I have more integrity than that.” Said with complete wide-eyed sincerity. Never met a liar quite like him before. I think he is able to compartmentalize his behaviors from his words – actually believes what falls out of his mouth at the time. That and his entitlement allows him to do whatever he wants, maintain his superiority, and keep me to his own (unmet) standards.
And because I held him to my own high standards, I believed every word he told me.
Skunkcabbage, ex hated liars too, he’d come home from business trips telling me about the men who cheated on their wives and how he felt so badly for their wives. He’d also tell me he could never lie that he was a “man of integrity,” and I was so lucky that he was such an honest man.
He’d be upset when we’d go to Costco and someone took two samples from a sample cart when it clearly states only one sample per person. He couldn’t never do that..,
Ex also would have the wide-eyed fake sincerity look, almost as if he was hurt that people could be so dishonest as to take two samples..,
He comes across as superior and arrogant, liars and people those who take two samples from the sample cart are beneath him. “The man of integrity.”
It turns out I’ve never known anyone who is as dishonest and devious.
As the saying goes, “if his lips are moving, he’s lying”.
If someone is a man of integrity they don’t need to lecture or tell anyone they show it by there behavior. I knew the quote but never would imagine he would be dishonest. He’d tell me that I was his best friend. Another lie to giving me false confidence because who would lie to their best friend?
Like you, I held him to my standards and believed everything he said.
Brit, I’ve been in your shoes. Men who fake the high moral ground, say all the right things and do none of them. But there were clues, like the pieces of the jigsaw that build the picture slowly, then the big reveal!! It’s so shocking to be so duped. I always thought I was perceptive yet I didn’t see through him, but I did sense the strangeness, the hollowness, long before I saw it! No more than they compartmentalise who they are from who they want to be, well we do that too. Who wants to see the ugly man behind the beautiful mask!! We too want to cling on to the notion that we made a good choice and didn’t marry the wrong guy! Ah, we knew it deep down. Hard as it is, don’t beat yourself up for sticking with a turd for so long, but take a deep intake of air and realise that you can detach from that bad half, he can’t contaminate you anymore with his toxicity! That will bring inner happiness in time.
I too have been taken in and astounded by the honesty he was able to fake so well. He’d be so insulted when someone lied to him, he’d say they were such low life and how dare they! I really think he believed his own lies about how much Integrity he had. He never went to church, Sunday’s were for sports. After D-day, suddenly Jesus was his saviour, which worked well for him as AP was Mormon.Even 6 years out I still have a fantasy about both of them entering a church and bursting into flames.
Dumpster diver and I used to be very active with our church. After abandonment our minister, the same man that married us, contacted him to ask what he was thinking. He had no answer except to try to quote scripture to me about forgiveness. I quoted right back about cheating, adultery, and divorce. He still tries to pretend he did nothing wrong, and he is such a martyr. HA! More like a Pharisee.
I don’t know that I can call my ex a Jesus cheater. He didn’t know God until he started sleeping with somebody who happened to go to church.
After he left me for her, I told him once while in the throws of an argument that god would judge him ( after saying other things like “church?? Really??? That’s rich.????)
He told me god had forgiven him.
He was quick to point out that everybody could forgive him but the kids and I.
I don’t hold out much hope that god has forgiven him, because I don’t hold out any hope that he stepped foot in that church for any other reason than to repair his Shitty image and keep banging the church girl ( whom he’s marrying in April….probably there.)
The “minister” who Baptized me was also screwing my wife behind my back.
Not slamming anyone’s denomination….but I always hope TCU gets their asses kicked. Even when they play Oklahoma.
SuperDuper – the minister who baptized you was also screwing your wife. And THAT is why I hate these fuckers! They know where they shove their scriptures!
Good clergy are blessed and a blessing. Bad clergy are a vomitous plague upon the Earth.
This reminded me of a cheer that a friend told me about that her sister’s school yelled at football games “Oral Sex is better than Oral Roberts” (university). Can’t remember what school the sister attended
He should have been removed from the ministry. Man oh man. God was especially tough on church leaders who were hypocrites. It’s the context for the infamous Malachi 2 “I hate divorce” sentiment. These leaders were hypocritically throwing their wives away through divorce to marry pagan women so they could “technically” follow the rules without caring about others. It’s also why Jesus had so many things to say to the Pharisees.
I was told that he prayed to God and God was telling him “this was the right decision.”
Committing adultery and abandoning your wife a special needs daughter?? Seriously!
Yep, Cheaters are gods unto themselves, so their “god” always tells them exactly whatever they want to hear! The next step is for them to turn and ask you how you can argue with God.
And thou God doth sayeth onto him, “no adultery for everyone. Except thou-eth you, good man. Except thou-eth you.” And so sayeth the lord.
LOL. Good one!
I’ve always wondered how often people who “pray on it” get anything other than assent from God. I mean, do they every hear a voice inside saying “Not only is this a bad idea, I, your God, am offended you’d believe I’d even consier this anything other than a bad idea.” /s
Adelante, great comment!
It’s really simple.
God speaks to us through his word (the bible). Anything that people “hear God say” that is not aligned with his word, is NOT from God.
Many pastors would suggest that we “hear” from God by reading scripture. There’s lots of instructions in there to help us love God with all our heart and love our neighbors as ourselves. God was even really specific about it. Hence, why the Bible needed to be as long as it is. Just in case there’s any doubt that things like adultery, stealing, murder, violence etc. is NOT loving our neighbor or God, He spells it out multiple times. But, some people are not open to hearing from God.
New age brother-in-law said “the heart wants what the heart wants” and indicated my future relationship with STBX family would be based on how cheater and I were getting along. I had forgotten that brother-in-law was still married when he moved in with husband’s sister. I lost my 30 year relationship with his family.
When I thought about being “removed” from my in-law family, I was sad at first. Then, I realized that there are better families out there who are actually able to have your best interests at heart. Whether that is a family of friends or a church family or whatever.
I was reminded of the Scripture “forgive seven times seventy” haha I wonder if that was the right number of AP….
Luke 17:3-4 does NOT say just let go of it all and forgive, it says:
“If another believer sins, rebuke that person; then if there is repentance, forgive.“
So yes, REBUKE THEM. And ONLY IF THEY REPENT forgive them. GINR Doesn’t count. and GINR is what we normally get.
Ex was not a religious person but a pompous motorcycle club wannabe. he claims he actually was “one of the brothers” before we met, and whether true or not, he was always all about loyalty, honor and respect and a fist thump on the chest.
Didn’t stop him from abusing his wife and abandoning 2 small children in search of the greener pastures. Makes me wanna throw up
My fuckwit believed in crystals.
He believed they cleansed the negative aura from our home.
There were crystals everywhere.
But the negative aura didn’t lift until I hired my lawyer to sue his ass and get a divorce.
Funny how these things work.
Woohoo! That’s great! And funny!
He was the negative aura that needed to be removed. Lol
My fuckwit believed he was the paragon of reason. After our nephew was killed in Afghanistan, his sister (our nephew’s mother) began imagining she was seeing “signs” of various sorts, and when we about to leave for the funeral (two thousand miles away) my ex warned our son he be seeing some “magical thinking.”
Fast forward a couple years and my ex, expert on Antonio Damasio and the body/brain connection, had utterly abandoned everything he knew along with reason and had decided he was “a woman in a man’s body” and a lesbian, ideas he was eagerly exploring in the company of an ex student.
Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ. The mental gymnastics on that one!
Jesus cheaters….got to love them (at least that’s what they proclaim the Bible says). My x has his own commercials projecting how much he loves our community, “God Bless our community”, be nice to people, smile and make someone’s day, etc. He also post daily devotionals on Facebook. ????Here are just some God loving tactics he used:
– He refused to go to church with me but would take 24 yr old smoochie to the same church but a satellite location because “he was trying to save her”. (He is 51)
– When I found out about the affair after looking on his phone he yelled “I invalided his privacy, how could he forgive such an injustice”.
– During the pick me dance while we were “off” for 1 week he secretly proposed to smoochie with a “promise ring“, she told her parents, they presented him with a Mr./Mrs. devotional of which he put in his house, days later he came back to me wanting to reconcile promising he made a mistake and that he would get help, like an idiot I took him back, went by his house, saw the Mr./Mrs. Devotional flipped out and he threw it in the trash, the next day it was back out of the trash and said he couldn’t throw away God’s word, the day after that smoochie was back in his life and he said God told him to go for it.
He is now engaged to 24 yr old smoochie and everyone asks if she is his daughter. They comment on how he looks like a pedophile and tell me how God saved me from that train wreck. ????
So many people have seen my ex with his new bride and have told me he was with his mother. His mama is long gone and I’m always pleased to tell them that’s the new wife. Can anyone say mommy issues???
We weren’t religious but there WAS that whole Ketubah thing hung above our bed that we wrote ourselves, saying something about faith and trust and love and family. For all I know she fucked OM under it.
Ugh! That’s just gross.
Not much is discussed about Jewish cheaters.
My current rabbi, he’s the only one in town, is on wife #5; he impregnated wife #3 or 4 while still married to wife #2 or 3 (hard to keep track). I do not attend services anymore because I want to vomit when he leads prayers about goodness, integrity or anything else.
David2016, I don’t know if you went for a GET (religious divorce) after your civil divorce. In NY State we are guaranteed the right to obtain a GET. Most woman do not have that right and ONLY MEN are allowed to permit the religious divorce.
It was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. Basically, the divorced man rips up papers declaring a couple divorced and dumps them in the divorcing woman’s hands and she must be the one to walk away from him. I was lucky because I read that I could hire someone to stand in for me to have my ex dump the ripped papers into another man’s hands. After my ex left the building, this other man (a rabbinical student who really need the payment for this job) gently fluttered the pieces into my hands. Walking away from him allowed me to maintain my dignity.
The 4 rabbis leading the ceremony were Orthodox and would not speak to or look at me directly. I was in horrible pain and crying and not one of them even glanced my way. They just wanted their payment and did not care about me because I was a woman. That wonderful rabbinical student was so kind and brought me tissues and water.
That experience made me turn away against a religion that previously brought me great comfort.
Just another shit sandwich from the buffet on the way to meh.
Rebecca my heart hurts that you gave up something so important to you. I hope one day you can find another synagogue you can fell good going to. (((Hugs)))
I am so, so, very sorry that you had to endure that. I cannot imagine the pain. My Catholic annulment process was very difficult for me. It was painful and humiliating to have to petition through all the steps and present proof and witnesses–never knowing for almost two years if I would be free. Difficult enough. I cannot imagine if it had been conducted as your GET was. I had a very compassionate and kind priest. I am so sorry that your horrible ex managed to drive you from your religion. Please believe that God himself has infinite wisdom, compassion, and love. He knows your heart. And he knows what your ex really is.
