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New Age Cheaterisms

February 28, 2020 by Chump Lady

LLLCheaters seem well-versed in philosophy — the kind of Pinterest-board deep thoughts that can only be expressed by a sunset meme or a basket of kittens.

So your Fun Friday Challenge this week is to take a popular New Age-y aphorism like “Live, Love, Laugh” and rewrite it for cheater sensibilities –“Lie, Luv, Litigate.”

So what’s your Schmoopie goop speak?

If you see some judgement, set it free?

Keep Calm and Hide Your Phone?

You Light Up My… Polygraph?

Please share yours!

fly

 

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Filed Under: Fun and games Tagged With: Friday Challenge, New Age, Stupid Shit Cheaters Say

Previous article: Is He Gay? A Lost Soul? A Sex Addict?
Next article: ‘He’s a Different Person Than I Used to Know’

Comments

  1. TitsAndAssAndAllThat says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:04 am

    Early to bed
    Early to rise
    Texting with skankfriends
    And telling more lies

    • Attie says

      February 28, 2020 at 8:47 am

      Good one!

  2. NotAfraid says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:06 am

    If you love something, cheat on it.
    If it comes back to you, eat cake.
    If it doesn’t, find another chump.

    • RoseThorns says

      February 28, 2020 at 11:47 am

      Lmao. EXCELLENT!

    • Suzy says

      February 28, 2020 at 12:22 pm

      This one is so perfect.

    • Poconochump says

      February 28, 2020 at 12:32 pm

      Fuck’n awesome!!

    • renee62 says

      February 28, 2020 at 5:31 pm

      Perfect😄

    • Dumped a Dick in Denver says

      March 1, 2020 at 10:21 am

      LOVE!

  3. jenal30 says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:08 am

    Love you to a cheap motel and back!

    • ChumptyDumpty says

      February 28, 2020 at 9:33 am

      This one killed me 😂🤣😆

    • Doingme says

      February 28, 2020 at 5:20 pm

      Love this!

    • renee62 says

      February 28, 2020 at 5:32 pm

      Good one!😄

  4. Lifeontheotherside says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:18 am

    I can’t live without you (and her).

    • Robin says

      February 28, 2020 at 8:21 am

      Ha, love this one!

      • marissachump says

        February 28, 2020 at 11:37 am

        (…and her and her and her and him and her and him.) My cheater was very busy.

        • Ally says

          February 28, 2020 at 3:45 pm

          Snap so was mine, over 200 gals/guys over at least half our 24 year marriage.

  5. Blindsidedchump says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:18 am

    Winner winner, herpes dinner 🤬

    • Bobbi Derkson says

      February 28, 2020 at 8:44 am

      🤣🤣🤣

    • ChumptyDumpty says

      February 28, 2020 at 9:46 am

      Mmmm!! LMAO! 🤣🤣

    • jangledchickchump says

      February 28, 2020 at 2:35 pm

      Good one ! 🤮😂😂😂🤢

    • Hcard says

      February 28, 2020 at 5:17 pm

      LMAO, glad I know not to drink coffee while reading these.

  6. TooSmartforthisShit says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:24 am

    Eat
    Love
    Stray

    • jangledchickchump says

      February 28, 2020 at 2:37 pm

      🐍😂😂

      • AugustaCarp says

        February 28, 2020 at 3:17 pm

        Eat. Love. Prey.

        • Elizabeth E Heilman says

          March 2, 2020 at 2:45 pm

          Liz Gilbert is a super predator cheater….here she explains it….https://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/28/magazine/confessions-of-a-seduction-addict.html

          • ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump says

            March 2, 2020 at 3:00 pm

            My God, she’s a monster

          • EMC says

            March 2, 2020 at 8:38 pm

            Omg, couldn’t even get through it…what she writes, speaks volumes about the type of empty and narcissistic person she is. What kind of hobby is that? She’s proud of it! Something of that nature should be admitted anonymously, but she needs her accolades. Just, wow.
            Fuck me, for giving her any platform. Steering far clear of that kind of bimbo craziness.

    • renee62 says

      February 28, 2020 at 5:33 pm

      Wow 😄

    • Velvet Hammer 💪🏻❤️ says

      February 29, 2020 at 9:12 am

      Cheat Prey Lie

  7. ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:26 am

    Meet prey, leave

    • jangledchickchump says

      February 28, 2020 at 2:39 pm

      Brilliant!

  8. Luziana says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:27 am

    The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants.
    Sick Minds Want Sickening Things.

