New Age Cheaters and Cheaterisms
New Age cheaters seem well-versed in philosophy — the kind of Pinterest-board deep thoughts that can only be expressed by a sunset meme or a basket of kittens.
So your Fun Friday Challenge this week is to take a popular New Age-y aphorism like “Live, Love, Laugh” and rewrite it for cheater sensibilities –“Lie, Luv, Litigate.”
So what’s your Schmoopie New Age cheater goop speak?
If you see some judgement, set it free?
Keep Calm and Hide Your Phone?
You Light Up My… Polygraph?
Please share yours!
Early to bed
Early to rise
Texting with skankfriends
And telling more lies
Good one!
If you love something, cheat on it.
If it comes back to you, eat cake.
If it doesn’t, find another chump.
LOVE!
Perfect????
Fuck’n awesome!!
This one is so perfect.
Lmao. EXCELLENT!
Love you to a cheap motel and back!
Good one!????
Love this!
This one killed me ????????????
I can’t live without you (and her).
Ha, love this one!
(…and her and her and her and him and her and him.) My cheater was very busy.
Snap so was mine, over 200 gals/guys over at least half our 24 year marriage.
Winner winner, herpes dinner ????
LMAO, glad I know not to drink coffee while reading these.
Good one ! ????????????????????
Mmmm!! LMAO! ????????
????????????
Eat
Love
Stray
Cheat Prey Lie
Wow ????
????????????
Eat. Love. Prey.
Liz Gilbert is a super predator cheater….here she explains it….https://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/28/magazine/confessions-of-a-seduction-addict.html
Omg, couldn’t even get through it…what she writes, speaks volumes about the type of empty and narcissistic person she is. What kind of hobby is that? She’s proud of it! Something of that nature should be admitted anonymously, but she needs her accolades. Just, wow.
Fuck me, for giving her any platform. Steering far clear of that kind of bimbo craziness.
My God, she’s a monster
Meet prey, leave
Brilliant!
The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants.
Sick Minds Want Sickening Things.
The Old Fart wants what the Old Fart wants…
This is what the APs husband told me when I called him to make sure he wasn’t an axe murderer and going to set my ex’s house on fire after he shacked up with that guy’s wife.
He told me he helped his (Still) wife move in with my brand new ex husband…. and that “she’s a lousy wife, but a good mom…. and that she “loved” my ex and that “the heart wants what the heart wants”
I could not figure out why he was so blasé about it… until it dawned on me that he had a side piece of his own…
If at first you dont succeed, keep fucking her!
Funny
Live your best lie.
Awesome, Phoenix!!
Did you ever know that you’re my horror?
You’re everything i wished you’d never be.
But i can rise higher than a Phoenix.
Cause you are the flame beneath my wings.
This is excellent! Re-titled “Did you ever know that you were my zero?”
OMG! Love it
You must let go of the life you had planned so you can accept your cheaters entitlement to cake.
Wow. Love this.
I can’t help it if I get a hard-on whenever I see her. But you can touch it and make me feel better, Chump.
Hilarious!
Stats can’t shine without darkness, and cheaters can’t cheat without chumps
Never gonna give him up
Always gonna let you down
Gonna always run around and betray you
There is always HPV to remind me…
-Ah Hah
This truly made me LOL. Thank you for the rickroll
sad but true!????
Rick Astley special. Love it!
STDs are the spice of a cheater’s wife’s life.
I saw this meme.
If you love someone set them free
If they come back someone else didn’t want them
Set them free again.
????
LOL….love this
If anyone is worth doing, do them in your truck in a public park on your lunch hour.
Hahaha! Really like that. It sounds like sarcasm of some of that Facebook mush.
OMG! barf!
You deplete me.
Perfection! Well done.
Perfect!
Yep.
Great redo of the infamous Jerry Maguire line that sickens me. When I was reviewing dating sites a few years ago (big mistake btw), there were numerous guy’s profiles that actually still quoted this. Ugh & barf-o-rama!
So succinct and so true! Fantastic!
haha! i feel that. so true!
See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. See it didn’t happen!
If at first you don’t succeed (at destroying your chump), lie, lie again.
The view (of strange) is worth the climb (on top of OW in your marital bed)
My dick chakra needs regular clearing
It’s energy vibrates when it senses new available pussy
Lol ????
dick chakra…. huah huah huah!
needs regular lcaerin … clearing (I can’t even type)
Snoooorrttt huah buah hauh
When I hear the song . OLD TOWN ROAD, This part is repeated many times
I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road. I hear
I’m gonna take my whores to the hotel room.
Its energy not it’s
Ugh
Keep it in the family. Date your wife’s cousin.
Or
I did not have sexual relations with that women.