My Ex-Hole was Jewish. You can read all about it in my post towards the end of this series. I remember meeting his Orthodox Rabbi, who happened to be a Jeweler. Ex explained that he had been cheating on his wife (the Rabbi) for many years with his Store Mgr. I was appalled and said so and the Ex just shrugged it off. Such a RED FLAG! According to Ex-Hole, it was the Rabbi’s “right”…..what the actual f*ck?..
One Sunday my cheater, me, & our 4 kids are sitting in church. The next Sunday after another DDay she’s in church with sparkle dick his 4 boys, and my 4 kids.
One of my friends got a good laugh because they took up 2 rows in the back.
Her sparkle dick got baptized for the 4th time, this is according to his ex wife. He also gave testimony after his baptism.
I no longer attend church there as the pastor has accepted them with open arms even though the holy rollers broke at least 3 commandments, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife. Thou shalt not bear false witness against the neighbor.
Their favorite words on Facebook to use for comments are: Preach, Amen, Gospel, Pray.
My cheating EX was a marginal Christian, but her last affair partner was a full “blown” Pentacostal Jesus cheater. Her emails showed me that he gave her books about marriage and “counseled” her the night they got fuck faced drunk and had sex at a cheap motel. The next morning he took her to the mega church he attended to prove what a man of god he was. When I “shared” all this to her Baptist preacher brother who had married us, I was hoping for some support. I got crickets. Not a peep from Mr. Family Values.
My XW had a lovely cat who died suddenly in her arms. She was devastated. Some time later a young cat that lived down the street took up residence at our place. It had been mistreated and realized a good thing when he saw it. The XW was thrilled with it. She told me that she was sure God sent him to her for protection and to heal her broken heart.
Later she also adopted another kitten. When she got kicked out she took one cat. It was not the one her God sent her. I asked her why this one was no longer important. “Things change” she said.
Yes they do.
I was happy to have the kitty companion for the next ten years.
I don’t know that my ex was a Jesus cheater, but he did tell me that he asked God for someone special and then met me.
So how did he repay God? By keeping his ex skank around our entire relationship, throwing me under the bus constantly to maintain a phony image, placate his snotty daughter and ex wife, and to avoid anything and everything that made baby uncomfortable.
Then there was the passive aggressive cowardly nastiness, which ramped up after I found out about the ex skank.
He should probably consider this next time he asks God for a favor.
Back when I was deep in the pick-me dance, my ex told me “I’ve been praying for a sign from God” – on whether to stay with me or leave me for the OW. I said “I’m pretty sure God doesn’t work that way” ????. For me it was another eye opener on who my ex really is…each little statement to help me see him for who he was and not who I thought he was.
Ugh yep, Dr. Cheaterpants was a cradle Catholic but not active until he was diagnosed with cancer after Dday #1 and we were wreckonciled. He became super religious, I converted, we sent our kids to parochial school, we were very active in our church and I loved it. I was born/raised in the Episcopal faith and I was active in my church, had kids baptized there prior to cheaters rebirth.
Any who kids are in Catholic high school, cheater is on the school board, he’s volunteer coaching DD14’s sport, and I find out he’s love bombing young 20-something asst sports coach that our head coach brought on as he had coached her through middle school and high school. Head coach is younger than us! Yes somehow Dr. Cheaterpants thought screwing around in our kids’ Catholic high school while both of those idiots are coaching 13 & 14 year old girls would be okay. How humiliating for yourself, your family (we attended church and kids had grown up together), and for young schmoopie. I outed these 2 asshats and both got fired from coaching and cheater kicked off the school board.
These 2 idiots still thought this was legit and would show up at the school (50 year old, bald, walks with a limp, looks like Uncle Fester and young 20-something schmoops that’s stick thin and white, bleached blonde hair). No offense to others as looks never mattered to me but this was so cliché.
Almost 4 years later and cheater and young schmoops still together, attend church together, but my college kids want nothing to do with either of them and he’s shunned by his family. I rarely attend church although I’m spiritual/religious. I’m currently at ‘what’s the point’ stage? It’s like going to practice but not implementing anything in the game.
Maybe you could go back to the Episcopal church and give that a try?
Yes been thinking about going back to my old church. It’s just around the corner from where I live. Thank you for suggesting-just what I need to make it happen ☺️
Hahahahahaha! You crack me up, Twiceachump! Uncle Fester!!!! Toooooooooo funny!!!
I guess OW is very New-Age. Believes things are written in the cosmos. Loves her essential oils (although I do too). Consults with psychics regularly. Celebrates the solstices.
To each their own.
But, to discover my ex’s emails with this women before he left the marriage, riddled with his own New Age references actually made me laugh hysterically. Who is this guy who is suddenly so interested in psychic visits (this was the guy who shot down a gypsy wanting to read his palm when we were in Spain for our honeymoon years ago)? Who is this guy sending her “Happy Winter Solstice” emails? Or thanks her so much for taking care of him when he had his migraine with her oils (the guy who for years made it clear that the best way to manage his migraines was to take his meds, go straight to bed in the pitch black bedroom and get 3-4 hours of absolute quiet sleep).
Suddenly, he’s referencing the cosmos when speaking of their love. Sending her emails of all the signs he’s witnessing that’s informing him that he is to leave the marriage to be with her.
My mid-40, logical thinker, practical, cheap-skate accountant husband…that is who this guy was.
And it is through these emails that I came to learn what “lovebombing” is about. Realized how I was once “lovebombed” by him. And, that he becomes whoever he was with. And, even though he was raised Catholic, he actually only really became practicing when he met me (a Religion teacher in a Catholic school). Said that he was so glad that being with me helped him renew his faith.
He recently told me that he does believe that love comes from God, and then went on to say that he thinks that the relationship he has had with the OW since leaving the marriage is acceptable…”there is nothing wrong with it.” I challenged him with the response, “You believe that God would really sanction a “love” that was born out of betrayal of a sacramental marriage, that involved cheating and lying? So, that’s what you are going to teach the kids?”
He couldn’t respond. As if God is really looking down on those two and saying, “Now yes, there is a love that reflects my pure goodness.”
Remember that for my Cheater, in a way, lightening DID strike since he dropped dead without ever coming clean to me. I prayed for his soul at daily Mass for 7 years (7 is the number of completion).
I am sure he went to Purgatory rather than Hell and he will be in Heaven someday…I asked God to please assign him quarters in a different neighborhood than I am in.
Soberingly, at one point when I first learned of the cheating, I asked him how he could reconcile his actions and his faith and he said “Im going to burn in Hell”. I didnt want that which is when I started my 7 year prayer vigil…I thought the outcome is that he would become nice…the way it ended, I seriously never saw it coming.
The disordered are expert chameleons, changing colors to run a con on somebody that has something they want. Money, power, social standing, etc.
Yes, my ex suddenly felt compelled to change religions to that of his wealthy friend’s widow. He started attending Bible classes, going to her church under the guise of spiritual awakening. More fool me.
The Traitor bought the Craigslist Cockroach a wish box necklace made with sacred mala seed beads and told her to put his name in it. Essentially a piece of jewelry with spiritual meaning to use in her prayers for the destruction of our family.
So I bought one too. The lady who sells them lives in France and has her pieces made in India.
I told her the real story behind the necklace he bought for the Cockroach. She was immediately in solidarity with me, also having been chumped herself!
I not only have my own necklace to put my own prayer in (you can be assured that my prayer is very different from the Cockroach’s!) but there are now people from the those spiritual communities in India praying for me and my daughter against the evil that was perpetrated against us. (I also have a new cool chump friend in Cannes, France!)
It especially sickens me when spiritual tenets and teachings of any kind are used to defend and perpetrate cheating and lying. At the end of the day I just regard it as hard evidence of how effed up they are.
Cheating is indefensible.
Fight fire with the much bigger fire of truth.
So-I’ll preface this with saying that I’m a recovering Catholic-I believe in God and I’m a spiritual person and I’m not the type to bag on anyone’s religious beliefs….
What DOES irritate me is when people claim to be religious but treat others like shit.
Many years ago after the first D-Day since someone rated my ex out and I needed more details (after realizing I was about the LAST person to know since the affair had ended 2 years before I found out) I found the OW’s husband on Facebook and looked through some of his posts.
I noticed that he and OW are very involved in their church and make references to God and Jesus quite often.
Since my ex tipped off the OW and she tipped off her husband that I finally knew about the affair (her husband found out the two years before) and might reach out to him-he was prepared.
I sent him an FB message kindly explaining the situation and asking for more information thinking he had been just as blindsided as I was.
He answered with a very curt response of, “That was over years ago. We’ve moved on and you need to as well” bullshit.
So-I decided to play a little dirty: I sent him back a response thanking him for answering my message and ended with a, “May God bless you and keep you and your family in his loving arms in Jesus Christ’s’ name.”
That asshole read that and SANG LIKE A CANARY!!!
The response I got was in the category of the “other-spiritual” Jesus cheater. Clearly, God/fate had decided we weren’t supposed to be together, because it was too easy for her to cheat early in our marriage. The fact that all these men were so willing to have NSA sex with her was a sign that she was Special, and Destined for Better Things than unattractive me could give her. Because God/fate did not want us to be married, clearly we weren’t really married at all.
The whole thing just made me want to vomit.
After I caught him in a 3 year affair my ex wanted me to see only Christian therapists. He talked a lot about how I needed to absorb the principles of reconciliation and forgiveness. He said because we are Catholic our divorce is not valid in God’s eyes. The problem was not his cheating and lying, it was me for being a hard woman.
The rare times we attended church he would real the bulletin and ignore the sermon, or poke and play with our young son.
There are few things as galling as being lectured by a proven lying, cheating asswipe!
After the ex I was married to had disappeared a couple of weekends, he left, on the kitchen cabinet, scriptures written in sharpie on full sheets of paper in “someone” else’s handwriting. The scriptures were encouraging him not be anxious.
So I took several sheets of paper and wrote out, in my own sharpie, scriptures about adultery and deceit and left them on the desk in the kitchen. I later found he had torn up his love note scriptures and put them in the trash. I guess he was trying to destroy evidence.
He was also given an award at church after one weekend he had disappeared. Afterward, he lambasted me for not smiling during the award ceremony.