    • Kintsugi says

      February 28, 2020 at 11:47 am

      This is what the APs husband told me when I called him to make sure he wasn’t an axe murderer and going to set my ex’s house on fire after he shacked up with that guy’s wife.

      He told me he helped his (Still) wife move in with my brand new ex husband…. and that “she’s a lousy wife, but a good mom…. and that she “loved” my ex and that “the heart wants what the heart wants”

      I could not figure out why he was so blasé about it… until it dawned on me that he had a side piece of his own…

    • Kintsugi says

      March 2, 2020 at 5:01 pm

      The Old Fart wants what the Old Fart wants…

  9. nutmegpixy says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:28 am

    If at first you dont succeed, keep fucking her!

    • Phoenix says

      February 28, 2020 at 8:56 am

      Live your best lie.

      • ChumptyDumpty says

        February 28, 2020 at 10:36 am

        Awesome, Phoenix!!

    • Poconochump says

      February 28, 2020 at 2:03 pm

      Funny

  10. Racquel says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:29 am

    Did you ever know that you’re my horror?

    You’re everything i wished you’d never be.

    But i can rise higher than a Phoenix.

    Cause you are the flame beneath my wings.

    • spiritwoman says

      February 28, 2020 at 8:58 am

      This is excellent! Re-titled “Did you ever know that you were my zero?”

      • Marianne says

        February 28, 2020 at 10:50 am

        OMG! Love it

  11. TooSmartforthisShit says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:30 am

    You must let go of the life you had planned so you can accept your cheaters entitlement to cake.

    • EMC says

      March 2, 2020 at 8:41 pm

      Wow. Love this.

  12. JWH says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:30 am

    I can’t help it if I get a hard-on whenever I see her. But you can touch it and make me feel better, Chump.

    • Poconochump says

      February 28, 2020 at 2:05 pm

      Hilarious!

  13. TooSmartforthisShit says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:31 am

    Stats can’t shine without darkness, and cheaters can’t cheat without chumps

  14. SuperDuperChump says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:38 am

    Never gonna give him up
    Always gonna let you down
    Gonna always run around and betray you

    • Attie says

      February 28, 2020 at 8:49 am

      Rick Astley special. Love it!

    • Geode says

      February 28, 2020 at 12:24 pm

      There is always HPV to remind me…

      -Ah Hah

      • renee62 says

        February 28, 2020 at 5:36 pm

        sad but true!😂

      • free_wren says

        February 29, 2020 at 4:08 pm

        This truly made me LOL. Thank you for the rickroll

  15. DigitalChump says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:46 am

    STDs are the spice of a cheater’s wife’s life.

  16. Let go says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:51 am

    I saw this meme.

    If you love someone set them free

    If they come back someone else didn’t want them

    Set them free again.

    • Foolishchump says

      February 28, 2020 at 1:24 pm

      LOL….love this

    • EMC says

      March 2, 2020 at 8:43 pm

      😂

  17. OnMyWayToMeh says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:53 am

    If anyone is worth doing, do them in your truck in a public park on your lunch hour.

    • ClearWaters says

      February 28, 2020 at 10:50 am

      OMG! barf!

    • Babs the Chump says

      February 28, 2020 at 9:25 pm

      Hahaha! Really like that. It sounds like sarcasm of some of that Facebook mush.

  18. Dudette says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:54 am

    You deplete me.

    • DigitalChump says

      February 28, 2020 at 9:01 am

      So succinct and so true! Fantastic!

      • free_wren says

        February 29, 2020 at 4:09 pm

        haha! i feel that. so true!

    • RoseThorns says

      February 28, 2020 at 12:03 pm

      Great redo of the infamous Jerry Maguire line that sickens me. When I was reviewing dating sites a few years ago (big mistake btw), there were numerous guy’s profiles that actually still quoted this. Ugh & barf-o-rama!

    • Poconochump says

      February 28, 2020 at 2:07 pm

      Yep.

    • AugustaCarp says

      February 28, 2020 at 3:21 pm

      Perfect!

    • ChumpetyChumpChump says

      March 1, 2020 at 8:34 am

      Perfection! Well done.

  19. Olderandwiser says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:57 am

    See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. See it didn’t happen!

  20. DarkQueen68 says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:57 am

    If at first you don’t succeed (at destroying your chump), lie, lie again.