My feelings were dead
But her love is true
‘Cause SHE likes it in the butthole
So she better than you!!
Roses are red,
Violets are blue
I need kinky sex
So I cheated on you.
But I’ll come back for cake.
Because I am entitled
Don’t care if that hurts you
Because I’m a man child.
OMG This is Fantastic! Soooooo true.
Find Your Why
For cheating, Why = Wife is old and flabby while OW is young and shiny/I deserve to be happy and I haven’t been happy for (insert ascending numbers such as 5, 10, 15…) years!
Don’t try to steer the river. – Deepak Chopra
Don’t try to steer the Cheater. Gain a life instead. – Chump
LOOOOOOVE it!
Cheat, prey, dupe.
I couldn’t actually do better than the Worm himself, who always said variations of, “Live your life based on reality”.
While I was living the mindfuck, I thought that meant don’t live in a fantasy world.
Now I realize it was actually the other way around.
So for example when he said we needed to have a “reality based discussion”, he actually meant he was going to lie because the conversation would be based on reality, not actual reality.
Along that line my Cheater once said “I need a lot of fantasy to live in reality”. One of the times he actually found some insight.
Good God! ????????????
????
https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F171840542019153087%2F&psig=AOvVaw0HeveDy0nqTd5yGWw_uKBG&ust=1582986939100000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCMj4w4O89OcCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAD
My ex with her affair partner, a friend of mine at the time, she had the “Live Laugh Love” bit up in the house. Theirs a sign to run.
Alls well that ends well (when you leave a cheater and gain a life).
Love means never having to say you’re sorry.
So allow me: “You’re Sorry”
Love this one….
Be True to Yourself.
Lie to everyone else.
Chump Lady,
Can we get a “like” button for these type of posts.
Love it!
Great idea! I loved them all! having so much fun!
Me too! I’m laughing out loud and scaring the cats.
Doggy Style
Like no one is watching.
Moan
Like the entire hotel can hear
Hate
Like you hate yourself
Die
As though your hell is here on Earth.
These are all so funny and accurate.
Lol. Scorched earth. ????????
OMG these are cathartic
Horace: “I’m sorry I wasn’t my best self for you.”
Me: “…How many selves have you got?”
hehehehe.
Chump Nation is just toooo smart for these idiots
If at first you don’t succeed (at cheating on your spouse with your friends wife) try try again (with another friends wife who is as big of an a-hole as you are)
Original: How do I love thee? Let me count the ways….
Cheater Version: How do I love thee, thee, and thee? Let me recount the lies…
Love love love : )
Love is composed of a single man penetrating many bodies.
The AP is a Jesus cheater, I remembered that her go-to tagline was “Have faith”.
I think what she meant was “Me no have morals”.
Or “Have faith for I plan to sin!”
Love is the flower; you’ve got to let it grow. John Lennon
And cheaters are the manure that will make this so. Clearwaters
More John Lennon…I’m just sitting here watching your lies spin round and round. I really love to watch them grow. No longer riding on your merry go round, I just had to let you go.
If at first you don’t get caught, cheat & lie again!
Thanks CN for starting my morning with laughter!
Two of the dick’s favorites….
Work hard….Play hard
Things Change
Lie about working hard….Play with Cialis
Things change….because they need to be more about me
“Just friends” forever
Ummm sure.
Whose wife is this I think I know
Her house is in the village though
She soon will be my latest ho
…
But I have promises to break
Indulgent risks that I must take
And lies to tell because I’m fake
LOL, good!
If I tell myself it didn’t happen,
It never did.
If I said it didn’t happen,
Then that is the truth.
If I want her to believe it didn’t happen
I’ll tell her she needs to believe.
My word don’t speak of bit a truth,
But what I said is how it is.
We are not cheaters having a pleasurable extramarital experience. We are extramarital pleasurers having a cheating experience.
If you can imagine hitting that, yeah, you can probably hit that.
Don’t try to steer the penis. Let the penis steer you.
The only way you can fail is if you don’t try….to fuck strange.
????
This was easy. My cheater’s skank has a million of ‘em on her page. Her original: “G-d will always make a way for you. 1 COR 10:13”. My version: “Whores will always open their legs for you.” SHMOOPIE 2:28
Just fuck it
Or, just DO it
JUST DO IT … (then just lie about it)
It’s not cheating if it just happened.
Straight from fuckwit’s mouth: I wasn’t cheating, it was an accident that went too far.
Omg. SMH…???? That is, hands down, one of the stupidest and most laughable things I have ever heard.
These are all so good!!!!!
Cheaters gonna Cheat.
Flirt like your partner’s not watching.
Screw like no one gets hurt.
Lie like you don’t care about the truth.
Live like you’re the only one who matters.