Totally not religion related but my ex was given a very significant award in the very large international organization he worked at – to be presented by the top dog. I told him to f**k off as I wasn’t going to attend and when his friend begged me to come to the ceremony as it was such an honour I took my shirt off (I was covered in bruises my ex had administered) and said “sure, I think I’ll wear that backless halterneck top I just bought” and no more was said about it, but I think my ex’ good guy image might have taken a battering!
I would have been tempted to go in that halter but you chose the wise course to stay safe. Way to go for standing up to the wife beating asshole.
My X was going to get an award from work. We live remotely. His boss tells me 2 days before the event, asks me if I want to go. Logistically, there was no real way I could go between all the responsibilities I had and chance of weather making the trip away longer. That, and I didn’t want to go and watch him preen while wondering which of his female co-workers he was/had been screwing.
He was pissed that I didn’t go. But in the long run, even though he uses this as an example of how ‘unsupportive’ I was to him, I am very glad I didn’t subject myself to what would have been an excruciating situation.
My ex was graduating from a program he was in for 2 and a half months for his promotion to his dream job.
I had the ticket all purchased to come watch him graduate-across the US-but I canceled when I discovered that a few years prior to this trip he had been having a 2 year affair with a coworker.
11 years later-and almost divorced-and that douche bag still tries to make me feel guilty for not going to see him graduate…
My cheater invited his OW to our church to sit with him every time I had to stay home with a sick kid or teach Sunday School downstairs or wanted a couple of hours to myself. He told me they got a thrill out of holding hands when no one was looking. She told me the church was more “hers” than mine because god clearly blessed their union but didn’t bless ours. You can’t make this stuff up!
According to Colonel Numbnuts and Captain Twat Muffin: The 2 sanctimonious sinners got together through *** Divine Intervention. ***
Funny how the 7th and the 10th Commandments were not a factor at any point.
UUUUGH! What is it with puffed up old Colonels and slutty Captains? That was one of my situations (the rest is even worse!) with cheater 2. I gave him a very thorough explanation of “Army Values” he was always touting. In a side related note, I let him know that since he continued to distribute communion as a lay minister on Sundays, that I would let the priest know immediately what he was up to. I also let him know that all my proof was kept off-site in a safe place to show his command if necessary. I don’t believe he thought I had the smarts and the guts to best him. He was wrong. Turns out God and the Army was on my side.
I had this nice, long reply all typed up and almost ready to go. THEN… this site did some kind of unexpected reset and all was erased!! Gone with the wind! Just like Colonel Numbnuts.
Will try to again answer later on today!
We women can get quite industrious when we are focused and empowered. The core values of Honor and Integrity seem to take a backseat when strange nookie appears. The higher the military rank of the Fuckwit, the more arrogant they are. It almost seems like a challenge to them that the rules do not – and should not – apply to them. Colonel Numbnuts made a point of flaunting his easily duped, daughter-aged Captain all over the place and then seemed surprised when more than several of the soldiers in his unit turned him in. Guess he thought the “nod, nod, wink, wink” camaraderie of the Army was going to cover his entitled ass. With one phone call, I could have set that whole chain of events is motion. As it is, he fucked himself over. His career is toast and so is hers. One of the many satisfying karma moments I have had over the last year.
CONGRATS and hats off to you for holding the line and then going on the offensive. Adapt and Overcome. <— Using the Army motto to our advantage!
Regarding the topic of the day, the Colonel – after claiming Divine Intervention for his unholy quest into infidelity – said that an “Army Chaplain” suggested that he go somewhere he felt comfortable to sort of his feelings. You can guess where he went. You can also bet every military challenge coin that he was given over his 32-year military career that there was no Army Chaplin handing out that advice.
Oh mine was a new age cheater. Suddenly discovered his spirituality and Buddhism and all about manifesting your destiny and positive intentions. How I was too negative because I kept wanting him to DO things when we should just think positively about them and they would happen. Like, I should just believe that he was not a cheater and liar instead of asking him where he was for his 4 hour trip “to get milk.” Treated The Four Agreements like a bible while all the while lying, using everything I said or did as a reason to continue cheating and lying (be true to your word and don’t take things personally, my ass) and then telling me it was all my fault because I wasn’t supporting his spiritual journey. He just twisted all of this to justify to himself and gaslight me.
OMG. You’ve just reminded me that my Paragon of Reason was also a Buddhist. And that he once told me he’d first felt the certainty he was a “woman in a man’s body” while doing sit meditation. I wonder which of the Buddhist tenets he was following when he began wanking off while dressed in women’s lingerie.
My cheater is not religious, but uses some of religion’s general themes. One of his favorites is his belief that people can change. He, who lives on a higher plane, does believe that people can change, but some people, like my children and me, do not believe that people can change. And that, to him, is so very very sad (imagine a man shaking his head ever so sadly with tears in his eyes). We told him before NC that we do believe people can change, we just don’t believe he has.
He also believes the past is over and we should all move on. Like he has. It is jaw dropping and the more he talks his nonsense the more my kids (21 & 23) get to see the real him. It reenforces their decision on NC and they are appalled. The come back from their yearly meeting with him just sputtering with disbelief about the shit he spouts.
It’s reassuring when the kids get to see their BS for themselves isn’t it!
While I believe people could CHOOSE to change, many do not want to. Change isn’t easy. It requires taking responsibility and hard work. Sometimes, change hurts. I learned the hard way that one way you can tell someone is truly remorseful (or not) is to look at what they are concerned about. Is their primary concern the feelings and well being of the people they’ve hurt? Are they concerned about making amends? Or are they primarily concerned about their own feelings and how they’re entitled to have things their way without having to put in any effort to earn trust?
I’ve got some fun for you. My ex-wife cheated on me with a woman, who just so happened to be the mother of our older daughter’s now-former best friend. Two families with three kids each have been blown up over this nonsense. (Chump Lady responded to my letter on this website last summer, and she changed my life.)
My ex said that I had failed her and the family by not encouraging the family to attend church more, and that would have prevented this whole nightmare from happening. Really? I mean, it gets tough to keep track of which of the Ten Commandments she was shattering at any given time (coveting neighbor’s wife, adultery, bearing false witness (i.e., being a bald faced fucking liar)).
She also told me that God had brought her and her girlfriend together. I mean, what are the odds that she would start sleeping with the woman only eight doors down, and they were both from TEXAS (I mean, what are the odds of meeting somebody else from the massive state of Texas?!?!). The hand of God must surely have been involved, and surely He must have thought that their love justified putting six innocent kids through divorce and causing pain to two innocent husbands. GOD had chosen this horror.
I hope that the divorce is making rapid progress and the shores of Mehdom are within sight, BB.
Actually, I’ll be there in several weeks once the divorce is final. Amen.
I forgot to mention that my ex also bought one of those pieces of wall art with a variety of inspirational phrases on it. It now hangs where photos of us used to hang. The phrases include:
“You can start fresh! Wipe the slate clean! Begin again!”
“Stand up for justice.”
“Work for the common good.”
“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
For fuck’s sake.
I’ll let you wonder what I first read when I saw “Wipe the slate clean!”
So glad it will be finalized soon. Of course, you have kids so years of parenting software and practicing the Grey Rock method of minimal interaction to go. I hope the kids are doing well, considering the situation. I am glad they have a Sane Parent in you.
At least you don’t have to deal with her cheating on you anymore.
No Shit Cupcakes, I burst out laughing when I read what you said you first saw “Wipe the slate clean.” I’m still laughing, that’s so funny.
Beardboy, yes, for fuck’s sake. Hanging up inspirational phrases is one way of proving to the world that they’re spiritual, progressive, and have a wider understanding of the world.
A nice plaque on your wall, sending a subliminal message such as kiss my ass.
I’m not feeling creative but there’s always “don’t forget to wipe!”
This may not count, but the OW is a compulsive liar. Some examples: she said she had a doctorate degree in for sic science but never graduated with a bachelors. She said she was the CEO of a shipping company (and compared it to Amazon) but she was the secretary. She said she had “full rides” for Harvard, Yale, and Princeton but her parents wouldn’t let her take them (none of those schools offer full rides the way she described them). She said she rescued her dog from a puppy mill a state over and shut down the puppy mill but she got the dog from a Facebook friend. She said she is allergic to the sun but had photos on her Facebook of her very tan in Puerto Rico. She told me the got this pink dress for her birthday a few months ago from her mom – made a big deal out of it and how it was new – and I found photos of her in it on her Facebook page five years prior. She lied about everything, from the important (education and job) to the mundane (dog and dress). Oh, and she faked cancer to gain my husband’s sympathy. So yeah, SUPER liar.
The Jesus part comes in here. She loves heavy metal. Her ex-fiancé had an old phone of hers that she left behind when she moved in with my husband (now ex-husband) and he sent me screenshots of some fun little things. Like she asked for time off from her employer and claimed she was going to Bible Camp and Church Camp when she was going to heavy metal concerts with my husband. I mean… who cares? It makes me crazy how much she lies. She also acts like she is this strong church goer but never goes to church. I can’t stand the hypocrisy. Her entire Facebook page was full of Christian BS when she’s a liar and a cheater. I guess those commandments don’t count because they’re “soulmates” and “meant to be together.”
They sound like they deserve one another???? good riddance to old rubbish!
My ex was raised in a church-going family. I wasn’t and am not religious. When we were married and living in Europe ex always blamed me for the fact that HE didn’t go to church. Admittedly in Catholic France it wasn’t easy to find a protestant church but they are there. They even have English-speaking protestant churches in the city where we worked, AND they even had an American church, if he was so inclined to go. I told him he was free to take the kids any time he wanted and who knows, maybe I would join him occasionally. But he never went. It’s difficult to attend church when you don’t get out of bed on a Sunday until 1 pm anyway isn’t it. Now he’s been back in the States 5 years and guess what, he STILL doesn’t attend church. Wonder who he’s blaming for his being such a hypocrite now. Certainly can’t be me can it!
My ex always blamed me that he didn’t go to church too. I told him the same – you’re free to go to church, take the kids, I’ll even go with you (although I wasn’t raised going to church and never felt the need, I could see how it could provide a good community to belong to). He made the effort 3 times in 15 years. Still my fault. ????
And I think he probably still blames me, even though we’ve been separated for over 3 years and he’s still with OW. I still get blamed for all the things that aren’t going right in his life. It’s pathetic.
I guess our place is simply “in the wrong” then!