  21. Still I Rise says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:58 am

    The view (of strange) is worth the climb (on top of OW in your marital bed)

  22. Deedee says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:59 am

    My dick chakra needs regular clearing
    It’s energy vibrates when it senses new available pussy

    • Deedee says

      February 28, 2020 at 9:05 am

      Its energy not it’s
      Ugh

    • Kfindingmyway says

      February 28, 2020 at 9:08 am

      When I hear the song . OLD TOWN ROAD, This part is repeated many times
      I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road. I hear
      I’m gonna take my whores to the hotel room.

    • ClearWaters says

      February 28, 2020 at 10:39 am

      dick chakra…. huah huah huah!

      • ClearWaters says

        February 28, 2020 at 10:40 am

        needs regular lcaerin … clearing (I can’t even type)
        Snoooorrttt huah buah hauh

    • Poconochump says

      February 28, 2020 at 2:08 pm

      Lol 😂

  23. Cuzchump says

    February 28, 2020 at 9:02 am

    Keep it in the family. Date your wife’s cousin.

    • Cuzchump says

      February 28, 2020 at 2:36 pm

      Or
      I did not have sexual relations with that women.

  24. Chumped and dumped says

    February 28, 2020 at 9:05 am

    My feelings were dead
    But her love is true
    ‘Cause SHE likes it in the butthole
    So she better than you!!

    • Chumptastic says

      February 28, 2020 at 3:36 pm

      Roses are red,
      Violets are blue
      I need kinky sex
      So I cheated on you.

      But I’ll come back for cake.
      Because I am entitled
      Don’t care if that hurts you
      Because I’m a man child.

      • BrenaMarie says

        February 28, 2020 at 3:43 pm

        OMG This is Fantastic! Soooooo true.

  25. Still I Rise says

    February 28, 2020 at 9:08 am

    Find Your Why

    For cheating, Why = Wife is old and flabby while OW is young and shiny/I deserve to be happy and I haven’t been happy for (insert ascending numbers such as 5, 10, 15…) years!

  26. Elizabeth says

    February 28, 2020 at 9:14 am

    Don’t try to steer the river. – Deepak Chopra

    Don’t try to steer the Cheater. Gain a life instead. – Chump

    • ClearWaters says

      February 28, 2020 at 10:41 am

      LOOOOOOVE it!

  27. Egans says

    February 28, 2020 at 9:17 am

    Cheat, prey, dupe.

  28. Wormfree says

    February 28, 2020 at 9:32 am

    I couldn’t actually do better than the Worm himself, who always said variations of, “Live your life based on reality”.
    While I was living the mindfuck, I thought that meant don’t live in a fantasy world.
    Now I realize it was actually the other way around.
    So for example when he said we needed to have a “reality based discussion”, he actually meant he was going to lie because the conversation would be based on reality, not actual reality.

    • Lucky says

      February 28, 2020 at 3:55 pm

      Along that line my Cheater once said “I need a lot of fantasy to live in reality”. One of the times he actually found some insight.

      • ClearWaters says

        February 28, 2020 at 4:30 pm

        🙄

      • Wormfree says

        February 28, 2020 at 9:28 pm

        Good God! 🙄🙄🙄

  29. 5 Years gone says

    February 28, 2020 at 9:37 am

    https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F171840542019153087%2F&psig=AOvVaw0HeveDy0nqTd5yGWw_uKBG&ust=1582986939100000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCMj4w4O89OcCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAD

    My ex with her affair partner, a friend of mine at the time, she had the “Live Laugh Love” bit up in the house. Theirs a sign to run.

  30. Motherchumper99 says

    February 28, 2020 at 9:42 am

    Alls well that ends well (when you leave a cheater and gain a life).

  31. ChumptyDumpty says

    February 28, 2020 at 9:56 am

    Love means never having to say you’re sorry.
    So allow me: “You’re Sorry”

    • Healed says

      February 28, 2020 at 12:22 pm

      Love this one….

  32. ChumptyDumpty says

    February 28, 2020 at 9:59 am

    Be True to Yourself.
    Lie to everyone else.

  33. Chumped in Chicago says

    February 28, 2020 at 10:08 am

    Chump Lady,

    Can we get a “like” button for these type of posts.

    Love it!

    • ClearWaters says

      February 28, 2020 at 11:33 am

      Great idea! I loved them all! having so much fun!

      • On-A-Tear says

        February 28, 2020 at 11:47 am

        Me too! I’m laughing out loud and scaring the cats.

  34. MGV says

    February 28, 2020 at 10:21 am

    Doggy Style
    Like no one is watching.
    Moan
    Like the entire hotel can hear
    Hate
    Like you hate yourself
    Die
    As though your hell is here on Earth.

    • Chumtastic says

      February 28, 2020 at 3:39 pm

      OMG these are cathartic

    • Poconochump says

      February 28, 2020 at 3:55 pm

      Lol. Scorched earth. 💪🏻

    • brit says

      March 1, 2020 at 5:56 pm

      These are all so funny and accurate.

  35. Madge says

    February 28, 2020 at 10:24 am

    Horace: “I’m sorry I wasn’t my best self for you.”
    Me: “…How many selves have you got?”

    • ClearWaters says

      February 28, 2020 at 11:34 am

      hehehehe.
      Chump Nation is just toooo smart for these idiots

  36. MADDR says

    February 28, 2020 at 10:25 am

    If at first you don’t succeed (at cheating on your spouse with your friends wife) try try again (with another friends wife who is as big of an a-hole as you are)

  37. kb says

    February 28, 2020 at 10:38 am

    Original: How do I love thee? Let me count the ways….

    Cheater Version: How do I love thee, thee, and thee? Let me recount the lies…

    • madkatie63 says

      February 28, 2020 at 10:40 am

      Love love love : )

  38. madkatie63 says

    February 28, 2020 at 10:40 am

    Love is composed of a single man penetrating many bodies.

  39. myachump says

    February 28, 2020 at 10:46 am

    The AP is a Jesus cheater, I remembered that her go-to tagline was “Have faith”.

    I think what she meant was “Me no have morals”.

    • kb says

      February 28, 2020 at 2:30 pm

      Or “Have faith for I plan to sin!”

  40. ClearWaters says

    February 28, 2020 at 10:48 am

    Love is the flower; you’ve got to let it grow. John Lennon
    And cheaters are the manure that will make this so. Clearwaters

    • Geode says

      February 28, 2020 at 12:32 pm

      More John Lennon…I’m just sitting here watching your lies spin round and round. I really love to watch them grow. No longer riding on your merry go round, I just had to let you go.

  41. Miss Movin’ On says

    February 28, 2020 at 11:11 am

    If at first you don’t get caught, cheat & lie again!

  42. Hope Springs says

    February 28, 2020 at 11:15 am

    Thanks CN for starting my morning with laughter!
    Two of the dick’s favorites….
    Work hard….Play hard
    Things Change

    Lie about working hard….Play with Cialis
    Things change….because they need to be more about me

  43. Ruggermom says

    February 28, 2020 at 11:26 am

    “Just friends” forever

    Ummm sure.

  44. Mitz says

    February 28, 2020 at 11:31 am

    Whose wife is this I think I know
    Her house is in the village though

    She soon will be my latest ho

    • No Virginia, there is no Unicorn. says

      February 28, 2020 at 1:01 pm

      …
      But I have promises to break
      Indulgent risks that I must take
      And lies to tell because I’m fake

      • Mitz says

        February 28, 2020 at 1:11 pm

        LOL, good!

  45. Melissa Mellor says

    February 28, 2020 at 11:39 am

    If I tell myself it didn’t happen,
    It never did.
    If I said it didn’t happen,
    Then that is the truth.
    If I want her to believe it didn’t happen
    I’ll tell her she needs to believe.
    My word don’t speak of bit a truth,
    But what I said is how it is.

  46. chumpupthevolume says

    February 28, 2020 at 11:41 am

    We are not cheaters having a pleasurable extramarital experience. We are extramarital pleasurers having a cheating experience.

    If you can imagine hitting that, yeah, you can probably hit that.

    Don’t try to steer the penis. Let the penis steer you.

    The only way you can fail is if you don’t try….to fuck strange.

    • EMC says

      March 2, 2020 at 8:48 pm

      😂

  47. Susan says

    February 28, 2020 at 11:42 am

    This was easy. My cheater’s skank has a million of ‘em on her page. Her original: “G-d will always make a way for you. 1 COR 10:13”. My version: “Whores will always open their legs for you.” SHMOOPIE 2:28

  48. weddingbelle says

    February 28, 2020 at 11:58 am

    Just fuck it

    • weddingbelle says

      February 28, 2020 at 11:59 am

      Or, just DO it

      • RoseThorns says

        February 28, 2020 at 12:18 pm

        JUST DO IT … (then just lie about it)

  49. Foolishchump says

    February 28, 2020 at 12:07 pm

    It’s not cheating if it just happened.