My cheater ex-wife, who was very Catholic when we had our very Catholic wedding, claimed later to have become an atheist. I now suspect she just wanted to wear a white dress at a big ceremony but was too lazy to ever make to church on ordinary Sunday mornings. Never saw her read or discuss anything about ethics or morals like principled atheists I’ve known.
Anywho, after D-day she gave me several turd blossoms of new age gibberish, my favorite being a defiant, “I am not defined by relationships!” So I understood from this that she didn’t see herself as defined by her actions or how she treated people or her moral choices (certainly her many affairs had nothing to do with her essential personhood), but I never heard from her what she thought DID define her. I’m thinking it’s her own opinion of herself. Which—you guessed it—is just Jim-dandy. But then again, I’m just too stodgy and oppressive to understand. . . .
She’s right….it’s CHARACTER that defines her…..
Her opinion defines her.
I am a big fan of authenticity…be who you are. Some young people I know recently married in a secular ceremony and one set of parents fussed because it wasnt Christian…but that isnt who they are…I told the young couple to just be themselves.
That said, I also have a huge distaste for people faking faith to secure a good wedding venue. Cheaters younger sister faked Catholic to secure a big fancy city Catholic church but later blew her marriage apart having crazy affairs.
My Cheater insisted on a Catholic wedding (and to this day I wonder why) but I later became a Catholic and (assholes amongst our flock aside) love the faith. The Pope not long ago said that most Catholic marriages are likley not sacramental and there was pushback…I agree with him – few marriages start with a firm deep understanding of what marriage is and a willingness to fully commit from both parties.
OW was a big time Jesus Cheater; on her third husband and had cheated on every single one of them. After all, she “isn’t perfect, just forgiven.” Barf. What I now snicker about now, though, is my confrontation of her and what she did after being outed.
Understand that my DD was very, very public and very, very humiliating for everyone in my family. I was caught completely off-guard and was trying to gain my footing in a virtual earthquake. My very first reaction was to call the little sociopath and begin screaming at her. Her response?
A whispered,”I can’t talk right now. I am in CHURCH.” Yes, at the very moment I learned of X’s cheating, his married girlfriend was in church! You better believe I screamed every awful name in the book before she had a chance to hang-up.
I had said all I had to say, but apparently she hadn’t. Later in the week, I received a letter that began,”I am NOT a whore.” Even in those dark days, I laughed for a very long time about that choice of words.
X was never religious, but he was in ill health, and he was quite afraid of dying. No problem, she could save him. That does involve putting one’s head in a married man’s lap, while in his family car, and “bobbing up and down,” doesn’t it? And, of course, later telling the cops you were having a “spiritual discussion.” I wonder how many times that line gets used?
OW is now a so-called lay minister for some very out there fundamentalist cult, and considered the “team leader.” How do I know? One of her besties is a woman I barely knew years ago when my kids were in school. This woman kept calling and inviting me to all kinds of weird religious gatherings, all of which I declined.
When my daughter was home from school a few years ago, she told me that the school mom had gone off the deep end and joined a crazy cult. One thing led to another and Eureka, we realized that OW is considered one of the leaders of this “church.” The school mom had been trying to get me to OW’s church to “save” me!
Yes, the OW is now the leader of a fundamentalist Christian cult (and there are a lot more of those things than I ever knew), who thought she was gonna save me – after she imploded my 25 plus year marriage! Now, that is a hard one to comprehend.
A lot of cults are actually formed because someone wanted to justify unacceptable fucking.
“Once titled “defender” of the Catholic church, Henry’s personal circumstances would drive him to break his Catholic ties and found the Church of England.”
People frowned upon him killing his wives in order to remarry.
“I’m so sorry I broke my promise to Father Peter” (the priest who married us).
I has sadz.
And on sparklesdick’s night table I found a rosary and a scapular given to him by a “Mother, daughter, IT specialist, lawyer, Christian, and woman, not necessarily in that order. Wew!” (according to D-Day whore’s Instagram profile).
Cheater XH used a youth baseball league to facilitate his affairs. He would pray with the kids before each game – creating a real “look at me” moment. He tagged his email with bible verses. Tried to manipulate me with the Christian movie “Fireproof” and a book written by a pastor and his wife who saved their marriage after the pastor’s affairs. I received postcards in the mail featuring the quote “The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest and the first to forget is the happiest.” How convenient. He wrote me long letters claiming his intrusive contact with me was God’s will and he was only being obedient to God. Where was God’s will when he was naked with the trampy baseball moms? I was also told numerous times I “had” to forgive him. I chose instead to forget him.
Perhaps not the exact theme but, when after d day we were attempting reconciliation we’d go to church as a family . We didn’t always attend the same mass or even the same church but oddly OM seemed to be there every time , coincidence ? Oh maybe Devine intervention . Works in mysterious ways
Mr. Chumpmaster2000 became a “Christian” to impress his much younger, married with 2 little kids, born again, OW. (He was a lapsed Catholic). He (and she) immediately declared that God brought them together – yes the same God of 10 commandments fame- and then declared that he had made things right with Jesus and admonished me in every email communication we had during the divorce proceedings (like honestly 10-15 times) to do the same since the cheating was really my fault. He needed OW because my politics and those of the kids were too liberal and he needed to get back to his “conservative values” something that she could provide him in addition to her spread legs. If that wasn’t enough, he told anyone who would listen that our marriage ended because I was an insane lunatic who beat him for 20 years until he could take no more and he needed to leave and destroy not one but two families! He always forgot to mention his side piece. When our young adult kids did not buy into his beating narrative – you would think that they would have witnessed it at least once in the 20 years we were married; he declared that his proudest accomplishment as a father was hiding the truth of my beating him from the kids. It was obvious by the look on her face that even his attorney was not buying into that load of bull. Currently, NC (me and the kids), cheater free and three years out finally starting to see a glimpse of the Meh light at the end of the tunnel.
Omg, they are insane. His greatest accomplishment was shielding the kids from knowing you beat him? What a weirdo.
I’ve got two. Xhole told me that God wanted him to he happy and had told him in a vision that he approved of him cheating on me and leaving me. He also told me AFTER Shrek had posted a picture of her and their brand new baby on FB that she was a devout Catholic. First off, she was never pregnant but had used an old picture of her sister’s child (who had died shortly after being born in the hospital) to trick me into thnking she’d had a baby with my husband. You cannot make this shit up. After I discovered the ruse, I blocked her and never tried to look again on any of her social media. Sicko.
Wow! That just blew my mind – her sister’s deceased child- you can’t sink lower than that.
Omg, Sugarplum, they deserve each other. Human scum.
At the time I was devastated. But when I discovered the truth I laughed like a maniac. I was both horrified and disgusted. I NEVER looked again at her FB, etc. I happily realized that they deserved each other. Oh, and i made it a point to tell his entire family. They didnt accept Shrek for years. Unfortunately, they have to grudgingly accept when she comes with him sometimes. No longer my circus nor my monkeys. I’ve been at meh for years and I love it.
Imagine if her sister ever learned her dead baby was used as a prop in a psychodrama. This is one of the worst things I have seen posted. Euw. Sorry for your pain…I am glad there is barbwire around your heart that will forever keep him out.
Oh honey please, that was almost 7 years ago. I laugh about that shit now. Even when I was in the thick of it, her doing something so sick allowed me to finally let go because I realized she was one sick fuck. I was never even tempted to peruse any more of her social media from that point on. Initially I was horrified that my ex choose someone like her, and even more shocked that he stayed with her after that stunt, because his family knew about the “pregnancy ” too and wanted to know why he was hiding the fact that he had another baby. His whole family knows what she did. Nowadays, meh, whatever. No longer my circus or flying monkeys. And, hey, I now have a good story to tell when comparing the other women comes up at parties. But thank you, you are a true sweetheart!
My stbx said I violated the 2nd commandment (shall not take the Lord’s name in vain) when I said “f&ck you” to him. Because that also covers all profanity? I reminded him about Thou Shall not Commit adultery. Thou shall not covet your neighbor’s wife. Thou shall not bear false witness (lie). No reply from him.
My ex serial cheater was a BIG Jesus cheater. He was part of the elected leadership at our church. I asked him HOW he was able to pass out Communion (a significant and holy sacrament for Christians) to the members of our church (including our daughter) when he knowingly had screwed someone off of Craigslist during lunch the week before. His reply “well, no one is perfect” I STILL am scratching my head and holding my heart while wondering how God allowed such a holy act to be defiled. My ex was so “Godly” that he refused to look at other woman who were dressed sexy or comment on them and made me feel prudish when I wanted to be intimately adventurous. Little did I know he was getting cheap thrills with STRANGERS. Good riddance. Psalm 10:15 all over that.
Off topic but still somewhat fitting . I’m no longer a Christian and pretty much an atheist .
When I see the way so many “ Christians “ behave , I’m glad not to be associated with “ Christianity “ especially Evangelicals.
One only needs to look at the Republican Party as a whole who tout “ Christian values “ to know it’s truly FAKE NEWS .
There are some sincere , kind , loving Christians but in my experience they are the minority .
The two days I was on a dating site one of the biggest red flags for me was “ God fearing man” in profile but then had several pics of him in a bar holding drinks , pics of him shirtless with a younger woman whose half cropped out .
I think these types think words will get them laid ….
Actions speak louder than words and Christian or non believer , watch they way they behave , how they treat others , what their values are not what they say they are ….
If people have to tell you they are God-fearing/truthful/full of integrity, they probably aren’t.
So true. The evangelicals are the worst. They still support creeps like Jim Bakker even though he asked a hooker if he could have sex with her nine year old daughter.
“They still support creeps like Jim Bakker even though he asked a hooker if he could have sex with her nine year old daughter.” Small quibble, that was Jimmy Swaggart (who still preaches his swill).
My ex stood up at the front of the church and promised to raise our baby in the faith according to God’s law just one week after DDAy then left the ceremony to go to OW’s apartment.
Some of my favorites:
“I pray that God will help you and the kids get through this.”
“God help your soul for not supporting (a.k.a fixing) my relationship with the kids.”
OW’s tagline on her Instagram account “Christ Follower”
OWs tagline should say “ Married man dick follower”
I came across this song for the first time here at CN, so this goes out to all the newbies who haven’t seen it yet.
“God may forgive you, but I won’t.”