    Straight from fuckwit’s mouth: I wasn’t cheating, it was an accident that went too far.

    • EMC says

      March 2, 2020 at 8:50 pm

      Omg. SMH…😔 That is, hands down, one of the stupidest and most laughable things I have ever heard.

  50. donebeingahypotenuse says

    February 28, 2020 at 12:08 pm

    These are all so good!!!!!

    Cheaters gonna Cheat.

    Flirt like your partner’s not watching.
    Screw like no one gets hurt.
    Lie like you don’t care about the truth.
    Live like you’re the only one who matters.

  51. Foolishchump says

    February 28, 2020 at 12:26 pm

    It’s not cheating with a ho-worker it’s utilizing diversification methodology by paradigm shifting protruding extremities into multi use vessels to advance the best customer service experience through expedited beta testing processes.

    • RoseThorns says

      February 28, 2020 at 12:31 pm

      GOT KIBBLE?

    • Sunrise says

      February 28, 2020 at 12:37 pm

      Omg Foolishchump 😂😂😂😂
      Now that IS shit my cheater would say. On D-day he tried to explain how only Ho-worker understood his problem with the servers.

    • DigitalChump says

      February 28, 2020 at 2:20 pm

      … ongoing A / B testing of vaginas (or penises)

      Great tech word salad!

    • EMC says

      March 2, 2020 at 8:51 pm

      😂 I’m dying!

      • EMC says

        March 2, 2020 at 8:54 pm

        Omg, seriously…I think this one won. I had to re-read it and crack up all over again…in fact, I’m still laughing my ass off…

  52. Poconochump says

    February 28, 2020 at 12:37 pm

    This is Tom Bodett. We’ll leave the red light on for you.

  53. TooSmartforthisShit says

    February 28, 2020 at 12:45 pm

    YOLO so fuck all the strange you can

  54. Stig says

    February 28, 2020 at 1:02 pm

    Laugh. Love. Lube was one I see quite often.

    The ones about levelling up and how when you move to another plane you’ll shed uneccesary friends and family along the way who don’t understand/or are blocking your way to ultimate self-actualization. Cheaters take that kind of bull as a cue to do whatever they want and if people don’t understand, it’s because they’re not on cheater’s ‘side’

    The OW was a fine one for posting stupid passive aggressive shit as ‘secret messages’ to people (that sounds like I should be wearing tin foil, but I know it’s true) especially stuff about how the haters would love to see her fail but she’s ordained to win etc.

    To all that I say, Love. Laugh. Fuck off.

    • Erica Rising says

      February 28, 2020 at 1:31 pm

      It’s shocking how easily cheaters discard loyal, loving partners in order to “raise their vibration”. New age bullshit!

      • selfactualizationbullchump says

        February 29, 2020 at 1:36 pm

        yes, mine said they had to leave for AP because they and AP believe sex is the door to the spiritual plains……wtf

        • ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump says

          March 1, 2020 at 6:10 pm

          😂 all that tantric stuff… I think part of the reason ex and I had a troubled sex life is because he took it all too seriously. Got to a bit silly amd playful sometimes!

  55. Jumper says

    February 28, 2020 at 1:06 pm

    Two’s a marriage
    Three’s a craigslist hookup

    • Foolishchump says

      February 28, 2020 at 1:30 pm

      😂😂😂😂😂😂
      So many great ones here. What a nice Friday treat.

    • Poconochump says

      February 28, 2020 at 1:59 pm

      Funny

  56. BrenaMarie says

    February 28, 2020 at 1:19 pm

    My Cheater Loves the alternative Serenity Prayer as indicated in the Pearls Before Swine comic strip… Now I understand why.

    The Cheater’s Prayer
    God Grant me the courage to change the things I cannot accept
    Serenity to accept the things I’ve changed
    And the Wisdom to know I’m Different

  57. Librarymama says

    February 28, 2020 at 1:40 pm

    The Four Agreements:
    1-Be impeccable with your word…except when lying, cheating and gaslighting your spouse.

    2- Don’t take anything personally…except every single thing your spouse/partner has ever said or done so you can justify the lying and cheating and use for gaslighting.

    3- Don’t make assumptions….except when assuming you will face zero consequences.

    4-Always do your best…at lying and cheating and gaslighting.

    • Sirchumpalot says

      February 28, 2020 at 3:10 pm

      Love it! That is my XW!!!! She could bring up something I said 25 years ago but couldn’t remember how long her affair(s) were.

      • Librarymama says

        February 29, 2020 at 4:09 pm

        yeah – I got a lot of “once in 1999 you didn’t thank me for taking out the trash” but bringing up the “texting my gf while you were in labor” was being too harpy and not “moving on”. 🤷🏻‍♀️

        • brit says

          March 1, 2020 at 6:19 pm

          Wow! texting his gf while you’re in labor? what an ass.
          I thought mine was bad while I was in labor for complaining to me that his feet really hurt. He had been standing for the last hour

          Ex couldn’t remember anything the entire time we were together.
          Then a few months before he left I heard I can never forgive you for what you said in 1998.

  58. WorldsGreatestSlacker says

    February 28, 2020 at 2:44 pm

    “A penis sucked is a penis earned.”

    A favorite of frugal cheaters! 😉

    • Poconochump says

      February 28, 2020 at 3:53 pm

      😂

      • Jeff I Am says

        February 28, 2020 at 4:34 pm

        😂

  59. MyRedSandals says

    February 28, 2020 at 2:49 pm

    Dear Wife,

    Sorry (not really) that I didn’t like you very much, but I sure liked your name. Actually, I liked it enough to marry OW who has the very same one as you! And as an added benefit, if I have a slip of the tongue, she’ll never know!

    You’re gonna be fine, so bye-bye!

    Serial Cheater XH

  60. MARCUS LAZARUS says

    February 28, 2020 at 2:52 pm

    Fish
    Douche
    Fish Again
    ————-
    In our lives change is unavoidable, loss is unavoidable. In the adaptability and ease with which we triangulate, lies our happiness and freedom.
    ————-
    your pussy could be the key that unlocks someone else’s prison, don’t be afraid to share it.
    ———-
    Your current situation IS your final destination.

  61. Traveling the World says

    February 28, 2020 at 2:52 pm

    Be your best you.
    But if you can’t be that… just cheat and lie and blame someone else.

  62. Fearful&loathing says

    February 28, 2020 at 3:32 pm

    Seek happiness…
    you deserve it, forget your children!

    (psst..it’s hidden in the vagina of the secretary you supervise, but hurry there are 3 other men looking there too!)

  63. Crabby Tabby says

    February 28, 2020 at 3:36 pm

    Original, “The only time you should look back is to see how far you’ve come.”

    Cheater version, “The only time you should look back is to see if the OW’s husband is chasing you with a shotgun.”

  64. Fearful&loathing says

    February 28, 2020 at 3:37 pm

    “Kids are resilient.”

    They’ll be fine living out of suitcases going back and forth and won’t have depression or a drug habit or mental health problems because of my cheating and the divorce.

    Because of my decisions now our 8 year old has TWO mommies, and two is better than one as I say! Isn’t our son lucky!

    • CaliChump says

      February 28, 2020 at 11:15 pm

      Hey Fearful,
      Haven’t posted here in a couple months; it’s been tough lately-the divorce was final day after Christmas.
      My ex did the “kids are resilient “ thing too. When my son cried, she told him he’d be fine, people divorce all the time and didn’t she deserve to be happy??
      She’s also big on posting Facebook platitudes. Her favorite is “the joy of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.” She actually went so far as to have a mug with that on it made for me the first Christmas she was gone, while she was living with her asshole boyfriend. I broke that damn thing immediately.

      • KarenE says

        February 29, 2020 at 1:54 pm

        Yeah, my Ex, by his own admission, didn’t think about how the kids would be impacted by his cheating, getting kicked out, continuing to lie to them, and then abandoning them. Except once! He apparently had a tiny twinge of concern! So he asked someone w/experience of divorce w/kids, who told him ‘the kids will be fine’, so he never worried about it again.

        Of course, the person he consulted was the Shmoopie he was fucking at the time ….. who had broken up her own kids family by cheating previously. An objective opinion, I’m sure.

        • CaliChump says

          February 29, 2020 at 2:03 pm

          Same thing here. The asshole she’s with did his wife 10 ago and left his kids. He tells my ex the boys will be fine. Of course he tells her that because he has his own agenda.
          I found out they had met on Facebook and he had been encouraging her to leave her family. She did. Yet she insists she’s a good mom and was a good wife…

          • brit says

            March 1, 2020 at 6:35 pm

            I heard the “kids are resilient” that he had talked to reliable sources, our neighbor who has been married four times and has kids from each marriage. His brother-in-law who got “together” with his sister one night at a postal convention. He then moved across the country leaving his wife and five young children. Sounds reliable to me.