I was married to a sociopath Jesus Cheater. One of those really special ones that are smart enough to twist scripture and use your own values, morals and beliefs against you. One that was smart enough to launch a lie-filled smear campaign against me, behind my back, all the while he was pretending to “work on our marriage” to my face. When the rug was finally pulled out from under me, he had already had two full months of laying the groundwork for his story about what a horrible, unstable wife I was and that he just “had to get out of this marriage”. And then he did his best to try to destroy me emotionally and psychologically, which gave him proof (he recorded me when I was yelling at him) to show his friends, family, coworkers and whore how unstable I was. The truth was I was unstable, because he was driving me crazy at home! Oh, but he’s such a wonderful Christian man. NOT!
I could tell story after story of how he was outside of the home, but a different person with me and our kids. Outside of CN and my family, very few believed me, so I stopped talking. God knows the truth. He knows every single thing my XH did behind my back for 23 years. He fooled me for 23 years, but he never fooled God! It was no mistake that I found love letters written by his Army whore way back in 1992. It was no mistake he left his gmail open and I found his “I miss you so much!” email to his former coworker. It was no mistake he left his Facebook logged on and I saw all his flirty messages to many different women, It was no mistake I twice found semen crusted tissues in his home office. It was no mistake God woke me up from a deep sleep the night I caught him out on a date with a newly divorced whore. God was trying to tell me way back in 1992 that my “Christian” boyfriend was a serial cheater. It took me another 22 years to finally believe it!
“The devil doesn’t come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you’ve ever wished for.”
— Tucker Max, Assholes Finish First
Woa, Martha that is some crazy shit. My Cheater was guilty of gas-lighting me and setting me up similarly but generally left Jesus out of those endeavors. I am certainly not the arbiter of Gods justice but I dont think that God looks kindly on people using Him to be cruel to others…I think people who do that are setting themselves up for disaster in their destinies.
I thought for sure it was going to read a colon cleanse instead of a plain old cleanse. There got to be holistic cheaters too. Holistic approach using a plain old enema. Big bag like grandma used. Sure would like to use one on my ex. Cl made me LOL. Hilarious. Haven’t even gotten to the posts yet. Made me smile. Thanks.
My ex was a classic Jesus cheater. He spent a decade (or more, who knows) visiting hookers, massage parlors, strip clubs, escorts, swingers clubs and hook up sites. He was semi-active in our church. I took the 4 kids to church every week. He would go in a separate car and then “get called out of the meeting” as soon as we arrived because…important physician! So not really involved in church, never accepted service assignments because…..busy important physician.
Our church did disfellowship him for a time, but as soon as I filed for divorce he got back on the Ark. He personally converted and baptized his final affair partner and made it legal 5 month after the divorce was final. He played a shell game with the church leaders. He moved areas so no one knew all the information.
At the court hearing for our divorce he actually, wait for it…………brought a bible to court and put it prominently in from of him on the table. We lived in the buckle of the Bible belt so I guess he thought the judge would see it there and think he was so righteous. Apparently the judge thought cheating on and abandoning your family was not so righteous as I got very generous alimony!
Oh I almost forgot the most screwed up thing he said to me. He claimed he cheated on me for so long because I was not spiritual enough. And I actually apologized and promised to do better. Yep I was a huuuuuge chump! I wreckonciled and tried so hard to keep him, rewarding horrific behavior. Now he can blame his wifetress for all his projected crap including his lack of true faith.
Riiiiight, because hookers, swingers and strippers are so much more spiritual.
What a colossal douche!
I was told that I was both “too saintly” and “too sinful” in the same 2 hour lecture about all my failings (one was towards the beginning of the list and one was towards the end).
He used to insult/criticize me so much that I think it was often without his mind even being engaged and he seemed to not even remember what he said…so he likely had no idea he contradicted himself.
I should have seen that as a warning, but I didnt
My cheater wasn’t of a spiritual bent, but the OW was one if those namaste spouting, chakra cleansing new age phonies. She even had the word yoga in her email address and twitter name. I get the impression she thought doing yoga made her special. Right, like a billion other people aren’t doing it too. I suspect a fair number of these yoga obsessed people are narcissistic frauds who use it for spiritual bragging rights in the same way some people use religion. This ho even got the cheater to join her for some yoga classes and they made out in the studio’s bathroom. Yuck!
Cheaters who consider themselves spiritual in any way are just gross. They don’t suffer from congitive dissonance about their hypocrisy because they believe rules don’t apply to them.
I dont get why so many of the “spiritually evolved” end up screwing in toilets. Like seriously, you are in a TOILET that is for disposing of shit – how does this make you spiritually evolved????
Xw had the Ten Commandments hung on a wall in the dining room. The ‘country’ version with Dutch/Amish characters on hand painted embossed tin.
After leaving me, I took a sharpie it and circled the one about adultery with a diagonal line- the international symbol for NO!!
She saw the defaced picture during a subsequent visit and was miffed for about 3 seconds from my message…more angry about her revised picture than her role in it, …then switched channels to indifference after muttering a quip I’ve since forgotten.
I don’t think anything material in the house had value to her. Once The shiny wore off- which I conjecture happens before the receipt finishes printing- it’s on to the next impulse purchase.
Racking up debt from constant impulse buying is a big red flag ???? for me now. Especially expensive clothing that’s hung up in an overflowing closet with the sale tags still on them, never to be worn once. Image management for sure.
Money ???? doesn’t grow on trees ????… in her world apparently it does.
The only reason I can come up with for dismissing spiritual guidance is that they tell themselves they were ‘saved’ at some point in the past and have a free pass from any and All all future ‘sins’ which were payed ahead by blood.
When I asked my Episcopal priest how I could be assured that what I was hearing in my head & heart was coming from the creator…I was told I’d best bounce it off a few genuine people first.
I believe there are no coincidences. Faith has showed me that higher powered messages come through other people (plural) and roadblocks to my plans in such a way that mere coincidence cannot be given credit for. However, freedom of choice reigns supreme over predestination. That’s where AGENCY comes in.
“free pass from any and All all future ‘sins’ ”
Nope, that is not a thing. Was not for 1500 years.
People who wanted a free pass changed it. I dont think Martin Luther meant this when he nailed the 95 theses on the door.
My ex and I were both cradle Catholics, active in our parishes for our entire marriage, and attended Mass together as a family every Sunday and most Holy Days. (His parents led pre-Cana marriage preparation classes.) I lector, he was a lay Eucharistic minister. He was even Mr. Volunteer at our children’s Catholic school. He started getting up early on Sunday mornings to “go running”- read: f*** Tinsel Tits at the rail trail. He would then come home, kiss me during the Sign of Peace at Mass with p***y still on his breath, and piously distribute Communion.
But the hypocrisy doesn’t end there. As a family, we attended a merged parish renamed Holy Family, where I chumpily assumed that “the family that prays together stays together”. When he did the Discard, he began attending church at the American Martyrs parish! Poor Sad Sausage! He still dutifully takes our son to church on his visitation weekends…
PS- tips on getting through the cathartic process of writing my annulment will be gratefully accepted!
Don’t hold back. Tell them the worst of the worst. Also, remember back if there were things that would have affected the sacramental nature of the union before you were married. They can be important. Did he ever make “jokes” like, “If this doesn’t work we can get divorced” and then claim he “didn’t mean it”? If so, that indicated that he never took the union seriously. Did he tell you at any point in the marriage that he got married in the church, was baptized, etc. but he didn’t really believe in God. That sets up a circumstance where, if you had known that before the wedding you probably wouldn’t have gone through with the ceremony. Did he have sexual proclivities that are outside the parameters of a Catholic marriage that he knew about prior to marriage but did not reveal to you? This can also call into question his original intent to form a real sacramental union. Were you in a vulnerable mental /emotional state when you agreed to marry. Any of these things can affect the outcome. Overall, just remember that you need to tell them the complete absolute unvarnished truth. Don’t be embarrassed; don’t hold anything back. Take your time and complete those forms in exhaustive details and make sure that you tell your witnesses to do the same. It is a great relief to finally tell the complete depth and breadth of the abuse. It is cathartic.
Thank you so much for the advice! Writing the narrative of 19 years of marriage feels so insurmountable, even a year after the civil divorce..
Not sure if I can sum this up without taking too much time but Cheater who insisted we marry Catholic used to make excuses for his abusive behavior because he “didnt want to get married that day” thus his consent was (according to him) forced and lacking enough that he did not consider our marriage sacramental.
So assuming all that is true (it likely was…no guns held to his head at the ceremony but he tried to “postpone” the wedding 2 weeks before because he was convinced I was still in love with an old boyfriend. He was too much of a coward to admit he simply did not want to get married) then we were living a fake Catholic marriage when we wreckonciled.
I had gotten to the point of believing that our marriage was invalid (if we had divorced, I would have petitioned the Bishop 3 seconds later) but I still hoped for some sort of healing and renewal.
So I asked him if we could affirm our vows at the Church…no fancy ceremony, just a private moment with us and a deacon. At the time we had been married like 20 years and he said he would do it for our 25th Anniversary. I cant tell you how often I prayed over this…I asked God to allow me to marry him in our little country church with Deacon J. I even bought a dress (“pray for rain, carry an umbrella” I told myself).
Just before our 25th anniversary, we were on an outing with the guy who had been our best man…all walking down the street and best-man sidles up next to me and tells me that he knows that I want to renew our vows but hubby isnt going to do it.
I honestly didnt even get the magnitude of what happened. He was such a coward, even though we woke up in the same bed that morning, he had his friend tell me he was weaseling out of something I waited 5 years for.
I was heartsick but it fell onto a huge pile of various other heartbreaks from him that it eventually just mixed in with the others.
If you look at his behavior from a keen Catholic perspective, what he did was hugely abusive…tell your spouse your marriage was invalid but refuse to change it. Stay in a fake Catholic marriage so it looks good from the outside. The only way I could pursue an annulment to free me up to ever have a real Catholic marriage was to divorce him first and he knew that. He didnt want to look like the bad guy.
I thought about a lot of solutions and had saved money to leave in case he raged at me again, but a few days after our 26th Anniversary, he died very suddenly. 3 years after his death, I wore a pretty dress and went to that very church and had that very deacon bless my new marriage.
Unicorn, I don’t know if you will see this, but thank you for this comment. My husband is gay, which I discovered in a traumatic way. However, I do not know if he will ever come out. Only he can define himself you see. Which is an interesting kind of gaslighting, because I am not allowed to say he is gay because he does not say he is. Your experience resonated with me because my husband would threaten divorce and tell me how awful I was—with big contradictions like you listed in another comment above I think—later I learned about his activities throughout our marriage. But he is all self righteous about how he just does not understand what happened, and how I deserve all his punitive financial Opinions and mean angry treatment, because I am the one who finally said I wanted a divorce. He would not do it himself. But he will get exactly what he wanted.