      • Fearful&loathing says

        February 29, 2020 at 5:50 pm

        Hi Cali, good to see you again. Keep hanging in there.

        I’m hopeful to be on the other side of signed divorce papers by spring. He’s following the narc playbook and fighting me over every dime, cause it’s his money dontcha know.

        The kids are resilient phrase is totally my last button and he knows it. They are all so entitled myopic asshats. God I hate having to share custody. He actually yelled at our son, in front of me no less, “ I yell at you because I love you.” Now, there’s a summation of emotional abuse.

        • CaliChump says

          February 29, 2020 at 6:17 pm

          Mine didn’t even fight. I have full custody of my sons. Her primary concern was my retirement, of which she got half.
          She’s been pretty callous- she texted me on New Year’s Day and asked how it felt to be “free from my marriage.”
          She also admitted she lied to me about the affair, but has never once apologized or shown any remorse.

          • Fearful&loathing says

            March 1, 2020 at 11:19 am

            Thank goodness your boys have your stability and care. I imagine it’s hard and exhausting having to handle all the parenting on your own and difficult to watch your kids suffer. When she texts you those blaming cruel messages just realize she’s probably having a moment of realizing she’s made crappy decisions and her brain has to go back to blaming you in order for her to feel better.

            If it’s not about the kids, no need to communicate. Delete and block!

            Best to you, Cali.

    • Poconochump says

      February 29, 2020 at 1:18 am

      Fuck’n fake family bullshit. They are such entitled dicks or bitches. So know about this AB normal bullshit!

  65. AugustaCarp says

    February 28, 2020 at 4:15 pm

    Given the fact that SchmooperFreak reinvented herself as a New Age Energy Healer (and Toxic Relationship Therapist – I do not jest), I feel like I have an unfair advantage here. So, here’s the thing….I have never, ever, met this creature in my life. She had never even seen a photo of me until 2 years after the 11-day twu wuv in. Also, btw, literally the day I found out, I kicked the Husband out of the house and went totally NC, BUT:
    I beat my husband up for years to the point where he was physically terrified into crawling back to me (I am 5’3 and 8.5 stone, my husband is 6′ and double that, so yeah, apart from lack of broken bones, bruises and oh, the truth, that figures0
    I have major abandonment issues
    My aura is black, black, black
    I harness black magic and use it against her
    I abuse the universe’s energy by existing
    I am the reincarnation of some sort of ancient soul-sucking Egyptian demon

    To be honest, I was actually quite impressed with myself. In an unwittingly harnessing the dark mighty forces of all known and unknown dimensions way.

    • KarenE says

      February 29, 2020 at 1:59 pm

      Not harnessing them well enough, apparently, since they’re both still breathing!!!

      • Megan says

        March 1, 2020 at 1:09 pm

        OMG-yes! And if you do figure out the black magic energy thing, can you share here? I’m several folks would be interested.

        • Really DoneWithNarcs says

          March 2, 2020 at 2:42 am

          Haha, really funny! Yes, I would be interested in knowing how. Thanks.

  66. marsydoats says

    February 28, 2020 at 4:24 pm

    not for them, but for us; “if you sit by the river long enough, the bodies of your enemies will float by.”

    • Hope Springs says

      February 28, 2020 at 5:52 pm

      This is a personal favorite of mine.

  67. She lied and left says

    February 28, 2020 at 5:03 pm

    Eat sleep rave repeat – Cheat fuck lie repeat
    I think the Eat sleep rave repeat might not even be the original ‘meme’ or whatever that type of thing is called! Can anyone enlighten?

  68. She lied and left says

    February 28, 2020 at 5:05 pm

    Or Marry cheat lie repeat…..

  69. Onwards says

    February 28, 2020 at 6:39 pm

    Cake glorious cake… (to the tune of food glorious food)… disordered X’s swansong before a certain chump learnt better

  70. Adelante says

    February 28, 2020 at 7:01 pm

    May all Beings be happy; may all Beings be free (to cheat). My ex thinks he’s a Buddhist. He’s really a Narcissist.

  71. MataHari says

    February 28, 2020 at 7:18 pm

    My penis made me do it!

  72. PallasAthene says

    February 28, 2020 at 7:53 pm

    “You are not enough for me”

    Meme of sad, pouty face

    (Said after 30 years of marriage)

  73. PallasAthene says

    February 28, 2020 at 7:56 pm

    Today is Sparkle Dick’s birthday, so perfect timing for this thread!