The now Mrs. Howorker is a devout Catholic. How can I find out if she filed annulment papers? I believe they did and forged my name.
My STBX, Catholic schooling, altar boy, eagle scout, has an affair (30 years married) 3 months before our oldest daughter’s wedding. His AP is a serial cheater..married/ my STBX is her 5th affair. He tells me that he has “gone back to mass with her” and when he leaves church” he feels SO GOOD.” When I question him about his choices and actions and mention that we made VOWS to each other, 30 years ago, he starts screaming….’Don’t say vows!! Don’t say vows!!! I am so G-D sick of hearing you say VOWS.” The cognitive dissonance is astounding.
Professed to be religious, but more like “Jesus! Cheater.”
Catholic ex and I raised our children as Catholics and they attended a Catholic school. His only regular church attendance was screwing Schmoopie in the churchyard on the edge of our village….found a letter he wrote her “one of my favourite memories of us is the many times we made love at the church, outside with the sun on our backs”. It was common knowledge in our small village. The poor neighbours, the lady who cleaned the church, and the ladies who once turned up an hour early for choir practice can’t unsee what they have seen!
And he’s still doing it there…..sometimes with Schmoopie#1, sometimes with the one he cheats on her with- Schmoopie#2!!!! He’s there so often the church’s only neighbour thought he was being spied on!!! Until he realised what was really going on….
Couldn’t make littlest’s First Communion PRACTICE even though he’d had the date for months, because at the last minute he had to go to a party with Schmoopie #2 (an opportunity he had to take as Schmoopie #1 thought he was at church with his family)…
At the First Communion he made snarky comments the whole time about how great it was to be in church with us all, How great it was to be forgiven, How he hopes we could get back together and attend church regularly as a family…etc. It was crass, inappropriate, loud and he was clearly drunk.
Then he was publicly humiliated by his own children when littlest asked her older brother to accompany her as her sponsor, as “I’ve realised that Dad’s not the best person for the job”. Even after all that he still took communion. Afterwards to avoid him, littlest asked if the kids and I could skip the planned family restaurant dinner and go home. Cheese on toast for the win!
My ex, The Rev Cheaterpants was (is? Who knows?) a LCMS Lutheran pastor (very conservative). No joke, at certain pastors meetings, there would be a session for the wives (no female pastors so all wives & no husbands) that was along the lines of “have more sex with your husband so that he won’t cheat or look at porn”, one time with a selection of racy bras in case we didn’t get the picture. (Apparently there was an issue with a lot of pastors being addicted to porn).
We used to joke about it (bc of course he would never cheat), but now I wish that I had stood up and pointed that his cheating would be more indicative of his character than whether I wore a push up and thong.
Also while he was at seminary, a pastor killed his wife. Apparently the reaction of more than one professor was “I wonder what she did?” Even my ex was appalled at that.
Anyway. Fun fact—after DDay and we separated, he continued to preach at a church about an hour away, which he lived his Ashley Madison cruising, BSDM-loving, blow jobs in the office getting, cheating on the True Wuv OW, best single (but still actually married) life. And then he met his new True Wuv and popped the question while praying over Chik-Fil-A.
Tbone, as an LCMS Lutheran I am appalled and disgusted by your ex’s disgraceful behavior. I sincerely hope that have let your district president know about his immortal life. I pray for you to have strength in knowing that you are the Christian spouse that your ex never was.
We were married to clones. I am the x wife of an Anglican priest. Porn Addicted. Giant Narc. Ashley Maddison. Long long list….
I truly believe mine thinks he IS God.
He hurt me terribly. But the church hurt me much more. The Bishop told me he had bigger freaks to deal with when I brought up the relationship between my husband and MOW ( who is also a priest ).
So, although he uses prostitution, cheats financially and sexually, is verbally and physically abusing his wife – there are WORSE problems within the clergy?!?!!
I am so sorry the church was so insensitive! I’m glad our God is very sensitive and compassionate. I’m guessing that church probably spent years covering up things like child sexual abuse only to have it hit the fan when your ex became a problem. I hope you find a better family of faith.
I don’t get the lingerie thing. I liked lingerie. It made me feel good but it didn’t stop my ex from cheating. It’s not going to stop someone from looking at porn. Since I didn’t want to remarry, I’ve been single for about 12 years. For a while, I read porn. Then, I stopped. No one was giving me any or better sex to get me over my porn problem. I had to do it on my own with God’s help.
One of the OW–the first one I learned about anyway– posted on her Match account that she was “strong in her faith” (She liked to fling Christian chum all over the place. I’ll bet her car was covered in relevant bumperstickers. Anyhoo…) I wrote to the pastors at her church, and asked, wasn’t adultery a sin? and she was sleeping with my (now) ex, then husband; had worked with him to set up a liaison &&&. Apparently the communion wine hit the fan, she had a fit and actually sued me for harrassment, yes she did. I paid a bunch of lawyer money to make it go away–I had never set foot in the state where she then lived. Heavens, she was a piece of work. I requisitioned her divorce records and learned that she had been carrying an on again/off again affair with the (former) Jr minister at that church. I guess she liked her sermons delivered in a personal way. There was all kinds of testimony about the crazy, like how she would go to church commando (sans undies) and sit with her legs apart in the front row (eye roll). The sad part was a note from former Jr Pastor’s (possibly former?) wife that just said, to the judge, “can you please just make sure that woman never comes near me ever again.” Poor thing.
God bless ’em. If they’re making it to “heaven,” everyone is. (as Hitler breathes sigh of relief)
Ugh. My cheater was not religious but oddly enough the OW were (or claimed to be). When I found out about each one and looked them up on FB, there were all these pictures at church every Sunday and references to God and living a godly life, etc. they both were well aware they were f****** a married man of course, so it made me want to puke. When I confronted each of them they told me that they didn’t know me and didn’t owe me anything. I’m pretty sure that’s not what Jesus would say ????. I must have skipped Sunday school the week that they explained that infidelity was a sin –unless you didn’t know the wife and didn’t owe them anything. Silly me, didn’t know about that loophole.
Cheater ex-husband also claimed to be religious with one of them and told her he would start going to church. He never did. She lived in another state and he lied and told her that he was going to church and praying. I found this in an email later and couldn’t stop laughing.
After I left my ex and was pretty raw about the affairs, I told him I was considering informing the husband and live-in boyfriend/baby daddy of each of the of the OW to out them as not so holy after all. Of course he acted all indignant and said “how could you do such a thing to hurt somebody you don’t even know? I didn’t think you were evil like that”, etcetera. So he was acting all holier than thou, and of course underscoring the fact that nobody cared about my feelings. I’m just the chump after all, the one who’s not allowed to be selfish and throw stones back. Hurting strangers is for other people, not for me. These women were allowed to destroy my marriage and interfere, but I should not be allowed to strike back. in the end I did end up calling the husband of one of them, And it was the most heartbreaking conversation of my life. I was shaking and nearly crying during the call hearing this manly-man’s voice break. I felt sick to my stomach the same way I did when I found out about my ex-husband’s affairs. I did feel really s***** about it for a long time afterward, but I still feel like I did the right thing to let him know the truth about his wife and let him make an informed decision about his family.
Good riddance to all of them. Ex husband is now quite miserable, but IDGAF.
The other odd way that religion came up in the end of my marriage (due to my husband’s affairs) was that my mother-in-law was very religious and worked in a Christian church. She would send me the RIC books – I know she was trying to be helpful, but it was interesting to me how her religion made her look at this in such a different light. she essentially told me that a man is not responsible for his affairs because it’s due to the devil trying to pull down a good man to get him away from God. And that she believes the more “good” and holy a man is, The harder the devil tries to reach them and that we cannot possibly understand their struggle and how hard it is. My ex mother-in-law was a great woman and I’m not trying to disrespect her beliefs, but it really bothered me how it removed The responsibility element of it and implied my husband was not to blame for his actions. I get that it’s her son and she wanted to believe that he was a good person and a good Christian, And I honestly think it’s sad that she will never know who he really is inside. I’m not referring just to the cheating but he had intense alcoholism, drug use, physical and verbal abuse toward me, etc. She knew about all of that. what she did not know is to this day he is hiding a child he had with an affair partner. There’s so much she doesn’t know about her own son. But even if she did she would put the blame on the devil and not on her son. This coupled with her sending me the books made me feel like somehow the onus was on me to try to fix an unfixable marriage. I genuinely feel terrible for people in a religion that would make them take on the blame and burden for others actions. I’m sure that was not her intention.
Here’s what Jesus had to say on this issue:
“For from WITHIN, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, ADULTERIES, fornications, murders, Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness: All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.” -Mark 7:21-23
It sounds like Jesus is doing the opposite of blaming other people. Nor is He blaming the devil. No, He is placing the burden and blame for sin on the one doing the sin. While it’s true that the Bible speaks about the devil prowling around and looking for people to devour, God gave us the free will to make choices. It would be terribly unfair for Him to hold us accountable for our own actions if the ‘devil made people do things’. Plus, I’m not sure someone who is struggling with so many sins is really the devil’s biggest threat.
Mr. Creeperpants is a Super Christian. He played guitar in the worship band at TWO different churches, went to the hospital to randomly pray for people, bought Mc Donald’s breakfast food to pass out to homeless people, led bible studies, constantly (when he wasn’t watching porn or scrolling the internet to look at young women with long dark hair and perfect feet) streamed International House of Prayer live worship sessions…. Perhaps the worst was, as I began to discover his indiscretions, he would sometimes pray for me, because I was “insecure” and “really sensitive.” A couple times, while hugging me to comfort me for his ogling habit and his scanning for body parts to stare at, he started praying in tongues while he was hugging me. You cannot make this shit up.
“If any man speak in an unknown tongue, let it be by two, or at the most by three, and that by course; and let one interpret. But if there be no interpreter, let him keep silence in the church; and let him speak to himself, and to God.” (1 Corinthians 14:27-28).
I guess Paul said he had to keep silent if there was no interpreter.
Where do I start?
Ex is most definitely an atheist, so much so, that I would take the kids to HIS religious family reunions every year since 2000 (divorce final 2018). He would “volunteer” to work every year (narcissist martyr much?) and I would drive 7 hours one-way over Memorial Day weekend, which was capped off with good old fashion homespun “church”. The sermon was usually delivered by the sloth Jesus Freak cousin-in-law, who no lie, stepped in to marry the jilted cousin on her intended wedding day, her original wedding dress & date intact!!! Every year my children & I would hear that the only way to get into heaven was the Jesus Freak cousin-in-law’s way–basically his way or the highway. I emailed one of the more religious members one month after DDay to please pray for me and my children and send a bible verse for me–crickets. Ex now shows up at all family reunions and my guess is they showed up for their wedding.
Mrs. Howorker is a “good Catholic girl” who wouldn’t have “sex” with her married boss–they just “slept” together. During a contentious sale of our marital home, I discovered a two foot tall statue of St. Joseph (I’m Methodist) lovingly placed on a fireplace mantel. This thing looked like it was a leftover from the First Century–not a good touch in selling a home. Needless to say, Howorker didn’t respond kindly to its kidnapping/disappearance (we were still married and she came and went into my home constantly). I received a nastygram from Ex’s attorney stating that St. Joseph was owned by a kindly old woman who who did good works and didn’t deserved to be treated in such a manner. Apparently, it was also blessed by the Pope and it needed to be returned ASAP. Guessing it belonged to either Howorker’s mom or grandma–who I would just love tell Howorker is a Mortal Sinner. Anyway, it was safely returned to the garage without any ransom being paid–darn! Howorker would then continually placed St. Joseph statues and cards all over the house, and I removed them. It was my house and she just couldn’t stay away and respect my property. Wish I had known about NC.
Writing this makes me realize my life is so much better now!!!!!
My ex wasn’t a Jesus cheater, but her parents were conservative Christians. When she moved out and married her AP, dragging our child along to a new happy home, the parents finally switched teams. They told me that they’d prayed about it and God wanted this to happen. God also wanted their grandchild to have an intact family and thought that I should move away and give up custody – so that he can have that intact family… They wished me no ill-will, but really needed me to get with God’s program here.
I’m dead serious
God is a spackler too!!!!!
What evil bastards. My cheating wife’s mother likewise “switched teams” rather that act based on character or compassion. She was at heart a weak and fearful person, and 10 years later I am far better off without her clan of hillbilly grifters. I have no doubt you will likewise experience this addition by subtraction.
Mental health is Dr Narcs religion of choice for blaming his decisions.
I am absolutely not saying that poor mental health does not contribute to depression and unhappiness. What I am saying is that being told that he did what he did because of the “pain” he was in and “didn’t I want him to be happy” are shitty reasons for putting his families happiness, security, health and reputation at risk!
I have a mix of Jesus cheater and mental health cheater. What he does is because he is a suffering genius but all is well because Jesus forgives him. Oh and he blames me too.
X not particularly religious. But he fell for “devout Catholic” and he was wowed by (among other things) her spirituality and certainty that god had sent all kinds of unmistakable signs that they should be together (apparently, her god was sad about me and the kids but had ordained that they were The Real Thing so we were acceptable collateral damage). She would not give him p.i.v. Sex until they were engaged so X considered her very morally upright and was proud to tell me that he had “only” emotionally cheated on me. Gee. Thanks. Anyway, we divorced, they got engaged and no doubt had a glorious f***fest, after which he realized she was a psycho and dumped her.
Good times. ????????????????????????
Cheater ex joined the church my kids and I were attending and embarked on a herculean clandestine smear campaign. By the time we divorced he had the entire congregation convinced that I was a hooker, that I was cheating on HIM because I worked nights. What they didn’t know was I was working nights at a nursing home as a TMA. I found myself being shunned by people and not knowing why.
Later, after cheater ex stood revealed as the sociopathic criminal that he was, some of them slithered up to me as if they were long lost friends. They just couldn’t understand what my reception was so cold. Condoning hypocrisy has never been my strong suit. I’m sure it was fodder for the gossip mill. At that point, I didn’t give a rat’s patootie. I was out of there for good.
Needless to say, I no longer attend that church, as it left a bad taste in my mouth.
Just recently I was dumped by a “friend” who was on a mission to “bring me to Christ”, i.e.: her evangelical belief system/church. Her agenda didn’t pan out, so she is giving up and what I thought was a friendship is done. The person that I thought was a lovely accepting person was in it, not because she was my friend and I had value to her, but because she was determined to convert me into an evangelical christian. Uh, no thank you.
Wow, just wow. I am speechless at the moment. She hung in there for years. I guess she deserves brownie points for persistence.
My belief system has sustained me through some pretty hard stuff. I don’t demand others believe as I do, but I certainly do claim my right to my own spirituality. Certainly a higher power of my understanding is a higher power of love and acceptance. To cheater ex, church was just another long con.
So glad it’s all in the rear view mirror.
I have quite a lot to say about Jesus cheaters.
The Evangelical church my grandparents took me to every weekend (two hour services on Sundays, plus Sunday school and a communal meal) was full of “handsy” men, especially as I approached puberty. I made up my mind quite early on that if this was what church was like, I wanted no part of it. So when I moved away from home (the day after high school graduation, but that’s another topic) and my boyfriend’s family invited me to attend Mass with them, I wasn’t enthusiastic. Still, they were wonderful people so I went. And to my surprise, no one groped me, put their arm around me and “accidentally” let their hands brush my breasts or made lewd comments. In fact the Catholic Church seemed so much more dignified and spiritual, I felt like I had found a home.
My first husband (not the same guy) was Catholic, and his parents were also wonderful people who invited me to worship with them every Sunday I wasn’t working. My husband (let’s call him Greg, since that was his name) was music director at another parish, and spent the entire service in the choir loft, so I wouldn’t be able to sit with him so I was happy to attend with his parents. About a year into our marriage, I came home early from my 3-11 shift at the hospital and found him naked in bed with the neighbors. He swore “nothing happened.” (Don’t they all.) My parents told me that he “had to cheat” because there was something missing in me, and I wasn’t a good wife. They advised me that it was my duty to figure out where I was shortchanging him and fix myself so “he wouldn’t have to cheat.” My pastor told me that marriage is a sacrament, and it was up to me to figure out what was missing in our marriage that drove him to cheat, and improve myself so he wouldn’t have to cheat. My therapist asked me what I did to make him cheat, and insisted on working on ways to improve myself as a wife. I dutifully forgave Greg, and worked on rebuilding the trust that HE broke. A year later, I had another D-day — a wonderful Friday challenge topic would be “the strangest way I found out he was cheating” — and I kicked him out and filed for divorce. I remained close with his family and even flew a thousand miles to visit his sister at the university where she was working on her PhD. “Of course you didn’t recognize the signs of him cheating,” she said. “He had never NOT cheated.” He cheated with my co-workers, his ho-workers, my boss, his boss’s wife, my SISTER and the woman he rear-ended at a stop light. Oh, and he cheated with the nun who led our pre-Cana classes.
I know what they say about priests — and I was never surprised about that one — but you’d expect to be able to trust a NUN not to fuck your husband. Greg said he was just helping Sister Margaret (also her real name) figure out if she had a “true vocation.” Turns out she didn’t . . . whether or not she stayed in the Order, any nun who would fuck my husband decidedly did NOT have a true vocation from God.
A few years later, I met a charming, funny man who said he was divorced. He was also Catholic, and had been a monk until he left the order before taking final vows to marry this woman in the congregation. He WAS divorced before we got married, but not as much before as I had believed. Nevertheless, they weren’t living together. He wanted his friend from the monastery, Father Steve, to marry us, so we trekked off to Chicago to meet Father Steve. Father Steve didn’t want to meet in the church OR the rectory. He wanted to meet at a bar with which Tom (also his real name) was quite obviously familiar. It was my first foray into a gay bar. Father Steve declared that Tom and I were committing adultery by living together even though by this time I’d been divorced a couple of years (and it took a LONG time to get a divorce in Massachusetts) and Tom was actually divorced as well. Because we were adulterers, he refused to marry us — so I asked my aunt, a judge. Fast forward a couple of years, and I started getting hints that Tom was rather more interested in men than I believed. “Father Steve says that sleeping with a man isn’t adultery because it isn’t really sex. It isn’t sex because there’s no possibility for procreation.” Father Steve would say that because he was one of the men Tom was sleeping with.
Our marriage was, of course, falling apart and Tom was spending money as though it were water. At one point, he asked for the joint checkbook so he could buy himself some toys, and I said there was only enough money in the account to pay the gas and electric bills which were due at the end of the week. The checkbook stayed in the desk drawer, and I paid the bills on time. A week later, I get a call from the Base Chaplain (by this time, Tom was in the Air Force) who wanted to be sure I knew how much I was jeopardizing Tom’s military career by “writing bad checks.” Turns out Tom had taken a new book of checks out of the desk and bought his toys. (OK, they were guns. He bought guns.). The electric and gas checks bounced. During the course of the ‘counseling” the chaplain insisted I needed, I happened to mention that Tom was cheating on me and beating on me. Apparently the session was not as confidential as I had been led to believe. Tom came home and threw me across the room because I should have kept “our private business” private. In an uncharacteristic moment of real boundary-setting, I allowed as how “if you didn’t want people to know you were cheating on beating on your wife, you should not have been cheating on and beating on your wife.”
Shortly after he strangled me into unconsciousness and dumped me on the highway, I filed for divorce.
So, I’ve been groped and grabbed by Evangelical (married) church leaders, cheated on by the music director of the church and the nun who led our pre-Cana classes, chumped by a still-married former monk who then married me and cheated on me with a priest (and several former monks) who happened to be having an orgy the weekend he was visiting) and then gaslighted by the Base chaplain who evidently believed that inadvertently bouncing a check was MUCH worse than cheating on or beating your wife.
Can you blame me for not having much use for religion in my life these days?
Ex Mrs. Sparkly Pants,
Well that was quite a read. I’m not so down with organized religion either. Especially after what I witnessed and heard in the Episcopal Church. Basically the closest thing to the Catholic Church without all that Latin plus the clergy are allowed to marry. Former Bishop Judas Jack (can’t wait to read his obit in the NY Times and have a good laugh) and one of his affair partners Denise the Deceiver. Her daughter has taken after D. and cheated on her husband-pretty sparkly turd, a sociology (sociopathy ?) professor. More examples come to mind but I don’t feel like wasting my time typing out their transgressions.
Ex Mrs. Sparkly Pants,
Please tell me you have an excellent counselor and see this person on a regular basis. You faced horrendous emotional and physical abuse. Please see someone who knows their stuff who can help you rid yourself of the trauma. There are other betrayed women who have experienced what you experienced- my aunt for example -and the situation is more common than you think. Her husband was the charmer to end all charmers: He was charismatic, well-dressed, attractive, white collar job and from a wealthy family. She and her child (my cousin) escaped within and inch of their lives. He too had guns and was in such an irrational state of mind when listening to one of his main “other women” that he almost killed my aunt. She fled with my cousin and he killed himself at his primary mistress’s house.