  74. PallasAthene says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:00 pm

    “I deserve my happiness too” (huh?)

    Meme of flawless bodies on a beach (blech)

  75. I’vebeencheated says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:00 pm

    The very last email I had from my now XH was
    “ you just need to except and respect”
    I immediately blocked him from all communication, hired a mediator and have not communicated with him in 2 yrs and have no intention to ever again. Sadly. I have a daughter and 3 grandchildren who have a idiot for a grandfather !

    • Hope Springs says

      February 29, 2020 at 12:34 pm

      Good for you for “excepting” him so mightily!

  76. threetimesachump says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:15 pm

    Do others.

    • Tessie says

      February 29, 2020 at 1:49 pm

      Or….Do others as you would have them do you. (To hell with the spouse….I want what I want when I want it…)

      • threetimesachump says

        March 2, 2020 at 9:55 am

        Tessie haha, yeah, I wanted to write “Do unto others…”, but have a line drawn through the “unto”, but I didn’t know how to make that happen on here!

  77. threetimesachump says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:30 pm

    You simply have to put one ho in front of the other and keep going. Put blinders on and plow right ahead. – George Lucas

  78. Still I Rise says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:35 pm

    If at first you don’t succeed (at an online extramarital hookup), swipe, swipe again!

  79. brit says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:46 pm

    People are going to talk about you, (unhappy spouse)
    no matter what you do. (or who you screw)
    So you might as well do (might as well screw)
    what brings you joy, (who brings you joy)
    and live your best life….., (you deserve it)

  80. New York nutbag says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:46 pm

    Happy life
    She’s now my ex-wife

  81. CT San says

    February 28, 2020 at 8:58 pm

    Dicks and phones will break up homes
    Thrusting cheating turds toward Schmoopies.

    Alternative Version:

    Dicks and phones will break up homes
    But cheating turds can go fuck themselves as this chump walks away with everything.

  82. brit says

    February 28, 2020 at 9:06 pm

    It’s amazing what you attract..,

    when you start believing in

    what you deserve.

  83. brit says

    February 28, 2020 at 9:08 pm

    How many lies have I told?
    How deep is the ocean?
    How wide is the sky?

  84. Got-a-brain says

    February 28, 2020 at 9:25 pm

    Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

    My ex cheater actually posted this on a Pinterest board 😂. Right next to the board he named “things for Sara” Funny I never saw a “things for my wife“ board.

    How is that for character 😂.

    My rewrite of his quote:

    Be more concerned with your hypocrisy, not your delusions, because your hypocrisy shows who you truly are; while your delusions are who you want everyone else to think you are!

  85. Tahitibound says

    February 28, 2020 at 10:57 pm

    Don’t lie to the girl of your life for the hoe of the night.

    This from his affair partners Pinterest page after he cheated on her! Lol!

    • Jumper says

      February 29, 2020 at 2:28 am

      OMG, that is priceless

  86. Poconochump says

    February 29, 2020 at 1:20 am

    These were great! Made me laugh for two days. 🤪

  87. Lola says

    February 29, 2020 at 8:40 am

    Keep walking! (his motto)
    Bye! (mine)

    If she makes you wanna go crazy she’s the one. (found in his phone)
    The one who’s gonna get you divorced.

  88. Fireball says

    February 29, 2020 at 12:29 pm

    I’ve been single for a while and I have to admit its going very well

    Like ….. It’s working out

    I think I’m the one. (

  89. Bloop says

    February 29, 2020 at 1:30 pm

    Saying “You are love of my life”
    loses its meaning
    when you omitted you are leading a double life.

    Just saying.

    • Bloop says

      February 29, 2020 at 1:31 pm

      Or rather, “You are the love of my double life”

  90. Margo says

    February 29, 2020 at 1:46 pm

    “Consciously coupling” is a euphemism for cheating fucktards and skanks.

  91. brit says

    March 1, 2020 at 6:43 pm

    Integrity- is doing the right thing, (whatever makes me happy) when nobody’s watching.

  92. Golfgrrl says

    March 1, 2020 at 11:05 pm

    If cheaters fuck in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it count as kibbles?

    • ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump says

      March 2, 2020 at 6:08 am

      No because there’s no triangulation! So eventually fucking in the forest isn’t fun anymore. Thats how grey rock and no contact works. 😊

  93. Playedlikeafiddle says

    March 2, 2020 at 12:16 am

    Cake. It’s what’s for dinner.

    Maybe not new agey but 🤷🏻‍♀️

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