When people who knew him found out, they were shocked. Because of his charisma people didn’t see it coming.
I am glad you got out alive!
Lordy Mrs. Sparkly Pants, but I admire your ability to maintain a sense of humour about your nightmare, and I think you should write a book, you have a real way with words.
Thank you for your kind words!
Religion and delusion go hand in hand in the first place. I kind of always new that. But when the delusional jealousy started coupled with religious overtones I began to study it. More than one article tied the two together. Then stir in some BPD/NPD and it makes for some pretty bizzare stories. As this thread shows. Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster I am not susceptible to this type delusion.
Red flag: Fuckwit was a practicing Muslim when we met, and started evolving into a party boy as soon as we married and went abroad. At first I thought he’s loosening up, but then the proposals for threesomes, attending atheist social groups and embracing a hedonist lifestyle started. Now that he’s back home, the beard and religious identity is back. They don’t have a core, place them in whatever social situation and they’ll adapt to fit in. Glad I’m out of that circus.
My cheater was a special kind of mind-f*ck…. (aren’t they all?). He was Jewish and I accepted him and his religion even though I was a practicing Mormon. Never judged or pressured him to convert. 10 yrs and 3 kids into our marriage, he decided it was time he “united our family” and out of the blue got baptized Mormon. I wasn’t unhappy, but I was very suspicious. Fast fwd a year and “we” were preparing to go to the Temple and be sealed together as a family. I say “we”, meaning me….he was busy hooking up with couples he met on Craigslist. Imagine my DISGUST, DISMAY, BETRAYAL when I discovered he had been with a couple THE NIGHT BEFORE he was kneeling across a temple alter, holding my hands making a covenant of eternal fidelity. MIND and heart BLOWN! When he got Ex’d from the church and me, he was SHOCKED at how unforgiving everyone was. “I thought true Christians forgave sinners.” Nowadays, he attends a Rock-N-Roll Christian church that lets him “lie and cheat on the daily, but grants him forgiveness on the weekend.” I almost lost my religion over the MESS he created, but then one day I realized he would have stolen that too….
My Ex went to the Holy Land for a pilgrimage then got the OW pregnant 3 months after and then divorced me (without even telling me he was filing) and married her soon after. They have a 2 year old daughter now.
By the way, He is 63 , New wife is 28!!!
Cheater or AP every utter the words, “I’m good with God”? It’s basically the same thing as wearing a huge digital banner across your forehead that screams “I’M A NARC”. Their argument is that they’ve forgiven themself because God has, so any righteous anger from you is just unjustified bitterness on your part. Yep, they’re arseholes.
While I’m grateful Jesus paid for my sins so I could go to Heaven by believing in Him, that doesn’t entitle anyone to act however they want. There are still consequences like divorce, being stuck with a narcissist AP, being a narcissist, having others go no contact because you’re a narcissist, etc. that these people will have to live with for the rest of their lives. There is also the judgement seat of Christ where we can either be rewarded for our faithfulness or not for our lack thereof. Some people miss all these points and bring suffering upon themselves. There’s a lot more to the Christian life than just getting a ticket into Heaven.
So I’m part of a particular sect in Islam that practices nikkah mutah, which means temporary marriage. To put it simply, it is like a permanent marriage, except there is a time period to it. Both you and the partner agree on the terms and conditions, he pays the woman a dowry of her preference (be that jewelry, money, a gift, etc.). Words are uttered that make the both of you married, and so you become husband and wife, albeit with an expiration date of sorts. It is a legitimate marriage, just not permanent. Many people do it not only to have legal s*xual relations but also to have an engagement period before a permanent marriage. At any point both parties can back out, other words uttered to divorce, etc. Anyone can look it up at al-islam.org if you’re curious. I believe there are similar practices in other faiths. I can’t remember.
Anyway, my ex and I had one…or so I thought (I’ll explain later). I was ok with it because he wasn’t someone I wanted to be with forever. It was his idea and I was fine with it because it suited my needs as well. But then he started to cheat. And whenever I would call him out on it, he would say that we weren’t in a legitimate marriage so he’s single. He can do whatever he wants. I’d point out the fact that we were in a legitimate marriage, but he would have none of it. But whenever I did something he didn’t like, or a man he didn’t like was interested in me, suddenly what we had was real. He would constantly throw it in my face how unworthy I was of a “real” marriage, even going so far as to say that agreeing to this arrangement is somehow “proof” that I can’t be taken seriously. That the woman he loved and will end up with will be a pure virgin and she’d be so good she wouldn’t agree to such a thing. I’d reply well this is halal/permissible, STFU. He was saying all of this because, and I didn’t know it at the beginning, he had a shmoopie of another sect in Islam who doesn’t practice our arrangement, and for some reason, that made her better than me. She was also Arab like him, I am not, so I was inferior. This guy didn’t pray, didn’t fast during Ramadan, didn’t donate to charity and even committed acts against the law (he is a felon), but he sure as heck was going to do all the mutah in the world until that virgin reserved for him comes into his life because he “deserves it” since he has a “good heart.” And even though he doesn’t do anything a Muslim must do, God understands because God knows what’s in his heart. A cherry-picking Muslim. SMH.
I started to vent to clergy and I was surprised at their replies. Yes, my relationship with him is legitimate, they said. But do you want this in your life? This person brings you nothing but drama and struggle, do you need this? Just because something is allowed doesn’t mean it’s obligatory. You don’t have to be with him, they said. You can walk away. And when I got even deeper into it and told them of the physical, emotional, mental and financial abuse, one of them point blank said that I was being used. Dump him. He’s abusing you. Move on.
It turned out that our arrangement wasn’t legitimate after all, but not because it wasn’t real, but because homeboy didn’t do what he needed to do at the beginning. No time period was stipulated, no discussions of dowry, no boundaries discussed, nothing. See, Sheikh Loser wanted all of the s*x but none of the formalities and seriousness that comes from real relationships. Isn’t that how all entitled people are, really? The rules apply to us, but never to them. Luckily for me, I always ask questions, so whenever he told me something so absurd and justified it as being Islamic, I asked the experts. Needless to say, Sheikh Loser is an idiot. No surprise there.
I wasted a lot of years of my life on him but fortunately, I moved on. Nobody is going to use religion, atheism, or any ism against me.
Thank you for explaining the Islamic temporary marriage “nikkah mutah”. I’d never heard of this before. I’ve often thought that it would be a good thing to do in traditional western marriages, with more serious conditions if children are involved. Very interesting.
I’m glad you were able to get away from the creep.
It’s a practice that was banned years after the death of the Prophet Muhammad because unfortunately many men were abusing it, and because of that, Sunni Muslims don’t practice it (or at least, some schools of thought within the Sunni sect don’t). It isn’t something to be taken lightly (not that you’re suggesting it is lol just explaining more of the context). And the goal of many temporary marriages is to one day become permanent.
I am very happy to have gotten rid of him. He always justified his cheating not only with the whole “not a real marriage” thing but also because polygamy is allowed. But one of the clergy I spoke to brought up valid points: just because polygamy is allowed, doesn’t mean you must have more than one. Also, he has to fulfill obligations to everyone he is involved with. If he’s not doing that, all he’s doing is sneaking around and wasting women’s time. We all have to be on the same page, but he never wanted that because he got off on the triangulation and he got off on deceiving, especially lying to the woman he claimed to love and want to be with permanently (the virgin).
One of the last things he told me before I went NC was that I was going to h*ll even though I prayed, fasted, etc. while he is going to heaven because he has a better heart than me. How I’m fake and God knows it. I just shrugged and said I have never seen this good heart he speaks of so much. Whatever dude. Don’t worry about where I’m going, that ain’t your business.
I consider myself spiritual, not religious at this point. The XW and I left the Catholic Church back in the mid 2000’s in the wake of all the sex scandals there (me more than her. I was the one who would take the kids to church, not her). She decided she’d prefer to migrate to our local UU church, and didn’t force me to go, but thought it would be nice if I did for the kids’ sake. I was ok w/it then, as I am fairly liberal in many of my views, and the minister was a Harvard educated guy whose sermons were like college lectures. Very interesting to both me and the XW.
Now, post-infidelity and after watching the mechanics of another religious system for years, I’m convinced there’s too much hypocrisy in religion for me to be associated w/any of them. I’m just going to try my best to be a good person, and treat others like I’d want to be treated, as much as I can.
I will say that in the six months after D-day, I did tell the XW that I hope she’s praying to God/The Great Spirit/The Universe (take your pick) to help her become a better person, because I felt (and still feel) that she had a lot to work on. I do too, but I didn’t commit a betrayal like she did. She claimed at the time that she prayed every day for herself to be better. Yeah, right.
All I see is her continued attempts to maintain her image in the church and our community as the good mother/good person. She wants to make sure everyone at church sees her in a good light, and certainly in our community, where she’s the chairperson of our local town’s selectboard. Ugh. It makes me sick, knowing she’s putting on her masks everywhere to fool everybody.
I also left the UU church because she’s got too many Switzerland friends there, and flying monkeys. And when I tried to get help post D-day, the newer minister and the church in general did nothing to help me, and continued to support the POS XW, who again, had a sparkly image in their eyes. They hadn’t cottoned to the turd side of her, yet. That’s their problem, not mine, at this point.
For all of you that were betrayed and abandoned by these fake religious fuckwits, you have my sympathy and empathy. As always, meh and Tuesday are coming for us. For our former fuckwit partners? It may never come. Take solace in that.
Best wishes to all of you here, and lots of love. Thank you CL and CN for being here for all of us chumps. I really appreciate it.
For what it’s worth, Jesus had lots of problems with the religion of His day. He was frequently calling out the Jewish leaders for their hypocrisy so I believe He really empathizes.
Of course Jackass is a serial Jesus cheater. Of course he would be. But my favorite thing is when he told me (explaining his sudden distancing) that he was working on being a better person by being polite to the people at fast-food drive-in windows. That’s pretty much Christianity 101, do as you would be done by, but for him, at age 56 or 57, it was a revelation.
My ex-wife received a biblical divorce on the grounds that I abandoned her. Somehow checking phone records to catch your spouse cheating and being upset about it is abandonment. This was about 8 years ago. If a Maria ever reads this I want you to know that your “Pastor” husband is a 2-faced lying assclown. But I’m guessing they convinced you that your “seeing” things and it’s just “spiritual counseling.”